Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 875 - Abby Shumka

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

Abby Shumka returns for a holiday spectacular to talk Muppets, Christmas, traditions, and curling. Plus our annual Secret Santa gift exchange. Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Bluesky.

Hi, he's Dave Schumke. And he's Graeme Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 875 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, boy oh boy, is he filled to the brim with holiday cheer, Mr. Dave Shimka. It's the holiday season.

Whoop-de-doo. And Hickory Dock. Don't forget. To hang up your sock. Correct. This is a song by Andy Williams. Andy Williams is the classic. I never, I hear it all the time now.

Yeah. But I never heard it until you brought it to my attention. There's one that it's like a part of our family had never heard of this song and then the other part of it was like, no, that song's been around forever. It's one that goes like, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. Oh yeah. I'd never heard it before. It's Christmas rapping. Is Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas. Oh yeah. I'd never heard it before. It's Christmas wrapping.

Is that the name of the? Yeah, that's the name of the song and it's by the waitresses who also did, I know what boys like. They could have just done, I know what elves like. They really should have just become an all Christmas band like Brian said, sir. Yeah. Who are your favorite top five all Christmas? Oh, geez. I mean, who's the guy who played the snowman in the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

Oh, Burl Ives. Burl Ives would be one of them. Obviously, Mariah Carey is one of them. She's not just Christmas, though. David Seville from Elvin and the Chipmunks. He's mostly Christmas. Well, he's mostly yelling at them. Yeah, he's kind of the Michael Jackson's dad

to the Jackson Five. Does he ever get out of a hula hoop? Or a plane that loops the loop. Yeah. You know who I get in my Instagram feed is this violinist who does like a Christmas tour every year. Nice. And she does like,

like dancing while she violins and it's all like, you know, kind of like epic Christmas instrumental music and she seems very like middle America. Oh yeah. What's the name of the trans Siberian? Yeah, the trans. that's an all Christmas that's an all Christmas bed yeah and and then finally rounding out the list we got to give it to the California Raisins sure I would give it to yeah the California Raisins are pretty Christmas coated yeah and there's just people who like Bobby Helms who only did Jingle Bell Rock, I think. Oh really?

I mean, if that's his name. Darlene Love. Darlene Love. Who's Darlene Love? She did, I forget what it is. It's Christmas, Please Come Home. Yeah, she did it on David Letterman. She did it on David Letterman every year.

Oh, this is the same as the meatball. Yeah. And didn't she do like an SNL claimation? It's Christmas time for the dudes. That's what Jewish people do on Christmas. Who's that voice? It's me. That voice is our guest today, return person of interest to the podcast.

Wife of the podcast, one of the wives of the podcast. Your wife on the podcast. Oh, she wants on. She's been, she's been. But you won't let her? I say, you'll spill all of our secrets. Our trade secrets. I've been joking the whole time y'all have had this show

that I get reverse preferential treatment. That's true. Like I don't have, I don't get more episodes. I don't get to come on more often because. Well, you do get pretty. I'm consistent. You're consistent. But you do get pretty preferential treatment

given your comedy career. Yes, I guess there's that. If you don't recognize that voice. Which is less than zero. It's Abby Schumke. Yeah. Hi, Abby. Did you, let's get to know us.

Get to know us. Do you ever do in school improv camp or any kind of performance or you non-performing? You went to school in Europe so it was a lot of like... No, yeah, I went to private school in Europe. ...Comedia dell'arte. Yes, French miming. That weird clown that Sean Devlin went to that was like the Borat clown. Oh my god, yes, the Borat clown.

No, we did, one year we did a play, and I did backstage stuff. I was absolutely not interested in being on stage. See, and that's the key to having a good life, is not being interested in being on stage. Yeah, well see. Then possibilities are endless. Yeah, see.

It's been good for me so far. I haven't had an issue with that decision. Yeah. We're doing this year's Christmas pageant, right? Yes, absolutely. It's the greatest Christmas pageant ever, whatever. You're playing Snoopy this year? Yes, my big return performance as Snoopy.

I haven't done this in 25 years. Did you see the trailer for this movie, the best Christmas pageant ever? The greatest Christmas pageant ever? Sounds British. Well, it's American. It looks, the director, people are confused as to whether it is a, it's got Judy Greer.

Oh yeah. We love Judy Greer. Don't we folks? She's very funny, Judy Greer. And it's a, but it looks, I think the director directed like- This is new, like coming out now? It's out now, it's probably no longer in theaters.

But the director and some of the advertising around it makes it seem like it's one of those, I was trapped under the ice and then I was visited by God movies. Yes. Oh, gotcha. One of these ones that is just like, they just like buy a hundred tickets for an entire congregation.

Oh yeah, and it's being shown in churches. It's making a billion dollars and we don't know. But it was the, this is a movie. We had the original version of this movie. It's a classic like Christmas book that they turned into a made for TV movie. We had it on, I just know, I saw the VHS for it. Just filmed off TV my entire childhood.

Okay. And because it was- Always around. Because it was shot in Vancouver, I think maybe at my family's church. Oh, okay. Oh, there you go. And it started for Rooza Balk.

Oh. Rooza Balk is- Rooza Balk is fantastic. She's the one from the craft, the blue one. Oh, yes. The blue one, the wizard, or the return to Oz. Oh, the return to Oz too. But she went, she grew up here for part of her childhood. All right.

And I think came to my house once for dinner. Really? But this is a thing that I was like- This is a family legend. Yeah. One time, Veruza broke, dined with her. But like, yeah, and that's what I was like, oh, what was that like?

Did we win a contest or something? Did your car break down right in front of our house? And then someone was like, no, she was in your sister's class. And I'm like, no, she wasn't, that's impossible. Yeah, they're trying to, they're, they're fucking with you, man. Yeah, well. You were too little, you're just gaslighting him and down.

That's a lot of being the youngest child. Oh, absolutely, you don't know what's true. Because it messes you so much. Yeah, there's a, I feel like re-Christmas movies, every year there's an attempt to be the next classic. I feel like that hasn't happened in several years. I feel like Elf is the last one. I don't know, there's so many streaming movies now. Netflix has like fucking 10 Christmas movies and then all the Hallmark movies and then all the ones in the theater ones.

Did we get around to any Christmas movies yet this year? We're recording this a little early. I mean, Poppy watched The Grinch a couple weeks ago, but I think she was just being weird. The original or the? No, the. The Horelin. The Horelin. Is, there's one that I, if listeners out there

have never seen it, I think it's on Shudder. It's called Rare Exports. It's great. Have you seen it? It's Graham's favorite streaming service. Yeah, and it's so weird and it's so funny. And it's just, if you want like a weird, different kind of Christmas story,

takes place in like Norway or something like that. Oh wow. What's it called? Rare exports. I think you talked about it in the past. Yeah, yeah. Is it about like a magical reindeer or something? No, it's about somebody uncovers something.

Oh Santa, it's Santa's uncovers something. Santa's dead body. Oh, wow. Speaking of Christmas movies, this just came to my attention. So in the original Grinch, you've got Boris Karloff. He's the narrator. And I was always told singer.

Oh yeah, I just assumed. Yeah, cause it's the same voice. But apparently the real voice of the guy who sings your mean one, Mr. Grinch. The Grinch song, sure. Is they didn't credit him. So it was secretly him, but it was the guy who did the voice of Tony the tiger.

Really? Oh, there you go. That guy had. That's not great. Why not? That they covered up his legacy. He never got his flowers. Well, we're giving them to him now.

He's been dead for a million years. There's the guy that does the voice of Frosty in the Frosty and the Snowman cartoon. Oh yeah, uh-huh. Was a guy that predated Rodney Dangerfield having basically the same act. Oh. Oh really?

And that's the only thing that he's kind of known for. You know what he didn't get? Yeah. Flowers. Respect. Flowers or respect. We're on a Christmas tip today. We're having a happy holiday. I have-

Oh, daddy's got eggnog latte. Oh, I didn't have an eggnog latte. I made myself a coffee and I poured eggnog in it. I've never had this before. Oh, there you go. I'm gonna do a live taste test. Okay, here we go. Well, first, before I do this,

what's everyone's thought on eggnog? I'm pro. Yeah, I have, traditionally, I have one glass of eggnog every year. That's all you need. And that fills me up for the next year. I don't need another taste. Yes.

Yeah. I can understand that. Okay, here we go. Mmm. Okay. It's okay? Yeah, it's very sweet. My dad's a big fan of it.

You don't normally take your coffee with sugar, so I can imagine this is probably like pretty interesting. Yeah, but I take your coffee with sugar, so I can imagine this is probably like, pretty intense. Yeah, but I take it with sugar and everything else. But you weaned yourself off sugar for coffee, so you can say that you did that. Yep. Yeah.

You can be smug about it. I still can't. I don't take sugar in my coffee. I still can't take it black. No, no. Yeah, I do, but only because I think if I, I feel like coffee gets cold too fast when you put milk and stuff in it. I don't disagree. Yeah, I do, but only because I think if I, I feel like coffee gets cold too fast when you put milk and stuff in it.

I don't disagree. Yeah, the part of the reason why I like a latte is because the milk is warm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And your drink just stays warm. Would you drink an eggnog latte? Yeah. Have you?

No, I mean, I would. But again, I'll have one every five years. Sure, so we have an espresso machine upstairs that is leaking. Yeah, it's just water at the back. But it's fine. That's a main leakage. I saw a video, I watched a video on how to repair it and I was like, nope, you can't do that.

I'm not gonna do that. Not possible. And you know what works just as well? A rag. It's our solution. Does your cappuccino machine, can it froth? Yeah, so that's what I was gonna say. I was like, I don't think I would froth eggnog on it

because I feel like it would just. Just gunk it up. I've seen videos of people cooking eggs with that thing. Blech. I know, right? What would they come out? Scrambled eggs? Do they throw the whole machine out afterwards?

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I can imagine the theory would be fluffy scrambled eggs. Fluffy scrambled eggs, but then you still have to make coffee. But practically, no, no, you throw the machine out right away after. Is it a disposable machine? Yeah, a single use coffee machine.

Sorry, egg machine. You guys also. Or maybe you only use it for eggs? I don't know which is worse. Yeah, we've got one for coffee and we bought another one for eggs. Don't make some noise. We have a third one we bring up for Christmas.

Did you ever get, when I first started drinking coffee in the early 2000s, I was trying to figure out, you know, there's something to this, but what is it? What do I like about this? Sure. And I went to Tim Hortons and- Great place to start. I mean, what do you do?

You know, I'm not knocking ya. Tim Hortons was still's- Great place to start. I mean, what do you do? You know, I'm not knocking you. Tim Hortons was still pretty new out here. Yes, very true. Oh, this is a long time ago. Very true, this was 20 years ago. This was like a week ago, right? No, no, this was like when I was in my early 20s. And-

He says 2000s, he means 2022. I'm so young, guys. And I went, you know, and I was like, Tim Hortons, that's okay. I bought some of their coffee and made it, like I got like a Mr. Coffee machine and, oh yeah, yeah, okay, it's fine. I think I like it, it's okay.

I went to Starbucks and it was, I know, I knew even then I knew at Christmas, oh, they do the red cups and they do special flavors. Yeah. And I think I had an eggnog latte, I had a peppermint latte and I had a gingerbread latte. I was gonna say, did you get a peppermint mocha? Yeah, a peppermint mocha.

No, maybe it was a peppermint mocha. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. Because that's tasty. Again, I'll have one every few years and it hits the spot. That was the winner. The eggnog was weird and the gingerbread latte had like grit in it.

