supermegashow - EP 245 - The World's Greatest Nation

Episode Date: May 19, 2021

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that's a good start to the podcast sound like seth rogan dying oh we already did that that's that's one of my favorite bits seth rogan getting shot yeah and then slowly dying i think someone animated that they did you know i actually was watching uh it's been a while since i've searched up super mega animated and i started building a new playlist to put on our channel it's on private still but uh there's a lot of really good ones there's a lot more than like it's not like they come out

every day I feel like you and I have seen all of them we watch all of them every now and then when I check it surprises me I'm like oh shit I haven't seen this one I've seen definitely most of them. Even, like, the very basic ones where they're just kind of, like, more slideshows.

Yeah. If you guys make a Super Mega Animated, like, it's pretty much 99% guaranteed that we're going to watch it. We've seen it, yeah. Yeah. Even if it's, it doesn't matter. We've seen, like, most of them. The quality.

I'm going to say that. And then, hey, you can make it in Pivot Stick Figure Animator. I don't know. Do they still have that? I think better still. Does Pivot still exist wanted pivot so bad growing up i wanted to animate on it so but yeah but my dad only had a mac because he's an architect and it's only for pc we had that pc i struggled with that shit growing up man there was so much i wanted to do not me or uh there was pinnacle wanted to do not me or there was

Pinnacle I think my friend could do like lightsaber effects with Pinnacle I had Pinnacle Studio but like they had a bunch of shitty like fire effects

and stuff I got Final Cut 10 the last one before they made it look like iMovie I used that in I think I used

Final Cut like 7 or something maybe it was 7 in high school it was the one that was like remember school. It's the one that was... Remember when they changed it? It's the one that looked more like Premiere. Yeah, it was like a real timeline.

And then they're like, well, let's just make it iMovie. I used to be all Final Cut and all of a sudden, yeah, they changed the look and I just hated it. I'd ride or die by Final Cut. And I think a lot of people got used to it and they kind of fixed it over time potentially.

But I don't know. I'm kind of like there are you know every software has its faults but i i'm very comfortable with premiere i mean premiere i just i just know it's literally like second nature like i could do a blindfold but shoemaker home i think premiere is probably the software houses ang Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know

where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com.

That's A-N-G-I dot com. We build homes. Is that from South Carolina? I don't know if it's just South Carolina. Is it a pop? I think that might just be a local commercial. No way. We don't build houses. just be a local commercial. No way. We don't build houses.

We build homes. Wait. You know. Shoemaker homes. We don't. You have a house. A wife will make it a home. One of my relatives has that like crocheted on the wall.

It's like any woman can have a house, but a wife will make it a home. Paul Shoemaker of Shoemaker Homes, about us. At its heart, the Shoemaker home story is all about family, ours and yours. It's a story of passion and pride, keeping your promises and building a legacy. Bro, y'all build houses. Shut up with that shit. It all started with Paul Shoemaker in a single house in the early 1990s oh so that's not you can't make 1990

sound ancient now in Canton Ohio blah blah blah dude oh so it's not local how come every like successful dude like ends up losing his hair and becoming ripped I think that's just what testosterone does that's what money and testosterone do How come every successful dude ends up losing his hair and becoming ripped?

I think that's just what testosterone does. That's what money and testosterone do. Have you noticed I'm balding and getting ripped? It's because I'm so rich now. This is my creepy family. This dude, fucking Paul Shoemaker. Oh, he's going to blacklist me out of the housing market. Yeah, dude, you're going to get fucked in the real estate industry.

Good luck getting your license now. Wait, what were we saying before you brought up Paul Shoemaker's homes? How they don't build houses, they build homes. No, stop. I was about to say something. We were talking about, God, why am I so stupid? Why can we not? What were we talking about? We were talking about how Paul Shoemaker.

Stop, stop. What were we talking about? I don't know. Why would I know? How do you not remember? How do I not? Because I shoot me. Stop. Stop. What were you talking about? I don't know. Why would I? How do you not remember? How do I not? Because I'm high. Oh. Well, I'm sober and I can't remember. See, you're the responsible one here. Okay, wait. Give me a... I told you not to smoke crack before the podcast anymore. I'm

the DD. You're the designated podcaster. Yeah, the DP. The DP. Yeah, a little DP. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, the DP. The DP. Yeah, a little DP, you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

It works. Double penetration. Yeah, man, think about that. Think about that shit. Your mom thinks about it all the time. Yes, she does. I'm trying to think.

Doesn't want to think about it, you know what I'm saying? Stop. We're talking about animateds and then we're talking about... Talking about how you hate most of them and how they suck. Yeah, they look like garbage. But I was saying how I love all the Animateds.

All the Animateds. All the super mega Animateds. I love them all. Oh, they're bringing back the Trump form. How can we not? Final Cut. Premiere is like... It's in my blood.

Premiere and Photoshop, both those. But I want to learn some more. I kind of want to try final cut now because i have a mac as well for i want to tackle after effects i'm stuck still like that's so foreign to me still after effects is is just it's like if i if you learn it dude come on for me it's always been like the thing with after effects is it's always been like I've never known how to like fully work it because everything is like case by case like oh I have to learn how to do for this specific effect

I know these basic things and I know kind of what how to make it look like that and there's also like a bit of a charm to the jankiness of that style sometimes what if you and I enrolled in like a class like an online course for After Effects. Or like a.

Where they give you videos to do these things on. You have to do projects. Yeah. Or we could even enroll for like a trade college course where you actually go. Okay. Take notes and shit. That'd be cool. I'd love to do a class with you.

We could. Why don't we just take a history class? I would, honestly. That would be fun. I would like to just go back and learn things. I'd love to do, what history would you want? It's called

the internet and YouTube, jackass. Someone's so angry. It's like, man, I want to learn things. Yeah, jackass. You want your brain to get big, huh?

What history course would I want to take? I want to take, I think Russian history is really cool. Actually, if I, I think Middle Eastern history. I think of Russia, I just Russian history is really cool. Actually, if I... I think Middle Eastern history... Whenever I think of Russia, I just think of like...

That's a good way to describe it. It sounds so just. You think about Russia, it's just... Yeah. Dude, why the... Why would... I don't want to learn about people freezing to death and eating like each other. They did do that.

Duh. You know about that? Yeah. Like the big... That island? Yeah, it was awful. It was horrible. It was fucking terrifying. Like people would eat their kids. They'd be throwing kids. other they did do that yeah duh you know about that yeah like the big uh the one that island was awful as well it's fucking terrifying like people would eat their kids they'd be throwing kids there's also this like i think this like famous plane crash and the survivors like survived because they like ate their friends and shit after they died i feel like so many plane crashes

happened in russia man russia i i don't know if i talked about this but i found about the city called yakutsk i talked about this yakutsk yeah yakutsk russia what a stupid name for a little we should go vlog there in yakutsk is there a radiation there no uh just the average in the winter is negative 45 i don't know why i just maybe it's through the media but like i have an intense like i don't want to go to russia because it's through the media, but like I have an intense, like I don't want to go to Russia because I have this feeling there would be like, just like a very foreboding, ominous eye on me at all times, even though I'm not important and that wouldn't happen. Jesus Christ, he's watching over you to protect you.

When I think of visiting Russia, I just feel of nothing but anxiety. I feel the same way, dude. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just propaganda of us growing up. In America. Like Russia. I don't know. But I do feel kind of scared of Russia.

