supermegashow - EP 203 - Quarantine Livin'

Episode Date: July 29, 2020

The first podcast where we've had to record separately! But we're still talking about nonsense. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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where winning is undefeated. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome to the very first quarantine edition episode of Super Megacast. I'm joined by my life partner and co-host, Ryan McGee.

That's me. I am Ryan McGee. And yeah, this is the first episode we are recording in our homes apart because you just got back from seeing your lovely family in South Carolina. This is the first episode in history that we have recorded apart from each other, isn't it? It is, which is, it doesn't feel right. I don't like it. I don't like it. It feels weird. It feels like strange. This is what it would be if you moved back back to south carolina and i moved to the middle of the nevada desert we'd have to do this every week see i view it as something like this is what it would be if we ended up hating super mega but still having to do it for monetary purposes

like we're locked into a contract yeah yeah but luckily it's just it's just covet and it's just because you're you're get you're a responsible boy you're taking a test yes did you get a cheek swab? or what kind of test did you take? since you've taken it I haven't taken a test it was really easy sorry

this episode's gonna be great because the slight delay back and forth is gonna make us start talking over each other and then we'll both pause to let the other one talk and then we'll both start talking at the same time. It's like watching CNN debates when they have someone over satellite. I love that. But that's what this episode is going to be.

It's going to be a big CNN debate. But the test is super easy. I was super, super fucking safe in South Carolina. I wore my face shield, I wore my face mask, my gloves while I was traveling. And I didn't go out to any restaurants or anything. Even though they were all open and they were packed. I did not.

I said, no, no, no. You didn't celebrate in a good old cough-a-thon, dude? I was thinking about it at one point. About going down to the bar and having a cough-a-thon with everyone. But I decided probably not to do that. Yeah. It's nice over a beer when everyone can cough at each other, though. They do that a lot in South Carolina.

But it's nice to have you back, even though I can't see you right yet. But, hey, you're going to get the results ASAP, possibly tomorrow. I should be getting them tomorrow, because Carson got tested when he got back And he lied and said that he was a credentialed member of the media And he got his test back the next day Did you lie as well? Well, I don't know if it's a lie

I said that I'm a credentialed member of the media We were credentialed for E3 We are and we're verified on Twitter And we are media So I guess technically if it's not a lie, right? Like we are credentialed for E3. We are and we're verified on Twitter so I'm getting, you know, and we are media so I guess technically if it's not a lie, right? Like we are credentialed. Yeah. I mean, Twitter credentialed. I mean, who, what

what is being credentialed at the end of the day? Right. Who decides who gets credentialed, right? Who makes that decision? I guess Twitter. Yeah, exactly. So, boom. There you have it. I also, uh uh it doesn't matter though because i went to dodger stadium and it's a drive-thru thing so i'm in my car with a big line of cars i pull up to this dude uh but as a sign that says like show me your proof that you

uh have an appointment so i just like put my phone up against the window with the text message and then he let me in and when i wait in line forever and then i pull up to this one guy and i rolled down my window he's like sir sir roll your window up i was like shit so i roll my window up and then uh you contaminated the whole field well i thought he wanted to talk to me and i had to show him something so i like i rolled it down a little bit and you know he's in a hazmat suit and i'm wearing a mask so i was like oh yeah and he's like he's in a hazmat suit they yeah they had it really serious see i haven't got i don't go outside much so i'm like does it does it look scary or yeah it does you go there it it looks like some uh well it looks like what you imagine like a pandemic situation would look like in a movie.

But I get why they're like that because that's where most people go to get tested in LA. So it's like most of the COVID cases are going to be coming right through there. Yeah. But I go and I show him through the window my name and my confirmation number. And he writes it on a sticky note, slaps it to my car window. I drive a little further. A woman hands me a bag with a test kit with one of those little like claws with the grabber. You know what I'm talking about?

Wait, wait, like one of the kids toys that you can find at like Target. This was like the ones that make the mechanical noise. But this was a grownup version and she passes it. And I rolled out my window and grabbed it. Oh, the ones used for like littering, like picking up litter. And then she wrote my number on the bag

that was on my car. I stuck that Q-tip in my mouth. I whipped it all around. I touched the inside of my cheeks, my gums, roof of my mouth. I even stuck it down my urethra for good measure. And I put it in a little tube of liquid. And I shook it up.

And then I drove to a big trash can. I threw it in the trash can. Do you have, like, could you imagine if this is what sperm donation is now? Like, people have to, like, come up and drive and, like, masturbate in their cars outside of the hospital. It's a big line of cars. Don't roll your window down, sir. I just came.

What do I do with it? Sir, you did it too early You're gonna have to do it again You have to go to the back of the line Best part was that like Eric Garcetti the mayor of LA There was like a big video of him playing on like what to do And he was like please How big was the video

It was probably like 8 feet long It was on a screen like a jumbotron And he was like please don't drink any of the fluids in the kit do not drink the fluids i feel like like one dumbass went through and did that and they're like oh god damn it why like why would that be someone's first thought like they have to think because the thing is if do you think there's one person who actually didn't drink the liquids because of that warning they were just a split second from just like they had it like up to their mouth all of a sudden they heard they're like oh oh oh shoot oh thank god definitely definitely uh but i i really do that

drive up sperm donation thing that's an untapped market because think about this most guys want to donate sperm right because getting paid a hundred dollars pop, that's a dream come true, right? Yeah. Every guy wants to do that, but you don't want to- Guys like myself could make a career out of it. Absolutely, dude. You could be making $600 a day. And you don't want to have to go to the sperm clinic.

You don't want to risk getting seen. You don't want to- You feel awkward walking into the person at the front desk like, hey, I'm here to masturbate and donate sperm but like they know when you walk out of that bathroom that you were just masturbating yeah the second you go in they know what you're doing the whole time and when you walk out you know they're like did you have a good session sir so it's awkward so i think the drive-up thing is great and then they at the end they just have that little bin that you just roll down your window chuck it in and there you go. Not a bad idea. That's actually really smart, to be honest.

