supermegashow - EP 47 - Why Caillou Have No Hair

Episode Date: June 17, 2017

In this episode we talk E3, Matt's trip to Japan, Ryan's awkward car ride, and create the greatest man alive. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to the Super Mega Podcast episode 47. That's right. And we're here with Ryan McGee. A.K.A. the birthday man. It is the birthday for you. It's Ryan's birthday. How old are you, Ryan? I'm 23.

23 years old, man. That's you. It's Ryan's birthday. How old are you, Ryan? I'm 23. 23 years old, man. That's crazy. That's huge. Now you're not one year older than me. Now you're 23 and I'm 21. So now it's weird again. Would you look at that? It doesn't feel that weird because I don't feel a large age difference.

I did when we first met. How old were you? I was 19 when we met. You were 21. Now I'm 21 and you're 23. You're old as i was how's that it's just weird that like it's like you're as old as i was even though it's not that long like long ago but there was a period in time where you didn't exist where i was here yeah sucking on a titty what since day one yeah dude know what i'm saying yeah dude give me some high five holy fuck dude all right yeah

but i'm i'm matt watson but you probably know that because it's the 47th episode um sorry we were not uh here last week for a podcast i was in japan and ryan was jerking off at home so we're back now though back on regular podcast schedule sorry that we had to take a week so stop crying you you big babies. Wipe your fucking nose. Blow it. Get a tissue or something that's gross. Don't wipe it on your sleeve because that's nasty.

People that wipe their nose on their sleeve, that's disgusting. Or just walk out of your room, close the door, sit down, and then listen to the podcast while it's echoing and you can only hear it muffled from within the door so you don't get the full enjoyment out of it because you didn't respect us. Yeah. And if you're doing that, it sounds just like this right now. It sounds like we're on the other side of a wall. And, you know, the rest of the podcast is going to sound like this, Ryan.

Yeah. Fuck you, listener. This is what you get. Fuck. You just get to listen to us. Fuck it. It sounds like you're in the bathroom at a club and they're playing this on the club speakers instead of bumping tunes. Yeah, because for some reason

you have fucking subwoofers in your room playing your podcast. Imagine being in a club, like a packed club, lights flashing, they're playing this podcast. Someone needs to make that happen. Someone who's a DJ.

If you make that happen, we'll retweet you. We'll come fly out to visit you and hang out. And we'll retweet you. We'll come fly out to visit you and hang out. And we'll retweet you. Speaking of retweeting, I went to E3. Sorry, I coughed out some more tar. Okay. I went to E3.

Went with my boy Barry. Is that it? Is that all? Yep. That's my whole story about E3. You only went with Barry? No, I went with Vernon the second day I wasn't trying to exclude Vernon I was gonna talk about the first day

Where I only went with Barry And then I was gonna talk about the second day Where I went with Barry and Vernon I wasn't trying to exclude Vernon Okay, I just had that Yeah, but it was my first E3 kind of like a dream come true because I used to watch it way back when I was a wee little boy and I'd read about it Nintendo Power being there was real cool and this is the first year that they allowed people uh from the public

and oh shit I didn't sound on my phone damn it Frank Javcee my tweet Thanks Frank, thanks for liking the tweet Um, but You know Jacksepticeye just wished me a happy birthday Fuck you dude Love you Jack He doesn't give a shit about us anymore Well, this will prove it Oh yeah, we'll see

Alright Jack See if I care The cards are on your table That doesn't't care. The cards are on your table. That doesn't make sense. The cards are on your table. He's the dealer. I don't know. Yeah,

but, uh, it was very crowded. Um, I mean, I haven't been previous years, so I had nothing to compare it to. Nintendo's area was like a wall of flesh getting through.

What? Cause there were so many people. It was like, you couldn't, you couldn't penetrate it. It looks, that just, it's like gross. I just picture the walls are like bubbly. No, no, that's how Nintendo, getting through. What? Because there were so many people. It was like you couldn't penetrate it. It's like gross.

I just picture the walls are like bubbly flesh. No, that's how Nintendo themed their area this year. Like Edventure? Oh, I have been in that. In South Carolina? You've been in Ed? Where you go inside the body? Dude, you've been in Ed? I have been in Ed, man. Who else has been in Ed? If you've been in Ed, leave a comment in

the section below. In the section. You know what they should do? Who else has been in Ed? If you've been in Ed, leave a comment in the section below. In the section. You know what? They, at the end of that little area at the museum where you walk through Ed. Yeah. Is that his name? Yeah, it's Ed Venture. That's in Columbia, right?

Yeah. Yeah. At the end they should have a shirt that says, I've been inside Ed. Like, I survived Ed. I survived Ed. Like little Rapid Falls t-shirts. Like, all family. I survived Ed. I survived Ed. Like little Rapid Falls t-shirts. Like all family. Have you ever been on like a river rafting?

Like a big rapid? No. That's so much fun. You could die. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah, because if you fall out, you fall in the water. And then you get stuck under a rock and die. And then you drown.

That was an odd advertisement. It's so much fun. So much fun. But you can die. It's fucking scary. I don't want to do it again. Have you done it? Yeah, I've done it like twice. I did it with Jesus boys.

My youth group. The Jesus boys? They were girls too, but you know how God is. Yeah. Did you have fun? Did you like it? Or was it just scary? It was fun. You said that very It was fun. I won't talk about it

but E3 was really cool except I didn't play any games the first day because the lines for every single thing I wanted to play were out the like wazoo they were like a million people I knew you were going to say that I was waiting because I was going to say out the door but that wasn't true so I just said out the wazoo

yeah they were out the wazoo you know where that came from? Over the Hedge what? that's the first time I ever heard out the wazoo. Yeah, they were out the wazoo. You know where that came from? Over the Hedge. What? That's the first time I ever heard out the wazoo. Really? Yeah, because he's talking about where all the food is. They've got food here, there, and they've got food Bill Murray's talking about. Is Bill Murray or Bruce Willis? Bill Murray's not in

Over the Hedge. Which one's the fucking main character? It's either Bruce Willis or Ben Henry. I don't know. Who the fuck is Ben Henry? Sounds like some 5th century president. America wasn't around in the 5th century. What am I saying? Ben Henry.

That's a perfect president name. That's like golden. It's either like the perfect president name or the perfect like family friend name. Like some old family friend that comes to a cookout. Like, he's the Bubba in your life. He's just your socially retarded friend. I remember Ben Henry. He always wore overalls and, like, a miniature straw hat.

He'd come to the cookout. Like, with a string, like, birthday hats have. He'd, like, come to a family cookout, and he'd, like, say hey, and you don't remember who he is every time, and he would just kind of stand and talk to a few people and leave and drink a beer and eat a hot dog and that's it all of a sudden like you see him leaving and you go wait who was that and then your mom goes that was that was ben henry and then johnny cash plays in the background you're really so you're really good at world building thank you

that's nice someone Someone make that. What do you mean make that? How is someone going to make that? I hear a bunch of cameras and actors and make it. Just make it. I want to see it. What's it going to be? It's going to be some guy in overalls getting into a pickup truck and driving away and the kid going, who is that?

And the mom goes, that was Ben Henry. And then Johnny Cash plays. That's all it would be. Gives a shit. Why would someone take their time to make that? Why would someone take the time to make Pirates of the Caribbean 40? That's true. Oh yeah, because it makes money.

It will. This has no... That was a stupid argument I concede. Okay. Well, and there you have it folks, that's that Pirates of the Caribbean 40 The Ballad of Ben Henry The Ballad of

Pirates of the Caribbean 40 The Tale of Jack Shorty That's not even funny What if they made it What if they made every Pirates of the Caribbean movie rhyme Pirates of the Caribbean movie rhyme? Pirates of the Caribbean 2. Old Jack's shoe.

