Sunday Papers - Sunday Papers w/ Greg and Mike Ep: 29 9/20/20
Episode Date: September 20, 2020New Sunday Papers. Van Morrison won’t be on The Masked Singer, Joe Rogan runs Presidential debate and RIP RBG. ...
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And now, let's start the podcast. It's Sunday Papers Greg and Mike
It's Sunday Papers
Greg and Mike
It's Sunday Papers
Greg and Mike
Greg and Mike
It's Sunday Papers
Hear ye, hear ye
It's ye old Sunday Papers
Can you imagine when they first started papers
like how many people would read one edition of that paper you mean they would pass it around
to pass it around all right you'd be like arnie You did the fucking crossword again How about
You couldn't get six down
What a loser
Syphilis
Six down
That's how the plague spread
Everybody was touching the same paper
And coughing into it
That's right
Wow here we are
Another week
Another week We had a good day yesterday
We went to the beach
It's September, which is
Really the best month for going to the beach in LA
Every year
October's pretty great too
So we went out
And our friend Matt Malloy's back in town
He's Captain Fun
So he put a little text chain together. And here's what Matt does.
He sends out one text and 11 guys show up to the beach the next day. Yeah. And this was a work day.
Yeah, right. It was a Friday. And we were all there in the middle of the day.
We got there at 11 o'clock in the morning and stayed until I think 435. If you don't hate Los Angeles enough,
hopefully that cinches it for you.
And Matt has to bring everything to the beach.
So we had to make two loads down from the car.
He had a cooler with a gallon of vodka,
every fucking mixer, a 12 pack of beer,
and then a bunch of chairs, a umbrellas uh footballs fucking paddle balls
10 sandwiches giant grinders whatever you want to call them heroes from bay city's italian uh deli
and three giant willy wonka sized uh medicinal pot bars, which everybody gobbled down,
which is why we stayed at the beach
for six fucking hours when it was 80 degrees out.
It was perfect.
It was, those edibles were so strong.
I took them at 11 o'clock in the morning
and I swear to God, I was watching TV last night late
and I was still high. Is that
possible? Is that possible? You probably didn't feel yourself. I don't know. Maybe. Are they time
release chocolates? I haven't heard of those. I don't know, but- All edibles seem like they're
time release. Yeah. So we're going back today. After this, we're going to hit the beach.
We're going to try. Let's do it. All right. That was a good podcast.
Let's go.
Shout out to John Barron, who did our kind of jazzy theme song this week.
That was really playful.
That was cool.
It's cool, right?
Yeah.
And I thought it was a nice juxtaposition to Rob Dukes from the band Generation Kill,
who did last week's punk song that people have kind of unanimously said is the best song we've ever had.
A lot of people.
There were a couple of detractors.
It was too harsh for them, but they were few and far between.
Everyone loved it.
Sunday fucking papers.
And by the way, they've got some music out on Spotify.
If you want to check out Generation Kill, they rock.
The logo is from Gordon McBride.
It's a reference to last week's Action Park story.
And it's me and Mike flying out of that tube they built.
Very nice artwork.
Thank you.
It's a really, we talked about it at the beach yesterday.
We told some people who are from Chicago. So they had no idea about this
place. And, uh, it's obviously it's a way funnier documentary than I remembered while watching it.
Cause there's so many, as we've talked about on here, so many stories from it.
Um, yeah, it was a time it was the eighties. It It really was things were unregulated. Reagan came into office and he goes, no more rules, everybody.
Let's fucking go for it.
We also want to mention another podcast that I'm a big fan of,
and it's all about working out at home and how it sucks.
The not boring workouts is, you know,
the workout apps make it worse and aggravatingly peppy train,
those annoying fucking trainers and they're trying to be motivational.
The worst.
Come on, you can do it.
Just one more, one more set.
Like, no, I can't do it.
You don't know me.
So these guys would listen to those and they decided to create the world's least sucky podcast workout.
It's called Not Boring Workouts.
It's twice a week.
That's cool.
Hilarious.
They're underqualified trainers.
Ali brings you an accessible full-body workout
combined with fascinating story, blazing hot takes, and low expectations.
Previous episodes have included the Flat Earth Flat Abs workout,
the Get Worked Up by the History of Dildos workout.
All right.
The anti-vax movement is insane,
and so are burpees workout.
And this week's The Story of Jane Fonda workout
will make you sweat workout.
Not Boring Workout's available on Apple, Spotify, Stitcher,
all the podcast hotspots.
You almost definitely get some exercise.
It is an exercise thing.
And Not Boring Workouts is, once again, the least sucky way to get it.
It won't change your life, but at least you'll feel better later
when you're binge eating Pop-Tarts and binge watching Selling Sunset.
Oh, that's that realtor show. Anyway.
I might tune into that just because I so admire the link that they found between the anti-vax
movement is insane and so are burpees. Right. Dude, my nephew's been training me,
boxing training. Burpees fucking suck.
And he makes me do the extended ones where when you go down, you do a push-up,
and when you go to the top, you jump.
Yeah.
I thought all burpees jumped.
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
Anyway.
Well, you know women.
Women do them on their fucking knees, and they don't jump,
and they don't do the push-up
and yet they want to be equal come on all righty all righty you ever watch on tiktok they'll show
like chicks doing guitar solos yeah and it's and it's supposed to be like wow she played Stairway to Heaven. It's like, any guy.
Whatever, let's move on.
Well, I did tell you that time I was trying to get my girls into the Olympics.
So it was the Olympics like I'm going to put it at probably 10 years ago.
Whatever, I can't do the math.
So anyway, Winter Olympics.
And it was the girls snowboarding.
And they were in the halfpipe. So we're watching it. like they would have their head set in they're bopping right and
they're getting ready and it seemed pretty cool and a lot of them would fall and the girls like
oh but they were like trying to and this is their first time seeing snowboarding in a half pipe
and i'm like no no you know she's cool she likes punk music and all it's like yeah it's like well
she fell but like she kind of went she kind of you know went high there like before she fell i'm like yeah yeah like we're just trying it so
during girls snowboarding in the half pipe they did a promo for the men's snow by the way by the
way it's women's i keep saying girls yeah i'm with my girls they did a promo for the men's
snowboarding half pipe obviously it's the same half pipe. My girls were
like, daddy, he almost hit the lights. Did you see how high he went? And I'm like, no, no, I know,
but that's later. That's later. But we're here. We'll go to the women's like, no, I don't want
to watch the women that keep falling. And did you see how high he went? It was like the most massive backfire ever.
Oh, but yeah, the women guitar leads are like, it's like, they're good. But, and I should say, I should say for the record that I'm friends with a woman, Tal Wilkenfeld, who's a bass player who
she plays with Jeff Beck. She's played with The Who. She's fucking sick bass player.
And she's like, I don't know.
She's young.
She's under 30.
And she's super hot, wild, like blonde, curly hair,
and just the coolest chick.
But anyway.
No, yeah, music is a little different.
Music is a little different.
But it's like women's weightlifting.
I mean, all right, I'm not even, I guess it's funny.
I'm not really trying to be funny, but technically you can say,
tune in to see the 9,063rd strongest person in the world break a record.
I mean, that's what it's saying and then we have some clips of uh a couple people dying dying in a fire because of a female firefighter anyway put that on tiktok
oh boy oh boy let's get to some corrections,
of which we'll have some next week
based on this conversation.
This comes from D. Bishop.
He says,
Valerie Bure,
pronounced Bure, apparently,
who's the guy I made fun of last week.
He's married to the woman
from Fuller House
who is a Christian,
but Valerie Bure had his hand on her breast in a photo
and all the Christians were up in arms.
Anyway, I said he looked gay.
And I got a lot of shit back from people saying,
not only was he a Russian defector,
he played NHL hockey for 10 years.
Wait, I'm confused.
Did you call him gay?
Or do you say he looked feminine?
Either way.
I would have gone with gay.
Either way.
What?
Russian, Russian, like macho guys can't be gay?
Now that's true.
Yeah.
Also, what were they saying?
That, oh my God, he's, I guess, the opposite of stereotypically gay?
He's, like, was he a great hockey player?
Well, he played for 10 years.
That's pretty good.
He's out of Russia, and he was a defector.
That's kind of like a badass thing to do.
But I'm sure if you're gay, if I'm gay,
I'm more likely to defect from some fascist country
that's not allowing me to be gay.
Don't they kill gay people in Russia?
So he wasn't man enough to stay in Russia.
And then he wore shorts and gloves and skated for 10 years.
Shorts. You're an idiot.
That's what they are. In fact, they're padded shorts.
