Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 187 10/22/23

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

Live from Nashville! A Nebraska man gets way into dolls, Rykers prison officers have a man cave and a very spooky lawn decoration....

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 And 7, 8, 9. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it.
Starting point is 00:00:19 5, 4. I don't have to clap. I don't have to clap. I don't have to clap. Hear ye, hear ye. Here we go. Nashville News coming to you live from Tennessee, y'all. Yep. It's all the news that you can understand.
Starting point is 00:00:39 Good commitment. Why am I making fun of Tennessee? I love it here. Good commitment. We just got back from the country music hall of fame which is a museum it's a museum of a music that's a museum no it's very alive I mean country music when I was a kid was just like growing up in New York you didn't listen to it and then as a teenager it was all about rock I rejected every other form. And I think, honestly, you dating a woman from the South
Starting point is 00:01:08 has made me kind of get interested in music because you've gotten more interested in country music. Well, yeah, but as we just saw, we saw this amazing exhibit that's there. They have rotating exhibits, and this one was actually about Los Angeles. Right. So it was all about the
Starting point is 00:01:25 flying burrito brothers and you know uh neil young crosby stills nash and young gram parsons yeah gram parsons huge influence as the guy who tried to bring country at that time he partnered up with emmy lou harris but his big thing was like you guys got to incorporate country the instruments the heart tugging songs and stuff and that songwriting the harmonic leads more than one person singing a lead yeah so and uh and obviously the instruments they started doing steel guitars yeah so we've always been into buffalo springfield and all those people you know know, who were doing that. And so, but yeah, leaning into it a little more for sure. And tonight we're going to the Ryman again. Again.
Starting point is 00:02:09 And seeing Jason Isbell. But we were at the Ryman last night. That was unbelievable. To see Wheeler Walker Jr. What a band. What a band. The band was, I mean, here's the thing I loved about it. Is the last time I saw, I've seen him three times.
Starting point is 00:02:23 The last time I saw him, the music was so fucking loud and the mix was so bad that you could not hear the lyrics. And it's like, this is all about the lyrics. Yeah. And this time the sound in the Ryman is as good as any concert hall I've ever heard.
Starting point is 00:02:38 It's incredible. It's got wooden ceilings and it's just perfect church. We sat in pews. Yeah. You sit in pews it was great and there was a black guy behind me singing every word to every song which you said at one point the guy behind he was a little like every every lyric and you turn around you're like i was not expecting to see a black guy i did not expect that at all yeah and uh and it was uh it was just fun and the people were sitting with
Starting point is 00:03:07 i mean i don't know how much john and pam i guess john knows his music pretty well oh yeah yeah he knows it pretty well but pam was less she her head down she was laughing so hard at the lyrics uh what about the woman who ran down the aisle the center aisle big tits flopping out she ran down the center aisle right right at wheeler walker and flashed him and then turned around and walked back up the aisle again yeah i mean isn't that every musician's dream i think she works there yeah no uh that is every musician's dream but i couldn't believe that like i was like i got it i got i saw some side action i'm like wait is that what i think is going on? Yeah. Sure.
Starting point is 00:03:45 It was sweet. And, uh, and there was a fight up front. There was some bouncers throwing a guy out and it was such a Southern redneck thing. Like the bouncers were big and they were tough looking dudes and they approached him. I saw them talking to him for a while. They put their hand on his shoulder.
Starting point is 00:04:02 One of them started pushing him out and the guy pulled out his phone and started videotaping it and then he fucking takes a swing at the security guard security guard ducks and just grabs him by the shoulder yeah and leads him out like yeah this is just another night yeah uh and then you know it's ben hoffman who created will walker jr and uh we i then texted him after to thank him and his parents these conservative they're not should you be giving this away or people know this no people know this and they're like you know really buttoned up his dad's a doctor and his mom i think literally i think she's the owner of a knitting store all in lexington kentucky no kidding yeah but so buttoned down you know what i mean and she does all these you know liberal causes and stuff there but anyway and there they are
Starting point is 00:04:50 uh beaming with pride more pride than for their doctor son and he's up there just talking about licking bush eating pussy sucking cock kicking ass. That's my favorite song. Sucking dick. Sucking dick. Because he's got... The black guy knew the right word. Well, what's great is that his audience, at face value, is a bunch of rednecks. And you assume are conservative and all that. And then he slides it in between all these songs that talk about tits and getting fucked and all that.
Starting point is 00:05:23 Is the thing about him sucking a guy's dick. And he kind of slides it in there. Sometimes it's not even sliding it in there, so to speak. It's one of his songs. It's a big one. It's about end of the night when the pickings get sort of thin because it's
Starting point is 00:05:37 too late. And then it comes down to which one of you queers is going to suck my dick. And they're all these seemingly rednecks are singing along it's the name of the song everybody's singing along and then the new album is the new album is really great um and there's uh there's a pot anthem on it or is that is that's the previous that's a previous album yeah but um he all right so he text by so we we mentioned so jason isbell does a 10 night kind of stand at his in his hometown here at the ryman wheeler was in the middle of this 10 run but you know that's the big thing that's going on in town is this once annual october uh jason isbell thing so
Starting point is 00:06:26 hoffman uh texts us back when i go you know we're going to that tonight and his last thing was like um you know what are you guys doing tomorrow and this weekend and enjoy that libtard isbell tonight oh my god and his crowd work was great He's like Anybody here drive a tow truck? This guy here You drive a tow truck? No dump truck You drive a dump truck?
Starting point is 00:06:52 It's even worse This guy drives a dump truck No and then Before his final song Fuck you bitch He's like Who wants to hear the greatest Who wants to hear the greatest
Starting point is 00:07:03 Country song ever written? And he's like And everyone cheers right, I'll play it for you. So anyway, so we're going to Jason Isbell tonight. And the museum was great today. I've never been to Nashville before. It's a great city. We got to get you more bachelorettes. That's what you got to see now in this town.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Yeah. It's the bane of everybody's existence here who lives here. It's become the bachelorette party capital of the world. Didn't know there was a competition, but I guess it dethroned Vegas. Yeah, and it's got those little bikes that you pedal your bar down the street. Those should be taken out with torpedoes i would have i would not shed a tear if one of those crashed into a bus well i think i told you before one time i was trapped literally i'm not exaggerating at all between three bachelorette
Starting point is 00:07:56 parties that were active meanwhile they're all over the streets in their cowboy boots and shorts and like dildos on their head but it was a tractor a john deere towing this flatbed that had a hot tub on it and like bars around it with all these bachelorettes on it and it was that it was a pedal bar whatever those are called and then another one was like a completely retrofitted school bus pink school bus that they were all going crazy. And I just wish they would like pile up and hit each other. Well, all for marriages that are probably going to fail. And bachelorette parties also. I used to do a bit about bachelorette parties about how like they just want they see bachelor parties and they're like, that looks amazing.