I feel like Russia, it's like a kind of impending doom feeling. impending doom feeling how much of our perception of places is still through the indoctrination of kind of the United States nationalism that type of shit we learned in like South Carolina early school like how much of that is still somewhat inherently

in there I'm sure a good bit of it yeah like well Russia I also feel for we think that we're looking out like when we talk about of course China's awful but like when we talk about china we have this like kind of we have this way of kind of being like oh the outside looking in but you know they think that it's i i almost want to say like what if it's just like religion like everyone thinks they're right or better and it's like that probably is i mean i don't i don't but no one knows like no one knows the true like america's got a lot of flaws but china i mean of course same with russia i mean like america china russia are all

fucked in in their own aspects you know like we have so much fucked in america they have a lot fucked in russia and china and But, like, why do I feel comfortable here? Because it's what you know. Why don't I feel, like, that anxiety? Because we have, like, freedom here, dude. We have freedom. Well, because this is where you've experienced all your happiness ever. Yes, yeah. Except for when we went to Japan

and made out. When we got on the train. You know, what's... Russia, one of the reasons I feel that is because like lately I've been on a kick where I like watching, there's a channel called Fail Force One and they just make like near-death compilations. Because you're white.

Sorry, that was an answer to my previous question of why I don't feel anxious walking around in America. Oh, yeah, yeah. Basically, I watch these near-death compilations where it's like skydiving, close calls, and like avalanches. I love near-death experience. Mostly I watch. Fail Force 1, dude.

It's the channel. They make like seven, eight-minute compilations. They have like over a hundred of them. I watch a lot of Moto Mayhem. They have a lot of those. Which is motorcycle crash videos. Dude, I don't know why they're so fun to watch. But they have Russia compilations where it's just like stuff from Russia.

Do they also have like Brazil compilations South America I'm sure not that channel but I'm sure you can find those but basically Russia like every video it just looks like it's like some like security camera some like dilapidated like brutalist building with like a bear chasing some dude and there's ice

everywhere and it's like that does not look like a pleasant place to live Russia doesn't look like a very pleasant place to live no it just looks very drab yeah you know it's not really it's not enough pizzazz in russia show me the sunshine in russia yeah i would like to actually look up beautiful landscapes in russia oh russia has beautiful like siberia dude oh speaking of siberia doesn't it doesn't it all like every kind of like dude north korea has some really beautiful mountains this ain't in russia look up yakutsk can we go vlogging in yakutsk dude also every time you look up yakutsk it's like nighttime because it's always dark it's by the arctic circle russia is there anyone listening to this

podcast in yakutsk russia right now leave a a comment or DM us on Instagram because that's really cool. And tell us what it's like living in Yakutsk. So I could just go to Alaska essentially be like, yep, I know what Russia's like. Yeah, because I mean Alaska used to be part of Russia. Alaska literally like geographically. Until he swindled them out of it.

No, you know what happened, right? Corey in the house, dude. Corey accidentally gave the deed of alaska to the russian president and then he and then they had to win it off in a dance battle the dance battle that shit's literally like if that was true like and that's in the textbooks it's like like russia was uh had i had acquired uh alaska until cory baxter challenged the president of russia to a dance dance revolution dance off anyone i wish that's how they settled politics and war and dance dance revolution just stupid shit like that instead of like drone striking it's like oh let's see let's see how

good you are on expert mode and dance dance revolution man so if the united states went to war with canada who would win you think what if it's like oh we definitely want but like for some reason canada just their first go-to is like they just pull the nukes out stop no i mean we little man syndrome yeah like like we're like oh yeah we're gonna take canada and then just without warning, they just nuke New York City. I'm going to look up. Nuke York. I mean, how much of a fight could Canada really give us? Oh, the Canadian Royal Army?

Yeah, go ride your little horses and speak your stupid little French. I'm literally typing into Google who would win, Canada or US? Does Canada have nukes? I have to get to Google who would win Canada or US. Does Canada have nukes? Canada has not officially maintained and possessed weapons of mass destruction since 1984. And as of 1998, has signed treaties repudiating possession of them. Wait, does Canada? Dude, this sounds like it's written by a Canadian.

Neither Canada nor the US would be strong enough to conquer and control the other nation. That's not true. Dude. I'm pretty sure we could defeat Canada. And I'm not saying that as like a cocky American. I'm just saying our military budget is so, it's like $800 billion. But they're ranked 26th place at the global firepower website. Fuck.

Guess who's ranked number one? America? Of course. That's because our fucking military budget's ridiculous i know that's the thing man i don't mind paying high taxes if it's going to like education or health care but it's going to the fucking military it's so not epic they're trying to make it seem okay they're like so canada does have new they're essentially like saying the climate and the terrain of most of canada because like it's like cold and rural and shit you don't have to physically be there to conquer it these days y'all just send a fucking little computer and that's like you have a drone and that sweeps the area and it's just like hey there's a canadian tech life you know like in WALL-E that's actually how the earth got destroyed

it was the great Canadian American war okay who would win in a war what if it was just French Canada we just fight French Canada China versus Brazil China versus Brazil China versus who

let's say China versus Russia. Let's have some fun with this. What do you think? I think China would win that one. Okay. I think Russia is... I don't think Putin would be too pleased with that answer. I mean, they both have probably crazy weapons that could destroy the other one in like a millisecond.

But I think ultimately, I think China's military might be stronger okay and maybe more because china's a little more authoritarian than russia oh whoa dude i feel like they the judgmental don't you think i mean i'm not right that's dude might be like they don't have cameras in classrooms that keep track of whether the students eyes are closed or not? Like, sleeping? Or was that just like a fear-mongering article by BuzzFeed? Maybe. I don't know, dude. I mean, just, but the fact that they banned YouTube and shit.

Aren't their phones hooked up where it's like, they're connected to like, they're... Has China implemented that rating system where people are rated? What? Dude, that's like black mirror! Oh, but like, hold up. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Let me look this up. Guy that finds out awful things about China and just, dude, that's like Black Mirror.

Social credit system. The social credit system is a national blacklist being developed by the government of the People's Republic of China under General Secretary and Communist Party of China. A.K.A. Twitter and Instagram. Xi Jinping's administration. He's a cool guy, man.

I like the shit he sends us. So it's like social credit. So you do good stuff, you get good social credit. You do bad stuff, you get bad social credit. So it's like real leveling up. And then stores could give, maybe you can't buy the, maybe you can't buy the best medicine because you don't have high enough social credit. Maybe you have to get the shitty store brand chips and medicine. Ooh, yeah, you can't buy the best medicine because you don't have high enough social credit. Maybe you have to get the shitty store brand chips and medicine.

Ooh, yeah, you can't get name brand. You can't get Lay's. You have to get the store like... Mr. Potatoes Crunchers. Mr. Cheese Chips. Or instead of the Cheetos, it's like... Xi Jinping's Pork Grinds. It's all Xi Jinping.

It's like his Cheetos he's like orange and everything he's like giving a thumbs up it's like him as chester though yeah she's cheeto cheetos yeah see cheetos jalapeno jen poppers

jijin popcorn. Dude, I would love to see. G-Gin popcorn. It's all just. Seasoned G-Gin popcorn. That's good. Wait, seasoned vegan G-Gin popcorn. Okay.

Yeah, it's like Trader Joe's. Like, you know, it's something fancy. Oh, man. Trader Joe's is pretty, pretty epic. Trader Joe's is, you know, it's something fancy. Oh, man. Trader Joe's is pretty, pretty epic. Trader Joe's is pretty good. They have good like heat them up meals. Heat them up. I made myself a little lasagna.

