Stop Podcasting Yourself - Stop Podcasting Yourself - ep.12

Episode Date: May 22, 2008

Hollywood triple threat Jason Bryden joins us to compete in an allergy competition, talk about "that big blond from Designing Women," and blow the lid off two new segments.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to this, the 13th, is that right? 12th, I think. Son of a bitch, buy a calendar, Graham.

It's a regular dozen. The 12th edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and sitting with me, as always, is the dapper-dressed and slightly-stained Dave Shumka. Hey, Dave. Thank you. You're welcome. You are slightly stained Dave Shumka. Hey, Dave. Thank you. You're welcome. You are also stained. I am not.

Check your arms. That's a long story. We'll get back to it. And joining us for his first time here as a guest, a long-time listener, first-time guest, writer, performer. Thank you. Actor, improviser, producer. Sure.

Tim Horton's commercial star. Yes. Just call me empresario. Empresario, gadabout, gadfly, barfly, Jason Bryden. Welcome, Jason. How's it going? Thank you. It's going very well. It's so good to have you. My

pledge. Thanks for having me. And I was just looking at your arms, Graham. And are they not only are they tattooed with ballpoint pen, but are they without hair? More or less. More or less. Is that also part of the long story, or is that because you are a competitive runner? No, I don't shave anything. Or compete.

Including the face. And I don't compete. I'm not a competitive guy. You just don't have anything. Or compete. Including the face. And I don't compete. I'm not a competitive guy. You just don't have hair on your arms. Or really, like, I have it on my face. Not on the chest. Not on the back. Yeah, me neither on the chest.

I've had a full beard and no chest. The ass is a hair-free zone. Got it on the legs a bit. I think it's fantastic. You were hairless on television. In your shirtlessness. On the Tim Hortons commercial. Ohlessness on the Tim Hortons commercial. Oh, on the Tim Hortons commercial.

Did you wax for that? No, no. They didn't even tell me that I would be wearing very few clothes. Wow. I auditioned for an entirely different role. I showed up at the fitting, and they said, put these on. And what was it? I don't know if I've seen this Tim Hortons commercial.

A gentleman is calling his friends around the world to notify them that there is maple donuts. And it is hilarious. The thing is... Tim Hortons is good with advertising. When I saw the commercial, I was like, oh, Jason Bryden. And we have a PVR, so I can just record. If I just miss... If I'm watching something, I can hit record, and it records. It'll catch it. It'll catch what I just record. If I just miss... If I'm watching something, I can hit record and it records.

It'll catch it. It'll catch what I just missed. Right. And so I could show Abby. At Tim Hortons commercials. Yeah, and then I was like, wait, they're going to show this every five minutes. So you did, because I haven't seen it. Oh, well, it's not recorded anymore.

I don't... You've never seen it? No. That's got to suck, putting all those hours in. Hours? It was eight in the morning yeah march 2nd or something spanish banks 2007 2008 oh 2008 this was right right i have seen this and it was fucking cold yeah cold and you were not wearing a shirt

8 till 12 freezing my butt off i mean it was a day. It was four hours. But it's not all fun and games in the world of television entertainment. Is it ever fun and games? I've encountered... Really? Tell me about it. Sometimes it is fun and games. Tell me about this fun and games.

Okay, you got me on the games. But sometimes there is horseplay. Yeah. Tomfoolery, shenanigans. Definitely shenanigans. Yes, indeed. But a lot of the times there's fun, you know, when you can spend, like some of my favorite days have been where you're in the trailer watching all the DVDs you want. You have all that time. You sometimes surface for lunch

or to go get your hair done. Then at around 6 o'clock, so you've been in there for a full day, you've put in eight hours of watching, you've watched an entire season of Deadwood. Deadwood. Do you like Deadwood? Love it.

I can't believe it got canceled. That's when they invented the C word. Love it. And then you go and act. And then you go and act. And then you go and do a scene. And that's it. And then you go home. I mean, I could do that for the rest of my life.

So sometimes it is fun and games. Tim Horton's spot. I was working for 11 people. Wow. Are you growing? Should we? We have to roll the Get to Know Us. Yeah.

Get to know us. Yeah. Get to know us. Now, we already got to know. Let's just pick up where we left off. We already got to know a little bit. Yeah. Now, you were about to ask him about a beard? No, I was going, are you growing a mustache? I'm trying to grow a mustache.

Why? What, to tell us all about it? Is this just for fun? It's not interesting. It is, and in fact, this is a bit behind the curtain, a little bit VH1 behind the music. Pull it back. That's right.

What do you call that guy? Who's the guy with the beard that does the interviews with the blue cards? James Lipton. James Lipton, yeah. Let's hear a little James Lipton action. What's your favorite curse word? If you were a tree. I take acting class, and in my class I am playing, I'm doing a David Mamet play,

and the character I'm playing is a sleazy L.A. producer, and I thought he would have a sleazy mustache. I can't grow them very well. You have to trim that down to make it sleazy, because it just looks like it just looks like a mustache right now no you're being kind it looks pubescent doesn't it uh yeah how long have you been growing it trimming anymore a week okay so but if you trim the top part just below the nose it'll start looking a lot more seedy like kind of like a

john waters now that's seedy you know thank you for i I mean? Thank you. I'm glad I took that step. I'm glad I was brave and shared with you guys. That's what acting's all about, I think. I've had a couple mustaches. Yes. But I think you're doing it the really brave way. You're just going... Of growing the mustache itself.

Just on its own. Right. That's not easy. I grew the beard and shaved it and kept the mustache for a little while. People give you the hairy eyeball. It changes things, hey? They do. Most of the people look at you and think, ew.

But then what I've noticed is that there will be two or three out of 100 women who kind of give you that. They give you those eyes. Wow. I like the rugged uncle look. Yeah. Here's a question because i thought i heard i read an article like about three months ago that said that the mustache was coming back

but not in an ironic way that it was actually that we've gone past irony into the point where there's actually going to be guys like real guys not guys like guys that have mustaches already but real people in society growing mustaches. Like, you could have a lawyer that has a mustache. I think it makes sense. And this is just a theory I'm working on. But now that early adopters are no longer just the gay community and the black youth community. And the Hispanic high school.

Now that early adopters are actually straight people, the way we do that, the way we find the cool is through irony. Because we're too embarrassed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To just... Can you believe I have a mustache? Exactly. So then after the irony's worn off, people kind of get used to stuff. Yeah.

And they go, you know, a mustache ain't that bad. I have a mustache. Are you having a cigarette? I'm chewing a cigarette. I'm chewing a cigarette right now. I'm chewing a cigarette. Damn right. Speaking of the. I know you do.

What did you call it? The something uncle. The rugged uncle. The rugged uncle. Doesn't everybody have a rugged uncle? I do. With a mustache. Yeah.

I remember in university there were. I aim to be the rugged uncle to my nieces and nephews. You're well on your way. Thank you, sir. There were a couple guys who would go out to clubs, and they would wear Old Spice in hopes of... Triggering, like a weird... Yeah, daddy issues.

