Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 264 5/11/25

Episode Date: May 11, 2025

Good week for Catholics, The Knicks and Ellen’s hairdresser. Bad week for Motown and a Florida Man with 3 brand new wives.Watch Greg’s new special, “You Know Me” and subscribe on YouTube!Email caption submissions to [e-mail] subject line: “Comic Contest”Get the Sunday Papers coozie: Venmo: @gibbonstime $10 In the Venmo notes, put your name and address Get in touch (or send logos/songs): [e-mail] Mike on Venmo here: https://venmo.com/u/GibbonsTimeMake sure to follow Greg and Mike on Instagram: Greg Fitzsimmons: @GregFitzsimmonsMike Gibbons: @GibbonsTime Our Sponsors:* Check out Mood and use my code PAPERS for a great deal: https://mood.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

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you save. Loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details at Lows.com slash terms. Subject to change. Read all about it! Read all about it! There's white smoke in the air in Rome! We all know what that means! Yes. Jesus Christ is back. It is uh what is it Thursday? Today's Thursday. We're taping a few days early because it's easier for our producers. To edit it. Early, I get that. We got a Chicago style pope deep dish pope today. Dupope. I saw a funny meme of.

Greta Sarducci as as the Pope yeah I know people don't remember him oh they should the pictures going around you know they had a dick god dressed as the Pope you know wearing a Bears jersey and anyway there's a lot of funny stuff going around I'm sure it's old as hell by time this is air that's true yeah so I guess we should go big picture on this Pope thing since people are probably sick of him by it by now I went to what school in Phil Villanova oh good Lord I'm betting on Villanova in March Madness. Oh yeah. I can't believe you're gonna bet on a Philly team.

I wonder if he was in a fraternity. Do you think he was a frat guy? I don't know. He did hurry off to Peru very quickly, it seems from his bio, which I just scanned. Oh shit. Who knows? A little Peruvian marching powder. Yep. It was that time. Yeah I wonder if he I wonder if he can take baby powder and bless it and turn it into cocaine.

I would be that would be a trick at a wedding like Jesus with the wine. What's wild is we're in a stage of life now where the popes are not much older than us. That is disturbing. It is. It's really disturbing. Oh my god. Yeah, like so when was this pope born? I'm going to go look at it now. I mean, they generally pick a pope shortly before his death. And I think it's because they don't want to find out that he's fucking over the church in any way. And I think there's only been two in history that have stepped down before they died. Yeah, here's the pope, because, you know, I was reading about when he went to

college and stuff, so he's in his 60s. He's late 69. Leo, he chose Leo. And anyway, we're going to get to him. What else we got? We got the Knicks. You excited about your Knicks? They're two and oh against the Celtics as of Thursday. This is my this is my disease. This is from Jets Knicks. Everybody knows it's defeated, very defeated in all categories. So my immediate thing that I wanted to do was immediately look up the odds of the Celtics winning because

I would bet on the Celtics. I do this a lot. I bet against the Jets because what I, this is my logic, just hear me out. I'd be happy to pay for a Knicks win. Yeah. I'd be, it would counterbalance it, I'd let that money go and I'd be fine with it. If they lose, how nice is it that I have a little cash bonus waiting for me if they lose. That logic really appeals to me and I can separate the two. Is that why you... I looked it up and it's the same odds right now of the Knicks winning as the Celtics

win. No shit really? Yes and the Celtics are favored. I'll look them up right now. The Celtics are favored. I mean it's Saturday so this is old news. All right, I'll tell you what I was yesterday, I will bet the next it's so you're saying it's even money. No, what I'm saying is it's if you bet, if you bet 10 bucks, I guess that's how they so that it must be pretty close to yeah, find out what the point spread is, I will take the Knicks. And you take the Celtics. So in the, in the game tomorrow, Saturday, and sorry, this is

old news for everybody. But go at least as of Thursday, the Celtics were a five and a half point favored in New York. Wow. I know. All right. So why don't we say 50 bucks a game, whatever the point spread is for the next two games, or should we just say for the whole series, for the rest of the series, 50 bucks a game, whatever the point spread is at tip off.

And what who am I taking? You just said you want to take the Celtics so you can bet against your Knicks No, no, I mean the point spread evens it out. Then I'm really full-on Knicks All right, so no bet well Speaking of sports I was gonna wait till the sports section, but I'm very excited My cousin Danny McCarthy is in second place in the there's a tournament in Philly right now, a PGA tournament. He's one shot off the leader. And if you want to make a bet on him,

it pays 12 to one for him to win right now. Well, he owes me $10 because I bet $10 on him to win the Masters. Well, he was going to win. What was I going to win? 12,000 20,000. No 2000. Yeah, 2000 bucks. It was it was it was 200 to one odds. So really, he owes me 2000. Yeah. Well, I would say if you put 10 bucks on every tournament this season, he's gonna win one of them. Right. That's a good way to look at it. Yeah. All right. Well, God bless him. So I speaking of sports, I just got off the golf course, as you can tell from my old timey caddy hat. I was caddying and no, I played with played with a bunch of guys and one of them had a radio on his you know, a portable speaker on his bag and he's playing fucking reggae. And I'm like, Can you pick a musical genre less in tune with this

sport? Like I could see maybe some Sinatra. Maybe it's chill. You're out for a walk. Well, what's the issue? Reggae doesn't make you angry. Is that a question? Or are you saying? Reggae makes me angry. What? Unless it's anything from the legend based on a heartbeat, isn't it? Unless it's off the legend album legend album I have no interest in any reggae song and it only makes me feel like like people are trying too

hard to make me try to be laid back is this like when you get furious and massages just flying to a rage. I do. I do. All right. I don't get it at all, man. Was he a tall fella? Do I know the guy? He's Richie's friend. He's a very nice guy. Oh, okay. But I just think that you should ask permission of the other golfers if you are going to impose your music on them you should say number one does anybody mind if I play music number two what kind of music

would you guys like to listen to I agree with half I'm not getting in your Pontiac I'm not I'm not a freshman in high school getting into a seniors Grand Prix driving around smoking a bong in the back seat so I got a I got a listen to fucking Journey, cause that's what the guy's into. That's his prerogative. That's the only guy that gets to choose my music. I'm so glad I didn't hang out with you.

Whose car were you in? That sounds awful. Herman, we used to call him Herman cause he looked like Herman Munster and he was a senior, but he'd all pick up all the freshmen and drive us around. Oh, I think you might have blocked out some Herman memories. but he'd all pick up all the freshmen and drive us around. I think you might have blocked out some Herman memories. I went to the prom with his sister.

With Herman. Did he drive? Was he the limo? He had a big fat, it was a Ford LTD station wagon with the wood paneling on the side. And he used to drive down to the Bronx and by angel dust. And then and then he would he would smoke it on the way home and often have to pull over on the side of the West Side Highway and not the West Side Highway, the Deegan and go to sleep.

