Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 15 6/14/20
Episode Date: June 14, 2020These charged times require delicacy and restraint. You will find none of that on this week’s Sunday Papers as Mike & Greg get into white guilt, Dave Chappelle, and Blondie. ...
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read all about it Sunday papers you wait all week ignore the news. You don't want to hear it until you hear it from us.
So you know why I laugh every week when you do that? Because I wouldn't know how to start this and you just dive in.
Yeah, there's no plan.
Well, a lot of your life is like, I'm coming in hot and you do all that. And like, I think that, did you learn that like from depression? Like you just almost have to fake it till you make it, even if it's faking getting out of bed?
That's exactly, that's so funny you say that.
That's exactly what I do.
Are you serious?
Yeah, and I have social anxiety like everybody.
And so when I walk into a party,
I do this thing where I pump my fists
and I scream Fitz dog.
And then immediately like, I'm not nervous anymore.
And people think it's funny and it breaks the ice.
And I feel like, you know.
Well, you're probably not nervous anymore because everyone leaves.
Is that how you conquer social anxiety?
You get everyone to stay away from you?
I think I weed out the week.
I think I've spent my life, like, not worrying about everybody liking me, and I think that hasn't
worked in LA as well as it worked in New York.
In New York, you bust people's balls, you call people on stuff, you argue, and you stay
friends.
And in LA, if you show any kind of judgment, people get like, they fucking isolate you
after that.
Oh, Snowflake City?
Forget about it.
Yeah.
It makes you second guess yourself.
But no, I kind of tuned into that because I need more of that.
And they've done these studies where like, if you just, it's so funny you said that,
if you raise your hands above your head, it physiologically and psychologically triggers
something positive in you.
and psychologically triggers something positive in you.
Yeah.
Like it wakes you up and it makes you feel better and probably literally like bigger and exalting, you know, and all that stuff.
So anyway, but you just jump into this where I'd be like, oh, here we go.
I don't even know how to start it, which is how I am many mornings.
Yeah.
Instead of being like morning sunshine, you know, or whatever, like, like, you know, sing
a song, throw a beautiful song, like just jumping out of bed, you know, and I should just do that more.
And it is kind of a faking it till you make it type thing.
Even if you're fooling yourself.
There's a TED Talk, and I think it's the most watched TED Talk of all time.
And it's this woman talking about your posture and how it affects your confidence and your mood.
Have you ever heard about this TED Talk?
No, but I've heard about that theory.
Yeah, and it really is like an animal in the wild,
like puffing themselves up before a fight or something.
And she talks about eye contact and holding your head up
and when you slouch or cross your arms, how that makes—
forget about how you're perceived,
but how it makes you feel physically and affect your confidence.
And I, look, I heard that long after I acted like an asshole walking into parties, but it reaffirmed it for me.
I'm 0 for 4 on all those.
The slouching, eye contact.
I think that's why, you know, I like alcohol so much.
And as you know, I don't get shit-faced.
I used to in college.
And as you know, I don't get shit-faced.
I used to in college.
But I really, when I get to a place, that first drink, I'm pretty anxious. And I'm in a bad mood if service isn't good for me getting that first drink.
Yeah.
And I think that's my version of arms up.
You know what I mean?
Like, I then get that.
There's a comfort level of it just being in my hand.
It's a disease.
Is it that weird, though?
I was thinking about it.
Because I don't drink, and I was at a party last night.
It was outdoor, and we social distanced.
But I realized everybody there was drinking,
and I thought they're doing it because they would feel uncomfortable otherwise.
And then people were dancing.
It was like a dance party in an alley.
And I was just like, what is it about the human condition that just
think about a physiologically, we have to take a substance that alters our brain to make us feel
normal. That's not fucking right. And there's also other things, which is,
I think I remember reading one study about why do we have to eat when meeting someone?
Like, in other words, if you're not doing anything, I think there's a real social anxiety.
Because all of your focus is on the other person and you're hanging on every word.
There's nothing else to do.
You can't even look at your food, complain about it, bond on it, whatever it is.
And I think drinking is the same.
Like, it's also something to do.
And smoking.
I mean, smokers totally bond.
You know, smokers hang out with other smokers.
You go outside of a bar.
I mean, what a great way to talk to a girl and break the ice is if you're both, you know,
lounged against the side of the fucking, uh, dairy in and,
uh,
and it's freezing out,
but you both have this addiction making bad decisions together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
You really have something in common.
Um,
all right,
let's do it.
Let's get into the news.
People.
All right. Top story. Top story. I don't know if there's one top one, really.
But obviously everything has to do with this week is the protests.
And in Seattle, they've created like a zone.
Yeah, I've heard about that. I didn't read about it, but I heard about it.
Yeah. And they want in within their zone, they want to kind of start their own community.
I don't know if it's their own city, but for some reason the cops have just kind of allowed it.
It's six city blocks, and it's completely peaceful.
It's all like Black Lives Matters protesters, and they want free college,
Matters protesters and they want like they want free college and they want free health care and they want no police. So this is an immature sleepover. Yes. OK. Yeah. They're they're all
holding hands and singing Kumbaya. Are they demanding that the fish guy from the market
throw the fish all the way into that six block radius? Yeah, right. Are they demanding that the fish guy from the market throw the fish all the way
into that six block radius? Yeah, right. They want the original Starbucks in Seattle to only serve
oat milk with the caramel macchiato. And so Fox News jumped into the fray and on their website,
they posted pictures that had been photoshopped to add a man with an assault rifle
and an image of a burning car with people cheering around it and it turns out people recognize those
photos from the minnesota riots they just put them in so when they called fox's attention to it
they immediately took it down off the website i think. I think what really tipped their hand was there was that black guy with the huge dick
and he was beating a bald eagle with a rainbow flag.
You mean the black guy meme, the black meme guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
By the way, Fox News, to infuriate their viewers, they don't have to show unrest. They should just show them all being happy in this commune that would infuriate their viewers.
Yes.
They don't even have to go the extra step.
Right.
It reminded me of this place.
I was in Copenhagen, Denmark one time, and they have a place called Christiania.
And they carved it out.
It used to be a military, what do you call it where people live?
Armory.
It was an armory that they just kind of took over.
It was all hippies
and everybody there is allowed to do drugs,
walk around naked.
It's like a complete hippie fucking nirvana
and they just leave it alone.
The cops just leave it alone.
They can do whatever you want in there.
You know, it'd be easy to say those have never worked. But has anything ever worked in the history of humans? Has any grouping ever worked?
Yeah.
talking about america's 200 200 years is nothing oh rome we've hardly been modern at all and there have already been so many revolutions and we've only been organized for like a blip yeah right
so yeah so it's weird to credit so a more highly organized sort of hippie commune uh which is i
don't know socialist experiments that have gone those Those haven't worked. It seems like America is not really working that well.
And we just got started.
Yeah, we're babies.
I mean, the Native Americans had a good system going,
and that went on for a long time.
Even they fought like crazy people.
I know, but that's putting a Western judgment on whether that's right or wrong.
I mean, in nature, there's conflict.
What do you mean Western judgment?
Those drunks fought each other and took back things all the time.
They weren't drunks before we came along.
I know.
I'm joking.
I'm joking.
Now, I don't know how long.
I mean, how far back do the Native people go in America?
I should know all this stuff, but, you know, I have no idea.
Is it a thousand years?
I don't know.
Yeah, right.
More, right?
What is the longest civilization that ever ran?
I guess it was probably Rome, right?
I don't know, but boy, did that crash and burn.
They overstepped.
Yeah, they spread too far.
and burn. They overstepped.
Yeah. They spread too far.
yeah, there's a lot of, there's a book about the
fall of Rome. I forget what it's called.
What about England? Was England's longer than Rome?
We're so stupid. This is not our podcast,
people. This is not a history podcast.
Let's move on. Next week we'll talk about it.
So, the other
big story is Trump planned a rally
on June 19th, which is called Juneteenth, and it's a holiday that marks the end of slavery.
So to commemorate it, President Trump decided to hold a rally in Tulsa, which is the home of it was the bloodiest outbreak of racist violence in the country's history.
outbreak of racist violence in the country's history.
America is about to get a widespread cultural sort of a learning moment on that.
Yeah.
Because,
because I think there's a lot of documentaries in the works.
So my brother-in-law is from Oklahoma and he's like,
shamefully,
like two years ago,
he brought up that.
I think I might've remembered hearing it in college,
but the true answer is no,
I don't know about that.
And he's like, you'd be amazed how many people in I don't know about that. And he's like,
you'd be amazed how many people in Oklahoma don't know about it. He goes, it's crazy.
And when he told me what it was, I'm like, you're exaggerating. We bombed and then, by the way, mass graveyard. I'm like, George, I would have known this. And we don't.
Well, just if people don't know, there was a town in Tulsa,
and basically it was a black settlement that was an example of the best-case scenario
of ex-slaves creating their own world.
Doctors, lawyers, peacefulness, landowners.
But financial. It was like like black wall street it was financially
yeah self-supportive and all that and then uh the kkk came in and they literally massacred
hundreds of people in the street like just fucking whipped them stabbed them
they bombed them too they bombed them too? They bombed them also. Damn.
They dropped bombs from like little, again, I should know more about it, but there was definitely bombing.
And they looted it.
They destroyed every building.
They lit everything on fire.
And so this is where Trump decided to do his fucking, so he decided he is going to move.
He's going to move the date.
You know, because he's sensitive.
He's sensitive to these things.
He's sensitive.
So he moved it from June 19th to June 20th.
Oh, is that right?
You didn't know that?
That's great.
So he'll probably be there on the 19th. So my thing is, why doesn't, all right, if you and I were in the boardroom, right, of many, and they do, I'm sure they have white people consulting.
If there's whatever official organization of Black Lives Matter, certainly people have to be floating the idea, let's, this structure is good for us.
people have to be floating the idea. Let's this structure is good for us. The biggest challenge by far to movements is sustaining it no matter what the movement is. So here's a model to sustain
it. We now have a calendar and the calendar is Trump rallies. Yeah. Because of he keeps getting
worse and worse with his reaction. Did you hear he is mixed?
