supermegashow - EP 313 - Free the Monkey

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

No burbank home is safe, there's a monkey on the loose. Get started with Curology just like I did with a free 30-day trial at https://Curology.com/SUPER Just pay $5 for shipping and handling Get premium wireless from just $15 bucks a month and no unexpected plot twists at https://MintMobile.com/SUPERMEGA Visit our sponsor https://Betterhelp.com/SUPERMEGA today to get 10% off your first month. Get 20% off + free shipping with the code [SUPERMEGA] at https://manscaped.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions, and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish.

Or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly. Which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I.com. Hi, can I take your order, please? Keep it rare, I need a happy meal Make crispy and tan McNuggets Tasty golden fries, a cold drink with extra ice Junior chicken will be fire And a sweet hot apple pie Is that it?

Let me get a quarter pounder with cheese, a flat fish, oh please Make grittas, a McMuffin, and a large coffee A hamburger, cheeseburger, hodgepodge, hotcakes Vanilla cone shake and a hot bar, Sunday Ba-da-ba-ba-ba Dude, don't wear that shirt. Why not? It's a good shirt.

It's embarrassing me. How am I embarrassing you? By wearing that shirt. It's a good shirt. What shirt? What are you talking about? The one with me on it. Yeah?

And? It's embarrassing, dude. It's our merch. Aren't you proud of what we put out? No, I'm proud of it. Well, I feel like I should be wearing one of yours. No, it's fine. Yeah.

You can do it on another episode. No.? No, I'm proud of it. Well, I feel like I should be wearing one of yours. No, no, it's fine. You can do it on another episode. No. I'll... I'm gonna do it. If you want to. Oh. There it is. Like that? With the, uh, Mike Tyson tattoo. Y'all see that shit? Zoom in on that one, Luke.

Look at my camera. Now look at Ryan's. And you guys can't even buy these anymore. Nope. You missed out. Sorry. We'll never release them ever again. I don't think so. If Layton's like, let's use an old design again.

I'd be like, okay. Yeah, but I feel like the people who supported us at the time should be the ones proud to wear them. I think so, too. I don't think any fucking poser should be allowed to wear one anymore. No, they would be losers. What are they supporting? They didn't support us at the time.

No, you didn't support us at Creator Clash. Maybe they just didn't have enough money for a t-shirt. Which, if you had enough money to buy a ticket for the Creator Clash, or a streaming ticket, then you have enough to at least fork over for a t-shirt. Or if you only, if you don't have enough for both, and you really want to support us,

you would have got a ticket to, or you would have bought a t-shirt because, you know, with the money you give for the ticket, we only get an incredibly tiny fraction of that. The rest goes to charity. Yeah. But these shirts,

100% goes to us, baby. Well, because we use our own private manufacturer. Yeah. So, I mean, we got to pay them, too. That's what I'm saying. It's like you got to spend money to make money. That's business, baby. Business 101, guys.

You got to spend money to make money. Well, welcome back to Super Mega Cast. Something's bothering me. What's bothering you? Door all the way. Oh, I didn't close the door all the way. My bad, dude. Do you want to fix that? Yeah, you get your ass up. That's right. Close that fucking door.

Hey, Luke? Luke, can you, uh, have a black box over this until we reveal it? So, y'all might be noticing why, you know, my oh my, there's a big black box just right there. You could probably tell there's some glowing behind, maybe no glowing. Well, now they know there's glowing. Luke put all of this in black and white.

Well, now they know there's glowing sand on there. Luke put all of this in black and white. Until the... Yeah. Check that out. Is that not cool? Well, this is for the audio listeners. We just unveiled our neon sign. Every white guy's podcast has to have a neon sign.

There's no way around it. No. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. So, we got one made. Is it? Ooh, it's buzzing. Feel it? It's not hot. No. It's buzzing, though. Is that the neon gas, like, flowing through?

It's definitely, um, I may I think it does need to be dimmed a little bit, but we have to get, like, a separate thing for that, right? Yeah. Hey, any electrician heads out there. You know what we're talking about. We got to dim this, but apparently I read that you can't just use a regular dimmer thing because you have to watch out for like the currents and the voltage or something and you can set it on fire if you don't do it right.

Sounds complicated. It sounds, I don't know shit about electricity. I just know it hurts. So, I thought that would be hot. It's not. Well, I mean, the sign's looking hot, though. Matt. Yeah.

Odds are you sign up to do stand-up somewhere in LA, but all of your stand-up material has to be about Ikea. Come on. Wouldn't you have a fun time doing that I thought anyone ever gotten lost in Ikea man that place is ginormous you probably get drunk people laughing

like if you did one of those stands where everyone's just kind of like just wasted well I went to one of those on Friday night and was there a single person who bombed every single person bombed no one was laughing well maybe they were just all

really enjoying their food and eating there was no food hmm but I'll do it out of 20 did someone say boo no no one said boo but just no one laughed. There was not even like one person. Every now and then they'd be like, hmm.

You didn't laugh? No, I tried. You tried to laugh? Well, I would fake a laugh sometimes because I felt bad for them. But I would, that's the kind of benefactor I am, Ryan. Yeah. But basically. You said out of 20, right?

20. 3, 2, 1, 4. Thank God, Ryan. Yeah. But basically You said out of 20, right? 20. 3, 2, 1, 4. 6. Thank God, dude. I thought Ikea's okay because I feel like I can do a decent maybe, I don't know, but I thought you were going to say something like

I just like constricting all of your tight five to Ikea. Maybe you can just make it one long Ikea joke. Do a stand-up and it's just one joke? Honestly, I thought you were going to say, like, I'd have to do stand-up only about, like, electrician stuff. Which would be worse because, I don't know, I'd have to, like, read up on...

And then if you did read up and you did present the jokes, I wouldn't get it because I'm not an electrician. But I swear to God, if there is an electrician in the audience, we could use some help. Yeah. Not from... Not with the jokes, we could use some help. Yeah. Not from, you're not going to be invited to come fix the sign,

but like if you can offer some words of advice maybe in the comments. Yeah, yeah. And if you, you know, it's kind of goofy right here because they secured it.

It has to be tilted down a little bit, but we don't have a drill right now. That's tape, huh? So it's just tape. So that's why that's there. Scotch or duct?

Duct. That's gaffer's tape, actually. Whoa, okay. Talking about film production. Is that Tucker's gaffer's tape or is it our gaffer's tape? It's our gaffer's tape. Okay. Or it's Tucker's and he left it here.

Well, I saw Tucker yesterday because we were shooting something for the calendar. And I think it came out the best it could. Unbelievable. I don't want to give it away but it's it's an homage to a very famous album cover. I screamed when I saw it today dude. Tucker sent it to me and I could not believe how spot-on you guys got that shit. It took a bit I wonder which like if it would be funny because we did it so many times. Like, we had to go underwater. It's the Nirvana fucking baby album cover. Yeah.

And so, like, we had to, like, go underwater. And Tucker didn't have goggles. So, we just kind of had to, like, blind guess it. I heard underwater just tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. You would think that, like, the most advanced talented cameraman you know, if he's most advanced, talented cameraman you know, if he's doing an underwater shoot, he's bringing the $2,000 underwater housing for the camera. But what about these cameras?

