Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 89 - Steve Patterson

Episode Date: November 23, 2009

Comedian and Debaters host Steve Patterson joins us to talk energy drinks, Gowan, and motivational speaking....

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 89 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and please forgive my Rachel Ray-esque voice. I am losing it as we speak. Joining me as always is the man who inspired the song The Gambler, Mr. Dave Shumka.
Starting point is 00:00:40 That's right. I mostly just know where to walk away. But do you know when to run? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Generally. And joining us here today on the podcast, very funny man from Montreal. You're the second Montreal guest two weeks in a row. Named Patterson. Yeah, with the last name Patterson.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Oh, it was Mike Patterson. Mike Patterson was here last week. All right, we are not related. Not related. Just want to point that out. He is single T. I am double T. You are Steve Patterson was here last week. All right. We are not related. Not related. Just want to point that out. He is single T. I'm double T. You are Steve Patterson.
Starting point is 00:01:08 I am. And you are... Thank you very much for coming on the podcast. Thank you for having me, gentlemen. Should we get to know us? Sure. Get to know us. Steve, what's going on with you?
Starting point is 00:01:22 I know you're out here. You're doing the comedy club in Vancouver, the Yak Yaks. But what has been going on with you? I know you're out here. You're doing the comedy club in Vancouver, the Yak-Yaks. But what has been going on in general? How's your life? Life is pretty good. I think life right now, I'm enjoying a good streak in Canadian comedy. I'm hosting The Debaters, which is our big show on CBC Radio, one there. And doing a lot of appearances at different things.
Starting point is 00:01:44 I just did a Just for Laughs tour. So that's fun to go into theaters for that. Oh, you were on like you were out in the East Coast. I was doing the East Coast because the debaters tapings cut into three dates on the tour. You are so successful as a Canadian comedian that you have dates cutting into other dates. Just for Laughs. Yes. It's rare.
Starting point is 00:02:03 But that, I find, happens a lot. You'll get no offers for consecutive days or consecutive months. And then they'll be like, can you do this gig in January of 2017? You'll be like, yep. And then 17 other gigs come up on that date of January,
Starting point is 00:02:21 seven years in the future. And then you end up not even appreciating the gig you're at because you're just thinking of the gigs you're missing. That could have been. I did appreciate the Just for Laughs tour. I didn't do the eyes. Now, was this a Just for Laughs gags tour? Yes. I pretend.
Starting point is 00:02:38 It's hilarious. I pretend that my car is broken down on the side of the road and allow audience members to come in individually. And then when they look in the car, we shut the hood and sever their torsos from their legs. And it is hilarious. It's only hilarious when it's added with the tuba music. Yeah. And then we show the camera to their debilitated head at the end, and they laugh. They really know they've been gotten.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Yeah, they're pretty doped up at that point. Yeah, yeah. And then we have a mock ambulance take them to the hospital. I just did air quotes there. That's not really a hospital. The gag continues. It just continues all the way along. Right until their funeral, and then we point their families to the camera,
Starting point is 00:03:27 and they'll be like, oh, he was killed on Just for Laughs Gags. That was hilarious. It was worth it. People are going to be able to watch this on a plane, and it'll be language neutral. He died as he lived on Just for Laughs Gags. Doing what he loved.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Do you think they must have shot, for anybody who's listening in America, Just for Laughs Gags is something akin to a candy camera. Sure, yeah. Where they set up a thing and then it's, but there's no language on it, right? It's all silent. Yeah, it's like Mr. Bean.
Starting point is 00:03:59 Yeah, it's Canada's Mr. Bean. It is. But there was a, they must shoot them in batches because they use the same actors over and over again. A lot of them are shot in Montreal where I now live. And, yeah, it's amazing to me that – Have you been on – have you been gagged? Maybe. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:04:20 I don't know. Like probably sometimes when I saw someone doing something at Let's Sus suspect and I just was like, I'm not participating in that. I've probably been on it as that guy. Just like, no, no. No, I'm walking away. Because they're all over the place. But what I don't get is like they'll have a very elaborate gag set up as police officers pulling people over. And as far as I know, that is a crime to impersonate a police officer.
Starting point is 00:04:44 oh, that is a crime to impersonate a police officer. And then they wonder why some people don't quite laugh and get giddy when they've been pulled over for no reason just to be on a comedy hidden camera show. They do one of those presidential car – what are those called? Motorcades? Motorcades. They shut down all these streets and then it's just a gorilla pops out of the limousine. Just to get a giggle. So, yeah, if you're not from Canada, please check out Just for Laughs.
Starting point is 00:05:14 Well, no, it's international. It is. It's everywhere. As soon as you fly anywhere, it'll be on the airplane. It is. It's language. Language is no barrier. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:23 We joke about it, but it's probably their most successful. It's probably the reason that they can bring stand-up comics to Montreal is the Just for Laughs gags. Isn't that crazy? Very profitable, yeah. And that's like, you think about how long that format's been around. Like, as long as there's been some form of camera, there's been somebody who's been willing to hide that camera and then like fuck with some guy yeah too usually it's upskirt related yeah they're getting a little more hardcore now yeah um so no it was not the just flaps gag um but you uh you travel like you don't just work in can. You work in Australia.
Starting point is 00:06:05 Quite often you work in the UK as well. Not in the UK as much. I've done a few tours of the UK. I didn't really enjoy it as much as some of the guys do. Like it's a good scene. There's lots of clubs. But I find it's very similar to Canada. There's just more clubs.
Starting point is 00:06:22 And if you want to specifically do clubs, that's great. But I've done a lot of comedy clubs in my life, and I would like to branch out and do other things. No comic really wants to play clubs, do they? I don't know. Some guys seem to embrace that. I was just talking about this last night with Toby and JP, our friends and fellow comics. And we were talking about that. are friends and fellow comics.
Starting point is 00:06:44 And we were talking about that. There are some guys who literally like it because it's all they've known, maybe, part of it. But they really legitimately like going to different towns every weekend, seeing people they've met before. That's true, actually. There's old road warriors that they will call up all these people they've met before you know some some of the guys that's true actually there's like old road warriors that they will like call up all these people people they met along the way and and it's they really become like an extended family so i don't begrudge that i just personally don't don't want to do that exclusively yeah other things but it seems like that at one point you're like doing comedy and then you're like i don't need to be a guy that's facilitating
Starting point is 00:07:24 this much drinking. Like that seems to be like your primary function in the club. Especially at some of the clubs in the UK have just closed down for that very sort of reason where the comedy club portion was sort of just to get people in an hour earlier to drink. And then we can really party they literally turn them into discos and nightclubs after and then the owners i think were just like well the people are going to come anyway and then we can might as well rather than paying you know how it goes with comedy clubs sometimes they'll be like you know what would be a good expense to cut out the comedy and uh it's it's very ironic to me that that's one of the first cost-cutting measures they think of.
