supermegashow - EP 121 - Slimed

Episode Date: December 22, 2018

We talk about our friend and AMERICAN HERO, Captain R. Phillips, as well as Nickelodeon cruises and other nonsensical stuff. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, one and all, to another Super MegaCast, starring me, Ryan McGee, and my friend, Matt Watson. That's right. I'm not his friend, but he's my friend. And he's a really good friend. And he tells a lot of good stories. Actually, he told me that he had the most amazing story well before the I said I said just fucking I don't want to do that are you sure okay I said you didn't have to throw it to me immediately because it's not like the most in like them it's not the most amazing story okay I said we could warm up with some convo first before we jumped into that but I thought you like you were like the stories gonna fucking blow that's not what I said I said we could warm up with some convo first before we jumped into that. But I thought you were like, this story's gonna fucking blow your head. That's not what I said. I said

it's a pretty cool story. You're gonna fucking lose your goddamn mind. I didn't say you're gonna lose your goddamn head. I thought it's cool. I'll get into it then. You said if you thought popped corn was cool, then get a load of this story. I actually did say that

one, yeah. But I was driving home from Ryan's Abode last night. I'm flying down the 5 Freeway in Los Angeles. It's dark out. It's 3 a.m. We were packing merch orders all night. And I'm tired, and I'm driving home, you know, listening to some tunes going about 130 miles per hour, which is the speed limit in Los Angeles.

And out of the corner of my eye in the left field of my vision what do I see? not a shooting star but a full blown meteor wait really? yeah and it was green do meteors go slow?

they're not like shooting stars they go what was that? I think that happened like last podcast. I love when that happens. It's the best at live shows. But like a like it's a meteor. So it was like very low.

Like it was on fire. So it was like. Like the chicks at the club, dude. Dude. Pretty much like the chicks at the club. Because I go to small people only club. Yeah, we went there on my birthday. Had a great time.

Nice little place. Anyway, but it was like a very low meteor. And it was fast, but it was still kind of slow. And it just went... And it was bright green. In a book description, I saw a meteor. It was fast, but still kind of slow. And then it went.

Anyways. It was cool, though. It was bright green, and it broke up into a bunch of little pieces and then faded out. Oh, that's awesome. So I'm just driving, listening to music, and I'm like really vibing with my tunes. Imagine if when it exploded and and little pieces are like separated, like a bass drop happened. No, not like that.

Oh, not like a bass drop? Oh, that would scare the shit out of me, man. Because there was that one in Chiavian, or whatever that city in Russia is. Did I say Hawaii? Yeah. When it flew over and it blew everyone's windows out. Like, I mean, there's a compilation of like footage from when that happened.

And I watched one where like someone's being interviewed for like a little video. And then everything's just like, everything shakes. And everyone's like, oh, like looking around. And that's my Russian impression. What's brevet? Previet. Previet. Hello in Russian.

Previet. Previet. Previet. We got one syllable. High. I know, right? The rest of the world has to make it so goddamn hard. You know how they say, like, another one of their greetings is,

Здравствуйте. And it's, like, 16 letters. It's, like, Z-D-R. It's, like, it's a crazy spell. Здравствуйте. Goddamn Russians. Здравствуйте, SuperMakerCast. Matt.

What's up, bud? I gotta tell you something. What are you gonna tell me, man? That my meteor story was the bee's knees? No. Well, your meteor story was phenomenal. Was it cool? Did you think it was cool?

It was actually really cool. It was very interesting. I yelled when I saw it. I was by myself. I was like, whoa! Really? Yeah, dude. It was so fucking cool. You do exclaim loudly thank you like when we're driving whoa

i always do that we drive and i'll see something say whoa but then i won't say what it is and you're like what i know like oh whoa and you don't like you know well i'm always prodding for you to ask what and then i'll say it why prod prod? Why not just say it? Because I don't want to be too talkative. But you're still like, whoa. I'm just like, huh. Because it's a faster reaction because we're in a moving car. So I see something moving by out the window. That's cool.

And I'm like, whoa. You still said you're like prodding me for like. Because you're supposed to be like, what? And then I'm like, I just saw that really cool thing. But instead it ends with like you going, whoa. Me looking over at you. Silence., me looking over at you, silence. Then me looking back at the road and just more silence. I'm like, okay.

And I'm just, I don't, see Ryan, I'm trying to make conversation with my friend. Now I know to ask. Now I know to ask. Now I know to go, what's up? Yeah. What'd you see? Now you know. What'd you see, buddy? Communication, see?

We took that communication class, Ryan. And this is exactly what they taught. We need to take a business 101 class we do yeah like with how businessy we're getting with these merch orders we're fucking packing them oh my god we're turning our homes into like a gosh darn factory ryan's entire house his living room is his den it is you can't even walk there's so many boxes, so many packages so many shirts, hats I was getting so frustrated last night

and this morning when I was trying to get prepared for the day I was like, okay, fuck, I gotta go jump over these boxes and then I forget my keys on the car I was like, god, I gotta go back and maneuver the hurdles and we've been getting so many emails asking where posters are and stuff.

And we've said it a lot on social media. So if you don't follow us on social media, please follow us on Twitter at SuperMegaShow because that's where we post the updates. But yeah, things are all getting shipped out. Sorry it took a little while. Like we said, we had to wait for certain shipping material to get here.

We had to wait for certain merch items like shirts to restock, which we had to – we got them rushed as fast as we could. We paid extra to get things as fast as we could, but it's not up to us. Let's be honest, Matt. The fucking liberal Democrats, they're keeping our poster tubes away. Like our poster tubes are on a boat right now just sitting. Yeah. Just sitting there.