I shoved the headline on Abraham Lincoln.
And do you see the black Fox reporter who is a woman?
Now, what happened?
There was an exchange.
It's almost worth looking up.
But anyway, my understanding is with a black Fox news reporter who's female, she asked.
He criticized Lincoln saying he had mixed. He had a mixed record on race or something like that.
And then she goes, well, he did free us.
And Trump goes, yes, he did free us, but used us.
Trump used us.
Goes, yeah, he did.
I think this is almost literal.
Yeah, he did free us, but you know, and she goes, yeah, I know. And everyone went batshit crazy. Like, wait, what does you know? I mean, you know, he's a complete racist bigot. Like, what did your reporter, what did your you know? Or was your you know? Yeah, I know. I work for Fox and I can't say a fucking thing right now. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.
What a life that is to be a black reporter on Fox.
I mean, Jesus, what you have to bite your tongue about.
Yeah.
So anyway, why one, when you and I, if we were there, wouldn't we be like, are you crazy? The biggest demonstration is in Tulsa followed.
And of course, Jacksonville, when he's going to have his, you know, accept the nomination in Jacksonville, Florida.
Like, why wouldn't you focus it? Because the change has to come from the top down.
Yeah. And and all his missteps have to be addressed.
All right. Now that we've lost half of our listeners, let's go to.
Half of our listeners. Let's go to. No, they're rational. I think they would even say, no.
First of all, we have listeners writing in that I'm right wing, which is which just Greg and I laugh about, but I won't engage in it.
But I try to be fair in this. And I and then the last thing I'll say is I think a fair minded person on the right would be like, that's a good plan.
That if I were them, that's what I would do. All I've said is, shouldn't they protest in those cities?
Yeah.
Anyway.
I did read about microaggressions this week.
Do you want me to talk about that? Yeah, what's that?
Okay.
So this is a news story on, you know, everyone getting woke, right?
And so this newspaper said, we want to print for you the most common microaggressions, right?
And I know a lot about these because I was writing something on a human resources department and microaggressions really,
the hotbed of them are, we're at universities, right? We're like a black student at Harvard
would be like, wow, you must've worked really hard to get in here. So that's a microaggression.
Or you must not be paying, which is a less micro, but an aggression. So anyway,
the microaggression list is here's one,
the most common thing you are so articulate or you don't sound, you don't sound black.
Yeah. Again, the person is many of them are honestly meaning it as a compliment.
It's a microaggression. Uh, someone who says white privilege doesn't exist, which by the way,
that this list is actually from last week. I think they wouldn't have even printed that now.
All lives matter.
Of course.
We've learned about that in the last week.
Here's a microaggression.
I'm colorblind.
When I look at you, I don't see color.
That used to be a very liberal point of view.
Yes.
And a woke point of view, that is now a microaggression because you're just not recognizing, obviously, what they've experienced.
Can I touch your hair?
That's a very popular one.
No shit.
Yep.
Wow.
And then here was the last.
I do have to say, honestly, when I was a kid, my friend Steve Nixon had a fucking massive.
His parents must have been like Black Panthers.
He had like a massive afro.
Yeah.
And he let all of us touch it.
I enjoy just bouncing.
And he used to use like some afro sheen.
It was fucking shiny and bouncy.
And if that makes me a racist,
that I bounced my hand on Steve Nixon's head,
then guilty as charged.
No, it's foreign.
It's unusual.
Yeah, it's fun.
I also think if some blonde chick had a crazy hair, you'd want to touch that too.
Sure.
I mean, you shouldn't.
But I think the other microaggression is black women having big butts.
I know Chelsea Handler, she did a special apologizing for being white,
and she started off by talking about how there was a black woman that was speaking,
and as she introduced Chelsea, she walked off stage and Chelsea slapped her ass.
And the woman went ballistic, because that's a big thing with black women,
is that the fetishizing of their big asses.
Huh. Of the ones that have big asses.
Hmm. Yeah. I was told Latinos asses.
Yeah. That's still correct to slap the Latinos asses.
Yeah, absolutely. They slap their own.
Didn't they slap their own throughout the whole halftime of the Super Bowl?
Well, yeah. And and there is a I have seen a couple of African-American women doing a what do you call the the when you shake your ass
tweak twerking. Oh, listen to you twerking. Yeah. Or clapping. I thought you were going for
clapping. Yes. Twerking is the dance when they clap their ass cheeks together. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Right. It literally makes an audible sound.
Okay, so back to this list.
The last one, and this is exactly how I'd read it.
If I created this, this is where I'd put the joke,
and this is the joke I'd probably put.
So we have, can I touch your hair?
I'm colorblind, blah, blah.
The last microaggression, clutching your purse,
dodging while passing a black man,
or unnecessarily calling the police.
I'm like, is that still in the micro category?
I think some of that's illegal.
Yeah, right, right.
Firing somebody because of the color of their skin.
Micro aggression.
Yeah.
Hit the road, black dude.
I'm trying to think what microaggressions i say oh
i mean i've
i've made comments when black people were late as a joke
yeah i don't know though i think but that's usually because they're a comedian and i can
make a joke see i i don't i don't know what microaggressions would be for me, because as a comedian, everything you say is kind of ironic and there's context to it.
Oh, my God. Yeah. And there's meta levels. And it sounds like we're excusing, but we're really not.
I mean, it's one in court, like the friends case with, you know, the sexual the jokes that in any other room do get ruled as sexual harassment
were not in that famous friend's writer's room case, which we don't have to go into,
but you can Google it. Why would we go into it? They said that Courtney Cox's pussy was so dry,
it had twigs in it. And so they got taken to court by a writer's assistant who said they
were exposed to this kind of conversation.
Yeah, it was worse than that, too. But yeah, it was pretty brutal language in there. But the judge said, listen, that room's job is to find the line. And sometimes you find it by
crossing it a little. And it is a recognized safe space. And it is also jokes. I mean,
in other words, which are very hard to tease out in a regular workplace,
not in a comedy writer's room.
There was also, there was a guy,
have you ever heard of the writer Walter Mosley?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, amazing writer.
He wrote Devil in the Blue Dress and R.L.'s Dream.
Really fucking, like one of the great
African-American writers in American history.
So for whatever reason, he started writing on a TV show.
It was a one-hour drama, and it was very edgy, and it was depicting black life in the city.
And so he was telling a story about how there was a cop that he talked to, a white cop, when he was a teenager.
He goes, this is something that always stood out in my mind and he said when he would see a black person in a white neighborhood
he would he would say what are you doing here n-word and uh and it stuck with him and a woman
on the staff went to human resources and said that he made her uncomfortable using that word in the writer's room.
And Human Resources brought him in and he was told to apologize and never use that word again.
Keep in mind, they would use that word in scripts on this show.
And he quit.
He fucking quit.
Good for him. Jesusesus it's crazy um well do we want to go into an entertainment story entertainment story which deals with saying or not saying a word
or abbreviating a word yes let's do that it's entertainment
there it is sound effect goes in there somewhere
hooray for hollywood
um okay entertainment story oh this is my favorite one of the week
lady antebellum i believe they're a trio their country music
from the south has gotten woke, I guess, and has changed their name to Lady A.
The group wants to renounce the term antebellum, which refers to the time period before the Civil War in the American South.
The good old days, as some people called it.
as some people called it. Plantations, sort of. Yeah, exactly. Nice, long sessions with the lemonade on the porch as the slaves are singing in the fields. We are deeply sorry for the hurt
this has caused and for anyone who's felt unsafe, unseen or unvalued, the band statement said.
Causing pain was never our heart's intention, but it doesn't change the fact that indeed it did just that.
So today we speak up and make that change.
OK, first of all, was anyone really complaining about this?
This seems like one of those like they have no new wave.
They've rebranded. Yeah.
All their merch gets updated is like when the devils change their colors, the hockey team, everyone has to buy the new jerseys.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know.
It rings a little hollow to me.
Like, was there really an outcry?
Is anyone worried about Lady Antebellum during this civil unrest in the country?
Yeah.
So they changed it to Lady A.
Okay.
I guess it's fixed.
We'll just abbreviate the word that hurt people.
But it's still there.
We're not going to take the word away. We're just going to abbreviate the word that hurt people, but it's still there. We're not going to take the word away.
We're just going to abbreviate it.
I mean, even elevators that change the 13th floor to the 14th floor, they at least have changed the name.
More of an effort was made on this thing that's still there.
Yeah.
Is David Lynch going to change his name to just David L.?
Right.
I think this should inspire NWA.
You know what?
We're losing the initials.
We're going with the full words.
You inspired us, you stupid idiots.
Next, they're going to invite a black person to go to one of their shows.
Yeah.
Anyone who says NWA, it's offensive.
It's offensive because you're avoiding our real name.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
You have to say the whole word. Sorry. So they're now Lady A. So, by the way, how long does Lady A last? I'm sure Lady's going to be politically incorrect before long. Right. Right. Right.
It would have to just be L.A. or why not? But why not change it to Lady Postbellum? Why wouldn't
they change it to Lady Postbellum or Lady wouldn't they change it to Lady Postbellum? Or Lady Reconstruction Era.
That was the era after the Civil War.
I'd go see Lady Reconstruction Era.
I'm sure their fans would, too.
Anyway, the story gets worse.
They officially make the change.
They make their big announcement.
It is a big announcement.
They've already got a new logo.
They've rebranded everything.
And guess who gets
wind of this? Who? Lady A, a Seattle-based black blues singer. She blasted them on Instagram saying,
how can you say Black Lives Matter when you put a knee on the neck of another black artist?
This is my life, she told Rolling Stone. Lady A is my
brand. I've used it for over 20 years. I'm proud of what I've done. They never called her. They
never reached out. It's the greatest thing ever. Nobody Googled it. Nobody Googled it before they
jumped in with the new name. I know it's crazy. You have to Google everything. Right. Honestly, no, no.
Just so just so listeners understand, it's mind numbing how many names you have to come up with for your for your made up characters in a sitcom.
