supermegashow - EP 61 - Baby Boys (w/ Egoraptor)

Episode Date: October 6, 2017

Our friend Arin joins us to talk about Seinfeld, dropping food on the ground, and Las Vegas. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, things might be looking a bit different. Looking a little different on screen. Well, this is episode 61 of our world-renowned podcast. It is world-renowned. We went to go see It again, actually. We saw the movie It. With a group. Twice. This time. We went with all your favorite Martians.

We got Ray William Johnson. Yeah. I don't know. I just kind of went right into It just because that's the first thing I had in mind. I don't know if you had anything else to talk about. I had two podcasts starting with It. Was it any different the second time for you? No, I noticed a few things, but I still enjoyed it. This is my third time seeing the for you? Uh, no, I noticed a few things, but I still enjoyed

it. This is my third time seeing the movie. My second review in two podcasts in a row. It's still a good movie. My third time seeing it. It's a funny clown movie. Very good. Funny clown movie. I'm Aaron. Hey, Aaron. Welcome to the podcast. What are you doing here, Aaron? Yo, can I sit with you guys? Yeah.

Come on in, dude. You want a mic? Do we need to turn on a mic? I can just turn on a mic. Dude, you want to be on this podcast? Probably scoot on over. Guys, we got special guest Aaron Hansen. You guys didn't expect it. Totally prompted.

We didn't expect it. Just walked in and said, can I join the podcast? So why not? Yeah, man. What are you guys up to? We just got done talking about it, but maybe you have an opinion on it? No, I don't give a shit. Cool, man. I don't give a shit. It. Dude!

Is that what they're gonna call the sequel? Like, It's gonna appear on screen, and all of a sudden the S and the H are gonna come, like, fading in. Chapter 2. Shit. Oh, you know what they could do? They could do a poster where it's his face, and it says It Happens. Dude. But it's like, it says Shit Happens, but his head is covering up the essay.

Like one of those dad golfing shirts. My dad wears those. No, that's like life is crap. Yeah, my dad wears life is crap. Have either of you seen or read the book? No, I have not read the book. Well, I mean, I haven't read the book, but I've had it explained to me because my cousin read it. And I've always, like, whenever he read something scary, I'd be like, what's the scariest part of the book?

What happened in that scene? Does this happen? I heard this happen. It had the wolf mans in it and shit. Yeah, because I believe Stephen King wanted a lot of his childhood monster movie kind of things in there, and that was a way to kind of get them all in, which is cool.

I don't know if this is true or if this was a bit, because I had never heard anything about the book before, but, um, I was watching red letter media. Yeah. They were doing a review of it and they were talking about the book and I guess there's an underage gang bang in it.

There is, there is. Yeah. There's a, because, uh, well in the book, um,

like to, I guess get, cause it's all about kind of coming of age, you know, the transition from childhood to adulthood and to make that transition in the book to all about kind of coming of age, you know, the transition from childhood to adulthood, and to make that transition in the book to kind of be like, oh, let's do this together. We're all going to get out of

this alive and we're all going to do okay. They all have sex with Bev. What? Yeah. Why didn't they do that in the movie? Woo! Do you think that was just a deleted scene? Where the director's like, I wonder what kind of Do you think that was just a deleted scene?

You get the Blu-ray and you get to watch. I wonder what kind of deleted scenes there are. I'm just like, oh. God. They do have a gangbang. That's a very infamous part of the book. That wasn't a bit they were doing. No, that's an infamous part of the book. What's up with Stephen King?

Why is he writing that? Stephen King... Wait. Wait. Are you really confused about that? Stephen King's known for all this weird sexual shit. He's a pervert. I've never read a Stephen King novel.

I didn't know that. I mean, I've read Carrie. He's a very big pervert, especially apparently back then. Because I don't know if this was like... Apparently he did a bunch of coke. Stephen King? Yeah. That doesn't...

Wow, no way! I don't know that much about Stephen King yeah that doesn't wow no way I didn't like I don't know that much about Stephen King all I know is that he's a pervert and did coke and writes a bunch of well now I don't feel so bad that I think he looks like a ventriloquist dummy he's got like the lines that go down like Jeff Dunham could I have his hand up his ass what do you think Jeff Dunham's jokes would be with the Stephen King puppet? I don't even know, man. You ever seen an underage gangbang?

I think of it all the time. He's the audience is silent. What's Jeff Dunham up to these days, man? Is he still doing his puppet stuff? I think he has a Vegas show. That would make sense. Like a Vegas residency. Now, I don't want to shit on anybody, because people still, still of course make a lot of money doing shows in Vegas but when you see comedians or something

like start having Vegas shows is that like they're fading out they're like fading out of the limelight no not exactly it used to be a big thing to be in Vegas like think of a at least for me it was a mind freak with Chris Angel like but now when I think of Vegas

I guess maybe it's just because I've grown older and when I think of Vegas, it's not as bright and colorful. It's just a dry, despicable place in the daytime. That's how it's always been. Yeah, but when I was a kid, I just, oh, bright lights, a pyramid. Oh, whoa.

And now as an adult, I'm like, this place is dirty, gross. I just like to imagine the juxtaposition of you like wow look at this place and then like smash cut into the pyramid and there's just some dude banging like three hookers cause that was happening when I was like when I was while I was having that thought

cause I went to Vegas I think when I was like 14 when I was when I was under 18 my parents like went to Vegas and they took me and I went to go see Penn and Teller and shit and I just remember it was weird because around all on the ground

were those cards those like hooker cards oh I got a ton of them and you called one of them one time on the Sindago podcast or the Sindago podcast we called the podcast for a while just to mess with people and so we put an accent over it and the beginning had like a Mexican theme like Sindago podcast. Sindago? That's what we called the podcast for a while. That's what the podcast was called, just to mess with people.

Yeah. And so we put an accent over it in the beginning, had like a Mexican theme, like dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun. Everyone was like, wait. Sindago! I've been saying Sindago this whole time. Is it Sindago? Yeah. Because people didn't know how to pronounce it, so we just made two things to confuse people. And then there were these trucks that went by, and they had the billboards of the women on it with the number to call.

And in my head when I was young, I always thought that they just kept the women inside those vehicles. They would drop them off at hotels and stuff, just pack a bunch of women into those billboard trucks. Here's Cindy. Sign here. They open the back and she comes out. They have them lined up like ones like this,

and other ones upside down. They're all hanging by their feet. Then, like, the rack comes out. You press a certain button, it's like those vending machines where the claw goes to a certain rack and picks them out. Man, in, like, 20 years in Vegas, they're gonna have, like, claw machines where you can just pick hookers out.

Like, I want that one! I want that one! Daddy! Which is odd because I don't understand why Vegas has gotten the stigma of like prostitution is legal. Because it's not. It is outside of Vegas. Yeah, like probably 30 minutes in some county

or something. Outside of Vegas. But in Vegas... There's like a legit old school brothel you can go to and just like bang some girl. I mean, company trip. Or dude. But to answer your previous question, a Vegas residency doesn't mean anything. It just means a steady paycheck.

Yeah. So for somebody who's like a little bit older or just tired of the touring lifestyle, because touring is stressful. Like you get to travel. It's exciting, but when you get older and you have a family and stuff, you don't want to travel that much. Getting a Vegas residency is perfect. You get to get a house and you get to stay there

and you fucking play sold-out shows every week. And you're playing a show at night. That's unsustainable on the road. But in Vegas, people are there to be entertained. Or it means that the United Forces of the World to contain Jeff Dunham to one shitty city has worked. I'm sorry, Jeff. Jeff, if you're listening, which I 99.9% sure you're not.

