Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 839 - Brittany Lyseng

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Comedian Brittany Lyseng joins us to talk elevators, more boring dreams, and massages.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 839 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's, well, I think he just couldn't be more thrilled about this 24 hour show I'm doing, which will already be over by the time this comes out.

Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, way to promote it. Yeah, this is the first time I thought to promote it. No, you promoted it the last couple of weeks. Let's get that mic, let's get you closer to the mic. Okay, hi, hello. No, it's, yeah, good job, congratulations. Thanks.

You really achieved it. Unless. Unless I died. You died. Yep, that's where I wanna die. On stage. Now, that's the ultimate. And for the listeners who subscribe to,

who are monthly supporters of the show, who got our bonus episode last week where we talked about how great OJ Simpson was in the Naked Gun. We are with you in your time of morning. Yeah, we did not know that would happen. We are. But anyway, I'm sure there's...

Once that episode's released, people are gonna be like, did they call it? No, we knew nothing. It was a very funny 30 Rock clip circling around this morning. Did you see it? No. It's Jenna saying, and then one time,

my boyfriend, OJ, called me and I answered the phone. He said, wait, you're still alive? Then who did I just kill? We can joke about it now. O.J.'s dead. No, we can't. We can joke about it less than ever. Here's a joke I was going to say.

Oh, I thought his name was OJ Simpson. See, that's something everyone can enjoy. That's something you can do at his funeral. That's like a fun enough, everyone in the family. That's it. That's it. That was odd. I remember years I was just calling him odd.

Our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast. First time. Very funny comedian has been out on the road for months, spreading her mirth across the land. It's Brittany Lysing, hello. Hello everybody. Hello. How are you?

Good, how are you? Good, I found out about OJ's death this morning because I, oh, you know when you open your phone, the first thing I saw was it said, Caitlyn Jenner says, good riddance OJ. And I had to like backtrack the context. Oh yeah. I didn't know.

Yeah. Caitlyn Jenner no longer drinks orange juice. That was the context. I have apple juice all the way. There were four things trending on the side of Twitter formerly X. Wait, the other way around. And it was the what? Word Simpson, the word Kardashian, the words good riddance. And there was a fourth one I forget.

You're like, uh, who's it going to be good riddance of? Come on. Oh, Bart Simpson died. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Well, Bart Simpson died. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Oh my God, well, thank you for being here. Thank you for having me. I've lit long time listener. Yeah.

First time caller. Well, thank you for calling. And we've got two tickets to Matthew Good that we're giving away Friday night. Hell yeah, hell yeah. Thunderbird Stadium. Wow. Yeah, it's a pretty good venue for him.

It's a big show. It's a big comeback for him. He's taking a 30 year break or whatever. What would he play? He would play, if he came, the Commodore. He'd probably play the Commodore. Yeah, yeah. Cause in Calgary when I was a youth,

he played at Mack Hall. He always played Mack Hall. Was Mack short for something? McEwen. McEwen Hall. Okay. On the university campus. Let's get to know us.

Sure. Get to know us. Sure. Get to know us. I saw Sloan there as well. Okay, Graeme. I've seen Sloan there a lot. A big Sloan fan as well. Yeah. Oh yeah, me too. These guys, you guys are connected. Yeah, we're connected through Sloan. Sloan head. Now, Brittany, you're from Calgary. From Calgary. Graeme, do you know the answer to this question I'm about to ask? Yeah, I don't know the answer, but I know what question you're gonna ask. Okay, well then let's speculate. What high school did you go to? Don't answer. Don't answer. Now I'm gonna guess.

Now Graham of course went to Lord Beaver Brook. Lord Beaver Brook. Now there's, I can name 10 schools in Calgary. Can I name 10 schools in Calgary? Let's see, okay, Lord Beaver Brook, that's gimme. Lord Beaver Brook. Well, I know Peskos Malik Alassel went to Islamic School of Calgary.

Yeah. Let's do. You and him are the only ones that know that one. There's a Bishop Grandin. Yes. A Bishop Carol. Yes. There's, I think Feist went to Bishop Carol

and then went to Alternative High School. Alternative High School, yeah. There's Western think Feist went to Bishop Carroll and then went to alternative high school. Alternative high school, yeah. There's Western Canada. Yeah. There is, did I say Lord Beaverbrook yet? Yep. Oh, I'm gonna kick myself. EP Scarlett.

EP Scarlett! That was the one I was like, okay. I was thinking. And there's three more I can't name. There's one more that you'll be like, oh yeah. Give me a hint. An O. Henry bar. What?

Nougat. Lord Nougat. Lord Nougat. Henry Wisewood. Henry Wisewood. No, I wouldn't have got that. That actually threw me off. I was like, O. Henry, O. Henry. Which one did he miss wouldn't have got that. That actually threw me off. I was like, oh Henry, oh Henry.

Which one did he miss? Did he miss? Well, did we name one that you went to? Yes. Okay. Yep. Should I keep it to myself still? Keep it to yourself,

because I've narrowed it down to those eight. Yeah. Graham's gonna guess which one. I'm gonna say E.P. Scarlet. No. No? Shit, okay. Can I give you a hint?

Yep. It's no longer named. Oh, it's no longer Bishop Carol.P. Scarlet, is my guess. No? Shit, okay. Can I give you a hint? Yeah. It's no longer named- Oh, it's no longer Bishop Carol. No. Bishop Grandin. Yep. Bishop Grandin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where Feist went.

She went to Grandin as well? She went to one of the bishops. But it's not called Grandin anymore? No, it's called Our Lady of the Rocky Mountains. Whoa. That's something- Is it Catholic? Yeah, in Catholic school.

We had to start taking away some of the names. Yeah, but like we have an Our Lady, we have Our Lady of Perpetual Help here. Oh, which seems like, you know, it could go back hundreds of years, but Our Lady of the Rocky Mountain seems like, you know, we named it after when we saw Cannonball Run. Yeah, I would to Granite. I grew up in the south.

South? South as well. Southeast? Yep. My family all went to, my dad and all my uncles all went to Lord Beaverbrook. Yeah, that was the place. If you were good at smoking, it was a great school for smokers. Dude, I would, Granite was a great smoking school. There was a smoking pit. Yeah, we had a smoking pit as well. Everyone just hung out in this pit outside the school.

Kind of like circle around like penguins would do to keep warm and stuff. Just smoke cigarette after cigarette after cigarette. Have an asthma attack, go back in, learn a little, come back out, smoke a bit. I have, I've looked up another one. The high school that Tegan and Sarah went to. Folk high. Twin.

Crescent Heights. Oh, Crescent Heights. Oh, Crescent Heights. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That was hard to find because they have a book and a TV show called High School. Really? If you look up Tegan and Sarah High School.

Man, they've got a TV show? Yeah. Like they're in it? No, they have two young twins playing high school them. It would be more impressive if they had one person who was playing both roles, like a Lindsay Lohan or- Or a Armie Hammer. Oh, no, Armie Hammer.

Yeah, Armie Hammer. Oh, I gave Lindsay Lohan a run for her money, that's for sure. That's probably the best twin, like they pulled off a pretty convincing twin situation. Lindsay Lohan's good. Yeah, she was good. That was a great movie, actually.

I can go back and watch the, the Parent Trap, is that what you're talking about? Yeah, the Parent Trap, yeah. She was great in that. She's great. She's doing a British accent as well. I love it. I loved it.

Oy, oy, Lindsay Lohan, mate. In the movie, she called herself Lindsay Lohan? Yeah. Yeah. Was one twin that, and the other one was an American twin? Yeah. But then. But deeply Southern.

She was doing, she was Vinnie Jones. Yeah. From Snatch and Dennis Farina from Snatch. I remember reading about, you know, the movie, Multiplicity. Yeah. Like multiple Michael Keaton. They had this.

There was originally called Michaelplicity. Yeah. Yeah multiple Michael Keaton's. They had this. There was originally called Michaelplicity. Yeah? Yeah. Just when they were working on the name. They couldn't get it through the censors because there was a guy named Michaelplicity. And he would go through the censors. And he said, if you name this movie, I'll kill myself.

Ha ha ha ha ha. He, there was a scene in the movie that was gonna have to require like extensive CGI to make. He was like throwing something at another himself and he did it exactly perfectly the first time and they were like, you just saved us like a million dollars. Oh my God. Yeah. And did he get that million? No.

No way. No. No way. We had Batman money. He's fine. I feel like there was a movie around the same time called Replicate about a woman named Kate and there were multiples of her. That does sound familiar. They did try to ride the coattails of multiplicity.

Yeah. And they were like, okay, this time all female cast. Yeah, do you feel like it was kind of underrated as a movie? I love, first of all, I love anything Michael Keaton. Yeah. Because he's just so good. So good.

And then, yeah, it was underrated. It wasn't talked about as much. And he was playing, was there seven of him? There was. And they were getting dumber? They were getting dumber, yeah. They were getting dumber, which is such a funny premise.

Just because the copy made a copy of himself and that turns out to be. It's just so dumb, I think. Because yeah, one of them is like a Mr. like super macho. Yeah. And then one of them is kind of like a homemaker. Like a Mr. Mom kind of guy.

One is sort of like a ghost with the most. He was the macho guy did have the most Beetlejuice energy. The most Beetlejuice. Don't say it again. One more time. They're coming out with a new one. A new what? Beatles. Ah!

Ah, you tricked me. There's, yeah, Michael Keaton. I feel like that movie around that time, it was just, it was probably overlooked because every movie at that time was so stupid. Yeah. Now, we were talking just before we got on the air, you've been traveling for like three months

doing shows all over the place. And now you're gonna be back in Calgary. We'll be back in Calgary for a little bit. I'll be, yeah, I've got some stuff at the Laff Shop. Sure. Sure, in Calgary. Just there a couple of weeks ago, great club, great club. Great club.

Yeah. Really coming up. Yeah. Here's the thing, Calgary is a great city for comedy. And club. Yeah. Really coming up. Yeah. Here's the thing, Calgary is a great city for comedy. And it's got a lot going on. It's got three great clubs. It's got comedy every night. Yeah.

And pretty decent stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And you're there. And I'm there. That's a big bonus. That's more than you can say about Vancouver. We've got no clubs.

No comedy clubs. No hope, no jobs. What was the third one? Johnny Cash? Yeah. I feel like that's a real dad joke. It's a real, my uncle told it to me. Yeah, it's more of like a wry uncle observation. The best rapper's a white guy and the best golfer's a black guy.

That's not true anymore. And also, that was another one I think was racist, but you were gonna be in Cal, you're chilling for a couple of months, you said, I gotta find myself a summer job. Oh yeah. I wanna workshop this. I wanna figure out.

