supermegashow - EP 172 - Surprise Package

Episode Date: December 15, 2019

The saga of Ryan's colon crisis continues... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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red pepper and Swiss or caramelized onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's. At participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. My name is Cleveland Brown and I am here too proud to be. I fucked it up. That was great. How do you want to start this one off, buddy? Episode 172.

Ooh, another Million Ways. To Die in the West is an awful movie by Seth MacFarlane. A million ways to die in the West. Well, Seth MacFarlane usually makes some pretty awful things. I heard that Orifice. Orifice? The Orville? The Orville.

I heard the Orville was pretty well received. I heard it was pretty decent. I know Ross liked it. Ross likes many things. Ross likes little things. Ross, Ross likes little girl anime, you know? So,

you know, I wouldn't trust Ross's opinion. I'm just, Ross likes that dragon ball Z bullshit, dude. That was an unnecessary dig on Ross. Ross, Ross likes,

is the only reason you said that was because my eyebrows raised when you said it? Like, yeah, I would've just kept going on. But the fact you raised your eyebrows at such a degree, I like oh maybe that was um i can't get the cleveland show song out of my head dude you i've been singing it the past like 20 minutes you've heard me before we saw oh yeah i guess i've been screaming it i was setting up the the laptop for the audio and i was just my name is look i'm i'm i'm gonna have to be honest with you i'm gonna

have to put a pause and you can talk to the audience right now if you want do you have to sheet no no no I have to get some water my throat is dry do you want to go get water together we'll be right back how are you gonna how do you want to do this one

how do you want to I will find some audio of a video of a man falling through a roof and put that put that right here and we're back. Got ourselves some water. Yeah, listen to this. Hold on.

Let me give her a spin. So you got that good sliver. Oh, that's good water. I didn't know our fridge gave off such good water. That's smooth. You know, it's like the first time. Okay, like now whenever I have Fiji, I'm just like, water i didn't know our fridge i didn't know our fridge gave off such good that's smooth you know it's like the first time okay like now whenever i have fiji i'm just like uh i don't i don't like fiji anymore i don't either the first time i had it was back in south carolina i remember i was

like i'm gonna try this fiji shit the first time i had it it was just like amazing but every time after that first time i was like oh wait it's just water and it was probably just uh what's the word that starts with the p that i'm that that's escaping my mind purified no when when when your state of mind placebo yes i i think the thing about fiji is fiji is all just uh it's just aesthetic you know it's like it's just the bottle looks cool which the bottle does it really cool fiji fiji has a cool design but i honestly like the taste of Fiji is not my favorite. It kind of tastes like the type of tap water I don't like. This tap water from our fridge is actually really good. Yeah, I wouldn't trust the sink.

No, no. I'm sure there's a filter in the fridge. I've actually become a pretty big tap water guy in the last few months. I've been drinking out of the sink. It sounds gross to a degree just because it's Los Angeles. You let it run a little bit. I have been drinking out of the sink in my bathroom. I don't know if that's an urban thing.

I've been filling up at night. If I'm really thirsty, I'll get a cup and I'll go in my bathroom and I'll get water from the sink in there and drink out of that. Which most people are like, you guys sound like assholes because you're like oh i i would never drink out of the sink in my bathroom but la the the plumbing in the water is really fucking gross you know that's it's most most people probably wouldn't drink out of the sink in their bathroom especially well we'd learned in glendale that at the top we've talked about this on multiple occasions in fact i'm sure we've talked about it so much that dello beast could have a compilation of the amount of time I was talking about water quality

I was actually before you brought that up I was even thinking that myself You know what I noticed? In the Snowy Mega 2017 playlist the live action Christmas tree video isn't in there I don't think I know I'm gonna go add that So by the time

This comes out people can't be like I'm gonna wait until you add it and I'm gonna take this comes out people can't be like i'm gonna i'm gonna wait until you add it and i'm gonna take it back out so then people do get on you all right sweetheart go to no more super mega it gets to a part they're like a normal fucking person through the through the whole day and then that that one the christ tree video is not in the Snowy Mega 2017 playlist. Their brain fucking melts and shuts down. Honey, honey, go.

Sweetheart, sweetheart. It's okay. It's okay. When I yelled just now, I thought I heard a weird sound. I realized because we have those fucking metal tables in here. Oh, yeah.

They make that high-pitched ringing. You got to get rid of those goddamn metal tables. I will break them to pieces. But actually, there's a lot of playlists we have to update. Yes. We gotta create a lot of playlists.

And we have to update video titles still for really old videos and shit. Yeah. I started that, and I started going through, and then I was like, this is really boring, so I stopped, but I need to go back and finish that. Yeah. We'll make Jackson do it. Of course. We'll crack the whip on him.

But we do have our editor Justin is visiting us and he will be arriving right now. It is 7.57pm and I ordered him a lift and he's

8.13 so he's gonna eventually come in but he can't really sit in. Wait, is he coming to the office? Yes. Ooh. Fuck yeah. Yes.

Okay. Yes. I didn't know I was going to see Justin literally like 15 minutes from now. Mm-hmm. Wow. Oh, my God. I think we're all going to go out to eat afterwards, and then we're going to record a live action video for Snowy Mega.

Oh, I'm excited. I am very excited. Oh, goddamn, dude. I didn't realize I was going to see Justin since I'm so excited. I've been waiting to see that boy for quite some time. Oh, yeah. It's going to be great. You got him sleeping out in the doghouse this time?

You and I have a surprise for him. Oh, we do. We talked about this in a Let's Play. But people would ruin it because it won't happen by the time he comes out. I don't even like, now he's going to be expecting it because people are going to be like, Justin, I have a surprise for you. No, I would love to talk about what we're going to do. I just don't want people to go and start tweeting at him and stuff.

