supermegashow - EP 223 - Santa's Real, Snowflakes!

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

Happy holidays, everyone! Hope you enjoy this podcast where we talk about festive stuff as well as other things that may or may not be boring! Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com/supermega Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code SUPERMEGA20 at Manscaped.com To get your 15% off your first order and free shipping go to MeUndies.com/supermega get started on your personalized self-care routine by going to Hawthorne dot C O and use promo code supermega to get 10% off your first purchase Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Introducing Tim's new Savory Pinwheels. The perfect flaky and flavourful snack for those on the go. Like me, who's recording this while snacking. Woo! Delicious! Try the roasted red pepper and Swiss, or caramelized onion and parmesan pinwheels only at Tim's. At participating restaurants in Canada for a limited time. Hey everybody. That's a very evil Santa laugh.

Welcome to the Christmas special of the Super Megacast, everyone. Yeah, we put those in the beginning because as our present to you this year, we wanted to put some text tones that you guys can download and use as your text tone. So Ryan played them out loud so you guys can download it and snip them out if you want. I just looked up Christmas sound effects on

YouTube and decided to play some Christmas-y vibes. Dude, that got me in the spirit, man. Before the podcast, my man. That got me in the fucking holiday spirit. I'm feeling the cheer man how the fuck is everyone doing uh this matt failed to turn on the lantern he also spilled a bunch of water on himself just now uh in fact as i was saying it that's what was going on let me take a picture of that yeah and so and you gotta have to send that to me and unfortunately uh audio

only listeners of the podcast will not be able to enjoy these pictures but on YouTube you can just go and skip around and find them or for people who are on YouTube listening to this for the first time thank you for supporting us on YouTube by the way and also thank you to those supporting us on audio anyway you're supporting us but you'll get

to see the wet couch do you need to go switch over here the water bottle the cap was on halfway, and I sat down on it, so it just, all of a sudden I felt something wet, and I looked down, and there's water everywhere. Right as I was saying I'm in the Christmas spirit, I'm not in the Christmas spirit anymore.

That really pissed me off. And it was this day that Matt Watson's heart shrunk three sizes you got to get me back in the christmas spirit man give me some cheer um okay hold up hold up let me see if there's another christmas sound effects music video okay alright it's coming back

yeah it's back it's back oh santa claus are those bells or is that like that's santa's car keys he's just jingling them around that's someone walking in snow Someone blow on

Oh they like ring the doorbell Sounds very aggressive How are these Christmas sounds Was that Santa Claus Cause it's like That's Santa Claus when there's not a chimney Alright come on open up He just gets a fucking battering ram

You just kind of like You can uh They have those doors where you can see the silhouette of someone, but it kind of blurs them a little. So it's just the silhouette of an angry Santa Claus. Big red. And with every thump, it cracks the door just a little more. And he comes through and he puts the presents under the tree and takes the milk and cookies. And like the Foley artists do a good job in this scene. They make sure they get those nice sounds of like Santa's boots like stepping on the glass as he's walking in. Oh, yeah.

Fuck God, dude. Am I the only one that just like gets like I come to good Foley like in film. Yeah. Like it gets me hard. I become like like a successful NASA rocket launch. Not one of the ones that blows up. They don't have that many. That's mainly Elon stuff that blows up.

NASA hasn't had an explosion in a long time. So for some reason, well, I had to figure like in a lot of testing, there were a lot of explosions. Unless for some reason, like, I don't know the history. Maybe we were better than we were with plane travel, because plane travel was just a bunch of people crashing for a while, wasn't it? Yeah, well, rockets used to blow up a lot more, but we kind of got our shit together. Elon's stuff, he had one blow up recently. Did you see that video? Nerd.

It was, like, landing, and it was just... Maybe he should do better math next time yeah elon uh that's the second rocket of yours to blow up uh i'm sure investors love that did you see his most recent tweet or whatever i don't follow him wait was it let me see well i don't follow him i just saw someone reacting to him not a huge uh elon i i actually don't know if it was a meme so i don't want to spread fake news. Let me see if it's actually. Well, he did put a Pikachu face. Okay.

Virgin artistic integrity. Let's see. Chad, take the money. Okay. He's just posting me. Oh, this one. What is that? When you put he, him in your bio.

He's just like been memeing a lot recently. Dude, what a meme lord, man. He uploaded it. He went, he he, and did this. Oh, that's a Pokemon face. Dude, what a fucking meme lord. Dude, imagine being a centa billionaire, which means he has over a hundred billion dollars. And just getting mad and shitposting about gender pronouns on Twitter. just getting mad and shit posting about gender pronouns on Twitter.

This, like, he sounds like a fucking android discovering the joys of, like, the beach for the first time. You know what I mean? Yeah. Ah. It is so soft and bouncy on this beach. Bouncy? Yeah. It's bouncing up and down?

Well, if you have a beach ball, it's going to be bouncing. Real quick, let me see this beach epic how many figures does elon have in his bank i can't even put in the calculator it's too big but he has he has one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve figures oh we only make nine with superman i know that's frustrating that's really fucking frustrating man when are we gonna be that rich fuck when we upload consistent content okay okay okay we deserve that one oh oh come on is this the roast of super mega on comedy central super mega yeah i'd love to see that with uh do you remember the fucking roast of uh steve-o yeah do you remember... What Amy Schumer said to him? Oh, yeah.

And he just, like, did not smile. What's she been up to? Has she just been writing stuff? I thought her and Jennifer Lawrence had a project at one point they were working on. I don't know. Maybe it fell through. I haven't seen Amy Schumer

in a hot minute. Because it's Hollywood. And it's COVID. Yeah. You know, it's more like Holly Weird. That's what I call it. That's what I call it.'s what i call it i mean

it's all you're talking like we live in in the worst infected state in in our country yeah you know but the fuck the fucking uh what the fuck jackson's just slamming doors why would why did he slam why did he slam the door maybe he also before that i just got mad again a spike of anger surged through my fucking what happened what happened so this is kind of a holiday topic we need to talk i guess more about holiday i got some holiday topics okay well the the season of gift giving right and sometimes that gift giving is you giving a gift to yourself from amazon or some shit this one's not even from amazon i bought it from an outside site which is why like fedex is delivering it but fedex like two or three times in a row now has come to our office not knocked on the door or

rung the doorbell and just left a fucking note on the door. We're definitely like, we know that they're not knocking the door, ringing the doorbell because, well, one, we don't hear it and we're essentially like have a good fuck kind of, I guess. Straight pass. Yeah. I think they just go up and he lightly taps it with his nails and runs back to his truck as fast as he can. I just, I like, I want to hide in a bush

and like, and trip him on his way back and be like, yo buddy. And I'll have a bat in my hand. I'll be like, you know, like me. I can't do the sound, but you know, I'm beating it in my hand. Well, no. Intimidating.

