Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 256 3/16/25

Episode Date: March 16, 2025

Episode 256. IT’S OUR 5TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW! We began during the 1st week of COVID-19 shutdowns and have been going ever since. Thanks for the support and patience. Author, Tom O’Neill joins us for commentary on the new Netflix documentary “Chaos,” which is the #3 movie in the country right now. Plus, all the news that’s fit to mock.Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Read lessAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Ben Amgm operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. They went for Ellen. It wasn't heaven. Turning on the IC6. There we go. Grabbing the microphone, going to clap in and then we're going to plug in the headphones. Clapping in in five, four. Three, two, one. Read all about it, two, one. Read all about it! Oh boy.

Read all about it! Sunday Papers! Coming in from Los Angeles, where it's raining, and Nashville, where it's what? What's going on in Nashville? Sunny, actually. Oh, look at that. Hold on here, guys.

Sunny, yeah, they had some nice weather, and spring is popping up everywhere. Trees are blooming, I can't believe it. Dude, the wind yesterday was like nothing I've ever seen. The palm tree, these skinny tall palm trees were literally swaying about like 100 feet at the top back and forth. It was crazy.

Freezing cold, it's in the low forties at night. I don't like it. I don't like it. You've removed the only positive things about the place. I know. Uh, yeah, no, I heard, well, there's more rain. We need that. Well, we should alert people to your condition. Mike,. Mike injured his neck because he's an old man. And they and they put him on muscle relaxers and he now has the personality of that I should have all the time. I'm just taking it easy. I'm just rolling with a Hasn't written a cocktail in me, but I'm taking it easy. Wrote one joke, wrote

one joke in the entire script. I'm gonna try to wing it. I thought I had one for the Girl Scouts and now I'm not remembering what it is. I got a great one-liner. It'll probably be the clip that we use this episode. Anyway, uh, oh is that what it's gonna be? I just remembered what the joke was. It's not really a joke. But you know, I don't know if it's called injured. I woke up and it was like this and usually like that'll go away, a crick in your neck or whatever you want to call it.

Anyway, man, it's on my upper, you know, right back, right in the neck and then through the shoulder top of the shoulder. So then I remember 10 years ago, I something. Did I ever tell you this one? So it was the same thing and they wanted to x-ray it before the chiropractor wanted to, you know. So I got an x-ray and the guy, we go to the same place, my referring doctor Solomon, who's great. Solomon, legendary. He then wasn't there, but he had ordered the x-ray. So then I go in like, oh, why don't you go,

we wrote you a referral to go see this spine doctor. So I go to this hotshot spine doctor on Wilshire and I get in there and he puts up the chart and he puts up my x-ray and he's like, right, this is the easiest thing to see. It's right there. It's like around your C2 or C3. He's like, we just swapped that out. It's he swapped. I got I'm not familiar with these medical terms. He's like,

well, we go in and now they have artificial vertebrae. And so we'll replace that vertebra. I'm like, I you're talking about spine surgery. And he's like, Yeah, I'm like, um, I thought I was way before this. I thought this was, yes, you're gonna do physical therapy. This isn't nearly as bad. So I went back when I told Solomon that Solomon freaked out, he was like, who, what? He couldn't even, he's like, let me guess. He was under 40.

That was his first thing he said. Yeah. And then he's like, all he wants to do is cut. He like got out of school. He's probably in his young, the early 30s. He got out of school and all he wants to do is cut now also, it makes him money. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, they, they always recommend surgery. My mom had God like three surgeries on her on her

heart that were two of them were unnecessary Always get a second opinion people right, so anyway, I went to physical therapy and It was great and then And that was ten years ago and I forgot about it. So I'm hoping the same thing happens now Let me ask you this and be honest with me. Did you make love last night? Uh, with someone? Yeah, I did. I did not. No, I did not. Hold on. I got to let this dog out of this room.

Hold on. Talk amongst yourself. Tease. Well, I'll tease the show. We've got we've got an amazing show. We got Girl Scouts that are in trouble. We've got a good make them make America, Florida kind of avoiding politics for the most part. I think we've been pretty good about it considering the very charged atmosphere in this country. We're going to talk about my St. Patrick's Day show which is tomorrow night. Well actually it will have been last night when you hear this.

But it doesn't matter because it's already sold out. We got Bobby Lee, Harlan Williams just had to cancel so we got a nice Irish name. I got a black guy, a Latino guy, an Asian guy, and a woman who's Norwegian. And Dennis gubbins, Dennis begged his way onto the show. I'm giving him five minutes. We're gonna see if he can redeem himself after last year's absolutely catastrophic

Hindenburg bomb. I wasn't there last year, I don't think, right? It was kind of the talk of the show afterwards. I love it. It just occurred to me, Bobby Lee, this is how American Bobby Lee is. He has the same name as the Southern general during the Civil War. That's right, Robert E. Lee. How about that? And his middle name is E, Bobby. No it's not. I think it is. Oh wow.ba. By the way, we're going to have we're also teasing in the show.

The number three show in the country on all streamers right now is the Chaos documentary by Errol Morris written about our friend Tom O'Neill's book, Chaos. The book has shot up to number two on the New York Times bestseller list. The documentary is gigantic. Everybody's talking about it. There's different reviews. Some people feel that 90 minutes or whatever it was was nowhere near enough to cover a 700 page book that goes into depth in a bunch of different areas. Please get the book.

If you're if you're thinking of seeing this documentary or you've already seen it please. It's night and day. So we're teasing that the author Tom O'Neill will be joining us shortly to talk like six minutes. We told him give us a call in 15 minutes or zoom in and that's what he's going to do. Well he's concerned that he doesn't look good. He hasn't shaved or showered in a few days. I don't know what's going on with him. But he's also concerned about, you know, publicity has to be coordinated and what he can say. Yeah, can't say right, right. All right, we'll get to it. So anyway, the St. Patrick's Day show, here's what we got lined up. My friend, Laureen Tish has she and I bake six Irish soda breads, and we cut them up.

They get buttered in the kitchen at the improv. They get served to every single person in the show. All right. And we got the show starts off with music. We're going to play Irish songs. Me, Jojo and Mikey Fitz are going to play a Pogue song, a U2 song and then California Dreamin, which she's gonna play flute on. I love it. And we may.

Backing up a second, how many years have you done the Soda Bread competition? Three. And what's the score? One, one. So this is a rubber match. This'll be the third, okay. Yeah, there's a competition,

we're gonna bring three people on stage, they're gonna try each of our soda breads blindfolded. I guess we don't have to. I think I think we should blindfold them just for no reason. Just so they taste more. And then and then Joey McIntyre from New Kids on the Block may be singing harmony on California dreaming. He's gonna be singing but you don't know if we'll be on key so you don't know if it'll be in harmony. Well, he oh, yeah, he just agreed. He's gonna be singing, but you don't know if he'll be on keys, so you don't know if it'll be in harmony. Well, he, oh, yeah, he just agreed.

