supermegashow - EP 126 - Doctor Discomfort

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

We talk the butterfly effect, Matt's epic Bill Maher experience, and a questionable doctor's office visit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Once upon a time, there was a man named Matt and another named Ryan. They both sat on a couch. And then... They were wondering how to start the podcast. And this was how. That was pretty good.

Not a bad bit, dude. Well, that bit was originally just supposed to be like a narrator does that, and then it was going to fade into us talking. And then the end of the podcast would have been, And thus concludes this story. It still can be. Okay. Wait, record that so we can put it at the end real quick.

And thus concludes the story of the man named Matt and the other named Ryan. If we die between the next episode, that's gonna be weird. Because it sounds like we were planning it. We're not planning to die. So. Fuck. Now I need to knock on wood or something.

Please make sure to hit the bell icon so you're updated on new uploads. Is there wood I can knock on wood or something please make sure to hit the bell icon so you're updated on new uploads is there wood i can knock on yes there is i'm gonna go knock on some wood let's talk about superstitions okay you know there's so many out there there's so many superstitions out there what are they there for what are they doing you, they're just there. Am I right? Yeah. Am I right? I said my thing like a youth leader giving a lesson about God and shifting something. So let's talk about

superstitions. Hearing youth leaders talk is like hearing very unfunny stand-up. That's what it always comes across as looking back. Okay, remind me to bring up unfunny stand-up let me talk about superstitions okay i don't believe in that kind of shit i don't believe oh okay i don't logically i don't believe in it but when i say something like yeah i've never

crashed my car i'm like fuck i gotta knock on wood or else i'm gonna crash my car there's no logic there but i still feel compelled to of course i i am the same way if i pick up a penny heads down i literally don't pick it up the only thing for me which happened today which i'm just like yep is i'm always like if there's a worst case scenario odds are it's going to happen and today you forgot your phone in your place of living and you had to park you had to park your car and there are assigned parking spots but there's also like 50 of them with no car yeah so you're going around and you park in this one spot i'm like matt just park in your spot it's just right it's just right over there i wanted to be close to the elevator you want to be close to the elevator and then

you're like no like ryan it'll be three minutes. Like, Matt, please. And you continued. You were just like, no. It was like three minutes. I just had to run in and get my phone. You go in the elevator. You go up. You're up there for about three minutes. And all of a sudden, this woman comes up to the side of the car. She's like, hey.

Like, hey, excuse me, just so you know, that's my parking spot. I parked over there, so it's fine, but I just thought I'd let you know. And I'm like, no, I'm sorry, my friend. He was just running up to get something. She's like, no, I'm just making sure that you know. It's like, okay. And then it was the same woman that passed you going into the elevator.

I didn't know. She was coming out. Yeah, she didn't look too happy. Did she not? No. She looked displeased by me when I walked by. She didn't know it was you. Maybe she was just displeased by me when I walked by. She didn't know it was you. Maybe she was just displeased by me in general.

Maybe she didn't like my haircut. Yeah. I shaved it off. She was probably displeased that her parking space, the one space that she has dedicated to her, was taken up. Because, you know, when you come home and someone was in your parking spot, you'd be like, what the fuck? Yeah, I would. I'd be pissed. I'd be livid.

Why didn't you? Ryan, I could have parked in any of the other parking spots, and the same thing could have or could have not happened. It was just bad luck. I mean, I also could have parked in my parking spot. Yes, exactly. It would have taken 10 extra seconds. Yeah, but that.

Then I'd have to walk further to the elevator. We wouldn't be at this point in the podcast yet. Think about that. We'd be 20 seconds behind. Yeah, I did it so we could just record it and get done. I'm helping you, Ryan, because think about this. Butterfly effect. You might not be here on this couch with me right now

if you hadn't tripped over your shoelaces at one point when you were four. The smallest events trigger the biggest actions down the road. I'm sorry, I got that backwards. The smallest actions trigger the biggest events down the road. I'm sorry. I got that backwards. The smallest actions trigger the biggest events down the road. The Titanic might not have sank if some dude hadn't dropped his automobile keys down a drain one day. Wait, what? What was that?

Automobile keys. Okay. Why? No, what was the event? The Titanic sinking. The Titanic sinking. Automobile keys. They had cars back then they did

they they used to transport them using big ships too yeah they still do of course so by me parking in that spot instead i could have just saved you from a car crash in 20 years or you could have yeah that's a car crash is now impending because of that isn't that weird to think about like i literally could have just sealed your fate 20 years from now on a car crash because of that. Isn't that weird to think about? Like, I literally could have just sealed your fate 20 years from now in a car crash because of that. It is interesting because the way I look at things is I think this is going to sound weird. I think everything's

predetermined, not because that there's some almighty being, but just because there's only one way life goes. There's no branching paths. There's branching paths you can take, but depending on which one you take, there's only one.

So there's only one, like, I'm not saying like everything's already decided, but in a sense it kind of is because things are just going to happen on that one timeline forever. Do you believe in string theory? What's that? It's that theory that there's infinite universes

and every time you make a choice... I haven't read up on much so I don't know if that's legit. Brian knows a lot about it, but he's also a fucking dumbass. He's a theoretical physicist. Brian has a PhD in shit that's not even

proven, so it might as well be imaginary science he's a master at. So is he really that smart? Is he? No. I mean, he has a PhD, but it's an imaginary shit. It's theoretical physics. That's not real.

