supermegashow - EP 265 - Funny Funeral

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

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Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish.

Or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly. Which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I.com. Oh, man. We're back in person, everybody. Yep. And we're here. It's episode 265. Thank you, Matt. Through a five-up form, say no. It's because I never truly know. I sometimes get it right.

The only reason I ever know is just because I edit the evens, you edit the odds. So I'm like, oh, I'm not editing this week. And last week I had 264, so 265. See, I got to do a little bit of math. Yeah, also two episodes ago we were doing the math of like how many days or hours the podcast is and we went a long route about it that's what I always do with that

kind of shit like there's a much easier way but I just take a much stupider longer way I'm not good at puzzle games either cause that's what my brain is just like I guess that's that's how to explain being stupid to someone your brain is making the connections in the wrong way. Yeah, and like...

You're still getting down to it, but you're taking more... You're exerting more effort into figuring out a problem. Somebody legitimately getting mad at us for being bad at math. It's like, I can't help it. It's like, I just don't know how to do it. Like, I can't...

We got the right answer at some point, right? know how to do it. We got the right answer. Yeah, we did. We did get the right answer. Just went a little. That's what matters, right? We got from A to B. Exactly. We showed our work.

Yeah, we showed the work. Exactly. It's a little extra work, but it shows that we have more skills than just the one. Apparently, it was just incredibly simple. I could have just divided one number, and then it would have been like 24. Yeah. But I was like, okay, there's this many minutes in a day yeah i know i i mean i did the same thing it's okay it's like i mean i i don't i don't pretend to be smart just took a nice little

swig a nice swig of water but i i'm i'm covid free or i'm covid negative i'm not contagious anymore i still have some congestion and you could probably hear it and uh I'm not contagious anymore. I still have some congestion, and you can probably hear it. But you're feeling good? I feel all right. You're feeling strong? On and off still.

I still feel a little bit weak. You're feeling able. I'm feeling able-bodied, for sure. I'm feeling like a little fatigue comes on and off. And then also, you know, just the fucking cough. It's really bad at night sometimes. I'll be laying in bed and just, you know, like, sounds like I'm dying. But I'm not. I made it.

And now, I mean, I got to be super immune from COVID now because I'm vaxxed. And this served as a booster shot. I have, like, you're supposed to get your booster shot, what do they say six months after we got vaxxed in march and april yeah so six months later i got covid right when the antibodies are wearing off now i got a super huge boost of antibodies that my body created and now look at this man i can never get covid again ever ever i do feel good right now knowing that like most likely i'm probably safe for a while yeah i could get covid again ever ever i do feel good right now knowing that like most likely i'm probably safe for a while yeah i could get covered again but yeah hopefully by the time i would be like antibodies are down enough it's hopefully this shit will be much more in control

could have could have skipped to this point last year saying the exact same thing yeah there's no way this time next year we're going to be saying the same thing. I think people did predict that this would go on to like 2022, 2023 area. Because it was such like a huge monumentous thing that happened. I don't know. It just. It was the first time in a long time where I got that feeling. You remember that feeling when school was canceled because of a snow day or something?

Mm-hmm. Where it was just like, everything's closed, everything's canceled. Everything's canceled nowadays. For like four days, it was like, whoa. Yeah.

And then it was like, uh-oh. And then it just got kind of tiring. It was like, this is bad. That's what I, I was like, I did a lot this week. I went to like a show, the Porter Robinson show.

Yeah, you went twice. Yeah. He begged me to show up. So I just kind of moseyed on down and he gave me a front row seat. You bailed on Kendrick for that too. He was pissed. I did. Yeah, you saw Toro Y Moi too, which I didn't know.

I'm very jealous of that. I've always wanted, I love him. I got a poster of him last week. Did you? Is he shirtless? Yeah, he is. Fuck you. I got a cool, so I ordered a bunch of posters last week. Did you? Is he shirtless? Yeah, he is. I got a cool poster. So I ordered a bunch of posters from my place and I

should have known better than to get them on Redbubble because the print quality is fucking awful. But, you know, I'll use them as placeholders until I get better stuff for my walls. It's better than nothing. Part of me wants to just get like Carson has a Carson Tucker has like a big ass printer, like really nice one.

And he can print his own posters like super high quality and i was like oh that'd be so cool i could just like get whatever i want online print it out put it on the wall and it's like boom legit poster quality dude i'm such an idiot i fucking i don't know how i did this but i had a really big poster that was curled and i needed to flatten it so i did the thing where i put a bunch of heavy shit on top for like three days and i'm like it's gonna be good goodbye now like three four days i i put it the wrong way so like like i put the poster the like face down the wrong way so i did nothing the whole four days to like flatten it i was like i pulled it back up and amir was like what and i was like oh fuck i fucked i i'm such an idiot how did it why did

how did i do that did you get it right eventually? Did you fix your mistake? A little bit, yeah. I just kind of nailed it into the wall. I was like, eh, fuck. Doesn't look very good. But, you know, COVID was a fun experience for me. It's nice to be back.

First day really back in the office together. Got to pick up steam again to get back up. See, it's easy to survive, folks. Now see what the big deal is. My buddy Matt here survived. Yep, I did. Just like the common cold. My grandpa might have died

from COVID last week. Nope. That's, yeah. Prove it. Unrelated. My grandpa did die from COVID last week. Right after my grandma, too. I lost both my grandparents last month.