What kind of thing I could do? Yeah, yeah. What have your past summer jobs been? I worked on a food truck at Shambhala. Oh. On a vegan food truck at Shambhala. Oh. On a vegan food truck at Shambhala. That's like a hippie electronic dance festival. And here's the thing, I don't like dance music

and I'm not vegan, but I like fun new things. Yeah, I can be vegan for a weekend. Sure. So what, yeah, what was it like? It was great. Here's the thing, they're all naked, which is weird. I think people doing, people who are naked doing regular tasks is very funny to me. It is the thing, they're all naked, which is weird. I think people who are naked doing regular tasks is very funny to me.

It is very funny, yes. Because they're just standing. Just like picking up a loaf of bread or something. Oh, so everyone was naked, like the crew was naked? No, not like the festival goers, it's a very hippie festival, so they're all just seemingly, I don't know why they're naked,

I think that's their one time. I think during the rest of the year, that's just like lawyers and doctors, one engineer. And then they come to this festival and they're like. This is hippie Christmas. This is hippie Christmas. Yeah, yeah. They get to go back to their roots. Yes, yeah.

They're just doing normal things like setting up tents. Naked? Yeah, yeah, passing around. I want at least an underwear for setting up tents. Yeah, let's get naked after all the work is done. Yeah. It's get naked after all the work is done. It's amusing to watch. So you're, I just, it's like, it's a sensory overload there

because there's like a dance thing, there's a penis, just flopping in the wind. In the wind. Very windy place. You check out Dave's penis, it's flopping in the wind over there. Oh, you're too kind. It is springing in the wind. But it's like, uh,

but it was very funny to me. It's a lot to, I like, I like to, like, a job where I can just pretend that that's what I do for Right. Because that's not really what I do. Yeah. But for like two weeks. Like being a, like I was an assistant bartender at a wedding once and I was like,

oh, this is fun, I'm like a bartender. Yeah, you get to do a play. Yeah, I get to walk out of here and never bartend again. So assistant bartender at a wedding, squeezing lemons? Squeezing lemons, making sure things were restocked, talking to the next customer in line, or not customer, guest, I guess. I mean, it's really depending on the venue.

Yeah. Like the, sometimes the assistant bartender is just like, let me open this beer for you. Yeah. We don't have a full bar. I've been at functions where they have a full bar, but everybody's just drinking wine. So I'll go and ask for a fancy drink,

just to keep the bartender, you know? Yeah, I can get to do something, yeah, yeah. Good on his toes. And I think they like that, because they didn't sign, they took a mixology course, they're not just there to serve wine. They called 1-800-BARTEND, they made a slippery nipple and a white Russian,

neutron bomb and a Manhattan, a tri-Martini and a pina colada, a purple hooter and a Bahama mama. Dave just came up with that right now. I was going to say, I was like, wow, Dave, that was very well. What did you, what would you order to keep him on his toes? We got a Manhattan. Oh, that's from the song.

Yeah, that's a nice drink and it takes a couple different liquids to make and you got a cherry in there. It's a whiskey drink. It's a whiskey drink. Yeah. Yeah, yeah's yeah. It's a whiskey drink. It's a whiskey drink. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's a whiskey and vermouth? Vermouth and also there's a third like sweet. Is it whiskey or is it bourbon?

Or a rye. Ooh. I know we'll have to try all three and see which one tastes the closest to a Manhattan. Okay. Not knowing the original taste of a Manhattan will be here for days. What's your go-to mixed drink?

Go-to mixed drink. Money's no object, you get whatever you want, you can order. I would say a Paralyzer's very good. What's a Paralyzer? Paralyzer is, it's cream. You can do it with milk or cream. Okay, well we're off to a crazy start.

I know. It's so good though. It tastes like a milkshake. It's milk or cream and you got Coke. Okay, wow. This is, yeah, this is like something a kid would come up with. Kahlúa. Okay.

And a cherry. Okay. Lots of ice and vodka. That's what goes in it. It's vodka. Vodka. You can do a tequila paralyzer or a vodka paralyzer. Okay.

Yeah. I've never had the chance to. So a Manhattan is whiskey, sweet vermouth and bitters and a paralyzer is a creamy guy. Cola, coffee, liquor, vodka, milk and ice. Yeah, wow. Wow. That's a crazy drink. It's a pretty good. Is it like served in a big cup milk and ice. Yeah, wow. Wow, that's a crazy drink.

Is it like served in a big cup? In a big cup, yeah. And actually like I go to this, so normally you serve it with milk because it's like not so heavy. But I go to this place down in Montana and it's like this little hillbilly bar in a campground that we camp at this campground.

And then we go to the bar and you order paralysers and they just use like almost whipping cream. It's like a milkshake, but it's, and you just get off the beach, you're like, I'm gonna barf. That's so crazy to drink this in 30 degree weather. Yeah, oh yeah, just any kind of dairy product. It comes with an extra cup, like a milkshake

at an old timey diner. And yet, just refill it. Exactly, this is leftover paralyzed. I like, yeah, that is always something I wrestle with as an ice cream fan. I'm like, wow, this doesn't feel right on a hot day and yet it feels the rightest. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and it's, you know what I haven't had for like

ever and ever, summer in, summer out? A Freezy. Oh, sure. I haven't had a Freezie for like- A squeezie-freezie? Squeezie-freezie, yeah. I like, what is your guys method? Would you pop it out a little bit, suck on that? Would you chomp right through it?

At the end, did you like squeeze the package to get all the juice out of it? Yeah, you squeeze and suck and go upside down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. These are crazy words all being put together. Same thing I do with Shambhala. Shambhala, sounds very familiar.

I always wanted to just be the person that had the patience to suck it and enjoy it, but then I would just chomp it. I would chomp the whole freezer. I don't even know how that would work, just a suck and wait. You're just, you're slowly moving it out. Yeah, you move it up slowly.

I just chomp and chomp, chomp, chomp. I, Ivan Decker had that great bit about, whose phone is doing that? Alicia and Sally are texting back and forth on my phone. I am in a WhatsApp group, all right? The Ivan Decker bit about how the freezies are, they're exactly the size of a child's mouth Yes, so you get plus or minus the sides. I well I mangled it but they do really cut up the sides

Yeah, they do cut up the sides of your mouth. Did you have one last summer? Did you have a hi? I definitely didn't cuz I thought of it at the end of the summers like my mom would make like homemade freezes Tell me more and I'd be like, no. Don't. Like I would go to the store and buy them in the big box. Your mom makes them their gut cream and vodka and Kahlua. My mom's doing shots with us when we're 10.

I'd rather you do it here with me. Yeah, well we weren't gonna do that at all because it's insane. You know mommy gets bored when daddy goes to work. No, you can, we buy them every summer. We buy tons of them. Yeah, I think if you don't have kids, you just never-

Because you buy them, they come in like a 50 pack. Yeah, they come. And you don't buy them frozen, you freeze them yourself. Do you remember like the big ones, big long ones? Yeah. Yeah. The super ones. The super ones. What was your favorite color?

Blue? Blue is mine. Blue. I like the taste of blue. I like the taste of blue and same goes for Gatorade because I think they're transferable. They're the same flavors. Yeah, yeah. I remember once at the store by my elementary school,

I wanted a Popsicle and I went in there and I got a root beer Popsicle. And never again have I ever seen a root beer Popsicle. I don't think I've ever seen one. If I see it though, I'll definitely. Okay. Yeah. I mean, I could just freeze my own damn root beer.

I guess you could. Yeah. Yeah. We would have kind of like big homemade Popsicles that were out of like a juice glass. That's why they were frozen like- Put a Popsicle stick in it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then it was like this big several inches across Yeah, like you can just a normal little popsicle stick. So yeah, and I would I would always freeze a coke I would just freeze a coke and then go at it with a spoon. Yeah Like one of those in like a collector cup from a Slurpee collector cup Okay All that stuff from the 90s like all those like collector like those were so, do they do stuff like that anymore? I feel like that was a big 90s move of like,

you would go to a restaurant, like if you went to like Pizza Hut, you would get like a basketball, a collector's cut, and like a snap brace, like it was all very marketing. Like- It was, they don't really do them at fast food places anymore, they do them at movie theaters. That's what I was just gonna say, movie theaters. And they'll do them at fast food places anymore. They do them at movie theaters.

That's what I was just gonna say, movie theaters for sure. And they'll do them at, oh, hockey games. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, well, I mean, if you go, McDonald's probably still has like a tie-in with some. Oh, they have tie-ins. So like right now they have a, so we just got Happy Meals last night.

All right. I saw the boxes up there. My kids have been really good. And so they got one that was, the boxes have either, it says Yu-Gi-Oh, it's like cut in half, it's Yu-Gi-Oh and Sanrio. So like Hello Kitty and stuff like that. You got one different toy in each one?

No, they were like, oh, I hope we get the Margo wanted, and stuff like that. Do you get one different toy in each one? No. They were like, oh, I hope we get the Margo wanted. What was the Sanrio character she wanted? Tuxedo Sam. She wanted Tuxedo Sam. And Poppy was like, oh, yeah, I hope I get, I don't know, frickin' Cinnamon Roll. And we looked inside and they both had just like

two-year-old Minion toys. Ha ha ha ha ha ha that this is going to be connected to the box, okay? So apparently McDonald's now has, they're happy meals, they don't do plastic toys in general anymore. They'll do like a card game or something that you can like build out of cardboard. Yeah. Yeah. But like they used to be, yeah, they would use a good hunk of petroleum to turn out. Oh yeah, just McDonald's toys kept the oily gas. What was your favorite? We'll say it on three. Okay, one, two, three, Muppet Babies.

Yes! Yes! I had every Muppet Baby and they came on trains. Oh yeah. Like you build it, like you could like they came on trains. Oh yeah. Like you build it, like you could like, hook them all together. Oh, you could hook their tricycles together? Yes.

And then I had like a whole bucket of them. This was my game as a child. My mom would go play with your toys and then I would take a bucket of Muppet Babies and a bucket of water and I would just sit in the backyard and dunk them in the water. Like that was the whole, that was eight hours for me. To be like, you want a paralyzer?

Do you want another paralyzer? Yeah. Where's Brittany? I don't know. She's probably dunking somewhere. That's her big thing. He's dunking Muppet babies. That is just the thing a kid would do.

Cause it's anything with water seems so fun to me. Because you weren't allowed to do it in the house, but my mom was like, if you want to play with water, you can go outside. You can have all the water you want. Oh, and I would just sit there and dunk in it. Yeah, my kids have these toys. They don't play with them anymore.

There were LOL toys, which are, they look like baby Bratz dolls. They're like little kids with giant heads. And some of them have a little tube inside for like, for playing with water. and there's three kinds of them. They're little babies that are either spitters, criers, or tinklers. Oh, okay, and you can switch it on the back.

Where it's there, one is each. You're born that way, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my life's born a tinkler, and I'll die a tinkler. But it's basically you squeeze their head and they pee. I had a doll that peed and pooed, but like it didn't really do it. Like it had these little diapers. I called the factory and they said, no, it's not supposed to do that.