That's why it's called theoretical. Checkmate, Brian. Why don't you go do something useful with your life? Like ninja sex party. Yeah, like ninja sex party. Yeah. Like ninja sex party. I love that Brian Wecht has a PhD in theoretical physics, but

makes his living and probably makes much more money singing in a comedy band about dicks and boners than he would with his PhD in theoretical physics. He used to be on the social game too. Yeah. Poop and doo-doo. I remember those tweets. The classic Brian Wecht

poop and doo-doo butt sex tweets. Oh, Brian. Brian. Hey, my name's Brian Wecht. I'm going to lock my daughter Audrey in a hot car all day

to see how she'll react. That's something Brian would do. Theoretically, she should perish, but I believe that with my genes and my seed,

she will accomplish tasks that your normal average man could not she's like bruce willis from unbreakable she just can't get hurt she can't die i mean i saw glass how was glass it's all right i guess but not really you don't like it one of those movies where like there's some bits in it that are like oh i like this sequence and i like some of the music that's going along with this sequence, and I like the way the camera's panning, or I like the way he's using Steadicam for this one shot,

or I like this long take, but I wouldn't say I like the movie. I think it shouldn't have been made. Wow. Especially with what they did with the ending. I'm like, hmm. M. Night, did he have to throw his classic m night twist in yeah except this time it it's like the twist doesn't recontextualize

much it's just kind of like i'm not without spoiling it's just it's one of those twists quote unquote i guess there is a twist bigger than i can't talk about spoilers but there are like multiple twists in the end but the one final twist doesn't really recontextualize the whole movie it just recontextualizes the climax M. Night was playing twister and fell over he just wasn't good with this one

the twist was not satisfying oh by the way for the people I also finished season one of the good place because people were saying how I don't understand. Did you go back and watch it because of the comments? Because they were like, you don't understand. You don't know the big twist.

And like, look at Ryan. He thinks he knows everything about The Good Place. But the thing is. The Good Place theory. It's like that twist that what they're talking about doesn't make the jokes better. It doesn't make like. Because I'll laugh every now and then with the show, like once every two episodes. It's like when we go see a Tyler Perry movie. There'll be one thing that we're just like, wow, okay.

Like it's like, it'll be minuscule things like the delivery of one of the actors. I forget his name. He plays Michael in the show. His delivery on certain things will get a chuckle out of me most just a chuckle yeah not a chore like i'll be like okay that was that was that was fun i like the way he delivered it and then like i'll rewind 10 seconds just to watch the way he delivered it again because i'm like i like the delivery and um but like for most of the other people that are in the show, and this is going to sound weird. I just don't.

It's. You can't really make a successful comedy show when you when comedians aren't the stars, really. Like when the actors aren't funny. Yeah. That's why we need our own comedy show. And nothing against like Kristen Bell or anything like that. I'm not saying like they're not funny. I just don't personally find them funny.

And when you look at stuff like for example wait is she the girl that played Jane in Breaking Bad no when you think of movies like what's the super bad that was made by comedians and so it's naturally like some of the riffing is like funny

or all the actors are hilarious too. Or if you think of like I'll go to Hot Fuzz. Hot For- Fours. Hot Fours. Hot Fours. Hot Fours has some like good moments. I wouldn't say it's generally like a laugh out loud film.

It is my favorite comedy. But the chemistry also with the actors is really good. They do chemistry? Yeah, dude. I brought my A game today. You did. I laid in bed last night thinking about that one. They do chemistry? Yeah, dude. I brought my A game today. You did. I laid in bed last night thinking about that one. I was like, yeah.

But I don't know. The good place for me, the comedy, more often than not, doesn't work. And it'll be a little tiny thing once every two or three episodes that actually gets a chuckle out of me. But it's mostly because of the delivery of a line instead of the actual content of the punchline or joke. the delivery of a line instead of the actual content of the punchliner joke. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects

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penis over here i thought you're about to say my own penis. Why would I ever do that? Because the joke is that mine is not the one that is big. But in reality, yours is at least twice as big. Yeah. Oh, boy. Let me tell you. I have a monster cock the size of... He's not lying. Oh, God.

Stop. A monster cock the size of Barack. God. It's the size of... It's shaped just like Barack Obama. And he talks to you. You have schizophrenia and when you look at your penis,

he goes, Ron. When Barack needed to go out late at night, I would lay on the side of the bed and hoist my cock up in the sheet so that Michelle would still think he was in bed. Ron, I gotta piss. Gotta let the troops out.

My cock is actually Barack Obama. He speaks through your trousers. I hear him. Some Resident Evil demon looking shit. I'm signing an executive order to take a piss! Barack's my penis. That's a Barack cock, dude. There it is, man. Woo! He fought the war in

uh, I-pants. Ah, fucking, Af-Pants. That was fucking... Please keep that. Please keep this in the final cut. Of course I will. It's good stuff. It's good shit, dude. Do you not think it's good? Well, that joke was... Ron, I gotta take him to shit.

