supermegashow - EP 92 - Shower Beer (ft. Tucker)
Episode Date: June 6, 2018We talk the Anti-Christ, the perfect taco, and welcome a very special lady. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...
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Let me, uh, you want a sip of this for me?
You sure, buddy?
It's a real juice.
I've never tried one of those.
What's this?
It gives you, it gives me the same, except I'm awake and like alert and I can get shit done,
but it gives me the same feeling in my heart when I stay up until sunrise.
Oh, I hate that feeling.
It makes me so uncomfortable.
Now that you pointed it out, I feel it.
And that's a feeling that I really don't like.
Wow, you're so right.
Can I try it?
Right?
And here I am drinking a second one.
You're right.
Here I'm drinking a second one.
Well, this is how we're getting it started.
Yeah, we're talking about five-hour energy shots because I drank a five-hour energy shot
about two hours ago.
And then I just cracked open a second one for some ungodly reason because I was like,
hey, a little more energy wouldn't hurt.
So I'm just going to see what happens.
Oh, yeah.
And Tucker's here.
Oh, hi.
You guys have been wanting Tucker
forever,
and we brought him back.
He's been very busy on his press tour,
but now he has enough time.
My book signing. He has enough time for the little
folk. Did you say your yearbook signing?
He's been signing yearbooks.
He's been going around signing kids' yearbooks. Tucker,
your pupils are insanely dilated right now.
Are you on drugs? Do you see how dilated
his pupils are? I'm on three five-hour energies right now.
I'm on a 15-hour energy.
The DMC.
The DMC.
Are you on DMCA?
DMCA, dude.
That's a camo five-hour energy.
Where did you find something so beautiful? It actually reminds me
of Four Loko.
This is like non-alcoholic Four Loko.
Except, it doesn't taste as bad. Can I try it? reminds me of Four Loko. Well, for some reason, this is like non-alcoholic Four Loko. Yeah.
Except it doesn't taste as bad. Can I try it?
Sure. Five-hour energy still doesn't taste
good. No, it doesn't, but
nothing beats the
shitty taste of Four Loko. Oof.
Right? Give it a sip. I don't even know what
that smells like. I mean, obviously there's some flavoring
in there. Maybe it's like, yeah, apple. It's green
apple. For some reason, green apple is camo.
What is five-hour energy? I'll tell you right now whoa you don't like it let me hold it tucker you eat
you ate like you eat like bear asshole yeah but bear asshole is not as bad as this have you had
bear asshole dude no it's like there's a little bit of a battery acid taste but other than that
it's delicious have you ever eaten a bear no What's the weirdest meat you've ever eaten? Have you really never eaten a bear?
Ryan, how, like, how are you?
What if a bear?
How is that question, my answer to that question crazy to you?
No, I've never eaten a bear.
Because you, like, live out in the wilderness.
Who's eaten the weirdest meat out of all of us?
You?
No, Tucker's eaten some pretty weird meat recently.
Mine is horse.
That's the weirdest I've ever eaten.
Which I feel bad saying that.
I feel like morally wrong.
I've had caribou heart.
You can eat caribou.
That's not too bad.
I'd be embarrassed if I said some things that you ate.
You don't want people to know that you ate.
Wait, what did I eat?
The dog.
You ate dog?
Dude, don't talk about the dog.
Ryan.
He ate like a beagle.
Like straight up.
Put it on a fucking skewer and shit.
That was a different time in my life.
Different time, man.
That was acceptable back then.
Whatever.
I'm not that person anymore.
But like legitimately, so you had caribou heart.
How was that?
How was caribou heart?
It was a little tougher than I would like.
Did you feel like you were in Apocalypto?
You were absorbing its powers.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can now, I don't know, like hang out and eat grass.
There's this thing where some girl, oh, it was in Game of Thrones where she had to eat a heart to prove herself to Cal.
Is this a spoiler?
I was about to say Count Drogo.
Count Olaf.
Oh, yeah.
Count Shokula. It's Drogo Count Olaf The horse heart
Horse heart
Did it look anything like that?
It had
space for the blood
It had a
Chambers
Did you stay away from that?
Did you have blood all over your face?
The whole thing is the muscle
Did you have blood all over your face? It was open the whole thing's the muscle, right? So you eat the whole thing. Did you have blood all over your face?
Because it was open.
It's not like it was a heart that had been sealed up.
Was it cooked?
You're not eating it.
It was cooked.
It was not raw.
He didn't eat a raw caribou.
He was actually hiking and just found a dead caribou.
This was actually...
Took his heart out.
All this...
This food was all on my last most recent thing that I did travel-wise.
I went up to...
most recent thing that I did travel-wise,
I went up to, I shot a documentary in Norway that was related to the International Seed Vault,
where four different artists and then a fifth researcher
who was bringing more artwork,
they all brought art related to seeds,
and then they deposited it in the seed bank mines
as a ceremonial gesture related to the seeds itself,
kind of bringing like a cultural aspect to the seed vault, which is really cool.
Yeah, but I had caribou heart and then also had seal and whale while I was there because it was in small bars.
Why didn't you start with that one?
Because caribou heart is so much weirder.
Like caribou, like anyone would fucking eat a caribou.
I bet you more people have eaten caribou heart than seal.
No, I don't know about that now.
And then you're just like, oh, and by the way, I also had seal and whale.
It's like, well, there were three and we only had to talk about one.
So I think it's a heart.
How often have you had the heart of any animal?
Have you ever had the heart of any other animal?
Have you ever had any?
Who's eaten whale?
Or seal?
How do you?
Didn't you say whale was just kind of like.
Yeah, I just tasted both in there.
Yeah, whale and seal are both really similar to each other.
It just tastes like steak, but it's kind of like a really uniform texture.
When uniform, do you mean just tough?
Like there's not that much of fat to help.
Was it blubber?
It's just not like a marbling or anything.
It's just like a very, you know, uniform
material. Was it blubber you were eating?
I don't
think so. That's a great word.
Blubbery? I love, I love
because blubber is like the perfect word to describe
what it is. It's one of those words where like the name
feels like what it is. Blubber.
Just like a fly, you know.
Fucking idiot who named that insect.
And how did that stick
to the rest of the English speaking language?
It's like, yeah, that's what it's called, fly.
Why aren't
bugs in America's
dishes and shit?
Why is that? I have no
want to eat a bug.
I don't go, oh man, you cooked that up, that's gonna be a good bug.
Have you ever had bugs?
Every once in a while like when
I was a kid we would go to I guess like
science museums or something they
would have like lasagna
with termites in it
that's that's fucking gross
larvae that is fucking disgusting
feed insects to kids it's a way
for us to just living larvae
termites in lasagna that's like
some like fear factor shit. I'm talking
about like, I ate like, I ate like a grub
like in science class. Or like
the candy that has a scorpion in it. Not fucking like
Italian lasagna with termites.
Is that real? Yeah.
It was, I think it was larvae.
Like grubs or whatever you're talking about.
But larvae. That's not a dish for bugs.
Yeah, yeah. And then they put ants in cookies.
See, that makes sense.
That makes sense, yeah.
But something about like a goopy dish like lasagna with larvae.
I don't like the idea of the like bugs in lollipops because as you're licking the lollipop,
all of a sudden the antennas come free.
I don't like the feeling of antennas in my mouth.
I ate a mealworm.
I ate a mealworm.
I threw it in my mouth in science class in high school.
A mealworm.
Was this on a deer?
How is that different than like a red earthworm?
A mealworm is, it's one of the little tiny yellow ones that you feed reptiles.
Okay.
I threw that in my mouth.
It was wriggling around and I bit it and it popped.
Very juicy.
You ended its life.
I killed it.
What do bugs taste like?
Do they taste like anything?
It had really no flavor. Like it wasn't bad. It wasn't gonna be like blood and guts and shit so it's like
you're eating everything it's just a juice it's yeah and it's so it's just like a protein juicy
like i can't even remember if it was salt or anything if you eat something that has like
wings or something i think there's like you can kind of feel the crusty oh yeah most recently
even more recently than when i was a kid, there was an ice cream store.
Salt and Straw had Halloween bug ice cream.
So they put.
Does that not break like health codes?
Where was this?
Salt and Straw.
What state?
Here.
California?
Yeah.
California.
Where are we right now?
You lived in California when you were a kid?
No, no, no. This was last October, November.
I thought you said it was like even before back in childhood.
Oh, you said more recent. Sorry, you said more recent.
I'm on the right track.
I just heard the exact opposite of what you said.
That's totally okay.
That's like earlier when Ryan said to me like, hey, I'll be in the recording room whenever you're ready.
And I'm sitting here for like 15 minutes chilling.
Yeah, but for some reason in my head, like what I heard was like, I'm going to go like just, I don't remember even what I heard.
But in my mind, I was like, oh, he's going to use the bathroom and then he's going to come get me when he's ready.
It's like 15, 20 minutes go by and then Ryan's just like sitting in the recording room like in silence.
And I was like, oh shit.
It was nice.
It's nice to just kind of relax in silence.
I'm glad.
I'm glad.
That's good.
I was worried you were going to be mad that I let you hang in.
What bugs did they have in the ice cream tub?
They had grubs and they had crickets.
What is grubs?
What is grubs?
Same kind, like, little art eye.
Grubs are those big, fat, white things you find in your garden.
So, specifically, that's what a grub is.
When people say grub, that's what grubs are.
Maybe they're the big, fat, white bugs.
Because Tamu and Pumbaa, they were like, grub is, think so. Grubs are the big fat white bugs. Because Tamu and Pumba, they were like
grub is like all of these
yummy bugs. Well grubs, that's a joke
because grub is another word for food in general.
So I think that was what the joke. And my dad had
when he was in New York City, he had
grasshopper tacos.
Tacos where the meat was grasshoppers.
Was it good? Did he enjoy it?
Did he eat? They're like crunchy
bugs.
Yeah.
They're protein rich.
He and my dad.
Yeah.
And he ate like two or three grasshopper tacos.
And I'm like, I don't know if I'd be into that.
I've eaten, I've eaten earthworm.
I'll stick with pork tacos.
Yeah, exactly.
I'll be like, I'll have some, some, you know, carne asada.
I don't need the grasshopper.
I try it.
I try a bite just to be like, okay, so that's what that's like.
I had earthworm.
My friend, when we were kids,
had a little mini grill and we were in the woods with it.
We saw the movie How to Eat Fried Worms.
We cooked an earthworm and he ate it.
I took a little bite.
I cannot tell you how disgusting it is.
It's literally just like eating dirt. It tastes
exactly like dirt. You grilled it up a little bit.
You tried to season it, put some salt on it.