Yeah, they're already tweeting at him, so he's suspecting something, but. Yeah. He doesn't know what. You're in for a treat, Justin. Yeah, they're already tweeting at him, so he's suspecting something, but... Yeah. He doesn't know what. You're in for a treat, Justin. Yeah, when you least suspect it. Or maybe when you most suspect it, because now you're on to us. He probably...

I don't think it'll be a huge surprise. He'll be like, wait, what? Yeah, he'll do like a, wait, really? We'll talk about it in next week's episode of the podcast, 173, which is the... The Snowy Mega edition. Snowy Mega episode. Yeah.

You okay, buddy? Yeah. I just had that coffee. I just had it. It's making me burp. I understand. You know, I need that coffee to... See, we're trying to have healthy habits.

So instead of having to rely on things in the entertainment industry like cocaine to do all these podcasts, we drink things like coffee. Eventually, it will work its way up to cocaine, but right now we're still on coffee. So I have to be banging fat lines on the desk before we start the podcast. You know, I've been out to so many bars in LA, not one fucking person has offered me any cocaine

and I'm starting to feel somewhat insulted. Like left out? You're left out, yeah. Like, all right. Like, you know, you hear the whole like, oh, you go to any bar in LA, you're bound to see someone doing cocaine. You can get cocaine easy at a bar. And I'm like, what are you? LA is one of the

cocaine cities. It's LA, Miami, and New York. Yeah, I'll be offered meth outside of the Game Grumps office, but I won't be offered cocaine in your local bar. Ryan was literally been offered meth right outside the Game Grumps office. By Brent, believe it or not, but No, that was just a weird thing. You just I I think I think

Cocaine you just you got to be around around the right kind of people at bars. Why did the computer make that sound? Is it plugged in? It's like it's like don't plug cocaine. Ah fuck. I must feel my water Did you answer my question is it plugged in? Is it charging? It's like, don't do cocaine. Ah, fuck, I almost spilled my water. Did you answer my question? Is it plugged in and charged? Jackson! We need the charger. He's going to go get the charger. And the conversation has splintered.

Listen to the sound of my voice. Hold on. I needed to wet my voice. Hold on. I needed to wet my whistle. Are you okay? Are you okay, man? Sorry. The charger's almost here. Don't worry. Anyway, I was saying, let's do

some cocaine tonight. Do you have any? I have tons of cocaine. Oh, shit. Then why? I don't have any cocaine. That is not a drug I would like to possess. Jackson, come on in here.

Jackson, do you have any cocaine? On me? I don't think so. Why? Okay. Okay. Jackson, if you were offered, like, you were just at at a party and someone was like, let's do meth. Your first reaction, your gut reaction.

Well, this is me who doesn't even like smoking weed. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I mean, this is me who doesn't even like smoking weed. So I'm going to say no. Closer to the mic, buddy. This is me who doesn't even like smoking weed. Well, meth isn't an herb, Jackson. Hey, man.

That's what the government tells you. Oh, man. But to answer your question, no, I would not do meth at a party. I wouldn't do meth in general, actually. You said that like I offended you by asking you. No, I'm just trying to speak louder so the mic picks it up. It's going to be hard for the mic to pick it up. This is my inside voice. It's not really going to be hard for the mic. It's just going to be

in the background, I guess. For these mics we're using now on the podcast, you've got to have outdoor voices when you're not on mic directly. I like that. That might not even have worked. No, I think I see the waveform. See how small that waveform is compared to

my talking voice right now and how close you were to the mic? Like you got to be right. These mics are the business, Jackson. Ryan, that's because I'm missing so much testosterone compared to you. That's true. But that doesn't. And that's why Matt turned his mic up so loud.

I didn't turn my mic up more. Now it was like self-concept. OK. Testosterone. So I turned mine way up. The thickness of the waveform. That's just that's simply the volume of the voice that does not dictate like deepness.

Not testosterone. No, not testosterone, but like, I'm talking about like deepness. Like, I would think like if I was a child looking at a waveform,

like the deeper the waveform, like the thicker the waveform, like the deeper, the deeper voice I would expect. But it just has to be like,

ahhh! And it just creates still, that creates like a big bar. Yeah, it's the volume that makes the Yeah. Yeah, clap is just, because a clap is super high pitched, you know? Like a low pitched clap would sound weird as fuck. You guys need anything else? No, I think we're good.

I'm gonna get back to cleaning. Okay. Oh, careful. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay. Jackson just had a Kramer exit. He did. He didn't say the N-word, but he tripped out of the door. It was very, very Michael Richards-esque. Ten minutes till Justin.

Oh, shit. 8-11 is now his. Ooh, it's creeping closer. I was going to say that out of you, me, and Jackson, obviously if we're going to rank testosterone, you're at the peak. Jackson's in the middle, and I'm at the bottom and then Justin throw Justin in the mix I think Justin actually might be

second to the top yeah he can grow hair he can grow facial hair for sure my microphone just fell straight into my chest well the microphone stand which holds the microphone the table that we're using is slanted in this odd way where it's really tough to holds the microphone hold on a second the table that we're using is slanted in this odd way where it's really tough to have the microphone stands latch on um it does not want to stay

i was saying though justin is uh a boy he's younger than me right a lot younger than me and uh i i feel like he has outdone me in terms of uh adolescence and puberty uh by by many years like i feel like i'll be at justin's level of of physical maturity maybe in four or five years well here's the thing i can't tell if it's due to your hair length or if you've changed drastically like your facial structures changed drastically in the last six months but like when you had longer hair like you look younger like you you definitely look i'd say older than not older than your age but you look older than you did like with this short haircut you have so you i think i've noticed some points when i look at my when i look at like videos of myself when i had hair i definitely look more youthful,

which is the reason I'm ready to grow my hair back. I don't want to look like a 30-year-old man yet. Not quite yet. Because the thing is, you go back and look at videos of you and I, even at the beginning of Super Mega, like live action videos. There's that boyish glee. We looked like babies, dude. I was showing a – God damn it.