I honestly think that joke was just as good as Upstart. Applying for a loan is a lot like applying for a job that you don't get to interview for. Instead, loan companies make their decisions based off your credit scores and history without getting to know the whole you. Now, thanks to Upstart.com, it never has to be that way again. Upstart is revolutionizing the way you borrow money by rewarding you for your job experience and education in the form of a smarter interest rate. Gee, Ryan, if we had only had a loan when we started SuperMega,

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make sure you do your research. I know something that has you seething with jealousy. I see that jealous look in your eyes. What is it? Is it perhaps the fact that someone on this couch went to go see HBO's Bill Maher? Oh, dude. Oh, shit. You did.

I went and I saw I was in the studio audience of Bill Maher last Friday. Shit sucked. Isn't it weird? You jewel as a joke and you end up regretting it. You go to Bill Maher as a joke and it ends up actually being just a horrible time. Yeah. Maybe I should stop doing ironic shit. Because it's not fun anymore. I'm just gonna look back when I'm

30 and I'm gonna be like, what the fuck did I do all that shit for? I went to go see Bill Maher. Man, guys. I had nothing else to do. It was so funny when I owned myself by going to see Bill Maher and getting addicted to nicotine. God, that was good. This is the 2019 Matt. God, Ryan, remember when we owned ourselves

by going to see all the Madea movies in theaters as soon as they came out or when we saw God's Not Dead I know we're still gonna do it why are we so stupid I don't know like honestly I don't I think it's the idea that's funny but in

practice I think whenever we're in the middle of a Madea movie it's actually miserable we realize it's actually not. It's actually not fun. Like, it's not like, oh, can you believe they're doing this? Oh, look how stupid. Like, no one gives a shit. What's the prophet of YouTube's name? What's his name?

Oh, Fousey. Yeah, Fousey too. Fousey boobs. Ha ha! You're... Fousey noob. I hope you're getting help, Fousey, because that shit was stupid. Anyways, not the Madea... Wellousey. Cause that shit was stupid.

Anyways, not the medium. Well, the media that was stupid. I'm talking about the other stuff you pulled. You know what I'm talking about? When you and Drake were best friends and you stalked him outside of a club, he did it on like Instagram live. He did.

Yeah. Damn dude. He made eye contact apparently with Drake and that's all he needed. And they, and like Drake converted the positive energy and affirmation that he would show up to the event in that one solid lock of their eyes because they're brothers they're brothers that want to make things positive in the world well they both played the antagonist in medea movies drake did not was not in the medea movie that's what he did after degrassi. Was Drake in a Medea movie?

Yeah. No, he wasn't. Yeah, he was. Was he really? Yeah. Which one? Medea's big fat snatch. Yep, yep.

Because he was in Degrassi. It is believable that he would show up in an earlier on Medea movie as like one of the younger children's like asshole boyfriends. Medea gets an unsharpened number two ticonderoga pencil stuck in her vagina that's tight as fuck then yeah he's got a tight put the whole movie was one shot of her laying on the floor in the bathtub trying to pull it out she could not get it out i don't want to spoil the ending though she gets it out she gets it out it was very redeeming. It goes... And she goes, Oh, Lord, I got the

Ticonderoga pencil out of my vagina. She goes, Oh, Lord. No, she actually just says it. It's Tyler Perry's normal voice. Oh, Lord. The thing is, he just gives up the Madea character halfway through and just...

And then at the end, he says, in regular Tyler Perry voice, Oh, got the pencil out of my vagina. See, like, if they just dropped that one in theaters, that would be huge, right? Full frontal of Medea, or big pussy. She's got a unsharpened number two

Ticonderoga pencil stuck up her snatch. Goddamn. I'm honestly Speechless Because I don't know how to What to say next This is an interesting image that I have in my head One and two

That's what we do on this podcast we paint pictures You know in comedy you escalate things I don't know how I mean I could escalate it Oh sorry now Now Medea has a sharpened number two. What is it? Unsharpened. Unsharpened.

Number two. Ticonderoga brand pencils. Ticonderoga brand. Remember those? They made you use them on standardized tests. In her vagina. Except this time, she is on a farm

and she's riding a horse at the same time. And she's trying to get it out while she's on the horse. And she's wearing clown shoes. Come on, what is this? What the fuck is this? Dude, take it up with Tyler. Take it up with Tyler. Ask him why he made these choices.

Yeah, it's all him. He wrote the movie. Oh shit. He directed it and starred in it. Write me the trailer. What? Write me the trailer. For what? What are you doing? You okay? Was it too funny? Was it the Madea stuff? Shit, there's blood. Hold on, I need to go to the bathroom. Fuck. Oh, you got it on, it's dripping down your lip.

Hold on, I'll be right back. Okay, so we're back. Fuck. Ryan gets these growths in his lungs and sometimes they pop. Yeah, I don't know what they are. But I have blood in them. So as much as I love this conversation, you want to tell me how your time was, though, with Bill Maher?