Just not out on angel dust. Oh, Herman was a monster. Oh my god. Yeah. That's amazing. All right. Well, yeah, of course hop right in the back. Jump in the back. Don't stop believing. Did you used to get picked up by teenagers when you were growing up? No. Uh-uh. Like I mean well, I went to boarding school. I was just like,

why am I having no memories of this? That's right. Cars. We lost no kids in our school to drunk driving. Yeah, we did. There was, there was one in one of the years ahead of us and it was on Christmas break. But yeah, we never, that was I mean, for the young listeners out there, that was a very, very common thing. Every high school had a drunk driving tragedy, it seems. Oh, yeah, no, my a friend of mine drove head on into another car and killed a couple and himself. Oh my god. Yeah. killed a couple and himself. Oh my God. Yeah. Luckily Herman was sitting that one out

on the breakout lane. She's knows dark man, suburban drinking is no joke. It's really fucking nuts. I'm impressed with how seriously the kids take it. You know, like they're like, and it's gotten much easier with Uber and Lyft. Yeah, Uber and and lift and scooters were those you know you rent a scooter or uh you know also we live in a little more of an urban

area where kids can walk to shit or take the bus my kids would take the bus sometimes my friend uh doug i grew up uh when i would go out to west hampton when I was little. He was we met when we were really young Anyway, he eventually got the nickname dangerous dangerous Doug and Dangerous Doug I didn't know you could do this especially back then but I guess I've heard a lot of stories now, but he got Dui on a moped that like that he in other words You didn't even need a license for it like in other words, he just picked up this a small moped to avoid drunk driving and The cops pulled him over and he got a DUI No shit, dude. I had a moped

That I drove from ages Probably 14 to 16. I had a Honda Express moped, it was 50 cc's. And I tooled around on that shit on Mescaline. I was the guy that made the beer runs. I had a big basket on the front. I'd go get a case of beer for everybody. I'd go to the Spanish bodega downtown where you could literally show him,

we used to get these fake IDs at Times Square ten dollars and they were they were they were so obviously fake IDs but these Colombian guys the bodega didn't give a shit you showed them anything and you get a you get a case of Genesee cream ale for like 12 bucks drive up behind the bleachers make make a bonfire, and then, I was just talking to Marilyn Ricekall about this, she was on my podcast this week, and I was talking about how fucked up it was that, I don't know if you did,

you must have done this in high school, you go outside and you drink outside, and then you go and you slip off with a girl, and you make out with her, and then you put your hand up her shirt, and you know, like I'm just thinking now how unpleasant it was for her. Your hand is like an iceberg and you're jamming it up

her little training bra and like you're not caressing, you're grabbing, you know, and like there's absolutely no pleasure. And like third base was just jamming your hand down her pants. No, there was no clitoris involved. There was no sense of like, does she like this? It was just, can I get my finger in a vagina? That was the whole point of fooling around.

Yep, I was grabbed a lot. I mean, there's really like like until you hit 18 a guy is not thinking about trying to make a girl climax. I think you're way higher than that number according to these complaining ladies. It's never enough. It's never enough. Never enough. It's all I think about now. Number

one priority is disappointing women. That's right. All right. Where are we in this part? Oh, you get you're so Catholic. Every time we talk about sex, he always like change the subject really fast. What do you mean? I want to hurry up and get down to the rape. I think you're kind of a prude sometimes. Oh, no, I was gonna I think they've heard the story so many times. I was going to queue you up for your you had brought up kind of jamming your hand down women's. Oh, yeah, that's a good story. All right. By the way, it's Mother's Day. There we go. There we go. Mr. Segway.

There we go. There we go. Mr. Segway. To all the moms out there, congratulations. Happy Mother's Day to everybody out there. You did it. You went and got yourself knocked up. You did not abort. And then you breastfed. And now you have a child you worry about. And pay for. And pay for. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

what did you do? What? I mean, it's just occurring to me. This is a little bit of a sad one for you. This is the first year that your mom's not around for Mother's Day. That's true. And I will think about it. But her birthday was in late April. And she always was kind of insulted by Mother's Day. You know, she she viewed it in a very out. That's where you get that's where you get probably she was

very cynical about it. Yeah, I go this is the man made this is the made up Hallmark holiday. And it's the one day that we get thanked for you know, blah, blah, blah. So really, her birthday stood in place of that. But yeah, so I don't think it'll be that bad. Right. But what have you done? I mean, full disclosure, you have a little bit of time left, I guess. I sent my mom some flowers today.

And when I went on one eight hundred flowers, because I had a coupon, it said that I could not get them delivered on Sunday. I always wait too long and Sunday is no longer available as a delivery date so they're showing up tomorrow on Friday. That's good. They'll be wilted by Sunday those 800 flowers those shitty fucking yeah they're growing in New Jersey yeah growing in Jersey all right well good I'm glad you sent them off and then I'm taking out the wife will get breakfast in bed as she always does then we send her off to get a massage with a happy ending I always put that in the card. And then we're having brunch with Owen. And then he goes off to work. So we had to split it up. Jojo's work in the morning,

Owen's working at night. So we're doing brunch with him and then dinner with her. That's a that's a big day. Yeah it's a big day. And then what are you going to do for your ex? For my ex? Yeah, for your ex-wife. She's still a mother. Yeah, no we just had a great time in Michigan actually. Oh that's nice.

Yeah, but I'll just say the flowers, probably they got lost in the mail, I think. I think, keep that streak alive of disappointment. Yeah, she gets a child support check, it's $59 shy. Should've gotten them, I don't know what to tell you. There's the proof, It's $59 light, right? There's your proof. By the way, if you enjoy the show, and you want to know the details of it, there's this guy named at these timestamps. Oh, yeah, I saw Z. And this guy, I don't know if

it was AI, or he actually did it himself. I have to think it was AI because it's like the entire show. It's like three pages of detailed, like headers, and then details by the minute. It's like completely logged and the but the name of his website or wherever he had, it seems to point to this is what he does. Yeah. And I don't think it's a manual. I think he has a program, obviously. Well, whatever it is, it's very nice. And I don't think it's a manual. I think he has a program, obviously. Well, whatever it is, it's very nice. If you want to skim through the show, you can do that. All right, let's also thank speaking of great listeners, Matthew Bane did this week's logo, which is

kind of cool. It's a little retro goes back to a time where Mike had bangs and I had just a little island of hair on top of bangs huh well they're kind of straight I remember that photo and I was in Sirius FM yeah serious XM XM yep we were there for ten years ten fucking years yeah that's crazy and Nick and Dan who are brothers, one lives in London, and the other one lives in I want to say Atlanta. And they just got together recently and they banged out a few songs for us. So this is the second one of their songs loved it. Thank you, Nick and Dan. These are brothers who just got together recently. Well, I think they knew each other when they were younger. And

then one moved to London, and the other one lives in Atlanta, and the one from London visited the one in Atlanta. I see what you mean. And so I guess they spent their vacation making socks for Sunday paper. You know, a lot of guys would go to a bar strip club, maybe visit mom. These guys are standing over, you know, a fucking tape recorder. Now, strip club, baby visit mom. These guys are standing over a fucking tape recorder. Now in fairness, Nick and Dan, I have not, Greg forgot to send me the song.

