Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep 198 1/7/24
Episode Date: January 7, 2024We pay off our predictions and death pool for the year and guess who wins? The Epstein list is revealed and a dog shits out thousands of dollars in cash. Old ladies are posing nude and Kimmel fights b...ack.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
three two one read all about it read all about it. Oh, wow. Read all about it.
Sunday Papers.
It just flopped on your doorstep.
It's got a blue plastic bag on it, and it smells like ink.
There we go.
It smells like ink.
Don't you remember that smell when you get the Sunday Paper
and the Sunday Comics where the outside layer and you fucking took a sniff.
Isn't it all coupons and all that crap now that's all over it?
Well, now it is.
Yeah, now it's all coupons.
Tire ads?
Yep.
Tire ads.
You know, we just went through the show a little bit and I forgot to bring up, might as well talk about it now, the koozie sitch.
Oh, what's the koozie sitch? Right i've been out of town back in town we i have a giant bag of koozies that were delivered but you and i have to autograph them okay and then i gotta get them out
and i think a lot of people you've sent me you haven't sent me that many who are like no it's just a handful
yeah i haven't gotten it yet i think some of those were when we were even sold out of our
second batch yeah so they feel badly but they were late um so the third batch is in you're
gonna take some on the road yeah you're gonna sell them we're gonna split it 50 50 just like
i did all this work on this fucking personally
licking envelopes and shit.
You know I was kidding when I said that, right?
Well, I kind of get it a little.
Like, you're on the road.
Now it's some merch.
And maybe 50, after a while, I'll revisit it.
Like, if you're-
No.
I will only take, I will take 50%.
You did all the work on the koozies.
I don't know why.
I think you're an insane person.
I was a little.
And I saw your daughter last night.
She came over and was hanging out with my daughter,
and she said that she was,
what's the word when you make somebody work?
She was ensigned or enlisted.
Did she say she was not good at the task that she was assigned well i guess she
i guess she earned what you paid her which was nothing after promising her money i still haven't
paid her yet yeah yeah that's coming out of your you're paying half of it yeah how much we paying
her huh we paying her by the hour or by the koozie i told told her I'd pay her to give me an hour
to try to get some envelopes out the door back in December.
She did one hour?
I did everything, dude.
It was crazy.
You're really nuts.
You know there's companies that do this, right?
Yeah, and then we get like no money for our koozies.
Yeah.
And this is a personal touch.
It is nice.
We even hand wrote on some envelopes. Yeah. And this is a personal touch. It is nice.
We even hand wrote on some envelopes.
Yep.
No, it was very nice.
And I appreciate you doing it. I appreciate the effort.
I will come by today or tomorrow and we'll do a little signing session.
I could also bring them to the game Monday, Michigan game.
We got to do that.
Oh, sign them at the Penmar?
Maybe, or something, or before.
Oh, not before.
Well, anyway,
Happy New Year,
everybody. I know Nat, last
week was the, I think
we aired on the 31st,
so this is our first show of
2024, and
we are going to do our predictions.
We asked you guys to send in some topics for us to predict.
We got a bunch of those.
We'll get to that later.
We will see who won.
Me and Mike made our predictions, and we'll see who got the most right.
And what does the winner get?
I think it's bragging rights for a year i think
okay fair enough i believe so i think you think you won and i think i think i won yeah it's not
a landslide by any stretch but going through it i saw you had some crazy ones i did but what's funny is we went in opposite directions on Earthquake
this year
oh we'll get to Earthquake
yeah yeah yeah we will
yeah exactly
we can ask
no one will agree with you
well we'll see
I think the scientists will
they won't
because they also know how distance works.
Okay, okay.
So New Year's Eve, let me recount mine.
I think when we spoke last,
I had not done my stellar performance on New Year's Eve
in Milwaukee, Wisconsin,
in front of some people that, let's be honest,
New Year's Eve crowds are by far the worst crowd of the year
because they're people that don't go out all year.
And then all of a sudden New Year's Eve comes up and they go,
we should go out.
We should go out tonight.
Where should we go?
And then, of course, comedy club is just the easiest decision.
So they're not comedy fans
half of them have never heard of me which is which isn't an issue but milwaukee just
i don't want to insult the city of milwaukee but there was a lack of enthusiasm there was a lack of
uh you know i don't know i bombed let's just say I bombed on New Year's Eve
leading up to midnight.
Did you really?
Yeah, it was brutal
because nobody was paying attention.
Everybody's like looking at their phones.
They're getting champagne
and I'm distracted
and it just went, it flatlined
and I just fucking,
I was like, all right,
I'm going to get off stage.
I'll see you guys in 15 minutes.
And then I brought,
I teased that we were going to do a dating show and then we're going to get two people to kiss
at midnight and that they were going to get a sweatshirt from the improv a t-shirt from the
feature act dion curry and i was going to give them a pin and so we got four people on stage
two dudes one was an oil rig guy.
The other one was an automotive mechanic.
Okay.
And the two women that came on stage were both attractive and they happened to be mother and daughter.
So we hook up the mother with the oil field guy because he's got more money.
And the daughter.
He's got a ton of lube.
That tracks. A ton of lube. That tracks.
He's got a ton of lube.
And he can frack, baby.
He can frack it up.
And so at midnight, we had them kiss.
And the mother just pecked the guy.
But the daughter fucking went in hard.
This sounds like a great show.
What are you talking about?
And the guy kind of turned his face to the side.
Oh.
So, but we gave everybody sweatshirts and T-shirts and pins.
So it was fun for them.
Sounds like it was time for the daughter to get with the oil rig.
I know.
Wow.
All right.
How was your New year's eve my so i went down in new orleans for uh
three nights and just because we wanted to get out of town but we didn't want to compete with
everyone going to sunny locations and vicar mexico or florida anything like that so it was just easy
weather was great new orleans was amazing and uh stay in a really great place out by the lower
guarded district,
which is near the warehouse district.
Oh yeah.
That's nice down there.
Yeah,
it was great.
And so the whole,
unfortunately the entire town was packed with Texans because the,
the Texas Washington game,
the sugar bowl was right there in New Orleans.
And Washington fans were there too, but they're not assholes. They're not just wounded ego
screaming, walking around in cowboy outfits, which by the way, when I say cowboy outfits,
that's how they dress a lot of these people. They're wearing sharp, stupid cowboy outfits that's how they dress a lot of these people yeah they're wearing sharp stupid
cowboy boots that cowboys don't even wear and just yee-hawing all over the fucking place so
no i love those guys they got the hats they get the boots they get the little crease in the jeans
and then they go to work on monday and they sit in a cubicle and they sell insurance all day with
their dockers yeah and uh yeah so anyway we're sitting at a bar at one point and we are there and I'm rooting for Michigan
because of my daughter and we're rooting for Michigan and there's Washington people down
the bar and we have to whisper to each other because all the Texas assholes are everywhere.
And they're like, you guys are going from Michigan.
So are we.
And then they're like, you know like please please beat Alabama
and we're like please please beat Texas to them right and we start doing it and then eventually
you know we're drinking getting more and more drunk and we're getting louder and the Texans
are in there but we're eventually like um we it just became we were so excited for the South to lose across the board. That's what it became.
And then when the civil war,
Oh,
and then when Texas,
all of a sudden they're pouting all over town when they lost later that night,
uh,
Hannah had said that it was like,
um,
education won the day because they're also clearly better schools.
And,
uh,
no matter what UT says.
Yeah.
And so it was great to have those villains.
You know, it just made it so.
And the games were unbelievable.
Yeah, great games.
Great games.
Govans pointed out that Michigan, the last play, you know,
the opposing coach, Alabama coach, got so much criticism for what was that run up the middle.
But it was a low snap.
And then they showed what the play was designed.
And if he had, he was supposed to run left, but I guess the snap was so low, he couldn't then look over.
And it was also, I guess, a pass option.
Yeah.
And either the pass or if he ran left totally would have scored
I think
no he never picked his head up that was the problem
Nick Saban never picked his head up
well Saban right there's the coach
and
that was the call but yeah
I mean it was just
then the QB ran right up the middle but man that QB
and of course I don't know
talented
what an athlete but anyway Man, that QB, and of course I don't know Milrow, talented. Yeah, yeah.
What an athlete.
But anyway, New Year's Eve, we went and saw Billy Strings
play the University of New Orleans stadium there.
How many people is that?
Huh?
How many people is that?
Or arena.
Well, it's like a hockey arena.
It was cut off a little bit.
Us was like 15,000 or so.
Yeah.
I don't know how many, but he sold it out three nights.
Damn.
And then we call, I don't know, for those of you who don't know Billy Strings, he's
bluegrass, but he's becoming like the darling.
And Chris is saying he sold out a 10,000 seater there in St. Louis.
His following is getting gigantic because the dude comes to play.
And, yeah, he's like a fish-type fan.
The whole place was dancing.
And so we called, and we heard, oh, he's going to stay on through midnight.
We're like, what time does he go on?
So it said he goes on at 9.
We're like, he doesn't really go on at 9.
He's probably a warm-up band, blah, blah, blah.
Long story short, he went on at 9.04 and played really go on at nine there's probably a warm-up band blah blah long story short he went on at 904 and played till 1 30 a.m and the help in the stadium like
these female ushers these two old black women were talking and uh she's like fuck that she's like
stay on till like 12 15 you proved your point then let's all go home she should have been at my show in milwaukee i
was on at 11 15 off at 11 42 uh but he was a and dude he played uh let me look it up i'm spacing
it on the cover he played this deep cut from pink floyd it was off metal it was unbelievable dude
when you told me how good he was i've been listening to him for
the last day uh blown away so fucking good um i like that uh what's the one about divide um
he's he's incredible yeah i mean great guitar playing i cannot even believe his hands still move after four hours.
It was nuts.
Right, right.
Anyway, it was a really great show.
Everyone in there was just so into it. He played this incredible Willie Nelson cover.
His voice is great.
So anyway, that was my New Year's, and we rang it in there,
and he was all business, man.
It was great.
See any tits in New Orleans?
No. I wasn't really looking for them to be honest.
Uh, we tried to avoid cause of, you know, you combine Bourbon street with Texas and
it's just, uh, you know, an asshole Palooza.
Yeah.
