supermegashow - EP 116 - Bunker Bros

Episode Date: November 12, 2018

We talk No Nut November, ask our friend Justin about his preferences, and argue over our dream bomb shelters. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Ryan and I are both sporting our Friday best right now. Also, I want to be super topical. Off the bat, what's up with these fires, Matt? There's fires all over. We had a fire in Malibu evacuating thousands of people. And then we had a fire near the zoo in Griffith Park, which I saw on my way. I know. This is so topical because like when this comes out, Ryan, those fires still gonna be

raging. So guys, this is the most topical. Maybe not the Griffith Park one. Yeah. They might contain that. But this is the most topical podcast to date. How about that attorney general, right? Jeff Sessions?

No, he's fired. Oh. The new one. I thought he quit. He was forced to resign. Oh. What does that mean? For word forced to his code word for like fired it's like is that like in a breakup when like He's like do you want me to break up with you? I'm not sure. Well, like do you want me to yeah

Why can't you break up with me? I? Don't want to yeah too hard. It's like I have to do it? It's like you resign and we fire you. That's how my first relationship ended. Really? Yeah, I was just like, why do I have to do it? I don't want to do it. You're the one that wants to do it.

She was like, because I just don't want to hurt you. I'm like, what are you talking about? This sucks. This is worse than if you broke up with me. I hate that. There's been times where like,

I've been in a relationship in the past. I'm like, I wish they would break up with me so I don't have to do this it'd be so much easier but uh what is this episode 116 you're still going on with it well I gotta say the episode number

I know I'm not commenting on the number why do you have to say the episode number what does it have to do with it this is just a random anonymous episode it is they're all anonymous episodes you can watch them in any order you don't have to watch one through 116 to get like the backstory there's a lore ryan there is a lore though so actually i if we want to go on super mega lore i do have one update that you guys will be very family guy it's not family guy oh wow when's the last time you watched it's been a little while i've been watching king

of the hill actually because of uh are you out of Family Guy right now? Take it a break. Mike Judge is stealing your girl. He is, man. Seth MacFarlane. Hank of the Hill is a much better show. Yeah, it is. It's really fucking good.

I'm on season two now. Yeah? So I'm powering through that one. You're binging it? Yeah, I am. See, I'm still trying to get through the uh making a murder part two how is it it's good i'm on part seven i think it's been a slow get through just because each episode is like an hour or more and it's just like a it's just a kind of brings your

whole mood down type of show yeah well the thing is we watched the first season of making a murder and after that i was like oh this guy's innocent but then i did some research after the fact, and I was like, oh, wait, this guy's guilty. They didn't put that in the documentary. Yeah. So then I thought he was guilty, but you said apparently after watching the new season, you're like, but is he guilty? Yeah, it's one of those things. It's a fun little roller coaster, not for Steven or Brendan. For me, for the viewers, we get to have fun.

You get to enjoy all of the... We get to go be sad for them in a five minute period and then walk away and take a shit in our own toilet and... I was thinking about that the other night because I was watching in the month of November I'm trying to watch a lot of war movies because I'm trying to pick a different movie theme each month You gotta invite me over when you're watching Jarhead

I will, I will. Okay. I watched Full Metal Jacket it's one of my favorite movies and not full metal not full metal alchemist i always say full metal alchemist by accident but i watched full metal jacket again and it just stresses me out because of like how trapped they are in the military and they got this dude screaming down their neck and then being in vietnam or vietnam as they say and like being in those firefights and Evan I would like be so anxious and in the immersion of the movie and pull myself out and be like oh I'm in my apartment like oh my god I don't have to deal with that shit that's a nice feeling is this full metal jacket have the

song where it's like goodbye my darling hello Vietnam yeah it's the opening song when they're getting their head shaved. Going to the chapel and we're gonna get married. I had a dream about that song last night. It's a good song. That's weird you're singing it because in my dream that song was playing. Another old song that I listened to recently that I added to my November. You said create a playlist of songs that you listened to, um, in November. And I actually like, for some reason, uh, in one of the Discover Weekly, Brandy, you know, Brandy, she's a fine girl. That one that came on, I'm like, fuck yeah, I'll do it. And so like every now and then it'll pop up when I'm driving. I'm

like, okay. Yeah. It's kind of like the same feeling you get when you listen to like country roads. Yeah. Like those types of like old songs, but like I've found a lot of new music and like, I really, I really like, because you were just like, have you checked out your Discover Weekly? I'm like, no. Like I don't know how I'm navigating around Spotify, but Matt's helping me and I'm starting to actually find new music. Which is something that I typically don't do. He's discovering the joy of music. And what I do. For the first time. He's never heard joy of music. And what I do... For the first time.

He's never heard music. He just heard music for the first time this month. And he likes it. He likes the stuff. Yeah. I have music blindness. I can only hear rap. And so I got these special earmuffs on.

And I went up to the Griffith Observatory and listened to some classical music. And I cried my little bitch tears out. Did you really go listen to classical music and cry? No. Oh. I was like, that's cool, man. Some of the music that, uh, my car classifies as classical is so dumb because it'll be, uh, kind of like, what is it? What is that kind of way?

