supermegashow - EP 144 - Pretzelgate
Episode Date: June 2, 2019Matt got his toes sucked on stage. Pretzels were chewed and we have an apology(?). Ryan's a creeper in Matt's place. The Tucker Bros are sitting in the corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit ...podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
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Holy shit, we are back.
It's episode 144 of the Super Mega Cast.
I'm Ryan and this is my friend...
Matt Watson.
That's right.
Yeah, we're back, baby.
We're back from tour, ready to get things up and running. Wait a second. Yeah, we're back, baby. We're back from tour. Ready to get things up and running. Wait
a second. No, we're not. Ryan is
getting his ass on out of Los
Angeles, going somewhere special next week.
But when he's back, we're really gonna get
things running. That's right. We're gonna get our
super megaplex
all nice and dandy.
We still need to
buy a shit ton of consoles, apparently,
because the grumps won't let us have theirs.
Yeah, thanks a lot guys. Thank you so much, really helping us out.
Assholes.
We'll like legitimately get pissed at them cause they won't give us their consoles.
But we- what are we supposed to record on? We've been recording on these consoles forever, Arin.
You guys just went on tour, you made money, buy some consoles.
Alright asshole, fucking one percenter.
Fuck this shit, I'm getting a foot rest.
Yo, you putting a foot rest up, dude?
Oh, he fell off the couch.
That wasn't even a fall.
He just kind of rolled off.
Thanks, man.
No, but it wasn't a comment on any kind of thing.
Sure.
Dude, come on, man.
We just had some wonderful sushi in Little Tokyo.
We did.
That was really good.
That was good sushi.
I always, the way I judge a sushi place, of course, the quality of fish, but my main way
is, sorry, Jackson coughed.
Yeah, it's okay.
And he said he was going to be quiet.
Yeah, he said, I'm going to sit in the back of the room and do some accounting work.
Don't worry, I won't say anything, he said.
But here he is coughing.
That was Matt, not Jackson.
You going to have any pretzels?
I want to talk about that in a little bit too.
What was I on about?
What was my dumb ass saying?
Talking about sushi.
Is the wasabi.
That was some good ass wasabi.
There's a lot of sushi places where the wasabi is like undetectable.
Yeah, it's like you take a bite of that sushi and it's like, all right.
It was, it's almost like the tiniest hint of horseradish and that's it.
But this place had some, some potent sushi.
I was, I had tears coming down my face.
It was strong.
What was the place called?
Hama.
Hama.
Hama Sushi.
Yeah.
In Tokyo.
It's good.
It's, it's very good.
And it's just like straight up, just like sushi.
Like it's pretty much all it is.
And it was delicious.
Jackson mentioned the chewing sounds.
First off, I want to say that
a lot of people were blaming me
and saying, God damn it, fucking
Ryan with the chewing. It's like,
I had one pretzel in the beginning of
episode 26. I had one.
Guys, may he who has never
chewed a pretzel into a microphone cast the first
stone, okay? It really,
now I know. Now I know what the responses first stone. Okay. This, it really, now, now I know,
now I know what the responses to this will be.
They're, they're gonna,
they're gonna say,
uh,
we're straw manning,
uh,
some arguments.
Um,
guys,
you don't have to use,
uh,
debate terms to describe how we're chewing into shit and how we're defending that.
Um,
sorry,
it annoyed some of you,
but don't worry.
I actually.
We painstakingly edited out the rest of the chewing in episode 28.
And we even edited out Jackson and Harrison fully.
Yeah, they're gone now.
And they will never be returning, unfortunately,
because you guys got so upset about the pretzels.
I do want to say, we legitimately did not realize that that would ruffle feathers that much.
So apologies for chewing the pretzels.
But they're pretty good pretzels.
We will take our jobs as Let's Players a lot more serious, we promise.
I promise.
I will never do that again, guys.
That's one of the biggest sins I've ever committed on this earth.
I'm going to get up to heaven and God's going to be like, sorry, man, you can't come in.
I'll be like, what?
He's like, remember that time you chewed pretzels in episode 26 of Animal Crossing? Was Harrison really
chewing them the whole time though?
I couldn't tell. I thought he only
had like a few
in the bit we were doing in the beginning.
What's it called?
It's the medical
name for when you get mad at
the sounds of chewing. Well, it's when you
I know what you're talking about. It's not just
mad. It's irrationally mad. Yeah.
At the sound of chewing. Which we witnessed. We did witness that.
Yeah, we witnessed a lot of people. So apologies, guys. I hope
that you'll keep watching Animal Crossing. You don't hate us all.
Like, I under... We didn't realize.
Like, I understand the whole
getting a little bit upset, but some
of y'all were furious.
The death threats were a little over the edge.
But thank you
regardless for those who sat through it
and put up with the chewing pretzels. We won't do that anymore.
Unless you want us to.
We can do a whole ASMR video, a whole podcast.
The pretzel episode. Where we chew
pretzels the entire time. They were gluten-free
pretzels too, guys. I just want to point that out.
I just didn't think it was that serious.
I didn't think a second thought about it.
The thing is, we were all having fun.
We legitimately had a good time that recording session.
All of a sudden the comments go bananas.
The dislikes.
Fuck you guys!
We're like, Jesus, we had a good time with friends.
But don't worry,
we won't have good times with friends anymore.
We're only going to have
forced comedy on the let's play.
This will go down in history as the Great Pretzel in the middle of 2019.
Oh, yeah.
The fan base will always remember this one.
We always have to have a big old incident.
And now we're going to have a camp.
You know, I minded the chewing and I'm glad that it's over.
And it annoyed me just a little bit.
And then we have the people in the other camp um as you said with the
death threats pitchforks and the pitchforks and uh starting fires yeah some someone someone
apparently crashed their car through a bank in dallas and lit the place on fire over it not
not cool don't do that someone apparently ran into a pizza place with a shotgun and asked where
they were keeping the let's plays without pretzel chewing noises in them.
Believe it or not, they didn't have any.
But I heard that place does have good pizza,
which leads me into...
Let's talk about tour.
We just got back from our Northeast...
Okay.
We won't talk about it then.
Let's talk about our Northeast tour, man.
I think this was...
This is nothing against the people or the venues.
I think I just had a really good time this tour.
This is probably my favorite
tour thus far. It was the most fun
tour by far. It was the longest one. It was six
shows. It was a week straight of
us just traveling, setting up.
We did have one glorious
rest day. And when I say we had one
glorious rest day, I mean we had
a day where we did nothing but drive.
Nine hours. We had to drive nine hours. So we didn't get to rest really. I mean, we had a day where we did nothing but drive. Nine hours. We had to drive nine hours.
So we didn't get to rest, really. That was our day
off, just taking shifts. And that day, actually,
was we were driving from Boston to Washington, D.C.
The routing was
so goofed. It was goofed.
And when I had to drive,
like, the second I get behind the wheel,
the sun goes down and the craziest
fucking thunderstorm hits. And
I have to drive this 11-foot- foot tall sprinter van through this wild storm.