This microphone stand won't stay. It's not the... It's the table. The table. Blame the table. Because I was showing Carson... You're going to have to fix that at some point. I was holding up with my foot the whole podcast.

Hold on. One second. The way I sees it, there's two dicks. Might as well one of them being sucked. I wish that was a quote in a Western. Well, yeah. Pulls up to a campfire. Why a dude's taking a pee.

And he looks and all of a sudden there's that other guy with his pants down. He has two fucking revolvers. Big fucking revolvers. Just pointed at him. Yeah, big old fat ones. And he goes, Now the ways I see it, we got two dicks out. Might as well have one going in.

Like an old gay porn, like Cowboy Western, a spaghetti Western. I'd love to insert those moments in legitimately like fun movies that catch people off guard. Well, that's the thing. Like that's what I do. We've talked about this before. movies that catch people off guard. Well, that's the thing. Like, that's what I do. We talk about it. We've talked about this before. Like, if you and I were ever given some sort of film project,

or we had one, I feel like we'd maintain somewhat of an interesting tone throughout, but we'd also, like, at least for me, I just picture fucking with an audience so bad in terms of the tonal shift. And your mic is so fucked.

I will kill this microphone, dude. Hold on, let me come help you. Sorry, guys. What are these guys, amateurs? My microphone stand keeps slipping off the table. It's slipping and sliding. It just won't. There it goes again.

I think it's that part of the table is weak. We're having mic stand issues, and Justin just got here. We're gonna go welcome him, and then we're gonna continue the podcast. What a fucking shit show. Okay, okay. Dude, I'm so excited for this set to be set up and lit, and then also, like, every time we can, like, candles around the set and shit.

Uh, Justin. Yo. Come say hello. I need to say hello. Where at? Right into this microphone hello everybody it's Justin I said hi and he will be on he's actually going to be a very prominent

guest for Snowy Mega yes and we're recording more than just a series while he's here I know I know you'll be seeing a bit of Justin soon on the channel because he is here we do a viewer gave that to us actually I know. You'll be seeing a bit of Justin soon on the channel because he is here. Y'all got tips and tricks for the 100th issue here? We do.

A viewer gave that to us actually, a live show. You can go through that if you want. You can go sit in the waiting room and look through some magazines, Justin. What if we had a waiting room? I mean, essentially it is a waiting room. I feel bad because the original plan was you and I lost in odds are with each other where the first thing we would have to do would be to go to my place right away, order Papa John's and watch Schindler's List. I'm forgetting.

Oh, sorry. We were going to make Fortnite Slurp Juice. That doesn't sound bad at all That sounds actually really nice Yeah but now we have to And I'm afraid it's Because these mics are so new See the waveforms

That's not even picking up Justin's voice You're gonna have to like really crank it up I'll dub it in I'll be like We were gonna make Slurp Juice Okay Yeah that works Yeah that works

I don't know I think we have about 15 minutes of content worth so far We were going to make slurp juice. Okay. Yeah, that works. Yeah, that works. I don't know. I think we have about 15 minutes of content worth so far. So we got about 45 minutes. Yeah. You can use my computer if you want. Do you want to use my computer? Just text me if you need the password. About 45 minutes probably.

40, 45. I'll just chill. Okay. Want the store closed? Yes, 45. I'll just chill. Okay. I'll let the store close. Yes, please. Thank you. Yeah. Sweet.

Sweet boy. What a sweet man. Gotta love Justin. Oh, you have to. You have no choice in the matter. If you don't love Justin, you are fucked. Get out of here. No, I love Justin.

He's a fucking stand-up guy. For the four employees at SuperMega, I guess you and I are technically employed. Technically, yes. We are employed by super mega we are on a payroll okay uh because with the way the way the business works is ryan and i are literally like it's like a job we literally just just are given a set amount every month it's like we were just given a taxed direct deposit yes every month it's about i'd say it's it's close to almosted direct deposit every month. I'd say it's close to almost about a million every month for both of us. I mean, well, the way you're saying it, it's basically it's like if the channel is doing better, it's not like we personally take more because remember, we're trying to grow a company.

So, like, we just gave ourselves a safe set that we can take out so that like i said almost a million we can live okay well that's a lie it's about a million yeah like very close like nine it's essentially a million 980 a month 985 i think you're paying oh i was doing like i was doing like bi-weekly payments of 985 000 that shouldn't have drained us too much, though. No, we should be fine. Could you imagine? All those suckers over on Patreon. Those fucking losers, by the way, over at Patreon. You fucking losers. You have a 20-some-odd minute Q&A that we just uploaded.

It's very funny. I had a good time shooting that one. You were naked for part of it. I was. I pulled my wiener out. You were sitting there. You complimented my penis during editing, which was very nice of you. And I said, damn, your penis looks very large here.

And actually, the funny thing was, like I said, one thing. I think it's like something about the camera warps it because it's so wide. It looked big. So it extends. It looked large. So it extends. It looked large. And if you knew me and you were a guy friend of mine, then you would know that my penis is a very – You keep saying this like you're waiting for me to jump in and help you fill in.

When you're looking at a male anatomy class, that's my penis. It even has the arrows pointed to it. No, actually not even that. If you're looking at the statue of like some Greek like mythological person, then that's probably – So you compare your penis to one of a Greek god? Have you seen what those are? They made those things small. Yeah.