So as I record this, I have not heard it yet. I will, I will. It's good. All right, good. I hope it's not infuriating reggae. So those are our, I mean, reggae is like, look, when you're in high school, reggae is like, you can't believe there's any other kind of music

but reggae. And then about a year later, you're sick of reggae because you realize there was only one reggae artist of all time and he's dead. It's a genre that has one musician in it and that's it. Don't send your letters to me, you know where to send them. And I'll tell you this, the reggae is very much enmeshed historically in punk and they were the ones hanging out in London. Well, ska is. I would say ska is. I wouldn't say reggae is. No, I'm telling you it's reggae and punk. We're basically hanging out together in London. And then the club the clash

those two pasty white, white punks with the worst teeth ever went down to Jamaica, the clash wrote their second album in Jamaica. Right. I think the stones did an album in Jamaica as well. They did. They did black and blue. And they had that song Hey, Negrita, which was a which was a reggae song. It's one of the little fits fact checked all that but I do know that there was some sort of altercation that involved guns when the stones were down there or maybe the recording studio like got robbed or something happened while they were there. That's racist. Oh boy How do you know it wasn't Keith? speaking of great listeners

Here's one that's not a great listener We got a correction from Dennis gubbins who said fatty our buckle was never known as nor did he ever molest any children yeah he was accused of murder and that story is very crazy and worth checking out be a shame if any family members heard this podcast Where's my hat? Well, I guess I'm conflating Daddy Warbucks, who was Little Orphan Annie's... Am I getting this wrong again? No, but I mean a made-up guy who looks like Mr. Clean. What was you doing with little orphan Annie? So weird. He was her benefactor. Yeah, I bet. Yeah, he roll, yeah, are you kidding me?

So yeah, I guess, it is though, Fatty Arbuckle, I think I might've even also said that, because I knew it was incredibly scandalous. It was one of the first Hollywood scandals of that type. But she was of age, the woman, I think her last name was rape. I don't know how that is pronounced that way. But it's r a p p e, I think. Really? Yeah. Well, then I blame the father. father. I should change the name. Was her sister's name date? Yeah, well, we also got a by the way, you guys are slacking off on the corrections. If I accuse a guy of child molestation,

there we go off the algorithm. And we only get corrected by Dennis gubbins, then you guys are really not paying attention. Yeah, that's true. Well, I think you know, they get overwhelmed. By the way, we lost a sizable bit of our audience because I think we've been speaking out a little bit politically. And we are a little left leaning. And we never thought that that would

affect people enjoying our comedy. There was a time where you could disagree with someone's politics and still think that they were humorous. But I guess that's not the case. So if you are a thick skin, we don't we don't dwell on it. Come on to well on it. So anyway, if you're still listening and you don't agree with us politically, we salute you for those about to rock. We salute you.

And so get this. I just googled fatty rape. agree with this politically, we salute you for those about to rock, we salute you. And get this I just googled fatty rape. First, I googled r a p p e right. And, and it was like French words, right? I couldn't find anything. So then I'm like, I bet all I'll need to find this is to put fatty in addition. So my Google search bar has fatty rape. Now, what I had looked up, I think maybe even with our anyway, there was like a hip hop artist. So before the new results, refresh the page, I was like, Oh my god. Oh, and here it is. Did you mean fatty rapper? Because I thought fatty rape was a hip hop artist, which would be there is a fatty hilarious, like Biggie, but this is fatty

rapper fatty is his handle on Instagram. Anyway, but it was our APPE. I'm just I'm just happy to know what it was that distracted you during the last minute. I never know sometimes, but it was that you were looking. No, sometimes it's like a need to know, you know, sometimes I don't know. Well, let's face it. There was also a correction Joey McGuire, they wrote is not in

Backstreet Boys. I think they went Joey McIntyre, who was a guest on my show. And I thought we had a fledgling, fledgling? Sure. Friendship growing, you know, we text back and forth, and we're supposed to met up a couple times. And now I feel like,

like I don't know if I wanna keep texting him cause I don't wanna seem like, like I'm trying to push it. Yeah. But he's on tour now anyway. So maybe when he, maybe when he gets back, he'll reach out to me, whatever. It's no big deal. Are the backstreet boys on tour? He is solo. Oh wait, is that it together?

I can't remember. I think he might be solo touring right now. Backstreet boy. Yep. Uh, speaking of being on the road, I might be solo touring right now. Backstreet Boy. Yep. Speaking of being on the road, I will be in Cincinnati, Ohio. Actually Dayton, Kentucky is technically the suburb I'm in at Commonwealth something May 16 and 17. Tampa at side splitters June 5 through the seventh. Naples, Florida one night and off the hook on June 8. Torrance at the end on June 29th also dates coming up at the mothership Point

Pleasant New Jersey at Uncle Vinny's oh yeah I remember you were there last year yeah Dan Brickner came down La Jolla Vegas Chicago New Orleans go to FitzDog.com pick up some tickets come out and say hi and let you got something to crinkle? Yes I'm gonna say confidently yes here it is I did this a couple weeks ago. I got this. Central Station Hotel from Memphis. Oh you got something for two. Double crinkle. Alright our top two stories involve smoke y'all the first smoke released today is the new pope Robert Provost Elected the first American pope in history Cardinal Robert Provost he's good. What what is he gonna go by?

What's his name now? Leo. Leo, right. Sorry, guys, it's still new. He was an American missionary who spent his career ministering in Peru and leads the Vatican's powerful office of bishops. He was elected the first American pope in the 2000 year history of the Catholic Church. Wait a minute.

It's 2000 years old of the Catholic Church. Wait a minute, it's 2000 years old, the Catholic Church? I think it's a little more than that, but it's hard to remember. So basically it started when Jesus was 25, because Jesus died at 33. So if he was born in the year zero, the Catholic Church started before he died by eight years? Are they rounding it off?

I think they're rounding it away. What are you talking about? It's not you don't think it's marked on his birth? No, the church didn't start the day he was born. It started when Paul, Paul wrote down No, you're right. I'm also thinking that it was also like three to four hundred years after I believe it was Paul who was the first

person to write the scriptures and to basically do a whole ad pitch about this new church Paul and John sometimes, very rarely Ringo. All right. Everybody get on Wikipedia and start fucking typing. All right, so yeah, 2000 years ago, yeah, I don't know how they do that. I thought it was like 300 years after Christ died, the church kind of formed. Yeah. Well, listen, this Chicago style pope is also one as we set up top went to Villanova.

