supermegashow - EP 214 - Super Park

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

We talk South Park's legacy, the COVID outbreak in the White House, and naughty things. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

Transcript
Discussion (0)
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Starting point is 00:00:24 Visit td.com slash tdmortgagedirect. We're behind the news cycle because of when we were. I know. Because of the way the way the podcast has to be distributed to streaming services. When we record it, everything is so relevant. But then by the time it goes out, it's like, OK, guys, cool. Maybe like what what big news will have happened since now and when it comes out? I don't know. Maybe Trump will die. Don't don't don't. Because because because he got COVID in between last podcast and this one.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Yeah, that's a that's a that's a pretty big news development. So, you know, he has COVID now. Yep. A lot of people in the White House have COVID now. Well, I mean, from what I remember, the big kind of like, uh, what? The super spreader event? Yeah, the super spreader event. At the Rose Garden thing, which luckily we didn't get because we were there.
Starting point is 00:01:30 Kellyanne Conway got it. Chris Christie got it. Trump got it. His wife got it. Kellyanne Conway's daughter. A couple reporters. Got it, apparently. A reverend that was there.
Starting point is 00:01:41 And we got out lucky because we didn't get it from being there. Yeah. It was weird he invited us but I'm glad we accepted the offer. I'm glad we didn't get COVID. We just had to put on our... Not our COVID masks
Starting point is 00:01:52 but the masks that make us look like 60, 70 year old politicians. Yeah. That's... See if you can pick Matt and I out. We're standing together.
Starting point is 00:02:02 Yeah. But we don't look like each other of course just because we were wearing our mask. But we should get some good ass old people prosthetics and start going out around town just for fun. Like not even to film, just for fun.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Just like just be old men, start fucking around with shit and see how people react. That's why Johnny Knoxville probably had so much fun and like bad grandpa when he did it previously in the Jackass episodes and the Jackass movies were like he would leave his balls sitting on someone's like food because the thing is no one's gonna stop an old man right no one's gonna like get mad at or fight like an old man so when he has his like nuts hanging out of his shorts and it's like on the side of the table with next to someone's food god that shit's so good i can't wait for borat 2 and well jackass 4 is supposed to be a thing but we'll see i don't think those guys care too much about covid holding it off so we'll see we'll see yeah oh you sniffing those pits bro yeah it smells kind of like a
Starting point is 00:02:58 kind of like a not washed with soap but just kind of rinsed off with water. It smells like a pan that recently, before it was washed out, was used to make taco meat with like a... Sauteed onions. Like El Paso taco mix. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:19 You want to get a whiff? Sure. I'm serious. You're going to be like, whoa, that's El Paso tacos. That's... Yeah, it is. get a whiff sure i'm seriously like you're gonna be like whoa that's el paso tacos that's that's yeah it is oh doesn't it just make you want some tacos i'm gagging not because it's so bad but just because for me just the thought of like
Starting point is 00:03:38 what it is is what's making me gag but yeah it does it really does it's it it absolutely does and now i never want to eat the El Paso taco home kits again. Why not? My mom used to make that shit. Or is it Old Paso? It's El Paso. Okay. It's the one with the yellow, yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:53 With the Porcino Los Dos commercial? Maybe it's not the mix that I use. Hold up. Taco mix. The yellow box, El Paso, yeah. Yeah, the yellow bags where it's like original. Yeah, it is. Oh, Old El Paso. Fuck!, El Paso, yeah. Yeah, the yellow bags, where it's like original, yeah, it is, oh, old El Paso.
Starting point is 00:04:06 Fuck, I got it wrong, dude. And for those wondering, why are you using that? It's because my mom used to make those types of tacos when I was younger, and now I just have nostalgia for shitty, just kind of like white mom tacos. I think every white South Carolina mom. Even though my mom
Starting point is 00:04:23 isn't a white mom. Every South Carolina mom made Even though my mom isn't a white mom. Every South Carolina mom made the old El Paso taco kits for dinner. It's easy, man. It just comes with the shells and all the stuff you need. I had soft tacos. Yeah, soft tacos were the best. I'd only have meat and cheese in mine.
Starting point is 00:04:37 So it was a big kind of, you know, could you imagine Ryan, nothing but cheese, meat, and just a sleeve to hold it together? That's all you need, man. Every time my mom would make tacos on taco night. We didn't have like a designated taco night. Taco Tuesdays. She'd make those kits and I would have like five or six because they were small tortillas.
Starting point is 00:04:54 We should have a taco night soon. I'm down. I fucking... Make your own tacos. Get a bunch of ground beef. Get tomatoes. All in separate bowls and you just make your own tacos. You know what I haven't done in a while that's so good come on what come on what stop come on you because you haven't had enough sex that you that you're you're missing the man's touch a real man's touch missing the touch of a woman not a man you miss my beefy hands no i miss the touch of a woman, not a man. You miss my beefy hands. No, I miss the touch of a woman. Rubbing down the back of your deltoids and spitting on your biceps.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Dude, I'm just going to finish what I was saying. Yeah. The Doritos taco salad where you just get a bag of Doritos, pop it open, and then you pour all the ingredients of a taco salad in there, shake it up, eat it with a spoon. I've never heard. I've never. Really? Ryan. That makes me want to get the bag of Tapatio
Starting point is 00:05:48 Doritos, put a bunch of the meat and then throw cheese in there, crunch it up, shake it around. See, what I do is I'll get a bag of. When do you do this? How long did you do this for? I've been doing this since. Have you done it when you've lived in LA? Yeah. How have I never seen you do this?
Starting point is 00:06:03 Did you do it when we lived together? I think so. I haven't done it in a while. The big thing that you did when we lived together was shake and bake. Dude, shake and bake was good, man. We were eating good. You can go back to really early Super Mega episodes and hear us talking about shake and bake
Starting point is 00:06:19 and tang. Yep. We lived off shake and bake, chicken, and tang. But the Doritos, I'll get the sweet and spicy. Yep. Like that. We lived off like shake and bake chicken and Tang. And, uh, but the Doritos, I'll get the sweet and spicy chili ones. Okay.
Starting point is 00:06:29 You know, then I'll put cheese, meat, lettuce, tomato, uh, crunch it up, you know,
Starting point is 00:06:35 shake it up and then I'll pour it into a bowl and then I'll put some green salsa and some sour cream on top and then take a little lime, squeeze that on top. So it's just a big bowl of slop. Yeah. Delicious slop. It's, it it's it's basically just a taco salad but it's with doritos instead of uh it's the doritos taco salad it sounds like something you would feed a pig in a trough but i'm not complaining because whenever i see pigs eat out of a trough i'm i just i'm just like fuck like charlotte dude charlotte's web dude we've talked about this recently, too, I bet.
Starting point is 00:07:05 We talked about it in person at my house. Remember? Okay. Because you ordered some slop from a restaurant. And in my backyard, I talked about it. I ordered Halal Guys. And you're like, I can't wait for my slop to get here. Halal Guys is wonderful slop.
Starting point is 00:07:14 Oh, it's great, yeah. I mean, it's not good for you. Slop is some of my favorite, like, the genre of food that is known as slop is my favorite. Like Chinese mall food. Like a big bowl of chipotle a big bowl of just mixed ingredients where it's just slop that's the best man it's so easy to eat
Starting point is 00:07:31 like a chili or like imagine back in the day when they when they're doing the back in frontier America fucking have beans and rice and just whatever they had like meat they throw it into a big old pot. Fucking here, have some slop.
Starting point is 00:07:52 That's the kind of meal that I think all Americans should live off of. I think so, too. I think we should probably do away with grocery stores and go back to farming rice and beans and everyone can just make slop every night. And everyone makes slop a little differently. slop a little differently. I watched The Revenant and it made me realize how horrifying it would be to live in New Frontier America or quote New Frontier America, you know?