I'm trying to, what is that genre? What do you mean? It's, uh, you listen to it. It's like pop. It's like jazzy but poppy it's uh i forget the name of it all of a sudden there's a there's a name for it it's really big did you say vapor vaporwave it's not completely vaporwave but it's like very chill music not a lot of lo-fi yeah there it is lo-fi it classifies all lo-fi music as classical music that's great that'll music as classical music.

That's great. That'll be the classical music one day for a future generation. They'll look back and be like, wow, look at this. And every time there's rap or anything, you know, hip hop, it'll classify it as urban. I'm just waiting to see it like classify asian music as like oriental urban is my favorite term for that kind of stuff urban it's such like an old white man urban son are you listening to that urban music the thing is like urban like just means like a like a, right? But now at some point along the historical route of the history of that word, it turned into kind of like a ghetto, I guess.

Yeah. Like synonymous with ghetto. Uh-huh. But what if your car just classified it as ghetto? I would love it more. That'd be ridiculous. Sick-ass ghetto, that's what it says. You're listening to sick ass ghetto do

you have serious xm do you have xm radio i i think i did i don't know i just listened to npr or spotify dude you're you're old for a mexican station oh do the mexican stations in la are just like that's all i would listen to when i first moved to la i was like i've never heard this shit before it's crazy dude speaking of which i was pulling out of a parking lot today and you know i kind of had to like get a little bit on the sidewalk because because the way the parking lot was i had to you know pull up onto this uh because like the sidewalk you know you have to drive over it or it's not even the sidewalk it's just where the sidewalk breaks for a minute and becomes the street yeah and i had to pull up so i could see

the cars and this old mexican dude walks behind my car and just starts punching my car what i i feel like i'm like what the hell and i turn around there's this old short little mexican man punching my car and screaming at me and i rolled down the window and i was like dude what the fuck are you doing and he's just yelling at me and because you were in the crosswalk i yeah because but i i have to to pull out i know he's punching my car every pedestrians in california are some of the most idiotic people i've ever witnessed because like they'll throw a drink at like a two-ton vehicle for being a little bit in the crosswalk i'm like dude if you if that's just some idiot like behind the wheel of that truck you're gonna be smeared onto the pavement in a heartbeat like don't pick fights with vehicles i know i mean even though my car you

would never do anything i would never do anything yet um it's just like i feel like people are so unpredictable and you gotta you just don't don't press strangers yeah because you don't know what's behind behind their eyes it could. It could be lust. Yeah. It could run over you and then take you home. I could have gotten out and kissed this old man right on his lips. That man saw you and he's like, this is the love of my life. Sir!

Sir! Sir! He's like, mi amore. I did. The Mexican guy says, mi amore. I got a little. I lost my cool a little bit when he was punching my car. What did you say?

Well, I said, I'll tell you what I said a few weeks ago to someone who had their windows down and cut me off and proceeded to yell at me. Okay, I'd like to hear that. But, you know, he's punching my car like, doom, doom, doom. And I was like, I have to be here to pull out. Like, this is literally where I pull out from. And he's yelling at me. And when he's punching my car and I was like, what have to be here to pull out. Like, this is literally where I pull out from. And he's yelling at me. And when he's punching my car and I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And he's just yelling at me.

And I told him to fuck off and I drove away. I was just like, I was on the phone. You should have gotten out of your car. I was on the phone with my mom too. Because you're a tall motherfucker. I am. When he looks up at you, because I'd imagine he's short, right? He was probably 5'2".

If you say he's an old man. I was probably a foot taller than him or more. So that's the biggest move of just standing up and looking down on someone. That's the biggest It's intimidating. It is. Even if you're not the most muscular person in the world, Matt,

you're tall, which means that you're by default intimidating I'll win every fight because of that. You can climb up all on people. I could climb on someone I'm skinny. I could slip out of their grasp. You could, you can climb up all on people and shit. I could climb on someone. I'm skinny. I could slip out of their grasp. You could slide into their throat and come out of their ass?

I could. I can swing my limbs around. What a horror. That would be terrifying to witness. Come here. You like slithering around in a fight. And I just like crawl up into his mouth. Come out of his ass.

But it's like splitting him in half he swallows me sideways and you can see like the shape of me go down sideways in his throat like in a cartoon i saw some like big fucking gorilla fuck try to pick a fight with me you know those dudes that always wear tank tops that like have back they always have that like ready to fight pose yeah like their arms are like curved inwards because they're like ready and they got the fists already made they're good for being like they'll bear fuck the shit out of you but i i figure like if i just pulled down my pants and started peeing and going whoa and like waving it around they they wouldn't try to fight me anymore oh absolutely or would they try to knock me out and then like my pee would stop and then they'd continue to bash my brain. Honestly, if you pull out your penis in a fight, you're probably more likely to get knocked out. And then also if they do call the police, then you will be charged with indecent exposure.

So they punched me. That's true. And say that your pants just happened to come down during the fight. No, it was self-defense. I see. You know, I watch a lot of gun in self-defense. You can't pull out a gun in any other situation. So why... You can pull out a gun in self-defense. You can't pull out a gun in any other situation. So why can't I pull out my penis in self-defense?

I call it the gun. Because it's always locked and loaded. Got it cocked, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I got that thing cocked. And my balls. Cocked and bloated. I saw a picture of a dude this week who had injected saline into his testicles. I think I sent you the picture, actually.