Jack just buckled his shoe. The whole movie is just he buckled his shoe. Pirates of the Caribbean 3. Old Pirate Tree. Old Pirate Tree? So they gotta go find the old pirate tree. Pirates of the Caribbean 4. There was a knock on Saint Nicholas' door.

They sail to the North Pole. Yeah, and like, you find out Santa Claus is a fucking pirate. Like, he has this ice boat that carves through the fucking ice. I could see them tying in, like, Saint Nicholas into, like, the Pirates of the Caribbean universe except

he'd be some like evil version. Yeah. Like Krampus or whatever. Krampus. Is it Krampus? I think so. Krampus. I don't. Krampus. That movie was. Krampus. We saw that movie. That's right. I forgot about that movie. We did. I thought that it could have been a lot more fun. I thought they

didn't go. I know there's a lot of wacky stuff but I feel like the direction could have been more quick. As quick as the movie's tone wanted to kind of perceive itself as. Yeah, that movie really scared me. I had nightmares for weeks about Krumpus. I went to a little haunted house at Universal. Oh, Krumpus haunted house? Yeah, it smelled like gingerbread.

It was pretty good. Ooh. Love a little gingerbread. When I was at Universal, I went to the Walking Dead haunted house that you walk through, and they got all the people dressed up like zombies. Yeah. And they jump out and scare you and stuff. Oh, yeah.

Except the thing was, someone's walking in front of me, so I know when they're going to jump out, because they jump out to the person in front of me, and then when I walk right behind them, I'm like, oh. That's my favorite, because I don't like being jumped oh those are fun I was in a I'll talk about this more in depth in just a second what if I have a heart attack

oh yeah that's a liability they don't even make you sign anything before you go in it's fucked up what if they gave an old lady a heart attack and then she her husband sued do you think in purchasing the tickets you you also are accepting the terms and conditions? So when you buy your haunted Halloween Universal Knights of Horrors tickets... Knights of Horrors?

Horrors. Knights of Horrors and Knights of Horrors are very different nights at Universal. Yeah? You can get the family pass for both of them, and it's great. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, yeah. What was that? I don't know.

I thought you were going to do, like, a little, like, because it fell flat. It hit the rim and then bounced off. Yeah, but, uh... Fuck, what were we saying? Something. Did that help yeah

okay we were talking about oh when you buy the tickets is it like signing a waiver yeah well tickets always have a bunch of fine print on them so you know

you're accepting the terms and conditions who reads that does anyone buy a ticket and sit down and look at all the fine print on it no exactly

there's one person though it's probably some guy walks in he's like before I before I I'm prepared. I need to read all the fine print. Just when they want you to sign away your rights, I was there.

I didn't do it. I didn't accept those terms and conditions. Yeah, Jeremy, I mean, the rest of us went in the park and had a great day, and you stood outside. Fuck you. That's what would happen. Some, like, tribal guy's like, I'm not signing away my rights. These corporations. And then his friends are like,

thank fucking God. I don't want to have a great day without them. I know. They don't have to deal with them. Because like, if people like that don't have Facebook, then it makes life a whole lot easier. Oh yeah.

How many times do you go on Facebook and people are just pounding the shit out of political issues? All the time. Isn't that crazy? Because most of my go on Facebook and people are just pounding the shit out of political issues? All the time. Isn't that crazy? Because most of my friends on Facebook are like freshly graduated from college now. Yeah, they're that age. So it's just nothing but just so much political just bullshit.

Well, excuse them for wanting to help people, man. Well, I'm sorry. I go on Facebook and all I see is just I see some hardcore, you know, SJWs all at war. Just with their big SJW swords. They're swinging them. They're having a good time. And then I see like my family friends that are like 50 and 60 posting the opposite and getting in fights with these college students. It's fun to watch.

You and I are like saving pictures of our favorites. Yeah, I'll take screenshots. Of like both sides. This is funny. I need to add more to that folder we have. Yeah, we have a folder where we just like take screenshots of like funny people getting mad about politics. And we just save them to look at and laugh. But it's like the memes they make.

Like political memes just suck. They think that they're these like, you know, statements that put a period at the end of something. Like it's like very strong mic drop solid yeah it's like they feel like when they post this political meme making this political statement it's like a mic drop yeah and i'm not talking about one side or the other i'm talking about both sides they're just bad and they are funny to look at because because you just know when they post and they're like hey got them and they just back in their chair like their little sportsman sunglasses yeah, but we have a whole folder of hilarious political memes. They're so bad. So bad.

Are they bad? Yes! Yeah. They're hilarious. I love them. I love them. Maybe we'll make that available to the public one day. Sometimes you'll hear a little from my room when I read a good one.

I'll text you one and then from the other side of the apartment I can't do your laugh. do your laugh. What was that? That's Chris's version of your laugh. Which one's us? It hurts my throat to do that. I can't do it. Okay, guys. I got some stuff. That's it. No, it's not the end of the podcast.

Okay. I got some stuff to talk about. I just got back from the land of the Orient. I went to Japan again for the second time in 2017. The Japan men took me to Japan against my will. I had a great time. They carried him there in a little crate. Said fragile, so they treated him nice.

Fuck you, Ryan. I'm not fragile. You are emotionally. No, I'm not. It's not your fault, dude. Yeah, but I went to Japan, had a blast. I went to go see my boy Christian, who... Dude!

Yeah, he... He's gonna listen to this and just be like, oh, God. He's like... He listens to our podcast every week. Does he? Yeah, he does. I love you, Christian. Yeah, see, now you're like, I love you, Christian.

What? I didn't say anything. Do I seem scared of Christian? Yeah, you had a very uneasy look on your face. Feels like he's going to crawl into our apartment on all fours, climb on the ceiling and shit. Dude! Like spew acid out of his throat. What the fuck?

I love Christian, though. I went to go visit Christian. I, you know, we, we, I was in a few, a few of his vlogs for his channel that's coming out. He has a channel where he's like vlogging his experience living in Japan. They're very fun. Go check it out. It'll be in the description, but uh, but yeah, we just, we went around. It was fun because this time I didn't have to spend any time really learning how to get around or no culture shock because I'd just been there three months earlier. So I kind of just got there and slipped right back into it and then could just go around and have fun.

So I went to a lot of different fun places. One of the first nights, Christian and I walked through the red light district. Wait, wait, wait. Did you go to one of the red light districts? Yeah. Christian and I walked through one red light district. Wait, wait, wait. Did you go to one of the red light districts? Yeah. Christian and I walked through one of the red light districts. And it was a... What?

You said that and I saw you laugh to yourself so hard. Keep going. I'm having fun. It's my birthday. It's my fucking birthday. I'll let you have your fun, Ryan. I'm having fun. It's my birthday.

It's my fucking birthday. I'll let you have your fun, Ryan. We walked through this red light district, and it was run by Nigerians or something. Scary. Yeah, real scary. I was busting a sweat, dude. I was breaking a sweat the moment I walked in that area. And this guy comes up, and he's like, Hey, boys, you want to see some Japanese girls?

And I was like, how do you know they're Nigerian? Sorry. Do they have like little gamer tags floating above their heads? XX Nigerian. No, I read about it online. It's like a lot of Nigerians are in Japan and they run a lot of that stuff. I could be wrong. Who knows?

That guy could have been from Uganda or Liberia. But I've read that it's Nigerian, so my bets are... Your gut instinct is when you saw them, you just go, boom, Nigerian. Yeah. I mean, call me racist, but don't actually call me racist, please. Butter me racist. I walked by and he's like, hey, you want to see a strip show, Japanese girl? And I was like, no thank you, no thank you. So I kept walking and he was following us, trying you want to see a strip show, Japanese girl? And I was like, no, thank you, no, thank you.

So I kept walking and he was following us, trying to get us into this club. And he was getting desperate and he was just like, hey, hey, hey, hey. And he gets real close by me and he goes, you want to see some titties? But the way he said it, just, I died laughing right there on the spot. To his face? Yeah, we laughed. Did you accidentally like spin on him a little bit? No, no, no.