Starting point is 00:08:06 Like if you're running a hockey team, you're not like, maybe people just come in and watch the ice. Maybe we don't need the players. So would they then keep the comedy club name, trick people to coming in, and then it was just a disco and they wouldn't care? And then it's just a disco. Probably. So, you know. We should start that as a business. Yeah, because life is funny.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Dancing's funny Yeah Or we could open up a pizzeria People love pizza And then when they show up There's nothing It's a gag A gorilla jumps out at you
Starting point is 00:08:33 Takes your wallet And murders you It's a great business plan Open up a disco Called the Stand Up Comedy Club But the twist is There's no stand up comedy Yeah
Starting point is 00:08:44 Yeah It's like there's no stand-up comedy yeah yeah yeah it's uh it's like there's a place uh on granville street called it's something like the pants warehouse or something like that and it's just a restaurant do you know what i'm talking about nope oh man i was hoping you would pick that up and run with it but no nothing yeah well no there's a lot of things like that like the bur Burlington Coat Factory? Sure. Is that really a coat factory? I think so.
Starting point is 00:09:09 What about the Cheesecake Factory? No, I think they have one cheesecake. Oh, okay. But that's not a factory, though. They don't... No. It's a very poor factory. In Vancouver, there was the sugar refinery. Yeah, and there was no sugar refining that went on there.
Starting point is 00:09:19 No, you were getting the raw sugar. Undefined. Cane. And you've been in Vancouver for what has been the floodingest. I'm not sure that's a word, Graham, but I think I know what you're describing. It's flooding most. It has been one of the floodingest seasons on record, which as you know by the blockbuster hit right now,
Starting point is 00:09:48 2012, The End of the World is nigh. Have you seen 2012? No, Graham, I'm not from the future. Oh, you mean the movie? The movie. Well, you have gigs in 2017. Yeah, I have gigs in 2012. Two of them, same day. I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Starting point is 00:10:03 I have not seen it yet. Have you seen it? Have you? We're trifecta how I'm going to do it. I have not seen it yet. Have you seen it? I haven't. Have you? No. We're trifecta of people who haven't seen it. No. I only know one person who saw it.
Starting point is 00:10:15 Were they in it? No, there were people who didn't like that type of movie. Like, that's always my favorite. An apocalyptic movie. Yeah. Like, when you get a review from somebody who like right up front goes well i hate action movies and then or they don't tell you they tell you how much they hated it and then you go well what type of movies do you like and they're all
Starting point is 00:10:37 movies that are nothing like genre yeah and you're like oh you just hate that type of movie right and went to it because you have a crush on John Cusack or whatever the reason was. Right. So you went with your boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever. But yeah, that was the only review I got. It was, oh, it was terrible and it was ridiculous. And I was like, yes, but were the effects good? That's the only thing.
Starting point is 00:10:59 Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you don't go to – I saw a review for Charlie's Day. It was full throttle and the guy was complaining. The reviewer was complaining that there was a lot of gratuitous sex shots. I'm like, well, it's Charlie's Angels Full Throttle. It was one step down from a porno in the movie theater. If you don't know that they're going to have nudity in it, you're the problem. There was too much throttle. Remains the problem. There was too much throttle.
Starting point is 00:11:25 Remains of the day, full throttle. What would they... Yeah, that's... But yeah, the... What was the other one that came out? Oh, yeah, Twilight. That's the other one. I haven't seen that.
Starting point is 00:11:37 I've seen it. I've seen it a couple times so far. He's been the one adult male in the theater uh just well there's probably a few because you know that's where the teenage girls are gonna be that's true it's like when uh the one movie that i went to that was like that was the spice girls movie when it came out and it was uh mostly teenage girls with the front row yeah and then all these creepy old guys in the back with trench coats yeah i think at um the they were the twilight of our day spice girls except that i think now if you went you could go up to the girls there and be like nobody understands you but me oh yeah because that's what
Starting point is 00:12:17 you're not complicated no you go up to a girl you you go, I'll tell you what I want, what I really want. Right. That was Graham's pickup line for a decade. Far after it was already out of circulation, Graham was still using that. After it was, well, yeah, unpopular. Do you want to make two become one? And then they say they just hear the word tuba.
Starting point is 00:12:41 And then they get an A&W root beer and they don't even know why. What are we talking about now? Just whatever. Okay. I thought you guys, because you had segments ready and I thought we were going to like. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:54 That'll come. Oh, okay. You have patience. Yeah. Sorry. I have a show in four hours. But anyway, go ahead. Dave, what's going on with you?
Starting point is 00:13:03 You just came back from a rocky road trip. Today I'm not drinking brewskis like the boys here. He's on an energy drink diet. I only got three hours sleep last night because I had that kind of insomnia you get when you know you have to wake up really early. Yeah, you can't. Did you have to fly? No, I was taking a ferry. And you keep doing math.
Starting point is 00:13:27 How many hours do I have left? So I'm drinking Red Rain energy drink. Go ahead. Go ahead and sing it. And no, I'm not going to sing it. Go ahead and sing it, Dave. I bought it because I love Peter Gabriel. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:13:40 And does he have a song? Oh, he has a song called Red Rain. But no. How does it go, though, out of curiosity? Well, I see you buried in a sheltered place in this town. Get to the good part! It can't be too warm, the ground is still warm to touch. Hey, we touch.
Starting point is 00:14:04 This place is so quiet. Sensing that song. Red rain is coming down. Finally the payoff. Red rain. That was great. Beautiful. That was nice.
Starting point is 00:14:18 While I had a moment to myself earlier, I was thinking that of all the Peter Gabriel songs, this is maybe the worst one you could come up with for an energy drink. Shock the Monkey would be excellent. It would be yellow, like a Mountain Dew color. Sledgehammer.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Kiss that frog. Kiss that frog. In your eyes. Salisbury Hill. There's not a lot. Salisbury Hill. A great not a lot. Salisbury Hill! What a great energy drink that would be. Games without frontiers.
Starting point is 00:14:50 Guys, I... Peter's going to call. He wants royalties. Is he royalty, where he's from? Is he Sir Peter Gabriel? Peter Gabriel? Yeah, he's got all the royalty wear, anyway. That guy's closet looks like he's on the Tudors,
Starting point is 00:15:03 but he's not. Every time he shows up, Royalty wear, anyway. That guy's closet looks like he's on the Tudors, but he's not. He does look... Every time he shows up, he's big in the black velvet. In the frocks and stuff. Anything velvet. Well, we still haven't heard about the Victoria gig. We just started talking about Peter Gabriel. Well, the Victoria gig was fine.
Starting point is 00:15:19 The Courtney gig. I went to Courtney the night before on Thursday. We're recording this on Saturday. And I went with Dwight Slade, a very funny comedian from Portland. He picked me up here. He drove from Portland to Courtney. He said he drove 500 miles that day, and it didn't stop raining for one second. Is that actually?
Starting point is 00:15:44 It's not 500 miles? I'm not really good with conversions. Oh, and he's from the Proclamers. He originally played with the Proclamers. Yeah, that would be a good energy junction. 500 miles. So we were driving on the island and it was pouring rain.