This doll just had like an interchangeable diapers. And then when you would like, it was like color changing. And then I was like, what a weird little doll for a child. And I'd be like, they'd pooped again. And then I'd have to like. Get outside. And you'd. Kick it. My mom would be like.

A little problematic behavior for an eight year old. Now, people may not know in Calgary, you were the first, tell me that I'm wrong here. First elevator mechanic. First female elevator mechanic in Alberta. In Alberta. Yeah. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah.

I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. Like I'm such a disappointment to this big title. I was like, I want to be a comedian. Yeah, I've achieved it. I don't need to live. That is my brain though. I'm like, I did it. Yeah. Yeah.

What what the hell do you have to work outside of work on new elevators or you work on elevators that are already going? Do you install them? All of it. All of it. You ever work on an Otis? Yes. Of course, is there any other brand?

So there's, it's like all things elevators, escalators. Oh, Schindler, you work on a Schindler? I worked on Schindler. I worked for Schindler for nine years. Oh my. Yeah. And then I worked for Tiss and Crump for- Oh yeah, Tiss and Crump.

Yeah. Yeah. For three years. Wow. So I built escalators and elevators, like both from the ground up. So there's like, it's a construction site. There's nothing there. Holy shit.

The parts come in, they get shipped to you and you build it all from scratch. Wow. And then I've also, that's just like the construction element and moving walks in airports as well. Oh yeah, yeah. Like the flat walks. And then I've also worked in maintenance, which is just maintaining something,

or if you get stuck in something, a maintenance man would come and get you. Nice. Oh wow. Or in Alberta, one maintenance woman. One maintenance broad. And then modernization, which is like taking an old elevator, stripping it down and making it new without like taking all the, like using the old parts.

Yeah. Wow. And then service, which is like the big heavy jobs, like changing motors out and changing all the cables out and that kind of thing. So I've done kind of every element of taking care, building, maintaining. Okay, well, we have so many questions. I have a ton of questions.

You ever been on one and been like, boy, this is a beaut? Not anything I ever built, but other people's work was shining. Yeah, if you got on one that you built, you're like, that button's still wonky. Anything I built, I was like, I hope somebody else looks this over. You ever been on a really old one that has like,

just like a door that you close yourself? Yes, those are some of the coolest ones because all those, it's all manual buttons. So like everything is just like a pressure. Like it's all like, you have to close the door, it has to make the contact to see that contact to move. And it's doing all, you're doing it all manually. And it's some of that old stuff like still exists and it's really cool to go

and it's all in some of it's all in brass and it's like when things were really beautiful and intricate. Yeah. Like they are really like muppet babies and buckets of water. Um, did you ever get those Batman Forever mugs? Oh yeah. Oh hell yeah. Tim Burton Batman years. Well, this was my favorite.

This was a Schumacher one. I think these are Schumacher mugs. Yeah. Did you, like, are you afraid of heights at all? Cause I'm terrified of them. So I don't, like, did you ever have to be outside of an elevator? Yeah. Oh shit.

Really? Yeah. Right on top of it. Fuck. So like, this is the thing. At first I was not, I was a little taken aback by how high up we were. Yeah. So what are the, I think one of the scariest things is, is that when you're building it,

you're built like you're building up with your building high. Like you're right. You're installing up with your building high. Like you're installing the elevator. So you're going up and you're on a platform in the hoist way. And that's outside, is it? Or that's. Well, you're inside a hoist way, but it's. Graham, you're in a hoist way. You're in like a.

She said it twice. Act like you've been here before. They're like a big concrete tube essentially. Sure. But you're, yeah, you're, there's no walls yet. Right. Oh, shit. So you're just on a platform and you're 50 stories up and you're hanging over the edge

installing like 300 pound steel rails. Shit. Think of it as like a train going vertical, like you're installing like railway for it to travel. Oh, wow. Choo-choo, chugga-chugga-choo. So you're not, you're not afraid of heights it to travel. Oh wow. Choo choo, choo choo choo choo. So you're not afraid of heights? Well, you just become so jaded. So you just sort of, you become unfazed, which is more frightening.

Cause I think sometimes you'll look over and you'll go, oh, gee, like, it'll take your breath away. All of a sudden you go like, it'll hit you that you're 50 stories. You drive on a highway for an hour and you get off, and you're like, I don't remember the last hour. I don't remember being a hundred feet in the air Yeah, I I watched like a short

Like Canadian film board movie from the 70s. It was just following a guy who was like worked on high rises Mm-hmm. He just walked around like it was fucking. Oh, yeah, like a solid floor like walk around these beams and Yeah, you come on phase. Yeah. Yeah. What, you ever been on the 13th floor? Yeah. Yeah, what's the deal? What's the deal with that?

It's such a weird thing that they do. Is it just that they just miss, they just label everything one? Yeah. Yeah, they're not leaving it at the floor. And they kinda stop doing it too, I think. Have you ever seen the movie, The 13th Floor with Craig Bierko and Gretchen Mole?

I think I have. No, who's Gretchen Mole? Oh, she was the next big thing in 1993 or something. Fuck, good years for next big thing. Well, not if you're Gretchen Mole. Very pretty though. Yeah. Well, we wish her the best.

I saw her, I saw her in the movie theater. Yeah. Oh, brag, brag much? Kind of. Real psycho on the phone. I was in an elevator like, Okay. Two weeks ago that didn't have the 13th floor.

And that's the first time I've seen it for years. Hotels do it. Yeah. I think still, because it just like, I think it was such a weird thing and then people would gravitate towards it and then they were jumping out window. Like it was such a thing, like such like an occult thing

that they were like, people were being like, I wanna stay on the 13th floor. So then I think they started to eliminate. I don't know the, I don't know the like the proper lore behind it all, but it's incredible that it traveled that far and people just were like, don't do 13. It was for years like hockey players would never wear number 13., don't do 13. It was for years, like hockey players

would never wear number 13. And then I think it was just, it was North American hockey players because Europeans would wear it all the time. Yeah. I feel like it's possible the 13 thing is a North American phenomenon. Triscodechophobia, they say.

That's right. That's what the name for it is? The fear of the number 13. Interesting. I released an album on like the 13th and it was Friday the 13th. And I was like, they asked me if I wanted to do it as I did with comedy records. And they're like, do you want to do it?

And then there was part of me that was like, I don't know, that's kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not one person has listened, so. Oh wow, it's cursed. It's like an average Canadian comedy album. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally like an average Canadian comedy album. No one listened.

I had to get a parking pass somewhere, and they were giving me, they handed over this piece of paper, and it was like, oh, they're all numbered. And this was like 95666, and she goes, oh wait, I can't give you that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's for me. Yeah, that's what's the, what's the name of the phobia again? Triscadecophobia. Tricks, and that's just 13. That's just 13. Cause there's like, there is number related phobias,

like all the 666. Oh yeah. Stuff there's gotta be like. What is your comedy album called? Pitch, pitch it. Oh, it's called Break and Enter. Break and Enter? Yeah, yeah.

Out now? Out, yes. No, it just came out on Friday the 13th and Enter? Yeah, yeah. Out now? Out, yes. No way. That came out on Friday the 13th, and it burned down, all the copies burned. It was October, Friday the- Oh wow. The spookiest one.

Yeah, the spookiest one. That's why I was kind of like, oh, this is pretty cool actually. Yeah. I like spooky. Is that the spookier day than Halloween itself? I think it is, I feel. I felt it was cool.

It was, you don't get very many October, Friday the 13th. No, you gotta take advantage of them. What do you do on that? I guess you go to a camp. Yeah. Put a bag on your head. Put a bag on your head. What, are you a spooky person?

Do you like scary things? Yeah, I like spooky, I like the macabre. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like corn on macabre. Yeah, I like that. Dave, get out of here. See, well, we're out of here.

Now there's no cash, no jobs, and no cobs. No more elevator. I will not answer another elevator. That's fine. That's a- That's not fun. Well, the next few questions are about the hoist way. Please.

Is there like a building that was the best elevator you ever built? What was the number one building? Number one. Because I want to go to Cali where I want to ride in that elevator. Oh, well, okay. Here's the thing. There's the- Even if it's private, I want to go up there.

You want to all- hey, I've got the connections. Yeah, oh yeah. I could get it. I could get you in there. I think some of the coolest stuff is Just the ones that go so fast like in the bow and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. They just go very very fast. Yeah. like in the bow and stuff like that. Oh yeah. They just go very, very fast.

Yeah. And it's just like, just knowing how big those motors are and how quick it travels it. But I like some of the, I built a lot of the escalators in SAIT. Oh yeah. And they look cool. South Alberta Institute of Technology.

Did we perform there? Yes. We performed there. I stayed in the dorms. Did you? No. They asked you not to, but you just kept doing it anyways?

Yeah, Dave threw a rager. He brought his own keg. We just get weirder and weirder gigs in Alberta. Yeah, we did. And then to the one, where were we in a church? In Edmonton? Yeah, basement, but like, wasn't Jonathan Richmond playing above us?

That wasn't in the the church that was the... What was that? What were the, who are those, the, the Mason's Hall? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a weird one. And then the last time we were in some benevolent society or something, I don't know. Something weird. To do the podcast?

Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, we went to some pretty cool places. We went to some nice places. We went to SAIT. We went to SAIT. We went to SAIT. We were not invited to NAIT. Hard gig to get.

Hard, you know, honestly, I've been trying for years. Don't be... For the listeners, it's the Southern Alberta Institute of Technology. Yeah. And then Northern. Yeah. Did you have to go to school or did you mentor or how did this work? I just had a fascination with elevators. They said you're in.

And then I. Thank God you showed up here. We love people who love elevators. So I went to school for four years. Yeah. Yeah. Like specifically to learn this? To just do elevators, yeah.

Wow. But it's like, it's an apprenticeship program. So you're, you apprentice while you're going to school. Right. And it's all, you to get into it like a union There's only like 300 guys in the union and one woman one brah. What are more girls now? Are there really you kicked open that door? I said I said I'm not the best one, but other gals who like to work will show up on time. Mm-hmm

Look, I'm tired from knocking down that door Show up on time every time. Punching through glass ceilings. Yeah, yeah, yeah, literally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess I built this elevator terribly. It's going right through the glass too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I forgot to end it. Yeah, it just keeps going. I forgot to stop building the rails. Is this that Roald Dahl movie?

Oh yeah. Oh, is that your favorite book as a kid? Yeah. Charlie and the Greyglass Elevator. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I loved. What are the big elevator movies? What are the big, well, Die Hard has a lot of classics in an elevator.