Starting point is 00:08:42 We should do that. But they can't because women ultimately can't party the way men do they're not as debaucherous it's kind of beneath like this behavior is beneath them so they try to kind of slum it for the night yeah but it always falls short by 8 15 they're sitting on the curb with their shoes in their hand they had a fight they all picked sides two of them were on the phone back to their boyfriend or husband and they're in a fight Yeah
Starting point is 00:09:05 The bride leaves early Yeah Because she's worried That the boyfriend's Having a better time At his bachelor party So she fucks that up But I mean
Starting point is 00:09:13 Guys must swoop in here Oh yeah All you have to do Is go downtown And there's all these women With impaired judgment Well When I used to do shows
Starting point is 00:09:24 At Dangerfield In york it was on first avenue just just below 60th street yeah and that's where um what was the male strip club uh chip and dales chip and dales was across the street and so you would see guys literally lined up outside because the the women would come out and they would just it was fishing in a barrel oh the prep cook the prep cooking had already happened. Yeah. Yeah, everything was ready. All the gay dancers had already gotten the women worked up and wet.
Starting point is 00:09:53 Exactly. Speaking of which, we're going to be talking about divorce rates for women later in the show. Right. Specifically lesbians. Let's do a deep tease. What else? We're going to talk a lot about death now a lot of death a lot of crime involving death we're doing this on the fly it's gonna be a little shorter than usual over an hour though don't worry i did you see the michigan story
Starting point is 00:10:17 uh that i crossed out yeah we should probably not do that We could also not do the first one about, I don't know, are we going to dive into Israel-Palestine on Sunday papers? Are we doing that? No, I like this story. Well, this is my way of doing it. I find stories that are on the periphery. All right, Mike. I didn't realize that was your way. That's my way.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Also, speaking of live performances, I just upgraded my special. I'm doing my one-hour special. If people didn't hear, I have to reshoot it. It was some technical problems. And so I'm doing it at the Mothership in Austin. Right. Originally, I was going in for kind of a low-budget package. And, you know, like still a really good package of five cameras and all that.
Starting point is 00:11:06 But then I talked to the producer and he's the guy that shot everybody's specials. It's called 800 Pound Gorilla. And he talked me into going big, getting a big lighting package, extra camera. You know what else I'm getting? What? Teleprompter. Oh, wow. Because I never remember
Starting point is 00:11:25 You know I never do the same hour of material When I go on stage I do crowd work I mix stuff up I whatever And so now it's like about doing an hour And I don't want to be thinking about what joke is next
Starting point is 00:11:38 So I'm just going to get bullet points And scroll them across the teleprompter Yeah It's like you when you do stand up with your little list I don't know why you call itter. Yeah. It's like you when you do stand-up with your little list. I don't know why you call it little. Well, it's... It's pretty substantial. It is substantial.
Starting point is 00:11:50 No, you're right. And I make the list and I kind of flush it out because, as you know, there's keywords in some jokes or, you know, the sort of commentary. And then the more you get to know it, reduce it, reduce it, reduce it, and then it's like one word. And all, you know, listen,
Starting point is 00:12:07 I've produced a bazillion stand-ups doing their five-minute sets on late-night television. They all have the bullet points in the prompter. I just thought of something that might be kind of brilliant. Uh-oh. What if, because it's just bullet points, I had a screen behind the stage and I had my set list up on the wall behind me.
Starting point is 00:12:28 Right. Just as long as none of the bullet points give away the punchline. Yeah. Oh, in post we could, in post we could cross each one off as I do it. You could. It's almost like part of the interruption on ESPN
Starting point is 00:12:42 where they have their list. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, we stole that in Tsh and what we did at tosh.no is we would put um symbols which kept you guessing kind of like what you're saying it wouldn't give it away but it would be like like a skier and you know uh with an x through it or something if there was a bad wipeout so we'd have these icons and so you could tell kind of what was coming next right not tell but you would be guessing. I can't call it set list
Starting point is 00:13:06 because Paul Provenza has a show called Set List. I don't want to step on that. Right. But I need to call it set list would be kind of perfect. Maybe I'll talk to Paul and he'll let me do it. I would maybe do it if you wrote some things to it, like if there was one thing up there and it was just like one line once in a while.
Starting point is 00:13:24 Yeah, yeah yeah yeah right right you could do something like that or back into a punch line put the punch line up yeah yeah yeah and then do the joke and then just just point at it yeah all right enough about that that's going to be november 18th at the mothership get your tickets now and then we want to thank our logo from Irish Shana. Now, is that, who is that? Is that a haul on oats? Yeah. And oats lives right here in town. No, I saw oats at a pharmacy.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Was he the brains behind the operation? Was he the Paul Simon of the group? I think it's quite the opposite. Oh. Yeah. He's the blonde Garfunkel. He's the brunette Garfunkel. Okay. Uh, same hair almost. But I, uh, no, but I felt weird. Cause I'd be like, yo oats.
Starting point is 00:14:13 Like I'm just going to yell out oats. Who else was there? It was Sonny. Sonny was obvious. I thought he lived in Colorado, but then I saw him here and everyone's like, Oh no, he's here. You think about where Hall or Oates live? No, I saw a thing on an airplane, and it was with Oates. Again, it's so weird.
Starting point is 00:14:32 And Oates is on his farm, so it all gets weirder. And he was very into like, I think he had a bunch of animals. I think that's what, it was like a CBS Sunday morning feature, some crap that I would only see on a T on a airplane. And he was in the mountains.
Starting point is 00:14:48 Maybe it was near here. I don't know. But anyway, he was definitely here when I saw him. Well, there's your update on oats case you were wondering. Yeah. Um,
Starting point is 00:14:57 deep teas on that song this week came from David Dorsey. Uh, very groovy, well produced kind of a techno hip-hop thing. Yeah, I liked it. Yeah, I liked it a lot. Thank you, David. And by the way, I had some people come up to my shows recently and say, are you still looking
Starting point is 00:15:14 for songs? Absolutely. Please, we fucking love that you guys send us songs. We love that we've been doing this for almost three years and we have never repeated a theme song, thanks to you, as well as logos. We always need those.
Starting point is 00:15:30 FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. Send them in and keep it fresh. Keep it fresh. Keep it fresh. Some corrections. Steven Satterberg, not Soderberg, but Satterberg. On the last episodes, you couldn't remember the actress who had the best tits in Hollywood. Reaction's Steven Satterberg. Not Soderberg, but Satterberg. On the last episodes, you couldn't remember the actress who had the best tits in Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Not, we didn't say best tits in Hollywood. Her grandmother said that. It's Sydney Sweeney. And I encourage all of your listeners to pause the podcast and Google her name. She is breathtaking and the star of the Rolling Stones new video. She sure is. Now, when you Google Sidney, which I just did, Sidney Powell, very different scenario, is the first. She tried to overturn the 2020 election. Oh, was that Colin Powell's wife?