Brilliant. Wow. So gross. That's like that Chalupa commercial, only in real life. With the bacon? Yeah, which wouldn't i'm when i watch it i'm like that might actually work have you seen that with the woman carrying a chalupa in her purse and then the guys come over and they're all attracted to her because she smells like bacon

but they don't know that they're attracted to her because she smells like bacon i'm willing to bet that would he hasn't even seen his own commercial yeah what is wrong with you? You own a TV, right? I do, and for some reason I get free cable, but I haven't seen that. But let's go back to just a second. Back to mustaches? The Old Spice. Now, this works, doesn't it? I've never done it, but my brother always maintained

that when he put on the Old Spice, his girlfriend, now his wife, liked it. It was a real trigger. I don't know what... Weird. Yeah, I don't wear a scent. Is that not weird?

No, it's just nostalgia. Yeah, but it's nostalgia for... It's not like for an old boyfriend that used to wear Old Spice. That's nostalgia. If it was your dad that used to wear Old Spice, that's creepy. I would argue that it's still nostalgia. Well, it's in the nostalgic realm. Yeah. But I would also

argue that, now I'm older than you guys, but I was wearing Old Spice in the 80s. I may not have needed it, but... But you did it. Was it the Axe body spray of its day? I think it was more that there weren't the options. Wasn't there Brute? There was Brute.

There was Brute, but it stung. Yeah, you're right. I wore Brut before. It hurt. And you could get hammered off of it. And was there a Dracar? Dracar Noir. Absolutely.

Did you ever... Calvin Klein came into it? Fahrenheit. That was a big smell in second year university. I own two bottles of cologne that I've worn each maybe five times. So you're not a cologne guy? No. Are you a cologne guy?

No, I don't wear anything. I don't even own... I think laundry detergent smells great, and I'm fine smelling like laundry detergent. I'm an Irish spring soap guy, and so I smell like that. Oh, hells yeah. Wow. I do like the old commercials with the knife. I cut off

a piece and shower in the field you whittle it into a shank and i stab stuff with it it's just come out smelling so fresh uh i speaking of showering i let's talk about it i didn't have hot water uh for a bunch of days had to take take cold showers. Well, that must have... You're a ninja. That was what I imagine old-timey prison was like. Because I would wash one part of myself and then it would go numb. And then you'd get raped. Yeah, and then I got raped, which was crazy. Because I was alone.

Self-rape is the worst. And the most epidemic. The other day, I was at Shopper's Drug Mart, and I thought, hey, maybe I'd like to start shaving in the shower. No. Well, you don't even shave. Combined. No, I'm with you. Combined.

You're out of there sooner. But you can't see what you're doing. Isn't that a deterrent? So, while I was at Shopper's Drug Mart Mart I bought a mirror with a suction cup on it The no fog mirror? It's not no fog That's kind of screwy I had been considering this for a while

and I found a $150 one at Restoration Hardware and I decided no and I went for the $8 Shoppers Drug Mart Foggy Fogman London Foggy Fogman It's more of a warping side of a toaster Harper's Drug Mart, foggy fogman. London foggy fogman. More of a warping side of a toaster. $150 for a mirror. Yeah.

Those bastards. I went with the eight. Who the fuck do they think they are? They're people who are selling a lot of anti-fog mirrors to people that live in very expensive houses in Vancouver. Wow. That's what I'm saying. People here's got some money. Oh, they do.

It's a great lifestyle choice, the shaving in the shower. You like it. I used to know somebody that shaved at his locker, because he was one of those kids that had... His locker? Yeah, he had a... When 5 o'clock shadow would creep up at around, like, 10 a.m., so he was constantly...

So you'd just hear it in the hallway had like the locker mirror and he would just you do a quick scraping yeah well then you know it was used the electric and he wasn't lathering up in the hallway kidding me he was shaving in yeah high school i mean i didn't even i didn't get a penis until grade 10 i was a late bloomer now let's, hold on, walk me through the shaving in the shower. Wait, wait, you haven't done it? Because you came out as a heavy

endorser of this, so I just assumed this was your lifestyle. I love getting, I love doing as many things at once. I like doing stuff in the shower. It's a great place to be. We got a little radio in there. I like doing stuff in the shower. It's a great place to be. We've got a little radio in there.

I listen to sports talk radio. It is good to listen to sports talk radio non-stop. The worst is when you ever sleep in and you miss the radio show you like. Or on the weekends, you have to listen to

ESPN classic radio. That's horrible. That's no show. I don't care about college basketball. Are you for or against Jim Rome? I could take him or leave him. I don't really listen to him. Who do you listen to?

I listen to the locals. Everything else but Jim Rome. Jim Rome. Do you like BMAC and Rintoul? Yeah, I have no problem. Do you? I have a difficulty with Rintoul. Yeah, I don't think he's good.

But BMAC's good. And then Rick Ball drives me nuts. I think he tries to be Jim Rome. But Fat Guy and the other guy, I like them in the end. Yeah, yeah, I like them a lot, too. There's a Fat Guy and another guy? I don't really listen. Oh, Brad Taylor.

Oh, yeah, yeah. If anyone's not from Vancouver. That segment. And I am from Vancouver. And even there, I was kind of... I don't listen to sports talk radio. No, you don't like sports. It's not that I don't like sports.

Let's clear the air on that. I like sports just fine. Don't like talking about it. Don't like hearing other people talk about it. Like watching it, that's about where it ends. That's where me and sports part way. I would rather listen to people talk about sports than actually watch it. I think that you fall in a category that probably most people.

Really? Well, that's why I think that's... It's kind of boring to watch a three-hour hockey game. It is. I think that most people would rather talk about sports or listen to people talk about sports than actually watch the sport. That is fascinating. It's great in the arena, but on TV, it's hard to stick with it. Like Law & Order is way better in real life.

Yeah. Especially that sound effect. When you hear that on the street, you know trouble's just around the corner. You know adventure is fighting at your heels. I would like to interrupt the festivities and promote this week's beer sponsor. You say it right. It's a bit ephemeral. It's a little bit ephemeral.

Do you know what ephemeral means? I had to look it up. It means it only lasts a very short time. I got it confused with ethereal. Oh, that's what I thought it was, which means it's kind of everywhere. It's called Ephemère by Unibrew. Is it really

called Unibrew? Yeah, check that out. It's from Chambly, Quebec. Oh, nice. It's the fruitiest beer we've ever drank on air and not just because their logo is a fairy. It's actually apple-scented, or they refer to it as an apple must.

I like that it's called unibrow or brew. Is it unibrow? It is unibrow. No, it's unibrew. Is that how you'd pronounce that? Yeah. I prefer the idea that somebody with a unibrow. A unibrow. That is good.

I have a unibrow. And it tastes like, honest to God, apples. It does. Why do they say musk? Apples that get you drunk. Pass the bottle opener, I say. This pairs extremely well with goat's milk cheeses, pork, or duck. And lucky for us, Dave Shumka has presented us with a cheese and meat plate here in the studio.

And a live duck. Can I just talk about the studio? This is incredible. This is fun, right? For all you listeners, it's like the Batcave in here, slash Hugh Hefner's bedroom, slash an S&M dungeon. It's fantastic. Well, last night we we had the pleasure we for the last year and a half

we've had a futon mattress in here now we've done the best to edit the futon mattress out of the podcast but you wouldn't even know it was there by listening to the podcast we worked around it it's it was it was great in its time my dog loved it. But what happened is I had like a we had a whole futon. Then I bought a couch and got rid of the futon. The futon frame. The futon frame. I put an ad on Craigslist

for free stuff. Said come and pick up this futon. I really only described the frame in the ad and the people came to get it. They said, we don't want your filthy mattress. They didn't even say it. They just didn't even, like, they assumed that there wouldn't be a mattress involved.