As long as you designate that area as like a sex offender free zone, it makes you like exempt. So you can masturbate in your car without any legal repercussions. Well, some would say that that's like some of the only money a sex offender could potentially get would be masturbating in in their car away from other people yeah but then the thrill's not there for them true true can you can you donate sperm if you're a registered sex offender i don't know but for some reason this got me thinking of that george lopez show episode where they had a hot sex offender do you remember that episode kind of it was a girl right yeah they go over to Max's like well they take Max over because they're worried that like a sex offender like he's worried a sex offender is gonna touch his son Max

in the show and uh they go over and it's a and then he goes Angie I or something like that whatever he says in the show what does he say just lets out some kind of primal noise didn't he have a catch phrase I got this yeah it was that it was I got this yeah he probably said

I got this and then and then he said and then he said it in Spanish. And then he runs out the front door. And then there's a sting that goes, do-do-do-do. And then it fades out, and then a commercial comes in. It's classic George Lopez right there. Hey, Matt.

Hey, baby. You went to South Carolina, and I miss it. Can you tell me the one thing that you got back that you're like oh my god yes i'm back and then the one thing when you got another thing that's a negative where you're just like oh fuck i forgot about this what's the big upside and the big downside to visiting home okay so after like a year year and a half jesus i could not imagine well i'm starting to have to. Well, yeah, I mean, it's almost the same for you

because last time I was there was when we did the show there in April 2019. Yeah, and the last, well, the last time I was there was for the holidays. So, I mean, I'm guessing it's honestly going to be a year before I go back, if I even can go back for the holidays. I do have to say, before I jump into that answer, it made, uh, when I went back, it felt like more special than ever though. It felt really, uh, it felt like, cause you know, you go home and it feels rejuvenating. Like this time felt the most, uh, rejuvenating because it felt so special and new again. And there was so many just little things that I had forgotten about that would just click

and it just felt so good so I think the best thing was couple things seeing weather like actual like clouds and seeing lightning it was a groundhog day with no weather here dude I know I wake up every

morning and I'm just like, it's the same shit. There's nothing new going on. There's not a single fucking cloud in the sky. And I appreciate clouds because they're cool looking. I don't care if I want it to rain, but if it doesn't rain, just get cloudy sometimes. Right. So I can see it. Like, I just want to be a nice overcast day.

Yeah. Overcast is my favorite type of weather. Overcast and slightly cool outside. That's my happy place with weather. I forgot how often it rains in South Carolina. Like, it's not like a rainforest by any means, but, like, it does rain, I would say, what, like, every week or every other week at least? It's the semi-tropics, yeah. So, well, the funny thing is the week before I came, it rained every day, like, huge thunderstorms.

And I was so excited because my mom's like, oh, when you get here, Matthew, it's going to rain so much. It didn't rain once while I was there until I'm on my way to the airport. It started raining. And I was like, oh, fuck. Well, so I rolled down the window. I put my hand out because I was like, I haven't seen rain in like seven months of the airplane. Yeah, I rolled down the airplane window and they said, sir, roll your window up. It was the same guy.

Actually, it was just coincidence. He was on my flight uh and then one thing i really liked uh was being able to see stars because you know in la you can't you can see the big ones but yeah i'd walk out on the beach at night and there's no light pollution really and you can just see so many stars uh but what i didn't like was the humidity because I haven't felt humidity in like super long time. And you never really get used to that. Even if you live there your whole life, it still sucks. Someone described it best as taking a hot shower and then getting out of the shower and putting all your clothes back on without drying off. And that is exactly what it feels like.

It's horrible. But the other thing was roaches they were i saw so many fucking cockroaches and it terrified the shit out of me every time i'd go outside at night maybe that's because your mom's not good at housekeeping well i didn't actually stay at my mom i stay with my sister and her husband her stupid that shows on her part yeah yeah looks like the husband's not doing his job and cracking the whip, so his wife's not doing anything. Well, yeah, I know.

It's frustrating. He needs to be commandeering her and telling her, hey, you need to be doing this. Otherwise, you know how women are. They naturally tend to fail at tasks and not do things unless they're told by a man. Simple tasks, man. Simple tasks.

These are simple tasks. Yeah. That should honestly, at this point, be ingrained into their DNA. Get rid of the cockroaches. Exactly. The great apes of our day that we descended from, that would be the woman's role, was to smash the roaches in the cave.

That was all they did, really, because the fathers would breastfeed and do the rest i'm pretty sure i don't have to point out that that's a joke at this point but i'm always like of course do i need to point out that that's a joke well for some the honest truth is uh some people do need it pointed out did i even say that right some people do need it pointed out. Did I even say that right? Some people do need it pointed out for them. Does that sound better? That sounds grammatically correct. Yes.

Okay. Uh, I think most people don't maybe, but it was, it was, it was super nice going home. It was super recharging. I've,

I've seen a couple of y'all on Twitter that are like, I hope it was worth, uh, potentially giving somebody COVID to see your family. And I was like, yeah, it was. Did you respond to him that way?

No, I didn't. Well, I literally didn't go out when I was home. I just stayed home. And the only time I would go out, I'd be fully masked up. And it would be like to walk up to like a stop and go window to get a coffee. Or I did go. You know what I did do? Yeah.

I went to my dad took me to a shooting range, and I shot my first handgun, because I'd never shot a pistol before. Did you get him? I did, I got him right in the back of the head. That was his fault, he shouldn't have been in the way. I was about to say, like, if people are mad, like, you sent me pictures of, like,

when you and your family would go out to the grocery store and y'all had your sheets on. Our sheets on? Yeah. Yeah. We just we just wrapped ourselves in sheets and we poked little eye holes because the germs can't get through the sheet. I'm high. I can't stop laughing at that image. Sorry.