Starting point is 00:16:17 She is not a looker. No. But now if you just type in an S, there is Sidney Sweeney. And yeah. Yeah. She's stunning and she's a good actress. She's a very good actress. Or should we say she's a good actress and she's stunning?
Starting point is 00:16:34 I think she'd prefer we said it like that. Yeah. Then a guy named Ryan in Chicago said, when Snoopy sits atop his doghouse and becomes an aviator, he is not the Red Baron. The Red Baron. The Red Baron flew for the German Air Force in World War I and is the enemy in all the imaginary dog fights. No pun intended.
Starting point is 00:16:54 Very nicely done. Snoopy's alter ego is known simply as the Flying Ace. Of course. I never, you threw that Red Baron thing around a and i i didn't really think too much about it he also said the sole black character is named franklin not leroy oh greg not duane well wait what is south uh south park is it token. I think that's right. Yeah. Yeah. I'll make sure we get this right so we can not have some corruption. It is funny that all those old things like the R-Gang had buckwheat.
Starting point is 00:17:35 Yeah. And what other tokens were there? Can we even say that? Tolkien. But it turns out then his name, there was we even say that? Tolkien. But it turns out that his name, there was an episode where it's Tolkien, not token. Yeah. But anyway, that's his literal name.
Starting point is 00:17:56 Anyway. All right, good correction. Do you think that if Eddie Murphy was a fan of J.R. Tolkien, he'd be a token black? That seems like a long way to go on that one. Manolo Matta said I forgot. Oh, no, there's one more. This one is subjective,
Starting point is 00:18:14 but I don't think you'll find the peanut strips as humorous as you remember them. The TV specials are one thing, but I'd argue the comics aren't much better than Family Circus. You are so wrong. And I said that's what and i said that last week i totally agree i went there's a town called santa rosa california where the charles schultz museum is and i spent two hours in there and look there's different kinds of i
Starting point is 00:18:39 fucking love peanuts i grew i had my first books were Peanuts books. And they may not be, some are laugh out loud funny, but they're mostly just clever, heartfelt, humorous characters. It's great. It's great. You were being, that house, you were being traumatized by your dad. I get you needed a little safe, very unchallenging space. I read the books. To cool out. I read the books in a doghouse in the backyard yeah
Starting point is 00:19:06 exactly uh manolo mata said i forgot to send this info to you the first time you mentioned the drag race show at the grand ole opry i listened to you mention it again uh the drag show law is no more in tennessee and then he sent a an art an article saying that it was overruled by the Supreme Court. Ah. So that's good because I really was thinking if I ever performed here, I would wear lipstick and a dress just because it's funny. You should just go out and you should go to the Isbell show like that. Did you see the rest of what he said right before his name there?
Starting point is 00:19:41 Take care and have fun at the Ryman this week. It's probably the best venue in the U.S. to see a concert. The sound is unbelievable there. And you've already found out it's true. A lot of comedians. I didn't realize how many comedians. I think your girlfriend was telling me that Fortune Feimster did one there. She did, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:59 And Bobby and Cheeto. Bobby Lee and Anthony Santino. They did their podcast from there. Really? And they said it was their favorite stop on their tour. Really? Yep. Huh.
Starting point is 00:20:14 And then finally, this guy named Greg Reinheimer said, in reference to Mike's marathon running, he said, remember when you thought you couldn't go any further and then you went five miles further? The correct word is farther. True. Distance, far. I'm surprised I said it, but yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:35 Chris Denman said that Sam... But further into my soul and further into like finding that little something extra within me. I think it's further. Right. Is that when you shit your pants that was farther yeah chris denman said that sam jay's new special is on hbo max it
Starting point is 00:20:53 is just called max now nope incorrect hbo is still a shingle under the roof of max and she is specifically an hbo special that is airing on hbo max or on max so i used to work at hbo and so obviously it was very confusing to everybody why really mac you're going max and you're not taking this tiffany of brand names which is hbo best name and entertainment i mean the amount of Emmys So anyway It's because They were viewing it more As like a Netflix That has
Starting point is 00:21:29 Like Netflix has Breaking Bad From AMC Like Hulu has All these FX shows And FX is the Really great brand In there
Starting point is 00:21:37 And also If it was just HBO It's gonna be diluted With a lot of Beneath HBO content Right from all the Turner networks and stuff like that TBS is on there I heard from a writer during the strike that one of the main reasons is because HBO is considered a broadcaster Max is considered a streamer and there are different pay rates within the union for those two
Starting point is 00:22:06 different entities so they got rid of hbo so going forward they don't have to pay as much residual tricky bastards yep i i should we have our backs to the beautiful window no because you don't want light behind you when you're shooting with a camera no there's no light but okay well there was when we started it was coming straight in there started four hours ago we've cut a lot out um oh and i also said on last week's episode talking about peanuts you said the filthy kid is a brilliant pianist who plays beethoven the filthy kid was pig pen he was just filthy the kid who played piano was Schroeder. And the black kid wasn't Leroy.
Starting point is 00:22:49 His name was Franklin. I mean, how many words did you say that were right? After saying how much Peanuts means to me. I read every book as a kid. You know, with with dirt bag and the piano player ludwig you know i love them they were like family and the therapist laura dr laura i have blocked a lot of my childhood out but i won't be blocking out tonight. If you're listening on Sunday, Baltimore, Magoobies, October 22nd, Houston on November 3rd and 4th,
Starting point is 00:23:29 Bakersfield on the 11th, Austin, as I mentioned, November 17th through 19th, San Francisco punchline, November 30th through December 2nd, Fort Worth also coming up, Atlanta, and we just booked San Diego in February at the La Jolla Comedy Store so that's it anything you want to talk about Mike no I mean we do it and entertain no not really I was up too late last night watching couples therapy which I talked about a couple of years ago it's on Showtime it's so good yeah I'm gonna get into it because uh it's real it's reality it's
Starting point is 00:24:06 real therapy sessions yeah and uh and the woman is so insightful and calls i wish i had had a therapist thought like this he like calls you out on your stuff and makes you stop wait wait wait you know you have a story but let's check your story you know what i mean but the other thing that's probably very appealing for male viewers is that if you've ever been in couples therapy, which me and Aaron went for, I think, two months when we when we hit a certain mark and and we we got through it pretty quick. You want to leave. And when you watch it on TV, you're in there and you can just fucking change the channel or shut it off. It's not a good sign. I mean, how much do you
Starting point is 00:24:45 want to leave couples therapy in general for the average guy yeah because we were talking about earlier today 90 of the impetus for couples therapy is the woman we're gonna find out later in this podcast that women generally aren't happy in relationships oh that's right good tease let's talk about where people are happy, Mike. Yeah, we're going to do it, baby. Game time. Let's do it. No more frustrating ticket buying experiences. You go get paper. Oh, if you have a water, I'd take a water too. If you weren't sure if the seats were good, you couldn't find last minute tickets. There were good deals. Game time. Let's go on to right now. Let's see what's in town here let's put it to nashville
Starting point is 00:25:27 look at jason isbell tonight 286 a ticket now that's gonna go down but he's at the right the ryman is incredibly small and he's the hometown boy for instance the jonas, they're only $46. Oh, man! Yup. And then let me go to outside of music. Let's go to some sports. We got the Predators, $39, and that's going to drop. That's Saturday night. Tennessee State football is at $67.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Anyway, browse through the Game Time app. Check out everything that's going on. Last-minute tickets. They have flash deals zone deals easy to find and buy tickets for every kind of event in your area you can theater sports views from all the seats in the venue and the lowest price guaranteed you have event cancellation protection job loss protection i don't think it's gonna keep your job for you but if you lose a job i think they're work with you on the tickets right yeah i think that you can get tickets to the
Starting point is 00:26:32 christmas party from the job that you were just fired from is that what yeah on game time yeah um it's the only ticketing app that gives you complete peace of mind with your purchase so take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time download the game time app create an account and use code papers for 20 off your first purchase terms apply again create an account and redeem code p-a-p-e-r-s for 20 off download game time today last minute tickets lowest price guaranteed. And if you don't go, you're going to be depressed, in which case you're going to need our next sponsor,
Starting point is 00:27:12 the fine people at BetterHelp.com. This is a company that's close to my heart because during the pandemic, I got low. My brain started kind of getting in the way of trying to fall asleep. I talk about like racing thoughts. My thoughts were racing. The same 12 thoughts just took turns. They just stood in line and each ran at me.
