Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 860 - Ryan Lachance

Episode Date: September 10, 2024

Comedian Ryan Lachance returns to talk the South Rock comedy fest, line cutting, and hosting a garage sale. South Rock Comedy Festival runs September 19-21 in White Rock, BC. Ryan’s website and podcast.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 860 of stop podcasting yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me is a man. Oh what a man. Mighty mighty good man.

He knows my name is not Susan. Mr. Dave Shimka. Okay, so what is that? A mighty man. It's salt and pepper and en vogue? Yeah, uh, are they two different things? I can't. No, but was that song?

I thought that was by Salt and Pepper. I thought it was Salt and Pepper. What did I say? Salt and Pepper and on Vogue? Yeah. Also En Vogue? On Vogue. Uh, on point En Vogue.

I think it's, is that the song that's both of them? Cause they have a song together. Yeah. I think that one's just Salt and Pepperogue. I think it's is that the song that's both of them because they have a song together. Yeah I think that one's just salt and pepper because... Mmm Graham I don't want you to think that. I want you to think what I think. And I think it was it was the two of them a pipe down guest. They got together to talk about this one man that they all know with a body like Arnold with a Denzel face. With a Denzel face. That's right. What you've pointed out before is such a slam on Arnold.

Oh, Arnold, I love your body. What can we do about the face? If you did a slow tilt up of Arnold Schwarzenegger foot to face, you probably would be like, oh, right. Oh, hey. And then he does kind of, I think he's got a handsome face but these gals don't and anyway who might argue just just we will get to our guests I just gotta look up what a man what a man what a mighty good man says here is a song by salt and pepper was

the one with salt and pepper? Yeah, according to YouTube. I know my Salt and Pepper, you know. It's Salt and Pepper featuring On Vogue, there. On the video? Is it featuring On Vogue? Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. Well, egg on my face. Speaking of people with a face, our guest today, a returning guest to the podcast, an oh so funny comedian. He is in charge of a comedy festival happening in White Rock and Surrey. It's coming up just in September 19th. It's so great to have him here. It's Ryan LaChance, everybody. Hello, Ryan.

Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. You got it, man. Anytime. I don't know why I said hey so loudly. Hey, you're excited, I get it. Yeah, you'll get your levels, don't worry. As it builds, you'll get your levels, it'll be fine. I thought it would have been funny if you tried to introduce him as Susan, because you don't know that his name is not Susan.

Um, Ryan, how are you? I'm doing great, guys. I just got back from doing the Nanaimo Fringe Festival with another comedian, Randy Andy, and we did a two-person show called Wheels and Whoopi. I was obviously the Whoopi. She was the wheels. Love it. She was on roller skates the whole time? Yeah. I made her, like, even throughout the festival, I'm like like you can't wear shoes. It's all wheels all the time Should we get to know us let's get to know us That was the Nanaimo fringe festival that you were at yeah

What was the show was it stand-up or was there a through line or what were we talking here? It was my first attempt at mixing my stand-up and telling my story. A lot of it started with my disability and talking about that and then being in the entertainment business and being a person with a disability. Yeah, and then I would just throw in my regular stand-up material. There were points in the show where Randy Andy would sing her songs. Then when she sang her songs,

I would sit with the audience and then come back out again. It was just very interactive and a lot of fun. That's nice. I've never heard of this Randy Andy. This is a singing performer I'm getting from you singing songs. She's a singing comedian She's actually one of the headliners in the South direct comedy festival as well. Okay, you would know her from wheels and whoopee. Oh Yeah, that's right wheels and what they are remember that show Got a hand universally panned at the festival fire call correct Well people wanted to go see you thought what. Goldberg would be there with wheels from

Degrassi. Yeah, and they got us instead. Would you do other French festivals or is that one and done for you? No, I would do them again. They're a lot of fun. They're just of my ability to entertain outside of stand-up. And yeah, I just had a really good time. The venue that we were using was really wheelchair accessible as well.

And for the listeners at home, I am in a wheelchair. So I was the wheels part. Oh yeah, that's right. We kind of buried the lead there. Oh yeah. Ryan's been on the show before, but not our technically best sounding episode. So you may not have made it to the end of that one. Welcome back, Ryan. That episode truly sounded disabled so much. Yeah.

There was one, people, there was some comments when that episode came out, people were very disappointed. It didn't sound good, but I remember one of the comments was, I'm gutted. And Graham and I were like, okay, you don't need to be a British guy who didn't get an Oasis ticket. Oh yeah, that just announced this week Oasis getting back together. Ryan, Oasis fan, do you care? Do you want to, you would go see them

if they had tickets? Where do you stand on the whole thing? I would just go to see if they started fighting with each other really. That's all I want. That's what everybody wants, I think, secretly, right? They want an onstage meltdown at the O2 arena or something like that.

But I'm more of a hip hop fan, so when Mootanglan came back last summer, I fangirled out so bad. My caregiver was laughing at me because as soon as Manta Man stepped on stage, I cried. She's like, it's like you're watching the fucking Beatles and that's the way I felt. Where was it? I've seen them in different venues in Vancouver, but this time the full group, all the surviving members were there. Obviously, old dirty bastard was in there because he's dead.

But no excuses. They didn't do a hologram. No hologram. What they did is they brought out young, young dirty bastard, which is old dirty son. and he did all the stuff Dirty bastard was a family name. So yeah Well, isn't it like doesn't easy have a son named Lil easy? Just not very creative when Yeah, and dr. Dre son is professor is Professor Drey. It's his intern.

Drey, this do you go to a lot of concerts? Are you a big seeing live music? Then again, it really depends on how I feel, because there are some groups that they sound better on an album than they do live and vice versa. So it really depends on the on who I'm going to see. Who sucked. Tell us who sucked. You can tell us where we're cool. We won't tell anybody.

Yeah, it'll just be all over the internet and I'll get trolled by their super fans. Oh, yeah, that's true. Oh, my God. Yeah. Not again. I refuse to answer that question. OK, I'll answer it for you. The frickin' Frankie Valley, that guy. Actually, have you seen the clips of Frankie Valley performing? In general, you mean?

Yeah. What was it? He was in the the Jersey Boys over their band called Frankie Valley and the I don't know, the Escapes or the, En Vogue, it was Frankie Valli and En Vogue. Are they the Four Seasons? Yeah, the Four Seasons. Four Seasons, yeah. He was fall of the four.

He's like 90 now and there's clips of him, he's still performing but he's not even lip syncing. Yeah. He's like, his voice is like you're hearing it but his mouth isn't even opening, he's not even lip-syncing. He's like, his voice is like, you're hearing it, but his mouth isn't even opening. He's just like. He's just eating a thing of applesauce. Yeah.

And his backup singers are going so hard and doing the choreography. Check it out. There was a recording of the mamas and papas on top of the pops or some shit like that. And they made them lip-sync. And so in the middle of the song like top of the pops or some shit like that. And they made them lip sync. And so in the middle of the song, one of the singers ate a sandwich just to show that they weren't actually singing it.

You know, legendary stuff. Legendary is we could talk rock and roll all day, but we all know Ryan's a hip hop guy, so I have no idea what you're talking about. You might as well be talking about treadmills and stair climbers, but all I know, you know? Yeah, what's your, what's your go-to? What's your exercise regimen? You're not going stair masters, you're not going elliptical. Lifting weights?

What are we doing? I use a lot of resistance bands, so I'm using my own body weight against me. I had a joke in the French festival that I was born three pounds, eight ounces, and I went down to one pound six ounces at one point. And I say that's the last time I lost weight. So yeah, I'm really trying to lose weight, but being in the chair, it's hard. Yeah. When you went down to one pound, six ounces, were people like, damn, this is body. Yeah. Swimsuit season.

Yeah. The I've tried the resistance thing and using my own body weight. And you know who wins my body weight? The best thing about being disabled, Graham, is I only have to worry about half my body. So we're all killing it. That's true. That's true. Yeah. I think I'm fine from the from the, you know, the neck up, right? Yeah, the worst part of resistance training is if you have a personal trainer, they just yell, resist. Yeah. Yeah. Just like Emperor Palpatine or what is he? So yeah, the you're we were just talking before we started the podcast that you were a judge

of a comedy competition, which I think is I've done it as well. And it seems very it's hard to do a jury and executioner in a comedy cover. Oh, who died? Yeah, never judge. Yeah, it's weird because how do you judge? You just go by who had the best set that night or most original or what was your what was your criteria? I think I've done it quite poorly when I've done it.

It's interesting with this competition. The first round of the competition before the semifinals, it's based on crowd vote. So a lot of newer comics bring their friends and family out and stuff like that. So those squeak through to the second round. But after that, it's based on judges opinion of five different categories, like the material, their stage presence,

the crowd reaction. I can't remember what the other two are, but it's interesting to see like comics that get through. And then they just fall apart in the second round when it's based on judges. Cause their, their friends aren't there anymore. Or if they are, their vote doesn't count as much. And also like sometimes people just have have they have that seven minutes. Yeah. Yeah. When you were when you were first, you've been doing stand up.

My guess is 19 or 20 years would be 19 years. I'll be celebrating my 26th year in August. Oh, 26. Really? Yeah, I was 19. So congratulations. That's something else. Yeah. And I'm finally getting on festivals now. So just took 26 years. You got to just stick with it. You know what I mean?

They were just waiting for JFL to go under. Yeah. But actually, I was able to finally get on the J.F.O. Comedy compilation album. The Gram was the host for in 2023. You remember the grab? Yeah, I do. And I remember the crowd being weird. Oh, it was a weird crowd.

Were you on the show where the crowd was like super kind of seemed like they're confused or given free tickets like an hour before the show or something like that. Yeah Man, what a weird because it didn't seem like they knew what stand-up comedy was they felt like that was we were springing a new Art form on them. Yeah Yeah, but I remember you doing very well if I recall correctly. Yeah I'm proud of the fact that JFL used one of my jokes to promote the album.