Just you and your family going to the grocery store with just sheets on like like charlie brown ghosts yeah yeah but like they're the sheets that are like not the actual sheets of the bed they're the ones that are like misshapen to get the corners of the bed sheets yeah so they're like all tight and like bunched up have you ever y'all have fucking rubber bands to hold it to your mouth so you're not spreading disease have you ever slept with a okay this might i feel like you've done this too you know i like you're at a friend's house and they've already fallen asleep and you need a blanket but you can't find one but you do find like a fitted sheet so i'm like well i guess i'm using this as a blanket so you have to use one of those stretchy fitted sheets need a blanket but you can't find one but you do find like a fitted sheet so i'm like well i guess i'm using this as a blanket so you have to use one of those stretchy fitted

sheets as a blanket and it sucks because you know it just bunches up so i got to keep putting like my feet in it and i basically have to wrap my whole body in it for it to work have you ever done that yeah i always found trying to wrap myself in them like the way it's opened up it's like so you have this big middle section of just openness because the way it tightens up you can't just snail it or else it just will come on come undone there's no winning with it you have to look upside down turtle it it's gonna be a bad night if you if you have to do that you know yeah uh but i uh i did shoot my first handgun my first pistol i shot a glock because my dad says son i'm taking you out to shoot some some guns he said son i'm gonna train you to join my militia and i uh luckily there was only like two other people at the at the range and they

were very far away so very socially distanced wore my mask the whole time but I gotta say dude did they just stare at you the whole time you were shooting with your dad yeah because the other people at the range they weren't wearing masks were they not? no they weren't but you were my dad and I were yeah your dad was? yes yes

I have to give a round of applause to Dale for wearing his mask at the gun range oh he wore it every time we went out, you know? I know he looked like a pussy wearing that thing, but... Is that something he said every time? He said, he's like, hey, son, I know I look like a pussy, but I want you to know that I'm still your dad, and I still want you to respect me as a man. He never said anything about it. He always just wore his mask because it's not a political thing.

It's the fucking common sense thing to do in a fucking global pandemic did he poke holes in it so he could breathe cut a big hole so his mouth so i could see what he was saying just a mouth hole how am i supposed to breathe son i love the idea of someone cutting a big ass hole in the middle so they could breathe just a perfect shape of their, like, lips. So it's like annoying orange, like, lips out of it. Dude, what's the annoying orange up to these days? Probably rotten in a fruit bowl at this point. Probably in a fucking compost pile.

I hope not. I bet you he still has it. I can check right now. I have the powers of my computer right in front of me. Yeah, so do I. Actually, this is new for us, that we have computers to- I'm gonna look it up first. Annoying. My keyboard's more quiet because I'm on a Mac and it's a flat keyboard.

Yeah, seven hours ago, 34,000 views. Yeah, seven hours ago, 34,000 views. Talking Challenge is super cut. Two days ago, 187. I'm watching Volcano Challenge. I'm already watching it. I fast forwarded to a minute and 27 minutes in. The Volcano Challenge!

As for yours, I'm naming it Mount St. Selins. I can't watch more than about 9 seconds of that shit. 10 million subscribers, dude. What are we doing wrong? I don't know. We don't even have one million.

Well, maybe it's because we don't upload, but... I remember they used to... I thought they used to paint around their mouths so it looked better. They even did that with Shay Carl. You can look up... Look up... Shay... Wait, of the Shaytards?

Yeah. Shay Carl. the Shaytards? Yeah, Shay Carl. The Shaytards, more like the ****. You know what I'm saying? I'll bleep it out. I hope he sees that. Shay Carl. Damn it, not Shay Carl divorce. He's not getting a divorce Shay Carl wait did they not

get a divorce no I don't think so she took him back wait did she did she did she throw him away well dude I I'm actually I hate to admit this I'm not that caught up on my Shaytards lore I should be more caught up but uh I don't know if they got divorced i mean hey hey buddy what type in these words in your google in your stupid youtube max search bar okay what shea carl annoying orange and it's the third thumbnail down that's what that's the effect they used to do to get the annoying orange looking looking perfect you know are Are you talking about the blue around his mouth? Well, that's just him after a Blue Man Group concert, you know what I'm saying?

But I'm... A little backstage pass earned him that one. I think that actually your search results are different because the one with the blue around his mouth is the fourth video for me. Damn. I know, right? But I'm on the SuperMega account.

Wait, is Shay Carl one or two words for you? One. Oh, same, so they're fucking us over. Wait, are you on SuperMega's account right now, or are you on your personal? I'm on SuperMega's account. Then why is it giving us different results? What browser are you using? Google Chrome. Same. Fuck fuck what's going on i don't

so shea carl space annoying space orange yeah and and i'm gonna search it again oh it just changed to the fourth one down for me actually really yeah when i searched it again some back-end shit is going on dude yeah uh i'm gonna go i'm glad I could catch it when it was third, though. Yeah, that's pretty lucky, dude. That's a small moment in history. Do you think we can get the people to get it to number one, though? Can we get this video trending? It only has 22,000 views.

It's called Bob Jin's Vlog, Shay Carl on the Annoying Orange. And the thumbnail looks like he just ate out a woman's pussy that was covered in blue paint. He had a good time doing it. Yeah, he did. He's smiling in that. And it says Shay in the thumbnail. Can we get this video to 100,000 views, please? I just subscribed, by the way, to the Annoying Orange as SuperMega.

Did you? I did, yes. Hold on, let me refresh to see if you're telling the truth. Dude! And you're telling the truth. Dude! And you're telling the truth. Wait. Featured channels. Marshmallow, pear, grapefruit, grandpa lemon.

Wait, what? Dude! Okay, I know who grandpa lemon is, but who's pear? Hold up. I'm going over to pear's channel. What the fuck is this? Dude, there's a Spanish version of the Annoying Orange that's official, and it's called Naranja Molesta Oficial. Guys, like, legit, y'all can go to YouTube right now.