Starting point is 00:08:11 Oh my god. Yeah, dude, that shit had to suck balls, man. Tom Hardy's character because knowing like there are guys like that that exist today and you can see their kind of like the way they're thinking and like, I don't know. Nature Boys? Nature Boys, except nature boys back in the day were people who would like kill you
Starting point is 00:08:30 to make their job easier, you know? Yeah, I haven't seen The Revenant still. I don't know what's wrong with me, but. Come on, boy. We've been out here for three weeks. You're gonna say we're gonna go up there. $300 seems to be since we lost all our pelts. Since we lost all our pelts, you know, I guess these $300
Starting point is 00:08:45 I'll do the work. I'll do the work. Now you wanna be smart or you wanna be paid? You know, shit like that. Dude, I would not have lasted a fucking second in like New Frontier America. Neither would I. Cause first of all, the weather, dude. Like, if it's cold I'm such a bitch. Just cut open a horse
Starting point is 00:09:02 and sleep inside of it. Like, uh, Bear Grylls did that with the camel, I think. Luke Skywalker. No, Han Solo was the one that cut open the, what is it called? I saw that scene because I haven't seen that movie, but I walked into it and my sister was watching it. I just saw that scene when I was a kid and I got scared and walked out. He cuts it open. Yeah, Taunta yeah the tauntaun
Starting point is 00:09:26 tauntaun yeah that's what it's called sorry I just remembered it you saw it did you see my eyes light up and went boing yeah cause uh Luke was captured by the abominable snowman and then Han Solo no he he cuts off the arm of the abominable snowman
Starting point is 00:09:41 start escapes passes out from being cold and then Han finds him. And then Han cuts open the tauntaun, I think, to stuff Luke inside. I'm Han Solo. I'm Han Solo. I really want to do a video of us doing that Just Dance, but it's copyrighted. We could just demonetize that one. We could sing it ourselves and overlay it.
Starting point is 00:10:00 I'm putting on my shades to cover up my eyes. I'm Han Solo. I'm my eyes. I'm Han Solo. I'm Han Solo. I'm Han Solo. Solo. God, that... Who thought of that? It's a genius.
Starting point is 00:10:12 I know, I know. It's genius, dude. Let me look up the lyrics to that real quick. Okay. Okay, so for those who don't know, it was a very popular meme
Starting point is 00:10:21 for a while, too. Just showing the clip of the Han Solo shit. Han Solo lyrics? It was on Connect Star Wars. Song by MC Chris? Wait. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Here we go. Off to Mos Eisley. Wookie by my side. The speed that I ride is light can't be denied. I'm Solo. Han Solo. I'm Han Solo. Solo.
Starting point is 00:10:44 I'm Han Solo. Hey there, mister. don't get the picture. I'll do a fake out, make out with your sister. I'm so, is that? Wait, what? Oh, because he made out with Leia, who was Luke's sister. Damn, dude, okay. I'll make out with your sister.
Starting point is 00:11:00 That's actually a lyric in the Han Solo song. I mean, maybe the of a just dance is different but is there it does make out with well Luke got to kiss her first yeah isn't there like some incest stuff in Star Wars it wasn't intentional
Starting point is 00:11:10 not intentional they didn't know that they were brother and sister and Leia kisses Luke as kind of like a fuck you to Han Solo but did you know that the late
Starting point is 00:11:20 Princess Leia Drew Carey what's her name Drew Carey what's her name? Drew Carey? yeah she's played by Drew Carey in drag no
Starting point is 00:11:31 what's her first name? I forgot her first name she's the actress who plays Princess Leia wasn't her first name Carrie? Carrie Fisher
Starting point is 00:11:40 sorry yeah Drew Carey Fisher Drew Carey Fisher but but but Carrie Fisher actually um slammed what's Han Solo George Costanza and then drew Carrie no but I want to say his name's Boris?
Starting point is 00:12:06 His name's fucking Harrison Ford. Boris Ford. He looks like a Boris to me, and he acts like a Boris. But, anyways, they actually fucked in real life. Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher? Yeah, they were talking. I was watching something back in the day where she was talking about back in the day. And I think there was infidelity between them in terms of one of them was committing infidelity against their partner with the other one.
Starting point is 00:12:33 I can't remember. Some shit. Damn, dude. That's Hollywood. Everyone's sleeping with each other in Hollywood. Yeah, especially in the Let's Play industry. That is part of Hollywood, technically. So all the Let's Players sleep together.
Starting point is 00:12:42 That is part of Hollywood, technically, so. Yeah. All the Let's Players sleep together. Like, Markiplier fucks Jacksepticeye, who fucks PewDiePie, who fucks CaptainSparklez. It's this big line. Yeah, it's this big. Like, I could probably map it out if I had a chalkboard. But it's very complicated. Like, a lot of wires will cross.
Starting point is 00:13:01 Yeah. Unfortunately, Ryan and I are not on there. No. Yet. I mean, we've sent in our applications. We said we'd even be pegged. But still haven't been fucked by the Let's Playing community, unfortunately. Still trying.
Starting point is 00:13:13 Still trying, though. I think it's probably because we don't have a million subs. Once we reach a million. Then we might hear back from them. We might get some of that peg action. Or if we're lucky, just some of the regular sex. Hopefully just some sex, dude. I can of the regular sex hopefully just some sex dude I can't get enough sex
Starting point is 00:13:27 just some sex would be good why would girls like pegging someone I don't know I've seen the meme of kind of like I'm gonna peg you or when you ask him to get pegged and I'm like I'm like the reason guys like, the reason guys want to,
Starting point is 00:13:46 I guess, have sex with people isn't because they just like the thought of an inanimate object, sorry, an animate object, very animate object, going in and out of a hole.
Starting point is 00:13:56 It's because it actually, you feel something by doing it. There are a lot of neurons being fired off. I guess we can't understand it because we're not women. I just want to stick this rod in a hairy asshole. I don't get it. I don't get it either.
Starting point is 00:14:16 I don't understand. I don't know why a girl would think that that's hot necessarily. But at the same time, I don't know because I don't have that. I love women so much that I can't ever imagine anything like that for me to think about that would be gay it's not even the fact it's gay it's that there's no physical repercussions
Starting point is 00:14:37 positively for doing the act for the woman you ask a woman's like do you want to be fucked in the ass most most women i'm assuming would say no i would not like to be fucked it's not something that's comfortable for me i'll do it like in the heat of the moment but no i would not like to be fucked in the ass but the reason some women are like yeah i'll do anal is because the boyfriend's like come on let's do anal i heard it's tighter i heard that i'll get
Starting point is 00:15:03 some brown on my penis dude dude dude'll get some brown on my penis dude dude dude i got some brown on my dick dude dude save it save it save it save it for easter all right ryan here's the big question would you get pegged no i'm just i get nothing from it they get nothing from it you wouldn't get something from it bro you got that prostate yeah but you need to stimulate the prostate you don't need something from it, bro. You got that prostate. Yeah, but you need to stimulate the prostate. You don't need something consistently pounding into your ass. That will stimulate the prostate. You need someone, yeah, but to stimulate the prostate,
Starting point is 00:15:31 you need more of like kind of a finger just up there, kind of massaging. But you don't need something just... Men come from anal sex, so clearly it works. They don't come from strictly... They can. They come from the stimuli of their prostate. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:15:48 They don't come from the act of a penis going in and out of the orifice. Right, right. It's the prostate. The prostate, which is deep within the asshole, which is something that women will never know. Sorry, ladies. You won't understand. The pleasure of being janked off through your prostate. Ryan and I make sure at least twice a week to milk our prostates because it's an important way to avoid prostate cancer.
Starting point is 00:16:16 Fun fact, it actually is. It's a really good way to protect yourself from prostate cancer. That's why you can ask your doctor to stimulate your prostate because it's good. That's not true. It is. Really? Yeah. No, you can't. I feel like we already had this conversation. It's good for prostate health. That's why you can ask your doctor to stimulate your prostate. That's not true. Can you really? No, you can't. It's good for prostate health. He doesn't make you cum.