Also, apparently Jim couldn't find goggles at a Target. I think that he just didn't look. I think that he probably didn't even go to Target. I'm thinking, well, he did, because he did get me the underwear that I can put on to make it kind of naked without being naked. Because there were people, we didn't go to like anyone's pad.

We just kind of like scouted out a pool on Google Maps and went for it. Well, it was someone's pad. It was someone's backyard. You just didn't know who. It's not someone's pad I knew, you know? Yeah. Someone knows him.

But I actually can back Jim up on this, maybe. If he went to the target that I'm thinking about, which was kind of near the shooting location, it's one of the mini targets, like the tiny targets. Oh. So he probably went there. So that's why he couldn't find him. That makes sense But I have gone to those before

In search of goggles And they've just run out? They've just not been In where you think they would be I had to ask somebody And they're like Oh, they're over here And I'm like

I never would have guessed They'd be in this section So maybe I was too quick To judge Jim Well, he might have looked In like the beach section And not seen them Oh, well

But they're in the sports section I just hope that he takes His aggression out On me as his boss and not as his friend I know I know he's been a little I I didn't know the goggles thing, but I could tell something was up with him. Yeah Seen any movies lately No, yeah, yes nice. I rewatched One of my favorite favorite Paul Thomas Anderson movies, Magnolia.

Okay. Love that movie. Last time I saw it was in theaters. I knew you came with me. Yes. Yeah. That was fun. It was a-

Same with House. The last time I saw it was with you. Yeah. House is fucking amazing. I need to rewatch that now that it's getting closer to spooky time. Oh yeah. Next month baby. Halloween. People are already starting to celebrate it. And I feel like

it's like celebrating Christmas in November. You just gotta wait till after Thanksgiving. You gotta wait till it's October 1st and then the pumpkins can come out. The pumpkins come out to play on September 1st. Well the jack-o-lanterns. The pumpkins can come out in September. It's fall. But the jack-o-lanterns keep to play on September 1st. Well, the jack-o'-lanterns. The pumpkins can come out in September. It's fall. But the jack-o'-lanterns,

keep those away until October 1st. Don't go carving that shit. Don't go setting those on your front steps. Don't even carve it into a turkey, even. It's still a jack-o'-lantern. Which is a Halloween theme. Turkey would make more sense after Halloween, because Thanksgiving comes

after Halloween. Yes. So to me, that's also a, both of those don't work. I think that. I have seen turkeys. Now I think I had to do it at school one time. In elementary school, they got all the kids in like this courtyard area and we just made jack-o'-lanterns. Sorry, I just remembered. No, it's okay.

I don't want to talk about it any further, obviously. I had a similar thing happen to me at school. They got us together. I just think we should probably move off the subject. Okay. Magnolia is a really good movie. Yes. If you guys like...

The Raining Frogs? Mm-hmm. the subject okay um magnolia is a really good movie yes if you guys like the raining frogs i forgot i forgot that that happened well i remember when i started the movie but into the movie i forgot and i had my tv in my room up like really loud and then when the first one comes down scared the shit out of me just scary is it Is it on whose car is it? Is it John C. Reilly's character? Who's always in the darndest things. He is man.

He loses his gun. I know. Fucking idiot. Do they ever explain they never explain why the frogs rain. They don't need to. Exactly

because the whole movie is about Whoa Justin put that little finger down dude. Justin No no don't do that don't do that fortnight he flicked us off well he flicked he's flicked matt off and he did the

l dance at matt stop oh he's doing it now he's laughing now he's laughing at us get he's slapping his goddamn knee are you doing the donkey laugh fuck he's he's doing the fortnight donkey laugh on us okay why matt. Okay, to Matt. Well, it is to you, Ryan, because I have a shirt with your face on it. Is that true, Justin? Because he has my face on his shirt, are you actually doing it towards me? He's freaking out right now. He just banged on the door, screamed fuck, and ran away.

And Matt won, Justin zero. He had me in the first half of that. He had me in the first half. It's a good meme, dude. You remember that one? Pepperidge Farms remembers. That's nice. I just can't help it sometimes, man.

I don't know where they come from. I'm sorry. Yeah, light that shit, man. Get that shit lit. It's not a... For those listening, I'm not lighting up a joint. It's a cigarette. I could probably ask Layton to just roll me a joint i want to test it could you roll me a joint for the podcast you know what are you of course he's going to what if i ask jim

i don't think jim knows how to roll up jim could you roll us could you roll us the best joint you possibly can what if we ask jim to roll us a joint but instruct Layton that if Jim comes to him and says, hey, can you do this? He has to say, like, I'm really busy right now. I can't. That's adding too many branches to this tree. And that ain't the tree I want to be smoking on. Roll me a blunt so I forget it.

Denzel Curry. Watch this. Whoa, dude. If you show that to a cave man, he'd lose his shit. You know? They'd probably look at you now and be confused with how you got the image of someone on your shirt. They'd be terrified. They'd be like, fuck! They'd think that I took someone's soul and I trapped them in my shirt as a punishment.

This is their prison and like then they'd be scared of me there's two of them they'd be scared of me because they think that if they're not good to me that I'm gonna do the same to them it's like your pants are like looking up at the stars cause like they just like the pattern

is just like whoa like trippy to them what if they start hyperventilating they would dude does that mean they would attack and kill you because they see you as a threat Saturn is just like, whoa, like trippy to them. What if I- They start hyperventilating. They would, dude. Does that mean they would attack and kill you because they see you as a threat? Or do you think they'd bow to you and see you as a god? I guess it depends on how advanced they are. True. If we're talking like 2001 A Space Odyssey monkeys, they'd kill me.

Because they're smart, but I don't think they're smart enough to grasp the concept of like well they just see you as you're not us get the fuck out and also if they saw me imagine you know it's like 700 000 years ago and and those monkeys are out there in the in the desert and then i just walk up wearing exactly what i'm wearing now like hey guys they would attack the living shit out of me because they would be terrified. I would, too, if I were them. Yeah. You know? I have a question.

Oh, God. Animals. Yeah, what about them? Don't bring up the— No, no, no. Thank you. Think of a bird flying through a city, right? Like, even BBC has, like, a, oh, nature and then.

They have one about cities as an ecosystem, yeah. Do you think like, or which animals, if they do, have the ability to tell like, what is quote unquote, like man-made and what is natural?

Or do you think they just see everything as like a perch? Like a building is just a cliff. Like it's a mountain. I don't think they, they can tell the difference because they don't have anything to base a comparison on.

It's not like they knew what stuff looked like before there was man-made stuff. But do they see it as other? Or is it just like, this is just another kind of dangerous, like, I could get eaten here, I could get fucking killed here. I think they just see it as the environment they're in. And then they just act accordingly.

They determine if there's a threat or if there's not. What about animals, let's say, fucking killed here. I think they just see it as the environment they're in. Yeah. I mean, they just act accordingly. You know? They determine if there's a threat or if there's not. What about animals, let's say, a tiger in the jungle? No, it's not. Let's just say,

just any animal just out in the jungle all of a sudden comes across a city with cars and lights. Does it distinct it? Like, it sees it as different but does it

this is just some fucking crazy trees what the fuck is going on it would scare the shit out of it they don't even think like that they don't even think about when they're in the forest they're not like oh that's a tree it's just a thing you know they don't even know what a tree is

I can climb that they have judgment though they can tell if they like if if they like a branch can hold them or not yeah i'm sure right they go they eye it out maybe some of them fucking fail but they only know what it is based on their memories and past experiences with said object right so it's like they know what a tree is and what will hold because they've from time they're a baby, they've done that. But if it stumbles upon a city in cars,

that's just a whole bunch of new shit. And it probably doesn't compare it to anything that it already knows. It's just, ah! But they definitely have a feeling of territory in one place, like home or whatever. Yeah. If you think of, I guess, a domesticated dog.

