supermegashow - EP 93 - Poor Ron Jeremy

Episode Date: June 6, 2018

We talk poisonous animals, Elon Musk, and Dan drops by. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:23 Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Want to sip my water bottle? Uh, no, I'm good. I had some water beforehand. I'm pretty hydrated. How about you?
Starting point is 00:00:40 Well, in terms of hydration, I'm probably not the most hydrated boy that's out there right now. No? You gotta get yourself a personal water bottle. I do have a personal water bottle. You just don't use it. Well, I do. I just don't bring it to work. I don't bring it to the recording sessions. I should. You should bring it to work. Here I am
Starting point is 00:00:57 wasting plastic and polluting the earth. Let me just... I think I saw a... That's good an article on reddit that says they found like like in a really deep part of the ocean they found a plastic bag or something whoa really yeah shit like the deep ocean scares me so bad well you can't survive there because of the pressure and it's like pitch black and it's also like freezing cold. And there's creepy creatures that are creeping and crawling. That are bio-illuminescent.
Starting point is 00:01:30 That's pretty cool. Which are really awesome. But you don't need to be deep to see bio-illuminescent creatures at all. Yeah, but when you're down there, those things look like straight out of some alien movie. Like some disgusting... So you know if we put a person down there it would crush
Starting point is 00:01:45 them instantly yeah but there's animals that survive down there what happens if you bring them up to the surface do they like i don't think they can survive do they just explode it's just i don't think they explode because you know humans inflate and float up to do they like a balloon because humans would implode just like but but they would just keep expanding like like until they pop like a balloon i don't know what would happen. Well, anyway, guys, welcome to episode 93 of Super Megacast. It is a lovely, is it Monday? It's Monday.
Starting point is 00:02:15 It's a lovely Monday morning. It's not morning. It's 3.30. No, it's afternoon. It's 3.30. I'm going to get some work done after this. Got to edit some good old Let's Plays. I love editing them Let's Plays. Let's Plays are my favorite thing to edit.
Starting point is 00:02:26 Mama lets me watch Let's Plays if I get all my homework done. So there's a kid out there listening that he's like, wow, that's literally exactly my situation. I have to do my homework and then I'm allowed to watch Let's Plays. Mama lets me,
Starting point is 00:02:38 but if I don't get good grades on my report card, mama doesn't let me watch those Let's Plays. And you know what? I'm actually curious. We've asked this question before, but I always like asking ask it baby what are you here what are people that are listening to this podcast obviously are here to listen to the podcast but how many of you would you say if you're here your main draw are let's plays or your main draw is the live action stuff that we don't do as much or is the main draw the podcast what is the main draw to this channel what what do you like i know i know you must
Starting point is 00:03:12 enjoy at least at least most aspects of what we produce but what would you say is when when it pops up on your feed you're like gotta watch that gotta click this gotta click this son of a bitch for some reason i just don't feel like it's the Let's Plays. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I know there's a lot of people that enjoy them, but... Imagine this. I'm trying to imagine all the people. Okay, how many? 450,000.
Starting point is 00:03:38 Imagine if we removed Let's Plays from our channel and just made it podcasts and shows and stuff. How would you like that? What if you guys, what if? Or what if we did Let's Plays once a week in a big video? Like they were like a special thing.
Starting point is 00:03:52 What if? What if we did that? What if, guys? But anyways, you leave down in the comments, what if, you know? What if? What if there were two podcasts a week? What if there were two podcasts a week? There was a special Let's Play
Starting point is 00:04:05 show where, you know, we incorporated more live action and more editing into it. What if, uh... What if, you know? What if we reviewed Dip on the channel? No. Come on, dude. Never. Copenhagen? I'd vomit. A little Dip? You know, in the next recipe, I'm gonna make you a Dip
Starting point is 00:04:21 sandwich. A Dip sandwich? It's like dip on bread? Use it as a little spread. I'd be like Buzz Lightyear to infinity and beyond. Yeah, dude. Buzz Lightyear. Be buzzing to infinity and beyond if I had a dip sandwich. Imagine just eating a whole can of dip.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Just like scooping that shit in your hand and just like... You pack that lip, baby. Is it that Copenhagen wintergreen? It's that grizzly... Uh-oh, we're talking grizzly. Something. I don't know, dude. Is it that Copenhagen wintergreen? It's that grizzly. Uh-oh, we're talking grizzly. Something. I don't know, dude. What are dip brands?