What we did was we got like vegetable oil and like cooked it in that.
And it was gross as fuck.
Never done that.
Was it full of dirt?
Like when you bit into it?
Did it have dirt on it?
I think earthworms are mainly dirt.
Yeah.
It was just dirt on the side.
Well, I mean, that's what they, you know.
They're called earthworms.
They consume a lot of that shit.
Matt, I really appreciate how, I feel like my experiences with bug eating
are kind of like, oh, someone cooked the
bug and put it into a food.
Your experiences are just like, I wonder what this tastes like.
Like, you just grabbed some
earthworms and popped them into your mouth after you cooked it.
I didn't just pop them in my mouth
while they're like slimy
and wriggling.
Dude, the termite lasagna, that
is disgusting. I'll make some for you man like the
thing about like i feel like if you have bugs in a dish it needs to be a dish where there's certain
dishes and i can't even say like what classifies it but there's certain dishes where it's like
okay bugs could work and there's some ones where it's like no lasagna is not a dish i want bugs in
it's too like i just don't want bugs in it. Like, I don't feel, do they add much? Well, other cultures eat bugs.
Yeah, because they're added protein and something to munch on, I guess.
Well, I feel like.
You can season them like chips or like sunflower seeds, I'm sure.
If we grew up with them, like we wouldn't have an issue eating bugs.
Yeah, but I'm saying there's a place for bugs to be and it's not in pasta.
Not in pasta, exactly.
What would be your optimum dish to put a bug in?
To put bugs in?
Yeah.
Well, it depends on what type of bugs.
Honestly, a little baggie of seasoned bugs, like seasoned crickets.
They sell that.
They sell the little mealworms, like seasoned dried mealworms.
And that's a real snack people just munch on, just eat them.
Just that.
I think bugs fit perfectly into that.
In like the chip category.
In like the crouton slash addition category
you know what
you could probably
put them on a salad
yeah put them
I was about to say
put them on a salad
yeah
bugs in a salad
work great
bugs in ice cream
you should try that
yeah it was a weird
combination
bugs in a lollipop
yeah
rather have a tootsie roll
what about a tootsie roll
with bugs in it
I'd rather just have
the tootsie roll
okay what about like
one of my uber drivers
had a thing of Tootsie Rolls
And I didn't take one because I was scared
What if you took one and he turned around and slapped your hand
Stop!
Those are not for my passengers
He had those dog training pouches
You know the ones with the drawstring
He had them timed around the head of his car seat
And he just had candies in there
And every time you take one he clicks the little
I wish
The clicker And he just had candies in there. And every time you take one, he like clicks the little... I wish.
The clicker.
I tried to do that with Lego, but I gave up.
Didn't work.
Dude, training animals is hard as shit.
Well, you got to be dedicated.
And I just didn't have the time to sit down with him as much. You miss it once, and it's like back to square one.
I want to teach him to really bring the ball over to me, though.
What's he do with it now?
Fetch, he just kind of plops it down.
He'll take it to, like, the mat.
To me?
I mean, there's a lot of different.
The doormat.
The mat.
I am the mat.
The Spanish way of using the word the.
El Mateo.
I'm El Mateo.
That's my new name on Supermega.
Wait, sorry.
Answering your question earlier, Ryan, like 10 minutes ago, you were like, what's in five-hour energy?
Okay, so this is the extra strength, sour apple flavor, which for some reason, the packaging of all the other ones is like based around the fruit, like the color.
This one's camo.
So I don't know.
Green apple.
Green, okay.
Green camo.
You find apples in the wild.
All right, so these statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
Except for being a little tired bitch.
Let's see.
Supplement facts.
Here we go.
It's 1.93 fluid ounces.
And let me read you the daily values of everything that's in this.
So we have niacin, which that's 200% of my daily value of niacin in this little.
You guys just yawned at the exact same time.
Well, he was copying me.
Oh, I see.
He was mocking me.
Would you like some five-hour energy?
Huh?
Ryan was just yawning.
I was making a statement.
Yeah.
Do you want five-hour energy?
No.
It'll get rid of that yawn.
Do not want it.
Okay.
So 200% niacin, vitamin B6. Here we go. statement yeah do you want five iron no it'll get rid of that young do not want it okay so
200 niacin vitamin b6 here we go so the b vitamins are what give you energy
fun fact so if you need some energy to eat something with b vitamins why don't you just
take some pills b vitamins oh they have those like a lot of daily vitamin supplements have that
instead i'm drinking liquid cancer so yeah two000% of my daily dose of B6.
Folic acid, 100%.
Now, here's where it gets crazy.
Vitamin B12, 8,333% of my daily dose of vitamin B12.
This is your second one.
This is my second.
So my 16,666.
I'm going to tell you, Matt, working out today afterwards and maybe even during, it's not
going to feel nice probably.
Well, Ryan, I stacked two fire energy.
That's 10 hours of energy.
That's not how it works.
Are you a scientist?
I'm sorry, Matt.
That would be cool if that's how it worked, if it worked like a video game or something.
I could drink three and have like 15 hours of solid energy.
If your energy was like refill energy.
That would be great.
Instead, it's just
gonna like make my heart beat really fast and i'll have a panic attack um okay but there's a
little bit of sodium uh less than one percent of my daily dose sodium that's nice of them 230
milligrams of caffeine a cup of coffee has 153 milligrams of caffeine so i've had two of these
and a cup of coffee today so five cups of coffee worth of caffeine. And I also had coffee this morning.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm adding the...
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Plus the B.
It's got...
Oh, it's got taurine in it as well, which is for energy.
Nice.
A bunch of things I can't pronounce with L's in front of them.
Other ingredients, purified water, natural and artificial flavors, sucralose.
Natural flavors?
It's got to be good for you, though.
And crickets.
Oh.
That's what's in it.
A little bit of protein.
Yeah.
Four calories.
I mean, it's healthy.
It's like, and a cricket in each bottle.
Like the tequila worm.
If you eat the cricket, you get extra energy.
Like the episode of George Lopez where they drank the worm, man.
They drank the worm. And then he was like he was like doesn't that make you hallucinate
isn't that supposed to
I don't know anything about this I've never heard of a
worm in tequila okay well apparently
Tijuana is famous for a type of tequila with a
worm in it where if you eat the worm
you like hallucinate
so that's the and part of me feels
like if you drink like strong
tequila or something that's drinking the worm I feel feels like if you drink like strong tequila or something you're
gonna that's drinking the word i feel like it's become a saying as well yeah i've never i've never
seen a bottle of tequila but as the worm i've always wanted to try it i've always wanted to
try the worm i'm sure it's gross but it's like why why is why why is there a worm in tequila
speaking of bugs in food like well how did that start like who decided that it would be like
like commonplace just to drop a dead worm into a bottle of tequila and be like, oh, this is a good selling point.
A dead worm in each bottle.
Maybe the hallucinations when the worm ferments.
Does the worm ferment the tequila?
Probably not.
When the worm absorbs the alcohol, the hallucinations get stronger.
I'm going to go ahead and say that's the advertising.
Does the worm have to do with wormwood, which apparently makes you hallucinate, which is what was in Absinthe?
Shit.
You're right.
In Four Loko?
You figured it out, Matt.
Just a theory.
Because wormwood is also the name of the asteroid in the Bible that destroys a large population of the earth in Revelations.
Is it?
Oh, wow.
So that hasn't happened yet, though.
That's down the road.
When wormwood knocks out a lot of the yeah like i wish the bible was just generic so people that like
followed it could just be like see it was just like one one day we will have a ruler and then
so anyone can be like the bible was rocked the president oh my god it prophesied everything
dude relevate like uh they they take a of like, they step out on a limb.
There's some prophecies where it's like people just make those.
People are doing that, man.
They're talking about the Antichrist.
That was Barack Obama.
No.
And then it was before that it was George Bush.
I think every president has been like, this is the Antichrist.
I know.
Read the Bible.
It matches perfectly.
I have not seen any Trump Antichrist things though.
Because the people that accuse other people of the antichrist are Trump supporters.
Well, I think that whole thought of the antichrist is becoming less and less so because people are becoming more sinful.
Being sinful is more open and you can do it now.
Yeah.
Mark Zuckerberg I could see is the antichrist.
I've never seen someone accused more of being the antichrist than Barack Obama though.
Yeah.
In my lifetime, definitely.
Yeah. Definitely. Definitely. but like um what if like the devil's in you what if what if one of us is the antichrist and we just don't know it i feel like the antichrist would have to know it
maybe it's like it's something you learn when you're like 25 or maybe you get possessed and
it's not you at all or like you you discover. It's a transmitting entity. Through a series of events that like, oh, like should I am the Antichrist?
Do any of you two.
No, I'm not the Antichrist.
Any of all of us.
Yeah, all two of us.
In the room right now.
Do you believe in spirits slash demons slash otherworldly shit like that?
No. No? Okay. Sorry that no Matt your turn
okay
my answer is also no
my answer is
no
but there's a part of me that
feels like there could be things
beyond our force that we don't understand
but the scientific side of me wants to be like, no, there's no spirits and demons and shit.
I just want proof.
Just show it.
Here's the thing.
Show me a spirit.
I'm saying no, but I'm not ruling it out.
But I'm definitely not saying yes.
Yeah.
I'm saying that I'm at a point where like, if, if provided the proper experience
or proof, I could easily believe it.
But based on the empirical evidence that I've seen, I'm going to have to say, no, I do not
believe in spirits or ghosts or demons.
But they've had several seasons of ghost hunters.
It wouldn't be popular if they didn't catch any.
They can't legally lie on TV about that.
Yeah, true.
It's just entertainment, right?
I mean, no.
What? Tucker, what's up? It's not entertainment, right? I mean, no. What?
Tucker, what's up?
I was going to say, it's too convenient.
The idea of any of like anything related to like the popular idea of spirituality, like
of what Ghost Hunter stands for.
Hello.
Of their, you know, like their heart of hearts.
It's just too convenient of an idea,
you know, like it's too easy for people to come up with that and say,
Oh yeah,
well there's people after the people are gone,
but there's still people,
but like you can't see them.
Like the same idea of like a heaven and hell.
It's like,
it's just too much of,
it feels too much of like a human invention for it to be some sort of cosmic,
uh,
for ghosts or that stuff to be real.
for ghosts or that stuff to be real.
I feel like we would have to be living in the world of Warcraft or Diablo or some sort of middle earth type dimension.
If,
if,
if,
if ghosts and spirits were real,
I feel like there would have been at least one massive documented incident
where a demon did some wild shit,
you know,
Bible.
No,
I mean like,
like the Bible is a historical book, Matt.
That's true.
Did you not read the Bible, Matt?