Nobody wants a secondhand mattress. Right. That's like buying a secondhand bathing suit. Am I right? Or am I way off? You're bang on, Sheila. And then... Dirty.

on Sheila. And then... So we kept the futon mattress in our office here for a year and a half, but we finally built up the courage to walk a block and a half and chuck it in the alleyway.

They're unwieldy things. Did you wrap it up? No, it wasn't that unwieldy. You chucked it in the alleyway that already had a mattress in it. Hey, people do this all the time. You see forlorn, abandoned futons. It's a sad scene. Everywhere.

I was trying to create, in the theater of the mind, this palatial studio. And I added a futon. You added a futon. That took up most of the room. It was a gigantic futon. Oh, well. Oh, well. That's up most of the room. It was a gigantic futon. Oh well. Take two. So that's

getting to know Dave right there. Futon smuggler. Oh, I got a few get to know you items. Socket to the bumpers. On Friday, it was our dog's birthday hey happy birthday grandpa hey well when he listens to this podcast he'll appreciate this dog salute number four right yeah he's four

we uh gave him a little cake made of cookies shaped like a four and made him wear a hat for five minutes and uh so that's is that the true rule the seven years to every dog year uh it no it's different like dogs i think age faster earlier in life like it's like 10 years their first year then at nine years or second year and then but over the course of seven's the mean over the course of a lifetime it's about seven and uh small dogs age slower than large dogs so what would we put him at is he 25 years old early 30s oh he's early 30s still thinking about a mortgage yeah setting up a great little saturday for himself hopefully he has time for bed bath and beyond did he try and hump the the cake he did not try and hump the cake.

Oh, yeah. That was your first time ever seeing the floor show? Second time floor show. Second time. Grandpa humps the thing. But only for guests. To do the floor show to Copperhead Road by Steve Rowe. I love that that's his go-to song.

Good call. Thank you. What else? Mr. Shumps. Oh, on Saturday, I played sports, competitive sports. Competitive sports. For the first time in a couple years. How did you do?

Not well. No. I'm not good on offense. I played basketball with a few comedian friends and their friends. Did you guys use a peach basket? No, we played modern-day basketball. Oh, okay, all right, because I only understand the broom. We didn't do the part of our heritage. Where you're allowed to walk with it for five steps,

dribble it once, throw it in the peach basket. I like to incorporate all the parts of our heritage into every sport I do. So you were playing against fellow comedians. Yeah, so it wasn't intimidating. The most in shape people in the world. It wasn't threatening. Some of the finest physical specimens on this

God's green earth. I find it hard to exercise. I've never gone to a gym. Maybe twice I've gone to a gym. You go to the gym. I did until a recent injury slash dotage set in. Uh-oh. More on that later.

More on that later. We'll come back to that. I don't like running. You run a lot. I do. I love it. But it's really not fun for me. It gets my natural angers out now that I don't play the drums. My demons. Not all of them, mister. You know it. It's really not fun for me. It gets my natural angers out now that I don't play the drums. My demons. Not all of them, mister.

You know it. Some of them linger. Yeah, so I thought playing sports would be great, especially if it's not intensely competitive. And it was a lot of fun, and I'm still aching from two days ago. You should put some money on it. That would have made it more interesting. It would have.

Want to bet? I'm going to start playing two days ago. You should have put some money on it. That would have made it more interesting. It would have. Want to bet? I'm going to start playing soccer. Whoa. Are you? Or as it's called in my country, O-ring. Are you really going to play soccer? Yeah. You're going to join a league?

No. I congratulate you. Pick up with who? One Charles Demers. So they said, we're going to get together and we're going to make this basketball thing a regular thing. And now it's been completely jettisoned. Now we're going to make soccer a regular thing. No, no, no, no.

Charlie was doing both. He was only organizing basketball. And then I piggybacked onto his soccer game. So he plays a regular soccer game. He's going to, starting this Thursday. Good for him. Wow. At the park where you run.

Oh, well, I'll see you guys there as I'm running around the track and not participating. You can heckle the nerds playing basketball. Footy. Why is it nerdy? Football. It's the beautiful game. No, I'm not saying soccer was nerdy.

I'm saying you guys are nerdy. Right, yeah. But I'd like to play basketball with you. I don't know if you ever need any more basketball players. I'll invite you to the Facebook group. I'm horrible. Yeah. Asthmatic.

Are you asthmatic? Tall, so you'd think I'd be good, but no athletic ability whatsoever. Only asthmatic if I run too long. Okay, I'm asthmatic 24-7. Are you? Straight up. I have a very good vertical jump. Do you?

And no hand-eye coordination. Isn't that just the way? And I don't know my own strength. Wow. I'm good at fouling. Is that a positive or a negative? That's a positive. I am good at fouling.

We have one player, Seth Perry, local comedian Seth Perry. He strikes me as somebody who's fouling it up left-right. No, he's very good. He's in shape. And for the whole two hours... That's all he does. He works with little kids all the time, and he takes them on these trips and does exercise with them. He works at the community center.

Who's Seth Perry? He's Seth Perry. I don't know how else to describe him. He's a comedian who works with kids who's in great shape and good at basketball. Oh, I know him! Yeah, Seth Carrow. And at the end of the two hours, he was the only one who didn't seem exhausted. And I had the pleasure of guarding him in the last game.

And there was a lot of... Who else was playing this game? I can only picture now you, Charlie, and Seth. And it makes me laugh. Charlie was playing. Ivan was playing. Oh, Decker. Sean Stewart was playing. Ivan was playing. Sean Stewart was playing.

And some people you don't know. That I didn't know. I get around. I probably know them. Is there some sort of dog fight going on outside your window? We got a terrible miniature schnauzer across the street. Sounds like he's being attacked by another terrible miniature schnauzer.

No, he's the worst. Always the tiny Germans that are in trouble. The big ones are more docile. He's being attacked by another terrible miniature schnauzer. Oh, he's the worst. But, yeah. Tiny Germans that are... Trouble. The big ones are more docile, but they're more into design. Are those cufflinks, or is that a button? Those are cufflinks. Those are Volkswagen cufflinks.

Good Lord. Did you get them at the dealership? I actually got them in Covent Garden, I believe. I wasn't even going to wear a shirt today, and You guys are wearing cufflinks and a nice shirt. I put this on just to prop myself up, to get myself out of the house. This is 60% polyester. My shirt says Sauerkraut Band. It's a t-shirt.

I found it. I'm going to my parents' house later, so I have to be dressed up. Are you going for your weekly dinner? Just a Victoria Day celebration. Don't you go over there every weekend? Nope. You should. I would. Do you go to your parents' every weekend? Yeah, every Sunday. Really?

Yeah. That's fun. It is fun. I'd like to go more often, but I find I'm not invited. Ouch. Jason Brighton and I, I wouldn't say we've known each other our whole lives but we've known of we met when we were tiny yeah my parents are friends of his parents and oh i didn't know you guys said that's why the the rapport on there's been so fresh and natural

uh i didn't know yeah i had no idea yeah there is beautiful. There's a picture in my house. I wonder if I can find it. Post it. I'm about four. You're maybe ten. And my brother's there and your brother's there. And we're at your parents' house. And I'm posing and I've got these sunglasses on that I'm pulling down. I remember this photo.