So if he's if he's a Chicago style pope, is he a little bit thick? And you feel tired after a mass? It's my favorite. It's my favorite style. Sometimes you got to be in the mood for it because I like Sicilian, which is kind of like Chicago style. That's right. I like the here's the corrections. People are going to say it's closer to Detroit style. Oh, Detroit is square. Yeah. And getting popular. How long until Trump takes credit for the Pope being elected from America? Well, I'm wondering, yeah, what's gonna how that will play into things. We got the Supreme Court now. We got Congress. We got we got the Vatican yeah I love how many languages this guy speaks so that's very cool how many at least six I know how to read and write Latin and yeah yeah yeah wow that's pretty cool I should say at least five I think yeah he's smart

and he's Leo the 14th which I think is the cutoff on the age of boys that you have sex with. Oh, boy. They start getting a little chatty at 15. He's 69, which of course, a lot of people are going to be take that as a green light to think of some sex jokes. But now if you're the pope, there's no 69 involved. It's you getting blown by the cardinals. You don't you don't have to reciprocate in any way. You're the second coming. You're the first. And you're not the second coming. I didn't know they did it with adults. Okay. He's not the second coming. He's the first and only coming. All righty. Here we go. All right, what else do we got here? The second cut. The second coming is when you blow them again an hour later. Are you just the algorithm is that far behind us? Like we're just Oh, yeah, we're toast.

We're toast. So did you put in Dickie's jokes here? Oh, yeah, our friend Dickie wrote some jokes. He put in Dickie's jokes here? Oh yeah, our friend Dickie wrote some jokes. He said he disagrees with a homosexual lifestyle. So not only is he the new pope, he's also the only guy in Chicago who doesn't root for the bears. Oh, shots fired. Wow. Can you tell he's from Boston? And then he goes, white guy from Chicago on a mission from God. Where have I heard this before? Solid. We got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, 200 miles to go. And we're wearing dark sunglasses. Now, you added this story here about the journalist.

Wait, I think I had another joke. Oh. But smoking cigarettes. Oh, now what about this little run? It makes sense to get an American. He's already got the gold chain and the cross probably doesn't get laid much. He's transitioning. So he's already got the dress only wants to work one day a week. Doesn't like to talk about molestation dislikes Jews. He's an American Wow you have a real view of Americans huh it's not pretty oh man I'm sorry you're not wearing a red baseball cap all right so

then we added this this was just a funny little news piece a CBS journalist managed to break the Internet Wednesday with a quip about the papal enclave or conclave oh the enclave is his asshole the conclave is the group of guys looking at his asshole all right going on in the Vatican to pick a new pope that's because Tony docker pool doke doke coupills remark used a vulgar slang term associated with unprotected sex. During live coverage, CBS's John Allen noted that all the clergy in attendance had their cell phones confiscated and said, the only thing we know they're not doing is checking Instagram. That led Doc A Pool to joke, I believe the kids call it raw dogging, which made all his on-air co-workers break up

in laughter, which he attempted to finish the sentence with, if you're going to go through a long period of time with no electronic devices. You know about raw dog, you get on a plane, and you don't watch a movie or read or look at your phone for like five hours across the country, you just sit. Right? It's called raw dogging. But isn't it? The other type of raw dogging is when you bend a cardinal over that table, and you pull up his dress. Dress. It's a gown. It's a gown. Come on.

And you grab that chain from around his neck with the cross and you pull it right back like a fucking like a bridal on a horse. OK. You really worked up today. Hey, look, I grew up Catholic. I got a little bit of issues. All right. The second smoke story is Smokey Robinson accused of sexual assault. God, we're really not getting away from this topic. Smokey Robinson has denied allegations of sexual assault after four former housekeepers of the Motown Star filed a lawsuit with claims,

including sexual battery, false imprisonment, negligence and gender violence. The allegations against him date from between 2007 and 24. The women who are all anonymized in the lawsuit. I hope smokey didn't anonymize these poor women. They alleged that he sexually assaulted them at his estate in Chatsworth, with alleged offenses also taking place at homes in Vegas and Bell Canyon, California. I'm not in the mood to sing, but I saw you write this down. I go, he better fucking sing it. No, but you know what it was? I had the lyrics I was looking up for. This is tracks of my tears.

And I'm like, oh, well, that's tears of a clown. Like when I'm trying to like, I'm the life of the party. And I'm like trying to think of that. And then I look up tears of a clown. It's basically the same song. Yeah. Like he even says, I think the word clown in tracks of my tears. Meanwhile, the other one is about Pagliacci and

a literal crying clown. I try to keep my sadness hid, smiling in the public eye. While in my lonely room, I cry the tears of a clown when there's no one around. Did she write the lyrics or did he? His wife was to come over. She may be cute. She's just a substitute because you're the permanent victim. The words might have just changed a little bit. Here's the other song of his. Remember, you really got a hold on me. I don't I don't like you. But I love but I make love to you. I mean, you really did she write you really got a hold on

me? And could you please let go I've got a fucking I've got to dust the fireplace. You've really got a hold on me now please. His wife must have come home every day like, why is this house such a mess? The maid was just, it's like, is she not working while she's here? They're here for hours. What are they doing? And you're exhausted. What happened to you?

I read that he is a double inductee into the Hollywood Walk of Fame, which is ironic because he used to put his housekeeper's feet into cement blocks. Why is that? We don't get it. The Walk of Fame you put your footprints down in the concrete, but he used to entrap apparently he would he would lock the women in the Hall of Fame.

Got it. Got it. Got it. I think maybe while I was reading it I saw false imprisonment. False imprisonment is an interesting term right? Like I bet it was real imprisonment. False imprisonment is an interesting term, right? Like, I bet it was real imprisonment. Like, what's what's I don't get the false part. It doesn't seem like it should be a crime.

It's hilarious. I like that. I think I'm gonna use that in my standup act. Do you mind? No, I don't think it's that solid. You gotta you gotta develop that you gotta develop that. It's a very small premise, but false imprisonment. Take it. All right. And then, you know, that guy, every time I work, I don't work a lot of casinos, but literally every time I do Smokey Robinson's poster is on the wall. He's coming next month.

That dude works fucking casinos. And let me tell you something about work casinos. You make two to three times the amount that you would make in a regular theater because you are drawing people in not only are the tickets prices higher than at a normal theater, but then those people are going to spill out to the slot machines and the craps table. So the the casino is willing to take a loss on your ticket sales. So you make way more money. And I looked it up. This dude is worth $150 million.

Really? Well, you know, it was the miracles he wrote all the songs, they had something like 30 30 songs on the charts over the years. Yeah, but notoriously Motown I mean he was powerful, but the artists would get very, very powerful. He was the vice president of Motown Records for 25 years. Ripping off other artists is how exactly right. Now he left performing in 72. They started in 58. He left in 72 to take a job at Motown Records where he was the vice president for many

years. And then he started touring again on his own. Wow. Oh, I've read all about him. Yeah. Nice. No wonder he had four cleaners. Dude, you gotta see videotape of him on stage. I remember a few months ago, I saw some videotape of him on tik tok. And the microphone is about six yards from his face. And his lips are barely moving. And there's a crystal clear it sounds like you can almost hear the crackling from the record playing behind him yeah

shuffle yeah are you kidding me yeah all right I know they couldn't tell who was screaming was it during the assaults? Was it him or the ladies? Terrible, terrible. Don't laugh. Don't encourage me. A low-level drug dealer stole an 800-pound cannon that was used in the Spanish-American War from a Kansas park last week to settle a debt with his deranged boss who was threatening to murder him and his family. That's a pretty good opening sentence if you're a journalist.