But when we went to go try to pick them up antifa was there and they were like throwing rocks at the car yeah yelling the f word so so we we had to get out of there so and so we're just waiting for that to die down waiting for antifa to disperse but but realistically we're waiting for literally someone to just take our shit off of that fucking boat. Listen, we ordered the poster tubes in October, and we're like, that's plenty of time if we're selling merch in, you know,

November, and, you know, easy. So, it takes forever for them to fucking ship here on a cargo ship. Finally, they got here, like, two weeks ago, and I'm trying to talk to the forwarder, and I'm like, where are the tubes? Like, they're on the ship, and I'm like, alright, well, the ship's been here for two weeks ago and I'm trying to talk to the forwarder and I'm like, where are the tubes? Like they're on the ship. And I'm like, all right, well, the ship's been here for two weeks. Why are they still on the ship? I wasn't actually that rude on the phone. I was very polite,

but in my mind I was like, well, why are they just sitting on the ship? They're like, it's the holiday season. It's busy. We'll get them off this week. And then we got to take them to our warehouse and then dispatch them. And I was like, no, we got to get these merch orders out. Like, so yeah. So we paid all of these extra shipping fees to get it fast and tariffs. Thank you, Trump, for pretty much nothing. So we're going to have to find another way to ship the posters. But we will ship them all out before Christmas. All those will be shipped out.

Yes. We're going to get all those posters out. So if you ordered a poster and you haven't gotten a shipping update, check your email soon. Because everyone who ordered stuff, a lot of you, as we pack more orders throughout these next coming nights and this week, one by one, you should be getting emails. We sent like a couple hundred out today. Yeah, we sent a couple hundred out. And I just want to, again, give the warmest thank you to everyone who supported us through merch and everyone who's been patient. Like it's blown us away.

Yeah. Unfortunately, we had to put a lot of orders on back order. But now that we have all the stuff, we can take them off back order and ship them out. So for those people who had to wait a couple of weeks, so sorry about that. We thank you for your patience. And yeah. So thank you. We got more merch coming in 2019, but we're too busy right now with what we got. So we can't launch more merch. We're sorry for like all the little like snafus. They're not too many, but when they did happen,

you just have to also keep in mind, this is our first go about when it comes to merch, when it comes to like getting it designed, getting it distributed and all that. So bear in mind, this is our first go around. We're going to come back now that we know all this, now that we know that the shipping tubes will more than likely stay on a boat for months on end, essentially. Hell yeah. So we're going to be more efficient about the materials we order. We got time management down.

We know when things get here. We got all that estimated now. So hopefully things will run quicker the next time we get a new batch to throw your way. Hot new batch. And also, building on what you said, adding on to the whole snafus thing. The construction work. You're building on top of it. Yeah, we're building

our own little Tower of Babylon, but instead of a bunch of different languages, it's a bunch of hot, sick merch. In terms of snafus, I think there was only a handful of mix-ups and wrong sizes,

which is bound to happen when we're packing so many orders just ourselves. But we fixed most of them and sent out some free stuff and fixed that. But if it happened to you, just send us an email at support at supermegashow.net. We can look up your effing merch order, dude. Put your order number.

It's a footage number so we can look it up. But we want to make sure that everyone is happy and satisfied. And if you're not, send us an email and we'll- We'll try to make it right. No guarantees around the week of Christmas because we're going to be on break. Make sure that everyone is happy and satisfied. And if you're not, send us an email and we'll... We'll try to make it right. No guarantees around the week of Christmas because we're going to be on break. So I don't know how much we're going to be doing that week. But New Year we will handle all of it.

Yeah, we're going to be taking about... Each we're going to be taking a couple weeks just holiday just to kind of relax, digest everything's happened. At the end of this year. And we're going to come back and just. Crush it dude. Fucking lick that. Destroy it. We're going to crush it. Slap it around.

Like Matt's mom crushes the whip. And the nae nae. Every time she does it. I am amazed by how. By how much finesse. She really adds to that dance. That's the thing, dude. So you see my mom and you're like, okay, this is your average middle-aged woman.

White woman. White woman, you know, mother of two, works very hard five days a week. Blonde. Blonde. And then all of a sudden. Blue eyes? Green eyes? Blue?

I don't know my mom's eye color, actually. I feel bad about that sorry mom I think they're blue they're blue like mine they're little precious blueberries I just want to eat out of her head see that's why I guessed blue because I knew your eyes were blue yeah and it's a my dad's eyes are blue too

though so you know or maybe they're green but my mom sorry it's okay you mentioned Dale and just that thing that I'm, you know. Yeah, that feeling in the back of your throat. So you get. I see my mom at the supermarket.

Regular woman. No, I don't. It's a hypothetical. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all of a sudden you see her pull back that, the whip. Oh, yeah. You see her pull back that whip. You see her pull back that whip.

And it's incredible. She fires. That whip throws forward. She thrusts it forward. The other arm flies up like a robotic arm. And that nene is smooth. It is well oiled. She's got a nice wave in the hand.

A nice wrist rotation. It's like something that she does with her hand where it's still a whip, but she adds her own flair to it. Crowds will line up to watch my mom whip and nae nae. Maybe if we do a show in Charleston, South Carolina, maybe my mom can come upstage

and do her famous whip and nae nae. I'd love to do that. Let me talk to you about something ryan something i'm a little worried about so you know we only got one more podcast of uh of 2018 after this one so or maybe two i don't remember okay viewers will find out i'm dumb um um i bought praying mantis eggs they still haven't hatched they haven't hatched, have they? They haven't hatched yet. Are they all dead? No.

I went on Amazon, and I was like, you know what? In high school, I got these praying mantis egg sacks because I was bored one day, and I saw them. I was like, you can buy these on Amazon? So I bought them, and I waited like two months. And then one day I got home from work, and there were like 600 baby praying mantises. Oh, it was two months? It takes like two months to hatch? It takes two to six weeks is what it says.

I've had them for a little over two weeks. So any day now. But my fear is they're going to hatch when I'm out for my holiday break. And then they're all going to die. So it's like, what do I do? I can't take them home. You could call PetSmart and see if they'll look after them. See if they'll board my four to six hundred baby praying mantises if they hatch.

Just make sure you feed them. What do you feed them when they're done killing each other? Well, first of all, they eat each other. Yeah, I know that, but I'm saying like after they kill and eat each other. I set them free. You just set them free? Yeah. Let them find some food out in the wild. How many survive?

I think less than a hundred. Do they start to actually kind of want to live together or do they start to like actually kind of like want to live together or do they still want to kill each other and they'll still start killing each other and like when they're big adults I think they're super vicious like territorial bugs and will just kill each other because

when the eggs hatch it's like a swarm of microscopic little praying mantises it's pretty brutal nature is brutal they have this massive like three day death match where all of the siblings that just hatched out of the egg just go at it and just kill each other and eat each other and then the few uh dozen or so i don't know how many it is that survive that eat all the other ones they grow big and strong and then those are the ones that go out into the wild and grow up real big. But how do you know that there won't only be like one remaining?