Matt, odds are just by yourself, you have to buy a ticket to a Jeff Dunham show. Go travel to Vegas and see it. All the way to Vegas by myself. Yeah. You can't spend the night. After the show, you have to drive back. Ten. Ten? Ten see it. All the way to Vegas by myself? Yeah. You can't spend the night after the show. You have to drive back. Ten. Ten? Ten. One, two, three, six. Four. I almost said six.

Alright, Ryan, what are the odds you have to go see Jeff? You have to go see two Jeff Dunham shows in a row. 100. Alright. I don't want to do it. Three, two, one. 64. Jesus Christ. I have to cover my eyes because I'm afraid

I'll start reading his lips and say the number he's about to say and shit. So I have to cover my eyes while saying the number. I've seen a fucking Jeff Dunham show twice. Have you ever been to Burbank Airport? Bob Hope? I've been around there. I haven't actually been.

It's like this old weird airport that they don't update ever. And like the planes like come up to the fucking. There's like a bunch of fetish planes and stuff too. And then you just like get up on a ladder and shit. Anyway, they have all these ads up that are like really old. And there's one for Jeff Dunham that they've never taken down. Does it have peanut in it? Yeah.

It's got all of his like famous bits. And it's like it it? Yeah, it's got all of his famous bits. And it's either for a DVD or the Vegas show or something, but it's always there every time I see it for the past four years. I'll still always remember his part in Delta Farce. He had a part in Delta Farce? Yeah, he was this scared white American that was being bullied by the mean Mexicans. Did he pull out his little jalapeno?

Yeah, he was using jalapeno on a stick. He really had them. I was fucking joking. I think it's kind of referencing that he's kind of beat up. For me, if I can remember correctly, it just seems like the Mexican cartel stole Jeff Dunham so he could do a stand-up bit in their shitty bar. Keep him.

That's what happens to Jeff Dunham so he could do a stand-up bit in their shitty bar. Keep him. That's what happens to Jeff Dunham in the movie. If Jeff Dunham legitimately got kidnapped by the cartel, you know that there'd be some DEA FBI operation to try to get him back because that's just... He's an American sweetheart, so if they stole him, there would have to be a legitimate FBI investigation to get Jeff Dunham back. There's a fucking

video, a ransom video, but he's using peanut to speak in it or using his character to speak. There's, like, the guys behind him with, like, loaded guns and shit. That's some pre-Twitter shit, man. Like, whenever some celebrity, like, caught fire or whatever, they had to, like, go do a movie where they, like, made fun of it or, like, made some sarcastic, like, whatever, man. It's just, oh, yeah. They had sarcastic like, whatever, man, it's just how I am. They had to face the problem and be like, that's just me.

It's just how I, this is who I, what the jokes I do. If you get offended, fuck you, man. Oops. You guys caught up on Ted Cruz's Twitter? Yeah. Twitter drama? Yeah. Twitter drama?

I like to think it's like a Twitter extravaganza. He was like masturbating in that moment. Yeah. Like what I'm imagining is happening is, you know, it's late at night where he is on the East coast. He gets up. He's like,

Oh, I gotta go. I gotta go talk myself off. And he goes in the bathroom and he's, you know, he's watching his stuff and he actually likes it. And that's what happens. Do you think he touched his wiener to it?

Yeah, definitely. Like he was trying to touch like the girl's face in the video. And he was like, yeah, yeah. Slapping it against the phone. My giant penis looks awesome next to this tiny woman.

He's trying to figure out how this masturbation thing works. How does this work? He's like slapping it against his hand. You just hear, it's not working. Doodly one like. Doodly two likes. His wife is scratching her head trying to figure it out with him. It's like, I don't know.

How do you do it? We made kids. She spits on it. Spits on the screen. I don't know. How do you do it? We made kids. She spits on it. Spits on the screen. I don't get it. I just don't get it. She starts sandwiching her phone in between his phone. I'm liking it on her account, too. Yeah, makes a phone penis burger.

Ted Cruz has found himself in one sticky situation. I like to imagine the press conference the next day would just be him explaining the whole thing. No, no, you don't understand. I was trying to figure out how it worked and I slapped my penis several times on the screen.

My wife, you should have seen her. She was scratching her head. Poor thing. She took her phone and actually squished my penis in between my phone and her phone. Still didn't work. We tried a different porn on her phone than my phone. I just don't get it. I just don't get it. Don't understand it.

The funniest part is I was reading shit on Reddit about it, but people were saying that that porn star you liked is famous for mother-son stuff. Oh, God. Was that one like a mother-son porn? Let's not draw any conclusions from that. But that's what she's famous for, is mother-son stuff.

I'm just saying. Whatever. So what? Some people are into weird shit. Just don't tag my history. Yeah, just don't. I've actually accidentally liked a, back probably a few years, like two years ago, I think I accidentally liked a pornographic Instagram photo.

And I was looking through like, and I didn't know there was a section where it's like, post you've liked. And I was looking through like and I didn't know there was a section where it's like posts you've liked and I was scrolling through just to look back memories there's this one like just two pictures straight of just the topless woman I was like whoops so I know like some of my followers got the update Ryan like this and it's like oh yeah cause you can just check what people

like on Instagram I'm sure some people saw that I know you can't even turn it off as far as I know fucking Twitter man cause I I like artists and pin-up girls, and a lot of the ones I like are like, they're like topless or whatever. That's going to show up on fucking Michael Ian Black's feed.

It'll randomly say, like, Egoraptor Jones liked, and it'll just show it. Like, on my timeline. I don't even have to go see what you liked. It'll just pop up and say what you liked. Like, I guess because it's suggesting that I like it too. Yeah. Someone called Mark Zuckerberg up. You found a solution, Aaron. It'll just pop up and say what you liked. I guess because it's suggesting that I like it too. Someone cool. Someone call Mark Zuckerberg up.

You found a solution, Aaron. You're starting using Hootsuite. Oh, yeah. Well, that doesn't change Twitter's... Well, I mean, you're looking at Twitter less. Oh, yeah. I don't browse Twitter anymore. Yeah.

Because I used to just lose hours of my day. That's what I do. I'll go home, lay on my bed, scroll through Twitter Scroll through YouTube Do other stuff And then I'll play a video game for five minutes Sniff panties? Maybe

You got me, yeah I did, in Japan I bought him one of those used panties from a vending machine Really? It has a picture of a topless girl that comes with it She signs the picture Those are mine It's like some dude named Carl machine. Really? It has a picture of a topless girl that comes with it. The girl that... She signed the picture? Yeah, she signs the picture and everything. Those are mine. It's like some dude named Carl. It's mine.

It's like they just rub it around on the ground. It looks a little dirty. Okay, there you go. Smells like ground dirt. That's hot, dude. It smells like fucking Worcestershire sauce? I can't say that word.

It is. I used to have a British friend, and his mom was like, oh, you can't say it. And I was like, how do you say it? And she was like, Worcestershire. Yeah. How do you say it? What did you do? Is it Worcestershire?

I don't know. Worcestershire? Worcestershire. It's not said how it's spelled. It's said like Worcestershire or something. It's weird. I don't know how to say it. Worcestershire It's not said how it's spelled It's said like Worcestershire Worcestershire or something Worcestershire It's weird I don't know how to say it

Worcestershire Give me the steak sauce That's not A1 Give me the W1 Give me A2 You mean Worcestershire? Yeah Worcestershire?

