supermegashow - EP 65 - Stupid Tattoo

Episode Date: November 1, 2017

Ming is back, Ryan almost blinded himself, and we give some very helpful advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

hey y'all welcome back to the super mega cast this is episode 65 welcome uh today we're gonna be we're gonna be uh reviewing some new dips got Right now I got Copenhagen mint and I packed a fat lip. Copenhagen is probably our favorite brand because while it's probably not the nicest dip out there, it's definitely

worth the money. And since we're working two part-time jobs right now... into my hand that's disgusting hey but welcome back to super mega cast ryan did you really just grab my hand with your spit hand because i was just like a friendly i have a cut on my hand what if your spit gets in my cut? I got a cut on my finger today. But yeah, but that's your own spit. You could have some kind of disease that could get into my cut. Or actually it's helping to sanitize your wound.

Spit does... Like neutrino acid. Really? Is that how that works? No. Oh, okay. Do you even know what neutrino acids are? No. I just heard it.

From parroting it we're back though episode 65 got some fun stories in fact we have for the first time in a very long time a Ming update a pretty big one too

pretty big one but that's going to be later on in the podcast so you just have to hang tight down the edge of your seats the whole time or just bounce around the podcast until you find it yeah you know what we're gonna do though during the main update we're gonna every like three words intersplice us talking about something else

so you just have to listen to the whole thing ha ha ha gotcha I just want Mario Odyssey to come out comes out next I just want another fun Nintendo Switch game to come out. Wait, when does Mario Odyssey come out? Next week? Yes.

Friday or Saturday? Friday of next week. Okay, yeah. As of the time of recording this podcast. Ooh, that's going to be fun. I haven't pre-ordered it yet, though. I should probably do that. We're going to enjoy it a day before Flignu, whatever it's called.

Flignu? What the fuck are you talking about? That concert, what's's called. Flignu? Flignu. What the fuck are you talking about? That concert, what's it called? Flogna. Flogna. Oh, the concert, yeah, Flignu. I got tickets to Camp Flignu. Yeah, it's going to be a super crowded concert.

I'm excited, though. It'll be fun. Me too. We're going to berate Tyler, the creator, for all of his sexist lyrics. We actually got back, he invited us backstage, so we're going to hang out with Tyler the Creator. We're actually going to have a live debate with him on stage on sexism and racism and where we are today in the United States

and today's political climate. Hold on, I didn't realize this, Ryan. Earl Sweatshirt did a song, and in the song, he shouted out Shoe Nice, like the Shoe Nice from YouTube. Yeah. Like the guy that the like 40 year old man who's like weird baby blue eyes he'll eat a stick of deodorant he'll

do an entire handle of vodka in like two minutes that guy you know he's like hey it's Shoe Nice he hung out with Earl Sweatshirt in Vegas and then Earl Sweatshirt like shouted him out in a song and I didn't believe it and then I heard it and then Irol sweatshirt like shouted him out in a song and i didn't believe it and then i heard it and then i looked at the comments and shoe nights was the

top comment and it just said that's me oh my god okay speaking of uh youtubers or just that general audience a friend of mine they they went to vegas apparently about like a week ago and guess who they saw? Who did they see? Guess who they fucking saw? Who did they fucking see? In a Taco Bell bar. Who? Welvin DeGrate. They took a picture with him and everything. Are you kidding me? No.

I'm so jealous. I want to meet Welvin so fucking bad. You know how bad he is. In a Taco Bell bar of all places. Of all places. Welvin was, you know, he wanted Crunch bad he is. In a Taco Bell bar of all places. Of all places. Welvin was, you know, he wanted Crunchwrap Supreme, but he also wanted to get his game on, so. There's, I showed, let me show you, you've seen the picture. No, you haven't.

Did I show you the picture? No, I haven't seen the picture. Fuck. I didn't even know about this. Hold on. Let me see. It always sparks a good laugh. They're all just there.

Oh my, that is Welvin. He's in the center. See those big goofy teeth. He's not even smiling for the picture. He's all just there. Oh my, that is Welvin! He's in the center. See those big goofy teeth! He's not even smiling for the picture he's just sitting there. He looks exactly how he looks in the Deez Nuts video. I wonder how tall he is. He looks small actually.

He looks like a small man. All the people in this picture are bigger than him. Like, in just general size. It looks like they photoshopped him and made him small. He looks like a dwarf. Can I look at the picture? Look at it.

See what I'm talking about? I'm going to look at everybody else. Holy shit. Yeah, he does look... Oh, my God. He's small, right? Yes, because I've met a few of these people before. That's why he ain't got no bitches.

He is small. Guys, please, if anyone knows Welvin and they can hook us up, please get in contact with us. did you see the shirt he's wearing in the picture no what's the shirt say it says hall of fame he wears that other shirt but says like ain't got no bitches or something and he's famous for that no they went over to his table so

this is his stuff what was he eating he's got a large drink that's that's carmex that's for a chapstick wait really he needs chapstick. Wait, really? He needs chapstick. He just has that out on the table. Okay, he has that.

And then he has, I don't know what comes in that at Taco Bell. It's some kind of box. I love that he has his chapstick like sitting out on the table. Like a little, and it's not regular chapstick. It's like the squirt type. So he has to like squirt it out on his lips. He's charging his iPhone too. He's sitting at a Taco Bell bar

charging his iPhone he's got like a white iPhone 5 that's the phone Welvin has I love you Welvin and he's by himself at that big booth I know that's probably they went over to go say oh I'm sorry oh man Welvin Welvin Welvin

Welvin the great I fucking love him for some reason if you don't know who Welvin is which you should he's the guy guy from the Deez Nuts video. It's like, something came in the mail today. You might notice I say it quite a bit in videos. You say it a lot. You say it more out of videos than you do in videos, honestly. Was it when, even when, like before we met, I was saying Deez Nuts.

Yeah, you were saying Deez Nuts. And in fact, I mean, 20 minutes before this podcast, you hit me with it twice. I don't even know if you remember. You hit me with it twice. They just come out organically. They just happen. They just kind of like pop them off here and there. You always got one in the chamber, you know?