You ever seen those pictures of those porn stars whose balls look like they're about to pop if you poke it with a pin needle? You sent me a picture recently. Yeah, it was that. It was the guy that injected his testicles with saline. And they were large and smooth. It was like a gigantic melon that was...

That's the thing. There were no wrinkles on his balls. It was like a smooth basketball. It's so uncomfortable, though. It's so fucking uncomfortable. Why would you inject silicone or saline into your penis? Have you seen that guy? There's a guy that has the world's biggest penis because he injected it.

He hates it. He hates it. Right? Yeah, why would... No, no, no, never mind. Not that guy. There's a guy who legitimately, naturally just has the world's biggest penis and he hates it because he can't find true love. Can't enjoy sex. You can't fuck someone with a penis that big. No. No no you know

the vagina can give birth to like fat old babies why can't it like intake a poor giant cocked virgin's penis i don't know man it's just i think that's a very i think i think insertion is more painful than removal hey justin does justin want to come in on this podcast? Yeah, he does. We're talking about big penises. Wait, are you on the phone? Right now? Come say hi to some people. Come sit on our lap. Merch lord Justin's on his way in. We are big fans of Justin. He's a

very nice person, as far as I know. I mean, he could backstab me in the next week and then my whole relationship would change, but for now I really think he's a genuinely nice person so say hello Justin. Not our editor Justin by the way. Hi everybody This is not our editor. I know that you've both seen the porno where that bald guy shows his entire head into that woman's vagina Yes, a Russian helmet or a Roman helmet whatever it's called. Yeah, so I don't know what you're talking about saying this penis Can't fit into a vagina. I'm talking about like he's not gonna go he's i don't think the guy with the largest pain did he eventually become a porn

did he ever do porn probably they probably offered him a lot of money to do that but in a in a real world relationship i don't think like that's there's there's the difference there's a penis that's so big where like the woman pulls down those boxers or a man and they go wow but for him when that happens it's just like there's a there was a man who injected his penis for like six years straight every day with silicone and his penis just became like you know those things that you had as a kid that were like filled with water and like glitter and you could stick your finger i love those things it's like one of those there's the they're the ones that you can like slip around like soap. Yeah, yeah. Like you're trying to catch it like soap. Imagine

that but like the size of like a corgi. His penis was like that big. And I saw a video where he like unleashed it and he opens his pants and he has to like scoop it out with his hands. I'm like, why did you do that? You can't even have sex. It's just a big blob. Can he even masturbate? I don't know. It's just like, it's huge.

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But do you think it's less likely for someone to be rejected if their penis is too big? Or you guys have seen a guy with two penises, right? I have seen that, yeah. I think someone could work with two penises. Their average size penises I've seen that.

Was it a porn star? He did a Reddit AMA a couple years back. back okay because he posted a picture yeah and it looked like it looked just looked like one of those two-headed snakes yeah like from ripley's believe it or not i think you're more likely to be rejected if you have two penises really it's so out then then an enormous gross penis well the the problem with the enormous penis is that all your blood's gonna go to your penis and you're gonna pass out that's true you won't be't be able to... And I imagine having to sustain an erection, that's a lot of blood and you might get lightheaded. But what I'm saying is, like,

for all those who are attracted to penis, like, for me, I would rather be with a girl with four regular-sized tits than two tits the size of a Fiat. You know? Those are big tits. Like, because that's, like, she couldn't even fit in my car.

I'm sure she's a wonderful person. Is it four across, or is it like a like four, like a Lego cube? Kind of like dog udders. Okay, here's a question. You know how they're lined, like, they're downwards, so like, it would be like two right here and then two more above

the belly button, but below it. Would you would you You're thinking about it, you're like would you yeah that doesn't sound too nice I'm not why I might go with those Fiat titties I'm actually not against that the Fiat titties or the now the four titties right my first experience with enormous tits were on a Jerry Springer VHS that my babysitter brought my babysitter's boyfriend they have it were they uncensored like on the VHS really was like Jerry Springer uncensored on the VHS tapes and shit? It was like, Jerry Springer, uncensored.

Yeah, and it was just like whipped cream and huge tits. Was that an episode just with whipped cream and huge tits? It was like a huge tits episode. I used to watch Jerry Springer at the gym and stuff back in high school. Because my mom would go to the gym and I'd have to be like, I guess I'll just walk on the treadmill and watch tv type of things because I was too old for the daycare and Jerry Springer would always be on and there would always be a point in the episode where like it was not getting entertaining anymore then right when that happened it just so happened that someone would flash their tits they always do that they'll just be like we're getting into a fight I'm gonna look

at the audience and then say check this out and then show their show their and go Maybe they like throw them a little extra cash if they do that. Fuck you, you ain't got shit. I know, it's like what are you doing? How is that like that's a weird way of peacocking that I'm like I don't understand. I mean it works I saw a video recently of a fight at McDonald's or some some fast-food restaurant and the girl behind the counter Was fighting with a customer and the one the girl behind the counter goes look at my tit bitch and then pulls her tit out that's the others that video and I mean there's also the video of Barack Obama with an

erection on the airplane playing with it in front of all the store this is that was great that's a great video Barack Obama is on an airplane and he's got a not see that video massive erection he's got a big old boner playing with it he's like he's like doing one of, I don't have a big penis like Brock, so I'm going to use my sandals. He has sandals in his gym shorts. He's like doing this and he's just kind of like, he does that. Is he adjusting it or is he showing off? He's very obviously

kind of doing this thing. It's in this part of his leg, see? And Michelle's like, that's my man. Michelle's not there. That's my man. Michelle's not there. Now wait, Ryan. Is she? Now wait a second. If he's got it, if he, oh, he got the shoe out of his pants. If they're, let's flip the page. Let's say what if.