Gordon Pierce, 38, was arrested after the 1794 Cannon went missing from its podium in the park and was later discovered chopped into pieces. It was copper. Pierce told investigators that he was a meth user of 20 years. That's a long run. It's a long run. Jesus Christ. Maybe it just runs through your veins like it just doesn't let you die. It's like a like a vampire. Meth vampire. He owed his dealer $20,000.

All right, here's the, if I have to give any advice to Kansas meth dealers, cut a guy off after three or four grand. He's probably not good for the other 17. Yeah. So, oh, I see. After the pound of meth he was supposed to sell was reportedly stolen, the pound of meth he was supposed to sell was reportedly stolen a pound of meth

It's almost as almost weighs as much as this cannon He said his dealer threatened to shoot him and his family he has a family Well, you know up top they said boss. This is a very interesting Right. Well, he's working his way up the corporate ladder, you know. Is that how he's paid in meth? Yeah. But I just can't imagine his family at this point. They were going to shoot his family.

His family would like to be shot at this point to repay the debt. How close is he to his family after 20 years on meth. The biggest enablers ever. Right. To repay the debt, the distressed drug user planned to sell copper from statues made from the material he could steal. He recruited a homeless man to help him with his plan. It's a rag tag group. It's so crazy it might just work. It's the dirty dozen.

And when we say dirty, filthy, stinky dozen. And when we say dozen, we mean two dirt bags. So here's the best part. He said he was gonna bribe him with drugs and a pipe. The two men got high on meth before trying to use their own muscles to lift the 800 pound cannon. Oh my God. As a homeless meth addict, the guy was immediately on board.

He's like, I thought when you said I had to lift a cannon, you wanted me to suck your dick. Oh, no. If I had to lift a 800 pound can, I think I might do meth first also. Yeah, that's the drug of choice. I need a little pick me up big time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I know the I don't know how I don't think the cannon was copper I mean, I think it's you know iron or whatever it is, but that's not a really easy thing to unload in Kansas I'm thinking copper 800 pound cannon from the Spanish American Yeah, I know Well, the best part is is the thing was probably worth so

many millions of dollars and they just leave it out in the park you know and yeah and then this guy no he chopped it up I don't know how the fuck he cut it up how do you cut up copper first you do math yeah then then a lot of questions are answered solutions it's a can-do attitude on meth. No, meth is a very, very creative drug. All right, speaking of creative, a Kentucky woman was in a sticky mess when she found stacks of boxes containing lollipops

on her front doorstep. The surprise delivery was ordered by her young son while he played on her phone. Holly LeFavors, who that is not her stripper name by the way, says she tried stopping eight-year-old Liam's Amazon order for about 70,000 dum-dum suckers before the treats arrived but it was too late. First of all, kudos to Amazon in the fact checking department. Let's see, 70,000 lollipops and it says to leave them in the tree fort out back. Anyone see any flags here? The kid, it's interesting, the kid also bought an 800 pound cannon.

The kid's on meth? pound cannon. Yeah, you got to get on that before you open that before you add all that to your cart. He could probably get more money for this 70,000 dumb dumb suckers. Huh? 70,000 are ready to ship. Yeah, that's wild. A dumb dumb sucker. That sounds like the kind of girl you want to meet at closing time in Faneuil Hall. That's a dumb, dumb sucker? Yeah.

All right, I'm gonna look up a dumb, dumb sucker while you do the next story. I want to see what you look like. An inmate put to death last month in South Carolina's second firing squad execution was conscious and likely in extreme pain for up to a minute after the bullets missed their target and failed to quickly stop his heart. An autopsy photo of Mikhail Mahdi's torso showed only two distinct wounds from the three prison employees

who volunteered for the firing squad. Well, maybe instead of looking for someone who wants to sign up, you know, like it's a bake sale, maybe hire actual killers that are good at this. You know, like from among the 3,000 murderers in the jail right behind you. If those guys had missed, they wouldn't be in jail right now.

Yeah, I mean come on that's it's every month seemingly or two months we have a story about how it's so hard to kill a prisoner on death row and I thought this would be the foolproof one. Nope. What about this? If the guy is supposed to be executed, all right, say the guy's name is Ricky, then you just go, you have a couple of the prison guards whisper to a couple of the gang members, Ricky is ratting on you. Done.

The guy's dead the next day. No bullets. Yes. And no misfires, no botched attempts. Done. The guy's dead the next day. No bullets. And no misfires, no botched attempts. Done. I mean, a guy missed. Aren't they standing like 15 feet away? It's amazing. Did they blindfold them still?

Also, why were they blindfolded? Supposed to blindfold the victim, not the shooters. Yeah, they have it all backwards. All right, so I look like dumb, dumb sucker. Dude, you were right. The picture popped up. It's some slut in a Bruins jersey. That's amazing.

Fucking Bobby Orr. 70,000 sluts. Let's go to should we do this? And then let's not do this entertainment story. All right. Oh, we'll get you. We'll do entertainment, but we're not going to do the first story because I feel like we've got enough. We've got enough sex already.

No, we have Alan DeGeneres. Speaking of slots, sex less is proving DeGeneres speaking of slots. This is sexless. Yeah. Is proving brunettes can have more fun. The comedian gave a glimpse of her new hair color in a video shared via Instagram Sunday that showed her hilariously trying to mow the lawn at her home in the UK. Low bar on hilariously I watched the I

looked at the photo I couldn't bring myself just the idea of her with her. Does she really have dark hair? Yeah, she made her hair brown. Quote, Porsche thought it would be fun to film my first time on the mower. She was right to generous caption the clip. Hilarious. So funny funny doing like you know work around the house I think that's what she means it's is so funny yeah like what it'd be funny if you did something that you have the help to yes hey I got a funny bit you do something productive around the house instead of yelling at somebody

for doing it wrong. I have another funny bit. Alan hear me out. You keep a dog that you get. Like, like, people do for long. Six days. Yeah. All right, are we going to make make America Florida? Let's do it. Let's do it. Here we go. Florida man arrested for having three wives in three different counties. Henry Betsy Jr. allegedly married women in three counties simultaneously. I mean, not exactly simultaneously, but at the same time, he used dating apps to target recently divorced women for relationships. Women say there were not adequate safeguards to

prevent it, since the counties don't share information about wedding license applications. So this woman goes, he took each one of us to a county over from the other to get married said Brandy Betsy. So the guy married this woman, sorry, Michelle married Henry on November 23 2022. It was very short. She said it was very soon. It was within about a three week span. That's they had met each other on an app three weeks later. So she's saying she's saying the county doesn't have adequate safeguards for her to get married three weeks after meeting a guy online. And I think one of them I might have like trimmed down this story. I did trim it down. One of them was like they decided to

get married the second they got the license like from the from the like, you know, City Hall. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Let's put that on the county. That's their fault. So when he married this woman after the three week span, he unfortunately was still married to Brandy Betsy at the time who took his name. And he married Brandy in February 22 2022. And they tell us the county over and that was the up here is the same day that the two applied for the marriage license. But when Brandi married Henry, he was still married to Tanya Betsy, who also took his name. How about this? You take my name, I'll take your 401k

account. So his profile said looking for a beautiful woman who understands the ups and downs of life is trustworthy. This is the best part. And no games, no games, please. I just can't handle it. I've been through it. I just want someone to be real, please. Yeah. And the day we got married, he said, Oh, the woman then referred to him and said, the day we got married, he said, quote, we need to make your bank account, a joint bank account. That tracks and by joint bank account, I mean, we're going to use the money to buy weed. Henry's financial

situation appears to have taken a turn for the worse. At a recent court hearing, he told the judge he had no source of income or money in the bank. And he also told the judge he was currently living with quote, a Christian friend. How did this guy pull this off? You think it was Pope Leo? I mean when you're marrying the third one, how much time are you spending with the other two? Well, that's the thing. If you want to have three successful marriages, you really have to block out your time.

