Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 127 8/14/22
Episode Date: August 14, 2022 Salman Rushdie is attacked in the slowest fatwa in history, babies are being dropped at firehouses, Las Vegas is under water but thankfully Steven Seagal is in Ukraine to straighten things out. �...�
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The theme song doesn't have to say the name of the show.
In fact, most of the best ones don't.
Think about it.
Keith, that was on the 30th.
Read all about it!
Read all about it!
Hear ye, hear ye!
Get your paper through your ears.
Don't have to read it.
Don't have to figure out how to fold the paper over.
Don't have to feel guilty that there's papers stacking up that you haven't read.
Just hear you, hear you.
All right, I've joined.
What have I missed?
You missed, oh my God, what an intro.
I really, I think, I think we can almost sign off.
Yeah.
Hey, everybody.
Hey, August people.
People write the nicest comments, and it just inspires me.
One day I'm going to try harder.
One day I'm going to put more effort into this for them.
For them.
How about for me?
How about you, you know, work hard for me?
You don't write nice comments, I've found.
In fact, you raise my, you raise awareness to like the hate.
Like right when we were warming up here, you told me, boy, your mask comment got it.
We got a lot of hate mail.
Yeah, we did a clip last week of Mike talking, telling the story of how somebody gave him shit about wearing a mask and he pulled
the mask down and said,
what did you say?
Well, he goes, you're still worried about that stuff? So I
pulled it down in a very smart, nice way.
I'm like, oh, I'm not that worried. I'm on day six.
And I just watched him get
incredibly confused and then turn away.
So, you know, I mean,
here's the deal. We're not going to get all upset about
masks. I mean, it's August and COVID's over, right?
It's behind us.
There's no more COVID.
This isn't going to help the letter writing situation.
This is what I love, though.
People like, all right, but just understand you've been conned.
Or what was another one like?
Oh, let me read some of them.
Because look, I'm not talking about wearing them walking down the street.
Airplanes. That's the only place they wear a mask anymore and i recommend you do the same if you don't want to that's fine into that uh walkway whatever the official name of that
that plank that takes you to the uh the uh the craft what is that called the runway no not the
runway yeah but we know what we're talking about.
That's when I'm really, although those are air conditioned also.
But anyway, here's the deal.
I'm not the one that said anything.
I'm not walking around angry about masks one way or the other and espousing my views. I simply wore one and one of these anti-mask people or people that think I'm a scaredy cat and they have some stake in me being afraid. I guess it's because they tie my fear
into a fear that maybe dictated policy and affected them. I trying to i'm trying to trace it so they have a resentment
of my mindset i think but i mean look my my bottom line is my wife is a doula she works with moms and
their newborns my daughter babysits and they're really concerned because i travel a lot that i'll bring home covet will a mask slow down
the spread of covet without any fucking doubt whatsoever so i'm gonna wear one on a plane
that doesn't make me a fucking somebody goes oh you've been conned i haven't been conned
you're being conned by science you know i'm not saying wear it all the time but wear it on a fucking plane yeah um so and again also like
look take a look at yourself you're taking the time to write into this jokey podcast with an
angry comment about to let me know about my mask i I guess, because it seemed like I was making fun of that guy.
I wasn't really, I kind of was bringing up the point, Hey, you never know when someone might be
protecting you or think they're protect or for fact, reducing the chance that they'll infect you.
Right. I mean, you can sit there and say the masks don't work, but it's just not true.
Are they perfect?
No.
Do we know for exactly what the numbers are?
No.
But I know for a fact I have less of a chance of bringing it into my house if I wear a mask.
I'm going to wear it.
It just doesn't bother me that much.
I don't judge anybody who's not wearing a mask.
I don't give a fuck.
If you're sitting next to me on the plate with no mask, I don't care. I got mine on. We're good. Yeah. I
just really hope you don't have it or have symptoms, I guess. But that's going to fade,
too. It's going to be like the flu. Like, listen, you shouldn't travel if you think you have the
flu. But people do. And people never really got in trouble for it and i mean you you travel so much
it's unbelievable to me when you're on a plane and i remember thinking this 10 years ago
does half of america have the fucking sickest cough you've ever heard right i know you would
just hear airplanes because i remember when i first got really sensitive to it was and you're
the same thing we had two kids and we would just haul them
back to the east coast with all the goddamn baby seats with all i mean it was like going camping
just to fly back across the country to new york and every single time we would just get everybody
sick who we visited yeah it was christ was always, how are they doing?
Is the temperature down?
Like every time.
I can't remember a visit back east
where we did not end up at the doctor's office.
Right.
Constantly.
And someone goes, some angry listener, who we love,
but some angry listener wrote in something like,
yeah, you're mad.
I guess you'll be wearing it forever because this is the flu now.
And I'm like, you know, if if I had this much knowledge about masks and the and the the increased or the efficacy that they do have and in reducing the chances,
I would have masked my whole family those Christmases that we traveled across country.
Asians were doing it did
i tell you about the um the rat i told you about the rat we had a rat our house got painted they
took off the vents uh in the crawl about this rat okay so anyway houses in california have crawl
spaces which means they're elevated off the ground about two or three feet and you uh edge so that
the so there can be ventilation
under the house and you can have access to pipes and all that shit so crawl space so we had the
house painted a couple weeks ago and the painter took the the uh screen off there's a screen a
couple of screens that let air into the crawl space and he just left them off and a rat went in
and he chewed our fucking sink pipe
the pvc pipe which is like a quarter of an inch thick yeah chewed through it and water was just
freely flowing from our sink for a week under the house and we smelled something funky so we hired a
plumber he crawled under there he's like yeah you got a pond under your house. And so he went in.
It's an expensive pond, by the way.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He went in and he kept coming back with more and more kitty litter.
And he had to come back twice.
That was about 600 bucks.
Kitty litter was to dry it all up?
Yeah, to soak it up.
And then we hired another company to come in.
And now they have to put in fans and they have to, they
have to get rid of the soil that's wet cause it'll never dry. And that's about 1500 bucks.
Oh my God.
Yeah. Yeah. And, uh.
Of course people are listening. They're going, they're all going to write that you're getting
ripped off you Yankee idiot city dweller you.
I know. I think I'm going to do the soil thing myself. I think I'm going to crawl under there
and I'm going to
put in the fans. I'm going to do all that. Fuck the 1500.
I can do that.
No. Also, we live in a desert. That shit,
even if it's in the shade, is going to dry
up. There's a heat wave coming.
And you live
literally on sand.
Yep. I would get
one of those big, you know, those fans are the,
I think they're called box fans, you know, the absolutely square fans that you get at Home Depot.
I remember once this guy, this hack, and of course I don't at all value my time and what I can make
actually working on something that I could sell. So instead I go down these huge rabbit holes. And, um, I remember they're like,
if I remember it was when I moved into Matt Malloy's right when I was getting separated
and there was dog hair everywhere and I got congested and I'm, I don't think I'm that
allergic, but I was really like snoring my ass off. I was anyway. So it was like, I got to get
a HEPA or whatever. And then someone goes best goes best hepa ever like hack you buy one of those box fans and then you buy a exact square uh ac hvac
filter and you can get that filter at any rating you want you can do this and then you tape the
filter to that fan to the back of the fan the back of the fan on the intake side right it will
absolutely clean the air in a house within like minutes no shit really wow little hacks from
sunday papers you're welcome yeah because the the volume of air that that thing compared to
like the expensive little you know heA filter. It's really incredible.
Can we talk about your cousins, your English cousins?
Yeah, the Brits.
Okay, so the Brits visited.
We'll start with the party that happened last week,
because that was a blowout.
All right, so we had Laura, my sister, and George,
who are super fun.
Laura last night was saying that Greg and Aaron were my favorite things about that part.
I mean, Dennis, of course, is just add Dennis.
Laura said we were her favorite part of the party?
I don't know if you guys had a killer conversation.
She said that last night.
Wow.
I like getting good reviews on a party.
It was great.
What?
The whole family was there.
It was so fun seeing your daughters and my kids playing uh what was that
game called it's like rage cage it's it's it's like it's like what if if beer pong was a mosh pit
that's what this game is it's beer pong with the chase quarters element to it it and it gets
everyone even being a spectator is energizingizing with that game. Like, well, you, you're not drinking real alcohol.
And yet we were having you play and screaming at you because you couldn't get the ball in the cup.
Anyway, it was really great.
And Dennis was really on fire.
Because there was also other ducks there, other Oregon students, in addition to my niece.
And so Dennis has an affinity, obviously, for them.
And your cousins must have gotten drunk, right?
What are they, 21 and 19?
That's exactly what they are.
You know more about it than I am.
Yeah, they are.
And then, all right, I have to watch what I say,
because last night, for the first time ever,
my daughter had to drive, Sophie had to drive me home.
We went to J rad last night uh that Joe Russo's almost dead the this jam band they're so insane but I do have to say I I took it's all
drugs I took an Adderall before going also because it's's kind of like, oh, that's my version of cocaine. So I did that. And then George got me stoned, but I felt like the Adderall fought through it.
So I'm standing in the Palladium, like a legendary, I think it used to be a roller rink,
but legendary venue. I've seen incredible shows at the Hollywood Palladium. And I'm like, yeah,
I'm not disappearing in this jam like I would if I was stoned.
And it just shows you like how important without marijuana, there's no Grateful Dead.
I just don't think there's I I hate saying that because I don't want to cheapen it to that level.
But it certainly wouldn't be what it is.
I'm stating the obvious.
I know.
So last night I was like, like dude do you do you bring anything
in here he's like oh yeah i got this vape pen so i started hitting that vape pen pretty hard i'm like
yeah i'm not really feeling he's like well you should slow down meanwhile he didn't even see
i did twice as much as he thought i did and he's like yeah because this is like this is wax
oh shit i'm like what's that Cut to me being driven home by my daughter.
How much later?
And by the way, best second half of the concert ever. Yeah, right, right.
Yeah.
They have pictures of me in the back seat.
One of the reasons I couldn't drive is I wouldn't stop eating cookies.