He's gonna do it. He pitched to me that he lay, that we play Danny Boy, and he lays on his back with his legs in the air, and we make fart noises on the offstage microphone to the tune of Danny Boy. Nice. Yeah. But he just agreed he's going to sing harmony.

All right. That's great. All right. Little dumb thing. I'm looking out the window. So yesterday, when I picked up all this stuff like to plant, like, you know, spring has definitely sprung down here. Dogwoods are out and all that stuff. And so we borrowed a cousin. I guess my brother in law's truck. They just decided to buy an old beater pickup truck, right? It's an F-150. It's in the driveway from the eighties. And it is old, man. Like this is older than you and I think when we hear eighties.

this is older than you and I think when we hear 80s. Yeah, like any remember when it would have like the tiny little bars like the gear shift, you know, putting it in drive, and then the blinker, they were just long metal. Yeah. And there's an AM radio. That's all it had in the dashboards cracked to hell. Anyway, it's really old, like an old feeling. It's a big bench, you know, kind of like love the bench front seat. It feels to me kind of like it's a 60s truck, but it's 80s. Right. So these young guys who are helping load it with trees and stuff like that, they're like, man, feel the metal on this thing. Right. And they were impressed and they're like, when's this from? And I'm like, 80s. Like, yeah, that's what we were going to say.

It occurred to me. Like remember when I, when we were in college, I worked in Wyoming and I drove this old, I mean, I called it a Sanford and son, this old red Ford pickup, whatever anyway, the eighties to these kids are like, when I did that in the 80s, the 40s, it would be like me driving a pickup, not an old 57 like I probably was, the 40s. Right, right, right. That's messed up.

Yeah, that's amazing. It reminds me of like a John Cougar Melon Camp song video, you know, the bench front seat, there's a girl girl in daisy dukes there's a horrible song playing you know the videos yes yeah and then we also want to announce the fifth anniversary hats are out on the website you can look at a picture of it at fits dog comm order it there we've also got these great notebooks the fifth anniversary Sunday papers spiral notebooks it's about the corrections you can write down the corrections in here you can write down overheard there's so many things to be written down and sent

in again fits dog calm pick them up I think the notebooks are I forget how much the prices are everything's very reasonable So pick them up support the show That has no ads really except for those Red circle ones that they add in at the beginning in the end. Oh, I don't know about those Yeah, nobody does. And then, of course, and then, of course, YouTube throws their ads in. And we don't get we get we get almost no money out of that.

I don't know what we're doing because you blow the algorithm every week. Right. I also want to give a shout out to my buddy. Speaking of St. Patrick's Day, J Hollworth big Jay is big Irish Jay they call him good buddy of mine. He's got us He's got a new album out on iTunes. It's called green monster. He's a Boston guy. He's a smart writer Super likable. He's about six foot eight. I just worked with him in Vegas, but I've known him for about 20 years So check it out go on iTunes Vegas, but I've known him for about 20 years. So check it out. Go on iTunes. John Tobin produced it. You know, John Tobin. Oh, of course. I didn't know he did that. Yeah. So

he taped it in Boston at Laugh Boston and check it out. Oh, good for john. The logo this week is from Bob. Bob has been very prolific for us making some cool comics. Look at us. Logos. It's the last winter logo we'll probably use. You look a little bit like the guy, what's his name? The actor Ryan Reynolds. You look a little like Ryan Reynolds, maybe? Oh boy, Ryan Reynolds would not like to hear that. And I look like a corpse a little bit.

We are in an elaborate, I guess igloo type thing. It's like we're in an igloo. Rounded. How did we do that? It's impressive architecture. How do we rank? It's like a cylinder of ice cubes. And we have an ice fishing hole and it looks like it's got a little something on the line there. Picking one up. Yeah, it's a scary looking fish. The song this week. Really, really good. Andre Guzman. I hope I'm saying it wrong. Right. Andre or it's on dress Guzman or on I'm saying it's

Andre Guzman. Very talented. We hope to get more from him in the future. Thank you, Andres. Corrections. Just one correction this week and it comes all the way from ready. Abuja Nigeria from Dane Fredenburg and he says Walter Moreira Salas Jr. is Brazilian. What does that even mean? I was gonna ask you. Oh really? You don't know either? Does that name look familiar? I'm gonna Google it. Alright well while you Google it I'm going to admit our guest for the day. We very rarely have guests on this show.

But this guy has been a guest in the past because he is a he's an expert in all things 1960s. And man sorry, yeah, he's the director. And I just saw that movie Brazilian. And I just wanted to sneak this in there before Tom pops on I just saw the movie. I'm still here and It's it's very I didn't know it was a true story. God damn it. I wish it weren't it was very good All right. Let's let him in ladies and gentlemen

Please welcome Mr. Tom O'Neill All right, where he teased for terrific have his video on Tom. He knows how to do this. Yeah, but you have your porno blocker on your camera. So we don't see hit allow video on the bottom left corner of the screen. He's in media. He's saying it says video and then click on it. They'll say allow video. I think he's doing this. There he is. There he is. Look at those books behind him. It looks like an earthquake just happened. those books behind him. It looks like an earthquake just happened.

I love my story. I fell. I turned down the. I made it dark. Look great, Tom. Look at that. Jesus. Oh, there we go. Yeah. You're all over the place. World traveler.

That's also a fake background with the research that's created so you look all a little bit surreal. No, but I made it dark because I haven't showered for a few days and I thought it doesn't show as bad. You can't really see all the books because it's dark. Normally it's all lit up, but you've seen it before.

Forget about the background. Let's talk about is the scarf on to hide something regarding your neck? No, no, no, I just I'm just fucking filthy. Oh, I'm freezing. I mean, it's freezing and we don't have heat in mid city. I know we've already talked about how cold it is in L.A. and I was such a bunch of remember this fits. I mean, yeah.

You stole that mushroom from Peter Thiel's house. Business party, yeah. Took it out to the driveway where they have to drive you down the hill in a bus to get to your car. And he had the mushroom. I was over served. All right, Tom, let's get to it. The movie, the Errol Morris documentary, Chaos.

Is there a subtitle for Chaos? The movie? Yeah. I don't know, because I blocked everything out of my memory of it, so I don't remember it. All right. Yeah, that's Chaos, something to do with Charles Manson, but it doesn't matter.