Starting point is 00:27:38 And I learned some cognitive behavioral therapy through game time, which is basically just... Not game time, probably. Did I say game time which is basically just not game time probably did i say game time yeah better help baby with a p at the end um i learned some cognitive behavioral therapy and learned how to recognize the thoughts yeah and cut the legs out from under them and so i i've told you that oh you told me and you called me out on that once. But I remember in therapy, the guy goes, so like, what are you feeling? And it was couples therapy coincidentally.
Starting point is 00:28:11 And I was like, I'm angry. And he's like, OK, right. No, of course. Right now. What do you think is like behind that? I'm like, frustration. And he's like, all right. But again, what's behind that frustration? I'm like, all right, but again, what's behind that frustration? I'm like, uh, anger.
Starting point is 00:28:28 Irish therapy. I couldn't get to what the source, they say those are like surface emotions. Anyway, therapy is amazing. You, if you need help at all, or if you even think you do, you should absolutely see. And you can do it online. You have to drive across town. You don't have to. Entirely online suited to your schedule yeah i've done it in my
Starting point is 00:28:50 car driving home i uh it's it's it's real easy and these are therapists they're matched to you based on you do a questionnaire and they locate where what areas you want to work on and they find somebody who's an expert in that you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Male, female, see what you like. Some people don't know until they try it. I like a female. I'll take either. I'll take anyone that can help me.
Starting point is 00:29:17 So make your brain your friend with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Sunday, not papers, Sunday, today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash papers. Now let's get to- No, slash Sunday. What did I say?
Starting point is 00:29:38 Oh, Sunday. Okay. No, no, you did it right the first time. Just read that last line again. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Sunday. Why can't we get the same hashtag for all of our ads? That's above our pay grade. We've got paper.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Oh. Okay, I like this story because it's very relatable. Israelis reservists thrust into unknown on front lines of war with Hamas. Most Israelis who have already done their mandatory military service remain in the reserves until age 40. Since October 7th, entire planes have been chartered to bring home reservists and other Israelis. Dreadlocks hang from under helmets. There are hipster beards, quirky glasses, oversized pants hanging down below the waist, and hiking shoes that are anything but regulation.
Starting point is 00:30:38 Quote, it's surreal to be here, said Amir, one of the more than 360 000 israeli reservists called up uh to the war against gaza-based hamas militants amir who did not give his last name uh according to army orders finished his military service in 2014 just after an israeli war with militants in gaza he said meekly that he still has, quote, grief and trauma from the conflict. And despite undergoing annual training exercises, he didn't realize that nine years later he'd be called to fight again. No one should have to find themselves in this situation, he said, holding his rifle. I still know how to use it, but I hope I don't have to, he sighed. still know how to use it but i hope i don't have to decide and then one more alia 24 is a female reservist a medic who hasn't worn a uniform in four years the french israeli who works in a startup
Starting point is 00:31:34 found out that she'd been called up for service while she was on a beach in thailand put your top on come home she's like Even for us It's terrifying Of course I'm asking myself What I'm doing here But this is just how it is It's our duty So I'm like
Starting point is 00:31:52 She says it's our duty Like jury duty Because then you Would be AWOL We've just found out Do you not want to talk about that? Of course I'm not talking about that You don't go to jury duty that often
Starting point is 00:32:03 But you got lucky You got lucky I've gotten very lucky I think they don't go to jury duty that often, but you get lucky. You got lucky. I've gotten very lucky. I think they don't want my kind, but a few weeks, maybe a month or two ago, I was talking about this entitled. The generations,
Starting point is 00:32:15 including us have gotten more entitled than the ones before. We are way more entitled than our parents. And the idea, I mean, it was always asked what you can do for your country. And if you were drafted like generally everyone went of course there were draft dodgers and people who came up with principled reasons not to not join but that was such a small fraction yeah and anyway now
Starting point is 00:32:40 i think the draft would be almost comical in the U.S. Oh, yeah. They're all going and everything, but it's such a different culture there. And they've all had mandatory service. Right. Nothing like that. Also, when you think about the wars that Americans have been asked to fight in in the last 20 years, whether it's Iraq or Afghanistan, we don't have skin in the last 20 years, whether it's Iraq or Afghanistan,
Starting point is 00:33:07 we don't have skin in the game. The Israelis are being, you know, attacked as they are attacking as well. But I'm just saying it's personal. That's a great point. Because after 9-11, there was a surge in enrollment. So you are right.
Starting point is 00:33:23 You are right. When they stick it to you on your home turf or anywhere, when they stick it to you, you do feel stronger about fighting. Yeah. But a reservist, I always thought that was the woman that answered the phone at a restaurant.
Starting point is 00:33:40 Yeah, no, no. Oh, that's a hostess. That's a hostess. No, you're the one reserving at that point. I get it, though. Oh, that's a hostess. That's a hostess. No, you're the one reserving at that point. I get it, though. Oh, that's true. But yeah, I can't imagine. Like, is there macchianos here?