What if Michelle Obama was just rubbing her nipples on a plane? No, I'm talking about Michelle Obama's penis, Ryan. Bye, Justin. Have fun on your phone call. What the hell was that? I think. What the hell was that sound? Anyway.

Okay, bye, Justin. Ryan, let's say this. What if Barack Obama obviously has a large penis? Yes. Now, if you have a large penis and you get an erection in your pants, it's easier to hide it, I imagine, if you have one leg up. So what if he was just genuinely trying to hide it, but it looked like...

But you would put it on the leg that's down, not the leg that's displayed. No, you wouldn't, because his pants were so tight. I wonder, no. You're fighting a winning battle here. I can't agree with you at all. Listen, the leg that's down, okay, here's what happens. The penis wants to go upwards. So if you're

down. The leg that's down, the pants are more loose. Look at this. Look at this. The pants are more loose. The leg that's up, it's more tight around this area. Right, but look, when the leg that's down, the penis wants to come up, so it's going to push further out in the pants. But when this leg is up, it'll just rest right there. See what I'm saying? It'll rest right there and be pinned, but this, this has a whole, like, little area where it can just kind of- But it's more noticeable because it looks like this.

You could even use this to block it. He could even turn- He could have just turned around. He could have just sat down. I don't know why you're defending this. I'm just saying, as a man with an extraordinarily huge penis, I know this. He was presenting his cock. He wasn't trying to hide it. That's not a man trying to hide his cock. That is a man going, look at this.

Did he not jostle it around? I don't think he jostled it around. He started rubbing it and shit. He was definitely displaying it to a bunch of giggling stortuses. He was definitely displaying it. He was saying, look at my penis michelle's not around she can't see this thing now if trump did it would be like oh just another day in office yeah it's it's it's no like off put like with obama it's like jesus christ dude like because i get because like i guess he had like

more decency and then trump just does so much shit. That's like, Oh, there's Trump's penis. Do you think we'll get through the Trump presidency without or with seeing his penis at some point? Do you think we will ever see Donald Trump's penis? No, I don't look, we never saw Bill Clinton's penis. That's true.

But that was before the age of digital. We had to describe to us. We've had, we've, we know just about as much as about Trump's penis as Bill Clinton's penis. Although, like, yeah, they were both described. Michael Jackson's penis was described as well, too. Was it?

He has a birthmark or something on his penis. Was it by an ex-wife? By prosecutors. Did they get this description out of an adult person? No, they looked at it. They took pictures of his penis. Why? What?

Because they had to compare it to the testimony that a kid gave. No wonder Michael Jackson's fucked up. Well, did it come out that the kid described his penis to a T? I don't think so. I don't remember correctly. I spent a lot of time watching Michael Jackson videos last month. Do they have the, you know how like in criminal cases,

you have to, um, they have to draw the suspect? Do they have some guy just kind of like drawing what the penis would look like? Then they have like a bunch of people come in with masks over their faces and have the kid point at the penis that like, I wonder. I mean, what the hell is that? Oh, it's this this this controller is hooked up to the TV and we keep hitting it

So it's making funny sounds Maybe we might have fucked up the game ground. They had a game paused and we just hit some things on the control. Whoops All right, Ryan. I got a question for you Okay, would you rather have be with a woman with six breasts like a cow's udder or one singular breast white right in the center? I'm going with the six breasts. I'm going with singular breasts like a cow's udder or one singular breast white right in the center i'm going with the six breasts i'm going with singular breasts really yeah why i don't know it looks funny six don't look funny i mean six looks more like a mammal that would be illegal to fuck one breast just looks like a like a ripley's believe it or not type of like oh but six breasts it's like you're you're fucking a crossbreed between like a a dog and a human okay i mean that's fair that's fair okay very fair like they like to feed like if she if this person had

children they could feed them like a cat or a dog or any other mammal. They could probably have a whole litter of babies. Like a whole litter instead of one baby. What if – imagine if humans gave birth to litters of babies instead of just one baby and you didn't know how many were coming out. So you give birth. It's like, oh, six beautiful baby boys. Thank God that was never a thing for us. Yeah. Like why do humans only have one baby where cats can have like seven at once?

I don't know. I want answers, Ryan. Come on. You know this. We are biologically really far from being cats. So I'm certain that has something to do with it. Could be. Yeah.

You could be on to something there, Ryan. Yeah, you could be on to something there, Ryan. I saw a video last week of like a baby was born, but it hadn't broken like from the placenta. So it was like a sack filled with liquid with a baby inside and the baby didn't know it was born yet. So it was just like sleeping inside. It was on a giant frying pan. You could probably cook that thing up and make a nice salami. Scrambled eggs.