And I think he's not lying when he would be like, I got to go to work. I got to go to work. I'm grooming another one. I'm getting another bank account. Well, this guy, I I admire these kind of grifter type guys like just the vision, you know, like this was kind

of planned out. It's one thing to be a meth addict that in the spur of the moment you know steals a cannon but like these this guy's got three you know he's got three burner phones and you know he's got a he's he's got a schedule three women a week. I know I always thought that the people with secret families it's like Jesus one is enough isn't it? All right, we're gonna make America Philly again. Here we go these Philly animals. Here we go. A Philadelphia woman faces

charges after a video allegedly captured her defecating on a car in what police say was an act of road rage. In a video taken by a witness, the woman alleged to be Christina solo met though, is seen getting out of her car and walking to the car behind her as she smiles. The disturbing clip shows the aggressor aggressor allegedly Christina. And she was also dubbed on social media as the Delco pooper as the Delco pooper why I don't know I think that's the area oh I don't know about that is

Delco a store I think Delco is actually an area Philly yeah it is walking and Delaware it's the edge of Delaware it shows her walking from her black car over to a silver sedan squatting and proudly defecating on the hood of the car. Not so silver anymore. She is then seen walking back to her car, smiling. She told Philadelphia magazine she was, quote, not the angry one in the incident, but chief, the chief of police said, disputed that characterization.

I think it was an angry mess. I think that's what the chief is referring to. Wow. He was an angry splatter. Well, obviously she wasn't angry because if you're not completely relaxed, there's no way you're going to make a bowel movement. So she was in a pretty mellow state of mind. I hate to get graphic but she walked over there and apparently it was like a spray. Is that true? Yeah I'm not kidding you they said it was more yeah it was diarrhea. How do you stay how do you keep your car in park while that's happening? Oh the the person was in it honking, I believe.

I would imagine. Probably hitting the windshield wiper fluid as well. I can't believe you just don't throw it in drive. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Fuck, man. Christina Solometo.

So fire one up for the Italian Americans on that one. I think who knows what she is but uh other than an animal it's disgusting. Philadelphia. Perfect. Yeah that is perfect. All right where are we moving up? Wait we didn't do the ethical question. Oh we did. Do you have one? Yes. Oh shit bring it on. Here we go. I think a question.

All right. There were a couple but I picked this one. It is my boyfriend. It's a catchy headline. My boyfriend has a husband. Should I tell him about us? So I'll read it for you. Wait, my boyfriend has a husband? Yeah. Should I tell him about us? I'm a man who's been with my husband for over 35 years. Some 12 years ago, I began a second relationship with another man. I didn't seek it out, but it has deeply enriched my life. I've been open with my husband and this honesty led to our own understanding about boundaries, what some call ethical non monogamy. My struggle is, well, he goes my struggle, my second partner hasn't told his husband about the nature of our relationship. They have an open arrangement, but the depth and

specifics of ours haven't been revealed. That makes me uncomfortable. Friends say I'm not responsible for his honesty. But do I have a moral obligation to a man? I don't know. Not surprisingly, name withheld. I don't know. Not surprisingly, name withheld. Sounds like the only thing he's withholding. Well, I got to say the easy solution is introduce your husband to your boyfriend's husband and allow them to copulate or whatever they call whatever they whatever they call it, gay sex, and make it a square, make it a square instead of right now it's a right angle

with a line segment coming off of it. That's what it is? Yeah. Not a love triangle, it's more complex. Well, if it was a triangle, then the boyfriend's husband would know about the other lover. Yeah. I think this person in reading it again is maybe flattering themselves a little too much. They've told you they're

in an open relationship. Yeah. Also, is it on? It's in year 12 and you're writing now? Right. Well, look, some of these gay relationships- Boy, it's really been weighing on you, huh? Men can stay in relationships for a long time because I think there is a lot of ethical polygamy in gay relationships. I don't know if you call ethical polygamy in gay relationships. I don't know if you call it polygamy,

but open relationships. I think that they let it go a little bit more from the ones that I know are not as strict about it as heterosexual relationships. Yeah, maybe. I think it's up to the other guy to tell his husband. All right. So this is what the ethicist says. He said being in an open relationship can mean many different blah, blah,

blah. It's always boring. It's kind of like a recipe like well, my grandmother when I was little, shut up, get to the recipe. So I'll skip halfway down yet by your account, your relationship poses no real threat to his marriage given that neither of you envision the relationship superseding his primary commitment. My sense is that their private understanding remains opaque to you. It certainly isn't for you to reshape to your liking. Your own promises bind you to your husband alone. Should this ambiguity trouble you after 12 years of fucking doing nothing, you might share your concerns with your non marital partner and encourage him to tell his husband about you. If he declines, you can decide whether you want

to continue the relationship under these circumstances. But meddling in their marriage would be crossing a line. Well, they're crossing a lot of lines. I would say there's a chance that the guy's lying kind of like all guys like pulling to vague it like I'm not married and you know, it's what but 12 years. Yeah, I bet he is does have an open relationship. I think that's a very obvious it's either open or it's understood. I think some people

sort of like maybe their relationship isn't sexual any longer. And their partner they turn a blind eye and they both get into bed together when they do. And they're and they're fine. You know. Does that bring us to this day in history it certainly does here we go All right, this was this was an easy one. All right, let me go back up to the top. I apologize in advance It's a lot of birthdays and a lot of World War two stuff. So yeah 1939 to 45 throw a dart those right

exactly those are easy and then you know when Paul McCartney left the Beatles blah blah blah okay 1972 American pharmacist John Pemberton John S Pemberton developed Coca Cola, a drink he originally billed as a cure all tonic, give or take 15 years, what year was Coca Cola developed 1890. Good Lord 1886. Nice. There we go. I just remember it had cocaine in it. And I remember it being a very old timey thing like they didn't really know what cocaine was but I think by then I was thinking by the 1920s like the roaring 20s we knew what cocaine was. So I figured it was before that.