So yeah, we try to avoid that.
Uh, but, but went to my favorite place, Lafitte's blacksmith shop, which now has TVs, which
is crazy to me.
They didn't even have electricity when I first started going there a million years ago.
And, uh, so we avoided like the real heavy parts of bourbon street.
So didn't see any.
Well, um, it's, uh, it's a new year.
I asked you guys at the end of last year to push me over 100,000 on Instagram.
I got a ton of new people, but I'm still at 99,700.
So if 300 more people can go to my handle, it's just my name, Greg Fitzsimmons, Instagram, do it.
I want to thank Matt.
Maybe I'll transfer some of mine to you.
Oh, that'd be great.
I have a tiny bit to spare.
All young chicks too.
The logo this week is from Matt A.
Did you see the logo?
The logo's great.
Yeah, that's awesome.
We're doing that story.
DJ Seaweed put a groovy track together for us.
Thank you, DJ.
He's contributed a lot this year
um also we got uh we got some feedback mark dot dimitri said adam copeland sunday papers theme
music for 197 is a perfectly tuned dog whistle for an audience able to hear beyond the frequency
of the cacophonous room it was recorded in. What he lacks in recording equipment and acoustic sound baffling,
he makes up for tenfold with masterful guitar playing,
seemingly recorded live in a small room while singing along to a pre-recorded backing track.
Simple and incredibly effective, reminiscent of a podcast in its early days recorded via Zoom in closets.
He goes on and on about how great it is.
But yeah, go back and listen to Adam Copeland's.
He ends with, also Greg so generously points out
at 29 minutes into the episode,
again, you don't have to be a great musician,
but Adam Copeland really is.
If you go to the end of the podcast,
you can hear the song in its entirety.
We only play usually like 20 seconds
at the beginning.
I'm realizing, does your microphone
have baffling on it?
What's baffling?
Isn't that what it's, the sound stuff? No.
It's actually a filter where you're always baffling.
Hold on, wait.
What is this thing?
That's baffling?
I just realized, I don't know what it's called.
I thought there was a wind cover or something.
Sound insulation, I think.
Yeah.
Hold on.
I think it stops the peas from popping a little bit.
This is where I'm going to put the,
it sounds like I'm applying a condom to the end of my mic.
I apologize for any sounds this is making, but I,
oh, it's probably warmer now.
AMSR.
Oh, yeah.
Imagine me doing AMSR. Oh, yeah. Imagine me doing AMSR.
Oh, just run your, listen to your.
Corrections from Rick.
Rick says, how could Mike not know the name of the Michigan quarterback?
I am so full-blown worried.
I'm fading into oblivion.
I can't remember anything.
His last name is your mother's maiden name. Is that true?
Horbag?
What?
I would remember that.
What?
Yeah.
Now, what's your mother's maiden name?
No, no. It's your mother's maiden name.
Oh, McCarthy. McCarthy. Right, right, right, right.
I'm not giving out my mother's maiden name it's
like my security word on things i know i've given out my dog's name my mother's maiden name my
favorite car yeah um my first teacher i think we've talked about those i can't even answer the
first six things they'll be like favorite sport i'm like i don't know and they're like favorite
favorite song oh well i mean it changes like am i that all over the place yeah i know and what
color was your first car well the first one my parents owned or the first one i bought
right well the first one i bought you can search all day. You're not going to find Harvest Beige. That's what it was. I remember it.
86 Volkswagen Rabbit covered in rust.
Matter of fact, the floorboards were rusted out in the front seat.
So when I would drive in the rain or slush, the tires would kick the slush up into the car until the floorboards overnight would freeze.
And I would get in the car and I would have ice under my feet while I was driving.
I remember they would put such, maybe they still do.
Like, you know, they really want to know your zip code when you're asking the value of your own car.
Yeah.
Oh, if you live in a snowy city, man, you're getting pounded.
Right, right.
The corrosion underneath it.
What kind of car?
The way it used to be anyway.
What make and model was your
first car subaru gl wagon i bought it in boston used while i was a student at bu dirt cheap
lasted forever remember i painted the whole thing did you deliver chicken wings in that car
oh 783 bird wing it in boston yeah unbelievable yeah i delivered a chicken and it would it stunk like
chicken wings that it that is true i got so many hand jobs in my volkswagen it was amazing wow
delivering chicken wings yep uh this comes from felicia baker car bloody hell greg i know you
know canada has a prime minister not a president but in four minutes
and three seconds you referenced justin trudeau as the president of canada you have shown yourself
to be a typical ethnocentric american and raspy voiced mike did not even have the temerity to call
you out on your blatant error did you notice i did i just gave you the you didn't know the name but you the question was wait wait who's he like he can't keep up with the president of canada who's
that again so i just coughed up trudeau oh i thought you said true dat i thought you're just
agreeing with me well leader man it's not so bad tour dates den theater in chicago this saturday night january 13th it's close to sold out
that's right atlanta punchline in georgia january 18th through 20 portland helium uh comedy club
february 22nd through 24 la jolla comedy store march 8th through 10th and Tampa at side splitters April 4th through 6th also announcing
March 16th Mike and I will be performing at the improv for our annual St. Patrick's Day show
oh shit if I'm not in New York how dare you if I am not I think you missed it last year too
yeah yeah we had a good lineup last year we had Zach alifanakis we had bill burr we had um
wait was i there harlan williams yeah i yeah you don't even remember i was there oh you were okay
good i performed you did great gubbins got on the couch and and and and went down in history in a famous now now famous improv photograph that was
taken oh right that made it into like a collection of photos from like the the improv's anniversary
or maybe even uh it was like their top photo no there was a 60th it was the 60th anniversary of the improv and they were showing photos of the great comics
and on one it was bill burr zach me and fucking dennis gubbins sitting on the couch in the middle
yeah no it's and it was taken while i was on stage i think craig robinson might have been in
the photo too right it's Is it Craig Robinson? Yeah.
Anyway, it's always a good lineup,
so get your tickets for March 16th at the Improv.
All tickets at FitzDawg.com.
Also, this show is sponsored by the folks at BetterHelp.
BetterHelp is online therapy that is licensed therapists that are better than people you get in person
because they can choose from
anybody in your state. I think it's in your state. I'm not sure how it works, but
they are, they're amazing. I use them. I had fantastic luck. I've referred them to several
people who've all had great luck with BetterHelp. It takes out the inconvenience of commuting,
luck with better help. Uh, it takes out the inconvenience of commuting of, uh, scheduling it. And, you know, uh, is there a snow storm and I can't get there? No, because you're sitting in
your living room. Granted, your kids are in the next room listening to your deepest, darkest
problems, but still you're in your living room. Um, so I know so many people maybe because the
new year, which is a very you know popular time to
seek therapy and want to make change i know so many people unable to find a therapist right now
it's very hard to find a therapist so i keep telling them about this and if you try one and
you don't like them you can switch over right away no harm no foul uh it really helps learning positive coping skills
setting boundaries it's funny i've been talking to my daughter trying to teach my daughter about
boundaries because you know at that age it's when you first start having to have boundaries with
friends and she's trying to put up uh you know she's struggling with with with that not struggling
but you know she's encountering
it and uh yeah therapy really helps you do that stuff and then she asked you like dad what do you
mean exactly by boundaries you're like well we want you to move out that's an example of a boundary
we want you to move out of the country uh past the boundaries of the u.S. Yeah. So anyway, celebrate the progress you've already made.
Visit betterhelp.com slash Sunday today
to get 10% off your first month.
That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash Sunday.
Oh man, and that brings us to game time,
which we all know I love.
Used game time in New Orleans.
We were checking the price of going to the
sugar bowl, but then we're like game time. Couldn't do anything about removing all the Texas
fans. So we decided to Pat that's not their job. So we decided to pass on that, but used it for
Billy strings and got in there to a sold out show. And it would have been a nightmare otherwise. So
that was amazing. uh anyway go to
game time let me look it up right now in los angeles if you want to see the chiefs the chiefs
who arguably could win it all at the chargers tomorrow 48 bucks no yep and i think that's
gonna go down you got supercross and this is the discover button on Game Time I love. I didn't know Supercross was in town.
There's Supercross, which is twice the price of the NFL ticket at 101 right now.
Clippers at Lakers tomorrow, 160.
What?
That's pretty sweet.
Keep watching it.
They have the Rolling Stones listed here for later in the year.
But the best thing is they have these last-minute deals,
and you can pick your seats
and then take a look at how they look from the viewpoint on the app the app is amazing a couple
of taps it's in your phone you don't have to download you don't have to print it's really
simple and the all-in-one price is what i love because you have to check that to be totally
honest when i was in new or, I was on GameTime.
Hannah was on another app, and then she said,
oh, I found a deal.
It was like twice the price of the deal she found
once you figured in prices and everything.
Not with GameTime.
All the prices are up front.
They show you what you're doing.
You buy it in two seconds with the app.
As you said, you can see the view from your seat.
Lowest price guaranteed.
There's event cancellation protection, job loss protection.
And they have zone deals.
They have game time picks.
So take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time.
Download the game time app, create an account, and use code PAPERS for $20 off your first purchase.
Terms apply.
Again, create an account and redeem code PAPERS for $20 off.
Download GameTime today.
Last minute tickets.
Lowest price.
Lowest price guaranteed.
There you go.
So anyway, let's get into it.
We talked about it.
We're going to pay it off.
It's time for the predictions.
Is that a section here?
Paper.
I'm calling it a section.
All right, so here's a few people wrote in.
And Tim Dilley, who's the guy who bought the golf package
that benefited people during the writer's strike.
I think we just saw a picture of Tim Dilley playing hoops with Coach K or something like that.
What?
Yeah.
It was on the text chain.
Would you ignore?
Tim Dilley will definitely get divorced from his wife of 30 years
if the morons on the Sunday Papers podcast don't stop saying he spent $4,200 for a round of golf.
Sunday Papers podcast, don't stop saying he spent $4,200 for a round of golf.
You'd think the host would be savvy enough to guess that Tim had to lie to his wife about how much he bid.
Take that one to Vegas and bet the limit.
Happy New Year, Tim Dilley.
I mean, it's still a fraction of what you paid off for Blow when we did it the whole
night before.