Oh, I'm going to his name is Craig Anderson.
No way.
No way.
You can't use Anderson and you definitely can't use Craig.
Why?
Because where's your show set?
Seattle.
Yes.
Well, you're fake Craig Anderson. There's there's 10 real Craig. Why? Cause where's your show set Seattle? Yes. Well,
you're fake Craig Anderson.
There's,
there's 10 real Craig.
Like it's really,
no,
no,
the vetting.
So I had to sit down with CBS for a year.
None of those names were my first three choices.
Not one of them.
Yeah.
And it's because,
and by the way,
and then they,
they argue both ways.
They're like,
um,
no, there's eight, there's eight, whatever, Jack, whatever.
There's eight of your characters' names in Chicago.
I'm like, okay, well, I don't get it.
Is it better if there's one?
No, no, way worse.
I'm like, so how many do I need?
Over 20?
Like, it was, the conversations were mind-numbing.
So back to this, that they didn't vet it at all and find out there's a recording artist using that name is crazy.
Wow.
Jesus.
That's like, I mean, John Cougar Mellencamp, he dropped the Mellencamp.
I mean, what is there a Mellencamp?
Is there a place where kids go in the summer?
No, he dropped Cougar.
Oh, that's right.
He dropped Cougar.
He wanted to use his real name, and that was an example of marketers like,
yeah, Mellencamp's the worst name ever.
How about Cougar?
Yeah.
And then he, when he got enough power, fought back and kept Cougar.
I guess he had to because of his brand, and added Mellencamp.
I don't know what he is now other than I don't know what or where.
What's P. Diddy now?
He started off as what?
Puff Daddy?
No, that was later.
I think he's Diddy now.
He was Sean Combs.
He was P. Diddy.
He was Puff Daddy.
Sean Puff Daddy Combs.
Puff Daddy.
P. Diddy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I got to change my name.
You know, I am officially changing my name with Grapefruit Simmons.
Did you know that?
That's, of course, the greatest story.
So how's that going to work?
Well, I just realized that I've been doing comedy for 31 years,
and I've crawled my way to the middle, and it's been nice here in the middle.
You know, I don't get accosted. I mean, it's like this, like, you know how you get to wear
your mask in public now? That's great for me because I used to get recognized upwards of
once every three days. So now I can really walk down the street without anybody bothering me.
You're in the perfect sweet spot. You don't get bothered at your table in a restaurant,
but you also don't get a table in a restaurant.
sweet spot. You don't get bothered at your table in a restaurant, but you also don't get a table in a restaurant. I'm at that perfect spot where, you know, I, uh, I, I can stay in, in holiday
ends and, uh, and nobody bothers me. Yeah. Hey, wait, are you that guy that knows Joe Rogan?
I'm always the guy that knows I knew Stern everybody you know
and like everybody would email me
to get interested I just had a guy like the other day
some lunatic on my website emailed me
with this fucking proposal for
Joe Rogan I get that all the time
oh wow
was he Tom O'Neill? Tom O'Neill's the
only person I brought to Joe Rogan
oh my god Joe Rogan
will not in a greatest way, he keeps bringing it.
It's stuck in his head, man.
Yep, it keeps coming up.
He's brought up to three other guests, I believe.
Yeah, and not just brought it up, but gone into the book.
Oh, it becomes a talking point with that guest.
The guest is fascinated.
The book, by the way, is Chaos by Tom O'Neill,
and it's about the Manson murders.
He's the only guest I introduced to Rogan, and he booked him based on my recommendation. And I really believe it's like the best podcast he's done in years. It was
unbelievable. And Tom suddenly, after a year of doing his book did okay, all of a sudden it was
on the New York Times bestseller list. was number one on audible.com it just blew up
it's crazy
and it was a legitimate it got great reviews
in London
everywhere like it's a legit great great book
go watch the podcast
and I don't even have to tell you to buy the book
once you watch that podcast you have to buy the book
should we talk about Chappelle this week
in entertainment
yeah so I watched it did you watch
it i watched part of it i feel bad that i haven't watched the whole thing but it's been one of those
weeks i just haven't but um you're too busy in a party in an alley yeah i went to i'm on lockdown
by the way i don't have the virus we should have picked up we should learn how to string our
listeners along with ongoing stories.
Yeah.
I'm on day nine or whatever or eight.
I don't have the virus.
Nothing.
I've never felt greater in my life.
Who knows?
That's the update.
Okay.
So, Chappelle, what did you watch?
I watched him shitting on Don Lemon because Don Lemon on CNN said that he shamed, he black shamed all the celebrities that are not coming out and speaking out about the racial unrest.
I mean, he really got fucking heated about it.
And and so so Chappelle does this half hour monologue.
It's on YouTube. If you want to see it, it's it's called 8, based on how long the cop had his knee down.
And so Don Lemon says that,
and then Chappelle comes out and says,
and he goes,
and I'm watching Don Lemon,
that hotbed of reality.
He says, where are all these celebrities?
Why aren't you talking?
Do you want to see a celebrity right now?
Do we give a fuck what Ja Rule thinks?
By the way, I give a shit more what Ja Rule thinks than a Kardashian or all the other
white, you know, lightweights that are chiming in.
Oh, dude, did you see the I Take Responsibility video?
It's-
That was crazy.
Take responsibility and don't go on camera. Yeah. No one wants to hear you.
How many of you even went to college?
If you haven't seen this, if you haven't seen this, look up I Take Responsibility.
It's got all these stars.
I should say stars.
There's some B-level stars.
Sarah Paulson, Aaron Paul, Kristen Bell, Deborah Messing, Julianne Moore.
Those are some A-listers, by the way.
Yeah, I guess so.
Yeah, I guess they're A-listers.
But there was a lot of people.
I had no fucking idea who they were.
But it was so cringeworthy because, look, we are responsible.
I mean, I am not.
I don't feel white guilt, but I do feel responsible.
But I don't feel like it's the time for me to put myself on the internet,
you know, self-flagellating.
Not flagellating.
Flagellating is farting, right?
What do you call it when you whip yourself?
No, that's flatulence.
Flagellating, I think, is beating yourself.
Oh, you got it right.
All right, good.
But wait a minute.
You don't feel white guilt?
Did you hear me?
I'm thinking about it.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, I guess I do.
I guess I feel white guilt.
I 100% do.
Yeah.
I don't know how you don't.
What moments make you feel
like you have white guilt the most?
Probably when I report
innocent black people to the police.
Just to get a job i just i only i only do that to get a lot of likes on tiktok i don't know i mean maybe i shouldn't feel guilt because i never do it in public but
when i wear blackface around the home dude there's this video that came up on
the internet of stern way back when in blackface and an afro and talking like and that's what we
do when we go downtown it's fucking crazy i hate to say it do you know who you sounded exactly like just now? Who? Frank Sinatra and a lot of his banter.
Oh, yeah, right.
He's like in, not Duke Ellington.
Who was his banter? Sammy Davis?
No, no, of course the Sammy Davis stuff.
Oh, my God.
But at least that was kind of to Sammy's face.
Sammy got a lot of heat for tolerating that.
But listen, that's the other thing, though.
Frank actually did way more for
like, you know, going against all advice to be Sammy Davis's best man when Sammy Davis was
marrying a white woman. Yeah. And like, you know, anyway, these were the 60s, 50s and 60s.
Now it's true. So they did a great documentary on Sinatra and he really was, he was very supportive
of Sammy Davis. But like, I think it's at the Sands and his banter.
And he's like,
Oh,
I don't go down there.
Like,
you know what I mean?
And Count Basie,
who's unbelievable,
by the way,
like that's almost a rock album.
That band is so strong.
Yeah.
So get that album and listen to it for a couple of reasons.
One,
you'll hear a little bit of disturbing banter when he is doing a black voice.
Which album is it?
Frank Sinatra, Live at the Sands in Vegas.
Yeah.
But yeah, this left, the left oversteps a little bit in some, you know, the Gone with
the Wind thing.
Do we want to talk about that?
What do you mean?
I mean, that's like pulling Gone with the wind i think is very stupid
first of all hbo which is not just hbo it's hbo max you know the channel pulled gone with the wind
when a black writer who you know here wrote an editorial saying and i want to defend him a little
because he's getting a lot of flack for he's. Who is he?
The guy who wrote 12 Years a Slave.
Oh, John Ridley.
Yeah.
Anyway, Ridley wrote an editorial that that movie needs to be contextualized because it shows slaves happy in their place.
Yeah.
Enjoying it, benefiting from the system.
Right.
Right.
And totally crazy.
So he did not ask for it to be pulled.
That's the only part I want to defend.
But HBO Max reads this editorial from a very influential black writer
and they pull Gone with the Wind
and it's like,
really?
That's your first move?
Yeah.
You're one of the biggest corporations
because you're in the giant
Turner media empire, paramount, all that. And it's
like, really, that's your first move? So I think there's all these symbolic things instead of doing
real change, raising real awareness, that's just complete bullshit and it makes them feel good.
Yeah, right, right.
Lady Antebellum is a good example.
If you want to take something out, how about, you ever see Dumbo? I remember watching Dumbo,
the cartoon with my kids.
And there's a scene when he finally flies where there's a bunch of black
crows sitting on a telephone wire and they're talking to each other.
And it's the most fucking Sambo depiction of black people.
Like if I ain't never seen a elephant fly.
And,
uh,
it's, it was really like, holy shit, I can't believe this is in here.
Right.
No, it's crazy.
Yeah.
And The Bachelor has a new.
Oh, yeah, this is exciting.
The first Black Bachelor.
So they're all making these moves, which aren't even symbolically adding up up to me like gone with the wind, Lady Antebellum.
It's all these bullshit moves.
It's self-serving.
Of course, it's like, oh, what a gift.
So now this black man can join this shitty, worthless pop culture show where women love watching other mentally ill women cry and pathetically compromise themselves to marry a stranger.
And don't they all sleep with them?
Welcome aboard.
You should be part of this.
Yeah, right, right, right.
It's like when they cast black people in Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
Oh, my God.
