supermegashow - EP 11 - An Evening w/ Oney

Episode Date: February 24, 2017

Our friend Chris (OneyNG) is here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome to the 11th episode of the Super MegaCast with our good friend Chris O'Neil. Hey y'all. Or do you go by your online persona? Do you like being called that? I like being called Oni Sephiroth. Okay. Hey, y'all. Or do you go by your online persona? Like, do you like being called that? I like being called Oni Sephiroth.

Okay. That's my first username. Really? Yeah. Let's just all go by our first usernames. Mine was, uh, I was going to make it All That 94, because I like the show on Nickelodeon. But then my dad said that that would, it was more flamboyant than I had meant it.

My dad thought, you know, I've been All That. Yeah. Oh, I'm All That. I eventually went to rhino hazard that's pretty cool yeah because my name ryan my first email was speed rider at hotmail.com speed rider yeah i was i was just oh no i'm not gonna say it because people are gonna find my channel i can't say it say it no say it people already know i get? No. Okay, sorry. It's a topic, Ryan. I don't want to do it. Okay, well. Well, it's good to have you on the podcast, Chris.

Oh, wow. It's really nice in the studio. Thanks, man. In our living room. With the fucking refrigerator like... You can hear cars honking outside. Hey, he's sleeping on our couch. He's in between apartments right now.

So we said, hey, Chris, why don't you stay with us? So he's been just camped sleeping on our couch. He's in between apartments right now. So we said, hey, Chris, why don't you stay with us? So he's been just camped out on our couch. And covered in thick-ass dog hair. And it's a really rough texture on your couch. It's hard to sleep on. Should I vacuum the couch? No, that's fine. I'll deal with it.

Okay, okay. I'm going to vacuum your couch. Yeah, that means you should probably vacuum your couch. I can do it. Got a lint roller, right? No, we have no lint rollers right now They're all gone now because of my black shirts You only wear black shirts

Every shirt you have is black This one right now is black Black is a slimming color for such a large man as me Black shirts matter You can see the sweat coming from underneath Our titties otherwise Oh yeah Speaking of sweat,

I went to get lunch with my girlfriend and her parents last week. I'm always kind of nervous when I do that kind of thing. When I get nervous, my ass sweats really bad. Basically, when I was wearing shorts and when we got up from lunch,

there was an eggplant-sized thing of ass sweat on my ass that everyone could see and it was incredibly embarrassing it sounds cool though yeah it sounds pretty cool do you think it was like the uh when you were done your meal it was like the the fortune cookie of your meal your sweat was in like a shape of something that was supposed to guide you just ignored it an eggplant i'm just being racist because your girlfriend's asian i didn't even realize that, Chris. Sorry.

It's a little fucking offensive to me. Went over his head there. Yeah. A lot of jokes go over my head. We apologize, Chris. We're not as smart as you. Oh, it's all right. What's your t-shirt?

What? What's your t-shirt? My t-shirt. What? Sorry. My t-shirt is Goofs TV, which is something that's on uh kids with problems oh yeah it's a little it's a little it's this is our other it's our prank channel yeah i've seen it it has a little watermark over it but what i was gonna say when i was rudely interrupted by our guest chris

yeah as we went to go see ghostbusters three i mean ghostbusters that was a good movie i was really fucking good i mean it was the best uh movie experience I've had in a long time. Was the queef joke your favorite part? You actually called the queef joke before the movie. Neither Matt or I believed you. No, no, no. So we're going in and Chris is like, No, I can't wait for a queef joke. I'm like, there's not going to be a queef joke, Chris.

It wasn't even like 10 minutes into the movie. It was just like a straight up queef joke. Yeah, it was good. I liked it. I lolled. Also, on the way in we were like, What are your bets that are going to happen in this movie? And did you call a period joke? What did you call it? No, I didn't say that.

I said there's going to be a lot of feminism in it. Oh, well, there was, yeah. I said that Melissa McCarthy was just going to fall over and bump around a lot. And she was the main source of the physical comedy in the movie. You're right, yeah. She did fall around and bump around. There's a scene where she's tripping. Was it even a jet pack?

Or was she trying out? It was like a gun. Her proton gun. Yeah, her proton gun. Her proton pack, guys. I'm sorry. I'm getting my terminology wrong. Her laser gun.

And she's flying around for 10 minutes, slamming into walls and stuff. It seemed like an extended scene. It was pretty goofy. That you would get on a director's gun or something. Like a family guy. It was funny she uh she was clearly

on like two wires just carrying her through the air oh look at the goofy fat woman falling over look at the funny fat bitch

cool what was what was your favorite part of the movie Chris um the part where it shows a bunch

of little girls wearing proton packs like look at all these little girls looking up to our heroes wow that's subtle cool well they shot where it shows a bunch of little girls wearing proton packs. Like, look at all these little girls looking up to our heroes. It's like, wow, that's subtle. Cool.

Well, they shot a spoiler. No, this isn't a spoiler. They shoot a giant male monster in the penis. Yeah, it was cool. They take away his masculinity. They shoot him right where it counts. They dismantled his privilege. You know, there's a lot of controversy around the movie.

But the thing is, it's a bad movie. But you can't say it's a bad movie because people are automatically like you're just saying that because because it's a it's a movie where women are trying to be funny it's like no it's just a shitty fucking movie it's really bad if the characters had have all been male it would have been the worst film ever yeah it would have been it would have been just as bad like i could imagine them casting like seth rogan shanning tatum jonah hill and james franco as like the new yeah adam sandler as the as the new ghostbusters yeah and and like like you you you know that um uh what's her name leslie jones so she like you know she's been getting a lot of hate on twitter oh lord we're bringing this up okay can i just can i just read my my

favorite part from the article about it you What do you mean by your favorite part? No, no. I almost feel like you're encouraging this kind of behavior. No, I'm not encouraging. No, I'm not encouraging the behavior. I'm just saying the way they wrote this article, like the way they worded it. It was like, this is from her. Okay, I have been called apes, sent pics of their asses, even got a pic with semen on my face.