Starting point is 00:16:29 He goes up there and he stimulates your prostate. You might feel good a little. I'm fucking with you. At least I don't believe you can ask a healthcare worker to stimulate your prostate. Hey, no, because I had another friend once tell me that. Can you jerk me off at the same time
Starting point is 00:16:46 too? Because I had a friend tell me that you come at the end of a prostate exam and that's how you know that your prostate's good and they fully believed it. Who did you tell that to? No, I didn't tell that to anyone but I just thought that's what it was for a while. I thought you told that to a friend. No, someone told me that.
Starting point is 00:17:01 A friend told me that. And then when I heard that, I was like, is that a... I'm sure some people could come dude imagine how embarrassing that'd be the doctor sticks his finger up your ass and you just come all over the table luckily i've never luckily i've never had the problem of coming uh too early uh i've i've I've had the... Well, here's the thing. I don't count coming too early as once I get it out. Once I get it out, the sex has started, that's not coming early.
Starting point is 00:17:34 Coming early would be like if I came 20 minutes on the drive over. That's what coming early is. But I'm a real man. I wait till my penis is out to come. Well, usually for me, it's like two or three thrusts I finish. And that's fine with me.
Starting point is 00:17:50 And if... You can get a thrust in? Sometimes. I was being generous when I said two or three. But if she's upset because I did it that fast, she should just be happy that she made me ejaculate that quickly. Usually it's the fine caress of the flow of air
Starting point is 00:18:09 that kind of creates that premature ejaculation. Yeah, when my penis is coming out of my shorts, the gust of air from in shorts to out of shorts, usually that's enough to do it for me. Have you stopped listening yet, mother? Is this enough? this is to turn our moms off from listening to this cause she does listen
Starting point is 00:18:31 sometimes she'll be like I had to skip my mom says that too is your mom Chris Chan? I had to skip I had to skip cause sometimes it was a little too much. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:47 And I'd be like, okay, I mean, I get it. Yeah, no, I get that. But you don't have to listen to my podcast. You know me in real life. On that front. You are my mother. On that front, when I was visiting my mom, remember, I guess a long time ago, probably not even that long ago, we were telling stories about the first times we ever we ever jerked it and i said the first time i ever did it was in my grandmother's bathroom
Starting point is 00:19:10 and i was at my my grandma's house in south carolina my late grandmother's house did your mom bring it up i'm sitting with my mom and and i'm we're talking about the podcast and she's like yeah i i have to skip some stuff mat Matthew. It's uncomfortable to listen to. I was like, like what? And she's like, I don't know. I'm like, maybe something with that bathroom back there. And I was like, oh, my God. So, yeah, I'm glad.
Starting point is 00:19:34 You know, not many people can say, not many grown men can say that their mother knows the story of the first time they masturbated. Unless it had to do with their mother. But for me personally, I'm glad that my mom knows and your mom knows yours. Did I even say the first time? I can't, I don't know. Even do I remember? We don't remember anything from the podcast.
Starting point is 00:19:51 No, I don't even remember that. I don't think I do remember the first time I did anything. I don't think I had an experience to share. I think I had an experience of like learning. I don't know. I wasn't at our house, mom.
Starting point is 00:20:04 I know that. I don't believe I was. I think't at our house, mom. I know that. I don't believe I was. I think I was at my dad's. I was about to tell a story, but I realized I shouldn't. About what? Just this topic. And I was like, eh. About masturbating?
Starting point is 00:20:15 That story's, that's a little too crude for the podcast. Everyone masturbates. No, I know that. I know that. Everyone. It's just this story is funny, but it's a. You have girls fucking like. Dude, I don't even want to think about a but it's... You have girls fucking like... Ew, dude, I don't even want to think about a girl masturbating.
Starting point is 00:20:27 You have girls like humping their pillows. Oh, stop, dude, stop. You know, guys are very just straightforward. We know exactly what we're doing. Girls, they'll fucking use their jeans to masturbate. Come on, guys. They'll use the washing machine to masturbate. Yeah, real slick with the washing machine.
Starting point is 00:20:41 They'll have their jeans and they'll cross their legs like this and then they'll start doing this. I hate it, dude. It's like, what are you doing? Just come on. Come on. Well, it's just get a broomstick. It's rude for a woman to pleasure herself. That's a man's job.
Starting point is 00:20:57 That's a man's duty, you know? Yeah. Just as it's a woman's duty to pleasure a man. The man's allowed to pleasure himself too, but specifically it is a woman's duty to do that.. The man's allowed to pleasure himself too, but it's specifically, it is a woman's duty to do that. And women shouldn't even be pleasuring themselves ever. That's honestly, that's very immodest. That's not very humble of them. It's gay.
Starting point is 00:21:14 Yeah, it's absolutely gay. So I'm going to have to veto that one, women. Sorry. Canceled. Even though apparently God gave women better orgasms for some fucking reason yeah you you ladies win in that aspect but uh so pissed you guys have to go kill god for that one dude what if we killed god uh like in the golden compass i was about to say the golden compass uh my parents didn't want me to see that that movie because of that they don't kill him in that movie
Starting point is 00:21:42 they only made one of those didn't they they don They don't kill like the Christian God, I believe. I believe it's like all symbolism, right? It's all this is like the movie isn't like when you watch the movie, it's not like, oh, Jesus, what's going on? My dad hates you. We need to kill God. Like it's not this thing. It's a fantasy novel where I feel like it has a very atheist undertone
Starting point is 00:22:08 but it's not about killing the Christian God I believe in this reality or whatever it's a fucking fiction book who cares yeah well my parents were scared that if I saw God being killed on screen it might give me some ideas
Starting point is 00:22:23 God is in humanoid from what i from what i remember hey we're made in the image of god okay so god's a fucking uh god has more of a so we're more advanced than god actually because if we were made in his image then god's a monkey then God's a fucking monkey God's a monkey then fucking because the first humans were monkeys a low browed
Starting point is 00:22:48 heavy headed monkey you know deep set eyes big protruding like mouth area real lanky arms and kind of curved back I'm picturing God
Starting point is 00:23:00 just like as a monkey all of a sudden be like snaps his fingers all of a sudden a civilization happens like scaring himself he keeps accidentally creating shit just like as a monkey also be like who snaps his fingers also in a civilization I was like
Starting point is 00:23:05 scaring himself he keeps accidentally creating shit like God God's not smart I would make a lot more sense God's just a dumbass like monkey and actually creates shit and he doesn't like know what dude and it just keeps happening scared him I remember the worst thing that like one of the like I was like how how is this allowed they're gonna go to hell was when i was watching an episode of south park and they made the character of god like this disgusting platypus monster looking thing have you ever seen that yeah i have yeah and i just remember being like oh my god i remember being legitimately offended but now it doesn't matter i got offended at at South Park about the episode when they made fun of Christian rock.
Starting point is 00:23:47 When they turned a bunch of songs into – well, they turned love songs into Jesus songs. Yeah, which is hilarious because it's absolutely true. But I remember watching that and being like – I feel you inside of me, Jesus. South Park is great. South Park – dude, they just don't give an F. They couldn't be bothered. They don't give an F. They couldn't be bothered. They don't, but I think at the end of the day,
Starting point is 00:24:08 they're both just actual assholes. Matt Stone and Trey Parker? They're the type of person that's like, where it comes across as like, as long as we're having fun, you know what I mean? Those types of comedians. Where it's like, as long as
Starting point is 00:24:23 we, I mean, they're, they're, they're judging everything, right? They're constantly, they're, they're, they're that person in your friend group that hates everything, right? Yes. But also they do it in a way that's very entertaining. I'm not saying this is all negative. I'm saying though, it can get, I like, I feel like them as a personality could be kind of dickish i would
Starting point is 00:24:50 imagine yeah yeah no i get that vibe i i do i mean just like i'm sure we're dickish or a lot of other people that work and we're not dicks okay sure we're very nice people i i respect them for going to the Academy Awards in drag on acid. That was awesome, though. See, that's what I mean. You need people like that, I think, in the entertainment industry of all places. You need people that don't give a fuck, that sure, on a day-to-day setting or in a social setting, might probably be a little like, Jesus fucking Christ, you're always on about this shit. But I think you need that in terms of like your entertainment.