Like my brother's Huey Lewis poster. And if I can find it, you guys are in for a treat in audience land. I am willing to bet that you have a lot of photos of you doing Huey Lewis posters from that era. Wrong? Right? Kind of wrong. My parents didn't really photograph me.

I was the baby. That's not true. You were doted on. I was doted on, but you had to develop film back then. Yeah, it's not true. You were doted on. I was doted on, but they didn't develop film back then. Yeah, it's not like now where every picture is kept. You know, like you take a thousand and you just keep them all. You'd be selective. Like, is it a birthday?

Is it something I should be photographing? But now, like, I mean, you get these albums that, like, someone posted a new album of pictures, and it's just bric-a-brac. There's so many. It's a person, and they're eating a sandwich, and then they're at the park, and nothing is happening. There's no context. Yeah, it's not like the regatta, you know? Like, it's not that kind of thing.

Like, photos from the regatta. Sports day. Yeah. Why would you have chosen the regatta as your example? Because. Are you from Sailing Stock? I am not i am from calgary alberta well they have the the glenmore reservoir yeah that's not people sail on

that all the time don't they well that's calgary for you hey i've never been on our source for drinking water let's put a lot of boats mostly it was canoe. There wasn't a lot of sailing. Calgary, I wouldn't say is a sailing. Canoers spit. Notorious. They are notorious. Na, na. Notorious. I don't follow.

They were just here, Shumka. Did you go? No. Did anyone? No. I don't know. I would have loved to if i if i'm appreciating things ironically yeah no uh that's nostalgia for me that's okay sorry love them did you uh did you guys wear do you okay never mind i was wondering if we ever solved if you guys wear any scent or cologne. Oh. We said no, I think.

Yeah, I don't wear anything. I stopped wearing deodorant years ago. No, really? Yeah. Are you serious? I have a token bar of Tom's. Okay, that's grosser than my not washing my hair. Yeah, no.

If I could not wash my hair, I would. Why can't you not? Well, it just gets greasy. Yeah, that's what I have. You don't wear deodorant? Do you just naturally smell like fresh baked bread or what? How does this work? I probably smell like a man. Oh, it's old spice.

Sometimes more than others. Sometimes more than others. But I figured, why am I caking on this stuff? I have an answer for this question. Do you know where I think actually human beings will always trump any scent that you've manufactured? Disagree. Trump. What about Donald Trump? When you light a match in the bathroom, it doesn't smellagree. Trump. What about Donald Trump? Like, when you light a match in the bathroom,

it doesn't smell like matches. No. It smells like shit and matches. That's true. Same with deodorant. If you work up a good lather, there ain't no deodorant that's going to cover that up. But it's just for your day-to-day...

Like, do you just... When you sweat, do you generally not smell bad because you must not because you how could you have the confidence that you have in everyday life i think it's more is more something has more to do with hubris yeah i think you got some hubris too close to the sun. I smell like hubris. I think B.O. has more to do... That was Icarus. That's not hubris. And then you follow it up with a my bad. I love it. B.O. has more to do with dirty clothes than... You know, fresh sweat is okay.

Yeah, it really is. Yeah, okay. And some days I'll forget to wear deodorant and I won't realize until later in the afternoon. I don't know what kind of girls you guys are pulling down. But I know what kind of girl you're pulling down. Pretty good. Pretty good. Let's examine this.

Graham, are you seeing anyone right now? Sure aren't. Sure aren't. Dave is in a committed relationship. But I do wear deodorant. Oh, you do. You really 99% of the days of the year. Yeah.

I don't. But you're in a committed relationship. You're in a committed relationship. And I'm also, I'm allergic to pretty much everything. So I try and keep stuff off of me, you know? Like I barely use detergent. You guys should have an allergic off. Oh, hey.

Because Graham is allergic. Can we have an allergic off? Sure. Do you want to sing the theme song to it? Sure. Should we let our guests sing the theme song? Yeah, sing the theme to allergic off. Allergic off, allergic off, see who's more allergic.

That's good. Did I get it right? That is good. Bang on. All right, so what are we going? Are we going to go tit for tat? Yeah. Are you going to name a thing and see if we're allergic to it?

Let's go two for ten. Let's try and one-up each other. Yeah, why don't you just... All right, because you're the guest, you can start. Shellfish. Shellfish. Beef. Wow.

Thank you. Okay. As in farts? No. As in who beefed? Yes. You got me. Or as in rap.

Seafood. No, just shellfish. Okay. All seafood. I can't eat. Wow. Good for you. He's cultural.

Dust. Dust. Okay. Dander. Dander. Yeah. Cats. Cats.

Oh, God. Cats. Dander. Dander. Yeah. Cats. Cats. Oh, God. Cats are the worst. Cats are the worst followed in a very close neck and neck with horses. Really? Yeah. You got me there. He's from Calgary. Yeah.

Oh, God. Horses. Dogs. It's like half. Dogs. No, I'm okay with dogs. You're all right with dogs? Yeah.

Where'd you get the dogs? Nuts. Nuts. Nuts. I can eat. Sometimes hazelnuts make the roof of my mouth itch if I eat too many of them. That's awesome. All nuts. That seems like an enhancement.

In fact. It's almost a superpower, isn't it? In Victoria, over the weekend, ate a little something that had some pesto in it. Ooh, with pine nuts. And ended up being well and sick most of the day. Well and sick? Yeah, no, not well. Like back and forth?

Just sick. But it felt like I was high as a kite the whole day because it really has a weird... And then after it's passed through your system, it feels like a really bad hangover. Yeah, maybe I'm just allergic to mushrooms. That's why they make me so high. So allergic to all nuts is where... I think you've got me. I think just allergic to mushrooms. That's why they make me so high. So, allergic to all nuts is where...

I think you've got me. I think you've got me there. I was just getting started. Wow. Mm-hmm. What else am I... Beef was pretty impressive, though. Beef was impressive.

I didn't see that coming. Beef is a weird one, hey? That is true. Now, I can probably one-up you or weird-out you on the effect that allergens have on me. Oh, well, we'll see. Speaking in tongues. We will see. If I eat beef, I break out in eczema only on the palms of my hands.

That is bizarre. Eczema. If I touch a dog, I will get a collection of hives in the exact place where that dog touched me and nowhere else. Oh, God. What if the dog is... I know how to kill you. Yes, I'm very killable. I am extremely killable.

What if the dog is hairless? I've never pet a hairless dog. Oh, well, here's next week's challenge. Come on, you guys. I'm going to shave Grandpa in the shower. Although it's not the hair. It is the dander, which is more a part of their skin than the hair. Right.

It's their true ephemerie. Have you ever been allergic to someone you've been intimate with? Are we ever allergic to other humans? I've read things about that. It's not happened to me personally, but I have heard that you can be allergic to other people's fluids. My first year roommate was allergic to latex. Bingo, bingo. He would brag to me about how he couldn't wear conventional condoms.

And I would brag to him about how I would weep at night. I would brag to him that I never use those damn things anyway. Just kidding, ladies. Clean as a whistle. As far as I know. As far as I care. Got a lot of freckles down there. I think it's just because I sunbathe nude.

Look at this position you're rocking right now, Shaker. I'm just checking the time. We're doing great. The way you work a stool. See you at the stool. Yeah. See you at the Dufferin. He's a little rock and roll. Did I have anything else?

I can... Oh! Oh! There was a great thing that happened on Friday. It was our friend Tasman Van Rassel. Do you know Tas? Tasman as, sure do. Tasman Cody Van Rassel.