I'm trying to figure out what human means, she wrote, sharing memes she'd been sent of Donkey Kong rap and infamously slaying gorilla Harambe. Are you laughing at the way the article was written? Yeah, no, I'm... Are you laughing at the... No, I'm not laughing at what happened. That's awful.

Man, if people compared my movie performance to Harambe the gorilla... I'd be offended. No, I'd be, like, sweet, dude. If people sent me a picture of my face would come on it, the worst I'd be like is like, oh. No, the team stars had that done to them.

And he blocks people. I think the thing is, Leslie Jones, I think it's like she's never been on the internet before, and then all of a sudden she gets a few trolls. Of course she's going to get some trolls, because it's a bad movie. She's like, oh, I'm going to retweet all the trolls and and fire back and that'll take care of them it's like no and someone posted a picture of all these tweets she made over the last year it's like stupid fucking white people it's like okay you

can do it it's fine she quit twitter though didn't she uh she left but she'll be back yeah sure i think she's already back actually i think i saw something she just took like a little like break like a breather what's her name leslie jones leslie jones she's back dude was it proven that she said that stuff or was that like i remember she's like i was hacked like was she actually hacked or were those like photoshopped things that she said it seemed like is it like is is it like real like yeah it seemed like they were screen capped over the last year or so. People went digging. So it's someone just waiting for her to slip up so they can be like, gotcha. Well, I feel like someone was like, wait a minute, and they went back and just screencapped all the way through.

Oh, yeah, because they have sites where you can just go back. Like those archive sites. She didn't delete them. She didn't do it? Did she do it still? Has she still not deleted those? Apparently not. I don't know.

I want to find them now. I thought she deleted them and claimed she was being hacked. No, I don't know. I want to find them now. I thought, like, she deleted them and claimed, like, she was being hacked. Uh, no. I don't know. I was hacked! I was hacked! It's like the guy that, like, you know, would, like, message a girl and be like, Hey, I think we should go out.

Whoops! My friend sent that! Oops! That was my brother! Sorry! That was my brother who sent you his big fucking shiny cock in the dark. Hey, can I get some tits? Oops, sorry, my friend got on my account.

That's only if they say no. Yeah, only if they say no. I 100% did that when I was 13. I did that too. I was an only child, so I couldn't blame it on anyone. I couldn't be like, that was my dad, sorry. It's not like the person you're sending it to will know you have a sister or brother or not. Sorry, I just got this. It's like we're seriously talking about it, like you're giving it to will know you have a sister or brother or not sorry i just got this it's like

we're seriously talking about it like you're giving me advice you'll know for next time also i think we need to talk a little quieter because i think we're talking way louder than chris chris has a little quiet baby you can always turn off one side you stupid dilbert jesus christ chris i'm just no i'm Fine. Sorry. I don't know how audio works. The left channel is too high. What do I do? No, Chris, this is a single... But this is like a single audio track.

I can't select one channel for some reason. I can see it right there. I know, but I can't select it. It doesn't let me select it. You can try. What are you talking about? You can export it into Audacity and split the tracks, you stupid fucking loser. You fucking dribbling knuckle scraping dipshit chris i'm sorry i don't know

it's as much audio as you don't worry it's cool okay i'll show you how to do it after thanks man no problem be really helpful we've been apparently doing everything wrong before we started doing a let's play he looked at how we're doing our audio, Chris being the one looking at how we're doing our audio, and he said, we're doing it wrong. Yeah. If you're ever recording, record at a low gain, so that way if you scream, it won't clip, and you can turn it up later anyways. Well, now

all our videos in the future are going to sound fantastic thanks to Chris O'Neill. There'll be no more clipping, dude. Thanks, man. Like in all of our videos that people have been complaining about since the beginning of the channel's launch. Yeah, I've been doing audio for a long time. Have you, Chris? Uh, man. Like in all of our videos that people have been complaining about since the beginning of the channel's launch. Yeah, I've been doing audio for a long time. Have you, Chris? Yeah.

Nice, dude. Ever since I was 13. Really? I've been using Audacity since I was 15. Audacity was my first, actually GarageBand was my first audio program. Really? It's a good program. GarageBand is a really good program.

It makes me sad that I don't have a Mac except I hate Macs so I'm happy I don't have one there you go so what do you boys want to talk about? see Matt doesn't get how conversations evolve no but it's just silence

so I'm like we gotta start a conversation you let the silence drive the conversation maybe we're all coming to like a like a community of just kind of ideas

okay here's a good story. Me and Matt were like, I told me to rumble. So we went outside to get in this car to go get McDonald's. Right. Yeah. So we pull out and then we noticed that the only way out is blocked by a car parked like horizontally across the path. Oh yeah.

In a very strange position. In the middle of an alleyway. There's no way someone pulled in the park for a sec. It was parked very like. Intentionally. Carefully and intentionally to block. I flashed my lights and there was no one in the car yeah it was just like it was blocking the alleyway it was just blocked there's no way no one would have left there to get it it's just stupid right especially since there's like parking place everywhere so we're like what the fuck so we have to drive and turn into this garage to get out right

so the second we turn in the door starts closing yeah and we're like what the fuck and we look over and there's this scary old lady sitting in a chair looking at us she's always sitting in that chair though is she i've never seen her before yeah every time i go outside or every time i go through the alleyway she's just sitting in a chair i feel like she's purposely put there for the scary people to like to you know yes oh it's a nice old lady maybe we should get out and help her but when she realized we weren't gonna get out and help her. But when she realized we weren't going to get it to help her, the door starts closing. She turns into like a succubus. So Matt fucking like screeches to the, what was that word used for the rap videos?

Skirt skirt. He skirted to the door and he parked under it. So it wouldn't close anymore. And then started going back up and we escaped. Okay. Then you, then you got into the right garage. No,

no, we were trying to go to McDonald's, but leaving, leaving the apartment complex. Oh, that's what we saw. I thought you said you were coming back and that happened. No, you fucking idiot. No, you fucking dippy down. You should have fucking been there, Ryan. I leaving the apartment complex, that's what we saw. I thought you said you were coming back and that happened.

