supermegashow - EP 87 - The Secret Formula

Episode Date: April 13, 2018

We talk Coke's secret formula, AP Literature, and Matt's facial hair. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Hey guys, it's your favorite internet people, Matt Watson and say it, Ryan McGee. There you go. I said your name, dude. I did, I did. I remember my name. You know what's strange though? What's strange? Whenever I'm asked my age, I have to think about it first. I said your name, dude. I did. I did. I remember my name. You know what's strange, though? What's strange?

Whenever I'm asked my age, I have to think about it first. I've started doing that, too. For considerably longer than it should take. When I was younger, I'd be like, 12. I was just in Texas when I was leaving Texas, flying back, and someone asked me, oh, where were you? I had to stop and think about it for some reason. I was like, Texas. Then someone asked me, where in Texas? I was to stop and think about it for some reason. I was like, Texas.

And then someone asked me, where in Texas? And I was like, where was I in Texas? Even though I was in Dallas. I look so scheduled. Like whenever I'm buying something from a gas station and they ask me my age, their question is like, when's your birthday? And I'll be like, June 14th, 94.

I do that too. It looks like I'm making up a birthday in this spot. It's the absolute worst thing. I'm always scared whenever I show my ID if I'm buying alcohol that they're going to think it's fake for some reason. I'm always so on edge. They're going to turn you away.

They're going to make it some big deal. The cops are going to come. Even though my ID is perfectly legal and I'm of age, I'm scared that they're going to be like, wait a second, and start questioning me about it. I'm scared that they're going to be like, wait a second. And like start questioning me about it. I'm really scared they're going to ask me like my address and stuff and I'm not going to be able to remember it for some reason. Or like my birthday.

Yeah. And I'll like completely mess it up and they'll be like, get out of here. And then they'll keep my ID and put it on the wall of shame or something. The wall of shame? Yeah. A lot of liquor stores have a wall of shame where they keep like, they put up like fake IDs and stuff. That's actually really cool. Yeah.

I want to see those walls of shame where they keep like they put up like fake ids and stuff that's actually really cool yeah see i want to see those walls of shame but my biggest fear is that happens to me just because like i forget my address or something so they keep it and i'm like no that's my that's my legal license i'm sure you can call the authorities at that point be like hey this psycho stole my license i need my license back he's he's collecting my licenses dude my little on my on my driver's license on my south carolina driver's license the the holographic i'll show you the holographic rainbow foil uh you too this i wish the uh the holographic like plastic that's on the front to keep you from counterfeiting i can peel it off now so if anyone wants to make a fake id i'll sell them my little holographic clear like plastic so you can put it on yours and make it look real if you want to have a fake South Carolina ID

I'm offering this illegal service on the podcast right now for all of you how hard can it be to essentially well I know I would Jesus Christ what'd you knock over? a dopey little mic bass

oh fuck that mic bass what were we fucking talking about? you were saying I know it's what? how do you forget what you were talking about I don't know I got distracted by a big fucking thump like it jarred my brain it boggled things around

fake IDs? oh yeah it's like fake IDs they have to be somewhat easy to make in retrospect because the means exist for IDs to be made in the first place thus the ingredients are just left up to people to make them you just gotta get the right things i guess but then using that logic then why why don't people make home home-brewed coca-cola because the recipe secret

yeah but how is it not leaked like a secret that big people are like the government is is too dumb to pull off complex conspiracies. But how come Coca-Cola's got a conspiracy? You're telling me no one? That is a conspiracy, you know? Like Coca-Cola has a secret conspiracy that no one knows. Except for like, man, imagine. Isn't it just like the heads of the company know?

And like that's it? I think. You think somewhere down the line it would have to leak out. Yeah. I wonder if that's one of those things where they say like two people know it but like actually like a ton of people know it well I don't know cause like that is serious knowledge and I bet if you find out what it is like

if you're in the company you probably have to sign some like paper or some form where it's like if you leak this or this gets out you're gonna have to pay like millions of dollars and then after you sign that form you go home lock your door you notice your window slightly ajar and then before you can do anything you're shot in the back of the head you start seeing like by mr coca-cola himself his big red suit his big red suit his coca-cola tie dude if i found out something like the coca-cola

secret formula i'd be so like every car that drives by my house at night i'd be like did that car just slow down outside my house you see like the headlights like all of a sudden that that scene happens in a movie where the headlights pull up at the front door and it's like shining in your lights and all of a sudden they turn off you're like and you hear the car door close you're like oh shit you're the feet on the gravel that that would scare me hearing like kind of hearing the inevitability of a break-in kind of like oh i hear someone playing with my door right now oh fuck what'd you do i would just make funny noises scare them away but and they'd run what i'd do is i'd first i'd call the cops then i'd be like leave leave i called the cops that type of thing yeah because then it's like

the cops are on their way, plus I'm here, and I have a big baseball bat. Like cuddle it, like in your bed with you. In my bed? Yeah, like spoon the baseball bat. So then if someone breaks in, you can just like whoosh. It's your partner, you know? You got it with you.

I can break it in half over my knee and then like attach a chain to them and use them as like awesome nunchucks. Imagine you doing that while someone's like in the middle of the break and like you walk out, you snap the thing over your knee. It takes a couple tries and you probably break your knee in the process. You definitely break your knee. I'm down on one knee now because my knee's broken.

There's no way to break a baseball bat over your knee. I'm sure there is. Is there footage of like coaches in anger breaking a baseball bat over their knee? I don't think you can. Think about how hard that would be. A baseball bat is designed to absorb shock. Or send the shock straight to your hands if it connects

with the lower portion of the bat, which fucking sucks. Yeah, you played baseball for a while. You know all about that. I think it's just hitting things with... If you hit something with a stick, like if you hit something with a stick like if you broke a branch off a tree you'd still feel that shitty shock oh yeah that's why the like when people do that that shitty thing where they're in like the back of a pickup truck and they and they hit mailboxes with baseball bats if you hit the mailbox like with the wrong part of the baseball

bat it just like destroys your hands apparently i've never done that because it's a shitty thing to do but you can fuck up your hands I guess if you don't do it right you can also I mean baseball is terrifying in the first place imagine getting hit in the temple with an 80 mile per hour ball yeah dude baseball you're literally standing there while someone with like

like a machine arm is throwing just a solid sphere at you at like 80 90 miles per hour and it's like alright hit it away from you now and then run. It's one man with a tiny deadly weapon versus another man with a slightly larger deadly weapon. Facing off and then everyone on the field is like, we're going to catch these deadly weapons and throw them around at each other. I wonder like if aliens like watch baseball, what they would think.

Would they think it's like some kind of like standoff between like factions of humans? Like they're fighting right now. This is how they duel. This is how humans fight. A lot of people give baseball a bad rep. I can actually be entertained if I watch a baseball game. I actually think it can get tense at some points. Because you've got people trying to steal bases behind the pitcher's back.