Well, it wasn't with Bill Maher. I wasn't being interviewed. My day with Bill Maher. By Matt Watson. First we got pizza. Then he showed me his favorite ice cream place. And then we. He really likes strawberry with chocolate sprinkles. Not rainbow. He gets

mad if you give him rainbow. Bill doesn't like that. Then we went out and owned some Christians and told them they're stupid. And then he took me back to his hotel room where he firmly punched me in the back of the head and I lost consciousness for 16 hours straight. Let me run you through my Bill Maher experience.

So I get there and they took my cell phone. And I put it in a little bag? Yeah, they took it away from me. I get inside and I got to wait outside. And they're like, guys, one of those really annoying guys with the megaphone, who's ready to see Bill Maher? Were a lot of people excited? It was just old

white people and there was a one one mexican dude whose head was way too small for his body um but that's beside the point like guys do we have a trip for you bill's gonna be ready in about 15 minutes so in the meantime how about we check out this brand new bill maher highlight reel and we had to sit there and we watched like a 15-minute Bill Maher best moments compilation. Like Bill Maher owns compilation. And halfway through, the audio got out of sync with the video for a couple minutes. So they stopped it and then restarted the whole thing. So that was good.

And then we get inside and I got the worst seats. They were all the way to the side, but all the cameras and the tech station was in front. I couldn't even see anyone on stage. And then like a couple, I guess, 16 or 17 year old girls sat in front of us and just turned around and like kept trying to get our attention, like giggling the whole time. Incredibly annoying. And one laughed like that. And then the guy sitting behind me, I'll get into him in a second.

And before the show starts, one of the writers comes out to do a little bit of standup comedy. It was the most uncomfortable I've ever been in a crowd. What'd he say? What'd he say? It's just, the jokes are just so terribly unfunny. I felt bad for him.

I was like, like he was actually bombing. Yeah. Like people weren't really laughing and you could, you knew where the punchline was going 30 seconds before he made it. Oh, that's the worst when you're like, yep. He's like, so my wife's aunt was cremated. And recently I had to evacuate because of the fires.

And my wife wanted to grab everything. And I'm like, I know where this is going. Tells it for like three and a half minutes. And I'm like, honey, she's already ashes. And I was like, yep. Wait, already ashes. And I was like, yeah, wait, what? Like three minutes.

Yeah. It was a long ass joke. I don't know why he, and then he, and then he thought it was going to jump to. It's like, so she got cremated, got to the next morning.

I'm making coffee. And my wife goes, honey, that's my aunt. She's sharing your drinking. And I said, well, she must be decaf because it ain't working that was funny i would i would have laughed at that but he uh at one point he like he like air humped and some people in the audience like cheered and it's kind of like when a little

kid does something funny and notices adults laugh he's like i gotta keep doing it did you see that look in his eye yeah yeah he gets that like then did he did he did he keep he air humps again and people clap a little less and when he does it again and again until there's like two guys clapping him and he just stopped i was like what the hell was that did he do you think he like pre-planned that he's like air humping segment this this is gonna be gold he just did it without a punchline he shows it to his manager and he's like what did he do this air humping segment is gold he was quiet and then he just air he was he was showing us how the the desk that they do the interview at is going to slide forward on stage. And he like pretended to move it and it didn't air hump.

And people were like, woo! And then he was like, and he got, he goes up front and then he walks back again. Like he had to move back into position and then he did it again. Well, then the joke might have been that like it's the audience that is like, he's like, ooh, okay. I guess I'll do that again for the audience. Maybe that was the joke? Honestly, Ryan, if you were there, I wish you could have seen it. No, don't wish that upon me.

So let me get into Bill Maher himself. He comes out. Dude, he is a short king. He's like 5'5". Is he really? Yeah, and his head. I wish he wore suits that were too big like he's like five five is he really yeah his head and his head he wore suits he's got a huge head i wish his his suits look like children's suits because he's so short the thing that i love about seeing people that you like i've seen on tv for the longest time in person or on the internet is that you get their you see their proportions for the first time and

at first it's kind of wonky, because it's like, this is a real person. You're just seeing how they fit into your plane of viewing, I guess. Okay, so I looked up Bill Maher's 5'8", which isn't that short. It's not really short. I guess for a man it can be considered short. Three inches shorter than me. And you're not short at all.

Am I not? No, you're tall. I think I'm average height. But yeah, you're average. So 5'8", I you're tall average height you're but yeah you're average so 5'8 i think it's a little under average might be wrong on that please don't crucify me if you're under 5'8 and uh but the thing is his head is so big it makes his body like he has a very childish body does he like a skinny child like that's the best way i can describe it like the body of like a 16 year old uh but he doesn't have a soccer player short man's body? It's just the proportions are

in his head's pretty big. He comes out and he does all his stuff and I can't see anything. Pretty just average Bill Maher, I guess. I haven't watched any other episodes, but I was like I'll go see Bill Maher, why not?