Starting point is 00:04:50 Copenhagen, grizzly. I used to sell a bunch. Skull? Because Skull's one. Skull's one. They also have the bags of dip. Just a big pouch of dip. Yep. I sold a lot of cigarettes and dip when I worked at Food Lion.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Just for fun. Not even as part of your job. No, just for fun. You just sold them. Yeah. dip when I worked at just for fun not even as part of your job you just sold them yeah but it's just I think the most popular two were um grizzly and copenhagen most people got I think copenhagen god dip is so fucking gross I'm I don't think I've never had it and I never tried it once it was uh jesus man it burns it gives you a big old buzz it gives you an never will. I tried it once. It was, Jesus, man. It burns.
Starting point is 00:05:25 It actually gives you a big old buzz. It gives you an intense buzz. I feel like it's the same gross buzz, correct me if I'm wrong, that you get from chewing nicotine gum. It is. It makes your tongue tingle. It's not a good buzz. You want a good buzz, you gotta smoke those cigarettes, you know what I'm saying? You gotta smoke them ciggies, brother.
Starting point is 00:05:39 I hate smoking cigarettes, but I do it anyways because I'm addicted. Fuck me. More like, you're a dick, Ted. My name's not Ted, though. If your name was Ted, that would have worked really well. That would have worked magically. That would have been a really funny joke, but it's not Ted, so. No, it's not.
Starting point is 00:05:56 Ryan, imagine. I could legally change my name to Ted for that joke to work. But it'd be after the fact. Yeah, but you could edit it. I could get, how fast would it take to change my name? It takes a while because there's that whole thing where, at least in California, if you change your name, you have to declare it in a newspaper publicly for four weeks in a row. Because of the Nathan for you episode?
Starting point is 00:06:15 Yeah, they pointed that out. I don't know why you have to do that. It's like, I guess it's to technically alert the public, but I don't know. Who wakes up in the morning like, oh, I got to go check the name change section of the newspaper and see who's changing their name. I actually would be interested to check that out because, you know, there's gonna be some weird dudes trying to change the name to something like epic or like awesome. Like so they're going to go and like like I want to see who's changing their name and what they're changing it to. Epic and awesome.
Starting point is 00:06:39 There are things that you can't make your name, right? What's the law? I'm sure there are. Like I'm sure you can't name yourself after like a corporation. i couldn't change my name to coca-cola can you disney can you name yourself hitler is that legal that's probably i thought that was illegal that's probably i'm sure there's like a someone tried to do that down the line some neo-nazi and they're like oh can't do that yeah uh you've got can you change your name to jesus christ hey zeus they got a bunch of they got a bunch of that.
Starting point is 00:07:05 I'm not trying to say anything, but in Latino culture, I don't know. There's a bunch of Jesuses. No, I mean like as a white guy. Spell Jesus. I want to change my name to Jesus Christ. Just say it's Jesus and sure. I don't think you can say Jesus. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I feel like they should, right? If I want to change my name to Jesus Christ, I can. Yeah. What if I do? Ryan, what if for like a prank, I didn't tell you until like it finished going through, but I changed my name to Ryan McGee. So like my name was legally Ryan McGee. I think it was very weird.