Starting point is 00:25:27 I can't imagine. I watched an interview where they were talking about that. And I get like in theory that sounded funny. But he said as soon as like the limo door opens and he's tripping and he suddenly realizes the entire world is watching. And like that, if you're tripping and that, like that's, dude, that's got to be freaky. You could see it on their faces. They're like, if you're tripping and that, like that's, dude, that's gotta be freaky. You could see it on their faces.
Starting point is 00:25:46 They're like, that would be terrifying. I think at the end of the day, it's cool because they're like your average Joe that has a show. You know what I mean? I didn't mean to make that rhyme. No, keep it going, keep it going, keep it going. No, no, no, I'm not going to. No, no, you rhymed again. I had a thought.
Starting point is 00:26:01 I don't want to go on this. Go. Fucking no. No. You were doing it. I was. No, I, you rhymed again. No, I had a thought. I don't want to go on this pre-investing fucking... No. No! You were doing it. I was. No, I'm not. Damn.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Well, it was good. I liked the rhymes. Yeah. Yeah, but those guys... I do get what you're saying, because I feel like you kind of have to be with that stuff, but... You need to be able to question everything, right?
Starting point is 00:26:27 Like I, I don't think everyone should be questioning everything because then you're going to be like, who, where does this water come from? Where does this food come from? Do you wash their food? Are they putting things in my water that make me think that,
Starting point is 00:26:38 you know, you're, you turn into an Alex Jones at some point. Yeah. But with them and their show, I feel like they at least hold it back where you could see the route they could take to actually have south park be something that propagates negative ideas or negative concepts or ways to look at things but it's always just like
Starting point is 00:26:57 no we're just shooting the shit we're just having fun we just happen to get this show that's as successful as it is and we get to be assholes to like big corporations and big companies and we're still successful that's one thing i love is which is really cool it is because they can basically like they just kind of have this free pass to us to like make fun of any corporation any person in like they're like it's south park but people still get mad because it's like oh it's just that's the thing it's it's just south park because like comedy central is never gonna be like all right guys south park you went too far this time we're taking you off the air yeah no because people still watch south park all the time they just had the pandemic special which for some
Starting point is 00:27:38 reason this official south park account kept tweeting at me about i just got this tweet that said at matt h watson like the pandemic special is this sunday just a reminder i don't know why i remember the last time i was surprised by a south park episode um it was whenever this is because i have i i go on like in and outs of watching it i guess um the last time i watched it was probably a few years ago and it was the episode where they on screen rape donald trump i have not seen that one or they rape his likeness let me see if i can hold up dude they they they really go far sometimes uh i'm i'm no i remember a moment
Starting point is 00:28:17 like that was when they raped george luke or george lucas rapes indiana jones right yeah some crazy shit on south park I remember a couple of things on that show where I was like, holy shit. The first episode I ever saw was the Scientology episode, I believe. Like, okay, Ryan, what is this?
Starting point is 00:28:40 What is that? Go behind the scenes to see how South Park pulled off its first ever supersized episode completely remotely. Look at the beginning of the tweet. Oh. Wait, the South Park account tweeted at you? At Matt H. Watson, the pandemic special premieres tonight at 8, 7 central on Comedy Central. Wait.
Starting point is 00:29:00 Hold up. See? We got to get to the end. Hold up. See? We gotta get to the end. Hold up. Is it Mr. Garrison Trump? Yeah, but they have like a Trump in Canada. Oh. How did a U.S. citizen get past my wall? I came here to find out where my country gone.
Starting point is 00:29:19 Where your country gone? Where my country gone? No, where my country gone, bitch? Nobody talks to me like that, buddy. Nobody talks to me like that, friend. A little rolling around. A little wrestling. Oh. Oh, God. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:29:42 Jesus. South Park really goes there sometimes. You know what episode I... Jesus Christ. They, they, uh... Remember the scissoring episode? Who, who did they get the scissor? It's Mr. Garrison and someone else,
Starting point is 00:30:00 but they just, like, animated them, like, fully scissoring up close, like a bunch. Oh, dude, I think the thing that freaked me out the most as a kid was in the episode where Mr. Garrison gets a sex change they keep like during the surgery scene they keep cutting back and forth to real legit footage of a sex reassignment surgery
Starting point is 00:30:18 and like they'll just be like alright now I'm just gonna remove the testicle and like it'll show real footage of like the balls being pulled out and stuff. I was like, oh, my God. It was on television too. That's so good. It's like –
Starting point is 00:30:30 It's really funny. It's good. That's why we need – and people might have mistaken when I called them assholes. I don't mean that coming from like – I'm not trying to be a dick or say that it's a negative thing that they're assholes. I think it's a good thing that they're assholes because that's what makes South Park what it is. And it gives them the confidence and
Starting point is 00:30:51 the want to kind of take on or kind of test the limits I feel in the way that they do. I wish we were South Park characters man. Well PewDiePie was on South Park. They put Game Grumps in South Park. When's Super Mega going to be on South Park? They Park they did yeah the name game yeah so when Ike opens you see Ike's browsing history in the episode and it says Game Grumps and Markiplier and PewDiePie didn't they actually
Starting point is 00:31:14 get PewDiePie to be like apt there's a two-part episode that he's in like he's in it he's in like the corner of the screen which that's when's Super Mega getting a South Park episode I don't know dude like Felix has done a lot hasn't he he was on Colbert like interviewed he like I think Colbert he's yeah I mean Felix really has done a lot will he be interviewed now on like left wing
Starting point is 00:31:38 media media I guess is he seen as a right figure right now, regardless? I don't think anymore. For a while, for sure. I still feel like there's a lot of people who hold that grudge. Yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 00:31:51 I don't know. What a silly grudge to hold. It was only language. It was just speech. It was his freedom of speech. I can't play PUBG anymore and never see that bridge without it. Can we rebuild that bridge in our Minecraft server? Sure, man.
Starting point is 00:32:06 Well, we can get him on an episode and then we can be like, okay, stand here. We have something special to show you. We'll build like a little box for him to put his character in. I've been playing Minecraft all weekend with Christian. Well, I've been reading ads all weekend. Like what? You think you could help me this time? Yeah, I could help you with a few.
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Starting point is 00:33:54 Junior chicken will be fire and a sweet hot apple pie. Is that it? Let me get a quarter pounder with cheese, a flat fish, or please. McGriddles, a McMuffin, and a large coffee. A hamburger, cheeseburger, HodgePot, hotcakes. Vanilla cone shake and a hot bar. Sunday. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Did that help? Was it good? Yeah. Was I good enough? Yeah. You were saying something about Minecraft. Oh, yeah. Before we started the ad reads or whatever.
Starting point is 00:34:18 I was just playing Minecraft a lot this week. And on Saturday, I woke up and I think all day I just played Minecraft. And it felt really good because I usually don't do anything like that. I usually never play games all day. But I was like, you know what? Frick it. I had a good week. I treated myself to play a little bit of Minecraft.
Starting point is 00:34:39 And I really enjoyed it. No, wait. No, I'm sorry. Saturday I went to George's house. But then Sunday I played Minecraft all day. I wonder if that's going to make anyone turn off the podcast. You're talking the whole time. We need to record some more of those.