He wore shorts with pads in them
Skated while wearing gloves for 10 years
I can see the confusion
He basically wasn't
He wasn't good enough to be a figure skater
Oh god no none of them are
Are you kidding me
This one comes from Baguette
It's pronounced
Schnorer
Not Schnur
Wasn't it maybe from a friend of yours last week?
Tom Schnur
Absolutely, oh my god, that's right
I read late at night, he messaged me
I gotta get back in touch with him
Schnur, but I don't
Oh, but maybe you were
Saying something off of his name
Because this isn't him writing, is it?
I don't see the letter.
No, no, no, this is just somebody saying,
I said that his last name means like a mooch
or somebody trying to get stuff for free.
Oh, and they're saying that's different than schner.
Yeah, that's not schner, that's schnorer.
I think it's Yiddish.
Oh, all right, then I don't care.
All right.
But schner's great and he's a listener.
How about that?
I know. Isn't that great?
We have a lot of college buddies that listen to this show,
and I think they may not enjoy the show,
but they just like the fact that they get to hang out with us a little bit.
So shout-outs to Dudley, Pete, and Dan.
Who else? Jack listens. I was at boarding school. He lived nearby. He was at
boarding school too, but his parents had a house. They were in New York City, had a house in town.
We left in the middle of the night, got on bikes, pitch black. And one of the bikes had that light
that you could press against the wheel that
generated like it would turn it right those yeah so uh we drove to his house got stoned
he was he was like like 10 times smart is 10 times smarter than me and uh he was also in the
sci-fi i was i wasn't into that either. He played Star Trek.
I'm a junior in high school, I think.
I had never seen a Star Trek.
My mind was completely blown, like whatever one he showed me.
And then we had to get back.
Now, I am so baked at this point.
We had to get back to school in order to pretend to wake up at like, you know, whatever it was, 6 a.m.
So anyway, we're going back.
It's still pitch black.
The light thing doesn't work.
So we had to like walk the bikes, I think,
because we would have just gone right into the woods.
Like it was so dark, like we couldn't do the bikes.
And we're like, are we going to get back?
I don't know.
I remember just freaking out.
But that was one story with Schnur.
It was great.
This one is from Daniel in New York.
So excited to be part of a correction.
The podcast about Action Park, a place I went to in my youth and every time I visited, was guaranteed to see someone bleeding from their head.
Everything was true except your hilarious recreation for their advertisement was in fact
the and i we got this from a bunch of people it was the advertisement for raceway park
you did it quite well by the way i know oh raceway park all right for everybody listening
uh and just listening don't go to YouTube to see how he does that.
It's on.
And if you want to see the original, it's on YouTube.
Just look up Raceway Park.
All right.
Maybe a fan can split screen you and that Raceway Park ad and see if you nailed it.
Come on.
I'm trying to be more animated.
I'm a little flat in general in my life.
I'm trying to get more animated.
That'll help.
It's really not annoying.
It's great.
Definitely do it.
Yeah.
It'll spice up my marriage.
Destro's fan said,
Grapefruit, now that you're over your depression
and enough to hear something negative,
I have a correction for you.
Apartheid is pronounced apartheid,
not apartheid. I said apartheid the other week. Yeah, these are kind of-
But I've heard it both ways. And by the way, Destro, it's apartheid if you really want to
say it right. That's the way South Africans say it. it apartheid do they really say that way yes oh
um this is a correction from youtube you want to handle this one mike
yeah i saw this one on youtube you know like apartheid the pronunciation. Why don't we have a, like, we get so much wrong in this podcast.
I think the minutia of pronunciation and stuff like that. And if it's a really small detail,
like maybe let it slide. You've probably caught, like, we're going to probably get crazy facts
wrong about Japan today and stuff like that. But this one was from YouTube. Uh,
and the guy watched the podcast last week and he goes, uh, correction, you can't open your flu,
the flu. So I had said, we were talking about something and I'm like, you got to open the flu,
like in your fireplace, right? You can't open the fluue. The flue is a long hollow part where the smoke rises
up from the firebox out of your house. The damper, all caps, is what stops the smoke from going into
the flue. You can open and close the damper, all caps, not the flue, all caps. This is from Anthony Alvarado. Thanks, Anthony. You're a fun guy.
Hey, let's hang out with Anthony today. Johnny literal.
I was thinking it would be cool living with Anthony. Like, uh, hey, Anthony, did you,
did you open my mail? Well, yes and no. You can't open mail, Mike. You can open the envelope,
but the envelope is what gets open. The mail's
inside. That's right. Right. Cool. All right. Anyway, Anthony, why don't we, can you open that
jar of marinara? No, Mike. Uh, that's physically impossible. Do you mean the lid? Holy shit. All
right, Anthony, I need a drink. Why don't we crack open that bottle of tequila? Oh, once again,
Mike, sorry, but, uh, do you meanrew the cap? Holy shit, let's forget eating
Alright, let's fucking just go out
You think that restaurant's open?
Do you mean the door to the restaurant, Mike?
Anthony, you fuck
You're giving me a heart attack
I'm gonna need open heart surgery
Technically the arteries are open, Mike
It's not the heart
Alright, I'm fucking done with you
I'm gonna open a can of whoop-ass
Can you open a can of whoop-ass, Anthony?
Is there a lid?
You're fucking dead.
I'm going to strangle the life out of you.
Open your eyes.
I want you to see me strangling you.
Do you mean my eyelids?
You can't open eyes, Mike.
There's banging at the door.
Police, open up.
Open what?
The door?
Don't worry.
I'm killing him.
Police open up Open what the door
Don't worry I'm killing him
This is what happens
When Mike Gibbons takes Ritalin
Before his Sunday papers
And sharpens up his pencil
And the police come in and guess what Anthony
They're going to fucking open fire on you
You can't open fire
And then Anthony's going to be dead
And it's going to be a cold case
And it's never going to be open Because it's going to be a cold case And it's never going to be open
Because you can't open a fucking cold case, Anthony
Let's try to resuscitate him
You can't resuscitate him
You can resuscitate his heart
Right
Oh my god
Holy shit
Now should we have a closed casket?
How does Anthony watch this?
You can't close the casket
You close the lid to the casket
I hope he hears this when he opens
The podcast app
And you launch the podcast app
You can't open it
Anthony's going to hell
You don't go to hell
You descend to hell You don't go to hell You descend to hell
Oh my god
Alright Anthony
Keep the letters coming though Anthony
We love hearing from you
Yeah
Your fly's open Anthony
Not the fucking zipper
All of a sudden I'm dice
Alright it's time to get to the front page
Extra
Extra
We all about it! Extra!
Already?
Oh, my God. My paper has so little...
There's a little crackle.
Oh.
What's the news? It's all good news out there.
All good news. Great news week.
Brain chips.
Top story.
Workers worry that in the not-too-distant future,
they will be sidelined by humans implanted with performance-enhancing microchips.
Two-thirds of employees believe that in 2035,
I don't know why they picked that year,
humans with chips implanted in their bodies
will have an unfair advantage in the labor market.
Thousands of people in Sweden
have inserted microchips in their hands
that could one day replace keys and cards.
Elon Musk recently showed off a working brain implant in pigs.
Yeah.
Made by his brain computer interface company.
Wow. We had talked about this story when Elon Musk was touting it, I guess.
But, no.
First of all, I feel sorry for crazy people,
because they already think there's chips implanted in their brain.
What are they going to imagine once we all really do have chips implanted in our brain?
I put it to you, Mike the punch line oh i didn't really hear the setup i'm distracted by the technology it's i'm sure
there are people already screaming about how easy is it to control people's minds when right and
what if you're walking around like look at at that fucking idiot. He hasn't gotten the new download yet.
Like there's still, there's still a lot of, uh, whatever they call it.
Uh, kinks.
What do they call it when you need an app to get the bugs?
There's still a lot of bugs in his old system.
I don't know.
I mean, uh, it's, first of all, it's gonna be tough to get a job.
I mean, if you don't have the chip chip don't even go to the fucking job interview it's like um you know top of your resume is gonna be i am a fucking computer
like what assets do you have let's see well um uh you can program me not to take breaks i won't i
won't sexually harass your secretary. I'll actually work hard.
Oh,
let me send in the next guy.
I am word.
Am I good at Excel docs?
I'm in me.
Yeah. I am an Excel doc.
Right.
Um,
well,
the mud,
the,
uh,
Elon must thing.
First of all,
I wonder why they chose a pig.
And I'm thinking it's cause it's like the smartest animal. So I'm not impressed. You know, they put it in a pig and i'm thinking it's because it's like the smartest animal so i'm not impressed you know
they put it in a pig yeah put it in a fucking cat i've never seen a smart cat in my life
cats don't even know their own fucking name they only know the sound of a can opener
so put it in a cat then we'll talk yeah put in the cat and program it to actually show some fucking affection.