Oh, gross. It was like chunks of like they blended up a gingerbread man. Was it cookier or was it ginger? I think it was cooked. Oh, just like round up ginger. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it hurts. Oh, it burns.

Why is it spicy? Oh, it hurts. It was pickled ginger you get with your sushi. It's pickled ginger you get with your sushi. You guys have any like real big Christmas traditions? It's gonna be happening today, isn't it? Oh no, this weekend? You were gonna go buy something today. The thing that you like to build and eat.

Oh yeah, gingerbread house. Gingerbread house. Oh yeah, so like we have family traditions from my family and your family. We alternate Christmases. Cause my parents lived overseas for years and years. And even now they live, you know, five hour trip from here.

Might as well be overseas. Might as well be overseas. They live over the Salish Sea. Exactly. That's true. But we alternate when you're my parents, when you're his parents and this year is Dave's five. Dave, okay. So we're sticking around, and this year is Dave's five.

Dave, okay. So we're sticking around. And it's a churchy thing. It's a Christy Christmas. Christmas Eve church. A very Christy Christmas. A very Christy Christmas. And then Christmas morning church as well.

What? My mother rules deep. Baby Jesus. Wow. There was one year, and it was a year when we were at Abby's house, but everyone, all my siblings and their kids who stayed here and were having Christmas with my parents. So Christmas Eve, we go to church 7 p.m.

and it's like the family, it's already the United Church of Canada, so it's already very nice, very chill, very, you know. But it's like the kids are involved and it's just the story and it's really nice, you sing the fun songs. And then Christmas morning at like 10, you go, and then one year, like maybe three years ago, and we were out of town.

Yeah, we weren't there this year. My phone was blowing up because everyone was like, where's mom? Everyone had gone to church except for my parents. Dragged their kids out of bed. And we have been begging her to end this tradition for years. Can we not go on Christmas morning anymore? Oh my God, can you please free us of this?

So they were just like, we're just gonna chill? Yeah. But then everybody just does it. Wow. That's the power Jane has over our hearts. We used to go to the midnight service or whatever. Oh man, I loved it. We went to the Catholic one and it was the worst, so boring.

The one we went to, everybody got a candle. You got to stay up late. A taper. Do you get one present? You get one present, you get a candle. You do the midnight mass? You do the midnight mass. It was a graveyard smash.

No, it was probably like 10 o'clock or so. And then everybody got a candle and it got so hot. Is it like the candle did or just the room? The whole room just was like the collective body is going to heat. Yeah. And then like every year they would pick two kids to like sing the song.

And it was you every year. That's right. They knew a star when they saw one. Yeah. But yeah, well I did one year. Yeah, well what's the song? It's like a call and repeat thing from like Moravia. So it's.

All right. There you go. I don't remember that, but it was like, da da da da da da da da. That was the tune of it, but I can't remember what the words are And it was a call and repeat it was like Audience some what is it? It's not like once in Royal David City. No, it's mmm. I think I've heard it I know I know. Yeah, what is where's Moravia?

Somewhere in Eastern Europe. I want to say Monrovia? Maybe? Is that a place that I just invented? Saudi Moravia? Maybe. Maybe. You go sleep, Moravia?

Oh my God. I got, it's on the tip of my tongue, this religious song. You should call your mom, she'd love to talk about it. But anyway, this. It'll come to me, it'll come to me. The tradition you were mentioning is like one of the few family traditions that we- Sure, that we have for our immediate little family,

the gingerbread house. Yeah, every year we get this gingerbread house. Gingerbread, my number one Christmas treat. Absolutely. Not on its own, it has to be frosted. Don't just give me an unfrosted cookie. And I can't have too much frosting because then it ruins the whole thing.

Wrong occasion. Whoa. I said corrected. So we always get the same. From the same bakery. Gingerbread house kit from the Swiss bakery on third and main. And it's a kit where.

Comes in a pizza box. Yeah. Nice. All the pieces are cut and then you frost them yourself. Bag of frosting. Bag of frosting and a bunch of candy. I don't like the candy. We make up, we supply our own candy. I just don't want like, they give you like

gummy watermelons and that's just not Christmas-y to me. Yeah, that's summertime. Yeah. Like Jujubes or something, right? You need, you know, the right stuff. You need the right stuff. Yeah, you need Jujubes. You need tiny candy canes to make like a fence or something like that. Yeah need the right stuff. You need the right stuff. Yeah, you need jujubes, you need tiny candy canes

to make like a fence or something like that. And then we make that, and then we photograph the children. Every year we make a calendar. Yes, the calendar. That is just family photos. And then, so, and the December photo is always the kids with the gingerbread house, but you can see last year's calendar in the background that also has the kids with the gingerbread house, but you can see last year's calendar in the background

that also has the kids with the gingerbread house and it's kind of like a drost effect. This is the fourth year. That's a fun. Fifth year? That's a fun family. That's fun. It's fun and easy. It's not something you don't have to pay

a lot of money for or whatever. Oh no, this is a $4,000. We've been saving for months. We've been going without for months. We no, this is a $4,000. We've been saving for months. We've been going without for months. We had to go to a mortgage broker. Houses are out of control here, real estate's nuts. Yeah, that's fun, that's fun and easy. You know, I guess you're going to church this year.

It sounds like, yeah. Look for us at church. Ringing in Christmas with baby Jesus himself. Yeah, and you're gonna be, well, you're gonna be here for Christmas. Yeah. So you wanna come to church? Sure.

See you there. Yeah, I'll be there, I'll be the one, the only one there with a candle. I'll bring my own candle. Light one candle for peace. One bright candle for peace. He brings peace to everyone. He comes. He comes. And then- You're asking us. And then the next week you light one candle for hope.

Oh, okay. There's a peace candle, a hope candle, a joy candle, a Christ candle. Is there a fifth candle? Oh, this is ringing a bell. Now, this is Christianity trying to horn in on the candle situation, which is clearly a Hanukkah thing. Hanukkah owns candles. I mean, this month, but Christianity's candles. Yeah, I know, but they try to make it like it's their big seasonal thing. And I'm here

to say no more, Christians. You can have bells, you can have holly. Oh my God. You can have all the trimmings. Sure, yeah. Okay. You can have all the trimmings. But leave something for the rest of us, right? The rest of us? Graham and the Jews. Oh, I'm Jewish, by the way, you guys.

Graham and the Jews. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's Graham and the Jews. What was the best, growing up in Switzerland, what was the best Christmasy thing? I guess they had a really cool, like the city decorations were always amazing and everything was so beautiful and perfect. Like lighting up the street lamps like the city decorations were always amazing and everything was so beautiful and perfect, like lighting up the street lamps and the tram stops and the train station and stores and stuff

and like whatever the parliament building would do. Like, and then also like the German Christmas market was also a very big thing. Which we have here, we have a German one. Yeah. But it's pretty wet. It's not German, it's a German German one. Wow. I mean, you know. You don't have to pay to get into it, the first thing. Oh, there you go. It's just a thing that's subsidized in Germany. It's there, yes. Instead of by subsidized by me, it's subsidized by them. Yeah. And would you, was there like, do you like getting a hot chocolate? Do you

like getting some sort of candy? What is your parents they always and I think they literally just went on a glug glue glue wine It's like this mold wine spiced wine. Sure that's served warm. They get wasted. I think it is Absolutely disgusting. I think it is so gross. Yeah. Oh My god the whole like every aspect of it. I think of is so gross. Yeah. Oh my God. The whole, like every aspect of it, I think of this specific drink. I know people go nuts for it and good for you, but.

Is it, what is it, like wine? Oh, but then it's got like cloves and shit too, and it's hot and I'm like, hot wine? Yeah, hot wine. I've had that. Also I don't drink, I also don't drink wine at all and don't like wine, so there's that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna start with hot wine. Oh, like a hot, spiced wine. Yeah, I've had that where they like- Gross. At our old Krampus parties, people would- Yeah. Mull wine, so like you would cook red wine with- On the stove.

Like a cinnamon stick. A nice clove. A big piece of ham goes in there. Yeah, cinnamon. An orange that's filled with clove. An orange peel or whatever, yeah. And then, but all the alcohol burns off. So you have- It does?

Yeah. Well, that was the point. And then you put a shot of whatever, brandy in it. Whiskey or whatever, something in there. Save the day with brandy. Which I also don't drink. Fuck, gross. So grossed out. Eggnog is pretty gross on its own as well.

Well, if you think about it. Don't think about it, no, see. Yeah. Yeah. It's best about it. Don't think about it, no, see. Yeah. Yeah. It's best to just. Don't investigate. Yeah. That's one thing I've noticed so many vegan.

Sure, a tamp set. A tamp set. I see them in the grocery store. Sure. It's soynog or oatnog. I've heard oat nog is good. But also, if you're not drinking milk, you're free. You don't have to do it.

Yeah, that's true. It just seems like such a weird thing to hold onto. Like, oh, that's the one thing I miss every year. I don't love egg nog, but I have to have it. Yeah. I've never tried the eggnog alts. No, I mean, I guess. I'm not against it. No, I'm not against it either.

But my one glass of it is gonna be just traditional old eggnogs, probably gonna be in my parents' house because they have a carton going in the fridge. Traditional, oh, okay, carton, not like homemade. No, no, no. No, I think let's call a true son homemade. Your dad makes some. My dad loves to make it.

And it's really good. He makes it every year from home. He's good? He also loves getting a huge extension cord, getting his drill, putting a whipper, whatever, fucking hand mixer on the drill and going outside to keep it cold. And he's just fucking.

Oh yeah, it has to be cold while you do it. Right? I love it, I think it's so- He loves doing it, we love drinking it. It ends up tasting pretty sawdusty, but- Yeah, we're used to it now. But that's how Christ would want it, you know? He's born in a stable.

He's a carpenter, you know, he's used to it. Oh man, if Jesus had lived a little longer, think of the stuff he could have done with power tools. Yeah, and he- I guess Tim Allen is sort of our second coming. I was going to say, didn't he have, quote, power tools? Yes.

Yeah. You know? Also, I feel bad that Jesus died before he got to see GPS. Yeah. Yeah. I think about that a few times, a few times a year. Oh my God, Moses as well. Like he went to the desert?

Yeah, he could have used some GPS. Would have saved him some time. Mind you, he wasn't even allowed in by the time he got there, so what are you gonna do? I never saw the end of that. Maybe this Christmas. Do they play the Ten Commandments? They play it on Easter usually.

Yeah, I think mostly Christmas dominated by nativity stories. Yes, yes, yes. The birth of our Lord. Well, no, I find that like Christmas, the two weeks that you get off, although, or that you used to when you were a kid, it would be, it would show like an Indiana Jones marathon. Or a James Bond. Oh, for sure, the Star Wars. Now I know it's a thing in the UK maybe,

that the Harry Potter is a big thing, that they'll play them all on Christmas day. And like, we all love, love actually, that's what comes from Britain. You still haven't made it through it. I- Yeah, no, I'm good. Yeah, I've watched the kind of pieces. I've never seen it, and I don't think I need to.

Yeah, don't see it, because if she sees it, she'll know I stole a lot of my ideas. A lot of my wedding vows. When I wrote those wedding vows on the cards. To me, you are beautiful. It's Tony Inky Mendez at the door. Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Um, uh, yeah. So, um, have you guys already picked out each other's presents? We both had, um... I gave you your present early, that was the combo birthday... Birthday. Christmas. You gave me a, yeah, a Kingsgate Mall hat.

Oh, nice, very nice. And you had a- I literally saw it one day on an Instagram feed and then left work on my break and then bought it like the next morning at 11 a.m. Nice. I'm like this, it's happening. And what did I get you?