What's his name? Oh, fuck God. What's his name?
Oh, fuck with names.
Did you see him making fun of this video?
I think he used to date Sarah.
What's his name?
Kyle Dunnigan.
Oh, my God.
Kyle Dunnigan.
Funniest video.
He's great.
God damn funny.
Go to Kyle Dunnigan's Instagram.
But he's like, it was basically a family meeting,
and he has the faces digitally
put on of all the Kardashians. And so Caitlyn Jenner is like, all right, this is a very important
week. And they're like, totally black guys matter. Yes. Black guys matter. Caitlyn's like,
it's not black guys. Anyway, I don't want to ruin it. It's so funny.
He also mocks that, um that I take responsibility video this week.
Oh, it's so good.
Yeah, it's so good.
He's got to come on my podcast.
Jesus Christ.
So please know, please know the rest of the country.
Please know that there are so many smart, especially comedians, who understand what a bubble Los Angeles is.
And they hear us complaining about it. I give the left so much shit in this town and they're really overstepping it now.
I mean, and what happens is when they do overstep it, you're feeding the right the easiest weapons to use against any candidate and the whole entire left.
But you're also discrediting this this movement.
and the whole entire left but you're also discrediting this this movement exactly and when you maneuvers and when you do these bullshit maneuvers all of a sudden uh a lot of white
america is watching and going oh we solved the problem because you know there's more black people
getting oscars or whatever meanwhile in the factory the guy the mid the the you know the
middle managers are all still white. That didn't change because fucking
name a black actor who got a break.
It's like...
I don't know.
ABC can feel good because there's a black bachelor.
HBO can feel good because Gone
with the Wind for some reason is
not on the air. How about leave it on
the air so you can see what America
used to paint slavery as?
It's the same thing with N-word Jim in Huckleberry Finn.
Exactly.
Or All in the Family.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can't wait till they pull All in the Family off the air because Archie Bunker's a racist.
It's just lunacy.
You know, when All in the Family first aired, it was on, and I've told you this before,
it was on CBS at 8 o''clock i think on saturday night
it's amazing and now when they show reruns at 11 o'clock at night on a on cable they run it with a
fucking warning ahead of it i told you so kilbourne was in the same studio that they shot the um on
the family pilot and then we had a thing likeborn. I think I've said this before in a podcast,
Kilborn criticizing someone like a guy who has a bro,
dumb sense of humor is like,
well,
what do you like Polak jokes and all that?
They're like,
absolutely not.
I'm like,
whoa,
whoa, guys,
it's context.
I know you're,
I know your small little brain saw Polak,
bing,
bing,
bing,
red flag.
I go,
please read the sentence in the context.
And I go,
keep in mind 30 years ago all in the
family it was in every show because one of their characters was was mike the poll called him the
dumb polak the dumb polak and it's like and again the context there was that character was racist
and wrong anyway there was no talking to them about it It was not allowed to say it even in that context.
Right.
Let's talk about, we always do our reviews of what we're watching this week.
I began The Wire.
I'm jealous.
I'm about seven episodes into The Wire.
I'm going to catch you this week.
You keep going at your rate.
This is a great, this is like you starting to work out.
Now I'm working out.
I'm watching that show. Have you never seen it? I've never seen it because I'm intimidated by it.
And, uh, just that anyway, it's a biggie and I'm done on Mad Men. You guys can try to talk me into
it. I'm a season and a half in, and I realize it's serial. You rewatched, um, uh, Sopranos.
realize it's serial you rewatch um uh Sopranos rewatch Sopranos okay yeah so I'm wondering it might be the same style Sopranos they they stood pretty well on their own independently and then
as it went on they latched into arcs but this is what I can tell you for a fact and trust me I want
it I know Mad Men is a well-done very high quality-quality show. Don't get me wrong. But not once in 15 shows did I say, ooh, I have to see the next one.
What time is it?
You know what?
I'm going to squeeze another one in.
Not once.
Not once did I have that impulse.
I can see that.
I can see that.
I think it's also kind of – it's such a heavy show.
I don't think you can watch them back-to-back.
What about The Wire? I feel like with The
Wire, I watch two. During the pandemic, I've been watching three one-hour shows a night,
me and my wife. That's great. And so with The Wire, we watch two. I feel like with two, I'm done.
And I think with Mad Men, it's the same thing. But I think with Mad Men, it's the same thing. I don't think you can. But I think with Mad Men, what you get is every guy wants to have sex with January Jones.
And every guy wants to be John Hamm.
Every viewer.
You mean every viewer.
Every viewer wants to.
Yeah, the women want to sleep with John Hamm.
The men want to be John Hamm.
I mean, it's just the characters are so well played.
They have so much complexity and they're sexy.
Not to make a dumb point, but I don't want to be Jon Hamm at all.
The guy is absolutely disabled emotionally.
Yeah.
Alcoholic.
By the way, that's a good example.
There was that one, and then whatever.
This is the last thing I'll say about Matt.
There was one episode early on where this kid's birthday party,
and he had to go out and get the cake for his daughter,
who's waiting for the cake, and everyone, the guests, everyone.
He goes out.
He fucking drinks, parks the car, drinks, doesn't come home.
And then one neighbor guy's like, you didn't see this coming?
It's like, no, I didn't.
No, I didn't see this coming.
And it's like, and then he comes home.
She has like an angry face face then never brought up again
like never never like how did that not get brought up again and don't tell me oh it's like the 60s
she was ripped shit also i want an explanation yeah well honestly what the fuck was that yeah
so i don't i don't like john ham um i i'm sure he gets more likable he has taken a stand a few
times for women i might revisit it down the road at some point,
but I'm not going to prioritize it.
Over the wire, new Wire Watcher this week.
Yeah, I'm very excited about it.
You do have to turn on the subtitles
because it's a little bit hard to understand,
and I don't mean like the slang of the inner city in Baltimore,
but it's just the sound mixing is not good.
It's very hard to hear what people are saying.
So I suggest that.
Have you guys tried?
Because viewers might be interested in this too.
That's a big problem for a lot of people.
Your TV or whatever speakers you're using, turn up the center channel.
I know.
I bought a Bose speaker. I have one of those flat
Bose surround sound speakers. I almost guarantee you that's most of your problem.
The wire could have audio issues, but generally, especially if you have a soundbar or something,
it is so trying to accentuate a sort of fabricated surround sound, but also the high
quality of the lows and the highs.
And the center channel is where the audio is.
You know what?
The center channel is where the dialogue is.
There's actually a button on the remote for the Bose speaker
that is for voice.
You can hit it, and I think it focuses in on that mid-range.
Does it have a picture of an old man?
Like, what?
Yeah, that's what you hit.
With those big trumpets sticking into his ear?
I saw a movie this week.
And as you know, I don't smoke a lot of pot.
But somebody gave me a 10 milligram gummy of edible marijuana.
10 is too much.
10 is a lot for somebody that doesn't...
Yeah, somebody that doesn't do it a lot.
And then I sat down with my family
and watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World,
which is a Michael Cera...
I heard that was trippy.
Is it Michael Cera or John Cera?
Michael Cera, right?
I don't think...
That's before Michael Cera's time.
No, he's in it.
Oh, is he?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the star of it. But it's the most trippy movie. Andera's time. No, he's in it. Oh, is he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the star of it.
But it's the most trippy movie.
And here's the crazy thing
is I took it at the beginning
and the movie starts out kind of linear
and it makes sense
and it's straightforward
and then it starts to get a little weird
and then it gets completely nonlinear
and then it becomes a video game
that's a plot of a movie
and I am freaking out out i'm sitting on the
couch and i'm looking at my son and i'm going like what's going on he's like dad it's not that i was
like okay i'm fine and and then it ended and i was like my head was spinning and i just i just went
into my bed and i put a pillow over my head and i went to sleep. I don't think if I was sitting next to my daughter's high watching any movie, I'd be able to keep it.
I don't care if it's the most straightforward thing in the world.
I think I'd be like, ah, they know I'm high and I'm irresponsible.
I would get that whole guilt that comes in.
Yeah, pot can make you do that.
Pot can make you get crazy.
Oh, yeah. thinking about how you need
you need rehab you know you do it once every uh six months and you feel like you need rehab when
you're high oh yeah the paranoia is awful all right so we didn't finish on chapelle yeah um
the don lemon thing i get that so i watched all of the chapelle well i get it except the irony is
he's telling don lemon that black people shouldn't be,
celebrities shouldn't be commenting.
He's doing a special called 846 that's about what's going on.
Yes.
I love Chappelle, and I think he's so smart.
So that's why I'm going to watch it again, because I didn't understand some points he made.
I think he was born at 85656 or 4.46 in the morning.
Yeah.
And he tied that in.
And that made me concerned that I didn't understand what he was doing.
But anyway, but one thing was it's less than a half hour and way less.
I think it's closer to 25 minutes.
And I think he's closer to 25 minutes. And I think, um,
I, he's raised the bar so high. I expected more. Yeah.
And especially in this moment, I don't care that he didn't try to be funny, uh, at all. I loved hearing him talk. I just felt that like, I don't know.
I thought I was expecting more. And there was a little bit of a Don Lemon asked and people were like, hey, what are you going to do?
And he has a point that these celebrities are answering that call.
And why are they?
But there was a little bit like I wasn't waiting.
I wasn't dying to know what you had to say yet.
You know, and I and I don't think a lot of people were.
But I think when someone that big, they begin to believe their fan base.
But I think when someone that big, they begin to believe their fan base.
Now, keep in mind, I would totally be like Chappelle, I think, because he probably has 200,000 people telling him to step up.
Like, where are you?
We want to hear.
Right.
No, he probably has a half a million people saying that.
But that's not the country.
And so sometimes it's when you're in, you're in, you can't help it, but be in that bubble.
You think you have to do something because there's a call for you to do it.
And your fan base is calling you, but I don't know if the country was. Well, do you remember when he hosted SNL this year and he went up?
What was the event that he followed that had happened that week?
It was a huge traumatic event in America.