Starting point is 00:16:00 And Courtney had been flooded a few days before. And the highway had puddles everywhere. We kept driving through huge puddles, and it was not a safe place to be. And the speed limit was 110. Which you shouldn't go ever, really. Yeah, 110 kilometers, 70 miles. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:23 I am good with conversions, turns out yeah uh because i kept looking over at his speedometer uh and he had an american car so it had well i guess he had a japanese car but it was from america anyway he was going 70 and uh it was so confusing. So basically, we ended up driving off the highway and driving through a ditch at 70 miles an hour. Whoa. Jesus. And we ended up on the other side of the highway. Oh, like you went through the divider ditch. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Oh, Jesus. There were two lanes. At night? Yeah. Oh, my God. Two lanes going both ways and a ditch in the middle and we just went through a puddle and we started hydroplaning oh yeah and just spun around and uh i just knew it was gonna happen because i had a really bad feeling about the whole weekend yeah and like
Starting point is 00:17:22 i remember the final destination he kind of like before i left i uh i twittered something and i was like oh this is a this is a dick joke i don't want to i don't like that's your last twitter yeah i don't want this to be my last transmission they put it on the front of the funeral uh program this this crass dick joke and then and as we were driving, I was like, this seems really dangerous. What are my what do I do if like if we end up in the ocean, I should leave the door unlocked so I can open the door before. Like I had all these plans made and I'm a I'm a terrible passenger as it is. Like I always do the air brake thing with my foot. And we so we're I just know this is gonna happen and when we start to spin out yeah I don't I don't know what to do in a crash like do they don't teach that in school no as the path you were your passenger okay yeah I know I they gave
Starting point is 00:18:22 us the the earthquake drill. You're supposed to cover your head. Yeah, you get under your desk. Same thing in a crash. Just get under the car. But they don't teach you the crash thing because you never know when you're going to be in a crash. But I did know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:38 And so we went into the spin, and I grabbed my head because we because i we were going so fast it was like grabbing your head's probably a good yeah it seemed like the car was gonna flip over yeah oh that's terrible and when i opened my eyes we were facing the wrong direction on the road right were there cars coming there were not but but cars continued to pass us by as if it was completely normal. Yeah. And so we get back on the road. Well, we stop and we look around, see if the car is damaged. It's not.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Like, not a scratch. Wow. We went through. The ditch was so, it had been raining for days and days. And it was so soft. It was like driving through a pillow. raining for days and days and it was so soft it was like driving through a pillow except that the bottom of his car had all this grass hanging out of it it was like the uh the scarecrow's sleeves okay yeah um and so we got we had a look around we got back on the road
Starting point is 00:19:38 we drove for literally 10 seconds and we saw the sign for the exit. Oh, wow. So we were that close to making it. Oh, man. But you made it. It is. That's why this is a funny story that you made it instead of a memorial. The most tragic story. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:54 And this was on the way to the gig or after the gig? On the way to the first gig. Now, did you talk about the experience at the gig? Because I would, for sure. I didn't. He did. He did. Which is funny because he has a big bit about bad drivers yeah interesting um but uh and then so we did the gig and then the
Starting point is 00:20:14 next day on the way back we drove back in the daylight towards victoria and we uh wanted to see if we left any marks uh And so we kept our eye out. And he actually wanted to go back. His car was fine, except he lost three hubcaps. So he wanted to go back and see if he could find them. Why wouldn't you just take off the fourth and call it a day? That's the easier solution. Let's find three.
Starting point is 00:20:41 I'm sure they're all grouped together like professional golfers' drives. I'm sure they all just fell off and just stayed in one place. So on the way back, we found it. It was the area on the road with all the grass all over it. Oh, really? Yeah. And there were three sets of skid marks, and obviously two other cars had had the exact same experience.
Starting point is 00:21:06 That's crazy. No, but why was he driving the limit? I don't know. That seems like... We passed on the... It was like a two hour drive. We passed 50 cars. Seems like a bad idea. And we didn't get passed once.
Starting point is 00:21:22 And we were three hours early for the show. Could the issue be that he's driving as an American in an American vehicle and you were, in fact, going 110 miles an hour? That might have been it. Could have something to do with it. Have you ever had any close calls on the road driving? You know what?
Starting point is 00:21:44 I've been fortunate that I've never really had a close call. I've got a knock on the closest thing to wood I can figure. This whole house is plastic. Well, it's good in case you need to imprison the guy from X-Men. Metallico. Magneto.
Starting point is 00:22:01 Metallico, I called him. That's Metallica's corporation. That's Metallica's corporation. Metallico. That's Metallica's corporation. Do-do-do. What am I thinking? Metallico.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Good morning, Metallico. A division of Cutco Knives. The closest call I've experienced, I was driving, and this is before I started doing comedy, but I was driving behind my buddy, and there was a bunch of friends in two different cars. And this is in London, Ontario where I grew up. And we go around this curve. It's the curve on the way to Glanworth, which is a town outside of London. And it's literally the Glanworth curve.
Starting point is 00:22:37 And people crash every year. There's a house that's on the corner that literally every winter someone crashes through this guy's room to the point where he should just stop rebuilding the house or build a brick retaining wall but like it's literally like they probably don't give that guy insurance anymore because so many people go just like i i was here before the cars damn it they'll have to learn how to drive so like people miss that turn and drive into this guy's house but we're going the other way around that other on that curve not towards the house but away from it and i'm driving behind my friend and i notice he's driving a bit fast it's there's kind of drifting snow and as he goes around the corner i see him kind of slide
Starting point is 00:23:22 you know the back end of the car slide a little bit and i'm like uh that's funny jeff's car is sliding i'm like that idiot going too fast around the corner and then immediately you know you just the smile just comes you feel the smile just come out of your face because you're smiling and then you realize he's literally out of control now the car so now the car is spinning and spinning, and it goes across the road into the ditch, and it does roll over. But it rolls over. It wasn't like a fast. A NASCAR.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Yeah. He didn't get out and get angry at another driver and throw his helmet out. It rolled over because of the downward slope and everything. So they end up on the roof, and there's him and two buddies in the car just like what are we doing but i'm freaking out so much i've run to the car before it's even settled and i'm opening the door which is probably stupid because then i could have been crushed by the car but i see them and it's just the weirdest sight like it was my three friends just bobbing upside down like like bats because everyone for like for the first time ever a buddy in the back seat had actually worn the seat belt he was like this was an accident in the back so that was the closest i came but it was
Starting point is 00:24:37 the funny part was like while we were waiting for the police to I actually went through a sign too, like a city sign saying, you know, whatever. Probably slowed down. So he got a bill Over the dead man's curb. Please don't run into my house by owner. He ran into that sign and it ended up that he got a bill from the city later for, which might
Starting point is 00:25:02 happen to, well no, you guys didn't have a police report, but because we had a report yeah and they got all your information like there's here's your receipt for the sign you took out and and literally the repair to a fence behind it well see they might be able to find them if those hubcaps were monogrammed well we didn't hit anything we didn't hit anything that was the lucky thing well that grass doesn't grow itself yeah grass doesn't grow on trees you know um so that's i've been really fortunate in that i've never really had a close close call for all the driving that i've done and i've done a lot and not in like in a part of the country where it snows and there's ice storms and the like that. The first tour I ever did with the ever so accommodating
Starting point is 00:25:46 funny business touring company, and I've never been in Western Canada in my life at this point, they rent me a Toyota Tercel to drive through the Rockies. As we call it, the winter destroyer. In the winter. And I mean, that is the most terrified I've ever been. Yeah. Because you're, I mean, white knuckle, like you're literally squeezing through the logging trucks are coming the other way.