Starting point is 00:07:33 And I'd have to question why I'm friends with you. Like, how would you react legitimately if I'm like, Ryan, my name is officially Ryan McGee. I'd laugh and think it was funny, but I think it would be. But then you're like, well, dude, your name is my name for the rest of your life. Then I think it was very, very weird. But come're like well dude your name is my name for the rest of your life then i think it was very very weird but come on a youtube channel like two guys named ryan mcgee say hey guys welcome back to the podcast are you gonna change your name to ryan mcgee maybe i've already started the process remember it's mc capital g e you're ryan mcgee
Starting point is 00:07:59 and i'm ryan mcgee yeah so it's like welcome podcast, guys. I'm here with Ryan, and I am Ryan McGee. I started streaming, like, custom games, like, with people on Twitch, and I had to make another Xbox account, but I luckily didn't have to buy another Xbox Live Gold. Oh, nice. But my name on that, instead of Ryan McGee, it's just Brian McGee. Man, I want to get a guy named Brian McGee on the podcast. It's like Ryan McGee and Brian McGee. Is there any famous Brian McGees?
Starting point is 00:08:27 I don't know where the fuck my phone went. It's not important. Fuck it. I don't care. I care. My name is pretty common. Matt Watson. I remember in Charleston there was a dentist or a doctor named Matt Watson.
Starting point is 00:08:40 I didn't go to him. Why not? That would have been weird. I just would have felt weird around. I've never met someone that has my name. Changing your name to my name wouldn't be weird? No. I think it would just be something, a way to show friendship.
Starting point is 00:08:55 And if you think that's weird, then maybe I'll change it to another one of my friends' names. If you're not going to be appreciative of it. I'm sorry. Tucker Prescott. Dude, what if we both change our name to tucker prescott and don't tell him and then we just like show him i have a feeling he would be very sad he'd be like guys we'd where's your individuality we'd put him in a spiral of like depression and shit like i'm not i'm not original yeah he wouldn't feel like a unique
Starting point is 00:09:19 individual anymore because because then we'd be taking his namesake and because we have more followers than him whenever someone searches tucker prescott we'd come up instead of him that's a great way like if you're mad at somebody and you're competing with them online and you want to like steal their their glory uh and you're bigger than them just change your name to their name legally change your name yeah so it's like if i was pissed off at tucker i changed my name tucker prescott so when you google tucker prescott my stuff comes up instead of his it's like the ultimate revenge i just love when you look up tucker prescott there's like one picture of him but like most of it is just other people oh i went because he takes photographs and
Starting point is 00:10:00 shit yeah yeah but when we on the last podcast that tucker was on when we talked about go follow tucker prescott on twitter uh and it's like that's not the real the tucker doesn't have a twitter yeah i went and looked up tucker prescott on twitter and it's just some black dude that loves basketball so he's gonna get a bunch of followers i followed him did you really yeah yeah but he hasn't posted why'd you follow him So when people go look it up, they think it's the real Tucker. Also, he hasn't tweeted since like 2015. He only has like five tweets on his account. And it's just about basketball.
Starting point is 00:10:33 But that's it. Hey, Danny. It's Danny Sexbang. The most requested guest to come on our podcast. Danny, are you about to... Hey, hey! Danny, get in here. Get your ass in here. Are you about to record the 10-minute power hour?
Starting point is 00:10:45 Bring it on in here! He's coming. He's coming for another... He's stumbling in. He's coming. I think he's coming for another cameo. Hi, guys. We're never going to get him on the actual show.
Starting point is 00:10:55 The most requested, literally every podcast episode, the top comment is, Get Danny on the podcast. That microphone's not on. You got to share this one. I know. So people just see, yep. You're trying to balance his way on. There he is.
Starting point is 00:11:08 Danny. I love that shirt. Really? Yeah. It's a cool shirt. It's an album cover. I like it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:15 From Gretchen Goes to Nebraska. Their 1988 seminal album. Wow. Have you seen them live? I have. I just saw them live at Whiskey A Go-Go. Ooh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:23 Well, okay. Here's a question just as so we have you here sure have we asked you what your favorite live not your favorite live show
Starting point is 00:11:30 in terms of like oh the music was great but what has been your favorite live show experience oh Game Grumps Live you know how like like a show and an experience
Starting point is 00:11:38 at the show is like kind of different you want to hear the really weird tale of what the truth is yes so for the first twelfth Yes. So for the first 12, for the first, like, I would say 10 years of my performance career, I had no fans.
