supermegashow - EP 138 - The Big Breakdown

Episode Date: April 23, 2019

We talk the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, Vernon laments over Orlando, and Matt's drinking broth. Lots of it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connects ontario.ca please play responsibly you imagine having ptsd from vietnam that shit has to suck it's such a stark contrast from what america has built up today. Like, when people go out to war, it's still, like, fucked up and shit. But they're looking at computers and, like, bombing weddings and shit. You know? Like, from a comfy little, like, gamer chair.
Starting point is 00:00:58 They probably, like, all have a gamer chair in the drone control rooms and shit. Of course, dude. But, like, back in Vietnam days, it wasn't, there wasn't a relaxing job in war like that other than, like, the guy that's kind of, like, on the walkie-talkies and shit, I guess. Still not relaxing. No. Didn't get blown up any second. Also, Vietnam, you know, they Home Alone'd us good.
Starting point is 00:01:18 Pretty good, yeah. The Viet Cong were a lot like Macaulay Culkin. Could you imagine, like like a slapstick comedy much akin to Home Alone except it was about them laying booby traps for American soldiers would you do like a sequel to Home Alone where he's like all grown up now but it's back in the 70s and the Vietnam War
Starting point is 00:01:39 what the fuck was that Chris is juggling juggling porcelain bowls. Ryan, can you juggle? No, I can't. I wish I could juggle. Can you juggle? You goofy motherfucker.
Starting point is 00:01:53 You can't fucking juggle? Can you juggle? Of course I can juggle. Are there bears who can juggle? Yeah, in Russia. Like circus bears? Every Russian ever. Or is that?
Starting point is 00:02:03 That's good. Thanks, man. No, I've never seen a bear juggle but they can balance the balls on their nose and they're and they wear those like clown noses sometimes man you're fucking you're born like as a little bear cub in your life like your goal is to hunt and you're voiced by joaquin phoenix wait did he voice a bear? Brother Bear. That was Joaquin Phoenix? Yeah. Seriously? He wasn't the kid Coda, of course.
Starting point is 00:02:28 He was the main character. Dude, I loved that movie. Justin and I were looking it up. If there were Native Americans that were voice acting in that movie, it was to a bare minimum. Hey, to a bare minimum. Well, have you heard Joaquin Phoenix's name?
Starting point is 00:02:42 That sounds pretty Native American. Phoenix? Yeah? Sun go down, moon rise, eastern bull set aflame the west. Is that a direct quote from it? No. Well, I expected you to come prepared with the direct quote from it. Okay, here's a quote from Brother Bear.
Starting point is 00:02:59 These bears crazy. That's not from the movie. How do you know? The moose say it. I've seen the movie. The Canadian moose say it. I saw it in theaters. These bears crazy. That's not from the movie. How do you know? The moose say it. I've seen the movie. The Canadian moose say it. I saw it in theaters. They go, these bears crazy.
Starting point is 00:03:08 They don't. With that exact inflection. These bears crazy. I saw Brother Bear in theaters. They go, these bears crazy, eh? Eh. Because the moose in it are Canadian. My friend Hamps was, he's from Sweden.
Starting point is 00:03:23 He was walking through the woods one night uh back to his house and he said he just like couldn't see and he walked straight into a moose like a massive fucking moose and he said it like freaked out this is nothing you want to walk into they're kill you like like have you ever seen those videos of uh moose kill people of them like running as fast as they can like that shit is man. There's one video that's terrifying of like of an animal you wouldn't really like be like, oh, that's scary. It's that it's like there's this Jeep in Africa and it's going really fast. And the person's filming from like behind the Jeep. And there's a giraffe just bolting after them.
Starting point is 00:04:01 Like it'll like weave through, like come out of the forest and go back in. It's like, Jesus Christ. Have you seen that video? No. That's insane. That's one of those animals you don't think, like, would attack, but... Oh, I left my phone behind. Fuck, dude! I treated this like a movie. Hey, thank you. You're welcome. Because you give movies respect. Yeah, I do.
Starting point is 00:04:20 And I give them super mega cast respect. Respect it deserves. Speaking of which, welcome to episode 138 of our podcast. We're getting to 150. We're almost there. Yeah. What, like 12 away? 11?
Starting point is 00:04:34 I don't know. Simple math. Well, but here's the thing. Are you counting this episode? It still hasn't released yet. Are you counting? And it still hasn't been fully recorded. That's true recorded that's true
Starting point is 00:04:45 we're so early on that I wouldn't even count it as an episode of the podcast yet not at least it's what's the what's the smallest not the smallest time what's the least amount of time our podcast has been I think in like the first 10 episodes
Starting point is 00:05:03 we did one that was like 24 minutes or something. Did we? I think so. That's a podcast. Yeah. I mean, a podcast can be as long as we want. Like we can record three minutes. We can end it right here.
Starting point is 00:05:12 This could be the end. So. I wonder if one day we'll have a podcast that's less than 25 minutes. Well, the last one was pretty close. The last one was. 30 minutes, exactly. Yeah, let me say, guys,
Starting point is 00:05:23 thanks for dealing with the last episode when we were walking through the Orlando airport. Some of you... Most of y'all were very nice about it. There are a select few that did the classic, you know, the classic comment, Matt, where they go, this is your jobs and this is very unprofessional. This is your jobs, and this is very unprofessional. Like, you guys used to record podcasts in advance before going on vacation.
Starting point is 00:05:52 This is stupid. I'm unsubscribing if this happens again. Sorry? They're kind of like the person, like, I don't know if they realize it, but those people, at least in my eye, like the person yelling at at like a cashier about about some trouble they had with their fruit it's like look the content's already out you can you can get mad about it of course but i mean this is our like we're this is a business of course but matt and i seem to run the channel the way we want in terms of we allow ourselves breaks. We do. And not to mention that was I thought it was a little fun, interesting.
Starting point is 00:06:30 Oh, I thought it was very fun. I got to I got to enjoy the nice humidity of the Orlando airport. Got to see the sights. Get interrupted multiple times. Well, that's nothing new. Yeah. But someone peeked in the window. Someone with a hat.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Looked like a snapback. I have no idea who that would be it's probably aaron dude aaron's been wearing nothing but snapbacks lately he wears the snapbacks with like the like ears and the tails and shit yeah i mean sometimes he wears the ones that have just like racial slurs embroidered on them because he thinks it's like normal or like he thinks it's taking the power away from the words by doing that but still dude if i just see a white guy walking on the street with a racial slur on a snapback i'm just like all right well that's just that's just racist yeah um but i mean more power to him you know he is wearing he has constantly been wearing the shirt with the face of the chinese president on it which is odd yeah I don't know what message he's actually going for. I don't know if that's like a protest.
Starting point is 00:07:28 I don't know if it's like ironic. Or if it's just he likes the, I don't even know if he realizes it's the president of China. What do you want to talk about, buddy? Want to talk about how I saw two superhero movies in one day? Two average superhero movies in one day? You did? I did. What'd you see? I saw Shazam which i got i heard was fantastic did you i really did i i heard it was like everyone loves it it was
Starting point is 00:07:53 fun and goofy but um i had i went to the arc light and they offer wine oh i'm gonna enjoy some chardonnay and the guy was like oh poor he like mumbled and said poor I'm like oh yeah sure I didn't realize he said movie poor which is pretty much think of a glass of wine now think of a literal glass for wine and he filled that up uh so I fell asleep three times during that movie because I was like so wine tired drunk. That's what happened to me when I went to go see The Favorite. I was so drunk when I got, when I sat down. I don't remember the first 20 minutes of the movie. I was just like going in and out.
Starting point is 00:08:33 I was like, okay, bad guy, do this. And then I opened my eyes. I'm like, okay, bad guy doing this now. It's fine. I get such a Big Bang Theory vibe when I see like the posters for that movie. It's better than the Big Bang Theory. It's pretty easy to do. I'd say it's still a superhero movie.
Starting point is 00:08:54 It still feels like... There's a lot more of a fun vibe to it, like a kid fun vibe. What was the other one you saw? Captain Marvel? Yep, Captain Marvel. What was the other one you saw? Captain Marvel? Yep, Captain Marvel. How was it? For me, Captain Marvel was on par with Thor the Dark World and Ant-Man and the Wasp. Where it's like, they're inconsequential films.
Starting point is 00:09:15 Thor the Dark World? That's the third. I've never even heard of that. The third or second Thor film? I think it's the second. Dude, I'm so out of the loop with superhero movies. You see them all. Yeah, Justin and I are going to go see Endgame when it comes out.
Starting point is 00:09:28 Endgame? Oh, Avengers? Yeah. When is that coming out? The 26th or something. F, dude. Wait, wait, wait. You better not be going.
Starting point is 00:09:39 We got something special. Not the 25th. No, I can't give it away, actually, because people might show up. But afterwards, we will talk about it. We will talk about it. We've got something special coming up. Well, we have someone very special visiting us, and we thought we'd treat them to a very special night. And you'll get to know more about that special night when this guest arrives.
Starting point is 00:09:59 This guest is arriving Wednesday. Wednesday. I have no idea. I think. I'm just picking him up from the airport. Which is gonna suck. Drinking chicken broth, brother? Yeah, man.
Starting point is 00:10:12 I'm a little broth brother. Does it make your throat feel nice? Is this how a... What is in there? Chicken broth. No, it's not. It's soup broth. Let me sniff it.
Starting point is 00:10:20 Let me sniff, man. I've been sitting over here drinking some fucking broth. Right out of the box. You have been. Is it because you were sick? Nah, dude. I just wanted to sniff it. Give it a sniff, man. I've been sitting over here drinking some fucking broth right out of the box. You have been. Is it because you were sick? Nah, dude. I just wanted to try it. I was at CVS this morning.
Starting point is 00:10:31 I saw the fucking boxes of chicken broth. And I was like, what if I just... It's like a meal, right? It's just broth. It's not like... No, it's just broth. You see the pictures of chicken and noodles and carrots. Because you use it to make soup.
Starting point is 00:10:42 It's just the base of soup. You can just drink it straight out of the box. It's a health craze, dude. It's a trend. I mean, you're looking at a gram of protein and only five calories, and it's a cup. So, I mean. It's good, man.
Starting point is 00:10:57 I'm not going to lie. I mean, there are 0% vitamins, 0% iron. There's 13 milligrams of potassium. Fuck, man. So that's cool. I was reading, I read this thing about it. It's 13 milligrams of potassium. Fuck, man. So that's cool. I was reading, I read this thing about it's like, LA's newest health trend, drinking bone broth. And it's like, instead of coffee in the morning, just drink some broth.