Because he said titties. Titties. Titties. And I, like Christian like, spit on him a little bit? No, no. Because he said, he said, Titi's. Titi's. Titi's. And I, like, Christian. You want to see some Titi's? Christian died laughing. Just, I can't even do the voice right. It was just this Nigerian dude,

thick Nigerian accent, saying Titi's. Did he walk away, or, like? Yeah, he walked away when we left. Really? He was like, oh. Yeah, I probably hurt his feelings. Probably went home and cried. Looked himself in the mirror and was like.

Probably got, like, three of his fingers cut off for that. The Yakas are like... Yeah, they punish them. How dare you not sell them TDs. I saw Yakas of people. There was one part of Tokyo, late at night, another red light area where there was a lot of Yakas of people. It's just these guys and they stand in suits

and they have earpieces in and they just stand on like every street corner just with these headsets in. And we just walked through all that and looked at them a lot. and they stand in suits and they have ear pieces in and they just stand on like every street corner Just with these these headsets in and we just walked through all that and looked at them a lot You should have gone and poured water on one of them I was carrying around a drink because you can you can it's there's open carry Are they like British guards where they just have to stay still no matter what? You can go up and make goofy faces. No you do that. You're probably gonna get in some trouble. Oh, okay But these guys just it's kind of creepy.

It's like they're all interconnected because they've got earpieces in. So just walked around, had fun with them, you know. Slapped them around a little bit. Made faces at them. But yeah, a lot of fun stories from Japan. I went to this part of Japan called Yokohama, which is a little south of Tokyo Tokyo, and it's like really cool port city. It's got a big ferris wheel took some cool pictures Rode on like a miniature version of Splash Mountain. Is the ferris wheel as cool as the one in London? It's not as big as the one in London, but it was it's the biggest ferris wheel I've ever seen. It's fucking massive. God damn

That's the biggest ferris wheel I've ever seen It's fucking massive God damn that's the biggest Ferris wheel I've ever seen If my name ain't John Henry Is that what it was? No Ben Henry Ben Henry now that I'm thinking about it Sounds like some folklore character If my name ain't Ben Henry That's the largest damn Ferris wheel

Like one of those ones that has a giant axe or something Ben Henry Like Paul Burton Fucking Yeah. Fucking Paul Bunyan. Paul Burton? Like Paul Blunt? What? Paul Blunt? Is it Paul Blunt? No! Why would it be Paul

Blunt? Paul Blart. It's Paul Blart. No, who are we thinking? I'm trying to think of like those big legends. Who are they? Tom Blunt. Fuck! God damn it! Paul Bunyan. Yeah, Tom Bunyan. Paul Bunyan. Not Paul Blart. Except Tom Sahlgier with Paul Bunyan.

Fucking Paul Blart is a giant fucking black man with an axe. He wasn't black. One of them was. Who's the big black one? The guy that had the silver hammer. Yeah. That guy? Yeah, who's he?

He was born with like a silver hammer in his hand? Yeah, who's he? I don't remember. Oh, so you don't remember the black one? No, I just he? He was born with like a silver hammer. Yeah, who's he? I don't remember. Oh, so you don't remember the black one. No, I just don't. No, it's not that. It's just like that's not as memorable. No, it's not anything about his race.

It's just I don't remember that one as well. Can I look up his name? Something about something silver? No. What was his name? Black man with big hammer. It was like a silver. He was born with a silver spoon or something in his hand.

Dude, if your wife had a child... John Henry. No, are you serious? Is an African-American folk hero. John Henry? John Henry. That's almost Ben Henry. I know.

I think that's the first thing you said before Ben Henry. Yeah, I said John Henry by accident. There it is. Oh, wow. Brought it full circle. Look at that. No, but he was born with some hammer or a spoon or something in his hand. How freaked out would you be if your wife gave birth and the baby had a fucking silver

hammer in its hand? Look at this boy. He's big. Is he big? Yeah, he's a big boy. Let me see that boy. Look at how big that boy is. Damn, that boy's big.

According to legend, John Henry's prowess as a steel driver was measured in a race against a steam-powered hammer. a race against a steam powered hammer a race that he won only to die in victory oh fuck whoa dude I'm sorry come on man why don't we make now who's now there's one more little myth boy the one that wears like the raccoon hat

Davy Crockett yeah we know that one yep wow typical we only know cis white ones yep well the thing the reason I know Davy Crockett is because my dad had this VHS and it was like a Davy Crockett movie. It was like really old. It was like the old Yeller movies. I have no idea. I'm going to see if I can find it.

I'm going to get a wave of nostalgia if I see this. You should watch it. What was his name? Derek what? Davy Crockett. Davy Crockett. Yeah, it was like Disney's thing. Who did Star Wars? Oh, was it animated? Derek what? Davy Crockett yeah it was like Disney's thing oh was it animated? no it was this

Davy Crockett King of the Wild Frontier by Walt Disney Film Classics the Great American Legends series the Great American Classics oh how did I not know it starred Fess Parker as Davy Crockett. Who the fuck is Fess Parker?

And Buddy Ebsen as George Russell. Oh, Buddy Ebsen. He's a classic. Can't forget about... Basil Roy... Royds... Roydsdale? Roydsdale.

R-U-Y-S-D-A-E-L. Roydsdale? I think it's Roydsdale. I don't know. He died in 1960. That man's dead, dude. Who gives a shit? He died before anime was even invented. What a fucking loser.

Never even got to see that. He had no idea. He died before Spongebob was even conceived. He died with a fucking finger and a thumb on his forehead, bro. He was looking pretty dumb. Dude! Yeah, dude! Wait, let's- what's that, uh... Fuck. That laugh reminds me of the

Kid from the Christmas movie Yeah Dude his little Like one of the I think he went on to be a gay porn star Did he? That would be amazing One of the bullies in that movie went on to be a gay porn star Good for him

No no no maybe he wasn't gay I think he just went on to be a regular porn star. Good for him. No, no, no. Maybe he wasn't gay. I think he just went on to be a regular porn star. I think... Did the guy... Did Ralphie ever do anything again? Was he in shit? No, I don't know. I don't think he was.

That was like really a one-hit wonder for him. Was it? I don't know. I don't think he did anything else. He looks weird all grown up now. Just a little big version. A little big version? A little big version.

Yeah, the kid from A Christmas Story is the new unlockable character in A Little Big Planet. It's a new DLC. I'd love it. You could make one of those sexy lamp things. What? Oh, yeah. Dad orders the lady leg. I forgot about that.

I never got what was so wrong about it. I was like, what's... It's just a different time, and it was a sexy leg with fishnets, so the mom didn't like it. I was like, what's... It's just a different time, and that was like a sexy... It was a sexy leg with fishnets, so the mom didn't like it. It would be like in today's comedies, they'd have to go with the whole, like, it's a cock or something. No, it'd be like Amy Schumer's vagina. Yeah. As a lamp. It'd be so funny. Every time I look at it, I would laugh

because Amy Schumer's so funny. What? Yeah. What? You agree. Yeah. Just my opinion, Matt. Don't crucify me here. I wasn't thinking about crucifying you. Do I look like Christ to you? No, we don't do that in this day and age, dude.

Can I crucify you for your 23rd birthday? If you wanted. Cool, dude. It's not against the law. We should do a video where... What does it say in the law books you can't crucify someone? Is there a specific law against crucification in American law, you think? Like I want to be crucified.

And the cop's gonna be like, well, go ahead. Yeah, just put him up there. As long as he doesn't die. And a giant tear will fall from the sky as God cries. And it'll erupt a giant earthquake. And split the land in two, where the guards will fall through. Now it's just for me and you! It's the new musical I sacrifice no I

crucified my son Oh Lord and it's like God going like the home alone kid yeah exactly like that kind of like holy moly holy moly oh yeah when he sins his only son to earth boom boom boom boom boom boom and it's like shots of like Jesus like hanging out with like friends and stuff. It's like, what's up? Everybody like the music's all happy.

