supermegashow - EP 214 - Super Park
Episode Date: October 14, 2020We talk South Park's legacy, the COVID outbreak in the White House, and naughty things. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
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Visit td.com slash tdmortgagedirect. We're behind the news cycle because of when we were. I know. Because of the way the way the podcast has to be distributed to streaming services.
When we record it, everything is so relevant.
But then by the time it goes out, it's like, OK, guys, cool.
Maybe like what what big news will have happened since now and when it comes out?
I don't know.
Maybe Trump will die.
Don't don't don't.
Because because because he got COVID in between last podcast and this one.
Yeah, that's a that's a that's a pretty big news development.
So, you know, he has COVID now.
Yep.
A lot of people in the White House have COVID now.
Well, I mean, from what I remember, the big kind of like, uh, what?
The super spreader event?
Yeah, the super spreader event.
At the Rose Garden thing, which luckily we didn't get because we were there.
Kellyanne Conway got it.
Chris Christie got it.
Trump got it.
His wife got it.
Kellyanne Conway's daughter.
A couple reporters.
Got it, apparently.
A reverend that was there.
And we got out lucky because we didn't get it from being there.
Yeah.
It was weird he invited us
but I'm glad
we accepted the offer.
I'm glad we didn't get COVID.
We just had to put on our...
Not our COVID masks
but the masks
that make us look like
60, 70 year old politicians.
Yeah.
That's...
See if you can
pick Matt and I out.
We're standing together.
Yeah.
But we don't look like
each other of course
just because we were wearing our
mask.
But we should get some good ass old people prosthetics and start going out around town
just for fun.
Like not even to film, just for fun.
Just like just be old men, start fucking around with shit and see how people react.
That's why Johnny Knoxville probably had so much fun and like bad grandpa when he did
it previously in the Jackass episodes and the Jackass movies were like he would leave his balls sitting on someone's like food because the thing is no one's
gonna stop an old man right no one's gonna like get mad at or fight like an old man so when he
has his like nuts hanging out of his shorts and it's like on the side of the table with next to
someone's food god that shit's so good i can't wait for borat 2 and well jackass 4 is
supposed to be a thing but we'll see i don't think those guys care too much about covid holding it
off so we'll see we'll see yeah oh you sniffing those pits bro yeah it smells kind of like a
kind of like a not washed with soap but just kind of rinsed off with water. It smells like a pan that recently,
before it was washed out,
was used to make taco meat
with like a...
Sauteed onions.
Like El Paso taco mix.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You want to get a whiff?
Sure.
I'm serious.
You're going to be like,
whoa, that's El Paso tacos.
That's... Yeah, it is. get a whiff sure i'm seriously like you're gonna be like whoa that's el paso tacos that's that's
yeah it is oh doesn't it just make you want some tacos
i'm gagging not because it's so bad but just because for me just the thought of like
what it is is what's making me gag but yeah it does it really does it's it it absolutely does
and now i never want to eat the El Paso taco home kits again.
Why not?
My mom used to make that shit.
Or is it Old Paso?
It's El Paso.
Okay.
It's the one with the yellow, yeah.
With the Porcino Los Dos commercial?
Maybe it's not the mix that I use.
Hold up.
Taco mix.
The yellow box, El Paso, yeah.
Yeah, the yellow bags where it's like original.
Yeah, it is.
Oh, Old El Paso. Fuck!, El Paso, yeah. Yeah, the yellow bags, where it's like original, yeah, it is, oh, old El Paso.
Fuck, I got it wrong,
dude. And for those wondering, why
are you using that? It's because my mom
used to make
those types of tacos when I was younger,
and now I just have nostalgia for
shitty, just kind of like white mom
tacos. I think every white South Carolina mom. Even though my mom
isn't a white
mom. Every South Carolina mom made Even though my mom isn't a white mom.
Every South Carolina mom made the old El Paso taco kits for dinner.
It's easy, man.
It just comes with the shells and all the stuff you need.
I had soft tacos.
Yeah, soft tacos were the best.
I'd only have meat and cheese in mine.
So it was a big kind of, you know, could you imagine Ryan, nothing but cheese, meat, and
just a sleeve to hold it together?
That's all you need, man.
Every time my mom would make tacos
on taco night. We didn't have like a designated taco
night. Taco Tuesdays. She'd make those kits
and I would have like five
or six because they were small tortillas.
We should have a taco night soon. I'm down.
I fucking...
Make your own tacos. Get a bunch of ground beef.
Get tomatoes. All in separate bowls
and you just make your own tacos.
You know what I haven't done in a while that's so good come on what come on what stop come on you because you
haven't had enough sex that you that you're you're missing the man's touch a real man's touch
missing the touch of a woman not a man you miss my beefy hands no i miss the touch of a woman, not a man. You miss my beefy hands. No, I miss the touch of a woman. Rubbing down the back of your deltoids and spitting on your biceps.
Dude, I'm just going to finish what I was saying.
Yeah.
The Doritos taco salad where you just get a bag of Doritos, pop it open,
and then you pour all the ingredients of a taco salad in there, shake it up, eat it with a spoon.
I've never heard.
I've never.
Really? Ryan.
That makes me want to get the bag of Tapatio
Doritos, put a bunch of the meat
and then throw cheese in there, crunch it up,
shake it around.
See, what I do is I'll get a bag of. When do you do this?
How long did you do this for?
I've been doing this since. Have you done it when you've lived
in LA? Yeah.
How have I never seen you do this?
Did you do it when we lived together?
I think so. I haven't done it in a while.
The big thing that you did when we lived together was
shake and bake.
Dude, shake and bake was good, man.
We were eating good.
You can go back to really early Super Mega episodes
and hear us talking about shake and bake
and tang. Yep.
We lived off shake and bake, chicken,
and tang.
But the Doritos, I'll get the sweet and spicy. Yep. Like that. We lived off like shake and bake chicken and Tang. And,
uh,
but the Doritos,
I'll get the sweet and spicy chili ones.
Okay.
You know,
then I'll put cheese,
meat,
lettuce,
tomato,
uh,
crunch it up,
you know,
shake it up and then I'll pour it into a bowl and then I'll put some green
salsa and some sour cream on top and then take a little lime,
squeeze that on top.
So it's just a big bowl of slop.
Yeah. Delicious slop. It's, it it's it's basically just a taco salad but it's with doritos instead of uh it's the doritos
taco salad it sounds like something you would feed a pig in a trough but i'm not complaining
because whenever i see pigs eat out of a trough i'm i just i'm just like fuck like charlotte dude
charlotte's web dude we've talked about this recently, too, I bet.
We talked about it in person at my house.
Remember?
Okay.
Because you ordered some slop from a restaurant.
And in my backyard, I talked about it.
I ordered Halal Guys.
And you're like, I can't wait for my slop to get here.
Halal Guys is wonderful slop.
Oh, it's great, yeah.
I mean, it's not good for you.
Slop is some of my favorite, like, the genre of food that is known as slop is my favorite.
Like Chinese mall food.
Like a big bowl of chipotle
a big bowl of just mixed ingredients
where it's just slop that's the
best man it's so easy to eat
like a chili or like
imagine back in the day when they
when they're doing the
back in frontier America
fucking have beans and rice and just whatever
they had like meat they throw it into a big
old pot.
Fucking here, have some slop.
That's the kind of meal that I think all Americans should live off of.
I think so, too. I think we should probably do away with grocery stores and go back to farming rice and beans and everyone can just make slop every night.
And everyone makes slop a little differently.
slop a little differently. I watched The Revenant and it made me realize
how horrifying it
would be to live in New Frontier
America or quote
New Frontier America, you know?