And the guys, the escorts, they were top notch.
They were actors in their day job.
I think some of them were professional athletes.
The body's on them.
Oh, my God.
What about that guy, Jimbo?
Yeah.
Sean said, happy new year.
Merry blah, blah, Jews.
Huh.
Predictions.
Will Justin Trudeau, A, stop being a Nazi,
B,
die,
C,
be on the next Starship test launch,
D,
wear blackface again.
Wow.
This guy,
Sean does not like Trudeau or Jews.
Or E,
stop being president.
Right.
Yeah.
Um,
people,
I can't never tell if people like him is he he's like loved or hated right
um i i bet he's good looking yeah uh and he's a little similar to our governor newsome here
i i i bet i bet there's the same rap on them a little bit where i think the right views them as too woke and soft i could be wrong
i mean that's definitely newsome's rap i could be wrong uh so yeah i'm not sure exactly anyway uh
zach said do three death predictions each okay um also someone unexpected still in their prime and bonus points for predicting how they die
uh charlie i did that i didn't even read this letter really i did that but i did it just for
laughs yeah my last one is not one you'd expect and then also a comedian who dies invariably each
one of your colleagues dies so predict it's gonna be my money's on
bert kreischer oh don't say it having his long-awaited heart attack uh i don't think
bert can be killed i think he is indestructible he's also so engaged with doctors but in the
funniest way i told this before but i'm with him in the writer's room uh on the cabin thing
and he comes in and he's like he just came from the doctor and he's like fucking guy and i'm like
what he's like well you know i asked him you know my levels are crazy and i go you know what can i
do and uh he's like it's the easiest thing in the world drink less and he's like what else And he had no other suggestions.
All right, let's get to it. We mentioned it briefly.
Super Bowl.
We're going to keep track of who won last year
and then make the prediction for next year.
Last year.
Yeah.
For the Super Bowl, I picked the Chiefs.
You picked the Bills.
Chris picked the Eagles. And picked the bills chris picked the eagles and uh kansas city beat the eagles 38 35 i have one point i wasn't even in the super bowl both
of you guys were in the super bowl with your picks at least uh you have one pick okay so for 2024
i'm gonna go with not the favorite but baltimore i think is gonna take it
wait a minute yeah that's cheap you are you doing this to make me laugh
no no no no i looked at another pick and i put baltimore
no i picked baltimore oh god no Maybe I'll put it in the other document.
I saw your pick.
You picked.
I forgot who you picked.
I thought it was KC.
Absolutely not.
Pick Baltimore.
So we're both picking Baltimore?
Well, now let me look.
I'll change mine.
I don't want to be the same as you.
I'll change mine.
I'll say 49ers.
No. That'll make Govins happy.
I'm taking 49ers.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you took Baltimore.
The reason I
don't mind taking the 49ers is because that's who I
want. Yeah, I would love for them
to win, too.
I also like
what's his name? Who's the quarterback for Baltimore?
Kendrick Lamar. Lamar Jackson.
Kendrick Lamar Jackson. Will we get COVID in 2023? I said, no, will Greg get COVID in 2023? And I said, I will not. You said,
I definitely will. And you said, remember, I get two points. I did not get COVID this year.
Right. And I said, no, because I listened to the podcast today from last year. I said,
I get two points because you're wrong and I'm right.
Okay, so I get two points since I didn't get it.
You got COVID.
I didn't get COVID.
I've never had COVID.
I thought you finally got it this year.
Nope.
So that's two points for me.
I'm up three.
You've never had it.
Never had it in my life.
Oh, it's the biggest fucking denial ever.
I wouldn't have got to lie.
I think I wouldn't have mentioned having COVID.
You're forgetting you got it.
You finally got it.
We were all surprised.
I never got COVID.
You stayed in the back house.
No, Aaron had COVID.
That's why I stayed in the back.
I don't know.
This year, my daughter got it and my wife
got it and I did not. You're in thick rooms where everyone's mouth breathing. It's crazy.
You know what it shows? How little people are laughing at my shows. If they were laughing more,
I would have caught it by now. But still they're screaming, give me my money back. And I bet mucus is flying everywhere.
Tackling me after the show, breathing in my face.
All right.
So I'm up three.
Denman, are you keeping score?
All right.
So, so do you want to bet again for next year?
You want to re-up that bet?
I don't know.
You're vaccinated?
Yeah, but not fully.
Do you have microchips in you?
I'm not up to date on it.
Well, you're a liar.
So what am I going to bet against this again?
I can't believe you're calling me a liar.
You get so sick and you don't test.
This hurts me so deeply.
Now, I've never had symptoms.
I don't get sick.
I literally never get sick.
I used to be able to say that.
I don't know what's going on lately,
but it's just a head cold.
Yeah.
Okay.
Do we want to bet on that again?
I've gotten it once that I know of.
It's up to you.
I got the second strain two years ago.
I feel like I'll never get it.
So if you want to bet again, I'll do it.
Do we want to bet if you get sick this year? No, if I get COVID.
Sure. Sure. Why not? I think it's my HIV. It's incompatible.
That cocktail is strong. Stock market, of course I said it's going up. And of course, you said it's going down. I believe the S&P was up 25% this year.
Now it's down even more.
Which I have a guy who manages my money,
who takes 1% of all of my money every year as a management fee.
And I'm up about 5% and the market's up 25%.
Explain that to me.
I know what it is.
It's your age and you're diversified not to be in all stocks i know
but then when the market goes down i seem to go down too well that's where he's pocketing some of
that right uh all right so now i am up four let's go to bitcoin i said it would go up you said it
would go down it went up 150 percent Did you change these?
You said it would go up?
Absolutely.
Oh, boy.
All right.
Well, that two-point swing on your COVID lie, that's where I really thought I had you.
You mean the thing that you insisted on on the podcast, that it's Sue?
Earthquake.
You said, will there be an earthquake of 5.5 or above in California?
No, we did not say that.
It's a Los Angeles earthquake.
The reason I don't own a home.
So now you're going to change it to, it said California in this document earlier.
Who gives a shit if there's an earthquake in Mount Shasta?
You took out California in the document, didn't you?
No, I swear to God, I didn't touch anything.
Right, and I've never had COVID.
We're talking about one here with damage that would validate me finally for not owning a home.
Come on.
Well, I don't know.
for not owning a home.
Come on.
Well, I don't know.
And you picked a place that's the equivalent of going from like New York City to past Washington, D.C.
Yeah, hold on.
I'm going to call.
Let's call this a push.
I'm going to call this a push.
This is literally what Greg's putting in here.
A movement which also we talked about what
damage and you're like you you went on first you're going it would cause 5.5 million dollars
damage i'm like you mean kanye's house like what the fuck are you talking about so we we settled
then on billions so you already lost there this is in Almanor, which is 583 miles away.
Listeners, imagine 583 miles from your house.
All right, I'll give you the point on that one.
It's a 215-hour walk.
Let me switch it to car.
All right.
Oh, we forgot to make our predictions.
Nine-hour drive.
All right, so I'll forgot to make our predictions. Nine hour drive. All right.
So I'll give you a point on that.
Next year, I am going to guess that there is not...
Mike gets a point.
I will guess that there is not a 5.5 in Los Angeles.
Did you feel the earthquake yesterday?
No.
Was it a 5.5?
I'm feeling out of sorts and a little weird sophie and i were upstairs we're trying to clean up stuff and throw stuff out and i'm like and i hate when this
happens i feel it and i'm like do you feel that she's like no and i'm like then i'm like oh what
is going on with my equilibrium and my whole insides are going back and forth and what did
none of this is good and then of course you just look on twitter in two seconds and the funniest
the funniest tweets are on there about the earthquake yeah um so yes i'm gonna say yeah
i'm going back to yes okay we got yes and no um demin are you recording these predictions all
right let's go back we forgot to make the is recorded. We forgot to do predictions on stock market.
What do you see for next year?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's your move.
We just deal with last year.
I think the stock market's going to go up.
I also think it's going up.
Even after the big gain up.
Yes.
We both say up.
Bitcoin, I believe, is going up as well wait you know we should think
about but what if trump wins i mean i guess even with that disruption i think obviously the stock
market would love it right yeah but they love biden they just reported 230 000 more jobs the
stock market is not biden's great for the economy, it's called investment. Don't get me started.
But I would say, yeah, either way, unless it gets bloody, either way.
Okay.
And then we got to make, all right, now we're down to the death pool.
We asked who will die this year.
Did we want to do Bitcoin up or down?
Does that really matter?
We just did.
I said up.
I'd say up.
Okay.
Deathpool, I predicted we each picked three people.
All three of mine died.
Bob Barker, Henry Kissinger, and Queen Elizabeth, whatever her last name is.
What's her last name?
Tudor.
No idea.
You predicted Tony Bennett, Bob Barker, and Jimmy Carter.
So you only got one right.
So I get two points.
Was this the list?
Yep.
I think he did a lot of editing.
Okay.
Wait, what is definitely alive?
I put Mel Brooks.
You put, what's DVD?
Dick Van Dyke.
He's still alive.
Yeah.
All right, so I get two points for that one.
So I'm up six.
Now we get, and then who are we going to pick for next year?
I have down.
Wait, what two points do you have?
I predicted three people died.
You only predicted one.
Oh, okay.
Then we get to next year death pool.
I'm going to say Jimmy Carter, Pope, whatever his name is, and Ethel Kennedy.
We each get three picks.
I'm going to say Ethel Kennedy.
I'm going to say Jimmy Carter.
Sadly, I'm going to say Chris Christopherson
because I want everyone to think about him while he's alive.
And Kelly Ripa.
Nice.
Nice.
No, no, no.
I'm going to go Carter because I'll just tie you on that either way.
And then I'm going to do christopherson and i'm
gonna go dick van dyke okay i i had robert wagner in there i don't know how he's still
alive with all the blood still on his hands from killing his wife uh oscars last year uh
i said banshees in a sheer and you didn't seem to make a prediction, but either way, I was wrong. I went back and I listened.
I did say I liked Banshees, though.
Yeah.
I said it was staying with me.
I listened to the podcast today.
All right, so no points there.
I would have guessed.
You know, I'm the best at this because I work backwards from what's the most politically incorrect.