Future guest, I think. Certainly. Yeah. He invited me over to watch a movie. He's got an awesome deck on his house. I've watched movies at his. And they project movies onto the wall of the building beside them. Yes.

The Go Ballet School. Right. Well, I think the upper portion of it is some kind of safe house. Dirty. Some kind of halfway house for creeps. Anyway, we watched a movie called Crush Groove. Seen it. The story of Def Jam Records.

Everyone plays themselves. The Fat Boys as themselves. Run DMC as themselves. Fat Boys are good actors. They've been in a lot of things. Curtis Blow as himself. Except... The Dis boys are good actors they've been in a lot of things curtis blow as himself except the disorderlies the fat boys right with uh rodney dangerfield no um harold ramus why would i get those mixed up i don't know uh we uh rodney danger except blair underwood

plays russell simmons which seemed nice yeah Everybody plays themselves, but Blair Underwood... Who plays Blair Underwood? Blair Underwood isn't in their galaxy. Oh, okay. Because it could go on an infinitum, right? Who plays Blair Underwood? Mario Van Peebles as Blair Underwood. And then who plays Mario Van Peebles?

What happened to Mario Van Peebles and Wesley Snipes and Blair Underwood? Wesley Snipes is jailed. He's in jail. He's actually in jail for three years. He's paying fines. He was asking to serve out a sentence as close to home as possible. You can't put Blade in jail.

I prefer to think of him as the guy from White Man Can't Jump, but yeah, he's also Blade. Remember when it was Jungle Fever and the future looked bright oh god yeah there was he remember passenger 57 always bet on black i used to say he did a lot of uh movies with numbers in them like murder 1600 the address that chases all the rules um So Friday. The fat boys.

There were many opportunities. Are they as fat as they used to be? There's one very fat one. Well, today, one of them is dead. Yeah, obviously. And it kept reminding me that one of them died. Diabetes? Diabetes or obesity.

Or obesity? Yeah, it's the Roy Orbison of obesity. It's called either or obesity. That's what it's called. I prefer my Roy Orbison of obesity. It's called Either Orbicity. That's what it's called. I prefer my Roy Orbison bit. But there were many opportunities for fat jokes, and they have a hit song. They were all taken? They have a hit song, All You Can Eat, where they go to Sparrow and eat everything, including

two huge gourds and a bunch of salami. Remember when they did the soundtrack for Nightmare on Elm Street? I don't. Really? I have the record at home. They recorded a song called A Nightmare on My Street, and it was the Fat Boys. Look it up, people. I'd love to see your home, Graham.

You wouldn't. No, you don't. But you've seen it. Uh-huh. There's a lot of stuff in there. It's very much a man's home. I bet. There's a lot of stuff in there.

Yeah. It is a man's home. You're right. It's where dudes a man's home. There's a lot of stuff in there. It's a man's home. It's where dudes come to hang. The best part of the movie was the fat boys they play high school students and they They play high school students at their current age? They're all like 40.

Well, it was... I hate biophics. They're ridiculous. The movie was made in 1986 or something. But they were playing They're all like 40. Well, it was... I hate biophics. They're ridiculous. That doesn't make any sense. The movie was made in 1986 or something. But they were playing... They were still not high school age. No, they were maybe in their 20s, though. Okay, all right.

Which is epidemic in high school anything. 20-year-olds or 20-somethings playing high school kids. It's because teenagers can't act. Right. They haven't got the chops. Kids can act. Teenagers can act. And then adults can act. Right? Yeah.'t got the jobs. Kids can act, teenagers can act, and then adults can act.

Right? Yeah. It's the Jesus syndrome. It's true. You never hear about teen Jesus. Teen Jesus. Somebody should write a joke about that. How about dirt bike Jesus?

Anyway, the fat boys are in their chemistry class. Let's say biology. They're mixing condiments? That would be funny. That would be a funny twist. Remind me to come back to that. We'll come back to that. They were dissecting a pig fetus.

The whole class was. Was one of them eating it? Please tell me that's where it goes. That would be sweet. One of them was punching it. Okay. That's how he's dissecting it. Everyone else is taking it very seriously.

And then the final fat boy has a pig fetus on a spit that he's rotating around a Bunsen burner. And it is disgusting. But it's a great joke. I knew it had to be something. He was putting an apple in his mouth or something like that. Now set the scene. You and Taz Manaz and others

probably. Do you want me to name the dames? No, don't name the dames. There were, let's say, ten of us. Theater of the mind. You're sitting out there. It's a warm summer's

evening drinking or drinking and watching a movie outside I had an ice cream bar but you weren't drinking

two ice cream bars well let's say I was also drinking you were also drinking thank you and two ice cream sandwiches one was a I want a fucking

ice cream sandwich right now do you want to fuck an ice cream sandwich it's not gonna want to fuck an ice cream sandwich? It's not going to happen Is that what you said? I am surprised that a comedian of your caliber Would seek to

I'm having sex with I would have said it if it didn't sound like I want to fuck an ice cream sandwich I think we're a beer and a half in I think that's what's happening Speaking of which, I'm running low on the apple stuff Well we better wrap this bullshit up then and hit the bar.

We got more. There's more to come. We'll just have more segments. Yeah. I love the outdoor movie. Yeah. It's a throwback. I'll invite you next time I'm invited to his house. Would you? I've watched one movie there before. We weren't invited.

We just showed up. I think I've watched one and then maybe I accidentally watched another one. I was invited to a party, but they happened to be watching Terror in Tiny Town, an all midget movie from the 20s? A classic. It's not from the 20s.

It has dialogue in it. 80s. 20s, 80s. Same century. With Warwick Davis as the beef. Oh, get to know you. I want to learn about your tattoos. Let's learn about Graham Clark. Oh, my God. Are we only on that now?

Yeah. You're in a nidma. Zipping through. I'm not at all. It's all out there on the page. Can I ask you about your home again? Yeah, please. You have a lot of stuff in there. It sounds like out there on the page. Can I ask you about your home again? Yeah, please. You have a lot of stuff in there.

It sounds like a bit of a manatorium. I love hanging out in those places. Do you go to Value Village weekly? Not anymore. Not anymore, but I'll be making a trip there this week because I miss it. Because you miss it. No one wants to go there and have you sign autographs. But in your life, you've gone there weekly.

What is that? You're like, oh, I haven't been there in a while. But I will be there from 2 to 4. I wasn't sure what that meant, but there you go. No, I'll go there probably this week because I haven't been for three weeks. You can come if you want. I'm going there on Thursday. You want to come? We'll see. Now, anyways, back to your weeks. You can come if you want. I'm going there on Thursday. You want to come?

We'll see. Back to your home. Stop fighting, Mom. Stop breaking this family up. What were you going to ask? Back to your home. When the broads come over. Which is rare, folks.

Although, roommate has a lady friend over this weekend. Oh, you have a roommate? His name is Sean Proudlove He was last week's guest Oh, it's you and Sean Proudlove, of course, I've forgotten Yeah, yeah, yeah I just want to get to know, what does it look like?

We never mentioned that he was your roommate last week, I noticed I think I said roommate, didn't I? Off the beginning and the intro I don't think so Was he your guest? Yeah Good times Do you guys, have you lived together for long?

Yeah. How long? Quite a few years. Years. Years. It's been years. Wow. Honestly, God, years.