Starting point is 00:11:55 And the bands I was in, we would go around the country playing essentially to empty rooms. And, like, it would be us just performing for the other bands. Like at house shows and stuff? Sounds like a Super Mega Live show. Yeah. No, yeah no just like uh like venues your voice will pick up even though it's pointed that way cool uh yeah just like low-level venues like whoever would take bands like us you know and um like little clubs and stuff and one of the places we played i don't remember what it was called but it was in North Carolina and it was next to this pizza place called the Mellow Mushroom I love the Mellow Mushroom
Starting point is 00:12:29 I miss the Mellow Mushroom so much they have one all around it's all over it's a chain it's never a good time when you remember the pizza place next to the place you played more than the actual place but it was one of those many shows where we were in a foreign place,
Starting point is 00:12:45 we had no fans, and we were just playing and there were these two girls in the audience. They were it. They were the audience. And we were like, girls! And so we played our set, and then when we were done, they went on stage next. And we were like, ah shit, they're performers. But
Starting point is 00:13:00 these two girls had the voices of fucking angels and they were two sisters and one had an acoustic guitar and the other sang with her and they like That it was the kind of thing where like they started singing and immediately everyone was like and no one said shit for the next like hour and The air was like palpably charged there was something unique in the room and then afterwards i bought their cd which somehow did not capture what was so amazing
Starting point is 00:13:37 about them live but then the cd got lost and this was kind of before the internet was as big as it is now so I have no idea who they were or What what their names were can't but no no it just lost a time, but that was one of the best Concert experiences I've ever had do you think if you ever like you're just walking down the street and all of a sudden out of like Some bar or some venue all of a sudden you heard that exact angelic voice playing Do you think you'd be able to recognize it? I don't know I don't know I don't know cause I can't even remember what they sounded like exactly all I can remember
Starting point is 00:14:09 you just know the feeling of like this is fucking awesome couldn't remember the greatest song in the world no this is a tribute this is just a tribute little tenacious D reference right there that's absolutely correct but yeah I know that's a weird answer so I do know and I don't know
Starting point is 00:14:25 what my best live concert experience was I went to a hardcore show in Seattle once that there were like 5 people at and the guys on stage were wearing animal skulls and there was a fog machine and strobe lights and it was loud as shit
Starting point is 00:14:41 and there was a lot of screaming and the drummer drummed so hard his drum set fell apart like three times. Didn't you drum so hard at one performance you had that you threw the drumsticks like seven times in a row out of your hands or something? Well, it wasn't because I drummed so hard. It's just my hands were sweating. I was nervous. Seven times in a row. That's a lot of times.
Starting point is 00:15:00 We've always talked about it. Like after the first time, you're like, fuck. Second time, you're like, shit. Third time. I'm like, I just got to walk off stage. But then the fourth time comes. Not even then. Then a fifth time.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Then a sixth and seventh. During the duration of Holy Diver by Dio. I was playing Holy Diver. I was playing the drums. And I'm just like. And then just like the drumstick goes. I'm like, fuck. Luckily, there's like a pouch of drumsticks. And I'm playing for like a packed bar. So I whip out the drumstick goes whoop. I'm like, fuck. Luckily, there's like a pouch of drumsticks.
Starting point is 00:15:25 And I'm playing for like a packed bar. So I whip out another drumstick. And I'm like, ooh, it's okay. Just no one noticed. And then again, my drumstick goes flying out of my hands. And I'm like, oh, shit. I pull out another drumstick. And in my head, I'm like, it's not going to happen a third time.
Starting point is 00:15:41 You know, it's like that's bad luck for it to happen twice. But it's not going to happen a third time. You know, it's like, like, that's bad luck for it to happen twice, but it's not going to happen a third time in one song. Seven fucking times. Did someone cover your drumsticks in like Crisco or something? Dude, I swear to God, that's what happened. Like, they were- Did you fuck anyone over that's like, uh, he's never going to be in the music industry.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Let's just say he'll never play another gig in this town again. You don't have to tell a story, but have you ever seen or witnessed or been a part of a personal interaction where there's been that whole kind of like, we're going to make sure you never work in this town again? Oh, God. Me, personally? Yeah. Like, have you seen it happen to someone? Have you?