It's an intimidation move. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, hey buddy, where's my stream deck? Where's my colorful deck? Where's my colorful light, huh? You know, my stream looks pretty drab right now, buddy. You wouldn't want me to have

a drab stream for two months in a row, would you? No, no, no, Mr. McGee! What if that's his plan? What if he is, like, trying to sabotage your stream? Like, what if he is like trying to sabotage your stream like what what if he hates super mega and he's like fuck this guy i don't want to get the stream lab i'm not gonna knock so he just he takes the package away every time and just puts the note like sorry we missed

you that's why i have the bat because if if he if he is doing it for malicious intent i feel like i have every right as he's doing harm to my business then i can do harm to his personal well-being in his body yep i love i love that law in america where if someone does harm to your business you can legally cause them physical harm yeah just at least to the extent of like what the medical costs would be to like you have to make it equate to like the loss of the the monetary loss of your business and that's where you have to get an actuary and lawyers and stuff to come in but basically if they can calculate that you can go beat the shit out of that person to that degree

we did it once with someone and it was Ryan and I both took turns very satisfying very good stuff no we paid for it this is a capitalist society we did pay we didn't pay we just lost money beforehand because someone was damaging our business.

And then we got even with the beating. But I call that we paid them in a brutal, brutal attack. An assault. I paid them in punches. I paid them in knuckle sandwiches. Hey, you want some punch for that knuckle sandwich? I made them some knuckles. Knuckles sandwich.

Where did that term come from? Knuckle sandwich? Because you're going to punch someone in the mouth like they're eating your fist. So you're going to make them eat a knuckle sandwich. Punching someone in the face, I feel like would hurt your hands so bad. That's why in all the comedies, whenever someone punches someone, they go, oh, ow, that hurts. That's not like in the movies. Even though they're a movie.

I know. Even though they're in a movie. My favorite thing is like when a movie addresses another movie or in their movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, I love Jim Carrey's The Christmas Carol. It's like, oh, so that who bears said. Yeah, it's like I'm so that exists in this universe. I'm glad that exists in this universe. You know, if you want to knock someone out quick, Ryan,

without hurting your hand, throw a haymaker, hit them right in the temple with this part of your hand. Or I could hit them with a bullet from a gun. You could do that, too. That would do more than knock them out. That would kill the person. That would definitely kill them. Well, depending on where you hit them. I could hit them in the temple with a

golf club. That would probably also kill someone. If you get hit in the temple it's lights out dude like in movies when the main character gets knocked out with like an aluminum bat or a golf club like their head would be split open can if you and i make a movie and that happens to the main character like can it just happen to one of the main characters and for the rest of the movie just in the hospital with like a cracked, protruding skull? Like his brain's popping out of his skull. I know. Please tell me you watched the video I sent you on Instagram yesterday.

Oh, I didn't. I didn't. Okay, just go on. Hold on. It's actually like exactly what we're talking about right now. Have that volume on too. There it is. Okay.

If there's one. No, I think I use facebook less than instagram i was about to say i use instagram hold up where where are you there you are you have to get your your lime green baby dude oh that's why because it's hidden i can't see them oh it's a private page yeah oh they privatized themselves since yesterday. Here, I'll play it for you. Here. That's good! Oh, that's good!

There's a reason. There's a reason slapstick humor and like physical comedy is like, is just, that's probably the first shit people laughed at. Nobody laughed at like jokes, right? Because language didn't exist for a while into our development. I know. It was just screeching shit. And so like when, when like a coconut fell down or like when someone tripped, I'm sure

it would be like, like they go fucking bananas like physical comedy is the first type of comedy and has existed since we were able to under before we were even able to conceptualize comedy that's provable with babies babies laugh when you hurt yourself like babies think that's funny yep dude just the fucking they don't like it when they get hurt though no pussies oh the video i showed right when you hurt yourself. Like babies think that's funny. Yep. Dude, just the fucking- They don't like it when they get hurt though. No, pussies. Oh, the video I showed Ryan- Or when you scream in their face

like- Like that kind of- They don't like it for some reason. That kind of scares them. They always fucking cry when I do that. It pisses me off. But it's an old man

with a crowbar and he's trying to like pull a nail out of a wall and the crowbar slips. It's the perfect. He hits himself in the head. Just square in the face. Then he grabs onto his head like a cartoon character.

But it's the sound. It's the fucking sound. Is that an added sound? Or do you think it actually made that sound? That's good. God, that would hurt so fucking bad. Holy frick. Oh my God.

The Top Comments bro made a cartoon sound. Oh my God, dude. That's crazy. That would hurt so bad. Sorry. That got me really good. I watched it like 20 times yesterday. Dude.

Imagine if you saw like S-Clause on Epstein's flight logs. Would you be able to celebrate Christmas anymore? It's like kind of like the whole thing with Michael Jackson. Can you appreciate his music? Can you separate the art from the art exactly even though those are still like nothing was proved in court with michael jackson more like the court of public opinion cancel court if i you know if i if i saw as mel gibson was attacked was attacked from cancel court he was cancelled

for just sharing his opinion he was just saying his opinion dude we were never supposed to hear those voicemails anyway but basically if I saw it on Epstein's flight logs I'd just be like fuck man I can't celebrate Santa anymore

I actually think that I would see Epstein on Santa's flight logs on the sleigh going up to the North Pole. Oh, shit. Elves and shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Right? Dude, that would be like, see, that's how, that could be the Santa Claus four. You find out that, like, these,, nothing, nothing horrible really did happen.

Epstein was just helping Santa Claus and those weren't kids. They were just just millennium old millennial old elves or whatever. They were going to the island to retire. They were like they were like 500 year old elves. And they go to a tropical island in the Caribbean to retire. Yeah. And little St. James. It's the little St. James.

See little St. James. It's the little St. James. See? Little St. James. It's the little St. James. Little St. James. See? Perfect. Let me try Jingle Epstein. No, that one doesn't work. No.

No, not at all. You could say, you could say, Jelaine Bells. Jelaine Bells. Jelaine Maxwell. Jelaine Maxwell. Jelaine Maxwell's going to jail. To hell.

To hell. Probably. If hell does exist to jail. To hell. To hell. Probably. If hell does exist. Epstein's in heaven having fun. Because right before he died, he went, Lord, forgive me. So then he went to heaven. Yes. That is 100% truth. If he is of Christian faith and you are and you believe

in the whole heaven and hell, whatever. If he if Jesus forgave him, like if he rep whatever, if he, if Jesus forgave him, like if he repented, if he asked for forgiveness, he's up there in heaven. And if you're so mad at Epstein, then, you know, when you

give your last breath, hopefully at the age of, you know, our fans hopefully live to the age of 200 after experiencing such knowledge and wisdom that we bestow upon them you know i just feel like their brains were probably like twice the size of the average person yeah super mega fans exactly do you i see them they got the big swollen heads like with the veins pulsing but it's just because we put so much knowledge into their brain that it

has to get bigger it has to like slowly grow and get bigger to fit all of the knowledge and facts that we spill. Yeah. What if what about Santa Claus for his Epstein didn't actually die, but he got snuck up to the North Pole and he has to become the new Santa Claus. Oh, now Epstein's like, fuck, I have to become Santa. And then he gets figured out and he has to go on the run like on the sleigh from the police but you're cheering for Epstein I was thinking like imagine like a movie about

Epstein but it's like it's like a Pee Wee Herman esque thing like he's putting like imagine Paul Reuben playing Jeffrey Epstein maybe dude I want Mr. Bean like Rowan Atkinson to playing Jeffrey Epstein, maybe. Dude, I want Mr. Bean, like Rowan Atkinson, to play Jeffrey Epstein. Just like bumbling around the island. The estate.