Well, hey, have you ever seen those videos where it's like 9-11 and it's like Satan's face and the explosion?
What's Satan's face?
We don't know what Satan looks like.
Oh, yeah, that's true.
He had horns and had a frown.
I love the people that think the actual image of the devil would be like horns
and a fucking tail with an arrow at the
end of it. Yeah. And he has like
an evil grin like
is a goatee. Actually one of my favorite
interpretations of that devil form
was in the Powerpuff Girls was with him.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
My um I think the scariest
I thought that was super cool. That's how Danny
says hello at Game Grumps
Hello!
And Aaron goes what the fuck is up
And then they tell the joke that we can't keep in
But it just starts off with them laughing
So it starts off with like a good kind of feel
But the audience has no idea why they're laughing
Matt and Ryan cut that out
Okay we'll start here
Hello!
I think the scariest representation of Satan
in any movie,
I don't remember the movie,
but Satan was literally
like a floating
like red velvet cloth.
And that doesn't sound scary.
No, but he was just
like this like apparition
of like red cloth
and it was creepy
because it was like
off-putting.
That is cool.
He would just be like
You don't remember
what it's from?
I don't remember.
It was actually
from a biblical movie
that had like a Christian message. I like that. It was actually from a biblical movie that had like a
Christian message. I like that. It was actually
a cool representation of Satan. Very symbolic.
He wasn't like an angry
red man with horns
and like an evil grin. It was just like this weird
apparition. I'm into it.
Satan and the Antichrist were
like...
Have you seen Passion of the Christ?
No. Oh, wow.
They were just made to be like Voldemort-looking fucks.
You were about to sneeze?
No, no, no.
Oh, you did.
Is that the baby thing?
Yeah, the baby thing.
I've seen the baby thing.
The woman holding the child, that's supposed to be Satan.
You're not supposed to?
Is the woman Satan or is the child Satan?
The woman is Satan.
The child is the Antichrist, I believe.
Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, You're not supposed to. The woman is Satan or is the child Satan? The woman is Satan. The child is the Antichrist, I believe. Okay. Okay.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
But isn't the Antichrist not evil?
He's just the false prophet?
Like, isn't the Antichrist, like, Satan's evil, but the Antichrist is, like, not evil.
He's just the misrepresentation of, like, the next Christ or something?
I feel like my mom told me
one point like the antichrist is not evil he's not like a bad person he's just a misleading
figurehead that comes as the antichrist to lead people away from the morals that christianity
wants you to head towards it has to go against those morals in the first place is he is the
antichrist purposely misleading i think i think it would be the same as just any kind of cult leader.
I think it would just kind of be, I think the Antichrist is seen as someone who gets a following, gets this mass following of people.
It's just essentially a cult that takes over Christianity and leads people away from Christianity and the faith.
And the Antichrist is this thing, watch out for the Antichrist.
That's the Antichrist because we don't want you to leave Christianity because it's our fun club.
And I love everyone here.
And if I don't have my fun club, I want people to talk to on Sundays.
That's true.
So you're the Antichrist now.
No, wait.
Now you're the Antichrist.
Don't get popular.
Don't get a following.
Who's the Antichrist?
Jim Jones.
Jim Jones?
No, he died.
The Antichrist never dies.
Also, the Antichrist is from the West.
The Antichrist wouldn't be this, like, evil fucking...
It would just be this kind of like,rist wouldn't be this like evil fucking it would
just be this kind of like hey what's up i think it would be like super sly hey yes he's mega
oh no i can see brent being the antichrist hey what you wearing oh my god it all makes sense
brink could easily be the antichrist isn't that way okay wait there's no but there's
the bible describes the antichrist as, like, a specific, like,
set of, like, like, he'll come from, like, the Middle East or something.
Well, that's because, like, in all those videos, it would pretty much connect the, it would
connect those verses with Obama's past.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, see?
And, like, the numbers represented with Obama would Obama would be like 666 and shit like that.
Hold on.
I'll cut back in.
Let me just look up what the conditions for the Antichrist.
Humid.
Rainy.
70 degrees.
In Christianity.
Beautiful weather.
Antichrist or Greek is Antichristos is a term originated by the apostle John,
found solely in the first epistle of John
and the second epistle of John.
It is,
who is the liar but the one who denies
that Jesus is the Christ?
This is the Antichrist,
the one who denies the Father and the Son.
Okay, so it's,
so it's a prophet who will deny that Christ is Lord?
It's basically just someone who doesn't believe in Jesus who's popular.
Everyone here.
It's just that shit.
Okay.
So it's someone who's like, well, it could be anyone.
Then it's Ryan, then, because Ryan's verified.
I believe in Jesus.
What are you talking about, verified?
Why'd you bring that up?
Are you trying to hurt Matt's feelings for no reason?
Because I'm not verified on Twitter.
He has more followers than me.
But I'm not verified, so it doesn't mean shit.
Also, I get followed by so many bots, it doesn't mean shit.
I'm sure.
Like, so many of my followers are bots.
I don't know why.
I checked my recent followers, it's like half bots.
My followers have come to like a dramatic halt.
Like, I don't get that many a day anymore.
I feel like I ended up in some algorithm for bots to follow me, and that's why I got more followers.
Because it spiked out of nowhere?
I didn't do anything?
Or Tucker's an antichrist, and he came into this podcast to pit the two of us together
You verified and you have more followers fight
Hey, hey, and he's wearing a key Tucker's currently wearing a hat. It's a cool story, bro
Future future upcoming content. Hopefully you guys will be able to see it. Also Tucker surprise surprise. He's it
I'm not making this up. Do you see how dilated this man's pupils are?
I don't know.
I mean, I can't really make out.
Get close.
Get close to him.
Look at it.
Look at Ryan's pupils.
You do have pretty big pupils.
No, like, look at Tucker.
No, don't move.
Don't move.
Ryan, come here.
Get up close and look at.
You don't want the light to change or whatever?
Yeah.
I just want to see in this position.
Look at Tucker's pupils.
Ryan's looking directly at my eyes.
Are they the same compared to Matt's?
Like, are Matt's any bigger?
What's wrong with my pupils?
Ryan's pupils look big, too.
Look at me, Ryan.
Let me see those pupils.
Your pupils look average to me.
Oh, my God.
I don't know what my pupils look like.
I can't see my own pupils.
Showing my pupils! Are you on drugs, son? Yes. Son, my God. I don't know what my pupils look like. I can't see my own pupils. Showing my pupils.
Are you on drugs, son?
Yes.
Son, have you been doing illegal drugs?
Yes.
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It's called Watching Too Much of the Music Video.
This is America by Childish Campino.
It's really good.
It's a very good music video.
It's a fucking great music video.
Yeah.
Hey, this is America.
Music video was made for us.
For, yes. Thank you. It's a music video was made for us for us music video
he was trying to talk directly to us
moving right along from that
what are your favorite
if each of you could have one taco
and it would be the perfect taco
what would you put in your
take this seriously Matt
what would be the perfect taco
for both of you?
You can only have one.
It's a normal-sized taco.
I already know.
You can choose your kind of shell.
You can choose the type of...
Oh, yeah.
I'm about to go all out with this one, but you go first.
Go ahead.
Soft shell.
Okay.
You know, one of those, you know, put pork in there.
Some spicy pork, sorry.
I forgot the name for it.
They sell it at Taco Del Gordo,
which is a wonderful place in San Diego.
I was going to go in San Diego,
but it was 3 a.m. when I got done with the Mega 64 video.
And I, it was close.
It's so good, you need to go there.
Someone in San Diego told me to go there.
It's, it's, so we got spicy pork.
Put some caramelized onions in there.
Okay, nice.
Cheese on top.
What type of cheese?
Just Mexican cheese. Okay. And then Cheese on top. What type of cheese? Just Mexican cheese.
Okay.
And then just drizzle some queso on that.
Then put some sour cream on there.
Put a little bit of guac.
Yes.
Put some of that good old, put both kinds.
Put the green salsa and regular salsa.
Christmas.
Just little bits.
Oh, yeah.
Just kind of drizzle them on there.
A little Christmas taco. Yeah. And wrap that taco up and regular salsa. Just little bits. Just kind of drizzle them on there. A little Christmas taco.
Yeah. And
wrap that taco up and eat it.
That sounds amazing. Yeah. That's a great taco.
Actually, also, add a bit
of pinto bean. Okay. Yeah.
That's good. My dream taco.
Soft shell.
Flour tortilla, not corn tortilla. Soft shell.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to for my for my meat i'm actually
gonna do fish i'm gonna do a fish taco okay i was gonna do the same thing you're gonna do a fish
taco okay i'm gonna do a fish taco different tucker i thought it was special some kind of
some kind of like maybe like fried tilapia tilapia how do you say it tilapia tilapia tilapia tilapia
it's tilapia tilapia fried fried tilapia okay like beer battered tilapia tilapia tilapia it's tilapia slap you okay lapia fried fried tilapia okay like
beer battered tilapia all right on my flour tortilla then i'm going to put um
mango salsa okay i'm going to put some lettuce uh not tomatoes because that's included with the
mango salsa i'm going to put cilantro i'm going
to put mexican cheese and then i'm going to put a uh for the sauce i'm gonna put like
something something unique oh some sour cream but i'm also for the sauce i'm gonna do like some kind
of like uh soy sauce no like like like a verde salsa like a, like a verde salsa, like a pineapple salsa.
So you got mango and pineapple together.
Right, and then, I said cilantro, right?
Yeah, you're killing me with that cilantro, by the way.
I'm not a cilantro kind of guy.
We'll talk about that in a minute, but top it off.
I'm going to take a lime wedge.
I'm going to squeeze the lime on top.
Boom, that's my dream taco.
That's nice.
The lime is very important.
Lime is crucial. Do you like lime on things,
Ryan? I wouldn't know.
Have you never put lime on anything? No.
You gotta try it. It's just Corona.
And even that didn't make the Corona taste any better.
Corona's just gross.
Corona's just like piss water. It's not good.
My dad drinks Corona.
The most recent
beer I've really enjoyed is,
uh,
Pacifico.
Yeah.
But what taco would you want to have?
Well,
what taco would I want to have?
All right.
Um,
what are you looking for,
Matt?
What are you doing?
Matt stood up.
He's looking around.
He looks disappointed.
What's up?
What?
You threw what?
My beer.
Letty threw it away.
She threw away your beer?
Letty threw away my can of beer.
Oh,
well.
Oh,
no.
I have to get her fired.
I have to plant some, uh. Well, you do what you got to do.
Yeah.
So, anyways, Tucker.
Continue, Tucker.