Starting point is 00:35:00 I haven't played nothing but Sea of Thieves, dude. That's what I'm addicted to. Wait. Do you want to play tonight? What? Sea of Thieves. Why? Just because Jackson and Christian were going to play tonight? What? Sea of Thieves. Why? Just because Jackson and Christian were going to play tonight and they wanted to ask if
Starting point is 00:35:09 I wanted to try it for the first time. Oh, shit. Do you want to join too? Do you want to play some Sea of Thieves? I'm down. I'm down. I've never played it, so. You've never played it?
Starting point is 00:35:16 I've never played it. I can see people not really getting into it. And by people, I mean. Me? All of y'all. No, Jackson and Christian play a ton. Okay, they okay they play a ton yeah they play it every week oh wait really christian streams it and jackson streams it christian streams it yeah i don't even know they stream it now yeah i i am i am excited to to try it though i do gotta keep up i haven't't seen Jackson stream in a bit.
Starting point is 00:35:46 Yeah, dude, you know what? I tell you what, man. I'll just be sitting in my room and I hear Jackson screaming from his room. You know, I just hear him screaming and streaming. Oh, screaming and streaming! I'm trying to adjust the snapback of my Cookie Monster snapback right now. Dude, I'm just going to be honest, though.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Minecraft is... I've been having a big Minecraft reawakening, partly due to the fact that we've been playing it for Super Mega. And I've been having just so much fun playing it, but I've been playing it personally on a little in-home server, and it's just been...
Starting point is 00:36:22 It's the fucking best game ever, man. It literally is like the best game ever made. It's just unbelievable. It's just so beautiful. You can do whatever you want. There's platforming, survival. Everything, man. Create creativity.
Starting point is 00:36:38 You can build a computer in it with Redstone. Wasn't there someone who was like, i did microsoft word using redstone yeah people like do crazy shit with it like i saw someone build build a calculator that worked it's like how i don't know i don't know tune into our minecraft series where we'll be doing things like that no i love we're like we're what eight episodes in and we managed nine we managed
Starting point is 00:37:06 no way yeah we did nine we did three no we did three and then five that's eight you bitch oh fuck
Starting point is 00:37:12 you're trying to lie to me sorry we got them recorded one's apparently gonna be uploaded today I'm so excited to watch it I'm gonna watch it today
Starting point is 00:37:21 that's the most fun I've had recording a series in like years that would I cannot wait for that to come out I'm waiting for that gotta think of a thumbnail you're right
Starting point is 00:37:31 we do run into some tragedy though in episode 6 yeah and uh end of episode 6 that's all I'll say episode still sorry still episode 3 is still probably my favorite costume I've worn. It's great.
Starting point is 00:37:46 We change our Minecraft skins every single episode, and we don't tell each other what we're going to be. So when we load in for the episode, it's when we see each other for the first time. So technically we've gone through 16 skins? Yeah, 16 skins. I'm adding them all to my Minecraft library, and when I look at my skin library, it's just awful.
Starting point is 00:38:03 It's just the worst. to my Minecraft library and when I look at my skin library it's just awful. It's just the worst. I need to get some that aren't like even IPs.
Starting point is 00:38:10 I just need to have some bad skins that people make every now and then. A good thing to do is go on like the Skindex or one of those websites
Starting point is 00:38:17 and just sort by new and you'll just see all these ones that like 11 year olds make and they suck. Because you'll see ones 11 year olds make. There was one
Starting point is 00:38:24 that looked like a lego character that you wore the other day it was just a smiley face that was that was the roblox okay you look like a roblox man but uh i'll split first episode i got my skin was x is extantassian but it was clearly done by like i think it was done by like a 14 year old because there were good skins of x but i i chose a bad one and And just go sort by new, and you'll find like IPs. It'll be like Iron Man. We'll just be like red with just a yellow circle in the middle. Yeah, we should pick them for each other sometime.
Starting point is 00:38:55 Like we should give each other our passwords so I get to sign into your account and change yours via browser. So then we load in. Yeah, we load in. We eat the skin that the other person chose. Doesn't it smell like taco meat? It does. It does.
Starting point is 00:39:10 It's a bit sour. It's a bit sweet. Robust. Yeah. Like sour. It is interesting. Is it because I've been eating unhealthily lately? Probably.
Starting point is 00:39:21 The way you eat does affect the way you smell. I've been eating. Oh, my God. I had a whole week of bad eating. Oh, really? Seven full days. Hey, don't make it eight. I won't.
Starting point is 00:39:32 Don't make it eight. I am... I have been sober for eight days now. Nice. How many more days until you go in, whatever? I don't know. They said they would call me. They called me to tell me...
Starting point is 00:39:44 They called me the other day to say they would call me. And so I'm waiting on that. Hey, so we're going to call you. That's literally what they call me. Like, hey, Matthew, we got your referral from the doctor. We'll call you. And I was like, thank you. And I'm still waiting.
Starting point is 00:39:54 So you don't know how much longer. They didn't even give you. You'll be doing this for two weeks and then going in. It's just like. No, I actually really. I feel really good, though. Like, right. It's super noticeably different.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Like, the biggest notice is I just have more energy during the day when I don't drink. When you don't drink? When you don't smoke? Yeah. Yeah. Because I quit. I had a little cave in with a little nicotine, a little puff bar right before. So I quit nicotine and any kind of substance.
Starting point is 00:40:22 And it feels good. It feels really good. The urge to want to drink is way down the first few days I was like fuck I just want to drink but I'm just so used to drinking because I usually drink like every day I have a couple beers when I get home or something we're a heavy
Starting point is 00:40:39 drinking household here at with the Tucker Bros if I lived with someone I would probably drink more but I don't want to drink alone drinking household here at, uh, if I Tucker bros lived with someone, I would probably drink more, but I don't want to drink alone. And I'd rather just smoke up alone. See,
Starting point is 00:40:50 that's the thing. When we lived together, neither of us were really into drinking. And then after I turned 21, I would get that whiskey sometimes. And I drink it in my room and you'd get that wine. But then the Tucker brothers, they,
Starting point is 00:41:02 they drink a lot. Yeah. And they, well, they came straight out of fucking college, right? So they still have that. And Jackson's really into making drinks. So he's making drinks every night.
Starting point is 00:41:10 And Christian's living with us and he loves drinking too. So every day when everyone's making drinks and stuff, I'm like, oh, fun. I'll have a drink. Do you want to try this drink I made? You're like, I mean, I might as well help a friend. I feel good though. I feel healthier.
Starting point is 00:41:22 I don't feel as tired throughout the day, which is a big thing, which is very important. And I'm starting to exercise too. I've been doing just little things, like just like 20 pushups a day, just something small. Do you think that one of the main factors could have been like your health ultimately? Cause I've noticed that like there are times and I'm starting to eat worse and I noticed it it when I wake up. Like, even when I woke up this morning versus even how I slept, I'll get... When I'm smoking cigarettes and I'm eating poorly, I notice that I have worse energy. I sleep worse. My head...
Starting point is 00:41:55 Yeah. I have more headaches more frequently. I am more kind of strained. Joe? What did he say? He said, you ain't black. That was hilarious. Yeah, it's, I've been forcing myself to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I have,
Starting point is 00:42:19 I never eat breakfast. So I'm forcing myself to do that on a consistent schedule and I'm starting to actually get hungry in the morning now because I always get hungry late at night, but I'm not allowing myself to do that on a consistent schedule. And I'm starting to actually get hungry in the morning now. Because I always get hungry late at night. But I'm not allowing myself to eat late at night. So I can rewire my eating schedule. It's just a little exercise. I actually exercised really hard yesterday for the first time.
Starting point is 00:42:35 And it sucked. It sucked so bad. It's when you pass that. It's when you get the runners high or whatever. It's like you'll be working and it sucks. And all of a sudden there will be a point where your brain is like, oh, keep going. Come on. Think of how much you're losing.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Think of how good your body's going to feel after this. And the truth is your body doesn't feel good. It feels awful for the next two days. Yeah. Because you're sore. I'm a little sore today, but I know that tomorrow I'm going to wake up. Did you do weight training? No, I did interval training in my backyard with Christian where it was this.