No, you fucking idiot. No, you fucking dippy down. You should have fucking been there, Ryan. I'm sorry. I wasn't in the mood for McDonald's. What a surprise. That's not a problem. I want Taco Bell tonight.

I'm going to go get Taco Bell after this. I was thinking the same thing. Are you in the mood? Chris, would you like Taco Bell? You want to go on an outing for Taco Bell? I mean, are you down? Yes. After the podcast?

Dorito tacos. Oh, they're so good. My favorite is the, I was about to say the Bunch O' Crunch taco. What's it called? The Crunchy Bunch Burrito? The Beefy Crunch Burrito.

Yeah, the Beefy Crunch Burrito. That sounds good. I like, so true story. You're gay. Chris, I'm not gay, okay? Stop. Stop fucking always saying that shit.

Why are you saying it like it's a negative thing? Yeah. No, it's not a negative thing. Guys, homophobe alert. No, we're not homophobes, Chris. I'm just... Whoa. Hi, I'm Matt.

I'm Super Mega, and I hate queer. No, Matt. Stop, Matt. I didn't see that. Stop. What the fuck? That wasn't me. Matt, stop.

Chris, we're gonna have to... Do you wanna take Matt's place on Super Mega? No, it's so stupid. What? God damn it. I'm gonna delete Super Mega while I'm on your couch. Yeah, you could do that if you wanted.

I wouldn't do that. Chris has got Thanks for clarifying. First, I'd reroute the PayPal to my address. Then I would kick you out of your own home like in The Simpsons

with the carnivals. You'll get a total of probably like $120. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I guess. More money in my pocket. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard

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you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I.com. Yeah, but back to Doritos Tacos. Did you know that? Did you like true story? Did you know that Taco Bell was in like a terrible financial slum? Was it? And then they made these Doritos Tacos and it just like lifted lifted them tenfold out of their financial woes. I heard they're the third biggest fast food chain in the world right now. Is that true? Yeah, they're bringing it to Japan for the first time, I think. I heard it. What is it?

McDonald's, Taco Bell, and Arby's? No, I think Subway's one and McDonald's is two. What? No way. No way. Subway's not one. Oh, yeah. Subway has a lot of places.

Let's look it up, dude, okay? Let's look it up. I've heard the Subway thing. But over 99 billion have been served at McDonald's is too. What? No way. No way. Oh yeah, Subway. Subway has a lot of places. Let's look it up, dude. Okay? Let's look it up. I've heard the Subway thing. But over 99 billion have been served at McDonald's. Top fast food. How do they know that?

World's top fast food restaurants. Okay. Leisureandtravel.com. Travel and... Okay. Let's see, Chris. Top fast food chains in the world.

Why don't you just type it in? Thanks for ruining my story. Do you use... So my dad has like an old Android and Android, and he's always, like, he always tries to do, like, their version of Siri, and he's always like, who is the quarterback for this team? And he'll, like, read it back five seconds later poorly and, like, be incorrect and be like, I'm sorry, Dale.

I couldn't understand that. And I'll just hear him downstairs like, who is the quarterback for this team? like i'm like dad just type it in you've been doing this for like 20 minutes sweet dude oh wait okay i'm getting there i'm at uh okay i'm at number one okay number one is jimmy johns oh wow no it's not what uh two is subway no number one cannot be jimmy johns i've seen like three jimmy John's in my life. Jimmy John's? Three is McDonald's. Four is Dunkin' Donuts.

Five is Pizza Hut. I don't get the Jimmy John's things. All of these other things make sense to me. No, Jimmy John's doesn't make sense at all. Of 2016. That's bullshit. Like, where are you getting this information from? I looked it up online.

What site, though? www.whatisthebestfastfoodchainof2016.com They're probably sponsored by Jimmy John's. And you know what? Fuck Jimmy John's. Okay. I was driving once. I'm not a big fan of Jimmy John's.

No. It was a single lane road. And there was a Jimmy John's driver behind me. And I'm going above the speed limit. And he fucking flipped me off and sped around me. Really? And I was like, Jesus. And they went right through a red light.

I watched him. Dude, that was probably Jimmy John, dude. That was Jimmy John himself delivering sandwiches. Ah, Jimmy John. Fuck like, Jesus. And they went right through a red light. I watched him. Dude, that was probably Jimmy John, dude. That was Jimmy John himself delivering sandwiches. Ah, Jimmy John, fuck you, dude. I gotta deliver these sandwiches. Okay, well, let's talk more about Subway. Okay. I think, honestly, Subway sandwiches are more moist than I would like them.

Fuck off, Ryan, dude. Yeah. I think they've got a nice thin layer of oil on the crust, and it makes me just fucking calm in my pants. No, seriously, okay, people give Subway so much shit. Like, oh, it's disgusting. Subway's delicious. I love Subway. It's good for you, too.

Yeah, but try – okay, maybe this is my big, I guess, gripe with Subway. It's not really, like, with the place. It's just that for three years I worked at Food Lion, and the only place to get food was a, like, Chinese one. It was like – that's what it was called. It was just a Chinese food place or a Subway. I always went to Subway because they were faster. So I had Subway for three years straight what it was called. It was just a Chinese food place or a subway. I always went to subway because they were faster. So I had subway for three years straight as I was working. I just, yeah, obviously.

But like, I don't know, like now like eating it, it's like, I only have the meatball marinara. So of course it's always sloppy, but it tastes so good. Like I'll still go get subway. But every time I walk into one, I just feel disgusting. Well, what? Sorry. Like, like just, you know, you walk into a Subway and the smell hits you and you're

instantly hungry. Yeah. That's like a proven scientific fact. Mm-hmm. Like, if you smell Subway, you instantly get hungry. It smells so fucking good. Do you have any delicious, colorful fruits and veggies? No.