Don't watch it. All right. Not based on the book Chaos by Tom. Well, you know, look, the truth is this this should have been a 10 part docu series. And I think it where I think it's lacking is your involvement in chasing down these leads. What's your commentary on that? Oh, Tom, do you want me to go first

so I can do some of the heavy lifting? I'd rather just sit here and look pretty and not say a word. I mean, I literally just took out my contract with Netflix to see what my NDA says because I don't think I'm allowed to say anything bad about it. But I will, of course, because they can come sue me if they want.

These aren't Tom's thoughts. Listen, the documentary was horrible. I mean, some people who have never heard of the Mansomers are going to get some education. But those people need to know this. Like my daughters, the way to talk to them about it is this is the granddaddy of all true murders, all true murder stories. Right. True crime. It is truly the the biggest one. And in Cold Blood and Manson are the two and Chaos are the two biggest true crime books ever written in this country.

Right. But I'm putting the Manson murders way, way above what Truman Capote worked on. I mean, I know Truman Capote's book is beautiful and chilling and terrifying. But the crime itself is only known because of the book. Nobody exactly name. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Except for me, The Clutter Family from Kansas. It's a great book. Yeah. But oddly, Truman Capote, an amazing fiction writer, his book is a truer account than Bouliosi's account of the Manson murders.

And you know, Truman Capote, I think, did make up a lot of that book. I know. Yeah. Yeah. But just kind of Boulios OC and Helter Skelter. So well, half the half the book, half of in cold blood is dialogue between the two killers as they drive around the country. Like, did he have a microphone hidden in the car? No. And Capote famously never took notes when he did interviews.

And everyone who was ever profiled by him claimed that he made up everything they said. And he said he didn't want to distract people with a recorder or an interviewer and that he had a photographic memory. So he'd go back to his room after he did an interview and write everything down. But then the people, I think Brando and or Sinatra sued him after he did profiles of him.

And he couldn't produce any notes or anything because he didn't take any. And he, you know, he did his, well, that's my memory of it or something. You know those guys. What is your most precious piece of recording from all the interviews that you did over the years for the book?

Reporting or recording? Recording. Audio interview? Oh, Jesus. Well what about Manson on Valentine's Day? Yeah yeah that was fun but that wasn't important. All my tapes are great. Um those these things like this is. You didn't transfer it all to a hard drive? Yeah, you see how many tapes are in here? Yeah.

And that's just one year. There's 20 years. It would take me 20 years to digitize everything. Yeah, I think you could find volunteers to work as interns to burn all those onto a hard drive for you. Well, the director, whose name won't be spoken, sent his person to my house at the beginning of all this and that very kind, nice person came and did digitize lots and lots of my

audio tapes, documents that she was here for a week. She ended up taking back a ton of stuff, but a lot of it's digitized, but not, you know, probably still just 10%. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for myself that the documentary didn't come out better. I told Tom at one point, I'm like, this is I think what needed to be done is, and what Tom's book does very well. It immediately discredits the story and narrative we all know. In other words, so it makes it truly factually impossible to believe Bouliosi's account. He was the DA and then he wrote Helter Skelter. His account is wrong.

That's the kindest thing that could be said about it. And we believe, and then he's caught in lies. And then he's caught in sitting on evidence and not disclosing it. And he's caught a million different ways that Tom fully details in his book. So then what you have is now your viewers are going to be riveted because it's like, then it has to be something we've ruled out that it's not this. So it's kind of like ruling out

definitively that there was only one shooter in JFK. If you're able to definitively rule that out, J.F. Pickay's assassination becomes so much more fascinating. And people truly won't let it go like they're trying to solve it. And I don't think it's at that level that Tom brought to the Manson murders, where he absolutely undid the narrative that everyone's walking around with. Yeah, and I think the stuff in your book that shows Bouliosi on a lot more levels

than they cover in the movie in terms of what a piece of shit that guy was. Yeah, except if we're gonna start picking and choosing what's omitted from that film, I don't even know where to begin. And I'm gonna maybe start crying like a little baby on camera. There's just so much that's not there and nothing makes sense that is there without context. I think most men who wear scarves on Zooms cry, so it's okay.

That's what the scarf is for. Wipe up the tears. Yeah, yeah, no, I got my heater here. It's like 30 degrees in this house. All right, well listen, Tom, we're gonna let you go because we promised a good interview and it's been maybe worthy of that, but we will tell people, if you look, the good thing is the documentary has kicked up your book sales. It's one of the most watched TV shows in the country right now. It's third globally. Third globally. Except, you know, 70% of those countries, they don't speak English.

One fun thing I've done is you can pull up the video of clips of the like the Thai version or the Sri Lankan version and it's me dubbed in all those languages and it's insane. That's great. But they're not going to buy the book because they can't read it. It's only published in a couple for, I think it's published in Polish and Spanish and Russian, which I still haven't gotten the book. They printed it in Russia like a year ago and I thought, wow, maybe that's not good because it's kind of an anti-American. But you know, if it sells copies, whatever. Yeah, I don't understand if you bought, let's say you bought the book on Kindle, right? Or something

like that. Couldn't the print with one press of the button be translated? You know, that's right. I didn't think of that. It's weird, though. They sent me an email from the head of Little Brown today. And he, you know, our sales are always much, much larger in the print and the audio. Digitals never really keep up with that. Okay. This is what I'll say about audio. Your audio isn't in one click of a button now, especially with AI, with an AI voice, or

you could play the audio, like on your computer, and then have your phone translated live. All right, just getting a little inside baseball. Let's just say that. It also sounds like pretty tedious to have your computer translate something to a voice that's going to mispronounce half the words and not get the nuance, which God bless the guy that did my book. He misses, he calls Bouliosi Bugliosi. Yeah, I know, I know. Again, the only way I can live with that is

Bouliosi hated more than anything his name being mispronounced. So I felt like it was kind of a blessing in disguise. Well, at least it's in Russian because that'll be the one country Trump does not put tariffs on. So that'll help you. That's very funny. That's I got to tell everybody to go watch this videos on his Instagram of

him just having fun with the lady anchors that my nephews are just dying. They want more. Yeah. All right. I got more. It was it was good day LA. And let me tell you something. Those women are amazing. And they have a good sense of humor. If you were if you were trans, you'd be a 10. All right, Tom, we'll let you go. Thanks for your time. And we'll see you tomorrow night at the St. Patrick's Day show, 7 o'clock. It's not going to be the same without Gibbs' five minutes of stalling and looking down at his notes. No, but you have a gubbins. Gubbins is going to bring it.