Like, probably knows the difference between home and then outside not being home. Yeah. I'm sure they would probably feel lost. Oh, a tiger would be terrified. What we should do is we should take a tiger that's grown up in the jungle, release it into an urban area and see if- Take a film crew.

See what happens, how it reacts. See if it's scared or if it actually just says, oh, okay, this is a tree. This is going to make a really good movie off of that. We're using the real life situation that we create and filming people's real reactions, but having our own narrative. The narrative is being created as we see it. See?

Even fucking college film students couldn't come up with that genius shit. Nope. No one's ever done that. And if we did do that, Ryan, and a lot of people died and were mauled and we released that movie, sure, and a lot of people died and were mauled and we released that movie, sure, we'd go to jail. But would that not be one of the most legendary snuff films ever to exist? If not the most legendary snuff film to ever exist?

I think it would be pretty cool, honestly. We'd go down in the history books and the slammer, but we would be very famous. The story of two YouTubers turned psycho turnt. Getting turnt up. Turnt. Psycho. And then at the end, we catch the tiger, and we cook it alive, and we eat it. Yes.

If we can catch it. What if? We're the last two. But like, the way the story, because we can't write it ahead of time. It's a fucking tiger. Oh, yeah, you're right. It could kill one of us,

and that would make the story fucking dramatic. A lot of people might cry and go, I know someone that died. I know that pain. You would, uh... Or like when people watch a romance movie they go, someone's hurt my feelings before and I miss them

right now in a weird way, even though I hate them. Yeah, because you take what you see, the emotions you're seeing, and you relate them to your own. That might just be the way I feel about... Not you. No, I know my mom. Well, I think she feels the same way. But we just know that's not going to work.

It's a communication issue, I think, at the end of the day. I think it's a little more than that. I would just chalk it up to communication. Yeah, I think it's a little more than that I would just chalk it up to communication yeah I think it's a little more than that though I don't think you guys you can think a lot of things okay well I do but we'll leave that where it is

won't even touch that one again just let's go to ad breaks don't bring that shit up Just let's go to ad breaks. Don't bring that shit up. It's my podcast too. I know, but my mom does not like it when you bring her up on the podcast anymore. Who cares? I thought you respected her. I respect her in the bedroom.

With my pelvis. And these calves of mine. What does that even mean? I use those muscles when I'm making love to her. Good, good, good catch. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs, projects done well. I absolutely love this because you know if you own a home,

it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's in everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app, answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly,

which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A- G I.com. FanDuel Casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning, which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do. Who wants this last parachute?

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How's the Sprite? It's good. It's good Sprite. Is it lukewarm? Was it in the fridge? And I'm not talking about the way that our editor Luke is warm. He seems like a very warm person. Very warm guy.

In fact, every single time I FaceTime Luke or he FaceTimes me with a question about editing the podcast, he's sitting in his room, shirt off. You've seen it. Yeah. He always has his shirt off. And he looks like he's drenched in sweat. Luke, do you have AC in your house? Maybe he's just getting busy.

He's so busy editing. Or he might have a horrible cocaine habit we don't talk about. He might be pulling. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think he's pulling. Some babes. Some babes. Some rock hard babes.

That's what happens when you're the editor of the Super Megacast. You can slay pussy. Yep. Queen. Your name's up in lights now. Mm-hmm. You go out, people recognize you. You're the editor of the Super Mega Cast, aren't you?

Are you Luke Keddie? Yes. I love your work on the Super Mega Cast. Owner of Famous Billy? Your edits get me through the day. Luke, can everyone say thank you to Luke? He does a great job editing the podcast. Thank you, Luke.

Thank you, Luke. I hope you're all saying it at home, too. Yeah. Luke, give yourself a pat on the back. And show that pat on the back. To have your shirt on? Yeah. I'd put a shirt on, buddy.

Yeah, put a shirt on. We don't. Because last time you tried to show off, you then backtracked and made us censor your nipple. Ridiculous. Yeah, that's right. That's right. But, you know.

So I don't want to have to be censored again. I don't. Is Luke just another member of the liberal media? I mean, he lives in California. Censoring and oppressing? He lives in California. You know where and oppressing? He lives in California. You know where he's from, right? Kentucky?

No. Close. Texas? Iowa. Oh. Kentucky, close. Texas. No, Iowa.

It's right next to Kentucky, right? Is Iowa next to Kentucky? Let's say it is. He's from Des Moines. Is that how you say it? Des Moines? What do I care what's located where? I know where my home is.

I know where my heart is. I know where our place of work is. Luke's not actually from Iowa. I'm just bullshitting. Why? Because I know that when I said that, he goes, Oh, I'm not from Iowa. Oh'm just bullshitting. Why? Because I know that when I said that, he goes, oh, I'm not from Iowa. Oh.

But now you already said it. So he's not going to. He's going to. Oh, Matt. Yeah, but I got him for a second. True, true, true. Exactly. But that time I asked him to send me an emoji, he sent me an emoji.

It was really sweet. So. He's. Where is Luke from? I should know this Oh California yeah yeah born and raised born and raised where Smosh started really Sacramento it's a Sacramento boy okay God's favorite city my favorite city of all time it's hard because like because I automatically just kind of assume people came from somewhere else when I meet them in California.

Yeah. I think I know more people from other places that live in California than people who originated in California. California's just so big because if you think about it technically, Sacramento is so far away. If you think about it, it's so tall. It is. So someone saying they're from Vegas, that's like out of state

but that's still hours closer than Sacramento is. So yeah Luke, I doxed you. Got a problem with it? Take it up with me. Well you can't right now. Exactly. We're recording the podcast and he has to be a little respectful of our time. If Luke doesn't take it up with me

in the next five minutes, he's officially a pussy. He's officially branded as a pussy, so. I said five minutes, but five seconds works too. Oh. Yeah, man. I can't believe he grew up the same place Ian and Anthony grew up. Oh, that sprite's making me a little burpy. Excuse me.

15, 16. Oh, that sprite's making me a little perpy. Excuse me. 15, 16. I just keep going. I'd really respect you if you counted five whole minutes out on your fingers. People sometimes get really upset over bits we do. The masturbation bit in Resident Evil. It's when bits go on too long, which we rarely do.

It was Resident Evil. There was the drum solo. Still probably my favorite podcast bit we ever did. What else have we done? What else have we done to y'all? You know? How have we pranked you? How have we traumatized you guys?

Yeah. I'm sure. A lot of people get upset when they see the, that thing of me punching banana. Every now and then. That still crops up and people are like, did he actually hit the cat? I saw it on Reddit the other day

at the top of a subreddit. I don't remember what subreddit, but it was there again. They always make fun of my hair. They always call it I'm wearing my Simpsons shirt. I hope he didn't really hit the cat. Also, this guy's hair sucks.