Well, I took, I was in vancouver on sunday and uh i opened up for louis ck in canada all last
i gotta hear about all i don't know we save this before the podcast we get on
and i'm like i have a million questions and we like save it for the podcast i don't know
a single detail well it's great i mean working with louis great he flies you in first class
he gives you a suite
and like the best hotel in town and the limos pick you up to take you to the shows and um it's
sold out fucking nice theaters with like smart edgy crowds you cannot offend and um and it's
inspiring to watch louis because i mean he's in my mind, top five comics of all time.
He's prolific.
I think so also.
I really do.
I just think he's ingenious.
I just think he has profound thoughts, and yet he's absurd.
He's clever.
He's edgy without trying to be.
He's just so fucking creative and tight.
He's just a technician of words on stage.
And so I'm not going to say any of his bits,
but I'll just say that the hour is worth seeing.
He's touring in New England this coming week,
and then in January he's got a big national tour.
But anyway.
By the way, right before you went away,
did you know he was at the Improv?
Yes.
You got to give me a heads up with that stuff.
I'd go see him.
Yeah, he did a headline spot at the Improv
and he was raving about how great it was.
Oh, wow.
We lost Adam.
It sounds like he died.
We lost Adam at the store.
And I know we have a new friend at the
comedy store so I could but but like I'd love to stay a little more in touch with stand-up yeah
all right so anyway so we're in Vancouver and I walk past the store it's called the fungi shop
and I walk in and there's a fucking they sell it's legal mushrooms in vancouver right so i walk in and there's this girl and
she's got she's got like um she's got a lot of very cool tattoos she has like pink hair
she has on a a day glow orange tube top with no bra uh terry cloth shorts 2.0. Yes. She has on, uh, she has eyebrows and then under the eyebrows,
she has another line of glitter, but it all worked. It was like ethereal and she's still,
and then we started asking her about the mushrooms and this one does that. And this one does that.
And, um, you know, they got pills, they got lozenges, they got sprays, they got,
they got lozenges they got sprays they got and then then they have the actual um plant and so i bought a whole bunch and uh i just ate a handful and you bought a bag of stems and calves
yes got it and and and there was um we had the night off so uh we i went to a museum. Me and Luis walked.
Put it this way. We walked 32,000 steps.
Whoa.
Yeah.
He was on mushrooms also?
No comment.
Right.
And so we went to an art museum and just got so, it was the most beautiful.
So we went to an art museum and just got so, it was the most beautiful, there was a woman's,
there was a guy, there was a, they were featuring women artists and they were beautiful, beautiful art, a lot of portraits.
Oh, that didn't ruin your buzz?
Oh my God, it was so perfect.
And then, and then we went to this really cool brunch place and then we just started
walking around the city and the city of Vancouver has become a a shithole it used to be the most pristine when you told me that oh my god
it used to be so clean and now it's like filthy and it's so many drug addicts i don't i mean they
legalize drugs and i don't know statistically what the numbers are but i can tell you anecdotally
it looks way worse than the last time i was there
um a lot of beggars and and so we just finally we just sat down at this bus stop and we were like
you know louie was just like kind of studying these faces and so we just sat at the bus stop
and we're looking at the people and then this bus pulled up and louie's like you want to get on it
i was like yeah so we get on the bus and we have no pulled up and louie's like you want to get on it i was like
yeah so we get on the bus and we have no idea where it's going and within five minutes we're
being hurtled over a bridge out of vancouver and we end up on like in a detention center
yeah i exactly yeah there's a cavity inspection. Get out. You have deer pockets.
What?
See, we're just enjoying a day.
We were at the museum.
Hey, bitch.
You like Canada?
I'm going to like that ass.
And so it turns out we're on like this, in this like Marina Island area.
And you can see Vancouver over the, there's a river that runs through it that's fucking gorgeous and we're looking at the boats and we're walking through parks and then we find a bridge to cross
over and we walk over the bridge and um we come back and we this started at like 11 a.m and now
it's 6 30 and we remember we had passed a theater earlier in the day that we showed that was
having a film noir festival and the first film started at 6 30 no 6 15 and so we realized it
was six o'clock when we finished crossing the bridge and we were not far from the theater
so we rushed over and sat down and saw the fucking we saw an amazing film noir starring, I forget the guy's name.
He's a guy, you would know his name.
He's a famous old actor.
And then we, and then they were.
Is this story going to end with you and Louis are engaged?
This is the most romantic day I've ever heard.
And deep talks, beautiful talks and conversations.
I mean, you know, I've known Louis for 32 years and we've raised our kids together.
We lived in the same neighborhood in New York and L.A.
And, you know, worked on a lot of the same shows.
And so it was just such a great, it was just so great to be around him.
I just fucking love the guy.
And so we end up at the, we watch the first film and then we walk out
and we realize there's another one
starting in 20 minutes.
So we run off and get sandwiches
at like a 7-Eleven
and we come back in
and see a second one.
They're, you know, black and white.
I gotta get these shrooms.
They're the longest lasting things
I've ever heard of.
No, no, I was sober.
I was sober at the time the movie started.
But it was perfect
because mushrooms, there's no hangover.
There's no come down.
You just gently, gracefully dismount and you're fine.
It's so weird.
Dismount.
And so.
You're talking about Louie.
Oh, my God.
It was so great.
It was amazing.
Oh, my God.
He's going to want you on tour all the time.
Yeah, I'm the best guy to tour with.
How did you do with the crowds
how the sold out crowds it was just so great because i'm used to doing an hour and instead
i'm doing 20 minutes so you just you know you pick the stuff you think will work best in front
of that crowd and you go up and oh and uh we got to ottawa and uh tom green shows up to the show
and i guess louis had spoken to him so he was backstage and so he grew up in ottawa and uh tom green shows up to the show and i guess louis had spoken to him so he was backstage
and so he grew up in ottawa he's from there and he lives on a field tom green is huge on my mount
rushmore of entertainers actually yeah he's the best and he's been on my podcast before and then
i hung out with him in vegas one time so i was happy to see him a few times he's so nice the nicest guy he's so canadian
and so he louis asked me if he'll go out and do five minutes at the beginning of the show so he's
backstage and he just goes uh ladies and gentlemen tom green and the place fucking standing ovation
they lose their shit and he goes out and he did a great five minutes and then he sat out in the
audience and then me and louis went on And it was the crowd of the week.
This was the best crowd.
It was so fucking fun.
But I'm so inspired to push myself further with my stand-up right now.
Because I started to write a bunch recently.
And just watching Louie, it reminds me, like, that's the kind of comedy I want to do.
I want to do stuff that's honest.
That's talking about real
ideas, uh, doing it in a completely reckless fashion and owning it and just railroading
through no matter how the crowd is just like, you know, making them come to you. He's just,
I learned a lot. I learned a lot. It was inspirational. Yeah.
Good for you. Well, you're one of those people who won't just talk that because you already i don't know maybe it's that vulnerability i was talking about with you
but you already have uh the gravity and the creed you know like you already are more than halfway
there with that it's just what you decide to focus that on right they're going to go there with you
and not a lot of comedians can say that right well
thank you and and louis said to me he goes look you need to just find the topics that are that
that you're thinking about that you think you could never talk about on stage or tell people
about and that's the shit you need to bring on stage yeah so look for that, folks. That's coming soon. Watch out. What else?
We're putting down the other dog on Monday, Hannah,
who is the sweetest fucking dog of all time.
And she is out of her mind.
She walks into walls.
She's blind and deaf.
She doesn't eat a lot.
She's gone.
And so it's going to be really hard on JoJo because she's very's very close to that dog all right i mean i hate saying it brulee uh brulee okay brulee you killed bro brulee yes
okay you killed brulee and this it was if i had to be a very uh efficient, and austere with my review, it'd be like, eh,
but Hannah,
it's going to be like, oh,
yeah.
If I had one word reviews for you killing your dogs,
those would be the two.
And they're quite,
quite different reactions.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's a very sweet dog.
And,
um,
you know,
uh,
it's going to be weird because so much of our life's rhythm is is tied into these
dogs and feeding them and walking them and holding them and walking in the front door and having the
dog be there welcoming you always like so happy to see you like that's a really amazing energy
to have in your life all the time and that that's just going to be gone although now when you walk
in you have to tell hannah you your home a few times and then tell
her how to react and to stop staring at the dishwasher, which she has no idea she's even
in the kitchen. Right, right, right. And stop rolling around. She's had a blister on her neck
for the last month. And we brought her in to see what it would cost to get it fixed. And they'd
have to put her under. And they said it would cost about $2,200 and we were like yeah that's going in the column of not helping your
lifespan and that she was she's only alive because of medical intervention right now yeah and even
with medical intervention it's really amazing she's still alive. Yeah, she's got no teeth.
We have to soften up her food.
It's been a good run.
She's blind, isn't she?
She's blind.
She's like 16 or 17 years old.
Yeah, she's had a good run.
It's going to be really sad, though, I feel for you.
Thank you.
What else do we have up top to catch up on?
What did I put?
Oh, I can talk about in entertainment.
Sophie falls asleep with every movie we watch, but she's home. She
goes back to Michigan next week, but I'm like, let's go to the best movies of all time list,
AFI or whatever. And let's start picking some off. So we watched North by Northwest.
And, um, this is what I got out of it. A kid who was like, you should this, this scene,
every, every highlight reel of the greatest movies ever, this scene, him running in a suit.
But it also had, like, you know, kind of a disinterested teenager.
But also it's like, Jesus, could you make me feel more gay?
I'm trying to tell you how fucking great looking this guy is.
He's one of the greatest looking guys ever put on film. And she didn think he was that good she didn't think carrie grant was that good looking
yeah yeah and here i am apoplectic like i'm just like i i can't even it's like is this a teaching
moment and then i'm like how gay am i like all i'm doing is screaming about how wrong she is
about how great looking carrie grant what are the. What are your top three gay crushes, would you say, in actors?
Well, I did notice a pattern.
They generally, they get me if they're really, and this probably is with you too.