Yeah, Gubbins is going to do the exact same thing, so you're good. Alrighty. Govins is going to bring it. Yeah, Govins is going to do the exact same thing. So, you're good. Alright. Alright, Tom. Tom, thanks for coming on. Free ticket. I got a free ticket for being on the show. Yeah, you've already got the free ticket even though you're making actual huge money now from this book.

You get a free ticket. Yeah, look at where I live here. Alright. See you. Happy St. Patty's. Alright, you too All right. Hit the shower. Bye bye. I know you got to end the call, Tom. Oh, how do I do that? Well, you know what? Since I have 30 more seconds on Sunday or Monday, I'm posting a review of the film on my social media, which is going to be my only public comment. And I'm not counting this as public because you guys have a couple hundred viewers, right? Yeah, right.

But like on a big platform, look for it Sunday or Monday if you follow me on Instagram and all that. Why don't you tell people your Instagram handle? Oh, it's just as hard to remember as the title of the movie. It's Chaos, but I can't remember Manson the Book or Chaos Manson. Okay, all right. I thought you guys might have it there on the movie. It's Chaos, but I can't remember Manson the book or Chaos Manson. Okay, all right. I thought you might have it there on the website. It's the red icon, right? Look for a red icon. Yeah, it's a lot of red, a lot like blood. Yeah. Oh, good meeting. I see it. All right.

I can't just stay for the rest of the show. You can, yeah, but the problem is the audio sucks because we don't have you on a recorder. So we have to use the Zoom audio while you're on. All right, I'll sit around. All right. No, I'm joking. All right, bye, see you guys. All right, see ya. All right, so now we can go back to our audio,

our microphones. Wait, what does that mean? Well, you and I record on microphones and so we're only using the zoom for the video and then we use our audio but Tom didn't have a recorder so we have to use the sound from the zoom call while he's on. Yeah. All right. Anyway, a lot of fucking details about production and stuff on this show.

Let's get to tour dates. Much more important. Hamilton, Ontario at levity March 26. Then I'll be in Toronto, Pittsburgh, Boston for my birthday on April 4 and 5. Torrance, Huntington, Escondido, Dayton, Tampa, Austin, La Jolla tickets at fitsdog.com. Now we got some to Crankle? You do. I'm gonna pull out a page from the Sunday papers notebook. So you can see the kind of quality. It's gonna be crisp and beautiful. Oh my God, ready?

Look at that. Hey, I like you have your mom's house sweatshirt. Last week, didn't we have your mom's house sweatshirt. Last week, didn't we have a song that was similar? We had the mom's house theme song with our name substituted in and we got a lot of feedback. Some people thought it was great. Some people accused us of stealing their theme song. I'm sure the sweatshirt will help out as their lawyer tunes in this week.

All right. All right. Front page. We got images of Enola Gay, the aircraft that dropped an atomic bomb on Hiroshima in Japan. I say Hiroshima. Do you say Hiroshima or Hiroshima? I've switched as of 20 years ago to Hiroshima. I'm not sure what it is

among targeted by the US military in an So we have targeted the the US military has said there's an initiative to eliminate content related to diversity equity and inclusion They are among a number of photos unrelated to DEI that have been flagged seemingly because an engineer in the image had the last name gay so Enola gay is gay and so I guess Navy guys will no longer be called semen they'll just be called Americans all All right. Homo sapiens no longer. Now it's just American sapiens. I guess they're going to do away with the black ops program.

That's right. That's gone entirely. They won't even rename it. Just American ops. Yeah. The missiles that they build from now on will no longer be shaped like huge cocks. They're going to look like breasts, which won't have the same kind of aerodynamics. Yeah, we're gonna miss all the targets, but it will be worth it.

Yeah. United States custom officials are making more seizures of poultry products, including eggs, than fentanyl. The US has reported a 36% jump in people trying to bring eggs into the country illegally since October, compared with the same period last year, as avian flu drives up costs. At the northern border with Canada,

US customs inspectors recorded a 36%, whatever. So it's way up. And they're saying there's also a lot of guys in San Diego shitting out eggs like their hands. It looks like an actual hand laying an egg when they come across the border. Oh, they stuff them up their butts? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, this is the thing is the how about the poor guy that put all his fentanyl and eggs? You can't say the wrong move to hide them in eggs. But right. Right. Terrible timing. Normally a great idea.

Yeah. You're having a big party. You got a dude cracking egg. Yeah. So it's a little comes in its own organic container and everything. What is the deal? So have you bought eggs? I haven't bought eggs in a while. I don't miss eggs.

We just got eggs today, but we were out for a while. We went to Trader Joe's. That shelf was empty for a couple weeks. And how much do they let you buy now? I think two. I think they let you buy two cartons. But who does an eggs? Yeah. Oh, you're a hoarder. You're a hoarder.

Well, I can I can I save them. I just put them inside my my masks. But no, it is amazing that that's a big thing that Trump hung his campaign on, was that the eggs are too expensive in this country. There was never, once again, there is no room for shading, like angles on the truth. There's no details allotted with Republicans.

It's just one simple message. Eggs are more expensive. Never that there was avian flu. And now that it's his administration, it's even higher than it was before. And now they're going, well, it's because there's avian flu. Well, there was avian flu a year ago. Yeah, now now the now the view of it gets a little more nuanced. Yes, that's the word I was looking for. I got it. How about this now? Girl Scouts are sued after a study allegedly finds heavy metals and pesticides in this is the stat 100% of sampled cookies. A woman in New York is suing Girl Scouts

of the USA after a study claimed to find aluminum, arsenic, lead and mercury and pesticides, and mercury and pesticides, including glyphosate in cookies. The study was conducted by consumer groups, GMO Science and Moms Across America. They tested 11 types of cookies. I think this is fat moms across America. Yes. And the reason I'm coming out against them is the Girl Scouts, I want to say successfully defended themselves, but it hasn't been ruled on yet. But they've added none of that. And the moms made a mistake. They use some other standard, I think it might have been for water, not food anyway. Yeah. Well, I knew something was wrong. I bought a box and it

said tin mints across the front. I said, Wait a minute. Is that the is that what the heavy metal aluminum you're referring to? That's right. I know I bought about when I was in Atlanta, there was a little Girl Scout thing set up outside the gas station next to my hotel and I picked up a box of do-si-dos and I could not get them to the screening machine at TSA. It kept going off.

Because the metal. Yes. Look at that. Girl Scouts the angels of death. That's what they're calling them now. Oh, I like that. They saw an angel of death cookie. Angel of death by chocolate. Nice dessert made by the Girl Scouts. Knock knock want testicular cancer. Wolf Ranch a community in Georgetown, Texas claims to be the world's largest 3d printed neighborhood. It features 100 homes created with 3D printing.