You always got a Deez Nuts joke in the chamber. They're never witty though. No, they're never smart. They're so unwitty. You're like, I got to pin something up. And I'm like, I got something for you to pin up. And then you go silent. Then I'm like, you want to know what it is?

You're like, what, Ryan? These nuts. Then you're like, cool, awesome. They're just always passive. They're not like ever like gotcha moments. No, they're never good. I'll be like, hey, do you know where that little blue SD card is? I know where these nuts are.

And you never say these nuts, you say these nuts. Deez nuts. You really enunciate. These. You say these. These. These nuts. It's funny because, I don't know,

when you properly start to pronounce it. Deez. Deez nuts. It sounds like Forrest Gump. Lieutenant Dan. Something came in the mail. He doesn't sound that bad. Forrest Gump is like,

Lieutenant Dan. That's not what I was doing. I was going, Lieutenant Dan, something came in the mail. You make him sound like a King of the Hill character. No, I don't. That's exactly how Forrest Gump sounds

He goes Lieutenant Dan You got new nuts You got new nuts Made out of titanium Like on the space shuttle Forrest These nuts are titanium Why don't you suck on them

Suck on what? These nuts Forrest Got it Lieutenant Dan Lieutenant Dan. At the beginning of these Oscars, they just have a bunch of famous movie scenes, except it's replaced with the dialogue of the These Nuts

video. What percentage of Americans would get that? These Nuts can't be that big. I would. Oh, yeah, I know you would. I would too. Middle America. Look, yeah, I know you. I would, too. Middle America. Look, they're hurting after old Harvey was outed, so they need another big dog in the chamber, and I'm that big dog.

You're that... I'm going to give them all the good ideas. Are you simply saying you're ready to be the next Harvey Weinstein? I'm not... That's literally what you just said. I'm not going to touch anyone. I'd hope not. I'm not going to come into a potted plant is what I'm saying.

Did he do that? Yeah. What? Yeah. I didn't know that. Went into someone's hotel room. They're like, get out. And then he just came into a potted plant.

He just chased in a potted plant? Yeah. He masturbated. I had no idea Harvey Weinstein J-O'd into a potted plant. Yep. What? Wow. Yeah.

I'll gladly take his place at the Weinstein Corporation, whatever it's called. Do you want to carry that name? The Weinstein name? Can they change the name to the McGee? That sucks because the Weinstein Company has made a lot of good movies. Yeah. Good job, Harvey. Good job to fuck everything up for everyone that worked for the Weinstein Company.

Is that where Tarantino goes? Mm-hmm. Okay, that's what I thought. Yeah, the Weinstein Company made Pulp Fiction. Quentin's very lucky, that old Quentin tarantino good old quentin he's always made movies that he's wanted to make he never had to like as far as i know like i don't know he just started out as a fan working at a video store yeah and now he's become this great director yeah i love he's done a lot of work of course and he's i'm not taking any way from his work

ethic or anything i'm just saying that like what a lucky career to be able to just be a fan and then all of a sudden be like one of the kings one of the top directors of an age no dude i love his movies i don't really like him that much but i love his movies he's he's weird he's got a he's got a very prominent foot fetish yeah he does i does. I can't shame the man for that, though. I mean, that's a very common fetish. I'm not gonna kink shame him. I don't know. Like, we've discussed this before. What? You don't have a fetish, right?

Not. Because I don't. I don't have any particular fetish. Yeah, it's just. When you say fetish, I think you mean something like a kink. Like feet. Or like getting your videos demonetized because you're talking about fetishes. Oh, I come instantly. Same.

Thanks, YouTube. Thank you, YouTube. Whoever's reviewing this video. Brian, please don't say that. They're going to definitely take this podcast away. We're not going to make any money off of it. What if they're attracted to me? All right.

Well, what if the person that's reviewing this video to make sure it's family friendly, which determines if we can make a living. Yeah. How about you just took them out for a nice dinner. You paid for the meal, took them home. Maybe a kiss on the cheek if they let you. Yes. You ask.

And if they say yes, you go right on the cheek. And you walk them up to their door and say goodnight. And then the next morning, you text them and you say, you know, I had a great time with you last night. I'd love to see you again if you want. No pressure. Also, please fix your machine to not strike our videos. Automatically.

At the drop of an upload. Every new upload, we end up losing half of the money we should have had on it because the second day, it's null. It's like there's no ad time. The first day, too. The first day, we're good for the first's like there's no ad the first day too so well like the first day

like we're good for like a first few hours and then it's like oh no we missed one get it well the thing is we upload it so when it finally ends up going out it'll probably may not have ads yeah limited ads i love youtube man our spider-man let's play apparently had a spider-man ad on it that's a big ad that's a big ad that is a big ad i do have to say sony's sony works with adam sandler they the big bucks wait that means the big bucks of hollywood we're somehow linked to adam sandler yeah so it's spider-man think about it dude if we're if they're running wait unless that was marvel spider-man oh that might have been marvel spider-man fuck but sony still has intellectual property of spider-man because they're coming out with a PS4 exclusive Spider-Man game only for the Sony PlayStation 4.

Hey, I saw the man himself that created Spider-Man. Stan Lee? Yeah, he had one foot in the grave when I saw him. He was just at that- You said that in the- Is that the exact same thing I said? In the episode and I cut it out because I thought it was too mean. Well, he's old.

He's just old. Yeah, I mean, it's like you're talking about an old guy And you're like, man, he's one foot in the grave It's like, well, of course He knows this, everyone around him knows this You don't point it out It's like seeing some fat guy and you're like, man, he's one fat fucker This lard piece of shit

I don't know if it's the same God damn it, Lee, you're almost fucking dead Yeah, that's actually pretty bad I'm sorry Stanley please don't take that I know you're an avid listener of Super MegaCast I listen to all my heroes out there on YouTube

what if we were one of Stanley's heroes YouTube heroes Stanley is the creator of YouTube heroes the failed YouTube program is it still out there somewhere under the belt I don't think it ever happened They announced it and the backlash was so strong They might have just been like let's forget about it

Were they made taking people's content down A fun social interaction game? Earn points for flagging videos Earn points for ruining The only way Some people make a living My favorite thing to come out of all of this Is the CEO of YouTube has now made a YouTube channel.