Oh, and you've had a picture frame. I had a picture frame for you. You had some art. I was looking for printer paper in here and between stacks of things, it was a beautiful like print of a very cool hockey player done in a very stylized like illustration style. Cool.

And I was like, Trevor Linden. It's Vancouver Connex number 16. So it's got, I assume it's Trevor Linden. He assumes, yes. But anyway, so I, it was like, oh, this is real nice. And it's got the little signature and the like two of 20 or something in the corner. So it's like, how many years has this sitting?

Oh, I've got, yeah, stacks and stacks. It just hasn't been framed. So I was like, you know what? I'm gonna get this fucker framed. What did I get you? I don't remember. And the guy, the framing guy is great. If you need anything framed, Fraser and Broadway.

Yeah, there's a guy that was on Main Street that I took something to, and it would need a custom frame. Sure, yeah. But his quote was something like $450. Oh, yo, yoing. So I went to like the one on Granville Island where you make it yourself.

They give you the pieces and then you have to put them together. Cut them to length or whatever. Yeah. Sure. Well, that's fun. I didn't even know that existed. Yeah, can, Opus? No. Opus, Loomis? Oh, no length or whatever? Sure. Well, that's fun. I didn't even know that existed. Yeah. Opus? No.

Opus? Loomis? Oh, no, like the art store. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They do that. Share it. Anybody out there, if you need some frames done. Yeah.

Don't go to Michael's. Oh, that's really doing yourself. Oh, yeah. Do you guys make a trip to Michael's every year? Honestly, I'm serious. What did I get you for your birthday? I don't remember. I don't even remember either.

You got me a wallet, like a little card holder. That's right. Yes, I needed a new like little leather card holder. Nice. And we went to dinner. I took you to dinner. Yes, and it was a very beautiful and wonderful dinner. Where'd you guys go?

Arby's? Was it Arby's? Was it Cactus Club? Did you go to Cactus Club? Moxie. Oh shit, Moxie's. No cactus. Look, you have a cactus. Moxie. Oh shit. My name is no, it was not Moxie's. It was the Moxie's is for lovers.

Really? Yeah. Boston pizza was our place for lovers. There's very, very long time. That was like, yeah. Oh yeah. When we were in our twenties, we went to Boston pizza like monthly, at least all the time.

Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes pasta, sometimes pizza, you know, it makes it up. Yeah, and it's like the, for anybody that's not from Canada, it's a family restaurant, but also there's a sports bar attached to it. It's kind of...

Yeah, if you live in a small town, it's the bar. It's the bar, it's the thing that stays open the latest. Yeah. There's Canada. I got busted for bringing my own beer to one. Oh yeah? At what age? Oh, this was in my 20s.

I got a glass and then I went and filled it in the bathroom with beer. And then the guy was like, I know, I saw you do it. I know what you did. You went in with clear glass, you came out with beer glass. With yellow glass. It was pee, it's pee.

Yeah, don't worry about it. And then you chugged the whole thing. I'm doing a Barrett-Grell's diet. All row glass! Fuck! Wait. I was filling one with beer, one with piss. One for me, one for Santa. I'm gonna put my beer in the bathroom. Point circular breathing. Yeah, I think that was the last time

I went to a Boston pizza was, was it in my 20s? It might have been in my 30s. It's all a blur. It's all a blur. It's all a blur. It is all a blur. No, it really is. I say that in jest, but it really is all a blur.

You've gone to enough mid-sized Canadian towns that you had to have gone in the last five years. Oh no, not in the last five years. Maybe in the last 10, I might've. Sure, pre-pandemic, right? Yeah. Pre-2020. I think we were, I think the debaters was in a town like that.

Oh, sure. That was the one place that was open. That makes sense. Yeah, I remember when I was a kid, they had an ad played more than a feeling. Yeah, because it was Boston. Yeah, but because it's not Boston, the city. But they also would have,

did they also have John Ratzenberger in the commercials? Yeah, he was the pizza detective. Yeah, he was the pizza detective. Pizza detective? From Cheers, where? Which takes place in Boston. I had for a while, I gave it away, but I had a framed from Boston pizza picture of John Ratzenberger signed in his detective costume.

And it's something that for sure hung on the wall at a Boston pizza. It had that like industrial. Yeah, a clench to the wall or whatever, glued to the drywall. So people can that like industrial. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A point to the wall or whatever. Glued to the drywall. Steal it. Yeah, that worked. Somebody did though.

That really showed him, didn't it? Anyways, we love John Rotzenberger, don't we guys? Yeah. We love the pizza detective. We support you. You're the exception to ACAP. You were mentioning. You and Spike McGruff. You were mentioning Mox and Spike McGrub.

You were mentioning Moxie's. Yes. Yes. Would you say Cactus Club? Is that a purely Canadian thing? Because America has like... I think Cactus Club. They have T.J. Friday's, Arby's, Applebee's.

Chili's. Chili's. Not Arby's, sorry, I meant Applebee's. Like the sit down place. Yeah. And they have like Fudd Ruckruckers and, but like, I feel like- Johnny Rockets. Canada has this tier of restaurant that is not fancy, but also not a family restaurant. And it's like kind of for cool singles.

Yeah. Yes, people in their 20s and 30s. You go there before you go to the club and it's moxies. Or before a movie or- Practice club, Earls. Joey. Joey's. Yeah.

Milestones. Yes, there's so many. Brown social house. Yes. There are- Go off, Queen. Do it. I wish I could.

A Red Robin. Yeah, I mean, Red Robin, it falls on the silly families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In America as well. And Joey used to be, oh really, it was a wackadoo place. It was called Joey Tomatoes. Oh, sure. Yes, I remember that.

And it was like crazy silly. And Earls used to be super silly as well. Yeah, it had the rhinos and the parrots. Yeah, and then penguins were wearing sunglasses. Oh, how cool. It was really- What a time to be alive. It used to be like this is,

Jack Astors was the other one that was like- Oh, sure. What if they renamed their- But there was never Jack Astors here, was there? No. I'm thinking no. There was one in Calgary. No.

For sure. And there's one in Toronto still. Yeah, I was gonna say, I know my brother went to one like in the last 10 years in Toronto. And 10 years ago, Earls changed their- Their whole vibe? Well, they changed the name of their-

Their deal? Oh, their beer? Their beer, because they had albino rhino beer. Albino rhino, yeah. And people said, don't say that anymore. At least you know. And they said, oh, but it's named after Paul Bettany's

character from- From the Da Vinci Code. Da Vinci Code, yes, Robert Langdon. Dr. Langdon. I think they may call it white rhino ale or something. Sure, which come on, leave the white people alone. Just call it rhino ale. Just stop the rhino attack.

I mean, leave the white rhinos alone. I think they're pretty extinct. They're endangered. Sheesh, I could use some more time. I've been to the old Spaghetti Factory. That's American, right? Or is- I think that is, it predates civilization.

It's always been here and will continue to always be here. Before there were borders. Yeah, that's true. When the pasta flowed from country to country. Was there ice cream? The system. Spamoni? Spamoni, there were borders. Yeah, that's true. When the pastor flowed from country to country. Was there ice cream? The system. Spamoni? Spamoni, there you go.

I was there very recently for niece's birthday. Yes. What else? Sounds like the perfect kind of place for a niece's family birthday. And there was too many of us to sit in the train that's in the middle of the restaurant. Dang it.

Kick some kids out. Yeah, I think we were two. Do you have nephews? I have a nephew, my brother's nephew, and then my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's. They have one of each. They have one of each. Yeah, I have two nephews, and I'm always debating,

well, what age do you form an LMFAO-style band with your nephew? It's never too early. You put the roots down, you start doing some silly dances together. Just remind them that every day they're. Hustling. Shuffling. Huffling.

Hufflepuff. Huffling. Huffing. Huffing. I'm ready for a reunion of those two and a tour. How blessed you. I would go, if they want a tour again, I would go check it out.

Who, Red Fu and Blue Man 2? Or whatever the fuck it's called. Red Fu and Sky Blue. Sky Blue. Oh, I was so close. Who is his witch? Elijah Bugalo. Sky Blue was, he was the uncle? No, no.

You're thinking the wrong Fu. I feel like Red Fu, he had a dope ass fro in one of the songs. Didn't they both? No, I literally just saw a picture of them from the 2012 MTV Awards. It was just in like a the songs. Didn't they both? No, I literally just saw a picture of them from the 2012 MTV Awards. It was just in like a Instagram post. And I think the younger dude has the colored glasses

and the big hair. And the older guy has like more of a cropped top and maybe even facial hair maybe. And how old or something? Yeah, no, he had facial hair, the uncle got that. They're uncle and nephew, but they're not like. They're like 10 years apart in age or something. I don't know, or like 15 years apart.

Well, let's find out. Red Fu definitely has an afro. Big hair. Sky Blue has shorter hair here, but in this picture, he's got longer hair, but not an afro, kind of like slash hair. Just down, okay. Curly long slash hair.

Oh, your goals, right folks? I work out, I like that song, or these things about. Okay, Red Fu is 49 years old. Oh, right, on the cusp, the cusp of- And Sky Blue is 38 years old. Oh, there you go. Sky Blue is the young one. Sky Blue is the new one.

There's the new few. And they're both related to Fairy Gordie. Gotcha, Mr. Motown. Man, like I said, if they got back together, I'd checky. Gotcha, Mr. Motown. Mm-hmm. Man, like I said, if they got back together, I'd check it out. I like the Motown. Take my money, please.

I like the Motown Christmas album. It's got the Supremes, it's got Stevie Wonder, but it doesn't have LMFAO. No, well maybe now in the next iteration of it. Every day I'm jingling. That's what I was thinking, every day I'm jingling. There you go. Is jingle the most Christmasy verb?

I don't think that you use jingle the rest of the year. Like I guess if you hear keys jingling. Yeah, or change in your pockets. Or commercial music. Oh that's sort of jingle. Y'all should know about that. Okay. King Soboboco.

We are King Soboboko. Where's our crown? Here's your crown. What's that from? And do you guys have a, you guys watch like Christmas movies or is that just like, you said your daughter just watched The Grinch. Yeah. I would like to-

Not for Christmas reasons. We watch Home Alone usually every year. Yeah, the last couple of years we've watched Home Alone. I can't get the kids to watch the Muppet Christmas Carol. Yeah, they're anti-Muppet and I don't know what to do. Weird, huh. There's a guy. I'm just so pro-Muppet.

Yeah, I'm pro-Muppet and I was following a guy on Twitter. I love Scrooge too, not to derail the- Scrooge? Yes. Fucking yeah. Scrooge's great, Bobcat Goldsway has a good part in it. Carol Kane, who's that? I don't think the kids are gonna be into Scrooge.

No, I loved it, but it's like dark and weird. It is very dark. I think Poppy might like it. They love Annie Lennox. That song gets played like 20 times in the, you put a little love in your heart. And I don't think, I don't consider it a Christmas song. No, it's not.

But I also think like, your love lifting me higher, that's a Ghostbusters 2 song. Am I over here? And I just think of Shattu Liberty walking around. Yeah, Flesh and Blood by Oingo Boingo, also a Ghostbusters 2 song. And of course, On Our Own by Bobby Brown. I'm too liberty walking around. Yeah, Flesh and Blood by Oingo Boingo, also was close clusters too. And of course, On Our Own by Bobby Brown. Yes.