Because if you kept them all and just, then you have the best of the hundreds, the one that survived. And then you put that in the wild. No, but that's what I keep as my pet because he's a killing machine. Yeah. I wanted to keep one as a pet, but I'm like, I don't know how to take care of one. I don't really, or like I don't know how to take care of one long term. Feed them bugs. They don't live long.

I think they do. I think they can live for a good long time, like two years or something. Brain mantises? Yeah. I might be wrong on that, but they can live for a long time. I'm going to look that up. If I'm wrong, Ryan, you get to slap me across my stupid smug face. Okay. God damn, dude. They're cool creatures.

They're just really vicious and brutal. They eat hummingbirds I saw a video of one grabbing a hummingbird and eating it I saw one of you eating a goldfish out of a bowl like they are just vicious wait a fish out of a There's a goldfish swimming around and it just comes in like grabs it needs it Six months mass six months That's a fourth of two years. So I was close. Nope.

You want to slap me? I don't want to, but you said I had to. So like. I said you get to. Yeah, but I feel like now the audience wants me to. Like they're like. So you're going to hurt your friend to please a bunch of strangers. You're the one that came up with the idea because you were so confident in the fact that you were a praying mantis expert. No.

Now I feel like you have to. No, fuck it. Yeah, you have to. You have to suffer the consequences. I didn't say you had to. I didn't say you had to. I didn't say you had to. I didn't say you had to. I didn't say you had to. I didn't say you had to. I didn't say you had to. No. Now I feel like you have to. No, fuck it. Yeah, you have to suffer the consequences. So you're going to choose to hurt your friend? I'm going to choose to hurt Matt Watson. Why would you do that? What? Why would you do that?

Because you said I could. I said you could, but that doesn't mean you have to. Yeah, but I will. Okay, then that's your decision. Come on, let's do it. Take off my glasses. Get it nice and close to the mic. Ready? Ahhhh!

That was nice and hard. That was a hard one. I just gotta get a little pop in there. You did. That was- I haven't been slapped in a while. Don't worry, I won't ever open hand like clobber your face. See, that's the thing about slaps is like, it's not that they necessarily hurt, they sting and they're shocking. But if you know it's coming, it's just like, it's like ripping off a bandaid. It's like, quick second of pain and then it's not that they necessarily hurt they sting and they're shocking but if you know it's coming it's just like it's like ripping off a band-aid it's like a quick second of pain and then it's fine it's like playing with one of those like uh zapper toys yeah you know it's coming but

then once it's done you're like okay my see my face it's now it's comfortably numb okay the pink floyd song it's just do you still feel it a little bit a little bit it's like it's tingling it's a little tingle but it's not it doesn't hurt at all it's just kind of like imagine if though i just went like in a fight like open-handed just yeah just a big old i wonder if you could knock me out in one punch god that would the thing is like when people fight they hurt their fucking hands yeah like they fracture and break their fucking hands and like a hand injury. You do a lot with your hands. Yeah.

You don't realize it, but if you have a hand out of commission, even a few fingers out of commission, even one finger out of commission, it makes, it makes it all weird. Like I remember one time, like I had like maybe like my ring finger out and it just,

I felt like an alien trying to grab shit. Yeah. If you have your hand out of the job, it is not good because you just can't do anything, man. I remember I got like a hairline fracture in my arm in high school and I just, like it just sucked. Like moving my hand hurt and like, it really just puts you out of commission, man. But could you knock me out in one punch? That's the thing.

I think you definitely could. The thing is yeah but like it would be like I'd have to aim for a specific part and like that would be just fucked up clock me right in my temple man dude if you go for a punch expect to be charged with murder

and I'm not saying that like a punch deserves a charge of murder I'm just saying if you go into a fight know that the outcome isn't always just you punch each other and then go home and then it becomes a fun story some people get punched once and just fall to the ground hit their heads on the concrete that's that's that's how that's how it usually happens is they they'll hit their head on the concrete and then it's like oh you're paralyzed or oh you're dead oh you're in a coma could I knock you out I think you could maybe not knock me

cold but do one of those things where it's like you hit me and like I just like I kind of forget uh like a span of 10 seconds okay so if I ever say something really mean and I want to take it back I'll just punch you really fast so then you forget that I ever said

the mean thing yeah it's a good option. Well it works for after the punch not before the punch. That's the outcome. But you'll be so mad that I punch you you'll forget about the mean thing I said so. Oh yeah. You know. I think we should test this. Let's do a video where we each have to try to knock each other out.

You get one punch. You punch me as hard as you can in the face. Can I ask you something? Yeah. What would you do if I just came around and just punched you and then started to come at you again? Would you have to fight me? Or would you be like, stop! And you'd run away from the situation?

No, I wouldn't try to fight you. I don't think because I don't think I could win against you necessarily. Really? And I don't want to You don't have confidence in yourself? Well, you're bigger than me. I'm just heavier. Yeah, but I mean You're longer. But you, I feel like you're bigger than me. I'm just heavier. Yeah, but I mean. You're longer. But you, I feel like you're very strong.

You're more nimble. And I am more quick. And I got a much bigger dick. I feel like if you just came up and cold clocked me. Uh-huh. I don't know what I would do at first because I'd just be in like shock and disoriented. But then if you started coming at me again, I think honestly I'd probably like ball up and just, or maybe I'd like try to just run.

But if you're really going at me while I'm like helpless, I think there's that like human anger that just will come from that situation and you'll just start like trying to punch back because it's just like your instinct. Because you're like, stop! And you get mad that they're not stopping, so you just start. Yeah. Start throwing these motherfuckersers i love to throw these bad

motherfuckers i watched a documentary uh i think we saw it together a couple years ago florida man where that guy goes to florida just films all the people talking about their lives oh that was a few years ago yeah it's like three years ago but um really good it's so good vimeo it's on youtube too oh is it yeah i think did we watch it on vimeo we watch it on vimeo why i don't know because it's higher quality um but this guy just goes to florida uh like around like coco beach area and he just films all of these people he meets out on the street at night just talking about their life just say really fucked up i know it's so good though but this is old man there's one about a bar fight the guy talks about a bar

fight yeah he starts it's the bar fight. Yeah, he starts. It's the first guy in the movie. He's like, I love to throw these motherfuckers. Yep. He's like, I love fighting. I love it. And I'm bigger than any of y'all. But he's just like an old man with a hat on.