Oh my god. Yeah, dude, that shit had to suck
balls, man. Tom Hardy's character
because knowing like there are guys like that
that exist today and you can see their
kind of like the way they're thinking
and like, I don't know. Nature
Boys? Nature Boys, except nature boys back in the day
were people who would like kill you
to make their job easier, you know?
Yeah, I haven't seen The Revenant still.
I don't know what's wrong with me, but.
Come on, boy.
We've been out here for three weeks.
You're gonna say we're gonna go up there.
$300 seems to be since we lost all our pelts.
Since we lost all our pelts, you know, I guess these $300
I'll do the work. I'll do the work.
Now you wanna be smart
or you wanna be paid? You know, shit like
that. Dude, I would not have lasted a fucking
second in like New Frontier America. Neither would I.
Cause first of all, the weather, dude.
Like, if it's cold
I'm such a bitch. Just cut open a horse
and sleep inside of it.
Like, uh, Bear Grylls did that with the camel, I think.
Luke Skywalker.
No, Han Solo was the one that cut open the, what is it called?
I saw that scene because I haven't seen that movie, but I walked into it and my sister was watching it.
I just saw that scene when I was a kid and I got scared and walked out.
He cuts it open.
Yeah, Taunta yeah the tauntaun
tauntaun yeah that's what it's called sorry
I just remembered it you saw it did you see my eyes light up
and went boing yeah cause uh Luke
was captured by the
abominable snowman
and then Han Solo
no he he cuts off the
arm of the abominable snowman
start escapes passes
out from being cold and then Han finds him.
And then Han cuts open the tauntaun, I think, to stuff Luke inside.
I'm Han Solo.
I'm Han Solo.
I really want to do a video of us doing that Just Dance, but it's copyrighted.
We could just demonetize that one.
We could sing it ourselves and overlay it.
I'm putting on my shades to cover up my eyes.
I'm Han Solo. I'm my eyes. I'm Han Solo.
I'm Han Solo.
I'm Han Solo.
Solo.
God, that...
Who thought of that?
It's a genius.
I know, I know.
It's genius, dude.
Let me look up the lyrics
to that real quick.
Okay.
Okay, so for those
who don't know,
it was a very popular meme
for a while, too.
Just showing the clip
of the Han Solo shit.
Han Solo lyrics?
It was on Connect Star Wars.
Song by MC Chris?
Wait.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here we go.
Off to Mos Eisley.
Wookie by my side.
The speed that I ride is light can't be denied.
I'm Solo.
Han Solo.
I'm Han Solo.
Solo.
I'm Han Solo.
Hey there, mister. don't get the picture.
I'll do a fake out, make out with your sister.
I'm so, is that?
Wait, what?
Oh, because he made out with Leia, who was Luke's sister.
Damn, dude, okay.
I'll make out with your sister.
That's actually a lyric in the Han Solo song.
I mean, maybe the of a just dance is different
but is there
it does make out with
well Luke got to kiss her first
yeah isn't there like
some incest stuff in Star Wars
it wasn't intentional
not intentional
they didn't know that
they were brother and sister
and Leia kisses Luke
as kind of like a
fuck you to Han Solo
but did you know that
the late
Princess Leia
Drew Carey what's her name Drew Carey
what's her name?
Drew Carey?
yeah she's played by
Drew Carey
in drag
no
what's her first name?
I forgot her first name
she's the actress
who plays
Princess Leia
wasn't her first name
Carrie?
Carrie Fisher
sorry
yeah
Drew Carey Fisher
Drew Carey Fisher
but but but Carrie Fisher
actually um slammed what's Han Solo
George Costanza and then drew Carrie no
but I want to say his name's Boris?
His name's fucking Harrison Ford.
Boris Ford.
He looks like a Boris to me, and he acts like a Boris.
But, anyways, they actually fucked in real life.
Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher?
Yeah, they were talking.
I was watching something back in the day where she was talking about back in the day.
And I think there was infidelity between them in terms of one of them was committing infidelity against their partner with the other one.
I can't remember.
Some shit.
Damn, dude.
That's Hollywood.
Everyone's sleeping with each other in Hollywood.
Yeah, especially in the Let's Play industry.
That is part of Hollywood, technically.
So all the Let's Players sleep together.
That is part of Hollywood, technically, so.
Yeah.
All the Let's Players sleep together.
Like, Markiplier fucks Jacksepticeye, who fucks PewDiePie, who fucks CaptainSparklez.
It's this big line. Yeah, it's this big.
Like, I could probably map it out if I had a chalkboard.
But it's very complicated.
Like, a lot of wires will cross.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, Ryan and I are not on there.
No.
Yet.
I mean, we've sent in our applications.
We said we'd even be pegged.
But still haven't been fucked by the Let's Playing community, unfortunately.
Still trying.
Still trying, though.
I think it's probably because we don't have a million subs.
Once we reach a million.
Then we might hear back from them.
We might get some of that peg action.
Or if we're lucky, just some of the regular sex.
Hopefully just some sex, dude. I can of the regular sex hopefully just some sex dude
I can't get enough sex
just some sex would be good
why would girls like pegging someone
I don't know
I've seen the meme of kind of like
I'm gonna peg you or when you ask him
to get pegged
and I'm like
I'm like the reason guys like, the reason guys want to,
I guess,
have sex with people
isn't because they just like
the thought of an inanimate object,
sorry,
an animate object,
very animate object,
going in and out of a hole.
It's because it actually,
you feel something by doing it.
There are a lot of neurons
being fired off.
I guess we can't understand it because we're not women.
I just want to stick this rod in a hairy asshole.
I don't get it.
I don't get it either.
I don't understand.
I don't know why a girl would think that that's hot necessarily.
But at the same time, I don't know because I don't have that.
I love women so much that I can't ever imagine anything like that
for me to think about that would be gay
it's not even the fact it's gay
it's that there's no physical
repercussions
positively for doing
the act
for the woman
you ask a woman's like
do you want to be fucked in the ass most most women i'm assuming would say no i would not like
to be fucked it's not something that's comfortable for me i'll do it like in the heat of the moment
but no i would not like to be fucked in the ass but the reason some women are like yeah i'll do
anal is because the boyfriend's like come on let's do anal i heard it's tighter i heard that i'll get
some brown on my penis dude dude dude'll get some brown on my penis dude dude
dude i got some brown on my dick dude dude save it save it save it save it for easter
all right ryan here's the big question would you get pegged no i'm just i get nothing from it they
get nothing from it you wouldn't get something from it bro you got that prostate yeah but you
need to stimulate the prostate you don't need something from it, bro. You got that prostate. Yeah, but you need to stimulate the prostate.
You don't need something consistently pounding into your ass.
That will stimulate the prostate.
You need someone, yeah, but to stimulate the prostate,
you need more of like kind of a finger just up there,
kind of massaging.
But you don't need something just...
Men come from anal sex, so clearly it works.
They don't come from strictly...
They can.
They come from the stimuli of their prostate.
Right, right, right.
They don't come from the act of a penis going in and out of the orifice.
Right, right.
It's the prostate.
The prostate, which is deep within the asshole, which is something that women will never know.
Sorry, ladies.
You won't understand.
The pleasure of being janked off through your prostate.
Ryan and I make sure at least twice a week to milk our prostates because it's an important way to avoid prostate cancer.
Fun fact, it actually is.
It's a really good way to protect yourself from prostate cancer.
That's why you can ask your doctor to stimulate your prostate because it's good.
That's not true.
It is.
Really?