Remember, I think I even guessed Green Book, which was the biggest piece of shit after school movie i've ever seen yeah and insulting on top of it racially so but
i think i even guessed that because i just experienced this uh town's absolute terrified
view of things um in what i do they uh yeah, there was the whole argument.
Did you ever see Extras when Kate Winslet was on
and she was talking about playing roles
either that you're mentally handicapped
or in the Holocaust?
It's so fucking ballsy that she did that.
And then when she won one,
Ricky Gervais goes,
didn't I tell you you'd have to play in a Holocaust role?
And that's the one she in real life won for.
That's amazing.
Yeah.
All right.
So we got to pick the movie for 2024.
Yeah, man.
I haven't seen a lot of these.
I haven't seen any of them except for Barbie.
Oh, that's sad.
I walked out of Maestro i heard no pat i heard
past lives is very good yeah i've heard it's good but then someone told me i wouldn't like it
interesting i saw the whole i saw the holdovers and i am not a uh. Isn't that his name? Yeah. I am not Alexander pain, uh, audience. I'm not,
I'm not his guy. Yeah. I, I think sideways was overrated. I think there's a lot of sideways
in this with, uh, with Giamatti, uh, going on with minutia and overthinking. It's, uh,
on with minutiae and overthinking.
It's very similar.
I also, I know a lot of people like the one in Hawaii, The Descendants.
And I thought, I just remember George Clooney comically or trying to be comically running around in flip flops.
Although I remember liking that one a little better.
I don't know.
I loved all his movies.
The problem is i feel him
trying to be funny and i think he's terribly unfunny yeah okay so i'm gonna pick oppenheimer
because it is uh holocaust adjacent uh it was a japanese kind of uh genocide okay i haven't seen
oppenheimer but this is why I'm not picking it
which is the opposite of you I'm picking
Killers of the Flower Moon because
I think you related to a
movie
which was a Holocaust
related movie that
sympathized with the Germans
that's what that
movie does right poor Germans
oh also not poor japanese the poor
bomb makers yeah yeah the poor white men who made the bombs who had no idea what was going to be
done with them we didn't know wait a minute what are you i'm done boss what are you using this for
right it's not just for testing in the desert uh so i'm i'm killers of the flower moon
even though i did not like the movie okay no it was good don't get me wrong but uh sam with
holdover is very well done of course you're gonna pontificate for 20 minutes on every answer are we
gonna get through these predictions over are we still recording best actor uh last year we both said will smith he in fact did win
with an asterisk and then uh this year i'm saying bradley cooper for this maestro piece of garbage
that he absolutely is begging for an oscar with this role with his hey see i'm gonna play some
music right and then we're
gonna do that it's so annoying but that's the kind of crap hollywood loves cooper is smelling
an oscar nom with that giant jewish nose of his that he wears in the movie right i'm going with
giamatti wow because i i think this city feels they owe them I'm hoping that a lot
of this city and the voters
are sort of annoyed
by Cooper like I am and is
just unbelievably
transparent
just hunger and
I don't know
you know what Cooper got paid for that move
for Maestro because he produced it
direct and it was in it.
$40 million.
Wow.
That's reason enough not to give him an Oscar.
He got enough already.
Actress, I'm going to go Emma Stone.
Did he make such a big...
Never mind.
Go ahead.
Emma Stone is gold.
I always thought she was good, but I have fallen in love with her.
She's going to win best actress.
She's the only reason that the new,
uh,
the,
uh,
the,
the,
what's his name?
Uh,
Nate,
Nate's TV show.
Uh,
Nate Bergazzi.
No,
no,
no.
Chris,
write it in there.
What?
He knows what I'm talking about.
Um,
no,
uh,
I'm totally forgetting what it is, emma stone's in the tv show that's incredibly awkward i'm watching oh yeah yeah where she has
autism and she's a scientist no nate nathan for you oh oh right she's in with that guy yeah and
i gotta get the name anyway i love emma stone but i think it's gonna go to margot robbie
i i think she deserves it i think she was great the curse thank you chris all right i gotta see
that i can have to i just have to sleep for three days and get back on track here um and then also
in 2023 the question was and this is a tough one will will smith be married because this is after
the slap this is after jada pinkett was saying crazy shit uh will smith be married together
question mark so i said yes they will be together you said no they will not be together and they
will come up with some bullshit definition like the new version of consciously uncoupling that's a quote i watched the podcast today okay so the red table talk show host who
revealed last month she and the independence day star have been separated has officially put an end
to any speculation about where their marriage stands now we are staying together forever. So.
If I've ever heard a bullshit definition of they're apart, this is it.
Yeah, I got to give you that.
I'll give you that.
Thank you.
Even though technically they are still together.
She's saying they're together.
No.
And the question was together, question mark.
You know, are they a couple? They're not a couple anymore couple of fucking lunatics yeah that's what they are next question will we get writing jobs that
are union wga this year well that was a tough one since we were on strike uh so we both said yes and
we were both wrong so that's a push did we say yes we both said yes all right
so you edit this i did this all last night i can't believe that the insinuations that you're
making it's hurtful because i said it i said union and because i was like i thought the question was
like will we work ever again because i and then I and then you laughed and I was serious.
Yeah.
So then why did you say yes?
I don't I didn't I don't think I put yes in there.
All right, let's keep going.
Will Trump run?
We both said yes.
It looks like he is.
So why do we say it twice?
That's what I mean.
Something happened to this stop will kamala be
on any ticket we both said no so that's a push right um then there is will there be violence
following a non-trump win that is my question for this coming election year. Is will there be violence
if Trump does not win the election? I say... Why don't we start with the next one?
All right. Who will win the election? Will it be Trump? We're assuming... Actually,
we're not assuming anything. You could say Robert Kennedy. You could say anybody you want.
Who will win the election? I'm saying Biden.
I am too.
Okay.
I'm not saying it's a great thing,
but I believe that's what's going to happen.
I just, I think America is done with the drama of,
even if you align as a conservative,
I think you're just tired of the craziness.
That's my guess.
I also think Robert Kennedy Jr. is going to be a kingmaker
because in the end, whoever he gives his votes to
is going to win the election because he has a huge following.
Okay.
Sorry, will there be violence following a non-Trump win?
I say yes.
I mean, listen, that's like your earthquake.
We have to define what that means.
All right.
Define it as being they are, people are arrested.
Bigger or smaller than exactly a year ago.
We're recording this on January 6th or two years ago.
Happy January 6th.
Was it two or two years ago. Happy January 6th.
Was it two or three years ago?
Two years ago.
Okay.
Right.
In 2022?
Or was it 2021?
Has to be 2021.
Right?
God. Well, he was elected elected we do a news podcast but we're under the impression it's two years ago right well it happened after um biden got sworn
in so it was it was january of 2021 because the election was 2020.
So it was January of 2021.
Okay.
What do you say?
Will there be violence?
How do we define violence?
Bigger or it has to be bigger than the Capitol.
Isn't that weird?
I've been under the impression it's two years ago.
It's the third anniversary.
I'm going to say if he loses, there will be even more insurrection.
I think there will be a number of capitals that are attacked.
Larger? I'm going to say smaller.
Okay.
So we're both assuming there will be violence.
You're just saying it's smaller than the capitals.
I think you're going to be able to point to...
Listen, when the Eagles win or
lose a football game, there's violence.
Yeah, that's true.
All right.
Last year, we asked,
will someone make a joke about Will Smith at the Oscars?
We both said yes, and yes, indeed, they did.
Is Kimmel hosting this year?
Yes.
Will he make another joke about Will Smith?
I say yes.
I say yes, too. He's going to go to that well again.
Last year, we said, will Brady get traded or retire? We both said traded. He in fact retired.
So nobody gets a point there. I think the wrong guesses might be beating both of us.
That's right. I know. Will Tesla stock get higher?
We both said no.
It is up a whopping 46%.
I wonder if my stockbroker is aware of that.
I went back and looked this up.
Just in January of last year, January 23, it went up 46.2%.
Damn.
No, no, no.
Wait.
What did you just say? It went up 46? Oh, Damn. No, no, no. Wait, what did you just say?
It went up 46? Oh, I thought it was all of 2003.
Tesla's up 102% for 2023.
Oh my God.
And we didn't invest in it.
Jesus.
All right, so I'm up three right now.
Will Twitter be higher the price?
I said no.
You said yes.
The answer is it is no longer traded.
I mean, I don't know what you want to do with that.
I then added, to be generous to you,
that the value is estimated that it's lost 71.5%
since he took control.
Well, I don't know.
That sounds like a point for me.
I mean, I'll give you that. All right, all right so i'm plus the stock would be lower i think uh yeah unless there's real shenanigans i don't know
what he would have done uh will we will we drive a self-driving car that just meant will either of
us get behind the wheel and drive a self-driving car i I said, no. I said, yes. You said, no, I have not.
Have you driven one? No, I have not been in a car alone that was driving. Okay. So you get a point
for that. Or with people where they're, I think you define it as no one can be in the driver's
seat. Right. Now we have how many live podcasts will we do? I was closer. We in fact did none.
You said two.
I said one.
No, you said one.
I said two.
So I'm only up two now.
Will the Ukraine end?
I said yes.
You said no.
It in fact is going strong.
So I'm now only up one.
Holy shit. This is a huge. So I'm now only up one.
Holy shit.
There's a huge,
it's a comeback from six.
I was up six a second ago.
Got it.
Punk.
Uh,
will guy from bills play again?
Damar Hamlin.
I said,
no,
you said yes.
He is in fact playing for the bills right now.
It is even.
Look at that.
Next question. He played. I wonder if he's in the rotation now but he he played a game in october yeah it was just will he play again uh will there be significant
this was following dana white beating up his wife in public will there be a significant punishment
uh we both said no and we were both correct there was nothing except
that he's labeled as a woman we knew that one um next question was will gubbins appear you said yes
on the show i said no in fact he made an appearance uh it'll never be forgotten. I did it with him, proudly.
You are now one up.
You got it.
Will gas be over or under $5 in California?
I said over.
You said under.
It is currently $4.69.
You are up two.
Come on now.
Will Ghislaine Maxwell be killed in prison? I said yes.
You said no.
She was not
killed. You are up
three. All right.