And where were you, Ryan? You didn't send any roses to my door you didn't send any chocolates or stuffed animals saying i'm sorry hey well like i'm the one who flew all the way back to actually show up to the funeral the maskless funeral it was beautiful what if except there was a mask on the uh on the corpse right i thought that thought that was tasteless because it's like, come on, really? Like, you've got to put your political agenda onto my dead grandfather now. You know, they live streamed the funeral

and I was just wondering, like, if I'm sitting there just watching it and then I just see you, like, off the corner, like, sitting there, just like with no mask on. Dabbing your eyes you know you have like your arm around one of my cousins

or something what the fuck bye Jackson I mean that would have been an epic troll if he would have flown across the country and then driven six hours

into the middle of nowhere to go to a funeral would you have laughed yeah I was like you know what I should just i should just get on twitch and and do a reaction stream exactly to my my grandmother's funeral you know that's i

think that's it's just like crunch on them in the mic all right can we get can we get a hype train going thank you uh rosy tree for the uh 300 bits why am i from Boston now? I don't know. I don't know why you'd be... I don't know. Yeah, but it really is true about like they're married for like 60 something years. Prove it. You didn't even let me say what I was going to say.

It's true that like when one goes, the other one always goes right after. I wonder why that is. Does it prove that they were married for 60 something years? Well, I'm sure that I can find some kind of record in the South Carolina database. I don't see it. Something of my grandparents being married. I don't see it.

I mean, I don't see it either, but I know that they were married for 60 years. I did find actually years ago, I found a VHS tape that was their 30 year anniversary, like VHS tape. Could have been actors. It could. Yes, it could have been. I wasn't alive yet, but I, you know, I It could. Yes, it could have been. I wasn't alive yet. Uh, but I, you know,

I watched it part of it for some reason and it had awesome fucking effects. It was like, that was edited. It was, yeah, it was edited, but like back when very, very early effects,

like there'd be interesting, there'd be a transition where it's like a dude throws a baseball and it like flies into the screen. And like a guy hits it back at the screen. And then like the video, like it's inside the ball. It's like really really early but really cool stuff because my grandma did my grandma was a video editor and she did it with all the uh my other grandma not the one that just passed no the one that kicked it in 20 2005 but uh she was a video editor um and and like the old type with like the film she gave it to you yeah that's where i got it it's in your blood little did she know

literally in your blood she passed that on to me so i could become markiplier's editor exactly she had i wish she could have stayed alive along long enough to see me to see the freddy fazbear compilation yeah she would have been so proud of me oh my god luckily you know i have one grandparent left a month ago i, I had two. Now I have zero. And I'm also, I did not have a very close relationship with my grandparents. They lived a very isolated life by themselves. So I didn't really communicate with them

that often in my life. I only saw them like, maybe like 10, 15 times in my life. If that. So we weren't very close but they were they're both very wonderful people and they will be missed well i i don't think that's for you to well jesus will decide well yeah jesus ultimately decides if they're one or god sorry all these same things yeah one of the same uh but you know yeah uh rest in peace to the Watson grandma and grandpa.

Thank you for, I'm sure that you guys are looking down and smiling on your grandson desecrating your name. While the Joji R.I.P. remix plays. R.I.P. See, I was going to play that at the funeral. I would die for you. The trippy red Joji R.I.P. song. I was going to play the trippy red Jo The Trippie Redd, Joji, R.I.P. song. I was going to play the Trippie Redd, Joji song at their funeral, but they wouldn't let me. Which I thought was crass.

Because I said, well, you know, you guys get to play your organ music. Please play that at my funeral. That would... I mean, you wouldn't be able... You have to do an interpretive dance to it, too. If you passed... In white gloves. If you passed, and I told your mom... Promise me this now. You know your mom would let me do it too. If you passed. In white gloves. If you passed and I told your mom.

Promise me this now. You know your mom would let me do it. Promise me this now. Okay. I have to do the interpretive dance in white gloves at your funeral. Dude, so many people would just be like, why is he doing this? Why is he taking all the attention off of Ryan? And I'm not allowed to.

Most of my family or anybody would listen to the podcast. Do I have to do it in a way too where it's like clearly like i'm trying to take put the attention on me yeah so it doesn't even look like i'm trying to like memorialize you it looks like i'm just trying to like get the spotlight on me for like learn to move really really well so it's like obviously there's one point where you're just like showing off it's like all right man i do it like three three times in a row like five backflips in a row i do it three separate times throughout the funeral like music just starts playing and you turn off all the lights except for like a spotlight you get a buddy to like shine on you like sunglasses on and like you'll put my diamond earrings in

you'll pull curtains on like uh my picture so like the attention can go to you i just i just replaced your picture just a picture of me like like a headshot like no it's like it's like a picture of you and it says memorializing ryan matt watson but it's my picture okay here's the thing you know for a fact if i told your mom this is what you wanted, she would let me do it. You know she would let me do it. Maybe. You know she would, dude. She might at first be like, man.

Actually, no. I had to change my mind. I think she would. I want you to, I want you, everybody has to stay the whole time. And you have to play Donkey Kong Country until you beat it. So some of you guys might have known this. Ryan and I, or myself and Ryan, had a Let's Play YouTube channel. And if you don't know what Let's Play is,

we used to play video games and make jokes over them for people to watch. Kind of like, you know, like football. You know, people watch sports and, you know, and people commentate. So to memorialize Ryan, I'm going to be doing a full playthrough of Donkey Kong Country. like football you know people watch sports and you know and people commentate so uh to memorialize ryan i'm gonna be doing a full playthrough of donkey kong country um and donkey kong country too and billy hatrick's those were his favorite games so i'll say a word now imagine i've been sitting there like oh oh damn dude dude that looks like god damn it like you get like actually you just get like really angry.