There's one that M. Night came out with. Oh, their second one. They're trying to figure out who the devil is. Yeah. In the elevator is the devil. Is there, does there, I think there's a good scene in The Usual Suspects where the lights go out and you hear two gunshots

and then the guys next to Pete Postlewaite are dead. Mm, yes. In the elevator. In the elevator. What are your other favorite elevators? What's your favorite Aerosmith song? Yeah, I was gonna say, loving it elevator. I only like the Joe Perry part.

I... That Joe Perry could really rock. Oh man, just a leather glove, just hammering on a guitar, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. Are there any like hacks? Like I heard that once, if you,

maybe this is an old model. Aside from Graham. Yeah. Ha! If you hit the... I'm like a bird. If you hit the- Like a bird. If you hit the- For no reason, dude.

If you hit the door close button and the floor button at the same time, it goes directly there, but every time I try that, it doesn't work. No. There's no real hacks. Like, I'll tell you this, the door close button usually does not work. Oh, really? No. The only place it works is like office towers because they have like,

they want their elevator times to be like as minimal as possible. So they like the door close button, but most places they don't, they don't push it because they don't want anybody to get hurt because it's a safety issue. Oh, okay. And people just, most people are awful. So they're just trying to make, so no one can come in the elevator. Yeah, that's what I'm pressing it for.

Yeah, yeah. And the more you, it's not working usually. Yeah. The door just times out. Like it usually just has a time that's what I'm present in for. Yeah, yeah. And the more you, it's not working usually. Yeah. The door just times out. Like it usually just has a time that it's gonna close in anyways. Right.

But the door open one works. Door will, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It has to, by law, it has to work. I was in, when are they gonna pass a door close law? When I was in Calgary, the hotel I was staying at was also hosting a ringette tournament. Okay.

And I got on an elevator and I saw like a whole ringette team and I was like, close, close, close, close, close, and they just all filed on and they smelled so bad. It was crazy. This is the stinkiest ringette team you've heard. You're like, yeah, you guys don't even use it. Just I saw them with their hockey or ringette bags. You know what?

I think you can use a hockey bag for ring. No, no, no. That's got to be able to host a stick and a hoop. It has two little cutouts for a straight stick to just pass through. Yeah. Well, that's, that's amazing. You're amazing. Hey, thanks, Graham.

And are you, you're out of the elevator trade? You're 100% comedian? When I leave things, I like to make sure I've burned every bridge so I can't come back. I just, yeah, I kind of stopped paying my union dues and I was, uh, I had left and then taken like, you can take like a card and be like, I'm not going to work for a while. Put me on the bench. Right. And then you got to keep playing your, paying your union dues.

And then I was like, I'm just going to not, I just made it impossible for myself to go back. Right. So I now it's, oh, this doesn't work. Oh boy, I gotta go back to Shambhala on the truck again. Oh man. Yeah. But I just do this stuff. That's amazing.

Yeah, thanks buddy. Are you gonna stay Calgary bound? Are you gonna go to another city? What are you gonna do? I think it's the time has come that I gotta pull the plug to go somewhere. Like it's gotta be either, but I wouldn't be in Canada. I'd either go to New York, LA.

How dare you? I know, but it's, the opportunities are. I mean, I'd go to New York, LA. How dare you? I know, but it's, there's, the opportunities are. I mean, I'd go to New York because like, you can always go on the elevators. Think of those things. Here's a stat. Did you know that? Okay. There's more elevators in just Manhattan than there are in all of Canada.

Wow. Really? Yeah. Shit. Yeah. You probably see some pretty cool elevators. So when you're in school for it, do you get like a history of elevators class? Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, you do. You do. Do you use their elevator theory? There's elevator theory. Up and down, that's the theory anyway. How many times, just a guy with his hand on his head, like it just goes up and down.

Is there, is there like, I think I heard there's a place in Connecticut with it. Uh, the, the Otis has a, uh, just a tower that it's the only, it's the tallest building in Connecticut and it's just a testing elevator. It's just one testing. Wow. That's very funny. The Otis safety Otis, uh, Elijah Otis invented the elevator safety and the

elevator safeties ride underneath the elevators and they're like brakes, like mechanical brakes. So if the elevator ever went over a certain speed and was dropping or whatever, they would clench, that's what he's famous for, that's what those elevators came into such fame is cause they like reach up. That's what Elijah Otis is famous for, Grant. Yes, that's right.

That's why we see his name everywhere. Yeah, see? Wow, that's amazing. That's amazing. Now, get out of my country. Go to New York. You got it. Dave, what's going on with you?

I had to look up what's going on with me because I was like, oh, sure. We recorded for the first time in weeks last week. Yeah. And so I must have something built up. But the, so one thing that you know about me is I have a certain kind of dream. Boring.

A very boring dream. Yes. For example. For example, I had a very, a dream was a crisis when I was dreaming that my travel agent was retiring. And? I had a dream where I, me and some guys were trying to fix a garage door.

Yeah. Probably you use a lot of elevator science. Science, yeah. Up and down. So here are a couple of dreams. I am allowed to engage in dream telling, even though I have, I'm the new receiver of memory. I don't know what that is.

That's from a young adult novel called The Giver. I loved that. That was a good book. Did you have to read that? No. I think it only came out like Giver. Not The Giving Tree. In the early 90s.

It's very, it's a little communist. It's very sort of, so I'm reading it right now actually out loud to my daughter because I was like, oh, I never read this. And it's about, you know, for young adolescents. And it's very, yeah, we're not quite to the, I haven't figured out what the point is yet. Yes. Where the author lands on one side of it. Right.

But. The giver. No, the giver. The giver. It's about this like the community where everyone's the same and then your job is chosen for you. Sounds pretty nice. Honestly. And you like and then then you there's a one guy that chooses the jobs for you. But wouldn't that like let's be honest, wouldn't that be nice? He's the he gives memories to the receiver of memory.

And then I think the council decides on the jobs based on your volunteer hours. I'm gonna try, I haven't read it in 25 years. What kind of job do you think you'd be given based on your recreational slash volunteer? As an 11 year old? Yeah, we're now. Oh God. recreational slash volunteer. As an 11 year old? Yeah. Yeah. Or now.

Oh God. I mean, I don't know. Jackass? Yeah, I'd be a prison guard. Yeah, prison guard. So. Nice to be the nicest prison guard in the prison. The one that all the-

There needs to be one. Yeah, the one that all the prisoners are like, he's different. He's one of the good ones. Slipping them candy through the bar. Yeah. Yeah, at Christmas I bring them all a little treat, little tiny shanks.

Yeah. You bake shanks into muffins. Yeah, there are muffins that are just sticking out. Just this giant muffin. One of those Costco muffins with just sticking up. Just this giant muffin. One of those Costco muffins. Everyone's like, just put it in a croissant cram. Is it, it's usually like a file or a saw. Yeah, but a shank is the new.

A shank, a shank's not gonna get you out of prison. It's just gonna get you. It's gonna get more in prison. Yeah, he's gonna say, It's gonna, less crowded. I don't think you should be able to, like if you commit a crime in prison and you kill another guy, I think that's fair game. I don't think you should get another sentence.

Yeah, I agree. I also think that if you kill the right guy, you get out, like if you're like, oh, thankfully somebody took care of that guy. He was, that guy was the worst guy. Yeah, we hated that guy. Just the guy that sings at night and everyone can hear. Place the harmonica.

Yeah. The bird man of whatever prison you're in. He was, that guy was the worst guy. Yeah, we hated that guy. Just the guy that sings at night and everyone can hear. Plays the harmonica. Yeah. The bird man of whatever prison you're in. Everyone talks about how he was tone deaf after he dies. Like, I can sing, can carry too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy was a fucking asshole and he didn't know how to play anything.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I got somebody killed him. So I'm going to sh- 10 years off your sentence. Actually, keep it up. Kill the right people, you'll be out of here in no time. Either let me out earlier for bad behavior.

So here is a dream that is a very boring dream. So, I am at a tire shop. Okay. Here we go. And I need tires for my car. Yeah. Are you at a Cal tire? I don't know. Okay.

I look, if I- That's what makes it a dream. Yeah, exactly. It was like, it was a tire shop, but it wasn't really a tire shop. Everyone was in a top hat. Yeah. And I went and the woman working there said,

okay, for two tires, it's $1,600. And I was like, geez, I need four tires. This is too expensive. And I left. Because you weren't going to spend, throw over $3,200. Not in my dream I wasn't. So what were you going to do? Just run around on ball tires?

Then I woke up in a cold sweat. Ran downstairs to look at your car. Oh, thank God. Oh. He has like the tire tread measure just on hand. Yeah. Oh, God. Still got a few more years I can save up.

Honey, I had that dream again. Yeah. And like, I guess the prices of things have been going up, but not that much. That's true, yeah, they have an alarming That's that's a that's that's cuz you've everything has gone up. So substantially that is like that's a Threatening dream to have yeah, yeah scary dream I mean a four tires that I see that being a thousand dollars sure still I don't have it

No, I don't know I never change in my tires. Not gonna run them down to the rims. Sorry. Go ahead. No, no. My dad called me the other day to ask me what size my tires were on my car. And I go, I don't know. Medium.

And then he goes, I think they're 17s. And I was like, well, why would you call me if you need. And I go, why? And he goes, I've just been looking on Facebook marketplace for tires. I go specifically for me. And he goes, I've just been looking on Facebook marketplace for tires. I go specifically for me. And he goes, no, just look.

But you got a birthday coming up. Just looking. And in case he stumbled upon the right tires, he wanted to know my tire. I was like, that's a big day you got lined up looking at tire sizes. Could you look up your car year and model and know the tire size?

Sometimes. I wouldn't know. Mine are 17. I did find out. Oh yeah. And what does that refer to? The size of the wheel? This, yeah, the size of the hub wheel.

Yeah, hub wheel. Hub wheel. The hoist way. Hot wheels. Yeah, what size are they on a hot wheel? Oh, probably 17. Yeah. 17 wheels. Yeah, what size are they on a hot wheel, probably? Oh, probably 17. Yeah. 17 millimeter.

Yeah. 17 millimeter. Yeah. Exactly. So that's one dream. And here's a dream that I had with those more interesting. It's gonna be hard to top. It was-

3200 tires, no thanks. It was kind of exciting in that, or it was interesting in that I kinda got to glimpse how my brain worked. So I had a dream, I was in my home and the doorbell rang and I didn't know who it was. And I have an app on my phone, we have a camera out front that says

that you can look on your phone and see who's at the door. And so I opened up that app because I was like, who's at the door? And I open up the app, and it won't load. I can't figure out who's at the door. And then I start getting a feeling of like, you know when you're trying to write something and you can't think of any good ideas?

I had that in my own dream. Like, it just wouldn't generate a good person at the door. Oh, jeez. I had that, like, I had writer's block in my own dream, like it just wouldn't generate a good person at the door. Oh, geez. Like I had that, like I had writer's block in my own dream. And so I was like, okay, well, I guess I'll just go down and answer the door. So I walk over to the door, unlock it, open it up, and a hand with a knife goes through. No, shit. That's a good dream. But I was like, that's shit. That's a good dream.