There's, like, extra characters. Did y'all, did people, I didn't know there was, wait, Pear's Extreme, wait, is Pear a Let's Play channel? Probably. No, wait, Pear, no, well, there's one. There is Annoying Orange Let's Plays. probably no well there's one there's let's plays oh because there's uh pairs extreme challenge number 10 five nights at freddy's and it's four minutes and 20 seconds if you know what i'm saying look what i just sent you on discord that's the spanish channel and i know that i guess like the

direct translation you know like to molest means to annoy but i would think that they would choose a slightly different spanish word so it's not naranja molesta you know because it's just the annoying orange and the word molest in each title well i mean they don't have much of like the last time they uploaded to this channel was six years ago guys it seems like it seems like they were following the smosh route of like smosh yeah el, El Smosh. I thought it was like... Yeah, yeah, El Smosh. And then, you know, it didn't really kick off. Yeah, but these got fucking views. 16 million views, 9.4... Oh, here's one with Toby Turner.

Wait, where? Where? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which one? On the Spanish channel. But which one? Oh, yep, yep. Duro Basta featuring Toby Turner, 9.4 million.

Oh, shit. Guys, can we get this channel at least a 200,000 subs it's at 193 do we have that power if just 7,000 of you listening can subscribe maybe they'll bring it back

Naranja Molesta Oficial then we might be able to see a new upload on that channel and that would really mean something to me and Ryan I don't see Toby Turner in this one he plays a durian I think because he stinks but is it actually him doing the Spanish I think they just paid no people to it's someone dubbing over Toby Turner yeah it's like smosh like Ian and Anthony didn't do a second take where they spoke perfect Spanish.

Why not? They should have. That would have been the cool thing to do. They didn't have the time to learn a lower language. Yeah, it's tough. They'd rather be doing something else. I don't have a joke, actually. I thought I would come up with one in time, but I didn't.

Well, now that I watched Annoying Orange, my recommendations are like MaxMofo. So, I mean, that's probably how he gets so many fucking views. Is he linked in with kids YouTube at this point? MaxMofo? Not his channel, but MaxMofoPokemon. Probably, because because I mean those videos are like super I wouldn't say

some of them are yes chill but it's like I think they're chill to watch opening Pokemon cards and shit or did you see the Amiibo one yeah that got like a lot of views it got over a million lucky bastard

I want those Amiibos. And JK. Amiibos are stupid and for babies. Amiibos are stupid. Who cares? He wants to do some gaming videos with us for his gaming channel. And we should do that. Dude, we should have him on our Minecraft

series. We should. Which is coming soon. And so is the movie review series yes but the minecraft series is that's something so ryan and i obviously have been on a bit of a hiatus uh recently and before the hiatus a little bit of a uh not so energetic uh upload schedule uh but jackson's back i'm back ryan's back and we're about to fucking kick this into the next year i know jackson's been gone for a bit um i had to self quarantine for like a few weeks you went home so now everyone is finally back in the same place so we finally yeah we can dish out that shit and we're gonna i'm i actually feel so fucking

motivated for super mega since I went home. Like, it just does that, you know? I just want to record more drunk drawings. Yes, yes. I legitimately am, like, really excited to do those. There's another type of thing I'm excited to kind of send over to Justin to see what he does with it. Yes, and there's that other project. But, yes.

I'm so uh for instance today Is the first time we've gone to the p.o Box since the quarantine started because we're like we have to pick up some mail because I saw people on Twitter saying that Or someone in a livestream said they're like hey I sent you guys something that got sent back and we're like oh So we go to the p.o. Box and the woman fucking chewed me out when i got there oh how upset was she she was she was pissed off like she was definitely not having a good day but she was like she's like she just she goes can i ask you why you haven't picked up the mail in so long and i was like do they have it logged whenever you pick it up like do they like well log it down it

had obviously been a while uh and she's like i was like i'm sorry you know the pandemic we weren't really coming by and we've been out of town here and there and she goes yeah no but it's been a really long time so can you tell me why you haven't been here and she was getting like personal with it and i was like i was like i'm sorry we're gonna start we're gonna come more regularly now and she's like well it you know a lot of mail got sent back because you wouldn't come get it and i was like okay well can i get the mail now so i go and then she lectured me again when she brought the mail out and i was like yeah i told you i'm coming to get the mail and it was a lot

of mail so it's all safe for the super megaplex now and if you mailed us something and it got sent back because our po box was full uh it is safe to mail it again so go ahead and we will spend your money again send it one more time and we will uh we will safe to mail it again so go ahead and we will spend your money again send it one more time and we will uh we will gladly uh pick it up on time this time this time angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well i absolutely love this because you know if if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality,

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Air Transat. Travel moves us. Oh, my Lord. It's been a busy few days, you know? There's been a lot going on in the life of Ryan McGee. Yeah, tell me about it. Yeah. I played a game on my PlayStation 4 called Ghost of Tsushima, which was fun.

That game looks pretty cool. I watched the Xbox conference and I threw around a ball with Lego a bit. Nice. I slept a good deal too.

And I started streaming again. I saw that. That made me all giddy. Really? I slept a good deal too. And I started streaming again. I saw that. I saw that. That made me all giddy. Really? It did. I got excited when I saw that. Ooh, we got to get started on these super mega streams at some point too.

I know we do. I know we do. I saw that. Bro, I saw you were tweeting some. I know. It felt strange. I tweeted like a good deal in like a 48 hour period. I was going tweet crazy. Dude, you were tweeting like a fucking madman if I'm being honest.

I was responding to people. I normally don't, you know. I saw one tweet that was like, it was like, take this in guys. This is the last tweet we're getting for the next two years. They're probably not wrong. I took it off my phone when I got to South Carolina and I took off Instagram and it felt really good but then I kept having to reinstall it for different reasons like to promote something or like

to like plug that I was going on a Georgia stream or something like that and I was like fuck because every time I had to reenter my password and then I'd be tempted to look at the notifications and I'm like oh god uh but you know it's it's it's it's it's it's been good it's been good it's really good to be back I'm really excited uh I'm trying to get like a I'm trying to this time actually fucking stop being unmotivated and lazy and try to actually turn some shit around because the trip home kind

of gave me a good epiphany and a recharge so i'm reading this book called miracle morning which is is really good it's really short but it's just about like peterson yeah uh and it's about how if you clean your room you're gonna have a lot more morning by good jordan peterson but by ret link and jordan peterson good jordan pet Peterson good joy but uh it's it's just about like how waking up earlier can like change the rest of your day which we all know especially you Ryan I am notoriously good at waking up early so I'm since you've been gone I've turned nocturnal every time I'm left to my own devices I go nocturnal I my bedtime is anywhere between like 4 and 6, and then I wake up anywhere between like 12 and 2.