If I theoretically, like, took away something that's yours, would you try and get me kicked
out of the office?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
Just checking to make sure, like, in the future or the past.
Cool. Yeah. I didn't take anything, by the way.
There's nothing missing.
Well, if I discover that something of mine is missing, I'm gonna go directly to Aaron
and make up some bullshit.
I don't think there's anything over there that's actually harassing me.
Everything you have is still all together. It's fine.
Okay, Tucker.
Yeah, so, favorite taco.
Yeah, I gotta admit,
fish is the way to go.
So, start with the flour tortilla.
You know, it's the classic for us American white boys.
It's the Vlasic.
That's a crunch.
The Vlasic.
It's literally not on the fish boat.
Not as like the best taco.
Fish boat.
Tucker's dream taco is a Doritos taco shell with a slice of pickle inside, and that's it.
And a cold, undescaled, still-scaled fish.
It's just a fish in there with a pickle.
That sounds like a great hot dog taco.
Yeah, this is what I actually wanted.
I was going to pretend like I was just like you, but that's all I really want.
In fact, take away everything.
I just want the shell of the Dorito taco.
I just want Doritos.
Just a big Dorito.
What do you actually want on your dream taco?
I want flour tortilla.
I want cod, beer-battered cod, like fish and chips kind of cod.
You know what?
Light, fluffy, delicious. I want that as
my fish instead of tilapia. Okay, alright.
And then I want... Get this fish out of here.
Have you ever had a fish taco?
Yeah. They're great. He's not into it. It's just not
a taco to me. It's definitely a taco.
It's not a true taco to me. Definitely a taco.
Hey. It is a taco, but it's not like, when I
think of tacos, it's like, that's just kind of like another...
So it's like a separate
genre of tacos. Yeah. Yeah. I can understand that. that's just kind of like another... It's like a separate genre of tacos.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I can understand that.
Still a taco.
Like one where it's like, okay, I'll have one, but I can have like five of these.
You split them up.
Like you have one fish taco and three pork tacos.
I fucking love fish tacos.
Fish tacos are amazing.
Ever had Bang Bang Shrimp at Bonefish Grill?
That's really good.
They serve it in tacos too.
Ooh, shrimp taco.
That sounds good too.
So on top of the fish.
Yeah.
I mean, pertaining to the bang bang shrimp.
I mean, I assume it's some kind of spicy.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
So like a spicy kind of like.
Spicy and sweet.
Maybe like a spicy mayo kind of sauce.
Yeah.
Okay.
I get that.
Something that's a little bit more.
Sriracha mayo.
Tucker, you're bringing me over to the fish taco thing.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That sounds delicious.
It's almost like buffalo chicken, but with fish, which means it's a little lighter and more folio party.
Tucker, can we make this actually?
Yeah.
Guys, we've got to have a taco.
I don't know how to batter.
Not Matt's fucking mango, lime, whatever that is.
Yeah, what the fuck, dude?
But, Tucker, whatever you're saying right now is really making me scream.
Ryan, don't knock lime until you try it.
When you put lime on Mexican food, it will change your life.
You're saying your goofy little taco that you made with colors and mangoes and shit.
I didn't call yours goofy.
Yeah, because it's a taco that most people get.
That's not a taco most people get.
Pork and cheese and beans.
It's a classic taco.
That's my Taco Tuesday taco.
In fact, it's more of a burrito than a taco. Well, why you gotta why you gotta be slamming on my taco choice?
Tacos goofy as fuck man. It's not goofy. It's a gourmet taco. That's a delicious taco.
That's a delicious taco. Guys in the comments. Okay, hold on. I have to agree with Matt on this one
No, no, no
Let Tucker finish his and I want people in the comments to say whose taco is the most appetizing. Out of the fish ones?
Out of the all three tacos.
Well, I mean, it's not fair.
You're going high class fish versus fucking pork.
But you said people like that more, so maybe...
The pork can be good, too.
It's more of a general audience thing.
But I feel like the two fishes need to clash.
Here's my question, Ryan.
Is the pork in your taco like a pulled pork kind of thing, or is it more like chorizo kind of like ground up with a bunch of spice
in it? Like the pork we had today.
Like it's pulled pork. It's like very
soft. I like the texture
of very soft pork. Yesterday, yeah.
Or yesterday, sorry.
And like the pork that you get at taco trucks.
Okay.
Okay, so here's the thing about this
fish taco. It's
kind of simple because I can't think of
I mean, the things I would put on it would be like a very thinly Here's the thing about this fish taco. It's kind of simple because I can't think of...
The things I would put on it would be a very thinly sliced lettuce.
Something very...
It's not even a really heavy lettuce.
It's heading in the wrong direction.
Oh my God.
Maybe we'll even out here.
Very simple lettuce, like an iceberg.
Just something that adds some texture and it's cold.
A little crunchy.
Yeah, adds some crunch.
And then like, man, I can't like some cheese, like some white, some white cheese.
Good, good.
Either like a salty mozzarella or like something a little with a little more flavor, like a
goat cheese.
I can get my goat cheese.
Okay.
Is there anything else you'd put on the taco?
Man, there might be like- If that's it, then I'm kind of down. Lime. It's very simple. Because you're not adding anything like lime. Yeah. goat cheese. Is there anything else you'd put on the taco?
If that's it,
then I'm kind of down.
You're not adding anything.
I was afraid you would add eggplant,
grapefruit, and bananas.
Grapefruit and bananas?
Banana might not be bad on a taco.
Here's the topper. You put plums on top.
Just whole plums.
I'm backing out instantly now.
I had Japanese plum wine that had whole plums on top. Just whole plums. I'm backing out instantly now. I'm not into that one. I had
Japanese plum wine
that had whole plums in it, and I ate
one of the plums, and it was
very gross.
Never had a plum. I left plums
at your house, Ryan. Did you eat them? No.
Plums are great. I love plums. Probably all
rotten and gross. Plums are my favorite fruit. Where'd you leave the plums?
I don't know. I have not noticed any
plums in my house. They're somewhere around your house. Shit, dude. They're somewhere in your house. You better find those. Theyums are my favorite fruit. Where'd you leave the plums? I don't know. I have not noticed any plums in my house. They're somewhere around your house.
Shit, dude.
They're somewhere in your house.
You better find those.
You gotta look.
They're probably in my fruit.
He's probably like a fucking wild animal and buried them somewhere.
In my yard.
Under your dirty clothes.
Lego's just gonna be like digging somewhere and he's like, what's wrong, Lego?
And he's like, I gotta find the plums.
And then he's dead.
I reach into his throat and pull out a plum.
Yeah.
I'd be very sad if that happened, Tucker.
What if Lego died because I put plums in your backyard and you choked on them when he dug them up?
That would be a very fucking unfortunate incident, I would say.
What would happen to your friendship?
I'd be very fucking mad.
I'd be just...
I wouldn't stop being friends with you, but I'd definitely be pissed and hold it over you
for the rest of our friendship
there'd be a rift
you would have to do
you'd have to cause
some kind of trauma to him
with a plumb
because you killed my friend
Lego's like
my roommate
yeah but it wasn't my fault
that I have complete control over
it wasn't my fault
Ryan you would have to cause
some plumb related incident
in his life
that would fuck him up
to make it even
he could kill his parents
with some plums
you could get his dad to choke on a plum
you could poison the plums
feed them to my parents
that's too intentional
so you didn't mean to kill the dog with the plums
so he's gonna have to do something if it's like
yeah but here's the thing Matt
if he does anything at all related to plums
it's already premeditated
it's not like cause I was just burying the plums
cause you know that's what I do.
He'll do things where he can still be arrested for negligence.
Like if you're holding a gun going, oh, I didn't mean to kill anyone.
Yeah.
You still killed someone.
You still killed my dog with your negligence of burying plums in my backyard.
Yeah, but I didn't mean to.
Get this fly out of here.
There's a fucking fly in here?
That's what's important.
Oh, my God.
I see it. I see it. It's not...
What is that? It's a fly. It's not a regular
fly. It's like a fruit fly or something. It's like a
special type of fly.
It's cute. Could be a little mosquito too.
Yeah. It's like a... It's like a...
It needs to land. No, that's definitely a fly.
What type of fly? Did you get him? No.
Is it just like a
small fly or is it like... Yeah, it's just small. It's probably a
teenager right now.
He's coming over here.
Stay. Stay back.
Matt, I'm going to give you a chance to redevelop your taco.
For your tasting?
Yes.
I'll make an alternate taco.
I stand by my first one.
I need to make clear there's a lot of sauce in this taco.
The taco is very simple.
It's cheese, meat,
and then a little bit of lettuce. The sauce is very important. It's just cheese, meat, and then a little bit of lettuce.
And then the sauce is very important because it's just
a lot of sauce. And here's the thing. I like a lot
of different tacos. This is one taco of a few.
I also, personally,
I like Matt's taco. I think it'd be
great. I think it'd be delicious. I like
your taco. I also think it'd be great.
But I think all these three
tacos together would make a very nice
complimentary group of tacos.
That's true.
I don't have as big of a range in terms of food that I like.
I'm a very picky person, unfortunately.
You'll eat one of mine and two of yours,
and then we'll all be happy.
How about I'll make an alternate taco for you, Ryan.
I'll make a breakfast taco.
A flour tortilla.
Ready?
Scrambled egg.
Chorizo sausage. Yes. Nice. Exactly. A flour tortilla. Scrambled egg. Chorizo sausage.
Nice.
Exactly.
A little bit of sautéed onion.
Yes, I'll do that.
I'll let it slide because sautéed onion does taste good.
It tastes better.
Don't like the texture, but I do love the flavor.
We're going to get some melted Mexican cheese on there.
Mexican cheese is...
Then a sa a sauteed combination
a vegetable mix not a lot but just it's it's it's it's red bell pepper mushroom and potato
nice those go well the things that we've been eating yes all these things so you're basically
almost almost done yeah yeah finish you're gonna get some a very delicious red hot sauce
okay drizzle on top crystal crystal hot sauce. Okay. Crystal hot sauce.
That's my favorite hot sauce.
It's delicious.
That's the breakfast taco.
I do like that taco.
The only reason I had a problem with your taco beforehand was because it's like, in my view,
it's like I'd rather just have the fish with the sauce drizzled.
I don't want it to be in that taco.
Okay, what if I changed my taco so it's not a fish taco?
What if it's like...
What if it's just fish with just a pork?
What if it's the same taco, it's just fish with just a pork? What if...
It's the same taco.
It's pork instead, though.
Probably.
You like it?
Just because pork is a very strong flavor.
Pork is actually...
And fish can sometimes be...
It can fall to the wayside to the other flavors.
That's true.
Here's...