Because he's a pretty good roommate. Good roommate. Don't doubt it. We live in a good place. Don't doubt it. It's all right. And what's it look like inside? What would you say the theme of your apartment was?

Cluttered. So sort of a Victorian brick and brack? Yeah, lots of... Lots of bottles and china hutches. Lots of china hutches. Magical oriental furniture. Hutches that hold other hutches. It's a hutch hutch.

Hutch hutch. We have so many hutch hutches. I can's a hutch hutch hutch hutch he has so many hutch hutches i can't really talk about it it's kind of hutch hutch really yeah not bad hooray okay come on let's support each other friends are friends yeah you're right friends are friends uh yeah it's a place where dudes come to be dudes and that's what happens. And the Burger King Kids Club is where kids can be kids.

Yeah, but we will also let kids be kids. Women can be women at our place, but they just very rarely want to. Lots of times women come over to our place

to be dudes. I like that too. Yeah. A lot of women will just hang out and just give. Let your freak flag fly, et cetera. Just let it happen.

Let it rip. Yeah. So that's the place. We're not leaving. Subway is the place where fresh is the taste. Does your place have a name? Do you say, I'm heading back to the. Oh, like to the Casa Del something or whatever?

Yeah, to the Clark Shack. I guess it could be. I always, I don't know. We've never dubbed it anything. The other one we used to call it the shit box or something like that, the one that we lived in before this. Right. Because it was.

I like when apartment buildings have names. Do you live in an apartment building? I do. Like the Del Waco. The Granite Block. Nice. That's not. It's not in an apartment building? I do. Like the Del Waco. The Granite Block. Nice. That's not... It's not the Shangri-La, but... The Granite Block.

When I was in Victoria, we lived in the Camelot. Wow. There's a lot of Camelots. There's a lot of Delcassid something or other. There's a lot of... Quartz. Yeah. I used to live at Canada House. Ooh, I know where that is. 13... Courts. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I used to live at Canada House. Ooh, I know where that is. 13th and Main. Yeah. That's a nice

place. And when you walked in to the lobby, I don't know if you've ever been in there, Grant. Yeah, I have. You'll remember the gold lame, striped wallpaper with black, fuzzy fleur-de-lis

placed around. Beautiful. Incredible. And the smell with black, fuzzy fleur-de-lis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Placed around. Beautiful. Incredible. And the smell. Why did you lose? Lingering Filipino fish fry. It was.

Every apartment building in Vancouver, Filipino fish fry smell happening. It only takes one. It only takes one. Fish fry. It only takes one. You live now in Yaletown? Am I wrong on that? I live at Mount Pleasant.

Still Mount Pleasant. Oh, you're still on Main Street. Still on Main Street. Ten years. Wow. In the Granite Block. No. Five years in the Granite Block.

The GB. So is that your fifth in Maine? That's where all the artsy folks live? Laughland. Yeah. Yeah, where all the artistic... Do you frequent the whip? I don't frequent The Whip.

Who would? I have given The Whip a shot. I've tried it over and over, year after year. The guy that used to own it is one of the worst people I've ever worked for. But I'm not going to say any names. But it rhymes with... I won't even do that. But I don't know who owns it now.

Well, the service is great finally but the prices seem to be exorbitant yeah is it exorbitant or exorbitant exorbitant exorbitant it's absorbing something

it's not absorbing it's absorbent. That's what it is. It's 30 feet up my alley, and I wish it could be my local, but there is a new place near me which I prefer, and that's called Narrow. Yeah. Ah, that's very good. Been there.

Narrow's good. It is very narrow. It's not just a clever name. No. It's not even a clever name, really. It's just an accurate name. Gene is good, too, for coffee. That's a new place.

Gene is in that. It used to be a neon lighting store. Oh,'s just an accurate name. Gene is good, too, for coffee. That's a new place. Gene is in that. It used to be a neon lighting store. Oh, up on the Kingsway. Right at the crotch of Kingsway. This segment is great if you live around the corner from. If you used to live in Vancouver. And don't they? Yeah, and you're remitting for an update.

Do you have listeners afar? We have one in Sweden. Stockholm? Yeah. Whose friend? Abby's aunt. Abby's sister. Abby's one in Stockholm. Whose friend? Abby's aunt. Oh, that's adorable. She's our number one fan. Abby's international. Her family is

everywhere. I know. You guys can travel and stay for free. They've got, etc. Do you want to overheard it? Yeah. Let's do it. Overheard. All right.

I'm trying to think of the overheard I heard today. Do you have an overheard, Mr. Bryden? No, I didn't realize. I'm sorry. We should have prepped you. I came unprepared. I had to reach into the vault for mine. But while cleaning up, I found this thing that someone had given to me once.

I'd say six months ago did a show at Darby's. And it was mediocre by Darby's standards. And a drunk 50 year old, I'm guessing 50 in the audience gave me this sheet of paper and he's like

have a look at this. Well first he kind of gave me a backhanded compliment. I was touching your thigh at the time. Don't really remember what it was. But then he gave me this, and it's a piece of paper, and I've never read the whole thing. Although, it doesn't take up much

of the paper. It is apparently a song, and it's called The Woman Ran Off With My Teeth. Oh, I like it. This is funny already. Words by I don't want to mention the names. Can you show it? Is it

somebody that I don't know? No, you don't. Oh, okay. And music by Question Mark. As though they're maybe shopping it around. Oh, I thought that was the name of the band. Nope. Oh, okay. Music by Elton John. Perhaps. He doesn't write his own lyrics.

He should be so lucky. I stopped reading after the first line, though. Alright. Because it was the best damn blowjob I ever had. So, yeah, I don't really understand why this man

pitched this song to me with, let's see, 8 verses and a chorus, but pitched this song to me with, let's see, eight verses and a chorus. But it made me laugh when I found it while cleaning up this weekend. Nice. So that's an overseen.

You know what? Don't. Go fuck yourself. You go fuck yourself. I was on the bus off of the ferry coming back this weekend after my camera had been stolen. We hadn't talked about your ferry trip. No, well, that was the most of it. That was the bulk of it was my camera being stolen after placing it down in the bathroom for exactly a minute.

Were you trying to shoot some upskirts? Yes, in the men's bathroom. A lot of kilts because of the May Day and the parades. A lot of kilts on the book. Video or stills camera? Stills camera. It was new, though. I've only had it since September, and now it's gone.

Ouch. I just lost mine. See, I wish I lost mine. Second digital camera I've lost. I'd be fine with losing it because then I'd be like, I'm a douche. Big surprise. I lost another thing. Do you guys want...

I have an extra digital camera if you guys want. Should we fight it out? Why don't you allergicify it out okay we'll just we'll just go we'll just go allergy for allergy and whoever conks out first loses but you do have to eat the thing yeah you have to eat the things yeah um and there was this really loud russian guy on the bus i can't do a russian accent i i'm very good at them. If you want to write it down, I can. Never mind. Okay, sure.

He's saying, I want to know it's $8. I want to know it's $8. I want to know it's $8. I want to know it's $8. Is that Russian or is that German? What was I doing there? The German is a little bit more frantic and ornery. Russians are hammered.

So say boot to the head. In a Russian accent? That was more of a frantics joke. Wow. Do some canoe head, Mr. Canoe Head. Anyways, he was super pissed off because he was trying to figure out how, when you get charged for something at a restaurant, because I guess in Europe or wherever he's from,

Russia, I assumed. He's from Russia. I want to know it's $8, not $4 and tax and tip. I pay $8? Tell me $8! But he's yelling this to some guy on the bus. Someone who's very interested, I'm sure. Somebody who I'm not sure spoke English

because he just kept going, Ha! Mind you, that's what I would have done. Would you? Would you just appease them by going, Ha! Ha! Ha!