12 and 2 in the afternoon? Like, yes, p.m. and p.m. Oh, okay. For a second I was like, do you sleep until midnight? No. I said I was nocturnal oh yeah so you're you're circadian rhythm i mean at least it's intact it's just flipped yes but for you right now it's like the middle of the night kind of it's i mean it's it's more like the beginning

of my day oh yeah yeah you just what time did you wake up today? I actually woke up around like 11.30 today, believe it or not. Oh, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. Yeah. The sound of leaf blowers. Ooh. See, those usually actually put me to sleep. Someone across the alleyway was really going crazy.

Yeah, it was a guy who had three leaf blowers. He was showing them off. He just leaf blowers he was showing them off he just got him he's showing him off i woke up at 8 30 and yesterday i woke up at 8 and let me tell you that shit sucks i'm trying to force myself to like not really nap during the day but just get up and actually like get a morning routine because i feel like one of the reasons i've been unmotivated and depressed is because like i wake up like 30 minutes before i'm supposed to go to work to meet you and that's like i'll wake up at like one or two so a big chunk of my day is already gone and then i get to work i haven't eaten breakfast i just had coffee so i'm shitting

my brains out and i just have no energy i'mrated. So I'm trying to wake up and use my morning time to read or learn something or, I don't know, do something. And I'm trying to actually stick with it this time. So I'll give everyone updates if I fail miserably or stick with it. But I'm trying to give myself the mindset that I'm going to keep doing it and see if it makes my life better. Because everyone I know that does it says, oh, yeah, I just need structure is what I need. Yeah, just little changes. Start taking your showers cold. Start drinking your milk warm.

Life changes. In the shower, actually, that's a big one. If you take a cold shower while drinking warm milk. Yes. It actually boosts your testosterone levels. Even though it's healthy to take cold showers or whatever that what if it's a fact or a myth i don't know but i don't think regardless i can i can ever give up a nice warm shower at the end of my night so i can crawl into bed there's there is some facts there as in like

cold water is better for your skin and your hair than hot water because hot water dries your skin out and stuff so and in one sense like it is better for you and also you do use less water usually because you're not going to be comfortable maybe i'm so disgustingly moist that warm showers actually take a certain amount of moisture out of me and that's why i don't stink as much as i used to that's why you have such clear skin because you're so moist to begin with that if you if you didn't take hot showers you know you would just break out all over and exactly no one likes that uh no it is weird actually speaking of which is like i just one day just stopped getting acne because i used to get acne a ton like you can look at old videos i mean like just one day just stopped what what and for me it was it was i don't remember ever having like perfuse acne where it was like all over i remember having breakouts where like

there would be like three you know yeah four at a given time but i never had that comical kind of nickelodeon style acne where it popped like was just all over my face yeah uh like all the pizza faces listening to this podcast yeah gross disgusting nasty all you have to do listen cream cheese will do you a world of favors smear it all over dairy is incredibly good for the skin. Well, the funny thing is I just kind of stopped drinking milk for a while and that's when it stopped and I don't know if that's correlated or if that's

just complete bullshit. That is something I cannot give up. It's working for you. Maybe your dairy consumption is why you don't get acne and for me, my dairy consumption was why I get acne. I never get it anymore. And it's weird.

I still feel like when I consume dairy products, my shits that following morning are gaseous and abrasive. Well, technically, aren't we not supposed to consume dairy at this point in life? Like biologically, but we still do because it's good as fuck hey you know it it gave me nutrients as a child i'm yeah why would you give it up i think i think it's a great drink i mean i didn't drink water out of my mom's tits the first thing you ever drank was breast milk yeah so i actually would like that to also be the last thing i ever drank so it kind of i kind of ended where i started so when i'm on my deathbed i'm gonna someone's someone's gonna have to be lactating and as as i'm i'm giving my final breath with the with the death rattle i i want a breast in my mouth uh pretty much just drowning me in in breast milk warm clumpy breast milkumpy. This is like the third podcast in a row

we've talked about breast milk, I just realized. Well, I think one of the recent podcasts we talked about breast cheese. Yeah, yeah. Which I mean, I didn't actually see any really clear answers from that one in the comments. Like, I know it's possible, but like, well, actually, now that i have a computer in front of me i'm gonna actually just look up uh well maybe you will maybe you will look it up breast milk cheese i'm gonna get to the bottom of this oh there's a cnn video about it does it show it coming out of her nipple all like in one big cylindrical mass?

No, it comes out as like a cut block of cheese, like in the kind of pizza shape. Oh, dude, Gordon Ramsay tried it. Did he? Delicious. Oh, dude, look at this. Okay. Did he say delicious? Deliciously creamy.

The world of breast milk cheese. There's a whole world about it. But what does Gordon Ramsay say about breast milk cheese? Well, let me click this. It's a short video. Uh, okay. Let me see, let me see. He's about to taste it. Let me see!

He looks scared. Hmm. Let's see, wait, wait, wait. Oh, okay. He put it in his mouth and he runs to the sink and he spits it out. Really? Yeah. He doesn't like it. All right.