Oh, nice. I felt justified after all these years that I'm actually doing something right. And I shouldn't have became a lawyer like no one wanted me to. Oh, yes. Oh, man. Now I'm picturing you as a lawyer and I like it. I'm a new age Perry Mason. Yeah, exactly. Which one was in the no iron side was in the real time. But same actor is Perry Mason. So you see that they're rebooting Matlock.

Oh, finally, with Kathy Bates, gender swap, Malog. Why it's ruining my childhood? ruining my grandpa's child but why does it matter if Like I guess it's just people nostalgic for matlock like why does it matter that she's that lock cuz matlock already? Anyone who's nostalgic for matlock would be dead. Yeah, it's exactly so who's clamoring It'd be like if they brought if Golden Girls and just used old dudes. It wouldn't be the same, you know? Yeah. I wonder what old dudes would be really...

We did that on our... we did that on the show once. We rebooted it with like Al Pacino, Ted Danson, and Jerry Van Dyke for some reason. Leslie Nielsen was maybe in it? I forget. I want to know who is still getting scared too. I think it might have been Leslie Nielsen because maybe in it? Africa. I want to know who Lee is still getting scared to. I think it might have been Leslie Nielsen because they both had white hair. We were lazy in that regard. They both had white hair. Who's the golden girl with white hair?

What amazed me about that show too is Estelle Getty was younger than Bea Arthur at the time and she played her mom, which I thought was. Oh, yeah, because if you took off those glasses and wig, ba-ba-boom, you know, yeah. And you said she was younger than B. Arthur at the time, but she got older than her. Yeah. Well, she survived. B. Arthur died before her, I think, or something like that.

Yeah, I guess Estelle was the last remaining. No, Betty White. I was going to say Beetle. Oh, Betty White, that's right. And she's no longer with us and we wish her the best. She's up there in heaven, jamming with Jimmy. Jamming. What's interesting about her too is she passed away just a couple weeks before her 100th birthday. Yeah. I mean, like, if you get that far, you do want to click over to that three digit, right?

Like, you know, if you're 57 or whatever, it's like you know, you were never going to hit 100, really. My daughter is going to turn 10 this month. Yeah, double digit. And I was thinking like, oh, wow, this is the only time you turn over to a new digit for the next 90 years. Yeah. And this is probably it. I mean, 90 years, I don't think,

I don't see a lot of us being around in 90 years. Yeah, what's your apocalypse plan, Ryan Lachance? I have one that's basically, I don't need to outrun the bear, I just need to outrun one person. That's my apocalypse. As long as I can get ahead of one person, I think I'm going to be okay.

It's funny that you bring that up because one of my jokes that made the album is my opinion on all the apocalyptic scenarios that I would not survive my favorite one is the zombie apocalypse where I would just Slather myself in hot sauce and gravy go out into the streets and call myself meals on wheels nice The only one I would survive is if the machines took over that's the only one

I would say be like one of us one of us Do you do you go in for any of these zombie movies any of these because it feels like there's New zombie movies all the time. I don't know who's not sick of zombie movies, but are you do you like them? He's making new zombies. That's true. That's true They don't make them like they used to. I am not a big zombie fan, but I do enjoy like the shark nail movies because they're so ridiculous that they're fun to watch. Yeah, yeah. If you want a really fun one, there's one that takes place in

in Paris and it's sharks get in the in the Seine River. Man, it's good. It's on Netflix. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you like Sharknado, you will love this movie. I'll check it out for sure. Yeah. What's it called? Underneath or something like that beneath, maybe. I don't know. I don't I don't. I don't see titles. I only. Oh, sure. Yeah.

What did you did you celebrate your 25th year or did just come and go? And you're like, I got no time. I'm doing too much stand up. I just came and went. Yeah, I was like, oh, shit, it's today. And I was like, I was actually doing a show, but I didn't want to make it all about me because it was a show where I didn't want to make it all about me because it was a show where I was giving one of newer comics a stage time so I'm like it's about them we won't worry about me and that's the way it kind of because I just my whole

idea with stand-up now is I want to continue doing it but I also want to develop it and actually make it a place of instead of having competitive majors, just a place where people can share their talents with lots of people. So yeah, I really learned that lesson from the late Matt Billin. I'm actually wearing the Billin Foundation hat right now. Where I was going to ask what that was. Like a pair of sunglasses sideways. So it looks like that's a very big risk.

I was to make the B for building foundation. Nice. You mind if I share with your audience what the building foundation does? Of course, they have minds, but I'm OK with it. Yeah. I'll be seething over here, but you go ahead. I'm pretty sure I could take you in the fight, Graham. So we're good. I'm not denying that.

I'm not denying that. So what the Bill and Foundation does is we help people who are artists who are struggling with mental health and addiction issues. And we do shows and we raise money to to get them into rehab or get them free counseling or whatever they need to get them into rehab or get them free counseling or whatever. They need to get through it. So because unfortunately, Matt, we lost Matt due to drug related issues and depression issues, recommitted suicide and

his whole family came together and they asked me to be a part of it. There's a few other comedians that are involved and we just do shows around the country to raise money for the foundation where we can put comedians through rehab or whatever they were counseling or whatever they need. That's really, that's very noble. I like that you're a part of something that feels like a beginning of a movement, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. It all started with Soberfest a couple years ago on the island and then

we grew it from there. Soberfest. I need to know each and every detail about Soberfest. Okay. It's the opposite of Oktoberfest. I get that. I get the rhymes. And there is some November mixed in because there are people with mustaches so sure sure why not sober fest was an event put on by a gentleman on the island where he had Comedians and musical acts from Canada Come together and we did an outdoor festival and we raised money for different mental health organizations and stuff like that. There's a show in town, I don't know if it's still running, but it's a dry show, no booze on premises and

it is very different doing that to a crowd that's a hundred percent sober. Did you find it's different? Yeah, definitely. It's a lot harder to work that to a crowd that's 100% sober. Did you find it's different? Yeah, definitely. It's a lot harder to work, because they don't giggle as much and stuff like that. And it's funny that you bring that up, because when we recorded the album,

but just for laughs, they were a completely sober crowd too. So you really had to. Maybe that's why they were so weird. Yeah! There was a lady in the audience that kept snorting when she laughed and you can actually hear her snort. Well yeah, there's, oh man, like, if there's one thing worse than no laughs, it's one crazy

laugh. Yeah. Unless the whole audience can kind of unite over it. Yeah, that's right, and we can all get behind. Especially somebody who has like a loud, they're laughing at everything and they've got a loud cackle or something like that. Have you seen that clip of a French TV show where they brought like they brought on like six different people who all have weird laughs, but they didn't tell them that's why they

were coming on the show. And then they just start reacting to each other and then it's great. I have to see this. Yeah. I did a tour just recently in the Okanagan and one of the shows there was a lady there that had the most high-pitched squeaky laugh I've ever heard in my life, where she kept apologizing every time she laughed and I'm like, don't, this is hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah, you don't want to punish them for doing the one thing that we would like them to be doing. Yeah, exactly. Um, but yeah, I did a dry show. It was in like a high school gym and I was it was so not that every crowd that I played to is getting drunk or anything, but just the fact that you couldn't. There was no no alcohol in presence.

You couldn't even just have a beer or whatever. Yeah, I found them more reserved. Almost definitely. A lot of the corporates I do don't have alcohol because it will be for disability organizations and a lot of people with disabilities, alcohol affects their negative side effects of their disability. So they're just stone sober the whole time. And it's also interesting doing those shows because

I spent my whole career normalizing my disability for able-bodied audiences. So doing a show where it's all disabled people in the crowd. And I bring up the stories and the jokes that I normally tell to enable body onset. They just look at me and they're like, yeah, we get it, we do that too. Like, that's the funny part, you know? You know? You know?

You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know?

You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? You know? you know, affects the negative side effects to people with disabilities. Because if you don't have disabilities, alcohol gives you superpowers. Yeah. You become more charming, drive, drive so much better.

You is like corporates for anybody that doesn't know is like an unfun version of stand up where you're you get paid well but it's a Jen unless maybe it's good for you. Do you have you have a good time doing them? I never have. No, I do. Do you usually get like a wrap like a chicken wrap or anything? Yeah, if there's a dinner they say you could have it but I'm like I'm not sitting down

with these people. Do you have like a particular corporate story that's like. Oh, okay, I got one. Okay. I did this every December 4th or the 6th. I can't remember is International Disability Day or Disability Awareness Day. National Disability Day or Disability Awareness Day. So there's this organization in Vancouver that they rent out the um, Yellow Town Roundhouse. Oh yeah.

Either or whatever it is there. And, um, they have a whole bunch of disability performers come on the show. Like there's musicians, there's spoken word. And then the last couple couple years I've done stand-up and they told me before show that you have to be clean so I was like okay I can do that so I did it and then my show went over really well so they came back to me and they're like we're having our our company Christmas party can you come back and perform for the company Christmas party?

And I was like, sure, no problem. And then they're like, oh, the difference is you can be as dirty as you want for this. I was like, okay. I went in there and I just did my like regular call back. Then I have to worry about being clean. And they had the president vice president and all the important people right up front and then everybody else sat behind them and, uh, every week, all the big wigs just, they did not crack. Like there's nothing I could have done to make them laugh

and it felt like I had done because they hired me for 45 minutes it felt like I had done 20 minutes and I'm like it's okay Ryan you're a pro you can get through the rest of this and I looked down to see how much time I did it was three minutes I did three minutes and I'm like I still have 42 minutes left. It was so hard. It's like, I think the first time I did it was the same thing. Like I thought, OK, just got to get, you know, I was opening for some of this. Like I just need to get to like 15 minutes and then then the pro corporate guy will take over. And it was the same thing.