And do you think that's because they just didn't want to have the focus on that or because they're like when their penises looked like that when michelangelo made the sculpture of david is it david yeah it's david right yeah it doesn't matter it's a sculpture of a dude he obviously didn't know david so what what he had to make a conscious decision about the size of his penis and testicles so he was like all, all right, while I'm sculpting David, I'm going to make a conscious decision to make them this big. Or maybe just whoever the models were, like the live model that they used. Maybe he just was like, that's the penis. Your penis is now the penis of the people.

Imagine having to stand there and model for someone sculpting a block of stone. Like a painting's one thing, right? Yeah. Sitting there for it. But the fact that people sculpted that block of stone like a painting's one thing right yeah sitting there for it but the fact that people sculpted that kind of shit back then is fucking mind-blowing imagine ice sculptors imagine it's like their stuff isn't even like saved it's gone yeah so that kind of sucks because you put it's beautiful ice sculptures remember the first time I saw one, I think it was a, my dad took me and him on a, on

a, like a cruise. We went to this place island called little St. James. Yeah. Fantastic. But I remember just seeing that ice sculpture on the cruise ship and I was just like, whoa, like it blew my mind because for the longest time what ice was you thought of icebergs snow or just kind of i don't know you didn't really think of any mario level yeah just it's ice and all of a sudden it's just like a blue block then you look at it and you're oh my god it's

this can be beautiful and that's probably how how one experiences art they notice one of those things for the first time where it's like where they see a movie and they go for themselves personally this is this that was way more than entertainment that was beautiful you know what i'm saying when people listen to this podcast no not a single person should be able to have that feeling while listening to this podcast i don't think i'm kidding i'm kidding i'm not gonna judge you if you derive some sort of enjoyment like that from the podcast. It's actually very sweet.

It's very endearing. I just don't believe it because it's just us talking about stupid shit. But I don't think I've ever seen an ice sculpture. What? I don't think I've ever seen one in person. I can't think of any specific memory where I've ever seen one in real life. I just thought of something Where like It's you know like The fancy hotels Or whatever Where you've You've seen that like They'll have a The animal

Like animals tied Like with the towels They'll make animal towel Looking things Yeah yeah Like that Except they just leave Like a animal eye sculpture

On your bed And it's just like melting So like Like if you If you check in late You're like Yeah My bed is soaking wet

God we gotta get there Before the eye sculpture melts. I mean, that'd be a good motivator to get to the hotel. Or else you'd have to sit in like wet, cold sheets for the night. I have never slept on a waterbed either. I don't ever think I've even seen a waterbed in real life. My uncle used to have a waterbed and it was interesting. Did you ever lay on it?

Did you ever sleep in it? I was scared to pop it. Did you ever sleep in your uncle's waterbed? No. No. I was trying to get something out of there i was waiting for you like yeah no i was trying to bring repressed memories that would put you into a state of ptsd from the trauma nah dude i don't i don't understand how water beds can be that comfortable because oh i mean this is coming they're not i don't think it'sbeds can be that comfortable because, well, I mean, this is coming. They're not. I don't think it's comfortable.

So maybe it's the most comfortable thing. There's no support. No. It's like, you're just like, woo. It's not comfortable. I guess it's, no, not even, I guess I was like trying to think of like with sex, I guess it could help with the movements, but then it's like, there can be too much movement where it's like, you can't get like a firm grip on things. What if it popped?

I'm speaking from not experience, but from the hours that I've analyzed through pornography. So sex on a waterbed, in your mind, the physics of how it might work. And you're basing this off the example your uncle had a waterbed. Oh, God! You just had this like, dude, I don't know what i would do if you had like a like a sudden severe like actual breakdown i wouldn't know what to do if i like if like people describe it like that there'll be a moment in their like adulthood and i've known people that have described it and it's the weirdest thing where there'll be a moment of

clarity where they go oh that, that wasn't okay. Because for the longest time, you're looking at it from your POV and through your POV is like you think you're the smartest person that's ever lived for the longest time when you're like when you're a child, when you're, you know what I'm saying? So it's like when when you're a kid and you have this fantastical view on things and you also like perceive yourself as some sort of mature person. and you also like perceive yourself as some sort of mature person um i i i feel like it's it's harder for you because i don't know it's like a day by day and then when you get to that point it's like a holy fuck i hate thinking that her stupid shitty podcast could be the thing that like triggers someone's horrible ptsd attack or like i did the whole time you were saying that i couldn't stop laughing because i just i know that's why i like that's why my that's why i seem distracted because like i'm trying to explain like you're like on the verge of laughing while telling like

it's horrible the people you know go through these horrible things i know but like matt's just cracking up why because i was thinking about when you just screamed it was really fun angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years

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I am letting them loose. And it's bad. Do you smell them? Luckily, we have a Christmas candle in between us. So would I smell it? If you came over here, yeah. It's really bad. Is it like eggy?

No. It just smells like feces. Like some sulfur? I actually, you know, we have to get the poo-poo talk in. You guys last week. Did I talk about what I did today? No, but you guys last week were very concerned. Last week's episode was Ryan's colon, and you guys were very concerned.

About my colon. I saw in the comments. I saw nothing but overwhelming support for Ryan's colon. We do have some updates. We have some updates on that, which we will get to. Just had to let one loose? Or you're having to think? What's going on?

I'm trying to think if I need to, like, go. Go. Hold it out. You can just go. Don't interrupt the podcast again, though. We're going to interrupt it with ad reads, and I'm sure during the ad read, we'll be like, oh, it's time for ad reads. Let's just chill out real quick.

Just go take a shit, and we'll come back okay well when i am not the one to tell you i'm not the one to be able to be like no no no you you can deal with it matt because like i still say i under i understand when i but yeah but you have a you had a medical condition i i just have to take shit yeah i can I can't wait to go to the colonoscopy. Well, we'll give updates on this as soon as I'm back. To transition, I'll do another sound effect. No, no, can I choose the sound? Yeah, you can choose the sound. A horrible car accident.