Starting point is 00:43:05 Max interval training is the best. Well, I don't know if it might be better for weight loss than it is for gaining muscle or anything. But what I did was. You need to do like, you need to use your own body weight against you to start out when you're doing like, when you're gaining some. That's what I was doing. Basically, 20 second squat directly into 20 second. Okay, if we're doing squats. Yeah, I was about about to say if you're doing like more cardio in terms of like no okay then immediately into 20 second plank immediately back in a 20 second squat
Starting point is 00:43:32 back in a 20 second plank 20 seconds yeah christian's pretty fit shoulder taps back to plank back to squat back to plank and then do that three times and it fucking killed me i by the end i was shaking i couldn't hold the plank i kept falling and i was in the backyard and then do that three times and it fucking killed me. By the end, I was shaking. I couldn't hold the plank. It kept falling. And I was in the backyard and then all these ants started crawling on me and I was freaking out. I got bit by mosquitoes, but... One of the uncles?
Starting point is 00:43:52 Yeah. And I didn't get it at first. I got that, man. That's good. Thanks, man. I fucking love uncles, dude. I can't get enough of my uncle. Ooh, great news.
Starting point is 00:44:03 We're now sending potential fraud calls to voicemail automatically. For extra protection, the iOS 14 update includes silenced junk callers, dude. That's big. Oh, shit. A new feature that auto-blocks potential spam calls and sends them to your recent calls and voicemail for info and how to opt in. Blank, blank, blank. I really like the new iOS.
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Starting point is 00:45:06 my grandfather's bathroom in their trailer home they have a little uh embroidered framed picture of your penis yeah anyway guys now it says uh if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat and wipe the seat. That's so true. You know, people in public restrooms wouldn't get that. Dude, you look ripped when you just did that. Really? When you did that, yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:34 It looked like you had big fucking muscles. You're looking good. You're looking really good. Thanks. You are. Well, Matt, maybe I do have big muscles. Ever think of that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:43 No, I look like it. I don't think I do. i don't work out my muscles enough every every usually every guy because they men tend to have more muscle mass than women sorry ladies it's just i blame god but uh usually it's just easier to maintain muscle muscle mass um we'll see because i'm skinny a lot of people, when they flex, it looks like their muscles are just like part of their body. Because I'm so skinny, when I flex, you can just see my bone and then the muscle just sitting on top. It's just, see, just right there. That looks good.
Starting point is 00:46:17 But like when I flex, I don't even think it looks like a muscle. Flex for me. 100% it is. Yeah. Really? Does it look solid? Yes. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:46:26 See that big bump right there? That bicep? I'm trying to get my bi's big, bro. Bro. Oh, let me just- I was going to say- I was going to say we should work out together, but the problem is our workouts are so different. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:40 You know? We're working out for the opposite reasons of each other. Yeah. I need to focus just high interval training and cardio for me I mean it would be good for me to honestly do The interval training that you're doing as well Because the more muscle you build the easier it is to burn calories I'm using a website
Starting point is 00:46:53 And the more calories that your body burns off naturally I'm using this website that Christian got me on That he's used since high school I forgot what it's called but basically it's just a bunch of PDF images Losers.com Yeah probably dude shut the fuck up Loserswith of PDF images. Losers.com. Yeah, probably. Dude, shut the fuck up. Losers with baby penis syndrome.com. Someone should buy that and redirect it to the website I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:47:17 It's basically, it'll just, it's like a bunch of different types of workouts, but each one's like a page. And it just shows you like icons of what to do. And then you repeat it like a couple times. So it'll be like 20 second push-up 20 second squat but and then you just go down it and then two minute break then do it again two minute break literally made for that they have an app too maybe it's the same it's called seven something oh yeah seven seven minute workouts and the thing is seven minutes is usually like an interval or like two intervals three intervals but you can go and set it to like 21 minutes you're just doing fucking so many intervals of that shit yeah i really realized how out of shape i was last week because i went for a
Starting point is 00:47:55 walk late at night um with jackson and we're walking around we were walking on this trail late at night and jackson's like uh uh-oh, I got to have diarrhea. And he's like, we got to go home. So he started going home. I'm following him. We're going home. And he starts running. And I'm like, okay, I'll run too.
Starting point is 00:48:13 And I ran. We both ran for a little while. And my heart felt like it was going to explode. It hurt so bad. And I had to stop running. I couldn't breathe. And my heart was, with every pump, it just hurt. It was like, ah.
Starting point is 00:48:25 So that was kind of a wake-up call. I'm like, fuck, I'm out stop running. I couldn't breathe. And my heart was with every pump. It just hurts. So I, that was kind of a wake up call. I'm like, fuck, I'm out of shape. And what I started thinking about is especially right now with COVID, if I were to get COVID, I want my body to be as strong as it can be to fight it off. Because if I'm really unhealthy right now and I get COVID, it's going to do more damage to me than it would if I had like a healthier heart or you know, more body mass or so I'm taking supplements every day and I'm trying to get my heart healthy and my lungs healthy. So if I get COVID,
Starting point is 00:48:54 I got, I got, it's like in Minecraft when you got the armor on top, you know, it's a little, little bit extra. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So. I'm shaking my head. I chose not to speak because y'all don't own me. I don't need to fucking talk if I don't want to. It's a podcast.
Starting point is 00:49:13 We could just have silence and upload the silence if we wanted. Can we do silence and then 20 minutes in do some ads and then 20 minutes later do some ads and just upload that as a podcast? Because technically we're meeting the ad agency requirements. Can we say we're doing that as a podcast? Because technically we're meeting the ad agency requirements. Can we say we're doing it for a purpose? As a protest? As a protest to all the silence in Canada about
Starting point is 00:49:34 the problems Canada has but doesn't like talking about. How about that? We don't say anything, just the problems Canada has. How about it's for the war going on in armenia right now it's for it's it's in consideration for trump because we will not speak until he is clean of covid in this disease and if he dies we will continue to not speak in his honor so like five years from now we're on episode like 600. It's just silent. And then 20 minutes in, Ryan, do you like shopping online? Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:50:08 I do like trying to make ad reads fun because let's be honest. I don't. I just like money. Yeah, well, I do too, but I'm dumb. Oh, you're right. Because no one wants to listen to ad reads. Oh, my God, dude. The mic was resting on your penis when you're right. Because no one wants to listen to ad reads. Oh, my God, dude. That literally was, the mic was resting on your penis when you did that.
Starting point is 00:50:28 Yeah, so it couldn't have heard my fart. That's true. That's true. But we try to make them fun for you guys. Oh, oh. Stop, dude. Ryan, that's disgusting, dude. You have to never let anyone else use that microphone.
Starting point is 00:50:42 Stop, dude. That's so gross. He's using the microphone like it's a dildo. No? How do you use a dildo on your penis and balls? You could stick it down the shaft. I mean, how do you use a dildo to wear as a hat?
Starting point is 00:50:56 Because I was just wearing it as a hat. Stop, Ryan. It's upsetting to me that you're rubbing your cock and balls with the microphone. Why? It's turning me on. Oh, shit. That's why it's making me uncomfortable with my own sexuality. Stop. Dude.
Starting point is 00:51:12 Oh, my God. But for me, it's just funny because it's just people listening to the sound of a grown man. The sound of the mic rubbing on your gym shorts over your gooch and balls. Oh, it's so hot, dude. Dude, I got so horny listening to the last super mega cast that's what your mom thinks shut up dude this one's for you man shut the stop dude that legitimately was was his i could see the outline of his balls through his gym shorts moving over the outside of the microphone so that that's what that was. That's why people come for this podcast, man. It's because we're so zany and goofy.