You know, something I'd be interested in trying is my fish taco with, instead of lettuce, a coleslaw
medley.
Dude. That would be really good. I had
a fish taco when I was in
Charleston, South Carolina that was
fried cod,
a coleslaw, pineapple coleslaw
with cilantro, lime
and sriracha. That sounds fantastic.
Guys, I have to be honest.
I don't think it's fair for me to judge these fish tacos.
Why not?
I've never had one.
I thought you said you had fish tacos earlier.
I had, no, I had bang bang shrimp.
Have you ever had a fish taco?
Yeah.
You've never had a fish taco?
Because that's similar to a fish taco.
Shrimp is in the same category.
Fish tacos are their own thing.
It's not like a fishy taste when you get a fish taco.
It's like a light kind of meat taste.
It's like a fluffy.
It's really, really nice.
Here's the thing.
And you can take a bite, and then if you don't like it, you don't like it.
That's fine, but you've got to try it.
And same, you've got to try lime on Mexican food, because lime on Mexican food takes it to another level.
And here's the thing.
Fish tacos, before I ever had them, first I was like, fish tacos?
That sounds gross.
Like, fish on a taco? I tried it, First I was like, fish tacos? That sounds gross. Like fish on a taco?
I tried it and I was like, holy shit, this is incredible.
We may have to take this podcast, get these ingredients down and make a taco video.
Tacos for Ryan.
Yes.
Here's the thing.
We already have-
Tacos for all.
We try each other's tacos.
We have all the ingredients for that breakfast taco that Matt was talking about back at Matt's
apartment.
Well, we're not, let's not invite people to my place.
Everybody come to Matt's apartment
and then we can all...
Say the address?
That's the war of the tacos, boys.
I don't think anyone's wins or loses.
I think they all sound like delicious tacos and I'd love to eat all of them.
What's your mango one again?
There's like mango and fish.
It has like a mango salsa on it.
Mango salsa is delicious mango
salsa and pineapple it's like a it's like a mango salsa with like pineapple coleslaw i guess amazing
oh shit mango sauce sounds good i've never had mango salsa it's it's basically like it's it's
a very it's not spicy it's very mild salsa with you know like you got like diced tomatoes and
stuff like regular salsa but it also has chunks chunks mango in it. So it adds like a sweet flavor
to it. It's good. It's really good.
They used to sell it. Like Tostitos
used to make mango salsa. They have it at supermarkets.
They still do?
Yeah, if you go to the fresh salsa section. I gotta get some
of that. It's so good. We need to make that
white sauce taco though. White sauce
fish. Spicy. The spicy
sriracha mayo. Oh yeah.
Sriracha mayo is good guys hold on so good
like mix it up and it's like this kind of like just it's i don't know how to like a like a
orange cream kind of color actually that makes me think of sweet things i don't like orange
like cream circle yeah i don't want guys i don't want that did you know uh on the taco that you
just explained not anymore heinz ketchup has a new uh condiment out
what i want to know what it is no it's literally just mayonnaise and ketchup it's called mayo chub
yeah but they're selling this now honestly okay i actually like the flavor of mayonnaise and
ketchup i agree together like if if i don't like the inclusion of mustard that much i feel like
it's like too much of a thing i i like ketchup and mayonnaise together like if it is if they were to accidentally
put mayonnaise with my cheese sorry my hamburger plain only ketchup i wouldn't mind because it's
actually good it's great flavor here's the thing though mayonnaise and ketchup as a flavor
combination is not bad because i eat it on a lot of things on my burgers i get mayonnaise and
ketchup and mustard but here's the thing right but when it's just by itself as a mixed condiment
and it's like pink,
I can't get behind it. It just looks gross.
I want to try it though.
It sounds good.
It sounds good. But what's the color?
Have you seen the actual condiment?
When you mix ketchup and mayonnaise together,
what happens when you mix ketchup and mustard?
What happens when you mix red with white, sucker?
What are you talking about white?
Is it?
I said mayonnaise and ketchup.
Mayonnaise and ketchup?
What did you think he was saying?
I said it was mustard and ketchup.
No, mayonnaise and ketchup.
Mayonnaise and ketchup.
Doesn't that sound good?
Mayo chop.
Not the color.
Well, like.
We're all on the same page.
No, we're not.
We're all in.
It's also.
We're all in a different book
and several chapters deep
it's also
it's just Russian dressing
without the relish
guys
FYI
Russian dressing
is literally mayonnaise
ketchup and relish
so next time you put that
on your salad
just think about
you're basically just putting
mayonnaise ketchup and relish
on your salad
I don't think I like relish
is relish that
that like
it's
green shit
yeah you put it on hot dogs
it's really good
sweet
it's really good sweet it's really good
that's one thing
that I legitimately
have tried and do not like
relish
I can have a good
old chili dog though
do you like normal pickles
I don't like pickles
well that's fair
that you don't like relish
that's perfectly okay
I think adding pickle juice
in certain recipes
does add a lot
but I don't like pickles
straight up
you know what pickle juice is
right
pickle juice is just vinegar
that's had pickles in it.
You can have little bits of pickles and shit.
Mix it up. Do you guys know,
I found out that pickles were just cucumbers soaked
in vinegar like two years ago when I was like
20. That's when I found out that pickles
were literally just cucumbers and not their own
thing. Do you like to talk to tomatoes?
Dude. Right?
You didn't learn the difference in VeggieTales?
I did not.
And I felt like a dumbass when I found out.
Were they tortured Larry and he turned into a pickle?
I saw this video of this Swedish guy.
They hung him upside down?
They waterboarded him with vinegar?
I watched this video of a Swedish guy getting mad and he just sounded like a VeggieTales character.
He sounded just like a VeggieTales character.
All those Swedes.
He just sounded like a VeggieTales character.
He sounded just like a VeggieTales character.
All those Swedes.
He was some guy getting mad because people were saying that the Turks invented meatballs.
And he was trying to defend it and getting really mad.
And he's like, enough!
But his accent just sounded like a straight up VeggieTales character.
It was on Twitter.
I don't know where it is now, though.
Wait.
Guys, since we're talking about food, you know what my favorite food is?
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And speaking of honey, let's hear a little ad read for honey.
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It's also in the description, so
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sponsoring our podcast. Now, Ryan,
we've had Tucker sitting over here
all taped up. He's not allowed to speak.
Let's rip this tape off.
Alright, Tucker, you can speak again. Let's get back to the
podcast. Okay.
Boy.
Guys, let's talk about current events that will be outdated by the time we post this podcast.
Yeah.
So how about that Elon Musk dating that Grimes fella?
Grimes fella?
They're dating?
Yeah, Elon Musk and Grimes are dating.
Who's Grimes? Whoa.
The artist, the musical artist.
Yeah, with the music video at the racetrack.
And she's dancing around with headphones on.
And she's saying, what's that song where there's the racetrack music video?
I saw some music video recently.
Where it was like some British singer.
And she was in a bunch of different locations.
And she was like in a little chair.
Hannah Montana. She had a phone on. Your thing. It's Caracaro Bonito. Okay. That was in a bunch of different locations and she was like in a little chair Hannah Montana she had a phone on
your thing it's Caracaro Bonito
that was take a break
I don't remember the song but
the song's like
she's wearing sunglasses and she's sitting in a lawn chair
and it's just in different locations
seeing how people react to her
that's Caracaro Bonito it's one of my favorite bands I've seen him live twice
wow it's a good music video
it probably popped up on the record.
Is it a band or is it just her?
She's the singer of the band.
She's the focus.
It's two guys and her.
But she's definitely the main focus.
Like when people think of Cara Carobonito, they think of her.
Yeah, Sarah Bonito.
Oblivion.
Oblivion.
Not trying to put the other two people out.
It's Oblivion.
I'm just saying it seems like the person who sings is always kind of like the one up front.
Yeah, she's great.
I would gladly marry her.
I am obsessed with her.
Do you know if she has any problems?
I have no idea if she has a boyfriend.
You could ask.
Sarah Bonito, if you hear this on this podcast, I'm in love with you.
Matt's number is...
No, I don't want to say it because people are actually going to start hounding a person.
Please don't embarrass me in front of Sarah Bonito, guys.
Please. Let's not take this too Sarah Benito, guys. Please.
Let's not take this too far.
Guys, you want to hear a fun fact?
Yes.
Last night, I was in my room, and I was listening to the Biz Markie hit, Just a Friend.
You say he's just a friend.
You say he's just a friend.
Oh, baby, you got what I need. You say he's just a friend oh baby you got what i need you say he's just yeah it's essentially you know
we get it yeah just for those who didn't know did you know that that's an 80s song yeah because my
step my stepmom was the one who like was like introduced me to this song she's like i don't
know she was she uh we were talking about weird music and she's like she just brought it up and I'm like okay
and I checked it out and I was like
this is weird because you don't
expect someone that just
sings badly
to have a big ol' hit
it's so good it's such a good song
it feels good to sing you don't feel bad about singing it
this dude's not hitting any notes whatsoever
but last night I was listening to it
and I was like what year is this song from
I was gonna say like 96
97 1989
that's an 80s hit technically so I'm like
what the fuck
because by the mid
like isn't it like by the mid
turn of the decade type of thing
like 85 is essentially like
going into the 90s
but just the fact that it's technically from the 1980s is just bizarre to me.
You know what's a good song?
Fuck it, who's it by?
It's called, I think it's called I Wish.
It's like, I wish I was taller.
I wish I was a baller.
I wish I was taller.
I wish I was taller.
I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.
Yep, that song.
That's a good song, too.
That's one of those old hits.
I think they came out with, like, a rap version yep that song that's a good song too it's like that's one of those old hits i think they came out with like a rap version or something it is a rap song
there was like there was this thing where they took a lot of uh kind of like angsty teen songs
and made them into like rap or into like screamo they like remixed them really it was like this
popular thing they would do with songs because because when I was in high school I think yeah yeah yeah because the original song was um fucking where is it
it was a look at ski low I wish it was by ski low it was and he in the music
video he's sitting on a park bench and he's like sitting on a park this song
here comes wait wait wait for it taller I wish I was a baller No, no. Okay, now it makes sense.
No, no, no.
What it was is
it was taking that song
and making it into one of those whiny teen things.
So it turned into
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I'm going to see if I can find that.
What are these songs from?
Like what are the years that these songs came out?
So what is that song called?
Early 90s.
What is that song called?
I Wish by Ski Low.
I Wish.
Ski Low. Love me some Ski Low, man.
Ski Low Green.
Ski Low.
Ski Low.
Yeah, Ski Low.
You can ski high and you can ski low.
You know what I'm saying?
I'd love to go skiing soon.