In her opening video, it just has someone who of course stands for all YouTubers, Dwayne The Rock Johnson. Absolutely. Dude, what's the deal with him? Get the fuck away, Dwayne. Dwayne, get away, man. It's our territory. You have movies. You have HBO.

He has HBO. He's like the most paid actor in Hollywood or some shit. And now he's creeping into our territory? Get the fuck off of YouTube, Dwayne. I'm just kidding. I love Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Dwayne, we will fight you 2v1 to stake your claim on YouTube. I won't.

You haven't earned your fucking right. Ryan will fight. I won't, though. I will fight you. Okay. I would actually love to watch you. I will crush. You haven't earned your fucking right. Ryan will fight. I won't, though. I will fight you. Okay. I would actually love to watch you. I will crush your head like a grape. What if you guys did fight and, like, you actually did crush his head like a grape? Dude, it would be easy. He'd, like,

run past me and go, where is he? And then I'd be like, I'm over here! And then, like, I'd go under his legs and he'd say, whoa, where'd he go? I like to imagine he can't see. And then I'd get a slingshot out and hit him in the head with a peanut and then he'd go oh and then it'd be like you see the like the the birds the birds

and then he'd fall down and create a then a large crash would be heard and then like a perfect Dwayne the Rock Johnson shaped crater falling down I like to imagine he can't see you just because muscles are so big and swollen he can't see over them he's such a muscular man.

He is. He has to keep at it daily. Yeah. I mean, you can't maintain a bod like that without constant just pumping the iron, hitting the gyms. That body is like another alien race. Like if you were to think of an alien race, I guess think of like a thing of in Star Trek, a warrior race. Yeah. I guess like the Klingons. Yeah. Were a warrior race, I guess, think of in Star Trek, a warrior race. Yeah. I guess the Klingons were a warrior race, I guess, I think, maybe.

But it's like he would be, that would be, he would be perfect. His body type would be perfect. I'd imagine all this warrior race to be his build. I think Dwayne. Just large Hawaiian men with tattoos. I think the rock is like the apex of a human. Not Vin Diesel? I don't think so why not vin diesel because they're both muscular name is goofy he looks goofy he's a short man too i always

confuse vin diesel and pitbull when i see them it's dude on the fast and furious uh universal tour ride i think they intentionally have vin diesel standing up on a higher platform than all the other actors because he's so short. Like, then Michelle Rodriguez, like, they have a kiss or something. And I think he's standing on a platform that makes him higher than her. Imagine, like, in the. And I'm like, that's intentional, you dub cock. Imagine in the actual movie.

Even though you're the voice of the Iron Giant, I love you. Oh. Imagine in the actual movie, like, they're going in to kiss. And, like, someone just walks up and puts like a little like milk box down and he like stands up on top of it and kisses her cause he's a short man how short is he like 4'2 not like that

I think 4'9 is a midget status he's not as short as Barry Barry's 4'2 Barry's I would say Barry's probably 3'11 Barry hates us I'm sure like's probably 311. Barry hates us, I'm sure. Like, Barry, like, on the surface, because we're co-workers, like, oh, hey guys,

it's good to see you, but, like, deep down he's like, fuck those guys. You know, always getting people to tweet me pictures of sulfur and Photoshop me to have dwarfism. It's the stupidest shit. If I was Barry, I would hate us too. We're the most obnoxious pieces of shit. I love it. I love you, Barry.

If you're listening to this, I love you. I love you. I hope someone cuts this exact clip out and says, Barry, watch this. Because the boys over at Super Mega really do love you. You really are a great guy. And I love working with you. And I love being your friend, Barry. I could do without the workplace sexual harassment, though. Oh, my God. I love Barry. I love Barry so much. And I love being your friend, Barry. I could do without the workplace sexual harassment, though.

Oh, my God. I love Barry. I love Barry so much. I feel so bad. Keep doing this shit to Barry. He doesn't deserve it. No, he doesn't. He's a wonderful person.

For those who clearly don't understand, Barry does not sexually harass us in the workplace. I think Barry would be the last person in this office to sexually harass somebody. Yeah. Who would be the first, do you think? Oh, I don't know. Ross? So are you saying that you're more likely to sexually harass someone than Barry? Oh, no, no, no, don't make it into that.

No, it's not what I meant. He's the least one, so you're like, eh, I might, but. Sexual harassment is never cool, guys. Sounds like we're being sarcastic. No, sexual harassment really is never cool. Never, never, and you should not do it. I'm officially saying that, guys. Quote Matt Watson 2017 on this.

Sexual harassment is uncool and you should never do it to anybody. And that is not a goof. Sexual harassment's pretty stinky. If you want that to be your quote, go ahead. What's up, guys? His wife left him. Of course she did. Good.

That's what happens when you sexually harass people that's what happens when you masturbate to completion into a potted plant in a hotel room now now you could do that with no one else around and that'd be perfectly fine i could do that in my room i could i could masturbate onto my computer screen i could masturbate onto my bed i was talking about i could masturbate onto anything besides lego that's in my room and it yeah and it would be totally fine yeah yeah absolutely like if i let's say i'm staying in a hotel and there's a potted plant maybe that plant's riling me up oh but then you're but then oh the poor room service has to deal with the the the cleaning staff have to deal

with that i don't want to yeah i don't want to put that on them yeah so i was partaking in some marijuana. Stop! No! Sorry, I was. And out of the blue, my mom's like, hey, can I call you? After I smoked. And I'm like, fuck. You told me this. And I haven't talked to her in a while, so I felt bad. So I said, sure. Yeah. And so all of a sudden, she started calling.

And I was like, oh, no, I didn't mean right now. So I picked up. I'm like, hey, mom, wait one second. And so I'm like, I'm going to I got to go feed Lego or something. And so I put my phone on my dresser. Sorry, I'm like hiccuping and burping. So I went to my bathroom and I got these things. I looked at it, said drops.