And he talked about it in a way that was so fucking,
God damn it, I feel like such an idiot right now.
I don't remember if it was a big shooting
or if it was something racial.
He goes through all the shootings.
You probably haven't gone through it yet.
Not, by the way, far from all.
He goes through some of the major people who have died and also police who have killed black ones.
And so it gets very, very interesting. He talks about what he said on Saturday Night Live.
And I should remember this. And he goes, you know, I mentioned that and I got it wrong.
God, I'm forgetting what it was. Oh, it was Trump had just gotten elected.
That was the traumatic event.
Trump had just gotten elected that week.
And then he went on and he said, give him a chance.
Right, right, right.
Right.
Give him a chance.
Oh, God, now I'm forgetting.
What was it?
That was a crazy moment in time. People really didn't know how to wrap their heads around that when he got elected.
People were taken by surprise by it. I don't think too many people had really sat with the possibility that he would really be the president.
And so Chappelle, I think was I think that was the right thing for him to do in a way.
You know, I mean, what else are you going to do? He's going to be president for four years.
Give him a chance.
Why not?
Yeah.
And the part I was forgetting.
No, I agree with that.
The part I was forgetting was that the amount of times that a black person had been invited to the White House and it was under Frederick Douglass obviously went.
And then he said the next time, but he forgot a time.
And I believe the time he forgot actually involved his family.
I won't ruin it, but you better.
But you should watch it.
It's interesting.
OK.
All right.
Let's get to international.
Let's do some international news.
What do you got?
We got a newspaper sitting next to you that needs to get crumpled up a little bit.
That's what we got.
It was open to the international section.
I'll pretend it.
There we go.
All right.
There we go.
In Africa, the former Lesotho.
I've never heard of that country, but it's an African country.
Microaggression.
Go ahead. the former lesotho i've never heard of that country but it's a microaggression gone former lesotho first lady messiah the bane has been rearrested for the killing of her husband's ex-wife she ordered the killing of uh lippolalo thabani who was shot dead near her home
and then she fled the country and they arrested her in South Africa.
And that's, I mean, look, if you're the president,
if you're the president's ex-wife,
and if you're the president's wife and there's an ex-wife
and she's maybe being a cunt, you can have her killed.
I mean, that's so cathartic for so many people
that have spouses that have bad exes. Are you kidding me? Of course I would do that's so cathartic for so many people that have spouses that have bad exes.
Are you kidding me?
Of course I would do that.
Yeah.
And you don't even have to do it yourself.
She ordered the killing.
Think about having the power.
You live in a small African nation where you're so fucking corrupt.
You know, you're stealing money.
You're oppressing the people. And you can you can
sit around and have advisors and go, why don't I why don't I order that killing? There'll be no
repercussions at all. You know, the funny thing is, Melania is doing the opposite. She's like,
will you whores speak up like this guy? I need some backing here because a few people know this.
I kind of try to divorce him. Did you read that this week? Right, right. She did not want to move to Washington.
And this is my theory and everybody's theory.
I think she wanted out of the marriage.
You're like, that can't happen.
The Southern Republican base has put this guy in there.
You are going to Washington as a couple.
So then I think she said, well, then we're ripping up the contract and i want to bring up
yeah she she changed the prenup that came out this week and uh but like you know she doesn't
have to worry about trump's exes because they're all dead broke i think he i think his prenups
fucking uh yeah i think what's her name made her own money uh ivanka made her own money she was
running the plaza when we lived in new york yeah yeah so um also
in international uh we have uh in london far-right groups like nazis with no shirts on they were uh
they were protesting the anti-racist which is just a weird fucking thing to do like how how much can you deny that there's racism have some respect nazis i mean
there's really so they so they're counter they're counter protesting the anti-racism matter they're
throwing beer bottles at uh at the cops and uh the mayor of london has said that the statues of
winston churchill nelsonela, and Mahatma Gandhi
are being temporarily covered and protected from the right-wing rioters.
And I think you've got to protect the Gandhi one because that one's easy to pull down.
It only weighs about 87 pounds.
87's generous.
That guy went down to the 60s, no doubt, right?
How long? He didn't eat for like 14 years or something
yeah i mean he he looked great he looked great uh the churchill statue i'm thinking
he was such a drunk that thing's gonna fall over on its own you don't have to push it
also very hard to drag that fucker is heavy it also wants to stop at every pub on the way down the street.
Yeah, I can't imagine neo-Nazis pulling down a statue.
It just, it takes a lot of organization from a bunch of guys that are really just fucking running crazy down the street.
So why do, well, Nazis want it down.
They must hate Churchill.
Yeah, of course.
He and Eisenhower, but he more than anyone.
He went after Hitler.
He got us involved.
I think Churchill's absolutely Hitler's main nemesis, I think.
Yeah, right.
I mean, poor Russians are probably freaking out listening to this.
Because Russians did so much to beat Hitler.
30 million people died in one area.
Sacrificed the most.
Yeah, sacrificed the most, for sure.
So anyway, but yeah, that's...
Well, where does it...
All right, listen.
In our country, George Washington,
is he taken off because he owned slaves?
Is he taken off the $1 bill?
Hmm.
I don't know.
Thomas Jefferson owned slaves.
He's on a...
This is one of those things.
The older you get in life, you realize that's an—
eventually a line just has to fall somewhere
because the more you think about it,
the more you scratch at the surface,
the line in the sand gets way, way harder to define.
Well, the bottom line is the founding fathers,
many of them owned slaves,
and all of them were complicit in signing a document that did not protect slaves,
that was so hypocritical in saying all men are created equal, and then not having all men be
treated equal, or women. If you about what what they could have tackled
at that moment and didn't you realize that the entire economy the reason why america was growing
exponentially at that time is we weren't paying the help it was real easy you know it was we were
anyway not to get too into slavery but um yeah it's uh it goes deep it goes deep and correcting it is
going to have to go deep also it's not it's not uh you know when you talk about the the defunding
the police now which is a big thing it's like you know you have to look back at the history of
police they were they started out as a group that went out as a slave patrol and they were vigilantes.
They started as vigilantes that were hired to capture escaped slaves.
And then once the slaves once the slavery was abolished, the same group was going after people during the Jim Crow laws.
The Jim Crow laws.
And please, I just trust that all our listeners know defund police is not what Tucker Carlson is saying, which imagine no police.
Imagine when you're getting raped.
Imagine when they come for you and they will come for you.
That's a quote from Tucker Carlson.
Wow.
Jesus. When they come for you, which they will, and you have no one to call.
It's like there isn't there accountability in journalism?
Like, he should be sued, successfully sued for that misinformation.
He's creating this straw man argument.
Like, so many police are asking to defund the police, believe it or not, because they
are being called into communities when a mentally
ill person is on the street screaming.
That's not a cop's job.
They don't want to deal with dogs.
They come in for stray dogs.
That's not their job either.
But they cut all those programs and put the money over towards police.
Yeah.
Now police have to do all these jobs that they're not trained for and that are taking
away from policing.
Yeah.
jobs that they're not trained for and that are taking away from policing.
Yeah.
And the real policing, nobody's going to like, you're not going to send a social worker into the inner city after there's been a shooting.
You know, they're not going to.
And if they do, watch social workers go from being these peaceful Birkenstock wearing lesbians
to fucking baton wielding animals after about six months.
I counted four microaggressions,
mostly against women in that sentence.
Wait,
my audio went out.
What did you say?
I got to do that more often.
Holy crap.
Yeah,
no,
it's,
I don't know about defunding them but i'm gonna stop tipping my
my cop in my neighborhood how do we not have family members do you who are cops um
my uh one of the guys at my wedding party do you remember chris reed. Yeah. He's a cop. And he was a cop in the South Bronx during the graveyard shift for about seven years.
That was a war zone.
And he's not a big guy.
He's my size.
And he used to go in there and he said they would get called to arrest somebody.
And they had about 30 seconds to get the person cuffed and in the car
before there was a fucking mob surrounding them.
And people would throw shit from the rooftops at them.
And it was fucking, it was crazy.
So, and then he became, now he's a state trooper in Connecticut.
Huh.
Yeah.
But he's a good cop.
I know a lot of good cops.
My friend Sean burgoyne
oh my god most of them are like let's be real and again it's more about the system like stop
the focus on the looting and the rioting and stop the focus on well did you see that like it's yes
all that matters but it's the system yes it's it's so much deeper and broader and more pervasive than all of that.
Now, they need to. I'm pro union, but I have a huge problem with the police union.
I think there's no transparency. There's no accountability.
And they need to fire the police and then rehire them and get rid of it.
And I don't know if I get rid of the union, but there's got to be accountability.
That's where the root of the problem is, Of course, but make it a real union.
Listen, we're in the Writers Guild.
We have a union.
If I kill someone, I go to jail, it turns out. Yeah, right.
My union can't protect me from that.
Right.
It's like the Catholic Church, you know?
Where's the accountability?
If I wrongly kill someone, I should say, yes.
Yeah.
I'm not just fired.
So we did international.
I think it's time to do a little science, Mike.
Science, the rare science section.
What do we got?
We got some fake findings.
There's a Spanish archaeologist that's been sentenced to more than two years in prison
for forging some of his most famous findings.
He found pieces of clay at a site in Spain's Basque country,
and he said they dated back to the 3rd century.
They had Egyptian hieroglyphic marks on it.
Egyptian hieroglyphic marks on it.
I think what really tipped his hand was he had action figures from his kids' Jurassic Park set.
He had a T-Rex, a plastic T-Rex in there.
And, of course, the whole archaeological and anthropological community riots in the street.
He must go to jail.
How come charges haven't been pressed against him right he has he has his neon artifacts neanderthal lives matter yeah oh god
my audio went out i couldn't hear you again what did you just say um that is so funny that no
questions asked he goes by the way you can go to jail for that?
Yeah, right.
That seems a little strong, no?
Well, I don't think so.
Can't you just be disgraced and fired?
No, because it's science, man.
This guy had a big, I can't remember his title, but he had a big title.
But if you fake science, science builds on itself.