Just veggies and fruit? Can I get some apple on my Sub, please? I'll have some mango. Some banana? No, but fucking, what was I saying? I like Subway because it's convenient well not really actually

did you ever see Aaron's rant about that no about Subway yeah I've heard about it I haven't seen it it's really

okay it's not convenient no I have seen it yeah okay so that's a good rant and all but I like how you can just be like do this

and they do it and then it's not that bad for you and if you get a big fat fucking footlong it'll last you the day and you'll lose weight yeah because you can as long as you don And if you get a big, fat fucking footlong, it'll last you the day, and you'll lose weight. Yeah, because you can... As long as you don't eat anything else.

You can just get a footlong, and then just cut it in half, and then you got lunch, too. Yeah, because me and Niall did that for months, and we lost so much weight. Really? Subway is the key. I don't like Quiznos or Firehouse. What the fuck's that?

Jersey Mike's not bad. Okay. I don't think Jersey Mike's bad. Wait, have you been to Beezer's, Matt? No. On USC campus? No. Holy shit.

You need to go there next time you're down. No, we went there together. We went there together. Okay. I really like Beezer's. What the fuck is Beezer's? It's a sandwich place on campus at USC back in South Carolina. Oh, yeah.

I can go there. Fuck me. I was asking Matt. No one can relate. Just because you're the guest doesn't mean I have to Talk to you all the time What about all your humble listeners, they can't relate That's one person in your fucking audience There's gonna be at least two comments about

Oh I love Beezers, and that was for them They're gonna get downvoted by all the other cool people Fuck them Now people are just gonna say I love Beezers Everybody say I love Beezers and thumb up every comment Remember that time Me and you were sitting on the couch and I put my hand over to grab the remote, but I grabbed your dick by accident.

I instantly let go, but you already had the boner, so I had to continue. It felt fucking good, dude. Mario Maker's cool. Mario Maker's a great fucking game. It's one of the best games. Get back to the dick grabbing there. What?

It's fine, dude. What's the story? You told us the story but what are the emotions behind it what did you feel chris his cock so basically i'm sitting on the couch and we're watching some youtube videos and um epic fails dude we're watching epic fails watching epic mine minecraft videos and then chris chris chris reaches over for the tv remote and uh i like my my cock was in the leg of my jeans. It was not.

It was poking out through your fly in your underpants. Oh, yeah. How did it snake all the way through there? It pops out every now and then, dude. It seems like the epic Minecraft videos were kind of... Dude, I'm not going to lie. When I watch those fucking, like, the videos when people do, like, the CG, like, stories of, like, Minecraft, I get a little wiggle in my pants dude yeah wait what's the who's the

person that does like the spongebob like role play what is that oh where he like plays as jack it's like patrick and it's like oh oh this tastes so good oh hi spongebob did you put anything over and talk to squidward yeah squidward how are you today are you today? Oh, I'm good. Have you seen SpongeBob? He's really ticking me off. Oh, wow, Squidward. You're such a jerk. Anyway, this is so stupid. But he starts every episode with, oh, boy, this is some good.

And then it's either like a Krabby Patty, a sandwich. Or take one episode, start it with him making a sandwich. He's like, a cheese? A slice of pizza? What can I make with this? I love those Minecraft role play videos. There's this one guy we talked about before but um he's like he did a minecraft high school role play we're just like

hey baby let's go into the locker room cool i'll get my stuff but then but one of the episodes is like baby there's something fucked up going on there's a shooter in school you can hear like like what like i took the door he's like oh it really messed up. He's here to kill us. It's like, whoa! They did, like, a straight school shooter roleplay in Minecraft? Yeah, it's really funny. Can we watch that tonight? Yeah, totally, dude. Chris, that's not funny, dude.

That's, like, really fucked up. No, it's funny because it's in Minecraft. Okay. What about... Yeah, did that turn you over, Matt? Yeah, no, it's like... Anything in Minecraft is funny. Like, you could take any horrible event, like, you could perform... Chip runs? Yeah. Anything in Minecraft is funny. You could take any horrible event.

You could perform a... Chip rips off Lady's face in Minecraft. Chris showed us this amazing video that has 43 million views, and it's called SpongeBob in Real Life. Two. Yeah, the second one. There's two of them. This kid just went out and edited SpongeBob into his everyday activities. It's done really well. Yeah, it's really well made.

It's got decent animation. He did his done really well. Yeah, it's really well made. It's got, like, decent animation. He did his lighting really well. Well, for the animated characters, like, his filming was a bit, like... Yeah. But it's funny and entertaining. Yeah, he was very talented with the animation.

Besides his acting, you know. He gets into the... I love his intro scene. It's the best part. When he... His epic introduction to himself. He's, like, driving down the road with his hand on the wheel

and his elbow on the window. He's, like, nodding his head all cool. And he's playing that song, laughing my fucking ass off by Hello. It's like... How are you today? That's gonna get a copyright, Chris. Shut up. That sounded so similar to the song, we might get

flagged, so we might have to cut that out. Okay, I'm sorry. I'll be careful. But yeah, I like that video. It's a good video, dude. I like videos like that. I need to see more. Sonic in real life. You've shown me. You've opened my eyes, Chris, to so many good videos that I would never have found before I met you.

It's okay. I don't know, man. It's just like... Are you going to fucking cum or something? What's going on? A little bit. I'm about to pre. He's got his leg on his lap right now.

Trying to hide my erection, dude. He's trying to cut off the circulation to his cock. I'm shooting a little pre right now. You're going to show me if you want. Okay. You taking out your nuts? Is he about to do it? All right.

There they are. That's my nuts, Chris. That's the nuts skin. Cool, dude. The skin of my nuts. Wow. They look like little brains. That's so gross sounding.

That's not flattering. They look like little brains. Not just so gross sounding. That's not flattering. They look like little brains. Not just one brain. It looks like a little brain. Someone's going to do like a really like awesome stylized fan art pic of like your nuts hanging down. It's just two little brains. Like from Spy Kids. Like you know the tiny brains that are in Spy Kids?