They get me, same with women.
They get me if they're really good looking and funny.
women they get me if they're really good looking and funny because on the surface i'm like that is so rare and then it's like what makes you accept because the whole world comes to you when you're
that good looking you don't have to fight for fucking anything right and so then of course i'm
like oh damage and i'm like which is very interesting to me because now i have
someone who it's the opposite it is not this easy i know i'm overthinking this so like a hugh grant
gets me yeah and a carrie grant who was the fucking funniest guy of his time he gets me also
and um and both big drinkers i believe believe, which, which tracks with my, with my theory here. And then, um, I don't know. I mean, I, I, I don't know if it was a crush, but like, it's hard to be cooler than spaghetti Western Clint Eastwood.
wood yeah yeah i could see that um a little too manly for me i like uh i like james dean because he was all those things he had a great sense of humor yeah he was he was broken he was
a damaged soul you saw the second he walks on screen right uh i he was definitely a big drinker
and i think he did a fair amount of drugs um Yeah. Yeah. I feel a little something when I see James Dean.
And, I mean, there's a lot.
I mean, there's a lot of.
What about Brad Pitt?
How do you feel about Brad Pitt?
Too pretty?
Yeah.
I think he's damaged, too.
He's interesting.
Yeah.
He's an interesting.
He's an impressive guy to me.
Boy, he's self-medicated a lot like with weed.
And I don't know any. I do know some personal stories, but all of them are also public.
I remember Howard Stern talking about that a lot, too.
About how much weed Brad Pitt smokes.
Yeah, I remember Howard Stern did a funny thing.
He had Tarantino on and Tarantino at some point talked about like what a great dad Brad Pitt was
or whatever he's like so anyway he was trying to convince him to do the German movie right and
and the Nazi movie and so he visited him in on this estate in France Brad Pitt was probably
over there filming something or maybe owns this, this villa. And anyway,
he goes,
so sitting down,
talking to him,
trying to convince him.
And he had this big brick,
brick of hash and he cut off some,
and we're smiling.
And at one point Howard's like,
what do you mean?
Did he put his kids to bed?
It sounds like the whole house was staffed.
No good father has a brick of hash.
He's breaking out while the kids are in bed.
And it was perfect.
It was like perfect. But, but there's a lot of those stories and he just he quit with the help i
think of bradley cooper he is dry now no shit brad pitt had to stop drinking wow yeah and bradley
cooper too huh and john ham all the hunks all the hunks are sober. Listen, I've been in the same room with him a lot.
I played like the mafia game with him.
Like I played like game night with him and like, God bless him, man.
I wish I had half that guy's, even an eighth of that guy's drive.
But he's one of those guys.
I don't know.
There's something missing.
Clearly, he's great.
Yes.
There's something missing for me. There's something missing. Clearly he's great. Yes. There's something missing.
There's something sad about him.
He,
you know,
he, he's just,
um,
well,
like John Hamm,
you get the same feeling too.
Like he's,
he's the most charming.
He's funny as shit.
Um,
but he's,
he was,
uh,
orphaned at one point and you kind of feel there's a little sadness there.
I, I like sadness but uh
but i'll tell you what i didn't watch all of it but ham's role was was great in um you know uh madman because i just he was a tragic figure yeah um but listen Ham and Cooper are great.
Don't get me wrong.
They're great.
But if you're talking about like who moves me and who like just I keep leaning forward when I'm watching them on screen, like it's a little less a little less with them.
Yeah.
And Brad Pitt, too.
And Brad Pitt, too.
That not totally there.
Right, right, right.
I find I find Bradley cooper to be distractingly
attractive and i don't mean like i'm feeling anything but it's just it's hard to see him as
an everyman every everything that happens in the movie you're going yeah but you're so good looking
that doesn't matter you know what i mean there's like less sympathy um Yeah, maybe. I don't find him that good looking.
And I know he is.
So I don't know what that's about.
All right, let's get to it.
I want to see our bar.
Damn.
Oh, yeah.
OK.
Maybe I like these darker guys.
But and then who I fucking and I actually thought I had a theory that then we'll stop
talking about this in the movie Traffic.
What's that guy's name?
The Latino guy, Latino guy.
Oh, fucking A.
I know this frustrates our listeners.
George Lopez.
No, here, I'll just look it up.
Anyway, he is in that movie.
And I had a theory.
And it's so funny.
My buddy, Rob, who works in the Late Late Show, called me.
He's like, were you the one?
Because he was at Fallon at the time. He's like, were you the one who told me that since traffic brad pitt has basically
been doing an impression of that actor and um and he goes because i tell people that and everyone
screams at me because that's all they can see benicio del toro benicio del toro i am saying even after that movie brad pitt like physically resembled him
he started smoking cigarettes like him i can see that i can see that squint came in his face is
actually very similar structure yeah and and i know he worshipped benicio del toro i did know
that and i think that happens to actors sometimes. Hey listen, it happens to you
guys. I know there was a
period where everyone was trying
their hardest not to sound like Attell.
It's still like that. You go to this comedy
cellar and watch the comics.
Every other male comic sounds
like Dave Attell. It's crazy.
Yeah. So when
you're an artist and you're thinking
almost 100% of the time how you want to be, what you want to be, what then you see this amazing artist who's nailing exactly kind of what you want. It's very hard to shake that.
We want to thank speaking of artists, George from Germany from GS Artworks did the logo this week. A great logo.
I got to get a fan.
I'm sweating like a pig.
Keep going.
Keep thanking people.
The song this week comes from Peter Squire.
We're going way back.
I think Peter sent us that song a long time ago,
but we're emptying out the folder that has the songs in it
before we pick our permanent song.
Some corrections.
Let's see. Oh, what's up, Greg?
This is from Quinn Kenning. What's up, Greg and Mike? My second favorite comedy podcast duo.
I don't have a factual correction, but I would like to punch up a punny joke that was an easy layup for both of you, and yet you missed it we got this joke sent to us i'm not
exaggerating when i say 20 people sent emails saying last week when you were discussing anne
hathaway's stellar nudity in her past films and mike said was it in the movie the devil wears
nothing come on mike you had it you meant the devil wears nada i know yeah in fact the first
comment i saw just said devil wears nada with
exclamation points i'm like oh that's impressive did i say that i didn't and then other comments
and that's what made me sorry i saw two comments so i'm like obviously it was said these two
people aren't coming up with the same joke pitch and it turns out way more than two people did. And yeah, I was off my game.
I actually, that got in my head.
I'm like, and it's already happened in this podcast.
I just stick to making a point in serious issues.
And I forget this is a comedy podcast.
Yeah, let's make some more jokes.
This one comes from Rich.
Love your Sunday paper podcast.
I was quite amused when the both of you thought
no one gets busted for weed anymore. And that pot is almost universally accepted around the nation.
Apparently, you've not been in the upper Midwest, like the barren wasteland that is North Dakota.
This is where I'm from. With the exception of Fargo, you get caught with some weed and odds are you're going to jail, at least for the night.
going to jail, at least for the night.
And there's a whole thing about how it got voted in.
It got voted in by the people, and then the governor somehow made it still illegal.
So it is so fucking weird.
I go from state to state.
They need it up there.
And it's like, you know, you can fly with weed if you're,
like LAX doesn't even check you for weed on the way out.
And then if you're flying to Massachusetts, Boston weeds legal.
So I assume you can land with it and I assume you can take off with it,
but then you got to, if you're going to a state that doesn't allow weed,
like would I be like, if I had a vape pen, let's just say Connecticut,
it's illegal. Yeah. I'm in New Hampshire live free or die. No seatbelts,
no motorcycle helmets helmets no income tax
no weed it's still illegal in new hampshire makes no fucking sense wow yeah of course that great
joke got whoever did it but live free or die the license plates and who makes license plates
a guy in prison like what what a kick him when he's down yeah he has to
print live free or die every day yeah i remember in boston that was one of the standard jokes oh
yeah for good reason it's one of those low-hanging fruit that's just a perfect irony well speaking of
traveling i'm going to come to lowell arkansas, September 16th and 17th at the Grove.
I've never, I don't know if I've been to Arkansas. Let me tell you something.
There's a disproportionate amount of great people from Arkansas.
Yeah.
I'm just going to put that out there.
Who?
Well, I mean, I'm just, I think Johnny Cash is Lee Von Helm from Arkansas.
I believe so.
I mean, one of the presidents of the United States.
But a long list of artists also.
There's some creative vibe going on down there, especially musically.
All right, here you got Mary Steenburgen, Glenn Campbell, John Grisham.
Oh, Jesus, Glenn Campbell?
Johnny Cash, Al Green, John Daly, Sonny Liston.
Wow.
Yeah.
A lot of famous people.
And I can't imagine it's that populous a state.
They don't really have that big a city.
Oh, Al Green.
You said, are you more impressed the second time you read his name?
Oh, did I already say it?
Wow.
Scotty Pippen, Levon Helm, Billy Bob Thornton.
Oh, right.
Of course.
Yeah.
And then when he made it with his independent movie at the time, Sling Blade, that created
my boss at HBO, the one from New Zealand, he was married to a woman from Arkansas.
And that really started
an independent film community down there um I do know that uh so that that's part of what I'm
thinking but no I thought there was even more anyway um and then I'm coming to New Orleans
on October 6th at Howlin' Wolf which hopefully you're going to come with me and Pete Scott and Duds and everybody will come down.
Lafayette, Louisiana, October 7th at Club 337.
Chicago, the Den Theater, October 15th.
Come on out.
That's going to be amazing.
San Francisco Punchline, Tampa, SideSplitters, Plano, Texas,
all coming up.
Go to FitzDawg.com for tickets.
Nice.
I also want to talk a little bit about therapy because you know that i have done my fair share with uh good results i have to say i've been in rough times in my life
and i've never looked back and said i'm not better off after some solid therapy well
here's how you can do it uh there's some people called talk spacespace and it's like having a therapist in your pocket.
You can talk to your therapist anytime you want.
You can text them.
You can do online therapy and you can talk to your therapist.