I've been skiing in a long time.
Let's go skiing, man.
What genre is that angsty, like, shit?
Like, give me an artist that sings like that.
I don't know.
Like, Panic at the Disco, My Chemical Romance.
It's alternative.
Not, not.
It's just like alternative, right?
I'm trying to find it, because mid-2000s alternative.
I chime in with a haven't you people ever heard of?
Closing the goddamn door. Don't see the GD. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Don't take the Lord ever heard of? Closing the goddamn doors
I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Don't take the Lord's name in vain.
I know this is going on the radio.
Punk goes crunk.
Don't pay the fine.
There's some punk in it, yeah.
This is it.
Oh, God.
Punk goes crunk?
Yeah.
Oh my God, the picture for that video.
It just says crunk.
It was this.
There were kids that would play this after school, like in the parking lot.
It was this version.
That's horrible.
Here we go.
Dude, that's like 303.
Remember 303?
Yes, exactly.
It's like that era of like LMFAO, 303.
Like that was a bad time for music.
That was a really, that was like the dark ages of music.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, there has to be the learning stage.
Yeah.
We're in a really good phase of music right now.
Because people are understanding the tools that are being used now.
And they're looking at like, I feel like the 2000s was a terrible time for music.
Like the worst.
Well, people were just getting into it.
Like creating digital music.
There's a lot of genres.
Yeah, some genres were making horrible, horrible music.
And then some were making really interesting music.
No, no.
There's always been good music.
Kind of split up, yeah.
But in general, the hits like...
I'm sorry.
Really shitty pop.
Cranked Out by Soulja Boy.
That was a hit song.
That song sucks.
The hits back then, like LMFAO, Kesha, 303, Soulja Boy.
Nothing against Soulja Boy.
I love Soulja Boy.
But specifically, that era was bad for music.
And now I feel like we're in a great era for music
especially rap I feel like rap is in like a very
good place right now I mean it was so
like rap was really bad in the mid 2000s
and now it's gotten to a really
good point well it's had so much well maybe
it's not for you Matt I never
said it was for me I said it's at a good point though
coming from a white man saying that
rap was bad how dare you
at all you should not have an opinion on anything that makes me uncomfortable from a white man saying that rap was bad? How dare you? At all.
You should not have an opinion on anything
that makes me uncomfortable.
So my tacos suck. I'm not allowed
to talk about rap music.
Yeah, because you're trying to appropriate
Mexican and black culture.
Shit, that's true. Shit, man.
Maybe I'm the Antichrist.
That's how it starts.
In the Bible, it says he will make a shitty taco.
He'll make a shitty taco and he will
wrongly assert
himself into hip hop culture.
He will speak as
both of you already did with your
goddamn beautiful hit
from the
late 2015's
Go on. What song? Which one?
Blonde Boys? Blonde Boys. It's not a hit. Tucker, Blonde Boys
is not rap. It's a hit. There's rap
in it, but it's... It's not rap at all.
I don't even know what you would classify that genre. It's a hip hop jam.
It's hip hop. It's like, you know,
back when they used to make videos
just like with a green screen
and people were just talking and telling a story
and that was the song. Like Sugar Hill Gang.
We're just blonde boys
doing what blonde boys do
bleached hair fair skin makes the ladies swoon we're just blonde boys doing what blonde boys do
stop it chilling out song kissed hair like a can of soda exploded and coated my head in golden
this is not what i meant to happen this is stop what do you not like blonde boys yeah i mean you
just accused of i mean in the song we make clear that You know TV and movies they're made for us
This lack of pigment is a major plus
We're just blonde boys doing what blonde boys do
Boys it's 2018
Got the complexion of an albino baboon
I think it's a different
I don't know blonde boys like still pops up every now and then
Like people there's like a surge
Every year
It's a good fucking video
It's a good song
Speaking of music videos we do have some We have some new shit on the way surge every year. It's a good fucking video. It's a good song. Hey, well, I mean, speaking
of music videos, we do have some
new shit on the way.
Well, not anytime soon. It's going to take a long
time, but we do have songs essentially
done and ready. We have songs ready
to make music videos for, and I feel like
just May and June and July are big
vacations. Yeah, basically
we're both going to South Carolina
and then June we're going to Japan. July I'm going on a road trip. Inolina and then june we're going to japan
july i'm going on a road trip in between that though we're going to work on these music videos
we got our boy tucker prescott cinematographer extraordinaire uh on the case um and then uh we
actually i'm really excited for some of these music videos we got coming out so i think you
guys are gonna like these videos too some of these other exciting uh basically narrative
masterpieces that we're going to put out.
Yeah, absolutely.
One of them has to do with the hat you're wearing right now.
It's a cool story, bro.
Yep.
I'm excited for that one.
It'll be good.
Real good.
Whenever we can.
And the movie reviews.
Legitimately coming out.
Matt and Ryan's.
Maybe.
Who knows?
Movie reviews.
I saw one of those Eric Andre memes where it was like Hannibal Buress
sitting in the chair
it was Eric Andre shooting
Hannibal Buress
and it said
over Hannibal Buress
Hannibal Buress it said
movie review series
and then Eric Andre's
I don't remember anymore
can we just pretend like I didn't even bring this up in the first place?
No, no, no, I got it.
Shut up, Tucker.
Shut the fuck up. I'm sorry, Ryan.
Okay, Matt. I got you.
I'm gonna guess at what it probably was.
I'm gonna help you out here, brother. Hit me with it, bro.
Hannibal Buress was probably
my hopes. And then the gun
was
the movie review. No, no. That would be if we were delivering it. Hold up. gun was the movie review.
No, no.
That would be if we were delivering it.
Hold up.
I got to think about it.
I think Hannibal Buress was movie review series.
Okay.
And Eric Andre was.
Fuck, dude.
Matt and Ryan.
Matt and Ryan.
We were Eric Andre.
And then the gun was my hopes and dreams.
I don't know.
The gun was like, the movie reviews are coming soon.
And Hannibal Buress was the fans.
And then Eric Andre looks at the camera and he says, movie reviews are coming soon.
I don't know, dude.
It was a meme I saw.
Hey, hey, hey.
Super mega meme.
Hey, hey.
How'd you get the duck name?
Did you guys hear about Eddie Murphy?
Yeah.
And he was making fun.
He was doing Bill Cosby's voice and talking like, who the fuck is Hannibal Buress?
Wasn't this a while ago?
This is when he was accepting his award last night.
I saw that on Reddit today.
I saw him give that same speech and joke like months ago.
Is it a routine that he does?
I don't know.
Are you talking about-
This is the first time I saw it.
Are you talking about the one that was posted on Reddit today?
This morning.
Are you talking about the one that was posted on Reddit today?
I've seen him make that exact same speech, making the jokes and where he ends it talking like Bill Cosby and doing the impression.
Well, Eddie Murphy and Bill Cosby have always had a beef.
So they're not new to roasting each other.
Because Bill Cosby kind of had this pompous attitude to other black comedians that, you know, I do family friendly comedy and all of you suck because you use vulgarity.
So then like he was like this like moral high ground for comedians or he acted like he was a moral high ground,
but at the same time he was raping women.
So it's like, that's why Hannibal Buress made that joke
where he's like, like,
I don't need to curse in my comedy specials.
And Hannibal Buress is like, yeah,
but you're still a rapist, dude.
So it's like, yeah, but you rape people.
Like I love that. I love what he like, Hannibal Bu you're still a rapist, dude. So it's like, yeah, but you rape people. I love that he's just a minor fan.
Hamill Burris, I hope, goes down in history as one of the top dogs of comedians.
Oh, shit.
That was from a year to two years ago.
Eddie Murphy?
Yeah, from him doing the Bill Cosby thing.
The acceptance speech thing?
At the Mark Twain whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was a year ago?
That was two years ago.
Wow.
I thought that just happened.
We just saw it on Reddit.
Because it popped up on the front page.
We're just folk that see the popular
shit. Fake news. Most shit on Reddit is recycled
content anyway.
Did you see the raccoon thing on Reddit? That was amazing.
What's the raccoon thing? The raccoon climbing up
the crane. You'll see it. I didn't see it.
It's not popular. We should do a Reddit
podcast where we just like every episode
we just go through what's on Reddit and review it. I'd love that.
Although one time I was actually scrolling through the popular page look you don't see
titties often oh you don't see titties on the popular page that on the front page titties on
the front page that's unheard of but i saw titties on the popular page okay you know what it was it
was like it was shower beer i think yeah and it was just a girl with a beer with her tits out in the shower. Wow.
Did she have her tits out? Yeah.
Oh my god. Yeah.
She did. Her boobs were out.
I'll go to shower beer right now. Can you show me this
just for research? Yeah, hold on. Just so I
know where not to go, because I know I shouldn't be looking at
pornographic images.
Actually, I watched a TED talk on how porn
harms the brain and it scared the shit out of me.
Yeah, I'm sure it does.
Porn is really fucking bad for your brain.
The guys on Shower Beer, there's no way they're not just there to see the naked women.
And they're posting to get comp because they're like, oh, women do. Is his penis out?
No, it's just like guys like this.
It's like, obviously, it's like this guy.
Dude, should I post on Shower Beer, like with a really awkward face?
This dude.
I want to see breasts.
I'm trying to
find the post that got popular when i get home i'm gonna post a shower this that's boobs yeah
that's boobs should i post do i'm post let's post a shower i've never even heard of no one why is
this a thing like what's the point of our slash shower beer i don't know just people like fucking
guys you'll find me on shower beer so okay we're gonna do i want to see the top posts i'm gonna say of the month
i think it was of the month i which one was it i don't know but they do this shit and it's like
very obvious like this is like r slash gone wild material it's just it's a sexual subreddit there's
no way to deny it yeah it's it's sexual it's and i will be posting myself on there today okay but
you won't show your face i'll show
my face you just show you okay i'll take i'm not showing my penis okay i'll post what you actually
post yeah i'll post myself on shower beer should we all three just together in a shower we should
do that i'll get in the shower today okay and we'll all three i have beer at my place so we
can all hold a beer and just well actually we could we could uh do this the day the podcast
comes out on friday because i mean so look out guys go on r slash shower beer right now make this the top
posted the top rated post of all time on r slash shower beer yeah please go on it'll be on right
now you'll go find it okay okay perfect cool i mean the podcast comes out pretty early in the
day we're not going over to your place until later saturday but we can we're all gonna be
at my place on fr. This comes out next
week. Oh yeah. We're recording ahead, remember?
Oh yeah. But we need, let's
not upload it until. Yeah, it'll come out
the day of the podcast. So go to r slash shower
beer and you'll find us. We got to remember this.