The pitcher's got to keep an eye on that. The pitcher's got to think about what he's going to throw. What type of pitches this batter's good with handling. There's a lot of stuff. I haven't seen Moneyball. Apparently it's a good movie. With Jonah Hill? And Brad Pitt. Dude, and the pitcher's

got to be looking out too because he just learned the Coca-Cola secret formula. He's looking all around the stadium to see if he sees that man in the big red suit. It's like, all of a sudden he sees just one guy in the outfield that's wearing sunglasses and a suit with a baseball cap on. He doesn't recognize him. He's looking all around the stadium to see if he sees that man in the big red suit. It's like, and all of a sudden he sees just one guy in the outfield that's wearing sunglasses and a suit with a baseball cap on. He doesn't recognize him. He's like, who's that?

Why isn't he wearing uniforms? Coach, who's that? And all of a sudden the coach is like, oh, you remember him. He's always been on the team. I mean, he just looks at him and nods his little hat at him and then turns and walks away. We should make a horror movie but someone that learns the coca-cola secret formula and starts seeing all these signs all of a sudden like an untold history story of fucking babe ruth figuring out the coca-cola secret formula

dude what if what if like and the reason all those scandals came out about him was act they're all actually false and they were planted by coca Coca-Cola because he knew the secret formula. What if, what if people like, it's easy to be Alex Jones, man. Like, like John F.

Kennedy learned the secret formula. And like, that's why they had to get rid of him. Like Coca-Cola was behind his assassination. Him and his brother Bobby. Cause he shared it with his brother Bobby. Yeah. He shared it with his brother Bobby.

He's like, Bobby, I gotta, I gotta tell you something. Good thing Ted didn't get any. Oh man. Dude. And dude, he knew Marilyn Monroe too. He's like, Bobby, I gotta tell you something. Good thing Ted didn't get any. Oh, man. Dude, and dude, he knew Marilyn Monroe, too. He probably told Marilyn Monroe.

He told Marilyn Monroe. Dude! That's why she died, too. That was no accident. Uh-oh. Oh, shit. Did Martin Luther King know the secret formula of Coca-Cola? It might have been. I don't know. Does it go back to Abraham Lincoln, dude? Dude, Abraham Lincoln. He was one of the first people to know the secret formula. John Wilkes Booth was hired by Coca-Cola to take Lincoln out.

I wish history, like, as complex as we think it is, I wish it all just came down to a bunch of political figures figuring out the secret to the Coca-Cola secret formula. Because one of those things where, like, every 50 years, like, someone discovers it. And Coca-Cola's like, I don't care who they are. They have to be gone. And like that's what happened, dude.

Imagine having that power, knowing the Coca-Cola secret formula, like be like, wow, I'm one of the only people that knows it. And I guarantee it's nothing special. It's just like, oh, that's it really? Some corn syrup and mayonnaise. Corn syrup and mayonnaise. It's the secret formula i never guessed it but i tried it and it's it

like how i'm actually shocked like because you feel like other companies would be able to like take coca-cola and then kind of like break it down and like taste it and like you feel like with science they'd be able to like perfectly clone coca-cola but they can't like no other company can same with like peps, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper. Like, there's always something different about those. Create Coca- Like, another company needs to create Coca-Cola using stem cells, dude. Dude, that's why we need to legalize, like, stem cell research.

That makes no sense. Grow some Coca-Cola. Grow some Coca-Cola. Because there's no Coca-Cola cells. Dude. What? Believe it or not. Are you serious right now?

I'm 100% serious. Are you lying to me? I'm not lying to you, Ryan. Are you telling a big old fib? Ryan, I'm not fibbing, dude? I'm 100% serious. Are you lying to me? I'm not lying to you, Ryan. Are you telling a big old fib? Ryan, I'm not fibbing, dude. You better not be fibbing with me. God, would you tell me if you knew the Coca-Cola secret formula? Yeah, I'd tell you.

Careful, man. You're like the closest person that I know to me right now. Careful, Ryan, because if you ever find out, even by accident, Coca-Cola could listen back and be like, he's already a liability because in the past he said he would tell somebody and then all of a sudden where's my friend ryan ryan's missing your universe though where i would know and you wouldn't i feel like you and i are attached currently right now like in terms like it would be a brand deal with coca-cola where it's like okay do the make your own coca-Cola challenge. With corn syrup and mayonnaise. We're like goofing around and then like we mix corn syrup and mayonnaise and we realize that that is the secret.

Like we discover it. Can someone tweet at us a video of them like getting some, what is it? Tonic water, putting in some mayonnaise and corn syrup. Mix it up. Mix it up and tell us if that's Coca-Cola. It might be. I don't know. What if it really is? Coca-Cola like comes down on us with like the heaviest legal hammer we've ever seen in our life. You gave away the secret formula on your podcast.

And you have a goofy illustration of it as the thumbnail. Oh man, guys. Well, you can make, now you know how to make your own Coca-Cola at home. Would this be like a national, like, news scandal if we just leaked the secret formula on our podcast? If we did it by accident, it would go down in history as one of the greatest findings known to man. Corn syrup and mayonnaise makes Coca-Cola. It's a chemical reaction. Like, fuck those douchebags with brushes brushing away bones in the desert.

Like, come on. We're the real historical figures. We're the ones discovering shit. Yeah. Matt and Ryan from Super Mega. Oh, look, a bunch of bones. Anyone can put a bunch of bones together and call it a giant lizard. In fact.

But can most people put corn syrup and mayonnaise and tonic water and call it Coca-Cola? Nope. Don't think so. Yeah, guys, you listen to the Super podcast you discover some uh some some new stuff like the coca-cola secret formula i know that i forgot what what product is but there's some secret formula where no one actually knows it or that's what that's how they market it because they're like they're like only two people like one person knows half of it and the someone else knows the other half but i'm like well how do you make your your drink then because the thing is

the coca-cola factory someone's got to manufacture whatever the secret stuff is to put into the drink you know so wouldn't wouldn't more people have to know the secret formula because like coca-cola they're all employees i feel like i feel like the base mixture is created and like only people at the top level know i don't think like people at factories actually brew it up i don't know i went to the to the Coca-Cola factory once. It's all machines that make Coca-Cola, right? It's not like people going, oh, a little drop of this, a little drop of that, and you stir it with a big spoon. I wish it was like a bunch of like German housewives, like with aprons and like mixing up like a little dash of this, a little sprinkle of that.

All singing along in a nice old Coca-Cola song. That'd be amazing, man. Like that would make me want to drink Coke even more if I knew that, like, that much, like, love and hard work went into it. If a bunch of robots make something for me, I'm like, you know, where's the love and passion in this? Yeah, but unfortunately, sodas can't help you, you know, be all healthy and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And speaking of being healthy.

What? Something about Beachbody and a pre-recorded Beachbody ad? Here it is. Ryan, do you want to get ripped and have huge muscles? A lot, yes. Then use Beachbody On Demand. It's an easy-to-use streaming service that gives you instant access to a wide variety of super effective workouts you can do from the comfort of your living room 24-8.