I haven't overheard now. Oh, do you? Yeah. If you were finished. Wait. Well, I wasn't happy with that last one, but okay, this one that last one Neither was I This one's better

These guys were on the bus A bunch of construction guys got on the bus Talking very loud I love that when people A lot of times construction guys get on the bus And assume that they're in their Rec room as soon as they get on the bus And they're super loud

Or they just want you to be in their rec room as soon as they get on the bus. And they're having to be super loud. Or they just want you to be in their rec room. They want everyone to hear how awesome their rec room is. Well, they were talking about. They got sports jerseys framed. Yeah, exactly. This one guy, he was talking about how much he likes Gordon Ramsay on TV. He's like, you like that Gordon Ramsay guy? And the other guy was saying, I like the classic French chefs that were on TV, because

they speak my language. And then his friend goes, you speak French? And he goes, no, English. And I like that, that he had no... Because there's a lot of people who speak his language on TV, not just the classic French chefs. Specifically English

chefs. Nigella Lawson, for example. Would be a good example of somebody who speaks his language. I think he used to be a rugby player. It's true. Or maybe I'm thinking of Rod Stewart. You haven't overheard my

comedy partner, Milk Bags. We haven't mentioned that Jason Bryden is a member of the comedy duo. It's good to know people. It's good to know people. Who your show, your monthly show, is no longer. We wrapped it up. We wrapped it up.

Done and done. Two and a half years. In style. Done. Went out with a bang. But we still do the comedy duo. We just don't do the variety show anymore. Too much.

That's a shame. Too much. Really? Anyways, he... And Milk Bags is David Milchert. No David Milchert. Which I didn't understand the first few times you kept talking about Milk Bags. I thought you meant someone with huge tits.

I wish. He had huge tits. And in our act, we were always professing environmental awareness and doing your part. And one of the things we did a bit was called Solutions for Your Pollution. Stop raping Mother Nature. Stop raping your mother. And one of the things was shower less. And so he got it into his head that he would start doing this, start showering less.

And I supported him. And he came over and he said, that he would start doing this, start showering less. And I supported him. And he came over and he said, so I didn't shower this morning because I was thinking if my balls smell like balls, it's because they're balls. How can you argue with that? Who knows? How did that go over? Or was that not on stage? No, that was just at my house. Oh, nice.

So it went over very well. Yeah. Yeah, I laughed. We got on with our day. Yeah, that's good. That is good. That is good. Well, that was a great overheard.

I like that logic, too. Do you want to move on to some other segments? Yeah, buddy. Before the clock runs out. All right. What clock? All right, we have a new segment. It's called the Celebrity Crush Hat.

Do you want to make a song? I'll make a song. Celebrity Crush Hat. Crushin' the hats. Celebrity Crush Hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity Crush Hat. Chapeau Chinois.

Celebrity Crush Hat. Crush Hat. Wow, that was an awesome theme song. So I will give credit where credit is due. There's another podcast out there called The Shit Parade Show. I thought we were the only one. It's called The Shit Parade Show. And it's a music podcast where they have guests, and the guest

picks a number out of a hat, and for that age, they have to talk about what music they were into at that age. And so, we've done it, but it's going to be celebrity crushes, so you talk about what celebrity crushes you had at that age.

So, I only started these numbers at five, because I assumed there weren't very many crushes before age at that age. So I only started these numbers at five, because I assumed there weren't very many crushes before age five. Fair enough. Fair enough. Oh, no. Let's be fair. Sorry, I put them back in the hat. Lost a couple numbers.

All right, are we going to let our guest be first? Well, we'll just do the one. I think we can probably go for a while on this. Oh, okay. We're only going to do the one and then kind of discuss. Five. Five. Age five. The one you

mentioned. Age five. The celebrity crush I had at age five. 1977. Alright. 72. 72.

1977. Would someone remind me of what was going on in 1977? I have no idea. It certainly came later. She's got the stack of dimes. Oh, I mean in my consciousness.

She was smuggling Smarties much later on in my crush at five. Is that a tough one? Let's talk about... Was there something maybe on a kid's television show? Like a girl or a woman on that show? Something like that.

I certainly remember flirting at age five. Yeah, oh, well. I remember... Jason Bryan. Kinder... I remember kindergarten trying to impress Sarah Tallamy, trying to get her to laugh. I didn't know why I was trying to do this, but if I got girls laughing, everything was okay. Yeah, totally.

But a celebrity crush, I can't remember. I think there's a lot of comedians maybe born out of that similar circumstance where you're like, not good-looking enough to just naturally have them pay attention to me. Right. But also, yeah, it's good. I think Jason Bryden is as good looking a guest as we've had. He's probably in the top one.

You guys are most kind. But how do I know what he looked like at five? Maybe he was all bent out of shape. Hideous. Yeah, see? I'm a late bloomer, as I said. Do we want to try another celebrity because we couldn't come up with a number five? Why don't we give you a different number? We'll give you a shot here. 21.

21, that's a good number. Here we go. You can remember this. 21, I was going to cap college. I was trying to decide what to do with my life. I took drama, geography, The answer to what to do with your life

is usually found at Cap College. You're absolutely right. 21, that was 1992. Okay. 93, 1993. You know what I'm finding difficult is to who was 1992. Okay. 93. 1993. Celebrity. You know what I'm finding difficult is to... Who was popular at the time?

Singles. Sure. Right? The movie Singles was around that time. Totally. Bridget Fonda. Oh, yeah. I had a crush on her.

Bridget Fonda. Where's... She had the redhead. Bridget Fonda now. Everyone loves a good redhead. Oh, I loved redheads. Yeah? You're kind of... Are you... You're blonde. I She's got the red head. Rigid Fonda now. Right. Everyone loves a good red head. Oh, I loved red heads. Yeah? You're kind of...

Are you... You're blonde. I used to be a red head. Now I'm more of my hair's going white and it looks blonde right now. Your hair isn't going white, is it? It's going white. I have hundreds of white hair on my head. I have some on my temples.

You, Graham, 21. 21. Oh, we go in the round. Oh, okay. In the round. Yeah. You, Graham, 21 21 Oh, we go in the round Yeah, yeah Oh, okay In the round Yeah Crushes in the round

21 Do you have one already in your head? Because you might come back to me I maybe have a couple I don't know if this is the exact year But 21 was probably There may have been a natalie portman involved that would have been around the year 2000 that would have been the professional i know maybe

a bit later yeah because if that was 21 and i was into 12 year old natalie we've got problems i didn't even mean that. If I had phrased that differently, that would have been a good creepy joke, but I wasn't even... Maybe a Natalie Imbruglia. Oh, really? I think I was a little late

for a Natalie Imbruglia. I've always... I've followed her since her early success. Maybe a Katie Holmes, Dawson's Creek era Katie Holmes holmes uh-huh i think i maybe had a crush on a post clueless alicia silverstone i think i think that was mismatch uh what was the one with her and benicio del toro uh oh benicio ron franco yeah that guy

uh mexican guy i think he's mexican blast from the past no that's uh brendan frazier no Yeah, that guy. The Mexican guy, I think. He's Mexican. Blast from the Past? No, that's Brendan Fraser. No, Excess Baggage or something? Excess Baggage. Filmed in Vancouver. But, yeah, the one that you were saying, Blast from the Past, that was out around then, am I right? Because that's the era I was thinking of.