Starting point is 00:11:15 And I was like, the fuck, like that can't be good. So I thought I saw it this morning on CBS, thought I'd buy some chicken broth. So now I'm just sitting over here drinking some broth on the podcast. You are. You want a sip? I'm good. Have some. You were sick recently.
Starting point is 00:11:31 That's true. I was sick yesterday. If I wasn't sick. Put my mouth on that. If I had not been sick with you, I'd have some of my broth. Yeah, of course. I'd try some of your broth. Because I used to have those Campbell's sipping soups.
Starting point is 00:11:44 Remember when those were a thing? I remember when I was in high school and I got sick. I'd request them. It's the soup that you drink out of a cup. Because it has, it looks, the best way I can describe it, think of it, it's like a cheap plastic looking. It's almost like a sippy cup. Coffee.
Starting point is 00:11:56 Yeah, sippy cup or coffee cup. Like, you know how the coffee cups have that little sip. The little lid. The lip. The sip lid. Yeah. That's what they have so those are
Starting point is 00:12:06 those are big now at least in California because I think they got they made a plastic straws well metal straws are becoming a big thing in California
Starting point is 00:12:13 people are buying their own straws carry it around with you taking it to that's too much effort do you not want to carry around a fucking straw like
Starting point is 00:12:18 what you want me to carry around my own fork and spoon next next you're gonna tell me that I have to fucking stop throwing my trash in the ocean. I know. Assholes.
Starting point is 00:12:27 Fucking, good job, liberal California. Listen, listen, okay, buddy? Don't throw trash in the ocean. Do you know how fucking big the ocean is? The ocean's huge. It's going to be fine if I throw a little trash in there, okay? You know how much of the ocean is unexplored? A lot.
Starting point is 00:12:40 You know how much of the ocean is explored by our trash? More than what we've explored. You know how much of the ocean is explored by our trash? More than what we've explored. So if we put little track and beacons on our trash and people start throwing it in the ocean, we can then discover more of the ocean. That's true. Put a little GoPro on my trash, throw it in the ocean. On my little six-pack rings.
Starting point is 00:13:01 You'll see some cool little fish get caught in there. It's a necklace. I actually, we should do a video where we have to, we go out to the Great Pacific Trash, what is it called? You know about that, right? The Trash Island? No. The Great Pacific Trash. Fuck!
Starting point is 00:13:14 What is it called? It's like in the middle of the ocean. It's just a big pile of trash. But it's massive. Yeah. It's like, what, Trash Ring? It's the Great Pacific Trash. No, Postmates, go away.
Starting point is 00:13:25 It's popping up telling me to tip my driver. I don't want to tip anybody. Are you looking up the trash ring on Postmates? Great Pacific Garbage Patch. Let's see. Yeah, it's huge. Show this to me. It's just a massive patch of garbage in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.
Starting point is 00:13:38 It's like an island of garbage. It's between Hawaii and California. And they say throwing garbage in the ocean is bad. Here we are creating new civilizations. Yeah, see that? Dude, we can send all the poor people to this place. Wow, 1.6 million square kilometers. Think of all the homeless people that would now have a home.
Starting point is 00:13:57 Yeah. On their own little island. That would actually be so dope. Living on like a trash island in the middle of the Pacific. I don't know. How long can we take this before people start to legitimately think, okay, I thought they were joking,
Starting point is 00:14:08 but they're really going on this for a while. How cool would it be though? Have your own little trash Island, middle of the ocean. It would smell pretty rancid. Unfortunately, you get used to it. You get used to bad smells.
Starting point is 00:14:17 If that's the only thing you're around. Also, you don't, you don't have that fresh sea breeze, that fresh sea air rolling in. You notice how sweaty boys and girls don't notice they smell bad? Yeah. Because they're-
Starting point is 00:14:27 They get acclimated. Yeah. Also, a tip for all of you going to a social gathering, bring some mints or make sure you brush your teeth beforehand. Because even though you can't smell your own breath, everybody else can. So- Everybody. Yeah. breath everybody else can so everybody yeah i carry personally some little listerine little little strips little strips you've just in case i've had like a meal that's garlicky or whatever
Starting point is 00:14:55 and pop that in pop that in that shit burns but in a good way yeah you've saved me many times i'm like ryan can i borrow one of those strips and you're like hell yeah brother and when i say borrow i literally mean it because after i'm done with it, I pull it back off my tongue and give it to you. Yeah. What the fuck kind of burp was that? I don't know. That didn't sound normal.
Starting point is 00:15:13 I needed to get air out somehow. That sounded like something trying to escape. Like you swallowed like a living creature. Like a centipede? No, like some kind of like mammal, like a small furry mammal trying to escape from your esophagus. Sorry, I was drinking the divine waters. Oh, don't do that, dude. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Don't. You know what happens when you drink that shit. Yeah, centipedes get in that shit. I'm going to start drinking some more broth. Dude, I'm becoming a broth head over here. You know what I'm saying, dude? Are you like, I don't eat well enough. Here, I'm'm gonna start drinking
Starting point is 00:15:45 broth to counter that straight out of the fucking box we need like broth juice boxes you know what's for what's for lunch here on fridays i don't fucking know i'm just having my broth dude our office the super megaplex whenever we get it that fridge is gonna be loaded up with with broth i'm imagining us going like on a camping like hiking trip and you're just drinking out of one of those straws and I'm like, dude, I forgot to bring a water bottle. Can I have some of that? You're like, yeah. And I'm like, it's like spoiled. It's like warm broth. It's like warm
Starting point is 00:16:14 spoiled chicken broth in my water backpack. I just loaded it up. It's like, dude, you brought no water? Ryan, bone broth is healthier than water. This gives me the energy I need to go on this hike. It's got zero grams of saturated fat and trans fat. It's got zero cholesterol.
Starting point is 00:16:31 Matt, do we have ad reads for later in this podcast? We do, yeah. Okay. Why? Just asking. I was mentally preparing myself. Well, I'm mentally preparing myself for this sip of broth. Oh, that was a big sip of broth right there, brother.
Starting point is 00:16:46 And look at this. On the back, it comes with a recipe for one pan cheddar mac. That's crazy, dude. Broth makes it better. Summer rice and grains, saute vegetables, mashed potatoes. Well, wait, they say mashed potatoes, not mashed.
Starting point is 00:17:02 Is that how it's supposed to be said? Mashed potatoes, not mashed? It's mashed. I thought, not mashed. Is that how it's supposed to be said? Mashed potatoes, not mashed? It's mashed. I thought it's mashed. On here it just says mashed. But you know like blank, blank, and mash. Mash is like another type of food, I thought. The fuck is this?
Starting point is 00:17:14 College Inn broth. That's the brand I'm drinking if you guys want to imitate your favorite YouTuber. Mash them. Yeah, you mash them, but the potatoes themselves are mashed. But isn't there like a blank what's that meal it's like curds and mash something that's sounds very british like mash like oh you want some mash sure all you britain britain brit knights will tell us brit knights speaking of speaking of brit knights uh had a fun little night the other night went out with a
Starting point is 00:17:41 sarah bonito from caroaro Bonito and some friends. Got some drinks. Got some food. Walked around. A little bit of coffee. Had a good night. That's cool. Yeah, it was super fun. And the night we hung out, you actually you went and you hung out with what's his face? George Lopez? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:59 He's pretty chill. We went to a really nice sushi place. It's actually really good. I can't remember the name of the place, but it's honestly the best sushi I've had in LA. How was George? He had a bag filled with prescription bottles. And he was just kind of... He was tic-tacking them. Probably just a prop for his show.
Starting point is 00:18:24 Just carrying it around. He's like, I'm playing, I'm in a new movie and I'm playing a pharmacist. And I said, what's it called? He goes, it's called The Pharmacist. I'm like, oh, cool. So you're playing The Pharmacist in The Pharmacist. What channel is it on? He goes, The Pharmacist channel. I'm like, oh, that's very interesting.
Starting point is 00:18:46 You're playing the pharmacist and the pharmacist on the pharmacist channel. Okay, so who else stars in it? Other pharmacists. I'm like, that's cool, George. You're playing the pharmacist on the pharmacist channel with a bunch of pharmacists. Then I asked him, George, do you have any kids? He goes, yeah, they're pharmacists too. All right, Ryan.
Starting point is 00:19:12 It's like the next 30 minutes of the podcast does not even sound like a word anymore. Pharmacist? Pharmacist? Pharmacist? Pharmacist. It doesn't sound like a word anymore. Cyst.
Starting point is 00:19:26 I don't like it. Wait a second. You know, like Daniel Day-Lewis, those actors that are really famous for, like, you know, they really take that method acting serious. What? Not... No, what? Talking about having, like, method acting.
Starting point is 00:19:37 Like, how they really get into it. Yeah, where he, like... What was the movie called where they're doing the witch shit? What's that one? The P, the P, the P, starts with a P. The, that, the, he was in that movie and he went and he was, he built his own fucking little cabin and hunted for his own food and shit. He did? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:58 And when he was President Lincoln, he actually hired some dude to shoot him in the back of the head while he was watching a Tyler Perry movie. And that actually, that's crazy dedication because they had to halt production on that movie for like two years while he had to go through reconstructive surgery and physical therapy and everything. He had to learn how to talk again after that. It wasn't even for a scene. It was just like to prepare himself for being. He takes it seriously. If Lincoln was shot, how can I portray this man when I haven't been shot in the back of the head he takes it really seriously while being entertained and laughing my ass off
Starting point is 00:20:30 I just want to know like back to Brokeback Mountain real quick if he was cast in like a remake do you think Daniel Day-Lewis would hit the trails and have some gay sex you're just hiking the Appalachian Trail and you run into a dude and you realize it's Daniel Day-Lewis and he starts coming on to you and he's like, hey, I'm just trying to get in the mood for this role. Will you help me out? Next thing you know, you're getting rammed in the ass by Daniel Day-Lewis, assuming he's a top.
Starting point is 00:20:57 Daniel Day-Lewis be the type of guy that depicts Jesus in a homoerotic Hollywood bastardization of the original story. More like Daniel Gay-Lewis. Is that what you were working up to? No, but it just clicked when I was talking about that. Clean linen. More like. Yeah, John Lennon. I did that one live at Super Mega Live.