And if one thing is wrong in the foundation, it fucks up all later studies.
Okay.
I understand if you're lying about findings and you are a pathologist or whatever it's called who is trying to come up with a cure.
So you've lied.
The stock price got inflated.
But more than that, people have died because you lied about the efficacy of your drug.
I get that.
But if you're lying about like, hey, this cave painting, yeah, it's 4,000 years old.
Yeah, it's four.
Yeah.
And it turns out to be two.
Right.
I don't.
Jail?
Plus, you got to think archaeologists are nerds.
They can't go to jail.
They would be everybody's bitch.
Hey, come out in the yard.
We want you to dig.
Here, bend over and dig come out in the yard. We want you to dig some...
Here, bend over and dig this up in the yard.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
It sounds weird.
Yeah.
Another thing in science,
a new study found that repetitive negative thinking
in later life is linked to Alzheimer's disease.
Uh-oh.
Negative thinking behaviors such as ruminating about the past and worry about the future.
The study.
Aren't those the only two options?
I thought, for a minute, I thought, phew, only half of that applies to me.
It's like, yeah, great.
Another thing for me to worry about in the future.
Yeah.
I'm already being negative about it because as soon as you said it, I'm like, oh boy, I got it.
So what happens?
Alzheimer's?
Dementia?
What?
They say they tested level of anxiety and depression and found greater cognitive decline in depressed and anxious people.
Do you need much cognitive ability when you're just depressed in old age? Probably not.
No. I think, as a matter of fact, if I'm still depressed at that age, I want to still think
that I'm 17 years old and I'm fighting World War I. I don't give a shit. Let me have a good fantasy.
Will it get in the way of my new heroin addiction when I'm fighting in World War I. I don't give a shit. Let me have a good fantasy.
Will it get in the way of my new heroin addiction when I'm about 78?
Yeah. Oh, you got to be kidding me, man. I'm all over the opiates when I'm old.
Oh, I'm at the end of my life and I'm like, okay, everyone has said the greatest feeling on earth.
I'm not going to experience that. You're crazy. And especially, how can it hurt me at that age?
Well, dude, you know, morphine, when you go on, what do they call it at the very end of your life where they put you on?
Hospice.
Hospice.
They pump you with morphine, which is essentially heroin.
And you can, you know, if you're lucky, you can stay on that shit for like six months. And you pump it yourself as much as you want.
stay on that shit for like six months and you pump it yourself as much as you want.
I told you that that time I broke my arm, the horseback riding with my kids, the horse fell and my arm broke our fall. So I somehow, whatever, long story, but I drove myself. I got in a
position where I didn't, I didn't, I couldn't move it. As soon as it moved, I wanted to pass out.
I've never been in pain like that before. So drive anyway,
get into the, they, they see what's going on with me. They let me right in, cut the line in the,
um, in the emergency room. I get in the emergency room, the guy's like, what's going on? I'm like,
and he goes, let me see. And he goes to touch it. I'm like, if you, I'll punch you in the face
and he goes, all right, all right, all right. And I go, if this moves at all, it's like a switch.
My lights start to literally my peripheral vision goes off and he goes, okay, well, we're going to take you
in the other room. First of all, that IV in you right now has morphine in it. I'm like, okay,
I don't know that much about morphine. I'm like, okay. He goes, we're going to take you in the
other room and we're going to take some x-rays with your arm in different positions. I'm like,
I don't know how many times I have to tell you this. If this moves, I'll fucking freak out. Meanwhile, cut to the other room and I'm posing like fucking
Schwarzenegger and world. Like, how do you want it? Like this? I'm like, you want it like this?
How about this? I'm like kissing my bicep. Like what? I'll pose any way you want. I could move
the thing any way I wanted. I was in the best mood I had ever experienced in my life.
My kids were there with me staring at me wide-eyed.
I'm like, you beautiful babies.
You're the greatest.
And it was unbelievable.
And there's a reason it's on the front lines of wars is that shit works.
Yeah, when I was in Denmark, not as bad of an injury,
but I had an ingrown toenail that I had been walking around.
I had a backpack on and I had a pair of Timberlands that were one size too small.
And yeah, and I was walking around Europe for like three months.
I was walking around Ireland with a backpack and tiny Timberlands and I got an ingrown toenail.
And when I got to Denmark, I it was so bad.
It was so puffed up and pussy that i went in
and i had to have surgery and in denmark they give you fucking morphine pills so i'm staying at this
guy i knew this guy because he had visited my friend in america so he put me up in in denmark
and his name was henrik and i'm on henrik's couch on morphine. And they're showing reruns of Dallas in a marathon for like a week.
And all I did was watch Dallas and smile.
And I kept hitting on Henrik had a girlfriend whose sister, Charlotte, was like a fucking supermodel.
She was blonde.
She was tan.
She had a rack.
And she was like blondie.
And so I would flirt with her.
And I had no fear because I was on morphine.
I was I wasn't a creep, but I was like flirty and funny and confident.
And so finally he's out and she's over and we go over to the couch to have sex.
And she's I can't get hard. Does she know that that's the plan to the couch to have sex. And she's, I can't get hard because of the morphine.
Does she know that that's the plan on the couch?
No.
So I'm showing her my toe and she's throwing up.
And so we're trying to have sex and I can't get an erection.
And she starts laughing at me.
She fucking laughed at me.
And so I just went back back i just went back to watching
dallas and tripling the morphine dose for that pain that pain morphine doesn't help so uh yeah
i can't even go back and masturbate to the image it's just nothing but shame it's a wet noodle
all right let's get to you got Got any dear Amy's? I do.
Wait, I had.
We should move it along, though.
I know.
What did I have?
We did entertainment.
We did my blah, blah, blah.
Oh, sports.
I don't know if you want to go there, but NASCAR.
Yeah, let's do it.
Sports.
So politically charged issues. So we'll we'll see how we do here but nascar on wednesday um said the confederate flag runs contrary to our commitment to providing a welcoming and
inclusive environment for all fans and competitors and our industry so the the Confederate flag is banned at NASCAR events. And there's a
huge uproar over this because they tried this once before. A couple of the drivers, I think it was
little E, little Dale, Dale Earnhardt Jr. And the other, Jeff Gordon, I believe, had spoke up against
it. And it didn't work.
They just, you know, the rebel South, they with their RVs and everything on the infield.
And of course, of course, you know, clothing that was out in full bloom, the Confederate flag.
So anyway, they are sticking to it. And of course, many defenders of it are like, you know, listen, it's a symbol of, you know, the South and the history of the South.
It's not specific to slavery.
And it's also even the Civil War where that symbol was born was about states' rights and not all.
Yeah.
That's bullshit, basically.
Yeah, because what was the state?
What exact laws were the state trying to put through at that point that the federal government didn't? Slavery. That was it. It's even more than that. Listen, if you just want
to know facts, the battle flag was never adopted by the Confederate Congress. That's right. It
happened like a hundred years later. It never flew over any state capitals during the Confederacy,
and it was never officially used by Confederate veterans groups even after the war. Yeah. It
probably would have been relegated like to a museum or something like that
because I looked up some of the supposedly in there,
but it was resurrected by the KKK resurgence
and used by the Southern Dixiecrats
in the 1948 presidential election.
That's right.
And before that,
if they wanted to argue,
no, no, it was before that.
In 1913, way after the Civil War, the 50th anniversary of Gettysburg, the flag tried to gain acceptance there.
And also it appears prominently in Birth of a Nation, which is 1915, the same time.
And the second Ku Klux Klan, which was 1915 to 1944, there was a nationwide supremacist organization that flew the flag exclusively.
So that's when it came up the first time. So it's a little bullshit to hide it and sort of-
Yeah. I mean, look, if these Southerners want to hang a flag at NASCAR, what about the white flag?
Wasn't that what was up at the end of the war? That was the final Confederate flag.
Yeah. Right.
Of the war?
That was the final Confederate flag.
Yeah, right.
Fly that.
Yeah. Listen, it's free speech, but don't confuse it because you can fly a swastika also in this country.
In some countries you can't.
But this is a private event.
Yeah.
Yeah, fine.
Fly it on your porch.
Wear it at home.
Put it on your lawn.
You have a right to do that.
But this is just NASCAR saying it offends some of their customers. They're a business. It's offending the three black guys that go to car
races. But wait, one of them is a black driver. Did you know his flag? Oh, that's right. That's
right. So he was in the news this week. Bubba Wallace. I wish his name wasn't that. Anyway,
he's NASCAR's lone black driver. He called this week for the banishment of the Confederate flag. So he was one of the people that really instigated this. And he said there's
no place for them in the sport. He asked the stock car series with the deep ties to the South to
formally distance itself from what for millions is a symbol of slavery and racism. Now the black
driver, is he able to keep up driving a Cadillac when everybody else says, like, Porsches and Ferraris?
God, this audio, I tell you, it goes out.
It's spotty.
It goes out at certain times, and I don't hear what you said.
I'll probably just say, I don't think so, Greg.
I didn't hear what you said.
But I do know that.
How about his car?
His car then was going to be some specially marked.
Oh, it was going to be the Black Lives Matter car.
So your Black Lives Matter. It's going to be like, why don't, it was going to be the Black Lives Matter car. Oh. Black Lives Matter.
I was just going to be like,
why don't they just put
a big target on it?
Get paid by Target,
but it's also a target
because I think that guy
is going to be driven
off the road.
All right.
Let's get to Dear Amy.
All right. Here we go okay it's confusing always because it's ask amy but they begin with dear amy i got this one from
like the denver post i think dear amy i'm gay and in a long distance relationship with my partner
boyfriend i live in a city on the east coast and he lives in a city on the West Coast.
I visit as often as I can, but until we live together, we're not monogamous.
I don't hook up.
I don't hook up much, but I believe and accept that my boyfriend does.
However, this creates a problem these days.
I suspect he's still hooking up even during the pandemic.
I'm not.
What can I do about him staying safe these days,
given I don't really know what he's doing and he won't say?
To me, staying safe means not hooking up at all,
and I don't think he's willing to do that.
Worried.