Oh, that's a typo. 24-7. This is the company behind a lot of awesome workout programs like P90X and Insanity. I mean, I do P90X and Matt, you do Insanity and we're looking epic. We're actually looking really epic these days. Not just the programs, they also have super trainers you might know like

Sean T or Tony Horton. Oh shit, Tony! I love me some Tony. Have you seen that dude's nipples? I'm serious, have you? Dude, his nipples got biceps. They do. That's cause of Beachbody. So what are you guys waiting for? You can work out on your own schedule. You can do workouts as short as 10 minutes that don't require

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And to be strong, they probably used Beachbody. Wow, there are over 1 million people currently on Beachbody On Demand? That's more subscribers. Oh, shit. They're bigger than we are. They're way bigger than we are. And the best part about it, you can try it for absolutely free. It's free.

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That's A-N-G-I.com. Well, I hope all of you can get healthy. Speaking of getting healthy, Ryan, all that talk about Coke really makes me want some right now. We have Coca-Cola cans. Do we have Coke? Yeah. You can go get a Coke. Could you get me a water? I'm going to go get a Coke and I'll get you a water, Ryan. See, right now, here's what we're doing.

I'm choosing to put high fructose corn syrup and fat and mayonnaise in my body and you're choosing to put beautiful water, hydration. I've been bad these past few days. I need to put beautiful water, hydration. I've been bad these past few days. I need to get back on the ball. I've been enjoying junk food.

I haven't had junk food in the longest time, and this past whole, I think, almost a month now, I've just been really enjoying food. Like, not going hard like I used to. I used to go hard, dude. Dude, you went ham. Yeah, I'd go to 7-Eleven every night and get, like, a bunch of, I'd get gummy worms, and I'd every night and get a bunch of... I'd get gummy worms and I'd get a bunch of fucking drinks.

I remember, dude. I would go with you sometimes. Get a big old honey bun. Get like $10 worth of just garbage candy. And chips. And plus that means earlier that night I also probably had Buffalo Wild Wings. Oh, man. Oh, my God.

Thinking about how I woke up and how I felt internally those mornings is awful. It's the worst. I can still stop myself from eating too much. I can still eat in excess, but now I never get to that point. I don't either because, like, I don't know. I feel like I hit a point when I was 21, like, shortly after I turned 21. How old are you? I'm 22.

So this was not that long ago okay but i hit a point when i was like 21 where i just like hit this point where i couldn't turn back on like being conscious of um there's no turning eating a ton of disgusting candy and junk food because like before i could do it like guilt-free and just do it but then i just hit this point where i was like this is really bad for me i really feel like when I'm eating candy it's slowly grating away at my teeth. I feel like that and I also feel like it's just killing me because it's like I'm gonna feel awful later

and there's no way this is gonna make me feel good. It's not fueling your body well. No. It's sugar. Like when you fill up your car you gotta use the right gas. Exactly. You're not using the right gas. Exactly. You're like watering it down and thinking like yeah this will get me Exactly. You're not using the right gas. Exactly. You're like watering it down. No.

And thinking like, yeah, this will get me by. You are what you eat, is what they say. So if you eat a bunch of gummy worms, you'll just turn into a big gummy worm. Yeah, like a big Jabba the Hutt looking gummy worm. That'd be pretty cool, man.

No one. If you were just a giant gummy worm monstrosity. Yeah. I'd take a little bite out of you. I love gummy worms. Gummy worms are the greatest, but I don't know, dude.

I just like, I can't eat candy like I used to. It's hard to not be gluttonous sometimes though hard to what it's hard to not be gluttonous sometimes because it's just like food is really good food is the best and you just want to eat it i usually get caught off guard because i'll start eating when i'm bored or like i'm like wait i'm not eating right now i feel like i should i want to be snacking on something i'm a little bit hungry yeah let me just start eating out of this chip bag like I want to be snacking on something. I'm a little bit hungry. Yeah. Let me just start eating out of this chip bag. And all of a sudden the bag's over and I'm like, oh, wow.

Hmm. Let me go watch this show. And then I'm like, hmm, I could use an ice cream right now. Like that type of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just builds up. Ow! What'd you just do?

Pull the hair out. I'm seeing long hairs in the shower and I'm like, my mom visited so long ago. Like why are her hair still in the shower? I'm like, my mom visited so long ago. Like, why are her hair still in the shower? I'm like, oh, wait, they're mine. Or your mom has like mutant hairs that are slowly creeping back up and they're going to like. That would terrify me. It's like an it when the hair like shoots out of the drain and like grabs her. It's going to do that to you.

Fully aware hair is terrifying. I hate that. Fully aware hair. This podcast is sponsored by fully aware hair it's the best hair product in town well not as good as um never mind actually you know what they don't have a sponsor this time not on this episode so i won't even mention your name what if they pull the sponsorship because of that and like what we didn't well we didn't we didn't call you out we didn't mention your name and i'm yeah, well, you put two and two together.

And I'm like, oh, oops, sorry. We love you. Whatever. Fuck you. Stop. Don't say that. Don't say that. I'm kidding.

I'm kidding. If you're a cool sponsor, you'll take the heat. They're not. Well, they're not. Yeah, that's true. They got to look hip and cool to all the millennials. Yeah. And they know that if they pull it, all the millennials are going to be like.

Let's be honest. Their company can't afford not to look hip and cool. Amen. We're really just roasting them we don't mean it yeah we don't please we we're just goofing around we're just goofing we're just throwing goofs all around like like it's a big subject i'm scared um oh man ryan but if your hair imagine if you imagine if you could feel in your hair like if your hair had nerves that would suck like laying Like laying in bed, you'd like, God, dude, I can't imagine just how much life would suck. Like if someone just like started flicking your hair. Yeah, that would hurt.

Or like sawing your hair, it would hurt like it would be cutting your skin. That would suck. Couldn't get a haircut. Or they'd have to put you under to get a haircut. Each time it's like this surgical process. We're putting them under. Imagine going in to get a haircut and you're like, I'm sure your hair might look better if they actually paid that much attention to how your hair was cut imagine

places that specialize that much to where it's like we're gonna put you under so you're absolutely still and i can work with you the way i need to put you in like a zero gravity environment you're my canvas man i would love to have someone cut my hair that like cared about it like so fucking much they're just like listen this is gonna be like i'm gonna spend three hours and just it's gonna look great because usually when you go in to get a haircut you know it's a job to them you know yeah i'm sure a lot of people put passion into it but there's a lot of people they're just like all right you're giving me money i'm gonna cut your hair how you want it i want to go into someone that looks at my hair they look at the

pattern like they scan my head they get the patterns of like the way the way my hair goes here and they're like all right this is the best way to cut it and it's gonna look good and i'm gonna spend hours doing it and i'm doing it because i love you i have this passion for your hair that like you you would have the greatest haircut ever i bet yeah it looks so good but be like five thousand dollars though yeah i just don't know what to do with my hair right now i'm i'm i've always said like i in that awkward phase. I'm legitimately in that awkward phase of long hair. It doesn't look awkward. It looks fine. I mean, I have a hat on right now.