Starting point is 00:21:19 You did. You also broke your tooth. I did. I shattered my tooth live on stage. Right after I puked. My crown on my tooth shattered into pieces. Five pieces. It was miserable the next two days until I got it replaced with a permanent crown.
Starting point is 00:21:33 Actually, speaking about on tour, basically, we got a little story. Is Vernon here? Maybe we can bring Vernon in for this. Can you go find Vernon and bring him in? I'll go bring him in for this. Will you watch my broth while I'm gone? Yeah, I'll keep tabs on it. No, it's not that I don't trust you, but I will bring it with me just to be safe.
Starting point is 00:21:52 I've seen you eyeing it. The whole podcast, I've seen you eyeing my broth. It looks good. It looks like really good broth. But unfortunately, you are sick, and I do not want to drink after a sick man. No, broth is sterile. A sick, feeble man such as yourself. Feeble.
Starting point is 00:22:08 Would. While I'm drinking broth to fix that problem. Would tarnish that broth and infect it with your disease. No. I said broth is sterile. Broth is sterile. Broth is sterile. Broth is sterile. But you're not.
Starting point is 00:22:20 That means no germs can pass through it. I really, I doubt it. Take a high school science class, McGee. Do you know what sterile means? Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs, projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small.
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Starting point is 00:23:32 Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Do you know what bears eat? Fish. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. How do they get the fish, Matt? By putting their face in the river? Sometimes they have to... Swim.
Starting point is 00:23:53 Yes. You're bringing that back. Okay, you're going to get mad at me. I just want to make sure that we're on the same page. I know bears swim. I was actually thinking about this the other night. I was like, man, I was stupid when I said that because bears do swim. And horses and elephants.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Okay, yeah. Most animals can swim. Oh, so I'm getting mad at you, so you just have to bring back an old argument do swim. And horses and elephants. Okay, yeah. Most animals can swim. Oh, so I'm getting mad at you, so you just have to bring back an old argument I lost. Yeah. Just rub it in my face. Exactly. Oh, okay. At least you're honest about it.
Starting point is 00:24:13 Do you want to go get Vernon now? Yeah, let me have one more. And take your broth. Let me have one more sip of my broth. Disgusting disease, bro. It's not, I don't have diseases. I got sick probably from one of you freaks on tour. This guy goes, like, I'm super sick, and he shakes our hands, and I was like and i was like thanks dude sweet some girl sneezed right into my mouth i just had to go along
Starting point is 00:24:29 with it but it was a pretty funny bit yeah oh shit i'm coming fuck that's a lot of cum gonna need a ladle for all this cum you know what i'm saying nah i'll just let it dry i'll get one of those ice scrapers and scrape it off later hey vernon where's matt i don't know oh hey we're just talking we're recording the podcast as you can see with the with the frames hey and i remember there was a story that yeah um i actually have a meeting that I got to do, but I'm free after that. Right now?
Starting point is 00:25:08 Yeah, like literally right now. You have a meeting? Yeah, but I'm going to be out in like 45 minutes. Oh, that's fine, Vernon. It's almost the perfect amount of time that this podcast will be recorded for and ended. It's weird how we're not talking like we usually talk as friends, but we're projecting our voices
Starting point is 00:25:22 so we can be heard on a recording device. Vernon, it's fine. Yeah, you have a meeting. I'm sure, buddy. We'll talk about this next podcast. People are just waiting now. They have to wait a whole other week. No, the thumbnail has to do with it.
Starting point is 00:25:35 Does it? Yeah. Did you tell... Dude, let me do this meeting. I'll come back. Vernon, we're not going to be recording the podcast still. Really? You can't... for your best friends
Starting point is 00:25:46 Vernon I got broth you gotta block off the time on the calendar why are you eating broth I'm not eating it I'm drinking it it's healthy I gotta go love you too I wish you loved us more than business
Starting point is 00:26:00 yeah I wish that okay love you Vernon that's true he does put it on the table for us well looks like that's gonna have to be recorded later i guess so where should we just put it in here here's a future conversation okay so you're you're done with your meeting which you said would be 45 minutes but only turned out to be about 30? I want you guys to know how much you matter to me. Aw. Which is a lot.
Starting point is 00:26:27 You matter to us. Vernon is, like, the single most helpful person when we go on tours. Because whenever something goes wrong, it's like you have, like, a little... There's Jesus. You do a little Vernon spell, and then all of a sudden it's fixed. Everything is fixed. Like, he has saved our asses so many times. But on the last day of tour, we're driving from Georgia to Orlando. The last show.
Starting point is 00:26:50 The last show. The biggest show. The big one. It was like 580 people. It's like we got to get there. We only had a few hours to get there before load in to load up, you know, set up everything, do a meet and greet, get ready for the show. And we're driving through Tiftonorgia and uh all of a sudden
Starting point is 00:27:06 the van starts the the story actually starts a couple weeks before that if you want me to like really get into it okay let's go back let's hear it okay story time with vernon yeah uh so it starts wait hold on hold on the great breakdown and see how that can be taken two ways your breakdown and the breakdown of a vehicle the great yeah you just vernon's great breakdown if you take nothing else away from the story uh other than never go to orlando florida uh it's just like this like watch the the slow deconstruction of a man like just like just like the slow being torn apart piece by piece of human being. It starts at PAX East. I haven't,
Starting point is 00:27:46 like, I haven't really been to a convention since Dream Daddy came out. Like Dream Daddy was like a big thing and had that, my own little special mental breakdown for that. And then I was, I was like doing better. Sorry, Matt just showed me his ball.
Starting point is 00:28:04 It was both balls oh okay saying they're small anyway so so I'm like alright I'm ready to like go outside I'm ready to talk to people this is gonna be great
Starting point is 00:28:19 I do like we fly out to Boston and then I find out that I have to tour manage another YouTube group directly after that. So I'm going straight from Boston to a show in Boston to New Jersey. God's favorite state. Yeah, New Jersey is an awful place,
Starting point is 00:28:38 but it's no Orlando, Florida. I was like, all right, this is a little stressful. Like I can deal with stress. Like, I don't know, like you guys have i i think grown up uh in a similar way where you know like if like you take your emotions you put them in the bottle and you put the bottle on the shelf right of course yeah and then you just deal with that later you wait for someone to break in and break all the yeah absolutely and and just like as i get as i get older i just realized that like the time between me putting the bottle on the shelf and the bottle falling off the shelf it's just like it's the time
Starting point is 00:29:09 has gotten like shorter right like because i used to be able to like just put that shit away for years and then like getting older time goes by faster yeah absolutely uh so like uh i get one day back in los angeles like i fly back to los Los Angeles uh I get one day to hang out with my girlfriend and my cat uh and then immediately I fly back out to uh South Carolina to do the tour with you guys yay which is great I had a really really fun time except for the story about I'm about to tell you of course um and uh we we hang out in South Carolina for a bit uh I think I'm taking it easy and then we do like the tour thing, right? Like, so, so like the tour thing is, it's like, you guys know it's tough.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Like you, it's super tough. You, you, you drive at night, uh, you sleep for a couple hours in like a hotel. You wake up in the morning, you drive some more, you do the show. Right. Yeah. Um, and as tour manager, yeah. Like, it's just like like if it doesn't fall on anyone else it falls on you right like like so like you know like we leave a show uh we book a
Starting point is 00:30:13 hotel somewhere in the middle uh and then you know we just drive and then we wake up and we drive some more uh it's it's not an easy life uh because i'm sure you guys know but like it's fun and it's it's exhausting it's nice it's nice to explore the'm sure you guys know, but it's fun and it's fulfilling. It's nice to explore the cities when you can, but most of the time we don't have enough time to go and walk around the cities that we're visiting. Right, absolutely. We got to see Nashville a good bit. Yeah, Nashville is cool as hell. I like Nashville.
Starting point is 00:30:34 But yeah, it's cool in the fact that you're always on a schedule, right? You always have something to look, to look forward to. Like your mind's like, all right, I just did this. Now I got to do this. And then you do that. And then you're like, all right, what's the next thing? And it's like, even like going to sleep is part of a schedule. So like it's very, very regimented.
Starting point is 00:30:55 So the night we do Atlanta, right? Like it's a seven hour drive to Orlando. So what you do as a toy manager, you're like, all right, I'm going to book somewhere like three hours away and then we're going to stay there. And then we're going to like,
Starting point is 00:31:10 just drive the easy four hours the next day. So I booked a place in like Tifton, Georgia and like, I'm doing that in Tifton. Yeah. I'm talking to the production manager. Super, super cool guy.
Starting point is 00:31:21 Uh, at, uh, Atlanta, I think his name was Charles. Uh, love you, Charles. Yeah. Charles is great. Um, so I'm talking to him afterwards he's like oh where are you guys
Starting point is 00:31:28 driving tonight i'm just giving him an accent like he didn't really have an accent but like charles sounds like a little bit yeah charles has a bit of a draw give it a bit of an accent um so i i tell like i'm like oh yeah, yeah, we're going to drive towards Orlando. Like, we're probably going to have to stop off somewhere racist in between and then, like, drive the rest of it. And he's like, what, Tifton? I was like, shit, I already booked a hotel there. It was quite the place, man. Yeah, well, like, Tifton, like, for as much as, like, Charles talked it up, like, Tifton was fine.
Starting point is 00:32:01 We stayed at a Holiday Inn there. Like, we slept and we woke up. Not to mention every pit stop had some sort of Confederate flag memorabilia for sale. Okay. Yeah, that's true. You ever heard of something called Heritage Not Hate, Ryan? Just good old Southern boys. Do what Southern boys do. Boys do what boys do.
Starting point is 00:32:15 So we wake up in the morning. I honestly didn't realize how much had been taken out of me at this point, just being on the road for three weeks. And it's like the last show. It's like the last show. We're like, we're ready to just do the last one. We just got to make the four hours, five hours or whatever to Orlando, Georgia. My least favorite place on earth.