I think the funniest part about that is it was crazy.
I could barely see anything.
I could barely see in front of the van.
But that's not when you made a little oopsie in the van.
I would have given you some, I would have been like, you know what?
It was raining, bad weather, things happen.
van I would have given you some I would have been like you know what it was raining bad weather things happen but no it had to be a like kind of like a really kind of just nice chill uh night or
whatever and you were just pulling into the hotel parking lot yeah I literally did like I get through
this crazy fucking thunderstorm where the road's flooding we're driving through like a swamp
essentially there's lightning and thunder and everything.
I somehow get us through that, and then we pull into the parking lot.
The second we pull in, the last 10 feet, I ding the van.
I was like, oh, sweet. Really?
That's where that happened? Jackson, do you want a cough
drop, buddy? I'm going to go grab one in a second.
I was waiting for a break so I could stand up.
You can go get one, dude.
You can go get one.
Ladies and gentlemen, featuring Jackson Tucker.
I would, but they don't like me out there.
That is true. I would, but they don't like me out there. That is true.
I'll suffer.
Suffer back there?
I'll just hold my breath.
Are you suffering or are the fans suffering?
I don't want comments.
I don't want the great coughing incident of 2019.
Yeah, we already had the chewing incident.
I mean, here's my thought process.
As much as I cough, it's not going to be as bad as me eating pretzels.
That is true.
He purposely did that to set up the worst thing already
so then nothing will ever
everything will pale in comparison
I don't mind Jackson as much anymore
I don't mind Tucker as much anymore
I love how
wait didn't someone call you Tucker
even though you signed your name
I called you Frank Javsy on Tucker
you look just like Frank Javsy
I signed my name Jackson and someone was like
I got Tucker's autograph yeah I saw that you and Harrison both signed something you look just like frank javsi i signed my name jackson and someone's like i got tucker's
autograph yeah i saw that you like you and harrison both signed something right and they
were like thanks harrison and tucker for signing my thing but uh the tour was super fucking fun
um we started out in brooklyn did a great show in brooklyn i think every venue had its own like i
i really did like every venue. Every venue was great.
Just because it was different and because it's not the type of venue you'd expect our type of show to be at.
I liked the City Winery.
City Winery was incredible.
So in Boston.
They gave us each a bottle of wine.
Yeah, really nice wine, which that was probably a mistake.
But we got, there were several shows we got real, maybe a little too drunk on stage. DC and
Philadelphia. Those were the two ones where
that shit got wild. In fact, let's talk about the Philly
show real quick. The last show of the tour,
great audience. You guys were so
engaging and into
it. And
you know, it was a 21 plus show, so everyone
was drinking. And there was this guy in the front
row who seemed Roy. His there was this guy in the front row.
His name was Roy?
Roy.
His name was Roy, I remember.
Real cool dude.
Met him at the meet and greet.
But him and his girlfriend were sitting there.
They'd had quite a few drinks.
I could tell right when the show started.
I'm like, oh, they've been going for a while.
So they're sitting up front watching the show.
You could smell the alcohol on their breath from the stage.
It was disgusting.
I almost had to walk off stage several times because they were so sickening.
Basically, I put up with it.
And then, towards the end of the show,
we were talking about our feet.
You were talking about my feet.
I was talking about your feet.
And then I was trying to rebuttal and say that your feet aren't half bad as well.
Which the audience wanted me to show my feet.
So, just like the New Jersey
show I did, I revealed my foot to the
audience. You took off your disgusting
fucking socks. That sock, I gotta say.
You wore the same pair of socks multiple
days. Roy, if you're listening,
I gotta tell you something that I didn't
really say on stage. So, that
was the end of the tour, man.
I'm out of clean clothes at that point. There's nowhere
for me to really do laundry on this tour.
I'm wearing the same pair of socks three days in a row, and they smell like shit, okay?
My feet are disgusting.
I hadn't had a proper shower in a while.
I'm like, it's the last show.
We'll get up on stage.
We'll get all sweaty.
We'll do this, and we'll head home.
So I got this nasty-ass sock on.
I take it off, and I can, you know, the stench of my foot.
The sock was damp.
The sock was damp.
Because I put the sock back on you on stage.
You picked up the sock. damp the sock was because I put the sock back on you on you picked up the sock I basically he yells out he's like I'll suck your toes just out of the
blue and I was like all right well this is interesting so I challenged him I was like
you will and he's like yeah so I walked up I presented my foot to him he grabbed that grabbed
that shit he was ready he leans forward
and i didn't deep down i had a part of me that was like is he really gonna do it he might he's
had a lot to drink he might actually do this and i and i deep down was secretly open i'm like you
know if he does um then it will make for a good finale to our final show uh jackson are you are
you counting gold coins back there i I'm counting all my gold billion.
He's counting all of his doubloons back there behind the couch.
He's actually counting money from the show.
So he's hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands.
All the money that the fans touched.
Oh, yeah.
Jackson's touching all that money right now that you guys have touched with your own fingers.
It's actually like 20 bucks.
You guys didn't buy any merch, thanks thanks a lot for the support jack
asses but he grabs my foot and without hesitation he sticks that he slides that wait does his tongue
move around and basically i was very intoxicated by this point this is near the end of the last
show of the tour so we had had a lot of beer we had had a lot of sparkling we cracked some sparkling wine
on stage for the last drunk drawing segment
and the bottle was pretty much gone at this
point he slides
my feet
not my feet my foot into his mouth
not just the toe no he gets
pretty much the whole thing that shit went deep down
in his throat I was like uh oh and I yank
it back out
and I did feel his nice warm, wet
tongue on the sole of my foot.
Basically, I pull it out and the crowd
is going crazy. And
then his girlfriend just yelled out, he's got
a huge foot fetish. I'm like, great. Well, that just
made it ten times more weird. And then I made them kiss.
Yeah, you were like, oh, that was so nice. Why don't you
give her a kiss? I mean, she willingly, like,
I thought he was going to kind of like
make her do the kiss, like, reluctantly. But she jumped in there a lot more fast than he did.
Yeah, it was really gross.
It was disgusting. And I hope you guys, I did have athlete's foot within the past month,
so might want to go get yourself checked out, get some tenactin, tough actin tenactin for your face.
That shit was really gross, I got to say, dude. There's pictures of it online where
he's got my foot in his mouth.
I will not be doing that at future shows.
So if you're like, I'm gonna do the same thing.
I'm gonna suck Matt's toes on stage.
That was a once in a lifetime moment.
I will say, the only time I have to...
If he was drunk, I do actually have to give him a pass.
Because the only time I've ever stuck a foot in my mouth...
Oh, we're getting the real tea here, dude.
We're getting that inside knowledge.
Is when I was also drunk.
So you have sucked toes before?
Yeah.
I have too, okay?
I'll throw that out there.
I've had a foot in my mouth.
I was intoxicated.
I was as well.