That's the one We used to use that a lot When we went on camping trips We used to like Just have Worcestershire sauce And ground beef And like That's what we'd make

For like dinner We'd make like a A turtle or whatever with it What? Which was like You make the ground beef and like that's what we'd make for like dinner we'd make like a turtle or whatever with it which is like you make the ground beef in the shape of a turtle oh I used to drink that stuff straight man you used to drink ground beef straight? no Worcestershire sauce

it's great like put it on your toothbrush instead of water brush your teeth with dude it's a non-Newtonian fluid what is a non-Newtonian fluid. What is a non-Newtonian fluid? It's a fluid that changes its viscosity based on the shear rate. What?

The shear rate? So based on like the velocity of the object that's being imposed upon it, it'll change its... The force being enacted. Oh! Physical shape. So something can sit on top of it, or if it's going fast enough, can go inside of it? It's the opposite.

So if the faster something hits it, the more solid it is. Oh, because it can... Okay, I understand. So if you just have like... Oblek is the famous non-Newtonian fluid. So if you hold it in your hand, it'll just goop out like liquid. But if you punch it, it'll be solid.

Whoa. I've never played with some of that stuff. I mean, there's real-life non-Newtonian fluids like toothpaste. That's why I mentioned it. Toothpaste is a non-Newtonian fluid. Really? Yeah. What?

It's different based on the shearing. You ever just played with toothpaste, like taken a tube and squeezed it all in your hand and just played with it? Nope. I guess that makes one of us. When I was younger, I had to be probably 13 or something. Tell me about your experiences so I could share mine. I just took a tube of toothpaste that I was just

filling my hand with and playing with it. Dude, that's awesome. Dude, same, bro. You pretty much explained it already for me, so I don't even have to jump in. That's what I was doing, too. Who didn't do that when they were a kid, right? Who didn't do that when they were 29 kid, right? Who didn't do that when they were 29? I hated toothpaste when I was younger. I thought it felt weird.

Like, the texture of toothpaste was odd. It was, like, chalky. It is. It's supposed to be. I know. It's like polishing your teeth. I hated that. Like, I hated going to the dentist and them brushing my teeth.

And then, like, they did the thing where it's like, you can't rinse your mouth out with water. You have to just spit. You know what I mean? Yeah't rinse it out with water to spit out after they're done cleaning your teeth you just have to dry spit and then you can't like I hate the fucking tube they put in your mouth it feels like it's sucking your soul out of your body

the last dentist I went I had a checkup probably like a few months ago and he went to town with that scraping tool like so much so where he's trying to get all this shit off your teeth but this is like the only time where like in my head like my eyes are like this something's up right now he's he's doing something a little different he's putting a little more uh elbow grease into it like he's just and right when like i thought he'd be done because it hurt like a motherfucker he's because he'd accidentally like

clip my gums and shit he just started all over again uh no that's why well there's my gums bleed easy yeah if you floss they'll bleed they bleed easy because you don't floss i know but like if i floss they bleed easy when I for like two days no I'm it's true every day little pics with the like like that flossers yeah yeah but like every time I do it like a mouthful of blood do it every day look I went to the dentist you know every by month-monthly, bi-yearly or whatever, bi-annually. I was about to say bi-monthly. And then they'd always go in and they'd be like, you need to floss

more. And I'm like, yeah. And I always never floss. And then one time they did it and they were like, you should floss more. And I was like, alright, fine, I will. And then I flossed every day. And then I went to the dentist next and they were like, you're great. And I was like, it's true what they say.

I'm going to try that now for my next dentist appointment. I'm going to floss a week beforehand and see if they notice. They're just like little plaque buildup, but it's great. You floss like, yeah, it shows. I'm so lucky with my teeth because I don't I'm not good with like dental hygiene in terms of like, like I'll brush like the typical two times a day, but I won't sit there for like two minutes, like straight brushing my teeth. Like I'll probably brush them for two times a day, but I won't sit there for like two minutes, like straight brushing my teeth. Like I'll probably brush them for like 30 seconds to a minute.

And then I'll use mouthwash. I'm like the mouthwash is taking care of the rest. And then, but like each time I go to the dentist, no cavities, nothing. Even though like I went through this whole period where like ate like shit. My dental hygiene was horrible. Still no cavities. So me, on the other hand, I brush morning and night almost every single day.

I don't miss it. I like, I, I, I take good care of my teeth. I go to the dentist like, Oh, you got eight cavities.

What? How? Apparently it's genetics. Like it's, it's part dental hygiene, but mainly it's just genetics because I had a friend and he drank like three Mountain Dews a day. And when they,

when I had all these cavities, it was cause I was working in a fast food place. I was drinking soda every day. And they're like, that's why you have cavities. And, um, my friend drank like twice as soda as me, barely brushed his teeth and like, Oh, no cavities. So I guarantee next time I go back to the dentist, I'm gonna have cavities. But, uh, I had a dentist that was like, it was kind of condescending to me.

I remember one time he was asking me if I floss. And I was like, he's like, you floss. I'm like, uh, rarely. I don't really floss really floss that much and he's like does mommy need to remind you does mommy put sunscreen on you too and i was like oh my god that's right this is mommy this was like two years ago you were you were i was you were a 19 year old man does mommy remind you to put sunblock on too my mom my mom was there too and i was like, does mommy remind you to put sunblock on too? My mom was there too. And I was like, no. Fucking asshole.

And after we got there, my mom was like, that was weird. It was a little condescending. He's like such a condescending dentist. I mean, he's a good dentist. Just very condescending. He's not a good dentist. Half of being a dentist is bedside manner. Fuck, that's true.

Every dentist does the same fucking shit. Every dentist that's good that doesn't, isn't condescending. I'm not saying anything about dentists. I'm just saying every dentist I've run into, their voice, it's like very calming. But it's like what I imagine a pedophile would sound like. It's like dentists and pedophiles have the same type of tone. I'm not saying all dentists are pedophiles. It's just like, have you taken care of your teeth?

Yeah. Man, those teeth look really good. It's probably because it's you taken care of your teeth? Yeah. Oh, man, those teeth look really good. It's probably because it's like a grown man up in your face, up close to you. That's probably why it feels like it's like a soft voice up close to you. I can feel them breathe on me sometimes. Even through their mask, you can feel like the warmness of their breath. And they're saying all that

dentist bullshit that's like labial, bipolar. Have you seen that? Have you seen Louis? Have you seen the show? Yes, I was thinking about that, yeah. Such a good show. I love that show so much. Go on.

So like in that scene, in that world, like the dentist did put his dick inside of Louis' mouth 100%. I love that. I love that the guy's like like Louis wakes up and the guy's just in a rush. Yeah, good. You're good.

Yeah, I don't know. That's great. Isn't it Seinfeld? Isn't there a moment in Seinfeld where the dentist like fucks on top of him? What? Yeah. Brian Krantz is the dentist and he fucks on top of Jerry

while he's unconscious of the dentist. I didn't make that up. I thought that was in something else. If that's in Seinfeld, that would be interesting. I swear that's in Seinfeld. Maybe it was in like Seinfuck, like the Seinfeld parody, porn parody. I'm glad that that would be the name, just Seinfuck.

Yeah, they just don't want to get creative with it. But then in parentheses it says a Seinfeld parody. Just in case you didn't know. These pretzels are making me thirsty. Better suck this dick. Squeeze the cum out of it. Those are some big breasts. I've never seen such big breasts.

Elaine, your breasts and nipples are very large. What's the deal with your nipples? You can tell they didn't cast me correctly because I'm circumcised. Hey, Jerry. So it's coming. Creamer. Creamer. Hey Jerry Kramer Kramer Kramer Kramer

Kramer George loses virginity in front of all of them This is every episode of Seinfeld This is every episode of Seinfeld I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld You've never seen Seinfeld? No Here's every episode of Seinfeld, right? I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld. You've never seen Seinfeld? No. All right, here's every episode of Seinfeld,

and you can quote me on this, and you can watch, and you'll be like, he was totally right. Here's every episode of Seinfeld, all right? Seinfeld's in his house or whatever, and then George comes in. He's like, Jerry, Jerry, he smig-mobbed me. He smig-mobbed me. And he's like, what, what, what did he smig-mob you?