Starting point is 00:16:14 No. I don't think I have. I saw Ron Jeremy get kicked out of the House of Blues, though. What? Was he naked or something? He was not naked. For anyone who doesn't know, Ron Jeremy is known as the Hedgehog. How would you describe him?
Starting point is 00:16:27 Why is he known as the Hedgehog? He looks like the main actor who was in the Super Mario Brothers movie. Oof. Bob Hoskins. Except then afterwards. It actually, like, Ron Jeremy, it seems like the perfect story of, yeah, he was in this big hit, the Super Mario Brothers movie. It actually didn't do well.
Starting point is 00:16:42 I don't know why I called it a hit. But so I became a porn star. Now I'm Ron Jeremy. Yeah, I mean, he was a porn star in the 70s. He's been around a long time. Has he always been rocking that good mustache and hair? Yeah. Well, yes, but it's not good anymore.
Starting point is 00:16:55 No, no, not anymore. Well, he's gotten fatter and grosser as the years have gone on. Doesn't he still do porn? Yeah, he still does because A, he's a staple of the porn industry. And B, I guess the appeal is that guys who feel like they're gross looking, look at the beautiful women this gross guy's getting.
Starting point is 00:17:19 And all he has to do is have someone pay them. Yeah. I watched a Ron Jeremy porno once because I was curious. I was like, what's all the fuss about Ron Jeremy? Does he get work done? It was stereotypical. He knocks on the door. The door opens.
Starting point is 00:17:34 It zooms in on him. And he's like, I'm here to clean the pipes or something. It was literally the stereotypical porn. He walks in. He has sex with a beautiful woman. And I just remember thinking, what's the appeal of Ron Jeremy? He has sex with a beautiful woman. And I just remember thinking, like, what's the appeal of Ron Jeremy?
Starting point is 00:17:51 He's a short, large man with long curly hair and a mustache and a sizable penis. And he fucks. But he seems like the type of guy that would have been on the Howard Stern show, like, ten times in a row, like, back in the day. Yeah. He probably was on the Howard Stern show. If you'd home want a picture of him, just think of Matt and then think of what would the exact opposite of the spectrum of what a human being would look like. That's Ron Jeremy, yeah. That's about it. But I was at the House of Blues.
Starting point is 00:18:13 We played with Steel Panther and it was the last night that it was closing. Steel Panther, before that though, I was surprised by them because Daniel showed me them back in the day. And I was like, you can show tits on YouTube? Yeah. There's tits on YouTube? Yeah. There's a whole subreddit for that.
Starting point is 00:18:30 In their music videos, they have boobies and everything. I don't know how they do it. In their song Glory Hole, they have a bunch of boobies. Yeah. They're great. They're great guys. I love them. But yeah, Ron Jeremy was trying to get into the VIP section.
Starting point is 00:18:44 And he was with a young lady of the evening, and the bouncers were like, you can't get in here. And while they were stopping him, she, like the girl he was with, slipped into the crowd, and they turned around and yelled at her, saying something to the effect of, hey, are you with him? And she was like, nope, and just disappeared into the crowd. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:19:08 It was a brutal Ron Jeremy moment. Did you see him walk away? He should have been like, did he throw a cloak? A cloak, sorry, a trench coat over his shoulder? Yeah, he actually disappeared. He disintegrated into a hundred bats. He should have been like, do you know who I am? Like with one sigh, he just like morphed into a hundred bats.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Really? You're not going to let me in? What? You know, I played Mario in the Mario game. Can't believe you don't recognize me. So he came to see a Ninja Sex Party show? No, he came to see Steel Panther. We just, we were just guests at the Steel Panther.