It's like, then things took a turn for the worse. And the music changes and everything. Boom, boom. You can make a whole early 2000s movie commercial about when Christ came to earth. I would love. Well, they already made kind of like, I've never seen it all the way. But I've seen most of it. They've done Jesus Christ Superstar. I would love well, they already made kind of like I've never seen it all the way But I've seen most of it. They've done a Jesus Christ Superstar. I saw that live. Yeah, that's a driver That was actually phenomenal. I'd love to see it again except. I think the same guy is still playing Jesus for 40 years

He's an old man. He's still playing Jesus. You know Willem Dafoe played Jesus once is that who's Willem Dafoe? I am the Green Goblin Did he play that in Jesus Christ Superstar? Did he play the Green Goblin? No, no, no. Best character in Jesus Christ Superstar.

No, was he the guy who played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar? No. Oh. Willem Defoe was in... He played Jesus in a movie called Jesus Christ or something. They're still... They're doing a remake. That's the name in a movie called Jesus Christ or something. They're still, you know, they're doing a remake. That's the name of the movie. Jesus Christ or something? Oh, you know, they're, uh, yo, Ross, what's up?

I got you soup. Oh, thanks, man. I just didn't want it to go cold, because then you just eat your soup. Before you got here, I ordered soup. It's not just like a random act of Ross giving me soup, so don't feel left out. I got you my most free soup, but enjoy your soup. Thanks, Ross. I hope I don't spill this on the couch.

Have a great day again. Ross, you're a real stand-up guy. He brought me Chinese chicken soup. Hmm. I mean, I'd give you some, Ryan, but... I thought we were going out for dinner tonight. We are going out for... Dude, my watch still, it's on Japan time. It says 8.49 p.m. No, a.m.

I have to also go pick up a cake my mom ordered for me. Your mom ordered you a cake? Yeah, I'm just... It's a big cake all for myself. It's gonna... Like... You know how lonely that's gonna be? I'll eat...

Dude, I'll eat some of that cake. Are you sure? Why would I turn down free cake? Okay, I think she got cupcakes, too, or some shit. Oh, Cecile! God! Her fridge is gonna be stacked with sweets! I got room for that shit, Cecile.

Send it back. Send it back, Ryan. Love you, Mom. She, uh, she was like, Open up your Facebook so people can wish you happy birthday. Like, to my friends, cause like, I don't allow anyone to post on my wall. And I'm like, that's... and I'm like, no. Cause, and she's like, why? Cause I'm like, cause you made me do this! There was a point where my Facebook wall was just my mom's wall.

I remember. It was just essentially just, like, posts of her and her memes. And, like, it's very sweet. I get it. You know, I love my mom. Like, the gestures, I love them. Like, they mean a lot. And I understand them.

But when it gets to the point where my own personal Facebook is clouded with just pictures of... Like low JPEG shared image that's like, a mother's son is a truly special gift. Like flowers and stuff. And it's like that over and over again. It looks like I died or something. It looked like I was no longer alive. Like you were in a coma? Yeah, like my mom, this is the only way she feels like she can connect with me is because I'm in like some coma or something

She's like I'm gonna she can he can hear he can hear me. He'll see these posts when he wakes up. I Love her mom. She's very sweet also I'm not gonna tell Ross this but this I mean he bought me this soup with his with his credits on this app And it's like it's not what I thought it was gonna be. Take a look at this soup. Look at this chicken. That's fine. What are you doing, dude?

What are you doing? It's gross. Hold on, let me taste it real quick. What the fuck is, maybe it tastes... It looks like just some brown water with, like, body parts in it. It doesn't even look like chicken. Maybe it tastes good though. I mean, it tastes fine. The broth is fine? It's a little watery. Yeah.

It's like, uh, just looks like water with some chicken thrown into it. Fuck you, Ross! Why'd you give me such shitty soup, dude? God, using your free meal credits on me, and this is what you give me? Jesus Christ, dude. Jesus Christ. But speaking of Facebook, um, I... Don't have one.

No, I do have one. Okay. Believe it or not, but I got a lift yesterday from E3 because there's no way I'm driving to downtown LA during E3, and this really nice Indian dude picks me up, and

see, I'm jet-lagged as hell right now, and the reason I was leaving E3 was because I was in a Monster Hunter World demo. And the jet lag just click. It hit me in a matter of 10 minutes. So bad. It was like, boom, baby, I'm here. Yeah, I could not keep my eyes open.

So I'm like, I got to go home. So like fingers crossed. I'm like, please, I just want an Uber driver that's not going to talk. Because I just want to like shut my eyes in the backseat and get home. And right now it's going to take like 40 minutes to get home with the traffic. I got the most energetic driver I've ever had in my life. How old was he? I think he's like 30s, late 30s.

Was he balding? No, no. He actually looked surprisingly young. He was an Indian dude. And he was super, super nice and charismatic. He was just, his energy was at 100 and mine was at three. And he was like just talking to me. Because, you know, usually you get in, you exchange.

They're like, hey, how are you? Good, how about you? How's your day? Good. And then it just kind of – but then he just kept going with the conversation. There wasn't a moment of silence in that entire 45-minute ride home. Why didn't you just – why weren't you just like, hey? I did.

I was like, hey, man, I'm really – I was like, man, I was dropping little breadcrumbs. I was like, man, I'm just like – right now my internal clock is set to the other side of the world. So I'm pretty tired. I'm going to go home and crash. I might even shut my eyes right now. And he's like, oh, I'm just keeping on. But then he's telling me how he's an aspiring actor out in Los Angeles. He moved here from India.

And he's in some, like, web series and stuff. And he's on IMDb. And it was like it was pretty cool I was like oh awesome man that's great and he was and he was talking about his acting career and um then I told him like yeah uh I told him what I do and he was like hey my friend can I uh can I add you on Facebook and I was like yeah because I'm really awkward and passive and and I didn't want to, like... I'm really bad at saying no, because I still got, like, 30 minutes in the Uber.

Just say no. I don't know you, dude. Well, I said yes, and then I sent him a friend request. Why did you send him? Well, you could have easily not sent him one. What? Because I was too awkward and nervous. So then I get home, and I'm like, shit, I just added this...

Like, my Facebook is very private I only have like close friends and family on there that's the only social media that I have that is like my personal life everything else is open to the public for everyone to see but Facebook is personal because that's people from childhood from high school from college

family yeah from space from hell it's like those are people that I want to keep in touch with so that's why I don't have that open to the public and then i'm like ah and i got this this dude so i get home and i see that he hasn't accepted it yet so i unsent it and i felt so bad like still who cares terrible now because he was like i got out of the car he was super excited he's like my friend we're going to work together and then i get i unsend it and why does he sound russian i don't know i I can't. Even your Norwegian. My Norwegian?

Sorry, your Nigerian. Your fucking Narwhal. Norwegian. That's not even how you fucking. I always say Norwegian by accident. Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian.

Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Fuck that country. Whoever lives there, fuck you. Fucking nuke them, dude. Norwegian? Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Norwegian. Fuck that country. Whoever lives there, fuck you. Fucking nuke them, dude. Jesus Christ. Get them out of here.

Get them out. I'm done with them. They're gross. Fuck them, dude. But I feel really bad, dude. Yeah? I just, like, I have this, this, this, like, moral, uh, turmoil. Obligation.

Like, to add this guy on Facebook. And I still have his name saved. Maybe you would have become best friends. Maybe, like, he, he. He could have been the third perfect person for Superman. I think he's on some MTV show or something. He's not failing as an actor. So maybe God was giving me this... He's doing Uber.