So maybe there's something that makes it
a little more likely for a person to suck the toes.
Given that he had a foot fetish,
I think he was down either way.
Here's the thing.
It's one of the things where you're like, you know, I'll try it.
Like, let's see.
Let's see where this goes.
And you try it, and then you then judge based on your experience
if you want to continue doing that in the future,
which there's nothing wrong with that if that's what you're into
because foot fetishes seem to be very common.
Well, the thing is, like, the person didn't even ask me.
I was just kind of, like, in my head, in my drunken state. I was just... Oh, they didn't, like the person didn't even ask me. I was just kind of like in my head,
in my drunken state.
I was just.
Oh, they didn't like ask for you to suck the foot?
You just went for it?
No, I was doing the whole thing
where it's like,
I'm going to start near the bottom
and kiss up their leg up,
you know, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Sex with Ryan McGee.
Except I just kind of,
except I went way too far down
and I went to the foot
and I was like,
whoa, hmm hmm I've never
just like
chewing on the toenails like
and you
just never go back up you just stay down there
she's like what what are you doing
don't worry baby I'm getting into something down here
I mean the truth of that situation
was that I actually noticed
that she hadn't trimmed her toenails
in a while.
So to kind of
help her out
Oh yeah.
She didn't notice because I didn't want her to feel bad.
I was like oh I'm being
different. I'm drunk. I'm going
crazy. Yeah getting a little
about to do something you're going to regret man.
But she had a nice toe trim that day.
Yeah. Did you swallow? Did I i swallow did you just spit them out like watermelon seeds yeah right
into a little uh bucket what's that sound nothing sweetheart y'all there's people out there that
definitely like clip each other's toenails with their mouths like during sex i'm not
i don't want to king shame anyone that's of nasty. Yeah. I haven't put a foot
in my mouth in a while.
For me,
I do have to say,
I think it was,
I'm going to say two,
three years ago.
Mine was in college.
I was also in college.
Dude,
college got crazy, man.
Jackson,
you ever suck toes, bro?
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No.
I see that smirk on Jackson's face.
He's like, no, no.
Taxing.
He's counting money back there.
He called him taxing right now.
Hey, Jackson, have you never put a foot or a toe in your mouth before?
I think most people have tried it during the act of making love.
They're like, well, let's see it.
Well, I wasn't having sex while I was sucking on.
It was more of a precursor.
No, yeah, but I mean like during the entire experience.
Are you saying you really have never?
Have you never kissed a foot?
I've kissed a foot.
Okay, he's kissed a foot.
I've licked a foot.
I've kissed a foot.
Well, this was all at once.
I've licked a foot. This was all foot well this was all I've licked a foot
this was all in the
one experience
I wouldn't say I was
sucking on the toes
I was more like
kissing the foot
and it was
I've licked the foot
it was a person
that I was dating
it wasn't like a random person
it was someone I was
in a relationship with
at the time
this was a person
that I was in a relationship with
it really just hit me
how much
I think in the last
10 podcast episodes we've started talking about toe sucking.
This is not the first time in recent episodes we've talked about this.
Blame it on that tar-filled bitch.
Who's the tar-filled bitch?
What are you talking about?
Excuse me?
Are you talking about when Riley Reid sucked Little Palm's toes?
Yeah.
Tar-filled?
Yeah.
Remember she had tar leaking out of her mouth and shit?
In the video?
We talked about it on the podcast.
It was a joke we said on the podcast and I remembered it and I'm bringing it up again as a running thing.
Sorry, I don't remember anything. It's okay, now you do.
Yes.
Yeah.
That was nasty.
Yeah.
Of course, man.
I'm just like...
Forgetful.
Yeah.
Stupid.
Borderline...
Sure, man. Yeah yeah but i thought it's funny because you're not allowed to say it
you think we filled the uh the toe sucking quota talk for this i think we filled it just in general
at this point with what happened on stage that the podcast we talk about it, you know. Yeah. Is that good?
Is that enough toe talk?
I'm just scratching real quick.
Jackson? Just a heads up, it's three.
Oh, it's three? Okay, we gotta go to a
meeting. We'll be right back, guys.
It's about the tour, so maybe we'll
We'll remember some good stories, okay?
We'll be back. Bye. Wait, Ryan.
What? You know what? While we're taking a break, it's the
perfect time to transition from talking about toes
To do some ad reads. We got a good one this week for MeUndies!
Oh shit!
Please enjoy this commercial message while we're taking a meeting about our previous tour- I'm doing it, come on, relax
Just kidding! So the tour guide Justin that works for Real Good Touring, he was like,
Oh no, dude, let's do the meeting at 3.30 instead.
Like, thanks, dude.
You just made us walk out of a podcast.
I'm sorry we're so timely.
Yeah, sorry, buddy.
Sorry we came to the meeting on time.
Jesus Christ.
Anyway, let's do the ad read.
Oh, wait, ad read.
Me undies.
Cue the ad read music, Ryan.
Um, okay, hold on.
You probably spend about 90% of your life in underwear, don't you, Matt?
I do, uh, probably about 95, I'd say.
So don't you think you owe it to yourself to make sure you're wearing the softest undies in town?
That goes for you, audience.
Honestly, I would say not just the softest undies in town, I'd say the softest undies in the whole GD universe.
Epic, brother. That's why I only wear, guess what?
What? Me undies. Me undies, baby.
Guys, think about the softest thing you can imagine. Imagine you arrive to the kingdom of
heaven and there's a beautiful little lamb that was slain on earth, but now his soul's up in
heaven. Imagine feeling how soft that wool is. That's like what me undies is, but it's all over
your groin. Me undies love selling you their underwear pants. Did you know that they use
the coveted micromodal fat fabric, which is a full-time...
It's three times softer than cotton, apparently.
That's what the ad read says.
Well, it's also true, though, because when I have these MeUndies all over my body,
I can tell you that it is three times softer than cotton.
I didn't even know this fabric type existed until I tried them on, and I was blown away.
It's like silk dipped in lotion.
That's right.
Not only are they comfortable, Matt, but they have different style options for men, women.
And fellas, fellas, I know you're listening.
You can now try the new boxer brief with fly option, which is the same great cut as boxer brief,
but it has a little added option for guys who prefer to go through the gate versus over the fence,
if you catch my drift.
You know what I'm saying, buddy?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, they stick their cocks through the hole so they can piss in the urinal or the toilet
or get...
But also, MeUndies is the go-to for the softest loungewear on the planet.
Hang out in their super comfy lounge pants and Onisiuses.
Yes, MeUndies makes Onisiuses, and they're incredible.
MeUndies has a great offer for listeners of Super Megacast. If you guys like our podcast, you're going to love MeUndies. And they're incredible. Go to MeUndies.com slash SuperMega. And what are they going to get? 15% off their first pair and free shipping.
Also 100% satisfaction guarantee.
Go to MeUndies.com slash SuperMega.
Tell them your boy sent you.
Put some of the softest underwear you will ever own on.