Not the baby, but the placenta because some people eat the placenta. Tom Cruise ate his child's placenta. With a bendy straw. yeah he went was it a bendy straw crazy straw i forgot like what it was i know it was weird because it was something particular i can't remember which it was though i don't think it was a crazy straw because you're gonna have a hard time getting the placenta through all those loops in the straw probably a bendy straw because that's just one singular bend and you can even adjust the angle of the bend to get the content through easier okay i just couldn't remember which one like it came out as okay so let's just go with bendy straw that's so weird i love twisty straws like the ones that do all the crazy straw a boba straw would have been tom's easiest bet who's is it california that's getting rid of straws yeah starbucks is getting

rid of straws and actually i went the other day and they didn't give me a straw. You can buy your own straw, that, like, metal straw, or, like, the, uh... There's straws that, glass straws, I guess. Yeah. You can buy clean... Oh, God, glass straw scares me, because I'd bite down on it and crunch in my mouth. I think that, I mean, I'm totally down for the straws, because it's, like, you don't technically need one, and it is a lot of plastic waste. And the lids that Starbucks has now to replace straws are actually awesome. How do you it's almost like a sippy cup but it's like not as like a regular coffee it's like it's like a plastic type it's like a biodegradable like new starbucks

cup would it it's got a lip and like a little bit of a raised lid i like no straws starbucks i'm drinking myself some fine h2O, some Aquafina. Good Lord, this isn't coming out until like... What time is it? Two. It's almost noon, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, damn.

This will probably have to be a shorter podcast, probably. Yeah, we gotta get it out. But you know what it's a perfect time for? An ad read. Ryan, I've been growing like a three-foot beard lately. And what better way to shave it off than with Harry's Ergonomic Razors? Harry's stands behind the quality of their blades, but they know that switching razors isn't an easy decision.

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Just say it. Okay. That's harrys.com slash super mega. Woo! How fucking cool would it be, Ryan, if we had our own underground bunker? Like a bomb shelter, but just to hang out in? Because people back in the 50s had bomb shelters.

But you wouldn't hang out in it. It would just be sitting in the backyard in case you needed it because the Soviets decided to blow us to kingdom come. The thing is, I think if you had like air conditioning and all this stuff. Internet. If you had a big old fucking bomb shelter that would be the ultimate man slash woman cave.

That would be so fucking cool dude. Like the perfect bomb shelter for me. I would put in a movie theater. I would put in a popcorn machine. A little bar. A little wet bar. I'd hire a little man to be down there all the time and just live there just in case i have to come down when you say little man do you mean just like like a man or like like a little person you know what both okay i like see

this is why it's a little person with a miniature shrunk down man on his shoulder whispering into his ear i love that you give equal opportunity to all people no no no it's a little person and he's wearing a top hat but under the top hat is a little tiny person controlling him much like ratatouille ratatouille yes that's great or plankton from spongebob how cool would it be i just like yo ryan you want to come over and show him the bomb shelter it's the bomb. It's like, yeah. Me and Sturgeon are having a good time. Sturgeon? That's his name. Okay.

Sturgeon, he's a good friend of mine, Matt. I believe you. Let's go over our dream bomb shelters, okay? I'm going to go in. You walk in, and you know how a lot of white moms have that stuff that's like live, laugh, love? Yes. I'm going to have those all over the place to make it the only. Wonderful.

But when you walk in, it's going to be a cheesy one that says, it's the bomb. And it's like, I get it. You're going to walk in. You're going to have a little. What about like a nice little syndigo poster that says, you are the bomb. No. I don't. What?

Maybe. That was our catchphrase. Not yours. Ryan, what the hell, dude? If I get like, not yours, fucking idiot. I'm gonna have a big... Not yours, fucking idiot. I'm gonna have nothing but Super Mega merch all over. Which we're gonna talk about in a little bit. But I'm gonna have Super Mega posters everywhere.

So, after the bomb goes off, I can look at the posters and cry and remember the great times I shared with my friend Ryan McGee. You get a factual factoid shirt. Okay, mate, sure. I'll wear it. It's my end of days clothes. You get a factual factoid shirt. Okay, mate, sure. I'll wear it. It's my end of days clothes.

Dude, bears are scary, dude. And then I would have, oh man, I'd have a nice little CRT TV to play GameCube. Why CRT TV? Because I like the aesthetic of it for GameCube. It's so stupid. I'd have a big TV too.

I like the aesthetic of this because it's bad quality. I would have a regular TV too. Bad quality mean it's epic. It would look better on a crt and then i would have like i'd have a mini fridge filled with sugar-free monster because that's my favorite beverage choice just kidding disgusting all of this sounds horrible it's like you have an old tv you have you have monster sugar-free energy drinks. Ryan. What? I'm not judging your fucking bomb bunker choices. My bomb bunker's fucking awesome. So is mine.

Look at mine. I have a movie theater and a little man friend that helps me out and, like, makes me feel... You're gonna get real sick of him real fast. I guarantee it. Yes, you are. He doesn't talk. So is he mute? No.

He just doesn't talk. Unless I ask him to. You're gonna get so sick of him, dude. You're just going to want some alone time and he's going to be trapped in the bunker down there with you. What about when you want to crank one out? You got this little person there. He can go behind the bar. Yeah, he can't see over it.