He smig-mobbed, what did he smig-mob? He smig-mobbed me. I don't know, I don't know. What's a smig bobbed me. And he's like, what? What? What did he smig bob you? He smig bob. What did he smig bob? He smig bob me. I don't know. I don't know. What's a smig bob? And then Elaine comes in and she's like, hey, guys, what's it going? He's like, hey, smig bob me. He's like, oh, well, you can't get smig bobbed.

You don't want to get smig bobbed. But he smig bobbed her. And is Jerry like, what are you talking about? He did. He smig bobbed. That's a bad thing. You don't want to get smig bobbed. That's not a big deal to get smig bobbed.

It is a big deal to get smig bobbed. And not a big deal to get Smig Bob! And then Kramer comes in and he's like, hey, Jerry! And they're like, I got Smig Bob, Kramer! And he's like, oh, you don't want to get Smig Bob. And he's like, I told you you don't want to get Smig Bob! It's not a big deal! Look, I'll go out and get Smig Bob right now!

I'll go get Smig Bob! That's every episode of Seinfeld. I've never heard a more accurate representation of an episode of Seinfeld. Holy shit. Have you practiced that? That is to a T. That's Seinfeld. That is it.

That is every episode of Seinfeld. So go watch Seinfeld. And you'll be like, oh, that's fucking... All you need is like a Seinfeld picture. All I will picture is just you dubbing over everything that they're saying. Mix in some establishing shots of like a New York high rise with a bass line. Hey, smack bob me. Jerry.

Well, you don't want to get smack bobbed. I actually saw that Jerry Seinfeld is in talks to make a new show with NBC. What? A show about nothing, which is what Seinfeld was advertised as. Maybe they're bringing back Seinfeld for the new generation. Was it advertised as it? I feel like it was like many seasons in before they... It's like known as the show about nothing. Yeah.

Yeah, they probably pulled that one out later though. Can't wait till the fucking nerd writer thing about like... Seinfeld is a show about nothing. But is it really about nothing? See? Jerry lives in a house. That house,, Jerry lives in a house. That house, we all live in a house.

I use the bathroom two times a week. Seinfeld. Nerd writer. Good job, nerd writer. Family. Family really is the key integral point of Seinfeld. Sounds like Vsauce. Hey, Michael, Vsauce here.

Haven't we all been Schmidbob at some point? But truly what he is saying is that nothing is everything. Hey guys, thank you so much for watching my video. You can go check out Squarespace.

Check out Squarespace. My sponsor, yeah. Can't do the show without him. So doesn't Vsauce have his own Bill Nye-esque show or Mythbusters-esque show? On YouTube Red, yeah. He's got some science show. Who, Bill Nye? No, Vsauce.

Same thing. I like zoned out and just pieced together words like one of those fucking where you put the square in the circle you have to match the square with the square I just got a bunch of the shapes and I was like fuck where do they go Vsauce has his own show Vsauce is like the Bill Nye of this generation who's Vsauce?

oh he's the guy who shows up he just pops up in the frame he's the guy who sings my sex junk goes oh oh oh, oh. Is that true? No. Do you remember that? On Bill Nye's new show? The My Sex Junk song they did? Oh, Rachel Bloom, yeah. She did Princess Peach

in Luigi's Ballad and Starbomb. Did she? Really? That was her? No way. Was that really her? Yeah. She was rapping in that, but she can actually sing. That was funny. I did an event where we were going a Starbomb, and it was all like, oh, it's like, what an honor to do this event, a Starbomb, right?

And then in the email chain, he was like, hey, just checked out your music videos. Could you instead get Rachel Bloom? Could you get us in contact with Rachel Bloom? And I was like, man, I was so excited to do the Starbomb thing. It was fucking... Wait, who emailed you? The guy who was organizing the event.

Oh. To get, like, Starbomb on, and then he was more interested in Rachel Bloom. Wait a second, Aaron. Huh? Are you doing a live show today? Mm-hmm. Tonight? Yeah.

It's already passed, but I hope it went well, Aaron. I do, too. I am incredibly nervous about it. Why are you nervous specifically about this? Because usually when I talk to you about shows, you're kind of like, oh, you know, I've kind of jazz, man. Yeah. You're like jazz.

You're like, I've done this before. It's like, it's kind of easy for me now because I kind of like, you know, you've gotten used to not being nervous on stage. That's exactly why I haven't done this format. What's different about this format? We're changing it up. I don't like to give too much away, but it's a different show. It's a show that we...

I'm legitimately interested, so we could cut this part out and you could tell me right now. Oh, I'll tell you afterwards. Okay. But it's a show where, like, the current show that we do, it's a good show, but we can't go to the same city with it. Yeah. Yeah. Because once you see it, you sort of get it and then you get all the beats and then you're like, oh, OK. And it's still fun.

Like if you go a second time, there's there's like improv-y little bits and stuff. Yeah. But for the most part, it's the same format. But this new format is more of a format and less of a show. So we could theoretically like come up with new bits and stuff and plug it into this format and then tour it around. So I think it'll be much more efficient and it'll just be, it'll probably be easier in the long run to do and more interesting,

but we just haven't done it yet. And we haven't done a lot of like prep work. Uh, and I, that's sort of the point of these shows. There were small shows with a lot of people and, or not a lot of people. Um,

so we can just go up and basically like if we fucking completely fuck up, we're just like, ah, sorry guys. Yeah, exactly. They're like really cheap tickets. And yeah.

So, uh, I haven't gone on the soundboard that just goes boom bring out seinfeld jerry so how about those guys i love the game grumps i love him so much where's my cat where's my three billion get him on a guest grumps man dude i'll get jerry seinfeld on guest grumps, man. Dude, I want to get Jerry Seinfeld on Gas Grumps. He'd be like, what is this? I don't care.

He's like one of those that like, is he? No, Larry David's more cynical. Or does Seinfeld kind of have the same mindset as Larry David when it comes to like stuff? Like, I feel like he's like, so you watch people play video games? I remember when you were the ones doing the playing. What's going on? I don't know man i don't really know who jerry seinfeld is who is jerry seinfeld he sort of he sort of he sort of plugs into the persona even when he's doing you know like interviews and stuff yeah because i'm the

clean comic jerry seinfeld i'm clean he is the clean man that's what he's known as that's what they call him? the clean man? no I wish it's Mr. Clean Jerry Seinfeld and Mr. Clean are the same person is that like Larry the Cable Guy but for Seinfeld? yes

it's the clean man I actually like come see the clean man Larry the Cable Guy is so much nostalgia for me because like when I was younger I watched his stand up specials and were you like yeah and then he then he then he turned out to be a mater oh mater you got it right okay i always call him maynard uh says maynard like m-a-y-n-e-r-d like from tool yeah man but like i almost said oh mater I almost said Jerry the Cable Guy.

What's the deal with my underwear? It's got holes in it. The time you were in person with Larry the Cable Guy, you did it perfectly. You're like, I left a couple floaters in the toilet and my wife saw them. And she was like, why didn't you leave more for me? I have so much respect for him now, knowing that most of that was an act.

Oh, yeah. Did you see his first personality? Where he was like a New Yorker? Yeah. Because he loves doing voices. He's really good at voices and stuff. That was just one of his characters that really took off. So he just adopted it.