I burned through the material so fast and I was new, so I didn't know how to do crowd work at all. So I was like, hey, who are you? And they're like, yeah, exactly. I'm the president, like, huh? Not the president of the United States. And they're like, oh, it stinks. You're bad.

Do you do do you do any keynote speaking or is all stand up? I do some of that with a lot of disability organizations, but I always blend stand up into it because that's my comfort zone and my safety point to make people laugh. Yeah, and I was thinking like on the keynote circuit, you must destroy. Oh, that's so cool. Yeah, and I was thinking like on the keynote circuit you must destroy That's so cool. You're doing you're making some money anyways with these kind of games I run my own show in white rock to that's going to be part of the festival. What's that show? It's the there's a show on the 19th on the Thursday. It's a we get competition where

Again another competition. Thank God. I don't have to be a judge Where if The top two people that finish in the voting get another spot in the festival and I think one of them is Opening up for you on the night that you're on Graham at the theater in White Rock. Only if they win. Otherwise, I don't want some loser opening for me. No, no, no.

Do you have a spot that you're regularly getting up or doing shows? Yeah, I started running my own show in White Rock. We do it every third Thursday at the Galaxy Public House here in White Rock. And it's fun. And we don't. It's usually only three or four comics on the show because I like to give people more time. Totally. And having 19 people on a show or something like that.

Yeah. Do you do any of those anymore? The like show up, go up shows? So if it's a friend of mine that I've known for a long time I'll go do it but most of the time I just try and get paid to do this now because I work so far away from the city that it just doesn't make sense for me to go and do like an open mic or whatever you know. Do seven minutes? Yeah. See, I've known you since when I did a weekly show years and years ago on Commercial Drive and you were a regular.

You would come down... Every Wednesday. Every Wednesday. Yeah, you were there and you killed. I remember every time you went on stage I didn't want to go up and tell jokes after because, oh, did they love Ryan Lachance, oh didn't they adore him. The other funny thing about that was you'd always put me in the front row for the show because when I laughed my whole body shook and then that would make other people around

me laugh. So even if the Connor was doing terrible it didn't matter because he just watched me. So yeah. Do you remember there was a night that your, one of your aides came and did a set and it was like, Oh yeah. You wore like a mask and you had like a fart machine with them. And didn't he do like racist material or something like that? Yeah, and I remember being like okay, okay, we're done we're done with this comedy experiment

later and he didn't work for me anymore because I can't be associated with this anymore. Yeah, it's a oh man is it always dicey when somebody you know goes and does stand up you're like oh boy is it ever. Yeah. That's why I like I remember I when I did stand up I never invited anyone I knew because I didn't want them I don't want the pity laughs and I didn't want to fail in front of them. Yeah, exactly. That makes sense. Yeah. Do you remember the first gig that you did where you're like a family or a friend was in the audience or were you inviting people from the offset?

I, for a lot of it when I started, I didn't want my mom or sister there because I wanted my stories about my disability and growing up. I didn't know how they would go over with them. So for the longest time, my mom and sister didn't come. And then one day she was in, my sister was in the city with a bunch of her girlfriends and they convinced her to go to comedy show and I happened to be on that show but she didn't know and that was the first time that my sister saw me do stand up and there was a point during my act I remember perfectly clear where we made eye contact and I was like I have to cut my time short I I'm just getting in it and really talking about the family and

getting in shit. So yeah. Oh yeah. Let me tell you about my sister. She's great. Another really funny story about my sister is, uh, do you guys remember the comedy mix when it was in Vancouver? Right?

Yeah. Oh yeah. the U.S. government the colony makes the most in Vancouver right now yeah I so my sister company that you work for the Christmas party the company makes them some show and Jay Harris I was hosting is another Vancouver is even do you stand up anymore I don't know I've run into I don't think so, but I could be I'm not out as much as But he even Kept saying he was hosting and he kept saying there's a really cute one

Oh, but every male comedian would go out there for weather and then I was headlining and I realized that they were flirting with my sister that they were flirting with my sister the whole time is a good experience for me. Did you ever go, were you in school at the same time as your sister? Were you ever in like, you know, for a year my brother and I were in the same school. Yeah. Which was she popular? Was she? Yeah, she was. And how about you? Were you were you popular? People like what you were bringing the table? And no.

I cannot tell a lie, Graham and Dave. I was not popular, though. I like the word things about man a little too much, you know? Yeah, red flags. Yeah, red flags for sure. Do you still keep up? Are you still a sci-fi comic book nerd kind of guy? Yeah, yeah, definitely.

What's the worst, like, comic book adaptation that they've done so far? Shazam. Oh, really? It's terrible. Why? Why? What's so good about the comic Shazam? Because I saw Shazam and I was like, I guess that's good. I haven't seen very good movie. Very many good movies.

You know, I've seen The Green Lantern. That was great. I saw Waterworld. That was good. I'm a big I'm a big Madame Webb fan. I've been standing around and web for a while. Yeah. You're going to be man with the musical next to the way you might turn off the web. Um, well, who's OK, top three?

No. Uh, fuck, Mary. Kill your top three. No, uh, fuck, Mary kill your top three superheroes Oh, you got absolutely True yeah, that's true. I'll bring you along you get to ride in the Batmobile Yeah, yeah, that's a good pick. So you're gonna marry Batman. Do you think anyone would do fuck, marry, kill with Batman? I'd marry Batman. I'd fuck Bruce Wayne. Like someone who doesn't know they're different people.

And then kill Alfred. That's what I would do. Yeah. Because he's the old man who deserves to finally die. Yeah. Let's let him go. He's had his run. So you'd you'd marry that man. Continue. You don't have to stay in D.C.

You can go Marvel. You can do image, whatever you want to do. You can do image. I'd fucks Bob. I'd fuck Aquaman, but it'd have to be Jason Momoa because I just want to rub beards together, that's all. That's it, yeah, okay.

And who would I kill? Oh, um. I'd kill that dastardly Thanos. Yeah. Yeah. Or I would kill, um, Colin Farrell's version of Deadshot. Or, yeah, I's version of Deadshot Yeah, yeah, I think

Yeah, the yeah, he's a Yeah, the what was the movie with Ben Affleck daredevil daredevil the The thing about Thanos when they when that out, people were like, ooh, Thanos, he had a real sad. Thanos is a saddie? Yeah, he was a saddie, I think so. But inside he was a saddie. He was a saddie, that's right. You don't know Thanos like I do.

He can be so sweet. Well, he's got his up killing of a big push to the world, I think. Abby was saying that Scarlett Johansson is gonna be in the next Jurassic Park movie. There's gonna be another Jurassic Park movie? Why, I don't know. Everything, there's gonna be more of everything.

Yeah, that's true. And Abby was like, I can't believe Scarlett Johansson is gonna be in this that's true. And Abby was like, I can't believe Scarlett Johansson's gonna be in the Jurassic Park movie. And I was like, why? Well, she's like a prestigious actress. Yeah, but she's in all the Avengers. That's true, yeah. I feel like the only people who have stayed outside

of the comic book thing are like Brad Pitt, Leonardo Caprio, maybe has Robert De Niro been in one I don't think so no he was in Joker so never mind he was in Joker yeah oh spoiler do you like Joker the Joker. I mean, I related to some of his like wanting to be funny and doing stand up. I'm like, I get the pain of trying to like introduce your sense of humor to random strangers. And you know, so I understood that part. Yeah. It was about 45 minutes too long. I don't know why I drug out so long, but it was decent. The the new ones are coming.

Is it no one coming out this year with Lady Gaga? Yeah. Yeah. That I'll see. I heard it's supposed to be like a musical or some shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. I need to see it for that reason and that reason alone. Such a big musical fan. Always have been. Always. Always have been. Always have been.

Like, I'm trying to think of what the... Who else is somebody who's too prestigious? Is it like Meryl Streep? She hasn't been in one, has she? No, but it was like Helen Mirren was in one, I think. Yeah. Helen Mirren was also in one of the past, or the past and future. That's maybe what I'm thinking of. Yeah. And wasn't she... No, it's not Helen Mirren was also in one of the best, or the best in period movies. That's maybe what I'm thinking of.

Yeah. And wasn't she, no, it's not Helen Mirren. Who's in James Bond? Judi Dench? Judi Dench, named Judi Dench. Oh, you know what? Helen Mirren was in Shazam, your favorite movie. I only got to 10 minutes of it, Dave, so I don't know.

I don't know, I don't think Judi Dench has, but or as Daniel Craig even. No, I don't think Daniel Craig has. Ryan Gosling hasn't. No, the smallest, the small, but the proud list. You know, everybody else the other day was like, Oh, Bradley Cooper. No, he was in Guardians of the Galaxy. I don't know. I don't know. Look, would I have their acting ability and looks? Would I need to do a superhero movie? Probably not. But that's me as an outsider saying that. You know what I mean?

There's too much money in it though. It makes sense why they do it. You know? Yeah. But I always wonder about that. Like, is it... Like you've probably got a lot of money anyways maybe you don't need to do you know she's am three okay were you blown away that there was a she's am two yes just go away and die John Ham come on John Ham was it. Yeah, I think the first one. Mm hmm. Can't confirm or deny, but

and I've seen it. I don't remember who's in it. I just remember being terrible. That's all I know. Have you ever like at the theater, have you ever left in the middle of a movie? No. OK. Good. I'm I'm too much like my father and I'm like, I paid money for this. I'm sitting through this piece of garbage.

You know, I deserve this abuse. Aquaman 2, for example, I sat through my whole fucking movie and so bad. At a certain point, it's on you. It's like, oh, what if Aquaman 2 is good? Yeah. Honestly, the comic book man and me wanted I basically told myself it's going to get better and it's going to get better. Mm hmm.