So I'm like, awesome. So I I unscrew the cap and, you know, like you're about to put eye drops in open the eye lean back open the eye lean back and i just squirted a shit ton because i'm like i just want to flood my body with moisture i want to flood my eye with moisture yeah yeah yeah and all of a sudden the most painful sensation overcame my eye and it stung and it took me by surprise and i jolted back and i'm like oh and i'm like did something go wrong and i went down and i went down to pick it up they weren't eye drops they were ice drops they were that you buy they're in a small blue container that looked like eye drops that they

sell all the time at like for breath it was a breath i okay here's what happened at 7-eleven one night it was just one of those little knickknacks that they'll sell like by the checkout for like a week yeah and it was these like super powerful breath drops that come in a tiny container and they're like they're blue and i was like i was like sure i'll try these why not maybe it'll make my breath smell good so i bought some and somehow they ended up in ryan's room so right you put the the fucking breath drops in your eye poured multiple drops into my eye you could have blinded yourself i could have blinded you stood there and i'm like looking reading the label like oh what happens if this if i get it in my eye and then i just started washing it out oh my and then my mom's like

what's going on i'm like i'm just getting lego some water sorry he's being a bit rambunctious but yeah i ended i ended oh yeah to pull it off, I put on my, uh, my work glasses. Oh, the ones that like filter out the blue light? Yeah, that are tinted yellow, so you can't tell that my eyes are red and one is semi-squinted. I think I tried the film once out of my face more because one of my eyes was, like, my eye was just closed. You should've, you should've put, um, you should've just put like a band-aid over your eye. Like, sorry mom, I fell. Dude, speaking of

lego i was i was thinking about this do you think so you know dogs of course they don't speak any language but they know a very select group of words that mean different things like uh sit um food they know food i'm sure they know treat yeah stuff like that do you think if i wanted to like i'm gonna wait until you go out of town and I'm just going to re-teach Lego all these words, but I'm only going to make them Minecraft words. So, I'll be like, Steve, pickaxe. Hero Brian,

creeper. So then he only knows Minecraft words. When you say Hero Brian, he just, he, like, sits. Hero Brian. Sits. You should rename Lego to Hero Brian. I'm good. You sure? Yeah. Might gets all scared. Sits. Why didn't you, you should rename Lego to Hero Brian. I'm good. You sure? Yeah.

Might be pretty funny. Dude, well, speaking of dogs, like, I was on a plane recently, and you know how if you fly with a dog, sometimes, you know, they can put your dog under the plane if it's in a kennel? Yeah. It goes where, like, the cargo goes? Mm-hmm. Why don't they do that with babies? Come on.

The woman sitting next to me had a baby on her lap that cried the whole damn flight. How do you think she feels? She has to take that home with her. Put it in a kennel and stick it underneath the plane. I wish. With the dog. I wish she had little baby incubators at the bottom of planes. The baby won't remember it when it's older. No, it won't. Just...

Put on some fucking Dora the Explorer or something down there on the speakers. Yeah, come on. Then I can enjoy my flight and read in peace. And I don't have to have a baby screaming two inches from my face. Should have just turned around and smacked that baby. God, babies, am I right? Oh my God. I was in the airport in Houston.

And there was a man, an old white dude. And he had a soda. He had like a styrofoam cup of soda. And there was a younger lady standing next to him. And she turned around And she knocked the drink Out of his hand And it like fell on the ground And spilled

And she goes Oh my god I'm so sorry And the guy just like Stood there And stared at her Like I couldn't see his facial expression

Because I was behind him But he stared at her And the woman just stared at him And her face got really scared And I could tell That he was just staring her down And he made her Without saying a word Bend down and pick up the drink and throw it away and he never

said a word that's what it's like to be a white man that's what it's like to be a huge fucking asshole and i was just like everyone was like someone some guy was like hey mistakes happen and then the guy like looked at his friend and was like god fucking stupid it's like dude the woman threw the drink away and she she walked away really quick out of embarrassment. As we were boarding, I never saw her come back. I never saw her get on the plane. You probably had someone kill her. I almost think that she was so embarrassed and scared of this dude

that she just didn't get on her flight. Because I was in the last boarding group. I never saw her come back. Was she on the same? Yeah. She was staying in line in the last boarding group. Never saw her come back. So this guy got on the plane? Yeah. So so was he like a like a 40 year old man

he's probably like a 55 year old white guy with a with a polo and some short pants and when i passed him on the plane he was sitting in the middle seat and he was pouting and he looked so angry and i just had to laugh to myself because like you live like that you got to be so miserable every day like it makes me want to accidentally like if okay could you get away with this like if you were bringing like a one of your drinks onto the plane and you accidentally spill it on him yeah because what because they're not who's gonna believe that i purposely spilled it on him yeah you know like the flight attendants if he makes a scene about it who are they gonna remove from they're gonna remove him from the exactly not all pissy oh man i wish i had i had a dr pepper with

me i should you should have spilled it on him. Whoever that guy is, he was flying to LA, so he's probably in the city. I just want to let you know you're a tremendous prick and a huge asshole, and I hope you have a terrible day. And nobody actually probably loves you for who you are. Absolutely not. I just can't believe that someone would just, you know, like if someone actually knocked a drink out of your hand in public would you stare them down with like a really angry face they were doing something obnoxiously just she turned around and knocked it out of his hand with her not if it was an accident i don't understand but if it was like some guy just kind of like being loud and obnoxious

and dancing around and taking up a whole sidewalk and oh yeah well that's different i'd be i'd be pissed in that case yeah and i it's it's circumstantial yeah this woman and she immediately went oh my god i'm so sorry i mean he didn't say a thing didn't say he stared at her and why did she pick it up though because social pressure he was he wouldn't i mean i probably would have done the same thing um just because in that moment you know you're like just kind of like oh my god i'll pick it up i wish i had said something but it was kind of one of those things in the moment. Everyone was silent and I didn't really know what was going on because I was from, I was looking at him from behind. But seriously, what a tremendous dick.