Starting point is 00:32:32 Quick aside, I despise Orlando, Florida. And every time I leave Orlando, I say I will never go to Orlando again. If I never go to Orlando again, I will die happy. And invariably, three months later, I never go to Orlando again I will die happy and invariably three months later I find myself in Orlando Georgia it's like some sick joke that Brent pulls on you let's send him to Orlando no it's
Starting point is 00:32:54 it's a Mormon's paradise up until this point my problem with Orlando was like oh it's really hot and there's nothing to do like that was the extent of my like of how much I despised Orlando is like that like that was that was the that that was the extent of my like of how much i despised orlando is like oh like what i do whenever i go to a new city as i like i i google like the name of the city and then hipster neighborhood because like look at me like i like i have tattoos on my
Starting point is 00:33:15 arms and i collect vinyl records like i know what i am and like i just want to like find nice coffee like have a beer like yeah yeah yeah totally um the orlando hipster scene yeah it's it's not there man it's just not there no it's old people and people that love disney world and the only thing that would make it better for me was would be if i saw an alligator and to this day for the the the like four or five times that i've been like forced against my will to go to Orlando. At gunpoint. It's like, you motherfucker, you're going to Florida.
Starting point is 00:33:53 I'm like, at least I get to see an alligator. And you're talking to the Uber drivers and they're like, oh yeah, they're just on the side of the road over there. And I've never seen one. I've looked. Go play in a puddle. You just need to go swimming in Orlando. Just find a random pond. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:06 There's a million ponds in Lake Orlando. Just dive in. As soon as you're not trying to look for it, it's like a watch pod that never boils, right? As soon as you're not looking for an alligator, you just find one. And then your arm is down its throat, and you've got to figure out what to do next. You've got to make a gag. You've got to go flipping flopping in that shit. So we're in Tipton, Georgia.
Starting point is 00:34:22 We stop off at a gas station before we start the ride we fill up the we we we fill up the sprinter van and we start driving and then the engine starts puttering uh harrison's driving at the time like i like i was like so excited to just like sleep on the way to orlando because like i barely got any sleep last night at least i can just sleep on the road yeah i'm not i'm not a morning person like i'm just gonna like sit in the car and just conk out while Harrison, a very good driver, drives us to Orlando. Yes.
Starting point is 00:34:49 And then the engine starts puttering. He's like, hey, man, I can't bring it above 65. I'm like, well, that's a problem. Pull it over and let's figure that out. So we pull over the van. I try to start the car. It doesn't work. I'm like, well, shit.
Starting point is 00:35:01 I tried a couple more times. It finally starts. And we start driving down the road. And I'm like right harrison this isn't getting better uh i'm gonna need you to like find a mechanic like find the closest mechanic and he finds one in tipton george and again tipton george is like a one horse town man like it is it's a college town but like there's not a lot going on yeah it is weirdly What college is there? I don't know. What? Tiffin University.
Starting point is 00:35:32 But yeah, so it's a very one-horse town, but it's a college town, so there are some amenities. So Harrison is able to find the one mechanic shop that's open. Which is down, like, real out in the country. Yeah, like off the highway, like way down in the country. Right across from the Southern Pride store. Yeah, I would describe it as deliverancy, right? Yes, yes. So we end up at the mechanic shop. The guy's super cool.
Starting point is 00:35:55 He's like, I can't figure out what's wrong, but there's the only rental car place that's open down the road, and I can drive you guys to it. And he's like, it closes at 12. And I'm like, all right, because it'sifton georgia we find an enterprise rent-a-car um and like that i want to say the anxiety level's at three right now like it hasn't even begun right so i'm like all right i gotta get these guys to the show like no matter what we got to get into the orlando show so we go to the enterprise rent-a-car i rent uh i rent you guys a minivan or something right minivan
Starting point is 00:36:26 which we had to cram some box oh yeah dude so uh i sick you guys in the minivan and i send you uh i send matt ryan harrison and jackson just on the minivan toward towards orlando so it's just like me and a broken down spur bus pushed us off out of the nest we're on our own yeah and and this entire time I've been training up Harrison to take my job. He's like, alright, this is how you tour manage. This is how you set everything up. So it was very poetic. Go, son.
Starting point is 00:36:53 You had to push him out of the nest for the final show. It's like in Superman when the dad dies in a tornado and he's like, be good. He flies away. Superman can't save him because then people would know he's Superman. Anyway, so I'm sucking I'm sucking a tipton, Georgia, right? I'm
Starting point is 00:37:17 Like again, this is off the side of the interstate. It is it is like me. It's like the woods pretty much Yeah, I was dying dude my allergies. Oh, yeah, you saw me Ryan. I had snot dripping down my face Yeah, you thought it out of your nose at one point and just left it there. I had no tissues. I had to get that out. It was the mechanic, the Southern Pride store, like a 99 cent food mart, and then a gas station. So I'm just like there, chain smoking cigarettes on the side. Like, surprise, this tour got me into smoking cigarettes again. I'm working on quitting.
Starting point is 00:37:44 We believe in you, buddy. Thank you, man. We believe in you. Don't listen to this mom and dad. out me into smoking cigarettes again i'm working on quitting um so even you buddy thank you man uh don't listen to this mom and dad um so uh i'm there i'm just like waiting for two and a half hours like i'm on the phone with the the van rental place and uh they're like all right like i'm just i'm trying to find you a tow truck man like and i'm trying to find you like a mercedes dealership to drop this thing off that I got to call like 30 minutes later. He's like, all right, I'm still looking. Just hang out. So I fall asleep in the shuttle van for a while.
Starting point is 00:38:12 Wake up like hot. It was awful. I was so fucking hot. It was miserable. I'm one of those nice Georgia afternoons. Oh, yeah, man. Like I live in Los Angeles, man. I'm used to heat, but like I'm used to dry heat. Not the humidity.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Yeah. So it was just like, I don't know, just, like, it's like breathing through a wet rag, right? Like, it's just that bad. And, like, the sweat doesn't leave you. It's like a sauna you can't escape. Exactly. So I'm waiting there. Like, I've been waiting for two and a half hours at this point.
Starting point is 00:38:44 I'm like, all right, I'm going to go find some food. The Southern Pride store, pride store no one was in it i walked in and i was like hello is anyone is anyone here and like i see their menu of like like really good looking barbecue items and like just no one's there and i'm just like walking around like have i died that's where you got the confederate flag shirt okay i was one you've been he's been wearing that a lot oh yeah all the time oh so i love you guys so much man it was so good hanging out with you guys great having you on tour um back to my mental breakdown um did anyone appear yeah so uh so no they didn't so i just went to the 99 cent food mart and i bought uh like this is probably the saddest part of the story i bought a bunch of beef jerky sticks um a bag of chips like or like oberto like yeah that's good um uh a bag of chips and a dr pepper i'm like this is the saddest thing i could possibly do right now
Starting point is 00:39:41 um and i walk outside and then the tow truck is there um and like working the tow truck is this like big dude this big georgia dude uh like was he a good old boy oh yeah oh yeah um and um like i i want like i want this story to be just nothing but tragedy striking me this entire time because i think that's hilarious but brian the tow truck driver dope dope as hell um like i like i thought i was gonna like i was like all right well i'm about to get like two uh two and a half hour lecture uh on trump all the way to tallahassee florida which is the only mercedes dealership that they could find matt you had a question about you know i think i think a question you wanted to ask probably goes well in this yeah this is a good part for that question you did you mentioned a lot that day you were like man if push
Starting point is 00:40:31 comes to shove i will suck some dick to get yeah yeah there there was there was more than one suck brian's cock if we would okay look he didn't say he didn't say no we haven't gotten to like the desperation part of the story yet and like you don't need to be desperate to suck dick burning oh no absolutely i know i i i totally understand and i'm supportive of that brian helped you out and you were just very thankful and wanted to thank him in terms of something that wasn't a monetary financial records then keep going though okay, though. Keep going. Okay. So we drive the two, two and a half hours to Tallahassee, Florida. Brian is super cool.
Starting point is 00:41:11 We spend the entire time just talking. He's telling me about his kids. He tells me that this weekend they're having the Florida towing truck convention in Florida. And I heard that. I was like, there's no way. That's hilarious. There's no way this is ever gonna come up in the story later on there's absolutely no way that this doesn't like come
Starting point is 00:41:29 back as a bit right um so he he's super cool he's like all right I'm we'll drop this off and then I'll drop you off at the Tallahassee International Airport which is where the only rental cars are in Tallahassee so he drops me off there um I get there uh and there are no rental cars like they're like completely sold out of rental cars um and this is the moment where i was like so people people just want to get the hell out of tallahassee to the tow truck convention to the like to the tow truck convention that i was like oh that's a hilarious little bit to the story there's no way this is going to affect me later but there were no rental cars in tallahassee florida um this is where the desperation hits this is where like i'm like literally walking from bernard's like putting on rental car yeah
Starting point is 00:42:13 going from rental car place to rental car place being like there's no other rental car places open except for this line of like rental car places in the tallahassee international airport uh and just asking politely like hey man do you have any cars? And each one of them were like, nope, try Budget. And then you go to Budget, and they're like, nope, try Enterprise. And it's demoralizing. And then what really got me was that there was one lady who saw that I was looking all sad, and she's like, come here.
Starting point is 00:42:40 How can I help you? And I explained the problem to her, and she's like, give me a second. And then she walks away and never comes back so oh man it was about this point that was god like testing you yeah yeah because like like you guys had already started setting up the show and i'm like it's like a four hour drive from tallahassee to orlando you made it like about 30 minutes after the show concluded oh totally yeah so i got there but like this is the point where i was like i don't care what i have to suck to get in the rental car like i will i will do anything for a rental car and if somebody behind the desk had
Starting point is 00:43:18 been like anything i would like legitimately this is the moment we find out like vernon legitimately sucked like three dudes dicks that day. And each time they're just like, sorry, I can't help you. But thanks, man. My buddy might be able to help you though. And Vernon's like, please. No, but so there was another guy, gentleman who worked at Alamo. He like, he saw like, I was just like standing in the airport, just like pouting like a little baby.
Starting point is 00:43:44 And he saw me. He's like, in the airport just like pouting like a little baby and he saw me he's like hey man how can i help you and i like i tell him the real the very real sob story of like how i ended up in tallahassee florida and like i was like please i'm from los angeles i'm so scared out here please help me dude and to his credit he rents me a dodge caravan um which i take back to the mercedes dealership fill up with all of the merch that we didn't have and then drive back to drive to orlando and i spend the next four hours like in angry silence i went to mcdonald's and i bought a like a medium chocolate milkshake which is about as wild as i get good yeah and you were blasting that ac the whole way oh yeah absolutely this was a victorious chariot ride to the destination.
Starting point is 00:44:25 Like I was, like I was giving people like calls like the entire way, just trying to explain the situation, just trying to process this situation. Like, I don't know the way I process trauma is that I turn it into a bit that I tell people, right?