Wow. Looks like he's good at sucking cock. Like in like open cat. You're right there next to me. Oh, you have a little button that plays my laugh whenever you joke. But there's only one audio clip of it. So it just keeps repeating and it cuts. I wonder how I would be able to convince your mom to let me do.

Well, actually, I wouldn't. You just play. She listens to convince your mom to let me do. Well, actually I wouldn't. You just play the, she listens to the podcast. So that's true. Well, also I feel like at the funeral, she wouldn't stop me if, you know,

being your best friend, if I stood up at your funeral and, and I said, like I interrupted him, like I, I just wanted to say something as, you know, as his best friend,

I, I wanted to say something. No one's gonna be like, sit down, you know, they're going to let me say whatever it is. So that's when I can be like, I I wanted to say something. No one's going to be like, sit down! You know? They're going to let me say whatever it is. Yeah.

So that's when I can be like, I just want to say something. And then secretly have it coordinated where I'm like, hit it. And then the lights come down, it's do-do-do-do-do, and plays whatever music, the Trippie Redd Joji song. Oh. Sure. It sounded like you were about to do-do-do-do-do-do. My name is Cleveland Brown, and I'm proud to be. You know, do that one.

Yeah. Yeah, man. Can't wait for your funeral, dude. Yeah, I'm proud to be. Yeah, do that one. Yeah. Yeah, man. Can't wait for your funeral, dude. Yeah, it's going to be great. I'm going to listen back to this a year from now and be sobbing. A year from now? Yeah. That's more time than I thought.

Yeah. Well, that doesn't mean you have more time. That just means a year from now, I will be whatever day it is. I'll be sobbing listening back to it. God works in mysterious ways these youtubers predicted their own death little is known about how psychics really pull off their extraordinary predictions do they really have a connection to the other side we may never know but one thing is certain that that matthew and ryan predicted something that could not have

possibly have been um predicted i love the idea of one of those channels leaving their bad takes and when they can clearly just cut them out so easy and redo it there's sometimes i'll watch like a like a game review channel that's like not gameSpot or IGN. It's like a more creator-based, like just one person. And they'll leave, it'll be like, Ezio is the pinnacle of, Ezio is the pinnacle of Assassin's Creed.

And it's just like, it's like, oh, damn. I love, we've done that before by accident. Oh, yeah. Like we've gotten, like our ad like in our and like we've gotten like our ad agency has emailed us and they're like hey uh you left a bad take into into the me undies ad and i'll listen back and be like if you need new one if if you need new one for the underwear season it should be like oh shit because sometimes when you're like listening back you just

like skip right over that like it just sounds normal because you're so used to hearing so many takes of it uh that's that's good though that's fucking that's golden we actually you know we did that in uh in last year's uh the the Christmas Eve sermon video there's a part where you're like

now I now I and we just left it on purpose instead of cutting it out there's a part where Ryan like stops and restarts and it's fully it's fully real man I love that I loved making that video it was so long people were like not expecting a fucking

45 minute it's also a very divisive video like it's either I love either it was all improv we just sat down and press play on the camera and just went for 45 minutes and then we just edited it and threw it up on christmas eve it's like either you love it or you hate it that's what i that's what i remember after like that like even during the live stream it was like very like on or off some people were they didn't like the emergency weather alert but i mean take it up with the national weather service i it's dude it's a

vibe the national weather alert service yeah dude straight up vibe you should make a like a like a noise album where you just sample the and then like chop it and screw it wake up sheeple dude you could make ryan mcgoggle's in his most ambitious project yet. Welcome to my funeral. Dude, fucking, I really, you know that if we die, you know, in the next few years,

one of those YouTube channels is going to find some podcast clip and be like, Channel Super Megum was known for their funny videos but one of them predicted their own death and then play the clip from like the podcast and it's like mcgee was fatally struck by a hailstone on july 2nd 2022 that happens right yeah yeah i mean it's a fucking heavy-ass ball of ice. He's struck by a hailstone.

That's probably not a bad way to go if it's big enough. You're dying and your brain's like, your lights are going on and off in the cold. It probably sucks. No, hail's usually in the heat. It's in the summer, usually,

which is why it's so weird. It'll be hot outside and it's ice. Dying from hail, I feel like, okay, it could be hot outside and it's ice dying from hail I feel like okay it could be horrible because I feel like it could hit you and then you're like or it could hit you and just instantly lights out you know which I feel like it's a fucking ball of ice

you know and it's falling from miles high so it's at terminal velocity I remember in South Carolina like just like it would just be hard it would sound like little pebbles it's fucking like just like it would just be hard it would sound like little pebbles like hitting the windshield sometimes like

it would just like a there'd be one big one it'd be like I love dude hail is so cool it hailed here once I remember we were just like chilling at the Plex

and we looked outside and there's fucking tons of hail pouring down I've never seen big hail disgusting hail I've only seen little like the little pea sized ones little hail little hail I've seen the little pea-sized ones. Little hail.

I've seen the little tiny ones. And I like going outside and being like, whoa! Catching it in your hands. It's like it's summertime. Why is there ice falling from the sky? Why does that happen? It's usually a sign of when there's a tornado coming. I know that. Hail's associated with tornadoes.