Great movie. But he looks, I don't know. Some dudes have that man strength. Yeah. Like, maybe not man strength, but like dad strength. Dad strength. It's its own class of like strength is dad strength it is it's so strong it makes you feel like a child oh yeah getting whipped by your old man whipped like whip like your ass whipped not with a real whip uh my dad never whipped no i got the spoon I didn't get the whip. You got the spoon? Yeah, the wooden spoon. I got a couple spankings on the tushy.

A couple, you know, bent over the lap, curse slap, owie, that hurt. I think I'm just going to beat the shit out of my kids if they're bad. Yeah? Thinking about it. I was thinking about just like throwing mine into walls randomly just to make sure they know that like life is always unpredictable. They didn't do anything bad they're just walking you just drop kick them hey life comes at you fast okay that's the lesson

you need to learn at least once a month they're playing video games i just throw a rock through their television see now what do you do you have to save up for another one don't have the money should have thought of that that's life that is where i bought that tv now you're out of money yep now you don't have that tv either. What's going on now, huh? Just when they get their first car, I'm just going to put a hand grenade on the wheel well with the pin taped to the ground. So when they start driving, it pulls the pin and it blows the full back off their car. And I'm like, see, life is unpredictable.

That's another life lesson right there. They wake up to the sight, sound, and feeling of me breaking their legs in half. They scream. And then I go, you're, you're going to be at your rock bottom. I want you to heal and come back from this a bigger person. They'll be stronger after that. Just like if they were asleep and they're sleeping in, I could pour boiling water on their back. And it's like, look, you see this? This right here is teaching you a valuable life lesson. You don't sleep in too late. Child abuse is not funny, guys.

Just in case. Unless we're talking about it. Unless we're joking about it on the podcast, then it's very funny. Real child abuse is not funny. No. And if you were listening to this and you abused your children, fuck you. With a capital F. And stop watching us. Yeah, we don't want you watching our videos. There's some guy that's just like,

Damn it, I shouldn't abuse my kid. Fuck. Now I can't watch Super Mega. You don't like me anymore. Of course we don't like you. You abuse your kid. You shit. Daddy of five, baby.

We would get parents of the year, I think. We should adopt a kid together. And just see if we'd be good at raising a kid. We adopt a Somali pirate. Like a grown pirate? Yeah. Like a kid pirate. Like a grown...

One of the guys that comes on one of those inflatable motorboats on the sides of tankers. Yeah. It's like one of those programs where you can adopt a kid for a dollar a day, but you just adopt a pirate. A Somali pirate. But he actually comes and lives with you. Yeah. But we think we're adopting like a pirate like art yeah then he shows up and we're like this guy shows up with like an ak-47 on his back and we're like those are modern day pirates I know it's crazy how pirates changed you know

pirates pirates are terrifying man like being in that part of the ocean's gotta be real fucking scary yeah you know usually if you're in that part of the ocean you'll get a warning or you'll have like a parameter of like where not to enter but some people because they want to uh get somewhere quicker and make that deadline they'll take a shortcut and sometimes it's not even to make a deadline it's just because they some people on the crew suspect that they actually had this weird fantasy of being captured and becoming an American hero Captain Phillips Captain Phillips was he is an American hero Ryan and if you for one second say he's not an American hero

then fuck you dude I don't want to even do this podcast with you Captain Phillips is the nicest man he's the best captain that's ever existed I love the contrast between the movie when he's in shock from seeing a dude get shot in the head, and then in real life, he's like, thanks, guys. That's when the Navy's like, hey, thanks, guys.

It's crazy. He's like a kid getting off of Space Mountain. And waving to the employees, thanks, guys. I know. That shit probably was like Space Mountain to him, dude. It was a ride of his life.

I mean, that had to be terrifying being captured by fucking pirates in the middle of the ocean on a little lifeboat. But wasn't there, I can't remember where I saw this or like if I saw it, like I just get this feeling that like they got on board and he was just like, oh no, I guess you have to take one of us now. I'll go.

Captain, no. No, I can go. It's fine, really. Don't worry about it. They didn't capture him. The real story is that he's like, No, they're capturing me. No, they're not.

They're just getting back in there. No, no. He's saying no by waving, going down to the sub. No, I'll be back I mean I hope uh oh hope I don't get killed the pirates just wanted money and like they get the money and they're like about to leave he's like god just take me

and they take him I enjoyed Captain Phillips as a movie and I watched it I was like damn Captain Phillips was like what a guy and then I read about like the real Captain Phillips and I was like I don't know if he's that great. Yeah, his crew wasn't a big fan of him. Apparently he was just an asshole.

And then got himself captured because he thought it was fun. He was pranking his crew by getting captured. Or what if like he had set up a fake like hijacking to prank his crew. And he thought that those were the people he hired, but they were real pirates. So he went with them like willingly. And then been like, all right, boys, we're far enough off turn around take me back to the ship and they just like keep going he's like wait a second boys boys which like how he calls them boys boys all right boys where are we going just pistol whip him he's like oh shit imagine brent being kidnapped by somali pirates. Well, boys, boys. Well, fellas, let's take it easy.

Whoa. Brent is going to fire us. Without a doubt, he's going to hear everything we've said about him. Like you said in that one video, he's going to get a compilation of all of it. And he's going to sit us down in his office and just press play. And we're going to have to listen to 30 minutes of every time we've made fun of Brent on this podcast. And like, honestly, though, like we give Brent shit every now and then on the podcast. But dude's still clocking in multiple

winner winner chicken dinners a week that is not a joke I'm not this isn't some like bit I'm like serious he'll send me he sends me pictures of his computer screen and it says winner winner chicken dinner and I'm just like god

I haven't even gotten one well I don't play anymore but he's still into that. I think, does he still play Pokemon Go too? Well, he stopped because we made fun of him apparently. Oh, really? And I'm like, Brent, you enjoyed it. Like, don't let, you're a small man if you let these two dumbass YouTubers talk you out of playing your favorite game. I bully Brent all the time, dude.