As a joke. You actively searched out for the tickets though. You didn't have to tell them that part well I'm just I was joking about Bill Maher one night with Harrison Jackson I was like we should see if we can get free tickets to Bill Maher and on my first try I got them so I was like okay what makes it better like how else would you have got

I just happened upon some Bill Maher tickets like I mean so I was I was sitting on the bus and the woman next to me gets up and and these these two golden pieces of paper fall out of her purse and i go ma'am ma'am you you drop something but the doors are already closed i picked them up what are they two glimmering tickets to bill maher himself and uh night of my life the rest is history oh i forgot before the show started they were like guys we got a special surprise.

We got a Bill Maher highlight reel. Never seen before. Let's play it. And they played another 10-minute highlight reel. Did they play three? Well, they played two, but they restarted the first one halfway through because the audio got off sync. Guys. Oh, what's up, Ryan's Clone?

Talk about the belly button thing. Thanks, man. I will. So what is he talking about? The belly button thing? Oh, man. I will. So what is he talking about? The belly button thing? Oh, yeah. I had this written down on my list of topics, so I'm sure you're wildly confused what the belly button thing is.

Do you know, like, when you push in your belly button, like your finger in it, you can, like, feel it, like... In your penis? Yes. Like, okay, hold on. For me, it's like a urethra, maybe, like tip of the urethra in the penis yes like okay hold on for me it's like a urethra maybe like tip of the urethra in the penis area yeah like okay i just did it and that's where i felt like a i hate it dude like it's a stinging it's on the very it's on the it's on the tip of my pecker like the tip and it feels

like maybe like an electrical spark like a little like a stinging like like when you ash your cigarettes on my penis yeah but like why does that happen i don't i why would i know you're the one that does it i mean i don't do it i'm just saying i noticed it i don't you're making it seem like i just dig in my fucking no i was talking about the ashing the cigarettes on my penis oh okay yeah um yeah i cannot stand my belly button being touched like when i uh go to the doctor for a checkup and he sticks his long finger in my belly button and he like pokes it down. What? When you go to the doctor for the checkup and they feel your belly button. You said he really sticks his finger inside of your belly button.

It's when he's like feeling my stomach area for like tumors or lumps. He puts his finger in my belly button and he like pushes it in and I hate it. For a long time for a couple seconds and feels around what does your not does your doctor not do that my doctor like he makes me lay down and he feels my tummy and shit but he doesn't stick his finger into my

fucking belly button and and fucking wriggle his finger around my doctor sticks it in deep and it fucking hurts and he like moves his finger around to like feel around for my organs or some shit. Is that what he said? Yeah. Okay, for those of you who are doctors.

Every time I get a checkup, that happens. They stick their finger in my belly button. I'm going to look this up. Doctor sticks. Oh, wait, that was my uncle. Finger in belly. It didn't autocomplete, so. Things are not looking good for me.

The doctor put his finger in your what? The deliberate mom. but it didn't auto-complete, so... Things are not looking good for me. The doctor put his finger in your what? The deliberate mom. Why does touching my belly button feel weird? I hate touching my belly button, man. Why you shouldn't poke your belly button. Okay, so what does the doc know then? I'm going to get a new doctor. It feels weird when you poke inside.

There's a reason why touching your belly button... Oh, and he would also poke his finger down my pee hole. The belly buttons, they're pretty weird, and if you're poked, this is BuzzFeed. And if you've ever poked a finger deep inside your belly button or had someone do it to you rude, you have to. Okay, specifically, it's God. They just, it's that moment where they just talked in gifs every other sentence. It's one of those fucking things.

Don't you mean gifs? You have the ability to stimulate not only the skin overlying the nail, but also the fibers of the inner lining of your abdomen. I don't want to hear this, dude. It's making me squeamish. It sends a signal from the deeper fibers that line your inner abdominal cavity to your spinal cord. Because your spinal cord at that level is also relaying signals from your bladder and urethra. There it is. It feels almost the same.

You interpret this as discomfort in your bladder. You will notice... Okay. Maybe that's why I don't like my belly button being touched. But why... I don't see anything where it says... Hold on. I'm gonna look this up. But this is like a mom. Moms know this kind of stuff, Ryan.

This is common mom knowledge. Like, a pregnant woman... Yeah, how do you think moms learn this stuff? Yeah, but you're not a pregnant woman, so... How do you know? Okay, why did the doctor stick his finger in my belly button? The NSA agent watching your phone right now is like, oh, poor guy. I know.

He's like, Jesus. As you stick your finger into your belly button, it sends a signal from the deeper. No, I get that. That's where BuzzFeed copied and pasted it fromed it from aspiring doctor is forced to face her phobia of navels why is that when i touch that there's a oh yeah they're called navels this is why i feel so weird when you poke your can we talk about outies for a second do you know anyone with an outie i know nobody with an outie dude the only article that i'm finding, I'm sorry, of a doctor like digging into someone's belly button is the deliberate mom, which is this blog for pregnant women. Maybe he was trying to see if I was with child.

Who knows? If the Virgin Mary can conceive a child by the touch of God, then maybe I can too. What? Sorry, I'm trying to figure this out for us, Matt. If God wanted to, he could make you pregnant. If he wanted to, yeah, but he won't because he's not real. Anyways. Ryan McGee owns Christians.