He just accidentally walks into a room with Bill Clinton. He's like, oh. No, dude. This would be the new fucking Forrest Gump. In the new Forrest Gump movie,'d he'd go to Epstein's Island and you know he was always so nice to all the pretty ladies that served the coke in the drinks you know and he had his very own island and it was nice he was always kissing on him and touching him and they know like he said with Jenny's father because he he as a young boy wasn't able to

comprehend to comprehend the physical and emotional and sexual abuse that the father was. Well, the crazy thing is that Forrest Gump's son actually grew up to be an actor and he was in The Sixth Sense. He acted in a lot of movies. Oh, that's crazy. I'm proud of him. Crazy, right? I couldn't think of another Haley Chosman movie. There's one where he was in The Lions one one where his his he has like he was in

tusk tusk yeah the kevin the kevin i was gonna say james the kevin smith movie about the man that turns the other man into a walrus i is that the one where he's kind of chunky yeah i mean he's he he is kind of chunky lately what about uh who cares he looks like a small he's he's a pretty little he's a small doughy bean you know he's a heckin pupper he's um he's he was also in a what was it fucking called it's not called soups it's that superhero show that the boys he was in like an episode of the boys what the season one what's the movie I'm thinking of where he goes to live with his two grandpas and they have lions? They have a lion, like a pet lion.

Between the lions? No, wait. No, no, no. I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm talking about? I know. It's the two grandpas. They have a biplane?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like one of the grandpas is like kind of like a beanie. But it's like it's an in-between between like a really small beanie and a really large yarmulke. You know what I mean? Like those types of beanies. Totally. Between a really small beanie and a really large yarmulke. You know what I mean? Those types of beanies. Totally. I have a... Because I remember when I was a kid, I made my own cover for that movie.

Michael Caine is in it? Is that his name, Michael Caine? Lyons, Haley. The guy who plays Alfred in Batman. Isn't he one of the grandpas? Secondhand Lyons. Secondhand Lyons. That's what it is.

Is Michael Caine in that? Was I right? Who are the old men? Robert Du duvall and michael cain yeah oh okay robert duvall look at you man fucking got it right i only watched that movie once i had that on vhs and i made my own cover for it i thought it was boring because you didn't see the lion that much i thought i was gonna see the lion a shit ton. You see the lion a good bit, but like, that's not. It runs through a cornfield. You know, when you're a kid, it's like, it's kind of like the whole Kangaroo Jack thing when I was a kid.

As I did like Kangaroo Jack. You better not say anything negative about Kangaroo Jack right now. As a kid, I was disappointed that the movie didn't solely focus on kangaroo jack the talking kangaroo you know what i mean yeah i i understand that he doesn't even talk or like what are those movies like uh cuba uh what is it cuba gooding jr he was in snow dogs and remember the trailer showed the dogs talking but in the actual movie that was just kind of like a dream sequence he was in in the five minute portion of the movie and it was just him with a bunch of real snow dogs and it was like a father son like thing dude i'm not like those

movies like snow dogs spirit the horse one uh like i just could like most sports movies like i you think spirits a sports movie is it horses are sports i mean no no i mean like horse racing is a sport you know what i mean like snow dogs spirit like that type of movie like i just don't really like those yeah i watched eight crazy nights last night for the first time you're telling me you didn't watch uh racing stripes with with malcolm in the middle yeah you had to have watched i never saw racing where cedric the entertainer and um and uh bernie mack played flies i dude i'm just can you please check i am no i can check i am to be to see if i'm right i'm just like if i got those two right as like the

because i only saw that once in theaters you didn't see it twice in theaters or three times in theaters just once i know crazy let me once. I know. Crazy. Let me see. Racing Stripes has the comedic flies, right? Dude, I haven't seen it. What movie has the funny flies? It's where Frankie Muniz plays a zebra that races. Wait, what movie am I looking at? I'm looking.

The Electoral College cast their vote. No. Trump won. No, they all voted for Biden. Dude, I might be on something. Who played the flood? Let me see. It wasn't even the racing stripe.

Wait, stripes fly. Fly scene. Let me guess it. buzz and scuzz who played buzz oh uh tim allen oh damn wait who was buzz show me buzz were you wrong i was wrong oh it's even worse who i don't know why i thought it was them I just like in my head I was like oh those are that would be a funny comedic duo it's fucking Steve Harvey and uh and and David Spade oh my god yeah that's a horrible combo I switch like I don't know why. I feel like the Illuminati switched things up. I do not remember David Spade being the voice of a fly in Racing Stripes. Well, David Spade and Bernie Mac are very easily confused characters.

For some reason, I thought Cedric the Entertainer and Bernie Mac did the voice of flies in Racing Stripes. But little did I know, it's fucking Steve Harvey and David Spade. I hate Steve Harvey so much he's such a jackass we talked about like that second episode of our podcast didn't you see him cry in that one youtube video yeah dude uh what about herbie fully loaded remember that movie yeah the one with uh that's the movie that in introduced me to what's his name something what's his name matt matt what's his name matt watson no no no it's the name of the actor dylan yeah the first movie i saw him in damn dude you played the

antagonist remember i didn't see he hurt me fully well you didn't lindsey lohan was in it i didn't think and they had to digitally shrink her breasts really i think so that was bazon goes were too big let me see if that's an actual thing we i think did we talk about this before did you see how she became like a weeaboo but for like uh the middle east yeah and then she tried to kidnap a little uh middle eastern child from its mom but did you see she also started doing like a middle eastern accent and stuff when she talks yes and she's carrying around like a quran everywhere she's been doing that shit yeah i just it's like what do you call like a middle eastern what was i looking up why was i looking

up lindsey lohan uh to see if they made her her her knockers smaller oh yeah lindsey lohan herbie boobs yeah i know what i'm looking at when I get home. Let's see. Disney digitally reduced Lindsay Lohan's breasts by two cup sizes so the film would be more acceptable to family audiences. Two cup sizes? Yeah. Dude, what the fuck? From D's to B's? Or from C's to A's?

Let me see. This is on a Wikipedia page, but I can't find the actual. Let me see. There's. Ooh. Dude. Reception. But I can't find the actual... Let me see. There's... Ooh. Dude. Reception.