Yeah. No, you can't. I feel like we already had this conversation. It's good for prostate health. That's why you can ask your doctor to stimulate your prostate. That's not true. Can you really? No, you can't.
It's good for prostate health. He doesn't make you cum.
He goes up there and he stimulates your prostate.
You might feel good a little.
I'm fucking with you.
At least I don't believe
you can ask a
healthcare worker to stimulate your prostate.
Hey, no, because I had another
friend once tell me that. Can you jerk me off at the same time
too? Because I had a friend tell me that
you come at the end of a prostate exam
and that's how you know that your
prostate's good and they fully believed it.
Who did you tell that to?
No, I didn't tell that to anyone
but I just thought that's what it was for a while.
I thought you told that to a friend. No, someone told me that.
A friend told me that. And then when I heard that, I was like,
is that a... I'm sure some people could come dude imagine how embarrassing that'd be the doctor
sticks his finger up your ass and you just come all over the table luckily i've never
luckily i've never had the problem of coming uh too early uh i've i've I've had the...
Well, here's the thing.
I don't count coming too early
as once I get it out. Once I get it out,
the sex has started, that's not coming early.
Coming early would be like if I
came 20 minutes on the drive over.
That's what coming early is.
But I'm a real man.
I wait till my penis is out to come.
Well, usually for me, it's like
two or three thrusts I finish.
And that's fine with me.
And if...
You can get a thrust in? Sometimes.
I was being generous when I said two or three.
But if she's upset because I did it
that fast, she should just be happy
that she
made me
ejaculate that quickly. Usually it's the fine caress of the flow of air
that kind of creates that premature ejaculation.
Yeah, when my penis is coming out of my shorts,
the gust of air from in shorts to out of shorts,
usually that's enough to do it for me.
Have you stopped listening yet, mother?
Is this enough?
this is to turn our moms off from listening to this
cause she does listen
sometimes she'll be like I had to skip
my mom says that too
is your mom Chris Chan?
I had to skip
I had to skip
cause sometimes it was
a little too much.
Okay.
And I'd be like, okay, I mean, I get it.
Yeah, no, I get that.
But you don't have to listen to my podcast.
You know me in real life.
On that front.
You are my mother.
On that front, when I was visiting my mom, remember, I guess a long time ago,
probably not even that long ago, we were telling stories about the first times we ever we ever jerked it and i said the first time i ever did it was in my grandmother's bathroom
and i was at my my grandma's house in south carolina my late grandmother's house did your
mom bring it up i'm sitting with my mom and and i'm we're talking about the podcast and she's like
yeah i i have to skip some stuff mat Matthew. It's uncomfortable to listen to.
I was like, like what?
And she's like, I don't know.
I'm like, maybe something with that bathroom back there.
And I was like, oh, my God.
So, yeah, I'm glad.
You know, not many people can say, not many grown men can say that their mother knows the story of the first time they masturbated.
Unless it had to do with their mother.
But for me personally, I'm glad that my mom knows and your mom knows yours.
Did I even say the first time?
I can't,
I don't know.
Even do I remember?
We don't remember anything from the podcast.
No,
I don't even remember that.
I don't think I do remember the first time I did anything.
I don't think I had an experience to share.
I think I had an experience of like learning.
I don't know.
I wasn't at our house,
mom.
I know that. I don't believe I was. I think't at our house, mom. I know that.
I don't believe I was.
I think I was at my dad's.
I was about to tell a story, but I realized I shouldn't.
About what?
Just this topic.
And I was like, eh.
About masturbating?
That story's, that's a little too crude for the podcast.
Everyone masturbates.
No, I know that.
I know that.
Everyone.
It's just this story is funny, but it's a.
You have girls fucking like. Dude, I don't even want to think about a but it's... You have girls fucking like...
Ew, dude, I don't even want to think about a girl masturbating.
You have girls like humping their pillows.
Oh, stop, dude, stop.
You know, guys are very just straightforward.
We know exactly what we're doing.
Girls, they'll fucking use their jeans to masturbate.
Come on, guys.
They'll use the washing machine to masturbate.
Yeah, real slick with the washing machine.
They'll have their jeans and they'll cross their legs like this and then they'll start doing this.
I hate it, dude.
It's like, what are you doing?
Just come on.
Come on.
Well, it's just get a broomstick.
It's rude for a woman to pleasure herself.
That's a man's job.
That's a man's duty, you know?
Yeah.
Just as it's a woman's duty to pleasure a man.
The man's allowed to pleasure himself too, but specifically it is a woman's duty to do that.. The man's allowed to pleasure himself too, but it's specifically, it is a woman's duty to do that.
And women shouldn't even be pleasuring themselves ever.
That's honestly, that's very immodest.
That's not very humble of them.
It's gay.
Yeah, it's absolutely gay.
So I'm going to have to veto that one, women.
Sorry.
Canceled.
Even though apparently God gave women better orgasms for some fucking reason
yeah you you ladies win in that aspect but uh so pissed you guys have to go kill god for that one
dude what if we killed god uh like in the golden compass i was about to say the golden compass uh
my parents didn't want me to see that that movie because of that they don't kill him in that movie
they only made one of those didn't they they don They don't kill like the Christian God, I believe.
I believe it's like all symbolism, right?
It's all this is like the movie isn't like when you watch the movie, it's not like, oh, Jesus, what's going on?
My dad hates you.
We need to kill God.
Like it's not this thing.
It's a fantasy novel where I feel like it has
a very atheist undertone
but it's not about
killing the Christian God I believe
in this reality or whatever
it's a fucking fiction book who cares
yeah well my parents were
scared that if I saw God
being killed on screen
it might give me some ideas
God is in humanoid
from what i from what i remember hey we're made in the image of god
okay so god's a fucking uh god has more of a so we're more advanced than god actually
because if we were made in his image then god's a monkey then God's a fucking monkey God's a monkey then
fucking
because the first humans
were monkeys
a low browed
heavy headed monkey
you know
deep set eyes
big protruding
like mouth area
real lanky arms
and kind of curved back
I'm picturing God
just like
as a monkey
all of a sudden
be like
snaps his fingers
all of a sudden
a civilization happens
like scaring himself he keeps accidentally creating shit just like as a monkey also be like who snaps his fingers also in a civilization I was like
scaring himself he keeps accidentally creating shit like God God's not smart I would make a
lot more sense God's just a dumbass like monkey and actually creates shit and he doesn't like
know what dude and it just keeps happening scared him I remember the worst thing that like one of
the like I was like how how is this allowed they're
gonna go to hell was when i was watching an episode of south park and they made the character of god
like this disgusting platypus monster looking thing have you ever seen that yeah i have yeah
and i just remember being like oh my god i remember being legitimately offended
but now it doesn't matter i got offended at at South Park about the episode when they made fun of Christian rock.
When they turned a bunch of songs into – well, they turned love songs into Jesus songs.
Yeah, which is hilarious because it's absolutely true.
But I remember watching that and being like –
I feel you inside of me, Jesus.
South Park is great.
South Park – dude, they just don't give an F.
They couldn't be bothered.
They don't give an F. They couldn't be bothered. They don't, but I think at the end of the day,
they're both just
actual assholes. Matt Stone
and Trey Parker? They're the type of person that's
like, where it
comes across as like,
as long as we're having fun, you know what I mean?
Those types of comedians.
Where it's like, as long as
we, I mean, they're, they're, they're judging
everything, right?
They're constantly, they're, they're, they're that person in your friend group that hates
everything, right?
Yes.
But also they do it in a way that's very entertaining.
I'm not saying this is all negative.