So he won't be able to see you masturbate. Okay. Ryan, how many times a day would you crank it out if you were just trapped in a bomb bunker all day? In a bomb shelter? Knowing my libido now, probably five to ten times a day. That thing would like like oh my god i can't imagine being trapped in a bomb shelter with you and just knowing that you just had to masturbate five to ten times a day i'd just be like you just be like matt it's time and be like all right and i have to go sit in the corner i'm not even in a bomb shelter now and that's pretty much what the average was before no nut november

yeah how's that been going very fun very hard same very tough for me hey you know what guys it's november 9th neither of us have succumbed no pun intended to uh no not november i will assume we're gonna be able to levitate things with our mind i'm already i've been working towards it every day my eyesight's become clear i have more energy i'm able to seduce a woman like that no touching my penis with my hand for this man it's no penis touch november and then we're gonna both participate in destroy dick december which as all of you know december 1st you masturbate once i could probably legitimately if i were to do destroyed uh if you were you are going to no like realistically

okay how far could you get i think it's that 10th day with you i think how i think i could comfortably get up to seven oh my god i think i could easily comfortably get no joke i don't think i could get to three really yeah you have all day i don't have like i don't have that high of a libido well so like i and like like once you know once it once it's fired out of the chamber it's like i need a good half a day yeah but then then you then you play some video games and smokes smoke a cigarette and then you're like man i could use another one of those sounds like a perfect day you crank one out and you just and you just flop between video games, Netflix, a cigarette, and masturbation. Are you just describing your Saturday?

Is that your Saturday? I mean, no. Every time I watch Breaking Bad, there's a scene where Walter says to Jesse, he goes, smoking marijuana, eating Cheetos, and masturbating does not constitute his plans in my book. And every time he says that, I'm like, that just sounds like Ryan Saturday. Yeah, I guess. I treat myself right on Saturdays. Self-care.

You know what? Everyone has varying definitions of self-care. If that's how you take care of yourself, fucking go for it, man. Just not in November. No. Because it's no, not November. Yeah. Wait, does that mean we, like, uh...

What? We can't use other means to not, is it strictly just You can still have sex during November. You can't stimulate your own genitals though. That's the rule. It's to a ways, to a raise to raise awareness for prostate

cancer, but I think they just tacked that on so it didn't sound as weird to the general public. It's also healthy. It is, yeah. It's good to take a break from jerking off, boys. It's also healthy to masturbate. Just saying. Could prevent cancer. Could help prevent cancer, man.

Well, Ryan, I'm not going to fight with you on the semantics of this. Actually, I think, well, I mean, prostate orgasms are healthy, so. Well, you know what, Ryan? Actually, masturbating does help prevent prostate cancer, I think. I haven't read the research. That's just what I've been told. But I've also been told that for mental health, not masturbating is fantastic. Yeah, because it makes you a very dangerous male.

You're filled with testosterone. I could snap someone's neck like super quick. With your mind soon. With my mind? At the end of the month, I'll be able to snap someone's neck. I'll be able to make someone die just by looking at them and honestly it's so easy to seduce any woman I want

it's crazy what do you have to do what's your go to I just look at them they can detect my chakras and my energy see my chakras from my testicles have built up so strong because I haven't been I've been reserving my semen that a woman can just detect it by being near me instantly attracted to me.

My chakras have been aligned. My testosterone levels are off the chart. My sperm count is through the roof. And women can detect that kind of thing. They're naturally attracted to it. See, usually I just go to Hollywood Boulevard and hold up a sign that says, Want GF, please, will pay good, and then cash signs. And then also include a note that says you've reserved your semen.

There's a lot of guys that believe in that. I wear a super mega shirt while I'm doing it, so people may get the little, like, oh, what's that? And then they'll look it up, and they'll see me and be like, oh, come on. He's a famous YouTuber. Look at that. Not only is he a famous YouTuber, but he reserves his semen. That's a real theory that some guys do on the the internet where they think that like if if they reserve Their semen that it makes them like stronger

Which I don't I don't think that's true guys. No no Your body reabsorbs sounds like something Trump would believe I reserve my semen. I have not ejaculated in six years You only have a certain amount of cum starting your body At the time you're born you only have a certain amount of cum that was the case I'd be out five years ago way more than five years ago Ryan dude could you if there was a movie

the opening scene would be me discovering masturbation every other scene would be you masturbating in between like the main storyline you know how there's a movie coming out the house that Jack built it's like about like a serial killer and like the main storyline like you know how the there's a movie coming out the house that Jack built It's like about like a serial killer and like the five specific murders that like shaped like shaped him as a serial killer My movie would be the five different instances of me masturbating that transformed me into the person I am today. I

like Not now I'm just thinking about movies because you know a lot of movies will put like non sequitur scenes in just to kind of build character and pad the story I like just what movies would be drastically different if there was just a scene with the character masturbating for like awkwardly too long and then it just

went to the next scene like imagine Forrest Gump it just cuts to a scene in the middle of things he's just in his room just masturbating or like Napoleon Dynamite he just has to crank one out in his bedroom well if you're going to show a character masturbating, it has to be there has to be a reason for it, right? You can't just show a character masturbating or otherwise it's just

like porn. It's just like software porn. It doesn't have to. It has to kind of give you an insight into whether it be the plot or the characterization or what's going on. It could be, the sexuality could be a theme in this. Would it build character for you personally if you masturbated on the podcast like would it build super mega lore if ryan mcgee was able to crank one out there in the podcast can we even upload

that to youtube well people can't see it see here's the thing you go to youtube and you type in beautiful agony i think let me see is that where is that where it's like people's faces yeah where they like shoulder up and then it's just that shit makes me so uncomfortable also a youtube channel where people were like reading and like they were like they were being stimulated at the same time oh yeah yeah I saw that on reddit years ago I like my favorite thing to do on youtube is go and search like big breasts and then sort by new and then see all the videos uploaded by like Indian men before they're taken down it's called a hysterical literature so let's

just fast forward a bit I don't I can't play this on the podcast it's on YouTube I yeah but it's gonna be 23 million views that doesn't mean it's not you know that's making YouTube money it's demonetized all I'm saying is that's all okay there there I say kissing her tear your tears away We have an idea for a show on super mega