It's amazing.
So I know I've had experiences with online therapy and I had, I did a cognitive behavioral therapy,
which is where you, you're, if you're thinking the same thoughts all the time, it, you challenge
the thoughts and there's like eight different ways that your mind distorts thinking.
Yes.
So you've, you catch yourself distorting your thinking and you challenge it and you write
it down.
And the next time you have that thought, it loses its power. And the more you do it, the more you, you neutralize yourself. So
Talkspace lets you send and receive unlimited messages with your dedicated therapist and the
Talkspace platform 24 seven, five days a week. Uh, you set goals, your therapist holds you
accountable and, uh, it's affordable. It's a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy.
holds you accountable, and it's affordable.
It's a fraction of the cost of in-person therapy,
and instead of waiting for an appointment,
you just set it up.
They have thousands of licensed therapists with years of experience and over 40 specialties.
They've got specialties they match you up with.
If you have depression,
you get somebody who's specialized in that.
Anxiety, substance abuse, trauma, food, whatever.
Anyway, as a listener to this podcast,
you'll get $100 off your first month with Talkspace
to match with a licensed therapist today.
Go to Talkspace.com.
Make sure to use the code PAPERS
to get $100 off your first month
and show your support for the show.
That's PAPERS and Talkspace.com.
Mike? Oh, man. Here's what I talkspace.com. Mike? Oh man, here's what I got
to talk about. Raycon wireless earbuds. We have them. We use them. I've mentioned last night,
I went to the, whatchamacallit concert, JRAD. And then before that, I met a guy there, you know,
we all have these friends who like to know the most about music.
And you know what I'm super late to, aside from the earbuds for a second?
But this is what I listened to.
I jammed with them.
It was Tedeschi Trucks.
Oh, sure.
Dude. She's amazing.
So they're in town Friday, I guess.
Anyway, I've been doing a listen and listening with these earbuds as I go out and do like walk around and they're amazing.
So let's get back to the earbuds.
They're everyday earbuds.
They look, feel and sound better than ever.
They have optimized gel tips.
I don't know about you.
I have this weird thing.
Did I ever tell you my right ear is smaller than my left ear?
Now the whole they call it swimmer's ear.
And if you've been in the ocean like cold water for surfers here, I think they call it swimmer's ear and if you've been in the ocean like cold water for
surfer's ear i think they call it and it it closes up a little bit anyway i have a problem with
earbuds and these things no problem with them they're amazing uh they have these gel tips so
they get this like perfect fit and they're not going to budge the raycons will give you eight
hours of play time 32 hour battery life they're not going to budge. The Raycons will give you eight hours of playtime, 32 hour battery life.
They're priced just right.
You get the quality audio, half the price of other premium audio brands.
They have 50,000 five-star reviews.
Anyway, I listen to even podcasts when I'm walking around.
I'm still taking a deep dive on Malcolm Gladwell.
I'm catching up on him.
What do you use your, what do you listen to usually? Do you use,
use them at the gym? I use them at the gym when I listen to classic rock. And then every night I go to bed with them in, and I listened to, uh, really dry biographies. I try to find the most boring
biographies I can find and it makes me makes me fall asleep. I just finished Laurie Ingalls Wilder.
Really?
Yeah, it was actually kind of beautiful.
I mean, it was about the whole migration west during the turn of the 20th century.
Nice.
Late 1800s, and yeah, it was pretty wild.
A little side thing here.
I saw a lot of people online saying this was like their favorite new album.
This Tamar Effect, All Bets Are Off.
Has anyone heard of this?
Anyway, if someone has something to recommend, I'm looking for new things to listen to.
I listen to them on these earbuds.
So go to buyraycon.com slash papers.
Get 15% off your Raycon order.
That's buyraycon, B-U-Y-R-A-Y-C-O-N dot com slash papers.
Get 15% off and start listening to all the new artists you're about to recommend to me.
Write in.
How about this?
If you recommend a good artist I like, I'll respond even to your effort and your email.
Oh, there you go.
That's nice.
I'm not going to respond to the haters who think I'm pushing my mask on everybody, but
I will respond to a nice music suggestion.
Do you have a newspaper to crinkle?
Of course I don't.
All right.
Wait, I've got a plastic bag.
Let's try that.
I've got a plastic bag.
All right, here we go.
Front page.
Made in the USA.
Extra!
Extra!
We all love it!
Extra!
An apparel company known for inflammatory apparel championing the Second Amendment and Donald Trump has been fined after the Federal Trade Commission found the company falsely claimed its imported apparel is made in the USA. Inns Not Cheap and its owner, Sean Whalen, were slapped with a $211,000 fine last week
when they replaced their Made in China tags with Made in the USA labels.
Some shirts on its website read,
Give violence a chance.
Depict former president as the Terminator and feature military-style firearms.
feature military style firearms you have two choices to be led or to to lead or to be led the company's website read on monday um they sound like they'd be very anti my mask in the airport
also i i doubt they make masks and here's the thing even their made in the usa labels were made
in china exactly they had to wait till they came in.
Yeah.
To cut out the made in China ones and put in the made in USA.
Right.
Because,
because their constituents don't have enough money to buy stuff that's
actually made in the USA.
Um,
you have to,
you have two choices to,
to lead or be led.
You have two choices,
pay the fine or go to jail.
They,
we should,
they should be sent to a
chinese jail imagine how they get treated there this tracks by the way i mean they are these guys
who like do not give a shit about sheep it's like look at all this agro language and everything
of course they're going to use slave labor to make their products right and and and pay a human less
than it's worth for the work that they're going to
receive.
Yeah.
This,
this is totally in line.
The,
um,
do you remember when Trump was on some late night talk show and the host
said,
I might've been Leno actually.
No.
Are you talking about his tie?
Yeah.
Letterman.
Oh,
is it letter?
Oh yeah.
So he had on one of his ties and Letterman turns it over and looks at the
label and he goes, and he holds turns it over and looks at the label,
and he holds it to the camera and said, Made in China.
It was fucking great.
This was very sad.
Salman Rushdie will likely lose an eye after this attack that just happened to him.
The news is not good.
His agent said he will likely lose an eye the nerves in his arm
were severed and his liver was stabbed and damaged jesus the booker prize winner has lived for
decades with threats and a bounty of more than three million dollars on offer for killing him
over his book the satanic verses yeah it was since 88 there's been isn't it a fatwa isn't that the this is the slowest fatwa ever i mean it's ironic that
rush is in his name i mean die yes but rush die not exactly slow die
yeah exactly uh oh god i can't believe. Have you seen the video of the attack?
No.
It's not a good video, right?
I didn't see it.
When I heard how bad it was, I almost then didn't want to.
I mean, stabbing, real stabbing is not fun to watch.
Dude, there was 2,500 people there and it took 20 seconds that's a long fucking time
for anybody to intervene where's his security you're Salman Rushdie you got three million
dollars on your head how do you not have security that is fucking on their toes they should be
standing just off stage because this happened on stage they should be no more than 12 feet
from him backstage
waiting for something
to happen
that's insane
yeah I know
but it's since 88
I think they get
a little slack
you know what I mean
yeah
uh
well you can't
also he
he became
who did he marry
he married
Christy Brinkley.
No, he didn't.
Uptown girl.
She's been living in a.
Padma Lakshmi or something.
I don't know.
He pulled in some tail.
I'll tell you that.
He pulled in some tail.
That's what I'm going to say about this guy.
Welcome to the uneducated podcast.
He was satanic.
Uh,
hold on.
It's worth looking up.
The whole thing with the whole thing on curve was so fucking funny when he had
his fatwa and how suddenly like every woman wanted him cause he had a fatwa on
his head.
Oh,
is that,
that was okay.
Got it.
Yeah.
Um,
I missed that. Yeah. Yeah. I missed that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's been married four times and he's... No shit.
Hold on here.
The unlikely Vithario who basks in the social limelight,
four times married literary giant Salman Rushdie,
has wooed a string of women despite being sland by ex-wife Padma Lakshmi
as a spoiled baby who needed constant praise and frequent sex. Someone read my diary.
Now, um, this is in the daily mall that I just called up. Uh, he's 75. He's been married and divorced four times.
Death threats, right.
First wife was Clarissa Lord in 76.
Divorced in 87.
Then married Pulitzer Prize finalist. How interesting, the year he got famous.
Married Pulitzer Prize finalist, Marianne Wiggins.
Was she hot?
I mean, she's a Pulitzer Prize finalist.
I don't...
Can't be hot.
It sounds like he married her for her brain.
Yeah.
Anyway, he went into hiding after their divorce.
Was she that?
That must have been a bad divorce.
Anyway, then Elizabeth West.
And then a model.
Yeah, Padma Lakshmi.
So anyway.
All right.
A California dermatologist has been arrested after her husband secretly recorded her allegedly poisoning him by pouring Drano into his drinks.
Dr. UU was arrested.
So I guess I caught you.
Sorry.
Caught you red-handed.
She was booked in the Orange County Jail.
Her husband...
You did it.
You did it.
I can't believe you.
Yes, I'm blaming you.
You tried to poison me.
What are you thinking?
Fuck you.
I'm going to fucking have you you locked up man you better not get parole i never want to see you again
what have you been doing to my lemonade
so in a bid to catch his wife he placed cameras in the home that surreptitiously recorded evidence in the case and shared the footage with police.
The husband fell ill over the course of one month and sustained significant internal injuries.
Chen said in the filing for restraining order that he caught you on video on three occasions putting drain cleaner into his hot lemonade drink.
Wow, this, honey, this lemonade's got a real kick.
Really clears out the sinuses.
Me put Drano in your Coke.
No, no, no.
Oh, and I can't make fun of you?
You said it, not me.
Let's get to abortion, shall we?
Wait a minute.
This has to be the worst doctor in the world.
Yes.
I mean, doctors have to try hard not to kill people.
You can't find an easier, less barbaric way of killing your husband the
hippocratic oath do thou shalt do no harm i don't think uh i don't think you believe that uh
i but it this is crazy that that's like the sixth sense type of poisoning i love this
i love this orange county it's so County, this high level white collar crime.