He didn't have a wall to punch. Nope. He didn't know how to, he didn't know how to deal with his anger outside of physical aggression. So he shut down because he doesn't, because he doesn't know how to use words to explain or, or comprehend how he's feeling. I should have, uh uh i should have just tapped him on the shoulder i'm like sir i'm so sorry that happened to you and then just give him a big kiss

on the lips so i'm sorry and try to throw some tongue in there hey baby then he could have definitely punched you and you would have been taken out of the airport for sexual i'd say he's discriminating against me wait he's a guy you can't sexually harass a man amen brother i forgot to tell you this guess who was on my flight? Who? Fred. Fred Figglehorn. Nah. Nah, I'm just kidding. He wasn't on my flight.

I just want to see how you'd react. It was a fantastic reaction. One of the best I've ever seen. Dude, I used to really like Fred when I was younger. Same. I used to have dreams where I was hanging out with Fred, and I'd wake up and be like, oh, man, it wasn't real. Wait, really? I used to have fucking dreams where I would hang out with Fred Figglehorn, and I was like,

oh, dude, he's a famous YouTuber. This is so fucking cool. And now you're best friends with him. Yeah. With Lucas Evans. What's his name? Lucas Cruikshank? Who's Lucas Evans?

I don't know who Lucas Evans is. I'm looking up Lucas Evans. Sounds just like a regular white boy name. Lucas. But I just got back from South Carolina and I had a wonderful, a wonderful week. Ah, I knew it. Who's Lucas Evans? Some actor.

You wouldn't recognize him. Just some actor? He was in the new Beauty and the Beast movie. I think he was in a Fast and Furious movie or some shit. I don't know. Okay. I just got back from South Carolina. Spent a week in Columbia, South Carolina visiting some college friends. My friends Jackson

and Harrison and Christian. Had a great time. Just kicking back. Having a good time. Just kicking back, having a good time. Just goofing around. Went to the South Carolina State Fair. Very underwhelming this year. The day I went, there was nobody there. Just empty.

Really? Yeah. What? Surprise. It was a Thursday night. Because I think everyone was drinking. Because Thursday night's the bar night. So no one was there.

I didn't mind, though. But I did have an Uber. And it was a woman in a van. What's it like getting an Uber in Colombia? Well, she had a van and she had a Tupperware of fried chicken that she was just eating on. I didn't know if that was like a tray for anybody who climbed into her Uber. See, I didn't know that either. And I was kind of wanting some.

But I wasn't going to. That Uber smelled like cat shit. I miss South Carolina food. Fuck.ber smelled like cat shit South Carolina food fuck smelled like cat shit that whole uber was just like I think this woman was a hoarder she just kind of gave off the vibe that she was a hoarder just from her van and the way she looked and she had a little

tupperware fried chicken and she car did not smell good I got into an uber recently and he had these like packet like these waterproof bags tied to each seat that like you could zip them open and put like little messages in them, like a piece of paper or something. Why? I don't know. In case the car goes in some water?

In the piece of paper, it was like, it was like, smile, you're on camera. And like he's, then I see a camera at the top of his vehicle and i'm just like this is weird that is because i i've seen uber drivers with dash cams that also film the inside of the car which i mean i get that for liability stuff like let's say you take a drunk passenger and they throw up all in the back of your car you have that for for proof and liability stuff but i don't know that that's almost out of like. He went out of his way to like. Be like, you're being filmed in my car. So I just, I didn't talk or anything.

I was like, oh, okay. That's weird. I really like. Because I always think of the worst shit. Like I always picture a guy like that or just something. He'll go back and look at footage and shit. Or he'll have, I don't know. Like upload it to his weird archive of Uber passengers.

I don't know. This is Ryan McG his weird archive of Uber passengers? I don't know. This is Ryan McGee from Super Mega. Hit YouTube channel. I just, if, he's not a business. So he's not legally allowed to film me, is he? I guess, but you're in his car. So I think he is. Oh, it's his property.

It's his property you're getting in. Man, let's quit this podcast. Let's drive Uber. Okay. Dude, let's do a double Uber where we're always in, like, we'll take turns driving, but we're all, I'm always in the front seat. We're both always in the front seat. We both have a steering wheel.

Like we get a second steering wheel put in and it just, we don't. We have a lever that changes. No, we have a timer and we don't know when it will change, but at some point it'll change the steering to one of us. It's like, oh, no, no, no. Imagine if we got that put in and we both wore the same outfit and never said a word. And we both steer and we just pretend like we're both driving. Like, we just never say a word.

And we have the same haircut, same shit. And we're both turning. If I got in a car and that was happening, I would love that. I'd have the ride of my life. I'd give him a five stars. Oh, I would too. I would definitely give him a five stars. I'm already thinking about food.

For dinner? Yeah. You hungry? I'm pretty hungry. You want to get dinner? Yeah, I only have like 600 some calories, so I could only really go to Taco Bell and get a burrito or something. Guys, yet again, another podcast where Ryan is still counting those calories, still losing

that weight, still doing good. It's getting harder to lose the weight because I'm not like working out or anything. You're looking way thinner though. I do have to say. I noticed it when I came back from South Carolina. I still have my tummy and my titties. I think that stuff maybe now you got to work it out. Like work out to get rid of that stuff maybe.

It's like you've lost the initial stuff. Now you got to work out to get rid of the rest of the shit. I feel like I still could lose about 10 pounds of just resting fat on me and then i i still i i just need to work out that's the main thing i just need to add i need to insert working out into my equation same i want to do it let's let's do it more let's go to the gym let's pump the iron you know i'm saying let's drink that protein no what not for me you you can have protein okay that's right you don't need to't need it. I need to drink the protein because I need the calories. I can use protein to build muscle, but at the same time, I don't want to look bloated.

The stuff I have is specifically like high calorie protein. Yeah. 3,000 calories a day. That ain't easy. It's really hard hitting 3,000. I don't, I can never do it. Like hitting 3,000. I can easily hit 3,000 calories.