Of course.
Not treat me like I'm inferior to him.
I love the cat.
You feed him, you house him, you clean him,
you take him to the doctor, and he looks down on you as inferior.
Yeah.
And they don't really need, they're like,
I'd be just as good outside, but you don't let me.
Right.
Yeah.
But Elon Musk, yeah, his pig thing, the pig that he put the chip in,
if you see it, it's pretty cool.
It has a giant screen.
You can see them in Whole Foods.
They're charging in the parking lot.
They got the chargers hooked up to them. Just all these pigs right in front of Whole Foods.
If the pig has a fucking chip in him, good luck trying to kill him.
He's going to, he's, he's going to fucking hack your system.
Every time you go to kill him, your, your,
your fire alarm is going to go off in your house.
Yeah.
You're eating bacon.
You're like, ah, I didn't take the fucking chip out.
I chipped my tooth on bacon right he's gonna cause himself to be he's gonna poison himself somehow
uh so you can't eat him uh herd mentality good luck killing pigs if they have a goddamn smart
chip if they get too smart that's what i just said did you yeah the adhd comedy hour
starring mike and greg despite what science or the failed coronavirus strategy in sweden tells us
people continue to entertain herd immunity as a possible strategy for ending COVID-19. Trump said the coronavirus would go away
even without a vaccine,
quote, you'll develop a herd mentality.
It's going to be herd developed,
and that's going to happen.
That will happen.
Trump meant herd immunity rather than herd mentality. So the idea,
I don't know if you know the idea of herd mentality, but essentially he's saying we just
let Corona run amok and then eventually enough people will be immune, which they say is 70 to 90%.
So it will no longer be a threat to the population.
So you mean herd immunity?
Cause you,
you actually just said herd mentality.
Wow.
You said the concept of herb,
herb,
herd.
It is herb out in LA.
It's herb mentality.
Herb mentality.
But yeah, no herd immunity. I know the concept, but there's a lot of issues with it.
Well, yeah, it's basically millions of people would die before there's immunity.
And it's basically like going, okay, we got a mass shooter, but he's going to get tired.
He's going to run out of bullets eventually.
It's such a complicated issue, by the way.
Yes.
Okay.
The simplest case is if it was a controlled experiment and it didn't affect anything else,
millions would die.
And that's assuming people can't get it twice.
So now whatever that threshold is, is it 60%?
Whatever the threshold that they've defined as herd immunity.
But all the hospitalizations, all the people that will be dying also,
and they're trying to save their lives,
that has a very big effect on the healthcare system.
And there will be collateral damage,
lots of collateral damage. And so there'll be more unrelated COVID deaths that would not have
happened. That's just a fact. So there's that. But the biggest issue is you can get it again.
You mean it'll be unrelated because they'll be waiting to get a heart transplant,
but they can't get in the hospital because of all the COVID patients.
waiting to get a heart transplant, but they can't get in the hospital because of all the COVID patients. And especially severely immune compromised, which are people in life and
death situations that need to get to the hospital, especially, yeah, you brought up heart, but of
course, cancer and all that stuff, but heart especially, because I guess they are very,
very, very susceptible to fatal consequences with corona.
Maybe if we can get the pigs to operate on people outside the hospital.
I don't know.
What if the pigs operate on people outside of the hospital?
The last thing you said was he was going to poison himself.
I just, sometimes, you know, I catch on the last thing.
So I didn't think you said that earlier.
Well, and they're saying that this will work because it worked in Sweden.
I heard it didn't.
But that's just the point.
There's no longer facts.
So Trump keeps saying that and Fox keeps saying that,
but the truth is scientifically,
it's just not true that there,
there,
there hasn't been a critical mass of people in Switzerland, uh,
for it to it's,
they're not there yet.
They're not at herd immunity.
And,
but they just,
they throw something like that out there and it throws
you off the track of like, this is insane. This is an insane solution. So if you're a right-leaning
listener right now, don't, don't hang up or whatever it's called. Don't, uh, run away right
now. We, I think it's fair to explore. Here's an honest question. If he's just saying untruths
and let's give him the benefit of the doubt that he's not,
he doesn't think he's lying.
Okay.
We can work with that.
And I'm not,
this isn't like a big setup to slam him.
I'm just saying if he like says,
if he honestly believes that herd immunity worked in Sweden and it did not,
is it any different than if he just makes up a name of a country and says,
well, it worked in Fashtagaland. Yeah. It's like, right. I mean,
what's the difference really? Right. And that's what, that's how.
And then it gets repeated and repeated and repeated until it's fact.
The debates are going to be really interesting because when
you debate a guy i believe trump is also very much you know a liar which which has been proven over
and over and over again but also he has an inability even without malice to be specific
and to you know to accurately uh convey fact he just says a lot of people are saying.
That's his...
When people say...
Like they asked him the other day
when he said masks are not effective,
a lot of people are saying that.
And they said, who's saying that?
And Trump said, waiters.
Not making that up.
So it's very hard to debate someone like this.
Yeah.
And I wonder how much of that responsibility comes down on the moderator.
Like that's not true.
Right.
Or you didn't answer the question.
Right.
They rarely do that though.
Well, did you hear that Trump wantsgan to uh run a debate between him
and biden in a cage if they get into a fist fight which is entirely possible who do you like to win
i i would bet and you know i'm not great with bets, I would bet everything on Biden.
Really?
Something is going on with Trump.
Yeah.
And he's a lot heavier than he looks also.
He's really unhealthy.
I can't believe.
He's got beautifully cut suits.
They hide a lot of weight.
Yeah, because you'll see him in a golf cart or something.
You're like, whoa.
Like I'm surprised every time.
Right. All right, let's get to another story and biden's angry don't fight don't fight a stammerer someone
with a stutter problem when they're little do not take that guy on that's right don't don't fight a
short guy don't fight an albino yeah i wouldn't even fight a little person To be honest Because what's
It's a lose-lose
If you lose
You got beat up by a little person
If you win
You beat up a little person
I remember in a football practice once
One of the toughest kids
A smaller guy
Anyway
A coach just goes
Let that be a lesson
When a smaller guy says he can beat you up, he can.
It was really interesting.
No, I always use that to my advantage.
I always talk tough, and I was loud and aggressive,
and a lot of people wouldn't fight me because of it.
Yeah.
You also had that theory that you would take off your pants.
They would rip their shirt off, I'd take off my pants.
Who wants to fight a guy with no pants and an erection?
There we go.
All right. We're in the international section, Mike.
We are.
And I think we should end each section with me doing a bit for my stand-up from the 80s all right i'll tee up japan said nearly 1 in 1500 people in japan is now aged 100 or older that's
insane uh they say the number of centurions went over 80,000 for the first time.
The number shows that women are far more likely than men to live for a century or more, making up 88% of all the centenarians.
So Japan's oldest person, 117-year-old Kane Tanaka. She's from Fukuoka.
Sounds like a limerick.
Was confirmed as the world's... Is this a riddle?
There once was a girl from Fukuoka.
Her name was Kane Tanaka.
So...
When she ate her sushi...
Oh, jeez, you're still trying to do it?
They said she was bougie
I have a little theory
And she only would drink it with sake
Why there's more women over 100
Than men in Japan
Why
I don't know World War II
Yeah
That might be
That might be something to look at
Where the
Where literally the national motto was no surrender.
Yeah.
So they all chose death over surrender.
Yeah.
I mean, a bloodbath on all those islands in the Pacific theater.
So they have to factor that in.
No.
Yeah.
I don't think too many people,
too many women were doing a Harry carry when they were making a tempura
vegetable tempura.
Well,
we don't want a short change.
A lot of them.
There is that.
Oh God,
there is that story.
There's some story on one of the islands.
Anyway, very briefly, you know what? I'm not even going to tell it, but women did not only
when they saw it was over because of no surrender, they threw their children off the cliff before
they jumped off the cliff. And they had American Japanese translators on a megaphone begging them to not.
We won't hurt you.
We promise.
But they had just been fed just as much propaganda as we have.
And they were told stories of what we do to them when we capture them.
Do you think if you had three kids and you had to throw them off a cliff, you would throw the shittiest kid first?
I don't know. I might throw the shittiest kid first?
I don't know. I might leave the shittiest kid up there alone.
I'd be like, Sophie, you're gone. Olivia, you're gone. Brad, good luck. And I jump.
They're going to, from what I read, they're going to sodomize you for like 70 years while like pulling your teeth out slowly or something.
Bye, Brad.
Brad, the Japanese kid.
The other kids are like Hung Tai, Chow Fin, and Brad.