But I had something better in mind in my head. I was like, that would be so cool if he was this super intellectual that was making fun of redneck culture all along. But he's still kind of like a very rural type of guy. Isn't he from Wisconsin? Yeah. He's from Wisconsin, right?

From Wisconsin. He has a lot of friends that are like country, so he talks, so he likes making fun of them, and that's how he got the voice. You know, I like saying I'm from Wisconsin because, well, that's where all the cheese is made. And in my house, if you cut the cheese, you're the funny man. I don't care who you are. That's funny. I don't care where you are, that's funny. I don't care where you're from, that's funny.

I want to go to a label. There's little fat boys throwing their bras on stage. Just fucking scream like the woman in the background of Rollercoaster of Love. I want to fucking go to a Larry the Camel Guy show and just... Every time he tells a joke just bring like an open cup of something and then just fucking shake it around and it's like everyone

I got one a can of baked beans has a major prank ever been like done to a celebrity before like I mean like on a wide scale like picture like george lopez like filling an audience of people with just white men in business suits and george lopez comes out and just sees it and like everyone's just staring at him and not laughing the whole

like the whole bit for the so for an hour straight he's just telling like jokes like mexican jokes and stuff it's like it's just white men in business suits. I don't get it. Yeah, like the ones in the back just like, and? Yeah, good one. I'm white. Whenever he goes, so, you know, Mexicans are different than white people. I'm one of those. Yeah. How are they

different? Oh, that's gross. Enlighten me. I bet comedians like those guys, though, they're such pros and they've been doing it for so long. I bet they have bits that they... If that happened, he'd be like, Oh, okay, I gotta do my white bits now. I've heard of comedians having bits for hecklers,

but do you think they go a step further in their mind? Just in case, arbitrarily, the audience is filled with white men in business suits i have this specific joke to lay out for well i think they could probably i think really good comedians that can that can work on their feet i think they're off the cuff witty and stuff like that yeah yeah um because like i feel like you don't forget bits maybe some people do but like if you go out into an audience and like certain bits aren't hitting then you're like all right well we'll try these ones then you know um and then it's like oh they like the ones about growing up in america or some shit like i'll go with those that's why a lot of comedians that like have a set bit because sometimes get in trouble um

because like before like this is during the testing phase of their stuff i guess like they'll test a whole run of like an hour of like their bit oh yeah i'm dedicated to this joke but they're not going and i still have to go and i don't have any other jokes to kind of place like to put in place of the ones that aren't working right so i've seen a lot of comedians bomb like on youtube there used to be a subreddit i used to go on and i'd watch it and i'm like why am i watching this is making me so anxious yeah but then i'm like a part of me is like I'll look at like a famous comedian and they'll say something and I'll be like a large part of

this laugh is because that person's famous like sometimes like yeah like a lot of the famous comedians they are funny and that's how they got to where they are but like a part of me does feel like their fame plays a part in the laugh like if a guy at some like what is it comedy junk seller place whatever

it's called comedy junk yeah if like they did some of the same i'm gonna be doing some new material by duty in the toilet yes i just thought of the like a genius joke Okay go for it Genius? Self-proclaimed genius joke Okay let's listen to this I'm gonna do a stand-up run At like a Okay hear me out I'm gonna wait until there's like a weightlifting convention Is this the bit?

You just never get to the bit There's like a bodybuilding convention in Los Angeles I call up i'm like hey i'm a professional youtuber slash stand-up comedian can i maybe come do a thing and they're like yeah sure so i come to this uh bodybuilding convention is like the guest of honor and it's a room full of bodybuilders i think i know where this is going i walk on stage and i tell a joke that just doesn't land. And I go, tough crowd.

Because they're tough and big. Because they're all big and tough. And they give me a standing ovation and I walk off stage. That's cool. It's really funny. Aaron, what have you been up to lately, dude? No, but that was a good joke, man. Yeah, no. That's fine. I'll work on it. I was thinking you were like, alright, so i got a nice set for you tonight and then you just do like a set

of of push-ups dude yeah dude high five yeah man holy fucking shit that was pretty funny yes yeah see matt i mean matt i thought mine was a little if i mean like honest i think mine was a little bit better. Well, that's really. That's like subjective. Yeah, I mean, you can't really like way. Humor is subjective. No, it's humor.

Humor is objective. So I'm pretty sure what I said was original and it was funny. I don't think that's true. I think it's very subjective. God, that's one of my least favorite things in the world. When like people are like, but like they're legitimate about it. It's like the moment you hear that, you're like,

Oh, okay. I get it. I get it. I get it. And I know it's a meme, but like fucking whenever somebody is like, actually,

I've been trying to work that out of my vernacular. Just actually, it's just, it's just such a fucking, as a matter of fact, not, not even when you're saying it as like, when,

when somebody's like that was actually really good you're implying like i thought it was gonna be shit yeah oh my god i never thought of it i've been insulting people because unwittingly my whole life yeah right like one of the only times like i'll do is when i'm doing it sarcastically yeah like a bit because like he'll say something then like i'll just be, I don't know. It's such an obvious way of telling someone, you're already as fucking stupid. I think I went southern with the word ideas there. Ideas?

I said ideas. Ideas. I don't know why that comes out. I don't have a southern accent. A little bit. Do I have a little bit of a southern accent? A little bit, yeah. Where is it located? Is it just because I say y'all sometimes? Do you say y'all? It's like in your actual voice. You have a little bit of a Southern accent? A little bit, yeah. Like, where is it located? Is it just because I say y'all sometimes? Do you say y'all? It's in your actual voice.

You have a little bit of a twang. A little bit of a twang? Southern. Southern. Southern. Enough. It's not like a Southern accent. I'd say you've got like a 5% twang.

You should read that paragraph. There's like a dialect studies that some college is doing, and they have a website where they've recorded thousands of people across the world, and they read this paragraph, and the paragraph has almost, if not every way you can say things in the English language. It's just like some nonsense paragraph,

like, my mom went down and got some thick snow peas. But if you say that in an accent you can analyze the accent because it has everything you could possibly say in the english language um so you should do that you should read that paragraph and then like send it to a dialect specialist and be like oh yeah he's gonna steal the accent well that's a stupid accent you got there ryan i used to do that when I was really aggressive about making new voices and stuff. I used to go to people with interesting voices and be like, can you say this? And then I'll record it.

And they were like, cool. So people with accents that you'd want to get into. Did you do that for... Oh, what's the character's name? It's Cyanide and Happiness. Oh, Ted Bear? Ted Bear. No.

You just 100% just... I think that was all Ross. Like, just hanging around Ross. Yeah. Were you Ted Bear from, like, the very first? Yeah, which is awful. I mean, not the... The cartoon's funny, but my voice is awful in it.

And then Ted Bear 2 is, like, way better. I can't do Australian, but it's, like, one of the few accents that I just cannot do. Always, like, goes into a British accent always like if someone gives me a sentence with an Australian accent maybe I can repeat it but like off the top of my head

he's like Australian like I just can't do it Australian I mean I can't really either Australian and the thing is if it's like good I might yeah cause that's like

that's very like Steve Irwin like oh I will today we're gonna go and we're gonna we're gonna ride on this crook. It's going to be great. I love him. He's my favorite.

But real Australians are just, how you doing, mate? How you doing, mate? How you doing? How you going? They always go up at the end. How you going? That's a great big puppy. I actually read that.