Didn't get better, though. Graham, have you ever walked out? Yeah, I walked out. I was theater hopping. So in my teenage years, years was going to different shows and I walked out of Jerry Maguire. I hated it so much. Oh really? Yeah, I was like I gotta get out of here this movie stinks Everybody in it stinks. Did you ever finish that movie? Um, I'm in bits and bobs

I never like in the back of your mind is the movie saying to you, you complete me. You comma, completely. Oh, that's good. Also, you did you were theater hopping so you didn't pay. I didn't pay. So so there was the movies kind of telling you to show with the money. you to show it the money? So because you didn't get to the end of the movie, you don't know that the human head weighs eight pounds? Yeah. David, have you ever left in the middle of a film? No. That one movie I hated so much was Sucker Punch.

I think it's based on a comic book and it's a Zack Snyder. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But the punch that one because the graphic novels are really good. And then they just went and pooped on it like Hollywood does. So yeah. What's the best Batman? If you if you're Batman Zan? The Dark Knight is my favorite. Just why? Because it's just the well do you

like the new the one with Robert Pattinson? I think it's very silly. It is very silly but but the one thing I like about that one is they make him more learning his Batman abilities and learning how to be detective in that one. It's more of a mystery movie than an action movie. Yeah, yeah. He was he was only Batman for a couple of minutes. Yeah. The one thing that bothered me was the end of the movie and that like 15 minute motorcycle ride that they do with you.

And I'm like, OK, we get it. He's on an open road and on the Bat Bike. Good for you, Robert Pederson. Yeah. Yeah, there's a scene in The Batman where he's like at the crime scene. And all the cops are still there dusting for prints and stuff. And he walks in

like he's just, oh, like Batman's here, okay, everybody. Batman gets his chance. Hey, I have a question about Batman. And maybe this seems like it's either been covered to death or it's like a standup comedian's bread and butter. But so they got the bat signal. Yeah. So then that's how they summon Batman. But that can't work in the daytime. So why don't the criminals

just do crime in the daytime? That is a good question. Discuss. Yeah, because I mean, he's definitely not as scary when you could see you could see him in full walking around and and also he'd be hot because of that outfit. So black, you know, you wouldn't want to do that during the summer, you know? You know, the sun goes stays up so long in the summer. Like what are criminals waiting for the sun to go down before they I don't know, break, you know, explode Arco Masylum. I don't know what criminals want. I want to see the bad shorts and bad tank top that he was wearing. Yeah, he's got cut off Batman shorts like they're still Batman material, but just the He's got cut off Batman shorts like they're still Batman material, but just the his mascara is running down underneath his mask.

And like, you know, who's are all the criminals doing crimes at night as well? Surely there's some planning and whatnot going on during the day between the Riddler and the Penguin. Well, in the dark night, it's that big bank robbery is broad daylight. It's in the day between the Riddler and the Penguin. Well, in the dark night, it's that big bank robbery is broad daylight. It's in the day. Yeah. Yeah. That's that scene. So epic. Oh, so epic.

It was a good way to start a movie. I was like, yeah, it was. But like, in your opinion, is the Penguin just a guy that looks like a penguin or is he like a guy who's like kind of is actually a penguin? What's your what's your read on it? Danny DeVito would eat fish in the Batman like in the original Batman movie he was eating fish.

Yeah. So he was he was actually kind of a penguin. Which do you like better? But like of a penult wheat fish is she a Batman is she a penguin? Yeah, yeah, she's good she's gooper man Is there one on the horizon that you're like, Oh man, I just gotta get I gotta get there. Honestly, I haven't had cable for so long. I don't see movie trailers anymore that I'm just like, if I hear about it, and I want to go, I'll go, you know. Yeah, fair enough. I've just been really

focused on stand up and just trying to make people laugh these days. So I guess that's more noble than going to a superhero movie. David disagrees. Yeah, I will stay away from Aquaman 2. That's my that's what I'm getting from this whole conversation. Stay on the please watch it and just feel my pain while you're watching it. Then pull it up and Shazam will be seen.

Let's do the trifecta and you'll just feel great about yourself. Yeah, so like Shazam, for people who don't know, is a kid that turns into a superhero guy? Yeah. But he still acts like a kid? Or does he turn into a different guy? He still acts like a kid or does he turn into a different guy? He still acts like a kid. He's just a kid and it's like a big movie big was a super No, that's actually my favorite superhero movie. That's one that Tom Hanks was in so that's oh, yeah I guess he's on the list of guys who haven't done it, but I feel like So that's oh, yeah, I guess he's on the list of guys who haven't done it.

But I feel like maybe as he gets older, maybe he does do like a small role because like Robin Redford would did a role in one of the movies. And it's like in a way, Sully is a superhero. He can fly. You can learn on water. Yeah, you can fly. You can land. Nobody really knows what a secret identity is. Oh, man, having a secret identity. I mean, it's not easy for some of us, you know, because people are like,

Oh, I didn't know that he wasn't like you would unveil, like it's me. And everybody would be like, I don't. You could have had the mask off the whole time. We don't we don't know who you know. Yeah, you're not famous. Well, my family likes the joke that I can secretly walk when nobody's watching. I'm good at wheels and stuff. So, yeah, Dave, can you do a cartwheel?

I can do a cartwheel. Something I learned late in life. Not later in life, late in life. I'm on my way out. Shit. I have. I want my way out. I have I did just Yeah, the last couple years. I started being able to do cartwheels Couldn't figure it out as a kid. Yeah me neither always the legs would tuck in it was for girls Yeah, I can't and I don't not like I don't know if I ever will I hope there's always hope but

Yeah, I think the older you get, the more likely the more spry you become. Yeah. There's so many able-bodied things that I don't understand. Able-bodied people do like speed walking, for example. What the fuck is that? I don't know what that is. Yeah, I don't know why that's a thing. Is it's it's still a sport in the Olympics, right?

Speedwalking? I think we took it out of the Olympics. I might still be. Huh? Well, we'll never know. It's impossible to know. I think it was now called race walking. So it is. They're still walking. Yeah. Yeah. It is called race walking, and it was in Paris.

I was. Oh, yeah. I was watching the Paralympics yesterday, and the breakdancing is amazing. It's yeah, it was better than the Olympics one. Just the two things I saw, I was like, holy shit, they can move so much faster. And, you know, there was a guy on crutches and he could flip around. It was, he might've done a cartwheel at some point.

I didn't stay and watch the whole thing, but. And the able-bodied break dancers at the Olympics, famously good. The one that got all the attention, great. Yeah. Did you see the girl from Australia Australia that's who I'm talking about kangaroo hop was my favorite yeah they may have single-handedly taken down the sport from the Olympics well it was only it wasn't going to be in the 2028 Olympics already it was like already

decided before the Olympics started for some reason. But if it was so good, maybe they would have been like, nah, we'll put it back in. But yeah, man, Australia is showing for the breakdancing must have been very poor that she was able to be. I think people it's been people have done a deep dive on it. And there's so much like it brought so much attention to how exactly was she chosen and was she the best dancer and I think it's there's a lot of people contesting that she probably shouldn't have been at the Olympics. And poor Ray Gunn.

Yeah poor Ray Gunn. Is her name? I don't even know. Well that was her dancing name. Yeah I think her full name was Rachel Gunn. Forward all fan mail to Ray Gunn. the Right. And I already told you that my highlight of the summer was going to the water slides. It's tough. It's tough to beat. But yesterday we did the non water slides.

We went to the fair. We went to the peony. Oh, shit. Ryan, have you been to the peony? Not this year. I want to general. Yeah, I really like the Superdog show. It's... Oh yeah. Yeah, it's really good. We didn't get to the Superdogs.

The fair kind of sucked this year. It was just like, it was so crowded. Oh yeah. And my kids don't want to do, like my kids didn't care about Superdogs anymore. Anymore. They'll come back dogs anymore. Uh, anymore. They'll come back to it. Yeah, they'll come back around.

But they like, they really only like rides and food now. And so I'm just like, well, maybe we just go to the Playland when the fair's not on and it's less crowded. Because the lines were so long and there were like, they make a little like fence that you keep you in line and the lines were going way past the fences. So like you were just like the end of the line, we would just be walking up to people,

are you the end of the line? No, are you the end of the line? No, and just have to keep walking to the end of the line. And there were so many people cutting in line. Oh shit, really? And it was like, so I was in line for the, this, uh, just a little kid, um, ride. And, uh, I saw the people at the front of the line, a guy waved, and then another guy brought over two more kids and just put them at the front of the line.

Oh, Jesus. Did people, did people like boo him, like kind of get in his face and speak up? I, I'll tell you, because I have a story and it does not make me look good. Yes, I am very excited for this. So this is just one ride. that happens no one really notices or puts up a fight then later we're in line and there's a guy behind me in line and there's a woman working there who's got like this sort of measuring pole to measure to make sure kids are big enough to go on the ride right and as she's going through the line she sees the guy behind me and she says oh you don't have

a wristband you you can't go on the ride without a wristband. And the guy says, Oh, I'm just holding the line for my kids. And she says, You can't do that. There's no line holding. And he just, he plays dumb. And he's like, Oh, well, they'll be right here. And then the five minutes later, the kids show up and the woman's like, you can't be here. But she has no authority. She just is is like what you're doing isn't allowed yeah i feel like oh man when i've had that happen to me in any lineup i start losing my mind and so then on that same ride in the same little lines like half an hour for this ride right and then we're getting towards the front and i'm like

counting okay 16 people could go on the ride so So we're not gonna go in this batch, but we'll be in the next batch of people. And then there's some people at the front of the line again, and a woman waves over and her husband comes over and a little kid comes over and they both get at the front of the line, climb over the fence. What were they off doing

that they couldn't stand in the line? I don't know. And then they get told, you're not allowed to do that. And the guys just gives kind of like a, what are you going to do about it? Exactly. So you're going to push me in front of the roller coaster. Come on. What's your next course of action?