Starting point is 00:26:09 And your car is being lifted off the road by the force of it. Because the car is as heavy as you are, plus a little bit. That's the Toyota Tercel. So it's amazing that I haven't had closer calls, but I really haven't. Although my best comedy driving story is I was with another comic who will remain nameless. But he was doing the, oh, this is hilarious when comics tell you their jokes for the entire drive. Oh, that is a treat. That is awesome. When they're going through their material and trying to make it look like it's just a car.
Starting point is 00:26:43 As they're looking out the window like, oh, there's a rock. Hey, you know those Rocky movies? I'm like, no, no. Come on. That was it. So he's telling jokes the whole way. The alphabet is weird, don't you think, Steve? I've already told him we shouldn't tell jokes in the car.
Starting point is 00:27:02 Like, let's just save that. But I'm brand new new so i'm trying to not offend him but i'm also trying to keep my sanity so so he's the senior comic yeah and he's telling and telling these stories and i can't get a machete finally falls he falls asleep and i can't resist we're coming up to a curve i drive up as close to the curve on the rocky mountains like at the observation deck but i wake him up before we've stopped so we're just slowing down and i wake him up screaming and he wakes up to see us going what appears to be over the side of the mountains and and i mean he literally i mean that's that's as scared as i've ever seen a person he jumped in
Starting point is 00:27:43 the air and he and he like, doing the air brake. And I just looked at him. I'm like, your turn to drive. And he didn't say anything for the rest of the trip. It was good. Oh, that is good. I would just also like to add. Good prankery.
Starting point is 00:27:57 Thank you. I would also like to add, I think my brother's probably listening to this. Don't tell mom. The babysitter's dead? Yeah, yeah, dead yeah yeah well don't tell her that and uh we're having some adventures in babysitting because your mom would freak out she'd be like no more comedy for day right ever no yeah fair enough yeah you heard about a guy who once got injured playing hockey and so i couldn't play hockey anymore that's that's much story of the French Prince of Bel-Air, right? I'll tell you how.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Well, this is a story all about how my life got bumped upside down. A guy once got injured playing hockey, and I was no longer allowed to do so. So, Graham. Yeah, Dave. I'm glad you're alive. I'm glad you're both i'm glad you're both oh alive and i was it's really great and then we got to courtney which is it's a thriving metropolis yeah and it's more courtney love than courtney cox yeah it's more david arquette
Starting point is 00:29:00 uh but we got there and it was a horrible hotel. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Far for the course. But I was just so happy to be in one piece. But the worst... What's the worst possible thing you can imagine finding in a hotel? A dead body.
Starting point is 00:29:20 I guess that's worse. I would say anything dead would be... A piece of human feces on the bedding. You guys are both better than one eye. Okay. What is it? I thought...
Starting point is 00:29:38 You know how some places are called the pig and whistle or the... the frog and firkin. If this place... The elbow anointment. Sure. If this place was named after what I found in my shower, it would be called the puben bandit.
Starting point is 00:29:53 There it is. There it is. The puben bandit. The little known pub in Courtney. Oh, man. Hey, Graham. Let's get to know you. Well, I've been losing my voice. Anybody who's been listening to the podcast for the past three weeks, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Something's wrong with my voice, and it's not remedying. Have you got the flu shot yet? Well, I did have the H1N1. Are you serious? Yes. And I'm sitting here. No, no. And we've been making out this whole weekend?
Starting point is 00:30:22 Yeah. There's a chance i could catch that then i uh i got it it was almost a month ago now i would say excuse me i'm freaking out i've got a little something in my throat too there oh that was steve um yeah i got it like a month ago and then uh it's there was a really terrible cough and I seem to have destroyed parts of my vocal cords. Careful, buddy. Yeah. Your voice is your instrument.
Starting point is 00:30:50 Yeah, we should do the rest of this podcast in auto-tune. Just so it brings everything up to E-flat. Yeah. Or at least that Peter Frampton voice. Talk through a guitar. Talk through a guitar. Talk through a guitar. We only have an acoustic, though. It'll sound like Anya.
Starting point is 00:31:12 So that's been a weird thing. And I had to do a couple shows this week, one of which was at a rehabilitation center. It was like a... For people who've lost their voice. No, it was for people who are in wheelchairs predominantly. And it was like they do a comedy night every six months or once a year or whatever.
Starting point is 00:31:35 Just to get things rolling. That's what they should call it. It's actually the name of the show is Laughing Spasms, which I think Let's Get Things Rolling, would be a vast improvement over their own. Laughing Spasms, which I think Let's Get Things Rolling would be a vast improvement over their own. Laughing Spasms. That sounds terrible, right?
Starting point is 00:31:50 Laughing Spasms. It sort of does, yes. So we did this comedy show and... Paralyzed with laughter. The thing is that when we got there, Sean Proud,
Starting point is 00:32:03 Love Past Guest, he was like, they've ordered some pizza or whatever. Because it was at like 6 o'clock, so there was no time to have dinner or whatever. And they showed up, and we were sitting at the front table, which is where comics always want to sit. As close to the front of the stage as humanly possible. That's terrible. And there was no pizza when we arrived.
Starting point is 00:32:27 And I was like, oh, this is a bad sign for sure. And all the people seemed to be able-bodied. This is a scam. And it was a comedy club. I had signed on to do a show for free. But the... You know, there were snacks,
Starting point is 00:32:43 right? You know, pretzels and this and that So I ate like five I ate so many Whatever You already said five you've already committed to a quantity Like you ate five Little bowls So there's no telling how many per bowl
Starting point is 00:32:59 Yeah well no goodness no We're not math This isn't the mathematician podcast So You have five bowls of snacks Yeah. Well, no. Goodness, no. We're not – this isn't the Mathematician Podcast. So, yeah, you have five bowls of snacks. Somebody has eaten something from one bowl. They're traveling 70 kilometers an hour or 110 miles. But during the show, they bring the pizza to the table and, you know, like making it clear that there is one table in the room that's getting pizza. So now nobody wants to – we're all scared to eat the pizza because –
Starting point is 00:33:31 well, me because one of them was covered in shrimp and the other one covered in meat. And peanuts. I think there were pine nuts on the other one. So I was like, oh, that's great. So I didn't have any. But I guess what happened after I left was the MC went on stage and said, Oh, how's everybody doing? It was everybody holding in.
Starting point is 00:33:52 We're hungry. Well, yeah. He said, is everybody enjoying the pizza? And I guess some lone voice at the back of the room went, we didn't get pizza. And he only then realized that we were the only table that got it and so then he offered i think he offered pizza he was like if anybody wants to come up and get but there's no everybody's in wheelchairs there's everyone who wants pizza just just walk up to the stage oh that's terrible yeah it was it's it's uh like i've done the show before. It's good and like the crowd is good.