Yeah. Wow. How do they not really I mean don't you make it with kerosene and cocoa leaves? I mean, you know, it's not great. Right. Um, okay. So the first Westminster Kennel club dog show, then known as the first annual New York bench show of dogs began attracting large crowds over four days. It's one of the oldest continuously running sporting events in the United States. Second only to another cruel event animals the Kentucky Derby give or take 20 years. When was the first Westminster Kennel Club

dog show 1890? Good Lord, I'm getting trance here 1877. I'm gonna stick with that year. It's doing it's serving me well. Sure is Civil War. We're not doing that. 1890. I don't think you'll get this. We had this in our house because I was like, Oh my god, his name is Gibbon. But English historian Edward Gibbon, who is best known for the book The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. Oh, sure. I think it had to be the biggest history book

of all time for a long time. I mean, I think every house had a copy, at least when I was growing up. So give or take 60 years, when was Edward Gibbon born? 1830. I love it. You're 100, almost 100 years off 1737. Oh, shit. And I did it because that is way older than anyone thinks. Yeah. I'm going to give or take you 150 years on this next one. Largely due to the efforts of Joan of Arc, English troops ended their siege of the French

city of Orleans, which was the military turning point of the hundred years war between France and England. So Joan of Arc, basically we're talking about her give or take 150 years. When did this go down? I listened to the audiobook about her recently. I'm gonna say 1520. Oh, you nailed it. You're only 100 years off 1429. But you gave me 150 years. Yeah, I know, but I did not three for four, three for four. All right, here we go. There was a good one here. Yes, the horror film classic Friday the 13th about summer camp counselors being muted hunted sorry being hunted by a masked killer was released in theaters and its huge success led to a popular franchise so Friday the 13th came out on this day in what year give or take two years 1979 1980 four out of five okay last one another

movie alfred hitchcock psychological thriller vertigo starring james stewart and kim novak premiered in san francisco and became widely regarded as one of the greatest films ever give or take six years what year did Vertigo premiere? All right it was black and white so pre 19 I'm gonna say 1949. Okay you're 1958. I also don't know if it was black. I don't think it was black. It was it was black and white. Was it really? No, I have no idea. Oh, gee, of course there. Look at that confidence. What year would you say Mike Wallace was born give or take 10 years? All right, Mike Wallace

was on 60 minutes when I was a kid. So in the 70s, his son, Chris Wallace still going strong, probably in his 60s in the 70s. I'm going to say 1910. What did I give you 10 years? Yeah, damn it. 1918. All right. All right, let's move forward.

Let's move seven, five for seven today. All of a sudden he can keep score. Yeah, that's right no obituary except smoky Robinson's like uh tour dates I looked them up actually he stays busy he goes out like he'll do like one day every two or three weeks and then sometimes he'll string a few together like he was he's got a bunch of UK dates planned in the summer where he's got string string a few together like he was he's got a bunch of UK dates planned in the summer Where he's got stringing a bunch together, but yeah, the guy fucking works

Do you think UK dates are gonna hold this summer? No, because the UK takes this shit more seriously Do you remember when Jerry Lee Lewis it got discovered that he was? his he married his cousin who was like 14 or 13. And it didn't make a huge deal here. And then he flew to England and they canceled all of his UK dates. Yeah.

Name the year. 1959. I don't know, so it doesn't matter. year? 1959. I would say 57. All right. 56 was Elvis's big year. I think. 1958 and she was 13 oh yeah you see I chose 59 because I'd rather think we're as 14 it helps my conscience it's just less icky did he have children with his 13 year old wife? Funnies here we go Oh not just his wife his yeah his cousin. Yeah of course he kept it in the family. So he had a child with her in 1959 so she would have been 15 when he had a baby with her. Okay all right he made his point she's old enough to breed Priscilla was the flower girl and also Elvis's girlfriend at the time did you just make that up yes okay Elvis was in Germany or something no I guess he was back

actually I don't know. All right, let's continue. We already crinkled, man. We're in the funnies. You're in the- All right, let's get into the funnies. As you know, the comedy caption contest rolls on week after week.

You guys unleash your creativity on a one-cell comic that we give you the week before. You email in your jokes to FitzDogRadio at gmail.com. We do ask that you submit your punchline with your name directly underneath it to make it easy to cut and paste. Thank you in advance. And the winner of this, and when I say winner, they're all winners. And they really are all interesting and fun in their own way. Not all of them get announced and only one wins and only one gets a koozie. And when I say only one,

one out of three. So you say koozie I guess you're saying koozie. Yeah. Last week's caption is a gentleman in a suit standing on a bed with a mic stand, a cocktail in his hand, and his hand in his pocket. In the bed reading a book is a woman who has on reading glasses and she's not even looking up at him. She's got a reading light on and he is looking at her and talking. So somebody wrote Aaron Fitzsimmons talking saying still not funny and I'm still not having sex with you, Greg. Okay. I think it would have been helped if Aaron had said, Donnie, is this your version of throwing a move on me? That would have probably got you into the finals. A little more of the vernacular one is used to hearing here.

Steven Ingram said, lady, I ain't knocking this paid gig, but you could have just bought the audio book. Kind of don't get it. I guess he's like narrating an audio book for her, but she's got a book in her hands. I know. All right. Jack from San Francisco calls this awoke comedy cute oh yeah one word awoke right Ryan

Bray said still not what I meant by fun in bed Dagwood okay and then Manny has asked me to deliver his joke in Rodney Dangerfield's voice. Hey my wife was in bed reading Fifty Shades of Grey. I said hey how about we try some of that. She said start by tying yourself up. I get no respect I tell you. It's not bad. Ted Farrell said I don't like my chances. See, that's in the vernacular. That's what we're looking for, a little inside baseball. Taylor Nelson says, work from home standup

just isn't working. The audience is tougher and sleeps with his opener. What's the voice? Who's saying that? The supposed to be from the voice of- I liked the working from home comedian yes you have word work twice in the same sentence yeah it got ruined along the way there Taylor but it's a good good thing good idea Matt Messner

said to the beautiful lady in the front row nice nice tits. And he had an alternate take which was the sad view of yet another canceled comedian. Jason Cobb said tonight we come together to honor our sex life a pillar of marriage that has fallen much too soon. I like that he's addressing her as the husband. I like that he's addressing her as the husband. Yeah. John W. from Carlsbad said, "'To spice things up, honey,

I thought we could try an open mic marriage.'" All right. Stephen Holcomb said, "'You said you missed live shows. You never specified where.'" Okay, I like the open mic better. Brian Meyer said, "'Lady, if you wanted a comedian to put you to sleep, you could have just hired Cosby.

Ooh, I thought it was going to be a Greg reference. Jim Curran said, so the cuck in the donut PJs just rolls over? Hey, is this thing on? Okay. Rich Butchko said take you please. Old Henny Youngman joke. I like it. Yep. Kenny Ingalls said let's bring out our next performer. You may know him from absentee father diagnosis, halitosis and whiskey dick

disappointment. All right, a lot of work went into that. Curtis said my wife's vagina walks into a bar. Bartender says, you look parched. Wife's vagina says, yep, dry as Arizona for 19 months now. I'm going for the record. The punchline is that this ain't a fucking joke, honey. Huh. Wow. Alright, wow.