Uh-oh. Actually, I read that Actually I read something I read that Babies Like newborn I read that I read it Babies have accents Like newborn babies Like German babies, their cries will end with a lower pitch

Like going down And then French babies will end with it going up Apparently babies can pick up like the tones of accents in the womb or something So then whoa that's what I read when a baby comes out. It could be like I cry We spank me that was a real slimy situation mate. You know you can you know you can Sound like like a wooden clog hitting the floor. If I had a diaper, I'd just be shit. That does smell odd.

That is an odd smell. Aaron, I'm sorry if it goes over to you. It's okay. I've done it to so many people in this office. Yeah, there it is. Describe it, Aaron. That was more of a diaper you smell it's like um it's like sausagey almost

I had a cause I had a um I had coffee and then I had a sausage egg and cheese biscuit this morning that's not regular like that one's not like what it normally smells like I imagine a cooked like a half cooked sausage that just got left in the pan so it's like sausage juice and half cooked sausage that

got cold and then like three hours later you walked into the kitchen and you smell it and you're like ah you're making sausages? you know you can make a baby you can make a perfect baby cry if you just do it through cotton yeah

try that Try that. You can already go so high-pitched. It's fucking weird. If I keep practicing that, I can get a perfect one. You can do it. Can you do it? Wait, can you do it again? Yeah.

Do the baby. I'll fucking cut that out now. Can't keep that in. You can't keep it in? What are you talking about? I'll keep it in then. I'll keep it in. That's what babies sound like.

Can the rest of the podcast just be baby- No, did you hear what he was doing? What? What were you doing? Oh, because he was going- That's why I said we can't keep it in. I didn't hear that part. And you're like, why can't you keep it in?

It's just a baby noise jeez I'll beep out what Ryan did so we can keep the rest of it oh Jesus I'm glad that you

didn't notice and I just ran with what's wrong with what happened it's natural it's beautiful it's what babies do god damn most of your patterns are set before you're one year old I'd prove it It's beautiful That's what babies do God damn

Most of your patterns are set before you're one year old I'd prove it That must be why I'm so damn funny Guys you wanna quickly jump on this here Segway I've turned on Yes Jump on it Whoa whoa dude

It's faster than I'm used to Stop That was a good segue. Yeah, man. That's how we segue things in this podcast. One of the best topics. One of the best I've ever. Where have we dropped off?

Where did the segue take us? Let's get back on the segue, ride a little longer, see if we can come to a good stop. No, I don't want to get back on the segue, Matt. Yeah, it's scary. It's got bad balance. Oh, jeez. Oh, now we're here. Okay, so where'd the segue...

Where are we now? Is the story of Jonah and the Whale of War? Yes. Isn't it? See, I don't get... Everything's a fetish if you fetishize it. So, like, it's just... Now that suddenly a bunch of people

agreed that this was... Now you can't do jokes, you can't do stories about Like, it's just... It's just a thing. Now that suddenly a bunch of people agreed that this was... Now it's... You can't do any... You can't do jokes. You can't do stories about some cartoon character eating another cartoon character, which has happened a million times. And it's probably why this fetish exists. It happens in Pinocchio.

Because people as kids saw it. It happens in Joan and the Whale. Yeah, it does. It's like... It happens in the Magic School Bus. Like, when they go inside of Arthur. That's like some microvore. Arnold?

Did furries exist pre-70s? Before cartoons with anthropomorphic cats and dogs and shit. I want a documentary, a hardcore, in-depth documentary of history of furries start to finish. That gets into the mind of a furry, that gets in there, and it just runs through the whole thing. And I get a better understanding of furries. Yeah. Because I got nothing against furries, but I feel like that's where it comes from. It's like fucking babs and shit.

I've said it once, I'll say it again. The girlfriend in the Goofy movie. Goofy movie, yeah. I think we talked about this last time I was on. I think we did last time you were on the podcast. Can we please talk about the girlfriend in the Goofy movie? Did she have some Y cleave? What does that mean?

It's every, like, cartoon cleavage is in the shape of a Y usually. Because they have, like, big fat boobies. Yeah. So, like, did they have that Y cleave in there? When I was in middle school, I discovered how to, like, make the naked woman with, like, the keyboard. Where it'd be, like, open parenthesis, lowercase O, close parenth be like open parenthesis lowercase o close parenthesis open parenthesis lowercase oh yeah you could do a y

in the middle and then you'd go down a line and you would do like another parenthesis in a y strictly in the middle there's usually either the y cleave or the parenthicleave which is just the

line bent a little bit. My favorite simple ASCII is just Homer Simpson's face. How do you do that? Oh, it's so easy, dude. Here, let me load up a notepad thing for you. Real quick, let me make this naked woman with a... Give me a second.

You're gonna add visuals to this? Yeah, I'll put it on screen so everyone can see. So Homer Simpson is parentheses underscore and then eight. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I want to make sure I save this. Parentheses. And then. Underscore.

That's not what a woman looks like. That's like some fucking weird Orwell or well Ian like dystopian future woman parentheses underscore eight okay and then to the power of to the power of symbol the the carrot yeah carrot where's the care and then another parentheses and then straight line and then close parentheses and then you have Tim's fit. Wait, like this? Oh, yeah. March. March. I'm asking.

March. Help me, March. Homer! Get out of the phone! It looks like some fucking weird, like, that's what he would look like if it was some weird painting. Oh, if it was like a Picasso painting I fucked mine up real bad. I'm high art merge What do I do

There's a game grumps episode. It's the Green Demon Challenge. You didn't even realize it at the time, but you did the perfect Homer scream. When I actually legitimately scream at something, I do fucking Homer scream perfectly. It was a real scream. You ever dropped an ice cream cone? Shit is the most heartbreaking feeling

that you can encounter in a human life. Yeah. No, you know what the worst was? What? I was really... They had just introduced Taco Bell breakfasts. I went and I got an AM Crunchwrap. I remember those, man. It was fucking delicious.

Yeah, it was good. And I was really hungry and I was like, that's what I'm going to fucking do. I'm going to go to Taco Bell and I'm going to get an AM Crunchwrap. And I went and I got it and I drove home And I got out of the car and I fucking like slipped and the am crunch wrap like fell out of the packaging Onto the just the concrete like the open am crunch wrap, and I just looked at it, and I was like Fuck this and I just picked it up

Sometimes you just gotta like admit your loss and just go with it. Because I was so looking forward to it. It was like this journey that I went on to get it. I'm a pretty gross person. Like dropping food on the ground doesn't bother me at all. If I dropped it I'm like fuck it. Even on the outside dirty concrete

I'll do it and wipe it off yeah. It's somewhere where a lot of people walk it bothers me like a hallway like in bothers me. Like a hallway. In a public place or a restaurant. The only thing that really bothers me when it's on food is hair. If I drop it on the ground and pick it up and it has hair on it, then I'm like, no. That's probably my one sign. You can always feel the hair. Because if it's crunchy, it's like

just wipe the dirt off. But if it's hair, that's like that's another story. I also hate eating sandwiches on the beach because there's no matter what, I'll put it in a plastic bag and then I'll just take it out. I have not gotten in the ocean or anything.

Yeah, and then I'll like start eating it and then always just crunch, crunch because the sand gets in the sandwich for no fucking reason. You're eating glass, dude. Eat glass? You're eating glass. Sand is not glass, it's rocks. It's rocks, it's glass. Sand is glass. It's rocks.

It's glass when lightning hits it. Matt? It's proto-glass. Proto-glass. I'm sorry. All right. I didn't mean to. Yeah, it goes sand, glass, Google Glass.

More like proto-ass. Am I right? Am I right, guys? Yeah, dude. Am I right? High five. That's pretty funny. If lightning hits sand hard enough, it turns into Google Glass. Stop kissing my hand!