You asked and I shall... Yeah? Yeah. Watch this. I'm gonna figure it out. You asked and I shall. Yeah? Yeah, watch this. I'm going to figure it out. It's going to be epic. I mean, it's probably just because of the temperature up on high. You know what it is? Probably tornadoes are when cold air and hot air clash. So it's probably the cold air is so fast that the ice freezes

and then it falls before it has time to melt. Hailstones are formed when raindrops are carried upward by thunderstorm updrafts into why didn't we have one recently i wanted a hail storm we just had a pretty decently sized thunder and lightning storm in la that was awesome it was yeah like i was so i was i was in my i was in my stew on my computer and it was a little overcast out but I had my windows, my curtains down but I could tell it was kind of overcast and then I just heard like and I was like

okay. Some of the thunder was like really fucking like I was like damn. I was like what's that but no in LA. I don't think I've ever experienced in my at least six years of living here. I think that was the biggest thunderstorm I've experienced that one it might have been a little heavier where you were because it wasn't i was around downtown la oh yeah it wasn't super heavy where i was lightning would

stick to the sky for three to five seconds i saw one bolt that like i was i was in my car and just it was nighttime uh and it fucking just went across and split into two. It was so cool. I'm not talking about the biggest thunderstorm I've ever experienced. I'm talking just strictly LA. I think the biggest one was a couple years ago in February. Remember when it rained for like a week straight? It was like a week-long thunderstorm. It was like two weeks.

Yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. I was like, oh, this is great. We were working at the Grumps at the time. I remember people didn't want to come in because it was like LA shuts down when it rains because people drive like how idiots people drive here when it rains like in South Carolina when it snows. Yeah. Which is the country they drive through all that weather perfectly fine. Well, it's just because I think in South Carolina, not too many people have winter tires.

No. And they also don't know what to do if you hit black eyes or black guys either. And like the lightning, I heard it and I was like, OK, well, it's Los Angeles. That could that could just be a meth lab exploding down the street, you know, like or, you know, or gunshots. And I heard it again. I was like, no. And I went, I checked the Los Angeles Doppler radar and I was like, no fucking way. I went on Twitter and I see thunder trending and I was like, yeah, that's how I always confirm any any type of of of weather or geological uh anomaly if I think I felt an earthquake or I think I hear thunder I go on twitter and it's like my whole feed's like so it started raiding like I remember I was outside when it started like to like fall down I was at like the museum of natural history and then

bada boom bada bing i got to enjoy the thunder and lightning storm just driving like that's the best i opened up my windows and it was like overcast around like my little computer setup and i just like watched the rain go down the windows so i turned down my my lights so nice so peaceful and like it's just such a good, pleasant feeling. I just miss it. I miss overcast weather. I miss rain. It's just... I miss overcast.

There's something about being stuck in the same weather consistently. I'm sure people who are stuck in a cold, always raining type of location are like, I would love to visit California or visit Florida or wherever visit Hawaii wherever the fuck you want to see the sun but like I'm not necessarily complaining because I would definitely take the you know sunny

no humidity everyday over fucking like cold wet dark everyday but I do humidity is the worst I hate that shit like the minute you get off of a plane oh yeah when you like fly across the country and you get off the plane it's like a fucking the worst was when i got off the fucking plane in bangkok it was like stepped outside and i was like oh my god it was like a hundred degrees like you can feel the air like you're stepping into like

it's like you're it's like you're in a solution your lungs it's like you're in water but you're not you're in like you're in like you're in the thick air well you are in water like there's just a lot more water in the air than where you just were so it's like you're you're in like you're in you're in an air ocean bro essentially yeah but i i remember in south carolina i love like getting caught in the rain and like like when i went back in in july i would sit on the beach at night in a lawn chair and watch the thunderstorms. And I, all I wanted was to like to come rain on me. But here, if like the rain touches me, I'm like, ah, because you just know it's, it's concentrated filth and chemicals and piss and shit and fucking radioactive stuff. And, and so it like the, it's so acidic.

and soot like the it's so acidic the rain here is like it touches you and you feel disgusted because it's it's like so much just concentrated just garbage where south carolina it would rain enough and there's the ocean and shit too so it's like okay it's still not you know rain it's never clean but it's like it's better remember learning about the water cycle you have a water cycle what that's awesome dude you drive it around town yeah dude it's crazy that was epic that was epic too you know what else is epic oh god here they go yeah a sponsor break bye well we'll be back after the battery angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love

this because you know if you own a home it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app. Answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish, or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly, which means you can take care

of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Hi, can I take your order, please? Can I get a Big Mac, McRab, McFlurry, and a McDouble? Keep it real, I need a Happy Meal, McCrispy, and 10 McNuggets. Tasty golden fries, a cold drink with extra ice. Junior chicken will be fire and a sweet hot apple pie. Is that it?

Let me get a quarter pounder with cheese and flatfish, oh please. Make gritties with McMuffin and a large coffee. A hamburger, cheeseburger, hash brown, hotcakes. Vanilla cone shake and a hot bar sundae. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba. This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook.

19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I got jury duty. Do sucks to suck bro but it was supposed to be today and i postponed it oh shit uh because i i just like i was like you eventually just have to serve it yeah you could like i was like we got to get back to supernugget man like we had to take so much time off from COVID. Did it come in the mail? Dude, what if you just happened to just accidentally

just not see it and throw it out? See, I don't know. I got it in the mail. It was like, official jury summons in a yellow envelope. I was like, yup, I know what this is. And I got excited, honestly. They make it very apparent. On the outside, it says jury summons.

And then you open it up and it has your badge hashing but how much they fuck up the mail here and like it like i could see someone they only said not getting it and also it was i only got it like two weeks before my summon date but i just went on the website and i like signed up for my jury shit and it was like do you need to postpone and i said yes and just show me a calendar and i just chose march next year and they're like okay you've been postponed so now like some week in march in 2022 i have jury duty so you guys can listen up on the podcast uh in march that means when i'll spill all the tea dude you're gonna have to deliberate i've always wanted to jury duty it sounds like my mom and i are both on the same page we both love jury duty are you gonna be like that guy on like the jury duty. It sounds like my mom and I are both on the same page. We both love jury duty.