We should pause for a second.
Are we doing predictions anymore?
Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right.
Okay, let's go back.
Let's go back. we got to go back to
pretty far uh forget will smith we got to kimmel jobs kimmel
all right uh no higher up jobs oh. Will we get union jobs this year?
God, there aren't many, but I, I have my fingers crossed for a pitch that I'm out with.
But another one was a job I did have that got interrupted by, it was Brady then coming
out of retirement.
Oh, the roast.
Hey, am I on the podcast, sweetie.
Yeah.
So that job would be union.
I think I'm going to have, even if it's a tiny one, my answer is yes.
All right.
I'm going to say yes as well because to not would be to jinx myself.
Oh.
And then the next one is Brady's done.
Will Tesla stock be higher?
I say no.
I say yes.
Okay.
Twitter's no longer traded.
Will we drive a self-driving car?
I say yes.
I say no.
You getting all this, Denman?
How many live podcasts will we do?
I'm going to say one.
Well, I could tank that by saying zero and then sticking on my guns.
You know, I'm going to say one also.
Okay.
Okay.
you know I'm going to say one also okay
you thought the Ukraine war would be over by now
huh
are you on a guess on Ukraine again
is Ukraine even a thing in a year
right I know
I think they will settle this year
and they will give away Crimea.
And what's the other area that they're occupied right now?
I don't think Ukraine will be settled, but we have to define that because I guess there's a way to define it.
Like, is it active?
Will they make a treaty and a settlement of land?
It just moves so slowly.
I'm going to say, I think it's going to be close, but I'm going to say no.
I'm going to say yes.
And then you have Hamas down below.
We'll get to that.
Gas.
We were at gas.
Will it be under or over $5 in a year?
I'm going to say under.
Me too.
And I remember my rationale.
It's the same.
It's under.
I said it's getting close to an election year.
And I think there's going to be a lot of pressure to get that down.
All right, Gislaine, will she be alive in a year?
By the way, where did you get the 469?
I said, what's the average price of gas in California?
It said 469 for regular unleaded.
Okay, great.
I'll remember that too.
All right, perfect.
Gislaine will be alive uh i say she's
gonna be dead whoa yep there's a lot of shit coming out and uh she's the only one that can
corroborate it she's she's getting taken down man uh the question was will howard stern resign
re-sign a contract with Sirius XM?
We both said yes.
He, in fact, reached a five-year deal to continue for $90 million a year.
Will he be alive?
Will Mike be engaged?
We both said no.
Mike, anything happen in New Orleans?
No, no, no.
I'm not engaged. no ring on my finger
okay
will there be a space
shuttle disaster
I said yes you said no
was there any human death this
year in a space shuttle no
no okay
next year I say yes
what
okay I go no again.
Okay.
And so you're now up four.
Yeah, this is easy.
Okay.
Will China invade Taiwan?
You said no.
I said yes.
This is a landslide, man.
Oh my God. You've gotten more
negative. There's been a shift. You're more pessimistic
about the world than I am.
I just lost 11
points straight.
This is fucking crazy.
No, we had some ties along the way.
You're better than that. You're better than that, Pat.
Will Prince Harry attend the
King's coronation, if yes, with Meghan?
I said, yes, he would.
And I said, without Meghan.
And you said, yes, with Meghan.
In fact, he attended without Meghan.
That's a plus one for you.
So that's plus four for you overall.
Who will take over Trevanoa's hosting job?
There is no answer to that.
By the way, did you read the explanation I put in here
when I Googled?
Markle did not attend as she claims
that all the drama around the Royals
would disturb her inner peace and state of mind
as she has been very outspoken on different channels,
including the Netflix docuseries.
Yeah.
All right.
I mean, that's one way of saying the shit stirrer will not go to the shit.
Right.
Like, oh my God.
Dish it out.
You got to take it.
Will George Santos get the boot or resign from Congress?
We both said no in fact
yes that was also pessimistic of us yeah but they kept i mean they had everything like what would
it take i'm actually surprised he's out and i'm skipping how egregious it all is i'm skipping this
last one because we both agreed so next next year i got a few new questions will palestinians
return to gaza right now 90 of the palestinians have have uh fled gaza so will there be a net
return to gaza within a year no way i say yes okay i mean i don't even know what's going to happen in that region
will we will we will we cut aid to ukraine i think that's a very hard one to quantify. Yeah, that's true. Because
almost technically we
have just because of the delays.
Yeah.
I think we already
got our prediction on Ukraine.
Okay.
Who else will be on Epstein's list?
Oh, okay.
You get three picks.
Oh.
I'm going to say bill maher
huh rfk jr and rudy giuliani wait don't we know rumors about the last two there no i haven't heard any huh i actually googled giuliani and epstein and nothing came up surprisingly i'm gonna go
michelle obama ruth bader ginsburg and uh let's think i'm gonna go with um
well kid rock you could pick kid rock there's weird ones like i've already seen woody allen
like in new york with him you know what i mean not on the island oh yeah the list is on the plane
you have to be on the plane okay all right i need a little more time all right by the end of the
podcast and i'm not gonna google i'm not'm not going to Google anything. I'm just thinking, who are some usual creeps?
All right. Well, we're an hour into the podcast and we're just hitting the news. So let's rip through some stories so we don't bore people to tears. You got some paper to crinkle for the front page?
Oh man, do I, do I?
Extra! Extra! We all have found it! Extra! it began on wednesday with nearly 1 000 pages filed as part of the 2015 lawsuit again
against epstein's close friend jizz lane by one of his victims the disclosures included the former
u.s president bill clinton the late pop star mich Jackson, the magician David Copperfield, and Prince Andrew.
Now, when I read this, I imagine Michael Jackson was furious when he eagerly got off the plane
and saw all the underage kids were female.
And then he turns to Copperfield and begs David Copperfield to turn them all into boys.
And won't let it go for three days and then gets his own jet out of there.
Right.
And then, of course, Stephen Hawking was added to the list
in which Epstein mentioned an allegation
that Hawking participated in an underage orgy in the Virgin Islands.
And my take on that is that I think Stephen Hawking has the best line
with underage girls, which is, well, you're not really underage because what is time?
Your particles exist in the time space continuum.
Play with my balls.
Many feel you are older than I.
play with my balls many feel you are older than i i by the way how do you prosecute a guy who can't move his arms and his legs i mean they clearly are doing the work i think they're
guilty of molesting him it must have been lap dance palooza oh my god also have you seen the
guy i mean i know we've all seen him, but his face, I think, got worse.
Because I think they showed pictures from his last year or around this time.
And yeah, there's a lot going on.
I'm just going to say there's a lot.
I know it's the wrong thing.
He's the smartest guy in the world, but there's a lot going on there.
Yeah.
Especially for these poor girls. Jesus. right so this uh chinese 17 year old
said the absolute most insensitive thing ever but uh but there's also that let's be real i'll top it
on this next one a 17 year old chinese exchange student who had been reported missing last week
was rescued after nearly freezing to death in a tent outside of Salt Lake City.
Authorities say Kai Zhuang was the victim of a cyber kidnapping.
He was found alone and very cold and scared in a snowy canyon.
The victim had no heat source, only a heat blanket.
Well, that's a heat source.
What's he plugging the heat blanket into?
Now, heat blanket's a weird term.
I think it might be one of those
reflective that keeps your heat in right who knows even if it's a heat blanket that's electric it's
not working a sleeping bag limited food and water and uh and several phones that were used to carry
out the cyber kidnapping the teen had run away from his home december 28th after cyber criminals
convinced him his family in China was being threatened.
His family told police
they had paid $80,000 in ransom
after he sent a photo
saying he was being held against his will.
Police say they suspect
the foreign exchange student
was tricked into running away
to force his family to pay ransom.
The FBI and Chinese embassy
are helping find the kidnappers.
We believe the victim
was isolating himself
at the direction
of the cyber kidnappers
in a tent.
So,
I guess Portland
is just overrun
with people who kidnapped themselves?
Yeah.
They're all in there
with their solar blankets.
Yes.
Multiple phones.
Paying $70,000
to some geek
who lives in his parents basement
somewhere in like spokane yeah i mean i've heard of chinese delivery but you now can order online
a chinese person as your captive that's amazing wow yeah i mean so? Something tells me that when this guy was a kid, he jumped off a bridge because somebody told him to.
Because some online comment told him to.
Yeah.
Well, he almost had hypothermia.
All his water was frozen and the sesame noodles were still cold.
Oh, that's the best.
That's awesome.
The dog eating your homework is a story as old as time,
but for a Pennsylvania couple,
it came true and cost them thousands of dollars.
Clayton and Carrie Law had taken cash out
to do a home improvement project,
left the money on the countertop,
and their dog Cecil snacked on it. I just walked
around the house doing stuff and came back and all of a sudden Cecil was standing over a pile
of mutilated cash. The dog seemed fine at first till the middle of the night when the laws were
awoken by a sound of the pet about to vomit. So he jumped out of bed. And when I went to pick it up, I realized there's a lot of half
eaten $100 bills and $50 bills. That night was the first of many in the coming days where the
laws had the unfortunate task of sifting through their dog's bodily waste. Nice.
They put some pieces back together. How's that a home improvement project coming?
The only contract,
the only contract who will accept the money that smells like shit is the
plumber.
Everybody else is like,
nah,
I'm good.
I got another project across town.
You can keep your shit money.
Here was my honest reaction.
I,
the honest reaction I thought about this when I read the story,
I was like,
first thing I do is Google what happens to dollar bills.
There's some sort of linen.
I don't know what they're made out of, but whatever that material is that they now make dollars out of.
Then I had asked myself, why am I Googling what would happen to it?
Because what if it says the stomach acid will absolutely dissolve them i think the next thing i
do is how old is our dog because i am totally thinking about cutting it open yes well truly
i mean are you talking about bringing it to a vet for surgery or are you talking about laying him
in the backyard and splaying him like a cod?
No, I had the kitchen in mind, but yes, that.
Caligula.
Maybe the garage.
I think the garage, maybe hopefully in a laundry sink.
Now, better solution.
Go to the dog store and be like, you guys sell food, like Indian food,
like Indian dog food,
and have them shit it out over the next 20 minutes.
Now I got my curry dollar bills back.