Starting point is 00:33:52 Or at least Turkish coffee from the region? Nothing. This canteen isn't holding the heat of my cafe latte. Is this canteen a whatever the big brand now is? The $40 water holders that my daughters have? Excuse me, sir. There's sand in my canteen. Well, yeah, we're in the desert.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Are these the only style goggles that we, this is it? Okay. Bring out your dead. Okay. A funeral home worker responsible for transporting dead bodies in a Nebraska county is suspended. Sorry, is suspected of having an intimate encounter with a life-size sex doll he found in the apartment of a deceased person, according to court records. Investigators say Ryan Smith, 41, and a colleague were dispatched last week to a home in Omaha to collect the body of an individual who died there. Near the body on the bed was a very real life-sized sex doll, an investigator reported.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Police alleged that Smith subsequently called the property manager and claimed that the local sheriff had asked him to remove the sex doll to collect swabs for a biopsy smith's strange request was denied by the manager who later returned to the apartment to discover that smith was inside the unit literally does unit mean sex doll and it had been locked with a deadbolt and shade yeah that's quality time yeah after smith exited the home with his shirt untucked and his pants in disarray and in a great mood, the property manager called cops who later busted Smith on a felony burglary charge. A post arrest examination revealed the sex doll to be, quote, sticky. And it appeared that, quote, something had rubbed her inner thighs.
Starting point is 00:35:42 A deputy collected the sex doll so that it could be processed for DNA. Well, really, the key is don't leave evidence. That's the thing. Even if she's rubber, wear a rubber. And just imagine the sound. It would sound like Fast and the Furious.
Starting point is 00:36:03 They would just be... What does that sound? Sc tires oh rubber squealing like a tokyo drift yeah i got it well they can't fire this guy he's probably the only employee who's not sleeping with the corpses i mean what's the big deal on this story it's like it would be how much more disturbing if like the corpse had evidence of touching the inner thigh and was sticky yeah that's true that's true he sublimated and he transferred all healthy i've heard in couples therapy i think it was a very smart dead woman i think the woman was like oh god i think i'm gonna be dying in my bed this week and uh i don't want to be fucked while I'm dead. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:46 So let me order a sex doll. Yeah. And put it right next to me in the bed. Put some perfume on it, some lipstick, bent it over. Why was it on the bed, by the way? Well, here's the thing, and I'll be honest with you. If you leave a sex doll in a guy's apartment, he's fucking it. I don't care who it is.
Starting point is 00:37:04 Even if it's a priest and it's a female sex doll, if you're alone with it, you're going to have your way with it. Yeah. Was it? Oh, it just said deceased person. Yeah, so we don't know if it was a man or a woman. You're definitely betting man. Oh, interesting.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Yeah. Maybe I did read somewhere. I'm going back through this. But anyway, yeah, it would probably have to be a man. Yeah. Maybe I did read somewhere. I'm going back through this. But anyway, yeah, it would probably have to be a man. Yeah. All right, let's skip this next one and get to... Women never need the whole body, huh? Nope.
Starting point is 00:37:35 I've never thought about that before. Men even get a chopped off torso. Although their first sex doll for a woman is a horse. A lot of women break their hymen on that horse. They got the arms around the horse country. Yeah. Whore country. Whore's country.
Starting point is 00:37:53 Let's skip this next one and go right to this one. All right. The California serial killer. Keeping it light. Who murdered two family members and then five random strangers told authorities he killed
Starting point is 00:38:08 his pedophile cellmate because he was a slob justifiable Raymond Raymond Escobar Ramon
Starting point is 00:38:17 Ramon Escobar who was the piano player in Peanuts was charged with killing cellmate Juan Villanueva months after prison guards found the convicted child rapist dead in his cell. When an officer arrived to check on Villanueva, Escobar alleged, without being questioned, confessed out of the blue. Villanueva was sentenced to life in prison last year for sexually assaulting a child under 14
Starting point is 00:38:51 and arrived in February just days before his slaying. Yeah, you don't last long. No, if you're a pedophile, especially you don't last long, and then add being a slob to it, keep your side of the cell neat don't give him a fucking excuse you're fucking me here on the toiletry shelf of what am i under 14 yeah right yeah um that is an amazing thing that a guy who's a serial killer has this calm this conscience like there really is a pecking order in prison. Being a serial killer is maybe even
Starting point is 00:39:26 respected or at least feared. Well, I don't think it was an accident that they're like, what cell should we put the child fucker in? I got an idea. How about the guy who likes hospital corners on his sheets? And if they don't do it, he's killed six of them in a row. hospital corners on his sheets and if uh they don't do it he's killed six of them in a row the only mess he likes is blood after killing a fucking child molester yeah oh man all right a uh a north carolina family we're keeping it light oh my god well it's a halloween episode okay a north carolina family is upset after their loved one's body was mistaken for a halloween decoration and left outside for days that's enough right there no punch lines nothing else was there a sex doll right next to him robert owens family discovered that a lawn care worker mowed around
Starting point is 00:40:18 his near naked body thinking it was a prop days later someone else made the gruesome discovery don't know how you can do that said owens sister haley shu mow right beside someone and assume that they're halloween decorations wait so what did she want like he should have done he should have mowed right over it right yeah now we have to bury it or cremate it he had the mower it the mulch, built-in mulch. Family members admit Owens was known to do drugs. They say, however, that doesn't explain how he ended up where he did. Police don't suspect foul play, but are investigating his death. Thought he was a Halloween decoration? Had he curled into a tight ball and turned orange?
Starting point is 00:41:03 Did he have one of those dead boners sticking out of the top? Well, now the Owens family figures are going to put them on the roof with some reindeer and get, just get through the holiday season. Why not? Right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:15 First we're going to put some, some feathers on them. Yeah. And, and then after that, maybe a year long thing and put them in a little jockey uniform with a lantern on the front lawn. Why not? Just somebody heads up to the groundskeeper. It's a, him in a little jockey uniform with a lantern on the front lawn why not just somebody heads up to the groundskeeper it's a it's a lawn jockey it's like a formal weekend at bernie's where it's just always a dead guy as some ornamental decoration i mean it
Starting point is 00:41:37 is pretty spooky when you think about like folklore in your neighborhood that you talk about on halloween yeah how about the dead guy on the abandoned lawn? That's the best haunted house in town. Are you going to ring that doorbell? Right. They should have him there
Starting point is 00:41:51 with a bucket full of candy just sitting there out front. Just take one. You pick out a Tootsie Roll, it's his finger. Scared kids are like, go, parents, just go. No!
Starting point is 00:42:03 Here's your story. Lesbian on our way. The divorce rate for lesbians is the highest among all marriages. The lesbian divorce rate was 78% in 2016, 74% in 2017, then back up to 75% in 2018. percent in 2017 then back up to 75 percent in 2018 according to one family law professional the factors that lead lesbians to divorce are the very same ones that lead women in the heterosexual marriages to petition for divorce at a rate about twice as high as men these factors include feeling ignored in a marriage unequal relationship with one partner pulling the weight in the marriage, and then there's adultery and domestic violence. Huh? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:55 I think the other thing is it's a same sex marriage, which, you know, when you don't have a penis, is the same sex, same sex, same sex. I mean... It's same sex? I mean, there's no penis. Right out of the gate? How many positions are there? You scissor, you 69 it, you call it a night. Yeah, that's true.