Side job, you know? Being an actor is not easy. You don't have to make a lot of money. No, you're not. Most actors don't make shit. I know, especially if you're up and coming or trying to be an actor in L.A. Because trying to be an actor in L.A. is fucking difficult.

That's, like, so many people try to do that. Oh, and by the way, I'm not knocking Uber drivers. I fucking, I've actually thought about becoming one. You can't with your car, though. You need four doors. I know, but I could become a Lyft because there's, like, a one-passenger thing, I think, on Lyft. Oh, yeah, I've been using Lyft more now. But you keep breaking my car, so. How am I breaking your car?

The seat doesn't work. What do you mean the seat doesn't work? The cover of the armrest came off. How do you know I'm doing that? Okay, the cover of the armrest came off while I was out of town. It's all gross and dirty. I keep it clean. I throw my shit away. But you actually.

Yeah. You had a story about your Lyft driver. Oh my God, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I got back from North Carolina, home of the Braves. Why not the South Carolina? Home of the Braves. Because that's not where Sunset Beach is. I go to Sunset Beach every year.

Nice, dude. It's a nice beach, a nice quiet beach. It's nice and so I get back and I get a lift and this car pulls up, it's an all like matte black

Mustang with the rims are black everything about this car is just Batmobile black and so, and there's like coming from inside the car. Yeah, you can feel the subwoofer. So I can just feel it. You know, it's in every fiber of my fucking being right now.

You're feeling the black, dude. Yeah, and so I open the door. It's this guy, and he's wearing a, of course, he's wearing a black tank top. He's wearing a black do-rag. He's got black sunglasses on. And he's wearing a black tank top he's wearing a black do-rag he's got black sunglasses on was he uh and he's black i hop in he's like yo what up and i'm like it's good ryan mcgee interacts with black people episode one

yo what's up? It's good. So, during this whole drive, he tells me his life story. It's like this tragic 13-part Netflix miniseries. Why do Uber drivers always do that? They always want to tell you their life story. He's like, dude, I'm just trying to get from point A to point B. He's like, you know, I was going to be in the NFL. And I was like, you were. He's like, yeah know, I was going to be in the NFL. And I was like, you were? He's like, yeah, I was in training camp and everything, man.

I'm like, that's cool. I was a star basketball player. I jumped the highest out of anyone on the team. My track record. NFL's fucking football. He liked sports in high school, but I guess he was going for football. And so he's like, yeah, track, blah, blah, blah. But the system had it out for me, man.

And I was like, what? It's like, they said I cheated on my SATs. I took that twice. My grades weren't even good on it. Why would I even cheat if I'm not going to make good grades? You know what I'm saying? That's why you cheat. Because you're making bad grades.

Why would you cheat if you're making good grades? I know. It doesn't make sense. They're just like, okay. Yeah, but anyways, they just picked me and some other two boys at random. And we got kicked out training to play football. You know, it's all good, though, now. I play just rec.

I'm like, okay, that's cool. And then all of a sudden, the phone. He plays what? Like the rec center? Yeah, just rec. I'm like, okay, that's cool. And then all of a sudden... He plays what? Like the rec center? Yeah, just rec. Man, I play football at the rec center, man. I don't know what he meant by that. The rec department.

He just said rec. Does that mean rec center? I guess. Like the recreational department? Why is there a football field in the recreational? There's never a football field in the recreational department. Then what is he talking about? I don't know.

Is he speaking out of his ass? Probably, dude. Okay, that's great. Anyways, and he also talked to me a lot about Snoop Dogg. He talked to me about how Snoop Dogg's football league is really awesome and cool. Snoop Dogg has a football league? Apparently. I didn't look it up.

I'm not fact-checking this guy. Apparently, since I believe that he played football in a rec center. He plays on the ice rink or some shit. The SAT fucked him in the ass. I know. And so all of a sudden the phone rings and it's this, like, old woman going, He's like, yo, what are you doing? He's like, well, um, Tyrese's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And he's like, uh, grandmama, I'm driving someone right now. He didn't say grandmama. He said like... Yo, you told me Nini or something. He said like Nini or... Yeah. You told me the other night it was like Nina. Yeah, he was like,

Nini or Nina. It was Nina or Nina. But it wasn't that. So he like hangs up the phone on her. He's like, sorry, that was my grandma. I got a,

I got a new boy. Got a new boy. Yeah. I guess he had a new boy. Like a boyfriend or like a little boy that he had a little boy. I think giving birth to that is some, some woman gave birth to. And he's talking to me about his daughter.

And he's like, and all of a sudden he goes back and he's like, yeah, ma'am, I got in a car accident goes back, and he's like, yeah, man, I got in a car accident, too. And I'm like, what? Yeah. The man who's driving you around is telling you,

yeah, man, I got in a car accident. But he told me because of the car accident, it, like, shrunk him an inch. Like, one of the plates in his spine, like... Man, that other car has some magic powers, man. It's magic and shit, dude. He told me how, like, one of his spinal plates, like,

disappeared or some shit or shrunk down. It flew out. And now we've said how he became an insurer. He's like, I used to have a good posture, now I lean. You didn't tell me that part the other night. I didn't want to spoil the goods.

Oh, that shit's great. Where did part of his spine just go? I don't know. He didn't tell me. It didn't exit him or anything. I don't know if he was talking about it like it was an accordion. It's like two Lego pieces that click together. What the fuck?

Then he dropped me off. No, dude, I know what it was. Like, he didn't have insurance and couldn't pay the other driver off, so they're like, man, give me one of your spinal things. I'm like, all right, man. Popped it out and gave it to him. Shrank it out with some tweezers. Thanks.

Man, I love Uber drivers in L.A la they're the fucking best i was having a good time you get so many great stories from them like i had this one guy uh i briefly talked about this in the we love katamari episode but i didn't mention the best part i forgot uh he told me that um he just went on this tangent i didn't even bring up marijuana he starts talking about marijuana and how it's really bad for you and makes you stupid. And he's like, he starts telling me about how marijuana will give you erectile dysfunction if you smoke it. And I was just like, I didn't bring it

up or anything. He's like, man, it makes your brain not work, man. It makes some other things not work. You know what I'm saying? He looks over his shoulder and he's like, man, you can't get it up if you're smoking that weed. And I'm like, okay. Ever again. Dude, you put that joint to your lips. You'll become impotent for life.

Your cock shrivels up like a little water balloon with no water. Where's that liquid go? In your ass. Into a tumor in your ass. Now you have ass cancer. All because, what, Matt? Marijuana. Boom, baby!

That's a good sound clip. Boom, baby. Oh man, dude I remember another time I was uh in an uber and the driver was telling me how the founding fathers all grew and smoked marijuana So I've heard very conflicting accounts about marijuana I thought it was like they grew hemp which is not marijuana. He was telling he was marijuana Illegal to grow isn't sure hemp is also illegal Which is stupid because that's like you can make it for like clothes and a bunch of Shaper and yeah, this is

Impers crazy awesome that was me, so well. It's related to marijuana Are they very similar plants? Yeah the THC levels and industrial hemp are so low that no one can get high from smoking it So yeah, they're just two different Oh, so it's just like a plant that's related to marijuana that also has THC in it But it's just so much plants. Oh, so it's just like a plant that's related to marijuana that also has THC in it, but it's just a much lower... Why is it illegal? I think you can make oils and shit out of it. I don't know. Why is hemp illegal?

Because it's related. Well, it can't be that illegal, because I remember, like, toms were made out of hemp or something. What was? Toms, like the shoes. Really? There were some... This girl in my high school had shoes that were made out of hemp. I'm not a fucking lawyer. I don't know the laws and whatever's when it comes to marijuana. All I know is...

Hey, law students in the comments, explain why hemp is illegal to us, please. And don't go... Because... No, they can if they want to, Ryan. You don't control them, okay? Yeah, that's true. You just stop. That's going to be everyone's answer now.