There's so many great patterns that change monthly.
You will not regret it.
I'm wearing a pair right now.
And also, I just do want to say during one of the live shows,
Ryan ripped my shirt up,
and somebody in the audience saw us wearing MeUndies, and multiple people yelled out MeUndies.
So, MeUndies, you're doing something right, because they could see it all the way from the audience, and they recognized it.
They're so comfortable, in fact.
Matt has 10 pairs of MeUndies of mine taken hostage in his apartment.
I don't know how I have them.
You've had them for a while.
I don't know how.
You keep saying you're going to give them back to me, but you don't.
Why don't you come over and get them then?
I mean, I can, but you said you just
bring them over. I don't remember ever saying
I'm going to bring them over?
I'm going to drive them all the way to where you live?
No, you're going to bring them when we record and shit.
You're like, I'll bring them next time. Well, I need to clean my place
first. Remember that podcast when we talked about
my place was a wreck? I have pictures to
prove it too. It's still a wreck wreck i took some sly pictures just to make sure i remembered the dirtiest your
apartment was what was and uh god damn i i was looking back and i'm like shit that's some messy
bullshit i wish you really had you're like yeah like i did take pictures why what do you mean why
why would you take pictures of my that's weird no's not. So you can look back and remember how dirty my apartment was?
Yeah, it was really dirty.
That's just weird.
No.
It was so dirty that it was...
It was like a wonder of the world.
I couldn't imagine an apartment getting that dirty.
And it did.
It was more messy than dirty.
Well, there's a difference.
There was a lot of dirt.
There was no dirt.
I got pictures to prove the dirt.
Let me see.
Okay.
Hold on.
Let me see.
Where is it?
It looked like Tucker was just standing in your bathtub for ages.
Look how dirty that bathtub is.
Why did you legitimately take pictures of my bathtub? Because it Look how dirty that bathtub is. Why did you legitimately
take pictures of my bathtub?
Because it was so dirty. I was surprised.
That's so weird. I'm sorry
that you're embarrassed that you had a dirty apartment
and now you're calling me weird?
Guys, that's like he came in
and took pictures about how dirty the apartment was secretly
so he could go back and look at it.
It's a pretty fucking dirty place. I was surprised.
It's weird, right? Harrison's smirking. Because he can't blame me for taking pictures. What if I came to your house at it how dirty it was it's a pretty fucking dirty place i was surprised it's weird right harrison's smirking what if i can't blame you for taking pictures what if i came to your
house and it was dirty and i just secretly took pictures so i could look at him like god ryan's
house is so dirty ew that's weird it would be my fault because i had a dirty place when i had
guests you're a guest at my place it's weird to come in and sneak photos that was on my birthday
too i know oh yeah yeah well it, we were about to go on tour.
Jackson, how dirty was it?
It's pretty dirty.
It was pretty clean.
I was gone for two days, and I come back.
Yeah.
It just was shit.
It was pretty nasty.
It was just, we're about to go on tour.
You know, we're going all around.
There's just no time to clean.
We're just busy.
Didn't really give a shit.
It's about to be clean, though.
It's about to be real spic and span.
I'm excited.
What'd you say?
I said it's about to be clean, though. It's about to be real spic and span. I'm excited. I said it's about to be real clean.
Good.
Then I'll take pictures of the
clean apartment so I can compare and contrast.
You gotta delete the old ones and replace them with the clean ones.
If you clean your apartment
to the point where I'm impressed,
I will delete those photos.
Thank you, Ryan. Thank you.
When Harrison cleans the apartment, yes.
I was actually hoping uh when to give these
pictures to your apartment complex so that they could advertise the apartment the way it is yeah
that I wish they would like okay no while we're on tour I get an email from my apartment that's
like hey we're gonna be coming in your apartment uh in the next few days to come like you know
check out uh like just to see how it's doing.
And I was like, because I guess they do like a yearly inspection.
And I was just like, um, can you wait until I'm back?
Because I was like, if they walk in right now into my apartment to do an inspection,
that it's not like it looks like a hoarder's house mixed with like,
imagine a hoarder that lived at Chernobyl when it had to be evacuated.
And then you come back 20 years later to that house. Let put it this way this is how dirty it is i'm gonna
throw up a few pictures of of of the dirtiness please don't see that's how dirty it is matt
doesn't even want me to show you yeah that was the point thank you thank you i thank you for not
actually well i'm actually i'm the one editing this yeah well i was never going to want to put
them in the podcast i just wanted you to say that you didn't want them to be shown.
Therefore, it was proof that it was dirty.
It is dirty.
I want to clean it.
Is it still dirty?
Not as bad.
We just dumped all of our luggage there.
Yeah, our luggage for the tour is just like.
We got back at like what?
How late?
We got back at like what?
Like three last night?
Yeah.
We went to.
It's amazing.
It's nice.
Yeah.
All the fans are going to hear that you guys go there.
Yeah, we're going to go.
And there's going to be some fans seeing us all touching.
Okay, we'll beep out the name of where we went.
Because now I don't want people showing up to see our penises.
It's not the 24-hour spa.
We went to one of many 24-hour spas in Los Angeles.
I think there's one very popular one.
We all had fun.
We had fun.
We got naked.
We saw each other's wee-wees. Walked around, got in some hot tubs, got in a sauna.
There was a guy being walked out with what looked like to be half of an erection.
There were two guys with polo shirts.
Yeah, okay.
I'm making sure I wasn't the only one who saw that.
We're walking in.
This dude is like, I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
And he was definitely semi-chugged.
There was a guy naked on his computer in the locker room as well for an extended period of time.
Don't forget when the
guy at the counter told me
he could smell the alcohol. Oh, that's the first
thing he's like, oh, by the way,
it was so funny because you guys went to go
get some Korean barbecue. We had Korean barbecue. I went to go
just beat my dog
and you guys went to go get Korean
barbecue.
And we had some drinks of Korean barbecue, but not that much.
We weren't that drunk.
And the guy, after you finished paying and you were about to walk in, he was like,
Oh, I just want to say I can smell the alcohol in your breath.
And just be careful getting out of the hot tub and stuff.
I was just like, what do you mean?
One beer?
You can't.
We literally had one beer.
I'm like, one beer split?
Yeah, and we split it three ways.
I'm like, what do you mean you can smell the alcohol in our breath?
Well, y'all had a shit ton of alcohol on the plane. Yeah, but I wasn't still drunk. three ways. I'm like, what do you mean you can smell the alcohol on the plane?
Yeah, but I wasn't still drunk.
I might have had six.
I think we're more delirious.
Yeah, we're just delirious because we had the worst travel luck.
First of all, I had six gin and tonics on that flight.
So I didn't.
Jesus Christ.
And I had a middle seat.
Well, that's the way to pass the time.
Dude, the guy next to me had even more.
Okay, well, let me.
Wait, were you in a competition with the guy? Well, let's the way to pass the time. Dude, the guy next to me had even more. Okay, well, let me. Wait, were you in a competition with the guy?