Did they say that? Yeah, and I don't understand it. Why they say every comments like that it looks fine I think so it looks good every a lot of the comments are they say something about the cat and then they go this man's hair looks greasy plus this man even brushes hair you're intoxicated dude you got to look drunk I know they are they expecting you to be clean well they don't know it's from drunk drawing, but yeah. I'm wearing my Simpsons shirt. That's what they always clip it as. It's so, like, what are you doing, you little shit?

I told you not to come in here. And then you punch the shit out of him. I thought he was going to strangle Bart or something. No, no, no, no, no. No. I'm talking about the video. The classic. What viral videos do we have?

We have that. We have the touching electrical wires challenge, which I love every time that gets posted somewhere. Blonde boys in general. I don't know if that's viral. I think it is. I don't know if any of us, if anything we've done I would say is viral. I would say it gets picked up a little bit by a different community.

Well, I guess when I say viral, I mean like what clips of ours leave the SuperMega community and spread around. The banana punching one. Mm-hmm. The electrical wires one. Remember the one where like I put banana- You punching, or me, you punching me in Japan? Oh, when I slapped you? Yeah. Yeah.

Remember the one where I'm putting, back at our old apartment when I'm putting banana in the bag? Slam him against the wall? The rapper Ugly God posted that on his Instagram once. Is he ugly? No. He posted it on his meme page that he ran. And I was like, no way. Does he not run it anymore?

No, he still does. Okay. Does he still post about us? No. I know it's not like about us but it was it was us it was it was just literally the clip of come on you should hit him up you should ask I don't know

you should ask I know DMS and ask him to post the huge send him a super mega clip but hey man what you might post odds are We should I wanna get Odds are Dude Come on

That's so embarrassing Do I get to at least Pick the clip Yeah Yeah Can I just send it to him Or do I have to ask You have to ask too

Alright 25 3 2 1 13 You have to ask too Alright 25 3, 2, 1, 13 Man I should have gone with the meme I can't look at you when I do it Because when I look at you we click on the same brain Brain wave and then we both say the same number We do it a lot out of 100

And it still happens You still haven't masturbated to Big Mama's House 2 By the way which how how many years has it been like two three at least three

three two or three damn yeah shit that's not good do I still have to masturbate

I don't have to masturbate to Chris Chan's Uncle right no we just Big Mama's House 2 the the sauna scene. What about the mop water

bong rip? No. I'd still do it, man. I'm telling you. I don't want you to inhale garbage into your lungs. Unless it's marijuana. Ooh, thanks for reminding me. I was looking back at old podcast episodes last night.

Hold on, let me pull this up. You just hear us hitting vapes or something? No, even better. Super Mega Cast, episode 128. We quit smoking. Yeah. Well, I mean, I haven't smoked cigarettes for a bit. About four months, almost.

I didn't keep track of the actual date because a part of me was like, I don't want it to be a thing where I'm keeping track of how long because then I'll be more upset if I fail. Yeah, that's a good way to do it. But I haven't had the urge to smoke a cigarette. Well, I have nicotine fixes from this. Well, yeah, I mean, if you're replacing it with something healthier. We're going to start the day off by saying, stop smoking. Don't smoke.

Throw out those cigarettes and jewels, folks. Because now, Super Mega is officially cigarette and jewel free. We are. Smoke free, baby. Smoke free. We did it. We quit. This is a smoke free podcast now.

We were just messing. I think a part of our reasoning at the time was that if we say it then it's going to help us commit to it and it did nothing well I remember at that time we had actually we were like alright we're quitting we're quitting we're done we stopped for a bit we did

but also we didn't say we didn't say that we quit vaping we said we quit jeweling which is what I was doing at the time. I don't jewel anymore. It's different. I don't jewel either. I just top shine.

We never said we're not top shining. Nope. Because when I get a little top, I am shining. You are. I'm still happy and I feel accomplished at the fact that we were able to have Hassan on the podcast and do poppers with us. Just to pop off. I saw some comments that were like, no fucking way. They actually got Hassan to do poppers with them?

I can't believe he didn't know what they were. I love how down for it he was. Well, I mean, especially since he does frequent that type of club. I know that was supposed to of club, but like... I know that was supposed to be private, but I'm... the pictures are out there. Well, let's not bring attention to it. Look at the funny monkey. Pass him over here. You want the funny monkey?

Yeah. Yeah, but I... Matt had a monkey on his lap. No, you know what? You know what it was? You know what? You know why he... He didn't know what they were. He pretended to not know what they were

because that fits his narrative better of like, that's not me in those pictures at those nightclubs. Oh, true. Okay.

That makes sense. You've seen the ones in the limousine, right? I only saw the one in the... Like, in the clubs. I didn't know that there were more.

The limousine. The back of a limousine. Is that like a party bus? I thought he usually did party bus shit. He's really making about that. I really can't. I can't fucking do it with a straight face. I didn't even know that was a puppet, dude.

I thought that was just a doll. You didn't know? No, I didn't know that was a puppet. He's just sitting down, you know. His hands just kind of maybe if i put like i don't know i wish uh his head was taller so these were more not like always at his face what if i like pull it back like pull it back. Does that look good?

Zoom in, Luke. Zoom into this. Hey, audio listeners, fuck you. Fucking bitches. You don't get to enjoy the pure fucking art that we accomplish. Okay, zoom out, Luke. I'm done. You didn't catch him. You were supposed to catch him. I didn't know you were throwing it.

Well, I thought it was, I thought sometimes we're on the same page and I guess we just weren't that time. Oh, did you know that the mouth opens too? Have we lost our mojo? Did you know the mouth opens? Albeit poorly, but... Just slightly. I bet Luke should put a monkey screech here.

See, that's going to be great. That's what this podcast was made for. I really want to do a video with a monkey so bad we could if we wanted to if we truly wanted to anybody in the Los Angeles area have any connects for monkeys I mean

we could just buy one and then set it free afterwards that's like humanitarian right set them back free like it's a downtown Los Angeles be with your brothers and sisters right set them back free set them back off into downtown los angeles be with your brothers and sisters i i would love to see what happened if that wasn't about homeless people i didn't assume i just i just feel like people people create problems where there are none and it might have been taken in the wrong context. It was about my aloofness of

releasing a monkey into a city. If we had the monkey and then just released it into like the suburbs of Burbank. Okay. And we drive off. How long do you think it would take before we hear about it? Do you think it's going to die? People are going to

call the police very quickly. People are going are gonna be like what the fuck Dude if I'm like in Burbank mowing my lawn And I look and there's just in the side of my yard A fucking chimp Staring at me Yeah I would run inside and call the police Well I mean

You could just dap him up maybe You think he'd climb a tree You think the chimp would climb a tree Wait this happened in Florida, I think. Like, uh, a monkey, maybe it was two of them. A lot of monkeys escaped from zoos. They escaped to, like, a sanctuary. I think there was,

like, there's an orangutan at, uh, the San Diego Zoo that was, like, famous for breaking out, like, during the nighttime. I think it was in San Diego Zoo. Some orangutan broke out and, like, it was in San Diego Zoo. Summer Rantan broke out and like, it was awesome. Wouldn't he break out,

do something, and then go back? Would he let the other animals free or would he like go like steal some food, some snacks, or just go roam around the park and then get back in?