It's arousing me! Stop! Have you guys ever used Google Glass? No, I haven't. Have you? Is it cool? It's cool. Is it useful? No. Do you think technology like that will become super popular?

I do. Instead of people always looking at their phones, you'll just see people always wearing glasses. Yes. But I do think that that technology is going to get installed. I think we're going to be cyborgs at some point. Like we're going to have a chip inside of us? Yeah, like you'll just have an eye. A contact lens?

Yeah. That'll do all that shit. All the liberals will be robots. They already are well so there's there's a lot like wearable tech is is they they try to keep it it feels so limited because the moment that you step outside like wearing a watch then people get nervous there was a guy who got um a cybernetic eye installed i don't remember where this was or when this was it was somewhat recently and like he was sort of the talk of the town and then when he would walk got a cybernetic eye installed. I don't remember where this was or when this was. It was somewhat recently.

And, like, he was sort of the talk of the town. And then when he would walk into bars, like, they would just beat him up because they were like, stop recording me. Wait, really? Yeah. It's so fucked up. It's still to this day. It's because they're like tiny pea brains, can't comprehend. Yeah.

And still, I mean, people don't really wear it much anymore, in large part because of this. But, like, if you wear a Google wear Google Glass around, people will get uncomfortable. Because, like, are you recording me? Yeah, exactly. I can see why people would get... Because there are... I mean, I could see people using Google Glass in many different ways.

There's got to be Google Glass porn, right? The resolution on Google Glass is pretty shit. Well, I'm looking it up anyways. While you're looking that up, I thought about this the other night when I was laying in bed. How much of my life is documented on camera? Like security cameras? Like think about how many times a day you're on some camera. Like traffic cam, security cam outside a building that you go by.

Yeah. Place your inside. It's like so much of your life. If you're in London, it's like your whole life. It gets erased eventually, but it's like my entire high school career was on camera because every room in my school had a camera going 24 seven. So it's weird to think that like my entire high school career is completely on camera. Especially everything I did,

especially when you're jerking it, dude. I didn't jerk in school. Yeah. No. The hell is going, what are you, what are you showing me?

This is Google Glass porn. And it keeps popping up with shit while they're having sex. It's a man and a woman, and they're both wearing Google Glasses. And they're asking him to define naughty words. He's saying, Google Glass, take a picture. Detecting shoes. Scan it. Wow. Jesus. Dude, this is actually a cool idea for a porn like i'm

glad that they went the extra mile and started like trying to define words and like taking a picture of her high heels and like where can i buy this i like this shoe like it's like a commercial if it was porn like it's it's great like it could have been lazy and just been like two people fucking each other from different POVs and switching back and forth, but they made it something. I have to commend them for that. Aaron, have you ever considered throwing out all the capture equipment with Game Grumps

and just sitting on the couch with Google Glass and using that to record the screen? That's a great idea. That's like early YouTube Let's Plays. Nobody had a capture card. They just stuck a camera on the thing. I had to use those walkthroughs so much like people would

film their fucking TV and it's like okay so um here we are at Ganon's castle now the rocket jump will hurt you a little bit but if you jump at the right time you'll get higher and so when you get you can find the skull and then you can get

the Hayabusa armor They're not watching the thing so like something will happen on screen and like the brightness will adjust Look shit for like ten minutes, and then they'll be like oh, sorry sir. Oh, yeah Oh, just we just and then it just cuts I used to actually upload those videos I'm not kidding I'd had I had a flip cam and I'd film the TV and me playing stuff and I'd upload clips to it. They're all off YouTube by now.

Those were the days. Where can we find them? Actually, I found a video called For My Roblox GF and it's this little kid. He's got to be probably eight years old and he's talking to a camera in a dark room and he's whispering because he doesn't want his parents to hear. He's like... And he doesn't get a single concise word out of him the whole video

and then that's it it's just for called for my roblox gf wow my first my first let's play was a it was filmed on a camera and it was when i was playing my vectrex whoa yeah because i saw it was actually one of the first let's plays I saw was a dude with the fucking thing on his camera and he was just playing smash he lived in Japan oh man I forgot his name he gave Japanese lessons but he was in his fucking lessons were hilarious and they were very helpful

but he just like swears the whole time like he's just like welcome back to the fucking Japanese lesson konnichiwa bitch but that was he was just playing smash and he was like fucking loud motherfuckers like he was just and so i was like trying to like mimic that and i was like playing vectrax i was like this sucks it's a lot of vectrax vectrax bullshit yeah it like broke yeah i saw you fiddling with it. I was, somebody was in the office and they were like, dude, we have Vectrex.

It's neat. And I turned it on and it was like broken. And I was like, what the fuck? RIP, man. Gotta get a new Vectrex. I'm sorry. Gotta get a new one, man. Vectrex was the first on-screen drawing tablet.

Yeah, I knew that. Isn't that fucking crazy? Yeah, that's crazy. It's like 79 or something. Isn't there like a tutorial video of like an old man? Oh yeah, Mr. Wizard. Yeah, Mr. Wizard. Yeah.

And he's like showing how to use it. It's like, check this out. Now if you press it to the screen, it's horrible. But it's amazing that it's like, you can touch the screen and it draws. That's something else, man. I mean, come on. Does anybody else remember? Does anybody else remember DS chat?

Picto chat? Picto chat. Oh, dude. Do you remember when you used to scribble in with the pen on the chat thing all the way so it would be just a black rectangle? Do you remember? And I used the eraser to draw. You used the eraser to draw.

It's like a negative image. That's good. A negative what the eraser to draw. You use the eraser to draw. It's like a negative image. That's good. A negative what? A negative image. Larry the Cable Guy would be like, I'm on that Picto chat. Now my children are so plugged in to technology

when we're at the dinner table and they pass us off, they pass the TV remote. Larry, that's not even a joke. I feel like the crowd is going wild. I can't do that, too. I can't do that. Take a moment.

When you mow the lawn and the grass is too large that you can't see your own dog. How do you explain that to your kids? Would you do a guest with Larry the Cable Guy? Yeah. I would love to have him on the Super Mega Cast. How hard would that be? Really hard. He's a fucking millionaire.

Is he? Yeah. What's his net worth? Like 30 million? It's a lot. I mean, you gotta think. He's just like Tim Allen. He doesn't really have to do much anymore because he? Yeah. What's his net worth? Like 30 million? It's a lot. I mean, you got to think, he's just like Tim Allen. He doesn't really have to do much anymore because he's associated, like Tim Allen's

associated with a very popular character, Buzz Lightyear. And now he's a part of a very big franchise, which is Cars, which sells a lot of merchandise. He uses his voice a lot. Yeah. So he makes a lot of money probably from doing like a bunch of Cars voice acting stuff. You know, I'll tell you what. I bet it was like a one-off thing too. I like it better when he whispers.

Hey, excuse me. Do you know where... Speak up! I'm sorry. I just... I've got a sore throat. Can you tell me where the bathroom is? I gotta take a duty.

He's like on stage asking. Everyone's just silent. Cr gotta take a duty. He's like on stage asking this. Everyone's just silent. Like crickets in the audience. What's that catchphrase the other guy Bill Ingvall has? What's his catchphrase? Catchphrase? Bill Ingvall of the Science Ningvall? No, no, no. Like they each have their own thing. No, they each have um

like Larry the Cable Guy. So stupid. That was so dumb. Why is it that funny? It's not. It's not that funny. Bill Ingvall, the science... It's not that funny. Bill Ingvall, scientist Ingvall.