Well, let me rearrange this.
I had four mini bottles, which amounted to four gin and tonics on the flight.
Before the flight, I had two gin and tonics.
But we waited on the runway for so long, I fully sobered up.
And then the guy next to me had six Jack and Cokes on the flight.
And he got drunk and he started wanting to like cheers me
and toast me every time he'd pour himself a drink.
I'm sitting there minding my own business.
He'd be like, hey man, cheers.
I was like, cheers, dude.
And he would just keep chugging down those mini bottles.
And I had a great middle seat the whole six hour flight
and the extra two hours we sat on the runway.
I really enjoyed that.
That was fun.
He was just reading the Torah out like really loud.
He was, I saw he was reading the Torah in Hebrew out loud.
Is there something wrong with that?
It was just loud.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Harrison.
Oh, by the way, Harrison, since we talked about it,
do you have an apology to give our fans, by the way?
What did I do this time?
Something that you might have done on episode 26 and 27 of the Animal Crossing series.
Animal Crossing laughs?
I'll never apologize for that.
If you're offended, there's the door, fellas.
The unsubscribe button's right there.
Harrison's telling you right now to inscribe from our channel.
Door's open.
If you're offended, I want you to come down to the Seed Megaplex with a loaded gun.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
Lay it to my face.
Here's my thing.
Who's more at the blame?
The person who makes the gun or the person who uses the gun?
Think about that.
Okay, what pretzel company was it?
Jackson brought the pretzels.
Jackson did.
That's true.
Jackson did bring the pretzels.
Jackson brought the pretzels.
If Matt had bought me a free meal earlier that day, I wouldn't have needed it.
If Matt would have bought me a free meal earlier.
He got me on that one, actually.
If I had bought him breakfast.
If I had taken him out to brunch to get him a nice gluten-free pancake.
Out on his little leash.
Hey, you'll get some lunch, buddy.
If I had let him out of the cage long enough to get some breakfast,
he wouldn't have to bring his gluten-free pretzels up in here.
But what was I going to say?
So you don't want to apologize, Harrison?
Harrison.
Why?
Harrison.
This is your opportunity to apologize.
Shit, what was I talking about right before this
how much you love me
you were gonna give me that free breakfast
no I wasn't talking about either one of those things
you were talking about how you're excited
to go see Godzilla tonight
yes which we'll probably talk about on the next podcast
since we're recording it essentially right after this one
with some special guests
so next week's podcast we'll have some special guests
three of them to be exact
and it's not the Tucker brothers all three Tucker brothers special guests. So next week's podcast, we'll have some special guests. Three of them to be exact. And
it's not the Tucker Brothers. All three Tucker Brothers.
We flew Ding Dong
and Julian all the way back from Russia.
I was talking about something before this and I was going to
segue into something. Do you remember?
We talked about it.
Why? Dude, are our attention spans
that bad? We're like, what did we just talk about?
What did we just hold conversation about?
And then it's like, oh, no, we have no idea
what to talk about. What's the weirdest
or funniest, and what's the weirdest, funniest
and worst thing that happened on tour?
Like, of all the things that happened to us.
I think the toe-sucking thing takes the cake
for the oddest.
Yeah, there's a picture of you and Ryan
just with your mouths agape when that
happened. Well, that's pretty normal
for both of them.
Let's see.
I'm trying to think of some more highlights from the show,
or from the whole tour.
Let's see.
All the venues were cool.
The one in Pittsburgh.
I had my first chili cheese, chili cheese steak.
Yo, I got to say, Philly cheese steaks are fucking incredible.
I got two of them.
I ate one and I was like, I'm going to go back and get another one.
You went to Jim's?
Jim's, yeah, in Philly.
Is that the name?
It was so fucking good.
It was fucking incredible, though.
What else did we have?
What was that?
The Primanti Brothers?
Primanti Brothers, yeah.
Oh, that was delicious.
In Pittsburgh.
It was like pastrami, french fries, coleslaw, all on a sandwich.
I got steak.
So it was like steak, coleslaw, french fries, an egg.
Oh, yeah, there was an egg.
You put some malt vinegar on it.
You put some hot sauce, put some ketchup if you want.
It was so good.
We had the best food on tour.
New York was really fun.
Oh, I remember what I was going to talk about.
Oh, I went to New York for the first time.
Yeah, Ryan went to New York for the first time.
Went to Times Square, and then me and my cousin went to Koreatown and had some really good curry.
Kissed in Central Park.
That was so cute when you guys did that.
And basically, our travel was cursed this trip.
Ryan got lucky.
So me and the Tucker bros flew to New York a few days early with a friend of ours to just kind of go check out some of the small areas of New York up in the upstate.
And we get this red-eye flight that has a layover in Chicago.
We get on the plane.
We sit for an hour.
It doesn't take off.
And they're like, hey, guys, we've got to deplane because there's a technical error with the plane.
So we all get off the plane, and then we have to wait for a new plane to come.
And then they have to, like, clean the plane and move all the food over.
So that takes, like, an hour and a half.
And all the bars close at 12.
And all the bars closed at 12. And all the bars closed at 12.
So we're sitting in the airport.
There's like nothing to do or drink.
We actually did find one bar
and we got to be the last people in there.
Jackson farted as I was paying.
And it was, we both looked at Jackson
and we're like, Jackson, get the fuck out of here, dude.
That is not even funny.
It smells so bad.
And then we finally get a flight.
But then when we get to Chicago,
we missed our connecting because of the delays. And then the next get a flight. But then when we get to Chicago, we missed our connecting because of the delays.
And then the next flight was full.
So we had to wait until like six hours in the airport.
And then we get on that plane.
And then we have to deplane again because there's a problem with this one.
And then we get back on.
And then we finally make it in to Albany, New York, which was a very nice little place.
And then I had a nice little time up in, I guess, upstate New York for a couple days.
Checked out some cool little towns up there.
Yeah, very peaceful.
And then we went to New York City, stayed in Brooklyn, started the tour, had a blast.
Drove so much on this tour.
Harrison, I want to give you a round of applause for how much driving you did.
You guys both helped us out so much on this tour, whether it was selling merch,
whether it was helping book hotels, whether it was driving. You guys
are the realest. So thank you so much. We couldn't have done this
tour without you. One of the nicest
hotels. And like the thing is, it
costs just as much as like a holiday inn.
Yeah, it was called the Bedford Resorts
in Pennsylvania. Yeah. It's like
this old ass 200 year old like
mansion that they book out rooms
for. It looks like a plantation. It looks like a haunted
plant. Well, it doesn't look haunted. It looks like a plantation. But when a haunted plant well it doesn't look haunted it looks like a plantation
but when you go inside they have so many
pictures up of like the olden days
yo that place is hot that place has some
ghosts for sure
yeah it looks like it like a more toned down version of the
overlook from the shining yeah I was just walking around like on the
phone and like I got like the worst
chill of my life and panic and I was like I have to go back to my room
yo dude that place was dead like walking down that
hall you're like this place is haunted as fuck.