I feel like he always got back in. You know what I'm talking about. I know what you're talking about. There's something in your brain that's going, yeah, there's something about this. It's going,

yeah. I, honestly, dude, like, do you think we'd hear about it on Twitter first? I'd be sitting here on Twitter refreshing just the term chimp

with LA. Would they send out an alert? An emergency? I wonder if they would, actually. Would they be very descript, or would they just be like, well, they would have to be. They couldn't just say animal loose.

I think... Dangerous animal. Dangerous wildlife. They might send out like, like, animal loose. I think... Dangerous animal. Dangerous wildlife. They might send out, like, a text, like, with alerts on, you get on iPhones that are like,

chimp on the loose. Just panicking. There's a fucking chimp! Just, uh, they'd probably say, like, dangerous animal in proximity. Seek shelter immediately. Why wouldn't they just say monkey?

Or, sorry, ape. Because the chimp's an ape, not a monkey. That's correct. Yes. That is correct. Little fun fact. Planet of the apes. Not the monkeys.

Yeah, and you're like, why are there... It's all about chimps mainly, but why is it planet of the apes? Well, because it is like orangutans and gorillas. Apes are family. I don't know if there are any monkeys in those movies. like orangutans and gorillas. Apes of family. I don't know if there are any monkeys in those movies.

No, it's funny because monkeys are completely separate from... What's the biggest monkey? Gorilla? Oh, monkey. That's an ape. Yeah. Let me look it up. Okay. Siri, what's the biggest monkey?

I just want to know. Mandrills Okay Those are scary, they're like baboons They're the ones with the kind of diamond shaped heads Yeah, they look like baboons I don't know why I say that, they're just tall heads And they have like colored faces I don't know if theirs are colored

Wait, is a baboon a monkey? Isn't? No, wait Hold up Or is mandrill the things from tarzan i think that's a baboon oh these things yeah they have like these look at this look at that diamond shaped head of his oh wow oh yeah it is like a bit it is like a baboon. Interesting. Yeah, they're horrifying. Yeah, that looks like the type... Dude, oh my god.

Just this? Luke, can you see that? That is fucking terrifying. Oh, dude. What a cool looking primate, though. See, dude, here's the thing. Why did like... You know, we all have like common ancestors. Why did, like, you know, we all have, like, common ancestors. Why did they

get to keep that kind of cool shit? Like, we don't have, like, colored, like, skin around, or, like, colored little, like, red or blue noses and cheeks. It looks like they have face paint on, dude. Like, why did they get all that cool shit and the crazy fangs and the... He has a beard. Well, we're from apes. We're not monkeys.

I mean... Well, tell me this, Ryan. If man comes from monkey, why is there still monkey? I'm glad you asked Tim Allen. Tim Ellen. Tim Ellen? I'd like to see that. Has Tim Allen been on Ellen, you think? Of course. Okay, I'm gonna look it up. And if I'm wrong?

I get to punch you. Okay. Where? Your arm. Okay. And balls. Not balls. Okay. Balls. Not balls. Okay. Balls. I guarantee Tim Allen's been on Ellen, dude. Tim Allen. Ellen.

I'm looking it up too, dude. Just in case you don't do your pro- Shut the fuck up. God damn it. Yep. Oh, he's been on many times. Yeah, multiple times. Who hasn't been on Ellen? Us.

Don't talk about new celebrities. Like what big... Was Mel Gibson? No, I mean Mel Brooks? No, Mel Gibson. I feel like Mel Gibson might have... No, I don't know. I'm trying...

Think about controversial celebrities. Let's see if Mel Gibson was ever on Ellen. Mel Gibson pranks Julia Roberts. He was on Jimmy Kimmel. In 2017. Interesting. He was on Letterman. He was on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Oh. Because remember when she had a sitcom? A lot of people don't know that. She started out with a sitcom, and then it got a lot of heat because didn't she come out in the sitcom? Oh, I'm sorry. The Ellen DeGeneres Show is not the sitcom. It's her actual talk show, and Mel Gibson was on it.

Season 2, episode 124. Yeah. Mel Gibson, episode 124. Yeah. Mel Gibson, the passion recut, talks about buying an entire island for himself in Fiji, then tests audience members on their Mel IQ. Well, I can't find it on YouTube, so someone has to post it soon.

What a stuck-up b****. Robin Williams defends Mel Gibson? No. First of all, I want to thank Mel. Yeah. He was arrested and certainly took a certain amount of focus. Robin Williams defends like that? Maybe. And let's say you stop because, you know, when you start violating your standards quicker than you can lower them, then it's time to go away. That's sad. Well, I mean, there's a difference between, like,

raising your voice in an argument and threatening your ex-wife and hoping that she gets arred by a bunch of a pack of a pack of his words not mine a pack of you guys can fill in the blank

we're there yeah but basically Mel Gibson man and that wasn't recent why does he have does he have an accent? Robin Williams yeah

he put on like a funny little Australian accent oh okay I was like hey have I not known this whole time what are like there's a lot of actors that I never realized

had an accent for the longest time like the guy from The Walking Dead Andrew Lincoln yeah he's British he's British

so is uh did you ever you watched The Walking Dead like the first season I watched the first season you know Morgan in the like the first episode like Rick wakes up first season. You know Morgan in the first episode? Rick wakes up.

It's been so long. He goes to a house. There's like a father and son that helps him out a little bit, and then Rick goes on his way on a horse. Right. Morgan is also a British. The guy who plays Morgan is a British actor as well. Well, I hadn't seen Love Actually until after I watched The Walking Dead.

Andrew Lincoln's in it. Yeah. Holding up the cards to Keira Knightley. You know what, dude? I'll be honest. I really do enjoy that movie. It's cheesy. I've The Walking Dead. Andrew Lincoln's in it. Yeah, holding up the cards to Keira Knightley. You know what, dude? I'll be honest. I really do enjoy that movie. It's cheesy. I've never seen it.

It's so cheesy and sappy, but it's like a comfort movie every Christmas for me. I saw New Year's or New Year's Eve. You know those movies where they just got a bunch of big actors and they gave them all an A plot, B plot, C plot, and then eventually in the end it would culminate to everyone being at

the New Year's Eve or the Valentine's Day it was like movies based on holidays movies based on holidays that aren't Christmas or Halloween are I feel destined to fail because like if they're holidays that people don't get excited about as much

and also you can only the thing about holiday movies is like Christmas movies have you know you can watch a Christmas movie like early November if you wanted, but, but you're not going to watch a Valentine's Day movie in late December, you know? Well, you could probably watch a Valentine's Day movie any day. Well, like this movie was literally probably, I think it was called Valentine's Day. Or like an Easter movie. Yeah. You know, like the Passion of the Christ an Easter movie. Yeah, you know?

Like The Passion of the Christ. Great movie. You can only watch that for... Directed by Mel Gibson. The one and only. Wasn't in English. Was it not? No, I think it was subtitled. Like, was it in Hebrew?

I saw this guy on YouTube that he does like linguistic stuff, and he did a video of what uh Jesus actually sounded like because he got the language that Jesus actually spoke and the accent and everything and he did like in a like a speech example of what he sounded like it just sounded like Arabic yeah that gobbledygook it sounded like it it's actually really interesting I don't understand it so it's bullshit to me. How is that a fucking language? Tell me what a bunch of squiggles and and and dots and then just the you know what I'm saying I can't look at it and

conceptualize What these shapes are trying to tell me it's a fucking sticks and stones language god damn it Arabic was around so much longer than English. So I guess technically sticks and stones. English is actually a relatively new language, isn't it? Mm-hmm. Because it's a mishmash of a lot of other languages. It's a Germanic language.