What are you going to time me to the tracks? And so, uh, we do that ride with, then we go eat some food, come back, go do this other ride. And I recognize some of the same people cutting in line in this other ride. It happens like three more times in line in this other ride. We're in line for 40 minutes, and then we see these other kids coming up behind us.

You were in line for 40 minutes? Yeah. Jesus. And these kids come up behind us, and I hear them say, excuse me, and I say, where are you going? And they're like my kids age. They're like seven and nine. And they said, oh, my mom's at the front.

And Abby goes, no cutting nice and so they're just stuck behind us and the woman at the front of the line is their mother is at the front of the line and she's like waving at them and like come on come on forward and I'm just shaking my head at her yeah and I'm like she's too far away for me to talk to you, but I'm like you come back to your chair. Oh shit. Okay Throwing down the gauntlet. Okay, you you want to talk about it? You come over here. Yeah I'm that cotton candy ass over and I was like And I like whisper to Abby because like we're now we're standing there and these kids are behind us and we're just like, kind of have a little adrenaline rush

because we're gonna maybe have this confrontation with this mother. And I whispered to Abby, I kind of thought people would cheer for us. Well, good for you, Dave. Good for you standing in your ground. Yeah. Well, so that we're we said, but it's kind of awkward because like, there's still like five, we're we're still in line for like five more minutes.

They're like, that's the guy that yelled at a kid. Hey, there he is, everybody. No one yelled. Yeah, there's the guy who slapped that kid, everybody. There's the guy. He's the one. I also said to Abby, I was like, if these kids try to to get ahead of us like if they physically move in front of us let them Yeah, yeah, yeah exactly. It's like all we've done. It said they can't pass us, but if they try they can pass us I'll let you borrow my wheelchair and you can just put one of your kids in the wheelchair exactly

And just roll them right up to the front because no one's gonna talk shit about a kid in a wheelchair. And so like I'm feeling super awkward because what I'm doing is right. Like I feel like justified, but I also feel like I'm not being very nice. No, yeah. But I mean, it's hot. You're standing in line. People are cutting.

You've already finished your mini donuts, your... This line is full of kids who are all waiting patiently. Why does every other kid have to wait 45 minutes, but your kids don't? Because anyway, so we get to the front of the line, the woman never makes eye contact with me. Wait a minute, what is this ride? I didn't even ask, what's the ride you're waiting for?

I don't know, it's like, it's got kind of like a old timey like It's it's a roller coaster, but it's a really small one. That's like the theme is like Pesticide you know when you're mining for gold and there's like You're in a gold mine and there you're on a like trolley thing. Oh, yeah, the mine trolley. Yeah. Yeah that thing Kind of if Harry Potter. Kind of, if Harry Potter was mining for gold. Ah. That'd be awesome.

Harry Prospector. Is Harry Potter Universal Studios? I think so. Have either of you been to Universal? No, Dave, you've been to Disney. I've been to Disney. Ryan, Universal Studios? Yeah, you've been to Disney. I've been to Disney. Ryan, Universal Studios? Yeah, I've been to both.

What I'm really excited about though is there's a Texas oil truck tycoon who had a daughter that's disabled. And he took his whole family to Disney World and she couldn't ride one of the rides. So he took his own money and built a all accessible theme park with an all accessible water park in San Antonio Texas. Holy shit. It's called Morgan's Wonderland and every ride is accessible every water slide is

accessible like everything in the whole park is like disabled friendly. And if you have a disability, it's free for you and everybody else, it's only $35 because he wanted to make it economical for families with children with disabilities or, or partners that have disabilities and they want to bring their friends and family. So I'm actually making a trip next year to San Antonio to go and do that because I've been a huge roller coaster fan my entire life. And when I was a kid, it was easy for my dad

to just pick me up and put me in the roller coaster. But as an adult, that's impossible. So my job is that person to wait in line wherever I hold places in line for my friends. Oh, sure. No one's gonna yell at the guy in the wheelchair, right? You think that, but when you're at an all accessible, they're gonna yell at you like nobody's business.

No special line for you. Yeah, no special line for sure. I'm really excited to finally live that dream and let my internal kid get to be in an amusement park that I can go on everything and I don't have to watch other people. You know if they have a haunted house because I feel like that really ups the level of an amusement part. I'm not sure. I've only seen a couple YouTube videos on it before, but I'm sure Andy, he modeled it

after Disney World. Now, it's free for you to get in, but what they don't tell you, mini donuts, $500. Yeah, exactly. You got to pay for it somehow, right? Anyway, so eventually we made it to the front of the line. We rode the ride. Those people, the kids behind us, rode on the same ride as us. Oh, shit! They only had to wait five minutes. The rest of us had to wait 45 minutes.

Oh! Uh, but I still felt like a monster. Uh, and then, um, oh yeah, and then afterwards we got off the ride and as we were leaving, I guess the kid's dad had been watching the whole thing from outside. Oh, shit. Was he rolling up his sleeves like, when that guy gets there? No, but he could tell he was practicing

what he was going to say to us. No, it's funny. And he said, I hope you're happy. You made a kid cry. Oh, no, Dave. And I was like, I make my own kids cry. I'm gonna cry all the time. It's fine.

Kids cry. It's part is just part of being a kid. But it did have that feeling of like if you shush someone at a movie theater and you're like, oh, I shouldn't have done that. Now I'm worried that like, it ruins the movie for you. The rest of my day was ruined. Like the rest of my time at the PNE was like, watching out, looking out for these people. Did you issue an unofficial apology and say, now I'm going to stand back and just listen

to the kids. And, uh, no, I, I said, why do your kids, why do my kids have to wait in line for 45 minutes and yours dumb? And what would they say? Because he said they had to go to the bathroom and I said, we all have to go to the bathroom. That's where a person with a disability, because I have a catheter on right now. Oh man, this guy gets it.

I know it was, I felt a little bit like a heel, but it was just kind of like, well, what if I, what if I stand up for myself? Oh no, it's bad. Well Dave, next year you can, I'll go with you and your kids and I'll wait in line for you so you don't have to do it. Well, I don't think you have to wait in line. You got a special line at the amusement park. Well, that's why you should bring me.

That's why I'm trying to get you, Brian. I'll bring you. All right. Did you have any crazy fair food? No, we had a potato tornado. Those are fun. Yeah, they're not. Oh, I was like, also the lines for the food were so long as well.

Did kids skip in bubbing, but in front? We want ribs now we have to pee. So there was I the thing that had the shortest line was the shawarma. Okay. Classic outside of fair food, but good quality fair food on its own. A great food.

And I ordered it. And normally when you order it, even from a truck, they'll ask you like, do you want this? Do you want pickles? Do you want hot sauce? Do you want whatever? And they didn't have any questions. And so they just gave it to me and I was like, okay, I'll add my own hot sauce and there was a big

Tube of hot sauce outside like a red Squeeze bottle and I put it all over and it was ketchup. Yeah So it felt like a real like oh I like this international food, let me put ketchup on Oh, I like this international food. Let me put ketchup on it. Yeah. Yeah. I think I've done the exact opposite where I thought it was ketchup I was getting and then it was hot sauce on the hot dog.

And I like hot dog, but not that hot. You know what I mean? You can't handle, I cannot handle spice at all. If it's a little bit spicy, I can't do it. I sweat too much. You can do spicy. Dave can do spicy. I can do spicy. I know Ryan can do spicy. Oh yeah, I do spicy a lot. And then my caregivers have to deal with the repercussions. What's your go-to spicy food wise? What's the top? I'm a huge Mexican food fan. That's my favorite probably.

That's the best. Both my caregivers love to cook so I eat really well. A lot of comics that come off the road or from out of town and they stay with me. And we'll always be like, it's like living in a fancy hotel because we have turned down service and we get really good food. I remember once I'm being in a hotel and walking into my room and like the lights were on and there was like music playing. I didn't leave it like that. So then I was like, I thought somebody was in the room. So I very carefully walked in and like,

okay, if somebody is in the corner, I'm going to jump on them. I've never had heard of turndown service before. It blew my mind that that was even an option of something you could get. I have a really funny hotel story that just happened. A few weeks ago, I was on the road and I was in Kamloops and I was with two other comics and the one comic used me as an excuse to get a late check out with the hotel.

They were going, my buddy's in a wheelchair. It takes a long time to do things. We need a few extra hours. But what they wanted was to use the hot tub before we left. But they didn't tell me that they called for a late check out. So my caregiver and I were waiting in the lobby for an hour and a half. They're coming out in towels and I'm like,

what the hell's going on? They're like, you can use me as an excuse. I'm like, do you realize that you can just ask for a way to check out? You don't have to use me as an excuse. You were just offering me to use you as an excuse to get to the front of the line. I know it's different when I volunteer at day.

Now you guys heard about, speaking of turndown service, you know, you heard what happened when little John speaking of turndown service, you know, you heard of what happened when little John was offered turndown service. What he said, turndown service, what's that for? Me me me me me. Graham, what's up with you? Well, I this this really wasn't happening to me so much as past guest Alicia Tobin and my wife, Sally, they decide to join forces and hold a garage sale. They're going to hold a grudge against me. They were like, let's pick something off the chart. What are

the things he's done this year that we really can't get over? It's been a real shame. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And luckily they came up bankrupt. So I was like, ah, but this is the first time I've ever been involved in like, like a garage sale. I've donated things to like a church yard sale or whatever.

But this is my first time actually like being on the other side. Oh, wow. So this is like, and you're a big fan of garage sale. Love them. I love them. This is like, because you, you know, you were a big stand up fan before you became a stand up and this is like, you took all of your inspirations and your sensibilities and you put it towards being a garage seller.