All right.
Well, I hope you get what you deserve.
I hope you gets what she deserves.
In Nebraska, a mother and her 18 year old daughter are facing multiple charges in a
case that involved police obtaining Facebook messages between the two that authorities allege show evidence of an illegal self-managed medication abortion, as well as a plan to hide the remains.
Police began investigating Celeste Burgess and her mother, Jessica, in late April.
Following concerns, Celeste had prematurely delivered a stillborn fetus.
April following concerns Celeste had prematurely delivered a stillborn fetus.
Stillborn is a weird word because it sounds like, well, it was he was stillborn.
No, he was stillborn.
Yeah.
Like a still life.
After the.
It's the opposite of still life.
It's still dead.
Sure is.
After the two were initially charged,
law enforcement continued to investigate,
obtained Facebook messages,
which means Facebook fucking gave over this information.
Maybe, maybe, or they went in their computers.
They obtained Facebook messages between Celeste and Jessica.
No, these are messages.
I think they were DMing each other.
No, I know, but if they took their phones and stuff,
they could find all of that.
Right.
Oh, that's true.
So I don't know.
It appears to make reference to abortion pills and burning the, quote, the evidence.
Police claim that after the body of the fetus was exhumed,
it appeared to have thermal injuries
indicating it may have been burned
after the pregnancy was terminated.
This is a confusing story to me.
I mean, is it a stillborn fetus?
I think what they're saying is
she's in a state where abortion is illegal.
Right.
And she performed a medical,
a medicinal abortion. far along that's what
i'm missing here they don't say burning a body like what how far along was this woman
um i don't know but i guess i guess the fetus was you know i guess the woman had a right to you know
this is why I don't
go on Facebook anymore
yeah too many people tweeting about their
too many abortions
on Facebook
yeah they need a new emoji they need new emojis
they need the first semester
first semester first trimester
emoji yeah I wonder
what pops up when you're texting when you put
stillborn in there
they gotta have some suggestion.
Just a sad face.
And then they track the people that use that emoji. That's how they get them.
The safe haven baby box at a firehouse in Carmel, Indiana.
Good Lord. Unwanted children. Is that the theme of this podcast?
All right, go ahead.
It looked like a library book drop.
It had been available for three years for anyone who wanted to surrender a baby anonymously.
No one had ever used it until April when the alarm went off.
Victor Andres, a firefighter, opened the box and found, to his disbelief, a newborn boy wrapped in towels.
And like seven firemen ate the baby.
They thought it was Uber Eats delivering their meal.
That's the drop box.
The discovery made the local TV news,
which praised the courage of the mother,
calling it a time for celebration.
Later that month, Mr. Andres pulled another newborn from the box,
and in May, a third baby appeared.
By summer, three more infants were left at baby box locations
throughout the state.
So conservatives rejoice when you leave a baby in the box.
Now, voting ballots, it's not safe.
It's not safe to put those in there.
This story stinks of right-wing propaganda and pro-life propaganda, if you ask me.
Oh, all of a sudden, you see the great effect of, like, it could have happened this fast.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, these are nine-month-old babies.
I think we should get the burnt fetus corpse.
Or nine-month termold babies. I think we should get the burnt fetus corpse. Or nine-month term.
You know what?
We should get the burnt fetus corpse from Indiana
and leave it in that fireman's box.
They're used to seeing burnt stuff.
Fire inspector's there.
He'll figure it all out.
Fire started on the right shoulder.
Fuck, we got here too late.
I think if you're going to drop a baby at a fire uh house i think it should be dropped from the roof and it should fall in one of those trampolines that the firemen are holding
let's make it a little fun babies love trampolines yeah here comes like a seven pound little wrapped
up bowling ball let's see how high you can bounce or just or get get a belt strap it to that pole send it down the pole come on and forget a drop box
uh you want to reach for las vegas we don't have to do this umbrella one i don't even know what
that well las vegas all right the city's entire strip suffered major water damage on Thursday night as videos shared on social media showed casinos turning into rain gutters.
The National Weather Service for Las Vegas issued a flash flood warning as well as a flood advisory Friday as water flooded some of the city's most iconic buildings. Video footage shows Caesar's palace struggling to deal with the heavy
downpour as flood water could be seen pouring into diners at the hotels and
like into the restaurant and hitting people dining in the hotels,
indoor restaurant.
Um,
it was,
did you see footage of this?
I guess it's like a record breaking monsoon season.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean,
it really,
you can't read this and not think about Taxi Driver.
That's exactly what I thought of. And then when I went into the document, I saw you had posted that quote in there.
All the animals come out at night.
Whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal.
Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets is that desantis's
campaign slogan i think it is yeah how about a guy who's just on a bad bad streak and he's like lord
just give me a sign i swear to god i will quit gambling for good just give me a sign all of a
sudden fucking like drowned rats are flying under the table.
And you're like, you're up to your knees in water.
Like, no, just come on.
One sign.
If I can feel your presence, I will not play this next hand, sir.
We have to close down.
What do you mean you have to close down?
Dogs are swimming by trying to grab his leg.
Just any sign, God.
Anything at all.
No, you can't.
I just got to get back to even, then I'm going to walk away.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, fuck Vegas.
I'm so done with Vegas.
It's just a money grab.
Everywhere you go, somebody's hand is in your pocket.
It's the worst.
I mean, it is a foodie town.
You can have fun if you go in with the right
perspective on it go there for a show you know what i mean like see a concert yeah i saw oh by
the way i will say this i i remembered a vegas concert and i talked about this on the podcast
before but our friend chris weinstein was in new york he was at madison square garden
rage against the machine played five nights in a row at Madison Square Garden. And it was, he sent me some footage.
It was unbelievable. And, uh, you know,
Zach the lead singer hurt his leg. They just canceled their European tour.
But anyway, the first time I ever saw them,
they were warming up for you too in Las Vegas.
And it was the Zoropa tour.
And it was like, in my opinion, U2 couldn't follow them.
And were they known at that point?
Not really, no.
So the Zoropa tour had this bomb on purpose.
It was like Kmart tour or Pop Mart, Pop Mart.
And it had this intentionally bombastic stage with a giant martini glass
and it was crazy overblown and over the top and then of course the warm-up band gets this tiny
little drum kit you know that is just looks pathetic it looks like a high school talent
show set up especially with the backdrop of this pomposity, you know, this bombastic, you know, set that you two had. And then these little guys walk out and they walk up and they just, and it's daylight.
I remember Pam and Tommy Lee had like, just walked by me. It was general admission on the floor,
all these just chairs, like put on the, on the, in the outdoor stadium in Vegas. And they walk up
to the mics and they're like, uh, hello,
we're,
we're raging against the machine from Los Angeles,
California.
And they ripped into a song.
And all I know is within minutes, I'm throwing chairs.
Just everyone started and no one was paying attention.
It was still light out.
Half the stadium hadn't even come in yet.
Everyone's still tailgating and everyone just
started throwing chairs and like we're kind of rushing up to the stage it was so incredible i'll
never forget as long as i live i would love to see them live but i can't i can't listen to them i
never feel like my energy can match their energy when i'm listening if i'm driving and they come on
i gotta change i gotta change the channel. Wow.
All right.
It's too much.
It's too much.
Oh, no.
I think it would be good.
If you can go to two film noir movies
in the middle of the day
and get pumped for that,
I think you're going to raise your energy to this.
I do.
That's true.
Speaking of concerts,
let's go to entertainment.
You got it, pal.
You put in something in here about Carson Daly.
Why don't you read that? Because that sent me
down a fucking rabbit hole.
Carson Daly.
Carson Daly
thought he was going to.
Sorry. There's a second documentary that's come out about Woodstock 99.
It seems like it's been done by HBO, but now Netflix has one.
So Carson Daly thought he was going to die at Woodstock 99.
And it's not because he saw Jamiroquai. That's my little joke.
The Netflix documentary is called
Trainwreck Woodstock 99 shows
all the carnage. Spin
reported at the time that festival
goers fueled with rage over
the conditions, but also just
acting out hurled gay
slurs at Daley.
How do you not? How do you not?
And derogatory sexual remarks
about his ex-girlfriend Jennifer Love Hewitt. I not? And derogatory sexual remarks about his ex-girlfriend, Jennifer Love Hewitt.
I doubt they were derogatory.
Nope.
One person threw a cup of water in Daley's face.
This was on film.
And the beleaguered VJ mumbled, just tell me, man, that wasn't your piss.
And then Daley's face was the target of many overpriced plastic water bottles
i saw i had to see this so i went to netflix and this is why i was late today we were
supposed to start recording at one and i had i was late because i had to watch it i it's three
parts and you can't believe because i remember it went badly all i remembered was and i went
bad i didn't remember any of the details and so i watched it i mean it was fucking nuts when
when when they went up there it was you know bands that i don't love limp biscuit and uh
um fans like that. Yeah.
Korn.
Right, yeah, Korn was there, absolutely.
They went crazy for them.
And I don't disrespect those bands.
They're just not my thing.
I do.
Right.
But, I mean, 250,000 people.
And security was basically, they just put out an ad for security,
and they gave you a yellow T-shirt.
No qualifications, no restrictions.
The guards, there was video of guards, you know, fucking girls and getting high with groups of people.
Like they were just part of the crowd.
There was no security.
And so you've got these 250,000 people.
I would say 200,000 of them were mosh pitting.
The entire fucking crowd was a mosh pit.
People overhand
haymaker punches to the face,
diving into each other, body
surfing where they ripped girls' shirts
off and you could see them grabbing their tits
and like, it was
nuts. I heard it was great.
Complete chaos. And then they tore
down the
tower that had the speakers on it. They fucking ripped it down. And heard it was great. Complete chaos. And then they tore down the tower that had the speakers on it.