Yeah, man. Trader Joe's has some pretty good food. Like, I really like their dried fruit. Their dried fruit is really good. Like, they have these. You saw me eating them the other day. They have like, they're like dried orange slices, like from Mandarin oranges. You don't like dried fruit? Their dried fruit is really good. Like, they have these... You saw me eating them the other day. They have, like, dried orange slices, like from Mandarin oranges. You don't like dried fruit? I don't know. Do they taste

like gummies? Are they gummies? No, they're... Like, I really love the texture of dried fruit and also the taste. It's like, they become more sweet and they're chewy. Like, now I really want some dried fruit, man. How many of y'all listen to this? Go get yourself some dried fruit right now. Oh, you knew i do matthew

who was that some canadian that was canadian some fucking like uh quebecian yeah we'd nuke canada into obliteration you're gonna fart i was talking to this Quebecian and I said, how are you, sir? And he said. That's what that's all I hear when Canadians open their mouth to speak French. Yeah. Their breath smells like farts. The position you did was excellent. The way you like got up on one leg and you I like you like straight up like gymnast lifted the other one and and pointed your toes just to do that. Thank you.

Ad reads. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs, projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app,

answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish. Or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel.

Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. We're back from the ad reads. Hey, guess who's back? Back, back, back again. Shady's back. Back.

Tell a friend. Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Guess who's back? Guess who's back? I created a monster because nobody wants to see Marceau no more.

No, it's Shady. I'm chopped liver. So you just got bored of MJ? A little bit of weed mixed with some hard liquor, some vodka, we'll jumpstart my... You ruined his name enough.

Now you have to go to another icons? You think I'm ruining Eminem's name? I'm doing him a favor right now. Bastardizing his blissful lyrical miracles? His spiritual lyrical miracles.

Woo! Woo! Smells good. Lyrical miracles? It's spiritual lyrical miracles. Smells good. Sorry, I'm really trying to think. I'm just thinking of more Xi Jinping snacks. Like Xi Jinping poop. I'm banned from China for that. Damn.

Dude, that's the type of shit. You fucking went after him. I'm going to have a layover in China one day when I'm traveling somewhere. I'm going to land. They're going to put me in custody. They're going to give you the finger, like, come over here. You're going to sit down. They're going to play that exact quote. She's in poop. They're going to immediately take me in custody.

One of the inspector people is going to start to cry and have to leave the room upon hearing that. A lot of them are like, oh. You're going to hear the whole room just, oh. Oh, guys, I didn't. I't i you know that was just a joke they like their lips quiver and then you then you look at their fists that are falling up become clenched and like then then still veins popping out of the neck and then their shoulders go and then i'm getting taken into a back room down a dark hall and then they're gonna open the door and it's going to be Xi Jinping. He's going to be sitting there in a chair.

He's going to say, have a seat, Matthew. Remember when the North Koreans killed that American boy? Crazy. Well, they didn't kill him. Technically, they just sent him home with brain damage and he died when he got here. He just hit someone in the head with a hammer and be like, they're not dead. I didn't do it. The hammer did it.

When he left North Korea, bro, he was on life support in a coma, so they didn't kill him technically. Yeah, they killed him. It's because they beat him so hard or something. No repercussions? Wait, did we give him any sanctions? I mean, they already sanctioned to hell. But it's a... You'd think we wouldn't be like...

You'd think they'd be like, you do not kill American citizens. And we'd put our little foot down and go, hey, no, that's enough. Stop what you are doing. It is tearing this world apart. If you were president and you said that, like you made a video, like a Zoom call to Kim Jong-un and we're like,

stop, just stop it man you have all these parades is that not enough for you just cut it out dude i'm not calling this back kim man what's up dude can you just knock that shit off please all right the boy yeah he stole a propaganda poster you know why because his friend's mom said she would give him her used car if he brought her back one of those. Dude, if I was president, my inaugural speech, I'd be like, hey, everyone. You'd have the biggest standing ovation. I'd throw up the Richard Nixon peace signs and then I'd walk away.

Do jazz hands. Yeah, do some jazz hands, man. Man, have you guys seen how bad the fourth season of Arrested Development was? And then you walk off stage. And then I like click on a thing, a big projector comes up from the ground. And we start, like every time I pause it, what do you think of that? The character just doesn't line up with previous seasons. In fact, it seems more like a comical version of the character that we started out with.

And can we talk about Portia's plastic surgery? Whoa! Woo! How's Ellen doing? She came over last night, didn't she? Yeah, well, don't bring... I don't want to talk about that. Oh.

But she... Yeah, she was telling me about her plan to make like a comeback. I didn't think it was a good idea. A comeback, nice. Well, you know, after all the scandal, she was like, she said her plan for the comeback is, she's like, I need to get back in headlines and show people that I'm. She's going to do. She's going to do the Hollywood Boulevard moonwalk. Yeah, but she's going gonna do it in blackface

that's gonna grab headlines I know it's gonna grab headlines but Ellen in blackface doing the Hollywood Boulevard moonwalk that's gonna get everyone and their mothers outside it's gonna either go great or horribly that's the thing we'll see this is super she made me sound an NDA about this so technically I'm breaking it by telling you

so let's get back to it. Because we both remember Danny didn't do so well with the blackface Hollywood Boulevard one while. Oh my God. Thank God that, thank God he used his power to get that wiped off the internet and anybody who knew about it executed. Yeah. Well, he luckily spared us.

Mm-hmm. Because we lent him the blackface makeup. And he had the cane green screened out. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways. The luckily spared us. Mm-hmm. Because we lent him the blackface makeup. And he had the cane green screened out. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways. The whole, the whole. Back to the.

Remember Danny's whole minstrel show phase? Let's just get back to that. Okay. I'm going to take a piss. I'll be right back. Okay. Okay. Man, I guess while he's gone, we'll just have to have some more ad reads.

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A hamburger, cheeseburger, hash brown, hot cakes. Vanilla cone shake and a hot bar sundae. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. Okay. Well, we're back from your piss and the ad reads. Oh, yeah. I'm not the one that has to listen and the ad reads oh yeah i'm not i'm not the one that has to listen to the ad read you know well you do well technically i have to listen to them twice because i have to say that i have to listen to the ad yeah well i have to you know we have to

listen to ourselves say them and then you have to listen you know the thing about people like to brag and say oh i've listened to every episode of the Super Mega Cast. Guess what? So have we. Twice. No. Every other episode. But each episode, you have to. I mean, I go back and watch the episodes you edit, Matt. Oh, of course.

I watch the ones I edit too. Yeah. You have to, we have to listen to it twice. We have to listen to it while we record it. And then an hour later, listen to, it feels like I'm going crazy sometimes because we have like an hour long conversation and then I sit down. It's like, well, let me listen to every single thing i'm going crazy sometimes because we have like an hour-long conversation and then i sit down it's like well let me listen to every single thing i just said again and i usually forget most of it because i feel like you and i just get into a mode where we

just talk and we don't really absorb anything we spit we just spit fucking stop now dude stop oh that right in my mouth, dude. Ugh. It's disgusting, dude. Are you eating bird seed? Maybe. The fuck is a piece of, that's a piece of bird seed.

Well, I ran out of, I ran out of chips and salsa. I only had a big bag of bird seed left. You ran out of your Zijin chips? I'm not going to eat dog food. Your Zijin potato chips? My, my Zijin lemon cups?

It's not even trying with the... Zijin poppers. And they're like, they're just little like jalapeno pop. Or Zijin poppers, the type you sniff for if you want to have gay butt sex. Dude, I was using my Zijin bong. You know what I'm saying? Come on. Yeah, I like that.

Shaped like a little like tank. Yeah, I smoke out of his asshole, his protruding, prolapsed anus. And it's him screaming. Yeah. See, that's going to get me in trouble if I fly through China. Yeah, because you said every single bit of that. I didn't say any of it. Well, just my association with you is enough.