Well, a beanie, a cap. A toque? A toque? Is this what this is? That's what they call in Canada. Okay, a toque. Or I could be completely wrong, and all the Canadians are like, what are you talking about? What is Canada like?

Is it nice? I've never been. I wouldn't know. I don't think I'd like Canada. I feel like I'd love Canada. Well, not to live there, but I'd feel like I could visit there. I feel like I would love Canada to visit. I feel like it would be great, especially when it's cold, because I like the cold.

But then all of a sudden it's like, it's too cold, Ryan. Fuck off. You think you're just going to fetishize Canadian culture like that? Here's the thing like because canada like the most southern point of canada is is more northern than the northern border of the united states and that's too cold for me like like think about that like that's freezing man think about north dakota think about how cold north dakota is canada's above that do you want to live somewhere where it's that cold?

No. And that? No. Look, California weather actually spoils a lot of people. They don't get the humidity. They don't get the biting cold. I mean. You don't get the bugs.

You don't get the pollen. You get the pollen a little bit. Like I got the. I'm feeling it right now. I need an Allegra. But it's not that bad. I have maybe gotten one or two mosquito bites since I've lived here. Yeah, like the mosquitoes are just, they go somewhere else.

I don't know where they are. Like every now and then I'll get like a bug bite and I'll be like, where'd that come from? Oh, well. Imagine how Los Angeles would feel if the air was clean. Like the weather combined with like clean air. How great that would be. That would feel wonderful you can kind of have like get that experience

if you go out into like the camping sites like you and I did yeah it feels so much nicer you just gotta get away from the city you can notice

like an actual like difference when you go somewhere um like away from Los Angeles as the sun shines through the smog it was a beautiful day

in downtown Los Angeles oh the smog there's so much sm day in downtown Los Angeles. Oh, the smog. There's so much smog, man. I challenge someone to write the opening of a book that takes place in downtown Los Angeles and not make it seem like it's depressing. And gross. Be realistic. Don't be like,

oh, the birds were chirping, all the red robins were out flying around, the clouds were beautifully placed, the cumulonimbus orgasmic fashions of society. I don't know. chirping all the red robins were out flying around the clouds were beautifully placed the cumulonimbus orgasmic fashions of society i don't know that's what a lot of writers do they use a bunch of words and mash them together and then by the end of it you're like what was going thesaurus dot com excuse me dude i got mad respect i did that when i was i did that in uh middle school i'd be like writing short stories.

I'd be like, I don't want to use this word. You'd like take a boring adjective, make it sexy with thesaurus.com. But of course, then sometimes you'd use the wrong type of word because it doesn't actually articulate what you're trying to say. It sounds like it does, but it doesn't. I got mad respect for the guys that were able to write like that back in like the 1600s when they didn't, when thesaur you know not not a big popular thing you had to go to the the district library they had no they had to be educated to write like that didn't like look at a book that was chained to a post yeah or like i i saw a book somewhere that was chained like to a thing and i think it was a dictionary at some like maybe it was at like the, the, some like national library in Washington DC or something, but it was, it was like three feet big.

And it was like the biggest book I've ever seen. I said, that's a big book. I can't read that whole thing. That is a big book. That's a huge book. I'm trying to think of the biggest book I've ever seen. I'm thinking back. The Bible is a big book, but it's not that big.

You know what I mean? Like there's a lot to it. It's a boring book, but like it's it's not thick like you don't look at it and you're like oh that would take that that's that's that's a reader let me tell you i couldn't it's over 2 000 pages i can't read that i feel like the goblet of fire is longer than the bible well the thing about the size of the print goblet fires got more bigger print more space and the bible's got like tiny print, tiny space. And it's 2000 something pages. Like, whoo!

Also not entertaining. It's not an entertaining 2000 pages. They have little sparse moments of being entertained. And then they have, it's just kind of like reading Shakespeare when you don't know the like certain cadences and things of that time. Dude, that's hard. Reading Shakespeare is, I remember in high school when I had to like read a Shakespeare book, I'd read like a page and be like what the fuck did they just say and like

the english teacher like i'm like why do we have to learn this old english like students in the class are barely literate as it is like why are we studying this like teach people how to actually use the language in which we speak today let me read fun with dick and jane or something like i feel like english class should have focused more on kind of maybe even go into the history of our language so we can get to the stems and roots because it's like we're learning stems today. We're learning vocab, but they never tied it together for me in this seamless kind of line that I think when you're learning something helps a lot. Like you progress in a certain way. Like with math, you have to learn things to progress to the next level. In English, it was like, let's learn some words. Let's, let's read

a book every now and then. But I think it would, it would have been better if they built upon the language more in terms of the way I was taught in my way. It was very haphazard the way I was taught. Man, I did. I actually had to read some really good stuff for my, my AP lit class. actually had to read some really good stuff for my my ap lit class uh because oh my god i took an ap lit class in high school and the teacher was i've never had a teacher that gave that much reading like like no it sucked i was i was in a so much reading i can't remember what year i was an ap lit but i just remember that was the time where i think we read Animal House and Odyssey and we just read a bunch of classics. And like we also read some new stuff. It was just basically the whole class was read a book, take a test on that book.

Exactly. Yeah. Did you have to annotate the pages? Yep. I had to annotate the pages. And like I don't that when you require annotation like that, no one takes it seriously. We were supposed to. Yeah.

You just write. I bullshit my annotations. Like I don't think a single person. I like underline the like important character. Yeah. Stuff like that no one takes it seriously we were supposed to yeah you just write bullshit my exactly like i don't think a single person important character yeah stuff like that or like or just like wow wow what an animal what did i say animal house when i said reading a book you did say animal house like the movie no not the movie what am i thinking of animal barn what's the fucking book called i know what you're talking about. It's a big political book and they use pigs and farm animals. I know what you're talking about and it's not Animal House. It's not. I know.

Animal House is the fucking goofy movie where the guy climbs up on the ladder, sees boobies and goes, and then he falls down. Yeah, it's based on the classic book. What is it? No. Farm, farm. The Barnyard. Book. Back to the barnyard.

Book about farm animals. It's communism. Is it about? It's about farm animals and communism. Animal farm. Animal farm. Not animal house. Animal house.

I bet there's so many people who said animal house are like, oh, Ryan. I know, I know, I know. Oh, man. I knew that AP lit class was going to suck when I got my summer reading list. And all the books were over 500 pages. And it was pick three. Well, I had to pick two. And then one of them was required.

And it was like 600 or 700 pages. I remember going like, do they really expect me to read three books? I was like, holy shit. I cannot read this much over the summer. And then I had to. And summer reading always turned into the thing where it's like the last two weeks of summer yeah you just have to sit and read books and it's like cliff notes or spark notes i was too scared to use those because i'm like i'm gonna get off to such a bad start i did though for me not with summer reading i i i used those for summer

reading but i didn't use those as much i used them like twice later in high school yeah but like i didn't use them for the major books we were reading in class. I'd actually read those. Or like I liked it when we all read in the class and the teacher went along and explained some things to us. Yeah, that's cool. I remember like, oh man, Sparknotes. I think that's why teachers had you do annotations was because it's like, then you have to go page by page. And even if you do fake it, it's like, it just makes it that much harder.