I cannot, dude. It's so hard for me. Oh my God. this is the easiest thing i could ever do to hit 3 000 calories yeah that's like that's like climbing a mountain for me because i'm thinking about like how i used to eat like i used to snack on something in the office then all of a sudden we get lunch at the office i'd have probably more than my fair share of like food it was just because they'd always order a shit ton. And then for dinner, it would be like Buffalo Wild Wings with mozzarella sticks and all this other stuff.

And I'd have sodas. And then later that night, I'd go to 7-Eleven and get like a fucking honey bun and some chips. Like a 40? Yeah. Just chug the whole thing? Let me tell you. Do you think there's people out there that eat like eight nine ten thousand calories a day that can't be possible about that i know the rock like has to

i mean people who are building a bunch of muscle like for hollywood rolls and stuff they have to eat like five thousand or just thousands of calories to be able to put out that muscle but see like my problem is like if i want to that many calories, that's a lot of food I've got to cook and prepare. It's like, I'm lazy. That means I'd have to wake up, cook eggs, and do a big breakfast. It's discipline. That's why it's not easy. I've got to get better discipline, man.

I've got to start waking up earlier. If it were easy, everyone would look like Zac Efron. Everyone would look like Dwayne the Cock Johnson. You like that joke? I said the cock instead of the rock. You did. Might be one of the best jokes I've ever told on this podcast. Not sure.

It's in the top ten. Something's going to come out about Dwayne. You think so? Oh, yeah. Something's got to. Why? Because he's so successful? He's too perfect.

He is really perfect. Like, his image is too clean. The man's never had a scandal in his life. You know what I'm saying? Way too clean. Can you's never had a scandal in his life. Way too clean. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking? I think that, Ryan, within the next year, something about Dwayne The Rock Johnson is going to come to the surface. Something's going to be, something's cooking up and it's going to be well done.

If he runs for president, hopefully we'll find that scandal. Dude, for real, like I would take Dwayne The Rock Johnson as president these days. Really? Dude, I love Dwayne The Rock Johnson. scandal dude for real like i would take duane the rock johnson as president these days really dude i love duane the rock johnson i'd love for him to represent me as a as a united states citizen i guess it's the i don't think he'd get us into a nuclear war you know he'd go to north korea do you smell what the u.s is cooking yes yes yo i could see like that's Kim Jong-un saying yes In a very Swedish accent Kim Jong-un grew up in Sweden Wow, holy shit He got a western education

He's been to the United States I think Wait, it might have been Switzerland It's Sweden or Switzerland But Kim Jong-un grew up He was a huge fan of American basketball That's why he likes Dennis Rodman And Dennis Rodman likes him People that knew him said that he would just spend fan of American basketball that's why he likes Dennis Rodman and Dennis Rodman likes him people that knew him said that he would just spend his time

playing basketball and then when he wasn't playing basketball he would just draw portraits of like Michael Jordan and shit I think Michael Jordan, famous basketball players, like just with pen and paper why is he such a dick? cause he got a country handed to him and 5 billion dollars

that could probably make you a dick also if you have a big ego and you have an entire country, like, based around you, that might do a little, might do wonders to your ego. Oh, North Korea. I just want to get Kim Jong-un on this podcast. That's all I want. I just wonder

when the whole big displacement will happen, because North Korea's gonna end eventually, and then there's gonna be a huge displacement of a bunch of like thousands sorry millions of fucking people yeah probably in the next few decades you think we'll be alive for that?

yeah I'd imagine so I totally would imagine so oh my god can I bring something back up about airports? two things about airports actually I thought of these when I was flying A. It is impossible for me to go through the TSA checkpoint Two things about airports, actually. I thought of these when I was flying. A.

It is impossible for me to go through the TSA checkpoint without them pulling me aside and touching my dick every single time. Because your dick looks like a weapon. No, it doesn't! It looks like the hilt of a samurai blade. The hilt of a samurai blade? Every time I go through, the machine right there on my crotch,

and he goes, Sir, I'm gonna have to feel your groin. And he goes, I don't, and I ask the guy, I'm like, alright, this happens every time, why does this happen? He's like, you know, it could be them tight pants. And I was like, I'm not even wearing tight pants. Could be them tight pants making your crotch stand out, making us think it's a

gun. Could be that big ass dick of yours. And he like gives me a kiss on the cheek. Then your dick grows to the size of Guam. like gives me a kiss on the cheek then your then your dick grows to the size of guam that'd be a huge penis the size of guam imagine the veins on that thing that thing that's like this that's a united states territory you know what else i was thinking so you know there's like a list of words you can't say in the airport you know obviously you can't say and if you're if you're listening to this in the airport don't don't yeah don't let these you know i hope you're not listening this out loud probably would have gotten kicked out

of the airport by now yeah but um i was thinking about this you know how there's gate numbers game numbers gate numbers you know your gate like b12 c4 is a gate number c4 c4 so is c4 just like an exception on that list of things you can't say in an airport? So I can just say C4? You can say C4. And no one will raise an eye? No, because it's different. I mean, whenever even you hear C4, like I don't make the connection. I'm like, oh, that's what I use in Call of Duty.

Oh, yeah. I don't think most people are like, C4! But when you go, BOM! Oh, that's true. And all of a sudden they think of that big fucking round black ball with a fuse at the end of it. That's what it's... They're like, oh, that's what people think of when they think of bomb. Okay, every picture I've seen of a bomb, like a clip art, the fuse is like...

It's as thick as our fucking wrists. Right, but also the spark is only like, what, inches away from the bomb? Yeah. Whoever took that picture had to get out of there fast. only like what like inches away from the bomb yeah whoever took that picture had to get out of their fast you know like if someone's taking a picture of a bomb like the the default image of a bomb like wouldn't they want to take it when the fuse is like 500 feet long and not when it's like six inches i think it looks better when the fuse is short absolutely for a picture it looks people gotta risk their lives for that shit man take it i'm a i'm a professional bomb photographer

i gotta take a picture of it right when the fuse is six inches. So how do grenades work with the whole pin situation? I actually, I learned this in the last year. Is it due to contact or is it due to time after it pulled? I completely forgot. I think it has to do with when you pull it, it essentially like lights a fuse or something that then goes and then blows up. I don't remember. Is it, people who know don't remember is it people who

know about grenades is it popular or was it popular back in the day for them to pull the pin and it instantly explode is that something that could happen i'm sure that happened every now and then okay here we go once the grenade once the soldier throws the grenade the safety lever releases the striker throws the safety lever away from the grenade body as it rotates to detonate the primer. The primer explodes and ignites the fuse, sometimes called the delay element. The fuse burns down to the detonator, which explodes the main charge.