But there was, I was following on Twitter, like a guy who made an unofficial Muppet account. So it was just like pictures and videos and whatever. And it was great and it got quite popular. And then of course, just like anything, if you like it online, guy came out as being abusive history guy yeah and his wife or he had to shut it down well after a long consideration I talked to my my wife my my church yes and we have decided bomber hey yeah cuz it's not it's not handing it off to him. He's just like, it's gonna stop.

Yeah, well. I'm handing it off to him. My unofficial thing that I do on my phone. I think he was in with the Muppet folks. I feel like they. Oh, was he? Yeah, he had a long history and he knew so much stuff and like. Yeah, I think he like got to go to the like. Ugh.

Muppet shop. Yeah, Jim Henson's whatever the. I went to the. Workshop. Well that Jim Henson documentary on Disney, it's fantastic. I can imagine. Yeah.

I went to the, maybe I've talked about this on the show before, but I remember when the Muppet Christmas Carol came out. Yeah. And. It was post Jim Henson's death. Yeah, it was the voice of Brian Henson as Kermit. And I saw him in the theater with my brother.

He had just gotten back like that day from university and it was maybe the last day of school for me. And I was so excited. You're so stoked. And I looked up. Big brother's back, it's Christmas time. Yeah. Muppet.

We saw the muppets on, and then we came out of the theater and there was like a thin layer of snow on the car. Oh my gosh. And we drove home and then the next morning there was a huge, like it had snowed so much overnight and it was like one of the few white Christmases. Magical. And then I went, I was like, oh, what year was that?

And I looked up, well, this must be the day the movie came out. And this would have been the last day of school. And so I went like looked up the weather history Paul Monac. And my memory is totally wrong. It did not snow. But you did put a ball on your brother

and said, you're my present this year. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't watched that yet. Somebody did a very funny parody of it and it's worth seeking out as well. It's for listeners, I don't know where it's the Folgers, the creepy Folgers commercial.

Yes. The brother and sister. Where the brother and sister have a very sexy relationship The spoof is the mum and dad come down. Yeah, be like what the fuck are you guys fucking? Dave what's going on with you this holiday season? Well, I went to, did a little bit of Christmas shopping in America last week. Oh, okay.

Where's the hotspot? Target? Talk about Target? Yeah, I went to Target. Mostly I go to Target and I get- Blaine and Bellingham. Blaine and Bellingham are the two cities of renown. Yes, of note.

Okay, do you go with? No, not this time. We go together sometimes, but this is David's solo time. And I went and I got, I noticed there's so much, like they've expanded the Christmas offerings of every candy company. Oh, okay.

Because when I was a kid, it would be like, the only things that were like special for Christmas would be like Hershey's Kisses with the red, white and green wrapping. Yeah, the paper or whatever. Or the Life Savers books. Yes. Life Savers books. If you don't know what we're talking about, worth Googling.

Well, because they, I found them a couple of years ago, but they were all Life Savers gummies. Bleh. And then someone else- It's not the same. someone else then some listeners were like no they actually have the books now But the books that they have are all just the multicolored Yeah, you would get butterscotch, and there was also like another- Mint or something maybe? Oh yeah, there was a Winto Green. Yeah.

And then- Winto Green. Winto Green. Winto Green. And there was a, there would be like all reds, like a caramel. Yeah, because it was special. And then what was it? There was another beige one as well.

Like not just butterscotch, but also maybe a caramel one as well. Yeah, maybe. It was human skin, salty, very salty. Oh, hey, Graham thinks all human skin is beige, okay. In 2024. Well, back when we were kids, right? That's true, the world didn't see color, right?

There was only one kind of Barbie. And, but they've- Everything now. Everything now, but also not everything's working Like go on they had a thing that was like do you want a yard long twix? Oh, I mean like a log pre gluten days Yes, you would have just read that. Yes. Yeah, or they had a yard long Snickers and I'm like, that's too much There's too much food too long Snickers and I'm like, that's too much. That's too much food. Too much Snickers.

Yeah, you're not giving you that much Snickers. You cut it up like a little cake. Like a Yule log. But you know who's doing the best? And I never would have guessed that this company, this is nothing new, but like 20 years ago, I never would have thought that leading the pack, I mean, Reese's doing great.

That would be my guess was Reese's. Reese's, it goes without saying. They're next level. Is it mini eggs? Nope. Cause I feel like mini eggs have come. They've got a lot of variation. They're 24, seven now.

They're not just ones a year. But now they're like, you can get chips ahoy with mini eggs in them. Oh yeah. All these things are expanding their empires, but I'm talking about nerds. Yes, ooh, that fucking nerd rope. Just like everything like this.

Oh my God, it is one of my new favorite candies. It's like a string of gummy. We've talked about it before. Oh, with the gummy, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Rolled in nerds. Oh my God. There's like three or four different flavors, like a regular, a tropical, a berry, a sour, they're all. If. It's like a regular a tropical our area sour there

And then there's the clusters which are great, but the gummies a different texture it's like a harder gummy Oh, where's the nerd rope is like real soft like like a more like a gummy bear yeah, but then they also had at in a target I had the the the lifesaver books, but then they also had at in a target. I had the the lifesaver books, but filled with nerds Flavors of nerd yeah, I guess I didn't buy them our kids certainly nerds You guys put Christmas nerds in your coffee It's all gritty at the bottom. Yeah, I'm making my latte

Anyway star targets doing great. I love- Yeah, Target's doing just fine. Yeah, I bought some Lego there. I had to, it was all behind glass. I had to get someone to- Oh, sure. Yeah, people will be running out with that, no problem. And when I got it, she said,

there's Lego leaving the case. It's like she had to put it in, say it into her- Her little mic. Her mic, and then I guess leave in the case. It's like she had to put it in, say it into her mic. And then I guess they make sure that that lines up with someone bought it in the next 20 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've got Lego on the floor. Okay.

Is there anything like this Target? I've only been to Target like a couple of times. Do they, is it all Christmas or do they have like a couple of Christmas aisles? Well, it was, so this was- Each department has their own little Christmas area. Like there's Christmas clothes, there's Christmas housewares, there's Christmas toys, there's Christmas-

There's Christmas television. Yes. You got a red television. Red and green television. Yes. Red and blue. Red and sky blue. Sky blue. The music department is all red, blue, sky blue this time of year. And our big thing in Canada is red, green. Yeah.

Christmas, he goes green red. There was a, this was before the Vancouver Taylor Swift shows happened. Oh yeah. And there were, they, I guess because they're an hour away from Vancouver or just because everywhere in the world is obsessed with Taylor Swift. It was December, but they were only playing

Taylor Swift music. Okay. And it was- She doesn't have a Christmas tune, does she? Oh, she does. Yeah? There's a whole a Christmas tune, does she? Oh, she does. Yeah? There's a whole Christmas album, doesn't she? Probably, I don't know.

She has a Christmas era, and her era is to her. See, there you go. Half an hour of the show is just her. Yeah, it's just jingle jangle. The only one I can think of is Lover, where she says we can leave the Christmas lights up until January. Oh.

Because. Maybe I'm just assuming she has a Christmas. I'm sure there is. She's got a Christmas vibe. When she was younger. When she was a kid, apparently she grew up on a Christmas tree farm. Well, there you go.

Oh, she, I think she has a song called Christmas tree farm. And she, the whole family moved to Nashville. Travis, I wanna bang you in a Christmas tree farm. David! This was free Travis. It was about Harry Styles and everything. She was manifesting it. She was.

You know, if she dates you, she'll write a song about you. Yeah, bang that fucker in that Christmas tree, mother fucker. Also, she's gone, you know, her like first song that I knew was the, You Belong to Me, or Belong with Me. And she was supposed to be the nerd, and he's the something else, and now she's living the life of the cheerleader. Oh my gosh. She's the cheerleader.

She's cheer captain and he's on the bleachers. He's existential. Well no, she's cheer captain. And she's on the bleachers. Like there's two girls. Ursula. She's singing about the other girl and her. I think we were singing that once or it was playing and it was like she wears short

skirts I wear t-shirts and Abby jumped in with she also wears t-shirts everyone wears t-shirts but we were I was in Target and they were there was I only was really paying attention to one song but they were bleeping Taylor Swift oh really like there were some lines they weren't one song, but they were bleeping Taylor Swift. Oh, really? Like there were some lines, they weren't bleeped, but they were taking, lines were taken out. The one where she says, I think about jumping off a very tall something.

And they took out the off a very tall something. Just jumping. I feel like jumping. Feels like jumping. And then they took out, there's a line about her taking off her blouse and that was scandalous. Put on a t-shirt. I was just thinking.

Everyone wear t-shirts. And someone works at Target and it's their job to be like, hmm. What could we? I don't want anyone thinking about Taylor Swift's naked body. Thickened, tops off. When I worked at Toys R Us as a youth, they had non-denominational Christmas tunes only. Oh, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, none of the classics. It was all like- Nothing about Jesus, nothing about- No, and none of the traditional ones. It was like in sync and, you know- Sure. What was their name? Ah, Country Singer. She had a big Christmas album. Leanna Rimes? Oh, okay.

Oh, gotcha. That kind of stuff. Stuff they like were not songs that you've ever heard of before or since. Our doctor going more crazy than usual today. Well, I hear there's a little elf climbing on the roof. Is that right? Yeah.

I guess he's not little, he's pretty big as an elf ghost. Abby, I keep notes in my phone of like things to talk about on the show. And this was in my note. Is this what you're gonna confront me about? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Because we've been together 24 years.

Next April will be 25. 25 years, you guys, holy shit. Year 2000 we started dating. Wow. And there's a- Y2K. Yeah. Shit. And there's a- Y2K. Yeah. Shit. And there's something you brought up to me

a couple of months ago that I'm like, really? I didn't know this. And it's been part of something you do every day. When we go to bed at night, you told me that you do not like having the pillow face you in a way where you can see into the pillowcase. Dave's, if I turn over and I look at Dave's pillow and I can see inside the pillowcase and see the pillow, I don't like it. And I did not know that. And I also...

What do you think that stemmed from? Let's go to a zee dive here. Why do you hate the inside of a pillow? I don't know. Just something that just irks you. You gotta have a cover on, you just gotta have a pillowcase. Well, it has a pillowcase, but I'm flippin'. Every time I wake up, it's all wrong. I gotta flip it. You're like a little dog when you like,

stomp around a little bit. I also do a little turn in the back. Yeah, a little spin around. Yeah, I... I don't know. But I wasn't shocked by that. I was shocked that that, that, that had never come up, that I was learning something new about you.

I've just been holding it in, cause it happens all the time. What? It's. Oh, it doesn't, it happens like. But we, we, you go to bed every night. That's true. It happens every day.

No, but I mostly face the other way in general. But I don't know, man. Yeah, fair enough. There's stuff that, yeah, that just mysteriously irks me. Oh, man, there's another thing that makes me angrier than it should. When I have an umbrella and the little belt that you close the umbrella with, I can see it. If it's hanging down, I fucking hate it. It has's hanging down kind of thing? Yes, I fucking hate it.

It has to be behind me. I hate it. I don't want to see that fucking thing dangling. It has to be behind me. Something must have happened in your childhood. I think it's just visually, yeah, someone killed my mom. Grandma, let's not figure that out today.

I think it's just visually distracting maybe. Yeah, sure. Because it's just moving. Otherwise it's clean. But I said, I'm more angry than I should be about it. Oh, I was just like I went for a jog last week and I Had what I thought was like just the tiniest bit of an eyebrow In my on your vision. Yeah, and I was just trying like as I'm running I'm like wiping my face and would not brush it off

Yeah, could not get could not figure it out when As soon as I got home, looked in the mirror, it disappeared, it wasn't. It was a ghost. It was a ghost inside your eye. It might've been like a little eye hemorrhage. Oh no! A little floating or something. Yeah.