And of course, jokes on me,
he's like put in a camp and then he's out soon after.
I mean,
they surrendered.
Yeah. But he's got to live with the fact that his mother and siblings jumped off a
cliff.
Brad gets a job at Sony.
The Walkman comes out 30 years later,
Brad's fucking loaded.
We're all dead.
He goes to that,
he goes to that cliff once a year with a bottle of champagne.
Thanks mom.
Yeah.
Glad you hated me.
Um,
yeah,
well,
so,
so yeah,
Japanese people seem to live longer.
Black don't crack and yellow don't die.
Oh,
there it is.
By the way, those people, man,
if you're 100 years old in Japan,
you've seen a lot, man.
Yeah.
I mean, you were 25
when the atomic bombs were dropped on Japan.
You weren't even a kid.
Yeah.
So you've lived through that.
Never mind even like the recent radiation and all that stuff over there.
But also, you were in your late 50s with Cheap Trick at Budokan.
Oh, surrender, surrender.
You were, yeah, you experienced that.
What was up with Budokan?
And then that was like Cheap Trick's fucking high mark,
their high watermark.
That was a breakthrough.
And then Bob Dylan puts out Live at Budokan,
which was also like a really seminal album for him.
Yeah.
I think that was his first live shows
after the motorcycle accident, wasn't it?
I should know that.
I don't.
Maybe I did it one time.
I'm confused about, of course,
we'll get letters, what Budokan is,
because it's in Tokyo.
Is it the theater?
I don't know.
Like, is it live at the Hollywood Bowl type thing?
I think so.
All right.
But it's in Tokyo.
I do know that.
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Entertainment.
Oh, boy.
What is this, Van Morrison?
Yeah.
All right.
Let me find it.
Hold on here.
But by the way, it's, yeah, it's a little tough.
Van Morrison criticizes fascist bullies and anti-lockdown covid songs he's described the
british government as fascist bullies disturbing our peace in one that was a quote in one of the
three new tracks he has written to protest against safety measures to prevent the spread of covid 19
um and one of his songs called No More Lockdown.
It's pretty, he wasn't always that literal.
It was like Madam George. This one's called No More Lockdown.
Yeah.
Morrison sings, no more lockdown,
no more government overreach,
no more fascist bullies disturbing our peace,
no more taking our freedom and our God-given rights,
pretending it's for our safety when it's really to enslave.
I was waiting for a rhyme there.
That's when he started getting real angry.
And the article continued that No More Lockdown also indicts Imperial College scientists,
as a quote, Imperial College scientists making up crooked facts.
And then the article just very soberly ended with, the virus is still considered highly
infectious.
Official figures confirmed this week in England, a 75% increase in positive weekly cases. 75.
Yeah, look, believe me, nobody hates the English as much as I do, but it's fucking bad over there
right now. And also nobody loves Van Morrison more than me. He's one of these, my top three favorite artists. And it's always like the guy who has boozed his way through life and is old now and vaguely suicidal.
He wants to speak out for how we should handle health, you know, health care.
Yeah.
I know.
You know, I want to get back to disturbing our peace.
What peace, Van?
What kind of peace are you having in your life
when you want to fucking tour at 75
when you've got billions in the bank?
There's clearly no peace going on
or you'd stay home and do a fucking crossword puzzle.
Well, before this, we talked about last night,
I finally watched that Metallica documentary.
Oh, yeah.
And you see these guys go crazy if they live at home too long.
That's part of it.
So I think.
Yeah, yeah.
They need to tour.
I think Van Morrison needs not the money, but he needs to get out there. Meanwhile, he's
sort of a no-show at so
many of his concerts, figuratively
speaking. He's like Dylan. You're either
going to get the best show you've ever seen, or
you're going to leave early. Right.
But I did find this,
I don't know this person, I think she lives
in Britain, Sarah O'Connell.
Sarah O
dash Connell on Twitter, and she'Connell, Sarah O-Connell on Twitter.
And she had said possible Van Morrison lyrics.
Hey, where did masks go?
Days when the plagues came.
No social distancing.
Playing a daft game.
Coughing and a wheezing.
Hey, hey.
Spreading and infecting.
Our hospital ventilator with our hearts a-stopping and you, my 5G girl.
So I thought that was kind of funny.
Shout out to her.
Fantastic.
Speaking of the Metallica, so you're like Johnny documentary this week.
I am.
I've seen a bunch.
I actually watched the Lady Gaga one, five foot two and something or other.
I was very, well, I like Gaga a lot.
I think she's pure raw talent, but oh, what a lunatic.
I'll give her credit, man.
I don't know if she had any say over the documentary.
It's exposing.
She is, she, I'm trying to be accurate.
I'd say she's crying a third of the time she's on camera.
Wow.
Maybe a fifth, but 20% maybe.
Is it, you think she has a chemical imbalance?
She 100% has, I shouldn't say that.
I think she 100% has a chemical imbalance.
She does take a lot of drugs, but she's also physically, she smokes a lot of pot. She's physically in so much
pain. And I think, uh, that I did not go to medical school, which will be obvious from the statement.
I honestly just think her mind and her body feels too much. You see it and you're like,
you see it and you're like, she's a very special case who is all the feels like it's,
she's just this conduit and it just comes out in her work. And the more you can remove her from reality, like just responsibilities, like even feeding herself and taking care, like
just take care of this vessel, I guess, that's putting out this work. You know what I mean?
Wow.
Yeah.
And then you turned me on to a documentary.
And, you know, we try to give you guys little homework assignments.
Every week we tell you next week we're going to discuss something in the entertainment section in our reviews.
So you can watch it and share.
So last week you said we're going to watch Vows.
Yeah.
Or actually, yeah, Vows.
The Vow, no, The Vow.
Oh, The Vow.
And holy shit, I think there's four episodes.
I finished three last night in one night.
I couldn't, and I started at like 11 o'clock
and I couldn't go to sleep.
I had to keep watching.
It's like, you know, once again,
it's a cult that espouses things that I go,
can I join the cult but not fuck the guy?
There was so much smart stuff, obviously,
and it's not new.
He didn't invent it.
You know, it's self-help 101, a lot of it.
But they break you down.
They kind of, like, you know, break you down and try to find out how you can be a better you.
I get it.
That sounds so cheesy, but that's what it is.
And then also, they'll have sex with you and brand you.
Yes. Yes.
Yeah.
And also, and it's all the classic cult moves.
They don't let you sleep.
Like they literally work you till two in the morning
and then you're up at five.
So you can't think.
And you're making money for them.
And there's a lot of confessing.
They get you by saying,
you know, if you want to go to this next level,
we need to hear something really juicy from you. Like, you know, you killed a dog or, you know,
take some, take some nude selfies and send them to us. You think you might be gay. You broke this
law once and they called it collateral. Yeah. Collateral. And then their, their rationale was,
all right, Greg, you really, really, really want to improve. I'm going to help you.
And it's even things like you're going to do a hundred burpees a day. You have to give me
collateral because you will have more skin in the game now. Right. And I potentially, it's also
trust. It's a test of trust, but potentially I could also use this if you don't do your 100
perpes. Yeah. It will never, ever be used if you keep this promise to yourself. It's like a marriage.
They know where the bodies are buried. And if you get divorced, ugly shit comes out. Not necessarily
with poor people, but when you're rich, that shit comes out because those lawyers have their fucking fangs out
and they go, what can we use against them?
Oh, even like Bezos, like,
you know what his wife probably not like about it?
No, no, he knowingly set up the factories in Malaysia
because like, you know, like that, like,
and so during the settlement, it's like, what?
It's hush money.
The settlement is hush money.
Right, right.
That's why I don't tell my wife shit.
I clear my browser.
Every time I whack off that history gets cleared.
And I just realized like,
I'm so intent on clearing my browser that I don't remember any of my
passwords.
And so I,
and so,
but every time I clear my browser,
it wipes out all of my auto save
passwords. And then I have to fucking scramble when I want to sign back into YouTube or whatever.
And, uh, but I'll still do it. So she doesn't know that I like Japanese hidden camera massage
born. Oh boy. Meanwhile, you talk about it on a, on a flourishing podcast, she's never listened to the podcast once in her life. I know that's, that's key. Same. No one, none of my family, but, uh, the, what was I just thinking? Um, Oh, private browser. It used to obviously be for porn. Now it's to hide from Google and Facebook and all the ads. Right. I'm on private
browsing constantly and it doesn't even like work that well. Yeah. And I didn't know what a great
relationship Google has with Facebook. I thought they were enemies. Yeah. Cause like, Oh, Google
something. And that day on Instagram, there's ads for it, which is the other empire.