Starting point is 00:51:50 We're just zany, man. They can't predict what we're going to do next. We're just so random, dude. People just, they can't get enough of the goofs. It's like, what are they going to talk about next? Fry tacos. See? What are French fry tacos?
Starting point is 00:52:03 What does that even mean? Does that mean little taco fries del taco has that they put french fries on their tacos it's called making it epic style do they have a blooming onion taco no i don't think that'd be good what about a blooming onion chowder no it's del taco why would they have an item from Outback Steakhouse? The Del Taco Bloomin' Onion Chowder. Dude, Del Taco's Bloomin' Onion Fish Chowder is the best fucking meal I've ever had. What's the worst thing a fast food chain could put out? What's the worst thing McDonald's could possibly put out?
Starting point is 00:52:38 Literally just- Clam chowder? No. They literally- Think of how they have it wrapped up like a burger. The burgers are wrapped up and it says hamburger one of those wrapped up except it's just shit it's literally just someone
Starting point is 00:52:50 takes a shit right into one of those little things and tinfoil rolls it up and puts it in your bag imagine you're unrolling tacos and one of them is just a piece of shit the McPheecees that's good Feesees McFlurry.
Starting point is 00:53:07 They got that Chips Ahoy McFlurry right now. I've been meaning to try. The what? Chips Ahoy McFlurry at McDonald's. Ooh. But, man, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what, Ryan. They have the Oreo thing at Sonic's, which is pretty good. Are there
Starting point is 00:53:21 even any Sonic's around here? No. I love Sonic, man. I love it so much. And I can't. Remember the toasters where it was like the chick, the, you know? Like the Texas toast? The grilled bread with the, yeah. Fuck, dude.
Starting point is 00:53:34 Sonic is so good. Chicken and cheese and bacon. Why the fuck do they not have it out in LA? The chili poppers, the pepper poppers. What are they? The cheddar. Jalapeno. Jalapeno poppers.
Starting point is 00:53:43 Jalapeno poppers, dude. And then, remember you could get like Happy Hour and get a huge fucking drink for like poppers the pepper poppers what are they the cheddar jalapeno poppers dude and then remember you could get like happy hour and get a huge fucking drink for like such a small price you know what their worst shit is though they're like fucking gatorade or powerade slushies they have and they pour like nerds into it i don't want that i got that one so i was like oh this sounds awesome i got a powerade slushy and they poured a bunch of nerds candies into it. What did they pour nerds into? I don't know. I guess that was like the thing they were doing at the time. And I took a sip and it was like sweet and acidic and burned my tongue.
Starting point is 00:54:11 And then just a bunch of fucking nerds in my throat. So I didn't like it very much. But they do have good milkshakes. And they're, dude, they're fucking. Their burgers are fine. Their hot dogs, their burgers, their chicken. Chili dogs are great. Sonic's just good.
Starting point is 00:54:24 Besides, their mozzarella sticks I usually always got mozzarella sticks when I went there I love that video of the dude his first day on the job at Sonic
Starting point is 00:54:31 and it's just someone's it's like a really short video someone's filming him like leaving out the door it's like first day on the job and then it cuts to them filming him
Starting point is 00:54:38 like on Snapchat where he's just like eating shit and dropping all the food it's so funny. So I can find it real quick. Oh, sorry. I almost kicked over a measuring cup.
Starting point is 00:54:49 It's okay, dude. Why is there a measuring cup in here? Remember I was using it for that joke in the brand deal video where I was peeing in your hands and I was using that to pour water. Oh, yeah. It was a Foley device. Then they said cut out. Someone was like, why would you do brand deals that make you change your content? It's like because a lot of brands don't want the word cunt in their thing.
Starting point is 00:55:14 And that's fully acceptable. And I see that. I don't get why a brand would be so mad if we said cunt. I really don't get it. I do think sometimes they go a bit far. I'm kidding. I totally get cunt and stuff like that. But, like.
Starting point is 00:55:32 One of the jokes in retrospect did make sense why they made us cut it. And at the time we didn't get it. But then it clicked days later. We were like, oh. Yeah. But. Okay. Could you imagine, though?
Starting point is 00:55:40 They were probably like, those fuckers. They thought we were just making fun of them. Good. Because fuck them. They're a big business. fun of them. Good. Because fuck them. They're a big business. We just want their money. Yeah, I do. I just want some.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Here's the thing. We're the suckers. Even though we're getting money, they're using us to make more money off of our audience, man. I know, dude. I know. I know. Corporate America.
Starting point is 00:56:01 Corporate America. You just can't win in a capitalist society Sorry Do we have any more dollars? I need to wipe away my tears I only have a hundred I'm kidding, that's a joke What do you mean? Of course that's a joke I don't know, people always come up with something
Starting point is 00:56:19 Was Ryan really wiping his tears with dollars? Ryan shits in homeless people's mouth on purpose because he hates the fans so much i don't know people have a stick up their butt is that true do you maybe just something i can't came up with randomly it doesn't have to be true but if it was it doesn't mean that it's illegal if they asked for it if they're the ones asking me to take a shit in their goddamn mouth and and i'm paying for it i say that it ones asking me to take a shit in their god damn mouth and I'm paying for it I say that it's a service
Starting point is 00:56:48 it's not bullying it's not using someone no if they weren't then it's a service yeah exactly super mega presents bum fights bum poops where we rate the poops of homeless people we watch homeless people take a shit in an alleyway
Starting point is 00:57:04 and then we kind of inspect it and dissect it and give it a rating. And one to ten is how many dollars we give them. That's a good show idea, isn't it? We're just full of good ideas. And the thing is, the thing that sucks is that they can't produce a good poop unless they eat well. And if you're homeless, who knows
Starting point is 00:57:19 what you're eating. Exactly. So that's, the show does have a lot of variety. Remember when the guy that made bumfights went on Dr. Phil, but he just shaved his head and dressed just like Dr. Phil to look just like him? Yeah. And Dr. Phil's like, get off my stage. I'm not doing this. And he's like, why?
Starting point is 00:57:33 Why? Because that guy's a piece of shit for what he does. Yeah. The Bumfights shit. But that shit was so funny. Well, Dr. Phil knew what he was doing. He just comes dressed up as Dr. Phil. It's because you can't retort that.
Starting point is 00:57:44 You can't just talk down to someone when they fucking make fun of you like that. Oh my God, dude. Dr. Phil, man. He looks like a creepy porcelain doll. Dude, him and Steve Harvey look like two different versions of the same person. They both suck. Steve Harvey and Dr. Phil. My grandma, when I was a kid, my grandma, I guess she didn't have cable.
Starting point is 00:58:04 She would always come over to my house to watch the Steve Harvey show. And it was like her favorite thing. You were doing some Netflix and chill with your nanny? So my mom would be like, your grandma's coming over. And she'd come and sit in the living room and put on, I'd have to get off the TV so my grandma could watch the Steve Harvey show. Actually, my grandmother, fun fact, my grandmother was the president of. The United States. Wow.
Starting point is 00:58:23 Of one of their, I forgot what it's called. It was a big feminist group, like early feminist group. She was the president of some massive feminist group. A lot of feminists were still racist, Matt. That's true. Yeah. Well, my grandma wasn't racist. I can assure you of that.
Starting point is 00:58:39 How about your grandfather? Oh, I don't know. I never met him. I never met the poor chap. I'm sure he's smiling down from heaven though on everything I've been doing with his lineage that's an interesting assumption smiling up from hell
Starting point is 00:58:53 then maybe he was not religious whose father did you just say was in hell I didn't say he's in hell I said maybe but here's the thing my grandfather was an atheist was he? My mom's. He's in hell. I didn't say he's in hell. I said maybe. But here's the thing. My grandfather was an atheist.