Okay. Make sense? Yeah. Cool. We learned something. Guys, you came to this podcast to listen and to jokes and goof around, and now you can leave with knowledge of how a grenade works. Exactly. That's pretty cool. Grenades shrapnel, you know what I'm saying? Grenades are not cool though guys. You should not

play with grenades. Can you buy grenades? Like live grenades? Are grenades illegal to buy? Definitely. I would imagine so. Okay. It's an explosive with the intention of killing. Like you know what else would you use grenades for other than war shit like killing people? Fourth of July? Fireworks fireworks but it wouldn't even look from videos i've seen grenades

it's not like a fiery explosion it's just a and then there's shrapnel going everywhere throw them at the kids feet like poppers like you're like an old uncle with ptsd you know i wonder how many people on fourth of j July a year, like, in, like, the deep south die from playing with grenades. Like, black guy. Black guy, black guy, black guy. I mean, it just blows up and they die. Or, like, they at least blow a hand off. Like, guys, real talk.

I know there's a lot of people out there, especially on the internet, that like to collect things like grenades. That's probably not a smart idea. Collecting explosives, especially old ones, that may be very faulty at this point in time. If you have a grenade collection in your house, and if some of them are live, that's probably a very bad idea. This is just general advice coming from me. I'm not a researched grenade collector. Do you think people are weird enough to name their grenades? I guarantee there's many people out there that name their grenades.

Like name them Rodney or something. All right. Put her there, Ryan. There you go. I was about to. One more high five. Only let the people who get it sing with it. Yeah.

The true fans. The real fans. But I'm sure there's people. Can you not? Sorry. Dude, you know what would be a great prank? To hire someone to have a third mic in the room that just does that every time you talk, but you don't know that they're doing it.

So it sounds like whenever you talk, you just have a moist fucking mouth. You just have a lot of spit in your mouth. Let's simulate it, okay? All right, ready? Hey, guys. What's up? It's me, Matt. Just talking.

I got a lot of spit in my mouth today. I hope that doesn't bother any of you listeners. And if it does, guess what? The unsubscribe button is right there. All right, how was that? I don't know. Well, yeah, I guess I'll have to listen to that when I'm editing the podcast.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that's cool. From now on, every podcast, you know what we should do? I know what we should do. There's these types of, what is it, the Szechuan seeds? Not the Szechuan sauce, you know, Rick and Mort's, you know what we should do? I know what we should do. There's these types of, what is it, the Szechuan seeds? Not the Szechuan sauce, you know, Rick and Morty, you know what I'm saying?

Dude. Dude, Rick and Morty. I like, when you chew on Szechuan seeds, it makes you like salivate a lot. Let's do a podcast after chewing on Szechuan seeds. Okay. How'd that sound? You know? Sounds good.

Goofy idea. Get the kids on YouTube, they'll love that one. I love kids. What? I saw the Sounds good. Goofy idea. Get the kids on YouTube. They'll love that one. I love kids. What? I saw the look on your... I saw you, right when you said that, you just like shut your eyes and you were like... I know. Shit. I didn't mean it like that. I didn't. I didn't mean it like that. Is there any way for

a grown man to like express his love for kids without being creepy? God, I love kids. Is there a way for like a grown man to legitimately like, just be like, yeah, I love kids without being creepy god i love kids is there a way for like a grown man to legitimately like just be like yeah i love kids without without sounding creepy michael jackson did it right but he was creepy i love kids like people thought he was creepy you saw how that worked out for him can a grown man just say you know what i love some kids but like not not in a weird way he just he loves the innocence and and beauty of a child see that's like just saying that me describing another man saying that sounds weird because children are for raising you don't do anything with a kid but raise

it and teach it yeah if you like kids like out recreationally then that's true like adults probably shouldn't hang out with kids yeah this this podcast is full of great advice guys do not sexually harass people do not collect explosives also now you know how to how absolutely and also now the newest piece of advice is if you're an adult you should not hang out with children it looks bad

there's gotta be one guy out there that just this whole podcast is like oh that's me shit fuck oh that's me too I hang out with kids god i also collect oh fuck i sexually harass women damn it there's gonna be one guy just going down his checklist like yep yep ah yep damn it to that guy rethink your life choices no come on statistically you think there's one guy out there that we've hit all of the checkboxes for him? Probably. Collects grenades,

sexually harasses women, and hangs out with kids. Yeah. I want to be friends with this guy. That guy exists. That guy does exist. Hold on a second. Yeah? This week the segue is broken. But I do have this hoverboard kind of outdated.

Can it fit both of us? I think it could. Just get on my back. Okay. All right. Okay. It's time for the Ming Report. It's the Ming Report. So many people have sent us Ming Report jingles.

I know. And they are all wonderful. And we haven't used a single one. Instead, it's just Ryan going... When these people have put time and work into making a jingle for this we've had to have gotten like 50 of them in our email yeah okay whatever so you were gone matt i was gone i was out of town ming visited wherever she's back Wherever she came from. She screamed into existence. And she wanted a... Do you have a cigarette? And I did.

So I haven't seen her in a while, so I ended up giving her one. Then she just stood next to me and wouldn't leave. You were sending me videos. Yeah, I sent you videos of some of this confrontation. My favorite part is every video, most videos, the last three frames would end with her turning towards you and the phone quickly panning down yeah because i could tell you were like trying to film her and then she turned you'd have to stop because she's quick she's unpredictable she's like quick on her feet she's like a spider in your kitchen at night yeah oh my god when you're trying to kill it yeah and

it's like you're just like i don't know what to do um and the same thing for like when you hear her you're like you're like looking around it's like you know there's a yeah you know there's a spider in this kitchen you'll hear a scream or her voice echoing and you turn around you're like where's that coming from she's nearby you're like ah please don't come near this but anyways it happens so i was so i just put my headphones back on because like i usually just enjoy my time out there just Just listen to some music. Just listen to some music, being outside. And so she just stands there, and then she taps me on the back, gets my attention again.