Dear Worried, that dude's already got the virus.
You might as well live enough, and you should start sleeping with people.
That's what the answer should be.
But honestly, dear worried from me,
why are you asking this old bag, Amy, what to do in your gay relationship?
You think she's going to have some insight into you and your boyfriend?
You're going to lay this on her? Also, don't you have some girlfriend who just chats your ear off about all her boy problems or is that just in movies?
Yeah.
Aren't you the gay go to friend?
Can't you now turn the tides and finally she has to do some listening about your boyfriend problems?
Right.
But I love dear Amy as the out of touch older white woman.
She's like, well, dear Bill, you sound like an active top.
So I would say when he's doing poppers, you want to definitely pull out and do an ATM.
Okay.
This is why.
Yes.
Dear Power Bottom.
All right.
This is why I chose this, dear Amy.
Everything I'm about to read you now is verbatim.
This is the clip.
Your guy doesn't sound, and I knew this was coming. Your guy doesn't sound compliant. Everything I'm about to read you now is verbatim. This is the clip.
Your guy doesn't sound, and I knew this was coming.
Your guy doesn't sound compliant to any particular social, ethical, or relationship construct.
You cannot keep him safe. You can try your hardest to keep yourself safe.
And the coronavirus is not the only virus you risk contracting if you physically reunite with your boyfriend.
She stuck that in there.
That's right.
That's right.
No, but then in parentheses to save her ass on the AIDS reference she just made, she goes, always practice safe sex and get tested for STDs.
Well, STD is a disease.
You talked about a virus he'd be contracting because his boyfriend's
out there. I just thought, of course, it's going to wind up there from an old woman writing you
advice on your gay relationship. Wait, what are you saying? AIDS is still not a factor
in the gay community? He's not writing about that. Apparently, I think they are safe. You don't catch,
let me close my door. My daughter's in the are safe. You don't catch, let me close my door. My daughter's
in the other room. You don't catch the coronavirus from anal sex per se. It's respiratory and it's
being, and AIDS is not respiratory. Now it's true. She's making a judgment about them having
an open relationship. And she's also supposing that
this guy's not using a condom and having safe sex. Totally. She made a giant leap. It's crazy.
Right, right, right. Amy. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should write Amy about that. It's obviously
a letter from this week. And then she answers letters written about letters. Oh, good. Yeah.
If you could get a response from Dear Amy on on sunday papers i think it would really uh i
think it would really move us up the charts which by the way we're we're doing great the numbers are
building every week you guys have been yeah you guys have been very generous with i guess telling
your friends to listen and uh and it's also um the comments on itunes uh or I guess you're supposed to call it Apple Podcasts.
But now let me read a couple of comments, which are always nice.
One woman here says, Joanne says, I seem to have a crush on these guys.
You're just going to read that every week?
Every week.
And then there's also the guy named, this guy calls you out.
Oh, lovely.
Bring it on.
Bring it on.
I know for a fact I'm going to take his side.
I don't like myself.
This is from Enhep.
He says, I really like two-thirds of every show.
Mike has a tendency to promote right wing ideologies and conspiracy theories.
I get it.
If you make the amount of money he does in Hollywood, you will eventually to quote Holly Hunter in Raising Arizona.
Turn to the right.
He will often throw these things into their banter with the let's look at things from both sides remark.
Oh, yeah, that's that's poisonous.
That's toxic.
Yeah.
Oh, my God. Well, listen, I'm not going That's toxic. Yeah, you're right. Oh, my God. Well,
listen, I'm not going to slam him because he listens to the show. But more than that,
he quoted one of my top five movies of all time, never leaves the top five, Raising Arizona.
A couple of things to correct as Greg can back me up. I am not rich. That's number one.
Number two. You're divorced. Yeah. There's also that. Number two, whatever.
We shouldn't go into politics.
I guarantee I'm further left than this guy.
But this is a great example of how crazy the left gets.
You don't even recognize one of your own.
That's how crazy you are.
Go ahead.
Ban Gone With The Wind.
Make Lady Antebellum change their stupid name.
And then call me a righty, you lunatics. Yeah. Ban Gone With The Wind. Make Lady Antebellum change their stupid name.
And then call me a righty, you lunatics.
Yeah.
Keep, yeah, keep, you know, making video.
Have celebrities keep making videos where they say they're guilty because they're white.
You know, we don't, I think we take on both sides of every issue.
And the thing is, does that mean we're going to lose all of our listeners? Because now people can't hear an opinion that doesn't correlate exactly with everything they believe without going, I'm not going to listen anymore.
My good friend, Kevin Biggins, he's a writer.
Try to follow him on social media.
He made me laugh the hardest this week.
He goes, but Trump planning the day in Tulsa on Juneteenth.
He's like, I hope he pulls into town in a convertible.
I could have loved it more.
This is from DBW Studio, who says,
sometimes I listen to you guys while swimming laps.
Note to self, don't laugh while you swim
or you're likely to inhale water.
Really enjoy the chemistry.
That's why we try to keep all jokes out of the podcast.
That's right.
Your friendship really comes through and is entertaining to listen to.
Also, thanks for using my theme song on May 31st show.
Oh, yeah.
By the way, this week's theme song, I forgot to give a shout out to Lisa Hertzner,
who wrote kind of a very sexy version
of Sunday Papers, which I love.
You sent it to me.
It sounded great.
We should send people
to these social medias and stuff.
Yeah, we should do that.
Our website, as we announced last week,
is now up, sundaypapers.net,
and you can see our...
You can access the episodes,
and we're going to start posting
the comic strips
that we read from at the end.
And it's fun.
Check out the website.
Yeah, this one sounded great.
It's amazing.
People are taking the time.
You know, I know there's an easy joke
that all we have to do is time.
Like, where am I going to find the time
to write Dear Amy?
I only have three weeks with nothing scheduled.
Yeah.
But it's so sweet, actually.
You know, we're a fledgling podcast that just started.
We're doing this for fun and for,
because we're going out of our minds also.
But I don't know.
It's just so cool to see people creatively do that.
So thank you.
Yes.
Thank you guys very much.
It's fun.
Okay.
And then let's get to,
you were in sports?
Was there anything else in sports
no we had already done add we had already done dear amy and now we had done these letters i
think we're on the comics let's do the comics everybody it's how we finish it up every week
we work hard on the news we uh we we go deep and finally, there's a little dessert.
Let's start off with a new one, a guy that we have not read from because it's a children's comic,
and you would think the misogyny that we often highlight
in Andy Kapp and the Lockhorns,
you wouldn't find in a children's comic.
But hello, Dennis the Menace.
Okay.
This week's comic shows Dennis.
It's a one-frame comic.
His friend is a girl, and she's holding up a mirror,
and she's fixing her hair.
And she says to Dennis, who's got his arms crossed,
and he's looking at her askance,
she says, how could I make myself prettier?
And he goes, grow a beard.
He's fucking seven.
Wait, how, that's all that happened?
Yeah.
It's a girl goes, how can I make myself look prettier?
And he says, grow a beard.
Okay.
Does that mean he's gay?
No, I think you're reading into it too much.
Yeah.
I just think the writer of this was creatively bankrupt.
Yeah, yeah.
There's nothing there.
It's almost funny.
What's her face?
Is there something on her face? No, she's nothing there. It's almost funny. What's her face? Is there something on her face?
No, she's not pretty.
She's a redhead, which in comic strips always means, you know, you're Peppermint Patty or you're Kathy.
You're a girl who's not attractive if you have red hair.
Was she like, I want to look prettier.
And I love microbrews. And I drive one of those bicycles with the giant big front wheel.
And I wear loafers with no socks.
Yes.
Grow a beard.
And I drive a Volkswagen Bug with a flower on the dashboard.
Then grow a beard makes sense.
I want to be a hipster.
Otherwise, I don't get it.
I don't get it.
All right, so that's Dennis the Menace.
Let's go to our friend Andy Kapp.
Can't wait. Andy Kapp. Can't wait.
Andy Kapp is the best.
It is a picture of, and again, I'm not making this up.
I've gone back.
These are not the most current Andy Kapps,
but I went back a little bit to get to kind of the root of where this strip comes from.
Okay.
Andy, they're in the kitchen.
Andy is leaning against the wall.
His wife is on the ground looking angry.
There are broken dishes sitting next to her.
And he says, look at it this way, honey.
I'm a man of few pleasures, and one of them happens to be knocking you about.
Okay. Okay.
Okay.
So you went back. Did you go back to
1910? I don't know.
How far back did you go?
You know, I'll look up the history.
Somebody look up the history of Andy
Capman. Send it to me and I'll read it.
We'll touch base.
There is no far enough back where that is acceptable.
He's beating the shit.
She's on the ground.
Also, it's printed in newspapers today-ish.
That's, that's...
Yeah.
And Mikey making light of it.
Yeah.
So what did he say?
Wait, what did he say again?
Look at it this way.
How do we do it?
Look at it this way, honey.
I'm a man of few pleasures and one of them happens to be knocking you about.
Maybe it was in their vows.
Maybe it's a social contract they have.
Like maybe, you know, maybe who, yeah, we're stepping in.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, she could be into it.
Maybe this is their thing, you know?
It's like, you know, the women that like the rape fantasy.
Maybe she likes the being knocked about fantasy.
That's just crazy.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
I think it's Mike Lynch who's the writer.
I've got to check.
Well, it's not a woman.
It's not Michelle Lynch, I don't think.
No, no. Holy mo moly let's do the lock
horns our a our other favorite married couple so much respect for loretta it's just incredible
that's how this marriage has lasted so many years it's it's that he puts her on a pedestal
in one they're sitting at the dinner table and this is the best. He always acts up when they're in front of other couples just to humiliate her.
Not only is he insulting her as she cooks for him, it's always in front of you.
And he says, I'll get Loretta's carving set, three chisels and a mallet.
And she puts a turkey on the table that she fucking worked on all day
and the couples always look at him like what's wrong with you
meanwhile andy cap's wife is on the floor like i'll take that is that wait was that the abuse
in your house and nothing else he didn't like stab, is he going to use the mallet to hit you over the head?