Starting point is 00:44:37 Like, like, like a standup comedy bit. So this is where I am right now. Um, we're glad we could help you process. Thank you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:44 I got to say, we turned the night around cause after the show we hit up what, so this is where i am right now um we're glad we could help you process thank you yeah i gotta say we turned the night around because after the show we hit up what or what orlando has to offer tgi friday had some flaming flaming mai tai yeah we each got friday oh yeah it was fucking great it was fantastic so okay so i make it to the show uh it turns out you guys had turned that into a bit and then like uh after the show there's like you guys had turned that into a bit And then like after the show There's like a bunch of people lined up to take a picture with you guys Like backstage or whatever I pull up in my 2016 Dodge Caravan
Starting point is 00:45:12 And then everybody in the line turns And they're like Vernon you made it Pull up in that whip people were excited Yeah that was actually a really nice homecoming Like he actually wasn't at the show But the show went great We were able to set everything up ourselves. So.
Starting point is 00:45:26 Oh, awesome. Don't worry. And I'm really, really glad for that. On the way to Tallahassee, Tallahassee, Florida with Brian, who again is an awesome dude. Like I promised him I'd write a Google review for him. He was like, oh, so what happened? And I was telling him the story of like, I swear to God, like I hit the diesel button for the sprinter. Like I put God, I hit the diesel button for the Sprinter.
Starting point is 00:45:46 I put the green handle in. I just stared at that center console, made sure that I hit diesel. Because that shit is like, I don't know, you get that hammered into your head. You're like, this is only diesel, only diesel. So I was like, I swear to God, I hit diesel. I swear to God, I used the green handle. And then Brian was like, well what uh well what gas station were you at and i was like oh the bp up the road in tipton he's like oh yeah that's the
Starting point is 00:46:13 only gas station in the country where the green handle means unleaded gasoline and the black handle means diesel so like so just the crisis of faith that I experienced at that moment was like, I swear to God, I hit the button. Like, I swear to God. And then and then hearing that from Brian really just like primed me like that. That that went like that brought the anxiety from like a three like, hey, like this is, you know, like because I feel very proud. Like, you know, like in in the moment, like I can maintain a level head. I can get you guys to the show uh but like when once like the danger is over you're like all right let's process this trauma so uh so that sucked but we got we got you guys to the show we like we did the show we flew home
Starting point is 00:46:57 the next day di friday yeah oh yeah we well we tried to go into hooters and we tried to go to hooters but they were closed we all fucking passed out on that plane ride home. Oh, my God. Woke up and got to take, like, a 40-minute Uber ride home. It was fantastic. To finally see our pets. You got to see Michael. You got to see Banana.
Starting point is 00:47:14 And I got to see Lego. Oh, it was great. The story, weirdly, like, the story's still ongoing, strangely. What? Is Ryan texting you? No, no, no. Again, you put your emotions in the bottle you put the bottle on the shelf um and then you and then you deal with it whenever that bottle breaks right um so it's like the first thing i did when i got
Starting point is 00:47:35 got back i was like i'm gonna treat myself uh i'm gonna buy a bong for some reason okay so i go with layton like layton and i have this, like, this running thing where we, like, we'll smoke weed and watch a horror movie. Yeah. And it's, like, it's great. Like, we watched Misery, and I was like, you know, like, you know, Layton, I'm 30 years old.
Starting point is 00:47:55 I should own a bong. This is your first bong? This is my first bong. Fuck, I... Never mind. Making me feel bad. It's less than 20. It's definitely less than 20
Starting point is 00:48:05 but more than 2 somewhere between 2 and 20 I won't say how many but it's definitely less than 20 so I get the bong I spend over $100
Starting point is 00:48:22 on it because I'm like oh yeah thanks you just have to treat yourself if I on it because I'm like, oh, yeah, thanks. You just have to treat yourself. Yeah, if I'm buying it, I'm buying it for life. Like, I'm buying quality. I'm buying American-made quality. Did you get the German glass? No, it was made in California. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:34 It had percolators on it. I didn't know what those were, but apparently they get you higher. Percolators will help. And also, if you have ice catchers, ice catchers are my favorite thing. Oh, nice. Also, if you just lace it with a little PCP, cocaine, something else, a little fentanyl. Here's a tip, everyone. Dump out the water that you have.
Starting point is 00:48:53 Put that baby in a freezer for about 30 minutes. Take it out. Fill it up with some cold ice water. Oh, that's nice. And it's a nice, cool experience. Put that motherfucker that's made out of glass in a freezer it's beautiful cause glass it's nice you know how people do that for beer glasses
Starting point is 00:49:09 do it with a bong so uh smoke weed watch a horror movie with Uli Leighton like we live next door to each other so I walk her back to her place and then as soon as I'm alone just immediately uh I didn't know it at the time but I just like just panic attack it's like oh great I'm alone just immediately I didn't know at the time but I just like just panic attack oh it's like oh this is like oh great I'm processing the trauma
Starting point is 00:49:28 of like Orlando right now so I get home like I'm shaking I like I try to watch like YouTube videos and like try to watch some super mega do yeah try to watch the lights like you guys say that but I like I watch your guys's content because it's like like it's one is super funny into two, it's getting to hang out with you guys. Vernon, that's too nice, man. No, seriously, you guys are funny. Thank you, man. And thank you for having me on this, and sorry if this story's going long.
Starting point is 00:49:51 No, dude, it's totally fine. The last podcast was only 30 minutes, so people are very happy that the Orlando airport one was very short, so people are very happy that we have a longer one this week. Oh, yeah, totally. But yeah, so just have a total panic attack. I didn't know it was like i've never really had a panic attack in my life before like i've i've been anxious yeah they're they're fucking awful like i'm luckily never had one yet yeah i don't know like uh you you you
Starting point is 00:50:15 boys might know about this like you grew up in religious situations like the like whenever people tell me about panic attacks it's like they're like i'm convinced that i'm gonna die right now it feels like it feels like like the best thing i could say was when i had mine it felt like what a heart attack would feel like and then i went to a cardiologist and they go it's either a panic attack or heart arrhythmia we can't tell unless you know we have them you're hooked up to the machine at the same time you're having one of these i'm like okay jesus christ so either a panic attack or heart arrhythmia hope it's attack or heart arrhythmia. Hope it's not heart arrhythmia.
Starting point is 00:50:47 Hope not. My mom. My family does have a history of heart problems. Because it didn't necessarily feel like I was going to die in that moment. It felt like I was stuck in an inescapable hell. That is 50 weeks with Orlando. Yeah, which I think is a religious thing. That's the high link. I grew up very Catholic.
Starting point is 00:51:03 I was like, I'm stuck like this. Like I'm always going to be the stressed out. I'm, I'm, what's that Onion article? Like everyone knows you're high and you're going to be this high forever. Did the weed like bring it on kind of, you think? I think so. Yeah. And then there's been times where like, oh, I have smoked weed and then all of a sudden
Starting point is 00:51:23 my anxiety just explodes. And I'm like, fuck, I don't want to be high. Oh, it's, it's, oh my God. And it's like spiral down. And then I woke up in the morning, I was feeling okay. And then I got to like, I got to work here at Game Grumps and then like just set off again. And I was like, yeah, I just got to leave.
Starting point is 00:51:38 I took a, I took my first mental health day in my entire life yesterday. my first mental health day in my entire life yesterday. Uh, and, uh, um, that sucked too, because I was like,
Starting point is 00:51:49 all right, I don't have any plans. Cause like, you know, like when you do the regimented, like we're on tour, like even going to sleep as a part of the schedule where you wake up at a certain time. Like I was like,
Starting point is 00:51:57 all right, I have no schedule today. And then immediately, like, it was just like a different panic attack, but just like, I'm so bored. Like I'm, I'm, I know, I know that one, the anxiety of like when I work a ton and then I have like a different panic attack but just like i'm so bored like i'm i know i know
Starting point is 00:52:06 that one the anxiety of like when i work a ton and then i have like a day free and i'm like i just anxious i'm like what do i do like i should be doing something absolutely and uh so so that was yesterday i woke up this morning i'm feeling better understanding that like of my because like okay like i like i'm sure you guys take pride in this as well, but like I take pride in how much work I can do. Oh yeah. Like, like I, I, I take pride in the fact that like I can get work done and I can be relied upon and I can maintain a level head in stressful situations. And like the scariest thing to me would be to not have that anymore.
Starting point is 00:52:39 And to like, to, to be like so anxious as I was yesterday of like of like like can i not do hard work anymore like can i not you know can i not you know like maintain the level of professionalism that like i've grown very proud of i think that was a lot to deal with but uh this morning i'm feeling better and i think that it's just like a process of just like you know like when it out yeah when you're stressed out you deal with it later like and and that's thing is just like you know like when it out yeah when you're stressed out you deal with it later like and and that's thing is just like this is me dealing with like how fuck like how fucking stressful Orlando was and like just like the realization that like this was a problem that was both caused and solved by myself right it's a journey dude yeah climbing through it but vernon thank you for uh going through
Starting point is 00:53:25 sorry sorry sorry if that was no vernon sorry if that was long tour that's this is what super mega tour is baby causing people panic attack we know we're gonna have a mental breakdown vernon we you know we should do exposure therapy let's book a fucking trip next week to orlando let's go to orlando and let's just have a fun time we'll go to to that Hooters. We'll go to TGI Fridays again. Like old days. Well, you could see a gator. Oh, wait. Can we tell the story about Angela White?
Starting point is 00:53:52 You mean not Angela White? Not Angela White. Because we went to TGI Fridays and there was a lady sitting right next to us all alone just looking at her phone. And I keep looking over at her and I was like, is that porn star Angela White? You're a big fan of Angela White. Huge fan. Well Vernon was like he's like is that Angela White? And everybody looked at her
Starting point is 00:54:10 and they were like wait yeah that's Angela White. I was certain. You showed me a picture and I was like it looked like her. I was certain. Like I was pretty certain. She was sitting there by herself. Yeah and like a waiter came up to her and he like gave her a fist bump and was like oh that's what you do when like you know Angelaela white is the thing um so she like gets up and walks away like immediately
Starting point is 00:54:30 like as if she got set up by a date and we were like rocking her brains i really feel like that that lady did get stood up somehow yeah was it like was it something we said were we talking too loud about she was listening to her conversation like 20182019 best actress According to the AVNs Angela White The AVGNs yeah AVGNs Dylan Harper ever win? I don't know
Starting point is 00:54:53 She deserves it She's a firecracker Anyway So We're getting up to leave and I go up to the waiter As we're leaving up to leave, and I go up to the waiter. As we're leaving, I'm like, hey, dude, was that Angela White? And he's like, oh, no.