I'm saying though, it can get, I like, I feel like them as a personality could be kind of dickish i would
imagine yeah yeah no i get that vibe i i do i mean just like i'm sure we're dickish or a lot of other
people that work and we're not dicks okay sure we're very nice people i i respect them for going to the Academy Awards in drag on acid.
That was awesome, though.
See, that's what I mean.
You need people like that, I think, in the entertainment industry of all places.
You need people that don't give a fuck, that sure, on a day-to-day setting or in a social setting,
might probably be a little like, Jesus fucking Christ, you're always on about this shit.
But I think you need that in terms of like your entertainment.
I can't imagine.
I watched an interview where they were talking about that.
And I get like in theory that sounded funny.
But he said as soon as like the limo door opens and he's tripping
and he suddenly realizes the entire world is watching.
And like that, if you're tripping and that, like that's,
dude, that's got to be freaky. You could see it on their faces. They're like, if you're tripping and that, like that's, dude, that's gotta be freaky.
You could see it on their faces.
They're like, that would be terrifying.
I think at the end of the day, it's cool because they're like your average Joe that has a show.
You know what I mean?
I didn't mean to make that rhyme.
No, keep it going, keep it going, keep it going.
No, no, no, I'm not going to.
No, no, you rhymed again.
I had a thought.
I don't want to go on this.
Go.
Fucking no.
No. You were doing it. I was. No, I, you rhymed again. No, I had a thought. I don't want to go on this pre-investing fucking... No. No!
You were doing it.
I was.
No, I'm not.
Damn.
Well, it was good.
I liked the rhymes.
Yeah.
Yeah, but those guys...
I do get what you're saying,
because I feel like you kind of have to be with that stuff, but...
You need to be able to question everything,
right?
Like I,
I don't think everyone should be questioning everything because then you're
going to be like,
who,
where does this water come from?
Where does this food come from?
Do you wash their food?
Are they putting things in my water that make me think that,
you know,
you're,
you turn into an Alex Jones at some point.
Yeah.
But with them and their show,
I feel like they at least hold it back where you
could see the route they could take to actually have south park be something that propagates
negative ideas or negative concepts or ways to look at things but it's always just like
no we're just shooting the shit we're just having fun we just happen to get this show that's as successful as it is and we get to be assholes
to like big corporations and big companies and we're still successful that's one thing i love
is which is really cool it is because they can basically like they just kind of have this free
pass to us to like make fun of any corporation any person in like they're like it's south park
but people still get mad because it's like oh it's
just that's the thing it's it's just south park because like comedy central is never gonna be
like all right guys south park you went too far this time we're taking you off the air yeah no
because people still watch south park all the time they just had the pandemic special which for some
reason this official south park account kept tweeting at me about i just got this tweet that
said at matt h watson like
the pandemic special is this sunday just a reminder i don't know why i remember the last
time i was surprised by a south park episode um it was whenever this is because i have i i go on
like in and outs of watching it i guess um the last time i watched it was probably a few years
ago and it was the episode where they on screen
rape donald trump i have not seen that one or they rape his likeness let me see if i can
hold up dude they they they really go far sometimes uh i'm i'm no i remember a moment
like that was when they raped george luke or george lucas rapes indiana jones right yeah
some crazy shit on south park I remember a couple of things
on that show where I was like, holy shit.
The first episode I ever saw
was the
Scientology episode, I believe.
Like, okay,
Ryan, what is this?
What is that?
Go behind the scenes to see how
South Park pulled off its first ever supersized episode completely remotely.
Look at the beginning of the tweet.
Oh.
Wait, the South Park account tweeted at you?
At Matt H. Watson, the pandemic special premieres tonight at 8, 7 central on Comedy Central.
Wait.
Hold up.
See?
We got to get to the end. Hold up. See? We gotta get to the end. Hold up.
Is it Mr. Garrison Trump?
Yeah, but they have like a Trump in Canada.
Oh.
How did a U.S. citizen get past my wall?
I came here to find out where my country gone.
Where your country gone?
Where my country gone?
No, where my country gone, bitch?
Nobody talks to me like that, buddy. Nobody talks to me like that, friend. A little rolling around.
A little wrestling.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus.
South Park really goes there sometimes.
You know what episode I...
Jesus Christ.
They, they, uh...
Remember the scissoring episode?
Who, who did they get the scissor?
It's Mr. Garrison and someone else,
but they just, like, animated them, like,
fully scissoring up close, like a bunch.
Oh, dude, I think the thing that freaked me out the most
as a kid was in the episode where Mr. Garrison
gets a sex change they keep like
during the surgery scene they keep cutting back and
forth to real legit footage of
a sex reassignment surgery
and like they'll just be like alright
now I'm just gonna remove the testicle and like it'll show
real footage of like the balls being
pulled out and stuff.
I was like, oh, my God.
It was on television too.
That's so good.
It's like –
It's really funny.
It's good.
That's why we need – and people might have mistaken when I called them assholes.
I don't mean that coming from like – I'm not trying to be a dick or say that it's a negative thing that they're assholes.
I think it's a good thing that they're assholes because that's what makes South Park
what it is.
And it gives them
the confidence and
the want to kind of
take on or kind of test the limits
I feel in the way that they do.
I wish we were South Park characters
man. Well PewDiePie
was on South Park. They put Game Grumps in South Park.
When's Super Mega going to be on South Park? They Park they did yeah the name game yeah so when Ike opens you see Ike's browsing history
in the episode and it says Game Grumps and Markiplier and PewDiePie didn't they actually
get PewDiePie to be like apt there's a two-part episode that he's in like he's in it he's in like
the corner of the screen which that's when's Super Mega getting a South Park episode I don't know dude like
Felix has done a lot hasn't
he he was on Colbert like
interviewed he like I think Colbert
he's yeah I mean Felix really has done
a lot will he be
interviewed now on like left wing
media media I guess
is he seen
as a right figure
right now, regardless?
I don't think anymore.
For a while, for sure.
I still feel like there's a lot of people who hold that grudge.
Yeah, for sure.
I don't know.
What a silly grudge to hold.
It was only language.
It was just speech.
It was his freedom of speech.
I can't play PUBG anymore and never see that bridge without it.
Can we rebuild that bridge in our Minecraft server?
Sure, man.
Well, we can get him on an episode and then we can be like, okay, stand here.
We have something special to show you.
We'll build like a little box for him to put his character in.
I've been playing Minecraft all weekend with Christian.
Well, I've been reading ads all weekend.
Like what?
You think you could help me this time?
Yeah, I could help you with a few.
Okay.
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Did that help?
Was it good?
Yeah.
Was I good enough?
Yeah.
You were saying something about Minecraft.
Oh, yeah.
Before we started the ad reads or whatever.
I was just playing Minecraft a lot this week.
And on Saturday, I woke up and I think all day I just played Minecraft.
And it felt really good because I usually don't do anything like that.
I usually never play games all day.
But I was like, you know what?
Frick it.
I had a good week.
I treated myself to play a little bit of Minecraft.
And I really enjoyed it.
No, wait.
No, I'm sorry.
Saturday I went to George's house.
But then Sunday I played Minecraft all day.
I wonder if that's going to make anyone turn off the podcast.
You're talking the whole time.
We need to record some more of those.
I haven't played nothing but Sea of Thieves, dude.
That's what I'm addicted to.
Wait.
Do you want to play tonight?
What?
Sea of Thieves.
Why? Just because Jackson and Christian were going to play tonight? What? Sea of Thieves. Why?
Just because Jackson and Christian were going to play tonight and they wanted to ask if
I wanted to try it for the first time.