So you might as well read it. Yeah. Like I like reading. I really do. I need to do it more. Like I just need more good books. I was in Barnes and Noble last night and I was just looking at all the books and I'm like, man, I want more books.

I just don't know like what's good or, or, you know, where to start. Have you read The Road? I have not read The Road. It's an easy read and I think it's really good i know it's your favorite book what's my favorite book ryan i've said it a million times man your fate hold on come on ryan hold on hold on i knew your favorite book the road by cormac mccarthy why don't you know mine because your favorite book is fucking um hold on i know it the box cart kids dude how did you know i didn't expect you to remember i love the box car kids favorite book norwegian wood see that i can't remember that because i don't know who that who who wrote it i don't have a haruki murakami i don't know who that is. He's a super famous author.

He's so good. Is he as famous as fucking Tolkien, dude? He's... He... But Tolkien has more years behind him. Is he bigger than where the sidewalk ends, man? You don't even know his name. He looks weird.

He looks scary. Shel Silverstein. Yeah. Yeah, he does look a little weird. It's a jump scare. Every time you turn to the back of the book. Like, ah! No. I'm here!

Ah! He's at the end of the sidewalk. You get to the end of the sidewalk and he's, hey! Yeah, I love Shel Silverstein. Okay, so Norwegian Wood. Norwegian Wood. I have a hard time saying the word Norwegian. I always want to say, like, Nor-we-nor-nor-region.

I want to say Norwegian. Norwegian. The Nor-region. The Nor-regionregion. I want to say Nor-region. Nor-region. The Nor-region. Nor-region. Nor-region Wood's a good book. It's really sad. And also, my second favorite book, if not tied with Nor-region Wood, is After the Quake, also by Haruki Murakami.

After the Quake. It's a collection of short stories. I read it, the whole thing, on a plane, and I was like, it's so fucking good, dude. Yeah. I have a lot of other favorite books. I read this, I remember I read this book in high school i really liked called half brother and it was about this like family that adopted a chimp tried to teach it sign language and i just remember i really liked it when i read it it was like i thought it was super good i read a bunch of sad dog books i had

a phase where like i just read books about dogs because i wanted a puppy of my own so even though i already had a dog i just wanted a puppy i wanted a be So even though I already had a dog, I just wanted a puppy. I wanted a beagle specifically. How great would it be to like, if they had a little pill, you could give a puppy and make it stay like an Everstone or whatever in Pokemon where you can keep your puppy a puppy forever. I wish I could go back in time and see Lego as a puppy because I'll never have that experience of knowing what he looked like as a young boy. But he was cute. I bet you can get a professional Photoshopper to Photoshop him down. I mean mean I've seen dogs that look eerily similar to him And then I've seen their puppy pictures And I'm like oh

He would look so cute Just a little ball of fur A little blonde ball of fur So cute Dude he would have been I know dude he would have been the cutest puppy ever He would have been such a dopey little I have to think that he was like the runt of his litter

Probably 100% You know what I like about German Shepherds Is they have that thing where like when they're puppies, their ears are down. And then one day they just go up and then they don't go back down. So it's like, that's like a milestone. Yep. Just like, whoop. That's cute.

His ears are big. He's got some big ears. He's got big ass ears. When his ears go back, they like go up and then go down at an angle. I don't know how to explain it. It's like, it's like a sharp, it how to explain it. It looks like a pyramid. I know what you're talking about. In fact, look at this picture today.

I have this picture. When he's guilty of something. I'm like, Lego. He goes, whoo. I love how dogs feel guilt. Do they feel guilt or is that a misconception? I don't know. It seems like they know when they've done something wrong

because they have that look on their face. Even if you don't call them out on it, you can when they've done something wrong because they have that look on their face even if you don't call them out on it you can tell they've done something because they look guilty because there'd be times where I'd be like what did you do and I'd go search around and I'd find it and then he'd be like he'd be watching me to see if I saw it

and then as soon as I do he'd turn away when I looked at him meanwhile my cat can just shit on the floor and just not even care. Banana was mean to me, dude. Was he mean to you? He was mean to me for the first time in a long time. What'd he do? I don't know. He was just meowing and I don't know if it's because

he misses the fat Ryan. He doesn't recognize you anymore. He's like that he's the opposite of that YouTube commenter that was like I miss the old skinny Ryan. Yeah. Banana misses the old fat Ryan. By the way, look at this picture of Lego.

This is a year ago today. That's a good picture. We put sunglasses on Ryan's dog and he looks all goofy. It's a great picture. That's a lot of hair. Ryan, you should put this in the podcast so people can see it right now on screen. Send it to me. Here it is, everyone. Take a look at Ryan's doofy dog with some sunglasses on lego is such a good pup he's a he's a good dog i'm death he keeps uh doesn't he keep breaking your uh screen door though

twice so far yes he just runs straight through it yeah but also it's like partially my fault because i should knowing lego and knowing like dogs in general like dogs are gonna be like wait you have to wait for the screen door yeah but a dog's not gonna know what a screen door is especially if they're vision you can't really see it that well and he's ready to just bolt out of there and go to the restroom and shit and it's just like so part it's partly my fault but I do get

severely pissed off whenever he does it and I'm trying to not forget dude to there's nothing funnier to me than when a child runs full speed into a sliding glass door it's so funny just boom and when they like fall back and they're just like like their whole like the reality is so like what is going on you can see the look on their face like their brain is trying to process what just happened they're like because like that that's such a I've done that before.

Run into a glass door. My friend did that and ran straight through it. Dude, speaking of like things that are hard to comprehend, like this deal. Who is this one? This is for if you want to find some love. Love is hard to comprehend. Oh, D-Harmony. If you're trying online dating, chances are you've run into, you know, lazy text messages,

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Thanks eHarmony for sponsoring this podcast. Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you. Oh boy. Get us in the commercials. Ryan and I will be on the commercials. We will. You know what time it is. Let's get back to the podcast. Look at that guys. Got two

in one episode. That doesn't happen that often. Yeah. Thank you for listening, though. Thank you. And thank you to our sponsors. Without them, the show wouldn't be as epic. Guys, I know sometimes you can get tired of ads,

but it's how we keep this show afloat. It's how we keep this whole channel afloat. It really helps out, so thank you guys. You really do help us out by listening, so thank you. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Wait a second. What? I think they...

Didn't Stella order food, or did she not order food to be delivered? Ryan, do you think the listeners have any idea what you're talking about right now? Yeah, they know who Stella is. Do you think they care? Stella's great. I love Stella.

Stella is wonderful. But, like, after the last ad read, actually, I said I was going to go get a Coke. Oh, yeah, we never did. So let's take this time to take a break. We'll be right back. Fuck! We're back. We had some lunch. Boy, was it tasty.