I want to do called like book club or something where it's like a podcast but we legitimately just it's like an audiobook where we just pick a book and we just read through the book and give our Commentary and then each chapter ask you guys to do a homework assignment And then we rate it send out like maybe some free pins based on who's the best stuff like that sounds like a channel that someone who would remind the teacher that people had homework well that kid was me i hated that fucker dude are you gonna collect homework it's like shut the fuck up um teacher i think you forgot something listen your grade is not gonna go down and that fucking nerd has his homework half stuffed in his asshole as he's doing a handstand waiting to present it to the class.

And she's like, very good, Jeffrey. Okay, I'll take this. Ooh, you did the extra credit. You know how sometimes they'd have like the second page on the back? I can't tell you how many times I turned I failed a test once because I didn't see that there was a backside somehow and then I was like can I just I'm sorry can I just like

give it a go right now and she's like nope and I was like oh the highest grade I can get is like a 40 now. What a fucking bitch. I was so mad. Whatever teacher that was whoever it was I bet you he was just a little bitch. Just mad. Was it a he? I don't even remember. Oh. like another time I used a scantron and I filled every answer one off and

then I got like a three on the test but like most of my answers were right but they wouldn't regrade it and I'm like that's the funniest thing because it's like they're not even test the teachers not test not making sure you know the material in that instance they're specifically being vindictive because they don't want to do the extra work to see if you know the, you know, if their teaching is working for you. Well, it frustrated me. It was in high school. I remember there were a lot of classes where I'd be grading on a lot of things that weren't the subject matter. I had one teacher where we had a legitimate grade based on community service.

So we had a community service log. And we'd have to go out and do like four every semester and write an essay and that was a big part of our grade and i'm like this is like this is i think it was like physics or something and i'm like why is my physics grade being reflected based on if i do enough community service the classes in community service it's physics so shouldn't my grade be fully reflective of how well i know the physics material they should have handled it like my school. It should have been like extra credit. Well, that's what they did at my school in like science classes.

You could go every now and then like after school or something, the teacher would go out and you'd like pick up litter. Yeah, and that's fine. Like out near the river and all that stuff. I just thought it was dumb when like my grade would actually be based on things that weren't the subject matter. Like even in college, like attendance is a grade. And I get that. But at the same same time it's like that's not actually i i get like why it should me coming to class be a grade because at the end of the day if i know the material i know the material because i remember i had a couple college classes that i wouldn't really go to because it would it would be like an introduction to like video editing or something and it's like i know i

already know how to do that and when i sit down on test, if I didn't go to any of the classes, I know I can still do well on it because it's stuff I learned like 10 years ago. I never skipped those types of classes cause they were just always easy. And I just be on my, uh, notebook. I guess you'd call it a laptop,

but, um, I've been talking away from this mic for most of the podcast. Um, what? Fuck. I'm trying to move this. I would usually skip. The class that I skipped the most in college was geology.

Fuck that stupid shit. I don't care about it. I actually like geology. So stupid. My favorite class was hands down astronomy. That was a fun lecture. Tell me what you learned. Well, what stands out more than anything else from astronomy was Jackson was in fun lecture. Tell me what you learned. What stands out more than anything else from astronomy was Jackson was

in the astronomy class with me. You had a good old buddy. I did. And we sat in the back and there was this kid that sat next to us and he wore a suit every day and he carried a briefcase, kind of like ReviewBrawl, but this kid wasn't cool. And he would sit there, and I shit you not, this is the weirdest

kid. He would just be on his laptop the whole class but all he would sit there and i shit you not this is the weirdest kid he he would just be on his laptop the whole class but he all he would do is look at pictures of trains just pictures of diesel you've talked about this kid before um and i remember like he went on a train archive website and he would upload pictures of diesels that like he had taken and like put the location in time and like archive it to some train catalog. And then I remember we had an exam and the professor was like, I don't want to see any phones. And then I saw him like reach into his like briefcase and like pull his phone out real quick. And I was like, oh, is he cheating?

And I look, he's just looking at pictures of trains. Oh, shit. And then one time he sat in between me and Jackson and I want to sit by Jackson. I was like, hey, man, do you mind if we switch seats so I can sit by my friend? He just goes, I don't give a crap. And I remember he wore a fedora, too. He wore a fedora? Just to add on to things.

And I found him on Facebook, and his profile picture was him with Joe Biden. That was a very interesting kid. That's all I remember about him. It was a fun class, though. I really do love his drawing. Joe Biden is a hero. He's a war hero. He's actually been through some

shit joe biden yeah what'd he do uh didn't his like wife and son both die from something really shitty no fucking clue something really shitty happened to his wife and his son while he was like running for congress and he like stuck it out joe biden and then his other son died of like cancer or something i don't remember he's had some shitty family luck though. Wife death. In December 1972, while Joe Biden was senator elect, Neela and Naomi, I guess like a daughter and mother? Yeah.