Starting point is 00:34:26 It's also my overheard is from the same show. But yeah, so I did that and they were very nice. Like they're very like excited to have a show there. They actually gave us like a check and I was like – so I just signed it over to them. Because I was like – they just signed it over to them because I was like you know they were so nice and stuff but it was like they were spasming
Starting point is 00:34:50 with laughter that's what the check on the little note on the check said thanks for helping our spasming or whatever but yeah so there's that and also I'm moving during a torrential downpour this is week two in a row of moving on the weekend and it's been just – Where are you relocating to?
Starting point is 00:35:10 Just literally four blocks away from where I am now. What's the address? No, just if people are in town and need a place to stay. I just want to crash. Yeah. Are you moving – It's 123 Fake Street. It's 123 Main Street in Anytown. Yeah, Anytown. yeah are you moving it's one two three fake street all right it's one two three it's one
Starting point is 00:35:25 two three main street in any town yeah any town uh there's an article if it's written about it it's called lorem ipsum i have to uh this isn't the uh this isn't the probably the appropriate section but i was enjoying when i guested on your show on city yes friday i enjoy the the headlines that you guys like you mock up some stories into like the front page. Yeah. Right. Right. And,
Starting point is 00:35:49 but it only occurred to me after, but the third, fourth one that the columns are the, the Latin fill in. Yes. Laura Mipsom. Yeah. And,
Starting point is 00:35:56 uh, I don't know. That just always makes, because it took me three or four stories to get into it. Cause I would try to read the first three sentences each time. And then I started going, why do they all start the same? It wasn't even in DuckTown. It's in Latin also.
Starting point is 00:36:12 But I'm like, I can't follow the story. All these stories are about a quick brown fox. So, yeah, moving, you know, is always terrible. It's the second most stressful thing in your life, apparently. Next to you dying? Next to... I don't think dying is particularly stressful. You get over it pretty quickly.
Starting point is 00:36:34 You don't have to... What is the number one? Illness? Maybe it's like death to a loved one or something like that. Okay, so that entire... Even then, you don't have to carry heavy shit unless you killed them and have to hide the body. That's probably number one.
Starting point is 00:36:50 The number one most stressful thing is killing someone and hiding the body and trying to get away with the crime. Number two, moving. Number one is being on Just for Laughs gang. It all comes around. Yeah, so that's what's been going on, and it's all things this week, less than successful.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Oh, one more thing. At the show I played... Columbo. And Courtney, I was going to bring this up. Courtney, see? I mean, for all the downfall, it's been a conversation piece. It certainly has. It's been the crown jewel of this conversation.
Starting point is 00:37:28 There were the poster. Excuse me. Oh, goodness. At the place, at the quote-unquote comedy club, it had all the, it was, they sold the one for the month of October up. They sold the one for the month of October up. And their Halloween show on October 30th featured a band you might remember from the 90s, Marcy Playground. Oh, really? Wow.
Starting point is 00:38:01 And Marcy Playground, the band name, was in smaller writing than Sex and Candy, their hit. Oh, so that's what I was going to say. It's Sex and Candy. Oh, but that makes sense for Halloween. Candy. Yep. Are they from out there? Nope.
Starting point is 00:38:09 Nope. So they're just playing a gig in Courtney? Yeah. Because I wonder what happens in between the when you're hit and then when PBS gets you all back together again to do a concert. Yeah. I guess that's it. That's what happens you know it's it's always an interesting ride this entertainment roller coaster and one of the business of show
Starting point is 00:38:31 one of the funniest things i i remember seeing in the paper was there was uh this is in toronto and i'm looking at you know an ad for it's an applebee's there's barely any applebee's in ontario it's an american i think It's an American restaurant full of giant American portions. Yeah, buffet. Yeah. Totally. But this particular one, for some reason, is playing live music. So you know for a fact that this is not a concert venue.
Starting point is 00:39:02 This is a restaurant. Right. It's more of a coffee house. Where they happen to have bands playing. Now this particular... Where Bob Dylan started was in an alley. But this particular place is listing the acts that are coming through.
Starting point is 00:39:15 So they've got a tragically hip cover band called Road Apples. And they've got all these cover bands. And in the midst of all this, it's got Lawrence G gowan oh he's playing he's a strange animal himself but it was just the weirdest thing this is as you're saying where you know three years ago or whatever from before i've seen this ad he's got hits on the radio and now he's playing at applebee's and i keep i keep looking for the thing where it says is this a a Lawrence Gowan cover band?
Starting point is 00:39:46 No, it's Larry Gowan. It would be called Strange Animals. Yeah, for sure. Or Criminal Mind. Or Cosmetics. See? What would be a good Lawrence Gowan energy drink? Oh, Strange Animals.
Starting point is 00:39:58 Absolutely. He's actually now... He's in Styx. He's the lead singer of Styx now. Some of the things he's bounced back. And you know what? He's the... Because Styx is all over the radio.
Starting point is 00:40:07 They're playing at a keg. Yeah. Yeah, he's moved up from the Applebee's. It was a strange moment, but it's weird when you see him. That is weird. Well, it's like when I was a kid, for some reason, I think my... Did you have a beard when you were a child? Because I've never seen you unbearing.
Starting point is 00:40:21 I was aspired to a John Doerr. I assume that you have a horribly disfigured chin. Do you know what? I have... You've hidden it. I assume that you have a horribly disfigured chin. You know what? I have... You've hidden it. I have like Chevy Chase, like the dimple. You have the cleft?
Starting point is 00:40:30 Yeah. A lot of women like that, man. Yeah, like Beverly D'Angelo. You also have the cleft lip and palate. Yes. But you've overcome. But yeah, when I was a kid,
Starting point is 00:40:42 there was... Like a thing called theater. It was a huge chin accident. I was a kid, there was like a thing called theater. It was a huge chin accident. I was involved in a skate. It came flying at me. My dad ran out of golf tees, so he used my chin, left a divot. Two stars. More chin accidents than a Chinese firecracker.
Starting point is 00:40:58 Hey-oh! But there was like a play on at Theater Calgary And it was whatever the play was It had only second billing to who was the star of the play And it was the other guy from Dukes of Hazzard That you can't remember his name The dark haired guy, whatever he is It was like
Starting point is 00:41:20 But that's what You would have thought that the show was called Whatever his name from Dukes of Hazzard I believe it's Tom Wopat Yes Tom Wopat In Chicago Or whatever
Starting point is 00:41:30 Was the show he was in What the heck Is he doing in Chicago Trying to stay out of trouble Trying to stay out of hazard That's all Trying to stay ahead of the law My brother once saw
Starting point is 00:41:42 A play With Oh my god He's losing it No it's Steve It's me of the law. My brother once saw a play with... Oh my god. He's losing it. No, it's Steve. It's me. Sorry, everybody. I sometimes like to bark like a small dog. It doesn't seem like I'm in the other room. He's the Jeff Dunham of Montreal.