Yep, yep. You actually, no, you didn't eat lunch, did you? I had a pretzel stick and some Skittles. A pretzel stick and some Skittles? Like a hand, like a few Skittles. Give me a high five for that one, bro. I just didn't feel like a wrap today. I was like, mmm. I feel you, man.

Sometimes you just get in and you're not feeling it. You can't force yourself to feel it but guys we wanted to uh we want to tell you something got a little announcement a fun little announcement for you um super mega land is on the way yes we finally got the okay to start construction on our very own theme park guys so fucking excited it's going to be actually attached to Disney World, which is super exciting because we were afraid that they would not be as... We didn't think they were going to be as accepting

as they were of the Super Mega brand. They were, actually, which leads us into the bigger announcement. We have been bought by Disney. Super Mega has been attained by Disney, guys. We cannot be more excited. We're going to have our own cinematic universe, which means that the movie review guys, they're going to create their own movies. So we're going to have a movie review series sponsored by Disney where we review all the best Disney movies that come out. Star Wars, Marvel films, 3D animated cash cows for children.

Hey, you might even see us in some of those, you know? We might even be able to go to the Disney headquarters and maybe do a little thing here and there and get ourselves in one of those movies. Yeah. But in reality, the actual announcement is we are going to be at a convention. So guys, drumroll please. All of you out there going like, oh God, please be the convention I'm thinking of. Oh God.

We are going to Anime Expo in Los Angeles, July 5th through the 8th. We're not going to be there the whole time. Or maybe we will. We'll announce the days that we're going to be there. We're going to have a booth. Yeah. So you can come meet us at the booth.

Come say hey. Come get some. We're going to be selling some really cool original prints. Take some pictures of us. We'll be in a big glass box. With hazmat suits because we don't want to get sick. Dude, I'm actually terrified of getting sick from Animanix. Because when I went to E3, I got like the worst.

Oh, God, it sucked. I got like the worst oh god it sucked i got like the flu or something that sucked i got sick after another convention did you get sick after the one where i stuck my fingers in your surprisingly no see maybe that's i was helping you i was helping you like your body you're growing my immune system yeah exactly you know we the more disgusting you are the more your immune system adapts to a disgusting environment that's probably true i mean dude like we we shook hands for, what, like, two hours straight? Yeah. And then you hadn't washed them, and you went and put your fingers right in my mouth? Yeah. For the funny

ha-ha? Yeah, for the funny ha-ha. I was thinking just, Jesus Christ, Ryan. Oh my god. Dude, what if I contracted, like, Ebola or something? Why would I have Ebola? No, like, you shook hands with someone that had Ebola and then gave it to me. What, did you give me AIDS or something, dude?

I'm not gonna give you AIDS. You know AIDS is transferred through handshakes. Through fingerprints on the tongue. But yeah, so we're gonna be at Anime Expo. We'd love to meet anyone who's going to be there. We will update you guys. Follow our Twitter as we're also gonna update through there on specific

days and times that we're going to be, I'm sure. You know, as it gets closer, because it's not till July. Yeah, it's July 5th, 6th, 7th, and 8th. Yeah. We, not sure when exactly we're going to be at, the booth will be there all four days. We're only going to be at the booth for certain periods of time. So we will update you as the dates get closer to when we will actually be at the booth. But yeah, we can't wait to see you guys.

Can't wait to meet you guys. Just have some fun. Can't wait to see all the beautiful little weeb faces in Anime Expo. Take some pictures. Bring your pillows so you can take a nap in line. Yeah. Because our line is going to be the biggest line at Anime Expo, baby. It's going to be going out the door and around the building six times. But yeah,

I'm actually really excited because the only con we ever did was VidCon. And that was when we were like just starting. That was two months after we started super mega, we did our first con. And people were stopping us a bunch. That was VidCon. This is anime expo. Do you think the,

do you think the fan base is more rabid at VidCon or Anime Expo? I feel like it's more rabid at VidCon. Yeah, because that's like just for YouTube. But hey, guys. Anime Expo. Anime Expo. Anime Expo. Expo.

Anime Expo. It'll be pretty good, my friend. Yeah, I'm just excited. I'm excited to see the people that support us. I'm excited to say hey. I'm excited to shake their hands, and I'm going to set up a personal kissing booth where they can kiss Lego if they want. What about you? Dude, let's just

deck our booth out just to be a big kissing booth. Oh my god. How inappropriate that would be. You have to show ID though. Oh god. Just the whole image of people showing ID before going to a kissing booth is boof. God damn.

These Ryanisms are really slipping out today. Boof is another word for marijuana. Is it? Boof? Yeah. Just bought a pound of the boof. Brought that shit straight to the booth. I can't talk either. Guys, bring a pound of the boof straight to the booth at

Anime Expo. Say that three times fast. Bring a pound of the boof straight to the booth? Yeah Expo. Say that three times fast. Bring a pound of the boof straight to the booth? Yeah. That's hard, dude. Boof, boof, boof. Can't do it, dude. Bring a pound of the boof. Just bought a pound of the boof.

Bing. Dude, but like, yeah, guys, Anime Expo is going to be fun. I can't wait to see your anime cosplay. Ryan and I are also going to be anime cosplaying. Dude, if anyone dresses up As Stewie Griffin I'm going to lose my mind Someone's going to You have to lose your mind now

Because someone's going to Dress up as Stewie I will too man In fact If someone can dress up As Ned Flanders And fully paint themselves Dude

Let's fully paint Can we both cosplay As Ned Flanders And fully Fully paint ourselves Yellow and everything For Anime Expo Get the mustache

And everything That would be great Okay Talking about mustaches so back in december um with some friends we were like let's all grow facial hair and i was like okay um so i wanted to be a part of it so i bought some rogan and i was like i'm gonna put rogan on my face and see if it grows and it did it really really like helped because uh it makes hair grow but i started growing like kind of a mustache and kind of a beard, but it looks really bad in the process. Like what you're talking about, that awkward phase with hair growth, where it like before it's like full, it's just kind of like, ugh.

So I shaved it off. But looking back now, if I had stuck with it to this point and still had it, I feel like I could have like a legit mustache and beard by now. You think? I think so. Like it would be full and it would look like decent. wouldn't be scraggly i'd probably be scraggly still i don't know but it would be like there like you know yeah because it's been you know if i grew that about pushing through onto the other side i'm just wondering if i pushed through

because that was only two weeks and it looked like you know it was noticeable so i wonder if like you know now four months if i would have like good looking facial hair. I don't know. I don't know if it would look good. Do you have to like break it in? Do you have to do like one first grow to like break in your facial hair? And then after that, it's okay? I don't know.

I think everyone's facial hair is different. So like some people just, some people will never be able to grow decent facial hair. Yeah. Other people can, like me, I can't, I can't grow a full beard. I can grow a decent beard. You got a great beard. But it's not like a full mustache.

Like my mustache is pretty thin. Yeah. Compared to like most beards out there where it's like all the upper lip is just covered.