Starting point is 00:19:38 Oh, so, but Ron Jeremy watched you play live. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Miley Cyrus was in that audience. It was, it was a very surreal night. You played for Miley Cyrus. Wow. Miley Cyrus was in that audience. It was a very surreal night. You played for Miley Cyrus. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:47 Because she wanted to see Steel Panther? Yes. How many people want to see Steel Panther? I didn't know they were that big, I guess. I think they're very well connected in the Hollywood community. Because they're super entertaining to watch. They're so much fun. They really know how to put on a show.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Are they still making new shit? Oh, yeah. They're still around. They just had a new album, I think. I believe it's called Lower the Bar. Wow. That's what I'm saying. Look at that. They can't put boobies in their music videos. I think they just did.
Starting point is 00:20:17 Did they? We gotta put breasts on our YouTube channel, Ryan. There's never been boobs on Supermega before. That's a way to make sure we earn no money for the rest of our YouTube career. Yeah, but we'd be able to see breasts. When is Free- When's Free the Nipple gonna work its way into YouTube so companies start boycotting YouTube because we can't show breasts? And they think it's like fucked up and sexist. Such a good question.
Starting point is 00:20:38 We just need to turn the tables on YouTube somehow. Let's do Free the Penis. Free- just Free the Tip. Just the tip out your zipper. Just call it freeness. I have to go record power. Okay. It was my pleasure.
Starting point is 00:20:53 We'll get you on a full episode soon. I hope that tied everybody over that's been requesting Danny, damn Daniel to come on the podcast. Now it just feels so empty without his presence here. His glorious... Do you want to go look at boobies on YouTube?
Starting point is 00:21:09 I've never... I've never seen a titty in real life. Besides when I was a baby. What about mine? Well, that's not a real titty. What? A titty's a titty, man. It's not an estrogen-filled titty.
Starting point is 00:21:23 Are you sure? I have a little bit of estrogen in me i'm sure do men have any estrogen in them like is there like i'm sure like a little bit of estrogen in there i don't know or is that explicitly like a female hormone what happens if i don't know testosterone isn't explicitly a male testosterone's in women too right yeah i think so yeah i don't know i'm not a scientist or whatever you have to be to know this a high schooler probably what happens i'm not a high school whatever you have to be to know this. A high schooler probably. What happens if I – I'm not a high schooler, Matt. What happens if I just like drank estrogen every day? Would I start to like develop –
Starting point is 00:21:52 You'd grow a vagina, dude. Would my penis slowly recede and I'd grow a vagina? I don't know. All I know is when women – there's one person I can't – When women do steroids, they – Their clit gets massive or something. It becomes – No, there's something that women take and their clit gets massive.
Starting point is 00:22:07 Yeah, steroids. Is it steroids? It's steroids. It's whatever they're taking to help transition into more of a, like, to grow facial hair and stuff. I think it's testosterone. Women take, like, trans men will take, like, testosterone supplements, I know. testosterone supplements, I know. But like,
Starting point is 00:22:25 basically, if I took steroids, it's weird because it does the opposite effect on each gender. So for women, it masculinizes them more. And for men, it will feminize you more. So if I took steroids, I'd start developing breasts and stuff like that. A little penis. And little nuts. My penis would shrink.
Starting point is 00:22:42 But my muscles would look sick. Dude, your muscles would look hella sick. You'd look beefed up, bro. You work out every day. You're gonna be beefed up soon. I'm hoping, man. You're gonna be like Taylor Lautner up in this bitch. I hope I look like him. Wait, like Twilight Taylor Lautner or like
Starting point is 00:22:57 Sharkboy and Lava Girl Taylor Lautner? The former. I think realistically I'll look more like Sharkboy and Lava Girl Taylor Lautner. You're not going to look like a little kid. Hey, Tucker Prescott has entered the room. Tucker's in the building. He's giving Ryan a kiss. And he just gave me a kiss on the head.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Is he going to give me a kiss on the head? He's walking towards me. He's walking. Let's listen. Is he going to give him a kiss? He did. It was a nice big kiss. Give him a kiss.