And I don't want my family to come until I really know. Yes, exactly. You want to earn those sales. Yeah. So, there was a lot of- No, but now Graham, before, did you really like, sort of what I was describing, did you think of like garage sales that you've been to in the past? What works, what doesn't work, how you want it to run?

Well, one thing that was stark was there was a promise of cold drinks on the poster and there were no cold drinks on premises. So Well, I've never seen this promise happen before if kids are involved in the garage sale they usually you can buy a lemonade off them or like You know some kind of five alive some kind of pop that you've never heard of or haven't heard of for years sure but this the thing about myself, so I helped set up and, you know, quarter to ten. How many sellers, how many joint households? There was three in the yard around

the back and then I think there was another two in the front yard yard in front of the apartment building. So a big, a big sale like this was this was going to be, you know, the best one on the street all year, I think. And it was it was a success. Not to not to spoil it, but it was a success. I was good. I was going to ask, was it a success? It was on the edge of my seat. Yeah. But yeah, I helped set up and this is the thing.

Now I'd be on the other side of it. Early birds, you know, people are showing up a little 10 to 10, you know, sniffing around looking for deals. And that's why people say no early people. Yeah, no looky-loos. No looky-loos, no early people. Yeah. No, lucky lose. No, lucky lose.

No, nobody coming in right off the top, trying to get a bargain, you know, talk people down, um, but, uh, yeah, this, I didn't contribute a lot to the, to the sale or to the podcast, really. He's been waiting all day. I got your ass. But yeah, the thing when I was unpacking it is like the classic sitcom thing where I was like, well, we're not gonna read this. You price it for $200 so nobody buys it,

but I'll just take it home. So there was a couple of those things that had- Like what? One was a collapsible lunch container that has two different pockets and then a lid, and it folds down thin when you're done with it. And I was like, you know what? Maybe someday I'll get a job

and I'll wanna bring lunch with me to the job. You don't want that lunch to be able to collapse. So I took one of those and then I also, I didn't know that this was part of the deal. I didn't know they were in the house. A pair of boxing gloves. Am I ever going to box? Doubtful, doubtful. But I want the option to be there. Did you buy them? No. Oh, they were in the house because Sally had them?

Yeah. Yeah. Did Sally box at any point? Not professionally, but she worked the amateur circuit for a while. Oh, OK. Sure. Boxcar Sally?

Boxcar Sally, that's what she was known as. Deadly uppercut. Deadly, deadly uppercut. Can you name any other punches? Front left wing. Oh, you know, haymaker haymakers one sandwich. That's a punch. We're talking about able-bodied things, and I don't understand these.

Oh, Ryan, I could make you a knuckle sandwich. Yeah, I'd like to try that one day. Yeah, Ryan, have you ever been in a fight? I don't think to even ask this question. Have you ever been in a scuffle, a skirmish? Back when the Elko Calva was still around, I started to fight and then wheeled out of the way. I think someone had to finish it for me.

So you were saving Dylan's spot in line for the fight. Oh, here he is. Okay. Tonight is the night we're doing it. I love it. Yeah, you were actually involved. That's yeah, I was looking up after I was like, okay, well, maybe I'll go maybe I'll try a boxing class.

And I got intimidated by even the websites because the pictures of people like look like they really knew what they were doing. They don't show the before. No, that's true. Where you're just like on the Simpsons square, he punches a butterfly and then the butterfly flies away. I feel like the boxing gloves themselves look so heavy. It looks heavy and there's people there that know what they're doing and that's the worst

thing about getting in shape is being around people who are already like, they get it and they're, they're, you know, keeping count of sets and how many punches and all this stuff. I remember years ago I went on a tour of a boxing gym. I was like, so are there classes for people who suck at this? He's like, no, you just show up and everybody's working at their own level. I was like, no, that's not. Should I just buy a heavy bag and just do it?

Just asking your landlord now, what do where's the stud in the ceiling? Yeah, so I so I'm I've got some boxing gloves now so you you did you oh Absolutely and the collapsible lunch and the collapsible lunch. I mean, you know what you put in a class of a lunch and knuckle sandwich. That's right. And then send it over to one. Mr. Lachance, Kara, Dave Schumke. He's asking for it.

It'll be collapsible when I'm done with them. Yeah. And what else is in here? Oh shit. I can't a whoop ass. What was the big thing? That like, what was the marquee item? The marquee item.

Uh, it's a great question. What was the marquee item? It was a lot of thing. Like, was it advertised on Craigslist? Yep. Craigslist, uh, put up a few posters in the neighborhood. Did the, was there on the website on the Craigslist posting, did it say like, we've got a love seat?

Oh yeah, oh no, there was nothing big like that because it was all just kind of stuff, stuff. It wasn't like- We got dumb shit. Yeah, we got dumb shit, come take it. We got things I couldn't give away at my comedy show. Did you finally sell your collection of Beanie Babies? No, no, I will never. They're gonna, I'm gonna will them

to whomever. I'll, you know what? I'll put you in my will. I've been looking for a reason to put you in there. Thanks, Graham. I, we would, we drove through McDonald's on our travels last week and I saw that they have now collectible glasses, and I was like, oh shit, I love collectible McDonald's glasses. Yeah. They have eight different options. They only had two available that day,

so I got the Beanie Baby. It was like a celebration of things McDonald's has given away in the past. Nice. Muppet babies with Muppet babies on there? the Grimace. From the Grey Grimace giveaway. It was like a Grimace, what is it? It's like a Grimace cross promoted with some toy I'd never heard of. Grimace and he was with Grumice. The famous toy Grumice.

It was looked like something that was like Lego, but not Lego, like Nano blocks or something. Yes. And then there was a Snoopy and then I think there's another one I want. I forget what it is though. Yeah I'm really surprised them up at Bay or the Fraggle Rock. Remember the Fraggle Rock ones those ones kicked ass Yeah, I gotta I look hey, I gotta pull these up and they'll these will be great at a garage sale

There's the Barbie and Hot Wheels ones nice. There's my Snoopy and Hello Kitty. I think that's the one I want Nice. There's Snoopy and Hello Kitty. I think that's the one I want. Hello Kitty. The Beanie Babies and the Nano Block. Nano Block. Do you remember, this was when I was really young, but there was a giveaway in Happy Meals that was a robot, like a transformer, that could turn into a hamburger or turn into fries.

I'm not just imagining this. This is a real thing, right? Ryan, back me up. I remember that as well. Yeah. Were you- What did they turn into? Other than were they a robot and a burger? The robot was, it was the burger.

He didn't turn into a robot that also had a burger. But what did the burger turn into then? If it's a transformer. Into a robot. Okay, it was a robot that also what did it burger? But what did the burger turn into then? If it's a transformer into a robot. Okay. It was a robot. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

The burger turned into a robot fries, maybe a milkshake. Um, yeah, I guess. McDonald's is the king of a giveaway because I feel like burger King always ends up with the second string. She's am toys. with the second string. Yeah, she's am toys. He's am. I think you know you're in trouble as a franchise if you're in Burger King

or Subway, Subway seems to back a lot of losers. When I was growing up, I had a friend whose dad owned three McDonald's and he'd always have the toys before the toys came up and he'd bring them to school and I'd try and steal them and bring them home. Because my parents wouldn't let me eat at McDonald's, but I still wanted the toys came up and he'd bring them to school and I'd try and steal them and bring them home. Because my parents wouldn't let me eat at McDonald's, but I still wanted the toys. Oh, you're an Auntie McDonald's family. Yeah. When do you remember when you first had it? And we're like, holy shit, this is the best thing ever.

Yeah, I had it with my grandma because my grandma was also the person that would give me the sugary cereals and all that stuff too. So, love your grandma. And then as my grandma got older, she really got into pot, so we would just smoke pot with each other. And then you're like, you know, it'd be good now. Well, McDonald's, let's get out of here.

I don't let my kids have McDonald's. I just let them have the glasses. They should do a super size. We have a guy who just plays with McDonald's toys every day. I mean, there's for sure there's people out there, you know, like Disney adults. There's like Happy Meal adults, I'm pretty sure. Yeah. But nothing.

You know, Muppet Babies was king, king of Happy Meal. I don't think there's any. Yeah. On their little tricycles. Yeah. You went to Frog and the skateboard. Yeah. Yeah. They kicked ass and, you know, we got to. Well, I mean, there's just so many out there. So start collecting them just like Meanie Babies and the little guy.

And then, oh, yeah. The other thing I left from the garage sale with is the group of people I didn't know who were on the front line. They had a bunch of books and one of them was, you know, Abby Hoffman, like 60s counterculture, kind of not anarchist, but kind of anarchist. I know the name. Like humorist. Mentioned it a moxie froovus song Yes, that's the one He has a book

that was famous in the 60s called steal this book and I asked the person there was like how much for the book and she's like Go ahead and steal it bitch. Can you read? Yeah What does this say? What does it say right on the cover? So yeah, I ended up really, you ended up taking up taking home more than you sold. Yes. Yeah, that's right.

And then at the end of the day, this for people who aren't regulars at garage sales, show up at the end of the day. Don't show up at the beginning because end of day prices fall. Everything must go. Everybody's trying to get rid of stuff. Sometimes they put out a free box and it's got some pretty good stuff that they just say weren't able to move. So that's my hot tip.

Show up at the end of the day. Free box stays out for weeks. Gets rain soaked. Yeah. And it's all stuff that's just like a broken belt and, you know, like a filthy comb. Some McDonald's glasses. Oh, can you imagine coming across like the Batman Forever McDonald's glasses? That's the other that was like, oh, they were like mugs, weren't they?

They're glass mugs. Yeah. And they were all there. Riddler was there, Batman, Robin, Two-Face. Two-Face, he was there. Not what was the Nicole Kidman's character in that? Chase Meridian? Chase Meridian, I knew you would know it. I knew you would know it.