Were killed in a traffic accident which injured the two sons who recovered from their injuries. Joe Biden married his second wife, Jill, in 1977 and together they had a daughter. And then one of his sons recently died. And then in May 25th Bew, I guess, or Bo? Bo. B-E-A-W. Hey Bo. Died of brain cancer. Yeah.

That sucks. That's a tragic fucking life. That is some sad family life. Yeah. But um guys I want to talk about something. Uh oh. Guess what? What? Dropping tomorrow. Super Mega Merch. Super Mega Merch? Super Mega Merch.

Are you talking about like shirts? Shirts? Pins? Posters? Pop socket for your phone? Can I get those fucking pieces of shit signed? Absolutely. You can get posters signed, everybody.

Fucking asshole. Fuck you. What the hell? Fucking asshole. Stop. I fucking love Super Mega. I want to buy it, assholes. Then please do.

Guys, we got our merch store dropping tomorrow. We've been working super fucking hard. We're going to pack it all ourselves. We're not running through any company. We're doing this 100% independently. So Ryan and I have been the only ones. We're in charge of getting it manufactured, getting the designs, packing it, shipping it, running the website. It's going to be a lot of fun.

It's going to be a lot of work, but it's going to be a lot of fun. So every piece of merch you guys get, that was hand-packed by me and Lyle. We're going to be fucking busy as fuck Sunday. We're going to be a couple busy bees in the beehive packing shirts. Yeah. Packing posters. While everyone's at church, we're going to be packing super mega merch. We're going to be on our own church.

It's going to be like a... It's going to be like a... It's gonna be like a... A bad church. Oh! Please buy our merch. Please buy our merch. I'm here. Please. All the merch is moist.

It comes in liquid sealed bags. We packed it with moist hands that we've dipped in the mixed. What we did is we took an ashtray, dumped it in some Mountain Dew, shook that up, then dipped our fingers in it. And that's what we. It is so fucking nice. So that's what the packages will be scented like, which you never think that mixing Mountain Dew in the ashes of leftover cigarettes would create, like, an interesting musky combination.

Smells good. Yeah. But it does. So, like, legitimately, like, there's a weird science behind it, much like the science behind how pouring Coca-Cola on your windshield of your car on a cold day will help the ice kind of go away, I guess. You can use your wipers and shit. It's one of those things where like mix cigarette ash and Mountain Dew, tap that on, it's a natural cologne. Well, not really a natural cologne.

It smells good. Yeah, I can't remember where I saw the tutorial. It was somewhere on YouTube. But just for those who want to try it, send us a video or something on Twitter of you putting some on and going up to your family or friends and going do you like do you like my new cologne yeah do that guys i just want to see if someone will actually do it that's disgusting i want to see if so it'll be just like rub it on it's gonna be all like clumpy and like yeah that's probably not i guarantee it's not good

for your skin to put like cigarette ashes and Mountain Dew it's like carcinogens and shit but guys we got several shirts we got posters you can buy signed or unsigned if you want pin sets extra stuff and we're gonna keep the store up as long until most of the stuff sells out and then we will close the store and reopen it at a later date when we

have more merch drops we got a lot of fun stuff in the works so please check it out. And also, I have a feeling a good chunk of this stuff will probably sell out pretty fast. So get it fast. What? Is there not a second ad read? There is.

But guys, we've been working really hard. And we just want to thank you all for the support. So yeah, worked real hard on the website. I designed it. And then we had our friend Connor code the whole thing. Did a great job. Drop in real soon. It's coming 9 a.m. Pacific time tomorrow, 12 p.m. Eastern time.

Okay, sweet. So keep it tuned. Follow us on Twitter at SuperMegaShow and our personal Twitter. We'll throw out that link once it's live. So you'll be able to see. We'll be counting down until it drops. Fuck yeah. But how about one more ad read for one of our

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I added that last part. That's a good one. That's good, yeah. Well, this has been a fun one. Yeah. Hope you guys all have a great day. Ended on an ad read for like the first time. So there you go.

Honey, I hope you guys check out Honey. And I hope you guys will tune in to our big merch launch tomorrow. We're so excited. So effing excited. We're excited to be doing all this for you guys. Lots of stuff that's never been on the store before. As we said, the both of us are going to be packing every single order. Yeah. Like, we are physically going to be taking in the orders that you tell us and shipping them out to you like yeah

so um we're not using a company or anything this is all us uh so be patient we're we're this is i'm not saying there will be any mishaps or anything but be patient with us because this is our first go around so this is this we're gonna see we're gonna see just how epic we can make this merch launch i'm confident about it and also we're going to see just how epic we can make this merch launch. I'm confident about it. And also, we're going to have an email address specifically for if you have any issues with your order. There's an email address you can contact for support. And we're going to try to get everything out as fast as we can. And we're going to get some friends to help. And we just hope that you guys enjoy it.

So thank you so much for listening, guys. Catch us on Spotify and iTunes and Google Play Music and everything. And we will see you next week. Bye, everyone. Happy First Suit Friday. Love you. Bye.