So actually we have some comments that are interesting. Livvy Lou said, LOL, I've tasted my breast milk. It tastes like sweet 1% milk. Not very much fat at all. And then Fatima Razai said said breast milk is clean it's better than cow's milk you never known what a cow eats uh i guess i don't i don't i you know i really don't know enough about breast milk that you don't know what a cow eats matt grass yeah i mean grass sounds healthy as fuck it's just it's like a plant-based diet

it's just just a plant-based diet what else do they eat i mean do they really eat let me let me look up cow come on i'm pretty sure cows don't eat meat no they uh let's see, more than 50% of cow feed is actually just grass. Like, okay, while people often think dairy cows are fed a high grain diet, in reality, they eat the leaves and stems from corn, wheat, and oats far more than they are eating grain like corn kernels. So they're just eating a bunch of dried grass, wheat, seems like corn stalks and shit. I have heard that corn is really bad

for them apparently. Really? I've heard that. I don't know why, but I just I've heard that. I do love corn, dude. I had some good corn when I was back in South Carolina. Some of that sweet, crunchy, crispy corn. I need to make myself some corn soon.

Slather some butter on that. Dude, we should have corn night. Okay. I'll bring over the mayonnaise. Dude, bring over the mayonnaise. I'll get the butter. I'll get the spice that goes on it. Or we can even do the hot Cheetos.

Hot Cheetos? Yeah. Hot Cheetos. Come on. Once you put the mayonnaise and the cheese on it, you roll it in the ground up hot Cheetos. Squeeze a little lime on it. Fuck, dude. You're making my cellulite purr, baby.

Well, I'm actually really excited because once I'm done with this podcast, I'm going to have some corn. No. Is Matthew Watson going to have some corn? Even better. We got a bunch of German sausages and Hungarian sausages and we got a grill recently. So go in the backyard. You grill them up on the grill. Jackson does a good job.

And we have a little german beer and then the best part is this is germans uh have this thing called curry ketchup which is just regular ketchup with a bit of uh curry flavoring i guess is the best way to put it okay so it's like sweet it's got a little bit of a spice to it not like spicy but a little bit of like a curry spice yeah and And then some Dusseldorf mustard, which I don't know if you ever had that type of mustard, but it is. I have had Dusseldorf mustard. It is some good shit. So basically, you know, make some fucking

some bratwursts, some bratwursts, however you want to pronounce it, some Hungarian sausages, cut them up, dip them in the curry ketchup, the mustard. It is delectable. It is so good. And we did it the other night, the mustard. It is delectable. It is so good. And we did it the other night, and there's a couple left.

So we're going to go grill them up as soon as this podcast is done. I'll send you a Snapchat. You'll like it a lot. You'll go, oh, goddamn. Okay. I should get my test results tomorrow. Can you send one over to me? I probably could. If I put out a tweet, can anyone in Los Angeles come to this address,

pick up a sausage, and take it to this address, somebody would do it i i'm pretty sure there'd be one person that would do it oh okay do you want me to i mean you could you could just uh get jackson to do it wrap him up in uh some plastic put a sheet on him yeah put it put a nice old fitted sheet over his head i mean i could do that yeah do you want me to do that no i'm no it's i could send carson too or no christian moved in he's our little i forgot about that christian is here yeah so we could just the bird has landed we have this system while he's staying on our couch where there's a point system. So, you know, he started with 100 points. And doing things like taking a shower or using toilet paper cost him points.

And he could earn points by maybe doing the dishes. What happens if there's uh scrubbing the tile a deficit of points well that is uh it hasn't happened yet but i can i can tell you right now i'd have to meet with the council and it would not be good but like is there a day in which you're like okay the points are good because he could go under and then redeem himself by how whatever but is it like at the end of a week we're gonna we're gonna have a council review of his points and see see how he's doing that's no that's really smart though so we're actually probably gonna i'm gonna implement that idea now i'm gonna talk to my roommates about it and then i'll tell christian i'll say christian this what's

gonna happen this was ryan's idea you can thank him for it. We told him that if he masturbates, that's going to be at least 50 points. So he has to ask for permission. He has to be honest with you. Yeah. Well, actually, I have a blacklight. So several times throughout the day, I'll do a surprise check where I'll open his drawers and I'll shine it inside to make sure there's no residue. And if I catch residue, that's 50 points at least.

Check the tissues in the trash can. If it's mucus, would it light up? It probably would light up. Probably, yeah. Well, actually, here's the funny thing is I spilled a chocolate milkshake on my desk, and I just clicked the black light right now, and it lights up, though, when I shine the light on it, which is weird. Oh. Black lights don't just show blood and cum?

Well, here, actually, let me... I'll send you a picture right now of it lighting up. Like, it looks like I shot cum all over my desk. Oh, dude, I want to talk about cum real quick. I'll text you this picture real quick. What's your number again? So I read an interesting fact about celery. All you incels out there might know this.

But hold on a second. Come in. Oh, never mind. I guess it was someone else shutting a door somewhere else in the house and it does that vacuum thing. Apparently celery makes you shoot massive loads. Like super big loads.

Does it? Have you ever watched a pornographic adult film where I have? I have watched plenty of those. But have you ever noticed sometimes the male performer, when he ejaculates under the woman's chest or face or even vagina, sometimes there's just so much and it just keeps coming. And you say, how that how that how the hell does he do that? How like he's just like, oh, and it just keeps coming and you say how that how that how the hell does he do that how like he's just like and it's just shot at the shot yeah he'll be coming for like 30 seconds i learned the key dude it's eating celery apparently that's what they do they just eat a bunch of celery

they eat yogurt and celery drink a lot of water find this out through like through like uh look looking at porn on reddit and reading the comments oh okay okay it wasn't through personal endeavors no no okay someone just said how the hell does he shoot a load that big and then yeah someone said that and i looked it up and it's true uh so i bought a bunch of celery because i want to test this myself so uh in the next episode i'll report on the I'm actually going to measure the volume of semen I'm able to produce so I'll let everyone know exactly how many fluid ounces of semen

I'm able to produce BTS on Patreon yeah I'm going to censor my penis but you'll still be able to see the ejaculation process you'll censor the ejaculate too by just slightly putting a mosaic blur on it just a little bit though i'm curious though if it's true though i want to know if it's true

i i don't like celery so i wouldn't be able to tell you you don't like celery no i don't really like it too much really i mean I could always try it again, you know, give it another whopping try, but. I love celery because it's, it's watery. It's like juicy and it's crunchy. It's like, it's like the best kind of chip you can dip in like ranch or blue cheese.