Unlike human workers, the printers operate 24 hours a day. Each printer can do the work of more than 12 construction workers. By its second year of construction, the company Icon was using 11 machines and printing out two homes per week. Well, I think that'll just get faster even.

Well, it's it's East Texas. So it's not like there's ever any tornadoes there. No, not at all. Those things are coming down so fast. They're made of paper. I mean, it's a printer. Texas kicked out all the people who were willing to work 24 hours a day. That's why this stat is highlighted. Right. Right.

Once they're done doing all this work, they're going to deport the 3D printers. Totally throw them over the wall. By the way, why didn't they build the why didn't they print the wall? They tried, but it kept jamming the printer. I wonder, imagine the cats going, you know how cats go crazy with printers? Things printing out a house.

Cats losing its mind. Alright, what is this? An American dog, I just put this in. An American dog owner was shot by his pet after it jumped on his bed and set off a loaded gun. The man from Memphis, Tennessee was asleep beside his partner when he was shot. He was grazed on his left thigh and treated in the hospital.

The dog, a year old pit bull named Oreo, got his paw stuck in the trigger and ended up hitting the trigger. fairly good chance this guy was fucking the dog. It's always pit bulls who who disarm firearms. It's always that's it's always them. Yeah, whenever you hear about a shooting incident, where the dog is the shooter. It's always a pit bull. Yeah, they got an itchy

trigger paw. I've seen it. You know, if they can't, if they can't attack your baby, they're going to shoot you with your shotgun. Luckily, very, very few pit bull owners own guns, right? It actually has to be the highest group that exists. I'm going to bet that. Yeah. All right. What do we got? All right. Let's go to Florida. Here we go. Jathan Glider, 32, told employees at Tiffany and Company in the mall in Millennia at about 1 45 in the afternoon that he was a representative of an Orlando Magic basketball player before

he was taken to a VIP room and shown several high end pieces of jewelry. Then the police detective wrote in her West arrest warrant that he was shown a pair of 4.86 carat diamond earrings worth 160,000 and another pair worth 609,000 plus a ring worth 600 grand. He then grabbed the three pieces of jewelry and struggled with employees before he dropped the ring and fled the store. The cameras captured images of him leaving

in a blue Mitsubishi Highlander that detectives traced Enterprise Ranikar. Fancy. But wait a minute, where, where is, did you edit this? No. He hid them. That was the story. No, it wasn't in there. I think he might have eaten them. That's really I'm not kidding you. Well, yeah, he was from the magic. He made them disappear. I like that. I'm gonna let this guy up. I think he swallowed those earrings.

He left the ring behind. I know that. Which is great because the jewelry store is going to recover the diamonds and sell them to some woman who's going to put them on. Her husband's going to hug her and go, they're beautiful, honey. But you smell like shit. He swallowed them. So wait, I got an update. Maybe the update will see what if he's passed them yet. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Just charged right now.

I don't know. Well, how do they know he has them? At the time, the arrest affidavit was written, law enforcement was still waiting for glider to pass. It's not going to glide out. Mr. Glider passed the items. I guess they can X ray them if they'll if they'll consent. I like it. It is magic though. All right. Now we're going to make Georgia, Florida. All right, let's do it. There's the crank call. Police are waiting for 25 year old Alifa Sumter to turn herself in. She has been dubbed the world's dumbest criminal. Now, I think one of our listeners sent this to us. So this is how it starts. A patron at Whataburger noticed the unauthorized charge on his statement

separately when he got home, his credit card statement. And it was a charge to the Coetta County State Court Probation Office. Turns out that on January 31st, Ms. Sumter, while working at Whataburger, is alleged to have stolen the debit card information from the customer at the drive-thru. Then what did she do? She used the stolen card information to pay her probation fines and fees at the county state probation office.

So they just looked up who paid their fines in that amount and there was Miss Sumter who was on probation for possible sorry a possession of marijuana charge. Just what you need a stoner working the register at your fast food restaurant. Fries are half eaten. She's already colored in all the placemats on the happy meals I think she might I think she's still in possession of marijuana based on this charge also based on this crime that is fantastic she's just paying it forward I like yeah why she's doubling down she's gonna get arrested and then she's gonna

steal another credit card to pay her bail. Well, I didn't include this as another side story to this, which is true. She was going to turn herself in and I think maybe even did like go in initially. Anyway, she fled the state and that. Yep. And now she's in charge. She probably rented a car with that guy's other credit card. And she says she's like, okay, okay, okay, okay. But she wants to surrender on her own terms. I don't think she has a great handle on how the law works. Not a lot of leverage right now. All right, let's go to international. International. Here we go. international. International. Here we go. A new four lane highway cutting through tens of thousands of acres of protected Amazon rainforest is being built for the C.O.P. 30 climate summit in the

Brazilian city of Belém. It aims to ease traffic to the city, which will host more than 50,000 people, including world leaders at the conference in November. The state government touts the highways quote sustainable credentials, but some locals and conservationists are outraised at this environmental impact. I mean, can't these billionaires just continue flying in their private jets so they don't hurt the environment? Isn't this also a highway into the rainforest into the Amazon where it'll make it much easier

to go destroy it? Exactly. Yeah. Oh, this is great. So they're warning about that. Yeah, it's like LA. It's kind of like LAX right now. Yeah.

Getting ready for the Olympics. And then this is. In Korea, North Korean hackers have pulled off the largest heist in history. A group successfully walked away with one point five billion dollars in crypto currencies following a breach by By by bit a Dubai based exchange. That that tops the previous record of a billion dollars, which was set by Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein who took the money from his country's central bank ahead of the 2003 US Iraq war. Hmm. It's alright, the attack was launched via social engineering attacks and manipulates people into giving away sensitive information by gaining the

trust of workers at the exchange. I mean how hard is it to know when somebody is trying to get your personal information? I mean it's not you know if their English is bad right out of the gate, you're like, well, that's a red flag. And then when they ask you your mother's maiden name, casually, that's a red flag. So this just shows you how delicate, you know, right now, they're saying that Trump is positioning to buy the government will buy tons of Bitcoin. And it's like, okay, so when this market crashes, by

the way, it's down 20% this month, that's how much this fucking thing swings. If it crashes, and the government is backing the currency, what happens to our economy? Who? I'll tell you what happens. We bail out all these speculative douchebags that have been piling away Bitcoin like idiots, buying a currency that's based on nothing. And it is going to crash because this just shows you, it's going to be hacked.