They fucking ripped it down. And also there was
fires everywhere. Oh, why was there
fires? Because at the end
when it was Red Hot Chili Peppers
with Flea stark
fucking naked on
stage. They're the
last band. And
they want to go out with a bang so the concert
promoters thought it would be a great idea to hand out a hundred thousand candles so they hand
out the candles people light them and then they started lighting bonfires like a dozen giant
bonfires where they were ripping the fucking any wood they could find they ripped down and threw it in they were burning trucks propane tanks were exploding like bombs and so what did
red what did the red hot chili peppers do they broke into fire by Jimi Hendrix
with Flea jumping around naked it was bedlam it was like a fucking scene from a movie. Flea is such a spiritual dude.
I wonder how he feels about it.
I wonder looking back how he feels.
But MTV had a stage set up and they had to evacuate because everybody felt like this was so corporate.
Everything about it was so corporate.
It was just like oversight
overpriced concessions they charged the shit was a money grab it was of course a huge money grab
and they saw mtv is behind it and so they were just throwing shit at their at their stage where
they were trying to broadcast and they ran the matter they had to be like rushed out right didn't
they like they all of a sudden get in a vehicle and tear through a cornfield or
something like that.
I remember the details about it.
Like they, they had to be rushed out or something.
Yeah.
I wish his whole life was like that.
I wish everywhere he went, it was like that.
He, uh, when we've crossed paths over the years, like we were both,
you know, he was in, he had a late night show.
Like, so, so nice to me. And Doug nice of course he's nice that's what like i always
wondered like talented people do they're nice oh boy okay we'll just let that one go then he's
very nice let's just stop there all right dude have you seen the fucking rehearsal yet no
all right i have an update i have not seen last night's we're recording this on saturday
they come out on friday on hbo uh but i did see episode four and it goes to looney town
thank god i wasn't stoned when i was watching episode four because you i literally had to pause at one point to do the math of how many layers of rehearsing were going on.
So that's my update.
It's the most talked about show I've seen in a year.
Everybody's talking about the rehearsal.
Well, we're building up a little too.
This is how you should approach it.
It's a little nugget.
Try to imagine no one's talking about it. That's how I found it. But you do, you have been tipped
off that it's a little, cause it's not sci-fi. It's not weird, weird. It's not like, oh my God,
black mirror. That's not the experience we're sending you to go view. It's, um, it's just performance art basically. Right.
Here, I got to lower your expectations. It's way simpler than that. The premise he states in the
opening minute is I'm socially awkward and I developed a sense of humor and that, that helped
me a lot, but I've always wondered if, if I could rehearse a real social situation that I'm nervous about,
if it would have gone better in my life, it's literally, there's no tricks. It's literally,
I've got to tell someone something that I'm uncomfortable telling them. Can I rehearse it?
Yeah. That that's all this thing is. That's um but he's he's very funny uh so anyway you all
right just well his his other show uh nathan for you is really great really interesting and funny
so you got you should do that with the whole family yeah that's why i haven't seen it yet
as i'm waiting to watch with the family okay Okay, good. All right, let's make flart.
Kill your dog with the family, and then hold on, there's more.
So I started watching The Old Man.
You did too, right?
Didn't, no.
Oh, boy, it's with Jeff Bridges,
and it's really like you're watching Chris Christopherson the whole time.
I'm three episodes in.
Sophie and I started watching it and, uh,
and I, I like,
I like it.
I mean,
I don't know if it's great,
but,
um,
I love Jeff bridges and I am kind of liking it.
And then Sophie and I,
in addition to North by Northwest watch gladiator.
I think it's my top 10 movies of all time.
Really?
Maybe top 20.
Russell Crowe. Well, top 10 movies of all time really maybe top 20 russell crowe well that's not what i think about when i think about gladiator i think about um you know the director uh who i love and his name boy
i'm tired today um you know alien fucking everything uh ridley Scott. And Blade Runner.
Ridley Scott does such an amazing job in Gladiator.
It's incredible.
And holy shit, Joaquin Phoenix is so good.
Yeah.
Now, you don't love that movie?
I love the movie.
I need to see it again.
I think I only saw it in the theaters,
and that was probably, what, 20 years ago?
It is Shakespearean, very literally, in that the dealing with this Roman story and all the backstabbing and everything.
And I think it was an incredibly important precursor to Game of Thrones.
important precursor to game of Thrones. Um, it's like a, in the tightest version of game of Thrones in some ways, cause there's, there's crazy backstabbing and there's crazy jockeying for
power in, uh, in a Rome, which is hurting. And a lot of it is based, you know, in terms of,
in fact, like, you know, when they would put on the games just to please the people as Rome was growing more and more corrupt anyway just if you haven't seen it I think it's Hans Zimmer
does the music it's incredible okay yep
uh let's make America Florida. We sure are.
This is from Brian in Madison, Wisconsin.
He said we had to do this story.
A Florida woman.
How do I want to read this?
Because I also got a criticism that I give away the punchline in stories by reading the headline first.
Well, you read the headline and then in
the first sentence you repeat basically what the headline was well all news articles are so
repetitive i try to skip the first paragraph at which does restate the headline all right here
i'm just going to read the story a florida woman said state officials are making her give up her
beloved pet alligator a gentle giant named rambo Perfect name for an alligator pet in Florida.
Rambo is potty trained, understands sign language, and loves to dress in costumes.
But they're making her give him up because he's grown too big.
Quote, he's like my son.
He's my family, Rambo's owner Mary Thorne told the Daily News.
He's not a normal gator.
Imagine how shitty her
real family is that this is her new
family. He's not
a normal gator. He has never
been a normal gator. The Lakeland
woman said a recent growth spurt
put the 15-year-old Rambo
I don't know if they have
growth spurts at 15.
The 15-year-old Rambo, the growth
spurt has put him at six feet long and
the florida fish and wildlife officials require gators that big to live on properties with at
least 2.5 acres of open space but thorn doesn't have that extra land so rambo an indoor gator
who rarely goes outside except when she takes him for rides on her four wheelers and there's the photo and he's on
his own four-wheeler it's not like he's in a sidecar or on the back can you please explain
what's on the back of her motorcycle i didn't see that so okay, okay. This is a photo. She's on her own motorcycle, and the gator is on a little four-wheeler, like the kind you'd have for kids.
But on the back of her motorcycle is a baby seat.
A baby that you strap into a car.
Oh, my God.
I'm thinking that's for Rambo, though.
He's got a tail.
You can't put an alligator sitting in a baby seat when he's got a tail.
Oh, really?
Well, the alligator is in jeans right now.
Look at that.
So you explain the tail situation to that.
He is pretty fucking cute.
I think there are workarounds.
Yeah.
But if you're not
watching our show on youtube we'll just describe her she is wearing a wife beater boots pulled up
over her jeans for women i think it's called a tank top but go ahead and she's got a crocodile
dundee hat and she looks ornery yeah she does not want to be bothered by authorities.
I fucking like her.
I need one friend like that in my life just to shake it up.
Well, you better pick them young.
I don't think they last that long.
The alligator probably bites less than Brulee did.
And I could never dress him up.
You also would not get rid of your pet,
no matter how dangerous it was yeah
um all right let's speaking of dangers let's go to international i can't wait Steven Seagal.
Seagal. A Hollywood actor turned vocal Kremlin supporter is visiting eastern Ukraine to film a documentary aimed at changing the perception of the war there.
Seagal, Steven Seagal said that 98% of people who are talking about the conflict in media have never been there.
That's why the world doesn't know the truth. He wants to change the perceptions of this war. In the widely publicized visit,
Seagal, who was granted Russian citizenship in 2016, visited the site of the July attack on
Olenivka prison that killed at least 50 Ukrainian prisoners of war. Pro- kremlin television host vladimir soloviov said seagulls personally
examine the evidence he personally examined the evidence including the pieces of american rockets
that confirmed kiev's links to the mass murder of his own soldiers thank god we have actors that can
go over and assess international war zones and come up with, quote, the truth.
Yeah.
Because he's not being paraded in front of hand-picked pieces of data
by the Russians.
No.
He's going everywhere.
Why am I seeing so much footage of him doing his fake karate
where he twists the guy's wrist and the guy spins out of control?
I love that.
Yeah, that's the greatest.
He, like, is giving these clinics everywhere.
Yeah, he's got all kinds of black belts.
He's studied at all the great dojos of the world,
and he's got these, I think that particular style is called,
I can't remember, but yeah. Jiu-jitsu or something? No, it but yeah jiu-jitsu or something no it's not jiu-jitsu
it's um somebody will write and tell me but it's all based on like holds and like you twist the
guy's wrist and you can make him flip over but these guys were clearly diving over on purpose
listen and can we just leave international political inquiry to dennis
rodman can we just right why do we need steven seagal we already have rodman yeah um all right
let's get to some sports you got it pally i so did you read this tom brady is taking some time away from the tampa
tampa bay buccaneers to deal with personal things according to the team's head coach
the 45 year old quarterback missed practice on Thursday,
and Bowles, the coach, told reporters that he will not return until after the team's second preseason game on August 20th.
I mean, maybe it's not a big deal.
He's never missed a workout.
This guy famously doesn't miss a single practice.
This is a big deal.
His wife didn't want him to come, but he retired because his wife wanted him to retire. famously doesn't miss a single practice. This is a big deal. He,
uh,
his wife didn't want him to come,
but he retired because his wife wanted him to retire.
And then he said,
you know what?
I just realized you're not telling me what to do.
And so he went back to football and now he's dealing with the consequences of
that.
That's what you think is going on,
huh?
I don't think there's any doubt in my mind.
Maybe he slept with that woman who has the alligator and uh oh shit that's right she's on its own yeah on its own little uh four-wheeler yeah maybe that's what that little
seat in the back is for it's for her little tom brady she could have been with child i mean
there's it's hard to tell from the photo but she looked like she could have been with child i mean there's it's hard to tell from the photo but she looked
like she could have been with child yeah yeah maybe a little brady she could be with with burrito
and with six pack i wonder what this is though like i don't know it seems like you could if it
were that you could deal with that without drawing so much attention to it
um are there more rumors since i put this story in there no i've been following this story and
it's very uh it's the everybody's pretty tight-lipped about it nobody's i mean there's
plenty of theories most of them in line with what i'm saying i mean could he have law is it because
he lost so much bitcoin i I doubt it's that.