Okay. That's fucking awful. That's fucking awful. Let's talk about you, Ryan. Let's talk about you. Let's talk about your recent developments since the last time we recorded the podcast. Okay. So where did we last leave off in the story of Ryan's colon? I was getting up every, like,

it felt like sometimes within a span of like a four, five hour period, I was getting up about every 30 or so minutes to go empty out my bowels and I'd be bleeding. It would be liquidy, you know? Yes, yes. Recent update. So after about three weeks of that constantly, my shits have started to have form again.

I have not shit a complete, I have not shit a log yet. They're just kind of small deer droppings. Okay. But not hard. Still kind of soft. Still bloody. But I had to actually pick through it today,

so I got a good sense of the texture. Now tell us why you to actually pick through it today so i got a good sense of the texture not to not not tell us why you had to pick through it what what was what was that about um because uh they wanted my fecal samples so they could uh i guess test it for certain bacteria to see whether like what kind of bacteria if it was a bacterial infection um it could be pointless because it could not be that and i could actually have some sort of illness but i mean we'll see the only the only trouble right now is like these tests are a little are a lot more specific in terms of what they're looking for and that i think reaches a wider like there's more variety in the things that i can pick up uh versus uh the one i took at the hospital because it was

only kind of like you know i you saw what i had three separate vials two with different liquids one showed up to work today prepared with your little your little it was like a 23 me kit but for your shit yeah and you had to go in the bathroom with a special contraption and yep Yeah. And you had to go in the bathroom with a special contraption and... Yep. Harvest your... And I had to sit there, pick, like... So each vial, you unscrew the cap, and the cap has like a little kind of shovel, like a miniature shovel attached to it.

I showed you, I think. No, I saw, yeah. And you have to scoop up your poop and put a certain amount in each vial. And one vial has a red liquid another vial has like a clear liquid and then another vial is completely empty um so it's up to me to pick through my feces and i have a bad gag reflex so i was having trouble because like whenever i see the texture i'm just like i imagine it on my tongue and going down my throat i don't like whenever i see anything disgusting that's the first thing I picture.

I'm like, ugh, and I can't do it. I can't handle it. But I managed to do it, and I wrapped it up, and I sent it off to go get tested. And then, so Friday is the colonoscopy, and hopefully with the fecals. We talked about that last week, right? Yes.

We talked about the colonoscopy? Mm-hmm. Okay, yeah. So through the fecal samples and through the colonoscopy, hopefully we'll come to some sort of conclusion. I'm hoping it was actually just some bacterial infection. Stay tuned, guys. A test that I took at the emergency room, they couldn't find any whatever bacteria. So that's why they just were like, it's colitis in the transverse colon or whatever.

So we'll see. Yeah, stay tuned guys that was that was this week's installment of ryan's colon um maybe next week we'll have a conclusion maybe the week after that i don't know i mean they're going i assume like right then and there they're going to tell me what it is so so as we speak right now actually as we record this podcast your your shit is is in transit in the united states uh postal system god bless fedex yeah so someone someone is handling that and has no idea they're holding american let's play ryan mcgee's feces it feels wrong like when i was doing it like one of the guys like when another person

was like hey do you need that sent off and i was like yeah he's like okay and then he held his hand out like there's still like for me i'm like he didn't know what's no but I'm like my poop like my shit's just in there and he's taking it's like yep all right he's probably thinking it's probably like a Christmas gift for someone or whatever but no it's the three vials of my shit I was saying you should just save yourself the trouble and just get straight in the FedEx bag seal that up and throw it in the mail I hope I did everything right. Imagine being the nurse that opens it up and is like, let's get these vials out.

It's just like a three day old shit just like on the inside of a smear all over the inside of the bag. I'm sure there's been times where that someone has not done it right. I guarantee in history some dumb fuck has just straight up shit in the bag they gave them. In the kit you have a FedEx bag like a waterproof one. I guarantee someone has shit straight up shit in the bag they gave them. Because in the kit, you have a FedEx bag, like a waterproof one.

I guarantee someone's going to just shit straight in that bag. I had to put the vials as well as some cold pack in this plastic bag that you have to close. And then you put that in the FedEx bag. Okay, so it's like multiple layers to keep the contamination. Because I can't imagine that would be very pleasant. Someone's going to have to open up. I couldn't do that. Oh, the poop is here. So, would you look at this?

Bacteria. Your doctors, it's going to be like Christmas morning for your doctors. Oh, we got cold. I just love the fact that someone's going to wake up early and part of their work day is just sifting, like just having to at least maybe not even sift through it

they're gonna have to deal with my poop they're gonna have to hold it put it in a little machine well they're not gonna physically like empty it out into their palm they're gonna tap it out into their palm oh alright one of those like puts in like some air pods now let's get down to business just holding your shit

you know those jewelers have those things they like wear just like he just starts like kind? He just starts kind of like, all right. Starts kind of grooving side to side. Listening to his Ed Sheeran while he's digging through his shit. Does a little spin. Like flips it up. Oh, that's nice consistency. Holding it up to the light like, oh, all right, all right.

The camera pans out through a window. It's like, yeah, he's the best there is. Do you think he can solve this crime? Oh, yeah. If there's anyone, he's the best there is do you think he can solve this crime? Oh, yeah, if there's anyone it's him So the FBI is about to come pick him up for some shit related crime Yeah, the big it has to deal with the assassination of the President of the United States Involving feast involving someone someone shot a shit through It was a bullet covered in like shit infected with disease.