Fucking crazy ass bullying, dude. Throw hot coffee in his face when I walk in in the morning. I give him purple nurples. I forgot purple nurples, man. Do you ever get that type of bullying where you're just like, get your nipples twisted? Did you get a swirly? Do I remember that correctly?

I remember something. Didn't some bullies give you a straight-up swirly when they stuck your head in the toilet? It's not coming back to me. But like there's something similar that I've, like I've, like I've, you know where you, like I've had that feeling before. I know I've had that feeling of like, with like the top of my head in a toilet bowl. But like, I feel like I felt that, but I, but I'm still not sure if that's like a, from a dream.

Maybe you just did it to yourself. You just want to see how close you can get to the toilet water. Maybe. You just stuck your face in there. Maybe when I was throwing up, that's when I got that feeling. Oh, I was just thinking that because I hate when you're throwing up how close you got to get to the fucking toilet bowl. It's like, yeah, it's so gross. You got to have your arms on it and shit.

It's like people's bum bums go here, man. Not my arms and hands. Yeah, some people pass out and sleep on the edge of toilet bowls. Been there, done that. Yeah, I know. That's why I said it because I actually have a video of it. Not that time. Different time.

Oh, really? I didn't pass out on the toilet bowl that time. My lips just gently grazed the toilet seat. Oh, yeah. And that was pretty fucking gross. No, there was one time about a year ago. I fell asleep. Let's just say I fell asleep at the toilet bowl.

And I woke up and my mouth was on the, not the toilet seat, but the toilet ring itself, you know, below the toilet seat that you lift up. My mouth was like this. That was a really gross feeling. Okay. Like one of the most disgusting,

like fucking things that's ever happened to me is so I went into like a public restroom and there was like, all the stalls were full except like one and I had to shit. So I burst open the stall door. I'm panicking at this point, right? You're playing whack-a-mole right now.

Yeah, and I look. This toilet is clogged to the fucking brim. That's never good. Like there's no water. You know what I mean? That type of clog. It's like when you walk into a bathroom and see the toilet that looks like six people consecutively shit in it and didn't flush. And that was a year ago.

And on top of it was this cassette tape. And I actually have it right here, and I was wondering if I could play it. Go for it, man. Okay. Have you finished your holiday shopping yet? No worries. You can get everything you need for you and your loved ones at MeUndies. Now, Matt, you and I both love MeUndies.

Yeah, that's true. When we wear it, we feel better than we've ever felt in our lives. Especially better than 18 years ago. Let me just clarify, you said when we wear it. It's when we wear them, because it would imply that we're sharing one singular pair of underwear at the same time. So I just want to point out that we don't do that. But MeUndies are so soft and stretchy, you probably could do that if you wanted. Yeah.

And on that note, you can also get a style that is perfectly suited for you or your special someone. Men and women can choose from four different cuts, all of which are available from classic colors to adventurous prints. My favorite print has got to be the Keith Haring one. And also they just sent us recently just some black ones. And those are super, super simple and stylish. And they look super nice. They are. I can just walk around my apartment in them, and I feel stylish while I'm just in my underwear.

But seriously, these undies would be great stocking stuffers. Just think about it. Your loved ones would love to just reach inside of those big old socks and pull out a big old pair of underwear. But why stop at Undies? I wasn't planning on it. MeUndies has cozy lounge pants and Onesius in the same super soft fabric. Perfect for wearing Christmas morning. MeUndies has a great offer for our listeners.

For any first-time purchasers, when you purchase any MeUndies, you get 15% off and some free shipping. And that's pretty dang sweet. Did you just say free shipping? I said free shipping. Wait a minute. Seriously, seriously. Do not screw with me. I'm not screwing with you. It's free shipping, and that's pretty dang sweet. Did you just say free shipping? I said free shipping. Seriously, seriously, do not screw with me. I'm not screwing with you. It's free shipping. And if you order by December 16th, you can get free shipping in time for Christmas.

Wait, by Christmas? By Christmas. Matthew, what if I'm crunched for time? You can go to MeUndies, a gift card, Ryan, and let your loved ones pick out whatever style they want. So let's wrap it up. To get 15% off your first pair, free shipping and a 100% satisfaction guarantee,

go to MeUndies.com slash SuperMega. What's that, Ryan? That's MeUndies.com slash SuperMega. Rad, dog. Please flip the tape over for part two. Hey, guys. Ryan's Captain Log number 43. Um, today I went into a port- a porta potty and there was a tampon inside of like the little toilet bowl area.

So I reach inside. Okay, yeah. What was that? I don't know, but those underpants do sound good. Yeah. I watched this video this week. I watched this video this week. I watched this video this week. I'm sorry.

There it is. The Ben and Bill smile makes a return. Okay. Back, baby. Yeah, continue. I watched this video this week. Don't call me baby. I didn't call you baby.

Okay. You called me baby. Sure. Okay, well, I watched a video this week from a channel called Defunctland. And it's this channel that just makes videos about all sorts of, like, defunct amusement park rides and, like, theme parks. And they had one on Nickelodeon Resorts. And it was just about, like, why Nickelodeon Resorts failed. Because you remember those commercials growing up where it's like, come to the Nickelodeon Hotel.

And there's, like, a theme park or there's, like, part or water slide my favorite part was just seeing that they had water slides Yeah And it had like the green slime water that would come down like once a day and you could see all your characters walking around And like it looks so rad and I watched one of the commercials for it And it was like a sketch we would make where the kid like zooms in on the kids, and they're like alright And it was like a sketch we would make where it zooms in on the kids and they're like, oh, right. And I was just thinking about how sad it was that they closed because they managed it terribly. And the video is really interesting.