Starting point is 00:43:20 Somebody had this joke about the 69 position. He's like, what's the rush? Right, I didn't see that. I think the joke about the 69 position is like, what's the rush? Right. I didn't see that. I think the problem is here is everyone in these marriages is married to a woman. I mean, it's that simple. That's the problem. Yeah. Yeah. It's like Bill Burr talked about a little bit like, oh, like he's like, I have more in common with a lesbian than I thought, because she has to go home to a woman. No wonder she's out walking in a bad mood. Like I am. Right. Right.
Starting point is 00:43:52 Both people going, I think we need to talk more about this. I know. But you know, I did see someone, I came across it on social media, but someone, I don't know if it was a therapist, but was like this might point out that to women that maybe some of this is on us in other words if the complaint is feeling ignored and we blame men for that and stereotypically you know the men who are from mars for that and now though you're married to a woman and it's happening And it's the number one stated reason And it's a skyrocket
Starting point is 00:44:28 I mean it's a It's a higher divorce rate Than when you're You know Married to men That maybe it's It's the dynamic And your needs
Starting point is 00:44:37 That have to be looked at Yeah it's not Is the bar too high Right right It's not a It's not Yeah I think the other thing that works against lesbian marriage
Starting point is 00:44:47 is having him to go to wnba games because you bring that shit home with you even when you win it's like yeah but we scored 13 points and it kills the gay guys who are married because they're paying like six times as much to go to nba games. And they're like so envious of these lesbians paying $3. Game time. Game time. Get it now. Speaking of great companies we like to talk about, PrizePix is the largest independently owned daily fantasy sports platform
Starting point is 00:45:18 in North America. The most exciting and easiest way to play DFS. It's just you against the numbers. Instead of battling thousands of other players, including a lot of these pros and sharks that go in there and then your odds go down. Instead, you pick more than or less than on two to six player stat projections
Starting point is 00:45:39 and watch the winnings roll in, Mike. It's really simple to play. You make your picks, submit the entry in less than 60 seconds. That's what I love about it. And it's fun. You win 25 times your money this football season, and you just select two or more players, pick more or less on their projected stats,
Starting point is 00:45:58 and place your entry. It's great. I like it. Share your – Go to prizep picks dot com slash papers and use code papers for a first deposit match up to 100. Wait, first, before you read that, I just want to say I have I have done this and I I won the 25 times the money. And I I didn't know how that worked until I got 25 times the money. Nice.
Starting point is 00:46:25 Yeah, it's pretty sweet. And, you know, if you like sports, it's fun to watch. But when you're using PrizePix, you just get that much more into watching the game. Yeah, you make your entries on the Daily Fantasy. It's great. All right, back to the call to action here. Go to prizepix.com slash papers and use code papers for a first deposit match up to $100. It's highly, oh, here we go.
Starting point is 00:46:52 Where's the rest of it? Oh, do we have to spell out papers? This is my first time reading this. Go to prizepix.com slash P-A-P-E-R-S for a first deposit match of up to $100. Danny, Daily Fantasy, place your entries, player projections. It's great. Okay. Are we making America Florida?
Starting point is 00:47:17 Yeah, let's do it. Let's make America Florida. Are you crinkling? What happened to you? I'm not doing a lot of crinkling so far. Daryl Davidson was arrested and charged with criminal mischief after an incident that unfolded on Friday. The 39-year-old man was reportedly yelling and belligerent outside a woman's home. That's when he tried to get inside by kicking the door open.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Davidson entered the woman's home and sat on her couch, deputies said. He didn't try to commit any crimes while inside, but he did ask for water and something to smoke. The man was taken into custody at his home nearby. Deputies say he spontaneously kicked the woman's door in because he was trying to warn her that she was in danger maybe it was like listen you are in danger somebody just kicked your door in and they are incredibly threatening and thirsty oh i gotta take a load off i'm just gonna sit down here but you need to know this it's gonna be very disruptive i mean we got to start taking America's water shortage more seriously. People are getting desperate. There's so much water in Florida.
Starting point is 00:48:31 I don't know what this guy's problem is. I mean, how do you react to this? Do you get the water first or do you call the police first? I'm getting a full-blown lunatic his glass of water. Yeah, get the glass of water. Right, right. I don't know. Maybe a way to put some Ambien in it, like glass of water. Yeah, get the glass of water. For sure. Right, right. I don't know, maybe a way to
Starting point is 00:48:45 put some Ambien in it? Like ten of them? Let's go over to Australia. We're gonna make Australia Florida. Once again an Australian has gone viral for fighting with a muscled marsupial and once again it was to save his dog. Quote,
Starting point is 00:49:01 I'm gonna punch your fucking head in the man tells the kangaroo, which presumably does not speak Australian English. Let my dog go. Then the dog's owner acts to save his best friend, appearing to strike out at the kangaroo. The response was swift. Muscles quickly twitch, and in a flash of sinew and claw,
Starting point is 00:49:22 the video cuts to black as the phone goes underwater. Muffled sounds of combat are heard before the kangaroo is seen again, seemingly unbothered, but without his canine prey. What did Raymond Chandler write this article? I would say the kangaroo was nonplussed. Yes. The man laughs and the camera briefly shows his dog
Starting point is 00:49:42 safe on the riverbank. Yeah. I wonder how dogs react to seeing their owners The man laughs and the camera briefly shows his dog safe on the riverbank. Yeah. I wonder how dogs react to seeing their owners punch an animal in the face. Like you'd be out on a walk like, take a shit now or I'm going to punch you in the fucking face. Yeah. It's like putting a dog down in front of your kid.
Starting point is 00:50:00 Behave, motherfucker. And the dog was pissed because the guy just walked in on what was happening. The dog was about fuck the kangaroo is that what it was yeah he had an erection kangaroo was like thank god he broke this up imagine fucking a kangaroo no or a dog for that matter uh let's get all international on it all All right. Going around the world. A 21-year-old computer scientist named Luke Farator just became the first person in nearly 2,000 years
Starting point is 00:50:41 to read words from a papyrus scroll that was buried under more than 60 feet of volcanic ash in the disastrous eruption of mount vesuvius in 79 ce what's ce is that it's the same as ad okay a town that was a we know what it was the scrolls were found in 1752 uh and they belonged ready for this. Yeah. Julius Caesar's father-in-law. So they decoded the message.
Starting point is 00:51:09 It said, my nephew's a fucking douche. God. Wait, is it son-in-law? It's his father-in-law. His father-in-law is. What's the nephew though?