The new Apple eye hemorrhage. Yeah. The eye hemorrhage. No, they don't do that anymore. No, why? They don't put the eye in front of things anymore. Apple? That's true. Yeah.

What do they call the pencil? Just Apple Pencil. Apple Pencil. Well, they still do iPhone, iPad, but they don't- Sure, but they can't change the name of the iPhone. They could, they could change it to Rakuten, which now our company's called Rakuten. That's true.

Everyone just accepted that and moved on. And there's certain things that like, when the Apple Watch came out people were like Hmm. No, that's an iWatch. You got yourself an iWatch. Oh There you go or the Apple TV sure is a Apple TV. Yeah. Yeah, I'll your pull TV Yeah, okay Anyway, we got to the bottom of yeah of the pillow thing. Oh thing So that's what's going on. me. You guys are still surprising each other

all these years later. It's lovely to see. We love to see it. You gotta play the long game, right? That's true. You gotta play the long game. And then at the end, that's when the con takes play. One last con for your entire.

Or things just build up for years and then all of a sudden, 20 something years into a relationship, you learn something earth shatteringly like remarkable about your partner and you can't remember that day in this case. Oh yeah, by the way, I also am a problematic muppet Instagramer. I decided to hand off the account. Man, you just fucking can't enjoy anything. No, you really can't. You gotta separate the art from the artist. That's what I learned from this Jim Henson documentary.

Yeah. Yeah. Ah! Graham, what's going on with you in this holiday season? Oop-de-do, so it's stickily doop. Did you figure out that song yet? Can you hum it again from church? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Hmm This is something about it's he is coming our Lord and you're like, yeah, he's totally coming and he's like, yeah Well, let's prepare in celebration Me oh thou great Jehovah, no, but that's the tune. That's the exact right tune. I don't know why I can't think of it, but that is the exact. Okay. If I had a hymnal, I'd give it to you.

Let's open up to page 87. And sing a song you don't know the tune to. That was always the thing. Everyone else seems to. I just, all the songs when I was a kid were just like, dirges. They were just like dirges. They were just like slow, ugly. I am like a pretty fervent atheist.

Like I'm, it's just not for me. You're like breaking your vase. Never has been for me, but I grew up going to church. And for some reason I have the most like soft, nostalgic attachment to the most religious Christmas songs. Yeah. Like I don't care about Jingle Rock, like that's fun and stuff like that.

But like, yeah, away in a manger or like the super glow. Like that shit. What's the one that's like. Parking hells angels. Ball on your knees. What is that one? That's a holy night. A holy night.

So all that stuff. That one does roll. I love it, it's so beautiful. And I don't know, I have such a weird like cross combination of something I absolutely don't care about or for and then just like, oh, this makes me feel good. Sure.

This makes me feel good. Okay, so this song. Morning Star. Oh. It's called Morning Star. Oh, look at you, you pulled it out. Morning Star. I'vehmm. Morning star. Da-da-da-da-da.

I've got part of it. All right. Maybe just that was the Weird Al lyrics. Is that his Morning Star, the, it's not the Kevin Costner Ranch Show. You did go to the Church of Weird Al when you were a child. That's Yellowstone? Oh, Yellowstone.

Oh. Yellowstone. You are so good, apparently. You're a frickin ranch man Well two things two big things happen this week mm-hmm first I went to Kelowna BC nice Kelowna BC famously Says if a town was designed by Blink 182.

It would be Kelowna, yeah. And even in winter or in the fall, it's more of a- They drive pickup trucks around. It's summertime wake- It's real summertime lake. Wakeboarding. And it is all trucks.

There are no cars. I saw like maybe- It's remarkable. I've only been there once and it was remarkable. Yeah, trucks and SUVs. How many pickup trucks they were. That's all. And I didn't want to drive because I don't have winter... I was going to say Christmas tires.

We haven't been blessed by Christ. Yes. Like any tires, Christmas tires. Oh my God. I'm so tired of it. Everyone's so PC. You're not allowed to even call them Christmas tires anymore. But I don't have winter tires and I'm not going to get any because it's ridiculous. So I decided I would take the bus, take the bus to Kelowna. Okay.

Four hour journey in a bus. And I fucking loved it. I loved it. Just sit back. No, you don't have to go through security. Yeah. You just line up at the door, they let you on. Find your seat.

You find your seat. Nothing bad. They shouldn't have security. No one's ever chopped anyone's head off. Yeah, then someone's flying on the bus. There's, yeah, you get to pick your own seat. If somebody reclines their seat in front of you, it doesn't, there's space there.

It doesn't infringe your, yeah. Yeah, and. That's a new feeling. Yeah, and you're, yeah, it was really, it was nice and like the guy that was, they switched drivers in Revelstoke, BC. Okay. But the guy we had was really funny.

We had like the funny guy. Real character. Yeah, he was a real character, told some jokes. And then, oh, we got one driver on the way back, sour. Real sour puss? Sour puss, yeah. What were the jokes?

I think that there seems to be two kinds of bus drivers, like the people who are really happy to be there and then- It's like the meme of the two people on the bus, the guy looking out the window being sad and the guy looking out the window being happy. Yeah. Yeah. This guy loved his job. She's over it. What was the, I want some of the jokes. I can't remember, but they were of the ilk of like, you know, mama tomato, papa tomato,

or walking along with baby tomatoes, lagging behind. Ketchup. Yeah, squashed them in and said ketchup. Yeah, there you go. That kind of, that was the joke. Beautiful. And yeah, I-

They weren't bus related? No, I mean, he should learn a couple bus related jokes. You got nothing but time driving that fucking bus. But maybe he takes the bus very seriously and he's like- It's no joking matter. Oh yeah, there's one I could think of, but I don't think it would stand the test of time. Okay.

Say it off air. Yeah. Bleep it. Yeah, no, I'm taking some of the characters in this and they would just would not but it's not gonna work. All right but anyway, so Big birds driving this bus. Yeah, big birds driving the bus. Only they can see Snuffleup again and Smooth ride there smooth ride back. The only downside to being on the bus is that people can use their phones.

And for the most part, people didn't. Like just talking. Yeah. And I don't mind talking, talking's fine because people can talk. Yeah, it's the FaceTiming and stuff. And there's a real lack of spatial awareness. Are people playing videos out loud?

No, not with my eyes. No, not videos. There was one guy that was communicating with his either ugly mom or ugly wife. Oh! Oh! Because you see them. I can see them, yeah.

Okay, I was like, did he call her ugly to her face? Yeah, you ugly motherfucker. I'll be home for Christmas. Wow. Yeah, look, I hated this guy from the start. Hey, man. And then I just found more things to hate about him. We listen and we don't judge.

Yeah. Yes, we do. Your wife or mother is ugly. You know what, if you can't handle the heat, don't have a FaceTime call. Don't have a public fucking FaceTime call. And so I went. So fuck this guy.

Fuck this guy and the horse he rode in on. And I went to Kelowna and I played at the Kelowna Curling Club. Oh, that sounds good. It was the coolest venue. It's a good venue. How did you get booked there? There's a guy in Kelowna named Rob Balston

and he books shows and he does corporate things. Is there still a Yuck Yucks in that? No, no Yuck Yucks. Bar? named Rob Ballston and he books shows and he does corporate things. And- Is there still a Yuck Yucks in that? No, no Yuck Yucks. Bar? He's very good, he's very good. He like knows how to set it up so it's a good show. And-

That's good, that's important. Yeah. And lacking in a lot of- And lacking. And a lot of other places. You weren't playing among the sheets of ice. No, which I have done a bowling alley show where I was in the bowling alley.

And the people are bowling as you perform? Yeah, this was different, nobody was on the ice. Cause it would be hard, cause people are yelling. Well, they're pretty hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've been to one of these when I was a kid, the club and then there's like the bar upstairs. And it just took me so, yeah, so instantly back.

And it was cool and it had like, you know, banners hanging up from like 1986 Pepsi sponsored, you know, like things felt on felt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1992 sponsored by Crystal Pepsi. 1999 sponsored by Pepsi Blue. Yep. And it, apparently, I didn't see this, but I was talking to a person from my building,

they have a phone down on the ice that you can call and order a beer from the bar. Oh, cool. Oh, this goes right up to the bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's convenient. And if the place was great, the audience didn't really like me all that much. Well, that's their best friend. I'm more interested in the bar.

Does the beer come down on a dumb waiter? Is there someone that brings- Oh, I don't know, I should have asked. I just assumed it was a pitcher of beer that somebody would bring down. Oh, sure. And make it worth their while. Make it walk down a big, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pitchers only. The staff there was great. Staff was great. Fantastic. Wide selection of drinks. Did you listen to that one Weaker Than song? I hate Winnipeg, I hate Kelowna. No.

Tournament of Hearts, I think. Oh, I don't, yeah, okay. Cause that, wasn't that a thing? It's the Tournament of Hearts was. It's a curling tournament. Mm-hmm. Scotties, was it Scotties? Scotties does, no, the Briar is the men's tournament.

The Tournament of Hearts is the women's tournament. I think, correct me if I'm wrong. I remember the Scotties, was it Scotties? Scotties does, no, the Briar is the men's tournament. The tournament of hearts is the women's tournament. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, one listener who curls John Cullen. John Cullen, looking at you. Yeah, so it was, like I say, the crowd didn't take to me all that much, but. It's a venue where your, is your face twitching? No, no, it's just, sorry,

I was just biting my lip for a second there. Okay, is it a venue where they like ticket it or is it just, you know, whoever happens to be curling that night? No, it was ticketed and it was the weird, so it was like three companies that were, it was kind of their Christmas, pseudo Christmas party. Oh, that's fun.

You love that. I love it. And then the rest was general public. And the guy who was the feature act looked up one of the company's reviews, Google reviews. They were hysterical. Like just like would never tell anybody to go here. They stunk, they smelled bad. They've ruined our eavesdrop

They've broken And he just like scrawling just one bad review after another I was like are you gonna do that on stage? He's like I kind of have to and I was like Well, go for it buddy I kind of have to, I don't think you do He chickened out. He didn't do it. I kind of need to you know Have some bad blood between me and the audience before you go up on that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Win them back with good reviews. Yeah. Yeah, I've been looking at your Travelocity reviews. Yeah. Yeah, so a show went as well as could be imagined. Well, there you go. Returned to Vancouver and the very next day,

you gave it away, I saw in person for the first time ever in my life, a cyber truck. Oh yeah, yeah. Who's that one today? I see them every day now. And they ask me, I'm looking at his phone. Really?

Because I hadn't seen one, and then I did see one the next day, but I had my picture taken with it. It is a dumpster. It is a dumpster. If it wasn't called cyber truck, people would think it was the coolest thing ever. It's just like, they're trying to compete with trucks. The problem is, some people would think it was the coolest thing ever. It's just trying to compete with

The problem is people some people do think it's the coolest thing ever Whoever's behind the wheel because they all came to town at the same time could be everyone must have ordered them like three years ago And now that I see them every day Yeah, I hadn't seen one before I do like sure in front of it Sally got a her picture in front of it. Then we went in the restaurant. And there's a couple different finishings. No, this is just- I've only seen silver.

I've seen like a kind of a more matte silver and then a more shiny silver. High school with matte silver. Yeah? How's he doing? Dead. Oh, shit! Oh, no.

He was crushed under a Cybertruck. So it wasn't that long ago. No, it was for a reason're still in more recent. I hated Yeah, so that's a that's a man that was a big day that was a big day and then we went in the restaurant We're like is somebody in this restaurant. I know the owner. That's the problem Yeah, you do think it was somebody from the restaurant. They walked out and got in the cyber. Okay, was nice Where was there something where they built different? Yeah, they were awesome.