Oh, we got Bill Maher over here, ladies and gentlemen. God actually could be real, and I just made him mad. It was for the funny, funny bit, God. Sorry, God. Why does... it was for the funny funny bit god sorry god why does i think god's got bigger fish to fry than you making fun of him on a podcast like making you pregnant i really i i'm i'm really trying to like are you not interested in i think it's just a doctor thing like a doctor like if he needs to feel around my stomach he needs to stick his finger to get closer you know literally i can't find anything when i'm like doctor sticks finger in

belly button you can look up doctor you know i'll call i'll call him and ask him about it doctor sticks finger in my butthole but you can't find anything about a doc you know doctor stick stick down throat what if this is just a big joke between the doctor community? Like, dude, I bet we can grab dudes nuts. So it's like, okay, we'll convince them that it's part of a checkup, but it really doesn't matter. So it's just a whole ring of doctors that behind the scenes are just laughing their ass off. Like, dude, I grabbed this guy's nuts this week. Luckily, it turns out to be an actual super important checkup because they're checking for cancer.

He's probably checking my belly button for cancer. What are you talking about? He stuck it so deep he was able to touch my nuts. I just... He stuck it deep? It hurt, yeah. He fucking poked that shit. Well, you can't go deep inside, but he pushed it like down. Hold on, hold on.

I'm going to turn the mic on. I'm going to go around the office and ask all the men in the office if their doctors ever stuck their finger in the belly button. Alright, let me know what the results are. Okay, hold on. I'm going to turn the mic on. I'm going to go around the office and ask all the men in the office if their doctor's ever stuck their finger in the belly button. All right. Let me know what the results are. Okay. Hold on. Can I bother you two for a quick second? What's the point? I'm interviewing people because something happened to Matt,

and I'm just trying to make sure everything's fine. Has a doctor ever put his finger inside of your belly button and wriggled his finger around? Wait. Absolutely no bit did matt say that happened to him yes i can think of no medical reason a doctor okay okay and your belly button okay i mean i had a doctor that was like a really good friend of mine and that's a different story though okay this is a stranger doctor oh no no no no okay, hold on. I'm asking a lot of people in the office. Hold on.

Tucker, has a doctor ever, during a checkup, stuck his finger in your belly button? Not once. Not once. Okay, okay, okay. Leighton, has a doctor at any point during a checkup stuck his finger and wiggled his belly button inside of your belly button? No.

No. Vernon, has a doctor ever stuck his finger inside of your belly button and wiggled his finger around? No. Who am I talking to? Oh, my God. Ooh. Susie. Weird question because this is like

super serious and like something might have something weird might have happened with Matt at a doctor's office and I'm trying to understand it at any point during a physical checkup has a doctor stuck his finger inside of your belly button

and wiggled his finger around that has never ever around okay okay okay matt nobody not one person yeah he stuck his finger in my belly button this sounds like a seinfeld episode like jerry comes back is this like a bit gone too far no this is this happened he stuck his finger in your belly it wasn't weird or anything though like it wasn't like of weird intentions and i'm recording this by the way because as because this is a bit but you said you said you know who was a doctor okay are you asking him right now so apparently no one else has had that experience um but okay the doctor did it wasn't like weird it was like just part of the checkup.

He was just like feeling my stomach. And he was like, he did it for a second or two, like feeling around. In your belly button though. That's the important thing. He pushed, he put his finger in the, I don't have a deep belly button, in the divot of my belly button. And he pushed and then he felt the tip. See how this is my belly button? Yeah. Yep. And then he, and then he kind of, well, I don't have a deep belly button. See? so he just kind of like put his finger side of a belly button yeah but you still got an innie he poked pretty hard and then he kind of felt around for a second was like okay okay he uh he it was he wasn't like it wasn't like i have zero belief in my mind that it had any kind of weird or ill intention okay i think he was just doing his doctor stuff.

Okay. Well, we have someone actually asking three doctors right now. So we'll find out. But I mean, what do you think the dude's getting off, putting his finger in my belly button? All I'm saying is no one else remembers or has a memory of a doctor doing that at a checkup in the office. Well, your doctor sucked your toes and that didn't happen to me, but you didn't think that was weird.

All doctors suck your toes if you ask politely. Okay. Well, maybe I should ask sometime and that didn't happen to me, but you didn't think that was weird? No, they don't. If you ask politely. Okay, well, maybe I should ask sometime. Okay, try it out with this doctor. He seems already geared up for it. I go in next time. So, I listen to your podcast. You accusing me of something? Here's a

slander lawsuit. Now, I won't sue you. I am not accusing you of doing anything weird. If you can give me one last stick. I let him stick his finger in my belly button so he doesn't sue me. That's the good stuff. And you're going to come back every month on the 24th.

What about Christmas? Like, I have to stay in LA so he doesn't sue me. And I don't get to see my family at Christmas. So you have to go to his office, like this dark, dingy office. I'm drinking coconut water right now. Dead nurses, strung about the floor. Okay, now that's too far. I'm drinking coconut water right now.

And I really like coconut water. Because you're stupid. Really, dude? Really. Got him. That's what you're going to say? Boom, boom, boom. I'm not even telling my coconut water story now.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Prove it. Okay. I'll prove you wrong. Coconut water either always tastes really good or it just tastes like ass. There's like no in between. You taste ass before?