By the way, what about Matt Damon telling everybody that,
you know, what was his line from the Super Bowl ad
where he told people to buy Bitcoin?
Oh, yeah, of course.
No, all of them.
Yeah, they've gone silent, by the way.
I read an article that Bitcoin has lost about 70% of its value
since he told people to buy it.
And that's like, these are people that are really influenced by people like him
that probably took their life savings of, you know, $100,000 and bought Bitcoin.
And now they're going to try to retire on $30,000.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's the cooler.
He's like the cooler.
Yeah.
I mean, does he need the fucking money that bad?
Did you not make enough money
per movie
that you have to go out
and do commercials
for fucking sketchy investments?
What the fuck?
What is with celebrities these days?
They're so goddamn greedy.
Were they paid in Bitcoin?
That would be ironic.
Oh, maybe he was paid in Bitcoin.
I hope he was.
All right. Poor, poor he was. All right.
Poor, poor Tom Brady.
All right.
Trouble in paradise, maybe.
We don't know.
What else is going on in sports?
Oh, your Jets lost their quarterback for a few games.
Oh, lovely.
Did you hear about that?
No.
Yeah, he injured his leg preseason,
and he's going to be out for the first few games of the season.
Weren't they playing Philadelphia or something?
I couldn't even look at the—it's so—
Yeah.
All right.
I've got to get in these suicide pools this season.
Why not?
All right.
I'll get you in my pool.
I'll get you in my pool.
And then there's another big one going around.
Maybe Gubbins knows it or something.
But I'll go in.
I'll go into these things, not knowing what the hell's going on.
All right.
Let's do some.
Let's do this day in history.
I like that idea.
1985, Michael Jackson takes control of the Beatles publishing rights.
Do you remember this moment in time?
I do remember this moment in time.
People were outraged.
Yeah.
I mean, the thing is, like, Michael Jackson,
there's more respect for him now than there was back then.
Back then, like, we were so anti-disco
that he fell under that.
And he represented that kind of, mtv isation of music and people didn't
respect michael jackson at all and when he bought the beatles it was again another fucking greed
like why was the beat why were the beatles selling their publishing rights i don't know what i mean
clearly mccartney did not have control of them because he was outbid by michael
jackson well it was during their collaboration on 1983's say say say that former beetle paul
mccartney is said to have advised king of pop michael jackson to invest some of his enormous
wealth in music publishing it was sound financial advice that mccartney may have come to regret giving on August 85
when Michael Jackson purchased the publishing rights to the vast majority of the Beatles catalog for $47 million.
That's nothing!
$47 million to understand the sound business reasoning behind Jackson's move to take control of the publishing world,
whatever, blah, blah, blah, blah, this was for 251 of their compositions. Um,
this explains how you make money from that. Um, John Lennon and Paul McCartney,
the Beatles primary songwriters did something slightly more complicated.
The publishing agreement they signed was with a company with which, whatever.
This is very complicated.
I'm reading the details about their publishing arrangement with McCartney and Lennon.
In the years afterward, the catalog allowed Jackson to remain solvent
by serving as collateral for several enormous personal loans
that funded his extravagant lifestyle through the years.
Yeah, he liked to splurge on things like paying parents to have sex with their children.
And in 2008, Jackson gave up his remaining interest in the catalog to Sony,
one of his primary creditors.
After his death, Sony took full control of the catalog.
Yeah, he was always interested in boys
he liked their early stuff yeah exactly yeah um i do remember that but you know uh in reading i
just read through as quickly as i could a lot of those details it wasn't as bad for mccartney's it
seems i mean basically michael jackson was paying mccartney oh mccartney as it seems. I mean, basically Michael Jackson was paying McCartney.
Oh, McCartney was still getting a revenue stream?
Oh, absolutely.
Oh, yes, absolutely.
What happened?
It looked like McCartney and Lennon set up a publishing company called Northern Songs or something.
And that company would get paid anytime the song was used.
And then that company that they partly owned would pay them, blah, blah, blah.
It seems very complicated.
I think I remember reading that Paul McCartney was the wealthiest person in England.
Really?
Yep.
I find that hard to believe.
Well.
I mean, isn't like Seagram's, you know, all these giant sort of wealthy empires
are there aren't, whatever.
Old school money.
Branson.
Chris Denman.
Oh, yeah, Branson.
We have to point out Chris Denman is not with us this week.
He is in Scotland, I believe.
What is he doing there?
I don't know.
Maybe going to a wedding or something.
All right.
So there's a guy.
There's an Indian guy who's worth $11 billion.
He doesn't count.
James Dyson.
Oh, God, I don't even see him on the list
after saying that.
That tracks.
That tracks.
Yeah, it's all people with foreign names.
Except Branson.
Yeah, I don't see Branson on the list.
I got him here. And Peter Coates?
What does Coates do?
He's joined the billionaires. Alright.
Well, it's all changed.
I wonder what it was at that
time you're talking, though.
There was far fewer billionaires.
Far, far fewer billionaires yeah far far fewer yeah maybe he was the maybe he's the high he was the wealthiest entertainer or something i think rod
stewart actually has a ton of money also i no doubt and i told you i'm sure bowie did
to the hollywood bowl well it's interesting you bring up Bowie. Bowie, I think, was definitely the first popular case of selling his catalog.
Yeah, that's right.
Wall Street firm or, anyway, investors, maybe a hedge fund,
they approached him, and I think they gave him $50 million
while he was still alive, like probably 20 years before his death.
I'm forgetting what year it was.
And it was very new, creative thinking.
It was also, he was one of the first musicians
to really go online and to have,
he was the first one to do music videos.
He was the first one to have his music available online.
He was the first person to put extra content online.
He was all over every new technology
when it came to music.
He's very, it goes viral now and again.
Him talking, being interviewed about the internet,
which was incredibly new,
and him kind of grasping its potential.
Yeah.
And it's really interesting how articulate he was about it.
Yeah.
All right, let's do some letters to the editor.
Oh, okay.
I think my crinkling is very quiet today.
Yeah, it is.
It's like soft plastic.
Here's from Craig from Edmonton.
Two relevant hacks for snoring.
We talked about my wife.
Oh, yes.
Snoring issues.
First, a noise machine makes it a lot easier to sleep in the same room as your spouse.
OK, second, and this one sounds a bit insane.
James Nestor in his book Breathe recommends taping your mouth shut at night.
I have the tape from your nose to chin.
Have you done that?
Yeah.
So they sell tape also that has a slit in it so you can breathe
but it keeps your mouth like shut uh all i know is i woke up without it on yeah i went to sleep
with it on i woke up with it off i i don't i think i have trouble i They say, though, you can train yourself to nose breathe more by working out with your mouth closed.
Oh, interesting.
And by trying to go through life with your mouth closed more.
But I get, you know, whatever, congested.
But, no, a lot of people do like this, trying to encourage nose breathing by taping your mouth shut.
trying to encourage nose breathing by taping your mouth shut.
Steven recommends these Bose noise masking sleep buds,
which I got.
I was given these for Christmas.
They were $250.
And then you have to sign up for like an app that you pay monthly that plays white noise.
And I said,
fuck that.
And I returned them.
I said,
I'm not not we're
not spending 250 bucks on that there you go um all right barry from botswana said couples typically
slept in single beds until the 60s when the sexual revolution brought them together personally i
snore so loud it's like sleeping sleep yelling separate beds in the separate rooms works for us
we meet for relations in either bed
it's great sneaking around in the dark and jumping into someone else's bed for sex
then back into your own dry bed for a peaceful sleep nice wow look at that detail he snuck in
there fucking drop a load in your wife's bed and then leave it sounds like he's just like in the middle of the night,
kind of ambling up to her bed,
pissing on her and then going back to his bed for a good night's sleep.
Somebody wrote in,
you were talking about,
um,
the British term for getting drunk.
Yeah.
And Kim Romano says,
I think what Gibbons was trying to remember on the most recent podcast was the
British saying I'm sorted. Yup. was the British saying, I'm sorted.
Like, I'm good or I'm done.
And I was going to bring it up today because I asked
Sophie, 100% it's sorted.
I love
the use of that word that way.
Because it'd be like
the Brit that she ran into
on Corfu, and it was like
they'd see each other mid-morning.
It's like, how are you doing? Is it good? Five pints for breakfast i'm sorted it's like sorted means i'm normal
i'm back to my baseline yeah i'm so like things are in order yeah i think that's exactly what
sorted means yeah yeah in both in literally and in this case. Somebody else said that they, this guy Jack said, it's stocious, meaning to be heavily inebriated.
I think stocious is different than sorted.
I think it is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's like pissed.
And then Mark says, just a quick note on an alternative to Ticketmaster for resales.
We had talked about how expensive
it is to do resales. Check out Cash or Trade, awesome site and app that allows people looking
for and unloading tickets for face value or under. The only fee you pay is a small percentage
for insurance to cover any ticket fraud. Nice. All right, wait wait i have a story on that so our friends uh dicky and
adrian at uh rosie's bagels rosie's bagels if you live on the west side of la hit them up rosie's
bagels la.com is that what it is yeah so they're uh let me find this so they're hot fresh bagels
to your house on sunday mornings they're unbelievable. So I got to find this.
Oh, here we go.
So apparently, I don't know if it's Facebook, Flash Give.
Okay, so he sent it to me.
All right, I don't know what this thing, I think it's in Facebook.
And it's an arrangement where if you're getting rid it's for free stuff it's like a
craigslist of free stuff and it's like do you want this and it has some catchy name which i'm
forgetting anyway so diggy goes we went on it and he lives right up here in santa monica and you
know in kind of in my old neighborhood a nice you know nice uh suburban little neighborhood and he
goes uh, this woman
was getting rid of a fridge, like barely used. She just got a new one. She's like, just, I can't
deal with it. If you can come by and take it out and all this, it's yours. So they got this fridge
cause they need that, you know, for when all the bagels they're making and stuff and they keep
expanding. But he goes, so get this. He goes, you know what neighborhood I live in. And he's like,
it's like, you know, pretty nice. It's not the nicest, but it's very, you know. And so here was one.