Yeah, exuded awesomeness. They did, you know, like when skiers do like that cool flip from the air where they cross the skis, that's kind of their thing. They're in cross? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, so Sa's Cybertruck, that's really the reason for the season. Yep. Is Cybertruck. Spotting one of those. Yeah. I mean, Cybertruck, that's really the, to me, the reason for the season.

Yep. Is Cybertruck. Spot in one of those. Yeah. I mean, it is a shiny bauble. Yeah, yeah, put a big glup on top. Something you don't see every day up here. Mm-hmm, hang it from your Cybertree.

From your Cybertree. I worry with the amount of Teslas we have. How many fucking Cybertrucks are we gonna get? A lot, I think. A lot, yeah. Yeah, I think they're on their way. I thought they were just like a meme and then they started arriving. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't know what the like numbers are because I don't live in another city. I live in this city. Yeah. Oh, it's all Teslas everywhere? Like, I would say 20% of all cars at least are Teslas. Oh, God, yeah.

If not more. Yeah, yeah. And literally every single day you see 25 Teslas. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In the three colors that are available. Yes. Yeah, and Cybertruck's just the silver-ish. So apparently they might go matte silver.

I thought there was like a, anyway, like a real steel color and then a more- I think this was more like a steel color. Anyway. But somebody reviewed the Cybertruck as if it was a truck. Yes. And they said that snow and ice stick in where the headlights are.

There's like a strip. Oh, a little groove or something. And then you can't get it out and then you don't have daytime running lights if you've got that blocked. Nice. It's, yeah, look. It's not great.

There's been a lot said about it. What if you went to a job site somewhere and somebody had a cyber truck? It's happening. It's only gonna happen more. Everybody else has got a Ford F-150, you've got a cyber truck. I could take some stuff with me, you guys.

Not the big tools. No, no, no, nothing to the tall ones. They're like the ones that are under 13 inches or whatever. I follow this Instagram account. I've talked about it before, zero BMG or something. It's a thing. It's an Instagram account that is this like car simulator and it will take a, you know, compare a bunch of different cars, you know, going off jumps, going off, going over bumps,

going, you know, braking as hard as they can. And then it'll pick three or four cars and then one of them will be a Tesla and it will just burst into flames. I think the guy running it really has something against him. Maybe the bias in his numbers. But yeah, big, big week for me. There you go.

And before we go onto some overheard, a fun little thing we like to do, Secret Santa. Yeah, so there's a thing we do every year. Merry Christy Christmas. We do a Secret Santa here, and it's a gift exchange. It's a tradition that we hold dear. You're near to our heart.

Well, this year I managed to, I pulled a name out of the hat and you won't believe it. I got Graham. Yeah, and what's weird is this year I got David and Abby. What? Oh, what? So these, my presents are for both. Oh, snap. Oh, wow. Okay.

I also got Graham and Sally. Oh, yeah. Well, there you go. I forgot that we put in our entry together. What, what do you, how do you want to exchange just full, full bag full? Like handoff, like this is a kidnapping. Or do you want to hand individual items? I can hand individual items. I got a card. There's a card. Oh, Dave and Abby card. Both very poorly wrapped presents. There.

I drew my own Christmas tree on there. Oh my gosh, you wrapped them? And this guy. This is, this is Dave and Abby, the Shitter's Fool. Shitter's Fool. A reference. And a shitter's fool to you too, and yours. Oh, this holiday may your tree be squirrel free.

And it pulls out, pulls out, pulls out. And it pulls out to a super tall tree. And may you have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas ever. Your turkey not too dry, your eggnog be good. Yeah. Nice. Huge. It goes, it's like a four level card.

It's a four level card. I think it was supposed to sing, but I think the singing part doesn't work. Remember when you got us. Christmas vacation. Yeah, there Christmas vacation. Remember when you got us that Taylor Swift card? Yes. Oh, Margot loved it. And the Miley Cyrus. Margot loved it.

I remember that was like her favorite toy for a week. She was maybe like not even two. Well, for you, the first thing here is. Oh, okay. Oh, there you go. A piece of cardboard. Something behind a piece of cardboard. Oh. Okay, I'm gonna look A piece of cardboard. Something behind a piece of cardboard. Oh.

I'm gonna look at it. I found this on the internet and I thought it was really funny. This is a photo of Robert Plant and comedian Emo Phillips. And it was Emo Phillips' like headshot. Really? From Epic Records, yeah. It's a promotional image. Records, yeah. There's a promotional image. Oh yeah, and then this is, yeah,

from his album, E equals M-O squared. It's a picture that takes up like 80% and then there's a little blurb of text at the bottom. Someone posted it on Twitter and I thought it was really funny and I checked eBay and someone was selling it. Yeah, fair enough. Aw, Graham loves you more.

I love it. Now this is, I gotta frame it. You gotta frame it. You gotta frame it. There you go. Now I'm gonna open this one. Yeah. Oh, beautiful. This is for both.

This counts for both. And then you open it, dear. Yeah, both of you open it a little. They've helped. And I helped. David helped. I love this, by the way. It's so funny and weird.

My pleasure. Because rubber plant's hair looks amazing. Oh, is this a Mr. Bean? A Mr. Bean Funko! I feel like you could put it out with your Christmas decorations because he's like the King of Christmas. Oh my God, and he even has Teddy.

I mean the head would, the Christmas Funko would it be? His head is a turkey. That's true. We have a Grinch bobblehead. He can stand next to the Grinch bobblehead. No, we have a huge Funko collection. Funko wall, well, our Fonko wall's full. Are you Fonko people?

Our Fonko wall's full, so we need to, we have to just start a new Fonko wall. It's our kids' artwork. No, this is wonderful, thank you. He's even got his little mole. Oh. Yeah, he's cute as all, and I got him just before the postal service went on strike. Nice, I was gonna say before the price dropped,

not before the price rose. Well, Graham, as you can tell from this bag, I went to Trader Joe's. Yes, while he was in America. In the fridge, we have some gluten-free pasta, more noodles for you. Oh, really? More noodles for you.

Thank you. This is for Sally, this is some- Nutritional yeast, okay, she loves it. And American nutritional yeast to your wife. You and yours. And here for you, your traditional. Peppermint bark, thanks you guys. Grandma's it.

I love it, I love it. And this. Have you had any bark yet this year? No, this is it. This is where I'm starting. Ooh, and you get a pretty little tin. Yeah. Oh yeah, I've gotta keep the tin here, right?

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You can put some pins in there. And you decorated this one with, it's a little snowman. Little snowman. And I'm gonna open it. This you decorated this one with, that's a little snowman. Little snowman. And I'm gonna open it. This is just like, this is only for classy people.

Oh. Like us. Like me and Dave. Yeah. It's a thing of after eights. It's after eights. Tube of after eight sticks. This is a Canadian Christmas tradition. Yeah. Sure.

This is Canadian? Yeah. I think so. Just remember them as a kid. They would be after dinner. Yeah, my brother This is Canadian. Yeah, I think so I just remember them as a kid Yeah, my brother always got Ferrero Rochers and I always got the little envelopes of After oh, and yeah, these are after eight sticks. These are just a like pocky sized dudes. Oh, that's good Those just a little minty tube. Oh, yeah And that's pretty much it. Oh, wait a minute.

There's one more I have for you. Oh yeah? Now you're gonna have to go to your computer to enjoy it. Oh God. Okay. You've gotta turn the sound on. Okay. Turn up the radio. Can I plug my computer in here?

Sure. Into the sound? Crank it up. Now, have you sent me something? Uh-uh. Okay. That's something you have to discover online. Okay.

It's ashtonkutcher.com. Well, it's funny you would say that. Graham's bought it. It's funny I would say that. I was literally five seconds before you came in I was listening to last week's episode. It's ashtonkutcher.ca. Whoa!

Ashtonkutcher.ca. Whoa! Ashtoncutcher.ca. Whoa! After our talk about... WrestleMania.ca. Oh, what has he done? So you go to ashtoncutcher.ca. We were talking about Wrestlemania.ca that you own. And ashtoncutcher.com that I was trying to buy

six years ago. Okay, so this is, did you copy all this out of? This is I think just from the- There's a bunch of text on the website. Yeah, Wikipedia, all information about Ashton Kutcher. Did you make the website? Did you make the website? My dear friend Josh Lohan did.

Bless you, Josh Lohan. Ashton Kutcher, born Christopher Ashton Kutcher on February 7th, 1978 in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Idaho-wa. Is a multifaceted et cetera. Yeah. Et cetera, et cetera. There's a lot of et cetera on it.

Okay, and then there's a YouTube video. It's a multi hyphenate. That says Merry Christmas Day that I'm worried about. No, no, no, don't be, it's a lot of et cetera on it. Okay, and then there's a YouTube video. It's a multi hyphenate. That says Merry Christmas Dave, and I'm worried about it. No, no, no, don't be, it's a... I have that smile, oh Tell me that smile Slide show. It's a slide show.

Laying it on you crying We're lonely I'm gonna turn the music down so we don't get kicked off the internet. But it is the growing pains theme and a bunch of pictures of the two of us and other people. And there's baby Poppy. That was, yeah, Mario was in there?

Mm-hmm. Or was that baby Poppy? I think it was Poppy. And there was Amanda Brooke Perrin as well. Oh yes, there we go. Did Josh make that? Josh made that. Josh made our old logo that was the city of Vancouver.

The crest. Crest. Yeah. And Steve Baize took that picture. There's some Photoshopped. That's when we were wearing the Kiteite shirt. Yeah. Didn't Amanda Berkperin bring you those? Somebody brought you those from their hometown that was like-

Maybe it was Becky Johnson? Becky Johnson. Becky Johnson, yeah. There's some drawings in there. Some promotional photos. Classic baby maternity photos, fun con photos, Zach Brian and Ryan Gosling.

Well that's great, that's very thoughtful. Aww. If you can enjoy year round. Exactly, now you go to ashtonkutcher.ca if you're ever feeling down. Yeah, so that's for you listeners as well, you can go to ashton Kutcher.

It's true, it's not just exclusive to this IP address. And, you know, finally we made use of his name. Yes, his name, we didn't use his name in vain. Yes. No, exactly. But that was very funny lead in. Yes, that was very funny. There's something else for you.

Oh no, there's one more thing. I don't know, I was very- Oh, wait, there's something else for you. Oh, no, there's one more thing. Wait a minute. I don't know. I was thinking maybe it would be kind of nice to give you some heartfelt, you know, those kinds of like- Oh, Dave, that's nice. Doesn't cost money. Yeah, those kind of coupons that couples give each other just to show how much they love

each other. You know, you can't put a price on these. You can't. No. Friendship, friendship. These are just sort of like, you know, good deeds that I could give you. Okay. Again, year round. Year round.

It's not just a Christmas time. Maybe some of them are a little romantic. Okay, let's see. Oh, let's find out. This is the first, these are held together by a paperclip. Yep. Very romantic. They're about, what would you say,

like three inches by two inch, how many? I'm just gonna give the- Well, let me whip it out as a measure. Two of Dave's, no. All right, so here we go. This is good for one week off from trash duty. Oh, I need it too. Man, oh man.

You're right, I see you out there dragging those bags around. And I'm always late. I'm always late first thing in the morning. I'm running down the driveway alley, I guess for me. Good for one long wet kiss that will send you to the moon. Oh, I'm gonna put that one in my front pocket. Boy, oh, oh. Good for a nice back rub, that's good.