Oh, yesterday, remember at the beach? Oh yeah. Yeah. We're at the beach and I'm in my car
and Mike is standing there saying goodbye to him and he's got music playing on his phone.
Well, yeah, we had speakers at the beach. I didn't turn them off they're playing in my backpack on these like
bluetooth what spotify uh that's interesting uh i don't know where i we should know that
because that'll play into it so anyway i turn my phone on and i connect it with the bluetooth to
my car to listen to music. And when I hit Spotify,
the first song it offers me is Wonderwall by Oasis,
which we're fucking listening to on Mike's phone.
That was too much of a,
and of course it's like,
what the hell else are old white guys
gonna be playing?
But I don't know. That's too
specific. Yeah.
It was that
or My Old School by Steely Dan.
One of them was going to be up top.
Yeah.
But anyway,
yeah, private browsing.
Yeah, so check out The Vow.
And I haven't seen...
I mean, episode four must be explosive because they don't even get into the sex until the very end of episode three.
It gets pretty crazy.
And then new episodes, I believe, come out Sundays.
Oh, it's not just four.
There's more.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
No, no.
The end of four, I won't tell you what happens starts a whole
new trajectory oh okay got it all right good well like most documentary series the end of the
episode is the cliffhanger so that that's what's going on but uh so hold it till sunday and you
can watch two of them uh we'll also give you guys your homework assignment for next week. It's called My Octopus Teacher.
I believe it's on Netflix.
We were at the beach.
We're just going to keep saying that all podcast.
Anyway, our good friend Michael heard us talking about documentaries,
and I saw that, and it seems too weird, so I didn't watch it.
So it comes highly recommended from him.
Okay, I'm looking up where you can watch it.
It's Netflix 100%.
Yeah, it is Netflix.
Okay.
All right, let's do some sports.
You got it.
the browns okay in this era in this era of covid and basically no one at the parks where with basically no fans at parks is going to be a brawl in the stands?
You guessed it.
Cleveland.
If it wasn't going to be the Raiders and it wasn't going to be the Steelers, it was going to be the Browns.
It reminds me, have you ever taken a deep dive on the Tencent Beer Night?
No. Oh, you have to. I mean, people have gone here before
they had a legendary 10 cent beer night. Hold on. Let me, it's, it's worth it.
In Cleveland? Huh? In Cleveland? In Cleveland. It was baseball.
It was a major league baseball game in 1974 against the Texas Rangers.
The idea behind the promotion was to attract more fans to the game by offering a 12-ounce beer for 10 cents each.
But they had limits.
They had limits.
They had limits.
You could only get six at a time, which was 60 cents.
But then there were no limits on how many times you could go up.
And keep in mind, this is 74.
This is pre we stop at the seventh inning.
Yeah.
It culminated in a riot and the game had to be forfeited due to the crowds,
uncontrollable rowdiness and all of the injuries,
not only injuries to players, to coaches and players. Also, you mean fans were going on the field and fighting?
No shit.
Yes.
It was hysterical.
Wow.
As the Indian players and coaches were returning to the dugout,
they were struck by food and beer hurled by Ranger fans.
And one of the players had to be restrained and going in the stands.
I got to find some of these details.
Here's lines.
I'm just scanning lines.
Realizing that the Rangers' lives
might be in danger.
I don't even need the details.
That should be true
for every fucking sporting event you know why not let the
let it be like ancient rome you're not just playing for a win you're playing for your life
out there it's unbelievable um of course this fight happened because it was against the browns
i mean it was it was against the uh cincinnati, it was against the Cincinnati Bengals.
So Cincinnati and Cleveland, what are they, a couple hours apart?
I wonder if that's like the Mason-Dixon line or like the— It must be a big rivalry.
But wait a minute.
The brothers are on different sides.
I think they should take all of the fans from both teams that fought
and put them all in quarantine in one giant hotel
just let the bra continue in a cage by the way these are the two worst teams in the nfl except
of course your new york jets in the nfl power rankings are ranked number 32 or three, whatever, however many teams are on the league.
And just above them are the Browns and the Bengals.
Are Jets literally last?
Last place.
That's perfect.
New York team with all the money.
And by the way, the Bengals fans won,
which I think should negate the fact that you and i have a standing bet
every sunday or in this case it was thursday night uh of the uh whether or not the bangles win i'm
excited about them because they've got this guy burrow who's a heisman trophy winner who's the
new quarterback i thought he could make them a good team. They're clearly going to lose every single game.
We have 50 bucks on every single game.
I don't know what fucking drug I was smoking when I made this bet.
Okay, hold on.
The bet we have is every week we are going to bet on the Tampa Bay game with the spread.
Oh, it's Tampa Bay.
Oh, I thought I bet on the Bengals. Okay, good, good. I'll stick with that.
No, you are betting for your wet dream idol, Tom Brady. I'm betting against him.
Right, right. Okay, fair enough. Never mind.
All right, wait, if I can, just a couple more details just from this riot in 74 in cleveland um so it's very interesting
there's a great backstory which i won't give but billy martin who we know very well legendary
alcoholic uh kind of boozer brawler from the yankees he was the coach of texas so he thought
the fans ran out on the field he thought thought they attacked one of the Texas Rangers outfielders.
So he ran onto the field with his players and they took
bats. Big, big mistake
because then the fans charged them with knives, chains
and clubs fashioned from
portions of the stadium seats that they had already torn apart.
And they searched the field and hurled bottles from the stands also.
Both baseball teams had to run into their locker rooms and lock the doors.
Holy shit.
That's amazing.
Yeah, it's incredible.
There's got to be a documentary about that.
After the game was forfeited and officially canceled,
the rioting continued for 20 minutes and the two announcers called the riot
live on radio.
He hit him with a chair.
Yup.
It went on until the Cleveland police Department had to raid the stadium.
I wonder if they got bats.
They must have gotten their hands on some bats.
Oh, I'm sure.
I wonder how much of it's on YouTube.
I wonder why hasn't Drew Carey made a documentary about it.
Maybe he has. A lot of a documentary about it. Maybe he has.
A lot of people know about it
and in the comedy community
I've talked about it also.
I think my buddy,
you know Gareth Reynolds?
Who's that?
He's stand-up.
He's great.
I wrote with him on Hoops
and he and Dave Anthony
have a podcast called The Dollop.
I have not listened to that one.
I think it might be too old.
I can't find it.
But anyway, I think they did one.
They talked about that for a dedicated hour.
But I just want to give a shout out to those guys.
But anyway, it's a famous, famous Cleveland sports story.
Oh, I can't wait to YouTube this shit later.
Here they are again.
So this week we got Carolina at Tampa Bay. Carolina favored
by eight and a half points.
So we'll see. I'm not
a favorite this week.
Last week
no, but
you are taking Tom Brady
and eight and a half
points. By the way, just to keep it fair
in case there are injuries or whatever
whatever the spread is at game time. that's what we'll go with.
Oh, you're giving me points.
You get 8.5 points, Carolina's favorite.
I love it. I love it. I'm going to be fucking rich.
Carolina lost. I'm not a football guy, but I can read.
Carolina lost at home against the Raiders 34-30 last week.
So you're getting eight and a half points, and you have Tampa Bay.
Yeah, when Brady gels with this offense, they're going to be lethal.
It's going to be unbelievable.
Maybe I have it wrong.
Maybe Tampa's favored.
Whatever.
Whatever the spread is, we do it at game time.
Okay, good. All right, let's it at game time. Okay, good.
All right, let's get to some science.
Uh-oh.
What do we got?
We got some Corona on planes.
What's that about?
New published article about how it can spread on airline flights
and suggesting that spacing people out a little will not fully protect them you know like how
they had a smoking section on airplanes back in the 70s a team from vietnam tracked down a cluster
of cases linked to a flight that arrived in Hanoi on March 2nd.
Apparently, a fucking ton of people got it from this one flight.
They say it's from aerosol or droplet transmission.
And it happens just as much for the people seated in business class.
That kind of sucks.
I mean, you'd think that with that extra four inches of space you'd be safe
you know being rich is basically i was thinking about this like it's really just about buying
extra space away from people you get a bigger house you have you have a smaller family so
there's less people around you get a bigger car everything is
more space just room that's what you work really hard in life you hustle you try to make good
decisions so you have enough money to stay the fuck away from people yeah you do get more remote That's for sure. Hedges, walls, gates. Right.
Yeah.
But who thought first class or business class?
Like it wouldn't spread to the rest of the plane also. Listen, I could be 25 rows deep in coach.
I know the second those hot cookies are served in first class.
Yeah, right.
The second they come out, I smell them.
Right, right.
And I can tell you right now,
the virus is spreading easier than the smell of those cookies.
Yeah, right.