Quaker ghost or something.
Quaker ghost. I love Quaker ghost
squares. That place was cool, though.
Really did enjoy that.
The pollen sucked because
on the Southeast tour,
the pollen was horrible. And I was like, I can't wait for next
month's tour up in the Northeast when the pollen's all gone.
But apparently it turns out the pollen is always
more delayed up in the Northeast. Fuck the humidity in gone but apparently it turns out the pollen is always more delayed up in the northeast in the east dude pittsburgh and philly were so hot
washington dc the first day we were there was miserable that night like i i expected a cool
breeze yeah we had a good time in new york went to momofuku uh which is a david chang restaurant
that was so fucking good i think that was my favorite meal we had the whole time. Ryan, what was your favorite part of tour? My favorite part of tour?
That whole New York, honestly, because we had that really good meal with all of us.
Mama whatever.
Mama Fuku.
That place was so good.
And then just that curry was really good. And I barely get to see my cousin. So it was good was so good. Yeah. And then just that, the, didn't that curry was really good with,
and I barely get to see my cousin.
So it was like good to see him.
Yeah.
It was very nice.
It came to the show.
And I just want to also say everyone that came out to the shows,
you guys were incredible.
We got to meet hundreds of you guys and it was so fucking cool to,
to meet you guys.
It's like our favorite part of tour is getting to actually like put faces and
like real people to you know
a view count on a screen because like yeah when you upload a video it's just numbers but then
like when you actually get to meet the people that have watched you for for years and like
they're so supportive and cool and just get to shoot the shit with them for a little bit
and you guys made some really cool fan art that we want to hang up in the super megaplex
uh we brought all the fan art back. We got a huge box of it.
Someone did some incredible oil paintings.
Well, there were a lot of oil paintings.
There's one guy that did the Gundam drawings,
which was really cool.
That was so sick.
This guy did us his...
Some guy gave us Timbs with our logo on it,
which was really cool.
A lot of people gave a lot of gifts.
And in general, thank you for all the gifts because that's just going a step gifts and like in general like thank you for all the
gifts because that's just going a step above but in general like thank you to everyone who physically
came out and got out of the house and came to watch us do whatever it is we do yeah seriously
thank you so much uh like that that tour was just such a fucking blast and um i believe you know i
don't know yet uh because nothing's finalized,
but I believe we have one more tour planned for later this year.
Yes.
But like I said, nothing finalized. So I'm just going to throw that out there as a little teaser.
I think we have one more tour planned later this year.
We love to do little shows every now and then locally in LA, but in terms of-
It's going to be a smaller tour.
Yeah. In terms of tours, this will be like the smallest tour we've had.
Yeah. It's going to be the smallest one. And that's probably going to be coming
way later in the year because honestly, as much be like the smallest tour we've had. Yeah, this will be the smallest one. And that's probably going to be coming way later in the year.
Because honestly, as much fun as touring is, we need a little break.
Because we've done three tours this year already.
It's so exhausting.
Because, you know, basically it's you wake up.
You have to get on the road.
And you have to be at the venue at like three.
You have to set everything up.
You have to get ready.
You got to do the meet and greets.
And then we got to go backstage and make sure we're all good for the show. Prep, figure out what bits we wanna do that night,
et cetera, et cetera.
Then do the show, which is so much fun,
but it's like the adrenaline wears you out.
Because believe it or not,
Ron and I get horrible stage fright.
We've done, what, 20 shows now?
I still get just as nervous before.
Have we really done 20?
Yeah, we've done 20 shows.
Jesus Christ.
And I get just as nervous before every single one.
Because Aaron, I remember Aaron telling me,
oh, it'll go away after a few shows. It never goes away.
I am still, before I walk on stage, I am like
about to have a panic attack. I've never been the person to perform on
stage. I did that one performance
as Jesus in an interpretive
dance when I was a little boy. Did you feel nervous
when you did that though?
Yeah. You know what's interesting?
Because I was playing Jesus. Yeah,
that's the biggest role you can play.
William Dafoe played Jesus.
William Dafoe played Jesus? Sorry, yeah. That's the biggest role you can play. William Dafoe played Jesus. William Dafoe played Jesus?
Sorry, I was confusing him with William H. Macy.
I was like, he played Jesus? And I was thinking of him in my head.
So, you know what's weird?
Because remember how I told you I did plays when I was a kid?
I did Best Christmas Pageant Ever,
The Jungle Book, and I did
fucking Christmas
Equus. Yeah, I
fucked a horse in that play but when I was a kid
I never got a single ounce of stage fright
before going on stage
I don't know why
I think when you're a kid you're less aware
yeah because
when I did Best Christmas Pageant Ever I was like the lead
character and I had no
no guys
don't do that to me
did you also play Mowgli dude?
you know Ryan judging by the live shows I think Ryan still thinks he's the lead character.
All right, Jackson.
We're cutting your pay after that one.
No more health insurance for you.
Ryan, raise it.
We're just getting like a secret war behind the scenes, like raising and lowering his pay.
It's like when parents are divorced, it's like you go to the other one to make sure you get what you want.
Ryan, may I please have some health insurance?
And I take his health insurance away.
They just have to keep sending it back up.
Yeah, but for real, I didn't get stage fright at all as a kid.
And then as soon as I started doing live stuff,
after we started Super Mega,
God, it's scary. Holy shit.
I've never been one to go on stage.
Even in high school, the Drama 2 teacher wanted me... Well, the Drama teacher wanted one to go on stage like even in high school uh the drama two teacher
wanted me well the drama teacher wanted me to go into drama two which is when you go on to stage
and shit oh yeah but i was like no they're like okay you can just do drama one again come on the
drama two field trips and i was like okay so that's what i did that's pretty dope dude like
you get to just do the same assignments again you don't have to go on stage like i do like it though
when i'm on stage i like it like i like the energy of the crowd i fucked that story up you fucked that story up yeah the i was in
drama one and i got invited to the drama two field trips and she wanted me to get in drama two but i
didn't do it and i stopped doing drama and i just did like a after school improv thing instead you're
such a good actor dude you should do more drama stuff. Wow, thank you. Being a little creative would help Little Ryan in his
socialness there in the schoolyard,
Mrs. McGee.
Mrs. McGee, I think if the boy got into some more
drama programs, it might help
him out with the children when he's out in the schoolyard.
I introduced a lot of improv games to my youth
group. My favorite thing was
when Ryan's mom slept with the principal, so Ryan
could get into after-school improv.
We see that.
Your mother sure doesn't care about your schooling, boy.
Your mother sure does care about your improv, boy.
I love being on stage.
I love being on stage.
It's so much fun, especially with you.
I have a blast improv-ing with you on stage.
I'm very comfortable with performing with you on stage.
Yeah, me too.
Before we get on, it's so nerve-wracking,
but once you're up there, I guess the adrenaline,
you ride it out,
and you just kind of mesh with the audience
and feel it out and have fun.