I'm a man of the world, Ryan. I have been there, done that. That's not an actual admission of ass eating. Of course not. It's just a bit. Yes. The question of whether Matt Watson has eaten ass. Doesn't actually have to be answered. That will be something left to the imagination.

Tucker's looking at me through the window. Why? Tucker, what are you looking at me for? Does he have something to say? He was holding an apple. Oh. No, he threw it at me. What the fuck?

He threw an apple at you? Yeah, he threw an apple at me. Is there a bite out of it? No, it's a perfectly an apple. Oh. No, he threw it at me. What the fuck? He threw an apple at you? Yeah, he threw an apple at me. Is there a bite out of it? No, it's a perfectly good apple. Did he carve, like, a word into it? No, it's just a perfectly good red apple. Did he wash it before throwing it at you? No, and Tucker, probably not.

It's gonna waste water if you wash your fruit so you don't get E. coli. Okay, Tucker. Why don't you go hug some trees, buddy? I'm gonna go eat some lettuce, you fucking fruit. Why don't you go pick some leaves off the ground and shove them up your ass? You pansy. Stupidest insults. I got called Nancy Boy once.

I'm like, what is Nancy Boy? I think the biggest insult that was thrown my way like the one that the two that have let's player now in in in middle school it was like queer was used a lot I remember queer was used a lot I think just in general in that time that shit hurts I got I got called out when I was a kid not That made me very upset. Made me sad. What other names do the bullies call you, Ryan? Other names? I don't want to discuss the other one. Ryan McFat?

I'm just coming up with amazing names for you that no one's ever called you. Just like, what, they call you Lung Cancer McGee? Ryan McFat? That's me. And then you just look at me like, what the fuck, dude? What if i actually get lung cancer you're gonna feel real bad no i mean that's my choice it's your choice it's my choice

to smoke choosing to die you feel bad i hope you wouldn't feel bad when you die can your gravestone just be one of those like cigarette pillars outside of a restaurant that you like when i'm 90 and pass away i will make sure that my grave has a cigarette as it. I just feel the way the universe works. I'm gonna die before you. It's just how it works. What do you mean? I'm the one that always gets into bad luck because of the stuff Your bad luck's gonna rub off on me and I'm gonna fall into a meat processor. No, see, the way it works

you don't have to deal with the bad luck that you cause. I have to. Like in the parking lot. Okay. So like I'm gonna die first because I'm sucking all of the bad luck out of you. Hold on. So you're invincible. Are you chewing?

You don't want to chew on Mike? Why not? People get annoyed if you eat on Mike. A lot of people... You're not supposed to eat the pit. Get that out of your mouth. I didn't mean to fucking bite into the pit and it was horrible. I hate when you take a bite of an apple that's too, and you get a little bit of the pit on it.

And it's just like, ah. It's one of the worst things in the entire fucking world. Don't swallow the seeds. They'll grow inside of you. Really? Yeah. Did you swallow any seeds? Yeah.

How many? I was thinking of swallowing another. Did you just now? Yeah. In the middle of that conversation, I I felt one but I swallowed it anyway. Don't let your pets eat grape. Don't let your dogs eat grapes, people. I think, right? Grapes are poisonous to dogs, or is that a myth? Uh, I'm not- you wanna test it? You wanna give Lego some?

I'm gonna- Hey guys, welcome back to Super Mega. Today we're gonna give Ryan's dog grapes and chocolate and see what happens. Here we go, ready for this? Don't feed dogs grapes. Okay. So it's although the toxic substance within grapes and raisins is unknown, these fruits can cause kidney failure. Until more information is known about the toxic substance, it is best to avoid feeding

grapes or raisins to dogs. And now watch this. I'm going to go to YouTube and I'm going to type in my dog loves grapes and my dog loves grapes. I think I, I think I gave my dog loves grapes and my dog loves grapes i think i i think i gave my dog grapes once eating your dog grapes and then dog loves grapes riley ate a whole bag of grapes now she's dead it's just like like update video riley died the grapes dragged her to hell now the grapevines are whipping her rear end man I shouldn't have eaten that apple dude I forgot

you're allergic to apples I know and I'm feeling it right now my lips are on fire that's what happened last time in Tokyo you had apple juice the roof of my mouth and my throat itched terribly my tongue is tingling

and I have horrible pain in my chest like heavy heartburn no Tucker that's on Tucker how is that on him he walked in and threw the fucking apple at me that doesn't matter you're the one that took the bite out of an apple my lip I taste blood

you said you tasted that last time you tasted iron or something last time oh I ate iron or something last time. Oh, I ate that apple thing in Tokyo and it fucking destroyed me. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I had to run to the drugstore and I'm like, give me drugs. I want to go back to Tokyo. I want to fucking have Fama Chicky.

What is it called? Keep guessing. Fama Chicky. That's really close. You're only one vowel off. Whatama Chicky. That's really close. You're only one vowel off. What? Fami Chicky. Fami Chicky? At Family Mart. It's a little like chicken patties.