Oh.
All right, let's skip this next one.
Okay.
And go to the lovely ladies
at Linden Pond Senior Living Community in community in hangham that's in massachusetts
oh no are turning heads with an eye-opening new calendar a group of women aged 69 to 92
are not afraid to get risque and pose scantily to raise money for their fund
i was at a bar on sunday morning and you know, I was a Playboy bunny, Miss December.
Judy Haas told WBZ-TV.
I had it done twice because the first time the book wasn't high enough, I guess, to cover her tits.
Did not need to be very high.
That book could have been in her lap without seeing her tits.
She could have been standing on it.
This is all in secret.
I don't have a husband, so it's not a problem.
I had to make my own prop.
I had a quilt, Miss March, Sandy Creaser, a lot of creases.
I personally, I bought one of these.
It's part of my New Year's resolution to lose weight through vomiting once a month.
Well, this is one community center
that a lot of these names
on the flight log
will never have been to.
I think it's the exact opposite
of their taste in age.
I wonder if they put them
in age order for the months.
Like Miss January is like
doing some nude yoga.
Miss December is naked in a wheelchair clinging to rosary beads and a bottle of Ensure.
Yeah, of course it's themed.
Oh, it better be.
Yeah.
Better be some thought behind this.
All right.
Let's skip this next one and go to entertainment.
Give me a crinkle.
Here it is.
Give me a crinkle.
Here it is.
We got an email.
Oh, I didn't write down who sent it.
But the last waltz, so great.
There was a rift between Levon and Robbie,
and some say that Robbie takes credit where it should have been given to Levon.
That explains why the music sounds so American.
That's leave on.
Because I had said, I claimed that they were an American band,
and I forgot that most of them were from Canada.
Mike has asked for new music recommendations.
There's a guy named Tash Neal.
He's awesome.
Guitar player with an incredible voice.
I checked him out.
Fantastic.
Oh, by the way, it's's worth mentioning which i did to you like so the bluegrass thing i'm watching billy strings who
is exactly like this guy describes a guitar player with an incredible voice and you know it's this
arena i don't know how many people are in there probably 15 000 or 12 13 000 everyone's just
rocking the band's killing it and then you slowly realize there's no drum kit because bluegrass doesn't have
drums. Amazing. And it was a standup bass.
And that guy's doing all that low end heavy lifting.
And, uh, it was incredible. I, I did want to mention that,
that that's a unique part of a bluegrass, that there's no uh drum kit wow it's like the
beatles it's pretty wild so when you hear him and you hear his live and you hear his covers of pink
floyd and all this amazing stuff yeah nothing uh so we both saw chapelle's new special uh i watched
it it was late and i was tired but i watched it with sophie and i guess i i'm hesitating but i i
thought it was okay i loved it i felt very i listened to it on new year's day driving from
milwaukee down to chicago and uh i was driving with the with the other comedian deon curry yeah
and i don't know we fucking laughed a lot.
And I felt like,
and then I watched,
I didn't listen to the whole thing.
So the last 20 minutes I watched
and I just think he's like
one of the great orators
in American history.
Like even when he's not being funny,
I'm completely compelled
by everything he's saying.
And this was,
was this the Russian story?
The guy at the,
what was his last story?
Was that?
Cause then we watched,
I think another Chappelle thing.
Was it,
was it his first taped special and music?
Right,
right,
right.
Yeah,
yeah,
yeah.
All right.
It's an amazing story.
So here,
okay.
There's two things I want to contextualize my review.
I saw him in Nashville, as you know.
So I already saw this set.
So that's one.
Two, I think listening to it would have been better because he was doing, you know when he cracks himself up.
And he has to slap the mic into his thigh.
He slaps the mic into his thigh.
You get a little sick of seeing that.
And I think some of them you wouldn't have known he did it if you're just listening.
By the way, every black comedian in the country now slaps their thigh with the microphone.
And he used to do what I thought was a perfect amount.
When he knew he just said something cancelable kind of or outrageous
and there's another level of what he's laughing at not only is it funny but it's sort of crazy
that he said it yeah uh this was like there aren't that many crazy things that you're saying
like in other words so it you know it reminds me it a very, very big difference watching it versus hearing it. Like I told you, I went back and listened to Norm's final one where you no longer saw him sitting
at a desk, not making eye contact with a laptop computer. And you're like, this is a really solid
hour, you know, where that's with no audience. Yeah. Right. So, well, I liked it. And, um, I, I agree that, uh, he can get that shit can get
tired. The, the turning around and walking away on the laugh and all that stuff. But I don't know.
I, I was all in and, uh, I thought it was great. Um, but if, but if you're just listening,
sometimes he's dropped a bomb and, and you hear it going off and you don't know he's walked away
you know what i mean when you're listening right you're imagining him staring down the audience
or like smiling at him and that's that's much better yeah so speaking of comedians it's good
everyone should see it don't get me wrong speaking of comedians jimmy kimmel and aaron rogers are
beefing uh the late night talk show host is now
threatening the new york jets quarterback with legal action after aaron suggested on live tv
that jimmy might be one of epstein's associates all right that's my first name that i'm adding
back to what i owe you i owe you jimmy kimmel flight for what remember i owe you names for
the flight log from before? Oh, shit.
There you go.
Jimmy just fired back on social media, ripping Aaron,
who he addresses as dear asshole, saying the quarterback's reckless words
put my family in danger.
He denied anything to do with Epstein,
and he blasted Rodgers as a soft-brained wacko
who can't seem to distinguish from reality.
Jimmy Kimmel says if Rodgers keeps it up, they will debate the facts further in courts.
Damn.
First, Aaron Rodgers gets traded to the worst team in football, then blows out his leg,
and now he gets bitch slapped by Kimmel.
He should see if there's a vaccination for humiliation.
Um,
did you put down what he said here?
Uh,
he said,
no,
he,
I think Kimmel would lose in court.
I don't think he would ever do it either.
No,
he basically said that Jimmy Kimmel is nervous waiting to
see what names come out on the Epstein
thing. Yeah. Right. So that's
bulletproof. But I also
I'm smelling
is this like a
made up beef?
Is
Kimmel doing, because it's pretty
well orchestrated. They have to stick to their guns.
No, I think that Kimmel, I think Kimmel is uh a whipping boy is that what they call it when somebody's attacked by a group
uh the right can't stand him because he is so vocal against the right right now so i think
aaron rogers was taking a shot at him um like you said i think what he said is probably not
indictable in court no i also think i mean a Aaron Rodgers maybe also was joking, you know, like if they have
like a little beef, he's like, well, you know, someone who should be worried is Jimmy Kimmel.
Yeah.
It's like a little swipe back at him because Jimmy Kimmel was hitting Rodgers pretty hard.
I think Jimmy was, Jimmy obviously was the first to attack.
I mean, that's Jimmy's job.
It's not Aaron Rodgers' job to single out Jimmy Kimmel.
Right.
Aaron Rodgers doesn't do the news. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, Aaron Rodgers is a wacko,
but I also, I'm doubting, I don't know, something doesn't smell right about this.
Oh, here's the quote. There's a lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, really hoping that doesn't come out, Rogers said to McAfee.
I'll tell you what, if that list comes out, I definitely will be popping some sort of bottle, which he said on the Pat McAfee show.
But Rogers could also say Jimmy is a hardcore lefty and he doesn't want to see Clinton's name on the list, you know?
Yeah, right.
All right.
There are people I hate seeing on the list you know yeah right all right there are people i hate seeing on the list you know uh
not clinton but like whatever there's there's there's people who are who were affiliated with
epstein that you're like fuck dude really yeah i know uh well uh who is the um wasn't warren
buffett on the list i don't know but it's so no not buffett you and i are like
wait a minute bill gates i think bill gates was on the list oh bill gates i think so yeah bill
gates is on the list yeah um but it's so funny you and i are like about warren baby we're like
oh man is the biggest pussy hound ever on the list? Yeah. No way. All right.
I'll tell you who else was on that list is Russell Simmons.
His name will come out.
I guarantee it.
I know firsthand he was on the island, allegedly.
Allegedly. The only name I want on the list is Russell Brand.
Yeah.
I'd like to see that.
Right.
I don't know that Russell Simmons is on the list. know i just want to see him over explain it i've heard rumors that russell simmons was on the islands
russell simmons is yeah he's in he's in court yeah he's already in court for some other shit
but not epstein maybe settled oh what about diddy oh'm going to put Diddy on the list. Oh, that's pretty good.
Yeah.
What about Jay-Z?
Yep.
I can see that.
Well, yeah, this is how you should think about it.
Who are the millionaire musicians, athletes, all that?
That's how you should go.
I think Kid Rock.
I'm going to put kid rock on there
yeah he's so low class i mean these are fucking creeps don't get me wrong but they a lot of them
wear suits after months of edging montana and north carolina lawmakers have finished off porn
hub users in those states lose lost access to the adult site on January 1st,
as the new law requires people to verify their age to watch porn.
That would have meant uploading a picture.
Does that mean you can't be over the age of 40?
You have to upload,
upload your ID before you watch sorority sisters,
figure out how to pay a pizza delivery boy.
So wholesome so montana's
new law says that says that pornography is creating a public health crisis i don't know about
a crisis but i think it is hampering both our abilities to write a spec script
that's a crisis dude we just want a year as we pointed out. We just want a year, as we pointed out earlier,
we just want a year without union work.
If we took porn off our computers,
we would be like fucking Rodgers and Hammerstein.
I wonder, and you know, whatever, I shouldn't even talk,
but I'm wondering, you know, a lot of women have,
I'm stating the obvious here,
but there's a million reasons to be highly critical of the porn industry. I would say now,
I don't, I don't even know, I guess it's an industry, but so much of what's on there
are is homemade couples who are like, uh, we're, uh, yeah, we, we're, we need to find money
wherever we can. And, um, we need to find money wherever we can.
And we are married and we have a healthy sex life
and we are going to put it behind a paywall.
And if you guys want to watch, you can.
Yes.
That's a very different world.
Well, I think what you're talking about is,
what's that site called?
We're OnlyFans.
You're talking about like an OnlyFans situation.
I know, but they're all on these sites now.
They have like, it's almost like free samples.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
To get you, like look what you're missing.