All right, she's angry. And finally, Paul says, even after his untimely passing, Greg haunted Aaron with bad dick jokes. Every night. I like that. It's not bad. It's a little like sixth sense, you know. Yeah, she's there and she's reading and you know you're right there in the room with her but she doesn't know. Yep. I like that one.

I should also mention when you send these jokes and mention if you're from Canada. Not saying why just mention it. Yeah. I like Paul's The end. Yeah. Wow. I like Paul's. The end? Yeah. Wow.

All right. I get it. Well, what else is there? I like the one to the beautiful lady in the front row. Nice tits. That's pretty funny. I think you like that word. Yeah.

All right. All right. Let's do it. Our final entry, Paul, send me in your address and I will send that to Mike. Mike will then mail you a koozie. Straight to Ottawa. comic for you to write a caption is the following. There is a doctor with a clipboard talking to a patient who's sitting on the bed. And the patient is Mr. Potato Head. Sure is look at his little mustache, he's got his little hat on. He's a big potato. He's a big potato. Yes, he's bigger than the doctor, actually.

All right, let's do it. Yes, he's bigger than the doctor actually. All right, let's do it. All right, let's get to a professional comic strip. Hager has got his band of merry men and they're at the bottom of the castle looking up and the king is there with his, what do you call that guy? Oh yeah, with his walk this way his he's basically an assistant. His assistant and he looks down at Haggar and he goes don't even think about taking my gold and Haggar goes don't worry we're done thinking about that now we're thinking

about what we're going to buy with your gold. See we didn't even need to know the role of that guy. Although what's what's Haggar and the boys really thinking about? I mean, I don't want to say because I don't want to get us kicked off the algorithm. But once again, here is a comic that is presented to your children in the Sunday comics. And we know they've got a battering ram and they're headed for the door. And we know what they're going to lose that but use that battering ram for and historically Vikings never just pillaged now it's hard to find a reference where all they were about was pillaging now

no they weren't that they didn't narrow the scope down that much. Pillaging was dessert. Yeah, you're right. The lock horns are standing by the front door. She's opening up a letter and Leroy says a letter from your mother, question mark. I'm surprised it wasn't delivered by an owl. I like that. There's nothing wrong with a solid mother-in-law joke, is there?

No, that's a good one. And now we got Leroy passed out on a couch while Loretta stands on a step stool screwing in a light bulb. And she goes, I guess I'll never know how many husbands it takes to change a light bulb. That's all right. OK, you guys ready for a beetle Bailey? Yeah, here we go. I found a list and I think this was the top 10 beetle Bailey's there's a couple. I forget what the other category was. This was military humor, I believe so it had to be, I think really

revolving around that. This is from 1955. Early 1955. No, they don't even look like themselves. They look like some beta version of the comic strip. See, I don't really have a memory of it. Although I guess I do. Oh, God. Yeah, no, this is like, this doesn't look like them at all later. All right. Well, let's see how they started out. So they're

they're all they're typical scene where there's a drill sergeant. They probably have names and I apologize. Sarge. Seriously? Yeah, that's Sarge. All right. So Sarge, they're outside the barracks. And all the soldiers are lined up. And Sarge goes, the army wants to be fair if you have any complaints speak up there's three panels in the second panel he grabs is that beetle belly that's beetle belly geez yeah he's a kid grabs him it's black and white also grabs puts both hands on his shoulders and he goes, well, beetle, I'm proud to see

someone with the gumption to speak up. And then the third and final frame he yells, now then, is there anyone else? And what you see in the background is Beetle Bailey is sitting above a big pot and he is peeling potatoes. I get the sense Sarge doesn't want anybody else speaking up. I think that message was sent out well not loud kind of just clear very clear. It was clear and I think that's clear. In the military they're not looking for feedback. Yeah. Or you to be gay. I can't believe believe be able to question is used to the word proud. It seems misguided. Yeah, it seems like he's really setting them up there. Because

beetle is smiling in that second frame. Yeah. All right. Speaking of smiling, I'm not right now because I'm about to read blondie. They're sitting at the kitchen table. Dagwood, instead of looking at his wife who has on a raspberry tight sweater with a plunging neckline, sitting directly across from her, she's sipping some coffee, he's got the newspaper over his face so he can't even see her and he goes, ha ha! And she goes, reading the comics again

honey? He goes, actually no, the news is so crazy. You either have to laugh at it or go crazy yourself. And guess what she does? Nothing. Kills it's not fucking funny. She really does just stare right back at him. Yes, she can't even drink her coffee anymore. Now the coffee is down in the saucer and she's evaluating everything in her life again. And it's only the morning. It would be slightly humorous if you see he's soaking wet after that. She threw the coffee in his face because it was so terrible. And I love that like they I always hate when comics tried to they break the third wall and they start talking about comics in the comics. No.

Play your role. Yeah. I like it. Thank you guys for listening. Those of you that are remaining, and I'm not saying you have to agree with us, but if you enjoy the show, please help us rebuild our numbers. Tell your friends, share the podcast, comment. If you go to the YouTube channel where you can always watch the show, you can also comment. Mike replies to every single comment except for the last few weeks when he is done. No, I saw you. I know I did it yesterday. I saw you had responded to a bunch.

I did because you didn't do it. Oh boy, yeah. All right, so I went in there. All right. You'll see me. Write your comments. It helps us on the algorithm. Like, share, do all that stuff.

And don't forget, I'm coming to you in Cincinnati next weekend. Get your tickets, fitzdog.com. Mike, anything you want to promote? stuff and don't forget I'm coming to you in Cincinnati next weekend get your tickets fitsdog.com Mike anything you want to promote? um yeah I'm really enjoying the new season of Black Mirror. Really? Yeah yeah yeah. Can you binge that or do you have to watch one at a time? I'll tell you the first one it's the guy I'm terrible at names. He's from Ireland. He was in bridesmaids, I believe maybe he was the cop. He had that right.

Huh? Something keep Barry Keegan? I don't know. No, no, no, not that guy. Yeah. An old guy. Maybe he was in the it crowd it crowd to anyway, whatever. And then Rashida Jones is his wife. So that's how you'll know it. And it was a downer. But it was a big downer. The other ones have not been as big a downer. And I think I've seen five of the six. There's only six. Yeah, I mean, I guess you got to really set your expectations when you watch that show. If you're looking to feel good or escape or enjoy, that's not your show.

Yeah, I would say watch it in reverse order or at least make the Rashida Jones one the last one. Yeah, it's not devastating. I've seen a devastating one. The one about I think dance was in the title, but it involved pedophilia. And I checked out that's when I left Black Mirror for over a year. I was like, nope, nope, nope, not doing it anymore. All right. Well, congratulations to the pope. We're very excited for you. Good luck running the largest organization in the country besides the Muslims and the Hindus and uh okay we'll talk to you guys next week. Daganish! D in it! Get in it! Get in it! Get in it! Get in it! Get in it! Get in it!

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