I want to become like
a top post somewhere. Okay guys.
Do you remember that, what was that thing
that Connor,
was it Connor that sent me that little upvoted Reddit? Do you remember that? What was that thing that Connor, was it Connor that sent me that little
upvoted Reddit? Do you remember that? I was showing
it to one of you. Jesus, this is another thing
I'm not going to be able to remember. One of my friends
sent me
a snapshot of something that
someone upvoted of you two.
On Reddit? It had like 4,000
upvotes. Shit. I'm going to have
to go back and look. We were on a popular Reddit
post and you didn't
it was yeah I showed it to Ryan
I feel like you did but I just
don't remember it was too far away
was it on a meme subreddit
what was it on
fuck motherfucker
we're not gonna get this back
I'm just scrolling through shower beer right now
are you getting an erection
alright let's read some comments that
fans of yours had as questions.
Let's see.
Ryan, how many hats do you own?
How many hats do I own?
Did you ask people to ask questions?
Yeah.
Where'd you get those from?
It's just on your comment section on YouTube.
Oh, is it?
Yeah.
Oh, how many hats do I own?
I lose them pretty frequently, but the hats that I know I have, I probably have two or three hats.
That's it?
This doesn't count.
A beanie's a hat.
Okay, sure.
Then let me count beanies because I was going to make that a second category.
So I have two beanies and I have probably two to three baseball caps.
So anywhere from five to six.
All right, five, six hats.
Okay.
Nice.
All right, cool.
Don't wear them that much. I usually just keep. All right, cool. Here's another one.
Don't wear them that much.
I usually just keep one on for months and then switch to another one.
I honestly feel like my heart's about to erupt out of my chest.
Right?
That's not a good fucking idea.
I feel awful.
It's from the two five.
I feel like I'm about to be sick.
Why did you think it was a good idea, man?
I feel like I'm going to vomit all over myself.
It's a horrible idea to have two five-hour renters at the same time.
You can die from it.
You can get violently ill from caffeine.
Yeah, why don't you go ahead and drink another one?
I'm going to have a terrible migraine tomorrow unless I drink the same amount of caffeine.
You know how hard your heart's just, like, your heart's confused as shit right now.
I can't even feel my heartbeat.
Hold on.
Why can I not feel my heart beating when I put my hand on my chest?
Oh, my God, Matt.
Look, you're flatlining.
Matt.
Yes.
Yeah, it's audio waves.
This question says...
That's not a real question
That's funny, Tucker
That's very fucking funny
Man
He's a jokester
He's a little jokester, isn't he?
Dude, riddle me this, Tucker
You know, you're the riddler, man
Riddle you what?
Shut up
See, that's how you have to deal with Tucker
Just say shut up
Shut the fuck See, that's how you have to deal with Tucker. Just say shut up.
Shut the fuck up, Tucker.
We have to put him in a little cage.
Tucker.
Someday I'm going to live with Ryan like Lego lives with Ryan. I'm just going to be in a little cage.
I'm going to basically be Lego.
Once I kill Lego with the plums, I'm going to become
Lego. I'm going to live in that cage.
I won't notice a difference.
Every morning, I'm not going become Lego. I'm going to live in that cage. I won't notice a difference. I'm going to greet you every morning.
I'm not going to...
Tucker's about to say...
You're going to feel so guilty about killing my dog that you're going to take its place
and live your whole...
I'll be a perfect Lego.
I'll be a fucking dumbass.
Your nails will get too long.
You'll have to scratch me.
You'll get fleas.
I'll burst through the screen door in the back.
No, he doesn't.
He lives with me.
He has fleas for sure.
Oh, I thought you were talking about Lego.
No, Lego doesn't have fleas.
Not anymore. Tucker has fleas. Not after I shot them all. Oh, I thought you were talking about Lego. No, Lego doesn't have fleas. Not anymore.
Tucker has fleas.
Not after I shot them all.
Aaron and Susie's gun aimed carefully.
You shot them off the dog.
Have you seen the video like the Russian dude shooting mosquitoes off his arm with like a
pistol?
Just like this.
What?
He's like he's shooting mosquitoes off his arm with a pistol.
It's not a good idea.
He's washing.
Also, it probably doesn't.
It doesn't even work because because in rain mosquitoes don't get hit by rain because the air around the rain pushes the wind.
No, it definitely works.
It shoots the mosquitoes off his arm.
I watched.
Did they explode into blood?
They're just gone.
It's just instantly.
Also, there's that myth or that rumor where if you let a mosquito bite you for several minutes straight and then flex, it'll explode.
Is that just a rumor or did people do that?
Does that actually happen?
I tried once.
You gotta try it.
I let a mosquito bite me for like four minutes and then it flew away.
And I was like, fuck!
That was like the most annoying feeling I've ever encountered.
Big waste of time.
Leighton Gray.
What the fuck?
She's Snapchatting me, dude.
Fuck!
She said, did everyone leave?
No, we're still here at the office, Leighton.
We're here, Leighton.
Leighton, we're here!
We're over here, Leighton!
I'm gonna send a Snapchat of
Ryan McGee back. Ryan, look at me.
It's not even exploding.
Look at me, Ryan. I'm watching a video of a mosquito.
There she is. Oh, there's Leighton.
Leighton, you're on a Snapchat to yourself right now.
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, having a great
time. Come on in here.
Wait, with special special guest. Come on in here.
With special guest.
Special guest, Leighton
Gray. Co-creator
and writer of the game Dream Daddy.
I can't find a video.
She's also a moderator of r slash feet.
So, believe it or not.
R slash feet.
Sit the mic, Leighton.
Great, so am I here to talk about my moderation on r slash feed?
We don't want to talk about that, but...
Neither do I.
Yeah, but, I mean, welcome to the podcast.
How are you?
You're a much nicer guest than Tucker.
Don't be mean to your son.
It's okay, I agree.
He's older than both of us.
He can't be our son.
Combined.
Tucker, how old are you?
53.
He just aged really well.
I would have pegged you as like a 67, at least.
Thanks.
How old are you, Tucker?
Tucker, shave the top of your head bald and keep your hair at its length currently.
That would be insane.
And then grow out a handlebar mustache.
I believe that's called a skullet.
You could pull that off.
A skullet?
Oh, my God.
That's great.
You got your dome up there, and then you got the long, wavy locks.
Makes perfect sense. Tucker, how much money would we have to pay you to do that? A skullet? Oh my god. That's great. You got your dome up there and then you got the long wavy lots.
Tucker, how much money would we have to pay you to do that?
Wait, how long would I have to keep it?
A week.
A week.
You guys are going easy on him.
I'd say a month.
If we gave you $1,000, would you do it?
No.
I'd do it for three.
Three dollars?
Three grand?
Three big greens? Three big greens, baby.
All right.
Matt.
Yeah.
Just saying, at one point, we'll have to remember this for years down the road where you and
I can easily afford that.
Okay.
And we can be like, yo, Tucker, here's three grand.
The price might go up by then.
No, Tucker.
No.
Are you talking about demand and shit?
If we sign a- Don't bring basic economics into this.
If we sign a contract where at any point in the next five years,
you offer to give me $3,000-
Tucker, I shaved my head for free!
He shaved his head for free for a YouTube video.
Yeah, I'm not Ryan.
Do you guys want me to call- I'm not a fucking idiot.
Dude, not cool. My notary.
You know I'm fucking stupid, Tucker you guys want me to call? I'm not a fucking idiot. Dude, not cool. You know I'm fucking stupid, Tucker.
What was that, Lee?
Do you want me to call my notary?
I mean, we could really just like draw this.
Yeah, we could get this notarized.
I would love that.
No, I think I'm going to do it now because you said no.
You know, my sister's a notary actually, so she could.
You know, I'm a notary.
Are you really?
What?
Yeah.
Since when?
Now.
Okay.
Can you notarize my divorce papers
yeah can you notarize
mine too
actually can you unnotarize mine because my
my ex-wife I want to keep her
it's as tough for her as it is
for you so I mean I'm not going to step into that
it's a little more tough for me
she's a nice
lady she's done no wrong
besides cheating on you several times
With me
Ryan with you
And once again here we are having the conversation
Where you know
I don't like you
We just got late in here
I just feel like it's an awkward situation
The room got really uncomfortable
You know it's a little uncomfortable
Walking in on
who I thought was my best friend sleeping with my wife.
Well, obviously she didn't want to be your wife
if she was sleeping with me. I mean,
you can't just, like, hold someone down and be like,
Well, you're married to me. You can only have sex with me.
That's what marriage is. No, it's not. Yes, it is.
It's a binding contract to make sure that you both
get money when it fails. That's not... Jesus.
Matt, you gotta admit, this is kind of... I mean,
you were probably at least a little aroused
when you walked in. I mean...
Well, because he saw his wife naked.
Ex-wife. Soon to be.
Ryan is a sweet, sweet boy.
To see him deep inside
the person you love most in this world,
I'm sure it had to be at least a little exciting.
You know that same feeling you see when you're watching a porn
and you see a butt or boobies jiggle?
You're like, whoa, those jiggle.
When you see my stomach and like my man tits and just my fucking chins, when you see me just jiggle around, does it give you the same type of like uppity feeling down below?
Yeah, I'd have to actually test that one out.
Like, do you have to walk in a fourth time?
Why don't you guys go ahead and, Ryan.
Sorry. Ryan. Let's test this for science. like do you have to walk in let's go ahead and do it now why don't you guys go ahead and uh Ryan sorry
Ryan
can we
Ryan
let's test this
for science
well I need his
sorry
no Ryan
let's see it solo
jiggle your
Ryan we just want you right now
alright
let's get
let's get a little
yeah it's doing a little
something for me
yeah
I'm getting a little
semi
semi erection
getting a little chub
jiggly flesh sack well that
Um, I can do that too actually see that
say that calf muscle jiggle this feel of calf looks like you could just be like
It looks like you're just like you know very edible. It's delicious put that on a taco. Yeah
Put humans on a taco human tacos human meat would meat. Would be just kind of like, I guess like a pork taco, essentially.
Human tastes like pork.
I'm not from personal experience, but that's what I've heard.
A reporter that tasted human said it tasted just like pork.
I was about to make a very inappropriate joke.
I mean, you've told me about your extensive plans to murder everybody in this office and
slowly cook and eat them.
Well, I actually did.
Layton and I actually did have a conversation about like, if I wanted to kill everybody
in this office, how I could get away with it, in what order I'd do it in.
Yeah, what was the order?
Top three conversations psychopaths have.
Ryan was first.
Don't out me here.
Ryan was first because Ryan's like my best friend.
So it's like, if I kill him, no one's going to suspect it's me because they'd be like,
oh, he's grieving right now.