Great name for a band if anybody's looking for a name for a band. Or a bank. Yeah, Chase Breedian Bank. Well, this has all been well and good, but should we move on to a little bit of business? Let's do it. Well, it's time for a bit of business and there's no better business to be in than the Jumbotron business. That's right, Graham. And it's a little thing we do where you can send a message

to a loved one, a sworn enemy or like a evil corporation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take that exon you could say. I mean, they're not that evil. Okay, all right. Yeah, they got some bad press of when Valdez was around. Was it Juan Valdez? Yeah, Juan Valdez. He died. one of all the yeah one of all that he died

Yeah, yeah, well picking up. Yeah In this in the in the oil in the oil. Wow, and that's why it was such a big story This is for Cheryl and it's from Dan and the message goes like this six years together since that fateful DM, you've changed my life. And as I promised then, so I affirm now to make your every day a little happier. And for me to be something positive and better for you.

I love you. Happy anniversary. That was like earnest. That was very earnest. Oh no, it could be earnest. Yeah, yeah. Do it like Vern. Hey Vern very earnest. Oh, no, let's make you could be earnest. Yeah, yeah, do it like Vern. Hey, Vern.

There we go. Six years together. If you would like a Jumbotron message up on the show, go to maximumfun.org slash Jumbotron. Back to the show. Yay. One thing we all have in common, we all have a mind. It makes me so scared because I'm like,

when is the bad thing going to happen? And minds can be kind of unpredictable and eccentric. Everybody wants to hear that they're not alone. Everybody wants to hear that someone else has those same thoughts. Depression Mode with John Moe is about how interesting minds intersect with the lives and work of the people who have them, comedians, authorsians authors experts all sorts of folks

Trying to make sense of their world. It's not admitting something bad If you say this is scary depression mode with John Moe every Monday at maximum fun org or wherever you get podcasts Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts is a real podcast made up of fake podcasts like if you had a cupboard in your lower back what would you keep in it? So I'm gonna say mugs. A little yogurt and a spoon. A small handkerchief that was given to me by my grandmother on her deathbed. Maybe some spare honey. I'd keep batteries in it. I'd pretend to be a toy. If I had a cupboard in my lower back, I'd probably fill it with spines.

If you had a cupboard in your lower back, what would you keep in it? Doesn't exist. We made it up for Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts. An award-winning comedy podcast from Maximum Fun, made up of hundreds of stupid podcasts. Listen and subscribe to Sound Heap with John Luke Roberts now. And if you want to send one into the podcast, you can send it into SPUI at maximumfund.org. We always like to start with a guest. Ryan, do you have an overheard? Yes, I do. I was riding a Vancouver City bus going into a show and this group of six white girls that were obviously from a private school because they had the only

uniform on or they were going to some weird sex party. I don't know what was going on. But it's gotta be one or the other. But they all, they're all, they all just looked at each other and they're like, I used to fucks with Cardi B, but I don't fucks with Cardi B anymore.

And I was like, what does that mean? I just had to get off the bus. I'm like, my brain can't handle this right now. So this isn't your stop. I know, but somebody's fucking with Cardi B. And I don't fuck with Cardi B no more. I still fuck with Cardi B. You know, I fuck with Cardi B more than ever. Yeah.

Yeah. Who do you fuck with, Ryan? Who's the who's the currently fucks with Cardi B, you know, I fucks with Cardi B more than ever. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you fucks with, Ryan? Who's the who's the currently fucksing with? Yeah. Who you're fucksing with? I'm like I said, I'm a giant hip hop fan. So I'm a huge method man. A classic. Yeah. Do you like any new new rappers?

Do you have a favorite of the young up and comers? No. Mumble rap just sounds more disabled than I am, so I'm not even getting involved in that shit. All you have to do is just say Uzi Vert and then leave you alone. Oh, yeah. So weird. I fuck with Uzi Vert. Do you?. Oh yeah. So weird. I fucks with Uzi Vert. Do you?

Yeah, yeah, me too. I fucks with- He's skibbity, man. If he's anything, he's skibbity toilet. I fucks with Lil' Uzi E. I fucks with Tiny Dirty Dick Bastard. Yeah, Brian and Dre. Method Boy. You know, Method Boy and Red Boy made a movie called How Low.

Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, this is one I heard about walking the dog at seven in the morning. I was walking on a street outside, like a construction site. And there were two construction workers and one was mad at the other one. And he was like, they were both looking

at the same cell phone. And the guy who's like the he was like they were both looking at the same cell phone and the guy who's like the boss was like this why did you send this to her why didn't you send it to me and the other guy goes I didn't want to make a big deal of it and then the other guy goes well you did guess what you failed and now it's a bigger story than it ever would have been. Yeah, yeah fucking had to email her It was a cardi B music video. That's what it was. Oh boy. Just try to stop me Yeah, exactly. We should be so lucky to get text with cardi B material I still fucks with her. What are your favorite cardi B music videos?

the Locomotion that's a good one. Lola laughing. Graham gets Cardi B and Kylie Minogue mixed up. Lola laughing. You know how this mistake it is, yeah. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Look, there's so many pop stars out there, it can't be.

Lola laughing. Look, Cardi B rules. We all enjoy her work and accept those girls that don't fuck with her anymore. Who else is somebody that people like in that era that people maybe don't fucks anymore? In the Cardi B era? The Cardi B era, yeah. Who else would be? I mean, do you think people still fucks with Travis Scott? Sure. Why not? If you're going to fucks with Megan Thee Stallion, Megan Thee Stallion.

There we go. Now we're talking that that's the area era I meant to say, not area era. That's the area. Oops. No. And Jackson, what? Oh, yeah. I it's funny now that Justin Timberlake has been outed as a weenie that everybody makes fun of.

It's great. It's the greatest time to be alive. And people were comparing his dancing to Ray Guns. They did it like a side-by-side comparison yeah remember when he was on punked and he got he cried yeah they were trying to like they like repossessing his stuff yeah they pretended they were like foreclosing on his house or something like he had a big tax problem Yeah, and then he sat down and cried. Guess what? I would too. Now. These are hard and and I don't trust my money manager I uh, you know what? I don't I don't cry. I just get I just work on my revenge plan against the government I guess

I just can't even scream. Case of road rage. That's what I get. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, my overheard comes courtesy of a little plaza, a little plaza. I was having a coffee in a plaza. Mm hmm. And this plaza has some sexy ice cream cones. At least that's what the person who was talking about it, they're they're cut out ice cream cones.

You get a picture taken with and The woman was saying I don't know why he says it but he says that those ice cream cones are sexy They're they're fun. They're fun. And but they're not I have little faces on them, right? That little face is there their little cartoon ice cream cone, but then when I looked at them again I was like, yeah, I could see I mean, yeah like the Dairy Queen ice cream cone. But then when I looked at them again, I was like, yeah, I could see. I mean, yeah, like the Dairy Queen ice cream cone that's got curves. Yeah, that's my kind of sexy ice cream cone. Dip that in chocolate. I'm more of a drumstick fan myself.

Oh, well, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Of of the like prepared ice cream in the store style ice cream. I got to go with Magnum. Got to go with Magnum top drawer stuff. Uh huh. I keep my Magnum's in the top drawer, too. I can get my whole leg in them. That's why I come on the broadcast just to wear these things, but yeah,

I wear I wear them like a mermaid tail. Yeah, I feel like there was a there was a trope of people buying Magnum condoms to impress the cashier, I guess. And then, you know, obviously falling off easily. Well, did they have sex with the cashier? Well, that's what they're going for. But that's what you do is you you put a magnum box. That's the and then you just I got to get one of these magnum.

It's just a regular gun. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brian, feel free to use that. I will. I we also have overheards sent in from people all over the map. You want to send one into us, as we at maximum fun.org. And one of the this first one is from Theo in Edinburgh. I was in Hyde Park in London last week when I walked past two posh young women, one of them wistfully clutching her chest said to the other,

it didn't feel like a cult, which they very rarely do when you're in them, you know? Yeah, until they start to. Yeah. Like what's a, you know, like Mary Kay or Tupperware, that feels like it could be a cult, but it's not, you know, like Mary Kay or Tupperware that feels like it could be a cult, but it's not, you know, because you can leave. I'm in the one where you sell leggings. Amway is another one that feels like a cult.

Yeah. What was Amway? It was building material? What was? Vitamins and their products and and different things you could buy. And just like junk things, like vitamins didn't work or things like that. Yeah, Amway. I remember that being like a reference when I was growing up. Like, oh, is this the Amway pitch or whatever?

Yeah. Yeah. Because their meanings are very cultish. Yeah, and there's like... I don't know if you remember the movie Go. Did you guys see the movie Go 90s? I know people love go. I never saw go. There's a very funny scene in it where this guy thinks that he's being led into a swinger scenario. And it turns out to be Amway. So, yeah.

I mean, that's the dream, right? Is the reverse, I guess, is you want to be going to an Amway. So yeah. I mean, that's the dream, right? Is the reverse, I guess, is you want to be going to an Amway thing and then it turns into a threesome, right? That's a dream, right guys? I guess so. I mean, I don't really want to have a threesome today, but I just want vitamins. I need first, I need to get these vitamins

to help my boner. Check out the size of the condoms I picked want vitamins. I need first I need to get these vitamins to help my boner. Check out the size of the condoms I picked up earlier. I got the ice cream for after so we're good to go. Nice. For after I love that. Well you guys were so good it's time for dessert. Yay! I got to replenish my for dessert. You. Yay.

I got to replenish my electrolytes. What sprinkles? Yeah. That's something I haven't had in a long time. It's like a soft serve where you can add, you know, cookies or whatever. I mean, they're basically flurries, but or frost frosties, no, what's the, is there a Wendy's one? Wendy's or frosties? Wendy's or frosties, okay. Dairy Queen's a blizzard.