Okay, what were you saying, Ryan? It was like Larry the Cable Guy has Get Her Done, and Jeff Foxworthy has... You might be a redneck. Yeah, but Bill Ingvall has something. I can't remember what it was. Who is Bill Ingvall? He's another one of the blue collar comedy tour guys. Who's the guy that always has the glass of scotch and the cigar and he wears a suit?

Ron White. Ron White. Yeah, he's the funny one. He's the one that actually has funny jokes. He's depressed as shit. Looks like he wants to kill himself every time he's on stage. He has the bit about how like everyone's a little bit gay. Yeah.

Or it's like you don't want to watch porn if the guy is like, well, when you watch porn, do you want to see some guy's flaccid, no tiny penis? He's like, no, I want to see a big, hard, erect cock. I rest my case. It's here's your sign. Here's your sign? Here's your sign. Here's your sign?

That's his catchphrase. Here's your sign! They all have a catchphrase. And he pulls out a stop sign and the audience goes wild. They go, whoa, that's a stop sign. Here's your sign you might be a redneck. You might be a redneck. When you say get her down.

If you're buying tickets to go see Jeff Foxworthy, you might be a redneck. Do you think if a meteor or aliens showed up, the blue collar comedy tour guys could like combine like a big like a megazord and they would just like be like get her done this is your sign you know and then they would I would love for them to be a team in the next Pacific Rim movie

like you see them off camera working together like a big robot like the deep south American team we're gonna get her done, I'll tell you what. They have a big fucking confederate flag painted on their robot. I was about to say that. Like a massive Jaeger with a confederate flag on the back. We don't...

We'll call them when we really need them. Fuck, we really need them. Their special weapon is like this super... You know, what's that stuff that the Terminators made out of? The liquid shit? Liquid metal? Is that what it is? Yeah.

Is that what that stuff is? Yeah. Terminator 2? Yeah, where he like turns into like little knives and shit. They have that. That's all I want. I just want them to have it. I just think it would look cool.

And it runs on a Ford engine. All American, I tell you what. They always have to fuel up at like an Exxon gas station or a 76. Diesel only. I don't want any of that unleaded bullshit. See, they kill a kaiju. It's like, ah, must have been a Chevy. That's my fucking favorite meme.

Shit, Chevy engine, I tell you what. There's seriously an untapped gold mineine of these small Facebook groups that rednecks use where it's just loaded with Ford and Chevy memes. Most of it, it's like memes against Chevy. It'll have a box of tampons on a shelf and it'll be like,

comes free with a Chevy. It's like, they're terrible memes, but they're really funny. I want to bring those more to the public eye so people can experience them. Well, you can't write a country song without mentioning Ford or Chevy. I know. Even my favorite country song has a Chevy reference. Can't write a Starbomb song

without mentioning Ford or Chevy. Can you start putting that in every Starbomb song? It's because we're sponsored. I thought it was just because you loved all-American trucks. How do you think we keep the fucking lights on here? Chevy sponsorship or Starbomb. And then Luigi fucked Peach by Chevy

cars. In the back of his Chevy. You should make a Starbomb song all about Chevys. You should just get it out of the way and just yell the word Ford out before any song. Ford! Ford! I wanted to write a Starbomb song where the entire plot was

a parallel. It was about a Robocop cosplayer and an ED-209 cosplayer going to a convention but it was retelling the plot of Robocop with these two cosplayers. It's like so fucking like

not, like it's never been made if that tells you anything it's just such a fucking like what there's no way and then we i had another idea for a song where um you're on a plane you get upgraded to first class and you're sitting next to jeff goldblum and the whole song is just an internal monologue trying to rationalize whether or not you will ask him what the fuck was the deal with Jurassic Park 2. Like, why'd you do it? Sponsored by Chevy. You know it's bad. You know it's bad, right?

Do you know it's bad? Isn't he going to be in the next one, too? I thought I heard he's going to be in Jurassic World End Times or series this time, baby. Well, yeah, because he had to be like, is it going to be good? We made some predictions for the next Jurassic World end times are serious this time, baby. Well, yeah, because he had to be like, is it going to be good? We made some predictions for the next Jurassic World movie, so we're waiting to see if they come true. Yeah? Yeah.

I think they will. What were the predictions? Ronald Reagan makes an appearance. Submarine thing? Oh, yeah, submarine. There's got to be a submarine. Okay, why? Because they're going to do underwater shit.

Oh, they're going to like a plesiosaur Yeah so it's gonna be a scene where like a submarine fights that Or it gets attacked Or they'll be on a submarine with a dinosaur inside that gets let loose inside the submarine Either way I think there's going to be multiple T-Rexes Shit Not just one but two

And it's gonna be one of those things where like the T-Rex Comes out and it's gonna be all like Oh yeah the fucking T-Rex And then like the second one comes out from behind a thing And it's gonna be like and of those things where the T-Rex comes out and it's going to be all like, oh, yeah, fucking T-Rex. And then the second one comes out from behind a thing. And it's going to be like, and then they're both going to fucking roar. And it's like, whoa. What will happen next? What's better than one T-Rex to a T-Rex?

Is it too hard? They're going to go and run tomatoes and tomatoes. They need to do a Megalodon. I want to see that. I want to see a Megalodon. Dude. Oh, they could introduce that easy. They need to do a Megalodon I want to see that I want to see a Megalodon Dude Oh they could introduce that easy Just go down to fucking

Just go down to the CVS And talk to Don Megalodon Aaron Whatever The fuck dude I'm sorry You cut that out

No we're not In fact I'm going to put a lap track behind it To make it ten times funnier I wonder if you could Like make a sitcom We're not. I'm going to put a laugh track behind it to make it 10 times funnier. I wonder if you could make a sitcom that just doesn't have jokes. I mean, those exist. Bang Theory? Yeah.

But just put laugh tracks behind it. Just have a show that's just people going about their lives, and there's nothing funny about it. But at a certain point when somebody's like get out of here man like comparing like cans at the grocery store to see which one's like cheaper yeah just like laugh track going that'll be $3.95 now that's a show about nothing yeah there you go brought it full circle

and I think that's I think it's a good place to uh end this podcast what do you what do you guys say? You ready to get that F out of here? No. Can we do another hour? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Can we do another hour of just like cottony baby voices? Yours just sounds like somebody trying to fucking like turn a spigot. Why won't the water come out? Oh! What the fuck? Oh, now goo is coming out of it. Goo!

It's green! Oh, man. But, uh, Aaron, dude, thanks for just randomly... Can babies skydive? Can you take a baby skydiving? Let's find out. Someone do that. Someone take a baby skydiving and say,

say SuperMega told you to do it. We give you legal permission to do that. Put the SuperMega logo on the parachute. Tattoo it on your child while it's falling. Tattoo yes, yes, yes daddy lights on the chest of the child. And don't even have them strapped to you. Let them do their own thing with the parachute. They go separately with a GoPro. I mean,

that's our advice. That's just how it goes. I mean, that's how you're supposed to do it. When you take a kid skydiving, you don't do that bullshit where they're strapped to you. Yeah. You let it fly. Yeah, exactly. It's gotta get that it's gotta get accustomed to it. Yeah. Right away. It. Yeah, exactly. It's got to get that, it's got to get

accustomed to it. Yeah. Right away. It's going to do it a lot more. Throw it to the deep end. But to end this podcast, Matt and Aaron

have a duet planned, so take it away, boys. One summer night. One summer night. One summer night. All right, cool. One summer night. We fell in love. One summer night.

I wish dual people did that. We fell in love. SUMMER NIGHT! I wish doo-wop people did that. AHHHH! WE FELL IN LOVE! But the guy in the background would still be like OOAH BUB! One summer night! That was awesome. I GOTTA SHIT! What a shame! Thank you.