I want to see where... Is it in reception or... It just sent me to the fucking thing and I don't have to scroll through this whole fucking film. But anyways, Herbie Fully Loaded is a decent kids movie that is pretty uh uh undemanding for adult viewers this film is the second lowest rated entry in the franchise with herbie goes bananas scoring a 40 rating herbie goes banana is there a monkey in that one dude wait dude i want to read focus on the family movie reviews did you ever read the focus on

the family reviews or listen to focus on the family it was did you ever read the focus on the family reviews or listen to focus on the family it was like on the radio christian christian thing but they do reviews of uh every movie and like tell you exactly how many like f words are in it uh yeah it's called it's called plugged in movie reviews uh give me a movie dude. Because they do every new movie and they legitimately, like, they put down how many swear words are in it and, like, what is not appropriate for, like, kids. Moonlight. All right. Moon. I want to see what they say about Moonlight.

Okay. Here it is. Moonlight. They reviewed this one. Let's see what focused on the i hope the what if the first sentence was while i have many black friends like that's just the many gay and black friends uh content caution heavy for kids heavy for teens and heavy for adults let's see what they said here's the movie review i'll read how do we become are we puzzles do we hold a picture of who we are from birth with that picture being revealed a little more day by day

piece by piece are we clay are we shaped and molded and fashioned by age and experience until we've become something we never would have guessed are we both they're actually being introspective yeah a lot more introspective than i mother is a crack addict. His father is nowhere, et cetera. This wouldn't be... Am I just noticing that your pants are pulled down? Oh, I did that to dry off because my underwear is wet. Your ass is hanging out too.

Yeah, because I don't want to feel the water on my ass. No, I understand. What? I said, no, I understand. Here, let's see. Check, guys. Okay, let's see this positive elements

um I'm not reading that big paragraph uh the positive elements are like that his mom goes to rehab what are the negative elements spiritual elements Juan who wears a cross around his neck

tells one of his dealers that he'll be praying for the man's grandmother. That's nice. What are the negatives? Ooh, I'm getting there. This is sexual content. When Little asks Juan if he might be gay, Juan tells him,

you don't gotta know right now, not yet. But even before Little hits puberty, everyone around him seems to suspect it. And... You're spoiling the movie. I know. I just want to see the hand. Here, here's the handjob part. They kiss and audiences see Kevin unbuckle Chiron's belt.

We don't see anything explicit, but it's clear that Kevin manually stimulates Chiron. We hear his gasping. Violent content. Yeah. Crude or profane language. Here we go. There's 25 F words and another 30 S words. We hear the N word nearly 40 times,

including uses in songs played in the background. Characters also say the A word, the B word, the D word, the F word, and the H word. And other negative elements. Yeah, this is what I want. I want negative elements. I want to see. Both Sharon and Kevin are eventually sent away,

the former to a juvenile detention center, then later to prison. That is negative. They weren't able to be together and live as themselves. They weren't able to be themselves and be accepted. They don't oh dude the guy writing the movie review has a thing where he talks about how kids called him gay when he was a kid and for a couple of elementary school years a few classmates mocked me for being gay is he gay he put gay in quotations which means he's not gay uh they called me gay whatever that means yeah i'm not uh i'm not i'm not sure i just want to they have put nothing about here here's the thing about homosexuality they called me a fat disgusting piece of shit whatever that

means i don't know you know i didn't go to literary class yeah i was i was playing hooky chewing bubble gum down by the crick see when we talk about homosexuality we're not just talking about the issue we're talking about people people with their own stories their own wellsprings of hope and well this is actually sounds pretty positive yeah i don't claim to be an expert on human sexuality but and i don't know the most effective way for the church to address it, but I am pretty sure that shame ain't it. Okay, I'm very surprised that that review turned out that way. Someone should have told God before he purged a whole town of them.

I know, dude. A whole city. Dude, what if he just, what if God actually just like, that was an accident. Like he like dropped his magic wand or something and it just like blew up Sodom. Well, that doesn't explain why the dude's wife turned to salt. That was also an accident. God was just playing around. He's like, can I do this?

Oh, yep. I can do it. And then afterwards, his daughters got him drunk and had sex with him. Yeah. In the tent, right? Yep. He had his penis exposed and his daughters had sex with him. They got him drunk.

Interesting. Interesting time. That Bible. It was, you know. All I'm saying. Different times. Adam Eve created offspring and then. Those kids had to create offspring just

saying well all I'm saying is Adam and Eve they're probably Baptist what I'm saying is Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve mm-hmm yep yep put that one on your bumper sticker man how Adam and Steve I think why it rhymes so it's a good

point why has there not been like a like a shitty low budget comedy movie about uh adam and steve and it's like you know like adam and steve and it's it's adam and then like uh year one maybe you know two cavemen but i'm talking about adam about Adam and Steve. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Like, why isn't there some sort of, like, lifetime romantic kind of, like, thing about Adam and Steve? I wrote a script when I was in, like... About Adam and Steve? No, yeah, in ninth grade.

It was called Adam and Eve, and in parentheses, and Larry. And it was about this... There's no way it was pro-LGBTQ. No, no, no, it didn't have anything to do with that. Especially in South Carolina. There's no way it was pro-LGBTQ. No, no, no. It didn't have anything to do with that. Especially in South Carolina. There's no way that would... It was about this guy named Larry that stumbles into the Garden of Eden and becomes friends with Adam and Eve. And I was trying to write...

Whose rib did he come from? That's the thing. I don't know. Because I made a lot of other characters in it. So God makes Adam and Eve and Matt thought, I'm kind of like God. I'm not like God. I can create people. Larry.

So you create Larry. When Seth Rogen writes a comedy, do you think he's thinking about the scientific aspects of it? of it i'm sure he's thinking of the geopolitical uh interpretations and and the well-being of our economic systems when he's when he's making stuff like uh the the political propaganda north korea or whatever that the interview the interview yeah angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well i absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start.

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i remember the moment i remember like well not the exact moment i just remember exactly where i was like very vividly i was in an old neighborhood in Lexington uh taking a walk with my mom and I and we were walking back from like the pool area it was kind of like on an uphill like just just on an incline we were going we were walking up a hill almost to where it would become a flat and I just asked her Santa's not real is he and she was just like no because I feel like by the time a child asks you, you know, at a certain age, it's like you don't want to be like, oh, yeah, he is real. You know, you just want to be like, yeah, OK, now that it's this it's over now. But I do remember that.

Well, that's when I got like solidification from a parent that Santa Claus was not real. My mom never actually said it. So Santa could be real still. Do you believe me if I told you I knew someone who believed in Santa Claus until middle school? That person's me. Did you? Because it was seventh grade for me.

You gotta be joking. I'm not joking, dude. Dude, I was like a little a little like innocent little christian boy i think i i think i knew but i i wanted to believe because it was it was so like so wait like what grade were you oh like seventh i'm sorry what like so how old you were you must have been like 15 14 14. That's still acceptable, dude. Why do you just have your hand over your face? I don't know.