Oh, shit.
Do you want to join too?
Do you want to play some Sea of Thieves?
I'm down.
I'm down.
I've never played it, so.
You've never played it?
I've never played it.
I can see people not really getting into it.
And by people, I mean.
Me?
All of y'all.
No, Jackson and Christian play a ton. Okay, they okay they play a ton yeah they play it every week oh wait really christian streams it and jackson streams it
christian streams it yeah i don't even know they stream it now yeah i i am i am excited to
to try it though i do gotta keep up i haven't't seen Jackson stream in a bit.
Yeah, dude, you know what? I tell you what, man.
I'll just be sitting in my room
and I hear Jackson screaming from his room.
You know, I just hear him screaming and streaming.
Oh, screaming and streaming!
I'm trying to adjust the snapback
of my Cookie Monster snapback right now.
Dude, I'm just going to be honest, though.
Minecraft is...
I've been having a big Minecraft reawakening,
partly due to the fact that we've been playing it
for Super Mega.
And I've been having just so much fun playing it,
but I've been playing it personally
on a little in-home server,
and it's just been...
It's the fucking best game ever, man.
It literally is like the best game ever made.
It's just unbelievable.
It's just so beautiful.
You can do whatever you want.
There's platforming, survival.
Everything, man.
Create creativity.
You can build a computer in it with Redstone.
Wasn't there someone who was like, i did microsoft word using redstone yeah
people like do crazy shit with it like i saw someone build build a calculator that worked
it's like how i don't know i don't know tune into our minecraft series where we'll be doing
things like that no i love we're like we're what eight episodes in
and we managed
nine
we managed
no way
yeah we did nine
we did three
no we did three
and then five
that's eight
you bitch
oh fuck
you're trying to lie to me
sorry
we got them recorded
one's apparently
gonna be uploaded today
I'm so excited to watch it
I'm gonna watch it
today
that's the most fun
I've had recording a series
in like years
that would
I cannot wait for that to come out
I'm waiting for that
gotta think of a thumbnail
you're right
we do run into some tragedy though in episode 6
yeah
and uh
end of episode 6 that's all I'll say
episode still
sorry still episode 3 is still probably
my favorite costume I've worn.
It's great.
We change our Minecraft skins every single episode,
and we don't tell each other what we're going to be.
So when we load in for the episode,
it's when we see each other for the first time.
So technically we've gone through 16 skins?
Yeah, 16 skins.
I'm adding them all to my Minecraft library,
and when I look at my skin library, it's just awful.
It's just the worst.
to my Minecraft library and when I look
at my skin library
it's just awful.
It's just the worst.
I need to get some
that aren't like
even IPs.
I just need to have
some bad skins
that people make
every now and then.
A good thing to do
is go on like
the Skindex
or one of those websites
and just sort by new
and you'll just see
all these ones
that like 11 year olds make
and they suck.
Because you'll see
ones 11 year olds make.
There was one
that looked
like a lego character that you wore the other day it was just a smiley face that was that was the
roblox okay you look like a roblox man but uh i'll split first episode i got my skin was x is
extantassian but it was clearly done by like i think it was done by like a 14 year old because
there were good skins of x but i i chose a bad one and And just go sort by new, and you'll find like IPs.
It'll be like Iron Man.
We'll just be like red with just a yellow circle in the middle.
Yeah, we should pick them for each other sometime.
Like we should give each other our passwords
so I get to sign into your account and change yours via browser.
So then we load in.
Yeah, we load in.
We eat the skin that the other person chose.
Doesn't it smell like taco meat?
It does.
It does.
It's a bit sour.
It's a bit sweet.
Robust.
Yeah.
Like sour.
It is interesting.
Is it because I've been eating unhealthily lately?
Probably.
The way you eat does affect the way you smell.
I've been eating.
Oh, my God.
I had a whole week of bad eating.
Oh, really?
Seven full days.
Hey, don't make it eight.
I won't.
Don't make it eight.
I am...
I have been sober for eight days now.
Nice.
How many more days until you go in, whatever?
I don't know.
They said they would call me.
They called me to tell me...
They called me the other day to say they would call me.
And so I'm waiting on that.
Hey, so we're going to call you.
That's literally what they call me.
Like, hey, Matthew, we got your referral from the doctor.
We'll call you.
And I was like, thank you.
And I'm still waiting.
So you don't know how much longer.
They didn't even give you.
You'll be doing this for two weeks and then going in.
It's just like.
No, I actually really.
I feel really good, though.
Like, right.
It's super noticeably different.
Like, the biggest notice is I just have more energy during the day when I don't drink.
When you don't drink?
When you don't smoke?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I quit.
I had a little cave in with a little nicotine, a little puff bar right before.
So I quit nicotine and any kind of substance.
And it feels good.
It feels really good.
The urge to want to drink is way down
the first few days I was like fuck I just want to drink
but
I'm just so used to drinking because I usually drink like
every day I have a couple beers when I get home or something
we're a heavy
drinking household here at
with the Tucker Bros
if I lived with someone
I would probably drink more but I don't want to drink alone drinking household here at, uh, if I Tucker bros lived with someone,
I would probably drink more,
but I don't want to drink alone.
And I'd rather just smoke up alone.
See,
that's the thing.
When we lived together,
neither of us were really into drinking.
And then after I turned 21,
I would get that whiskey sometimes.
And I drink it in my room and you'd get that wine.
But then the Tucker brothers,
they,
they drink a lot.
Yeah.
And they,
well,
they came straight out of fucking college, right?
So they still have that.
And Jackson's really into making drinks.
So he's making drinks every night.
And Christian's living with us and he loves drinking too.
So every day when everyone's making drinks and stuff,
I'm like, oh, fun.
I'll have a drink.
Do you want to try this drink I made?
You're like, I mean, I might as well help a friend.
I feel good though.
I feel healthier.
I don't feel as tired throughout the day, which is a big thing,
which is very important. And I'm starting to exercise too. I've been doing just little things,
like just like 20 pushups a day, just something small. Do you think that one of the main factors
could have been like your health ultimately? Cause I've noticed that like there are times
and I'm starting to eat worse and I noticed it it when I wake up. Like, even when I woke up this morning versus even how I slept, I'll get...
When I'm smoking cigarettes and I'm eating poorly, I notice that I have worse energy.
I sleep worse.
My head...
Yeah.
I have more headaches more frequently.
I am more kind of strained.
Joe?
What did he say?
He said, you ain't black.
That was hilarious.
Yeah, it's, I've been forcing myself to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I have,
I never eat breakfast.
So I'm forcing myself to do that on a consistent schedule and I'm starting to actually get
hungry in the morning now because I always get hungry late at night, but I'm not allowing myself to do that on a consistent schedule. And I'm starting to actually get hungry in the morning now.
Because I always get hungry late at night.
But I'm not allowing myself to eat late at night.
So I can rewire my eating schedule.
It's just a little exercise.
I actually exercised really hard yesterday for the first time.
And it sucked.
It sucked so bad.
It's when you pass that.
It's when you get the runners high or whatever.
It's like you'll be working and it sucks.
And all of a sudden there will be a point where your brain is like, oh, keep going.
Come on.
Think of how much you're losing.
Think of how good your body's going to feel after this.
And the truth is your body doesn't feel good.
It feels awful for the next two days.
Yeah.
Because you're sore.
I'm a little sore today, but I know that tomorrow I'm going to wake up.
Did you do weight training?
No, I did interval training in my backyard with Christian where it was this.
Max interval training is the best.
Well, I don't know if it might be better for weight loss than it is for gaining muscle or anything.