And I know some people like can grow it in the middle and then some people don't. Yeah, I don't. On the fulcrum or whatever that part of your face is. What is it called? Anglet?

No, that's, you're thinking of the tips of shoelaces. Oh. No, that those are aglets. Aglets, yeah. I think this is called the fulcrum. I think this is also called like an angel bow. Angel bow? Angel's bow or something. That's cute. Nice and cute. I can't remember. I can't grow facial hair there. In fact, I can't grow.

It's spotty. So like right here in the middle of my chin can't grow. I can only grow it on like the two sides of my chin. And then right here i don't know about you but like this spot i cannot grow anything it's just a big empty patch so what am i thinking of why did i say angel bow what's an angel it's something this is like has a nickname i don't know what it is look up nickname for is it called a fulcrum am i wrong on that one was it right right? Looking at his puzzle. I'm looking. They just aren't naming it. Name it. Come on. What is the...

What the... Filtrum. Filtrum. Is the location. Yeah, Filtrum. That's gross. That's a gross sounding name. What's a fulcrum then?

I love how every time you do the OK Google thing, it triggers probably thousands of people's phones to do the exact same thing. Whatever. OK Google. Text mom. I want to bang you send i don't think it sure no no no stop did it do it no thank god can it can it send text yet let see. I just want to see, like, okay, Google, text mom, ha ha, I love you, you're gay. Text mom, sure, mobile or home?

You have to then say mobile or home. Oh. Okay. My mom's not actually gay, and that also wasn't an insult. I meant it in the... In a loving way. In a loving way, yeah. Whatever. I always call my mom gay, and I only mean it in a loving way. In a loving way, yeah. Whatever.

I always call my mom gay, and I only mean it in a loving way. Don't worry. I'm trying to take the word back for my people. What? My people. All the straight white men that haven't been able to use it as a diss. We're taking it back. We're taking it back, and we're using it as a word of love.

Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. You know what I got back into yesterday and I'm fully addicted to now? Bongos. No. Oh. It's Tiny Tower. What is that?

Did you ever play Tiny Tower? It's Tiny Tower. Let me show you. I bet you remember this game. This fucking game, Ryan. Your mobile game. Look at this. Hold on. Hold on. Have you ever played this? I don't think so. Like fucking game, Ryan. Your mobile game. Look at this. Hold on, hold on.

Have you ever played this? I don't think so. Like, I'm not really into mobile games. I never have been. But Tiny Tower, there's something about it. It's the most addicting mobile game, like, you will ever play. And it's not, this isn't a... No, it's not a sponsorship.

It sounds like a sponsorship at the start of it. I love Tiny Tower. It gets me so hard. It's where you have to build a little skyscraper and there's hundreds and hundreds of types of floors and you can customize them. You gotta deliver people in the elevator and do little

tasks and you can dress them up. Can you put bathrooms and stuff in? No, it's like floor by floor. Each floor has a theme. I have a space themed apartment asian cuisine art studio do people live in those places and you have to keep care of them yeah and you got to give them jobs at different like shops and stuff and you can like cool that

customize each one but there's like oh my god dude it's it keeps building going up keeps going up and you got to buy new floors and um you got to stock the items in the shops which makes you money while you're gone and everything and it's not one of those games that's loaded with microtransactions because it's a really old game from the golden era of mobile gaming before it got overrun with microtransactions. There are microtransactions, but it's not like...

They don't affect the progression at all? No. It's a game where there is waiting, like building floors. You gotta wait a couple hours sometimes and you can do that thing where you pay, speed it up. Well, you where you pay to speed it up. Well, you can buy currency to speed it up.

But you can also fully play the game without anything taken away from it, without paying for anything. It's so much fun. But leisurely. You can just sit there and play it. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's always something you can do. If you have to wait for it. Okay.

You can always figure out something to do. It's super fun. And boy, I mean, guys, you should go try Tiny Tower again. Tell me how many floors you get. Because I, dude, when I played this game way back in the day, I had like 50 floors. And it's, you should download it, man. It is quite the mobile game. That's the problem.

Like I just don't feel like there's any good mobile games anymore. There aren't. They're all trash. Like I really enjoy Tiny Tower. And what else? I tried playing this new Tamagotchi mobile game that just came out. And that's actually pretty fun. I mean, like, you know, there's the Katamari Damacy mobile game where it's like an endless runner.

But I have an issue with, like, I don't know. Clicker games? It's not a clicker game. It's just like a maze runner. I mean, not a temple run type of game where you just have to like swipe left and right and jump. But I don't know. I kind of have a problem with like more recent Katamari stuff.

Like the Katamari PSP game and this, because they're not made with the original creator anymore. They're just made by Bandai Namco. So it's made from a game standpoint instead of his odd mind doing something and then being like, make it into this is how it's going to work in the game. He worked on the first two games and you can

see the weird creativity. I don't know. That's why I like Kenomaru Masi because you can tell that it wasn't made to make money or be a popular game. It was made out of a really cool idea and passion project with a bunch of weird creativity. And the new stuff, you can just tell that it's different. It doesn't have that old, unique feeling.

It feels like, okay, they took the Katamari Damacy characters and world, and then they had a team over at Namco Bandai create a game that I don't know they don't get weird enough with it I guess that's what it is like it feels too safe it feels like more safe now or does it feel too like weird for the sake of being weird instead of like coming from a legit just place of oddity yeah it just feels like they're just

like making a game because like a game studio would make a game instead of like I don't know it doesn't feel as like crude and weird as it used to which makes me a little sad you don't get the full experience but he's making a new game right now the creator which I'm really excited for

he built little parks it's called Wadham and you like walk around and you have to blow things up or something it looks fun and then he has another game called Noby Noby Boy which we should totally play on the channel. It's really fun. What's Noby Noby Boy? You're like a little worm thing and you walk around and you just interact with things in the environment

and get longer. I think you've told me that before. Yeah, it's weird though. It's super cool. It's the coolest. I thought I was the coolest. You are the coolest ever, Ryan. Good. Okay. Guys, I need to give you an update on something, by the way. Earlier in the podcast when I said, I'm going to go get a Coca-Cola, I changed my mind.

I did not get a Coca-Cola. I'm not going to put all that sugar in my body. This is not a diss against Coca-Cola because I'm sure they have a wonderful legal team and they'd love to have anything negative about them taken off the internet. But I'm not in the mood for all that sugar and all those calories because you know what that's bad for me it's gonna make me feel like like poo poo later and it's caffeine i already had caffeine today i had a cup of coffee so i'm sorry coca-cola maybe another time go hug a tree matt i'd love to hug a tree

coca-cola is my god right i worship coca--Cola on a day-to-day basis. Do you know the secret formula? No. Maybe. Whisper it in my ear. Are you serious? Yeah. That's the secret formula?

That's the secret formula. Are you serious? I'm fucking serious. The tears of Ray William Johnson? You're not... Shut up! Shut up! Hold on.