It wasn't even a bullet. It was just a shit. They fired it through like a sniper rifle and it went through the president's head and killed him. So like the first step in tracking down who did this is we have to locate who's shit it is. But you're being set up to be framed because the assassination is about to happen. So they're looking for someone to give their sample. They poisoned you weeks ago, Ryan, because they knew you would give a stool sample so they're waiting for your stool sample once they have it they're going to assassinate

the president with that shit i'm going to be framed you're going to be framed what if this happens because you know someone's universe is blast my shit through the skull of donald j trump half of his face is just blown away but it but it's but it was it was literally from like a high-powered like pressurized shit launcher and through his open skull melania not through the sight but through the smell throws up into his into his now jack-o'-lantern of a skull i thought you're gonna say it was gonna be like the the the JFK thing where she has like shit all over her dress. She's like picking it up. She's like picking the little pieces of shit up off the ground.

Oh, that's really fucked up. Imagine JFK except it was a lighter story. Like JFK just shit himself and like you see go like, no, no, no. The driver like shits himself on the present. It's all over his face. And she's like freaking out picking up the pieces of shit. Why is she picking up the driver's shit? himself on the present. It's all over his face. And she's like freaking out, picking up the pieces of shit. Why is she picking up the driver's shit? Because she's crazy.

To put it back in. She's a crazy woman. We have to put this back in you. No shit on this car. Oh, I can't have any shit on the back of this. This is a nice car. Damn. Shit.

Is the secret service going to show up at our door because of that hypothetical? The president being killed by your shit? No way. Right? I saw your eyes shift. They have better things to do than... They have better fish to fry. They know we're good.

They have school shooters to find. Y'all better go do that. Y'all have been too good at that one. No, but just like on Reddit, it'll be like uh potential mass shooter stopped by like it's the grandma sent a tip in or something like that i see a lot of those stories where like mass shootings were stopped like there was one there's one time where apparently justin was out here and we went to santa monica pier later we found out that like a mass shooting was stopped on the day that we went there and so that was like not like he was showing up with a

gun and then they tackled him but like he'd been posting stuff about a certain date and all that shit i believe damn people are insane man i just well there's a lot of people who just aren't right in the head right so like a lot of them i'm not saying you can't take seriously but like i i'm saying that like like you have to sift through like the legitimate threats and just like the people that are talking because – And the 4chan bullshit, yeah. Yeah. Which they're all very like – every single one of those is – should be looked at. Be taken seriously.

Yeah. Because that's the thing is you never know. You don't want to miss one. If it's like some kid talking out of his ass because he wants attention online and is trying to be edgy versus like – Someone who's about to actually yeah do a fucking dude okay this is this is kind of fucked up in ties in what we're talking about last week i was downtown yesterday and i'm walking down the sidewalk and i saw a billboard or not a billboard a bus stop ad and i'm not kidding for shooting insurance shooting as in like mass shootings for shooting what yeah like if you get shot in a

mass shooting here's it was like it was like it was like 100 people die every day from shootings and blah blah mass shootings and i was like is the solution seriously you have to buy shooting insurance well i i feel like what the fuck i i thought it was a joke at it first when i saw literally it was like the picture was like some scene of it was black and white and some shit was happening it was and it was literally was like some scene of, it was black and white and some shit was happening. And it was literally for like some insurance company offering shooting insurance. And I was like, shooting insurance? It's like, it doesn't surprise me because we've talked about it before on the podcast. That seems like a billboard that seems weird to have in Los Angeles, but wouldn't seem

too weird to see in South Carolina because South Carolina has a lot of like, at least they used to have like a lot of gun and ammunition ads specifically targeted at the holiday season, like Christmas themed gun ads. In the airport too. And like there was, there was one billboard where we talked, where I talked about it before where it was like, it's like, it's like these are, is essentially these are there. No, good guys have guns too. And it was like a, like a female nurse with like a pink AR-15.

She's the one that's going to shoot your shit at Donald Trump. Yeah. See, it's all part of the conspiracy. I always thought it was weird getting off the plane in Columbia, South Carolina and seeing an ad for an AR-15 and like ads for bullets like in the airport. I was like, in the airport? Oh, yeah. That is weird. I was like, in the airport?

Oh, yeah. That is weird. I think there's a, I think the U.S. Army or someone advertises themselves like kind of directly out of the airport. They didn't. I checked when I was coming out of the Columbia airport last time I was there. I didn't see it. A lot of the times, at least one of the few times where I was going past that area, there was a helicopter with two Gatling guns on the side. And it was about border security or something. What do they need that for in Columbia, South Carolina?

A helicopter with massive machine guns on the side. The Mexicans are taking that. You know, they're taking that good old time warp from Mexico to Columbia, South Carolina. They're jumping through the time-space shift, and they're ending up in Columbia. So, you know, it's not just the border we have to worry about anymore. With these new time shifts they're ending up in Colombia. So, you know, they gotta... It's not just the border we have to worry about anymore. With these new time shifts they're jumping through, you never know where they're gonna show up.

Those goddamn Mexican wizards. Jumping through the time and space continuum to steal our jobs. Stealing our fucking jobs. They're jumping through time-space continuum, whoops. They're ending up in Massachusetts, Minnesota, South Carolina. You can't predict it.

These are dirty, dirty portals. I wouldn't get close to one of these portals, folks. You don't know what comes in and what goes out. Poo-poo, who knows? Has anything funny, funny, ha-ha happened with Trump recently? Well, they filed articles of impeachment. So that's funny haha i guess there's nothing well nothing's gonna happen because senate's not gonna pass that shit they're not

gonna pass that shit on through to the other side but and even if he was impeached that doesn't mean he's gonna be removed yeah that just means i think that just means he can be charged with the with crimes and i think it's i think it's important that even though yeah, the Republican Senate will not impeach Trump, I think that it is personally from my leftist cuck hold view. Which you do have. You're a cuck. I'm a cuck. I'm a California cuck. I think that it's good that this is happening because at least the people that were voted in in 2018 are, you know, they're doing what they're voted in to do.