Oh, I think the site or there were things called by nothing.
So it's, you know, very well intentioned, like let's cut down on consumerism and all this.
And he goes, but here was a listing in my neighborhood right next to the fridge where he got flash.
But here was a listing in my neighborhood right next to the fridge where he got flash give half a pepperoni pizza. Let me know if there is any interest.
We overordered.
And there is a picture of the pizza box and someone is giving away a half a pizza pie.
That's great.
Yeah.
I could see Malloy being addicted to that site.
Oh, one. Yeah. Like gently use socks. I'm in. Yeah. I could see Malloy being addicted to that site. Oh, yeah.
Like, gently use socks?
I'm in.
Yeah.
You remember when Malloy, he saw a fabric up in a nest.
It turned out to be like a squirrel's nest.
And there was a sock in there.
Underwear.
Was it underwear?
It was underwear.
And he took it and washed it and wore it.
Yes, because his washer dryer is outside his house in a shed.
And so he must have dropped the underwear on the way in.
And the squirrel made a nest out of it.
And yeah, started wearing it again.
Perfect.
Perfect.
perfect perfect
okay let's get to the obituaries
very sad week
and that's all folks
and hash
hash
hash
hash
oh boy
I'm glad we didn't do any of our jokes we had jokes the day it happened because
it was so outrageous her driving into that house but oh tv and film credits included cedar rapids
donnie brosco that was great donnie is it brasco or brasco brasco right it's brasco and hung which
was a fucking great movie i gotta get my kids to watch that isn't it hung a show
on hbo i think all right anyway i don't know go ahead um oh maybe i'm thinking of a different
movie maybe you're right uh she started out on as the world turns i think she was a teenager
when she started on that um and she won daytime emmys for that she was um uh well whatever everybody knows her
credits nip tuck and uh men in trees wag the dog dancing on the stars wag the dog but uh you know
she she really i guess she was brain dead at the end uh i had heard different things but i mean
it's probably all out there now but i haven't
read any stories but i do know there was significant smoke inhalation so she had to be
intubated or whatever that is uh the second she got to the hospital you know what's crazy she did
that movie with harrison ford what was it six days seven nights nights or something? And she crashed her car about two blocks from where Harrison Ford crashed an airplane at the Penmar Golf Course.
This crash happened like two blocks from the Penmar Golf Course.
Well, Dickie, who we just mentioned with the bagels, he was the first one to point that out that I saw.
Yeah, he like, why do these celebrities, why do the celebrities from this movie keep crashing in our neighborhood?
But, oh, man, this is so.
I don't know what went on.
Apparently no alcohol.
I keep reading about cocaine, but.
Well, she crashed into one place.
I don't know if it was another car or another house, but she crashed her car.
I thought it was like a garage a little.
And then she kept driving and then crashed again i mean
how do you hit a house i could see hitting a car how do you hit a fucking house she had to be on
something yeah maybe she was watching ellen on her phone while she was driving anyway uh her poor
kids uh i think she has two.
And anyway, what a way to go, man.
Jesus.
Here's another sad death.
David McCullough is my favorite, my favorite biographer.
And I read a lot of biographies.
Pulitzer Prize winner.
They did a movie Seabiscuit based on one of his books. Or he was the narrator of Seabiscuit.
But I read every one of his fucking books.
The Jonestown Flood, which was incredible.
Jonestown, yeah.
Jonestown.
They basically built this dam for some rich people
so that they could have a pond to fish in at their country club.
So they built a dam, and they didn't build it
well they just slapped it together and it built up this huge fucking lake and then it broke one
night and it killed thousands of people or maybe hundreds yeah two thousand people died
and then he wrote the story of the making of the Brooklyn Bridge.
That was incredible.
Yep.
Harry S. Truman biography, John Adams biography.
They both won Pulitzer Prizes.
HBO adopted that into a miniseries.
And then he narrated Ken Burns' Brooklyn Bridge.
But he was incredible.
And I'm sorry he won't be writing anymore.
So here's a quote from him.
People often ask me if I'm working on a book.
That's not how I feel.
I feel like I work in a book.
It's like putting myself under a spell.
And the spell, if you will, is so real to me
that if I have to leave my work for a few days,
I have to work myself back into the spell when it comes back. It's almost like hypnosis.
How many writers would love to be able to go under a spell?
I feel like I work in leisure and it's impossible to get out of leisure mode to go to work. I have the opposite hypnosis
going on. Yeah. Uh, yeah, obviously so prolific. I wonder about those guys, like after he gets
going and gets so successful, like, does he have a team? You know, they talk in this, I read,
I read some of it here, like how meticulously he was at research with his subjects, you know?
Well, that's how he got started is he was going to be a fiction writer.
And then he got a job to pay the bills doing research for a magazine.
And he fell in love with research.
And he realized that was his passion.
Wow.
Yeah.
All right, let's cheer up.
We need to cheer up after those two.
Yeah, I'd say.
Jesus.
Let's do the Sunday funnies.
All right, in the first one, the Lockhorns.
Leroy's sitting on the couch, unshaven, in his socks,
with his toes sticking out of his sock.
He's got a beer in his hand,
and he's got a slice of pizza in his other hand.
He's watching TV, and Loretta says to her friend, and he's got a slice of pizza in his other hand. He's watching TV and Loretta says to her friend,
and he's all mine.
Yep.
Oh, that's so cruel.
Here's another one.
He's sitting at the dinner table and they're eating
and he says
I can't bite off more than I can chew Loretta
I can't even chew what I bite off
hey Leroy
how about you fucking cook dinner one night
instead of just sitting there complaining all the time
give it a shot
and then
in the last one he's going into the and again what i love about the
lockhorns is they both shit on each other and they keep it they keep bunny keeps it very even-handed
it's just always just as many shitting on him so he's walking into the bathroom with a wrench
and a pail and and and she's wearing an inner, like a kid's inner tube you'd wear in a pool.
And he goes, trust me, Loretta, I know what I'm doing.
Hager is coming home from the road.
It's like me tomorrow.
And Helga's at the front door.
She says, did the women flirt with you in France?
And Hager said, yes, but I told them I was married. And Helga's at the front door. She says, did the women flirt with you in France?
And Hager said, yes, but I told them I was married.
And she goes, you offered them a challenge?
And he says, I can't win.
Maybe I should just tell her I raped.
It's weird it says that.
Yeah, isn't that weird that there's always an extra frame?
Did they flirt in Viking days or were they just petrified of being raped i don't think women were the aggressors i don't know if there was any need to flirt
no i think that came with consensual sex yeah uh i think which is very recent very recent
yeah um and also boy wouldn't the wife have a don't ask don't tell
policy regarding when he comes back from the road yeah right how could she even bring it up
right what happens in egypt stays in egypt yeah um all right so here this reminds me a little of the lockhorns here's charles adams oh by the way
in north by northwest they referenced charles adams like it was like a throwaway line like this
is this is like something out of a charles adams cartoon like it was something like that really
yeah yeah yeah because that movie was i think 1959 anyway here is a woman i don't think i've showed this one before but it just
shows how dark this guy was and i think this was from the 70s but she's on the phone someone just
called and she came in from the garden and she answers the phone can you see the cartoon at all
and the front door is open anyway the front door is doors open and she's talking on the phone and she goes, he's in the garden.
And when you look out, you see a freshly dug grave, you know, with the shovel in it.
And it's neatly like all, you know, she's done burying him anyway, in a very nice house with a nice painting and everything.
So that's what he was like.
Killing your spouse.
Yeah, there's a lot of casual casual funny humor about killing your spouse yeah but again the women kill the husbands as often as the men kill the wives and in his cartoons
yeah yeah yeah that is true um speaking of husbands and wives here is blondie i can't even
speak dagwood and blondie are walking into what looks like a lake.
She's got on a small red bikini.
It's a string bikini.
Yeah.
And Dopey's got on a bathing suit.
And he's way more cut than I've ever seen him.
His skinny little ass.
He actually looks like he has definition.
This is very generous.
And he goes, wow, when was the last time we went snorkeling?
And she goes, too long ago. And he goes, wow, when was the last time we went snorkeling? And she goes, too long ago.
And he goes, let's see who can stay under the longest.
And they put on their snorkels and their whatevers.
And they go under the water.
And then there's a thought bubble where Dagwood says, wow, even underwater, what a hottie.
This seems very unlike this cartoon.
It's like somebody else took over the cartoon for the week.
I don't recognize this Dagwood.
Not his physique, not his appreciation of how fucking hot she is.
He's normally like a 12-year-old boy with an eating disorder.
Not a husband, not a man, not an appreciator ofator of his bounty yeah and he has cool like long
bathing suit on it doesn't have donuts on it he's not yeah no i i don't know who took over
blondie this week but i liked it the second frame how about that rack and that waist in that second
frame yeah no i like the bottoms too they're very much a string bikini real good real good real good
all right listen uh sunday papers is over but we want you guys to tell your friends remind other
people about the podcast talk it up go on apple podcast and give us a review. Leave a comment. That really helps us go up in the ratings. And also
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Anything you want to promote, Mike?
I don't think so.
I want you to watch the rehearsal.
That would be nice to be able to talk to you about it.
This week.
We're going to do it the night that we put Hannah down.
We're going to need to cheer up and we'll watch the rehearsal.
Oh, I wouldn't say that'll do it.
Oh, really?
It'll be a great distraction
because what you want to do
is talk about it.
Like, what is it even?
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Okay.
Good.
Yeah.
We want to thank Midcoast Media
for their fine work
in doing this.
And then we will see you guys next week.
All righty, fella.
Take it eesh.
Take it eesh!
All right. The theme song doesn't have to say the name Alrighty fella, take it eesh Take it eesh Alright
The theme song doesn't have to say
The name of the show
In fact
Most of the best ones don't
Think about it