I forgot what it's called, but it's something about Nick Hotels. Just look it up. It'll come up. But I wanted to ask you guys in the comments, how many of you ever went and stayed at Nick Hotels? And what was it like? Because I'm curious. Because it no longer exists RIP. But if I could, if I could, I would, I would go back in time. And the one thing I would do is go to a Nickelodeon hotel in Orlando, Florida. Speaking of that, you made me think of, uh,

there's this place. Cause, uh, when I was, when I was a young lad, uh, I was taken on a cruise, uh, with, with my family. And one of the stops, I can't remember where specifically this place is, but one of the stops, there's this place called Atlantis. Oh, yeah. Is that the place with the water slide? Yeah, I'm about to get into that. And we would walk by because we just walk and explore the area. And we walk by and just look at this wonderful little resort and they actually have a fucking

water slide that goes through an aquarium. And part of that scared me cause I'm like, what if it breaks? And all of a sudden I'm just in the open water with a bunch of sharks. But that again, that's like, I want to experience just like going, like looking around and seeing just like open,

not open ocean, but just open water with like sharks and shit like by me. Like, and seeing just like open not open ocean but just open water with like sharks and shit like by me like it's just like that seems like a really cool idea and like I know there's gotta be a water slide that does that in Los Angeles Los Angeles has everything I don't think they have a water slide

I'm gonna look that up look it up then dang it Ryan I will look it up and I'll get us and I'll get us tickets and we'll go. Can we go on a Nick cruise? Is that still a thing? Nickelodeon cruises. Is that still a thing? I love the commercials for those.

And I was like, I remember as a kid, I'm like. But are they still a thing? I think so. I'm going to look it up. They're opening new Nickelodeon resorts in 2019, though. In, like, fucking Cancun or something. And there's one in the Dominican Republic. There's a Nick resort.

And it's, like, really nice. They always choose to build these, like, Nickelodeon resorts in the weirdest fucking places. Like, yeah, let's build it in the Dominican Republic. Build it in Haiti. It's like, all right. Man. What?

Are Nick cruises still a thing? I think they are. Can we go on one? We can go to the character breakfast, see SpongeBob dancing around. As of 2017, Nickelodeon cruises are not offered. Norwegian Cruise Line used to be the official partner of Nickelodeon, offering Nickelodeon cruise ships with Dora, Spongebob, and more.

However, the partnership ended in 2015. Instead, consider these great alternatives for your next cruise. They have Carnival's Zeus at Sea. Zeus at Sea? Zeus. Zeus? Like Dr. Seuss? Yep. Sounds like a fucking nightmare. Royal Caribbean Dreamworks. Oh, there's Shrek. You can go on a Shrek

cruise. MSC Lego. Ooh! Is this cruise ship made out of Legos? A European based cruise line partnership with Lego means families can find Lego themed playrooms and activities on select MSC ships. And good news, MSC's first U.S. cruise ship will make its debut in late 2017, sailing out of Miami for Caribbean destinations. Bonus, kids cruise free. Cool.

There's also Disney cruises, but like, I got to experience. I got to experience another. I want to do like an Arctic cruise. I've never been on a cruise. Are they fun? Yeah. When I was a kid, cruises were always like that thing that I was like, they seem cool, but I knew that I would never do it because it's like, oh, my family's not rich and you

got to be rich to do a cruise. And I had a lot of friends that would go on cruises And I was always so jealous Not if you get those specialty tickets That they sell last minute because they're like We need to sell these tickets Sell them for cheap And then they sell them for cheap and then you crowd

A bunch of people in one room Fucking sweet dude So someone has to sleep on the floor And it's a little cabin and there's no windows or anything. So you're just three people in a very small place. Get real seasick in there. With the bathroom, literally the width of that television. Damn, that sounds fun, dude.

I know, dude. If we go on a cruise, Ryan, we should get the smallest room possible and have the best time we can. I was hoping we could just get the, well, they call it this because it's big. The Neptune suite? I don't mean anything by it yeah what do they call it honeymoon suite i mean that'd be sweet we just don't refer to it as the honeymoon suite we'll just be like we got the big one we got we got the big one we got the big room boys but like the pillows are shaped like a heart and there's a heart there'd be a heart-shaped jacuzzi. We would just get in it in our bathing suits and be like, what's up, dude? Imagine that.

Two guy friends that are like, it's that type of guy where they're like, we're not gay. They won't sit by each other at the movies. But they get a cruise, but they accidentally book the honeymoon suite. So they get in, there's rose petals, and they're just trying to have a good time. So they go and they get in the heart-shaped bathtub together but they they won't even look at each other like and everyone wants to and like everyone wants to seem like super like okay with a gay couple because like they they want to be supportive of it of course but everyone goes out of their way in in the most straight way possible of trying to just be like oh my god congratulations you two and they're like

we're brothers no please no I'm straight yeah let's get the honeymoon sweet imagine if that happened in the middle of a movie you just looked back and there's two grown men crying and like

cause they're like you look at them and it's like stop looking we're straight listen he like leans listen kid listen we're straight okay i know we're sitting next to each other in a movie theater but i promise you i like vagina dude i want to whisper that to someone in front of me when i'm at him like just you and i had a movie together hey i know i'm sitting next to my friend but uh we both like pussy just so you know. Just in case you don't get the wrong idea that we like penis because we don't. I get grossed out just thinking

about it. I get sick to my stomach thinking about a penis. I look away when I see one. Okay, enjoy the movie. By the way, can I have some popcorn? What was I going to say? Oh yeah, when I went to go see Moonlight in theaters, I went and saw it by myself. Because if I took a guy friend, that would be totally gay.

So I was sitting there. And these two, like, middle-aged dudes, I guess they didn't read about what the movie was about. So they sat down in front of me. And they're, like, enjoying the movie. And then the scene comes up where he, it's like the first gay scene. And they're just, like, looking around the theaters going. The tug-of-war scene? Yeah, the tug.

Yes, that one. Where they play they play tug of war on the beach and the two guys the whole theater is signed but just these two guys are just looking around like nervous just to like assure everyone that they're not gay can you believe this? And then I got up and left right before he won tug of war. Coming off of that, did you see Pornhub released its yearly search map of the world?

No. Apparently Pakistan's biggest search is big dick. Yeah. But before that it was gay porn, so you know it's big dick gay porn. yeah because uh i feel like it's just because like that stuff is so repressed in those countries that you know because it's it's because they think it's because they all think nobody knows but all of a sudden like porn hub releases this map and they're all like who who's been who okay fess up but it's like everyone in the room. Like an ISIS meeting and like the head of ISIS comes in. All right.