And they're trying their hardest. And if they're blocked by a Senate, then – That's also the government doing its – I mean, that's the branches, right? That's the balance of power. Yeah, but there you have it. So we'll see what happens with that. Probably nothing. We're going to have them for another four years after this next election is through.

How about when this next election is through? Because Biden's been fucking like going a bit bonkers i guess he's do you see when he sucked his wife's finger yeah do you see where he got in a fight with someone like a push-up thing yeah chapo trap house actually did a um they did a hypothetical a long time ago where they joked about joe biden challenging someone to a push-up contest. And then it happened in real life. So apparently there's been like multiple instances of the guys on Chapo Trap House predicting the future.

And that was the most recent one that came true. Well, I predicted the Nintendo Switch. You did. I remember that. But did you predict? And I predicted – We predicted a lot. What did I predict? I I predicted... We predicted a lot. What did I predict? I predicted...

There's... Oh, in... There was like a podcast that I did with Barry on Blade Runner where I was talking about... Oh, what's that guy's name? Hold on one second. I need to yell for Justin. Justin!

Justin! Who plays Drax? What? What's the name of the guy who plays Drax? Dave Bautista. Bautista. Yeah. Okay.

So I was talking about Dave Bautista on that podcast at some point and I mentioned how Dave Bautista looks like someone who was ripped out of the Gears of War universe and then in Gears of War 5 he was put in as a DLC character in Gears of War 5 what if it's because they are the podcast they're such big fans of

the G club dude someone working on Gears of War might have been listening to the Game Grumps podcast or Dave Bautista was just big because of Guardians of the Galaxy Club. Dude, someone working on Gears of War might have been listening to the Game Grumps podcast. Or Dave Batista was just big because of Guardians of the Galaxy or something, I guess. Gears of War was listening to the Game Grumps podcast. Or someone from not Epic, from

Are you saying they're not Epic? From The Coalition, that's the studio. The Coalition? Yeah, that's the studio. That's the studio that took over making solely Gears of War titles, which I think a company has done something similar to that now where a certain company was either, I don't know if it was created or lended the Bioshock property,

but now they're in charge of the Bioshock property. There's a new company taking over. And they said it's going to be a couple of years, but there's a new Bioshock game in the works, which I'm excited about. That's going to be cool. We'll see. I played all the way through Infinite.

Infinite's fun. They're all fun. I watched you play Summa 2. We never finished it, and I don't think we will. Did we not finish it? No, we're not going to finish that. Okay, I literally just remembered. I was like, did we even play Bioshock in the show?

We played Bioshock 2. Yeah, that's right. We played a bit, and just didn just didn't mesh just didn't mesh well because like i was paying too much attention and there was i mean it happens a lot where i were i have this uh thing where it's hard for me to really focus like hard on two things at once like i'll focus really hard on one thing and sometimes you'll be you you know it you'll you'll be, you know it, you'll say something and I'll just, I won't even hear it. Like I love you. I love you too, Matt.

Well, I wasn't saying it just then. I was giving you an example. I was hoping you wouldn't just be saying it. I would hope that you meant it and you wouldn't be using it as some sort of prop in a discussion. No, you're literally twisting my words wrong. I was saying in the past, I've said it to you and you just haven't. Reciprocated. Is that what you're trying to pin me down as someone who just.

Like you didn't even acknowledge that I said it. Well, maybe I just didn't hear you. As I said, like maybe I was paying attention to something else. Maybe that's part of the problem then. Well, I can't control the way my mind works. I can't help my intelligence. Well, you know what? If you want to keep me in your life,

maybe that's something you're going to have to learn to control. Okay. I'll try to start. I'll download brain game maps i'll i'll start playing a lot of brain games this whole podcast is an ad for brain imagine if we if we say we started being sponsored by a brain game app something like yeah i saved my marriage through uh brain games brain games on a cool math.com. I actually saved my marriage. Fuck y'all.

I'm going to go play some cool math games. Is cool math games not going to be around once Flash dies? Which I found out, by the way, is not in 2020. January 2021 is when Flash goes. Oh, okay. So we do have next year. Okay. So we have a long time to have fun with Flash.

I think we're definitely going to have to do a lot of Flash videos in 2020. Because we've done our fair share of Flash games on the channel. But I think 2020, we're really going to have to play a lot. We're going to have to find the most classic Flash games that we can remember, that the fans remember. Man, y'all remember Flash Flood? Yeah, we might have to bring that back. We might just have to play so many Flash games. Just because, think of our channel as a...

Time capsule? – Time capsule. A time capsule, a shuttle for the memories of the past for the children of the future. Okay, yeah. You know? So we're not just creating funny, ha-ha, wacky, goofy content. We're making a time capsule for the future, for our children. Our children will grow up in a world where there's no Flash. Your children, my stepchildren my children and your stepchildren will grow up in a world which my children could even be your stepchildren yeah that's perfectly fine you ever thought about

i could marry a woman you could that is that is very likely that all right and that's the end of that discussion no i can marry a woman i could i could grant her permission to my seed right yes she could she could begat a young matthew jr we could get in a messy divorce very messy she could meet you you guys get married you could become my kid's stepdad dude but you'd still be the dad i would i'd be the dad but you would can we actually rig like someone's whole perception of reality just so we can like it's just like two friends like i i would love to be a stepdad to your kid oh i'll marry this girl and form this fake bond with her for years and then i'll divorce her naturally um take all the money and everything do you think like sociopaths or psychopaths do you think they ever play games very similar to that?