Do you just like see me differently now? You're like, oh, fuck. It's just kind. No, not differently. It's just an interesting new kind of like, it helps fill out your out your you know it helps with your character development in my eyes how about that it helps flesh you out the way the thing was i think like two years prior or three years prior i i think i i think i knew this whole time but i i did not want to believe it because for me i was so stuck in like that's like the biggest part believe it because for me, I was so stuck in like, that's like the biggest

part of Christmas for me back then was Santa. And I was like, no, no, no, no. Christmas is going to suck. Like opening presents. Yeah. From Santa. And then one day I asked my mom if Santa's real. And then she's like, she didn't say no, but she's like, you know, the magic is one day

Santa will be real again when you have a child. And I was like, oh. Little did she know. Yeah. That he is real. Where's the child. I was like, oh, little did she know. Yeah, that he is. Where's the child? You haven't provided her with an offspring. Yeah. Well, I mean, you wouldn't provide her with an offspring.

You would provide her with your offspring. No, you would. I'd provide her with my seed. Not your seed, your offspring. OK, like provide, like give it, just give it to her, like give her the kid. Yeah. I want to have a kid and just give it to my mom. Like, here, raise it.

You can do it again. That's how a lot of people, that's how a lot of family units work. Just raise this little shit for me. I don't want no goddamn kids. I'm a YouTuber, baby. I know. I'm a Let's Player, man. I don't got time for kids.

We shouldn't reproduce. We're Let's Players. We don't need to pass on our Let's Player genes. I don't know. It seems like YouTubers, when they hit a certain age, they just have a kid. Mm-hmm. I say YouTubers, but I mean all people. Seems like people just have kids.

For some reason, YouTubers are just having kids these days. So, guys, something to announce. Ron and I have each donated sperm to a random sperm clinic in los angeles so if anyone wants to go if we put our dna profiles uh online yeah so if if you can go find it you can get impregnated with our seed fair game yeah man i i feel like you're disappointing me for that Santa thing. No, because like as long as you weren't like. Because the kid that I'm remembering was very much still of the mindset of Santa Claus at the mall type of, you know. Oh, yeah. No.

Or like like, oh, Santa Claus, Santa Claus is coming tonight. He's coming down the chimney. I feel like you did it for the spirit of Christmas. I was just I'm not. tonight he's coming down the chimney i feel like you did it for the spirit of christmas i was just i'm not see i feel like you're telling it in a way to where like it sounds like you believed in santa claus till middle school but you really just supported the tradition of the santa claus appearing and gifts uh appearing under the tree and not having it just be like your parents being like okay here are your gifts well what really did it is my dad has very distinct handwriting he has he's an architect and he has literally the stereotypical like all caps

architect handwriting uh and once i uh he just like it'd be like too mad from santa in that handwriting i'm like that's my dad's handwriting there's no mistaking that my dad would always do like stuff like uh leave like santa hair or whatever like at the fireplace just santa hair like he would i guess you get like a santa wig with manscaped i shave a little bike you'd get like a santa wig and you'd tear some off or you'd get like fake snow and just kind of place it be like oh look it's his hair does he have like alopecia is he like balding incredibly fast do you think every house he loses a little by the end of the night he's like oh i'm bald i don't know it's just like my dad went the extra mile to just like kind of make my experience that much more magical and i just appreciate that and i realize how fucking lucky i am yeah to have

someone who just like uh would uh i think what uh what did he do oh yeah it's just the the the typical leave the cookies out you know there's bite there's bites out of the cookies the milk is how you know drunk a little bit there's there's a little bit of a mess near the fireplace like it looks like someone kind of like landed there like the the doors to the fire thing are open yeah like the logs are a little bit and and maybe uh sometimes uh what we would do is we'd leave carrots out for the reindeer and just be like gnaws on the carrots dude i just i do remember that magic feeling of like seeing on christmas boning the tree for the first time and like seeing the fireplace like messed up and stuff so awesome it's it's also kind of like that whole, just Santa was a very magical being.

Like as a kid, it's just so great. I'm so glad I had Santa in my life. He's a big magic man. And now I'm an adult and I need another Santa Claus. I think the real Saint Nicholas. Dr. Disrespect is my new Santa Claus. He's coming down the street tonight. I've never seen him.

A lot of people claim to have seen him. And he does a lot of good. And he wears red. That's, dude. And. I've never seen him. A lot of people claim to have seen him. And he does a lot of good. And he wears red. That's, dude, and he has facial hair. Yep. He's known for his facial hair. That's one of his defining features. I'm pretty sure the real Saint Nicholas in a Derna forum once stood up and punched a dude in the face.

Like the guy that Santa Claus was based on. Based off of? The real Saint. Saint Nicholas. Was it a guy who didn't want kids to have toys or gifts? So he was probably like an asshole that hated Christmas. So they were like, we know a good way to prank him. We're going to make him into like the icon of Christmas around the town this year.

And then it just took off. And they're like, oh shit. And yeah. What's your favorite Christmas movie of all time? Like, because because sometimes you know it might change like if when you change as a person maybe you it becomes the santa claus two instead of the santa claus three you know do you have a favorite christmas movie christmas is that your favorite no i'm kidding that's not my favorite. It's probably National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is my favorite or Elf.

Okay. Those are really good movies. Yeah. Charlie, if this counts, Charlie Brown Christmas special, that one. I watched Lampoon's Christmas Vacation for the first time last year it's really two years ago it's really funny i'd never seen it before that i'm like oh this is i'm like that she's from seinfeld yeah yeah yeah she's like she was also born a billionaire did you know that oh yeah because her father's she was she was born into show business yeah um and then uh oh what was it

i'm trying to think my underwear's all wet the me undies you can't get those me undies wet me undies make them dry faster that movie's good though what's your favorite i thought the ending of that movie i i the first time i saw him like for a movie for a comedy film made at this time the ending where like the SWAT comes in and stuff was really well done and really fun and exciting well they all come through the window yeah it's uh I don't know it's I like uh when they had stunts in comedies when shit would happen road trip move classic road trip shit uh my favorite would probably be like the Christmas story and the Santa Claus. Christmas story is great. Christmas story is probably,

I could just, it always flies by when I watch it. My mom would always have it on on Christmas morning or in Christmas day. I could like, that movie is just like, I feel like I could shut my eyes and watch it start to finish in my head

because I've just seen it so many times. It's timeless too. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Like I'll watch it 50 years from times. It's timeless too. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. Like I'll watch it 50 years from now. It's a great movie. I was about to see, I was about to be like, is there anything problematic? And then I guess like the ending.

Well, the part when he does blackface. Yes. Oh, the ending when they go to the Asian restaurant. Yeah. Yeah. And they sing. I guess that's not problematic. It's problematic in the sense of kind of like depicting another culture is just like we're going to the goofy Chinese restaurant.

Well, I mean, in Eight Crazy Nights, Rob Schneider does play the Asian man. You mean in Eight Crazy Nights? No, the Christmas spirit is all about giving. Did you voice him? That was really good. Thanks, man. But I watched that last year with Justin. That was really good.

Thanks, man. But I watched that last year with Justin. I think as much as like there's a fondness I have for that movie, but I forget the character's name. Do you remember the character's name? Whitey. Whitey. A little old man. That movie actually, I got real sad a couple of times. Dude, Adam Sandler's character was a fucking cunt.