Which one of you was it? Which one? Hey, Matt. Sorry. I'm just making sure. I'm planning a flight and there are several activities. Would you want to like go to the Eiffel Tower for a stint or take a dump in the mouth of the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia? That's a tricky one, dude.

Yeah. One's got a view. One's got a better view. But one's got a poo. Right, dude? Right? The Simpsons don't anymore. Oh, yeah, he died.

They killed him off. Wait, did they kill him off? They blew him up. They blew him up? Yeah. What do you mean they blew him up? He died in a van accident. Can I watch this?

I'm just fucking with you, Ryan. I was about to say, what are they doing to a poop? He was so funny that he blew up. Is he just gonna disappear? I think they're just gonna phase him out of the show. Or he's gonna move back to India or something. I don't know. I don't watch...

Who watches The Simpsons anymore? Who even gives a fuck? It's like, who cares? You have a Simpsons tattoo, douchebag. That was very abrasive. You could have just said you have a Simpsons tattoo, but the douchebag was just so out of left field, Ryan. I needed some extra syllables for that rhythm of the sentence. You have a Simpsons tattoo, douchebag.

Yeah, you see that? I'm going to only get Simpsons tattoos. I'm going to cover my whole body in Simpsons tattoos. Can it just be the same fish in different sizes around your body? My friend's dad, I remember... Your friend's dabbed? My friend's all dabbed together. It was so sick. When I was a kid, my friend Gavin,

his dad, came to school one day and all the kids were freaking out because first of all, one arm, he has a full tattoo sleeve with every Simpsons character on it. And the other arm is all the Disney princesses naked. So... What? Yeah. Those were his tattoos like and he walked into elementary school or like covered up yeah yeah like put like breasts and vajing so dude i just okay back on the movie theater thing do you remember that time we went to see was it mother and the guy sitting next to you scoffed at every single thing in the movie. Wasn't wasn't. Yeah,

it had to be mother and like I understand the scoffing, but it's like it's one of those movies where everyone watching it knows that it's a movie that's up its own ass. But if you're the guy making it apparent that you know that you just look like a tool. It's like, yeah, we all get it. That's the same guy that started flossing

during the movie. And I'm not talking about the Fortnite dance. He pulled out a thing of floss and started. You leaned over and you were like, he's flossing his teeth. And I leaned over and he's just sitting there. Not even flossing normally. Flossing like a cartoon character. I know. I was like, it was funny because I was like, Matt, he's flossing.

And I don't think. Well, you were so pissed at this guy at this point. I don't think you believed me at this point. I didn't. Because you were so mad at him. I saw you just keep looking at him and like. We had to have talked about this fucker before. We were definitely giving him a second feature.

But God, that shit was good. Was he the guy that kept like... Yep. It was like... Yes, all of that. Do you remember during the movie there was like a five minute stint where I just copy the same noises he was doing?

Yes. And then I was embarrassed to be sitting in that section because it was just two guys going... like a five minute stint where I just copy the same noises he was doing. Yes. And then I was embarrassed to be sitting in that section because it was just two guys going. And I was like, I was like, all right, Ryan, I get what you're going for, but I'm embarrassed. But in my head, it's like, if I can't fucking enjoy the film, then I'm just going to have fun. Hey, if you can't beat him, join him. I'm going to have fun with this dude.

He's like. Which I think made him do it more. know we started a little rap beat dude i notice in movies when someone's like being a loud or annoying you get this like uh i've seen it's me talking to me yeah you get this uh you turn your head like you're like the terminator you're just like wait at you or them no no at the person i notice you just you're like if someone's being loud or annoying you'll just get this look on your face like you're like the terminator you're just like wait at you or them no no at the person i notice you just you're like if someone's being loud annoying you'll just get this look on your face like you could about to shoot lasers out of your eyes and just like slowly turn your head towards them and just give them this like cold stare for like five seconds and they're like even if they're not looking you're just like and then back at the screen every time i see that i'm like oh just fuck them i know dude fuck them go to movie theaters and be assholes!

Like, you're paying! Movies are just too fucking expensive. You shouldn't have to pay $17 or $18 to go see a movie. So if you're paying that much, plus that much money for concessions, you shouldn't have to deal with assholes. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone just talks to me, because I can't pay attention. Like, they take me out of it, and I can't

get into the movie. Or when there's a funny group of high schoolers entertaining each other in the back row it's like shut up. The thing is I remember being that age but like I never did that type of shit. I didn't. I went to the movie with my two cousins once and they started making like farting sounds. I always got embarrassed if people were too loud in the theaters. Oh I still

get embarrassed. If I'm in a movie and one of my friends is like talking to me like not whispering I don't want to tell them to be quiet because I feel like that's rude but I just get like embarrassed. I'm like yeah yeah i think i go overboard because like when i whisper during a movie i know it's very it's very like intense asmr like ryan just just speak up no one can hear you but me i don't want to i don't want to i don't want to have someone hear me go i don't want i gotta let's get a tin can phone you can sit in the front row in the back row okay all right you see that scene yeah we just have donkey talkies it's like like you whisper but the i know i mean you accidentally hit the alarm like the siren

button like sorry guys should have to talk about this scene my favorite prank to do to your bros at the movies is you cut a hole in the bottom of the popcorn and you stick your erection through it. And then when your bro reaches in to get some popcorn, he just grabs your penis. That's good. And gets them every time. Matt! What? Is that a bird?

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You can weigh your letters and packages and print the exact amount of postage every time. I use stamps.com. They sent me some stamps and the digital scale because I had to send my surfboard all the way to Malibu from Hawaii. And I put three stamps on it from stamps.com and it was there very fast. Thank you, stamps.com. Well, if you like stamps.com, then you'll love the special offer they're providing. It's a four-week trial, which includes postage and a digital scale.

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Stamps.com is going to listen to that and be like, wow, they nailed it, dude. I know. They fucking nailed it. They even added the fart sound effect at the end. Because, you know, like other podcasts would be like, stamps.com is where you can go to get free stamps for your...