Are you going to be like that guy in the jury when you're having to talk about the case or whatever? Like the guy's just taking it too seriously. He's like, come on, man. We just want to go home. No, you're like, no, no, no, hold on. Innocent until proven guilty. He hit the dude with his car.

Like the evidence. Yeah, but there's always two sides to the story. I know. We heard his side of the story. But there might be more we don't know he said i'm going to kill that bitch run her over right but you know sometimes people say things they don't mean he had multiple dash cams here's the thing i i've always won jury duty because i just think it it sounds fun. But I feel like I'm going to get some fucking case that's like, you hit my car and ran away and then we found your license plate.

And I'm going to just sit there for like two hours. But it's still going to take all week to go over some stupid shit. But aren't there cases where they don't need a jury? So it has to be something of interest. Yeah. If they take it, it has to be like something of interest. That, yeah. If they take it,

it's, you know, it's if they always decide if they, if they want to go to a jury trial, if they like, let's take this to trial. That's when you get the jury. I would do anything to be on Chris Chan's jury.

I wouldn't be able to for conflict of interest, but yeah, God, you know, those, those, they're going to be in for a, for a rude awake,

like a surprise. Those, it's's gonna be like 60 year old like people from fucking ruckersville virginia and they're gonna be like all right i got jury duty let's see what kind of shot lifting thing happened oh my god and they're gonna have to go through so goddamn much evidence yeah they're gonna have to watch the gino documentary i wonder i wonder maybe it'll be even simpler than that like it like i'm sure like i mean courts get like kind of insane people all the time that go through there that like say say the darndest things right and this but this is a big case i would definitely say like people are going to be surprised but i wonder if it will catch on as much because like i i wonder if the general public is as interested well chris is that as chris is

like known around the area like well known so around the time unfair jury then be rigged jury um basically dude you know i'm gonna do just to just to piss everyone off no matter what the conclusion is i'm gonna dissent so it it has to be a hung jury and go to a retrial just like it's clear the guy's like everyone's like yeah he's guilty like they're about to turn and i'm like actually no he's not guilty no he's innocent this yeah like this this guy is innocent i'm like actually i don't think he is I just don't trust him I don't trust him what does that mean you don't trust him I just don't

yeah you just stick with him so in that case though don't they have to just throw it out and do a retrial I don't know I mean doesn't the jury has to come they have to be unanimous so if like one person is saying no then they have to have a unanimous yeah so if like one person is saying no then they have to have a unanimous

decision so like how many how many cases have been decided by like just some asshole that wears down everyone because he's a like i don't think a lot that's why deliberations go on for so long because like when deliberations keep going on and on it's because they can't agree uh or they keep wanting to look at and they eventually just get tired out and agree on something to end it like which is that is that how you want a case to be like decided at the same time what's what's what's weird is uh weird i could i don't know like i could go and then end up being in some fucking multi-month long case every day and then just be like all right bye ryan and then every single day just be fucking sitting in court over some stupid shit. Just depends.

Alright, guys, can we just say he's guilty so we can get this over with? Ellen Jenner runs over another family. Yeah, I would love to be on that jury. That'd be pretty sweet. Sorry. I mean, that sounds good enough to me, guys.

Shack to shack shack i just want to go home guys she said sorry can we just call it a day here yeah you know guys can you just please like i i really can't right now yeah she said she really can't right now i mean i don't want to be here if they they they comp you i'll get a nice 12 bucks a day for some shit okay you're earning a living finally it also it's great that the courthouse i was assigned to is incredibly far away from from where i live so i have to be there at like 7 a.m every morning i'm really excited though because you live in valencia i i'm really excited though i just didn't i kind of bummed i pushed it all the way

to March but I was like holiday season way too busy with super mega and everything and I'll just six months from now so you guys can listen I'll make sure I after every day I'll come back and I'll make sure I report on

I just don't understand the rules so I come back and everything I just say it all on the podcast like yeah so in the case that I'm a part of right now just talk about all the evidence that I throw it out that's one way to get kicked out you know to not have to do jury duty I'm pretty sure I would get in legal trouble for that too so

would they just be funny like would they be like you're suspended I'm like ah damn you know would they have to throw the trial out though can you just like in the middle of the trial just be like, you're suspended. I'm like, damn, you know, would they have to throw the trial out though? Can you just like in the middle of the trial, just be like, damn, that sucks. I'm just going to keep making loud noises while I'm sitting there in the jury. Just like, like blow your nose. Some people blow their nose like so goddamn loud.

Okay. some people blow their nose like so goddamn loud um okay uh anyway so my my client my my client as you can see um there was clear clear alibi right and and the prosecution would would that the prosecutions would like you to believe the prosecution would like you to believe that you know my my client starting to step out thank you fucking uh bruno when bruno gets like the the extra role yeah on that show uh the medium pulls out a cigarette and starts smoking it bruno's so fun that's such a good movie i well okay so i read that that scene where bruno is like in the like jury uh and like like ruining all the shots that's all like scripted right

the okay so the the like production company was work like was it just like pranking one of the actors the product like the the producers knew were in on it but i don't think anyone else was i think maybe the main actor might have been but everyone else wasn't so like the crew's like what is yeah the crew's like it's just like up a cigarette and is like, cut! Cut! And they're like, can you... And then it's like the overreacting. The best part is that Bruno cuts off. They're like, cut! Could you do that again?