It's so fucking good, dude. Ryan and I would just walk down to the 7-Eleven at like 2 a.m. and just get a beer or like a drink and then like some of that chicken. Fucking amazing sushi at like 4 a.m i went out one night for like half the price one of my last nights there i went out and like met a dude from south korea and like talked to him for a bit he bought me a drink and i didn't even know the guy

and i couldn't remember the rest of the night oh my god yeah just like i sorry just all I remember about Tokyo for me is that I was kind of just away and I was just like I was just in a very nice mental state. It was like the best way I can describe it. And it sounds weird, but it's like a trance. It's because I was so far away from home and so disconnected from anything over here. And like I wasn't having to do any work because we worked ahead of time and stuff like that. And it's just like it was just like an overall good experience you guys were like the tour guides taking me along I didn't have to do that much

thinking I was just walking experience experiencing shit eating great food with some people that like are fucking awesome and I just had a good time and I'm searching for that again because I'm sad what am I one of the awesome people yes yes yes oh this is more exciting than when i was on bill maher you even like on my

birthday i went out to go take a smoke and i came back up and you had gotten like fucking part like a happy birthday it's on my instagram um just because like i had to i had to put that in there because like i really that that was super cool. Oh, dude, of course. I like little shit like that. I'm not going to forget your dang birthday. It's Flag Day. Yeah.

That comes first. That's a bigger deal to me. Yeah, Flag Day is first. But your birthday is still very important. Hopefully – well, I don't really make a big thing of my birthday because someone else's birthday is on that day. The American flag. Yep. But guess who was born the same day the American flag was created?

Who? Our president. He wasn't born the same day. He's like 340 years old. We find out he was born the day the American flag was created. He's 340 years old. flag was created i remember like reading the the bible like how old's no yeah i'd be like no it was 956 what the fuck no he wasn't he stopped lying oxygen kills the skin bruh really yeah you're fucking with me what are you talking about oxygen kills you are you inept it's how we live

you fool right you think i can die in too much water why don't you why don't you pull your head out of your ass and uh start reading some science okay some real science not that faux science bullshit that brian wecht studied imagine that imagine thinking you're so cool because you have a phd in imaginary bullshit that's not even imaginary it's like you made up the smartness it's like yeah you may like brian literally made up and his colleagues made up that shit in that smartness and they think that they're heroes for it no brian go fuck yourself and they can get a phd for it what does that stand for pretty hung dick that's a that's hung dick? That's a positive. That is a positive.

Not if it's too hung. True. How are you supposed to service a partner if your penis is too large? I don't have that problem. So mom does. Yeah. Not my mom, but I'm talking about mom. Oh, mother?

Yeah. Yeah. Mother does. Anyways, she doesn't like us mentioning her, so we should probably Yeah. Yeah. Mother does. Anyways, she doesn't like us mentioning her, so we should probably stop. Yep. New merch! It's all sold out. Yeah, YouTube fucked up.

And today was the one day there was the error where if you upload a video at like 9 a.m. this morning, it just wouldn't go out. It would say it's public, but no one would be able to find it or see it. And that was where the merch promo was. So everyone on Twitter jumped on it and bought everything before anyone from YouTube could. So sorry, guys. We're going to try to get stuff restocked soon. But there's a lesson in that. If you follow our Twitter...

We're so close to 100,000 followers. Well, I think we're less than 1,000 by now. So if you guys want to be the 1,000th follower, maybe we can do a giveaway that we bring up right now and then forget about and everyone's mad let's not do that let's not do a giveaway definitely not do that let's not let's not like throw up gift card codes on this screen that had been expired months prior we could i heard that solves any type of public controversy. Okay. Bam. Bam. Bam.

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So, Ryan. Yes? I know what we should talk about. Egg. Egg. Air. Air. Air. Airplanes. Airplanes, sure. Is that it? Did I get it right? Sure. I was...

We're going to be on an airplane next month on our tour. Which tickets for Seattle are available now. Get them in the description. And Eugene, Oregon as well. And Vancouver. Seattle and Portland are sold out. Seattle was sold out, but we added more tickets. So go get them if you want.

So go get those epic tickets. See us live. Oh. Oh, what the hell? What? It's got this like, it's like a pressure on my stomach. Is that seed I swallowed? You did swallow three seeds.

What the fuck? What are you hiding from, Ryan? It's safe here. Okay. These are the results. So basically, Matt, if you remember from early in the podcast, I don't know where this is being placed. Matt had his doctor stick his finger in his belly button

and wiggle it around a little bit. Ordinary exam. We have three doctors that were on text, right? Yep. They were on fun text time to tell whether this is legit or not. So the first one said, not unless there's a reason to do so. Okay. And I said, yikes.

Yikes? Why? I said, well, that's what happened to one of the guys here. They are laughing uncontrollably. And I said, so it is weird. And they said, very. Okay. The third one, I said, do doctors stick their fingers in your belly button during a regular

checkup? And he said, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I cannot see how this is an informative physical exam. Well, it does draw more conclusions. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for the results Okay awesome

Great He was confident he's like I'm pretty confident I thought it was just a normal thing Next time I go to the doctor I'm gonna ask about it He's gonna do it again Oh man thank you again.