It is good to dip. Dip it in some mayonnaise, some. Well, actually, uh, I, I recreated a childhood snack this week.

I made ants on a log. I had a stick of celery, and I put peanut butter on it. And the raisins? It's so good, dude. It's delicious. I have to go back. It sounds crazy, but it's good. It's because I was a kid.

I didn't like celery. I would not want those ants on a log. You don't really taste the celery. It's more that you just get that nice crunch You know that's why like I'm feeling now that I'm an adult and I'm not a big baby I I can I can manage to put down a stick of celery without without throwing up I believe Oh Celery's delicious dude, especially have a good dip like ranch or blue cheese Like you said that shit is said it's watery watery and moist and you know it's it's kind of like drinking water but you're you're eating a cylindrical stick of vegetable well

actually i mean i've always heard this my whole life this could be one of those things that's not true but maybe it is is that celery has no nutritional value and you actually uh burn more calories eating celery than you gain? Let's look it up. Let's look it up. Yeah, we have the fact-checking computers right here. Okay, so celery burn calories. I'm looking up celery facts, actually.

Yo, okay, let me know if that's true real quick. Okay, so it says a stick of celery contains about six calories. Chewing and digesting it will only take half a calorie. However, the rest of your metabolism doesn't stop just because you're eating celery. And a 2016 study found that a stick of celery provides 19 fewer calories than you normally burn during the time you are eating it. normally burn during the time you're eating it so it's not really about the celery's uh i guess the amount of calories it it has and how many calories you're burning while eating it it's that you normally burn more calories like the math just adds up to where when you're eating it it's like oh fuck it because i

heard that if you were stuck on an island and only had celery you would die i would imagine damn i kind of want some celery now that I'm looking at pictures of it. Here, let me read you some fun facts about celery. Okay. It's a cultivated marshland plant, so I guess it comes from the marsh. Commonly

used as a vegetable. Now, listen to this. Cultivation of celery is believed to have started 3,000 years ago in the Mediterranean region. Now, get this. It was first used as food during the 16th century in Italy. And the first recorded mention of celery in France was in 1623. Now, there's some highlighted facts here.

And these are the ones that are going to be interesting. Celery was first mentioned in english in 1664 by the diarist the di the diarist john evelyn who spelt it celery with an s and two l's look at that and april is national fresh celery month so it can get 3.3 feet tall and it was used as medicine and treatment of toothache insomnia hypertension anxiety hypertension, anxiety, arthritis, rheumatism, and to purify the blood. Hey, ancient Romans used celery as an aphrodisiac, and I also read that celery can boost your sex drive.

So, it's all coming together now. Oh yeah, well, Matt, did you know that in China, it's bad luck for lovers or friends to share a pair because it may result in a quarrel or separation. I can't tell if you're fucking with me or if that's real because that sounds really real.

That sounds like just one of those random weird things in China. Did you also know that you will rarely get an upset stomach when you eat a pear because its low acid level is very gentle on the digestive system? In fact, the ancientks used it as a remedy against nausea nausea really well yes what's funny you say that because did you know that on average an ear of corn has 800 kernels and 16 rows wait what yeah and uh corn will always have an even number of rows on each cob holy wait okay so I'm trying to do the math here. Say that again? I said, uh,

there's 800 kernels divided into usually 16 rows. That's on average. Okay. And, uh, a bushel, I'm sure you've seen that term in the Bible, a bushel is a unit of measure for volumes of dry commodities

such as shelled corn kernels and one bushel is a unit of measure for volumes of dry commodities such as shelled corn kernels and one bushel of corn is equal to eight gallons well that's that's well okay matt and you knew that so you'd of course know that a tomato is simply a fruit the confusion actually arose after the 1890s when the u.S. Supreme Court named them a vegetable for taxation purposes. A fruit is the edible part of the plant containing seeds. A vegetable is stem, leaf, or root. You know. Which is why celery is considered a vegetable.

Exactly. Brought it full circle. And that's interesting. But you know, the name pumpkin actually comes from the Greek word pepon, meaning large melon. Does it? Yeah. And scientifically speaking, pumpkins are a fruit because they contain seeds. But when it comes to cooking, they are often referred to as vegetables.

That's crazy. It has that nickname because you'd think that that would be given to like a watermelon, which is the heaviest watermelon to date, as grown by Guinness World Record holder Chris Kent of Tennessee in 2013, it weighed 350.5 pounds. To give you some perspective, that's the equivalent of an NFL lineman. Oh my God. That's insane. Yeah. I can't believe how big that is.

That's huge. I can't believe how big that is that's huge and you know I think that's funny almost as funny as the fact that coconut water can be used as a substitute for blood plasma the high level of sugar and other salts Ryan make it possible to add the water

to the blood stream similar to how an IV solution works in modern medicine and coconut water was known to be used during World War II in tropical areas for emergency transfusions. Ooh. Then maybe you'd know that there's a rare fruit called the Anne of Watson that's thick as hell and juicy as shit

and will satisfy any cravings a man has, deserted island or otherwise. Here's another ad read. purchase a 2024 Escape ST line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. This message comes from TD.

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uh, fun fact, uh, Kanye was in Charleston at the same time as me. I saw his very, uh, impassionate speech, dude.

That was, that's okay. So like, yeah, we've always known Kanye is a little, a little wonky, but that was, that's the first time I've,

I actually felt like sad watching it. He's clearly just so unhinged right now and having some kind of horrible bipolar manic episode. Well, he's had histories of this, like a history of this too. Yeah, definitely. I mean, you just take it as kind of the unfortunate thing because I don't think it's really possible. It's going to sound shitty.

Of course, he can find a way to break out of it, but I think it's almost impossible due to his celebrity status and having a bunch of yes men around him and just being tied with the Kardashians, which is essentially, for some reason, a large swath of people. Look to them not as some serious person to look up to but look to them as some

sort of royalty that's like the American royal family in a way yeah which is odd how it came about it's it all it's all cause of OJ and Paris Hilton

yeah it's funny because it's like, I don't feel like he can truly get help because of his celebrity status, right? Because like, obviously he's a huge narcissist and sees himself as God, which I guess would make sense to him because he's a fucking, he's a billionaire, right? He's a Christian.