You think so? In North Korea, what they do is if someone- You're talking about how you wanted to assassinate King Xi Jinping. I never said I wanted to assassinate the president of China. You just did. I do not want to assassinate the president of China. You can't visit,

dude, in good conscience. Well, you'd have to... Not good conscience. It's like, oh, I feel bad for him for saying that. I shouldn't have said that. Poor guy. I know. You'd be embarrassed dude he fucking wiped out jack ma did he you know jack ma is right no china he's china's richest man is he he's the guy okay he made alibaba he's the little man does he have glasses he's the little man yeah because he's uh he's a little man dude he's a pretty tiny dude uh no but he uh he vanished

like no one like knew where he went. Like, I think he was critical of... Did they check under the bed? You've been here the whole time, Jack! Giving up his hands like, basically, I think he was critical of the government or something,

and then he just... I thought Charlie was critical. So, guys, Xi Jinping's really been pissing me off he keeps I talked to him last week he said he'll come on our podcast sending me illicit photo Xi Jinping oh Jack Ma did he reappeared uh he was spotted golfing in Hainan okay sorry people were like where is like he just disappeared where is Jack Ma where's Jack Ma Jack Ma is a weird looking dude dude he literally looks like a like a minecraft character like his head's like a block with a face on it like you

could easily make him in a me maker jack ma you son of a bitch can i have some money please not not after you talked about him like that it's a weird looking dude isn't he dude he's a successful man someone's gonna it's gonna be one person comments it's gonna be like really mad that i'm Not after you talked about him like that. He's a weird looking dude, isn't he? Dude, he's a successful man. Someone's gonna, it's gonna be one person comments. It's gonna be like really mad that I'm like making fun of how Jack Ma looks. Well, we just won't let other countries go. Yeah, this whole episode. We're famous for not saying anything bad about America.

Yeah. You guys just always talk shit about other countries. Yeah. It's because every other country but America sucks. Yeah. Sucks dick. Try living in the world's greatest nation, other countries. Yeah? It's because every other country but America sucks. Yeah, try it. Sucks dick. Try living in the world's greatest nation, jackass. Yeah, uh, hey, Canada.

Oh, but I could go down and get shit, fuck off, dude. Like, come here and then experience true freedom. Oh, go drink your tea and biscuits and, yeah, have fun in your little dictatorships in Europe. Use your fucking sticks to eat with? Fucking troglodytes? Hey, there's this new invention that just came out. It's called a fork and spoon. Knives, anyone?

Yeah, no, I'm going to eat with sticks. Oh, come on. What are we living in, the Stone Age? Yeah, I think so. I think we are. Thank God for McDonald's. I think we are. Thank God for McDonald's. I can eat that with my hands.

Or do it even. American McDonald's. Oh, yeah. No, dude. In Australia, the Maccas I had was just. Amazing. It was delicious. It was really good. There was something about it that was just like.

I had the McFish. I don't think it's called the mcfish it's called the filet-o-fish i wish it was called the mcfish just doesn't sound good hey can i get a mcfish good as a mcchicken sounds well mcchicken sounds can i get a mc i don't know fish the fish is just like a can i have a mcdonald's o rib really that's what you guys are calling it now what happened to m? No, we're trying something new. The McDonald's O. McDonald's-O-Rib.

It's so bad. We're changing the name of the Big Mac to the McDonald's Burger. Can I get a McDonald's Burger? I wish they would do some stupid shit like that. The McBurger? The Mc... Are they actually just called McFries, dude?

I was about to say McFries. Can I get some McFries? McNuggets. You can't beat McNuggets. The McFries are now the McDonald's... The McDonald's Potato Sticks. The McDonald's Potato Thins. Dude, I could see them rebrand.

Well, America actually did rebrand French fries during the war as Freedom Fries. Did we? Yeah. Did you know about that? No. For like patriotism, we actually like changed the name to Freedom Fries. And like we called them Freedom Fries for a while. You didn't want French in there, I'm guessing.

No. I still don't want French in there. I don't want French in anything. No. What is one good thing a Frenchman has given to society? Maybe a white flag up in the air. That's true. That's true. That's true.

People are going to think we're xenophobic. No, of course not. We just think every country sucks and ours is the best. Yeah. I mean, it's true. I don't just think that. I know that. Because of my brain.

It's a fact. And because of history class. My big American brain. Middle and high school, which I completed. By the way, I have a diploma. How many people listening to this right now are uh foreign and they're like i really wish i had an american citizenship or freedom guess what i have american citizenship and freedom and freedom comes with the american citizenship they give you a free freedom with every American citizenship. And these colors don't run.

We'll put a boot in your ass. It's the American. That fucking song, dude. It's good. It's awful. What? It's a classic song. It's just, it's so, it's like, if I like.

I'm proud to be an American. Oh! Where at least I know I'm free. And I'll fuck all the men who died. Fuck all the men who died? And fuck all the men who died. Whoa, wait, did he just say fuck them?

And gave their life for me. And I will fuck them in the ass. I think that would cause a very big controversy. What are they going to do? Shoot me? Yes. Dude, there's magic going to sing.

With their guns. Magic going to sing the national anthem at a baseball stadium and like. And fuck them. Just saying fuck the men who died fighting for. I'm going to fuck the men who died. Those men who fought in Vietnam were a bunch of pussies. What the fuck? What are you talking about?

They don't care about the people who died in the Vietnam War. They certainly don't care about the ones that came back. No, of course not. You can go to any downtown area and find them on the side of the road begging for money because we have a wonderful program in America for veterans of PTSD. Excuse me, dude. What? They lost.

Vietnam? What, do you get trophies for losing? Vietnam? Yeah. Yeah, they lost. Yeah. Do you get a trophy for losing? What, they won a consolation prize?

Nowadays. Nowadays. Look, you gotta win the war to get the fruits that come from it. Hey, maybe if it was just California versus Vietnam, we would have given them a participation trophy when they lost. I feel like most of this episode has been us in character as like xenophobic assholes. It's just so fun. I don't know why.

It is. I'm having a great time let's talk about like some like what's it like let's talk about some other countries we just haven't really hit on this episode peru i actually was gonna bring up peru i love china versus peru specifically because of the second series of unfortunate events book because they were supposed to go to peru with their uncle and I always envisioned Peru being cool I loved Peru so much in fact that would be like one of the first countries I would

want in a game of Risk even though it sucks that was really random I thought you were going to say visit you were like I want it in a game of Risk no I would love it I was like I want Peru and I would get Peru we should play Risk man we should do a board game series I know it does but that'd be fun.

We could live stream it. I guess. I want to do more like board games on the channel. We could play Liar's Dice. Physical games. Liar's Dice. Yeah. What the fuck is that?

From Pirates of the Caribbean. I'd rather play Dyer's Lice. See, I flipped the first letters of each word and it still made sense. It's still Sade Men's. see I flipped the first letters of each word and it still made sense it still saved men's when I was in Skyhool I used to always Sky High? Disney Sky High? flip the flutters

did you watch Sky High? Sky High no I haven't seen it I remember in that movie about superheroes has Bruce Campbell in it who plays Ashley It looks so futuristic and it's like, in the year 2010. Yeah, their school bus flies.

I love that it takes place in the year 2010. Sidekick. Hero or sidekick? Mark, chill. Dude, I can see Markiplier being a superhero. He's like the closest the human race has to a real Supermanman yeah I think

like genetically and could you imagine Mark flying around with a cape yes I can actually very easily oops just launches himself through three buildings I guess I don't know my own strength up up

and a Markiplier meanwhile there's like he just blasted through like an office building, like killing like 12 people. Three hospitals. Three parallel hospitals. They were going to die anyway. That was the ICU. I did them a favor. Now they won't have to pay extra bills.