But what I did was.
You need to do like, you need to use your own body weight against you to start out when you're doing like, when you're gaining some.
That's what I was doing.
Basically, 20 second squat directly into 20 second.
Okay, if we're doing squats. Yeah, I was about about to say if you're doing like more cardio in terms of
like no okay then immediately into 20 second plank immediately back in a 20 second squat
back in a 20 second plank 20 seconds yeah christian's pretty fit shoulder taps back to
plank back to squat back to plank and then do that three times and it fucking killed me i by
the end i was shaking i couldn't hold the plank i kept falling and i was in the backyard and then do that three times and it fucking killed me. By the end, I was shaking. I couldn't hold the plank.
It kept falling.
And I was in the backyard and then all these ants started crawling on me and I was freaking
out.
I got bit by mosquitoes, but...
One of the uncles?
Yeah.
And I didn't get it at first.
I got that, man.
That's good.
Thanks, man.
I fucking love uncles, dude.
I can't get enough of my uncle.
Ooh, great news.
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For extra protection, the iOS 14 update includes silenced junk callers, dude.
That's big.
Oh, shit.
A new feature that auto-blocks potential spam calls and sends them to your recent calls
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I really like the new iOS.
I gotta piss, man.
Okay.
More ads, I guess? I don't. I gotta piss, man. Okay. More ads, I guess?
I don't want to do more.
Fine.
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How was the sprinkle?
Good, good.
Lifted the seat seat sprinkled away you know my grandmother and
my grandfather's bathroom in their trailer home they have a little uh embroidered framed picture
of your penis yeah anyway guys now it says uh if you sprinkle when you tinkle please be neat
and wipe the seat.
That's so true.
You know, people in public restrooms wouldn't get that.
Dude, you look ripped when you just did that.
Really?
When you did that, yeah.
It looked like you had big fucking muscles.
You're looking good.
You're looking really good.
Thanks.
You are.
Well, Matt, maybe I do have big muscles.
Ever think of that?
Yeah.
No, I look like it.
I don't think I do. i don't work out my muscles enough
every every usually every guy because they men tend to have more muscle mass than women sorry
ladies it's just i blame god but uh usually it's just easier to maintain muscle muscle mass um
we'll see because i'm skinny a lot of people, when they flex, it looks like their muscles are just like part of their body.
Because I'm so skinny, when I flex, you can just see my bone and then the muscle just sitting on top.
It's just, see, just right there.
That looks good.
But like when I flex, I don't even think it looks like a muscle.
Flex for me.
100% it is.
Yeah.
Really?
Does it look solid?
Yes.
Absolutely.
See that big bump right there?
That bicep?
I'm trying to get my bi's big, bro.
Bro.
Oh, let me just-
I was going to say-
I was going to say we should work out together, but the problem is our workouts are so different.
Yeah.
You know?
We're working out for the opposite reasons of each other.
Yeah.
I need to focus just high interval training and cardio for me
I mean it would be good for me to honestly do
The interval training that you're doing as well
Because the more muscle you build the easier it is to burn calories
I'm using a website
And the more calories that your body burns off naturally
I'm using this website that Christian got me on
That he's used since high school
I forgot what it's called but basically it's just a bunch of PDF images
Losers.com
Yeah probably dude shut the fuck up Loserswith of PDF images. Losers.com. Yeah, probably. Dude, shut the fuck up.
Losers with baby penis syndrome.com.
Someone should buy that and redirect it to the website I'm talking about.
It's basically, it'll just, it's like a bunch of different types of workouts, but each one's like a page.
And it just shows you like icons of what to do.
And then you repeat it like a couple times. So it'll be like 20 second push-up 20 second squat but and then you
just go down it and then two minute break then do it again two minute break literally made for that
they have an app too maybe it's the same it's called seven something oh yeah seven seven minute
workouts and the thing is seven minutes is usually like an interval or like two intervals
three intervals but you can go and set it to like 21 minutes you're just doing fucking so many
intervals of that shit yeah i really realized how out of shape i was last week because i went for a
walk late at night um with jackson and we're walking around we were walking on this trail
late at night and jackson's like uh uh-oh, I got to have diarrhea.
And he's like, we got to go home.
So he started going home.
I'm following him.
We're going home.
And he starts running.
And I'm like, okay, I'll run too.
And I ran.
We both ran for a little while.
And my heart felt like it was going to explode.
It hurt so bad.
And I had to stop running.
I couldn't breathe.
And my heart was, with every pump, it just hurt.
It was like, ah.
So that was kind of a wake-up call. I'm like, fuck, I'm out stop running. I couldn't breathe. And my heart was with every pump. It just hurts. So I, that was kind of a wake up call. I'm like, fuck, I'm out of shape. And what I started
thinking about is especially right now with COVID, if I were to get COVID, I want my body to be as
strong as it can be to fight it off. Because if I'm really unhealthy right now and I get COVID,
it's going to do more damage to me than it would if I had like a healthier heart or
you know, more body mass or
so I'm taking supplements every day and I'm trying to
get my heart healthy and my
lungs healthy. So if I get COVID,
I got, I got, it's like
in Minecraft when you got the armor on top,
you know, it's a little, little bit extra.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah. So. I'm
shaking my head. I chose not to speak because y'all don't own me.
I don't need to fucking talk if I don't want to.
It's a podcast.
We could just have silence and upload the silence if we wanted.
Can we do silence and then 20 minutes in do some ads and then 20 minutes later do some ads and just upload that as a podcast?
Because technically we're meeting the ad agency requirements. Can we say we're doing that as a podcast? Because technically we're meeting the
ad agency requirements. Can we say we're doing it
for a purpose?
As a protest? As a protest
to all the silence in Canada
about
the problems Canada has
but doesn't like talking about. How about that?
We don't say anything, just the problems Canada has.
How about it's
for the war going on in armenia right now it's for it's it's in consideration for trump because
we will not speak until he is clean of covid in this disease and if he dies we will continue to
not speak in his honor so like five years from now we're on episode like 600. It's just silent. And then 20 minutes in, Ryan, do you like shopping online?
Oh, man.
I do like trying to make ad reads fun because let's be honest.
I don't.
I just like money.
Yeah, well, I do too, but I'm dumb.
Oh, you're right.
Because no one wants to listen to ad reads.
Oh, my God, dude.
The mic was resting on your penis when you're right. Because no one wants to listen to ad reads. Oh, my God, dude. That literally was, the mic was resting on your penis when you did that.
Yeah, so it couldn't have heard my fart.
That's true.
That's true.
But we try to make them fun for you guys.
Oh, oh.
Stop, dude.
Ryan, that's disgusting, dude.
You have to never let anyone else use that microphone.
Stop, dude.
That's so gross.
He's using the microphone
like it's a dildo.
No? How do you use a dildo
on your penis and balls?
You could stick it down the shaft. I mean, how do you use
a dildo to wear as a hat?
Because I was just wearing it as a hat.
Stop, Ryan. It's upsetting to me that
you're rubbing your cock and balls with the microphone.
Why?
It's turning me on. Oh, shit.
That's why it's making me uncomfortable with my own sexuality.
Stop.
Dude.
Oh, my God.
But for me, it's just funny because it's just people listening to the sound of a grown man. The sound of the mic rubbing on your gym shorts over your gooch and balls.
Oh, it's so hot, dude.
Dude, I got so horny listening to the last super mega cast
that's what your mom thinks shut up dude this one's for you man shut the
stop dude that legitimately was was his i could see the outline of his balls through his gym
shorts moving over the outside of the microphone so that that's what that was. That's why people come for this podcast, man.