Starting point is 00:51:19 Well, his nephew. Oh, my son-in-law. Jesus. Joke police. You get it. You get it it the other joke was he right they they deciphered and said guys if you want to really get ripped abs let me tell you five secrets you've been dying to know they're not sure these are legitimate though Because the date said 79 AD's nuts Oh no
Starting point is 00:51:46 Yeah it did It did Yeah Wow Yeah It's weird Everybody Everything old is new
Starting point is 00:51:52 I know I mean It's an old joke apparently AD's nuts Yeah Well here's a An old Very old joke
Starting point is 00:51:59 And that's why I think Of the Roman Empire all the time They were ahead on so many They were ahead on AD's nuts They predicted that. Right. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:52:07 What do we got? The Caesar haircut, the salad. Oh, yeah. This day in history. All right. In a televised speech of extraordinary gravity, President JFK announces on October 22 22nd 1962 that u.s spy planes have discovered soviet missiles in cuba these missile sites under construction but nearly
Starting point is 00:52:32 nearing completion housed medium-range missiles capable of striking a number of major cities including dc kennedy announced that he was ordering a naval quarantine of cuba to prevent soviet ships from transporting any more offensive weapons to the island and explained that the U.S. would not tolerate the existence of the missile sites in place. The president made it clear that America would not stop short of military action. This was crazy. To end what he called a clandestine, reckless and provocative threat to world peace. and provocative threat to world peace. I mean, it's pretty amazing that this guy who was a young president
Starting point is 00:53:08 who was not in office that long to take on a world power and apparently like there was back channels going on. We don't even realize what he really did, which was he back channeled talks to Khrushchev. There was a lot going on that America never knew about. Which was amazing.
Starting point is 00:53:28 I forget what book came out where that was, or I forget how it was released, but it's in the last five, 10 years. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So he stood him down, Cuban Missile Crisis, and it kind of saved his ass because he had just fucked up the Bay of Pigs. Right.
Starting point is 00:53:48 But this was tense, man. This was like a real sort of face-off. Yeah, so Khrushchev backed down, and we're here today. I look forward to the clandestine corrections next week. What did I say? Clendestine, I think. No, I didn't. Something like clandestine corrections next week. What did I say? Clandestine, I think. No, I didn't. Something like clandestine?
Starting point is 00:54:09 St. Augustine? Speaking of which, let's go letters to the editor. Let's do it. Ryan Maloney, a good Irishman from Erie, Colorado, says, Two things. Wanted to share a picture of me and my family at an AV at an Avs preseason game. family at an AV at an abs preseason season game. We scored tickets in the 11th row on the, on the shoot twice side for under $50.
Starting point is 00:54:31 Come on time. Look at this. This isn't even part of our read. No second. Another listener who has written in the past has recently got engaged. If you could congratulate Dan and Carrie from Nederland, Colorado on their engagement, I certainly would appreciate it. He listens to the show every Sunday in the shower before he gets the day going.
Starting point is 00:54:51 Nice. Is it Nederland? Is it the day going or the gay doing? The gay doing. I mean, you inverted it. Yeah. So be careful to carry. Lather up, buddy.
Starting point is 00:55:04 Is he going to make it? How long are his showers? He's never going to make it to letters to the editor. He's going to be late for work. Yeah, I know. And what kind of speaker does he have in the shower? Well, they're engaged. Listen, just don't go lesbian on us and get divorced like three-quarters of the other lesbians.
Starting point is 00:55:23 Yeah, keep your stats close to 50% instead of 75%. Yeah, keep it healthy. Speaking of unhealthy, obituary time. Oh, boy. And that's all, folks. That's not a good segue. Suzanne Somers was not healthy. She was an actress best known for her star as Chrissy Snow
Starting point is 00:55:42 in the sitcom Three's Company. She was an actress best known for her star as Chrissy Snow in the sitcom Three's Company. She helped make it one of the biggest hit TV hits of the 70s. And she played the bubbly blonde Chrissy. Let me tell you something. She was so sexy because she was like Jenny McCarthy. She was like silly and fun, seemed like a good hang, and happened to have the greatest rack on television. And not a fan of bras whenever she did you know when she was out in the wild she was braless out in the wild
Starting point is 00:56:12 you know i i don't think it's in this obituary she i didn't read it but she i think was discovered in the nbc commissary by johnny carson really. I think she was there as background actress for something or other. And then he discovered her. I think. Define discovered. I had sex with her. No, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:56:33 but I discovered her mouth on his guy. I have no idea what went on, but I do recall. Maybe we'll Google that. I do recall that. I think he was a part of her rise. Maybe he got her an audition or something like that i'm gonna google it as you keep but she played the dumb blonde but in fact she was actually a very intelligent woman she was fired from three's company in the fifth season when she demanded a
Starting point is 00:56:57 large pay raise so her compensation would match ridders they refused and she was replaced by another blonde roommate. This was not the end of her career. She starred in Hollywood Wives. Then she had her own sitcom. She's the Sheriff in 87. The widely panned show featured Summers as a woman who was appointed sheriff.
Starting point is 00:57:20 Oof. Yeah, that sounds Hmm. What, her other sitcom? She was in American Graffiti. I think it was terrible. In 1973. Oh, right! In American Graffiti,
Starting point is 00:57:34 which I just watched with the kids recently. What are you kidding me? She was the woman that he was following all night. Yes, she drove the whole thing. Right. She was the driving force. You know, do you realize
Starting point is 00:57:43 that movie was 24 hours or not even it was one night it was one night in a town i can't remember what town it was it's a small city what are we talking about american graffiti it's not burbank or i think you're right it was somewhere in california it might have been well i mean bob's big boy is featured in it i don't know if that's because it's shot there. Here's a story I found on her discovery. One fateful day in 1974, Suzanne Somers was discovered just one week after moving to Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:58:15 The unforgettable moment took place on the iconic Carson Tonight Show. During the show, Carson introduced Suzanne Somers, who had recently caught his attention while working on another show in the NBC building. Wait, she was on a show within a week of moving to LA? None of this is making sense.
Starting point is 00:58:31 That's what happens. Suzanne, known for her beauty and talent, had also written a book of poems. Her multifaceted talents intrigued Carson. And he wanted his audience to have the opportunity to meet this young and promising star. As she made her first appearance on the show, she couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness. Blah, blah. God, they're stretching this out. Well, in the 90s, she was, you remember, she had the Thighmaster.
Starting point is 00:58:56 He spotted her in the NBC commissary enjoying a meal while simultaneously taking in some ox. Whatever. I hate this article. But anyway, there was something to that. Yeah, Thighmaster. I remember those ads. I mean, she made a lot. She probably made more money shucking the Thighmaster than she did on those sitcoms.