He believes in a God. But I don't think he can really get help because like, yeah yeah so many yes men and like everything he does gets so much media coverage that it's like you know well your point of reality gets shifted i mean the same thing with anyone who has an extreme amount of money but not just money it's also people who uh are in the spotlight and have to continuously project themselves in a in a profitable or marketable way it's it's it is sad in all aspects of mental health and of just kind of capitalism and everything it's i think his situation illustrates the flaws of all of those uh situations and all of those things yeah yeah definitely and i i wonder like if the

craziest moment in kanye history is behind us or still still to come i i mean people back in the day were blown away with george bush doesn't care about black people during the, what was it? It was a relief video. Hurricane Katrina, right? Yeah, Hurricane Katrina relief video with Chris Tucker and Mike Myers and all that. Mike Myers' face in that is so funny. You have the other big one I can remember is the Taylor Swift interrupting her at the music video awards or whatever video music or whatever they're called the vmas i think yeah because those are all like big moments but uh recently it's just elevated

because him crying on stage in a bulletproof vest saying that he almost killed his daughter yeah it's like you also you also had him at concerts kind of being a you know there's the i don't know if this is fake news i'm gonna give him the benefit of being a you know there's the i don't know if this is fake news i'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt you know because he didn't know the situation but it didn't help how it looked was when he told everyone to stand or he wouldn't continue performing unless everyone was standing then it's just like well not everyone can stand kanye he has a what's funny is it's like i think it's a big mix of problems. Obviously like, like obviously the bipolar issue is huge, but I think he also has like

super bad, like narcissistic disorders and stuff like that. And I feel like when you mix all those together, you get a little bit of a little bit of oopsie, you know? Yeah. But his music. It, it can be very good. I will say know yeah but his music it it can be very good i will say that it can be it can be very good and i say can because there are there's not it's not all good why i for me he's always hit or miss there's it's like okay i i'll like this and i'll add it to my library or i won't it's like very it's very easy for me to decide if I like a Kanye song or not.

There's never like a, Oh, I don't know. I guess I'll listen to it. It's like yes or no. Very plain. Justin loved, uh,

Jesus is, what was it called? Jesus is King. Dude, I have to admit driving down, uh, the highway just with the windows rolled down, listening to that choir going.

Yeah. I'm pumped for some Chick-fil-A. You'll buy Chick-fil-A. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Funny, because I just opened up YouTube, and SuperMega's suggested videos are Game Grumps, Joe Swanson Says the N-Word. Okay.

Joe Swanson says the N word Okay Cold Ones A BBC video Called what happens after YouTube fame Fizzles out I think the algorithm is trying to Maybe tell us something with that one Some Chris Chan

Chris Chan vs the pizza man Enhanced audio You'd also see If you went to our history there's a red dead redemption 2 there's a lot of suggested a lot of suggested red dead videos it's because i had to i didn't switch it to my personal account when i was looking up uh videos of the testicles in red dead redemption 2 for that twitter video i made i love that yeah i i was playing that on the couch next to christian and he was he was like laughing really hard he wasn't watching he's listening he's laughing really

hard and i was like oh that's ryan he's like oh that was ryan wait what did he say that was the joke oh i didn't hear you i didn't hear anything that you said i was like oh did it cut out no i yeah it cut out he screamed wait that was ryan oh wait that was ryan yeah it cut it cut out when you did it too i think it's to prevent clipping on discord see i just screamed see watch i'm gonna go it does it cuts it out because i screamed and you didn't even hear me. It's going to sound terrible for the podcast. Listen.

Listen to this. Ready? Yeah. I didn't hear shit. I didn't hear shit. I don't hear shit. I don't hear anything if you're yelling. Really?

Yeah. Really? Really? Okay, that one, it only cut out like a couple frames of it so it just sounded like you were dying some horrible death like my next door neighbors are like probably figuring out if they well you're so police you're so fucking good at doing those screams that it like if i was your neighbor and i heard that scream i'm like there's no way that was for a comedy sketch or something like that's someone dying well also dude

now that I'm back we're all back dude we get to shoot that video now ooh yes sir yes sir cause I have all the props sitting in my room right now in a massive bin and I gotta do something with them

we're gonna film for a monumentous occasion massive bin and i gotta do something with them well we're gonna film we're gonna film a good props though for a monumentous occasion uh actually when we're done with this i want to facetime you and show you the best prop that's sitting in my living room right now well how about hold on one second hold on do you have a hold up i'm do you have a webcam for discord at all no it's because the props in my living room and i'm in my ah well you just have to facetime me for real hey do you see my face though wait let me oh i see you dude hey dude how's it going okay now it feels like we're back in the podcast room yeah you can see me i can dude I see you you're looking good you're

looking really good yeah damn it I don't like that at all Ryan because when you do it in the podcast room it's at least far away and I only see for a second but with the webcam it's focused on it and it stays there and it's huge it's massive yeah that was at least like a quarter of my monitor. Damn, I gotta get a webcam for next time. I'm turning it off. Damn it, dude. Well, I have a Dell monitor, but it doesn't have a webcam built in.

Well, I have one of those Logitech fucking 1080p webcams or whatever. Mom, dude, 1080p. I know. I'm working with giants here. You bastard. I didn't know you had that kind of money. Sorry.

Not sorry. Sorry, gamers. You know what I'm saying, bro? Well, I'm pissed off now and I want to end the podcast. Okay. Well, thank you all for listening and we will catch you in next

week's episode but we will actually be in person and not separated unless my covid test comes back positive then we will definitely still be separated for quite some time yes fortunately but i don't think that and we'll throw a wrench in all of the plans that we had set up. But! I doubt that'll happen. Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen, so, uh... Because you were safe, you were responsible, and you were cute as hell, baby. Alright. Bye, everyone. Bye. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs

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