They're going to be like... They're going to have a long intro to be like, answer now. They're gonna be like, they're gonna have like a long intro to be like, well, uh, see, due to your stupid fucking question about hemp and marijuana, obviously, because... I, uh,

I was, I was on Reddit the other day, and there was like a, someone was pointing out something about the 7-Eleven logo that bothers them. It's that, in the word 11? Wait, let me look at it. Let me look at it so I can get the full effect. Is it going to ruin it for me?

Here, I'll put the 7-Eleven logo up on the screen right now so everyone can see it. I'm looking at it. All the letters are capital except for the N. See? The N is lowercase. Yeah. Someone in the comments was like, why is that? Someone wrote out this long, post about like the founder of

7-eleven and how he was actually like a huge racist and he didn't like black people like shopping in 7-eleven and He made the in lowercase to like as like a little thing between him and his friends to like express their their grievance Like how they didn't like black people and that's why the in is lowercase So it stands out wait? And then the last sentence was like, nah, I just fucking made that up. So I read this, like, I hate when people do that. I love it and I hate it where they write out this huge thing, like, so I'll read

some big explanation for five minutes and when the last sentence it turns into some, like, shitty meme, I'm like goddammit. Because you find out that life isn't that interesting. Like, you think, like, it's this big interesting, interesting, you're so just enticed by it. Then it's pulled right from under you like a tablecloth. Like a rug.

On a first date. Tablecloth on a first date? Yeah. Look, I'm coming up with all these sayings. People need to fucking write a book. Put them all in a book. Yeah, take that to the dry cleaners and pay for it. Yeah, whatever that was. Take it to the cleaners and pay for it why is i was gonna search

why is the in lowercase 7-eleven and uh one of the first things that comes up is on autocomplete is why is kaiju bald i need the answer to that dude but why though that whiny little bitch people also ask like this is google said this people also ask why k this is, Google said this, people also ask, why Caillou have no hair? Is Caillou based on a cancer patient? Why Caillou have no hair? Why Caillou have no hair? I'm not shitting you. Look at that, it says that. That's a good question. That's an official Google suggestion. Why Caillou have no hair?

It's perfect. Our laughs were in sync on that one. That sounded very similar. It's like a group of cackling hyenas. Caillou was initially created as a baby of nine months. What? Little bitch ain't nine months. Nine months? That's some creepy exorcist shit if he's nine months.

And he's that smart at nine months? He's like doing like, like he's making friendships and playing in the garden and stuff? Gotta be real smart to make friendships. Well, you don't make friendships in nine months. He speaks good English in nine months. Well, legend has it Ben Henry made friendships in six months. Damn, Ben Henry's a legend. Here, but here we go.

So we decided that Caillou would never have any hair, and he went on to become popular as a little boy who was bald. Caillou's baldness may make him different, but we hope it helps children understand that different isn't just okay, it's normal. Yeah, okay. But he's a fucking freak. Yeah. Exactly. Like the Caillou publishers are like, it's because, you know, it's like, different and we want we want people to embrace different when i look at this big round melon head little fuck i don't think like i'm not like you know

he's different but that's okay it's like no he just looks like a freak who drew him like this like you know what like if kaiyu is a cancer patient all respect to him but if he's just a bald little freak and then the the narrator i'm pretty sure for Caillou is Miss Puff. Really? I think it's the same woman. Does it sound like Miss Puff? It sounds just like Miss Puff. That sounded just like Miss Puff. If she dies, you should replace Miss Puff on SpongeBob. And you know what bothers me about...

I think I was talking about this with Ding Dong. What bothers me about Caillou is like the edges of the scene are never finished. So it looks like it's in some weird unfinished void. Because he's dead. Yeah, he's in purgatory. If I died in purgatory with Caillou, that would be awful.

I'd rather go straight to hell. Yeah. What's the worst thing imaginable? When you were little, when you pictured hell, what were the punishments when you were little that you thought? I always pick happen. I always pictured this big like When I pictured hell I pictured a big red cavern Yeah, like very dark, and there's like lava and fire And it's really hot and there's big scary demons, and I remember they were like like with horns and tails yeah Yeah, and they were like 10 foot tall cockroaches

And they were like huge centipedes and tails and shit. Yeah, yeah, and they were like ten foot tall cockroaches, uh, and there were like huge centipedes and spiders and shit. That's what I pictured hell to be. And, uh, still to this day when I think of hell, I still think of that same scene. Even though if hell is real, I guarantee it's not like that. I feel like if hell's real, it's probably just a black void that's really empty and, like, just terrifying.

When I was a kid, I thought hell was a place you'd go, and, like, there was fire and stuff Of course and you just like You'd appear in hell when you die And then a bunch of people would just beat you up And you wouldn't be able to die or anything They'd just beat you up for all eternity

I always thought like just for all eternity You'd just be being hit I mean that sounds like hell That would suck Okay if hell is real Ryan What do you honestly like let's say hell does exist. Okay. What would you think it actually would be?

Like, I don't think it would be fire and shit. I think it would just be, like, a terrifying void where you're just, like, alone and empty and, like, you're aware of that. Like, you wouldn't think it would be kind of like, you know, in the video game Dante's Inferno? It wouldn't be, like, crazy, like, fucking, like, fucking, like Satan's stroking his goatee with a fish fork. Yeah. What would hell be like? I always pictured hell would just kind of be, I'm trying to create it now. Watching some Jacksepticeye videos, you know what I'm saying?

Sorry about that, Jack. What would hell be, Ryan? You know what I'm saying? Sorry about that, Jack. What would hell be, Ryan? Hell would be... me... being dead...

and then... for an eternity... my mom is controlling all my social media. God, my- my laugh was uncontrollable right there. That hurt. Your hair looks fucking rad right now, dude. Yeah. Let me take a picture of this, holy shit.

What's up dude? How's it going? Damn. Let me see, what does it fucking look like? Look at your hair right now! Holy shit! What's up with it? How's it doing that? I don't know. I have no-

Look at your face! I have no fucking clue. That looks badass. That's on screen right now. Look at the screen guys, that's on screen. I don't know what to do with my hair. I've never taken care of it when it got long. Why don't you just start doing it like that? That looks awesome. That's so stylized and cool. I'll just go around and wear it like this.

Get some like, get some like pomade stuff and just like put it up like that. Just go up and make it like mini Super Saiyan. It looks badass! It really does! Guys, tell Ryan in the comments how cool that hairstyle looks and how he should definitely do his hair like that. Come on, dude. I was thinking of just parting it straight through the middle and brushing it all down to be the same length. You should do like the Dumb and Dumber haircut. Yeah, exactly.

That would look really good on you. There was a point, one time when I was younger I got a haircut and I ended up looking like Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber. It looked really bad. You're so mean to yourself. Self-love, Matt. Self-love. I got plenty of self-love. Prove it. What do you love about yourself?

I'm tall. Narcissist. Wait, Ryan, you set me up for that. Gotcha. Damn it. Damn it. I'm like Chris... What's his name? Hanson. Yes!

Christopher Hanson, my man! Yeah, dude. Woo! Cheating on his wife! Ow! It's ironic. He got caught in a sting cheating on his wife. Get that Ashley Madison up in here. Did Chris Hanson have an Ashley Madison account? No, I don't think so. He probably did,

dude. Chris Hanson... What do you think Chris Hansen jerks off to? His show? Like the footage of himself busting pedophiles? Yeah. He busts them, and then he busts to that. There we go. Boom, bada bing. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, dude. Those sayings used to be really cool and small. Bada boom, bada bing. Yeah. And then you just take them down to the river and bada boom. Bada boom, bada bing. Yeah. And then you just take them down to the river and bada boom. Bada boom, bada bing. And now it's just, hey, bada boom, bada bing, boom, boom. Just onomatopoeia noises.

Just fucking weird sounds. Your smack? It's like if I pulled an arcade lever. That's what I'd hear. Christian, when you come out to L.A., we'll have you come on the podcast, and you can right all the wrongs, and you can tell your side of the story of everything that's ever happened. There we go.