They look like two little brains wrapped in chicken skin. That doesn't both look for you, man. Oh, that's really embarrassing. Like a chicken nugget, like brain chicken nuggets. Yeah. Yeah. McDonald's chicken paste nuggets, where the pink paste comes out and they fry it. Yeah, like it comes out of like a, I saw like a picture from the factory where it's like a,

it's like a soft serve machine and it squirts out this pink paste and it's what McDonald's are. I haven't seen this. It'll make you not want to eat McNuggetsald's and then a week later you'll sell it um what is it it's a picture it's mcnuggets being made okay i used to work fast food and i can i can tell you that like when it comes to fast food ignorance is bliss because you know a lot of people chris and i were talking about this yesterday a lot of people are like oh i don't eat mcdonald's it's so gross it's like i don't give a fuck it's really good and it's like yeah i know it's gross i just don't think about

it i drove across country with my friend caitlin right and the whole way i was like i want mcdonald's really bad she's like we're not stopping at mcdonald's right i'm like why and she's like because it's disgusting it's processed it's terrible i was like yeah but i know that so is junk food i still want it and it's really tasty she's like it's it's disgusting, it's processed, it's terrible. I was like, yeah, but I know that. So is junk food. I still want it. And it's really tasty. She's like, it's not. It's not.

I was like, when was the last time you ate McDonald's? And she was like, five years ago. And I was like, you haven't fucking eaten in five years. It's really good, right? And then I bought her a sandwich, and I made her eat it, and she was like, that was really good. That's pretty good. I know. It's fucking tasty.

And they make really nice, neat-looking burgers. It's so cheap. You can get so much food. I don't know if I want to go to McDonald's or Taco Bell. No, McDonald's pretty good. I know. It's fucking tasty. And they make really nice, neat-looking burgers. It's so cheap. You can get so much food. I don't know if I want to go to McDonald's or Taco Bell. I know. No, McDonald's is great. Because you can get a big fucking burger for $1. What about Subway?

I don't know. Subway's like $9 for a big, fat sandwich. I'm sorry, man. I would rather spend $1 on some shittily processed food that tastes great and fills me up for the day. Okay, yeah. Okay. Well, you guys want to go to McDonald's or Taco Bell? No, Taco Bell.

Taco Bell. I don't get it. Okay, sorry. You can get to go to McDonald's? No, Taco Bell. You can get those Cinnabon rolls from Taco Bell. Cinnabon rolls. I love Cinnabon rolls. You bite them open and it's just like white, hot, gooey stuff just oozing out. I like the sound of that.

It's pretty good, Chris. Have you ever had them before? The Cinnabon rolls? The Cinnabon rolls, Chris? I will have a Cinnabon roll. I love those. Give me them. Chris, I wish you got into a horrible car accident and you always spoke like that for the rest... No, no, no. You said you wish you got into a car accident.

I mean, your voice would be funny if it was like that. So I walk in, I'm like, hello, friend. Please. No, Chris, I didn't mean that. That was really rude of me. Um, okay. It's all right. Speaking of things like that, so when I was a kid, I went to the woods with some friends,

and they'd planned this thing to basically ditch me in the woods. So they did. They took me pretty deep in the woods and then ditched me and then went back and told my mom that I fell into a river and drowned. What the fuck, dude? That's so mean. They actually told her? Yeah, no. And we were in the mountains of North Carolina, so they ditched me in the woods and told my mom that i fell into a river and drowned what the fuck dude they actually told her yeah no and we were in the mountains of like north carolina so they ditched me in the woods and

told my mom that i fell into a river that is the meanest thing yeah no no seriously and and my mom started like she's like what so like so my mom and like my dad get into this van and they like head down the mountain in tears like freaking out like like my mom is like hyperventilating and like they head down the mountain to like like the nearest sheriff's station was like oh it was like 40 minutes away and then um i like i walked back out of the woods and like no one's at the house except my sister and she's like you were alone in the woods yeah i was by the dish me in the woods i was like 10 you could have been like eaten by a bear i know and i get back i get back on my sister's like oh there you are and uh and she came up and like give me a big hug and stuff and she called my

mom's like he's here and my mom rushed back and the shittiest part was those kids didn't even get punished by their parents and I got in trouble why would you get in trouble my mom's like you didn't tell me you were going off into the woods but then those kids like their parents were like you know boys will be boys I'm like fuck you I got I got grounded for that that's like the kind of thing where you're like oh he's dead and the second you see their eyewide and you go no i'm kidding that's supposed to be the end of it that's and that's still really mean it's not a funny joke it's you don't let them drive off into the woods i know i know you're supposed to be like no no i was kidding they're in panic mode they can swerve off the road and

kill themselves i know and apparently like my mom on like uh while they were like um before they they went around um so they didn't say a drown but they said i got swept into the river so they're like going around to the people nearby before they got into the car like looking for like has anyone seen my son and they ran into this really mean guy who was like fuck your son or something that's what my mom told me so it's he told him that like he fucked their son dude your mom would be like skirt skirt and she'd drive away no but like like they didn't know i had drowned they thought i had just like gone in the woods and been swept into the river. So, like, they went to the house nearby and, like, did you see my son climb out of the river? And he was like, I don't give a shit about your son or something, some shit like that.

What a fucking asshole. I know. She just said he was really mean. He didn't literally say, like, fuck your son. But he said something really mean, and it scared my mom. And then that sent her into panic mode, and they went down the mountain. Little did they know he was giving them advice. Oh, I fucked your son and threw him in the river.

I was, like, titted the time. Little did they know he was giving them advice. Oh, I fucked your son and threw him in the river. I was like 10 at the time. That's fucked up. How old were you? I was 10. Whoa, dude. Well, at least you survived. Dude, those two kids I knew, like, they were fucking insane.

What were their names? Call them out. Carson and Marshall. Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you, Carson. Fuck you, Marshall. You fucking ugly cross-eyed dipshit. They've been to jail like 10 times or something. Like, one of them has. One of them was homeless now, I think. Now he's gonna come out to murder you. He has a record. Fuck you, Marshall. You fucking ugly cross-eyed dipshit. They've been to jail like ten times or something.