Because Andy here, I wouldn't let him near a mallet.
Let me get this straight.
He didn't sucker punch you at the sink?
I didn't even see it coming.
You never miscarried after getting punched in the belly for serving dinner late?
Because that's how he gets his joy?
And he doesn't have many?
And by the way, and I feel joy and he doesn't have many and i and by the way and i feel
guilty if he doesn't get that joy because he explicitly tells me he doesn't have many joys
in his life god holy shit here's another one also him standing at the dinner table there's a turkey
on the table he's got the uh the fork and the knife out. He's about to carve it. And he says, stand back while I carve the gravy.
I like that one.
I've heard a lot of food insults, but I like that one.
And the look that she always has on her face,
she looks like a child that's just been smacked by the father.
It's so sad.
And then finally, it's him walking into the door and she,
he's late,
he's drunk and he hands her some flowers and says,
sorry,
I always get D day on our anniversary mixed up.
I mean,
to be late.
How is this?
You show up late and the flowers are like wilted.
He gets her a shitty present, shows up late and the flowers are like wilted he gets her a shitty
present shows up late and then on their big day fucking insults her so wait what was his logic
with d-day d-day is like the worst tragedy to happen in i don't know oh d-day was a good for
us right is that where we attack i'm trying to follow his logic. Or does he say he thinks their marriage was on D-Day?
A lot of Americans died, instantly
eviscerated on D-Day in a barrage of bullets. I don't know.
Yeah, it must be that a lot of Americans got shot on the
beaches of Normandy, right? June, can I
say 5th or 6th?
Yeah.
You can say 5th.
I wouldn't.
Yeah, June 6th.
If you said 5th, you would have given away our secrets, you fucking loser.
Europe would have been way worse.
We would have been speaking German right now.
Saving Private Ryan, that scene where they attack the beach, the sound effects of the bullets on that were fucking uncanny.
I remember seeing it in a theater.
I saw the man Chinese.
I was ducking.
I didn't realize it.
And then it's one of those things that you don't realize it.
And I was like, all of a sudden, my back hurt.
And I realized I was ducking the first 20 minutes of the movie.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's incredible.
But I told you, I watched it with my daughters on June 6th, maybe 5th, the eve of the invasion.
Anyway, D-Day Eve, big holiday here in the house.
And I told you what they said.
What?
They said, keep in mind, I'm like, I'm not saying anything, but I remember when I first saw it, I'd just be like, holy shit or no way or fuck.
You know, occasionally you just maybe even have these thoughts inside your head there two comments
watching saving private ryan one was is that vin diesel
they're just numb they've seen it all that was one yeah and then the other one was on the scene the very scene
you're talking about on the beach they show the aftermath and it's blood it's red waves
lapping on the shore and sophie my old is like oh my god look at all the dead fish
because spielberg showed the bodies with also dead fish because of all the explosions
and there were dead fish of eyes and literally that's what she said
she's pescatory yeah pescatarian oh my god oh that's hilarious um you got a little uh family
circus for us mike i? Yes, of course.
So, by the way,
I do not cherry pick these.
This is in today.
We're filming this,
taping this on Saturday.
This is Saturday.
Every day I take Saturdays.
I don't hunt for easy ones.
No.
And I'm not going to waste my energy.
It's so stupid at this point because here it is.
I'll show you a little.
It's tough because, you know,
we each, obviously,
we split up the duties.
We each take different sections
of the paper.
And I feel like your assignment of looking for the family circus is like telling a kid he's got to like mow the lawn, weed the garden, take out the garbage all wrapped up in one.
Except that I don't have to go on a deep dive.
That's the only saving.
But anyway, so here it is.
It is a girl, the daughter, I refuse to learn any of their names, standing in the front lawn.
Just stand.
That's it.
So it's a girl with her pie hole open and it says, quote, Daddy, I think I think there's something.
Hold on.
Let me start.
Daddy, I think there's something that you need to do today.
Period.
That is in this paper.
Wait, hold that up to the screen because I don't believe that that's actually the whole.
Jesus Christ.
Wait, what is she standing on?
Oh, maybe that's... She's standing on a lot of leaves
no she's standing on a lawn but it's a little high i guess that's it that's what it is
he needs to mow the grass never mind it's genius never mind i'm wrong so as he kicked back at noon
on a monday hungover yeah he looked out at the grass and it was long
and he thought to himself what if my daughter told me the grass was long done 10 minutes later
yeah I know what something daddy has to do just to smack that smirk off your face daughter
why don't you shut the fuck up I worked hard all week and now I'm home. And by the way, the grass is up to your ankles. Oh, boo hoo.
Who doesn't fucking love that? What are you? What are you a putter? Yeah. You're gonna practice
your putting. You've been hanging out with your mom too much. You're going to fucking group nag me.
When do I do that? After taking out the garbage and supporting this entire family without any thanks? In what order do you want the lawn done, little bitch?
You know what one of my joys is? Not mowing the lawn. You know what one of them is? Battering
you around a little bit.
Exactly. When was this written? What about the black fella? Isn't he going to mow our
lawn for us? they probably changed it they
probably had to update it to put it on daddy now yeah where is family circus shot and written is
it uh there's no there's no latinos i was gonna say yeah it's shot and written in uh trumanville
wasn't that the name of the movie? The idyllic, fake staged.
Pleasantville.
Pleasantville. Yeah, that also.
But wasn't Trumanville like.
I never saw Truman.
Oh, you should see that.
Yeah, I heard that.
It's not great, but it's good.
Does it stand up?
Because it was basically a precursor to follow around reality shows, wasn't it?
Before any of them had ever been done.
It was pretty groundbreaking in that that like there were cameras hidden everywhere
yeah and uh he did not realize right he was in a reality show yeah true the truman show
the truman show all right it's time let's get a little blondie in let's do it. Top it off. This is one where they do a lot of strips in bed,
which is kind of weird because this thing,
you know, these comics are,
like I remember sitcoms that were shot in the 50s,
you had to have separate beds.
Do you remember that with like Ricky and Lucy?
Of course, of course.
Dick Van Dyke show, they always had two different beds.
And in the movies, there was a rule back then
that in like the 40s,
where each person had to have a foot on the ground when they did a bed scene.
Hey, by the way, have you heard?
We're not going to see love scenes in movies for a while.
Because of the virus, they can't film them.
Jesus.
Isn't that interesting?
Well, but they'll still run Blue is the Warmest Color on Netflix as often as I can watch it.
Have you seen that?
The new sexy, I guess they're just going to do it.
Maybe they'll do it with a hole in the sheet or they'll just be playing with themselves behind fiberglass.
Press your boob against the glass, that old trope.
Yeah, prison sex.
Yeah, okay, so foot on the floor, okay.
that old trope yeah prison sex yeah okay so foot on the floor okay all right so blondie and dagwood are in bed both under the covers in one bed and uh blondie's hair is she must fluff it up before
bed because it's cascading across the pillow her yellow locks catching a little bit a little light
they're in bed but it's pretty fucking bright and she is normally as
you know dagwood sleeps on the left side of the bed she sleeps on the right side of the bed this
time she's on the left so it's jarring you immediately go what the did they fuck how did
she end up over there and she says this is just plain weird and he goes i told you so and she
goes there's no possible explanation for it and he goes nope
and then she goes you're right living on this side of the bed makes me wonder what's left over
in the refrigerator and he goes there you go dagwood you're in bed with a woman who's got on
a peach colored negligee hanging off one shoulder her breast
you can see the top half of her breast
you're thinking about fucking lasagna
are you a homosexual
have you been castrated
what fucking shame spiral
are you in that you don't realize
you're next to the hottest piece of ass
you have access to that
god knows why but you do
and you're thinking about fucking ribs,
you piece of shit.
And she just told you she's hungry.
That's right.
She just told you that.
Oh, God, it kills me.
I just wish I could be animated.
Just animate me and put me into that world and film it.
And she just validated him.
Right.
How much more can she do to prop you up? Honestly. and put me into that world and film it. And she just validated him. Right.
How much more can she do to prop you up?
Honestly.
And in those days, there's no saying no.
They're the, you know, this is Pope John rules.
You have to have sex with your husband when he initiates.
It's the rule.
You know, by the way, you're 100% right. Was it the other way or did the church dare never mention
a woman who initiated sex?
Oh, interesting. I don't know.
I would think they would back that up too
because it's all about creating
more Christian soldiers.
Procreation. Yeah, procreation.
They wanted numbers.
Speaking of numbers,
Mike Gibbons, our time is up.
Once again, we've done an hour and 40 minutes.
We said at the beginning, let's try to shorten it up a little bit.
But we can't.
There's too much to cover.
This is no more than an hour and a half.
But we have to get it shorter.
You're right.
No, it's an hour and 40 minutes.
But we are clapping and trying to sync our things and everything.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
So maybe it's 135.
All right. Listen, it's 135. All right.
Listen, we've talked a lot.
We've enjoyed ourselves, Mike.
It's always great to see you every week, even though it's through a computer.
Yeah.
This is working out, though.
Yeah.
Paddle tennis courts are open.
You willing to go out and play paddle tennis?
Oh, man.
What don't you get about quarantine?
Oh, come on.
I'm quarantined for another, like, month. Oh, that's right, because you get about quarantine? Oh, come on.
I'm quarantined for another, like, year. Oh, that's right, because of your friend in your circle.
Yes.
We've been exposed.
By the way, we'll see what happens next week.
You know, who knows?
It's hard to tease out if the increased numbers are partly or mostly due to increased testing,
but it doesn't look that way.
Yeah.
So we'll see what happens, but California is one of them.
All right, stay safe, people,
and let's wrap this baby up in newspaper.
Put this in a newspaper
and throw it into that settlement in the middle of Seattle.
All right, we'll catch you next week.
God bless America.
Take it easy. Bye-bye.
Sunday Papers
It's the Sunday Papers
Sunday Papers
With Greg and Mike
Sunday Papers
It's the Sunday Papers
Sunday Papers
With Greg and Mike