Yeah. It's the ball's in your court. That's what it is. The ball is in Christian's court. Christian, you're going to come, and you're going to play some ball. Yep. Just dribble it around. Dribble.

Is that what it's called? Yeah, dribbling. Come on, dribble that ball. That just sounds like— Dribble, dribble, around. Dribble. Is that what it's called? Yeah, dribbling. Come on, dribble that ball. That just sounds like... Dribble, dribble, dribble! Come on! I haven't heard that word in a while. When I hear the word dribble, I think of like... God damn it! Johnson wasn't dribbling hard enough.

Dribble it, Johnson! Dribble the fucking ball! God damn it! Dribble that fucker! Fucker! I was drinking, dude. I'm imagining a drill sergeant on a basketball court. God damn it, private!

Dribble that shit! He just goes home to his wife. What's wrong? The men, they're just not... They're not dribbling. They need to learn how to fucking dribble. He's like laying awake in bed. You hear like his dreams like echoing.

He's like, dribble, dribble that ball. Come on. Stop that dribble. God damn it. Private. Dribble that goddamn ball. Dribble, dribble. His name's Dribble.

Sergeant Dribble. Sergeant Dribble. Reminds me of Lieutenant Dangle. damn ball dribble dribble his name's dribble sergeant dribble reminds me of lieutenant dangle whatever his name is from reno 9-1-1 such a good show oh man i need to go and re-watch that it's jinx you owe me a soda yeah do you remember cherry coke's old logo speaking of owing you a soda, remember Cherry Coke's old logo? To just a pair of balls? Imagine if Cherry Coke's old logo was just a pair of balls. It's the stupidest shit I've heard all day. Why am I laughing so hard at that? Because it's stupid.

God. Why did Brent just email me? Brent just emailed me in a group email, watch Fidget Spinner's song for kids. What? What the fuck, dude? What? I'm not in that email chain. Yes, to you, me, and Aaron.

Wait, really? You are in that email chain. I don to you, me, and Aaron. Wait, really? You are in that email chain. I don't... Well, hold on. Does Britt have the wrong... Let me see. No, I got it. Watch fidget spinner song for kids.

This kid's onto something every day. I love how Gmail has started giving you, like... It gives you suggested responses you can send right away. It said, these are the three suggested responses Gmail wants me to send back. Love it. I love this song, or good one. I'll send good one. There you go. I just sent good one.

Back to the group. There we go. I hope Aaron doesn't fire me. He's gonna think I'm being passive-aggressive. What if Brent gets mad? Thinks I'm just being an asshole. He's gonna cry. He's gonna burst in during this podcast. Now boys! Boys! Why didn't you like the fidget spinner song for kids? What the fuck was that about? I feel

like y'all are just ganging up on me. When Obama walks in. Boys, you gotta respect your boss. Fuck you. Brent, you gotta be... Dale? That was Dale Dribble? Dale Gribble. Gribble? Dale Gribble. Imagine a scene with Dale Gribble, Brent,

I'm just picturing if your dad sounded like that. Like Dale? How do you do Dale's voice? Hank, the government's on to me. Come on, Hank, the government's on to us. Yeah, that's good. That's good. That's such a clever show, like how he thinks that Joseph is his son.

Yeah. Native America gets his son. He doesn't catch the John Redcorn. Judge. I mean, isn't he working on a... That's Silicon Valley! ...live action show, yeah? I haven't seen that, I wonder if it's- I dunno. I heard it's very good.

Okay, I'm gonna have to watch it. I mean, it's Mike Judge. Fuckin', uh, you know, Thomas Middleditch and, uh, Kumail. Uh, they were in The Office. They're- they're on that show. Thomas Middleditch is funny, I like him. He's very funny, he's in a- a lot of stuff. So is Kumail, though. He's a good improvisational comedian. They're very funny men. Very funny, funny boys. They're very funny men. Very funny

funny boys. They're the funny boys. Off topic, did you have anyone in your family that was in the Confederate Army, Ryan? No. Being from the South? Well, I was born in the South. My mom's from fucking Africa. Oh yeah, dude. Did she have anyone in her family that was in the Confederate Army? Yeah, yeah.

Of course. My family was the opposite. I think actually my family was the... You know, well, I'm related to related to ulysses s grant and he was like the head of the union people are you yeah good for you i am believe it or not ulysses s grant is my uh relative not like direct i'm i think i'm related to his wife and then because they had kids and stuff so i have somehow related to him i don don't know what direct relation it is. My mom told me this ages ago. He'd be proud of you today. He'd be so proud.

He'd say, you know, I'm president of the United States during the Civil War. And one day someone related to me. He does that thing where he points his thumb at himself. Just, I'm the president of the United States. And one day I'm going to have an ancestor or a future relative who's going to be a Let's Player. Yes. Y'all don't know what that is, but let me tell you. Woo!

Real funny stuff. Coming at you live. When I watch it, I got to take my shirt off because it's so funny. I burst into sweat. Here I am. I'm taking my shirt off right now for you. Just got to say everything I'm doing so you guys know exactly what I'm doing because I'm taking my shirt off because it's so funny. I burst into sweat. Here I am. I'm taking my shirt off right now for you. Just got to say everything I'm doing so you guys know exactly what I'm doing because I'm saying it. Because this is what the Let's Players do.

You know? You'll see. You'll see. And then he takes off his shirt and his little webcam in the corner. His GoPro nipples. GoPro nipples? Does he have GoPros for nipples? He stapled them on.

That was his claim to fame before he was president was he had GoPro nipples. That's have GoPros for nipples? He stapled them on. That was his claim to fame before he was president, was he had GoPro nipples. That's actually what got him elected. He had to get that first person. Wait, were the GoPro important questions? Then banging Little Grant. Oh my god, man. Miss Grant. Why'd you say Little Grant? What kind of Freudian slip was that?

I was gonna say like little miss, but I just cut out the miss. But he was fucking little Grant. Like a small version of himself? Like a little version of Ulysses S. Grant? Does he have small GoPro nipples because he's a tiny version? The mini? Do they- GoPro's already mini. Why would they even make a smaller version? You'd lose it. Fall between the couch cushions. You'd never see it again.

Micro GoPro. It's like the size of a soybean. Like, you'd be filming in the shower with it, and you'd drop it and go down the drain. Oh, well. Why would you be filming in the shower? Why would you be using GoPro in the shower? Never mind. Actually...

Easter Vine in the shower. When I was in Japan, Chris and I went to the beach, and he's like, dude, my phone's waterproof. Let's go film in the ocean. So he took his phone out in the ocean. This is like, this would only happen to Christian. It's such a Christian thing that he runs out in the ocean with his phone, and I'm behind him. And he's like, ah. And I can tell he's trying to get a cool shot, and he's holding his phone, and he dives in.

And he dives into a wave, and it's like trying to get a cool shot. He's holding his phone and he dives in and he dives into a wave. And it's like five, probably five feet deep. And he comes up and he's like, fucking hell, I dropped it. And he's like freaking out. And I'm trying not to laugh because I'm like, oh, God, Christian. And he's like, I dropped it. Help me find it. So we have to start like diving to the bottom of the ocean floor, like trying to find his cell phone.

Because that's his only like, that's his life out there. That's how he's connected to the world he can't get a new phone in japan so he's like diving around it took us about three minutes but finally we found it terrified like we're swimming to the bottom he's the one to find it he did he found he felt it with his foot but that was like such a panicked moment but he filmed the whole thing and he's gonna put it in uh one of his future uh videos so and you can hear us, like, under, like... That would be awesome if his phone was filming the whole time. It was. Wait, really?

Yeah. So, like, when he found... Oh, I thought you meant, like, he, like, made you film. No, no, no. It was filming on the ocean floor. And you can, like, see our shadows moving around above. And you can hear us, like, muffled, like, Christian freaking out and stuff. Really?