The ID thing is scary.
I would give them my ID,
but I am not peeling the electrical tape
off of the camera on my computer.
I've seen black mirror
oh god that episode if it's the one you're talking about that's when i checked out a black
mirror for about two years yeah that was brutal i feel terrible after i mean they're great it's
one of the best shows on tv but i feel not great after I watch almost every one. And that one was a new low.
Yeah. That hit hard. That was brutal. It has dance in the title. And it is not a happy dance.
All right. Let's get a happy crinkle because it's time to go to Florida.
Let's do it.
let's do it alright here we go
Florida
oh man
Dickie our friend Dickie
Egan wrote us send us this one
exploding toilet at Dunkin Donuts
in Florida left customer filthy
and injured
a customer has filed a negligence
lawsuit against Duncan claiming
he was injured by an exploding
toilet at one of the coffee chain's
locations in central Florida.
So for me, I
read the headline. It's like exploding
toilet at Duncan
left customer filthy
and injured. And then the detail that it
was in, so you're like, whoa.
And then Florida, you're like, ugh.
Somehow it got worse.
Yeah, because now there's Giardia in there
because of the bad water.
Paul Kerouac is
seeking more than $100,000 in a lawsuit
filed Wednesday in state court in Orlando
claiming he suffered severe and long
term injuries following the explosion
of a toilet. After the
explosion left kerouac
covered in human feces urine and debris he walked out of the men's room seeking help from workers
i think the workers have a better lawsuit yeah like stay in the bathroom if that happens and
like yell through the door um he wanted help from the workers in the store's
manager an employee told him that they were aware of the problem with the toilet wrong move since
there had been previous incidents um after the explosion kerouac uh after the explosion left
kerouac and human feces and debris uh he walked out of the men's room uh oh oh sorry this is one of dickie's jokes then you
paste the dickie's jokes in here yes after the explosion left carowack covered in human feces
urine and debris he walked out of the men's room so what isn't that how every person leaves a
dunkin bathroom right right everybody walks out looking like a chocolate covered donut
after the explosion left carowack covered in human feces, urine and debris,
he walked out of the men's room and ambulance had to be called to revive
customers who passed out from laughing at him.
They've officially changed their slogan to America runs screaming from
Duncan.
That's unbelievable.
A Duncan bathroom explodes in Florida and it's not a meth lab.
What are the chances?
Yeah.
Uh, I was just, uh, Oh, a couple more. bathroom explodes in florida and it's not a meth lab what are the chances yeah uh oh is this uh oh come on i mean that's on the customer if you're going to a place that sells a 32 ounce
toasted white chocolate latte covered in whipped cream and chocolate sauce you got to expect
exploding toilets and finally these are all dicky the bathroom was such a mess they legally had to stay open
as a starbucks that's so funny i was about to sing the same fucking song um i did i ever tell
you the story about driving through iowa late at night after a college show and i hadn't eaten all fucking day or night. I did a show.
I had a noontime show the next day about four hours away.
So I finished my show at one school.
I get on the road at like 10 o'clock at night,
have not eaten.
Now it's 11 o'clock at night.
I'm on a fucking highway in the middle of nowhere in Iowa
that has nothing and I'm dying. And all of a
sudden, like a beacon of hope up in the distance, there's a Taco Bell sign. So I pull in. You ran
for the border. I go inside and there's a security guard because I think there's a lot of meth in
Iowa. So they have a security guard at a at a taco bell that has nobody in it and so
as i walk in security guard goes into the bathroom and uh and i order uh whatever whatever you order
taco bell and then uh five or ten minutes later i have to i have to piss really bad. Out of your butt. Door opens, security guard comes out.
He weighs about 340 pounds.
I go in and the bathroom is very much like
what this Dunkin' Donuts bathroom would look like.
And the smell was, all I realized was
this security guard eats three meals a day at Taco Bell.
And then he shits it out in that bathroom.
I was so disgusted.
I left the food on the counter.
I got back in my car and I started driving.
I couldn't eat.
I was dating someone along the way who was like, hold my drink.
I'm going to the bathroom.
Like, well, I'm going to the bathroom too.
Like, can you just hold it?
She's like, whoa, if you're holding the drinks, you can't go in the bathroom.
Then fine.
You go.
I'll hold them first.
I'm like, what are you, what's going on here?
Am I with a germaphobe?
And then sure enough, during COVID, we all learned that fecal matter is everywhere in
the air in a bathroom when the toilet flushes.
When it flushes.
Right, right.
And I thought this was the most paranoid person I had ever met in my life.
And especially when it's one of those violent flushes, like you
hit the knob and it just is like, it's a jet engine. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, really the compost
is the way to go. My father-in-law used to have a compost toilet and it just dropped in and it was
no, there was no water involved. So he just went in the middle of the kitchen and a little barrel
right with a lid on it wow all
right all right let's make uh let's make alabama florida yeah you know so i'm thinking we should
have talked about this up top but i've changed my comic out i don't know if you've seen that yet i
think i'm done with the far side they're really but i'm wondering if we switch some things up and
also australia we've been Australia, we've done well,
but sometimes it takes me a long time to find an Australia story
that's not too dark and made news because it's the worst thing ever.
Well, why don't we rotate the location of the second Make Something Florida?
All right, we could do that.
Yeah, I was going to say we could hit alabama
alabama's gonna have no shortage of these florida type stories right well it's up to you that's
your that's your um my department your department so whatever you want to do but yeah let's switch
up the comics i don't want to switch lockhorns because lockhorns is fucking gold i i put the
first thing i thought of and we'll we'll talk about in a minute but all
right let me let's do this here we go okay man strips naked oh oh uh i think dickie sent us
the story man strips naked jumps into bass pro shops aquarium and knocks himself unconscious
the 42 year old man was reported to be acting erratically and drove a vehicle into a pole in
the store parking lot after the crash he got out of his vehicle took off his clothes ran into the bass
pro shop and jumped into the aquarium video taken by bystanders showed the man do a cannonball
into the aquarium and later stand under the waterfall he continued to shout something to
officers before he climbed over the side of the aquarium
and dropped to the concrete floor below,
appearing to have been knocked out by the fall.
Officers handcuffed the man, this is the best part,
who then woke up and began trying to struggle.
He was not done, not done or phased by that at all.
Yeah.
Unfortunately for the man,
the aquarium was stocked with small mouth bass
well i wonder if he had tried to stay in if they would just if they just started you know fishing
them out just putting in like uh i think i think beer i think the guy would have bit down on a beer can. Or at least gaff him.
Just stick him with that pole and pull him out.
I'm surprised anyone in an Alabama Bass pro shop
noticed a crazy naked man doing a cannonball in the tank.
I would assume that happened three times a month.
Right.
And it's also like, again, you go to work on Monday and
you're at the water cooler. What'd you do this
weekend? Oh, I saw Maestro
and me and the wife took a walk.
What'd you do? Cannonballed into a
fucking aquarium at the Bass
Pro Shop?
Exactly. Is the guy's name here?
I want to be that guy. No, just 42 year old.
Yeah. It's like, what'd you do, Stan?
I went to the Bass Pro Shop and you
got me.
I did more than that.
Alright,
let's hit, should we do sports? A little
bit. You ready? Quick. Yeah.
We're just going to talk about the game.
It's tomorrow.
Yeah, it's tomorrow night, Monday night.
And all right, here's what troubles me.
I'm rooting for Michigan, although I like Washington.
Michigan is favored by four and a half, at least as of Saturday morning.
Washington keeps getting the underdog status in these,
and they constantly are proving it wrong.
So you're going to bet against your daughter's school?
No, I mean, I'm not going to bet, but I can't believe that they're being disrespected again like that,
and I think it motivates them.
Yep.
Washington we're talking about. Yeah, I mean And I think it motivates them. Yep. Washington we're talking about.
Yeah.
I mean,
I think it'll be great.
I'm not a college sports guy at all,
but this,
but this Michigan team is pretty exciting to watch this year.
So,
uh,
well,
we'll go to,
we'll go to Penmar and watch the game.
If anybody's in LA and they want to meet us at Penmar to watch the game on,
on Monday night,
we'll be there or during the day.
Right.
Yeah.
It's four 30,
which I'm going to be, we'll see. I, I'm, uh, leaving the gig there. Or during the day, right? Yeah, it's 4.30, which I'm going to be.
We'll see.
I'm leaving the gig on Monday, but hopefully be there on time.
Okay.
But yeah, we'll get a bunch of, we should maybe reserve one of their big tables there.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Okay.
All right, where are we going?
This day in history?
Let's do this day in history.
this day in history let's do this day in history january 7th 2015 in paris an attack took place against the satirical weekly newspaper charlie
hebdo two masked men dressed in black entered the magazine's offices and fired assault rifles, claiming the lives of 12 people and wounding 11.
So this was, they were captured two days later.
There was a shootout with police.
Hebdo was founded in 69, suspended in 1981 due to lack of readers,
and then relaunched in 92.
Through humor, the magazine exhibited its criticism of the extreme right,
Catholicism, Judaism, and islam among others an attack prior to the one in january occurred in november 2011 following the publication
of a caricature of the prophet muhammad on the cover that's what we need if you guys want to
help us get some traction on this podcast how about some muhammad logos me mike and muhammad
i that's greg asking for that
and everyone knows where he's going to be monday watching the michigan game
yep uh yeah man i don't you know there's so much to say about that.
Part of it is just religion in general and also just fanatics in general
having nothing to do with religion,
but also religion.
You know what's weird is that
it's crazy.
One of the commandments is that
you should not have false idols,
which actually also means
there's supposed to be no depiction of God.
It's in most religions because it i don't know why but that's one of the rules and then you get every fucking christian in the world
has got a cross hanging around their neck it's it's like sacrilege i know well no false prophets
right yeah something like that. Idolatry?
I don't know.
Yeah.
You're not supposed to depict God.
I know that.
Yeah.
All right, listen.
Let's cheer up a little bit.
If your God's powerful, take it easy.
Take it-ish.
I mean, if your God's powerful, a couple of cartoonists who can't even stay open in the 80s,
I think you can take it-ish.
All right, let's move on.
in the 80s, I think you can take it Ish. Alright, let's move on.