It's because we're so zany and goofy.
We're just zany, man.
They can't predict what we're going to do next.
We're just so random, dude.
People just, they can't get enough of the goofs.
It's like, what are they going to talk about next?
Fry tacos.
See?
What are French fry tacos?
What does that even mean?
Does that mean little
taco fries del taco has that they put french fries on their tacos it's called making it epic style
do they have a blooming onion taco no i don't think that'd be good what about a blooming onion
chowder no it's del taco why would they have an item from Outback Steakhouse? The Del Taco Bloomin' Onion Chowder.
Dude, Del Taco's Bloomin' Onion Fish Chowder is the best fucking meal I've ever had.
What's the worst thing a fast food chain could put out?
What's the worst thing McDonald's could possibly put out?
Literally just-
Clam chowder?
No.
They literally-
Think of how they have it wrapped up like a burger.
The burgers are wrapped up and it says hamburger
one of those wrapped up except it's just
shit it's literally just someone
takes a shit right into one
of those little things and tinfoil
rolls it up and puts it in
your bag imagine you're unrolling tacos
and one of them is just a piece of shit
the McPheecees
that's good
Feesees McFlurry.
They got that
Chips Ahoy McFlurry right now. I've been meaning
to try. The what? Chips Ahoy
McFlurry at McDonald's. Ooh.
But, man, I'll tell
you what. I'll tell you what, Ryan. They have the Oreo
thing at
Sonic's, which is pretty good. Are there
even any Sonic's around here? No.
I love Sonic, man.
I love it so much.
And I can't.
Remember the toasters where it was like the chick, the, you know?
Like the Texas toast?
The grilled bread with the, yeah.
Fuck, dude.
Sonic is so good.
Chicken and cheese and bacon.
Why the fuck do they not have it out in LA?
The chili poppers, the pepper poppers.
What are they?
The cheddar.
Jalapeno.
Jalapeno poppers.
Jalapeno poppers, dude.
And then, remember you could get like Happy Hour and get a huge fucking drink for like poppers the pepper poppers what are they the cheddar jalapeno poppers dude and then remember
you could get like happy hour and get a huge fucking drink for like such a small price you
know what their worst shit is though they're like fucking gatorade or powerade slushies they have
and they pour like nerds into it i don't want that i got that one so i was like oh this sounds
awesome i got a powerade slushy and they poured a bunch of nerds candies into it. What did they pour nerds into? I don't know.
I guess that was like the thing they were doing at the time.
And I took a sip and it was like sweet and acidic and burned my tongue.
And then just a bunch of fucking nerds in my throat.
So I didn't like it very much.
But they do have good milkshakes.
And they're, dude, they're fucking.
Their burgers are fine.
Their hot dogs, their burgers, their chicken.
Chili dogs are great.
Sonic's just good.
Besides, their mozzarella sticks
I usually always got
mozzarella sticks
when I went there
I love that video
of the dude
his first day on the job
at Sonic
and it's just
someone's
it's like a really short video
someone's filming him
like leaving out the door
it's like first day on the job
and then it cuts to them
filming him
like on Snapchat
where he's just like
eating shit
and dropping all the food
it's so funny.
So I can find it real quick.
Oh, sorry.
I almost kicked over a measuring cup.
It's okay, dude.
Why is there a measuring cup in here?
Remember I was using it for that joke in the brand deal video where I was peeing in your hands and I was using that to pour water.
Oh, yeah.
It was a Foley device.
Then they said cut out.
Someone was like, why would you do brand deals that make you change your content?
It's like because a lot of brands don't want the word cunt in their thing.
And that's fully acceptable.
And I see that.
I don't get why a brand would be so mad if we said cunt.
I really don't get it.
I do think sometimes they go a bit far.
I'm kidding.
I totally get cunt and stuff like that.
But, like.
One of the jokes in retrospect did make sense why they made us cut it.
And at the time we didn't get it.
But then it clicked days later.
We were like, oh.
Yeah.
But.
Okay.
Could you imagine, though?
They were probably like, those fuckers.
They thought we were just making fun of them.
Good.
Because fuck them. They're a big business. fun of them. Good. Because fuck them.
They're a big business.
We just want their money.
Yeah, I do.
I just want some.
Here's the thing.
We're the suckers.
Even though we're getting money, they're using us to make more money off of our audience,
man.
I know, dude.
I know.
I know.
Corporate America.
Corporate America.
You just can't win in a capitalist society
Sorry
Do we have any more dollars? I need to wipe away my tears
I only have a hundred
I'm kidding, that's a joke
What do you mean? Of course that's a joke
I don't know, people always come up with something
Was Ryan really wiping his tears with dollars?
Ryan shits in homeless people's mouth on purpose
because he hates the fans so much i don't know people have a stick up their butt is that true
do you maybe just something i can't came up with randomly it doesn't have to be true but if it was
it doesn't mean that it's illegal if they asked for it if they're the ones asking me to take a
shit in their goddamn mouth and and i'm paying for it i say that it ones asking me to take a shit in their god damn mouth
and I'm paying for it
I say that it's a service
it's not bullying
it's not using someone
no if they weren't then it's a service
yeah exactly
super mega presents bum fights
bum poops
where we rate the poops of homeless people
we watch homeless people take a shit in an alleyway
and then we kind of
inspect it and dissect it and give it
a rating. And one to ten
is how many dollars we give them. That's a good
show idea, isn't it? We're just full of
good ideas. And the thing is, the thing that
sucks is that they can't produce a good poop
unless they eat well. And if you're homeless, who knows
what you're eating. Exactly. So that's, the show
does have a lot of variety. Remember when the
guy that made bumfights went on Dr. Phil, but he just shaved his head
and dressed just like Dr. Phil to look just like him?
Yeah.
And Dr. Phil's like, get off my stage.
I'm not doing this.
And he's like, why?
Why?
Because that guy's a piece of shit for what he does.
Yeah.
The Bumfights shit.
But that shit was so funny.
Well, Dr. Phil knew what he was doing.
He just comes dressed up as Dr. Phil.
It's because you can't retort that.
You can't just talk down to someone when they fucking make fun of you like that.
Oh my God, dude.
Dr. Phil, man.
He looks like a creepy porcelain doll.
Dude, him and Steve Harvey look like two different versions of the same person.
They both suck.
Steve Harvey and Dr. Phil.
My grandma, when I was a kid, my grandma, I guess she didn't have cable.
She would always come over to my house to watch the Steve Harvey show.
And it was like her favorite thing.
You were doing some Netflix and chill with your nanny?
So my mom would be like, your grandma's coming over.
And she'd come and sit in the living room and put on, I'd have to get off the TV so my grandma could watch the Steve Harvey show.
Actually, my grandmother, fun fact, my grandmother was the president of.
The United States.
Wow.
Of one of their, I forgot what it's called.
It was a big feminist group, like early feminist group.
She was the president of some massive feminist group.
A lot of feminists were still racist, Matt.
That's true.
Yeah.
Well, my grandma wasn't racist.
I can assure you of that.
How about your grandfather?
Oh, I don't know.
I never met him.
I never met the poor chap.
I'm sure he's smiling down from heaven though on everything I've been doing
with his lineage
that's an interesting assumption
smiling up from hell
then maybe
he was not religious
whose father did you just
say was in hell
I didn't say he's in hell I said maybe
but here's the thing
my grandfather was an atheist was he? My mom's. He's in hell. I didn't say he's in hell. I said maybe. But here's the thing.
My grandfather was an atheist.
Was he?
Yeah.