Yeah. How does the mic work that well? That's awesome. I don't know, it's like five feet underwater. It's the Galaxy. It's waterproof and everything, so good job. There you go. Samsung. Well, not good job with the other Samsung phone that is banned from all airplanes because it explodes, but...

Whoa, dude. Fake. It's not fake. Yeah, it's real. The batteries would explode or something. Were they lithium or some shit? It was cheap Chinese garbage. I don't know. I'm not calling the Chinese garbage. I'm saying the batteries were cheap Chinese lithium garbage shit. Gross. Yeah, dude. They stunk.

Ew. Get them out of here. Hey, go! Get it out! Deport those things. Those batteries. Send them back to China. Throw them in some soup. Let's build a wall around China to keep- There already is one.

I didn't even think about that. What, what, the Great Wall? The Great Wall of China. There it is. Is that around- No, it? The Great Wall of China. There it is. It's not around all of China, it's just to keep the Mongols out, right? Who's the leader? Of the Mongols. Uhhh...

Kazakhstan? No, what's his name? Fucking... Jesus Khan. Genghis Khan? The Pokemon? He killed people that were taller than him. Is that real or is that a myth? I don't know. Let's call the Mythbusters in.

Jamie Adam, get in here! I'm an atheist. Thanks, guys. Consider that one busted. Consider that myth busted, baby. Busted right open. We're always happy to have Jamie and Adam in here. He's such a fucking douche

With his little beret and his gay ass goatee Why do you hate the guy? He's a dick dude There's a whole montage of him being an asshole To Jamie? No just in general He just looks like an asshole He just wants to be left alone

Dude come on look at him You know he's a dick He's the type of guy where if you get his order wrong, he's not gonna let- If he hears this, this is gonna be the last straw for him. And he's gonna, like, go and kill a bunch of people. Yeah, he's gonna go postal. He's gonna wear a shirt that says, He's gonna go mitstal.

Aha! Haha! Gotti. I said it. Fuck you. Stop saying that, Ryan. No. It's time to let it die. No!

It's time to let- I've been saying it since, like, 2014! Or 2015. You know, you've been saying D's nuts before I even die. No! I've been saying it since like 2014 or 2015. You know, you've been saying Deez Nuts before I even met you and we're still saying it. I busted one yesterday. Did you really? I didn't bust a nut. I busted a Deez Nuts joke yesterday. And I'm still saying Damn Daniel on the daily

basis. On the reg. Yeah, you troll some onliners with that one. Yeah, I do. Damn Daniel. Damn Daniel. I love these Damn, Daniel. Damn, Daniel. I love these Damn Daniel videos. Michelle, put it on loop. I'm going to ask Matt for advice, and I'm going to tell you afterwards

if it helped me at all. Are we cutting this part out? Yes. Okay. It was kind of helpful. Okay, yeah. No one knows what we were talking about. Nope.

What's going to be in that? Yeah, guess, guys. Guess in the comments what advice Ryan was asking for. Oh, look at all were talking about. Nope. What's gonna be in that? Yeah, guess, guys. Guess in the comments what advice Ryan was asking for. Oh, look at all those funny comments. Those... Was he asking how to have sex? Good one, guys.

Thumb that one up, guys. If you see that one, thumb that up. Guys, you know, we're gonna pin that comment to the top. It's gonna be funny. If I see that as the top comment, I'm deleting it immediately. So, uh, be on the lookout for me deleting a comment. Now everyone's going to comment it just so it'll get deleted. Delete what I just said. No.

Okay, fine. Keep it in. I'm not going to read the comments on that video then. Fine. I'll read them and I'll relay the info. Say, hey Ryan, all the comments were funny jokes about you not knowing how to have sex and asking me for advice. Like I would know. Hold on, I got to bring up Dan Schneider.

There was a post on reddit today where it was like dan schneider was a genius and it's like a funny screenshot from drake and josh just being like man it was it was no it was dan schneider made the best shows it was a funny screenshot from drake and josh and i'm like oh let me go read the comments every fucking comment was like dan hold her tighter she's a fighter schneider oh my god dan the man with the van schneider and like every comment was dictated and then like one of the comments deeper down was like guys like there's an absolutely zero proof of this there is there's no proof they were like guys there's zero proof of this this is i'm sure that

this is affecting his personal and business life it's not right to be doing this but and when they like threw their own it was like dan the hymen collider like they just threw that at the end it's so funny you know he sees that shit too of course that's his legacy that's his legacy and you know what if he's not a okay i don't know if he's a pedophile or not like i don't have proof of that there's creepy pictures and i know that he's got a big foot fetish he does what tarantantino does. Like, you know, okay, you know that show Salmon Cat? Did you ever see that tweet they tweeted out? I actually took a screenshot of it. Hold on,

let me pull it up. Where they were like, send us your feed. Yeah, here it is. Salmon Cat tomorrow, right on the bottom of your foot. Take a pic and use hashtag Salmon Cat Saturday. We'll retweet and follow until our fingers get sore. And I read through the responses. Until the wrist gets sore. Yeah, Dan's like, I'll read through these until my wrist gets sore let's not I don't want to do

that he's gonna sue us like I read through the responses and a bunch of kids feels creepy I know it's just like Dan that's not helping you out dude I know it's probably just some some girl like intern PR and she tweeted out and Dan's like, no, no. Dan's like, fuck. I mean, yes, but no. Schneider, look how many feet. No. Just forward them to me.

God damn it. This is going to be a PR nightmare. Was it Jerry Springer? Springer. Jerry Springfield. Seinfeld. Jerry Springfield. Jerry Seinfeld

I don't know what I'm saying Jerry San Fernando Jerry Sanders Bernie Sanders and Jerry Seinfeld like a movie where they like to fly but they go into a machine and get turned into one man and it's like Jerry Seinfeld he's fighting for democratic socialism

that would just be the most average boring looking human that'd just be like a regular New Yorker I know. Your hair looks fucking rad, dude. You look like Johnny Test. All grown up and a drug addict. Good. Happy birthday, Ryan.

Happy birthday. Oh, before we end the podcast, we are about to jump into that Twitch game, baby. We're finally getting everything set up for it. We're back in town so we can finally start streaming. So we're going to start within the next few weeks. That is a promise. If you want to go preemptively follow us.

Go ahead and follow our Twitches. Ryan, what's yours? Mine is twitch.tv slash Eli Ryan McGee. It's the same as all my handles. Just look it up. Mine is actually slightly different from all my handles. Mine is just M.H. Watson instead of matt h watson because it's

simpler and I like it so it's mhwatson so go you know I'll put the links down in the description so if you want to go ahead and subscribe and turn on notifications so you know when we stream for the first time feel free to do that you don't have to but we appreciate it Matt will probably be streaming

the first out of the both of us because I'm still waiting for a computer to arrive. But you'll probably be streaming within a couple weeks. I'll probably be streaming within the next month. Yeah, this bad boy got a computer. Yeah, it's going to feel nice to have a computer in my room. Yeah. Other than that goddarn Mac.

Dude, you can watch porn in your room now. Sounds good to me. Cool, dude. What type of porn do you like? Phone porn. Phone porn? It's porn that people record with their phones. Dude, me too. That amateur, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. High five.

Gotta go for amateur POV. Anyway, guys, thank you so much for listening to this podcast episode. We're gonna be back next week with episode 48 and then, wow, we're gonna be at 50. We gotta do some big celebration for episode 50 because I feel like 50 episodes of a podcast is a big milestone.

So we're going to have some fun in episode 50. So just keep tuning in. Podcast is on iTunes the following Saturday or something. Connor uploads it. Thanks, Connor. You're a sweetheart. He handles all our tech stuff. So go follow him on Twitter if you want.

Do your homework. Don't run away from home. Have fun. Bye.