It's gotta be silly. I could not help myself to laugh in those situations. Like how Nathan Fielder pulls off the best straight beat. Every now and then you can see something really kind of like jars him or like surprise him one the other night where I saw it caught him off guard where he convinced the guy to legally change his name to Michael Richards and he's like a thousand dollars he's like that just seems a little low and he's like well what would be suitable and he's like honestly anything over a, I'm happy. And he's like, so what about $1,001?

And he's like, okay. And he's like, great. So for $1,001, you'll change your name to Michael Richards? Sure, sure. And you could see he's taking a back bite. He's like, okay. They're so great. They're the greats, dude.

Yeah. Michael Richards. I think what keeps you uh i think it's the adrenaline cosmo kramer it's the it's like it's like you're performing on stage it's the adrenaline you got to keep character also i wonder if that guy's name is still michael richards i wonder if he ever got to change back or if he just kept it as michael richards let's find out basically nathan for you they he was trying to make it look like michael richards came and left a ten thousand dollar tip uh to give like a restaurant some publicity so we hired a kramer impersonator

yeah so he had to teach him not to be kramer but to act like michael richards and then he realized like well like they always show the receipt so it really had to be from someone named michael richards so he had a guy legally change his name to michael richards and then open a bank account to put the ten thousand dollars in i like when he's on the phone trying to get people to do it and he's like did he say that was a good me what does he say i don't think he says i think he just does he not say anything no i feel like he said something i'll have the veggie melt baby that was kramer but i like that he uh uh he's like talking people on the phone trying to get people to like he's like just people named michael richards and he's like no that's so you're

basically asking me if if i can if i if i could send you ten thousand dollars and then you'll send it back to me yeah no like because like the way he explains it just sounds like the biggest scam of course oh it is a scam but it's a hilarious i wouldn't say it's a scam i'd say it's like a an art it's a project a heist you know like dumb starbucks it's an art project and the guy's like well well what if you get sick and he's like well that's part of the artistic experience because there's no like safety regulations i still can't believe they got the person to make the poop ice cream very first episode that's such a good show it's coming up on being 10 years old i i kind of like that it's unfortunate that it's no more but i think that's what i like when things are ended before, like it's just running on or whatever.

And I never felt like it even was close to that. You know, I felt like there was a lot more they could have done. There could have been at least two more seasons, three more seasons. I think that like when I watch it, I always get kind of bummed out because I'll find myself just scrolling through each episode, like wanting to watch the interview so bad. But I'm like, I've seen these ones so many times already. It's never like the first time. The first time is like always the best.

I watched a bunch of episodes. I watched like 10 or 12. I started watching Seinfeld recently. Oh, speaking of Kramer. That's something I started. And like, I've never seen a single episode. And it's,

the thing that I like about it is that it's like watching a play like old sitcoms. I never thought about it like that, but it is just a play. You have the audience there. They have to remember their lines and they're rehearsing and it's all very kind of performative and showy. Yeah. I really like that aspect. It's really charming because like I'm used to that style of humor, but in the Curb Your Enthusiasm kind of realm.

Yeah. Because it's very just kind of handheld camera and not cinematic, I guess. But not sitcom. Yeah, it's more like, it doesn't feel like it's necessarily on a soundstage with an audience. Yeah.

I didn't know Big Bang Theory is legit in front of a live audience. Yeah. I thought that they always added the laughter. I went to that stage when I came here and did a tour back in 2012 or some shit like that. So if they mess up their lines, they just take it back? Mm-hmm. Oh.

Fascinating. Fascinating. Because I always thought that they just had to put the pause in for laughter when they say a joke. Everyone has to wait a second and then continue. They do that for Disney Channel shit where they just add like a canned like any show with canned laughter will just that's why it's so kind of awkward that's a good term canned laughter it's gonna be my next album name canned laughter that's a good that's a good name i like it what's the name that you and i came up with yesterday for like an indie

clothing bread line no please come on don't do that man dude you already have your shit i gotta That's a good name. I like it. What's the name that you and I came up with yesterday for like an indie all band? That's going to be by Clothing Bread Live. No, please. Come on. Don't do that, man. Dude, you already have your shit. I got to have something. You have the Ryan McGoggle's clothing line, dude. Bro, let me have this.

I'm the one that just said it was a good idea. It's my idea now. Fuck. Which, that's how it legally worked. It's my idea. fuck which that's how it legally worked it's my idea well your honor you said it said it's his idea now what what do you want me to do give me a narc come on busting my balls here case dismissed i gotta what was i gonna say um oh yeah we came up with a name yesterday for like an alt indie band the Limp Wrists

the Limp Wrists oh yeah yeah we gotta do that that type of music is really easy to make you can also just find like a million

up for grabs tracks just to sing over the Limp Wrists performing in Chapin, South Carolina go over great I'm sure hey guys

we're the Limp Wrists in uh in Eastleyly South Carolina where I have so much family history Eastly South Carolina my dad went to high school that's where Clemson is

his sisters went to high school Clemson rocks a wonderful hold up one second I gotta pull it up before I they're talking about my college well i'm talking about okay people get excited whenever we bring up clemson yeah they do they're like that's my college yeah fuck the game cocks 76 white and you have a problem with that ryan six percent black or african-american that low hispanic. And then it's like 3.44% two or more races.

I knew that it was low. I didn't know it was that low. 2.4% Asian. Wow. God dang. USC's got a lot higher. Just because the whites really love the backwoods. The backwoods, yeah.

I don't know when the next time I'll be going to the backwoods is anymore. No? I mean, don't know when the next time I'll be going to the backwoods is anymore. No? I mean, don't have grandparents anymore. Oh, the backwoods, yeah. I mean, like, middle of nowhere, upstate South Carolina was where they lived. And, like, middle of nowhere. Like, super, super just rural. So, they lived in a little trailer out there.