Yeah, right. McDonald's is a McFlurry and life's a bitch. I had the Burger King, what's it called, the Impossible Whopper? Yeah. And when I was in Burger King what to call the impossible Whopper yeah and when I was in Burger King they had looked like they had some kind of like device to make their version of a blizzard but I don't I don't know what it is it was just called slop it was Burger King get a Burger King slop they have an Oreo fusion Sunday. Maybe that's what it is. Ah, that sounds good. I like the ice cream in Costco.

But they sell it cost them the Sundays at Costco. Oh, at the like at the concession. Yeah. What do they got? What makes them so good? Double scoop, I'm assuming. Yeah, double scoop. But they use like an actual instead of like a Manufactured topping it actually feels like they're using like real jam and stuff like that. So It is like and it's actually real ice cream not that all that filler shit that they put in stuff now

yeah, it's uh, I know that like They like soft serve became a Name because they couldn't advertise it as dairy. Yeah. Yeah. Good though. It's good. This next one comes from Gabriel in Cleveland. One of my employees at a public library had a customer come up to the circulation desk and say in all earnestness,

I have a question for you. Do I have to read books to use your bathroom? Yeah, you have to read every day all summer and then you get a bathroom party at the end. Yeah, I mean, we prefer you not to mix the two together. If you could just use one and then the other would be great. I mean, look, if you're stuck downtown in and then the other would be great. I mean, look, if you're stuck downtown in any city and there's a public library, that's your go to bathroom. You know, that's I mean, a hotel is even better, though.

Walking into a hotel lobby and using the bathroom. That's the tops. It's funny, because when I often when I'm on the road, I'll get obviously in the handicapped accessible room. But that often just means I have to where I can get my wheelchair in the room, but I can actually use the bathroom or anything. So I have to when I'm on the road, I shower in a lot of public swimming pools. Oh, that's smart.

Just dive right in. And then you're the only one using shampoo and what would just walk by the background of your camera. Is that a cat? Do you have a cat? I have to. OK, good, because otherwise I was going to tell you, guess what? You got a giant rat in your house. Oh, yeah.

This last one comes from Jessalyn in Brooklyn. I was in Brooklyn last week and in a quiet neighborhood around 1am, I came above ground from the subway to one girl loudly saying to another about a third person, it's like, we get it. You're Italian. They rep it like it's some sort of minority. They're like, mozzarella, hey! Pfft. Okay, well, it did end in hate speech.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were all hoping it was going in that direction. And, uh. Huh. Ha, ha, ha. I think that's what Ryan's caregiver said when he did his set at the El Cocal. Yeah.

You know those Italian people. Mozzarella, hey. Mozzarella, hey. And I don't know if you remember, Graham, but he came in regular street clothes, left the show, came back as this weird character that he was dressed up as. Yeah. And then he got booed off stage and people were threatening him. And then you tried to walk back into the show in his street clothes again.

But you wouldn't want to back in the show. You still have to wait outside. Good for you, Graio. Thanks. Yeah, man. One of my favorite comedy moments. There was a guy one time that came into the Alaco Cal that did stand up like he was Jesus, and that was a rough ride. That was ill-advised.

It was a Halloween show, though. I think that's how we made it happen. Oh, sure. Yeah, we should know that. It had to happen. I miss the old checky gray days with the broken symbol when he used to stand on people's table and yeah past guest Cliff Nester off comedy alter ego was a guy called checky gray and

He was great. He would get an arguments with the crowd is fantastic. Scream the whole time. No microphone for him Tell them about comedy history. Yeah, exactly. Promote his new book. In addition to over-hears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spypod one, like these people have. Hi there, this is Renee calling from Calgary, Alberta

with an overheard. This overheard is courtesy of my five year old nephew, who is also Graham's nephew. My husband, Patrick and I were babysitting him and he's upstairs doing the bedtime routine in the bathroom. And I can hear my nephew from upstairs just yell out, well, it doesn't mean I have to wipe my butt

every single day. All right. Thanks guys. Bye. That is, uh, that's Renee, my sister-in-law. Um, and I agree. You can, you don't have to do it every day. Save it up as a treat is what I say.

Yes. I've never even wiped my own body for 45 years. So well, save it up. Yes. I've never even wiped my own butt in 45 years. So. Well, save it up. I am. Yeah. I've been out three years of wiping my butt. That's all I'm gonna do.

You seem really proud of it. I am. Yeah. I side with the kid in this. Oh Yeah, I side with the kid in this kid free Toilet paper I find for toilet paper look no for the kid damn it at that age And they're not any good at wiping their butt anyway, so don't don't stress it And I think it really depends on the toilet paper you're using, because sometimes you

don't want to use the toilet paper that's dirty. Yep. Yeah. You guys remember ever being in a place that had pink toilet paper? I feel like that was a thing I didn't want to use as a kid. What's the Pink Pony Club, I think they do it. What is that? That's where I sing.

Oh, that's where you sing. Okay. Wait, no, I dance at the Pink Pony Club. In West Hollywood? You danced at the big Okay. Wait. No, I dance at the big party club in West Hollywood Yeah, I Know I don't remember that but I remember that being a thing and like scented toilet paper being a thing And then people being like hey, let's not do this. Yeah, I'll sent it myself. Thank you very much It was toilet paper. They're like There was toilet paper that had like poop humor on them. You could read and then wipe your butt.

Oh yeah, the joke. Yeah, joke toilet paper. Yeah, I feel like also the one that was like if you had a little money to throw around, it would be like dollar bill. Oh yeah, you could pretend you're wiping your butt with money. And you could do it while sitting on a toilet seat that has the coins in them. Remember coin toilet seats? Remember.

All right, next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and guest. This is Russell from Anchorage, Alaska. I was just in Costco and there was an older gentleman talking on his speakerphone. and there was a older gentleman talking on his speakerphone and So he just goes hey Debbie and their full honeymooners from the very beginning Hey, Debbie, do we have any black olives downstairs? And I hear Debbie over the phone. I don't know and I don't care And then the guy says well, I'm not buying them for you No freaking way. Thanks, guys. Off I go. Yeah, these went for his martini party that he's holding.

Well, I guess black olives don't really go in martinis. Uh, yeah, whatever. Yeah, that's true. You find you fucks with the with all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I like those black holes, green olives, the pitted ones. I really like the garlic stuffed ones in my favorite. I like the blue cheese stuffed ones.

That sounds good to me. Yeah, I feel like when I was a kid I hated olives and then I had one as an adult and I was like, what the hell? Why did I hate it? I hated so much stuff as a kid, I hated olives and then I had one as an adult. I was like, what the hell? Why did I hate it so much? Is so much stuff as a kid that rules and like I can't be hard on my kids for not wanting to eat mushrooms, but but they're wrong. But one day you'll realize.

Yeah. And I want to be there on that day. Yeah. My kids really want to have some of those, but I you know what? I'll let them do it with their grandma. Yeah. I turned out okay. Yeah, you turned out great. Yeah. All right. Here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave and Graham and probable guests. This is Ryan the Michigan bumper. I was walking along the beach

on Lake Michigan, uh, in the state of Michigan and not on the, you know, the other side. And there was a bunch of people walking and I was at the front of like a line and there was a very, very like cut guy behind me. So I assume this is who the wife was talking about, but she'd be looking in my direction. So I thought she was talking about me at first. So it made me happy. Anyway, well, even the husband was sitting there and the wife looks in my direction and says, see, that's what a man looks like. You look like a potato in a bathing suit.

And then I kind of did the like, she can't be talking about me. And I turned around and there was like a Don is dude behind me. So I was like, oh yeah, definitely him. But still that was kind of a mean thing to say to her, like guy was there on the beach with her potato in a bathing suit. But he didn't look like a potato in a bathing suit. I mean, I guess we'll never know. But that actually sounds pretty cool.

Potato in a bathing suit. I'm picturing a speedo. Yeah, I'm actually picturing board shorts and OK, like thinking like maybe that's a good happy meal toy is all these potatoes. Summer potatoes. Pitch it. I was picturing like the Olympic one piece. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You guys remember there was like some Olympics

where everybody was wearing a particular type of suit and then they told, they said that they weren't allowed because people were going too fast or something. I don't know why that matters. They're going too fast. You're going too fast. The water's heating up too much. You're going too fast, it's a tsunami, stop it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Slow down out there. What's the big hurry? What's the hurry? You're gonna cause a tsunami. Stop it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Slow down out there. What's the big hurry? What's the hurry? What's this Olympic record business for talking about? Ryan, that brings us to this episode, to the end of this episode. It's been so much fun having you here.

Thank you so much for being a guest. My pleasure. And you are one of the producers of a comedy festival that's coming up in September. Tell us all about it. The festival runs over three days. It's from September 19th to the 21st. It's in nine different venues and there's over 50 convenience that are gonna be on the festival throughout the festival. 50-5-0? Yes. Holy shit, okay. And I booked it all so I'm really happy with the shows I put together and they're gonna be a lot of fun.

And yeah, I just can't wait for people to come out here and experience way rock and so sorry and get some laughs And what's it called again? Where can people find info? They can find info at the South Rock comedyfestival.com Okay, and You know one of the acts I'm bringing is my opener is the that aid that came up and said the racist stuff We've made we've We've made up. Yeah?

Yeah. I can't wait to bring him to weight my butt. It's gonna be awesome. And he's got costume changes. Oh, God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He comes out as a regular guy. Well, thank you so much, Ryan.

Thank you, everybody out out there for listening. We just want you to know out there that you can't butt in line at an amusement park no matter what you do. It's wrong. But don't do it. We'll come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Music Maximum Fun A worker owned network

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