I saved them a week of bills. Now they won't have to pay extra bills. I saved him a week of bills. It's like he goes to save someone down from being hit by a car, and then he looks down, and he's holding a shirt, and they had fallen like 200 feet. Oops! Someone's going to have to clean that up, but not on my watch!

Up, up in a Markiplier! He flies up and just blasts through a jet that's flying over. Oops. 350. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Like, all of a sudden, he uses his supervision to see that Chica ran out of the house.

Oh, Chica! No, Chica! Flies back, causes several car crashes on the way vehicles overturned flips a school bus just because she got outside and he doesn't want to run away and then when he when he finds her and he gets her he takes her back and he beats her for running away um with a wet noodle oh my god dude i crazy root oh my god what Crazy news. Wow, what's so crazy? America won best country of the year

again? No, that's not crazy. That's just expected at this time. Wow. Seth Rogan died? Finally. Seth Rogan says he will no longer he has no plans to work with James Franco again

what? I'll read the AV Club article did they have a falling out? last month Charlene Yee called out Seth Rogen on Instagram saying that she raised concerns to Rogen after he continued to work with James Franco on the Disaster Artist

even though multiple women accused him of sexual misconduct. But her efforts were futile. Rogan instead allegedly bribed her with a larger part in the film so she wouldn't quit. Damn, Seth. They minimized and said Franco being a predator was so last year and that he changed. When I literally heard of him abusing new women that week, he wrote, Rogan hadn't responded to Yee's accusations, but in an interview with the Sunday Times, he broke his silence on Yee's statement, saying,

When Ryder, he said, He said, What I can say is that I despise abuse and harassment, and I would never cover or conceal the actions of someone doing it, or knowingly put someone in a situation where they were around someone like that. He also addressed the joke he made on Saturday Night Live in 2014 after Franco had propositioned a minor on Instagram. Remember that? Oh, yeah. And he was like, oh, it was an April Fool's.

Like, dude, got you guys. I made you think I was a pedo. Didn't he try to explain it on, like, Kimmel or something? Yeah, during his opening monologue, he said that he had pranked Franco by pretending to be a teenage girl and his Pineapple Express co-star seemed unfazed by the age. Who was pranking him? Seth Rogen said that. Oh, Seth Rogen was pranking him?

No, Seth, please just say it was you as a prank. Yeah, it was me. I was pretending to be a 14-year-old female. EDP up in the house. Well, actually, I was just coming here to pick up a cupcake. Yeah, he was. EDP's cupcake. Let me see.

Seth Rogen just said, here we go. I comment, okay, and I also look back to that interview in 2018 where I comment that I would keep working with James, and the truth is I have not and I do not plan to right now. He also confirmed that it's no coincidence the pair, who've worked on numerous projects together since meeting on the Freaks and Geeks set in 1999, haven't collaborated in years. Damn.

It's true. When's the last time they collabed? Wait, what came out? Disaster Artist, I think. Okay. What, that was like two years ago? No, that was more than two years ago. Was it? That was seven. No, it was like two years ago that's more than two years ago was it i was seven no it was like three then 2017 oh damn what time's oh bye gotcha psych dumb asses you thought we were

end well i mean we're eventually it will have to come to an end. There will come a day when there's a final episode of this podcast. Yeah. It will happen. Inevitably. As all things do end. How far do you think it'll be? Besides Disney. It'll be this episode or do you think it'll be episode 752?

Five years in and we're only on episode 244. So. By the time we hit a decade of Super Mega, we'd probably only be in the 400s. Joe Rogan has done over a thousand episodes. It's gonna be crazy. Doesn't he have a daily podcast or some shit like that?

How can he talk that much? People say that about us. How do they always have something to talk about? I'll tell you how. How? I'm playing with my necklace. Sorry. That's some nice ice. Thanks, man.

See, that's how we always have something to talk about. There's always something happening, you know? People have asked us before. They want hints on how to make a podcast. They're like, how do you guys, what do you know, what do you talk, like, how do you know what to talk about? We don't. We don't.

We literally, we don't. We just sit down and we just start talking. That's it. You know? Just start, I see one of us just opens the software, presses record, and then we sit down and we talk. If there's one thing Ryan and I are good at, it's having conversation with each other. Exactly. Maybe not other people. No, especially with women.

Woo! But I can talk to you more comfortable than my own mother. Probably anyone in my life. My mom, that probably just hit her in the heart like a dagger. Well, maybe she shouldn't be such a moron. That is true, mom. Probably need to get a little more smart. Yeah.

Hey, Cecile, go drink some brain juice. Maybe have some milk. And then maybe juice me and give me some brain. I got something. And I'll give you some milk. Yeah. You got what? I was going to ride my, I already told, you already know, but I was going to ride my bike to work.

Bike with no handlebars? No, definitely got to keep my hands on there just in case clutch and throttle. You know what i mean you just it's safety but i was gonna drive i was gonna ride my bike to work and guess what during the pre-ride inspection you know it's all looking good i'm all geared up i'm looking at the tires you're all done up in your little tights and i am i got i got my riding socks on i don't wear any pants just protective socks because i like to feel the the the wind and it it protects more of my leg than a dude on a motorcycle with a helmet jacket gloves and boots but just butt ass naked on the legs you just see

his ass cheeks and his penis and balls and like and uh, I was doing the pre-write spec and checking the tires, you know, kicking them, squeezing them a bit. And then I see something. Me and Cecile's tits. Looks like... Dude, me too.

Me as a five-month-old, but... Me as a 25-year-old. I thought it was a rock in the wheel that turned out to be a fucking nail the whole country? what? the whole country? the whole country of nail? dude you had to come back for everything you said you thought it was a rock in the wheel

oh got it got it got it that's the end of the story I don't want you to tell your story without me interrupting it too many times with unfunny jokes of course just every time I got a sentence out sentence these nuts Yeah. That's the end of the story. I don't want you to tell your story without me interrupting it too many times with unfunny jokes. Of course. Just every time I got a sentence out. Sentence these nuts. There it is.

To the death penalty. That's it. Yeah. But that sucks for real. I'm sorry for interrupting. I'm sure it does. But that does suck for real. That you can't ride your bike. Because you just got it.

I'm crying about it. Yeah. You just got it. Dude, I'm tearing up. So what do you have to do about it i have to i think i have to get it fixed or i could just try to collect nails in the tire is the thing maybe another nail will balance it out if you put another nail on the other side of the tire perfectly like the same angle it might counteract it the the air going it might push more air in is what you're saying dude just put a little bit of tape over it yes staple up the hole i just put some scotch tape and then like uh color it with sharpie to

to look black yeah no but i have to probably i'm gonna just take it somewhere and get a new tire dude already without not even 500 miles on it why don't you use flex seal flex tape whatever it is no we could do a whole video about it oh okay you know what i'll put my life on the line for flex tape i wouldn't need to because flex tape is so is so uh reliable slap it on a boat stop a leak just wrap i'll just wrap my whole tires in it so nails will never burst if they had some flex tape uh on the titanic things would have gone down a lot differently losing all traction because I wrap my tires in tape. Have to slam on your brakes and you just keep sliding.

Yeah, that's what would happen. I mean, I do have ABS, but I don't think there's much that would do to me sliding on some duct tape. Damn, I thought you just had AIDS. No, that's Magic Mike. Rest in peace, man. Magic Mike, dude. I heard it's not a bad movie. It's not.

I haven't seen the second one, though. Dude, I want to see Nightcrawler. I've never seen it, and I just saw one scene where it's, because I was watching a WatchMojo video on top 10 scenes where actors actually got hurt. Top 10 saddest YouTube moments. I bet they took it down because of your tweet. I can't find it.