And I don't know when i'll ever go back there again so r.i.p man you never saw him to begin with it's not true i said i saw them at least 10 times at least 10 times yeah as they got older 10 to 15 yeah as they got older they just you know kind of got more isolated and just kept to themselves and lived their their little lives in their trailer and i don't think they ever even knew what super mega was good that's for the best yeah my i they wouldn't grandmother knows like of what i do she's never gonna watch my stuff my i know how to and i and i i think it would be best for her to never see it yeah and well my grand my grandparents have never even used a computer uh they don't have wi-fi they never you know they only only had a landline that's it and they had

cable and that's it so they wouldn't go out and see movies they wouldn't you know they go for the walk around walmart every day boring and if they saw super mega i don't even know what they'd make it because first of all they were insanely religious their whole lives. My grandpa said he never drank alcohol once. Damn. See, like I do have just kind of like a history in terms of Walmart. For like a span of like a few years when I was younger my grandmother like i would spend the night at my my oma and dodo's house that's what that dodo juice yeah have some dodo juice and then uh i'd

have oma's rice you know it was it was like a big birthday like thing i'd have oma's rice which is my favorite fucking meal uh i'd i'd be in this room where like there are a bunch of old kind of like knickknacks and shit collected from overseas back where they lived uh before moving to america and it was just like so cool there was like a big like pirate ship kind of thing that now my i think my mom has at her place and i remember we'd get up in the morning pretty early and for a birthday treat my grandmother would take me to walmart and i could uh buy a reasonably priced toy oh that was always so exciting or she would buy one like like going to like walmart going to the toy aisle and just being like could i get away with getting this

can i because sometimes you know you're going to walmart and your your parents are just like i just need to go like how we go to walmart now is that we just need to go. Well, I never go to Walmart, but I guess how we would go to Ralph's. I need milk or I need something. I need something right now. Yeah, I don't really want to spend a whole lot of time in the store. Sometimes it's nice to just walk around a Target or a Walmart and just

look at everything. Like the mall, like Americana area. I like walking around where there's a lot of different stores or whatever. You what's what's really nice if i'm bored i'll just put on my headphones and i'll just walk around target for like three hours and just like be like i'm sure there's stuff that i need that i never think about i need so i'll just go down each aisle and just look and be like oh yeah okay this would be interesting to have yeah my place needs to smell a little better it's like it's like stuff they're like i always they're like oh shit i need to get that but i never write it down or remember

so then when i go through i'm like oh yes i do need trash bags that size yeah oh i do need more paper towels i have so many paper towels in my house right now i set up an amazon subscription for paper towels massively overestimated how much i would be using paper towels and uh but that's good yeah no it's good paper towels for you're hoarding paper towels. But that's good. You have paper towels for... You're hoarding paper towels? I got a bunch in my pantry. Dude, I'm gonna take a picture and I'm gonna put it on Twitter and I'm gonna cancel you. People need those paper towels.

There's no longer a shortage of paper towels. At least where I... When I say a lot, I mean it's like 15, 14 rolls. So it's not like an excessive amount of paper towels. I'll go through that in a couple months. Donate them.

Oh, I mean, I don't need to donate them. I already opened them. Some of them. Give them the goodwill. Throw them in the basket. Just open paper towels? Like just rolls of paper towels that have already been like half used. So they're like only half big.

Yep. Someone will use them. I don't know. I feel like they'd have to throw that away if i threw just like toilet paper and paper then it gets donated to the garbage exactly donated to mother nature to the to the recycling i wonder how much like recycling just gets ignored like you sort it and stuff and then there's yeah just throw it all in the same shit i'm sure a good amount of it does also like i wonder how much recycling they have to throw out because of

like one little thing where it's like they have a huge load and it's like oh there's some fast food in here we gotta dump the whole load yeah they don't have time to fuck i wonder how picky they are with it and also i've i've asked this before i don't know if it's worse to throw away recycling or to put trash in the recycling is it worse to put recycling throw away recycling or to put trash in the recycling. Is it worse to put recycling in the trash or to put trash in the recycling? Catch my drift? That is an interesting quandary. Speaking of trash, here's some more ad reads.

Matt just went and harassed a homeless man outside of our house. Yes, I did. Because he was throwing sticks and stones. Granted, he couldn't help it because you know his his mental illnesses and drug problems but it was funny when i pants him and tabletop him oh yeah that teamwork don't say i was the only one harassing him tabletopping takes two come on but like who's the one that pushed i don't want to like i don't i don't want to put us too much because we did we did do that to the to the old man in at the americana he came by your table and

you're hanging out. Matt and I went and hung out. We got some Din Tai Fung with Epic Tess. Mm-hmm. And this old man came up to us and he was like-

High-ass shorts. High white socks. Like all blue too. Like blue shorts, blue socks, like a fanny pack. Sweet old man. Can I-

I hope you guys have a good day. And we're like, thanks. And he starts to walk away and he stops and turns around and he goes guys got time for a quick joke yep and then he pulled out the chair yeah and then he sat down at the table i was like uh-oh and then he told us a joke that i i mean i guess i got the joke but we we were all like yep that's awesome he was having a good time yeah he had a good time. He was smiling. And then he left.

And as he was leaving, Matt pantsed him. And then he pushed him. And I bent down in front of him. Cracked his teeth right on the fucking curb. It's so funny. Never seen an old man cry like that. I know. It almost made me feel bad.