But I was like, that's it. That's all I came up with. Just the hand? Immediately, I was like, that's it. There's, so I closed the door on it and dream over. $3,200. I gotta pay that? Yeah.

He's like, you want these tires or what? I've never had a recurring dream either. I've never had like the same thing show up. Yeah. I have places in my dreams that don't exist, but I constantly am in that place. Me too. Like buildings and yeah, restaurants and stuff that don't,

I've never seen, wow. Me too. Yeah, what's one of yours? One of the cooler, like I love this dream because it happens every once in a while and I get so excited. It's this house and? One of the cooler, like I love this room because it happens every once in a while and I get so excited. It's this house and it starts off the same as like either my house or my parents' house. But then I start opening doors and there's like rooms I didn't know were there.

But they're like fantastical rooms. Like I go and I'm like, oh, you can float in this room. Right. And you like go in and then there's always like, so I'm always like, I'll like open up a cupboard and there's like a whole like other part of the house that I didn't know about. Right, wow. And I've like, I get every,

I think I have it like once every couple weeks and I get so excited when I have it. Oh yeah. Oh, I'm going to the float room. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I have one, I have one that for some reason I'm in Morocco and it's often, I don't wanna be there. I'm there against my wishes. I don't I'm in Morocco. And it's often, I don't want to be there. I'm there against my wishes.

I don't want to go to Morocco. And then I get there like, see, this sucks. I told you this would suck. But I'm often going to Morocco. What sucks about it? It's hot. It is hot and dusty. They've got different money over there

that I gotta change. Yeah, dusty, people are rude. So yeah, I go to, I try to avoid Morocco. Also I had a dream that several different people have been the owner of this kind of like mansion, but old like castly kind of mansion up like a crooked road. So I've been in that place a lot of times. Nice. Yeah.

Cool. But God, I hope I don't get back to Morocco. I hate that place so much. I like that you're upset in the dream about, oh, it's too dusty. You're just uncomfortable. And whoever I'm with, I'm like, I told you I wouldn't like it.

I don't know why I'm here. I don't even know if I've ever been like too hot in a dream. Oh yeah, I do wake up sweaty from those Morocco dreams. Oh, I wake up sweaty, but not from a dream. Morocco dreams sounds like some kind of 80 something. Like of cologne or something. You're just in a white suit. For some reason in a floral patterned shirt, you're like, I don't like this.

I'm too hot. I told you I wouldn't like this. You made me go anyway. I do sweat more in my sleep than I realize because when we change the sheets. I just happened to be the other day too. My side of the bed is very yellow. I have like a mattress pad and I changed it

and I was like, I must be spilling coffee every night. And I was like, I think I just sweat a lot during the night. Wasn't it, is Tom Papa that described his, like when you take the pillow out of the case, he says it looks like a civil war the night. Wasn't it, is Tom Papa that described his, like when you take the pillow out of the case, he says it looks like a Civil War bandana. Yeah, those go fast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're supposed to replace them.

I like the way mine fits. I'm really working mine in. Oh wow. Anyway, so dreams are, well, they're ephemeral, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of,

they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, they really kind of, they're, dreams are, well, they're ephemeral. They're, they really kind of, don't they just do that? What is the song?

These dreams, what's the? These dreams. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I couldn't think of the next one. Da da da da da da. Da da da da da. Yeah. And that's Heart. Heart. Oh yeah. And Fleetwood Mac has a song about dreams too.

Yes, very popular song. About skateboarding and drinking cranberry juice. I was gonna say. That's exactly what I was picturing as well. What's going on with you? Well. At the time of this recording, you haven't done your 24 hours of comedy.

But I've been prepping. Why do you keep doing it? I mean, you're doing it for the show. I'm doing it for the show. I'm doing it for the show. I'm doing it for the show. I'm doing it as well. What's going on with you? Well. At the time of this recording, you haven't done your 24 hours of comedy. But I've been prepping. Why do you keep doing it? I don't know, but this is the last time. This is the Danny Glover hanging it up.

No more, too old for this shit. Oh yeah, well no. This is his last day on the job. Nothing bad happens. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm too tool to be doing it. So I'm doing it one more time. Opening up the Little Mountain Comedy Club.

That's it's going to be great. But I've been prepping. I've been prepping all week. And I went, I went and had a massage to loosen things up. You've been prepping that. I was going to ask what you mean by prepping. Yeah. So here's a thing. Just some massage.

Yeah. I'm trying to guess what else would be on your, you've been eating clean. Been eating clean, absolutely. Saying your prayers, taking your vitamins. Absolutely, doing some pushups, sit ups, got myself some brand new Hoka shoes. Oh yeah.

They're so comfy. Oh my god. My dad's been talking about these shoes. Oh my God. Are they like clouds? Why is everyone talking about them? They're so like, I tried on probably like 16 different pairs of shoes and putting those on was like, it was like walking on a mattress.

It was just like so. And some people will tell you that they're not ugly. I mean, they're ugly. They're getting so popular now that people will be like, hey, check these out, they're ugly. They're getting so popular now that people will be like, hey, check these out. They're not even ugly anymore. I was against them too when I saw, I think they look very silly, but can't beat that comfort.

I'm just becoming that kind of guy. I think you become a zero-year-old. They're like, I'll just wear it. I pick comfort over a lot of things. Yeah. And durability comfort. I really- I wanna just be safe, warm and comfortable.

Yeah, I'm bad at buying things that are durable. Not like, cause I don't think about these things and then I get them home and like, oh, this isn't dirt, these pants I got, they don't fit at all and they fit at the fucking store. Yeah. I bought a pair of pants from Costco called modern pants. And I was like, Oh boy.

And I was like, they exactly, they're straight legged. They're like Gore-Tex for some, I'm like, I don't know if I, why am I wearing Gore-Tex pants? Yeah, I need to wear Gore-Tex pants in my sleep to protect my mattress. But this has happened to me, I think I've talked about it on the show, is oftentimes when I'm having a conversation with somebody, say a taxi driver or a dental assistant, they ask me what I do, the last thing in the world I would say is a comedian. Because I don't want to hear who their favorite comedian is, I don't want them to be like,

tell me a joke, I don't like, I don't want any that conversation. So I always say, and it's a term I only know from past guests, Josh Stubbs, that I'm a technical writer. And so that's the person that writes directions and manuals and that kind of stuff. So it's like interesting enough that it's like, okay, that's a job somebody could have, but foreign enough that nobody would know what it means. So I can fill in the jobs.

And it's worked beautifully all these years. So you were beautifully. Okay, and you were getting a massage. I was getting a massage. I had got a massage from the same person, like two years ago. And right as she started, I was like, she doesn't, she didn't actually, she recognized me at all.

But then she started, she's like, how's the technical writing business? And I was like, she doesn't, she didn't act like she recognized me at all, but then she started, she's like, how's the technical writing business? And I was like, oh God, I gotta come up with an hour about this. Well, the thing is, yeah, so it was a lot of, boy, I was really being super creative. What do you remember about Josh Stubbs talking about it? He- Because I remember one word. What was the word boring? No, he said, cop speak.

Cop speak. Which is like when you like break it down into like, like a cop giving like a interview on the news, like, well, the assailant and the perpetrator and the suspect and the victim. You try to make it, don't do that. That's cop speak. Try to talk like a normal person

or write like a normal person. And like, it's only bit me an ass twice. The other was with a dental assistant who was just like, she's riveted. Oh. So in between. Oh, I read manuals. My grandfather was a technical writer. Have you heard of him?

Elijah Otis. His name was Elijah Otis. There's only three of them. He, she calls your bluff, knows there's only three of them. Yeah. Like, oh, Josh Stubbs and me. And because you can't be like- Your grandfather.

Well, I don't want to talk about you. What do you do for a living? Yeah. I'm a technical writer. I'm a masseuse, idiot. Yeah. But she was telling me, you guys know the comedian, Joe Coy. Did you eventually be like, no, I'm a comedian?

No, I was like, I've turned this over to you. Cause she was like, oh, I did kind of a cool thing. I was like, it's off me. I wrote some jokes for the Golden Globes. The guy really threw me under the bus. There were good jokes in the room. We all laughed. We liked them.

Everyone thought it was good. Yeah, what the hell? Yeah, Barbie's got plastic boobies. Say it. Say it. Did I write it? Say it. Say it.

No, she said when Joe Coy was in town, he like got massages for everybody. Oh. Like everybody that was working on the show. That's very nice. Yeah, so I was like, she got to massage his opener who I'd never heard of. But she was like, I was like, what's the opener?

And she said the name, I was like, I don't know who that is. She's like, he originally was big on Vine. And I was like, I don't know. I'm not interested. Can you imagine if she just started like, what's the opener? She said the name, I was like, I don't know who that is. She's like, he originally was big on Vine, and I was like, I don't know, I'm not interested. Can you imagine if she just started like, she's like, now what would ever make somebody wanna be a comedian? She starts like shit talking comedians? Yeah, well she was just, she said,

their backs are lumpy. Yeah. If nothing going for them. Yeah, exactly, they're weak, weak. And they're like, I'm a comedian, I'm a comedian. I knew it. Yeah, I could feel your lumpy back. I could feel a lumpy weak back from a mile away.

So yeah, she didn't call it my bluff. She didn't know that she was calling it my bluff, but boy, did she call it my bluff. Wow, that's like, that's a job where I guess you might run into a crew of comedians. Yeah. I got a massage the other day and this is the thing about I was like, oh, and I pointed to the RMT. I was like, oh, I'll get one of these please. Because I went into a place off of,

down in Gastown or whatever. Yeah. That area. And then it looked like the kind of place you could walk in and be like, one massage please. Right. I don't have to book it nine hours or nine days ahead of time. Right.

So I was like an RMT and then she just went like this. She's like, no. She's like, there's nobody certified here. And then just pointed to another column that was $60 cheaper. And I was like, okay. I'll get that, yeah. And then we got in there.

We got a warning, she smokes the whole time. Yeah. She's smoking darts, drinking a tea. She refuses to cut her nails. Using one elbow, just while she smokes and drinks coffee. The first thing she did was step on my back, like got up onto the table and stepped on me. Oh my God.

And I was like, Did it crack? Yeah. Nice. Which I love. Yeah, did she love it too? Yeah, she went, oh, which I was like, yeah. Yeah, that's one for the Brittany. I go, do you watch Chiropractor videos too?

Yes. Yeah. That's all I do. That's why I'm qualified to do that. Yeah, yeah. Give me the ring digger then. Yeah, I've never been like a big massage guy. But last year, I had some benefits that I had to kind of get rid of.

So I went in regularly for massages and I was like, this is, I see why people do this. It's nice. It's expensive. I know that. Like, it's like, I'm, that's my massage for the whole year was the one that I just got. I might get one after. Yeah, that'll be what you want. Get re-loosened up. Yeah.