Starting point is 00:59:15 Well, I mean, it's almost like the George Foreman grill. He just lent his name to that. And then, of course, he was a spokesperson. But that machine stopped more date rape in the nineties than coffee. We're keeping our legs together. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, another sad obituary we learned about today was Bert Young who played Pauly in the Rocky movies. Um, Adrian's brother, one of the best character actors, Queens bread actor. Um, let's see. He was a Hollywood tough guy in films like Chinatown. Once upon a time in America,
Starting point is 00:59:49 Rocky was in the Sopranos. He was nominated for an Academy award for Rocky, but Burgess Meredith was also nominated for in the same category, supporting actor. So that never works out. They split the boat. Right. I don't think Burgess won.
Starting point is 01:00:04 I'm almost certain he did But anyway He was He was Paulie was so great And so real Didn't he have like 180 acting credits
Starting point is 01:00:12 On IMDB or something Yeah we looked him up today Because we were like What else was he in And He was in Chinatown Did you say that already
Starting point is 01:00:21 Yeah yeah yeah But you know We found the list And it was a lot and it was a lot. Yeah, it was a lot of big hit things. Speaking of hit things, let's get to the funnies. Yes, sir. As this paper loses all its crinkliness.
Starting point is 01:00:33 Just in time. We got Leroy is leaning over Loretta's shoulder. She's on the laptop. They look sad. He goes, how is it the neighbor's dog's Instagram account has more followers than we do? You know what? That one's too true.
Starting point is 01:00:50 It just seems weird that these two, with all their financial problems, marital problems, are worried about their Instagram feed. It looks like he's about to strangle her. Maybe that's what's going on. That will get him. He's distracting her,
Starting point is 01:01:03 pretending to be, you know, care about this dog's Instagram. I'll get him some likes. And now my favorite ones are when Leroy is at a cocktail party dancing like a fool. See the bottom right one? Yeah, he's on the lane. He's got his tie is flopping.
Starting point is 01:01:18 Loretta's standing there with her hands on her hips, very angry. And he says to the blonde, buxom woman he's dancing with which i they never explain why these tens are dancing with leroy and they seem happy yeah and he goes uh that's my wife loretta uh commissioner of the fun police not only is he making an ass of himself yeah desecrating his marriage vows, he's insulting her right in front of this woman. That's going to be a long car ride home. And right in front of Commissioner of the Fun Police also.
Starting point is 01:01:54 She's within earshot. Hager comes home with a bag of loot and his son. They both have horns in their helmets. And it's two generations of Vikings. Product of rape. Go ahead. Helga does not look happy. And he goes, look at this haul, Helga.
Starting point is 01:02:10 And she goes, you took our son on a raid? And then they open the bag and it's filled with toys. And he goes, we got lucky at the carnival. But at some point, Hager will take his son on a raid. It's the family business. He's going to understand what lucky means, the real word lucky to a Viking. Lucky is not being in the castle as a female.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Yeah, forget getting lucky at a carnival. You're going to get lucky in Sweden. You're going to get lucky in England. You're going to get lucky in Ireland. You're going to be lucky if they find all the handmaidens and they get exhausted sexually before they find you. Yeah. Let's do Farside.
Starting point is 01:02:47 Farside. Here we go. So it's a picture of the door's been opened and a werewolf has come through the door. And you can see him like with ripped clothes, kind of like the Hulk. He's expanded out of his human wear. And then there's a homeowner who's shooting a gun. Blam, blam. And then, let me see, how should I do this? So, moments, here's what it says.
Starting point is 01:03:14 Moments before he was ripped to shreds, Edgar vaguely recalled having seen that same obnoxious tie earlier in the day. It's this polka dot tie and the thought bubble is it's edgar at the gun shop and there's a guy sitting there with the with the same tie and it's a man and he's like oh yes i guarantee these bullets are pure silver he was playing a long game on that one long game is right. What a true predator. Yeah. Speaking of predators, Dagwood is answering the phone in a red sweater
Starting point is 01:03:52 and shoes that look like they're three sizes too big. And somebody says, is this Dagwood Bumstead? He goes, this is Dagwood Bumstead. And then you hear, wait, seriously? This is just a prank call. What are the unbelievable odds your name is almost as funny as what I totally made up? And now Dagwood walks into the kitchen, looks a little glum.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Where's Blondie? At the fucking stove with an apron on like a slave. And she goes, who was it, dear? And he goes, someone who should probably just go buy a lottery ticket. I mean, i never really thought about his name it's a little meta this this it's a little like well this comes off the heels remember last week where uh she asked if he was the real dagwood bums yeah what's is there a big identity thing is this a is this all of us on a black mirror i think we're gonna find out a blondie mirror that blondie has been asleep
Starting point is 01:04:46 for this entire strip having a horrible nightmare of unrequited love and unsexual deadbeat sleeping on the couch who she cooks for and now she's gonna wake up and realize she's alive there's hope yeah maybe she wished in a previous kind of life she wished for like i just need a time out i just need i want a man who doesn't want to have sex with me who isn't like what even if i it my tits slapped him in the face he wouldn't even wake up yeah he just wants to eat big sandwiches all day i just want that because i just divorced an animal yeah and then she's in this life and she's forgot it was like a genie wish and she's forgotten all about it watch what you wish for if i had any
Starting point is 01:05:29 advice for anybody and i'll give this to the shout out of the young couple that's engaged that we just that we just uh gave wishes to is if you're a guy if you don't have a drinking problem drink more even if you don't want it and then when you really fuck up in the marriage, just go, honey, I'll get help. And then you go get sober and she's got to take you back. Oh, yeah. Create a one one one step on the way. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:54 I like that a lot. All right. You know what else I like a lot is our sponsors. We want to remind you guys, don't forget, go to game time to get your tickets, go to better help to get your mental health and if you want to engage in uh i want to say it right because it's specific how you should say clandestine if you want to say clandestine leroy um if you want to do uh maybe clean this up and edit. If you want to do daily fantasy sports,
Starting point is 01:06:29 then you're going to go to PrizePix. Okay. Thank you to Midcoast Media for being here with us day in and day out supporting this podcast. Yep. And thank you to your girlfriend for hosting me this weekend. Yeah, look at you. You brought an eye mask because this is a pretty light room. Oh at the moon you got tonight oh nice yeah all right we're off to see jason isbell let's do it man let's hit the ryman see you guys later do you think that that woman
Starting point is 01:06:55 with the giant jugs is going to run down the aisle tonight is that part of the ryman every night no matter what the show is amazing like price be amazing. Like Price is right. Every night somebody runs down the aisle. Or like Big Ben, you know when it's going to go off. It's like, yeah, right before encore is this woman runs down the aisle of the Ryman. The unknown comic on the Gong Show. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I love it.
Starting point is 01:07:16 All right, everybody. I think you should take it eesh. Take it eesh. Woo. And 789. 789. 789. 789.
Starting point is 01:07:24 Read all about it. 789. Read all about it. 789. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it.
Starting point is 01:07:32 Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it.
Starting point is 01:07:40 Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Be all about it. Did we start? That's the start? Did we start?
Starting point is 01:07:48 That's the start? Did we start?

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