I'm like, yes. She goes, do you mind if I listen to something? I'm like, what? Do you mind if I listen to something? I got something to play. Let me play something. I'm like, no. I'm sorry. No, I'm not.

Then she tried to grab my phone. Are you serious? Yeah, she was just like, let me just... She started touching the screen. And I took it away. I don't know where those hands have been, Ryan. After that, she went into her usual shtick, where she was like, it's the song. I want to play you something. It goes

like... And then this time though, the song was different. It was just a... It was like scatting. It's like, I can't do it because I can't scat. Yo, Lincoln scat? But she... It sounded... It was like someone who is...

It was like you'd watch a video of them trying to show off their scatting, and they're bad, but it's cringey because they think they're good. Yeah, yeah it's that it's that level of scatting where it's it's good because i couldn't do it right right but at the same time it's i don't i don't want that in my ear right wait did she have any like like and then there was one point where it sounded like bullets she's like except it was like more of like different different it was more than da da da da it was

like it was weird she started doing that and then i'd send you videos every now and she was like yeah i heard those what was she yelling at anyone or just uh she was like, hey, yeah, I heard those. What was she yelling at? Anyone or just she was yelling at some guy behind me because she asked him for a cigarette, too. He was like, no. She went, fuck you. Hey, where's she at? And he's like, I don't know where she's at. OK, fuck you.

What's going on? Yeah. And then she she came up with a new nickname as well for me. Really? She has a nickname for you. Stupid tattoo. What? Yeah. you what's going on yeah and then she she came up with a new nickname as well for me really she has a nickname for you stupid tattoo what yeah she calls you stupid tattoo she looked she looked down at my uh leg to this tattoo are you serious like oh tattoo man stupid tattoo hey stupid tattoo like hey she called you stupid tattoo yeah she called me stupid tattoo. And then also asked if my mom was going to cry again. I don't what I don't remember where in the conversation she did that.

It was near the I think it was near the end. But I remember strictly going, of course, she says this shit. She can't get over that. She really wants your mom to cry. No stupid tattoo. So this time she wanted to listen to my phone, listen to my like Apple Music Library. She called me stupid tattoo she asked my if my mom was gonna cry and she did a little scat for me so this you can't make this shit up well i could but

i don't know you'll just have to trust me i know i totally trust you on this shit because i know just but the viewers listening this sounds like too just too good to be true yeah because i've i've met ming myself so you've met her she's she's weird and i know exactly that you wouldn't make this up and like you even have like the evidence of me like learning these people's names then actually them introducing themselves to you with the names that i found out so it's like what a what a it's just weird because i'm the only one that like is probably seeing like talking this much with her besides the other homeless people. She is. And it's like,

it just sounds so goofy. It does. It is goofy though. I'm going to start calling you stupid tattoo. Hey, stupid tattoo. You should have been like, can you break down why this tattoo is stupid? And she'd probably scat for you and then probably scream herself out of existence.

I like to imagine that's where she goes. Like, she'll scream so hard. She'll just. And she's gone. Like I did in the mail opening video. Exactly. And then, like, a couple weeks go by. And finally, just in the alleyway in the middle of the night. Just.

Like, screams back. She's covered in slime. Like a short beam of light. Just. And she, like, falls on the ground. Drenched in slime. Smoke coming off of her. And she, like.

Like. Gets the slime off her. Oh, you smoke coming off of her. And she like, like, gets the slime off her and starts screaming. Oh, you haven't seen Blade Runner 2049. No, I want to. You have to. I'll see it before the next episode. You haven't even seen the original one. I know, I know.

How come you, Jackson and Tucker, didn't see it when you were home? I don't know why. I thought you said they, they were all in love with it. I just, we were going to, we just didn't end up doing it.

Hmm. I don't know why. But, but yeah, guys. I mean, I think that's about, I know it's a shorter podcast. A little bit of shorter ones. I don't know why. But yeah, guys. I mean, I think that's about... I know it's a shorter podcast than the usual. I mean, they used to be... Our podcast used to be like only 30-40

minutes. Yeah, 30-45 minutes. And then we boosted it up to like an hour. A little over an hour. I'd say the average... Honestly, our podcast, as long as it's over 45 minutes, it's a good episode. I'm fine with it. I still like getting them over an hour, but you know what? I like it too. You pansies are gonna have to deal with it And you know what else you're gonna have to deal with

What The deal's over at Sharkrobot.com Slash super mega Where we have Some new line A new line of clothing for you We have some Halloween merch

That's currently out right now guys We got two designs So go check that out Link will be in the description We also have a whole bunch of Other merch That's not Halloween related If you wanna check that out But yeah Next week in the description. We also have a whole bunch of other merch that's not Halloween related if you want to check that out.

But yeah, next week we're going to be back with episode 66, which will be a special spooky edition of Super Mega Cast, guys. What are the chances, dude? 66. I know. It perfectly worked out that way. So episode 66. Get ready for spooky mega this year. It's going to be, I think, of higher quality.

Oh, I think so, too. going to be, I think, of higher quality than last year. I believe so, too. Because last year we were really rushed and you were editing some of the videos while you were out of town. Yes, I was. And so this time you're in town. I am in town. You're ready to clown. I'm ready to clown.

But you ain't no brown. You aren't, though. All right, we're just going gonna end the podcast there, Ryan. SharkRobot.com slash SuperMega, please buy merch. Alright, guys. That's all we got for this week. I'm sorry. Well, you know what, Ryan? Your racism is really funny. You're not brown, though.

I know I'm not brown, but when you say things like that, you're not brown, you're fucking... You're a fascist piece of shit. Oh, fascist piece of shit. Where have I heard that before?