I had to give him such a cocktail
of horse tranquilizers and speed
just to get them on stage.
The mixture works really well, though.
It kills the nerves.
There's actually medication you get
specifically for stage fright.
I'm pretty sure it's just like Klonopin or something.
It's just popping a Valium up your ass.
You just stick a Valium straight up your ass.
I have a confession. Oh no.
Y'all already know, but this is to the fans.
I get so nervous and so like
anxiety ridden I guess
before that I do
when I'm on tour I do pick up
smoking again and that has
carried over into my personal life so
yippee for me. But guys I do pick up smoking again. And that has carried over into my personal life. So yippee for me.
But guys, I do want to say, Ryan,
I appreciate the fact that you're willing to
just tell everyone and not try to hide it.
I don't want to be 25 and be smoking.
Your birthday is coming up soon.
My birthday is coming up very soon.
I tried to buy you a pack of 50 American- 50 packs of American-
It was 200.
And I was like, no.
We're not buying that for Ryan.
I still- I still am off the Juul.
I, uh, I quit that.
Okay, Ryan-
No, I- I-
No, because people-
Well, you know, we can't all be as good as me.
That's not what I mean!
I was in drama. I didn't get stage fright back then.
God damn it.
Confidence is attractive.
There's more attractive humility.
Who's more attractive?
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
He was so hot, man.
Well, he wasn't the messiah, so.
Who was then?
Wait, is someone calling me?
There is no true messiah yet.
Oh, wait, the guy from Patreon's calling me.
It's 3.30.
I thought he said 5.30.
Hold on. We gotta take a phone call. Oh, by the way, our Patreon's calling me. It's 3.30. I thought he said 5.30. Hold on.
We got to take a phone call.
Oh, by the way, our meeting is right now, too, with Justin.
All right, we're back from our meeting.
It was a good meeting, my friend.
It was a good meeting, yeah.
Were we on a topic that we needed to continue?
Dude, I don't remember at all.
Yes, Jory.
We just started.
What do you want?
No, Jory, get in here.
You already opened the...
Jory, don't you dare...
Jory, don't back out.
Bring his ass in here. Bring his ass in here.
Bring his ass in here.
Everyone's on this podcast.
Every single person today.
Jumping in, saying hi.
Jory, explain yourself.
Why were you coming in?
I thought it would be a funny bit to come in and unexpectedly say hi to my friends.
Huh.
I thought it would be a fun bit.
Well, think again, Jory. I'm sorry. You're not wrong, buddy. I thought it would be a fun bit. Well, think again, Jory.
I'm sorry.
You're not wrong, buddy.
I thought it would be fun.
Wait a minute.
I didn't know you guys were getting interrupted repeatedly.
I'm sorry.
That's right.
No, no, no, no, no.
Ryan, what are you doing?
All right.
What are you doing?
Jory, look straight at Ryan.
I'm sorry we gotta do this.
Okay. Sorry about that, guys. You gotta do what you gotta do sometimes gotta do it um we are back from our meeting though um and this is going up a day late uh because we were traveling um we'll get on that shit we
we gotta upload the shit to spot. Guys, we are sorry.
That's all our fault.
We suck at it. We're horrible at
uploading our stuff to Spotify and iTunes.
And we get the emails. We see you guys
commenting on it.
We're just forgetful fools.
We'll try to get on a better schedule with that soon.
Super sorry. Super fucking sorry.
I mean, it's bad for us, too, because then
when people are like well
let's how many listens did you get on that episode uh for advertising purposes we're like we didn't
actually upload that episode yet so zero we lose 50 of our views when we don't upload them yeah so
it only counts for the week that the ad's out so then uh we're fucking ourselves over too guys so
don't think like we're just being lazy and well we are being lazy but don't think we're just like we don't care we're being dumbasses essentially um but that's what
happens that's what happens with two college dropout dumbasses running youtube channel that
turned into a business and then try to figure it out um so let's hopefully not sink the ship now
that we're on our own well let's let's keep the ship afloat let's not um let's not be like a
perfect storm or a titanic or a poseidon adventures
type of thing um y'all want to talk about something that just reminded me what i have you ever heard
of the halifax explosion no dude i watched a video on it recently it's one of the craziest things in
the world what happened so back in like the early 1900s in halifax Harbor, there was this big- Where's that? Nova Scotia.
Where's that?
Canada.
Cool.
There was this big tanker that had a ton of TNT and tons of explosives on it because they
were going to transport it across the ocean for World War I shit.
They had another ship coming into the harbor at the same time that wasn't in the right
lane.
They were like, oh shit, we're going to crash.
We're going to hit each other. They tried to steer and it hit it at one mile per hour like 1.5 miles per
hour but that damaged it enough where it caught on fire and they were like uh-oh shit um so they
all kind of like abandoned ship and the ship went and like crashed into just like the the port and
the whole town was like whoa let's gather around and watch
it burn without realizing how many explosives were on and it blew up and it was the biggest
man-made explosion of all time until nuclear bombs were created and there's pictures of it
but if you want an idea it killed 1600 people instantly and vaporized all the water in the
harbor around it that it created a 60-foot tsunami that destroyed, like, the whole town.
Jesus Christ.
Killed, like, thousands more instantly with this huge tsunami.
Then all the buildings caught on fire.
And then the next day, there was, like, a record-breaking blizzard.
So, oh, and it rained.
Because of the smoke, it started raining, like, acid ash that just, like, burned everyone's skin.
Canadians just can't catch a break, can they?
Like, someone pissed God off in Halifax.
Now apparently, you know, Canada has always been like, no, we're epic.
We're cool.
Now apparently they got a genocide going on.
They do?
Where is it?
Where is it?
Where is it?
It's over like the past few decades, apparently.
Wait, Canada has a genocide?
Well, like it's now recorded that canada has a recorded
quote-unquote genocide of like the indigenous population oh shit really not like a they're
not going out there and like gunning them down yeah but let me see if i can find dude countries
are so horrible to like the indigenous people like look australia for example i saw it on twitter
moments but guess what what um apparently robert Pattinson as hashtag Batman is more important than a genocide.
Apparently hashtag Godzilla movie is more apparent.
I love it, dude.
I love how Twitter moments work because it'll be like the top thing will be like Kim Kardashian goes bowling.
And then the second thing is like mass shooting kills 22.
And it's like, oh, OK.
You just say that.
But police confirmed multiple injuries in Virginia Beach shooting six minutes ago. bullying and then the second thing is like mass shooting kills 22 and it's like oh okay you just say that but police
confirmed multiple injuries in Virginia
Beach shooting 6 minutes ago
wow it's almost like this happens
non-stop in America
but it's National Smile
Day yes smile
Jesus Christ
how many shootings are there every fucking
year now my god
I can't find it. Hold on.
Jesus.
You think a genocide would be probably top news, right?
No, dude.
Kanye walked into a stop sign.
That video is actually really fucking funny.
I haven't seen it.