So why does your mom, where did that come from?
Your grandmother?
I guess so, yeah. I remember someone told me, I can't remember, they're like, yeah, your mom wasn't really
so religious.
Usually it was like later in life.
I think when people get later.
Is that what's going to happen to us?
We're going to just be atheists or whatever and then we're just gonna not atheists i guess well technically everyone's
agnostic blah blah i'm not here to fight definitions but later in life are we gonna
want to just join a congregation and assimilate you know yeah and it's it's it's basically uh
like my dad always says that to me. He's like, you'll come back
around, son. I know you will. Like
saying I'm going to be a Christian when I'm in my 40s or 50s.
He thinks it's because you're young and stupid
and you don't know as much as wise old him.
He says I'm going to be a Republican and he says
I'm going to be a Christian. He says I'm going to come back around
once I realize how much money the government's taking from me.
Does he know that
both Democrat and Republican
policies have both in the past and currently have both go into taking our money and letting the rich keep – never mind, never mind.
It's fine.
It's just the Democrats.
It's both those idiots.
Also –
I'm a proud Democrat.
I'm a proud Republican.
I wish I had met my grandfather because he – I got his nose, dude. I got his big-ass honker. I saw a picture of him. I look a proud Democrat. I'm a proud Republican. I wish I had met my grandfather.
I got his nose, dude. I got his big ass honker.
I saw a picture of him.
I look a lot like him.
But he died before I was born.
Sounds like a good man.
A man with conviction and morals.
Well, he might have not been religious because he fought in World War II at Iwo Jima.
And he was there at the flag raising.
Fun fact.
You know when they're all putting the flag up? Yeah. He wasn't in the
picture but he was there and saw it.
And he had PTSD for the rest of his
life and my mom said every time like a firework
would go off he'd like dive under a desk and like
tear up and everything so
sounds like that was fun.
So yeah.
People
like I know this is like
kids nowadays but they really can't fathom the horrors
of what countries put
their citizens through in terms of
well the crazy thing is back then kids would want to do that
like they would lie to say
they're 18 so they could go to war
because they're brainwashed by patriotism
like they would literally like a 16 year old be like I just want to go fight in war
and like lie about it and just to go fucking
fight in war
because it was like glorified as this awesome thing uh and you're this like it's just awesome and then you get out there
and it's like oh i guess wars i don't know i couldn't dude imagining like being in combat is
one of the scariest things i can imagine so i mean like the people that choose to do it's very brave
but it's it's terrifying to me yeah like I watched The Thin Red Line
the Terrence
Terrence Malick
the Russian thing
I still have to watch that
no what's
what's the director's name
Terrence
Malick
yeah Terrence Malick
it's about
island hopping
Terrence Malick did
Thin Red Line
yeah it's about
island hopping
in World War 2
okay
and they're
it's them fighting
the Japanese
and what the Japanese japanese and it has what
the japanese and it has like john c reilly tom crew a ton of people in it but it's really good
but it just like made me realize like how fucking scary war is same with 1917 dude that shit
that's where i was talking about frontier America. All like the fucking kind of like just how it's,
it's,
it's essentially because the brutality of the environment or the politics,
whatever was going on was reflected in the social,
I guess,
kind of relationships at that time.
There's no laws at that time.
So when you think of war being brutal,
you like it is.
And like,
just there's pure acts of it,
but like,
it's also there also I don't know
it's like
we could
developed countries
can only go into
underdeveloped countries and
cause violence
they don't want to go into other
developed nations because then that would cause a big
you know yeah you're never going to see China invade America or vice versa.
You always see us, you know, invading some Middle Eastern country, some African country.
Fuck one of those up.
South American area, you know.
We'll go there and fuck around.
Oops, we broke your government.
Sorry.
Oopsies.
But we freed you.
Oopsies, we destabilized the region and made it easier for terrorist organizations to wreak havoc upon the populace.
Why are there all these goddamn terrorists now?
Why do they hate America?
Have you ever read about the banana wars?
Yes.
They killed a lot of people and overthrew bananas.
But, hey, bananas are fucking good.
And did you know about bananas?
The bananas we have now are
You've said this before
They're trash bananas apparently
Because apparently old bananas used to be so much better
And they don't exist anymore they're extinct
And there were different types of bananas
And now we just got one little trash banana
You know that's what people say about the environment
You know they say
The environment was a lot better back in the day before autumn
It's like okay
You're just saying that to make me Make me jealous They say, the environment was a lot better back in the day before autumn. It's like, okay, bull.
You're just saying that to make me jealous and make me be a little more environmentally conscious.
And when someone says that to me, you know what I do?
I get in my lifted truck and I fire off the smokestack.
So it goes and blows out all that coal smoke.
Nice.
Did you ever see those in South Carolina?
I'm sure you did.
Yeah.
The guys that would have the smokestacks on the truck.
Some of them in high school.
And they would just blow the black smoke out.
I remember a popular thing at, I think it was both at the beginning and the end of the
days, was there would always be some like big truck with one of, I guess, the popular
kids.
Who's probably have some fucking problems now.
Because, you know. they're probably already divorced.
They've been married and divorced already.
The life of a popular kid with a big truck who gets all the attention in high school.
Ultimately, unfortunately, their life doesn't amount to much usually.
But in this case, maybe it did.
But usually I'm saying I remember like when the loud trucks like one particular would
just kind of like the doors would be open.
He'd just be sitting out there.
You know, people would gather around to the loud noise because the alpha has signaled his lackeys.
The alpha has spoken.
And the betas come from far and wide to soak in the glory.
And he goes and points, okay.
And then all the betas go.
Were you the one they pointed at? And all the betas go were you the one they pointed at and all the betas laugh
in unison yeah i had uh people uh not in high school but middle school that would uh one time
on a field trip pulled my arms back and like wrote like like red magic marker all over my nails and
called me a damn dude yeah that's that's straight up like legit bullying it is wow i remember one
time uh i was walking on the sidewalk on my way home from school,
and this kid yells the F-slur at me out the window,
and his mom was driving.
And I was like, what?
That's the popular thing I've noticed.
There are people who yell it loud, the F-slur.
I'm going to say bag, because they'd roll down the...
Bag!
So the kid didn't hear.
Scream like, bag! Like try to scare you, like make you jump. I'm going to say bag because you know they'd roll down bag scream like bag
like try to scare you like make you jump
someone threw a drink
at me once out of their car when they were going but didn't hit me
oh yeah they do that too
they'd throw like water bottles or whatever
just what kids do for some reason
because they know they're going to be a mile
down the road before you can do anything
I mean what can you honestly
do that's just what little
dipshits do. It's what cowards
do, I would say. Throw it and then stop the
car. People who don't have any kind of sense of
control are kids who probably are abused
somewhat verbally, physically,
emotionally, however they are at home. They don't
have a good life. And so they use the little
bit of power they do have to enact that
vengeance upon what they deem
is weaker person
to them now you and i do something similar but to jackson what what we do is drive around glendale
and you'll yell red dead redemption voice lines out the window of people you'll be like that was
so funny we're fucking driving around ryan has his head out the window and every time we pass them on the side was like fine day
It's a fine day in it. Hey partner
Why'd you do that do what just yell Alvin does that smell you smell that
No, it smells like tacos, but it's not your arm. No no no It's like someone did something out there right Jackson's probably making some Trader Joe's
fucking
fucking tacos
microwave tacos
damn
this is making me hungry man
I'm gonna have to go
get some of those too
and what do you say
we call it a day right here
nah
let me just send this text
hold up
let me just
hold up
okay cool bye everyone
you Bye.