Yeah. That guy. There are times where he just committed crimes. Like, yeah, he was legitimately just an asshole. Like, he could have killed the guy. Yeah. And the guy's like, oh, or whatever his wife's name is. No, his sister.

Yes. She's my sister. Elena or something. I just love Rob Schneider doing the Asian man's voice. Rob Schneider does a lot of different racial characters so well. Yeah. Yeah, throughout the years. Didn't he play an Asian priest with big circular glasses and a bowl cut?

What, I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry? Yes, he did. And he was a Native American chief, right? In bedtime. In Disney's bedtime stories where they put a giant prosthetic hawk nose on him and made him red.

God. Why is it always Rob Schneider that's used for these roles? He's a character actor. Do you think that he jumps? I want to be... If there's any racial roles, I can do that.

Let me do that. Dude, he should have starred in Lincoln. Dude, imagine Rob Schneider in Lincoln. Rob Schneider in 12 Years a Slut. Oh my God. As like fucking Michael Fassbender's character. Fucking dude. Rob Schneider and that whole crew.

Actually, I watched two Adam Sandler movies last night. I didn't even realize this back to back. I watched. Wait, what did you watch? I watched Eight Crazy Nights. Oh, wait, did you watch Eight Crazy Nights? Last night, yeah. Oh, so it's so fresh.

Okay, so that's why you know the characters. I watched that. And then I just did, you know, as a little dessert, I watched Uncut Gems. So I watched two Adam Sandler movies. Good movies. So good. I love Uncut Gems. Slightly better.

Not by much. Because A Crazy Night's is a holiday classic. Yeah. I always wanted to see A Crazy Night's when I was a kid because I'd see it at Blockbuster, like the DVD.

And my parents were like, that's PG-13. We can't get that. It's Warner Brothers Studios. It's probably actually because it was a Jewish movie, like a Hanukkah movie.

My parents didn't want me to fall to the Hollywood propaganda and become a Jewish movie, like a Hanukkah movie. My parents didn't want me to fall to the Hollywood propaganda and become a Jewish young lad. So when my brain was still malleable at the time. I respect Eight Crazy Nights for the idea that it was. Like an adult-themed Hanukkah holiday film. But a lot of the execution, unfortunately, I still have a good time with it.

It's a good time. It's really only white. Whitey's the only thing that great grates on me upon like rewatches and stuff. What it feels like is it feels like kid humor, but they just plug some adult stuff into it. Like the way it's delivered feels like like like a kid's movie humor. Like when the like when the deer eat lick the poop off of off of. That's the thing. He like throws Whitey in the cold and sprays him with a hose

which is like a torture tactic that they used in like fucking nazi germany you know he didn't just throw him in the snow he flipped a porta potty he was in down a hill and then he comes out coming and shit and then he sprays him okay nice okay because because like in fucking concentration camps that's the thing they would do like in snowy areas they would just go make people stand in like the snow naked and spray them with water and shit. Yeah, in the Soviet Union and the gulags. So they'd make people like – Gulag.

They'd like get off the train and wait out front and they would just fire hose them for hours in like negative 20. So. Yeah. Awesome. Great. Sick, man. Adam Sandler, you fucking kook. Imagine being in that role where you're doing

the fire hosing and you're like oh it's just my job you know just doing my job i i like i watched um i was on netflix and i know this is a christmas special but hey the holocaust schindler's holiday list no i saw schindler's list yes but before that i was just kind of like interested again you know how you have resurgences of like kind of going into rabbit holes about a certain topic, whether it's Vietnam, World War Two, certain things that happened in World War Two specifically. In this case, it was just another kind of rabbit hole of the Holocaust. And I watched a Netflix just not documentary. I guess it's a documentary. Yeah, it's a documentary.

documentary i guess it's a documentary yeah it's a documentary it's just the footage that they showed once they were they liberated the concentration camps and just kind of showing uh the prisoners describe what was going on and showing the living conditions and just explaining everything i think it was even produced by like paramount pictures or something skinny they are yeah so fucked up the the sad part is dude there's some people that were alive when they were liberated but were so what is jackson slamming he heard that we were talking yeah okay i understand but um that were so weak um that when they were liberated they were alive when the americans got there whoever helped but died like within that day still yeah they they couldn't even they couldn't even chew because they were so fucking so fucked

up and like you can look at like the nazis and it's crazy because when you watch movies and you see nazis and they're like they look like villains right that's the thing like they have stars and they like have like these the skulls and yeah it's like they like that's like the most like or like as people they look deranged like in the nazi photos like there'll be a guy with like crazy eyes and then you'll see the videos and like i have to remind myself i'm like this isn't like ralph fiennes playing a nazi i'm looking at a fucking despicable monster and like i was just like watching and like becoming kind of interested because it's that whole thing where your brain is just you you always you know the holocaust is horrible and you we know that but then when you

go look into it again and you just force yourself to like see the images it's just you just realize like how did we fucking do this how what's scary is that if it if it could happen again today there'd be a lot of people that would go along with it. Yeah. And the Nazis, that's the only group of bad people I've ever seen that just embraced the villainry. They're like, yeah, let's look like villains. Let's really just go for it. It's like we're not hiding.

It's like the black and red suits. They literally look like if a video video game like designed like like a villainous army i feel like i feel like uh kind of like china and their military marches or any country that hosts kind of like didn't even trump want to do military marches i went to a military parade yeah yeah that's what they're called military parades military parades are interesting weird i have to say they're they're also pretty cool because the choreography is on fucking point their timing is impeccable north korea dude their timing if they slip dude if someone's like off by a half second you think they're like because it's noticeable if you're off if you're off sequence with everyone in north korea dude it is i am astonished at how in sync they are when they walk

and then also the fucking uh the the games they do every year like they do those games every year like a big like in borat yeah and uh they have these big games it's a joke no no it's no they have the running of the jew and board in in north korea wait they don't have that in kazakhstan anymore what do they have they have the running of the uh american i can't remember i don't remember i remember it but basically uh they everyone in the audience has like signs like the type you flip to make everyone makes a big picture and they like do like 50 they do like a show of like things moving and like and then the people dancing down below is like beautifully choreographed and then the kids playing their cello like fucking moz here. What is it?

North Korea where they'll have those like small children playing beautiful music. Yeah. They'll have like the four year olds all playing guitar. They're like, yeah. And it's just they had that in the interview, right? That's because those kids are literally beat into that. Like they're like beaten if they don't fucking and they're forced to practice that all day. The problem with helicopter parenting, am I right?

Oh, man. Dude, I bet their moms are caring. Dude, yes. You know what's really good? This is going to be off topic. I know we were talking about horrible crimes and just horrible kind of systems and even just countries that we look at as negative.

But I kind of wanted to divert the conversation. Matt has good taste in in women, in no, in microwaved meals. Oh, thank you. Usually I can't find like decent microwaved meals because they're always I don't know. You know how they are. But Matt Devour or they're they're not sponsored and maybe they should be and i'll censor them out i'm kidding but it's it's it's just it's called devour it's just fine ass pasta and it's good it's really good it's fine i'm a trendsetter i think

it's better than uh the even velveta and Kraft microwavable cups. Yeah, because those have like a very fake cheese taste. But like this has like a good, like more real cheese taste. And you can get like those bacon bits. Yeah, the bacon bits. Dude, the chicken Alfredo one has like breadcrumbs you put on top and like seasoning. It's so good. Do you get them at, is it Target? Oh, is it Target?