Like, one of them has. One of them was homeless now, I think. Now he's gonna come out to murder you. He has a record. He doesn't care. Well, he got what was coming. Shit. What an asshole. This is payback from... I got fucking grounded while I was on vacation. So it's like... It's not your fault. You're paying for assholes.

My mom was so mad. She was like, You never leave my side again. Wow. I got in trouble. It's fucking like... They were like, let's go in the woods, and they planned it out. I always feel like the nice thing to do would be like like you know give you a big fucking cake it's like well when i find myself if he's alive i'm gonna give him the biggest present ever you know that's what i do and i give you a cake yeah i draw your face in it what type of

cake chris uh i don't know pepperoni what What would you draw on it? Pepperoni. Okay. That's good cake. I'll have a slice of that cake, please. Okay, you pepperoni-themed cake. That'd be fucking disgusting. Like a cake with little pepperonis on it? Yeah, dude. Like little bits of meat inside, like Italian sausage, like ground up in the cake mix?

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Okay. Let's do it. Do you think if you went to the store like you went to like uh like any like a bakery and you brought them like a bag of ground up sausage and you're like okay can you bake me a cake but can you put this in it you think they'd do it um yeah i mean if

you paid them they'd probably be like you're weird and they'd try and get do it and get you out of their dude i don't know that'd be really fucking gross i don't know they'd do it i mean i'd do it okay yeah we can make we can make it here in my apartment by ourselves. All right. A little sausage cake, a little pepperoni cake. A good lemon fucking cake with sausage stuck in it. Little sprinkled bits of bacon on top. Epic bacon.

Dude, that's epic bacon, Chris. Epic bacon, Ryan. I remember I- El problemo, Chris. El problemo. Nice troll, Chris. Everyone's quitting your podcast right now. Like, ah, Ryan. I remember I... El Problemo, Chris. El Problemo. Nice troll, Chris. Everyone's quitting your podcast right now. Like, ah, shit. No, knowing our fan base, they're tuning in more right now.

They're like, yes! El Problemo! Me gusta, me gusta. Troll face, epic bacon, epic muffin. Yeah! Oh, my God. Me gusta. Laughing my fucking ass off, hello.

Boo, boo, ba-ba-do-ba-do. You mad, bro? We need some... Can we have, like, Ryanyan can you put subtle dubstep that like slowly fades in as the podcast goes on and just gets louder as the podcast if you're under 12 unsubscribe okay please what do you think of our fan base chris i don't know come on be honest depends on what kind of profile pictures they have want to look through them i'm gonna show you comments and stuff left by them.

Go on Twitter. Let's see. All right, let's do it. If you have a YouTuber, is your profile picture, like... So, like, go through the profile pictures. This is from the YouTube comments. All right, Chris. So, what do you see?

Don't say the names. Just say the profile pictures. Anime girl. Regular black guy. Okay. Old lady. Okay. The fuck? What? Anime picture again. Okay. Old lady. Okay. The fuck?

What? Anime picture again. Okay. Eleanor. Okay. She looks normal. You're looking pretty good. Yeah, it's been good so far.

TikTok toxic. Okay. Let's switch over to our Twitter. Okay, let's go over to Twitter. I'll just look pretty, like, diverse, you know? Yeah, YouTube, you know, we got a nice little diverse audience. These are our followers on twitter okay little emo girl uh picture markiplier uh-huh um guy with pikachu

in picture uh-huh regular guy okay markiplier uh-huh that's a common theme emo girl okay you know yeah okay my phone back here you. I won't look at the porn. There's a lot of porn on there. I might have had some opened up. That's okay. It's okay. I was looking stuff up, not like... Ryan and I were looking...

No, who was I looking up? Was it with you? No, it was with Ryan. When we were in the car, I was looking up coming while shitting. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was on our way back from Area 51, Nevada. And going back to when I was at dinner with my girlfriend's parents, I opened up my internet browser,

and the most recent thing I had searched was coming while shitting. It was just right there. That's such a good search, dude. He watched two videos of a woman and a guy, two separate videos of them doing it, right? Which one was better? I don't remember what they looked like, Ryan. I've seen so much of that shit, it all kind of blends together.

I love the way it's like, Siri, coming while shitting. Well, we did pass the Old Spaghetti Factory. Yeah, but there's a legitimate restaurant we passed called the Old Spaghetti Factory. Sounds like a shitty place. Yeah. Like, why would you want to go eat there? Like, what's on the menu? Spaghetti?

Have some Old Spaghetti, please. Fuck it, dude. I don't want... They're all wearing pots on their heads they're all just wrapped up in old spaghetti yeah you have to bring

your own dish it's like fucking Texas Chainsaw Massacre they're just wearing spaghetti and the walls are coated in it and the chairs

you gotta bring your own little pot to eat your own spaghetti out of it's like a big communal spaghetti pot of old spaghetti you walk in

and they like hand you a shovel they don't say anything you just dig out spaghetti from the walls and the floor. You put it in a big communal pot for the whole restaurant. And you can only eat out of it once you've given some to the pot. And you each get your own ladle after that. They have workers there that walk around and sprinkle spaghetti on the floor.

And you wait for them to come by your table and sprinkle a little spaghetti around the floor. And you kind of scoop it up. What if they make you car your car bonnet up against the restaurant they make you like shovel spaghetti into your like trunk will this be to go yes all right just pull around here open up your trunk i mean they have a big like stockpile of just spaghetti outside like in the sun you just get your shovel and throw it in your trunk imagining it as like a real creepy place but they don't even speak. They just open the door and make you do that.

In the back they probably have an ice skating rink, a snow area, and all the snow is Parmesan cheese coming down. They got bodies hanging on top. They got the kids just playing with handfuls of cheese. Throw the cheese off! I want to go now.

I'm legitimately curious about it. I'm going to look up this place. We should do an Old Spaghetti Factory vlog. Do you think anyone goes there? A weekly vlog. We should review it on Yelp. All right, I'm looking up. We should start an official super mega Yelp.