You know what, I'm gonna wait till stressful day. Yeah. And I'm gonna- Cash that bad boy in. Good for a nice back rub, and now? Good for a nice rack, bub. That's what Wolverine says when he sees your tits. Yep. Nice back rub, and now? Good for a nice rack, bub. That's what Wolverine says when he sees your tits. Yep.

That's the deal we have, me and Wolverine. He has to be silly anytime I show my tits. Yeah. And snicked is what his boner says. When he sees your tits. Did he, was that joke silly enough to go in the Deadpool Wolverine movie? Yeah, it could be.

Yeah, the bar's pretty low. He says bub in the Deadpool Wolverine movie. Yeah, it could be. Yeah, the bar's pretty low. He says bub, right? Wolverine does. Yeah, okay. He's bub. Stop right there. But he's not bub, you're bub when you're next to him. He's not referring to himself.

I'm bub. Snaked. Snaked. Present this coupon. Wait, start again. Stop right there. Present this coupon to spice up your life, in brackets, if you wanna be my lover, end bracket.

Say you'll be there so tonight is the night when two become one, zig-a-zig-a. Yeah, that one sort of had like a pop music theme. It had a feel to it. Yeah, a little spice to it, yeah. Present this coupon and you don't have to watch The Office reboot on Amazon. Oh, thank God.

Australian, is it? I have no idea, I just saw an ad for it. I saw like a poster, like a thumbnail. Yeah. Oh boy. Is that any of the classic cast is Stanley back? I couldn't tell. It was just a wide shot of an office with people in it. And I recognize the font.

Stinkeroo. Good for one spooky blindfolded picnic complete with witch eyeballs, grapes, monster brains, cooked spaghetti, cold cooked spaghetti. You don't want to be hot. Okay. It's not hot brain. Okay.

Mummy shit, warm chocolate pudding, vampire dicks, donkey dicks. You can't tell the difference. Yeah, I know. Donkey dicks do feel a lot like vampire dicks. What was it? Vampire fingers? Vampire dicks. Vampire dicks do feel a lot like vampire dicks. Uh, what was it? Vampire fingers? Vampire dicks. Vampire dicks.

Okay. Phil Hanley has a joke about being called Donkey Hammer in high school. Hock Tooh, present this coupon and I'll spit on that thing and rub it until I can see my reflection. That's the point of it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Snicked. Uh. Present this coupon, and I'll shoulder so much of that invisible emotional labor

that you honestly don't know exists and couldn't even fathom. Whoa, deep, deep, deep, deep. Can't put a price on that. Dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, dip, waaah. Present this coupon and I'll sing bass in your barbershop or doo-wop, or doo-wop ensemble. Yeah. Which you probably think you're more likely to do your barbershop or doo-wop or doo-wop ensemble. Yeah Which you think you're more likely to do barbershop or doo-wop?

You know what? I like the outfits the barbershop guys get to wear. Oh straw boaters Goodbye Baby on board Something something Burtwood. Oh, Lord. Present this coupon and I'll tell you where I hid your EpiPen. Thank you.

Because I've been searching high and low. You won't need it. Present this coupon and I'll set up a special wine tasting. But you know what I like to taste of? Liberal tears. I drink a warm mug of them every morning and I say, yum, where's your safe space now, Woko Ono? Woko Ono, that's really good.

Did you come up with Woko Ono? I think so. I was trying to come up, the original idea was Woko Hauntus, but I thought maybe that's not gonna fly these days. Not on the woke side, I can tell you that. Present this coupon and I'll stand up for you to those mean boys at school.

Although they do make some good points. You're a funky face diaper butt who runs like a bitch. Good for one massage with a happy ending. Warning, I consider the movie My Girl to have a happy ending. He can't see with those glasses. He'll have your EpiPen handy. Doesn't he get stung by a bee? He gets stung by a bee.

Yeah, a bunch of bees. Good for some prison role play. You'll be a horny, wrongfully convicted prisoner in need of a conjugal visit. I'll be the CEO of a for-profit prison corporation getting rich off your suffering. We will never meet. Present this coupon and I'll tell you

where you know that actor from. He was Cassandra's dad in Wayne World 2 and he was the Chinese restaurant episode of Seinfeld. I know the guy. Cartwright. What is his name? Oh, Cartwright is what he yells. Oh yeah, he yells. His character name in Seinfeld, Bruce. Really?

Yeah, and in Wayne's World, Jeff. Oh, I thought he had a very traditional name, but Jeff Wong maybe. Jeff Wong, okay. Good for one strip tease, there'll be 1% strip and then there'll be one strip and then there'll be Wayne's world Jeff. Oh, I thought he had a very like traditional name, but Jeff Wong maybe. Okay. Good for one strip tease, there'll be 1% stripping and 99% teasing.

Ha ha, nice boner. Oh, it's snaked. Gonna keep them forever. They go in the Christmas coupon folder. There you go. Well, God bless us everyone. Merry Christmas everybody. And you go. Well, God bless us everyone. Merry Christmas everybody. Let's move on.

And happy holidays. Yes. Because I'm overheard. Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, right? That's true, Justin. Is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician?

No, Justin, that is absolutely not true. However, our podcast is funny and interesting and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past as well as some current not so legit health care fads. So you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better. Sure. And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor? Well, you could say that. And our podcast is free?

Yes, it is free. You heard it here first folks. Sawbones, Merrell Tuer, Miss Guy, The Medicine, right here on Maximum Fun, just as good as going to the doctor. No, no, no. Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but pretty good. It's up there. It's hard to explain what happens on Jordan, Jesse, Go.

So I had my kids do it. Saying swear words. Saying swear words. Yeah, bad jokes. Bad jokes? Bad jokes. Bad jokes? Bad jokes.

Maybe it's like you tell people that you're going to interview them and then you just stay there like, like really quiet and try and creep them out. It's just really boring. Because of Jordan, right? Not me. Because of both of you. Oh. Subscribe to Jordan Jesse Goh, a comedy show for grownups.

Overheard. Overheard, a segment where during this very, I was going to say, festive season, but I thought somber season. It's not really a somber season. I mean, it can be. It can be sad. You know, Catherine O'Hara,

when she's coming back to get Kevin, that's very sad. Yeah, she's very serious. Scrooge when he's, you know, meeting all those mean ghosts. Yeah, yeah. And you know, the poor goose that he brings in, fattened Christmas goose. Mm-hmm. The goose is getting fat.

Like, I- I mean, I don't know what you expect. Not the body shame of the damn goose, but yeah. Maybe that's who the guy was FaceTiming with. Maybe the fat goose. Right, y'all. His face. When Graham goes low, I go high. Mm-hmm.

And we always like to start with the guest, Abby, would you please share an over? Yes, this past weekend, our younger child had a birthday party. Yeah, thanks for the invite. Yeah, you were there. Oh yeah. I said Graham wasn't, but David was there.

I wasn't there, yeah. And there were some reasons I put out like, the kids were arriving and I put out like some coloring sheets and some little bowls of popcorn and whatever. It's playing with you. There's no plan for the party. It's just chilling at our house, whatever. And the kids sit down and they start chatting

and they're coloring their pictures of, you know, Sanrio characters and stuff. Everyone's happy and they're eating the popcorn. And then they ask for another bag of popcorn. And they ask for another bag of popcorn. Sure. And they ask for another bag of popcorn. And then I was like, you, and there's full like, a little buffet in the kitchen of like a bunch of different things, fruit, chips, goldfish, whatever, no interest. They just want to eat their own weight in popcorn. And then they won't stop talking about the popcorn. So then we've

denied them popcorn and now they just weren't talking about popcorn and they're comparing who has the most popcorn and then they just end up with a bunch of, we just keep putting the popcorn in the same bowl. Yeah. So there's just a bunch of unpopped kernels in the bottom. So they start looking, they start talking about the kernels and then they start arguing about whether it's kernel or cornel. Cause it's corn.

Now, you bring it up. And one kid's like, no, it's K-E-R. And she goes, no, that doesn't sound right. I think it's cornel, cause it's corn. I mean, I don't have anything to- Did I interrupt them? Absolutely not. I just let them agree that it was a cornel.

Cornel, that makes sense. But then people would think cornhole and then that's that's upsetting you guys the people of a certain age within cornhole. Yo, yeah Yeah, so there's that well actually our kids wanted a Cornhole yo birthday party birthday birdie. Oh like beavers and bedhead. No just cornhole No, just cornhole. It's just gonna be TP and bunghole. T-shirts on our heads. Yes. TP-shaped cake.

I'm in the room with the two- Bunghole-shaped cupcakes. I'm in a room with the two people I know who hate those popcorn kernel commercials at the movies. Yes! I was so happy to hear you hate them. I hate them. And we go with the kids and the kids are like, hey, look, mom, it's your favorite.

And I was like, oh, why do they have faces? Mouths! I look mom, it's your favorite. I was like, oh, why do they have faces? It's, I think I was more okay with them many years ago when they were in an army scenario. Well, one of them is still. He's a Colonel. He's a Colonel. Right? But now they're just like- He's a popcorn Cornell. He's a colonel Cornell.

And he, they're on a golf course now, they're on- They're not even in the movie theater anymore. Yeah, they really irk me. Yeah, sometimes they're in the grocery store in the like produce department, getting rained on. They are? Yeah. I don't remember that one.

I've just blocked it all out, I guess. Yeah, they're horrible. We hate it. I don't like the militarization of my sacks, first of all. Yeah. So I'm against that in principle. Also don't try and sell me popcorn at the theater, I know. They're hideous.

Yeah, also, yeah. I'll preach to the choir here, like come on, you already got my money. If I'm sitting in the watching previews, I've already gotten popcorn. Yeah, exactly, I'm already literally eating my popcorn. Oh, it never occurred to me to get popcorn. Unless the popcorn machine's down.

Oh, Dave was so mad. Dark day. Dave was mad. But Abby saw Gladiator 2. I really enjoyed my pop-up. Later that day. Yes, I was so excited about all the Gladiator talk last week. Yup. So stoked.

My favorite movie. I know, I texted. Two weeks ago for you listening. Yes, I guess. Like, Gina, you have time to go see Gladiator 2? And she was like, absolutely, and I watch Gladiator 1. She had already watched Gladiator One. Oh wow.

She was crying. She's preparing, right? Yeah. She gets it. Yeah, I mean, if you hadn't seen one, you don't know what the hell that wheat field represents. Well, see, that would come out of nowhere. Yeah.

How many times did you see it in the theater, the first one? At least five, at least I think maybe even six. It was a very slow summer. We had nothing else to do. And it rained all summer So it was just a bunch of like we're gonna go to movies again. Okay. Yeah It's like when I worked at a gas plant

In the town there was only a movie theater. They only played one movie and it was the Antonio Banderas Zorro film One time yeah, I can see that but then not having anything to do, like, I'll go see him again. Does he, does he, uh, get, does he, does he, does he, uh, get, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does

he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he, does he She's so gorgeous in that movie. Yeah, it's funny. I don't remember all of it. I just remember things like that. Who's the bad guy?

Isn't it like his dad or something? There's like an old Zorro and a new Zorro. Anthony Hopkins is, he's the older Zorro. Cause there's the villain old guy and then there's the old Zorro. Yeah. I'm like remembering this. Yeah. I'm not thought about this movie in 30 years.

Yeah, I've definitely blocked out chunks of it. Do we think that was really Catherine Zeta-Jones's butt in entrapment? Probably not. I think it was a butt double. It was a stunt butt. A butt double, yeah. Yeah, butt double, but who was the butt double?