Is it a Target? No, no, no. It's not a Target thing. I just, that's where I get them. Okay. I, fuck man. Yeah, they're really're really good so good i had my first one i asked wait i might have to try the alfredo one try the alfredo one today i will after this podcast also it's oh god only takes four minutes to heat up and it doesn't it doesn't come out like scalding hot just get let's maybe i

or maybe i let it yeah i mean i this is me saying that like expecting you not to like take it right from the microwave and just scarf it in your mouth oh god oh fuck it's so good remember that woman that uh sued mcdonald's for the coffee spill and everyone i think even at one point made up in the podcast I was like I can't believe she like spilled hot coffee on herself and sued McDonald's but then you realize and you read into the actual case and it was legitimately boiling yeah it like

scarred her like there's pictures of it it's horrible I get why she sued it it's because um it's they wanted it's a good way for them to kind of push blame to make her seem like she's complaining about hot coffee. Oh, my coffee's too hot. Because they could try to meld it with that story of the person who found the finger in their Wendy's chili.

Was that just a rumor? Was that an actual thing that happened? No. But it was someone who had a refrigerated finger and put it in the chili. They went to jail for that, for the defamation. But like, whose finger was it? Was it their finger? They never found out whose finger it was.

That's creepy. Like, it's a real human finger. Where did it fucking... You can't just be like, where'd you get this human finger? I don't know. Okay. Yeah, no, they should have followed up more on that one. Maybe they did.

Maybe she got it on the organ market or something. The organ trail. Oh, there should be a deep web human organ trafficking thing called the organ trail. Just an idea for you sickos out there. Okay. There probably already is one because that's a genius idea. But yeah, she just put the finger in the chili. And then I wish I could have been in that

wendy's when she found out that's a historic moment oh there's a finger in my chili i'd be like i'd be freaked the fuck out should have actually worked i didn't want to eat wendy's for like two years when that happened should have just found a dead like cockroach and thrown it in that's not gonna make national news though a finger is gonna make yeah world news like yeah but you don't want to make news you want to win a you want to win a suit well that's what she was trying to do i think just the news not a suit no i think she was trying to win money that's what i'm saying that's why she should have went with the cockroach or she should have went with like she should have went with like blood or something no where you should you won't see that in chili poop

there's a shit in my chili there's a whole log of shit in my chili wait a second what is that the manager comes out he's like no that's just the chili that's just the Wendy's chili Jackson always gets the baked potatoes from Wendy's he says they're good I've never had one

Wendy's is good, man. A baked potato is super fucking simple, right? And all you do is add your bacon, sour cream, cheese, and you're ready to fucking go. Also butter. Did I say cream cheese or sour cream? Cream cheese. I meant sour cream. I didn't mean cream cheese.

I mean, you could. You could use that shitty spray cheese if you wanted i don't judge hey man yeah i don't fucking judge remember that i do judge but i'm not gonna care remember the spray butter like the yes and like the bug spray type ass thing um i'm reading about the the woman that did the uh the wendy's thing oh my god she cost the chain more than 21 million dollars in lost revenue this led to a felony charge of attempted grand larceny against her to which ayala pled guilty in september she sentenced nine years in prison and uh served four years but in 2013 she received another prison

sentence for an unrelated incident regarding filing a false police report and felony firearm possession wow she sounds like she's a little troublemaker. Damn. You know? I need to get me a bad girl like that. It's crazy that, do you ever watch an internet video? Mm-mm. And you're just like, these people fucking exist.

Yes. Like how? All the time, yeah. It's more of a, like a bewilderment, like in wonder. It's like, I can't believe these people exist. Yeah, definitely. Like wood people.

Like people that live in the woods. Oh, wood people? Yeah. I thought you meant people made out of wood. No, I've seen them, though. Those guys are creepy. Yeah, the L.A. wood people. I don't even want to talk about those guys are creepy yeah the la wood people don't i don't even want

to talk about those guys they're up north if you want to if you want to go check it out just drive up north go to the or the sacramento night crawlers that shit's actually really scary although if you're if you're taking a corolla or a prius uh they specifically don't like the noise uh of those cars and and their look so you you will not come across any any of any of the california wood people if you are driving a corolla or a prius unfortunately which sucks because priuses are actually pretty quiet but for some reason there's like a high frequency thing they i think they're just annoyed by it i think they're just annoyed by those california liberals driving their fucking priuses they much prefer they they prefer the sound of like a ford f-150

yeah you know with every prius sale they also give give you a box of tampons and a pacifier. That was a, I remember Jeff Dunham had a whole bit about the Prius. The baby blue Prius? Yeah. Oh, by the way, on Hulu or Netflix, one of the two, there's Jeff Dunham's Christmas special. I saw it last night. I didn't watch it, but I saw it on there. And? Was Ahmed the dead terrorist in there? No, you know when you scroll over and it shows you a little preview okay it was netflix it showed him with walter and uh he

was joking about how the auditorium was like a decorated gymnasium it wasn't funny uh but i just laughed my ass off to jeff me too man he had a show i meant the jeff dunham show i watched it when it aired. I was at my friend's house. We were like, oh, we got to watch it tonight. It's the premiere. Oh, dude. I remember because I was, me and my dad and my stepmom, we're all fans.

We loved watching The Man with the Puppet on TV. You're a puppetry fan. We even went to go see The Man with the Puppet in Charlotte. I've seen him live. North Carolina. I know. And, oh, what was I going to say? Oh,

when the show, when the show finally came out, we were all excited and we watched the first episode. I remember all of us just sitting, watching the first episode and not laughing and just being like, Ooh. And then we just didn't come back for, or I think we,

I think we, we, uh, had dinner then, uh, when the second episode came out, we were watching it. And then like,

we just kind of scattered halfway through like we just ate dinner and went and did our separate thing it was not a good show damn i never watched so bad i want to watch it or maybe or maybe i just couldn't comprehend the humor and my and and and my parents are stupid and they couldn't as well yeah you south carolina simpletons wouldn't understand. I do disagree a lot with some of my stepmom's movie opinions. Yeah, I disagree

with a lot of my mom's movie opinions. She like, she just writes things off as stupid. And I'm like, no. Like Hot Fuzz even or Shaun of the Dead.

She's like, oh, those are those stupid comedies did what what next you think super mega stupid i'm like oh i'm like yeah but now but you're also recommending me swingers with vince vaughn which is a good movie yeah i'm sure it probably is hall pass dude i remember watching hall pass that was a wonderful movie and i remember going how come wait is she actually gonna have sex with the dude he didn't have sex with the woman how come she's gonna have how come she's gonna have sex with the dude didn't one of the girls actually have sex with with like a like a hunk or something in a hotel i can't remember jenna fisher was in it was there a movie called like Couples Vacation with Vince Vaughn?