It's like, I smell cookies and bats.
Anybody else smell bats?
Yeah.
So I don't know what they're thinking.
And I don't think that little curtain they put up trying to prevent me from
taking a dump in first class.
That's not going to stop the virus.
Right.
Right.
I love the curtain.
It's such a fuck you.
It should just say,
fuck you on it.
Yeah.
Um,
and it really kind of represents, like, why there aren't more French revolutions.
It's very rare that people really rise up.
I mean, they do, but you look at this class distinction that they're making between first class and coach,
and the only thing stopping you from going up there
is a little fucking flimsy curtain.
But the mentality of poor people is just,
I can't go past that little piece of nylon.
Well, it's the same thing.
Yeah, it's going to have to go a little further.
But listen, a lot of theorists are saying this is the beginning, you know, like,
uh, when, when the haves, when it gets too concentrated, it's intolerable.
Yeah.
And by the way, the curtain in society might be that thin blue line,
you know, might be that blue line of police or whatever, but
all it takes is for not many people to look at
each other. Like, let's just go to the rich neighborhood and take their homes. It's the
same thing as the curtain. I mean, there's so few police, like it's, you know, and even the military,
but if everyone decided to do it, that's how revolutions happen. All of a sudden they actually
feel their strength in numbers and they're right. Yeah. There's really like a, there's a tipping point when you look at,
um, I forgot, I saw this statistic about though. There's so many statistics about the top 1%
right now and how they own 40% of, of all the money in the country or something. And it gets
to a tipping. Is it? Yeah, I think it is.
No, I think that's exactly what it is.
Oh.
I'm just saying that.
You want to Google?
Should we bet on it?
All right.
I'll bet you... Now, we're talking about the top 1%,
not the top 1% of the 1%.
Because the top 1% of the 1%
own like 20% of the country.
Really?
Oh, it's something bananas.
All right.
Top 1%.
Here we go live.
Has what percent of money?
Disparity says.
A disparity says...
I thought it was above... It's 20 times the average income.
This is fascinating podcasting.
I like it. We'll edit this part out.. I like it.
We'll edit this part out.
No, keep it.
While you're doing that, I could do a business story.
Okay.
While you're doing that.
Here we go.
Right here.
The wealthiest 1% of Americans possess 40% of the nation's wealth.
The bottom 80% own 7%.
Huh.
All right, whatever.
I don't know.
I've heard differently.
Well, but you just heard it from me.
Also, the last six months have changed that statistic dramatically.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have you seen how rich the
billionaires have gotten? Oh no. And in the next two years, you're going to see that continue
because poor people are going to lose their houses. And they already say that wall street
is fucking salivating. They're setting up these giant REIT funds to scoop up houses as soon as
they start foreclosing.
Yep.
It's a systematic thing.
Like computer programs are running it there.
They see the sale and then,
uh, corporations are buying up homes,
right?
Uh,
I'm going to pick up a power drill.
Prices are going to go down.
I'm getting a fucking power drill at home Depot,
maybe a hammer to defend yourself.
No. Um, bankers, Corona. at Home Depot. Maybe a hammer. To defend yourself?
No.
Against bankers?
Corona on planes, we did that.
Now, the other story is,
you want to read this about Venus?
You want to skip Venus?
Okay.
Because what time is it?
Yeah, skip Venus.
Let's get to some business.
So speaking of this issue, as an example, I just love this headline.
I don't really have jokes on it, but it's the housing market in L.A. Jeffrey Katzenberg sold his home in L.A. for $125 million,
and it is the most expensive home sale in LA, wait for it, in August.
That is what it says.
Not ever.
In August.
All right.
That's how crazy the disparity is of what we were just talking about.
I know.
I was trying to crunch the numbers.
If the average house, I'm going to guess the average house around the country is $120,000.
So this would be, I think, is that a hundred times?
So you could buy a hundred of those houses?
No.
Is it a thousand of those houses?
No, no, it's way higher.
All right, should we try to do the math real quick?
So basically you need 10 of them to get to a million.
And so it's 10 times 125.
and so it's 10 times 125 125 million divided by 120 this is the best podcast to listen to it's a thousand it's a thousand you could buy a
thousand houses for this one house so like there's's towns in the Midwest that have a thousand houses that
are worth 120. You could literally go, all right, I'm selling my house and I'm going to move to
Evansville and I'm going to fucking just sleep in a different house every night. I'm going to walk
around town with a scepter and I'm going to have a crown and I'm going to be the king of Evanston.
and I'm going to have a crown, and I'm going to be the king of Evanston.
He could buy a killer block in LA and have the entire block.
Yeah.
And put up whatever he wants.
I mean, that's kind of what he did on this lot.
It's just amazing, first of all, that he's selling it.
Like, when do billionaires just go like, all right, I worked hard. I got lucky.
I'm fucking set.
Do you know the hassle of selling your house, packing, moving, finding a new one?
Like, is there a better $125?
Does he need a $130 million house?
It's like when you saw Brad Pitt with Jennifer Aniston and then he goes,
nah,
I'm breaking up with her.
I can do better.
I need Angelina.
Yeah.
I don't think Katzenberg is packing up his forks and knives.
Right.
I think that might be under control.
Yeah. You know,
I met with him once,
uh,
one-on-one actually had a meeting.
You did?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I had a meeting.
It was very interesting, uh, in his office. And, uh, one-on-one actually had a meeting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had a meeting. It was very
interesting, uh, in his office. And, uh, so his office was, um, around coffee table,
no desk in at least where I met him and then low chairs around it. So it was very,
and I think this is incredibly intentional. I think he had learned
this. There was some Asian influence, I believe. So maybe he had on his trips over there and all
of them, you know, it was a very popular thing, especially in the eighties to study Japanese
executives, like, and learn from them. Like, you know, Michael Hovitz who started CAA, like he,
he, that was a huge influence there where their leaders did the least talking, you know, Michael Ovitz, who started CAA, like he, he, that was a huge influence there
where their leaders did the least talking, you know what I mean? The most listening,
there was this whole culture. Anyway, what I will say is you really put your guard down and it was
effective. Like I was just shooting the shit with this guy. Cause I'm casually sitting in this
very comfortable chair with my arm up,'m casually sitting in this very comfortable chair
with my arm up, my feet are on this, you know, against, because he did too, against this round
kind of coffee table that had a place like to put. So it's very effective. Like it disarms you
basically. Yeah. Wow. And I think it probably helps his meetings where if I'm in a chair
sitting across from a giant desk where Katzenberg is sitting, I think it probably helps his meetings where if I'm in a chair sitting across from a
giant desk where Katzenberg is sitting, I think I'd be very tight. Yes. It's a power move. And
did he have the thing where he locked the door behind you when you came in?
No, he raped me with the door open. That's how powerful he is.
Yeah.
Well, it wasn't only my guard that was down.
It was my pants were down.
Actually, I floated the idea, so maybe I shouldn't.
That kind of money is an aphrodisiac.
Hell yeah, you offered.
All right, let's get to your favorite part of the show.
It's Ask Amy.
We're already at Ask Amyy oh wait no let's do listener mail first and then we're gonna do ask amy all right i have a reason for that uh
first letter we got one i seem to have a crush on youtube from joanne who Who? I hope Joanne sees the YouTube feed of this show
because I don't know that,
do you think she's watching us and having the crush
or listening to us?
I don't know.
I thought about Joanne
because the Gaga documentary shows her writing
her soon-to-be famous song, Joanne.
Oh, really?
Yes.
All right.
This one came from somebody who wanted to talk about,
oh, that TV show that I'm watching, Goliath, that you saw,
is set in Chez Jay, which is in Santa Monica.
It's a famous old historical dive restaurant.
And he said that they fully,
they tried to stay completely true to it.
They even have a photo of an elephant at the bar.
The history behind it tells a time
when a movie company was filming nearby
and one of the starring elephants was hot and thirsty.
The wranglers brought him inside to drink some beer.
When the elephant was through,
he banged on the bar to signal for more.
The bar still moves to this day.
Maybe that explains all the peanut shells on the floor.
Aha, that's right.
This is from Dave in Manchester, UK.
Please don't stop the Sunday podcast,
the Thursday paper podcast.
You guys, in particular Mike,
constantly worry about keeping the time short,
keeping it professional.
Fuck that.
Just shoot the shit.
Most of us listeners are here
because the best Fist Dog episodes
were when you were both on it.
If I'm outvoted,
then I agree with Greg,
make the Sunday papers longer,
or at least don't time it or worry about it being too long.
Take care, Dave.
P.S.
So funny how Mike was only trying to help Judd Apatow
with a possible broken movie link,
only to be shot down as a fucking wrinkly old bitch
that can't use a computer.