Starting point is 00:55:12 And then he looks at my face for a little bit. He's like, wait, do you do YouTube? Oh, yeah. I was like, oh, shit. Like, fuck. I just asked you about a porn star. That guy was so, but he knew, too, bro. And he was like, no, no. He wasn't like, I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:55:29 He was like, no, it wasn he wasn't like i don't think so he was like no it wasn't i asked but it turns out uh we follow each other on instagram now because like he's uh he's an amateur fighter yeah an amateur mma fighter and he's going he's he has the plans to go pro next year i was just like really proud of him and like he recognized you too man he's like oh man he's like he like he was like oh vernon you haven't posted on social media it was like that's a deep, and it's weird that you know that. I was standing there with my arms out, smiling, waiting for him to recognize me. And he was like, are you the driver? Just take a seat over there. I'll serve you in a second, sir.
Starting point is 00:56:00 So all this to say is that I don't want to say that I had a bad time on tour, because I had a fucking amazing time. Sounds like it. Well, no, I love hanging out with you guys. Next time, Bernie, you're going to Orlando by yourself, buddy. Yeah. Your friends won't be there. No, I, like, I really loved being on tour with you guys. Oh, it was such a blast, man. And, like, for, I don't know, man, for whatever, like, stressful bit it was, like, just, like, I'm so honored to, like, get to, like, share this stuff with you, right?
Starting point is 00:56:17 Thank you, buddy. Like, because I recognize how rare that is to get to, like, tour the country with your friends and just do weird things. I know, down in the South. And, and I know you probably won't be doing any more with us because, you know, bigger things are Never say never, baby. Never say never. To be honest, you need a break. Daddy needs to pay rent.
Starting point is 00:56:31 That's true. But you do need a break. I do. I'm taking a break. I have like two weeks off before I have to fly to Berlin. And then after that, if you want to come to the Northeast with us, feel free. Yeah, buddy. Maybe I'll just fly to Brooklyn and hang out with you guys.
Starting point is 00:56:46 Dude, please. That actually would be dope. Yeah. Just come and get some drinks. Hang out in New York City. Thank you for sharing this marvelous tale. Oh, thanks for having me. I hope that...
Starting point is 00:56:56 Was that what it was? Vernon's mental breakdown. It's like a boiled egg. Well, breakdown has to go both ways of the breakdown of his mental breakdown. And the van. So it's called Vernon's big breakdown. Vernon's big breakdown. Or Vernon's great breakdown. I'll take that of the breakdown of his mental breakdown. And the van. So it's called Vernon's Big Breakdown. Vernon's Big Breakdown. Or Vernon's Great Breakdown.
Starting point is 00:57:07 I'll take that. I don't know, man. Thanks for having me on this. I hope that was a funny story. Dude, we haven't had Vernon on episode five, I believe. Yeah. This is episode 138. Whenever you guys want me on, please.
Starting point is 00:57:20 This is fun. Next time you're on, you told your Orlando story. You got to tell your Sacramento story next time. Oh, Sacramento can go to hell. Okay we got it okay wait wait sacramento or orlando if you gotta you gotta choose one orlando was the worst one okay but i will say that i try my hardest to like um look just to preface the story like the three times i've been in sacramento the four times uh like three out of those four times or two out of those three times, someone has walked in on me pooping. Like involuntarily.
Starting point is 00:57:49 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we want to have you on again soon to tell the Sacramento story, whatever you guys want. We need Vernon Sacramento story. That's a good one. Y'all keep that in mind. Hear that, fans? Remember that, okay? Tweet at SuperMega, hashtag Sacramento story, and then hashtag...
Starting point is 00:58:04 Boycott Vernon. Boycott Vernon. Boycott Vernon. Oh, yeah. I would love to. I would love to see that right now. Boycott Vernon while he was pooping in Sacramento. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:11 Someone walked in and saw you pooping. Or what about like, I don't know. Hashtag Vernon support squad. I don't know. Hashtag. Hashtag. Vernon is epic. How about that?
Starting point is 00:58:20 Yeah, I'll take that. Hashtag epic Vernon. And then you have to put like, you have to put the prey emoji and then the, you have to put the angel emoji and then a crying face, then a cry laughing face. And that's what you have to send Vernon. Cool. That's what he needs. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:38 All right, guys. I love you guys so much. We love you, buddy. You're the sweetest. Now let's get back to the part of the podcast where this story hasn't been told yet. Okay, I'll say the magic words. Shazam, and we're back. We're back.
Starting point is 00:58:50 The story has not been told yet as of this current point in time. We already know it. We lived through it. I don't know all of Vernon's story, though. Vernon has some surprises. Yeah. I think he actually picked up a couple of northern Florida hookers that day. The only thing i heard was that
Starting point is 00:59:05 he was in such a predicament that to get out of it he would suck dick he said that several times yeah it's almost like he was he was disappointed that that situation didn't arise it might have arised like we don't know because because he actually like before we even took off on the road he was like ah man if i have to suck some dick to get out of the situation i so will like he said that and i was like i well i mean vernon you got the you got the business card you you have money usually that solves things pretty easy just imagine me playing a game it's like god i'm stuck on a boss or something's like matt i swear to god if you just sucked my dick right now i'd win win. And then I just paused and looked at you.
Starting point is 00:59:47 Hey, dude. It's for the Let's Play. God, man, if you sucked my dick right now with the skill and dexterity of a Swedish prostitute, then maybe I could beat this boss. I want to help my friend out. I don't leave my friend high and dry. Here, I hand you the McGee's golden magnifying glass
Starting point is 01:00:18 so you can complete the task. Where is that little sucker? There he is. Is he hiding? Oh, sucker there he is oh is he hiding oh no he's is he hiding like no he's a wreck all right nope that's not it do you remember there was a south park that's just a skin wart it's a south park episode all about how osama bin laden has a small dick and they show it and like every time they show it like a person like a character pop up on screen with a sign that's like wow that's a small penis but uh yeah vernon legit kept saying that all day he was like man i would suck some dick to get out of this situation well maybe the story he told earlier technically later i'll ask him about it so you guys you guys already know you guys know
Starting point is 01:01:00 the shindig you know the rundownown. But, you know, what? You mind if I have one more sip of broth? Of course. Of course have your sip of broth, brother. Shit's good, man. I'm not lying. It's like kind of addicting to drink a little broth here and there. You do have to eat real meals. Ryan, it's supplementary.
Starting point is 01:01:20 No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Ryan, I'm going on the broth diet look at this this whole thing that is something your body calories dude this whole carton is 20 calories your body does not need broth it needs sustenance which you are getting which i am holding in my
Starting point is 01:01:41 hand right now that ain't that ain't What do you mean, that ain't it? Man, that ain't it. Look at this. With one cup of broth, I get five whole calories. That'll last me several hours. One gram of protein. You're telling me four grams of protein in this entire container is not enough sustenance to get me through the day? You can eat some grilled chicken and get a shit ton of protein.
Starting point is 01:02:06 Or I could just easily reach into my backpack and pull out my nice box of broth. You know, broth ain't like water. It ain't like eating celery. It ain't like water? What's that sound, Ryan? Sounds a lot like water to me. Sounds like a box of chicken broth.
Starting point is 01:02:26 Which is made out of water. Which I hope to God your thought process wasn't, hmm, you know, I get full easy and I need to eat better. Chicken sounds, I get filled with chicken too easily. Then you look at chicken broth you're like I could just drink it uh yeah that was my thought process watch me find out that like you have to like cook broth before eating so I'm just giving myself salmonella like real quick right now I've had about half half of this uh chicken broth container does it say cook before use
Starting point is 01:03:02 that's something I probably should have looked at before i started just chugging this bad boy down um nothing brings people together like the delicious comfort of a home-cooked meal right give me that wait consumer inquiries after opening keep refrigerated and use within 10 days do not microwave microwave. No, I think we're good. Okay, yeah. I don't see anything. It's pretty fucking good, though. The lore behind Matthew Watson, getting up at 3 in the morning, eating a sleeve of Oreos,
Starting point is 01:03:34 and now drinking chicken broth. Would you prefer that I wake up at 3 a.m. and get myself cavities by munching down Oreos? Would you prefer that I'm healthy? You're still going to do that on top of that. That I'm healthy. You're still going to do that on top of this broth. And I have a meal of broth.
Starting point is 01:03:44 This broth is your daytime feast. Not your nighttime binge. And you say that like that's a bad thing. You say that like with condemning tones in your voice. Like you're condemning me for enjoying some broth. I just feel like. I'm a broth head, buddy. Get used to it.
Starting point is 01:03:59 I just feel like you should look after yourself. What do you think I'm fucking doing right now? Being a real jackass i love that face you just can't stand to see other people happy and you you know what i'm a nihilist i'm a nihilist you're more than a nihilist you're projecting because you're seeing oh he's finally taking care of himself and it makes you upset i love uh taking care of yourself i like the way you define it i'm drinking broth is taking care of yourself like you were so fucking like 20 calories per box and god uh almost 200 of my daily sodium in this as long as you're uh as long as you're as long as you're having your daily vitamins are you still chewing on those i am yeah i took them
Starting point is 01:04:53 this morning it's good i took my vitamins my little flintstones gummies i recommend eating something other than chicken broth today though no this is not replacing this for me this is just i saw it this morning i was like i could use some fucking broth today because yesterday when i was sick in bed i don't know why but i woke up and i had this like overwhelming urge to drink broth so ever since yesterday uh i've just i've just had this weird desire i don't know if it was put in my head subliminally through something or like i had a dream about it and then i woke up and i was like i need some broth but cbs this morning i saw it and I was like you know what this is this is too good to
Starting point is 01:05:27 be true I gotta get it you can go to a really good udon place in little Tokyo and have the best broth of your life or I could sit here and enjoy a conversation with my friend while having the best broth of my life another sip yeah you're going in every like 10 seconds it's good man i'm not gonna lie like i thought
Starting point is 01:05:47 i would just have a few sips and it'd be all right but it's pretty fucking good like i don't know it's like a nice uh cup of tea of course it's good but instead of tea it's like chicken if if chicken broth was disgusting could you imagine how putrid soups would be or any type of soup or chicken meal for that matter i can't get enough soup man soup is so i had soup for dinner last night would you call that a soup this like just the broth yeah well i don't know what classifies as a soup because you know people are so soup but miso has stuff in it sometimes most of the time it's got some seaweed some tofu people like to say like oh cereal is soup technically which yeah i mean i guess it is right
Starting point is 01:06:29 it's like a liquid base there's pieces in it like chunks so it's like a cereal soup yeah for those people i'd say yeah keep doing what you're doing. Soup, a liquid dish typically made by boiling meat, fish, or vegetables in stock or water. Nope. Nope. There is also the second definition, a substance or mixture perceived to resemble soup in appearance or consistency. Okay. So I guess cereal is not soup. No.