Starting point is 00:41:58 My brother once saw a play featuring Mark Lynn Baker, the non Bronson Pinchot guy from Perfect Stranger. Oh, wow. Although, apparently he's a big Broadway actor. Yeah, a lot of these guys, right, get into the, they get these roles that are
Starting point is 00:42:14 known by the general mainstream, but they've been in serious theater before. People thought it was weird when they did that Chicago, the movie Chicago, and they would have guys, like Hollywood stars in it, like William H. Mago and they would have you know like hollywood stars and all like william h macy and stuff you're like how is he doing this and you know song and dance but that's where they started bill bill yeah did i call him william h yeah i'm sorry sorry i call
Starting point is 00:42:35 him i like to call him william h yeah uh like the formal like yeah he calls me ste A. when he calls. But yeah, like, remember the guy, remember Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, the guy who played the butler? Yeah. He was like a famous Shakespearean actor from England who came over, did that role, had enough money, retired from acting altogether. Probably has a butler.
Starting point is 00:43:01 Yeah. Ironically enough. And who he forces to read Shakespeare to him. So do we want to move on to overheards? Please. All right. Overheard. So usually with overheards, if this is your first time listening to the podcast,
Starting point is 00:43:20 overheards are things that you've overheard in everyday life. We like to start with a guest. Okay. Do you have one from in the past uh do you have an everyday life do i have something that i've overheard that i think is worthy of sharing yeah uh like is it supposed to be a like a news item no no no no good conversation we'll start with dave okay so that you get an example of where it's at yes okay um this as i, I don't know if I mentioned this, I went over to Vancouver Island this weekend. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:48 Yeah, we did hear that. I overheard that recently. This morning I caught a very early ferry, and I was trying to sleep on it. And then about an hour into the ferry ride, I heard these really loud women behind me, and one of them just said, this isn't even my overheard.
Starting point is 00:44:09 One of them just said, yeah, I saw his penis in his scrotum. Because you can't have one without the other. And she was talking about... Tom Wopat, everybody. And all that jazz. She was talking about the sonogram. And so she's pregnant.
Starting point is 00:44:32 She's having a boy. Oh, wow. If you didn't have that in context, eh? Yeah. And so that caught my attention. So I kept listening. And eventually she said this. I think the baby is going to be either a few weeks early or right on time
Starting point is 00:44:48 because I'm so impatient and Sean is so impatient, so the baby's going to be impatient. Oh, is that how it works? Plus I eat rich, spicy food. That is ridiculous. So this woman, for her nine months of pregnancy, has learned nothing about the process of having a child. Or genetics, apparently.
Starting point is 00:45:10 Apparently impatience is a chromosome. Yeah, I'm wearing a sweatshirt. Jeff's wearing a sweatshirt. He will be born wearing a sweatshirt. As is my understanding of advanced genetics. Plus I eat sweatshirts. That is such a weird way to end. That's a sentence that you don't think you'll ever
Starting point is 00:45:28 hear anyone really saying, right? It sounds like a commercial, like to tag it. Yeah. Plus I eat rich protein foods, like Gargamel. Okay, yeah. So my overheard came from the GF Strong show. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:49 Sorry, what's the GF Strong show? Oh, sorry, that was the name of the rehabilitation center that we were doing the show. But I thought the name was Spasms of the After. That was the name of the show, yeah. That would be a horrible name for a rehab center. After Spasms. When I was in England, I think I've mentioned this on the show.
Starting point is 00:46:10 I forget what... It was like the MS Society or Muscular Dystrophy or something like that. And it said, formerly, the Spastic Society. They've changed it now, but that's... In Australia, that's what they call them. Spastic. Yeah, yeah. They've changed it now, but that's, yeah, in Oz, that's what they, in Australia, that's what they call them.
Starting point is 00:46:26 Spastic. Wow. Oh, Jesus. So, like, this is the thing. Like, you never think when you're doing a show like this, like, you know, we're in there doing a comedy show. We assume that everybody's going to be really on board for the show. And it's just, like, you know, happy that we're there or whatever. And I don't think it was the host.
Starting point is 00:46:48 I think it was the first act up. Went up there and like did a couple jokes. And then at one point said, you know, are people excited about the Olympics? And a couple of people clapped. And then he said, what's your favorite Olympic event? And then somebody yelled out, your mother. I was like, oh, there's going to be heckling at this gig? It's like 6 o'clock in the evening.
Starting point is 00:47:12 Everybody's just come from the dinner hall or whatever. Your mother. And then he followed it up. I don't know what joke it was that got this response, but there was a lady in the front row wearing very big glasses. And after the joke after the punch line uh which i don't know what the punch line was but she didn't care for it at all because she he said like something something and then that and she went
Starting point is 00:47:34 that was a sound that she made that's the exact sound that she made. But there was no other sound in the room. It was just her going, ugh. So those were my overheards from this week. Does that – It sort of fires the mental pistons. One of my – it's not that recent. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:48:02 But I was just thinking of a memorable – I remember being in a wine bar in Toronto, like, writing, only because it was right near my house. So I brought my laptop and I was that guy sitting there with a glass of wine and a laptop. So I'm sure there was lots of things being said about me that I didn't overhear. But what I did overhear was a full-fledged breakup at the table beside me, which was so interesting that I started just typing whatever they were saying into my script, thinking this is real-life breakup dialogue. This is what it sounds like. Yeah, and I'm sure I'll need this for a podcast in the future. So I made a mental note and I wrote it down, but I don't have those notes with me.
Starting point is 00:48:41 So I made a mental note and I wrote it down. But I don't have those notes with me. But the major gist of it was the girl was breaking up with him, but she was so nonchalant about it, as is always the case with a breakup. One person doesn't see it as a big deal. But the other person, it's a major disruption in their life. So the girl had said to the guy, I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. Can't we still be friends? And the guy goes, what are you, fucking stupid?
Starting point is 00:49:18 I already have enough friends. I don't need any more fucking friends. And then he got up and he left. And I thought, that is fantastic. I need to remember this quote. just she sat there and then she sort of looked over at where i was sitting and i had to like act like i was typing something else because i was just waiting to hear what she would say next but i mean it was she looked at you and just thought, well, it could be worse. It could be the laptop and wine guy. I could be the laptop guy because it was – Did she add a button to the end?
Starting point is 00:49:49 Check, please. But it was funny because they were in like an intense argument, obviously. The waiter would come over and they would be in full pointing at each other, ready to scream. And then they would go, I tried the South African. And I would go away and get them more wine and they would keep arguing. So that's an overheard. That's great work.
Starting point is 00:50:13 I had to go back into the memory bank. You will not be disqualified. I'm just looking for that we have some written in overheards that I have to find. Written in overheards. I like this idea. Yeah, it's not bad, eh?