Oh, by the way,
I forgot to tell you that
some voodoo guy put an owl
curse on somebody
on one of our friends.
Sorry?
I don't understand any of that
sentence. Somebody put an
owl, A-O-W-L
curse on one of our friends.
So they're going to die on a staircase?
Married to a gay man?
You're supposed to say who.
Oh. And then I say, oh, it must be
one of our listeners wrote
that joke. Who?
Oh, must be you.
That's the joke.
Yeah.
I think someone put a joke curse on you.
Let's do...
Let's do obituaries. Yeah. All right. I think someone put a joke curse on you. Let's do... Let's do obituaries.
Yeah.
And that's all, folks.
Let's cheer up from that.
Well, this is cheerful because it's a memory of a guy
that brought laughs and joy to people for many years,
Shecky Green, one of my heroes.
As a friar, Shecky Green was a guy
that I would see on the roasts,
and he was amazing.
He was a guy who did a residency in Vegas
for like 40 years, died on New Year's Eve.
He was one of these guys like fucking fought
the Navy in World War II,
and then he started out at a resort
and did stand up with Sammy Shore,
who's the guy that created the comedy store.
That's his club.
And they worked in all the nightclubs in Chicago,
New Orleans, Miami.
And then in 54, he did his first gigs in Vegas.
He ended up opening for Sinatra for a lot of years
um he used to guest host for carson on the tonight show and merv griffin
uh hollywood squares did a bunch of movies he was in history of the world
um anyway he he just was a powerhouse the kind of guy he just made up a set
walked on stage
and just riffed and fucked with people
was in the moment
did a different show every night
he was incredible
how old was he?
99 I think
geez
yeah
um yeah no
legend for sure
yeah
everybody dies at 99.
Isn't that weird?
We wish.
We wish.
Funnies.
Let's cheer up.
Here we go.
Okay, so we got a note from Jane S.
who said,
Last week's Christmas Eve Sunday papers Farside
featured a caveman named Thag.
Did you know that the four spike formation
at the end of a stegosaurus tail
is named a Thagomizer
in honor of Larson's character Thag,
initially as a punchline by Larson,
but then later adopted by multiple paleontological authorities
like Smithsonian Institute and science writers.
Isn't that cool?
I remember that it was like a slideshow
that the cavemen were showing,
and they talked about the spikes on the tail of the dinosaur,
and the guy's pointing out,
we call that a thag killer or something like that.
Yeah.
From now on, that's the fag killer or something.
Fag stopper.
And that was it.
Hey, I heard an interesting thing since we're going short this week now.
That there was no such thing.
The Aztecs, just like this, that very late in the game, that scientists just decide to use a new word or
whatever.
They were never Aztecs or knew of themselves as Aztecs or anything like
that.
They were a word that was very similar to Mexicans,
which was like Mexicans or whatever.
And it got confusing and,
oh,
it was Mexica.
And so it got confusing because it would then be mexicans yeah and anyway long
story short since they were originally from this azteca or whatever the city was or the region
they just decided oh we're just going to call that group of people which is a giant group in history
aztecs no shit yeah I thought that was interesting.
Not interesting enough to bring up, but I thought it was interesting.
Didn't they also do that to...
I mean, what's the Orient, exactly?
Yeah.
What do you mean? I don't know. Let's move on.
So, speaking of old days...
The Far East? Hager the Horrible
is sitting at a table.
Helga goes west.
Our neighbor is is walking over here with a cup and he goes, I wonder what she ran out of this time.
And then she puts out the cup and says, may may I borrow a cup of coins?
And Hager is just looking at her going like.
Do you know what happens to women when they come over alone to this house?
I'll tell you what's going on in that cup.
My Viking cock, my balls.
He's also stumped.
He's like, what a way to take money.
Should I try that approach?
That's interesting.
Right.
All right.
I think we're done with Hager for a while.
That was the last one.
It was awful.
And now Leroy is laying in a hospital bed.
The doctor has got a clipboard.
Loretta looks upset.
And then Leroy goes,
and then Loretta said,
would it hurt you to try the chicken?
The next one, they're sitting in the marriage counselor and Loretta says,
it used to be just during the games on TV. Now Leroy shushes me during the commercials.
Leroy should be smiling when that's being said.
I just relate to that because I am a shusher. We was, we had nine fucking people staying in our house
for two weeks at Christmas.
Yeah.
And we would sit on the couch and watch TV
and Aaron's brother and sister-in-law are narrators.
They are voiceover people during movies.
And it makes me fucking crazy
because my escape in life,
I don't drink.
I escape into movies and TV.
I go away.
I'm so invested in it.
And when somebody talks,
it destroys all the tension
that was built up
from what I was watching.
Right.
And I shush people
and people think it's rude
that I shush them.
I think it's rude
that they're talking. They make you shush them and people think it's rude that I shushed them. I think it's rude that they're talking.
They make you shush them.
Yeah.
Right.
Oh, look who you put in there.
I know.
Wow.
It's Kathy.
So I looked, I looked up, I just put in like famous comics, right?
Famous Sunday comics or whatever.
So one of them was Kathy and I look and so this is,
and then I read a little bit about it.
I'm not saying I'm staying with Kathy,
but it's in this week and it was,
I think her name was Kathy,
an advertising executive.
She might've been in the Midwest and I think she was 26 and then she started
writing her first comics and it's about a frustrated woman, although it looks like a girl,
but a frustrated woman who's frustrated that her personal life's not far enough along
and all those frustrations that come with it.
And she's got an overbearing mother, and she struggles with weight.
So you know, you see, I don't know a lot of this.
Oh, my God, yeah.
She has a whole string of guys that she dates, and know, you see, I don't know a lot of this. I did read... Oh my God, yeah. She has a whole string of guys
that she dates
and it never works out
and they're always lazy
and they won't do tasks
around the house
and she's very like,
she's a mama's girl.
She's sitting in bed.
There's a bowl with a spoon.
It can either be cereal,
probably ice cream
to her right.
On the other nightstand
is a box of chocolates
and she's sitting in bed
with wrappers all around her and she's looking, I don't know, kind of like she feels fat.
I mean, that's the look on her.
And the caption just says, wake me up when I'm a size five.
And I just thought, this is refreshingly depressing.
Yeah.
And I'm going to check out more Caff's and see if we put them in here.
But I can also look for other comics.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm obsessed with Cathy.
It is the worst depiction of women by a woman I've ever seen in my life.
Okay, right.
Everything is fat shaming and I'm a loser and women need men to define them and make them feel whole.
I am not.
And I am not in any way saying five is a big size.
It's not.
It's petite.
But if you're dreaming, I don't know, make it a three, make it a four.
Dream three.
Yeah.
Because really, Kathy's a 10.
I've always said that.
Kathy's a 10.
Right.
Exactly.
She doesn't need to do
anything, change anything. But if you're
dreaming, I mean, dreams
smaller than 5, right? Yeah.
So shitbag's laying
in bed. He's snoring away in his
donut pajamas. And then
his alarm goes off.
Blondie walks in and she's wearing
a raspberry tight
mini dress.
She goes, wake up, dear.
It's time to party.
And he's like, OK, that nap really recharged me.
So he goes, I don't know why people have to get so dressed up for New Year's Eve. And he puts on a tuxedo and she goes, well, you'll be the hottest hunk in the room, guaranteed.
And so they walked.
And I got to tell you, her tits are popping out of this dress
as she walks down the stairs the definition on her calves as her little toes go into those wedges
and she goes if we hurry we can make it on time and he's like i'm ready and now the final frame
is they're sitting on the couch alone in a gown and a tuxedo and there's a countdown on the tv three two one happy 2024
and she goes admit it you want you you wouldn't have wanted to miss this he goes maybe but next
year let's record it and sleep in can you give her one fucking moment a year can you yeah can you not be in bed in donut pajamas on the one night
you're expected to actually show up and be charming and share some joy and sell celebrate
the fact that you are hitting so far out of your league right now you are so fucking like, I would be spit shining her shoes and massaging her back at 9.30.
And for two and a half hours, I would give her my rapt attention until a kiss is bestowed upon me at midnight.
Followed by throwing a move in the bed.
Throwing a move on her.
Yeah.
The last frame could be admit it you
this was literally what she says admit it you wouldn't have wanted to miss this this could be
her could be that cleavage spilling out of her dress yeah look at his reaction yeah
he does want he can't miss that he won't admit it he is the worst i fucking hate him god but i'll tell you who i love i love
game time and i want you guys if you're gonna go see live music you're gonna see sports you're
gonna see comedy theater you're gonna go to game time app and you're gonna put in code papers and
you're gonna get yourself a little $20 off.
Also, BetterHelp is a great way to start the new year.
Visit BetterHelp.com, put in slash Sunday and get your – put in help, BetterHelp.com slash Sunday and get yourself 10% off your first month. Our thanks to Midcoast Media for launching a new year with your quality editing and producing.
Thank you.
Koozies are on the way as of early next week.
And we have a bunch more.
So if anyone, is it still on your website where they can order it?
It's still on FitzDawg.com.
Not too late to get your koozies for the new year.
Go on there and they'll go out right away.
They're sitting in Mike's apartment.
His daughter is home till the end of January, I just found out.
So we got all hands on deck.
She's going abroad.
I think I did my dumb joke,
but she's going abroad.
She's studying spring semester in Amsterdam.
And to make it authentic,
I'm having a family hide her in their attic
just so she really experiences Amsterdam.
Yeah, she's going to write a lot.
She said she's going to keep a diary.
In a roomy, roomy place.
That's right.
Food delivered every day.
Yep.
All right.
Well, that's it.
We'll check on our predictions.
You won the predictions this year.
Congratulations.
I think you were up like three at the end
and I think I'm locked for next year
I just have to get you a couple of people
who are on the flight log
oh right
I gotta think of more rich
creeps kind of like
his lawyer has already been rumored to go right
that jackass from Harvard
who's that
the red haired guy with the mustache i forget
his name oh right right right yeah uh he's a total dick yeah um all right well listen i'll see you uh
see you at the game on monday you got it and i'll see you next week. Take it easy. Take it easy. It's in the papers, read all about it
It's in the papers, read all about it It's in the papers It's in the papers
It's in the papers Thank you.