Hackers are fucking, are the best computer programmers in the world. They will figure this out. And they will deplete all of the money in cryptocurrency. Mark my words. Well, mark my words, Bitcoin is up three and a half thousand today. Alright, so it's at 83,000. It's an 84 and a half thousand. Okay, well, it's down from 110 that it was at. Who know? I have no idea what I'm talking about when it comes to Bitcoin. I also thought it was really hard to steal. So what do I know? Well, it's hard. But unless it's impossible, then it's going to happen. And once and you can't put a finger in that dike. That should be the name of

a lesbian bar. Put a finger in the dike. Look at the stock market here on Friday trying to try to fight back a little up up 675. Yeah, but it was down about 1800 over the course of the week. You got to roll with it, man. I got to roll with it. I know I've been sending emails to my broker going what the fuck are we doing, man? I worked hard for this money. I know. Well, go to science and health. Okay. A man is a man needed serious emergency surgery after he severed his facial artery while picking his nose. One of his intense nose picking sessions ended abruptly when he poked a

little too deep. In online footage. His wife posted this online. His wife claimed that he's always loved picking his nose whether he was standing sitting down or lying in bed. The unnamed nose picking aficionado from Xi'an city in China was in the middle of the activity when it turned into a bloody disaster. He started a nosebleed which couldn't be stopped. And they were forced to go to the hospital where they showed that he had ruptured his artery and I had to perform surgery. I'll tell you what this is bad, but I'm more concerned about what

happens when this guy jerks off. Did we just hear the origin story of the next pandemic? Is this? Is this the story that they're kind of trying to cook up? It looks like it sounds like the cold open for yes, the next pandemic dystopian movie. Totally. He's like, there he goes again. He loves to pick that nose this time. It's different. However, he loves it when he's standing, sitting or lying in bed. I got to say I believe I'm picking my nose way more now than I used to. In general, or since like the fires.

Now in general, I just feel like I enjoy it more than I than I used to I picked up a couple new techniques. I used to not work the tip of the nose. And then I found a reverse scoop. That's that's getting me pretty good results. And, and I'm finding it fills up like three times a day now. I feel like I only used to get one or two good picks a day. And now I feel like maybe I'm producing more mucus, but I can do three rounds a day now.

I imagine you do it in the car a lot. Yes. And what, hold on this dog. And what do you, where do you put it in the car? I eat it. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. No, don't say that. Yeah, I eat it.

I doubt that. You don't eat your boogers? No. Why don't you eat your boogers? That's dirt. You filter your nose is filtering out dirt. All right, well, it's just gone from my nose to my mouth. It's not like it's a it's a it's a downgrade. It is more heavy metals than a Girl Scout cookie. Do not eat those boogers. What do you do with them in the car?

I only pick my nose in your car and I put it on the side of the seat. That's what I do. Don't look don't fall off because your pleather it'll fall right off. All right, here's another one in health doctors are warning of a rise in consumer mistaking consumers mistaking nail glue for eye drops. Doctors in Denver are cautioning the public about a painful mix-up that has led to an increase in emergency room visits.

Patients are mistakenly using lash or nail glue, lash or nail glue instead of eye drops, a trend that has been highlighted by a viral TikTok video shared over 40,000 times. So the glue dries in a matter of seconds and it's become very common because many products including eyeglass glue, nail glue, and even ear drops have similar packings. Well, I was at... here was a fucking great heckle experience I had in Atlanta. I did the Late Show Friday. It was it was a light turnout. There was only about 50 people in the crowd. And and this woman was shit faced. And

she was one of those people that like the bouncers told her to keep it down and then she gets mad at them because she's just trying to talk what why am I not allowed to talk? Well, I don't know. Why don't you look around the room and see what every other person is doing? Which is, what if everybody was just talking? Like you're talking. This would cease to be a show. And so she was putting, so I'm talking to her

and trying to tell her to keep it down and she's got lip gloss and she's putting lip gloss on. And I said, man, I wish that that was crazy glue. And the place went fucking crazy because everybody hated her. Oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah. She's part of moms across America.

They get around. Oh my God. They ruin everything. I fuck it. I hate, hate when people talk during a show. It's just so narcissistic and selfish. Right. So I was wanting details were what happens when people glue their eyes then? Oh, well. I mean, they just have to trust that the taxi is taking them to the emergency room.

I mean, they just have to trust that the taxi is taking them to the emergency room. Yeah, right. I mean, hard to dial a phone. You're pretty screwed. I guess that would be pretty good if you're kidnapping somebody to say, Hey, stop crying. Here, have some eyedrops. I think that you have to use nail polish remover to get crazy. Like I just crazy glued my shoe by accident the other here's I was doing I'm playing harmonica on the St. Patrick's Day show there's a POGUE song called Dirty Old

Town that has a big harmonica solo and I played harmonica I used to play years ago and now I'm picking it up again but uh it's all about I don't know if you know this but with a harmonica you're basically there are three holes in your mouth and you have to cover the two on the left with your tongue so that you're only blowing through one hole and so I used crazy glue to mark the third and seventh hole so I don't get lost it's almost like a fret on a guitar. And so, and I did it and I guess I hadn't let it dry all the way because it was a bead, it wasn't flat.

And my tongue for a brief moment got stuck on the fucking harmonica because I'm an idiot who's impatient. And I took a little bit of nail polish remover and I rubbed it with a piece of cotton on the tip of my tongue to get it off. Well, obviously crazy glue is used for all like in place of stitches now a lot. I was wondering if Ken Hubbers did take me and they glued my lips together, which is a very

effective gag, right? I'm wondering if I die, sort of like you, you have to pick your nose, because my congestion. Well, that's one of my so you can't throw up. Right. Or you die. Yeah, that's one of my big pet peeves is when there's a scene and this happens more often than you imagine, there's a scene where a guy gets the shit kicked out of him, punched in the nose, nose is bleeding, and then they put electrical tape over his mouth so that he can... All right, where's he breathing from? There's no fucking way

that guy's breathing through his nose right now. Something old guys are very sensitive now. What's it called? Well, Mr. And Mrs. Smith is excellent. Yeah, you brought that one up before. All right. Well, then why don't we just wrap up the podcast? If I run out of things to talk about, I think it was the last severance. And someone warned me is like, there's a short one coming up that everyone's pissed at. It tonally is I do want to go back. I was on an edible, but tonally it just seemed like a totally different show. I'm all right with that. Ben Stiller directed it, but it became very like surreal. Yes. I loved it. I love like I loved Atlanta. Atlanta was like a

different short film every episode. Right, but that was consistent. Right. Which I really liked. Well, no, they had another episode where they all went off into into the outside together for the first time. Yeah, even that one. Even that one was even though it was a very different location and everything. So you haven't seen the most recent one. I did where she goes back to where she's from. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that's really weird.