Like on that grand of a scale? Yeah. I'm sure there's people out there that do. That's fucked. There's people who have completely separate families. Like they cheated on their wife who they have like a few kids with. And unbeknownst to like that family, they have like a few kids with and the unbeknownst to like that family they have like a

newborn at an apartment complex with some other woman yeah no i think it's so crazy imagine living like that like a double life like that to that to that extent like they cannot ever interact yeah you have to make sure you stick to like certain areas and shit. That just sounds like the most mentally exhausting paranoia inducing life, you know? That's why a lot of husbands will end up killing their wives and children in the hopes of casting their past aside so they can start porking someone new and fresh. That's not the way to do that. No, it's not. Divorce would be the correct way. Yeah, because you can get divorced

And abandon your children And still port someone new In the eyes of the law you're fine You kill your kids and wife You pull a Chris Watts You're not going to have a happy ending Was he the wrestler? No Chris Watts is just some dude that killed his wife and two kids

There's a lot of dudes that have done that And he was having an affair with someone else Damn Who was the wrestler that just killed his wife and two kids. There's a lot of dudes that have done that. And he was having an affair with someone else. Damn. Who was the wrestler that like just killed his wife and kids? Was it due to the brain injury? Like the same stuff

that like in football, the brain injuries that caused people to be more violent? I've heard that before. That's not, there might be some correlation there

between the impacts of drama on the head. Focus. Right? That's what it was called? Was there a movie about it? Yeah. Or I can't remember.

I think it was called Focus. The Will Smith. The Will Smith. Tell the truth. Tell the truth. That one. No, that was called, was that just called Concussion? Concussion, yes.

Yeah. Focus was a movie he did with Margot Robbie maybe or something. Will Smith has done a lot of movies in the last decade that I think are going to – I can think of one that you forgot of that I can't even remember the title, but I can give you like what it's about and you'll be like, oh shit, I completely forgot about that, but I remember it right now. Give me one. The kind of like the one where his daughter dies and like Edward Norton's in it and stuff

and he's being visited by these people because he's given up on life. Yep. I remember seeing the trailer. I could not tell you what it was called. I never saw it. And that's the thing is like those are big like A-list actors. Edward Norton, Will Smith. The girl from, not girl, sorry.

The woman, the actress from Titanic. What's her name? Like the Rose? Yeah, Rose. rose really i think she was in i think she was in it or why do those movies i don't know just never go it's because they're bad yeah they're bad but do they still are they made like when when when studios make those movies they they know they're not gonna be a hit do they do it because they like oh this is just gonna be like a baseline like money maker and then everyone's gonna forget about it but it's gonna all of the budget's gonna go to the cast it's gonna be a low budget to start off with um and uh people will come either for the cast or just because it's like a lot of people

like familiarity i believe when it goes when it comes to cinema so yeah most most of the movie going audience just kind of like wants to go to the theater to relax and have a good time and just have fun. Yeah. I can imagine like if I lived in the middle of nowhere and had nothing better to do but see a movie and I wasn't up to date movies and I go and I see all these posters. I'm like, what? I don't know. It's like, oh, Will Smith. Well, I think the perfect audience for those movies.

Like I remember in high school, it's like those are movies that are mature enough that you can go see on your own like whether it be on a date or with friends um but you can't get into like r-rated movies yet but you can go see mature-ish movies that are meant and targeted for adults so it's it you have like it's more something to do yeah just like uh something to do right now for us could be to read some ad reads. Ooh, okay. Hey, you guys like traveling? I know you do. And it's the holiday season too, which means you're probably going to be traveling right now more than you will ever travel

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Host must spell out website Keeps.com at least once. Where should we go get dinner with Justin tonight? No, Jackson has a place picked up. Do you know where it is? I do. Is it a surprise for me too? It is, yeah. Is it funny? He said it's themed. And when I asked him, is it

like culturally themed? He said not really really much it's more on the side of I guess kind of more like an era themed but it's not really tied to a yeah it's not I actually the only reason I know it is because when we were getting coffee the other day is it because it's white culture that you don't perceive it as culture

though no Ryan white culture has the richest culture out there I'm serious white culture has the richest culture out there i'm serious like literally has the richest culture oh i actually i think that's actually that's like dubai dubai yeah dude saudi arabian like oil that money is fucking whoa oil royals that rhymes they they those guys are some like some of the richest dudes on the planet um but i was going to say is I drove by it the other day when I was getting coffee, and he was like, oh, that's where I want to take Ryan and Justin. Is it close by?

Yes. How close would you say? Oh, well, don't. Because the thing is, if we ever reveal where we went, people are going to be like, oh, okay. Yeah. We're going to get doxxed now. So he was going to get coffee. That means there's coffee somewhere in the vicinity of where the office is.

Yeah, sorry. We were just doxxing Ross. I had to cut that part out. But yeah, we're going to go get dinner with Justin. It is going to be delicious. And we're going to record more. No bubble gums. You and I have been working, started at 11 a.m.

Right now it's 9 p.m. And we're going to have a late dinner and come back and record for a few more hours. So this is literally a day full of work. But, yo, yo, yo, yo. It's so weird though. Like when I look at our channel, I'm just kind of like, in my head,

like I'm worried that people feel like we're putting out lazy shit. I do too. I'm always like, people don't think we're working. People think we're just slacking off. But then like we have days like this where it's like, oh,

it's, well, I guess our work sometimes gets melded into our personal life in general. Oh, for sure. I also think we're very self-conscious people, so we're very quick to judge ourselves. Y'all fucking release Let's Plays. Just wah. Wah, wah, wah. Yo, but you know why we're working so much? It's that grind time, baby.

You know what? It's the holiday season. Guess what? What? Yo, the dentist told me I grind so much? It's that grind time, baby. You know what? You know what? It's the holiday season. Guess what? What? I grind. Yo, the dentist told me I grind so much I even do it in my sleep. Ooh. Life is like a sandwich.

No matter which way you flip it, the bread comes first, Ryan. Okay. Okay. That's good. That was good, buddy. Jeffrey Epstein did not kill himself.