Yeah, it used to just sound like... You couldn't understand it? No. Like old English? I listened to an example of old English and I could not understand what the fuck... Because it wasn't even the same, like, structure, how they talked. Like, the accent was completely different,

but also, like, the way they just structured sentences was just different. It'd be cool to learn something like Old English, but also, it's like, why? You know? Because maybe you're taking a new part in a theater play, and you want to seem really fucking awesome, or you're taking a part part in a theater play and you want to seem really fucking awesome or you're taking a part

in a Robert Edgers movie called The Lighthouse and he wants you to get the dialect down of this time period or you're in another movie of his called The Witch Old English is like old Old English yeah but that's still like

I'm talking about like I know what I'm talking about like... I know what you're talking about, but I still even think that going back not too long ago, you sound pretty different. Yeah, well, you know what's funny is people always look at the 1600s and they look at Shakespeare and they think that's how people talked. That's not how people talked.

They talked pretty normally. That's not how people talked. They talked like pretty normally. That's just how things were written. I think it was just a different art form where it's like, you know that? That's used in like so many trailers. I think it had to have been used in one of the fake trailers in Tropic Thunder, like the Jack Black movie, The Farts or whatever the fuck they're called

because he did like an Eddie Murphy I love that one where they're all just farting Oh, somebody pass the beans That shit, they got it spot on Who's calling me? No one's calling me, it's just Oh, Ben Beal tweeted

Was he good? Well see, he had a viral tweet the other day I don't know who's calling me. No one's calling me. It's just... Oh, Ben Beal tweeted. Was he good? Well, see, he had a viral tweet the other day that got 53,000 likes. And he said, 53K likes yet no bitches. Was it cap? It was capping. Okay. It was on God.

It's pretty funny, actually. He said... Last night was an audio book. It was an audio book, bro. Made pretty funny, actually. He said, last night was a fucking audiobook, bro. Made me laugh, man. Get this fucking thing off my chair. What was it? Was it a little speck of dust? A little fuzzy. My pants keep riding up because these are tight, and then you're gonna be able to see my fucking tiny-ass moose knuckle. No, it's fine. You're good.

I know, it's... My balls can't show because my MeUndies strapped to... I always wear MeUndies, so my balls are not showing. Stop photoshopping. Like, Ryan's balls would not even be able to be shown because he wears MeUndies and those are tight. Look at that.

Look at that. Even if it was open around here, these don't open up unless I do this. Luke, make sure, you know... Make sure no testicular shots were poking out. Trust me. You'll feel a ball when it's out. It's like a presence.

Like, I know where my balls are. You can, like, just feel them. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but also, like, it looks real, but it's like in the pictures, your ball would have to be, like, hanging over here somehow. Yeah. It would be more plausible for that to have been your penis. Yes. Because that's like a long sack to go all the way.

Well, I don't know. If my shorts go right there. Is there a side that your dick naturally rests at? Because I think mine's almost always on the right. I'm sure there is, but I just kind of shift around. I'm sure it shifts around throughout the day. I'm almost certain. I can't think of it on the right. I'm sure there's there is but I just kind of shift around I'm sure it shifts around throughout the day I'm almost certain it's I can't think of it on the left. I feel like

it going on the right might feel weird. I feel like mine going on the left feels more natural for me What does that say about us? That we're meant to do podcasts together. Yeah. Cause see now we're talking about it. Yep. And if we both went to the right we'd have nothing to talk about Well we do have certain things to talk about right now, but not their ad reads.

Yeah. So, yeah, just enjoy. We'll be back. Yes, we will. Oh, man. All right. Yeah. Welcome back.

Ladies. Hope you like those. Those All right. Yeah. Welcome back, ladies. Hope you like those ad reads. Yeah. Just doing a couple fun little ad reads. You know, a couple of ad reads never hurt anybody. You know, we're goofy like that. You know? You know, we like to goof off and read some ads. Did we bump into my camera at some point during the cast?

Did I? No, we. Not you. It's possible. Well, yeah, because you're off center now. Yeah, wasn't like that earlier You can't see the guh in the mega. Shit. You only see the soup. Fucking hell. What are we doing? What are we doing? I got you bro. Okay, be careful Yeah

That looks that looks fine. I think it looks Decent. I think it's fine. Luke, if it was for some reason like that the whole time, well, it's Layton's fault because he's such a... Exactly. But if it was, then just crop in on Ryan's camera so it's more centered, I guess. I don't know.

Or don't because Matt's wasn't. Remember that episode where you were in the bottom corner of the... Because the camera was up too high yeah i mean the only way luke could have fixed that was like just making your whole head the fucking thing you should which he should have done i'm disappointed he didn't people would be able to probably read your lips easier too for those who are hard of hearing hard of hearing i get hard when i'm hearing some sex. Ooh. Yeah.

Not when you're having the sex, though. No. Just through the walls sometimes. My next-door neighbors share a wall. My bedroom is the wall that is shared to their place. So is their marriage a fruitful marriage, you would say, in the bedroom? Well, I think that their their kids room is on the other side of mine but do you just hear like a lot of begging i hear a lot of thumping and big no i know

that the kids room is on the other side of mine because they told me that did you did you drill a hole so you could communicate with them hey kids they're in their room playing. Hey. Guys. They just see your eye look through at first. Blink a little. With no ill intentions. I just want to be a kid again.

Hey. Don't tell your parents. Guys come over here. It's a weird little secret. Guys it's a weird little secret. I make them put a poster over it. Guys. Like they go to bed at like 7 p.m.

Just like, psst, guys, wake up. You guys want to play some video games? You guys want to play a game? Okay, I spy something red. And would I get arrested for that if it's completely incons... No. There's no proof that you had any contact. There was just a hole in the wall that they decided, maybe they

made the hole and were embarrassed and covered it up with their poster because they didn't want their parents getting mad at them for putting a hole in the wall. Well, I'm pretty sure investigators would be able to look at a hole and figure out which way it was drilled from. Nope. Because you know? Maybe they broke into your place, drilled a hole in your wall,

realized, oh shit, it goes into our wall too. No, I'll pen it on my landlord. Say it. Okay. I didn't even know that was there. It's like literally like my bed is right here.

Put a big nail in it and hang a picture. Is that at a height? Hopefully, so it's not like ankle level where there's a picture being hung. I'll hang a picture of him and his wife there

and I'll be like, oh, that was there when I moved in. I just imagined like the hole on the floor. So like you actually are like on your hands and knees. Nice. No, you know what it is? Why the camera's doing that? Why?

Oh, it's moving slightly. It's slowly moving because, hmm, Mr. Stoller didn't balance it. See, it's like at an angle. See? Should we reprimand him

right here, right now? No, because he'll have some, some, I don't know, I meant it straight. He'll make up some fucking excuse, I'm sure. Yeah.

But I think it is slowly moving. Wait, I'm looking at the monitor to see if that little bit of blue, it is. See, watch, the blue is about to disappear hold up it's like watching the sunset you might see a green flash

Pirates of the Caribbean reference that happens in real life not to the extent of what happens in Pirates of the Caribbean though I don't remember what happens they like flip around and go underwater and go to a different dimension happens in Pirates of the Caribbean though. I don't remember. What happens? Is it like... They like flip around and go underwater and go to a different dimension or some shit. Oh yeah, that doesn't

happen. There is a green flash though. It goes... And then you're like, I guess that was green. Yeah, that was green. I saw it. No, I've seen it. See? No, I've never seen the green flash.