I mean, she's such a good actress. I could watch her all day. So that was she is really good. Now I'm trying to find this one guy just recommended. Is it? What's your name? That's not Patty Arquette, is it? Patricia Arquette? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, she's great. She'll get nominated for an Emmy for that episode this year. Maybe Yeah, it's a little Yeah, it's very, very cryptic to I was trying to find this thing where a guy recommended apparently there's a new show on Netflix. There's four episodes. I think a kid is being interrogated by police. Maybe that's what I remember.

It's good that I don't remember too much. And I think this reviewer said all four episodes are done in one continual shot. No, yeah. Wow. And it's and it's not gimmicky. Sometimes that can be gimmicky. It's not gimmicky. And apparently, it's very good. Right. So let's look for that. All right. So let's get to business. We're doing business. Yeah, here we go.

You ready? Yeah. I saw this headline and I misread the headline or I didn't misread it. I read it correctly, but I misinterpreted it. So here was the headline today. Gold crosses $3,000 for first time. I thought they were talking about gold crosses like they've never sold one for $3,000 before. This is the first time. And I'm like I bet there have been gold crosses for ten times that that was like that that

Norm MacDonald's weekend update where he said yippee yippee Timothy leery Timothy leery died yesterday oh sorry that was yippee Timothy leery died yesterday. Yeah. Gold crosses three thousand dollars for first time. Gold crosses three thousand dollars for the first time. I wonder if I own gold. I bet I don't own any gold. That's the best thing to own. It always goes up. It kind of always does hang in there.

Yeah. And then they'll fade off for 15 years. Well, speaking of history, let's go to does hang in there. Yeah, it cut it and then they'll fade off for 15 years well speaking of history. Let's go to this day in history Here we go Little less prepared than usual. I Don't want to do the Mylie Massacre Mississippi Ratified the 13th Amendment which abolished slavery What year did Mississippi I want to be careful on how I read this, what year did Mississippi make the ratification official? Give or take five years. 1956.

I should have given or taken 70 years 1995. No. Yes. Whoa. Damn. Didn't buy gold and didn't move down there and buy a slave. Two major economic mistakes for me. You know how much money I would have saved having a slave. Yeah, unless you could do you could have taken good care of them. That's more expensive. You don't want to underestimate that. Yeah. Okay, you know, you've met him, you've hung with them. Comedian legend Jerry Lewis. Oh, he was born on this day. In what year give or take five years. was born on this day in what year give or take five years? Okay, so my dad hosted Jerry Lewis telethon back in the 70s. Jerry Lewis was quite old back then. So he's probably in his 70s. So

I'm going to put it around 1905. 1926. Oh, damn. He looked old in the 70s. He was in his 50s. American author Nathaniel Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter, the Scarlet Letter was published on this day in what year give or take 40 years I'm giving you an 80 year window I'm gonna go 18 60 1850 nice look at you. Yeah, I was an English major. That was one of my favorite books Yeah, I wonder What prompted it kind of.

All right, let's find one more. Here we go. St. Patrick, patron saint of Ireland. He died on this day, in what year, according to legend. And now his feast day is celebrated widely in Ireland and the United States. So St. Patrick, is celebrated widely in Ireland and the United States. So St. Patrick legendarily died on this day in what year, give or take 300 years. First of all, there's kind of a misnomer about St. Patrick. Like it actually is a little vague

about who St. Patrick's Day is based on and the biography of this guy. So I'm gonna guess it's a long time ago. Let's see. Jesus was what year zero. So St. Patrick was probably talking about made up legends. Yeah, I'm going to say the year 700. What did I say? Give take one 300 years? God 461. Nice. I know my Irish history. You know it. You're like 250 years away. All right, last one. The first solar powered satellite,

it was called Vanguard one was launched from Cape Canaveral, Florida. The small satellite weighed less than four pounds. And then it transmitted for six years. And I did do some math there. So what year was this solar powered satellite launched from Cape Canaveral, give or take five years. Oh, Jesus, that's pretty tight. Well, let's solar energy. We went to the moon in what was that? 65? I think died. This was probably before that 69. I think I'll look it over. I thought Kennedy launched didn't Kennedy launch The first are you saying the first time we landed on the moon Oh maybe Every time we walked on the moon was 69. All right, I'm gonna say it would have been right before that. So I'm gonna say

1959 It was 1958 No 1959. It was 1958. Now. Yes. nicely done. Fitzsimmons. All right, let's move on. Let's move on. Fucking killing it today. You kind of did. I by the way, I looked up an obituary. I didn't find anybody. Am I am I mistaken? obituary about what? taken? obituary about what? I didn't find a person. For what? obituaries. Oh, I thought we're still doing the dates. No, no, we're moving on. Who died this week? Nobody important. Nope, nobody died. Who anybody cared about this week. Let's cheer

up. Even though the idea of obituaries is a bummer, so let's cheer up and go to the funnies. As always, we do the comedy captions contest. You guys use your creativity to come up with punch lines for a single panel of a comic strip and then you win a koozie if you if we select you you get a koozie sent to your house for free and this week the one we announced last week was it's a line of traffic it's a bunch of guys in their cars they look sad and there's a woman in a mini dress with garter and silk stockings and a little bow in her hair and she's got one of those trays that's strapped around her

neck that they used to sell like cigars cigarettes and whatever mm-hmm so you guys wrote the caption her mouth is open so she's speaking this is Lane from Denver says sticky buns salted nuts raw dogs I'll do it for 20 bucks and then he writes guy in the back car sold you don't need that Lane you don't need that extra line I like it you're like a joke with that John Heilman says you all better stock up before RFK makes this shitty legal all right nice political swipe Kelly Holmes says Betty really cleans up selling Viagra and Miralax after a Fitz Dogg show. Interesting. It takes a little shot at me there, Kelly. I guess so.

Rich Butchko says with drag story time shut down, Steve worked rush hour to make ends meet. That's a dude. Yep. Steven Mangram says, guys, when I tell you to go ahead and tap it I mean your debit card. Oh boy. Jeff Langa says Canadian border last chance for menthols and Jack Daniels. They are all men driving in the car is true. Dan Albany says cold beer $5 tamales $2 and my signature move the traffic slam 500 bucks Brian Walker says cyanide that's dark Jason Cobb says there is some upside to getting

deported I don't know the delivery on that line how would you deliver that line there is some upside to getting deported. That's not how I do it. I don't know. Jim googly Elmo says breast milk, get your fresh squeeze breast milk here. All right. Brian Rishel says after OnlyFans was shut down women had to return to work in the streets.