I can't even find a copy of that shit. I bet they took it down cause of your tweet. I wish I saved a copy cause it's funny in a shitty way. Dude, you should be proud. And you could put it have the screen cap on it but now people are going to think that's a joke that I put and it's going to seem that I'm in poor taste

oh thanks WatchMojo there was an actual fucking video they gave you an honorable mention in top 10 saddest YouTube moments or something and I got an honorable mention I wasn't one of the numbers no but you got an honorable mention i wasn't a no i wasn't one of the numbers no but you got an honorable mention for crying over your friend's death yeah i didn't even cry

in that i don't even think i shed a tear i think you were crying i think i choked up i think you were red in the eyes yeah and uh i just well i i made screenshots it's not like i made a point but i didn't want to i didn't want to be like I didn't want to be blubbering in the video I wanted to be very just kind of like tears unless it's like and if I start crying on camera I'm gonna I'm not gonna keep it in of me crying like if I'm doing something I cry I'm gonna cut until like I've wiped the tears away I could talk again because I think that's just cheesy yeah you want to the the message I it takes away from what I said because more of the attention then will go to the tone in which I'm saying it. The theatrics.

The theatrics instead of what I'm actually trying to say, which in that video I was just trying to. It was like a memory that I was looking back on. If I get choked up while talking in a video. That's fine. But like if I'm like. I'm not going to keep that. Like I'm not going to like keep a manic breakdown. Yeah. I'm not going to keep that. Like, I'm not going to like keep a manic breakdown. Yeah.

But maybe that just shows that you're weak and you're not you're not vulnerable. Well, I never cry. I haven't cried since I was about five years old. I also like that. That that wouldn't be a bad thing. I don't think it's a bad thing to not to want to be vulnerable to complete strangers online. Unless you're making millions of dollars doing it.

Well, think about it this way, dude. You got an honorable mention. You could put that on your resume. Oh, yeah. So WatchMojo gave me an honorable mention. Do you think I should frame that and put it in my place?

The picture of you just broken. And the bottom, the little blue stripe with the WatchMojo font that says honorable mention. Man, fuck you, WatchMojo. That's awful. I tried to watch a re-upload of it I can't find it anywhere

I'm not gonna lie I do enjoy watching watch mojo from time to time it's cheesy or looper looper or watch mojo but fuck watch mojo for that that's just awful let me see if I can uh honorable like if you're like you guys could have just worded it differently than honorable mention honorable mention it was pretty sad

not sad enough you know it didn't get us that sad man i gotta go through all it was more when mr anime shot and killed his family that was number one but you know that's why i'm gonna find it quick because i don't tweet all too often right go to your media and scroll down that's what i'm doing right now dude i bet dude ryan can you just retweet that tweet and say, damn, this one did numbers. Oh, yeah, there's me when I was watching Shrek. Dude, did I send you a bunch of did I send you a bunch of Snapchats of me like watching Shrek every now and then? It was it was an ordeal. It was something big.

Ah, dude, every year, every year. This is one of the, I think this might be the first one. I love when you draw me my birthday picture every year. It gets better every year. Thank you, man. I actually,

I do on my birthday. I really actually do look forward to it. I'm like, oh yes. Also, can we talk about something that is, uh, when this podcast comes out,

it's going to be old news, but there it is. Yeah, it was, yeah, it was going to be old news. There it is, yeah. Yeah, it was titled Top 10 Saddest YouTube Videos. I don't want to make you have to throw up an image on screen. You guys should go look it up if you can. It's on Ryan's Twitter. Go follow Ryan on Twitter.

I'll just put it up. Yeah, like I'm having to put up with you. Oh, come on, baby. Gotcha. Elon Musk on Saturday Night Live. It's old news at this point when this podcast comes out cause Ryan's coming out of town so we're recording them early I'm going home I get to visit home I'm excited anyways

that's cool and all Ryan but Elon Musk we'll talk about Elon Musk on SNL first we need him to be a permanent cast member bro what I'm about to tell you is cringe what I'm about to tell you is going. What I'm about to tell you is going to be cringe. He could be one of the Wiggles with all that body language.

No, you know, me and Princess Peach. I didn't watch the WarioWare. Oh, come on, dude. I couldn't, I couldn't, but the Daily Report, whatever it was, where he's talking about Dogecoin? Now that's good shit. That was the worst. Dude, I legitimately, physically cringed

how does he move like that oh i opened my youtube because he's trying to come off as natural i think like when people like when they try to mimic natural body language it's like this they try to you know when people like mark zuckerberg when people are telling people to relax they do this they like move so when you're trying to be relaxed, like, Hey dude, how's it going? You're like moving your neck. You're trying to look loose, but if you're not just, just be yourself. Just be yourself.

I think that's more loosen up and don't try to act like you're loose. Yeah. Because people can tell when you're, when you're faking it. And not everyone's a loose type of person. Hold on. I'm looking at Elon Musk dressed as Wario. Vince calls Wario to the stand to the stand oh oh this is awesome

oh my god no fast you gotta hear him speak he's going to the stand dude well yeah he's well they're gonna ask him a question first i have asperger's that's not okay that's not in the script but that's in the monologue script that you are evil they made this uh i love that you literally know that this is just like wrong with hating italians nothing of all the countries we've talked about today i don't want to get into Italy because I will go off the grandest moochers in this fucking god grand United States of America

I'm not Italian I'm Sicilian that's what I think super mega under fire for anti-Italian remarks the super mega scandal just got a whole lot worse yeah but Elon he did what he did Italian remarks. The super mega scandal just got a whole lot worse. Yeah, but Elon, um... He did what he did on SNL. Doge fucking skyrocketed.

No, it didn't. Doge skyrocketed? It dumped when he went on. You can watch it. Like a boop. Oh. Good thing I invested my entire life savings into Dogecoin. Well, he explained Dogecoin during the... But what is Dogecoin. Well, he explained Dogecoin during the... But what is Dogecoin?

No, it's a... No, wait. I'm the Doge King. What did he say he was? The Dogefather, dude. The Dogefather. Dude, that part made me go, whoa. I laughed so hard, I shit...

I log of shit into my pants while I was watching it. And then I got on... You didn't smush too much in there, did you? It was pretty pretty solid i did pancake it a little i sat up i got him i sat back down on it to squeeze it out i love pancake and it keeps it all in one spot keeps it all flat and then uh it's uncomfortable if you just have a log in there you got to spread it out even exactly and then i went on reddit and i went on r slash elon memes and i gave everybody reddit gold because i was in such a good mood. Everyone I saw got some Reddit gold.

You are a generous motherfucker. I'm a kind stranger. God bless Matt Watson. I was seeing so many edits. Thanks for the gold, kind stranger. So many of those. Thanks for the gold, kind stranger. Fuck yes.

Give me that gold, baby. Like a billionaire by himself. Give me that gold baby Like a billionaire by himself Give me that gold baby Yeah girls I got some reddit gold baby I don't know why that got Just Caitlyn Jitter announcing she has Reddit gold. But you also say it like Austin Powers. What do you mean, baby?

Hey, girls, I got some Reddit gold. It's fucking Caitlyn, baby. Okay, I'm ready for some Reddit gold. How do I get this Reddit gold, baby? Today's scene, your prompt is Caitaitlin jenner receives reddit gold i do that really that really tickled me i'm glad i love that i get the tick i don't know why that your tummy sometime well i'm good i'm just glad that caitlin jenner's running for governor of california as a republican too and i think that uh i think she has a chance of winning and i and

i urge all california resident listeners of this podcast to vote for her. To go out and vote for Caitlyn Jenner. Go campaign. She is the greatest politician in California. She's going to become the greatest politician in history. Also, I said this, Jacob. She'll be flying her drones around. I drone striked him, baby.