I'm looking up the Old Spaghetti Factory. There's one in Buena Vista. There's one in, okay. Oh, it's a brand? Yeah. Oh, geez. Hold on. The Old Spaghetti Factory.

Family restaurants offer unique family friendly dining experience and delicious Italian food. Oh, here we go. The Old Spaghetti Factory is an Italian-style chain restaurant

in the United States and Canada. The U.S. restaurants are owned, blah, blah, blah, started in Portland. So it's like, it's a chain of restaurants.

Of course it started in Portland. Yeah, it's so typical. It's like,. So it's like, it's a chain of restaurants. Of course it started in Portland. Yeah, it's so typical. It's like, yeah, it's old. It's just such a cool. It's old and factory. Why did they say factory?

I don't know. It's fucking disgusting. Because it's like old and like rustic. Let's start a hipster place called the Wooden Eatery. Everyone will come. The Wooden Taco Shack.

We have to start in Portland though Yeah So If YouTube fails I'm just gonna go to Portland And start like a Like Start a

Start a snow cone shop That'll like blow up Call it bro cone Yeah Yes Ye old spaghetti factory Come one Come all

Yo can I have a bro cone Yeah It's whatever I'm thinking This is ice So yeah Yo, can I have a bro cone? Yeah. It's whatever. I'm saying... It's just ice. Not even any flavoring, it's just ice. And they're... No, it just comes out as like a soup.

He just like rubs it through his hair dye. Yeah. What? It's blueberry flavor. They partnered with the old spaghetti... They're like a chain of the old spaghetti factory, so it's a snow cone, just ice with a little bit of spaghetti on're like a chain of the old spaghetti factory So it's a snow cone Just ice with a little bit of spaghetti on top

A little pasta sauce Dude, spaghetti snow cones Ew I'd eat that actually Just like, they weren't like snow cones It's just spaghetti in a little cone It came out like a nice condensed baked ball of spaghetti That's a really good idea

Yeah It's not It's not a good idea I would love a fucking cone of spaghetti That sounds fucking disgusting What are you talking about? It's just spaghetti What am I talking about? It's just spaghetti. What do you mean, what am I talking about? It's just spaghetti.

It's warm spaghetti. No. There's no ice in it. It's just spaghetti in a baked bowl. I know there's no ice in it. That makes it even worse. What are you talking about right now? You just don't like spaghetti?

You don't even need a fork. You just fucking eat it, and then you pour it into your mouth. No, that's gross as shit. Is it a cone? Like a waffle cone? No, it's just like a paper cone. Ew, I don't want... That's fucking gross, man.

You're not gonna eat paper. It's just like part of the whole thing. They serve like waffles. They can make it a bread cone, dude's just like a paper cone. Ew, I don't want- That's fucking gross, man. You're not gonna eat paper! I know, but- It's just like part of the whole thing. They serve like waffle- They can make it a bread cone, dude. Yeah, okay, yes, like a garlic bread cone or something. Oh my god, I'm coming. I'm actually coming. That would be good, I'm serious.

Legit, that would be good, I'd eat that. Me too. No, I wouldn't eat that, but it sounds gross as shit. How does it sound gross? I wouldn't eat that. It's a garlic bread and spaghetti! It's a fucking lump of just like- It's baked! It's baked!

It's literally taken out of a fucking pan of like ready spaghetti. Do you know how to bake spaghetti? Yeah, I know how to bake spaghetti. You can bake it into a ball and then put it on top of like some like garlic bread cone thing. Wait, wait, wait. I just remembered. When I was a freshman in college, so I have a Google Doc. We're not done with that topic.

No, it's about spaghetti. Okay. Well, it's about spaghetti. All I'm saying is that have you ever had SpaghettiOs on toast? No. You haven't lived yet. I have to try some of that. Chris, make it for us tonight. We'll go get the ingredients. I'm not your slave.

Wait, have you tried it on garlic bread? Oh, that's good. That's good. Just as good. SpaghettiOs on garlic bread. Okay, so what I was saying was when I was a freshman In college I had a I had a Google doc I just put like The weirdest porn

I could find in And one of them Was called It was like It was a French name And it had spaghetti in it And I clicked on it And it was a French video

And it was just like A couple fucking And then at the very end He pulled out And she just grabbed Like a nice dish of spaghetti And he just fucking Came all over the spaghetti

And that was She didn't even eat it That was the end of the video Like it had nothing Leading up to the spaghetti. And that was, she didn't even eat it. That was the end of the video. Like, it had nothing leading up to the spaghetti beforehand. It was just two people engaging in sex. And he's like, oh, oh, bonjour. And he pulled out and came onto some spaghetti. Trigger warning, come on spaghetti.

Also, if, do you ever see those videos? Do you ever see those videos where a man, a group of young men will come into a martini glass and the girl will drink from it no i don't like those i don't like the sound of that wait they come into a martini glass i like the idea what is it what is it i wasn't looking it's like bukkake into a martini glass no what are you talking about do it do it into a cone and ryan will be all over garlic cone no but that's that's like a porn thing where people will come into a martini glass and the girl will drink from it. Yeah, I've seen stuff like that. But I don't like that.

That's what I'm saying. Okay. I like it when girls get covered in cum. Do you? I can't do that. But I don't like it when they drink from a martini glass. It's just gross. It's not even sexual.

It's just like, oh, here's some byproduct of these men's sexual interactions. Now I'm just going to drink it. It's always thick and kind of yellow. They let it sit in the shower so it congeals it's like it's like it's like egg it's just that whites of an egg yeah like if you take the yolk out of an egg that's what it is it's really fucking gross yeah have you ever had an egg yolk like have you ever just drank one no my dad was like i'll give you ten dollars if you drink an egg my dad did the same i cracked it and swallowed it and it's really hard to swallow because it looks like it would be a bunch, but it's really all kind of like one solid thing. It's one big goopy mass.