Starting point is 00:50:34 Keeps us young. Can I blow into this, Graham? Yes. Thanks. It's been a while, eh? That's a big opening. Yes. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:50:42 It's been a while, eh? That's a big opening. Arr, can you hear the ocean? I'm referring to the end of Pirate's Penis. The end of a pirate. Yeah, a prosthetic pirate. Captain Hooks to the left. I'm going to blow into my energy drink. Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:13 You would have thought that would have been a little more energetic. Yeah, ferocious. Now I've moved on to a monster energy drink. Monster. Oh, it's got taurine. Oh, neat. I don't even know what is that. What's taurine?
Starting point is 00:51:25 It's made from the testicles of a bull. Yeah. Taurine? How's the reading going, Graham? I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it.
Starting point is 00:51:36 I got it. Sorry. I printed out too many things. Okay, first and foremost, I just want to say last week there was a gentleman who called in and said that he saw Mr. Fuji from the world of wrestling working as a ticket taker in a movie theater in Tennessee. Is that even possible? Well, we called bullshit on it and then there was – this broke out into somewhat of a debate on the forum that's at StarPodcastAndYourself.com. Actually, somebody did link us to a blog that actually does have some – Oh, it's on the internet. It's true.
Starting point is 00:52:19 But I saw some photos of him from – he had a wrestling school in Tennessee. And he's like – without the hat and the cane, you wouldn't recognize him at all. Maybe the reason I'm kind of confused about this is I thought when we said Mr. Fuji, we were talking about Wyclef Jean. Well played. Thank you. So anyway, So we did We got There was
Starting point is 00:52:46 Adam H Who was I believe The person who called it Has sent it But still has not sent in A photo of himself With Mr. Fuji Right
Starting point is 00:52:54 That needs You need And even that Could be photoshopped Yeah Yeah well with today's newspaper Was the other With today's newspaper
Starting point is 00:53:02 Yeah So then we know It's not some Like a hostage photo Yeah Yeah like Mr. Fuji The guy Today's newspaper. Yeah. So then we know it's not some... Like a hostage photo. Yeah. Yeah, like Mr. Fuji, the guy, today's newspaper in the shot. We'll even accept a picture of you with pros.
Starting point is 00:53:12 Well, that's pretty easy to manipulate, too, though. You think? So you think this guy's just having us on? Well, I don't know. Let's be honest. It's not like Mr. Fuji is the world's biggest celebrity. No, that's true. Do you think that he would have slid all the way down to Ticket Taker?
Starting point is 00:53:30 Let me put it to you this way, Graham, and this is something that I know for a fact, that the lead singer of Helix, one of Canada's more popular heavy metal acts, was teaching vocal lessons in London,on ontario after the helix heyday and my friend spotted him making sandwiches at a subway sandwich no true story wow so if it can happen to helix fair enough it could happen to fuji fuji i once uh bought a guitar pedal online on eBay, and it was from one of the founding members of Guns N' Roses. Really?
Starting point is 00:54:11 Duff. Who ended up forming his own band called L.A. Guns, Tracy Guns. Wow. That's Tracy with two I's. You bought it from him on eBay or something? It was his pedal? Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:54:26 I'm sure they sell this. I'm sure they sell this. They sell stuff off. They sell stuff off for sure. No, no, but then he said, I have to sell this off because I need to buy a car to go to my job at Subway. Right. I knew you had to tag it. Look, are you going to buy this pick or not?
Starting point is 00:54:42 My movie shift at the movie theater starts at 7. So, uh, uh-oh. This is a disaster. What's happening over there? I'm a disaster. That's what's happening. Did Graham tell you, by the way, that on the last episode of The Debaters that he helped us out with, that I looked at him at one point, and I don't know what was going through my head, but I called him Gavin.
Starting point is 00:55:03 You called him, yeah, Gavin. And I was thinking. I sometimes call him gowan playing at applebee's uh and i literally was thinking of the love boat captain for some reason gavin mcleod gavin mcleod was he he was bald wasn't he yeah no no but i was thinking of him in my head and looking at you and wanting to say graham i don't know why i was thinking of the captain my dad my dad been related. My dad looks a lot like Gavin McLeod. Gavin McLeod, really? That's a good look. This is from another Adam, not Adam H., of the Fuji scandal.
Starting point is 00:55:35 The lady in the cubicle across the aisle from me just got hired for a new job in some environmental aspect of our company. She's apparently calling into her first staff meeting and introducing herself. She went through her background and previous roles and finished with, and my favorite color is green, because that's what we're all here for. Wow.
Starting point is 00:55:55 Money. It's a guy who used to do comedy in Vancouver. Josh Stubbs had a great kind of thing when he worked at starbucks and they were sampling like this new coffee that was going to coincide with the release of a jazz cds oh yeah and he said that his manager yeah took a sip of one of the coffees and said oh well this just tastes like a cup full of jazz. I always remember that.
Starting point is 00:56:25 Does he know how close that is to the other word? That's right. I thought we were going with that. It's a little frothier than I thought it would be. The radio station that broadcasts the Utah Jazz basketball games is KJZZ. No way. Really? Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:56:47 So also from a couple weeks ago, somebody sent in some graffiti that said Dick Chicken. Yeah. And we didn't know what Dick Chicken was. He sent in a follow-up photo that is a picture of what the Dick Chicken looks like, which is basically like a roast chicken with a dick for a head. I'm just trying to bring everybody up to speed.
Starting point is 00:57:10 Things they may be wondering about. Things that have happened in the past. He's the new Banksy. This is from Brad C. from St. Louis, Missouri. Here's one I heard while hanging with friends at a local bar. One of the friends, a college-age girl,
Starting point is 00:57:28 obviously inebriated, wearing aviator sunglasses and a scarf, sits at our table and says, Look at me. I'm Amelia Earnhardt. Earnhardt. Junior? Yeah. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:44 Obviously, she met the pilot Amelia Earhart And not the NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt But give a girl some alcohol And she thinks she can fly an automobile So thank you very much for writing those in If you want
Starting point is 00:57:53 That's all the overheards from this Did anybody call? Anyone's in? Yeah sure Do you want to listen to a call or two? If you want to write to us You can write to us at StopPodcastOfYourself
Starting point is 00:58:02 At gmail.com With your overheards. And if you want to call us, which these people do, it's 206. Oh, I forgot what it is now. It's 206-339-8328. There we go. Hey, Graham. Hey, Dave.
Starting point is 00:58:18 This is Adam in San Diego calling in an overheard. And keep in mind, this is completely on the up and up because I live in California. But the other day, I was at the local medical marijuana dispensary. And in addition to, you know, just the regular smoking weed, they have all kinds of food stuff
Starting point is 00:58:39 and items with THC content that they're always trying to push on you. And the guy is constantly trying to sell me on the pesto sauce, as you guys would call it. Pesto. But I'm just not into it. And so the other day I was in there, and he was saying, you know, you really got to try this pesto, man.
Starting point is 00:59:03 I was like, oh, you know, I don't really know. And then another customer happened to walk in right at the time, and apparently he had been given the same pitch and had fallen for it. And the guy said, hey, man, hey, how would you like the pesto sauce? I was just telling this guy, what do you think about it? And he was like, oh, I don't know, man. I mean, it got me really high, but it just wasn't very good. I put it on a piece of bread with some peanut butter, and it just tasted awful.