Like a grown man crying in pain is like something I haven't seen in a a good long while no not since uh your mom you know yeah your dad but like yeah no i almost felt bad for him but i don't know when i looked and then just saw his underwear was down too like the the pant scene was i didn't expect to get the underwear too. So the fact that his little twig and berries was out, I couldn't stop laughing at that. Yeah. He's smoking a pancake, cigar and a waffle. Ew. I hate the thought of cigar and waffle together. Like cigar with food is just gross.

It's a gold member reference. I love gold. I hope Austin Powers, I'm literally meant to say mike myers i hope mike myers is doing well these days i think he's just chilling now just chilling cashed in those those dr evil austin powers checks greatest role was in inglorious bastards i forgot honestly dude i think that he is just set for life shrek austin powers shrek being the big one.

Austin Powers helped, and then Shrek, I think, just skyrocketed his bank account to the moon, baby, to the moon. I mean, if I could like, you know, he invests in Dogecoin. Oh, of course. He's a Dogecoin billionaire. Little known fact about Mike Myers, actually. He's really big into Dogecoin. Also, I wanted to surprise you, but I can't keep it secret i got a guest for next week a guest for the podcast or like for this podcast next week okay who is it that's cap

doge elon musk he's coming on next week dude Holy shit, dude. I loved him in his SNL appearance. I know, dude. I don't know. I somehow did it. I reached out to him. I figured it was a shit shot, and he just said yes. That is Cap. He's excited. He's really excited.

He loves our videos. I had no idea he even watches us. Next week, ladies and gentlemen. We can give him some merch so he can start wearing it around. Okay. He can ditch his little blazer. He can still wear the blazer. He can just put the... Just kawaii mega shirt underneath it.

Speaking of which, we're doing reprints of the old stuff. God, it looks fucking good. I saw the mock-ups. Not the mock-ups, but I saw the first run of the new kawaii mega and thank you shirts. The fucking print quality is like...

Our merch boy sent us a lot of very awesome videos and pictures of his cock and balls but also of the merch yeah that i i was only expecting the cock and balls but the goddamn dude it's fucking it looks so good i'm so excited like the print quality is like unreal compared to the past merch runs it's like you can like look at it under a microscope and see those smooth edges there's the book you know yeah the book you know what i'm saying yeah that's that's coming sooner than people think yeah people might but yeah i don't want to i'm not gonna say anything just uh keep your eyes and your ears peeled definitely keep those eyes peeled definitely keep those ears peeled amen keep those ears peeled hey man it always bothers me those lips peel that's keep those lips cracked and chapped hey man

keep your lips chapped uh i love the lipstick design oh that's blood dude chapped lips are fucking uh like you have you ever just like seen okay do you do you remember... Do you know how people that took Accutane? No. It's like an extreme acne medication. I would never hang out with someone who would take it, so... Well, I would also never hang out with someone that has acne,

but the people that would take it, it's because they'd be like, oh, I want to hang out with them, but I have acne, so they take Accutane. But Accutane dries out your face to such an extreme degree. We're so awful when we're young, dude. When we treat people like, it's the acne shit where it's like, oh, they have acne. So it's like.

Yeah, dude, what the fuck? Like, that's the stupidest fuck. It's like. Yeah. Little fucking monsters we are. Dude, middle schoolers and high schools are fucking evil they are dude they're the most evil creatures on this planet wait until those wait until they realize that acne is not just a thing you have as a teenager and you'll still get it in your 30s

and 40s do you feel like they're still as horrifying as they were before do you think they're even more horrifying i think they're're worse because of the internet. Fuck, man. I think those kids, because now they're more desensitized. Heartless monsters. Yeah, dude. But Accutane dries your lips out. I had a couple of friends that used it and it makes your lips like, it makes your acne fucking, you're done. No more acne. I remember.

But you have a couple of months where your skin is like so dry. You could see it like all over your face. That's how it works i think i like in high school or college maybe i was like using some like proactive cream or whatever on my face and then like when i started using it my my whole like face was like super dry and i like for the for when i first started using i look in the mirror and i'd see kind of like the dry skin i I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, well, I mean, that's how it gets, because acne fucking, it's because you have too much oil. So the medicine's like, all right, well, let's reverse it.

But extremely reverse it. I think sometimes I can feel my face hurt because of how dry it was. Accutane was for like that level of acne. No. I had two friends. God. I had two friends. That's embarrassing.

Right? I knew one. Imagine that and being bald Oh my dude that's the fucking I couldn't And being fat Just like body shaming Someone out there right now that's like I know he was joking but Just looks in the mirror and he's like

But I mean. Dude, acne, who fucking cares if you have acne? Everyone gets acne. You can't help it. It's genetics. My ass looks like Pop-Tart. It's not going to define you as an adult. Unless you have acne as an adult, then it will define you as an adult. Yeah, exactly. I'm Pop-Tart ass in my friend group.

Yeah. For several reasons. Yeah. Well, it's frosted pop tart to the boys i don't i don't get acne anymore like legit i just stopped like just drinking milk and then i stopped getting acne at least for me obviously it's different for everyone but when i when i drink wait why are you making that face is if i i, I just have, I'm so oblivious. Like I'm just literally like pizza face. Like what? I don't get acne.

No, I. I was doing the binocular shit to Matt. I used to get a lot of acne. And now, like I told you, like if I eat a bowl of cereal or have some milk and Oreos, then the same week I'll break out. Okay. It's always the same place too. Matt, I have a question for you.

It's always right here. I have a question. What? What's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss? I don't know. Call it. What? Call it.

Heads. You're a lucky man today. actually was tails so i was gonna shoot you like this angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well i absolutely love this because you know if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few

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