Now we're just going to watch it move slightly. Yeah, I overcorrected, so this time it will... Now it's just distract... Well, I don't know. Maybe it's a fun ride for people to, like, notice as it cuts back to me. Like, oh, shit, it's at a different location now, slightly. The wide camera's still... Wait, the wide camera...

Were you leaning out of the wide camera? No, I'm leaning over now, so it's extra 180 rule. Okay. When Luke cuts back and forth, you know? But in the wide, you are being cut off a bit. Well, now that I'm leaning back like this. But, like, even if I lean back in my chair, I'm still not cut off, huh? I'm not cut off.

No, if you lean back the way you were, like I'm doing right now, in that corner. See? A little bit of your noggin. Well, Leighton positioned the chairs. And the cameras. And he's the one that used the tape? Yep. Which real MacGyver move on his part?

Technically was my idea. Oh, okay. So, never mind. I just said, hey, what if we pull it back with something? Like, what if we mount a hook there and then mount one in the wall to pull it back with a piece of chain? We didn't have a drill today, so maybe some... I think Jim was the one that suggested the tape. So he got the gaffer's tape and then...

Did you hear Layton's recent merch idea the invisible ink t-shirt he wants to sell blank t-shirts and just say there's an invisible design on it I don't I'm not a big fan of the idea myself it's cheap

it is cheap for us and if it's like an inside joke you'll be like oh you don't see the design I do but they'd have to go up to people It's cheap. It is cheap. For us. And if it's like an inside joke, you'll be like, oh, you don't see the design? I do. But they'd have to go up to people because otherwise they're just going to be blank shirts. So they'd have to go up to people and, hey, you see this? What? The design on my shirt.

It would force people to be more interacting with the people around them instead of on their phones, I guess. Well, they'd need a black light to see it. Okay. Because that's how Invisible Ink shows. But I was just saying, like, I think he doesn't even want to put invisible. I think he just wants to do it as a bit. Like, there is no invisible ink at all. I think he just thinks that people will purchase it for the bit or something. Really?

It's a horrendous idea. He said we could sell them at, like, he wants to dress up, like, Kramer and do a do a recreation of like the whole Laugh Factory thing where he's playing Kramer. That doesn't even make sense. How does that even make sense? How's that funny? He thinks that like he would pull a lot like a large crowd and then also help sales with the shirt. America's dad going on stage and calling a group of minorities racial slurs is not something to joke about. It wasn't Bill Cosby that said it.

Kramer's America's dad too. Bill Cosby's America's sweetheart, dad, father figure. Then what's Kramer? The wild card. He's the Charlie, right? Yeah. The whole episode about the wild, who's Charlie? He's definitely the wild card.

Yep, he comes in and goes oh jerry but i don't think it's funny to even joke about the laugh factory thing and i think that people that make jokes about it or use it in a comedic manner you do it in so in poor taste do you think we're the first book to put a joke in about that actual incident do you think we're the first i don't think we're the first book. Ripley's Believe It or Not? Most offensive stand-up comedy. I don't think that we're the first to broach it comedically in a book. In a book, in a book.

Maybe it might be mentioned in another book, but I do think that we are the first to use it as a key plot point. Has he been a character? Has Michael Richards been a character in a book that is not non-fiction i don't think so boom do you think boom do you think it has or ever will get back to him that he's a character in a book i would hope so he the the artist did a good job of making him look like michael Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

I think that, Oh, I thought you were talking about the cover. Oh no. I mean the cover, but like there are other illustrations. A lot of people thought that was Joe Biden on the cover. It's not, it's,

it's Michael Richards spoilers, but I, I just hope to God that somehow, some way it gets back to him that he is a, it's a character in our book. Plays a CIA agent. You might think it's funny. He might send us a letter.

He might send something to our P.O. box. Think about it. Michael Richards sends us like a signed... Seinfeld script. Original. A signed sweater that he wore on Seinfeld as Kramer. Or maybe he's... He gives us a he's backstage pass

for the Laugh Factory from November 14th, 2006. That would be sick. I think that's the date. I don't think they have backstage passes. I think it's just like probably just a ticket or something. Isn't it like a surprise whoever shows up? Sometimes it's someone big will just show up. Yeah, that's how I saw

Dane Cook. Fantastic, by the way. I can't say that enough. Jeff Dunham still does stand-up, right? Did he ever do stand-up? Can you call it that? I would. It's art.

Call it a disgrace. What? I saw him live. I saw him stand-up with, well, sit-down or stand-up, whatever he did with those puppets. Yeah, he did. Damn it, I missed a good chance to say no.

He does sit-down. Hey. Fuck! Next time we bring Jeff Dunham on, if you lock that one away, it'd be perfect for a few podcasts down the way. Because we're going to mention Jeff Dunham again. We cycle through the same 10 to 20 topics

on loop. Talk about it again. So Jeff Dunham, huh? Yeah. Sick. Sick live performance as well as George Lopez. It was not a joint show,

but those are the only... For me, it would be a joint show. Penn and Teller are comedians. Are they? They're atheists. Yeah, and they laugh. The only comedian in my life... Well, they make me laugh.

Sorry, they don't laugh. Well, they... I'd like a comedian that goes out and just laughs have you ever seen Penn or Teller laugh no I haven't

I bet you our fans can't even find a clip and if you do if you do find proof of Penn or Teller laughing send it on over to to Justin at him

and send him the clip with no context don't tell him why no there's always that one little fucker Justin. At him and send him the clip. With no context. Don't tell him why. No. There's always that one little fucker that ruins it though. Everyone else is playing along with the joke. The kid in class who no one wants to talk to. Yep. The one kid that ruins the joke and it's just

okay dude. If I'm remembering you said there was a pop quiz this week and it's Friday and we haven't had the quiz yet. You know what I hate about the kids that did that? They already have like a 99. They don't need it. They want it because maybe they have like a 99.4 and they want that to be like a fucking 99.8 or something.

Yeah, it's great that you study for the pop quiz. For the decimal point, it matters. For us, it's a letter, you know. Yeah. Well, to colleges, it's great that you study for the pop quiz. For the decimal point, it matters. For us, it's a letter, you know. Yeah. Well, to colleges, it's also the number. Well, they don't know how you do really the last half of your senior year, so a lot of people... Yo, I slacked, dude. Oh, yeah.

I slacked. That's senioritis, baby. Dude, I got senioritis bad. I never skipped school, though. I was too scared to skip school. Skipping school, like playing hooky, seemed like like a cardinal sin to me like it seemed like something that was uh it seemed like it was so bad that like morally i couldn't do it i didn't skip school so to speak but i was on the broadcast journalism program there called the Silver Screen Report.

And we would be able, if we had a car, to go off campus for stories. And sometimes you just come up with a reason. Like, I'm going to do a story on gas prices and have to go get footage from the gas station down the road. But you'd really just go to Sonic or just drive around. So, like, I did that. As you drive past the gas station. Yep. Going, those are some really good shots. You drove by did that. As you drive past the gas station. Yep.