Starting point is 00:59:07 Was he? Yeah. So why does your mom, where did that come from? Your grandmother? I guess so, yeah. I remember someone told me, I can't remember, they're like, yeah, your mom wasn't really so religious. Usually it was like later in life. I think when people get later.
Starting point is 00:59:22 Is that what's going to happen to us? We're going to just be atheists or whatever and then we're just gonna not atheists i guess well technically everyone's agnostic blah blah i'm not here to fight definitions but later in life are we gonna want to just join a congregation and assimilate you know yeah and it's it's it's basically uh like my dad always says that to me. He's like, you'll come back around, son. I know you will. Like saying I'm going to be a Christian when I'm in my 40s or 50s. He thinks it's because you're young and stupid
Starting point is 00:59:51 and you don't know as much as wise old him. He says I'm going to be a Republican and he says I'm going to be a Christian. He says I'm going to come back around once I realize how much money the government's taking from me. Does he know that both Democrat and Republican policies have both in the past and currently have both go into taking our money and letting the rich keep – never mind, never mind. It's fine.
Starting point is 01:00:13 It's just the Democrats. It's both those idiots. Also – I'm a proud Democrat. I'm a proud Republican. I wish I had met my grandfather because he – I got his nose, dude. I got his big-ass honker. I saw a picture of him. I look a proud Democrat. I'm a proud Republican. I wish I had met my grandfather. I got his nose, dude. I got his big ass honker. I saw a picture of him.
Starting point is 01:00:28 I look a lot like him. But he died before I was born. Sounds like a good man. A man with conviction and morals. Well, he might have not been religious because he fought in World War II at Iwo Jima. And he was there at the flag raising. Fun fact. You know when they're all putting the flag up? Yeah. He wasn't in the
Starting point is 01:00:46 picture but he was there and saw it. And he had PTSD for the rest of his life and my mom said every time like a firework would go off he'd like dive under a desk and like tear up and everything so sounds like that was fun. So yeah. People
Starting point is 01:01:01 like I know this is like kids nowadays but they really can't fathom the horrors of what countries put their citizens through in terms of well the crazy thing is back then kids would want to do that like they would lie to say they're 18 so they could go to war because they're brainwashed by patriotism
Starting point is 01:01:17 like they would literally like a 16 year old be like I just want to go fight in war and like lie about it and just to go fucking fight in war because it was like glorified as this awesome thing uh and you're this like it's just awesome and then you get out there and it's like oh i guess wars i don't know i couldn't dude imagining like being in combat is one of the scariest things i can imagine so i mean like the people that choose to do it's very brave but it's it's terrifying to me yeah like I watched The Thin Red Line the Terrence
Starting point is 01:01:46 Terrence Malick the Russian thing I still have to watch that no what's what's the director's name Terrence Malick yeah Terrence Malick
Starting point is 01:01:56 it's about island hopping Terrence Malick did Thin Red Line yeah it's about island hopping in World War 2 okay
Starting point is 01:02:01 and they're it's them fighting the Japanese and what the Japanese japanese and it has what the japanese and it has like john c reilly tom crew a ton of people in it but it's really good but it just like made me realize like how fucking scary war is same with 1917 dude that shit that's where i was talking about frontier America. All like the fucking kind of like just how it's, it's,
Starting point is 01:02:27 it's essentially because the brutality of the environment or the politics, whatever was going on was reflected in the social, I guess, kind of relationships at that time. There's no laws at that time. So when you think of war being brutal, you like it is. And like,
Starting point is 01:02:42 just there's pure acts of it, but like, it's also there also I don't know it's like we could developed countries can only go into underdeveloped countries and
Starting point is 01:02:57 cause violence they don't want to go into other developed nations because then that would cause a big you know yeah you're never going to see China invade America or vice versa. You always see us, you know, invading some Middle Eastern country, some African country. Fuck one of those up. South American area, you know. We'll go there and fuck around.
Starting point is 01:03:17 Oops, we broke your government. Sorry. Oopsies. But we freed you. Oopsies, we destabilized the region and made it easier for terrorist organizations to wreak havoc upon the populace. Why are there all these goddamn terrorists now? Why do they hate America? Have you ever read about the banana wars?
Starting point is 01:03:36 Yes. They killed a lot of people and overthrew bananas. But, hey, bananas are fucking good. And did you know about bananas? The bananas we have now are You've said this before They're trash bananas apparently Because apparently old bananas used to be so much better
Starting point is 01:03:51 And they don't exist anymore they're extinct And there were different types of bananas And now we just got one little trash banana You know that's what people say about the environment You know they say The environment was a lot better back in the day before autumn It's like okay You're just saying that to make me Make me jealous They say, the environment was a lot better back in the day before autumn. It's like, okay, bull.
Starting point is 01:04:06 You're just saying that to make me jealous and make me be a little more environmentally conscious. And when someone says that to me, you know what I do? I get in my lifted truck and I fire off the smokestack. So it goes and blows out all that coal smoke. Nice. Did you ever see those in South Carolina? I'm sure you did. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:24 The guys that would have the smokestacks on the truck. Some of them in high school. And they would just blow the black smoke out. I remember a popular thing at, I think it was both at the beginning and the end of the days, was there would always be some like big truck with one of, I guess, the popular kids. Who's probably have some fucking problems now. Because, you know. they're probably already divorced.
Starting point is 01:04:46 They've been married and divorced already. The life of a popular kid with a big truck who gets all the attention in high school. Ultimately, unfortunately, their life doesn't amount to much usually. But in this case, maybe it did. But usually I'm saying I remember like when the loud trucks like one particular would just kind of like the doors would be open. He'd just be sitting out there. You know, people would gather around to the loud noise because the alpha has signaled his lackeys.
Starting point is 01:05:12 The alpha has spoken. And the betas come from far and wide to soak in the glory. And he goes and points, okay. And then all the betas go. Were you the one they pointed at? And all the betas go were you the one they pointed at and all the betas laugh in unison yeah i had uh people uh not in high school but middle school that would uh one time on a field trip pulled my arms back and like wrote like like red magic marker all over my nails and called me a damn dude yeah that's that's straight up like legit bullying it is wow i remember one
Starting point is 01:05:43 time uh i was walking on the sidewalk on my way home from school, and this kid yells the F-slur at me out the window, and his mom was driving. And I was like, what? That's the popular thing I've noticed. There are people who yell it loud, the F-slur. I'm going to say bag, because they'd roll down the... Bag!
Starting point is 01:06:04 So the kid didn't hear. Scream like, bag! Like try to scare you, like make you jump. I'm going to say bag because you know they'd roll down bag scream like bag like try to scare you like make you jump someone threw a drink at me once out of their car when they were going but didn't hit me oh yeah they do that too they'd throw like water bottles or whatever just what kids do for some reason
Starting point is 01:06:18 because they know they're going to be a mile down the road before you can do anything I mean what can you honestly do that's just what little dipshits do. It's what cowards do, I would say. Throw it and then stop the car. People who don't have any kind of sense of control are kids who probably are abused
Starting point is 01:06:34 somewhat verbally, physically, emotionally, however they are at home. They don't have a good life. And so they use the little bit of power they do have to enact that vengeance upon what they deem is weaker person to them now you and i do something similar but to jackson what what we do is drive around glendale and you'll yell red dead redemption voice lines out the window of people you'll be like that was
Starting point is 01:06:58 so funny we're fucking driving around ryan has his head out the window and every time we pass them on the side was like fine day It's a fine day in it. Hey partner Why'd you do that do what just yell Alvin does that smell you smell that No, it smells like tacos, but it's not your arm. No no no It's like someone did something out there right Jackson's probably making some Trader Joe's fucking fucking tacos microwave tacos damn
Starting point is 01:07:28 this is making me hungry man I'm gonna have to go get some of those too and what do you say we call it a day right here nah let me just send this text hold up
Starting point is 01:07:40 let me just hold up okay cool bye everyone you Bye.

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