Maybe do a fundraiser for another massage. 24 hours. Yeah, you should have a little collective, you know, coin. What about me? Yeah, just we're gonna pass this around. You don't have to put any money in it. But you know what? That's the sort of thing that I would be happy to

Fund like if someone's like look I'm doing a lot for the community here. I want to get a massage after yeah I'm stressed out and I throw 20 bucks in there. No problem. It's do you find that you'll Donate money online and they completely forget about it And then it'll come up on your credit card statement as like, save somebody. It's not the company. It's always the specific. It's like a GoFundMe that was like,

save Trisha's Bulldog. Yes. And you're like, oh. Oh, what, I spent $25 on that? No wonder I can't get anything nice for myself. Dude, I paid to get this Bulldog a massage. Oh, massaging a Bulldog would be so nice. It would be so cool.

Mmm, really neat looking pizza. Oh, that skin is so loose. Loose. Just pulling its little cheeks out. Oh yeah, yeah. It will last. You're almost done, sir. Making this little like.

That's exactly what was happening in my brain. I still have never had a massage. No? Wow. I've had physio where they'll massage like a leg. Yeah. No, it's like you have to tell them upfront what it is, what area you want to work on because they don't do full all over. Well, I guess they could if you're just like general massage. But man, does it hurt the next day. That hurts so good? do full all over the, well, I guess they could if you're just like general, general massage. But man, does it hurt the next day?

Yeah. Woo hee. But hurts so good? Yeah, but it's just like whatever needing like the muscles like remembers how to be sore again. So you get, but I think at one point I did, I fell down an elbow. Oh yeah. They get in there.

I love massage. Look, I've been going since I was a kid because my mom had like, she, my mom's kind of person is like, we have benefits and we got to get every drop out of them. Yeah. Just like these freezies. Get every drop out of these. Everybody make a paralyzer. We're going to the massage.

She was always like, yeah. So we, I just massaged young. Like, I like it. That sounded so awful. But it's like people weird, like a lot of people are like, I don't like to be touched. That's not, I just massaged Young. Like, I like it. That sounded so awful. But it's like people weird, like a lot of people are like, I don't like to be touched. That's not a, I don't like massage.

Is that why you don't go? I don't know. I just don't wanna, I feel fine. Yeah. You go in there and they're like, I've never met a tighter man in my whole life. Yeah. I bet they, you know what?

I'd go to if somewhere, will they do the dot, dot, line, line, spider crawling up your spine, tight squeeze, cool breeze, now you got the shiveries? They did, when I was face down then, they said face up and did like a neck. That's, I see why dogs love that so much. That's a good feeling.

Cause they like stretch it out too. They like pull it and stretch it. Have you ever had those Theraguns? Oh yeah, they hurt if you put them on a bone. I know that. Don't put them on your forehead. It doesn't work. Or your knee bone. Yikes.

Yikes. Oh, right. They kick really fast. Oh, I've had such a hard day of work. The plastic setting with the little jackhammer thing. You know what always makes me feel better? Well, there's those like, those like wire massagers for your head or dog's head. But do you need like with the wire massage

in order for it to feel good, do you need somebody else doing it or can you do it to yourself? It always feels better somebody else. Yeah. But you can, you still, but now your arms just hurt. Is it a massage or is it just scratching your head? I think it may be a scratch your head, which I'm for.

Yeah, four head scratches. Absolutely. Max scratches, head scratches, any area that you have to lift your arms yourself to do. Yeah. The best. The best. Brittany, everyone's wondering, are you ticklish?

I'll pee my pants. You can tickle me into a pee. Yep. You gotta get some Cortex modern pants on them. What are the jobs where people just talk to you? It's masseuse, hairdresser, taxi, Uber driver. In our Uber on the way back from Palm Springs, we took an Uber. It was so expensive. It was 14 hours.

I was gonna say that. No, back from the airport, I was in the front seat, because we were four of us. And I did the thing where you hold on, like he was going too fast. But he wasn't, but he was. And so I held on to the little thing, the little hanger guy, and he called me I went too fast. And, but he wasn't, but he was. And so I held onto the little thing,

the little hanger guy, and he called me out on it. He's like, going too fast for you? No, no, I just, I'm not used to being in the passenger seat. Do you want to drive? Did he say that? He said it with like, as a joke. Like kind of a funny. Go ahead, I'll take, I'll just,

then I'll sit in the passenger seat. Oh, you're doing a good job. I'm trying to think of what else is like fundamentally a talking job. Bartender. Any retail. Yeah. You end up having long conversations with people. Like if you go to New York, they'll have a guy at the front desk, not Bellman.

Concierge. Kind of a concierge. Yeah. And they talk. they talk a lot. Sometimes when you get your oil change, there's just a guy that just stands at the computer and enters the information and he feels like he has to drum up a conversation. Yeah.

Yeah. He's always like, so you always driven this. Yeah. I'm always like, all my information is on the screen. Yeah. What kind of tires you got there? Is that 17? 17 inches?

You tried to visit them 16s on there? Wouldn't work. Wouldn't work. 18s, they'd be flopping around. Oh, well should we move on to some over here? Sure. All right. It's Webby season. Hi, I'm Sequoia Holmes,

host of the Black People Love Paramore podcast. And we are nominated for a Webby for the episode where I interviewed Haley Williams. In case you're unfamiliar, Black People Love Paramore is a podcast delving into the common and uncommon interests of Black people in order to help us feel more seen. We would love your vote to help us win this Webby. Please take a second and go over to the Black People Love Paramore podcast social media accounts. And you can find them at BPLB pod across all social media platforms. Hit the link in bio and vote for Black People Love Paramore. Hi, I'm Travis McElroy.

And I'm Teresa McElroy. And we're the host of Schmaners. We don't believe that etiquette should be used to judge other people. No, on Schmaners we see etiquette as a way to navigate social situations with confidence. So if that sounds like something you're into, join us every Friday on Maximum Fun, wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. When you're out there in the world, or maybe even at home, maybe you hear something great at home in your very own living room, we would like to hear them too.

If you want to send them to us, you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org. And we always start with the guest. Okay. Brittany, do you have an overheard? I do. Mine's so dumb. I overheard, uh, I was sitting in the airport on the way, uh, here. And then, uh, I, I saw a man motioning to his wife and he was like pointing at a pole.

And I could see him just going, I'll be right back. Like I can see him doing. And I was sitting next to the pole, but I was kind of sitting out of sight for him. And, uh, he just walked up to the pole and then he just stood to the pole, but I was kind of sitting out of sight for him. And he just walked up to the pole and then he just stood at the pole and then farted. And then, he didn't see me on the other side. And then he just went back to his family. I think I overheard a fart I was not supposed to hear. He was like, I'm gonna, he excused himself like a gentleman

and then just ripped a fart on the pole. And I was- But isn't that your right as a parent to just fart wherever you want? Yeah, how you want, where you want with the- I think it was gonna be loud and there was a lot of people around, so he saw an opportunity to duck behind a pole and just rip a fart,

and I was sitting by the pole. And I saw it all, I had an advantage where I just sort of saw it all happening. And I was like, I wonder what he's coming over here. Oh no. Oh no. The worst possible situation. It's the fart face level for me.

It was gonna be loud. Look, if you can't figure out how to make it quiet at this point, I don't know what to tell you. But there is something to walking along a very busy road and laying out some tunes. Yeah, he just- Freestyling. Just bearing down. He made a face too.

It was everything a fart watcher could walk. Like he paused- You're a fart watcher? I'm a fart watcher from way back. I have a book on local farts. Like did his eyes cross? His eyes went, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, like watching the, it was the Buster Keaton of Fart. There was so much to it. Yeah. Yes.

A thing of beauty. A real Mr. Bean. A real mystery. I put Roan Atkins to shame. Yeah. Dave, do you have one over? Okay. No. This is something that was said to me, this is the least I've ever overheard ever. So, I was, my, it was during spring break and my kids were in the alleyway, like riding up and down on scooters and skateboards. And Margot was doing like Taylor Swift trivia.

Okay. She was asking Poppy like questions about Taylor Swift and Poppy doesn't know. Poppy likes Taylor Swift, but Mark was the obsessed one. Yeah. And it was like, okay, so what's the first song on this album? And Poppy's like, I don't know. And so I asked them both.

You know the song Me by Taylor Swift with Brendan Urie. Do you guys know this song? I don't. No. I'm sorry. Me by Taylor Swift with Brendan Urie. Do you guys know this song? I don't. No. I promise that you'll never be like me. Oh yeah, I know it. See she knows it. And so it was, so he's the lead singer of Panic at the Disco. Okay. So I asked Margo, I asked them both, I said, so the song Me is a duet with Taylor Swift and the lead singer of what band?

And they didn't know. And I said, okay, let me help you. It's Panic and Poppy goes, pants? Panic pants. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. I saw them at Mac Hall. Yeah.

Yeah. I was like, that's a pretty good band name, Panic Pants. Yeah, Panic Pants. Yeah. Yeah, that's not bad. I saw them at Mac Hall. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, that's a pretty good band name, Panic Pants. Yeah, Panic Pants. My friend was in a band called The Pants Situation. Oh, The Pants Situation, that's good. That's a good name. Pants related name.

Yeah. Did you ever play in a band? No. No? I play guitar and stuff like that, but I don't, never in a band. Would you ever play guitar on stage for comedy? I would, yeah.

I mean, yeah, I guess. Yeah. Do you know what I really wanna do? No one steal my, or help me in this idea. No Just help me facilitate it. I want to do you remember the president's the United States of America Lump. Yeah, yeah, I'd like to just do just that cover that entire album Yeah, all comics and just make a band. We just do Presidents of the United States of America. I love it.

Because that is a very good album. Yeah, what was the album called? Was it just called Presidents? It was self-titled, yeah. What would you call a tribute act to Presidents of the United States of America? I've really had to, I've not come up with anything worthy, but I think about it a lot.

Yeah, I don't know, the Abraham Lincolns? Yeah, the Thinkin' Lincoln. Yeah, the Thinkin' Lincoln's, maybe, yeah. Or just, you know, POTUS, but, you know, POTUS. They were PUSA. Oh, PUSA, that's right, they're not POTUS, yeah. And was the cover of that album like a bunch of little like brass characters? Yeah. Like frogs and stuff? Yeah, and then the type, it was like typed out in like a typewriter lettering. Like it was such a long letter, yeah. They still around?

No, and they- Well, of course the lead singer formed Casper baby pants. Is that true? Yeah, they went on tour with Panic! Bands. They were like a kids group. Oh really? Or I don't know if group is even the right word, but they made kids music.

Lived in my brother's neighborhood when he lived in Seattle. Is that true story? Yeah. Oh, that's so cool. The, when I was at the Juno's dinner and they were presenting all these different awards, one of them was for children's album.