So, you know what I said? I went boom, bam, bop, baby. Drone striked him into oblivion baby i really can't tell if it's austin powers or caitlin jenner i like this character we've created now that's just a mix of austin powers and caitlin jenner okay the last hyphen okay girls okay hey girls hey matthew hey caitlin you want to come in the jacuzzi baby Okay, Pete. Hey, girls. Hey, Matthew. Hey, Caitlin. You want to come in the jacuzzi, baby? Yeah, I'm feeling a little randy.

Sweet piece of ass right there, Matthew. It is a nice piece. It's very flat. I have a flat ass, but... God. Damn that. Slap a little more, Caitlin. That stays pretty... That's...

Oh. Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck. Like a little one out there. What is that scenario? I guess I'm just... I'm standing up in the hot tub and Caitlyn Jenner is

slapping my ass. And then I let out a little toot by accident. Can your gym shorts be at your knees? Why am I wearing gym shorts? Why am I not wearing a bathing suit? Because it was an improm improv to jacuzzi session I don't have a bathing suit but I have gym shorts

classic like when you're at a friend's house and you have a bathing suit and you go swimming I have gym shorts I just swim in my underwear Caitlyn Jenner though go out and campaign for Caitlyn California for Caitlyn I went on the website and the first

picture is a picture of caitlin driving a car which i thought was kind of in poor taste let me see california for caitlin what do they want to do see caitlin's put herself in a weird position because she's running as a republican but i don't think a lot of Republicans would vote for a transgender governor. Hmm. Or maybe. This is just the Trojan horse they need. Okay, but Jacob from Off Canyon and Trevor were crashing at my place this weekend. And we watched the Elon Musk SNL and we just laughed ourselves into a coma. But I said, I think that Elon Musk will be president one day.

And they were like, no, no way. And I'm like, I think it's possible. Can't you see Elon? No, he's South African. He can't be president. Mark Zuckerberg, though. Could you see Mark Zuckerberg ever being president? No.

I think it's just too unlikable. I could see Tucker Carlson becoming president. That is. If I'm thinking realistically. I liked his recent monologue where he said uh masks are a sign of weakness take it off and when you see someone wearing a mask call them out yeah well i'm not praising him i'm just saying i could 100 because i don't know like where do you go he has been polled as a candidate and where do you go after donald you have to kind of probably stick in that

same realm you know i don't picture they'd move back and get like a Mitt Romney type, you know? Yeah. We already had a Mick President. Mitt Romney's a thing of the past. He is, man. Little Mormon boy. Little Mormon boy from Utah.

He's got binders full of women. Remember that one? Do you think Ted could ever? I think Tucker Carlson has a better chance of becoming president. He was pulled. He was pulled. Actually, Sean Hannity did very well when they pulled Sean Hannity as president. And I don't, Sean Hannity, President Hannity, it kind of sounds real, right?

Or President Carlson. President Carlson. Tucker Carlson is the heir of the bird's eye frozen food fortune you know they the the right talks all about like how hollywood's rule but they're the ones who keep hiring actors for the white house fucking got reagan now we got fucking donald trump i'm pretty sure schwarzenegger was a democrat right was he a president oh no maybe yeah you're right george bush was an actor too so both of them george bush like he's like an action like a john wick type movie with george bush dude obama acted did he and yeah acted a fool in the white house shorts that's right with

with joe and hillary not a president president She is, she'll always be my president She was on SNL I still see people in California with the Hillary bumper stickers on And I'm like, why do you, why? I saw someone with a big Pete Buttigieg sticker yesterday And a Hillary sticker And I was like, you got the Pete sticker? Bro, he got the Pete sticker

Dude, when's, uh Wasn't like Pete's, a lot of people like oh dude pete has a big chance then he just went yeah what happened what happened to pete no one likes he's a little rat dude yeah he was a little rat i got man when he during the debate when he was just like going after bernie i just got so mad you cried i did I did. You cried out of frustration. I teared up and I said not Bernie. Your face was so red. I was red in the face. Yeah, I remember. Pete's just so smug. It's just like

Cinder, you see, from South Bend, Indiana to the White House. Growing up as a homosexual in South Bend, Indiana is, uh, yeah, Mayamo Pete. I'll try to speak Spanish.

That's great. Dude, Mayamo Pete. I need some water. Yeah. My throat's dry. No, you don't. Mayamo Pete Buttigieg, right? Yeah.

I'm with Pete. Dude, I have, he's, you know, he's. May Goosta Pete Buttigieg. Pete is, he's gone out of the public eye now, but he's, he's going to come back one day. He's going to run for president again and again and again. And he's one of those guys that never wins, but it's always every few presidential races is going to get up kind of high up in the polls. And then because these guys run for president, not because they actually want to be president, but because when they campaign, so many people run for president that don't want to become president. And they know they'll never be president.

And you ask, like, why are they running for president? They don't have a chance. It's because campaign money you raise so much fucking money you just gotta do some public appearances like i'm running for president oh you gotta love those speeches why do you think caitlin jenner's running for governor i don't i don't think caitlin actually wants to be governor no it's it's a lot of money yeah especially for those speeches other people really just it's how they launder their fucking gross, dirty black market money. And art. Art is huge for money laundering.

So is NFTs, man. Didn't Kim K recently just get ousted for getting a statue illegally sent to the US or some shit? Smuggling a statue. A Roman statue. Poor thing. I know. That had to be a tough few hours. I wanted it.

It was mine. That would be a tough day. I just picture her just crying. It's like, this is too much to deal with for today. What? Did you just shake the table? Was that an earthquake? Yeah.

Okay, you shook the table. I thought it was a little earthquake. I haven't felt an earthquake in a while. I haven't either. You felt one more recently than i did though i did yeah when was that like not even like about a month ago was it and i'm trying camera oh yay i remember now i was in bed it was the middle of the night that's right and i got woken up by it i think you called me afterwards soon you're like did you feel that like And I'm like, no. I'm waiting for the big one, man. When's the big earthquake going to hit? The big one.

When's that San Andreas Fault going to go sicko mode? And maybe Dwayne the Rock Johnson can rescue us in a helicopter before we fall down into the Earth's core. Or Dwayne the Rock Watson. Dale the Rock Watson. Well, his real name is Dwayne, so Dwayne the Rock Watson works. What a gross, gross stupid nerdy name he thought that Dale sounded less redneck than Dwayne

hi Dale every time I go to the family reunion Dale good to see you there's your good boy Matthew it's not Matt it's always Matthew hi Matthew it's cousin Andrew Matthew see we go to these family reunions It's not Matt, it's always Matthew. It's like, hi Matthew, it's cousin Andrew. Matthew. Who?

Matthew. See, we go to these family reunions. And I don't know anyone there. Benjamin? There's like a hundred Benjamin. Benjamin? Benjamin. This is cousin Benjamin.

Theater? Theater. Like I go and I don't know anyone and my dad gets mad at me. He's like, son, you don't remember cousin Jane? And I'm like, no. I don't think I've ever met her. You don't even remember? You're related to Limp Bizkit?

The little Limp Bizkit bastards? Eminem. Worse than the little Limp Bizkit bastards. What do you got against them? Limp Bizkit? I love Limp Bizkit. I do. Yeah, you're against them? Limp Bizkit? I love Limp Bizkit. I do. Yeah, you're related to them.

I know. I'm also related to Limp Penis, who's a rapper that has erectile dysfunction. That one. Did that land? Was that good? Limp Penis?