Starting point is 01:07:03 Cereal is a liquid dish. But it's not typically made by boiling meat, fish, or vegetables, etc. Well, I don't know. The etc. could cover, you know, like let's say I'm having some Cocoa Puffs. That could be classified under the etc. We need like a fucking soup lawyer in here to really come and break it down for us. Because someone could come in and make a soup, but it's's actually cereal and they're like, we're not infringing on anything, this is a soup.
Starting point is 01:07:30 You have your trademark under cereal. This is clearly a difference of opinion or brand. Super Mega, the world's first soup lawyers. Soup! Or Mega. Hey! Right? We can call ourselves Super Mega.
Starting point is 01:07:45 We had a t-shirt called Super Mega. I forgot, yeah. We're wearing a ramen bowl. It's a really nice t-shirt designed by Don. Thanks, Don. Finally, you did something good. I'm just kidding, buddy. You know we love you. Get some rest, Don. Get some rest, you sweet little fucking baby. Dude,
Starting point is 01:08:02 you know what I think it's time for? Your favorite part of the podcast. It's time to grab my phone from the editing room and twirl around, do three jumping jacks, and start the ad reads. Yeah. Can we get, like, wildly out of breath before these ad reads? You want to go do 30 jumping jacks real quick?
Starting point is 01:08:17 I said three. Let's do 30. We need the exercise. I'm feeling this broth running through my veins. Alright, we're going to do 30 jumping jacks and start the ad read. Hold on. 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. Let's do some ad reads. One of the most important things we do for our health every day besides shrinking broth is brushing our teeth.
Starting point is 01:08:38 Yeah, most of us don't do it properly. Quip is a better electric toothbrush created by dentists and designers. Quip was designed to make brushing your teeth more simple, affordable, and even enjoyable. Matt, you have a Quip. I have a Quip. What's one of your great, wonderful experiences with Quip? Uh, true story. I bought like a really nice toothbrush. I have to go into the dentist. They're like, buy this toothbrush. And I bought it and I used it and I was like, that's alright
Starting point is 01:09:05 It's it's okay And then I got a quip and now I only use quip and that nice fancy electronic toothbrush I got is sitting on my counter untouched because quip gets in my mouth twice a day and has a nice fun time Quip has a lot of fun little features like sensitive sonic vibrations that are gentle enough on your sensitive gums And why would people even want this? Because people brush too f***ing hard. Some electric toothbrushes are too abrasive. Got a built-in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides,
Starting point is 01:09:36 helping guide a full and even clean. Up to 90% of us don't brush for a full two minutes, or don't clean evenly. So that feature's f***ing awesome! Don't brush for a full two minutes or don't clean evenly so that features Fucking awesome it also has a multi-use cover that mounts to your mirror and unmounts to slide over your bristles for one On-the-go see how I almost said one, but then I changed it to on so I didn't have to read it a second time You did good for on-the-go brushing You know it declutters your sink your, and makes traveling with an electric toothbrush easier. You know, Quip doesn't require a clunky charger and runs for three months on one charge.
Starting point is 01:10:10 I was wondering that. I was like, how do I charge this thing? When's it going to run out? Apparently, I got three months to charge. And speaking of which, brush heads are automatically delivered on a dentist-recommended schedule every three months for just $5. Guys, that's so cheap. They're the best toothbrush in the world with those supersonic vibrations that just make my mouth
Starting point is 01:10:28 feel good. It's one of the first electric toothbrushes accepted by the American Dental Association and has thousands of verified five-star reviews. None of those fake five-star reviews like you see online. These are verified. We love Quip. It treats you like a baby because you are a baby. They're backed by over
Starting point is 01:10:44 20,000 dental professionals and it starts at just $25. And if you go to getquip.com slash supermega right now, you get your first refill pack for free with a Quip electric toothbrush. That's your first refill pack free at getquip.com slash supermega. Go and get it today and clean those nasty goddamn yellow motherfuckers that you have. You'll get them clean if you get Quip. They have different colors to choose from. It's sweet. I used to smoke. I'm working on getting my teeth
Starting point is 01:11:12 extra white. I'm trying to get them extra yellow. Just really... Smear some tar on there. Smear some tar. Thanks, Quip. But wait. There's more. Speaking of dental hygiene, if you want your teeth to rot out of your head, what should you put on them? Honey, you ever buy something online only to find out later you missed a discount?
Starting point is 01:11:32 Yes. Well, we don't overspend anymore thanks to Honey. Honey is a free browser add-on that finds us the best deals online. The app magically auto-applies the best deal to my cart at checkout. And Honey finds discounts and coupons across 37,000 sites, like Amazon, Sephora, Best Buy, Nordstrom, and more. With Honey, you don't have to worry about missing a deal. Just shop like normal.
Starting point is 01:11:57 Honey handles the rest. Listen, Ryan and I share a personal computer. When we get home, our father allows us 10 minutes of after-school fun on the computer. That's until mother gets home. Then we have to keep it quiet. Yeah, we have to actually unplug the computer because the frequencies from the electric cords are a little high for her. Gives her headaches and she goes a little... But before she gets home, one of our favorite things to do is shop on the internet.
Starting point is 01:12:23 We were overspending every time we'd buy toothpicks, every time we'd buy anything on the internet. But join honey.com slash megacast. Install it in two clicks. Next thing you know, Ryan and I were saving cents here and there. Even dollar bills. Next thing you're going to tell me is that Honey has saved its 10 million members an average of $28.61.
Starting point is 01:12:43 Is that what you're telling me, Matt? That's exactly what I'm telling you. Are you also trying to tell me that Honey members have already saved more than $800 million? Not bad for some free... Something that's completely free and takes just two clicks to install. Yeah, Honey has over
Starting point is 01:12:58 100,000 plus five-star reviews on the Google Chrome store and also Time Magazine calls Honey basically free fucking money. They didn't have the F word in there, but they did say it's basically free money. Oh, it's Time Magazine. You never know. Just join honey.com slash megacast. Just do it
Starting point is 01:13:14 and get the free add-on. Quick to download, quick to use, and it works in the background, gets you some nice deals so you're not paying upwards of like $800 on your toilet paper. It happens. That's how much people pay your toilet paper. It happens. That's how much people pay for toilet paper, right? That's how much I pay?
Starting point is 01:13:29 Yeah. I can't use that single-ply bullshit. People cheap out, dude. I'm going to tell you, like, this has always stuck with me. Like, six years ago, there was an Ask Reddit thread I saw that was like, what's one thing people cheap out on that's just not worth it? Like, you know, the money that they're saving and the top post was I think like
Starting point is 01:13:47 toilet paper because people will like cheap out and get like single ply toilet paper but it's so uncomfortable it is not worth sometimes you'll get stuck in your anus and yeah you gotta call someone to come get that shit out even when we lived together I had to do that all the time yeah call me in you have tears in your eyes
Starting point is 01:14:03 gotta pull that shit out it's like you need something soft like a cloud. You needed it for your meals afterwards. Yeah. Mix it with my broth. But basically, like, you need that triple ply, that quadruple ply. Like, your ass should be treated right, you know? And it's not that much more expensive at the grocery store. It's worth it, guys.
Starting point is 01:14:24 If your mom... Two assholes with bidets talk to people about what? Bidets. I love a bidet. They're good. I can't go back, dude. Ever since I went to Japan, I'm like, I'm going to buy myself a bidet. And it's worth it because I don't use as much toilet paper.
Starting point is 01:14:37 Listen, guys. I only use toilet paper now to dab wipe my asshole because it's sparkling clean from being spit shined by the Japan gods of bidet. We have cleaner assholes than you. And I can confidently say that because we both use bidets on the regular. The Europeans use bidets. Yeah. Well, if you're European, you have a clean asshole.
Starting point is 01:14:55 But all you Americans, uh-uh. You guys have gross assholes. And we had gross assholes too, but now they're clean. Yeah. And also, before you look, oh, you're bushy fucking assholes with bidets. You can get a bidet, like, go on Amazon. You can get a pretty cheap one. Install it yourself.
Starting point is 01:15:09 I did the plumbing all by myself. I set it up. I worked for that shit, and now my asshole is sparkling clean. I think if some people are going to pay $20 for a movie ticket, then you can pay around $30 to $50 for a thing that sprays your asshole with water absolutely if in your ass is always clean it really opened my eyes like that assholes are just dirty after getting a bidet do you like do we have any bidet brothers or sisters out there
Starting point is 01:15:40 come on come on bidet brothers how clean is your asshole using a bidet? Tell us. Can we be sponsored? Dude, there's a bunch of bidet companies. I'd love to be sponsored by one. Give our fans a deal on this clean asshole experience. Therefore, we know that Super Mega fans have the cleanest assholes in the business. See, that is a bragging point right there.
Starting point is 01:16:00 Our fans have the cleanest assholes on the internet. All other YouTube channels? Bar none. Their fans have dirty fucking ass assholes on the internet. All other YouTube channels. Bar none. Their fans have dirty fucking assholes. That's disgusting. Super Mega fans have sparkling pink assholes. We're going to work for you guys.
Starting point is 01:16:14 We're going to make sure we get some sort of bidet sponsorship so we can get you guys a fresh deal on a clean asshole. We want you guys to have this clean asshole deal. on a clean asshole. We want you guys to have this clean asshole deal. Also, we should only get sponsored by, like, just, like, asshole bleach, like, a bidet. So it's, like, every product's like, guys, we're really serious.