And then we're just like, dude, stamps, Malibu. There's a reason our advertisers continuously drop us throughout the year, and I haven't been able to put my finger on it yet. MeUndies is good to us, though. MeUndies, we love you. And stamps seems to like us so far. Well, we haven't heard back from them on any of their feedback yet.

We're probably going to get an email with a bunch of notes. It's a good deal. And it's a great deal. Four weeks of free postage in a digital scale, especially the holiday season? Jesus. Jesus would use that. Mail himself back to Bethlehem. You know? Mail himself back. I wonder if

you could use that stamp steal to mail yourself somewhere. Dude, how long would it take Jesus if he were to resurrect himself, like, again? Sorry, he's already resurrectedesus if he were to resurrect himself like again sorry he's already resurrected if he were to appear back on earth fizzle on onto onto the surface of earth alakazam how long would it i'm back i'm back bitches it's like a really flamboyant jesus how long do you think it would take jesus appear in a YouTube rewind? It took Will Smith like a year. Ryan, when Jesus comes again, he's going to eradicate Earth.

So there wouldn't be another YouTube rewind. He would make his own YouTube rewind, but it's like Earth rewind and all the best moments of Earth. We need Jesus to actually make the next YouTube rewind because I don't don't feel that YouTube Rewind represents the community whatsoever. He turns water into rewind. Yeah, no, that YouTube Rewind blew, like that thing rimmed my ass. And because we're saying that the YouTube Rewind

YouTube, if you're paying attention, we're saying it's hot garbage, but I'm sure, you know, I'll look back at that YouTube rewind when I'm 60 and I'll be able to scoff all again

yeah of course because it's just so classic I'll say oh I remember Fortnite from my 20s wow what a time I remember Ninja Will Smith was on YouTube who the fuck is Will Smith I think like if I'm ever going to look back at those the one that started with like Colbert and then this one with Will Smith and I think like one of it was either last look back at those, the one that started with like Colbert and then this one with Will Smith and I think like one of, it was either last

year or the year before that that had The Rock in it or whatever. She'd be like, oh yeah, that's when celebrities started, started taking over YouTube. Yep. And like, it's just getting worse every year. It's like, also I like when you lean forward to the mic and said YouTube if you're listening, because they're not, because we're not

a channel that makes millions. They don't give a shit. And that's what sucks about YouTube is they do not give a shit about smaller channels like ourself. Nope. They just care about. I don't think I don't even think they. They only care about making money and they don't care about the content creators. They do not give a shit about the content.

It's like any business Matthew. This is Google we're talking about. The makers of the iPhone. Do you see that? The Google CEO had to testify, and he was getting grilled by senators. And one old Republican senator was trying to catch him on a question about the iPhone. He was like, iPhone is made by another company, Senator. I mean, everyone laughed. And was the senator like, well, I don't know.

It's like when that one senator was grilling Mark Zuckerberg and it just made no sense. He's like, so anybody can access my information. Don't you think that's upsetting? Well, senator, you have access to your information. I don't. So you don't have access to my information. Senator, it's a public page. You can decide in the privacy settings what...

Senator, ah. Senator, no. Dude, Mark Zuckerberg needs to run for president, dude. I'm serious. He's the man we need in the White House. He will save us. Yeah. You know, that's what we need.

We need fucking Mark Zuckerberg. We need the Zuck for office 2020. Zuck, I know you listen to the podcast. Start running, man. He's a big fan. It's only, I know that Facebook's doing great right now and stocks are skyrocketing for Facebook and you have no bad press. So, that means you should run

for president. Please? Please? Please? It honestly scares me. Police, Navi, Dodd. I just wonder how much, like, info about myself Facebook has ever sold. Or, like, I just want to know what they have. I guarantee they have, I guarantee if you knew the extent to how much information

is collected on you it would freak you the fuck out they know your fucking face and they know like the new iPhone the face recognition stuff to unlock your phone it's like if you think for a second they're not doing that to kind of make a face catalog the only thing is because I was talking

to Justin our editor about this and we were that to kind of make a face catalog it's the only thing is because i was talking to justin uh our editor about this and we were kind of discussing just like paranoia about that type of stuff because it makes me feel like an conspiracy theorist and i don't want to be like that and he brought up something like very interesting because he was like you saw how much trouble apple went through to deny law enforcement access to someone's iPhone that was locked. Yeah. Remember? So like, it's like, if they're going to go to that extent to like go up against law,

I just, I just kind of feel like at least for now, hopefully everyone's faces that's been scanned out there, you're safe for now, but just wait till AI cracks the code, gets into the system and decides to do with it what it wants like track you down it's the ai not the companies that will kill us but who makes the ai ryan boom we need elon musk for president i love elon musk psych oh i don't know him i can't love him i can i can uh you love me right yeah real talk dude do you love me? yeah I love you too but not in a gay way but like dude I love old soldier boy cause he'll

say something and then immediately follow it by like no homo like he like if he says anything slightly not straight he always has to throw in in the next line no homo no homo and I like to choke on dick no homo and I like to suck on cock, no homo. And I like to choke on dick, no homo. And I like to suck Matt's dick, no homo.

Shaking my head. Does Ryan really suck Matt's dick? Leaked video of Ryan McGee slobbing down Matt's stupid cock. Why did you put that adjective in there? What's the point? Because it looks like a crazy straw. No, it doesn't. It's not stupid.

A penis is not stupid. A penis is a penis. Everybody's looks different. Everybody's has flaws. So it's like you don't need to go out of your way to just call my penis stupid, okay? We'll talk about this in therapy. Okay. Speaking of which, we're running late, so.

Oh, okay. We gotta get going to so uh see you everybody it's not it's couples therapy but we're not it's just because we're friends so it's like a couple therapy it's not it's not that kind it's just like a couple of beans or a couple of cups we're a couple of people a couple of small beans so no like like like bushes baked beans bushes baked beans sure whatever you want to we'll talk about this in therapy okay bye guys podcast is on itunes and we got a show this also on spotify spotify we got a show this sunday at the regent theater sold out uh so we'll see all 400 something

of you there holy shit that's too many people i'm scared i'm excited oh bye i'm excited. Bye. I'm excited too. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Now, okay. Bye. We're good. I get the last word. Bye. God damn it. Bye.

Stop. Bye. Let me have the last word. What are you doing? Ow! You fucking fri-