And it was just so funny because it would be like, Jonathan Frank, and they'd show the little thing and they were like, Bimmy and Blah Blah. And they'd be like. That's a racket making music for kids. It doesn't have to be anything. Yeah. Beep, beep, bop, bop, bop, bop.

That's my Taylor Swift stove. Oh, Dave, shots fired. No, she's a friend. The, yeah, oh, but the thing about the presidents of the United States of America, between the guitarist and the bass player, they only used five strings between them. Oh, wow.

Three strings on the guitar, two on the bass. It was very, it's all in odd tuning too. Like if you try to, like I was like, this will be easy. And then I was like, oh, these guys are talented musicians and these are very hard songs to play. Well, they are the best that ever did it. Like if you try to, like I was like, this will be easy. And then I was like, oh, these guys are talented musicians and these are very hard songs to play. Well, they're the best that ever did it. But if you were fronting it,

you'd have to wear a bald wig, right? You'd have to be Chris Ballew as the, was the guy's name, I believe. Yeah. All the songs are so silly and fun. Yeah, Cleveland rocks. Isn't that the, Did they do the version on the Drew Carey thing?

I think so. Did they? I think so. I think so. Boy, they did, didn't they? Yeah. Drew Carey Show. Such a weird, it was on for so many years.

Yes. When I watched it, I liked it. I watched, yeah, I watched, I don't, here's the thing, there's some shows like that that I don't ever remember liking, but I watched it, I liked it. I watched, yeah, I watched, I don't, here's the thing, there's some shows like that that I don't ever remember liking, but I watched them relentlessly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I don't remember watching a single episode

of Caroline in the City, but I know that I watched every episode. Yeah. But I couldn't tell you. I don't know what it's about. Yeah, I know it's about a cartoonist. Yeah. And her neighbor is a dancer,

and that's basically what I remember. That's the whole thing. Yeah. Oh, I remember Murphy Brown. I'd watched Murphy Brown. Oh yeah. Yeah, same. Don't really know what happened on Murphy Brown.

But it was on. It was on. It was on TV. I watched a lot of WKRP in Cincinnati, which I love. That show is the best. I never watched that. It was too, it looked too old.

It did, it was kind of grimy. Yeah. But music was great. it was too, I looked too old. It did, it was kind of grimy. Yeah. But music was great. Music was great. Is that the kind of show that if they, when they released it on DVD, they had to take out all the original tunes? And then they got a version where they had all

the original tunes, but they had to go through mountains and mountains of legal. And so they had to get the President of the United States to cover all the To cover every single thing. You remember the, do you remember the closing theme song where you can't make out what the singer's singing?

If with WKRP? WKRP. No. Do you know what it's like, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba It was they sent in a version that they were like it'll be like this. We'll put in lyrics No, we like it. We'll just oh and they never ever yeah, so it's just noises that the one the the the opening credit song to is like the guy was just like oh well I He just wrote it like it wasn't like they didn't hire a band to do it. It was like the guy was like oh here Yeah This is it'll be like this. Yeah, it's got the name of the show in it and-

Yeah. Yeah. I love that show, Dr. Johnny Fever. Dr. Johnny Fever. Yeah. I don't know, guys. This is annoying. Throwing the turkeys from the plane. Yeah, classic.

That was my classic episode. When I worked at a radio station, there were people who had been at the radio station for 20 years and like, oh man, in the old days, it used to be like WKRP. And I was like, you suck. It was a very good show, Dave. Yeah, it was a great show. I'm not saying it wasn't.

I'm just saying that type of guy. Yeah, and somehow on Facebook, I've ended up getting, the algorithm is convinced I want a daily dose of WKRB. So it'd be like, here's Gordon Jump in an episode of Webster or whatever. It's Gordon Jump. What did he molest a kid on the different stroke? That's right. Yeah. One kid.

Yeah. It's all I remembered for. He was also George's boss at the toy company. No, that wasn't him, was it? Yeah, curtain jump. I don't think so. Well, wasn't he, was he the Maytag repairman? Yes. Was he Kirk Cameron's grandfather on growing pains? Probably.

I don't think he was on Seinfeld. All right. Dave, overheard? You've heard that, haven't you? Yeah, just Dave. I haven't think he was on sign file. All right. Dave, overheard? You've heard? I haven't overheard. Dave's gotta check this out and make sure that it is true. He's the boss that George, yeah, tries to like, pretend that he has a limp and then he gives him the-

Oh, at Play-NOW. Yeah, Play-NOW. Okay. There he is, Gordon Jump. Yeah. I know my Gordon Jump. I guess so, yeah, sorry. pretend that he has a limp and then he gives up the play now yeah okay there is Gordon jump yeah I know my Gordon John yes oh yeah I apologize oh that's fine you know we all make mistakes my overheard is courtesy of sitting outside of a Starbucks two guys maybe it'd been a little early in the day to be drinking but you know having a good time. This one guy was really trying to make the thing make sense to whoever he was talking to.

He said, you know why they called the Lone Ranger, the Lone Ranger? Because he was a lone ranger. I think I was like, yeah, I get it. He's wearing a shirt that says Kimo Sabe on it. He's so deep in the lone ranger. Yeah, he's wearing one of the masks. Do rangers normally work in groups?

Is that why it's odd? Like when someone calls someone a lone wolf, like wolves are pack animals, famous like. Do rangers hang out together? I guess so. So what's the lore behind the Lone Ranger? He was, all the other Rangers were killed. Really?

And he was by himself. He was like the only one left. He's the Lone Ranger. Yeah, and Tonto finds him and helps him exist in the, you know, stone, in the plane. Lone Ranger's horse was named? Silver? Trigger?

Trigger. Who's Silver? I don'tigger? Trigger. Trigger. Who's silver? I don't know, but you get on and you say hi to silver. Yeah. And Johnny Depp was? Tonto. Tonto and was the best.

The best. The best tanto that has ever. And the best sort of like career move, best idea, best, like honestly, career move, whatever, it didn't hurt him. I'm obsessed with Johnny Depp. Yeah? Okay.

Obsessed. In modern day or just all of it? Just from all of it. Fascinated or enamored with? Both. Yeah. I think he's the best, one of the best character actors of our time.

Okay, I believe that. I think he's so sad. You just wanna help him and fix him. Take him home and feed him. Well, especially in that cry baby, he's so sad all the time. He cried all the time. He, there was a Rolling Stone interview

where the guy really railroaded him like. Oh, he did him dirty in that interview. He did, yeah. It was such a sad interview. Yeah, he painted him as being like this pathetic, lonely, weirdo that doesn't know how to handle his money and has no friends. And I don't think that's true at all. But he was like, hang out with me for a few days.

He didn't know that he was going to get absolutely massacred in this article. He paints him as like, he just wants to stay up all night long and have a friend to talk to. And I was like, why would you write that down? Yeah. And they were so mean that he bought a boat that he couldn't afford or sank or something like that. Yeah.

They really, yeah, they railroaded him in that one. What's your favorite, aside from Tonto, what's your favorite? That's a hard one. Even I can't get it. Tonto's number one. Favorite death movie of all time? Yeah. Oh boy. I can't get- John Doe's number one. Favorite death movie of all time? Yeah. Oh boy.

I can only pick one. It's one that nobody else even watches or knows. The Libertine is one of my favorite death movies. Libertine, I don't think I've seen that either. It's about an old British poet, but one that people know. I would, Scissorhands is very good. Scissorhands, I liked him in Ed Wood.

I thought he was very good in Ed Wood. Ed Wood is very good. Yeah, I should see that. It's good. It's very good. It like them in Ed Wood. I thought he was very good in Ed Wood. Ed Wood is very good. Yeah, I should see that. It's good. It's on my must see list. I like him when he plays a gangster. I like Black Mask was very, very good. Black Mask was very funny.

That had the funniest line that I've ever heard a gangster movie say, where he's got an informant on the inside and he's like, I need you to set up this meeting. And the guy said, no can do. And he goes, yes can do. Yes can do. Yes can do.

Now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the map. You wanna send one into us, you can send it into SPY at maximumfund.org. And this first one comes from Ed, 2Ds. the map. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into SPY at maximumfund.org. And this first one comes from Ed, 2Ds. I overheard this while waiting line at Fife Bakery. Oh, there's a line. Yeah, is that local Fife? Is that, or I don't know, it said as if Fife is well known, but

I don't know. I thought I did. I thought I knew and then I was like, wait, maybe I don't know. Two people, I'm not sure between the country loaf and the olive loaf, which do you like more? What's better? Do you like olives? Country loaf. Yeah.

You gotta like olives to get that olive loaf. Oh, but an olive loaf bread. So good. Sure. So salty. Yeah. Unless you wanna put jam on it. No, yeah, it's not a good jam.

It's butter. What about like a fig? Like a fig jam on it. Oh, well, sure. Yeah, well then now we're talking fig jam. Well then yeah, you might be all the way to go. This next one comes from one of the greatest names a person could have.

Dave Schumke. Grover. Oh, wow. Yeah, Grover, best name ever. I thought you gentlemen might enjoy this self-inflicted overheard. I teach an intro to graphic design and was explaining a production process where a machine automatically cuts shapes out of material. The semester was going, semester for some reason I chose to start this explanation with, imagine you're an expert at scissoring. You haven't imagined it all day. Yeah, imagine really good at scissoring. Yeah, I mean when a teacher screws up in that way, nothing beats it.

Nothing, it's the best when somebody says something and then, I liked when a teacher screws up in that way that nothing beats it nothing It's the best when somebody says something and then I liked when you're a kid and they said something and everyone goes whoa And then they get mad at the silly. Yeah. Yeah, I like when people are mad at silly mad at silly and also like I Remember when a principal risk pronounced the word and of the kids we all lost our mind. Yeah, what was it? There's a place called Okotoks. Yes. Which he's called it Ukotoks. That was it, that was the end of him. I remember in high school.

That was Okotoks. Okotoks. Okotoks, it doesn't matter. Oh man. In high school, when Kurt Cobain died, a year later on the anniversary, someone spray painted Kurt Cobain, 1967 to 1994 on the wall. And at the next assembly, the principal was saying,

hey, we don't do that here. We keep our school very clean. I know a lot of you were big fans of Nirvana. Oh shit. Nirvana. You know what's funny about that is Nirvana is a real word. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like a silly like that's a word just like panic pants. Fake band name. Um, okay. This last one comes from Charlotte from Brighton, UK. This is a bit of a long one, but the focus of the session, I'm a grade four teacher, she said.