The TMZ video where Kanye's like walking.
He's like, stop filming me, man.
And then he like smacks his head into a sign and it's like, boom.
And he just like grabs his head.
It's very funny.
Yeah.
National Inquiry calls murders and disappearances of indigenous women,
a Canadian genocide.
Damn Jesus.
Maybe this will cheer you up.
The report obtained by CBC news and verified by sources concludes that a
genocide driven by the disproportionate level of violence faced by indigenous
women and girls occurred in Canada through state actions and inactions rooted
in colonialism and colonial ideologies.
Whoa!
I didn't hear anything about the new FromSoftware game in that.
Next topic.
National Smile Day.
It's National Smile Day.
Kim Kardashian releases new pussy?
What?
Yep, I got a brand new pussy, guys.
Did she really?
Yes, she got a new pussy.
So brave to have a new pussy.
She got a new pussy put in.
New and improved.
New and improved Kim Kardashian pussy.
It was one of the craziest operations of all time, but she got a brand new pussy.
Did you guys ever talk about what Khloe Kardashian's pussy supposedly smells like?
Oh, my God.
I read that.
That was so...
Under oath.
Under oath.
Her ex-boyfriend, right?
It was her ex-boyfriend.
Yeah, yeah.
Had to say something about like How her pussy smelled
Like the back of earring
Earring backings and tuna fish or something
It was disgusting
Are you sure he's just not trying to be an asshole
Who cares a lot of people lie under oath
How are they gonna prove
Like how are they gonna prove that he's lying
Bring her in
The judge has to smell her pussy
Oh he's right.
Jesus.
He goes, uh, nope.
It's more like halibut.
Uh, you're going to jail.
Maybe the front of an earring.
Not the back, though.
They find like OJ's glove in there.
Which is her dad, by the way.
You guys know this, right?
What?
That's not factual.
Look, I'm going to show you.
That's not a factual statement. Pick up a book, Ryan.
Ryan, pick up any history book.
I'm showing you this.
Harrison, by the way.
There's been so many of those
this is Chloe's real dad pictures out there.
What do you think, Jackson?
Harrison, I did just also see
what one of your recent tabs on your phone was.
What was this?
What was it?
Can you tell me what it was?
Yeah, it's a favorite.
What's your favorite?
Let's just say it's a big orange square with some black letters on it.
You know, it's a good thing.
Whenever I want to see that funny...
Show me the proof of Chloe being the daughter of OJ.
I can't pull it up in here.
They just look very similar.
I'll pull it.
No, you can't lead us on and then not pull it up, Harrison.
She is very much different than her sisters.
I will say that.
Khloe Kardashian.
I personally don't believe Khloe has the same father.
But didn't they do it in a Kardashians episode?
Didn't they do some sort of stupid little test?
Also, Kim Kardashian's butt isn't fake.
I don't know.
Dude, I don't...
Let me see. Let me see. I'm in the movie. Can I see? Yeah, I don't know. I dude let me see
let me see
I'm in the movie
can I see
yeah I don't know
Jackson what do you think
let me see
I just can't really tell
it's like I
like maybe they look similar
but I
I want some
I want some DNA testing here
I want to put this to rest
I thought they did that
on an episode of the Kardashian
you can't handle the proof
they could fake it though
couldn't they
of course
you don't want to be
OJ's daughter, right?
No, it's a TV show.
It's not like it's all true.
Yeah.
I actually...
Oh, what about that guy that's like, says he's Bill Clinton's son?
That's my...
And he's like, acknowledge me, father.
I'm your son.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
Hillary, I was fooling around and I made a baby.
Oops.
That one I can believe.
He looks like him, I gotta say.
Bill fucked around.
And of course Bill fucked around.
He got impeached.
That had to do with fucking around.
What do you think his body count is?
Bill Clinton?
Yeah.
Bill Clinton is definitely in the triple, possibly quadruple digits.
Quadruple digits?
Quadruple.
Like Howard, our Uber driver?
Harold.
Harold.
Harold.
That Uber driver we had that said his body count was, he lost count after 3,000.
What does he mean body count?
How many people he's had sex with?
Why did he say this?
He said he lost count after 3,000.
I asked this man if he had sex with 200 people, and he started laughing.
He's like, no, man, I lost count after 1,000.
Okay, let's just, okay, I want to solve this real quick.
Okay, so let's say he said 1,000 or over 3,000?
I thought he said over 3,000.
I thought he said he lost count after 3,000.
We have a recording somewhere.
Let's just say it's 1,000, right?
1,000.
Let's just be generous and say it doesn't take,
let's just say it takes five minutes per session, right?
Let's just give them, I don't want to get the minimal amount, right?
So 1,000.
For me, it's more like 15 seconds times five that's
5 000 that's 5 000 minutes right this is a lot of math of coitus that's 5 000 minutes of coitus
right how many minutes are in a day wait divided by 60 that's a little bit easier okay divide it
by 5 000 by 60 because that's how many hours. 83 point...
So, 83 and a third of hours.
I mean, say...
Let's just say 83 hours.
I mean, usually when I have sex, it goes on for a little longer.
But these aren't different...
This isn't like one partner over a long term.
This is like...
These are all different bodies.
Yeah.
These are all different people.
Which means he had to go out...
He had to, you know, scope the scene.
He had to pick someone up.
That's pretty much 3.5 full days of solid fucking nothing but different people thousands of different
does this mean does this include making love no making love doesn't count that's a completely
different he's made love to one my wife yeah i mean i fucked like 3 000 women but i only made love to one that's that's a
that's an actual mindset that people are in where it's like you gotta you know you treat your woman
really nice and then the bitches you just fuck you just fuck them away what about hoes what's
that usher line he's like i ain't in here i have some confessions he's like i i ain't in here
having sex i'm in here making no i ain't in here making... He's like, I ain't in here having sex. I'm in here making...
No, I ain't in here making love. I'm in here having sex
or something. Something like that. He specifies the difference
in one of his songs.
In the club.
I ain't having sex. I ain't making love.
So come give me a hug.
That's 50 cents. Yeah. Oh.
Ooh.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't listen to either one of them.
Oh, my God.
Whoa, you don't listen to them.
You don't want to support the black community's music?
No, it's not that at all.
My name's Matt Watson, and the word rape and rap has one letter difference.
Oh, my God.
I didn't get to tell me that in Christian school. the word rape and rap has one letter difference. Oh my god!
When the Tucker brothers are in the room, I get obliterated.
You do. I don't.
You do, yeah.
I guess they're not as comfortable with me yet.
When Matt's in the room, my save gets obliterated.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
I don't have anything to say back
Sorry
Why don't y'all roast me? Come on
Roast me
You're too handsome
It pisses me off how handsome you are and how good your hair is
Guys, you're being too mean
That's too mean
I wish I could just yank your hair off but it's just too strong
Stop
Your teeth are too nice
I'd say they're a bit yellow.
Your fat fucking dipshoot doesn't pull his weight on Super Mega.
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