It's just mucusy. So you swallow it, and then it sucks the rest in your mouth down your throat at once. And I wasn't expecting it. I was trying to swallow a little bit at once. Yeah. I almost did it. I remember one time when I was younger, I was like, I'm going to work out. And I saw in a movie that a guy would just drink eggs.

Rocky. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was it. Napoleon. Yeah. And I was about to do it. I had it in my hand. And I was like, no that a guy would just drink eggs. Rocky. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that was it. Yeah. And I was about to do it. I had it in my hand.

I was just like, no. You can mix it with orange juice. Really? Yeah, that's what they all do. That sounds fucking disgusting. They mix it with orange juice. Just because it's orange in the middle? It makes some flavor. I feel like the orange would cancel out the egg.

Like, the yolk doesn't really taste like anything. It doesn't taste like much. I would just feel like you're swallowing a huge piece of pulp. That would be disgusting. Yeah, I don't like pulp. Me neither. Pulp is a no-go. It would be like Ultra Pulp. I wouldn't like that. I feel like people just get pulp because, I don't know,

maybe it's like a different thing, like why people order what's it called? Boba in their tea? Have you ever beaten a girl to a pulp? Is it like a different texture? Maybe. What did you say? Nothing. What? Let's continue. Yeah, but like, Ryan. It's a texture thing, isn't it? Pulp?

I don't know. It feels like there's little bugs in it, dude. And the FDA legally allows a certain number of bugs per orange juice. Pulp reminds me of if they just cut off the wings of a maggot and then just threw thousands of them into your drink. And then you have to like. Ew, not up. That's disgusting. I was just thinking, when you said fda i was like what's the fda and i made up a it was like the floppy dick ass association no the floppy dick association are you part would you be part of that chris yeah i got a floppy dick yeah it's pretty floppy i'd flop it into what i mean what

nothing yeah okay so so we don't have a lot of wall outer in our apartments, and I'm trying to commission Chris to do a portrait of Squilliam Tentacles. With a very detailed portrait of Squilliam with two big black floppy cocks on his shoulders. Just resting on his shoulders, and he doesn't mind. I'm going to do it. Will you still do it? I will do it for you. If you actually make it, I'll go to one of those websites that puts it on a canvas, and I'll legitimately buy it and put it on our wall.

I'll totally do it for you. Dude, can I buy one of those fancy fucking puts it on a canvas and i'll legitimately buy it and put it on our wall i'll totally do it for you can i buy one of those like fancy fucking frames for it yeah oh i'm all covered in sweat because the ac is yeah it's really fucking hot because because ryan and i are like pretty much on each other's laps right now because we're sharing a microphone yeah it can really go between one chair at a time so it's like one of us at the mic and then the other one has to like like kind of lean in if we if we want to talk because we kind of have to like show like hey i i want to say something otherwise it just like, we can't really know who's talking. Can you smell each other's breath? It's all right, actually.

It's just breath? Yeah, it's just breath. Just breath smell. It smells like your insides. What do your insides smell like? I don't know. Intestines? What do intestines smell like?

We can do this all day. What? Wet meat. Wet meat. Yeah. raw meat doesn't smell that bad why do we talk we're talking so much about fucking meat i don't know spaghetti like a cake with sausage spaghetti's not meat matt you know but only when you add in the meatballs it's not what it's like spaghetti's a meat product okay i fucking take that back never mind i realized what i said was really stupid i didn't think about that. Fucking dipshit. Chris, spaghetti is a meat product.

That's you. It's on the food pyramid as like under meats. Have you had your meats today? Had some spaghetti. You're an idiot. Did you ever fucking see the whole SpaghettiOs crisis they had on Twitter? Crisis? On Pearl Harbor, SpaghettiOs tweeted out a picture

of, like, the SpaghettiOs guy holding up an American flag, and it was, like, remembering the lives lost in Pearl Harbor. What? Yeah, the little SpaghettiOs mascot. Did you see when that Paris attack happened? Was it Monster or Razor? One of them has, like, a slash logo, but they... Monster.

Yeah, they posted the France flag with a big a slash logo, but they... A monster? Yeah. A monster, yeah. They posted the France flag with a big red slash in the center of it. What? Yeah. Because it's their logo, and they're like, we stand with Paris. Oh, my God. It just looked like a bloody slash. Like a big bloody just...

Yeah. Oh, my God. It was funny. How fascinating. I think, like, Trump and... What's his name? Who's his vice president? Pence.

Pence. Oh. Pence. Didn't they have, like, this weird logo thing where everybody made fun of it because it looked like a penis going into a vagina? Really? I haven't seen that yet. Yeah. Cool.

I'll look it up real quick. Hold on. I'm looking it up. Did you also see that like the new Mario game, the new Mario Party coming out, the cover of the game is literally just from an old SpaghettiOs can when it was like sponsored by Mario. Are you serious? It's the exact same thing.

See? Whoa, it does. It's intercourse. Whoa. It's a really... You know, someone probably got paid like $100,000 to design that piece of shit, too. They redid it. I think they just have his name on just Trump and then right below it, Pence.

They're like, we're not going to try this again. That's how most people do it. They just put their names. Like, if we ran it, it'd be McGee-Watson or Watson-McGee. I mean, logos are not going to try this again. That's how most people do it. They just put their names. Like if we ran and be McGee Watson or Watson McGee. I mean, logos are cool. Logos are cool. I'd do a logo. I like doing logos.

Logos are pretty nice. I'd make sure it didn't look like phallic intercourse. No. Okay. Okay, guys. Well, this has been a pretty fun podcast. We talked about spaghetti and all sorts of fun things. So we got our guest on here,

Chris O'Neill, but he goes by Oni on the internet, so we'll have some links down to his channels in the description. He makes wonderful animations, stuff like Hellbenders and Leo and Satan and some really funny other videos. So if you like his stuff, go check it out. I don't know why you'd check it out if you like his stuff, because you already know what it is. I don't know what I'm saying. So if you don't,

if you haven't seen his stuff, go check it out. Ryan, you want to take over? Do you have anything left to say? Super Mega, unsubscribe. No!