All right, OnlyFans. Okay. Is it the first one even though you didn't like the added on part sticky buns salted nuts raw dogs I'll do it for 20 bucks. That's good. I also like drag the drag story. Drag one with drag storytime shut down Steve worked rush hour to make ends meet but I think I think your first instinct is good. The's go with the first one. We're just gonna cut we're gonna cut the tagline for you Lane. We're doing you a solid so so you can win. Congratulations Lane from Denver. Perfect. All right and now we got the Lockhorns real pro

this bunny Bunny Lester I think is her name no Bunny Reiner. She's a pro. bunny Lester I think is her name no bunny Reiner she's a pro did I do this one last week Leroy and Loretta are in the car they're driving and there's a big tanker truck ahead of them and there's a sign on the back that says this truck stops at railroad crossings and he goes should they actually warn us if they don't you did not and I like that one. I like that one. And now they're coming in or they're going out the door to a party or something. She's putting on her lipstick and she goes and he's wearing an outfit it's brown striped pants with wingtip shoes a purple and red paisley shirt and a leather

jacket. Yeah. And she goes, not only does that outfit make a statement, it does so at an extremely high volume. They have better than that. Yeah, it's better than that. Now we get to Hagar the horrible, and he really is horrible.

I mean, you're trying to read comic strips with your kids to get them interested in reading, and you come across the very front section of the paper which is the comics and your kid gets to read this. Two rapists sitting in chairs and Lucky says to Hager, what's your secret to a happy marriage? Hager goes, communication, but not too much communication. It's not good to share all your dirty deeds. And then the wife says from the next room, "'Too late for that, I've already been doing your laundry.'"

So- His dirty deeds are all over his clothes? Yeah, I guess his blood and fingernails. And sexual fluids. Oh my God, don't share all your dirty what kind of dirty deeds what does that mean what dirty deed would you not share with your wife besides assaulting other women there's probably men's blood on there too yeah Yeah, but she knows that's his job. That's his fucking lifeline.

But it's the side hustle that he doesn't want to share. Although you know, it's always rape and pillage. It's never pillage and rape. That's true. Rape gets top billing. Let's let's keep that in mind. Yeah, which is weird because you have dinner and dessert, you know, in that order. Yeah. that in mind yeah which is weird because you have dinner and dessert you know in that order yeah all right we're gonna go to dunesbury here we are at number eight there's four frames and i don't know these characters but the two guys older guy who's bald and then the younger guy

Older guy who's bald and then the younger guy Is one of the name Dunesbury? No What'd you say? No the guy he's kind of a hippie looking dude the guy in the passenger seat Okay, so the older guy the bald guy's driving and we're looking at their car and he goes Okay, you can get out here. This looks like a pretty good spot for hitchhiking. And then the guy goes, Dad, all right, we just learned a lot here. Dad, I thought you were going to drive me back to school. The dad goes, you said you wanted to hitchhike. But but you said that I couldn't. That was near the house. I didn't want anyone to see you hitchhiking near the house. It's

embarrassing. And then the kid goes, but and he goes, Come on out out. And he kicks them out. I like that you got it. All right. He's got like a Jaguar xj six. Is that what you're seeing? Yeah. All right. It could be a little triumph. Could be anything, but that's what happened. Yeah. Okay. Again, Doonesbury is a serial. I think that there's a storyline leading up to this that would make this have a little bit more fun. it would really saying yeah yeah speaking of singing blondies in bed with Dagwood who for some crazy reason is got his back to his beautiful wife wearing his donut pajamas like a child and she rolls

over and goes you were talking in your sleep again and he goes did I say anything interesting she goes I don't think so it put me to sleep I mean she's starting to get a little aggressive I think it's I think this might be a turning point for blondie she's put up with him she's placated him fed him listen to him and now she's like, what am I doing here? I don't even think she's listening. I think he's talking in his sleep. And he's like, why am I such a cuck? Why don't I throw a move on her? Greg's right. Why am I afraid he

should listen, she should listen to that. I mean, maybe you're right. It could be that he's just overwhelmed. But I don't get're right. It could be that he's just overwhelmed. But I don't get that sense. It seems like more like he's distracted than intimidated. He's distracted by food and sleep and being a failure at work. Maybe if he got a piece of that ass,

it would change his confidence level and he would be more successful at work. Yeah, maybe. piece of that ass, it would change his confidence level. And he would be more successful at work. Yeah, maybe I think he has an eating disorder like he even though he's not fat, he's addicted to food. That's his vice. That's all he thinks about. I can only guess he's bulimic. He's got to be throwing it up. Oh, maybe. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Listen, the hats are on sale now go to Fitzdogg.com. Yes, fifth anniversary. You know, we should have hit that a little harder. This is our fifth anniversary, Mike. Next week. I'm on drugs, man. I'm on muscle relaxers. I'm just coasting. We started this podcast during the beginning of the pandemic. This was literally the first week they were shutting things down. I don't know about the rest of the country, but in California, because it was St. Patrick's Day. I had my annual St. Patrick's Day show and it was canceled the day before because that was the first night that they were shutting down the improv. So it's five years exactly since we started this.

And, uh, I got to thank you guys. Every single week for five years, we have had a different theme song. Every week for five years, we have had a different logo, all generated by you guys who cared enough to give to the show, to tell your friends about the show, maybe tell more friends about the show, maybe tell more friends about the show to check us out to send in comments to write in comic captions and all this stuff that's happened over the years. And I'm glad you guys have supported us. We've been

having a blast. We've probably averaged 50 shows a year because maybe we take two or three weeks off. Yeah, that's about it. Something like that. And this is with us. I've been not early on. I've been in South Africa recording these. Mike has been all over the country in hotel rooms, taking time away from his beautiful fiance to record an episode. I did it in the car in Utah once. I did it in the car in my mother's house once.

Yeah, it's it means a lot to us and it means a lot that you guys are paying attention. So thank you. Here's to another five. Oh, no, wait a minute. I didn't know you were leading to that. All right, listen, wait a minute. I didn't know you were leading to that. Alright, listen, I might listen, I might listen, try to find our first episode, listen to it, and comment on it next week. All right. I love it. Five years younger. Loo, boy, don't

forget to get Tom O'Neill book chaos. Yes, maybe or maybe not watch the documentary, give us your thoughts on the documentary. We'll read those next week. It's on Netflix and And we'll talk to you guys soon Take it each take it each Sunday News for free Mike really hates Billy and Grey loves women's feet Hear you, hear you Sunday Papers They worked for Ellen, it was in Heaven

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