It was actually the voice of Tony the Tiger. Tony the Tiger. Ha ha ha ha ha. Dave, you haven't overheard. Yip, yip, yip, yip. So in our neighborhood, there is this one parking spot. There's like, there's a- Oh yes, okay.

There's one street that has a- There's a lot of trees in our neighborhood. Yeah, a lot of trees in our neighborhood. Big trees. And usually the curb doesn't account for them. The curb is just straight, but there's one street that has one little bit of curb. Like a little semi-circle.

Yeah. That protrudes. That protrudes out into the street. So the curb isn't like straight. It's got a little thing that juts out. Yeah. And if you're parking your car, you don't see it cause it's like,

they don't paint it. Or enjoy it. Or yeah, put a sign up or anything. So if you know it's there, you're fine. But in the past, I've parked my car there and been like, heard a grinding, and be like, what the hell's happening? Or you get back in your car and you pull out and you're like, cause you don't hit it on the way in,

but then you hit it on the way out. Okay. And. This is a menace. Yeah. This is a menace. And I saw there was a couple walking back to their car. That's nice.

And yeah, I mean, I love love. Yeah. Actually. Oh damn it. Yeah, like, like, like, like. And the guy said, it was a straight couple there. Yeah, there you said it. There he said it.

I said, that's even a lot anymore. He can't say happy Christmas tires to anyone. Can't call two people, a couple, nope. And he says, he points to it and says, look at this fucked up parking spot. And she goes, ew, why does it look like that? Disgusting. It's a lot of things.

I don't think it's gross. Ew. Oh yeah, that was the other part of seeing the Cybertruck was two teenage girls walking by saying, it looked so ugly. Oh, that's pretty fun. Yeah. But no, I know it does. I like, that's why I like it.

Yeah. Making a statement. It's different. I'm built different. He's our Tony Stark, I hope you know. Yeah. He invented this company. Well, he invested in it, but that's basically it. Same thing.

Same thing, same with Twitter. He didn't invent it, but he got in there. He made it better. Mm-hmm, or unarguably better. I miss old Twitter. Fuck man, it was so good when it was good. When it was good. It was good.

All those years. Y'all were so funny. I'm back on blue sky. I'm on blue sky and Again, it's not it's not hitting yet. Yeah, I mean for a long time But it's also like just the like what I loved about Twitter before everyone it's not his fault I got bad. It was just for little jokes and then people started getting their news on it. Yeah Yeah, that really changed it but it was for comedy for so long. Like I remember Dave for years You were just like if what would you use it for if not comedy? Yeah, and it was also I remember in the early days of it. I followed like I don't know 80 people and

You would just get those 80 people's tweets. Yeah, and then at the end of the day you're like, oh, I guess I'm Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh man. Oh, no. I'm all nostalgic for it. What a feeling My overheard yeah is courtesy of Taking an uber. Hey, yeah, Tesla nice. Okay, and I got in that'll happen It was an old Russian man or somebody from Eastern Europe. Yeah, man, Morovia. I get in and right away he goes, Graham? And I go, yeah. And he goes, how do you say it?

And I said, Graham, okay. The phone said, Graham. And then we were driving across the Canby Street Bridge and there was construction stuff all fenced in. And that one of the construction companies is called Graham. And he was like, look, look, look, look, look. And I was like, what is he pointing at? He goes, oh, that's your name, Graham, Graham.

It was pretty good, it was a good chance. It was a good chance. Connect on that level. It's like when you, if you ever get a new car, you're like, you start seeing it everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just heard a new word and now he's gonna see it. I did not realize these s'mores I was eating

had your cracker. Look, look, look, look. Look. Look. Now we also have overheard sent in to us by people all over the map. If you wanna send one in, it's spi at maximum fun.org and this this first one is from Joel.

This is at the Wisconsin win Wisconsin state fair. I heard a preteen girl say to her mom, wouldn't you love to be a pop star like Taylor Swift? And the mom said no when you're famous like that, you don't get any privacy. And the girl says, what if you buy a lot of curtains? Yeah, problem solved. Yeah, mom, just think about it for like one second.

Most people can't really see past a lot of those Christmas trees that you're banging around. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They offer quite a bit of coverage. They do, yeah. A little bit pokey, but you know. And you do still need to wear protection though, cause you don't want to get Dutch Elm disease.

It spreads to your brain. You don't want to get root rot. This next one comes from Chris in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I am taking a vacation to Austin, Texas. And we are at a trendy modern restaurant. We were sitting at the bar and overheard two bartenders, bartender one, have you seen Flubber? I really love Flubber as a kid.

Bartender two, never liked Flubber. I think I saw it too young. He was just so green. You would block it out if you think Flubber is a man or a character. Yeah. It was too much. It was goo, right?

Yeah, it was like a magical, like scientific, but does it- Scientific glue. Does he get turned green at any point? Robin Williams? I don't know, I've never seen. I've never seen it. I don't know, he's too green.

I mean, boy. I know I've seen it. Wasn't the original Flubber, was that a Jerry Lewis? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And so is the original Dr. Dolittle. And the original Clumps or whatever.

Isn't that Dr. Dolittle? No, the Nutty Professor. Oh, maybe. Yeah. You know, yeah, sorry, not Dr. Dolittle. I meant Nutty Professor. Nutty Professor, yeah. Dr. Dolittle was like,

is that Gene Wilder or Dick Van Dyke or something? Yeah, maybe. I love how like Robert Downey Jr.'s first post Marvel movie was Dr. Dolittle and everybody's like, this stinks. Go back to Marvel. Do another Marvel. No, no, go back to Marvel. Because he's coming back in a week.

Different character. I know, I know. I hope they recast everybody. I hope that Hulk comes back as the Wonder Woman and I'm crossing properties. This last one comes from Josh in Brooklyn, New York I was sitting at a bar waiting for a show to start and overheard these two middle-aged men talking The first guy was telling the second about his dad's adult magazine collection and said he even had some that were from the early

1900s and without missing a beat the other guy said yeah perverts have a lot of money And without missing a beat the other guy said yeah perverts have a lot of money They just it's not necessarily they have a lot they know how to spend yeah, yeah, yeah, they got priority they have a different version of disposable income Got some barely legal magazine from the yeah from the old From the early 1900s from the triangle waste factory shirt waste factory barely legal working conditions I in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is ho ho ho 1 8 444-779-7631 ho ho ho.

Whoa. Or 1-UCH-SPY-POD-1 ho ho ho ho. Like these people. Ho ho. Hello, Dave, Graham and guests. This is Russell in Anchorage, Alaska. With a couple of overheards, both of these happened while I was traveling from the east coast of the US

all the way back to Alaska, so like three flights, four airports. So in Dallas, there was this super exhausted, super grumpy older lady who was sitting a couple chairs away from me trying to eat a sandwich. And these totally oblivious parents were like 15 feet away letting their toddler bother her Like they thought it was really cute that this kid was poking her and they were just not picking up that she wasn't into it At all. And so I heard her she gritted her teeth and said quietly to this kid go away kid. I don't love you

Gotta share my review of you. Nobody loves you. And here's his next one. At three in the morning, there was this young woman carrying a baby and she answers her phone and I heard her side of the conversation. She goes, Hi, Mom. Well, your little angel threw up all over me right as we were taking off. Mom, I know that happens sometimes. It's still completely sucked. No freaking way. It does. It does. It does suck. I do like the, well, your little angel, even though it's your daughter. Her granddaughter. As my little angel. The little angel you wanted me to have.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Now you see what he or she is doing. Because you didn't want to suffer in silence. You only want the silent grief of being a grandchildless senior. Of course it is. Anyway, traveling with kids, we love it. Yeah, everybody loves it. Your kids are at the age where they're pretty good traveling. Oh yeah.

Yeah, just give them an iPad. Yeah. And they also never in their life would have gone up and poked a stranger. Absolutely not. Never in a million years. Okay. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Jeff in Vancouver calling in in with an over dreamt.

But first, I have a little backstory for you. OK, I am Graham's across the hall neighbor and have been for four years. Really? And I know the guy. OK, in a listener since that time, but I didn't know Graham was the host until about a year after I started listening. I've been all that time, since I did know, I've been trying to find the creepiest way to get an overheard. Nice. And I have not been able to because Graham's too quiet and polite in the hallway. I tried that.

What are you like in the hallway? Hey, Graham. Yeah, if I, uh, no, no, I'm, I'm him. Hey, Graham. Nice out there. If he's walking in and I'm walking in. What the fuck's that supposed to mean? That was good acting.

That was scary, Dave. Yeah, it really. Overdream. So this will have to do. Last night I had a dream where I was in a live spy pod show. You are dreaming. And I was trying to be quiet and not be seen getting to my seat. And our old apartment manager, Olga,

was sitting in the front row and stood up and said, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey, come and sit with me. And then Graham looked into the audience and said, you, what the hell are you doing here? And I froze and asked him if I should leave. And he said, no, come sit with Olga. And then I woke up. Olga sitting by herself. Off I go.

That was fantastic. Aw, come darling. Olga getting a shout out, she rules. Yep, we were talking about her every single day. She didn't do much decorating this year though. No, she said that's up to everybody else and nobody's taken up the challenge. That's the emotional, invisible emotional labor

that I was talking about. Yeah. It's also a war on Christmas. Totally, yeah. She used to be the maintenance person and now is retired, but still lives there. There you go. We all love Olga.

If I lose my keys, I can buzz her to let me into the building. Oh, cool. She's good. How often do you lose your keys? Every other day. I should have them around my neck, like what do you call those mittens, idiot strings? Yeah.

Well, that's great. If anyone else is living in Graham's building and dreaming about him, call him. Here's her final phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Danny F. calling in an overheard from Chicago. I was at Northwestern University's Classical Contemporary Music Ensemble and some students behind me were looking at an ad in the program for a classical guitar series

and the first girl goes oh my god I love classical guitar I've got to go to this and another pointed out oh but this guy's playing a lute oh my god he is such a freak for that have a good day. Agreed. Somebody playing the lute? The intricacies of stringed instrument culture. The lute, oh my God. Only freaks play the lute. Triangle? No, that's the... Bellalica. Bellalica.

The lute, I mean, you need to get the lute, the warrant, and the crook. Yeah. If you wanna get to the bonus round of where in the world is Carvin sitting. The lute of the whale. The lute is, I don't know. It's like a big hollow, rounded one

with a tiny hole and a little like... Are you talking about my dick? It's a rounded one with a tiny hole and a little like, it's a medieval. It's a medieval. Tiny hole. Motherfucker. Rounded and hollow. It's moldish and hollow. I don't know, but I also,

and maybe am I thinking of a lyre? Oh, sure. Oh, maybe. Isn't that more like a harp? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, brother. Okay, let's look up a lyre. A lute and lyre. A lyre is like a brother. Okay, let's look up a liar.

A lootin' liar. A liar is like a heart. Oh, it's like in ancient times, like a woman would be. Like an angel. Like Martin Prince. And then a loot is a. Oh yeah, okay.

Got a big, big sort of. Big fat ass. Big fat ass and short neck. Yeah. Yeah, looks kinda like lemon shaped from what I'm seeing over here. Yeah. Anyways, if there's any loot players. Give me that one with the big ass and short neck. Yeah. Yeah looks kind of like lemon shape from what I've seen over here. Yeah Anyways, if there's any Well Abby

intense pleasure Thank you for being our guest And thank you everybody out there. You know what if you celebrate fine if you don't also fine Either way shut up And come on back next week for another episode of stop by guys here yourself Maximum Fun, a worker-owned network of artist-owned shows supported directly by you.