I feel like the closer you are to someone.
If I kill him, no one's going to suspect it's me because they'd be like, oh, he's grieving right now. I feel like the closer you are to someone.
I just watched a forensic file where like a son.
Talk, talk, talk, talk.
Okay.
I was just testing to see what was going on.
I was right.
I was right in my predictions though, wasn't I?
You did it, yeah.
See?
You did it.
I used the scientific method.
Of Will Tucker, interrupt me.
Yeah, I did.
You tested your hypothesis.
You saw me think about it real quick and then I just said talk talk talk and he did ryan no my my i mean i already won first place at the science
fair now so i mean i'm good i'm done right you're like the volcano like the one in hawaii you're the
one that won the award but i'm the one that gets to keep it and cherish it and you'll just kind of
be like i don't know don't want any pictures of you ouch damn that's essentially what's going on
that's sad you're a photographer, Tucker.
What do you expect? I'm not a photographer.
Just for the record.
I'm not a photographer.
I define myself as a painter
filmmaker, so please, for the record
Painter filmmaker? Yeah, go ahead and
strike. I'm not a painter filmmaker.
Yeah, my stupid
prestigious title. I'm so artistic.
It's very important to my identity that we all
keep that exactly how I see it.
Can I change my title from
Let's Player then?
Video game
commentator?
I'm video producer. I'm movie
producer. I'm online entrepreneur.
Online entrepreneur. That sounds good.
Tucker, why don't you go paint your feelings, dude?
You know what? I just might.
Tucker, I have a couple of questions for you.
How many pairs of those socks
that have classic paintings on them
do you own? I actually own a pair
of those, so you just roasted me.
The question wasn't to you.
We already know that you're an art hoe.
We're trying to suss out if Tucker is
an art hoe. Do you have one of those
little Swedish art school backpacks?
No. I don't. What, a Fjallraven?
Or however you say it.
Those are cool backpacks, I gotta say, but I can't
own one because...
Too expensive, I'm broke.
Do you smoke yellow American spirits? Nope.
Those are gross. I'm sorry.
They're way too long.
That's the scientific test.
I went to and dropped out of art school, so I am the authority on this.
I was around the art scene
in Columbia, South Carolina, USC,
and it was very much the
yellow American spirits scene.
I didn't realize that hanging out under bridges
in South Carolina counts as
the art scene. Oh, I hung out under
bridges all the time.
I mean, the burning has to
go around. You know what I'm saying?
I burn Tucker.
Layton burns Matt.
Layton burns Tucker.
Tucker burns Layton. Layton burns Barnes down in her
spare time for fun. That sounds like fun.
The candlestick in the kitchen.
That does not hurt any. That's a victimless crime.
Yeah, not illegal if you don't get caught.
No crime is illegal if you don't get caught.
I mean, if it's really run down, nobody's going to miss it.
That's true.
Except for maybe the raccoons who made their home there.
Maybe we can slow down a bit and maybe like go back to the whole like if you commit a crime, it's like a legitimate thing you should pay attention to and not do.
A crime is not illegal unless you get caught.
That's definitely not.
Ryan, if I commit bank fraud and no one catches me, it's not illegal.
It was an illegal act.
You just got away with it then it was legal
no that's how that works i wish like you like you just get to go into a bank you steal all the money
you get out of the bank it's like fuck he got out of the front door it's your money now sir
that's right it's mine legal if you make it out of a bank with the money you can keep it yeah i
mean technically the zodiac killer you know he didn't get caught they're they're using they're gonna use the same thing they
found to get the i was about to say the green bay packers killer what's the actual guy that
got caught the recent one yeah sunshine stereo rapist or the golden state killer golden state
killer yeah yeah green bay pack i mean there the Green River Killer. That's a different one.
Did he kill the Green Bay Packers?
Yes.
Killed all of them.
On the field during the game.
It was very fucked up.
They had a really rough year.
He just walked on with a knife and just... Could you imagine if someone banged the NFL?
Someone banged the NFL?
Banged the NFL.
They said banged.
Like someone went on the field and had sex with all of them.
I think plenty of people are doing that.
That was a normal
occurrence.
That would make the news.
That would be like...
That would make the news.
That would be like
the size of 9-11
times 10.
If you bombed American football
and everyone was holding a big Coca-Cola during the
explosion.
And there was slow motion footage of people's horror
as they held the product close to their face.
Yeah, exactly.
They took a sip with the label facing them.
You'd see like Carl's Jr. logos
all throughout footage of this.
A beautiful woman takes a bite
of her Carl's Jr. hamburger in slow motion.
This is so sad, but God damn,
I could really use a Carl's Jr. burger
and a Coca-Cola right now.
You know what really rehydrates your thirst
after you've just been crying and screaming all day burger and a Coca-Cola right now. You know what really rehydrates your thirst after you've just been
crying and screaming all day?
A delicious Coca-Cola. From Carl's
Jr.
You know it's crispier when you get it from the fountain.
That's true. Like a crispy
Coke. It's so true. I know what you're talking
about when you say crispy. It's a really good way to describe it. It's very crisp.
Not crispy like a piece of toast,
but crispy like the drink is crisp.
The word crisp has two meanings.
A little bit.
Like an image can be crisp.
Three meanings then.
There's crisp as in like toast, crisp as in pictures, and crisp as in like a flavor.
Like Tucker looks pretty crisp right now.
Crisp as in chips in England.
Who's Crispin Glover?
Is that a person?
Crispin?
No.
Oh, St. Crispin?
Are you sure?
I'm 100% positive there's no way that's a person.
My name is Crispin Glover.
I have this thing where I think, like, Crispin Glover.
I mean, uh.
I gotta cut that out because I actually sent my friend.
Crispin Glover is an actor.
He's the dude from fucking, uh, Back to the Future.
Yes, right.
And the weird rat movie.
Yes.
I didn't know that he was an actual person.
He was in Food Fight.
The animated movie with Charlie Sheen
where he plays the dog?
Can you fact check me on that? Because I'm also an idiot.
Don't call yourself an idiot, Leighton.
That's not true.
I'll call you an idiot.
Okay, now Tucker is roasted Leighton full circle.
Crispin Glover.
Well, before Ryan finds the answer,
I'd like to say
please go
rate our podcast on iTunes
if you feel ever so
inclined. And
also go in
the link, I mean go in the description
for a sweet little link
for Honey. Go check that out.
And also... I've got a new album
on Spotify that you can go find.
It's called Damn.
Please just listen to it as much as you'd like.
It's getting moderate positive reviews.
So, you know, just please enjoy what I put out.
He worked really hard on it.
When did Food Fight come out?
I don't know, Ryan?
It was in production hell forever.
And then it was finally like sort of released. But it was less of like, you know, letting. It was in production hell forever, and then it was finally, like, sort of released,
but it was less of, like, you know, letting a dove go into the air
and more of just, like, a wet shit slapping the pavement.
It's really hard to find this movie on IMDb.
I can't stop picturing that in my mind.
Same. Like, that was a really descriptive way to say that.
And now it's, like, stuck in my head.
Actually, you know what's better is, like, like you know instead of releasing the dove and it flies away
you release the dove and it's already dead and it just hits
the floor okay yeah yeah it just goes
holy shit a lot of people were in
food fight yeah dude I'm not seeing Crispin
Glover though it's a star studded
like Hilary Duff Haley Duff
Charlie Sheen Eva Longoria
Wayne Brady impressive
that's a lot of people in food fight Larry
Miller who played...
You turned the CRT TV on and scared the shit out of yourself.
Sorry, sorry.
He played like the principal in some Frankie Muniz movie, I feel like.
This dude, I'll show you.
Hold on.
This dude.
Who did he play in like a Frankie Muniz movie or some movie where he played the principal?
He was in Mac in the Middle.
Is that the guy? No, no, no, no. I know exactly which one you're talking principal. He was in Mac in the Middle. Is that the guy?
No, no, no, no.
Exactly which one you're talking about.
He's the principal in...
Ned's Declassified Survival Guide?
No, no, no. It's like the kid is moving away
and he gets one last day at school.
Max Keebler's Big Move.
There it is. We did it. It only took four...
We solved it. That was a fantastic movie.
That was a good-ass movie. It was really great.
There was the whole food fight scene in it.
The end in the junkyard with the tractor.
Dude, spoilers.
Stop.
Sorry.
Man, we were talking about Big Fat Liar earlier.
It's just a good time for...
Yeah.
Frankie Muniz.
R.I.P.
Anyway, guys, thank you so much for listening to this week's podcast.
Go check out Tucker.
His link's in the description.
So are Leighton's.
Go check out Leighton, who still doesn't follow me on Twitter, but that's none of my business.
It's not going to happen.
She follows me. She's verified, by the way.
So am I.
Yeah, I know. So is Tucker.
Tucker has like...
Look up. Actually, everybody,
go follow Tucker Prescott on Twitter.
I'm sure there's some person named Tucker Prescott.
He's going to get a bunch of followers. I'm going to look at him right now. I'm not actually on Twitter, but I'm sure there's some person named Tucker Prescott. He's gonna get a bunch of followers.
I'm gonna look at him right now. I'm not actually on Twitter
but I'm sure there's, I think, alright, alright
so in my fucking Google
image results, there's this
one kid. He's another like
blonde white kid. He's got curly
hair instead of straight hair and his
name's Tucker Prescott. He's
like, you know, this stupid kid
that I wish didn't exist
because he's taking all the names.
He probably took the Tucker Prescott Gmail.
Tucker, what if that picture was from his obituary?
Nah, fuck that kid.
Tucker, I just met her.
That's where we're ending it.
Oh, wait.
I had one more thing to say.
Tucker Prescott?
I don't even know where Prescott is.
There's another YouTuber named Matt Watson and I
apologize to him. Is there? Yeah.
A YouTuber. Not a porn star.
He has like 70,000 subscribers.
He dated some famous girl. He made Spanish
tutorial videos. And if you go to
my famous birthdays page, there's a video
that famous birthdays made where it's
like millennial ukulele music with a
slideshow of photos of me
with facts about him.
So go on my Famous Birthdays page
and check that out.
Just Matt Watson.
Just Matt Watson.
That's the other YouTuber.
So shout out to him.
That's my favorite episode of Black Mirror.
That's just Matt Watson.
What's in my box?
Marvel gear and good.
That's the video where he shows his penis.
Oh.
Anyway, guys, we'll see you next week.
Bye, everyone.
He's going to help me. Bye. Oh, shit. That's his penis. Yeah, there it is. Anyway guys we'll see you next week Bye everyone Bye bye
Oh shit that's his penis
Yeah there it is