Where like they go out like him and his wife go on a trip to like the Caribbean. Mm hmm. Is there a movie? With like four other couples. Yeah.

I think Malin Ackerman is in that. That just sounds like a movie they did. I think. What's his name? Jon Favreau was in it. Possibly. Damn dude. Was he directing? No. what's his name Jon Favreau was in it possibly

damn dude was he directing no I think he maybe was just an actor cause he was in a bunch of shit he was also in Four Christmases

with Vince Vaughn he played one of the brothers who wrestled him to the ground brought it back to Christmas then he humps his face in a scene

again a movie I've only seen once but it was in theaters for like a Christmas thing, like way back when. I hate that I fucking remember certain scenes. Why do you hate that you remember? That's great. That means your memory's fantastic. No, I'd say this every time. It's because there could be

stuff that I, like, like Fortnite skill that could be taken up that spot. You know? That's true. Your brain doesn't run out of space, though. Mine does. You can always make new neuron paths. Mine true. Your brain doesn't run out of space, though. You know, you can always make new neuron paths. Mine does. Your brain is elastic.

That means you can change it. So maybe you can forget those movies through some like hypnotherapy and through hypnotherapy. Mine's like a puddle of mud. Brain's like a wet, suctioning puddle of mud. We were talking about this the other day. Like our bodies, like the way we look, like that's not really us. Like what we are is just that, that massive of pink gray slime.

And then that like tail. But then I also brought up how technically though, because you grew up looking the, like the way you do and like you're tall, you, you are kind of affected affected i'm sure somewhat internally by people's reaction to your outward appearance definitely yeah so there is it so there is a there is a part of that man but yeah you're really just a disgusting like just to like the organism is your brain. Imagine that thing just floating around. Like if that was people like that's that's what every like living being like, like every

like most mammals. Well, every mammal is just like the brain and it's going to do this, do this, do this drink, eat. Felly fish don't have brains. I think they're like one of the only creatures that's like a living creature that doesn't have it. Well, I mean, like, obviously, like, bacteria doesn't have a brain. Plants. Yeah.

But I, okay, I take back when I said only living creature. I mean, like, animal type, I guess. Yeah. I just know jellyfish don't have brains. And neither does my friend Ryan McGee. Dude. Okay. That pisses me off.

Yeah? What you gonna do about it? I'm gonna tell Santa to drop some coal in your stocking. Do not. I'm gonna tell Santa to drop a load in your stocking. Dude, come on. What if instead of coal, like, Santa just took a giant fucking shit in your stocking? Like, oh, I got something good.

Open it up and it's just, like, wet fucking shit. Aww. Ah, fuck, man. Santa shit again. You empty it onto the floor. It kind of like on the car like there's a little streak on the carpet when it lands i'm not like i'm shaking it out and it's my i just remembered something last night i wanted to tell you chocolate the

the one of the most cringy memories of my life that i've kind of repressed that i just remembered last night was i was in third grade and it was the day before christmas vacation and it was the end of the day and we were having like a little party where we all powwow can't candy canes and snacks and before the holiday fest you know right and then a couple kids moms were there and packed classroom and uh i guess i'd seen it in a movie or some shit so i just raised my hand and the teacher was like yes matthew and then i was i was just like you better not pout you bet and i i legit started just singing no one's singing no they all started singing okay but hey that's good no that's a good moment they all started fucking singing but just the fact that i raised my hand and started singing just like i didn't even say like hey guys can we sing a song it was just like it was like that that was the moment where i was the main character of the movie

you are the main character of your movie if you so if you if that's how you see life damn that was the i i want to start doing that more i just want to start singing in public to make people uncomfortable nothing's more uncomfortable than when people sing in front of me like just like when when someone like randomly like sings. Can I sing for you? Can we have a instead of carpool karaoke, it's just elevator karaoke where it's you and I singing in an elevator that's constantly going up and down in an office building until we get kicked out by security. People just keep getting in and out. It's like, hey, how long?

How long do you think that's a YouTube video? How long can I last in an elevator before they kick me out probably 10 minutes before security yeah but then you just like click up to a higher floor and then you just kind of like just kind of look at your phone and look at the floors and go just if it stops on a floor just press a button real quick so people think you're going up or down or something oh smart yeah we go. I bet it'd be really easy to actually sleep over in like an office building one night. People do it in Ikea, right? They like sleep. Oh yeah. Walmart and stuff. Well, like if I, if I didn't have a place to live,

I'd go to like an office building and then come up and like, pretend like I'm delivering a package and then find like a desk and just go sleep under it all night. Like no one's going to find me if I, if I find the right place, just sleep there. And then once the office is full in the next morning, I, you know, I get up and just kind of grab myself a donut and some coffee and leave. It's a pretty good strategy. Yeah. Or I just do it with a random person's house. There are people who do that. Like the story of the guy who was living in the people's walls, like the guy that lived for like four years in someone's house. Yeah. I'm always scared that like, what if someone lives in my attic or something?

But then I remember. You can check. Fuck, I have checked on how hot my attic gets. There's no way anyone's up there. Yeah. It's miserable up there. Because what happens to warm air? It rises.

Yeah. Like it's. Not to mention all the circulation and vent systems are up in your ceiling. Yeah. Yeah. Like the insulation and stuff. One of my neighbors recently. I saw the cops in front of her house.

And an ambulance. And I was like. What's going on? Turns out. This like deranged woman. Just walked into her living room. Just like opened the front door. And just walked in.

It was like nine at night. I have deja vu. I started like screaming. Have you said this before? I probably did. No, I told a similar story about my other neighbor and they took the guy away. Okay. Yes. This is another neighbor where a woman just walked into their house that was having like a mental episode.

Have you seen those videos where people like they just start out with them recording, but it's like just someone sitting on their couch and there's them just going what are you doing in my house and they're just like looking at them like chill out what are you doing in my house get out or and it's just people like that are just like chilling watching tv or whatever i'm always scared it's gonna happen like that's why i keep my doors locked so oh yeah walk i always i keep my blinds closed. I lock my doors. I mean, I live alone too, so. I, uh. What with Lego? Not alone when I have my boy with me. Yeah.

When I get my own place by myself, I'm definitely going to have to get another kitty. Remember when, um. Do you know those, like. You know those videos that my favorite are like when it'll be a guy trying to like pick a lock. And someone films and just opens the door and tries to get them to explain themselves it's like no i was just i thought it was my apartment it's like no you didn't yeah no i thought it was my apartment well you want to wrap it up here uh like a present like a like a present it's time to wrap it up all right man let's wrap this shit up and put it under the tree. Sleigh bells, they will ring. Dude, that's a completely

different song. Hope all of you have a very happy holiday season. Sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too. And I hope you guys enjoy snowing, man. Come on, it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. Gonna get this awful year done. Goodbye. Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up

let's go. Let's look at the show. We're riding in a wonderland of snow. Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up. Let's play. It's grand. Just hold your hand. We're riding along in the sun.

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