Those are some really good shots. You drove by for that? Yep. Wanted to make sure I got an action shot. Yep. So there was a lot of that. Like even going to like Chick-fil-A in the middle of the day, then driving out to like the Lake Murray dam and just like parking and sitting and eating.

I did this with my crush at the time. Ooh, dude. Yeah. You know, we were both, we were both on the silver screen report. We were both, uh, producers. Crazy. Huh? Did you kiss her?

Eventually. So it worked out. Oh yeah. Well, we broke up in college. Over the pregnancy? Oh, wrong. Oh, that was my ex wife. This is my? Oh. Wrong. Oh, wrong. That was my ex-wife. Oh.

This is my ex-girlfriend. Okay. Well, it makes more sense to... Ex-wife's a little more recent, so I don't really... Well, it makes more sense to end a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship over a pregnancy than a marriage. I ain't having no fucking kid, dude. Are you kidding me? I don't want that responsibility.

I'm not kidding you. Okay, that's good. See, that one was a zinger. That was good. No, I... And this is a penis. Luke, do... Just show a picture of a penis, Luke.

Patreon gets that one uncensored. Yeah. Patreon does... Not your penis, Luke. Or maybe. No one uncensored. Yeah. Patreon does. Not your penis, Luke. Or maybe. No one will know. Except for you, Luke. Luke, you have to find a picture of not like some obvious porn star with abs.

You have to find like a selfie someone took or like a sex. Luke, find a picture that looks like it could be your penis, but it's not. Unless you want it to be. it could be your penis, but it's not. Unless you want it to be. No, I feel like if we have one of our collaborators expose themselves to our audience, that wouldn't go over

well. But who's to say it's his? I don't think it is. But I also don't know. Because Luke is the only one that will know. It might be quicker for him just to snap a quick pic and be like

yeah I found that on the internet just like just like stretching his boxers get a little like bush like pic at it

like you gotta slap it around just get a little bit pinch the head and like you know yeah you know

pinch the head until you feel a pop apparently I'm not supposed to do that I've been doing it every day since i was a kid no but uh you know like pe high school oh yeah locker room dude oh wow before my dick was before anyone would see me naked i'd before your dick became ginormous well before it was ever anyone saw it i'd always be like just to get it like Semi chubbed Not even semi chubbed But just bigger than

100% flaccid You know what I'm talking about I'd usually just face Into the corner Cause I You gotta be proud Of yourself Ryan Well it was usually

I was like I didn't really change At PE I would just keep The clothes on For the rest of the day Cause of gym shorts And a t-shirt

I did that sometimes But no one else did that So then I felt weird Well maybe. But no one else did that. So then I felt weird. Well, maybe if no one else did that, then you were kind of your own thing. Oh, there's Matt. Okay. He's wearing the gym shorts.

I remember it was like, you got school brand gym shorts, essentially. Or you could. I think you had the option. But you had to write your name on them. There was like a space. Oh, could. I think you had the option. But like, you had to write your name on them. There was like a space to write your name. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We just had to bring our own from home. Oh, and if you, oh, and like, if I came in flip-flops and I was like, fuck,

I'd get in trouble. If you came in flip-flops? Yeah. Yeah, you'd get in trouble. But more so if I was not wearing shoes. Oh, yeah, dude. You got in big trouble

if you weren't wearing them. You'd have to sit out and you'd lose some points in P.E. My... How do you not get 100 in PE? Well, I think that PE is dumb to be a required grade because not everyone is built the same. Not everyone is fit.

So requiring someone that's unfit to do the same test, like physical test, as someone that is on the football team and then judging them on the same test, like physical test, as someone that is on the football team and then judging them on the same curve? Well, I don't think they grade like that with P. I feel like it is participation. How does a stronger kid have any right to get a better grade than a kid

who doesn't have the same muscle mass? So are you telling me like like some dude bro uh like uh football player is just going to just because have a better grade than let's say some fucking nerdy dude or chick is that it we i doesn't sound right no i remember one of the tests because i always my friend and i are always like this is bullshit one of the tests So one of them was running the mile in under. Oh, I forgot there were fucking things like that. And if you had to see how long it would take you and if it if it took you there was a too long section. Yeah.

And I felt bad, dude, because there were like I there were like pretty overweight kids in my class that really struggled with it. And they got a lower grade. And I'm like, I'm sure that does great for their self-esteem. And I remember one of the tests was, gives them initiative. Yeah, exactly.

Fucking fat. Exactly. Thank you. Uh, one of those, one of the, one of the tests was, uh,

pushups and sit ups back to back. You had to do 20 sit ups and I think 10 to 15 push-ups when I was a kid I could do like infinite sit-ups cuz like you're not like you're so light like in middle school you're just like yep okay yep I'm still going I can I can do a decent amount of sit-ups because I am really light but it's harder to get for my back now yeah crunch it yet hurts but what hurts me the most about sit-ups is my ass is so sharp, so my tailbone and my ass bones, like, poke into the ground, even with, like, a pad.

What can you do the most of, like, workout-wise? Like, pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups? Not pull-ups. I think I could do the most... Definitely the most, like, sit like sit ups but someone has to be holding my feet or they have to be like weighed down

you know what I'm talking about yeah that's when it's easy otherwise I off balance my greatest feat

was during training I just wanted to see how many push ups I could do what's your max at once well I just wanted to hit 100

and I did at once god damn but I was also like you know I juiced up major. This was before Creator Clash? This was before Creator Clash. I juiced up.

You did 100 push-ups in one go. One, two, three. Jesus Christ. I remember one time I got to like 60 or 70. I was like, fuck. And then I stopped and then I tried again like in a week or two. And I was like, I just committed to it. Bet that was brutal.

But like, it's's not it is like a feat right but I feel like if you're training multiple times a day specifically for building muscle mass it's not like a surprise you know yeah I think like it's not like I was just like you know what I did today and I like I have no exercise I did no like I was just like, you know what I did today? And like, I have no exercise. I did no exercise. I was eating like shit. And I was like, just did 200 pushups. Yep. In one go, baby.

Finished my spaghetti dinner and did 100 pushups. I could, I don't know how many pushups I could even do right now. Probably not many. I was thinking the same thing about myself. Because before Creator Clash, I could do 30. And that was, that was about it. I was comfortable in that like I could do 50 plus at one point remember we would we'd always

Be like oh, dude fuck like what it's like we got to do 25 Justin Justin I saw it next time asshole he mooned us and he's something he smeared some shit on the glass door He smeared some shit on the glass door Little twat dude What a fucking little twat Are you gonna clean up the shit? Get the Windex You need Windex for that No he's smearing it

He's just smearing it on the floor He's just taking it from Off the glass It's on the glass You mooned the glass Look at it from the... Off the glass. It's on the glass. You mooned the glass. Look at it from that angle. See? It's the big brown streak mark. Wipe it off, please. Don't wipe that. Wiped it on himself. Wiped it on his knee.

Well, better that than the door. Okay, okay. Yeah, you got some of it. No! Just... Did you actually lick that? He thinks it's funny. He thinks that we think that's funny for some reason. What do you mean I don't know? Did you okay or the poop okay okay all right well thank you that's good yes it's he really smudged it around a little bit like oil pastel you know on a piece of on a piece of smooth paper. Yeah. That's, Leighton can clean that up.

Guess what, audience? Guess what time it is? Everyone's favorite. The end. Bye. Bye. Matt and Ryan, that was not funny.

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