Well, before her career exploded in a bad way. Exploded in the worst way possible. Oh, also, no, this was probably earlier than 2001, but maybe not. Angie Harmon from Law & Order. Law & Order. Yubba-dubba-doo. She was Jack McCoy's assistant. I really liked Alicia Silverstone in her peak Clueless era and Aerosmith videos.

Oh, wow. The music video cemented it. If there were any loose ends to be tied up, that was the deal. When did Shortcuts come out? Shortcuts was in, that was, that was like 1990? Was it? Okay. Yeah.

Robert Altman, right? Robert Altman. Yeah, 1991. Bobby Alt. Bobby Alt. Ann Archer. Control Alt. In the clown outfit.

Just as that milk was turning sour. I haven't seen it. The last days of Cougardom. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You with? Just as that milk's turning sour. I gotcha. it. The last days of cougardom. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You with? Just as that milk's turning sour. I gotcha.

Right. Yeah. Just as that milf's turning sour. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad. Not bad at all. Laugh break.

When did you give me the, when did you boo my joke? Oh, revisiting. Let's keep that hutch hutch. Right. And you can admit now in retrospect that that wasn't as great as you thought it was in the moment. Oh, it was never great, but, you know, in the moment. God bless me. He does.

Well, that was a good first Crush Crush segment. Yeah, I think so. Crush Crush. Crush Crush. think so. Crush Crush. Crush Crush. Blue Crush. Blue Crush. We also have another new segment. Do you have a name for it?

I don't, actually. But it's... What was it? Oh, Road to Rock Band. Was that what I was going to call it? Anyone want to sing it? I'm represented too much in the singing category on this, so... We're on the road to rock band

Why don't you go fuck yourself? We're on the road to rock band Fuck yourself, you cunts Good duet. That was good. It's amazing that that wasn't even recorded live That Dave recorded his in a separate studio And then we mixed it

It was Frank Sinatra's duets Yup I want to do my Frank Sinatra's duets I want to record a duet with Frank Sinatra I want to record it But I want to sing a completely different song than he's singing And then I want to mix it together I want to record a duet with Frank Sinatra. I want to record it, but I want to sing a completely different song than he's singing. And then I want to mix it together. I want to take his words and just edit them really cleverly into Get Your Freak On.

Did he do a lot of songs about freaks? We're going to need that word specifically. My favorite Frank Sinatra lyric is in a song about coffee, where he sings, there's no tea or tomato juice, you'll see no potato juice, which is not actually a beverage. So that's my shout out to Frank Sinatra. So this segment is Graham's Road to Rock Band.

I have a video game. It's a wonderful video game called Rock Band. It's probably the best video game it's a wonderful video game called rock band it's probably the best video game ever yeah ever i don't ever play video games me neither and it was evidence and it's a party game you it's amazing you get two fake guitars a fake set of drums and a fake microphone and you get to play your favorite hits yeah and in And in my case, last week, which I played it for the very first time, I played Guitar Hero before, but I never played Rock Band before. And I was so abysmal.

And it seemed that I got worse with every single try, because I started quite poorly at about, what, 56% was, I think, my accuracy. Oh, no. I don't think you ever went that low. I don't think it'll let you go that low. I dipped below 50. No, I don't think it'll let you go that low. I dipped below 50. No, I don't think it'll let you do that. Then I was 51 on one of them.

I'm saying you were in the 60s and 70s. And that was with me trying my damnedest. Like, I was trying to make it happen. I wasn't fucking around. It ain't easy. Well, why would you fuck around? Come on. F word for intercourse.

Right. Why would you F word for copulate around? When rock band is a way of life It is a way of life And it's so I've made a pledge to try and get myself Up to the point where I can score 100 On each one of the

Instruments Now there's a You get a huge selection of songs to choose from. Yes. And you can play them on different levels. Do you want to get 100% on easy on everyone? Well, I mean, that's where it's going to have to start. And then, you know, we'll move it up.

We'll move to the championship round. We'll go 100% on hard or whatever is the... Well, you'll never get 100% on expert. Well, that's what naysayers say never say never that's right i'm telling you i'm i eternal flame burns within right here that game if that song was on now can you buy a thing that gives you extra songs yeah you can download extra songs he wants more songs. Can you download Eternal Flame? No. That's a shame. Can you gift people songs? Wouldn't that be a nice reciprocal arrangement?

Susanna Hoffs in your crush. Who? Susanna Hoffs from the Bangles, Eternal Flame. Was she ever in your crush vault? No. But you know who was? Was the big blonde from Designing Women. Really?

Yeah. Remember her? Why not? What's her name? Not Dixie Carter. No. Not Delta Burke. No.

Not Jan Hooks. No, it was the other... Yeah. The blonde one. But she was a Jan, wasn't she? She was somebody... She was Jan-esque. She was on something else before that, and then she ended up on Designing Women.

Will... And now she was on... I thought it was on the blog. Oh, I thought you ended up on Designing Women. Will Salk was on the blog. Oh, I thought you were going to say Will something. Was she not John Ritter's wife in his last RIP, in his last series? No, that was Patty Siegel? Or Katie Siegel was his wife in his lastagull seagull yeah oh yeah okay we'll solve it on the blog we will because we've gone nowhere but anyway so uh basically i haven't i haven't taken on the rock band since the humiliation but uh so graham's in the 50 to 60 to 70 percent on all the instruments we'll be following his progress as the crow flies.

There it is. That's right. And I think, are we? We've done enough. Yeah, we have done enough. Wrap it up. Jason, Brian, do you have anything you want to plug? Nope.

Nope. That's it. You just had a play that came out. And we talked about it on the air. We talked the air. Have you heard that episode? Thank you. No, I didn't hear that episode. It's awesome that you wrote and... You didn't direct it. You wrote it. I just wrote it. Don't say just. You wrote a play. I wrote it. You made it happen. I made it happen. And it came to the stage and we got to see it. And you guys came. That warmed my heart.

Yeah. We're great people. You're great people. You're a hell of a bunch. We're tiny popes. And I have nothing, let me think, I have nothing coming up other than the usual gigs around town. Nothing at Maxine's Hideaway?

Nothing at Maxine's Hideaway. Nothing at Maxine's Hideaway. Okay, alright. Graham and Jason are sharing a joke I don't get. No, no, I think it was because the poor place is... the odds are stacked against it. Did you read in the paper that the poor owner

of Maxine's came to his restaurant one morning and the city had plastered up a huge rezoning application sign on his restaurant. What? Without telling him? Two weeks before the grand opening. Anyways, we'll talk about it after the show.

Totally. Let's put this baby to bed. I'm tired. But thanks a lot, Jason Bryan, for coming. Thank you for having me. I haven't mentioned this in a couple weeks. If anyone wants to contact us, we're available at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And come see our recap blog at stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. Or come visit us on Facebook.

We have a Facebook group. And we could set up a thing, a MySpace. Or if it's your birthday, we'll send a thing. We'll call you on your birthday and just anything we just want attention and that's why we're doing this so thanks for listening to Stop Podcasting Yourself

Dave it's been a pleasure Graham I love you so much it burns brightly thanks for listening everybody and Stop Podcasting yourself.