Starting point is 00:59:32 That was it. That's my overheard. Blame the pesto sauce. I tried to lick it off of a Lick'em stick, and it was gross. of a lick'em stick. And it was gross. So, yeah, if you want to write in to us, it's StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. Or if you want to call
Starting point is 00:59:51 206... Why do I have a mental block? Why do you insist on announcing it if you can't do it? Can you announce it? 206-339-8328. There it is. That was easy. So, yeah. Do we want to move on to something else?
Starting point is 01:00:08 Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite things. Favorite Things. Dave and I did it previously where we just listed off, like, it's like Oprah's favorite things. I've never watched it, and I've only got a year left, apparently.
Starting point is 01:00:40 Yeah, so she'll do a lot of it, I'm sure. It's where she talks about her favorite things that you can buy or that she owns and so we did at one point and then we figured in order to do it with a guest we would get the guest to pick a number which you pick 33 and we would ask you what were your favorite things when you were 33 years old oh interesting so i've got to go back to when i was the age of jesus yeah when Yeah, when you were Jesus age. What were your favorite things? Carpentry. Thorns. Getting nailed. Prostitutes. Hey, I have a... I live across from a Russian
Starting point is 01:01:19 Orthodox church. You do? Yeah. It's a very old looking church. And they have a different cross. They have one where... Well, in Russia, a cross crucifies you. No, that's the same everywhere. Oh, is it? Oh, okay. But they have one that looks like you would be able to put your feet on it
Starting point is 01:01:37 and just hang out. And maybe it's got a little stand for you to put your hair elastic. Through Jesus. It's got like drink holders. It's a convenient crucifix. It's a convenient crucifix. I'll work on that.
Starting point is 01:01:54 I'm thinking back in my head. So that's five years ago. So that's 2004. 2004. See, at that point, was constantly constantly traveling so my favorite thing was to go to uh ireland right and that's when i was fully in the mode of just do whatever you uh you want and i would be in in uh pubs and just inadvertently just start to have pints in the afternoon. And I would meet up with giant groups of people and always end up befriending
Starting point is 01:02:32 them and bringing them to the show. That's the club loved it because they would just, they knew if I went out during the afternoon, there would be 50 people. They didn't know we're coming to the club. It was like a Pied Piper sort of thing. So you were like the diddy of comedy in Ireland, you and your entourage of 50 people but it would always be a different i would go to a pub and eventually though i wouldn't try i wouldn't go in thinking
Starting point is 01:02:54 i'm going to invite all these people i would literally just go drinking with them for the afternoon and eventually they would say what are you doing here, by the way? I'd be like, I just got to go. I got a show to do. Literally. I'd be like, I just got to go do a show. And they would come with me. And it worked in reverse. It was a weird surprise.
Starting point is 01:03:14 I went into this one pub that I always went to, and there's eight people drinking. It's like a Wednesday night. And there's a group of people, and they're a little bit older than I was at the time. And I'm like, I wonder what these guys are doing out drinking out of Wednesday. And eventually they, I mean, we've, we've had at this point,
Starting point is 01:03:28 15, 15 drinks each easy like this. I wasn't doing a show that night. And eventually they just said, we have, we have to go, we have to get up pretty early in the morning. I'm like,
Starting point is 01:03:38 Oh, what, what do you guys do? Like we're, we're students at the medical college. We have an exam tomorrow and i thought they were kidding but they were it's like an episode of scrubs they were serious but it was in like if you're in the right attitude in in ireland it was just you know when you can you can fully i don't
Starting point is 01:03:59 want to take advantage but like it was just it was because it's the height of their celtic tiger economy as well so everyone there was doing really well and you'd be able to go out and you know it's not about picking up girls and things like that just talking to groups of people and that particular trip i would end up being in a different place just at a crazy house party and just waking up in the morning not knowing where I was and people guiding me back. And I mean, I wouldn't want to do it every day of my life. But for that period of time, that was really about – I am a believer of putting good energy out into the universe and it comes back to you and eventually sort of shift things.
Starting point is 01:04:43 It's Steve's secret. It's my little secret. Well, I don't – if you do it all the time, you'll eventually sort of shift things it's steve's secret it's my little secret well i don't if you do it all the time you'll you'll eventually die but um but it was secret at that time that was uh that was the big thing and then of course you know it's all centered on comedy so that was my first just for laughs gala so oh getting ready for a big, big show. Is gala a different word for gag? No, no. Yeah, it was my first Just for Laughs gag. I was playing the police officer in that one.
Starting point is 01:05:11 So I was nervous. I was the burly officer with the women's leggings. And it was nerve-wracking. Well, that's great. That's a great favorite thing. Yeah. That's the first guest that we've ever had do the favorite thing. So thank you very much.
Starting point is 01:05:28 Oh, cool. I'm sorry I couldn't list it in more musical form. Bobcats on bruises and kittens on horses. Bobcats on bruises. I don't know all the words. I don't know all the words. Well, I'm sure those are in there. So that's pretty much the end of the show
Starting point is 01:05:47 steve if people want to find you online where where's the best place the website and it's a funny story about this my website is steve patterson.ca right for canada uh had i been a little bit quicker i might have gotten steve pattersonson.com, but I did not. And that website belongs to an American motivational speaker named Steve Patterson, who takes his craft very seriously. And by all means, listeners, go to stevepatterson.com. But please don't do what people did after my first tour of Ireland before I had a website, which was to just assume that I was stevepatterson.com, go onto his website and believe that I had created a farcical website of an American motivational speaker, complete with his photo on the homepage
Starting point is 01:06:37 and writing messages into him like, this is the funniest farce website I've ever seen. Where did you get this geeky picture of this guy and it's the guy reading the messages oh man that's so bad so mine is stevepatterson.ca stevepatterson.ca
Starting point is 01:06:57 and um you're the host of cbc's the debater yeah if you can find that out there if you just go to cbc.ca, it plays on... Don't go to cbc.com, because that's a motivational network. That's the collection of buffalo cocks. And that is a totally different website.
Starting point is 01:07:19 But thank you so much, one of Canada's preeminent comedians, for being a guest on our show. Thanks, guys. This is fun fun and best of luck with this. It's a very fun casual atmosphere. Thanks for coming down. Dave, you got anything? This Tuesday
Starting point is 01:07:34 you can come and see me at the Biltmore. Taz Van Rassel and I are putting on our Arrogance show. This is great. That's a must-see show. That's a lot of fun. It might be the last. So it's really must see. It is a truly must see experience.
Starting point is 01:07:52 And yeah, everybody, if you want to write in, I said where you could write in. Or go to our website, stoppodcastingyourself.com. There's a great forum on there. A lot of people have been writing a lot of fun things on there. Up to and including recipes, great music lists,
Starting point is 01:08:08 all sorts of interesting things you can do and find on the internet. So go check that out. And check out the blog recap that Dave does of every episode each and every week. StopPodcastingYourself.com And if you like the show, tell your friends. And come on back for another
Starting point is 01:08:24 healthy dose next week of Stop Podcasting Yourself.

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