This comes from Circle Time Discussion. The focus of the session was what makes us unique and how differences are something we should celebrate. One boy who has an Italian father said that it was unkind to make fun of people from being from different countries. I shared how sometimes people are unkind to me because I have a Canadian accent so pronounced words differently. A child who's originally from Bangladesh said that the same thing happens to him. A boy who is Syrian a refugee then talked about how difficult he had found it moving to the UK and how

much he wished he was still living in Syria. The children were very moved by this and sat in silence for a few minutes before the boy who originally brought up the issue said, yeah, it's like the other day someone said to me that Italian pizza is soggy. That's not even true. You need to be careful what you say. We've all been hurt. Was this in the UK?

This is the UK. Oh wow. The nerve of that. Yeah, you're from Italy? It's a pizza soggy in Italy. No it's not! What the yurk! Tell him he doesn't mean England?

I like that he was sitting on it like the whole discussion. He's like, you know, why don't I bring up the soggy pizza thing? Yeah. Well, okay, we're all going around. If it comes back around again, it's going to be my turn. I'm going to wait until there's a kid between me and the Syrian refugee. I'm going to make this pizza go. Oh my God.

Anyways, don't say that about pizza. Honestly, pizza rules. Yeah. Oh God, pizza rules. Even when they don't want it, I'm so happy Honestly, pizza rules. Yeah, oh god, pizza rules. Even when they don't want it, I'm so happy I get it. Yeah. Yeah. I've never been disappointed by the option being pizza. Never.

Like if you're hungry and everyone's like, oh, do you want to get something? And then they go, pizza. And I go, I don't really feel like pizza. And then I eat it. I go, no, I did feel like it. Yeah, I felt like it way more pieces than I thought I felt like it.

Yeah, I kind of, whenever I eat pizza, I get a little bit melancholy when I get done a slice because I'm like, wow, I was enjoying eating that slice so long. Everything about it is enjoyable. Like you hold it, it's, I don't know. It's- You get to fold it a little bit. Yes.

You get to pull it apart there where the cheese kind of sticks to the pizza. Oh boy, oh boy. I'm going to get some pizza after this. Yeah. My stomach literally just growled. What? Pizza on the menu? My pizza just did a Tim Allen impression.

My pizza, my stomach, my kingdom for a pizza. You can get pizza on the menu. Indonesian over-hears that are written in. We also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's 1-UGH-SPYPOD1, like these people have. Hi, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Siri calling in from Victoria with an overheard.

I teach grade six, and I was showing them this video today in French where there's this mouse. And it has big ears, and it gets adopted them this video today in French where there's this mouse and has big ears and it gets adopted by this boy and it's revealed when the boy takes off his headphones that he also has really big ears and When that happened this one kid exclaimed Whoa, bro is the mega mind of years That's friggin way cuzind's got a big head. Megamind's got a big head. Big head, yeah.

I don't think I've ever seen the movie, but I think it's Will Farrell? Yeah, it might be. Yeah. You know Megamind? I don't know Megamind. He's a blue guy, I think, and he's got a giant head. I get it confused with a few of the other kids' sci-fi movies.

You know, Mars Needs Bombs, Monsters Versus Aliens. Yeah. Oh, somebody reminded me of a movie that my friend had a poster of his room. It was called Mom and Dad Save the World. It was like a funny sci-fi where this couple gets launched into a different dimension. Wow, that's cool.

It's pretty fun. From 1992. 1992, yeah. Starring John Lovitz and Terry Gahr. And it was like, you know, when you, as a youth, I don't know if this was your situation as well, you'd go to the video store. Yeah.

They'd have posters. Yes. That they were done with. So you could go in a box of posters. That was one of those. That was any. Yeah. Snagged it up.

Yeah, I got a UHF one once. Whoa. Yeah. Wait, who's the lead in this? I think it's Jeffrey Rush. No, Jeffrey. Jones. Jones. Jeffrey Jones.

Yeah, so it probably doesn't get around as much as it used to. Oh, okay, so yeah, John Lovitz is the first name there, but then yeah, Terry Carr and Jeffrey Jones are the Nelsons. Yeah, it was a pretty funny movie, if I recall correctly. Lovitz, I for some reason didn't like, and now I've like revisited, and I go back and I go, oh, Love It's is funny and everything.

I think that's probably the way. It's probably people like Love It's or they just can't understand why he's funny. I never thought he was funny and now I do. I go back and I go, oh, okay. Yeah. I like it. His stuff on the Simpsons is very funny.

It's very funny. Yeah. Rat Race was that he was in Rat Race. Sure he was in Rat Race. What was the movie with John Ritter and the, I think it goes into the TV. Stay tuned. Yeah, was Jeffrey Rush in that as well?

No, not Jeffrey Rush, Jeffrey Jones. Yeah, Jeffrey Jones was a bad guy in that as well. And he was a bad guy in Ferris Bueller, he was a bad guy in real life. And he was a bad guy in Howard the Duck. That's right, oh yeah. Howard the Duck. That's right. Oh yeah. Howard the Duck.

I watched that not that long ago in a hotel and boy, oh boy, is that movie bad. It was bad on some other, like easy to watch, a lot of fun to watch, but just like, oh, this is, they misfired everything here. I feel like when I was a kid, I didn't know it was bad. I know, I knew I was like, oh, I'm not liking this as much as I should.

I should love this. He's got a playboy with a duck on it. Like, what's not to love? Yeah, and I know a lot of people have talked about it, but there is a scene where you see a duck with boobs. That's so funny. But there's definitely overtones that like, because who's the- Is it Leah Thompson? Leah Thompson?

Leah Thompson and the duck have some kind of relationship that we're not seeing on camera, but is alluded to quite a bit. And is she like, oh, this is almost as bad as when I almost had sex with my son and back to the future. Why do I keep taking these roles? She's yelling at her agent, I can't have sex with my son and I can't have sex with another duck. You guys pigeon hole me.

All right, well, do you wanna start in Caroline and the City? Yes, yes. Oh, sure. But I also feel like the animatronic head of Howard the Duck was probably the guy couldn't see out of it, cause the acting, he's kind of always feeling around. He doesn't seem to know where he is.

Howard the Duck is very- Steadying himself. I love the way they did, the fix would have just have been cut out. Like- Yeah, cut out the eye holes. Such an easy fix. Yeah, but it's, no, it's got a blink and it's got a, yeah.

Anyways, check it out, get it from your local library. Yeah, and here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham, possible guest. This is Blake from Atlanta. I just got off being an audience member on Divorce Court, which is one of those daytime conflict resolution shows. And, oh man, there's so many great ones, but I think the best thing I heard there was a man who

was talking to other women online while he was married to his wife, but he never slept with any of them. And what he said was, well, I figured if I didn't sleep with him, no farm, no fowl. I mean, it is true if you have no farm, there is no fowl. Yeah. I mean, that's really the sex scene in How Are the Duck is no farm, no fowl. No farm, no fowl.

I'm allowed to do it. I mean, in his defense, we're talking to women on the internet every day. That's true. That's what this podcast is about. That's right. If you're a woman out there, you're on the internet. Yeah, we're talking to you.

We're talking to you. We're ready to elevate the discussion, be part of the discussion. Find us online. Yeah, interact with the show. No farm, no foul sounds like a subreddit that you can... Yeah. Like it sounds like a category of thing that people are like,

I don't even know what it would... No farm, no foul. Oh, this unlocked something I was into that I had no idea. Like that duck with the boobs. Oh no. No, now I can never go back. Shit, that's what I like. And I could only find it in this one place. Now I know this might be a no, but can you put this duck head on?

And sort of feel your way around the apartment. Pretend you're blind. I get this maybe. But you know, be game, be game. Anyways, last word? Last word. I was trying to think of a joke about be game. Like you know, you're hunting.

Yeah, oh yeah. No farm, no farm. Duck hunt. Hey Dave, Bram, and our oval guest, Chris in Ohio. Calling with an overseen. Driving to work behind, driving behind this white PT Cruiser. And they had a custom like,

vinyl sticker across the back window. I mean, giant letters it says, PT Loser. I'm proud of it. Enjoy, have a great day. Oh man, that's a guy who gets it. Yeah. He knows what silly car he's driving around in.

PT Cruiser. I don't make them anymore. They don't. They only make them for like a year or something. No, no, no, no. They're very hearse looking. Yeah. They've like made them to look like an old timey.

Old timey. Yeah. Just let me check on the wheel size on a PT Cruiser. I like when somebody's telling you something funny but they're laughing like that guy was laughing. Yeah. It made me enjoy it more. Yeah it's like you can barely get it out without giggling. Yeah it makes you already gets you excited to hear what it's gonna be. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This website sucks. This website, wheelsize.com, you suck.

Okay? You do one thing and you don't do it well. wheelsize.com slash size slash Chrysler slash BT Cruiser slash 2006. Give it to me. Yeah, what do you got? 17, my bet is a 17. I'm gonna say, honestly, I'm gonna say a 15.

Oh, you think it's one? I'm gonna go smaller. Well, the problem is I don't know what any of these things, I think it's, mm, okay, well. The number's gonna be at the end of that thing, so it'll be like RSW, and then it'll say 15. Or is it RJ times 16 ET40s? Yeah, it'll be 16. Or RJ.5 times 17 ET43?

The offset range is between 38 and 42 millimeters. Shit. Oh my God. We're out of our depth here. Now come on. PT snoozer. Yeah, that's right. Headline. Headline reads.

I mean, who was the technical writer behind this? Graham's lawyer. Shit. Well, that brings us to the end of the show. Brandy, you're such a fun guest. Thank you for joining us on the pod. Thank you for having me. This is very fun.

We should have told the listeners and maybe they could have sent in their elevator questions. Oh yeah, well, you know, if you have any more, we're an email away from Brittany. Please call me. I'm always available. Yeah, and like I said last week, we were talking about the one panel comic strip, Herman.

I was able to find a collection of Hermans at the thrift store. And so if anybody wants some Hermans, send a self-addressed stamp to... Were they single panel? Yeah. What was your, do you remember any offhand? I remember one.

I, no, I don't know that I did. But some of the ones I looked at, I was like, these are pretty funny. The one I remember is Herman, or a man who looks like Herman, a squiggly man, is in the checkout line at the grocery store, and it's the express line, one to 15 items, 15 items or less. And the cashier holds up a box of cornflakes and says, there's more than 15 cornflakes in this box. Nice. Why has it always got to happen to Herman?

It's going to only happen to Herman. And Brittany, you have an album out there. Yeah. What is, give the name, give where you can find it. Break and Enter. You can find it on Spotify and listen to it on SiriusXM. We can do it on the spookiest day of October. Yeah, released on October 13th.

Nice, nice. 2023. Well, thank you for being our guest. Thank you out there for listening. If your name is Herman and you really want one of those pages all mailed to you, I might die. You're just gonna cut pages out of this book? Yeah.

Okay. But I care. But thanks for listening. Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Bidcazzling Yourself. ["Stop Bidcazzling Yourself"] Maximum fun. A worker owned network. Of artist ownedowned shows, supported directly by you.