Starting point is 01:16:34 We're really going in on this. We want our fans to have the nicest assholes, like some hemorrhoid stuff. Picture a gardener, but his only job is to take that hose and spray down your asshole. That's what a bidet's job is for yeah pretty much it's like you take a shit and then i imagine i imagine a nice man it's an indoor gardener for your asshole or if you're really rich you could actually just hire a gardener a gardener to come and like stand with a hose and he's like master please bend over and then he
Starting point is 01:17:00 sprays your asshole with some like old fucking Japanese dude. No, not Japanese. I'm thinking he's like just kind of like a Jeeves type of guy, you know? Like the balding white guy with the tuxedo on and he has like the white gloves on. In one hand he has a silver platter. Like Alfred. Alfred, yes, exactly. Or the bartender from The Shining.
Starting point is 01:17:19 Which, actually, never mind. You haven't seen. Mr. Clean fucks. Mr. Clean absolutely fucks. Dude, you know, Mr. Clean is such a fucking daddy. He's a bull, brother. Oh, absolutely. He just fucking tears that shit up. Like, I could see Mr. Clean and some fucking leather daddy stuff in, like, a San Francisco club.
Starting point is 01:17:37 There's some nice motion to his ocean, you know what I'm saying? Oh, absolutely, man. Hey, he just fucking pop, pop, pop, pop. Little pop. He's just popping it. There's no, like, this, like, you know, like know, like he's not doing like the worm on top of some girl trying to look like this fluid, like stomach dancing bullshit. He's just going pop, pop. And then he's going to take the girl off and go, that's boring.
Starting point is 01:17:55 I need a real challenge. And that's when he goes for that dry anus. He's going for the dry anus because Mr. Clean ain't fucking with no girls. He's on New Game Plus difficulty set up to the highest. When it comes to ass sex. Dude, Mr. Clean could destroy my ass, you know? Yeah, and you know he's got a clean dick. It's in the name.
Starting point is 01:18:15 He had a clean ass, dude. It's in the name, Mr. Clean. Mr. Clean uses a bidet. You can't be named Mr. Clean and not smell like a fucking Everblossom. An Everblossom? Yeah. Is that a real thing? That sounds like a cool item in an RPG. The Everblossom? Yeah, the everblossom an everblossom yeah is that a real thing that sounds like a cool item in an rpg the everblossom yeah the everblossom the everblossom petals also i do have to say like
Starting point is 01:18:32 mr clean has a bidet for sure oh my god mr clean probably has a fucking power washer for his asshole he has like windshield wipers and sprayers in his ass cheeks he got it copyrighted and patented so no one else can have it but him. Just to ensure he has the cleanest asshole in the world. So what episode of Supermedcast did you listen to today, Jimmy? The one where they talked about
Starting point is 01:18:56 drinking broth and clean assholes? Yeah, the one where they admit to putting the pressure on their bidets so, so hard that water stores in their anus. And then they stop it. And then they can just push the water out for an extra clean asshole. I don't do that every now and then. I just spray.
Starting point is 01:19:21 It doesn't go that hard. I'll put the jets in and go. Whoa, you're you're bidet. And I stop and then water the jets in and go I'm like whoa your bidet attachment then I stop it and then water just dumps out of my ass your bidet well I mean
Starting point is 01:19:29 that's clean you know yeah it's like otherwise you just wipe them with toilet paper it's like gargling for my asshole
Starting point is 01:19:35 exactly like that's clean dude I could like confidently smell your ass right now and it would be beautiful the only thing you'd smell
Starting point is 01:19:43 was my gooch which can be a little has a history it does but smell your ass right now and it would be beautiful the only thing you'd smell was my gooch which can be a little has a history it does but in recent years i haven't not once yeah it's been a while it's been a while it's been a while since the true ryan mcgooch smell has seeped into your nostrils like a cologne but like your your bidet is a lot stronger than mine and i was at your place and And I was doing my business. And I guess, what do you do? You push down on the little lever.
Starting point is 01:20:09 Yeah. And it sprays the water. I didn't realize that if you push down all the way, that's like a fucking pressure washer. Yeah, dude. It goes. And I screamed. I jumped. I was like, ah, let's, you know.
Starting point is 01:20:23 And it was cold. And it scared the shit out of me. It was, it hurt so bad. I'm surprised I wasn't bleeding after that. Fun tip, if you're at your friend's house and there's a bidet, don't think that pushing down the bidet to test out, be like, how, what's the water pressure like? Make sure you're sitting over that sucker because you're going to spray water on their bathroom floors or walls. I know.
Starting point is 01:20:43 It shoots out. It's high pressured walls. I know. Don't do that. It shoots out. It's high-pressured water. It is. My bidet, like, there's a female setting on it. Oh, so when the ladies come over, mm-mm-mm. You can wash your gooch with it is what I'm going for. Because it aims for the vag, but I don't got no vag. Where there should be a vag, there's a gooch.
Starting point is 01:21:03 A nice, pristine, and clean gooch. Get a nice wash of the back of my ball sack. Ooh, yeah, baby, yeah. Spark them balls. I hold the tip of my penis open and clean the urethra. No, God, ah, dude. Jesus Christ. Oh, I did not need to visualize that.
Starting point is 01:21:19 I need some fucking broth to make that go away. Do you need some tissues to make it go away? Some broth. I'm gonna finish up. Should I need some tissues to make it go away? Some broth. I'm gonna finish up. Should I just kill this right now? No, I wouldn't recommend chugging that. Why?
Starting point is 01:21:31 It's healthy. I told you, it's fucking healthy, dude. Why are you acting like I'm drinking cyanide over here? All right. There he goes. Drinking that broth. Yeah, brother. You're actually chugging that shit.
Starting point is 01:21:47 Yep. You had like half the carton left. He's still going. Jesus Christ. Ugh. There was more broth in that box than I anticipated. It felt not as full as it really was. Um.
Starting point is 01:22:06 Well, there goes that broth. Hear that, ladies and gentlemen? That is an empty carton of broth. Oh, that was like double your daily amount of sodium you're supposed to have. Yeah. Isn't good. No. But, I mean, I think we all do that, unfortunately.
Starting point is 01:22:24 It tasted pretty good. I'm going to have to go buy some more broth now, man. Okay. But, I mean, I think we all do that, unfortunately. It tasted pretty good. I'm going to have to go buy some more broth now, man. Okay. Make sure you're drinking water. Don't get headaches. There's water in broth, so I'm good. Um, nah. I'm good.
Starting point is 01:22:35 Okay. I'm good, Ryan. I drink water, though. I drink water, though. No, I would. I would drink water, though. Yeah. Cool, dude. You want a trophy for drinking water? No, I would. I would drink water though. Yeah. Cool, dude. You want a trophy for drinking water?
Starting point is 01:22:47 That'd be nice. It would make me probably drink more water because I should. I almost got a headache last night, like one of those crippling ones, and I felt it coming. I'm like, no, no, no. I just went in and I drank a shit ton of water, like half a tank of one of those purifying filter things. And like my stomach felt full.
Starting point is 01:23:04 But within five minutes or within about a 10 minute period like everything kind of dissipated and i was like it's nice it's nice because you just water water is your best fucking friend guys let's do an ad read for water like you gotta stay hydrated man for real when i wake up in the morning i feel like shit like there's a noticeable difference on mornings when I don't drink water and mornings when I do. And when I just, I can't wake up, I feel foggy. But like, if you just fucking chug some water, it's not fun.
Starting point is 01:23:30 Chugging water is not fun. But if you just do it the next hour or two, you're going to feel clear. You're going to feel good. And if you pair that with a clean asshole and some broth, you got yourself one of the best days of your life. Yeah. You know? Of course.
Starting point is 01:23:44 Oh, a bidet with broth. That's it. Dude, have some warm broth hit your asshole. The worst, the one bad thing about the broth. Having your gooch smell like curdled broth. Oh, broth doesn't curdle. There's no cream in it. It has to be, you have to have some dairy for it to curdle, Ryan.
Starting point is 01:24:00 Yep. Little facts and logic for you. Okay, Ben. We actually do have Ben Shapiro coming on the podcast next week. Don't want to spoil it too much, though, but we're doing a debate. Something about baby Hitler. I don't remember.
Starting point is 01:24:13 But we are going to livestream. He said he will be the first Republican pundit to masturbate on the Super Megacast. Yeah. I'm surprised we haven't had more of that at this point. You know? Well, we've actually had offers
Starting point is 01:24:28 from different Republicans to come masturbate on the podcast, but something always comes up when they're like, sorry, got busy, can't do it. So I'm excited I've been here. This is just putrid. It's not even funny.
Starting point is 01:24:39 Who are these boys? Super Mega fucking Christian dumbasses? They said I was going to come on their podcast and masturbate? Look, okay. Here are my predictions for Game of Thrones. Prove us wrong, Ben. Come on here and like, wait, if you don't think this is funny, then prove us wrong.
Starting point is 01:24:51 Come on our podcast and masturbate. You know what I'm saying, buddy? You bitch. Ben the bitch. That's what I call him. Ben the bitch. Ooh, fuck, dude. That's right, Ben. Prove us wrong by coming on the Super Mega Podcast and masturbating for however long it takes you to conclude into a cum climax. I bet he's going to come on here and not even have a cum climax because he can't.
Starting point is 01:25:17 He can't even get it hard, I bet. Fucking soy boy Ben over here. Oh. Anyways, Ben, you do you. Our people will be in touch. Just make sure that your shit is clean. Make sure you check those emails, too.
Starting point is 01:25:30 We want to make sure we can have this happen. Anyways. Well, thanks for tuning in, guys. We got another episode coming next week, and now we're back from tour. We got more episodes on the way. Sorry again for the lack of uploads recently.
Starting point is 01:25:45 We've been busy. But we're hoping that later in 2019 we can really get more of a grind down with our upload schedule. Yeah. No promises, though. Because, you know, we're two slacking 23 and 24-year-olds. Just some motherfuckers. We're just some motherfuckers, dude. You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 01:26:03 Motherfuckers. By the way, I figured out, remember? I can't remember if it was a podcast or a Let's Play, I was like, we're the motherfuckers who kill motherfuckers, motherfucker. And I was like, what is that from? It's from a Key and Peele sketch where it's like this white, it's like this guy who actually grew up in the streets and the white director's like, you have to act more like gangster. He's like, oh, yeah, I mean mean I'm acting how I usually act then they have like this British black dude he's like okay
Starting point is 01:26:28 I really like to take it this way and it's about him being annoyed because I grew up on the streets I know how this shit goes but then they're saying no that's not how this shit goes that's the sketch and that's what it's from glad you got that solved bye everybody
Starting point is 01:26:41 bye that song. Bye, everybody. Bye.

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