Thank you.
What's this guy's name, Dave?
Dave from, he's got a little manchester to him
i love that yes no shit i was giving him a layup to promote it by the way it did i did run into
trouble trying to rent it it said like i think there was a short period anyway it was a fucking
layup for him apatow yeah something else. About continuing Thursday papers, in all honesty, it's fine either way.
Love Sunday papers, though.
Thanks for being responsive on Twitter.
That would obviously be me, since Gibbs never fucking replies.
I guess Gibbons isn't that into Twitter.
I'm not.
But should I be?
I'll change.
Whatever.
This is from Rob.
What?
Who's asking that?
That was Dave.
It was a PS.
Oh, on Twitter?
Oh, I don't know.
Actually, that was a new one.
I don't know who wrote that one.
I forgot to write down their name.
All right, I'll DM them.
Greg, so stoked you and Mike digged the tune.
Oh, this is Rob Dukes who wrote the tune for last week.
Don't stop doing Thursday, please.
I look forward to it.
You guys rule.
I got all my bandmates listening to it now.
Keep going.
Fuck Dagwood.
Charles Grave, Gravel, says,
Hi, Greg, love all your podcasts.
Really hope you can continue with Thursday papers.
Super entertaining and fun. Would really miss it that's from uh thunder bay ontario canada
so the people have spoken i'm a quarter canadian cape breton love we love canada we love canada
i'm gonna try to move there oh my god canada is fucking great it It really is. And it's, it's got so many different personalities
to it. I love Quebec. Montreal is, and Toronto are so international feeling. Chicks are hot.
And I, and I studied French for six years. So I have about a, uh, a, a one-year level
understanding of it at this age, but it's enough for you to actually get by.
You studied French and you still pronounce it Quebec?
Quebec? Quebec. Yeah. I don't know. That could be wrong. How do you say Nicaragua?
Nicaragua. Ah, you got it. Let's do an Ask Amy.
You got it. Dear Amy, I am a fan of a podcast that records on Sundays and Thursdays. Love it. Can't get enough. However, now they're considering dropping the Thursday podcast and I am losing my shit. I need that podcast. I know it's extra work for them, but how can I make them reconsider? I'd be more than willing to pay if there was a firewall or whatever that
shit is called. Do you think if they did a Patreon, enough listeners like me would cough up a nominal
fee? Signed, freaking out in Sacramento. P.S., my house just burned down. That's the P.S.? That's
afterwards? That's less important? That's afterwards?
That's less important?
Seems like they should have written their letter about that.
That's like burying the lead, as they say in the newspaper industry.
I agree.
Wow.
They don't work at the Sacramento Bee.
Well, I guess if she's homeless, we need to do something about this.
If people don't know, by the way, they probably don't because we announced it on Thursday.
The Thursday paper, it's been tough.
Mike and I have a couple of projects going on the side.
I've got two other podcasts.
And the Thursday papers was starting to feel like
we weren't doing a good job
because we didn't have the time to really put effort into it.
But we love it when we do it
because it is looser. It's not as like based on stories. We deal with more like mail. We do a
crossword puzzle. Anyway, so we're not going to do it for the next two weeks because we're both in a
crunch, but we're considering coming back and perhaps with a Patreon. What do you guys think? Let us know.
Would you do a Patreon?
If so,
uh, we might find it in us to do a Thursday paper again.
Well,
here's the other logic is,
I mean,
we are doing ads here now,
which,
uh,
which is,
you know,
hopefully we can make them cool and all that and not a big,
uh,
hindrance,
but,
uh,
supporting us over there makes it keep Sunday
papers free also. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, how many people listening now listen to Thursdays?
What happens also, one of the things we talked about last Thursday is we, because we're ADD and
all over the place and not that organized, We mix up a lot of Sunday and Thursday.
So I followed up the Sturgis story from Sunday on Thursday.
And then I didn't revisit it again on the next Sunday, really.
And then we'll do letters.
We'll answer letters on Thursday that are written about Sunday.
Right.
So it gets a little unwieldy.
So, yeah, you can feel free to write us.
And what do you think about that?
How much, I'm new to podcasting,
so I don't know what I'm talking about.
How much would a Thursday Papers be?
A lot of people do like five bucks a month,
but if it's Patreon, I think you can do different levels.
We could fuck with that.
We could figure something out.
Maybe a few bucks a month, something like that.
Yeah, maybe a dollar a week sounds...
Seems reasonable.
That's like drinking less than a cup of coffee a week from Starbucks.
That's like buying 10 beers at the 1974 Indians game.
And how many months of podcasts for $4,
for a dollar a week could Katzenberg buy with the sale of his home?
It's time for a very sad moment.
Obituaries.
Oh God.
And that's all folks obviously this week's is uh rbg ruth bader ginsburg supreme court justice who died uh of
cancer and uh it's devastating because um i, she represented so much for women.
She was somebody who, you know, was one of the first at Harvard Law School and then Columbia.
And she faced a lot of closed doors when she was trying to work her way up as a lawyer.
Law firms simply weren't hiring women.
And then having a child made it
next to impossible. So she ended up as a professor. I mean, people know her life story,
and she has become a dissenting voice a lot in the Supreme Court over the last few years.
That's very necessary. And now there's a big question about whether or not they will try to appoint
a replacement either before the election or even before january when does the senate take office
if somebody's voted out of the senate is it immediate or is it like january what what what
did the president do like the first week of January
he gets installed
yes but I don't know what it is
about said but sadly
this is what I think also
she'd be the last
person to care to her
she knows the biggest issue
is her replacement
she commented on it I think on the last day
or in the last days of her life,
that they shouldn't replace her until the new year.
Yeah.
So sadly, though,
it's hard to stay focused on celebrating her life
because there's this gigantic issue
that's created with her absence.
Yeah, and I hope I didn't sell her short in Pink Tribute.
She was an amazing woman, and there's a great documentary.
I think it's called The Notorious RBG.
Yes.
It's very moving.
It's very inspirational.
If you have a daughter, it's a must-watch.
Yeah.
And then they did a film. If you have a son, it's a must watch. Yeah. And then they did a film.
It's a must watch. Right. And then they did a movie about her as well. Uh, you know, like, uh,
you know, full, what do Scalia died in February, February.
And Mitch McConnell just clamped down and said it wouldn't be right to focus on this in an election year. Yeah. And he refused and, and, and Obama nominated a justice
and Mitch McConnell controlling the Senate refused to acknowledge it. And they never voted on it
from February for a year till the next, till Trump was in office. Yeah.
He refused to have the Senate vote on it.
And what's he doing today? In fact, on the day she died yesterday,
he said, we are immediately going to replace her.
Yeah.
No, it's, you know, politics is just so fucking ugly
and it's so hypocritical.
And it's moments like this
that you really see through decency, that there no decency there is no fair play and uh let's just hope it doesn't become
a real issue i mean i i think they need four or five republicans to cross over they think they've
already got three that look very likely so uh someone's got to be a hero. Someone's got to show decency here. So many of them will have to eat their words, like really.
Like they were so articulate about not doing it,
not having that politicizing this nominee in that process
by having an election year.
They really were incredibly articulate
about why they would not look at a single nominee from Obama for a year. They really were incredibly articulate about why they would not look at a
single nominee from Obama for a year. So they'd have to, you know, David Axelrod, who's awesome,
and he was in the Obama White House. He brought up an interesting fact. If Trump and the Senate
put in a replacement now, the Supreme Court of the United States will have a majority
of justices appointed by presidents who finished second in the popular vote, confirmed by Senate
majorities who represented less than half of the country. It's the tyranny of the minority.
Yeah. And it's also, there's some big stuff going in front of the court right now. Obamacare could be repealed if they put in another justice right
now and they make the vote the last time it lost five to four overturning it. So this would swing
it the other way. And I just really feel strongly that repealing Obamacare
with no other plan in place,
no other plan that's been mentioned
or proposed or debated or worked on
is just fucking suicide
for so many people.
It would destroy so many lives.
It's irresponsible.
And anyway, all right, enough politics. It's irresponsible. And anyway.
All right.
Enough politics.
Let's get to the thing that people come for, stay for.
It's the Sunday Funnies.
Oh, yeah.
Let's start off with our old friend, Andy.
You know Andy Cap.
British dude, beats his wife, drinks a lot,
gambles.
Everybody's hero.
All right,
let's see it.
Flo is standing at the bar.
Once in a while,
she likes to wet her whistle.
She goes to the same bar as him.
It feels like the kind of,
that's sort of part of London
where there's the pub
that you go to.
I think Ginsburg,
you know,
paved the way for that.
Ladies can go right up to the abusive bar also.