Someone's outside of the recording room hello we gotta make a horror movie about that some guy just accidentally discovers the coca-cola secret formula just like an fbi agent but i like the idea that the agents are all wearing like suit like coca-cola branded suits like red suits they are all wearing like suit, like Coca-Cola branded suits. Like red suits. Like they're all red. Like a little lapel.

Yeah, they have buttons for Coca-Cola. I stand with Coca-Cola or something like that. Dude, I wonder if corporations like Coca-Cola have ever done like evil shady shit. Because they're like billion dollar corporations. And like they seem like such wholesome like products. But you wonder like when corporations get that big, like, you know, like, I'm sure. Yeah, they've done a bunch of fucked up things. Like, we're finding out right now, like, about Facebook.

Like, I wonder, like, what majority of massive corporations have done really fucked up shit that no one will ever know about. Well, that's the thing. Like, Facebook has a reason to. I'm not saying, like, it's a justifiable reason. But they have a reason to be fucked up and collect people's information because they can sell it. I don't think Coca-Cola has that, you know, that marketability of like,

oh yeah, why don't you do all these things so we can learn information about you? It's just like, we have to make a good product. Facebook, it's not about making a good product. It's like about making a decent enough like layout for a bunch of people to use to stay connected and then for you to gain information about these people and then sell that information to other companies and advertisers. Have you ever watched like an interview with Mark Zuckerberg? He's so uncomfortable.

He's just this introverted, like weird person. He doesn't know like there's something so often like robotic about him when he talks. Well, didn't he, I mean, he created like Facebook because he didn't have any friends or no, I'm sure he had friends. I don't want to,

I don't want to say, I don't want to, have you not seen the social network? He created hot or not or something. I forgot what it was called. Were you like, I know, but that,

that movie took a good bit of liberties every now and then. Like they, they, uh, made up characters every now and then. It's still a really good movie, though. Yeah, a really good movie. Movie's awesome.

I need to rewatch that. It's been a while. But I don't know. Mark Zuckerberg, he's just so awkward. Wait, have you ever seen The Zodiac? The Zodiac? Yeah. No.

Is Mark Zuckerberg in The Zodiac? No. Dude, imagine Mark Zuckerberg became a huge actor. The Zodiac, it's so good. It's so good. How good? It's my favorite film by's so good. How good? It's my favorite film by

David Fincher. Okay. Can you imagine Mark Zuckerberg as a male model? Him with his shirt off. Like a Calvin Klein model where he's standing there in tight little underwear and it's showing his V of his crotch and he's just

looking at the camera with that blank face he does where his lips are a little agape. Like chapped. Yeah. And his eyes are just kind of like – he has very piercing eyes. Yeah. Like I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg like has like a dark side to him and like, you know, maybe he's killed some people. Or some people to be killed. He looks like the type of person wherever you're having a conversation, like, you know they're looking at you, but you don't feel like they're listening to what you're saying and they're just kind of like thinking about you instead of like listening to what you're saying type of thing.

Yeah, I feel like Mark Zuckerberg always just feels like he'd be looking past me. Like, he'd be looking through me, you know? Yeah. Like, his tiny little beady eyes would be like piercing my soul. Well, I mean, our tiny puny brains couldn't entertain him. Oh, like I wonder if we could make Mark Zuckerberg laugh. Do you think Mark, do you think Mark Zuckerberg's ever watched Super Mega? Do you think he's ever sat down and like, oh man, it's been a really stressful day at work.

I'm going to sit down and watch Super Mega. I think it's his favorite post-masturbation watch. He gets home. He doesn't pleasure his wife. He goes and he masturbates. Does he have a wife? Yeah, and a kid. Jesus.

He's got an Asian wife and a little daughter, I think. I bet he gets home, goes into his study, goes. He masturbates to all the Facebook photos he collects that day because he's like, okay, Facebook, show me the hottest pictures from Facebook today. And it's like, okay, Daddy Zuckerberg. And then it shows him all the pictures. Okay, Daddy Zuckerberg. And then it shows him all the pictures. And he gets in his big recliner. Yeah, he has like a house computer

that he built himself that calls him Daddy Zuckerberg. And then he jerks off to Facebook pictures, the girls in bikinis. And then he goes, shoots out like a little spray of Mark Zuckercombe. It looks like just fucking sunblock spray. But it like just fucking sunblock spray.

But it mists off into the air. Yeah. He calls that his Zucker splooge. He goes, pfft. He doesn't have to clean it up. He engineered that himself, too. He had a little device put in, so it just goes, pfft. Oh, dude.

And then he opens up YouTube. That's the perfect fertilization technique. Spray? That's like what mushrooms do. You don't want globs. You want it to spray. Like a mist? Yeah.

But what if it goes off into the wind and gets someone pregnant like a mile away the next day? That doesn't work. That's a danger. You've heard those stories of like, oh, I'm pregnant. I didn't cheat on you. It was the hot tub. Yeah, it was the hot tub or I sat on a toilet seat weird. It's not how it works.

I sat on the toilet seat, went into my vagina. I love those. I love those excuses where it's like, it's like, no, it must have been in the pool water. That's not how it works. Like, first off, like power to the sperm that can survive in a pool, you know, long enough. I don't stay there. I think A, the you know, long enough to, like, stay there. I think, A, the chlorine would kill it. Well, yes, it would.

B, oxygen also kills. Yeah, like, I'm pretty sure it dies, like, pretty instantly, like, pretty fast. Like, it does not stay alive long. It's a rough trek to get to that egg. And that's why, you know, it's like a long journey, too. Like, it's not just like, you're in a pool and it's just like okay now it's gonna magically follow this entire path and get there we were like a little

fucking thing cell cellular thing dude you won you won the race out of everyone there are millions and you won that's so crazy fucking kick their asses we're all winners every guys no matter how you feel today how you feel about life whatever's going on just remember you were a winner out of millions, billions of individuals.

You beat everyone in that race. So no matter how you feel, just remember, you are a winner. You won. In our eyes, you're a winner. Yeah. You're always a winner in my eyes. Joseph? There's just some guy out there named Joseph, and he just looked at the screen and was like, what?

It's a sign from God. It is a sign from God, Joseph. Do exactly what you were planning. Oh, shit. Joseph, I know that you had that thing in your head that you were thinking about doing. Just do it. Just be, sorry. Unless it had to do with killing people, then don't.

I'm getting a call from God. You're getting a call from God right now? Yo, what up, God? Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I'll tell him. He wants us to end the podcast. Why?

He says he needs us at the gates. He wants to talk to us a little bit real quick. Are we in trouble? I don't know. I didn't ask him. Did he sound mad? He sounded a little mad. That could have just been because it's a Wednesday. You know how he is on Wednesdays. Yeah, I didn't ask him. Did he sound mad? He sounded a little mad. That could have just been like,

cause it's a, it's a Wednesday. You know how he is on Wednesdays. Yeah, I know how he is. Shit, dude. Okay.

So should we just wrap this up? Yeah. Well, if God needs to see us, is this about, come here. Do you think this is about that? Do you think that's what it's about?'s just okay okay well thanks for listening guys we got

to go okay let's go now bye guys Thank you.