I don't know who it is. I can't be sure. Yo, what up? I'm Limp Penis. Is there an actual rapper named Limp Penis? No. Probably, but...

Hmm. That's my idea. That's my intellectual property now you cannot use that you all know my rap name what is it i can't say it yeah Ryan's Soulja Boy I am Dude Soulja Boy He's been like one of my number one dream guests To get on Super Mega forever And I feel like we're not that far from it Why not Elon Musk

He'd be too funny for us I think I think he'd make us look like Very not funny and unprepared Do you think we could make him uncomfortable enough To give us two Cybertrucks? I was going to ask for a couple million dollars, but that works too. You know, Elon could actually give us...

Can I have a Cybertruck, Elon? Yeah. No, that's pretty cringe. But I'd have to say yes, bae. Oh, whole gang squad up. Yeet, yeet. Dude. Gen Z Hospital. oh whole gang squad up yeet yeet dude gen z hospital that's one of the worst sketches they've ever done it's about as bad for me as the yeet yeet skirt skirt shit i think the don some of the donald trump jokes snl did were like so low tier uh not because they weren't funny but because

they made fun of my president uh but the Elon stuff was just... What about when American Horror Story covered the election, and then when Donald Trump won, they had a character who celebrated by rubbing Cheeto dust all over his face? They did that? Yep. That's awesome.

With his tiny hands? He didn't have tiny hands. You know who has tiny hands? Trevor. He does, dude. It's weird. And they're hairless. His arms are furry as fuck.

His hands are tiny, hairless. Looks arms are furry as fuck. His hands are tiny. And his little baby hands. Looks like he had a hand transplant. Looks like he got a hand job, you know? Like, it's like, if he, like, touched me, I'd be like, it's weird. Remember that? It's enough to where it feels weird. Do you remember that Burger King commercial?

Or maybe it was for Hardee's or Carl's Jr., but it's like the guy has really small hands and he can't, the burger's too big for his small hands. Do you remember that one? Yes. It's based on Trevor. Okay. Jacob all weekend just kept saying like. For those, Trevor again is modest cube.

And he's, but he's not modest. No. Especially with those hands. He should start an OnlyFans called hottest cube. Smallest hands. Biggest cock. Ooh. He won't show me his cock

he's seen mine he won't most YouTubers have seen my cock but I most YouTubers I've not seen most YouTubers' cocks

you've seen my cock well you and I show our cocks very freely to each other yeah and to other YouTubers you gotta be a YouTuber are you getting bored

of seeing my cock no dude you wanna go see other people's cocks is that you're getting bored of my cock man

my cock not enough I'm gonna make some people jealous right now you and I have both seen Jacksepticeye's penis. That is true. You got to cut off his pubes. I just filmed.

I didn't. That's not when I saw his penis though. I've seen his penis on multiple occasions. No, no, no, no. I held him out and you got the scissors

and then you... Well, this wasn't for the video. This was just for fun in my kitchen, remember? We did not. You held his penis out? Oh, yeah, I held his penis out.

I snipped it, gave it a little kiss afterwards. We have seen Jacksepticeye's penis. What other YouTubers' penises have we seen? We never got to see Mark's penis. I saw Mark's penis through his bathing suit once. Yes, there. We both saw that at the pool. It was just massive. Yeah.

That's just one of the biggest penises I think I've ever seen. Enough so to where, like, I was like, wow. I remember you and I

looked at each other and we were like, holy shit. That's the biggest penis I've ever seen. I think it probably is, actually. Like, just from what I saw

through the shorts. Your mom's got a pretty, you know, decently sized. It's a big penis. Yeah. Have not seen Ian. Ian from Smosh's penis.

But I'm going to change that. I'm going to have him over soon. Just ask. I feel like I've seen Aaron's penis. We went to it in Japan at the top floor of that hotel. I haven't seen Danny's penis. I have. Whoa.

Well, see the thing is. Is it when he told you it was the mic? Yep. Okay. Well, see, the thing is... Is it when he told you it was the mic? Yep. Okay. Mm-hmm. Well, I thought it was because there was just so much black hair. I thought it was the cover of the wall. He was behind the microphone.

Yeah. And I grabbed it, and I said, what a weird-feeling microphone. You have to stroke it to turn it on. And I did. It's a new Sennheiser technology. But unfortunately, due to his age, he couldn't get hard. No. So I said, there you got me, man.

God, I mean, he came some dust. Seriously, come on. Whose YouTuber's penises have you seen? We've seen Aaron. We've seen Egoraptor. We've seen Jacksepticeye. I'm trying to think of big YouTuber's penises we've seen. That's about it. No, there's definitely more.

We haven't seen PewDiePie's penis. Obviously Chad's. Yeah, we saw Chad's penis. I don't think I've ever seen Max's penis. But everybody's seen Chad's penis. Well, you know, it's always interesting when people that I'm close to won't show me their penis. It says something. Yeah, it's like, Max won't show me, Max even in jokes won't

pull his penis out. What do you have to hide? Exactly. It's a penis. Everyone has one. Everyone has one. Everyone's got one, you know. Wait wait let me go through my actually okay here's what i'll do let me go through my contacts on my phone real do you save the penises and categorize them yeah oh i rate them i have a private server for hosting their penises for me to rate all right let me just scroll down i've not seen anthony Fantano's penis. I would like to, though. I'm sure it's big and shiny like his head.

Seen my therapist's penis. Let me see. Danny. Gus and Eddie, I've not seen their penises, but we're going on the podcast later this week. So, I mean, we'll change that. Crank Gameplays?

I have not seen his penis. I have seen his penis. You have? I think so. Okay. I think. I feel like I saw it once. Frank Javsy.

I don't think I've seen his penis. I've seen Freddie Dredd's penis. We've seen Julian's penis. Oh, yeah. Meat Canyon? freddie dread's penis we've seen julian's penis oh yeah um meat canyon no i don't think i saw his uh he saw yours yeah jakey nah hmm let's see going down the list going down the list. Going down the list. The penis list. Rhett and Link, I've seen both their penises.

We're suing Matthew for- Shake Carl. Shake- We both saw his penis when we went to go to Maker Studios to negotiate our contracts. That was unfortunately part of the contract was we had to look at his penis for, what was it, like 10 minutes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Brent, seeing that little sucker, that little piggy. Well, smelled it more than seen it, but. That little piggy went to the stink house. Woo-hoo! Let's see. Almost done going through my, Ninja Brian? Huge cock. Rav?

No, but I'm assuming it's small Ross seen Ross's penis of course Carl Jacobs always sending me pictures of his penis

wait have we seen Ross's penis I don't think I have Ross is like darn why the hell would I show you my penis as a joke

that's weird and I'm like Ross why do you think that's weird come on we're just showing each other our penises as a joke

it's not weird. Yeah, Carl Jacobs always sends dick pics to me. Tucker. Of course, seen Tucker's penis. Yep, Tucker's penis 100%. He's not a YouTuber, though. Last time I saw iDubbbz, he pulled his balls and penis out and he put them right in my face. And I looked at it for a minute and he let me even taste the head.

Not the shaft, but just the head. Okay. But yeah, that's a good place to end the podcast taste the head. Not the shaft, but just the head. Okay. But yeah. That's a good place to end the podcast is whose penises we've seen. Sounds good to me. Y'all have a good night or morning or afternoon. Good evening and good night. And in case I don't see

you, Brian, bring it out with your classic don't end this one with a fart episode. I won't. With a fart sound. You've done like literally like 20 episodes that way. I know. I'll figure something else out. Well, everyone, we will be back next week for episode 246.

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