That's right.
So Andy walks in, flows Stan at the bar.
He says, there's a new sports bar that opened up in town.
It has 12 pool tables, 14 dart boards, and 15 giant screen TVs.
He takes a beat.
In case I never see you again, have a nice life.
That's great.
That's fucking harsh.
In case I never see you again, have a nice life.
I just chose a fucking bar over you.
And she just looks at him
like, Andy.
Again.
The cartoon's so
smaller. I thought she was in the bar.
She's in the bar. Yeah, but no, he's
talking about a different bar. There's a new
one that opened up that he's going to go to.
I don't think she's in the bar now that I'm looking at it.
Where is she? She's doing the dishes oh
she's doing the dishes
he went in to tell her at home
yeah yeah okay
yeah
um
Hager and his gang
are uh walking
out of a um
fucking strip club called La Cabaret.
There's a doorman with a handful of cash,
and there's a few women at the door that are kind of waving goodbye.
They look happy.
They look like they've been given a lot of money for lap dances.
Hager says, I think you over tipped and the nerdy guy goes someone needs to help them afford more clothing
this is a unusual one it is the first time they haven't abducted women that's true. They're paying them for sexual services? And then thinking about clothing them?
Yeah, let's get one thing straight.
When you pillage and rape,
you don't go to La Cabaret Francaise here
and then get a lap dance for cash.
Those women would not be smiling right now.
Yeah.
All right, let's get to
Family Circus, Mike. Your favorite.
Do we have to? Yeah.
Here's a prime...
Okay.
It's the father and son.
They're out in a grassy field at night.
You see the starry sky.
The father's holding the son.
The son
is pointing to the sky and quote,
which one is the little star that twinkles?
Question mark, end quote.
Come on, that's cute, Mike.
I mean, what about like
how come I never see the cow
jumping over the moon like
if you're gonna just
put out bullshit
yeah
there's other little
fucking kid stories you can reference
and maybe put
a little
something on it not only only that, look at the
drawings that he does. The father has on tan slacks, tan shirt, tan jacket, tan hair, tan belts,
not even an effort to fucking reach for another color in his palette. It's like he's on safari.
Maybe he took his kid out there to just leave
him and feed him to the lions. You keep thinking about that Twinkly Star kid. Yeah. You keep
looking for it out here. He's got black smears under his eyes, a little green on his cheeks.
It's just disgusting, the money grab that goes on with this thing.
Now, I am convinced that there is a long longterm contract that Jeff Keen is trying to
break and,
uh,
he can't get,
you know,
he can't,
they won't let him quit.
So he's trying to get fired.
Daddy,
we have to get up on the star to make a wish.
I don't know.
There's,
um,
yeah,
you're going to,
he probably did write 10 of them.
Yeah.
And he'll put out one a year maybe
to this same drawing.
Yeah.
Because it's that easy.
Yeah.
Oh.
These are some...
We got some notes about Blondie.
I always like to hear information about Blondie.
Hey, hello, Greg and Mike.
Thanks for the shout out to the late great Frank Cummings of Blondie. Hey, hello, Greg and Mike. Thanks for the shout out
to the late great Frank Cummings
of Blondie comic strip fame.
He died 2014 of cancer at the age of 54.
I grew up with Frank in Lexington, Kentucky.
He was one of the best caricature artists ever.
Frank was a naturally gifted artist,
musician, all around funny guy.
In high school,
he was tapped to illustrate
the annual
school yearbook being a prankster he submitted subliminal profanities into the caricature
drawings of some of the students and teachers featured in the yearbook his hijinks went
unnoticed until the yearbook was printed score god i love this guy, Frank Cummings. Yeah. So anyway, he tracks his whole career.
He actually worked for comedian Jeff Dunham for a while.
Maybe he created some of the racist puppets.
He created a magazine that was very big.
And then in the 2000s,
he was hired by King Features Syndicate
to be the artist for the Blondie comic strip.
He drew it for over
a decade.
So thank you for...
It seems
weird that a man is
actually turning me on.
I'm feeling mixed feelings right now
that came out of his brain.
Ah.
You know what I mean?
Not really, I'm proud to say.
Well, like a woman that I see walking down the street,
she's all woman.
She came out of the womb a woman,
and I'm turned on, and I feel good.
Blondie has been created by the hand of a man.
It's like he could have disguised himself
knowing what would get you.
Right.
Yeah, yeah, I got it.
By the way, that's slipping that in. I, uh, my school has like a annual, like, um, magazine or whatever it is. And they do class
notes. And so a while ago, uh, when I was, I remember I was working with David Spade because we were,
anyway, I'll explain in a second. So class notes. So I decided they then contacted me directly and they're like, tell us like what you're up to out in Hollywood. We haven't, we've never heard
from you, uh, you know, in Los Angeles. So, uh, whatever. So I submitted and I said that I was
busy and I was whatever. And then I also
said I had launched a website called meatspin.com. No, you didn't. So yes, I did. So, and I said,
it was like some culinary, maybe, I don't know what, what I said. And as I was sure they would
do, they wouldn't check it and they just put it in there. And I remember I was at Spade because Meetspin was very big at that time as the joke website.
Like when writers would leave the room, whatever, you'd change their homepage on their computer to Meetspin.com.
Meetspin.com is an incredibly graphic joke.
No, let people find it.
Don't tell people what it is.
I won't tell.
It's a joke site though.
And it's pretty shocking what is immediately on there.
So I thought it was really funny.
Then the magazine comes out, and it's like class notes.
Here, from that year, here's Gibbons.
He's out in Los Angeles. He's writing for Dave, blah, blah, blah.
And he's launched this website.
And then there it is. No shit. And I die laughing. And then, of course, Pete and Dudley
and people noticed it. And they didn't even have to go to it. People knew there was this joke
website that looked like Lemon Party. And so mission mission accomplished what i didn't anticipate
was class of 58 dude emailing me saying this was the most inappropriate thing i was with my wife
and i went to see a fellow alumni's alumnus's website that he created dude there were so many old people and some of them
to their point were like like class of like like 62 got me wait how did they contact you
because my email i think was in there like if you want to contact Mike Oh that's so great It's in the registry and everything
Yeah yeah yeah
Oh I love it
Oh my god
I had no idea
Also technically
18 year olds could be reading that also
Yep
I mean get it mailed to them
If they're their first year of alumni status
Anyway alright
Alright it's time for my little honey
It's Blondie.
Three frames.
First one.
Blondie and Dagwood are sitting at a table
playing a board game.
He says,
your move, honey.
Make it count.
She says,
this is a silly game if you ask me.
He says, wow, honey,
that was the dumbest move anyone's ever made
in this game.
And she goes, the the what and he goes ha ha in the commercial for the game teasing is part of the game and she leans
in and she's got on these gold uh shit they shimmy shimmer the pants with a black velvet top that uh
it it moves around her breasts almost like water.
You can almost see movement because it's so tight.
And it's a slightly plunging neckline.
And she looks him in the eye and she goes,
I don't think it's funny to be called dumb.
That's the end of it.
And there's not another frame because it is a turning point in blondie oh she's been willing
to play this fucking role as the dumb blonde because it was that's what you did in society
but then this fucking guy after all these years she's had it she's seen some of the women's rights
movement stuff and she's like nope things are about to change
around here i just not this is even a funny one i just want to i just wanted to read this week's
she could just lay those right on the table though you see that last frame
oh yeah yeah they're practically touching the table yeah um all right, we are at one hour and 40 minutes and 13 seconds. We've done it.
How weird is that? Did you look at the clock while we were doing this?
No, but I killed that Russian story just by instinct. I don't know. It was just a feel.
I didn't look at the clock though. One hour 40 is a sweet spot. All right, listen, folks,
thanks for tuning in. We want to thank Chris Denman for producing,
along with Beth Hoops over at Midcoast Media.
Always do a fantastic job.
And we want to continue getting artwork from you guys
for the logos as well as Sunday paper songs.
Thursday paper's off for the next couple weeks,
but then we'll be back.
Don't forget, FitzD Fitz dog radio on Tuesdays,
childish on Wednesdays, Mike, anything you want to plug? Um, I guess the octopus documentary,
the octopus, my teacher, why not watch it this week? We'll talk about it next week.
And that'll do it. Take it, fold it up, put a fish in it Stick it outside Stuff a doll you've made during quarantine
With newspaper
Is that a thing?
Go up in the attic, find a cracked window
Tape it on top
It's the Sunday Papers
Take it eesh
Take it eesh
It's Sunday P paper Greg and Mike
It's Sunday paper
Greg and Mike
It's Sunday paper
Greg and Mike
Greg and Mike
It's Sunday paper