Starting point is 00:23:24 Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your jobs, projects done well. I absolutely love this because, you know, if you own a home, it can be really hard to maintain. It's hard to find people that can help you for a big project or a small. Well, whether it's an everyday maintenance and repairs or making dream projects a reality, it can be hard just to know where to start. But now, all you need to do is answer that and find a skilled local pro who will deliver the quality and expertise you need. Angie has over 20 years of home service experience, and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. and they've combined it with new tools to simplify the whole process. Bring them your project online or with the Angie app,
Starting point is 00:24:11 answer a few questions and Angie can handle the rest from start to finish. Or help you compare quotes from multiple pros and connect instantly. Which means you can take care of just about any home project in just a few taps. Because when it comes to getting the most out of your home, you can do this when you Angie that. Download the free Angie mobile app today or visit Angie.com. That's A-N-G-I dot com. Thank you, Tucker. How's my hair smell?
Starting point is 00:24:38 Smells great. Thanks. I've been using some good Dove shampoo. Smell Ryan's. Smell Ryan's hair. Oh, no. If it's bad, you don't have to say anything. Don't embarrass Ryan.
Starting point is 00:24:49 What does my hair smell like? How would you describe it? It's not shampoo, but it's also not unpleasant. Thank you. It's like a natural, like a nice natural hair smell. Can I smell Ryan's hair? No, it just smells like hair, and it smells pretty good, actually. I like that. What does my hair smell like?
Starting point is 00:25:08 Is my hair good? Yours smells like... I use Dove cucumber shampoo. Okay, so it might be shampoo. You know what? The more I smell your hair, the more I like it. I like the way Ryan's hair smells. Thank you. I'm training my hair to where I don't have to wash it every day. Tucker, let me smell your hair. Come here. Tucker?
Starting point is 00:25:24 Holy shit. Tucker's hair smells really good. Give me your hair. Smell Tucker's hair. Mmm, smells like Tucker. That's good shit. That's the smell of Tucker. You got that strong jaw going on in your purse and your lips. Why are you doing that? What? Oh, cause I... He's trying to train his jawline. You guys are recording right now, so I don't want to make you
Starting point is 00:25:41 have to take these out, so never mind. What, are you about to say something? Hold on, hold on. We might have to cut this part out. Tucker, what make you have to take these out. What are you about to say something? I just hold on hold on we might have to cut this part out Tucker. What do you have to say? We're back Tucker just admitted he was bisexual So what? Yeah, there's no problem with it at all. There's nothing wrong with that dude I don't know why you felt the need to come into our podcast just to tell us that though. Could've waited. It really doesn't matter man. Your sexuality does not- it's fine. It doesn't define you.
Starting point is 00:26:11 All I wanted was you guys to make me feel comfortable. Does it? Does it define him? I just wanted to feel comfortable. Whoops. It does define you. We feel comfortable, man. Your sexuality defines you. I just don't want you staying on my couch anymore. Look up bisexual and start working on those personality traits.
Starting point is 00:26:23 And start training yourself to be one of them or something. One of them. The bisexuals are coming this summer. That's a horror movie about bisexuals. They shoot lasers out of their mouths and shit? If you're bisexual, you can shoot lasers out of your mouth. It's actually really cool. I'm like, holy
Starting point is 00:26:39 shit. I need to ask my cousin that. I wish I was bisexual so I could shoot lasers out of my mouth. I'm trisexual. Are you? No, I don't. Is that a thing? No. Trisexual?
Starting point is 00:26:48 I mean, it's called, uh, poly- no, that's a type of relationship you can have. Um, it's, uh, pan. Pansexual, yeah. Pansexual would be the closest thing, right? What's that where you fall in love with a frying pan? Yes. Oh, okay. Dude, Ryan.
Starting point is 00:27:05 What? I want you to, uh, be aroused by an inanimate object. Sorry, okay. Dude, Ryan. What? I want you to be aroused by an inanimate object. Sorry, I can't. Well, what I was going to say was... I'm not talking about your mom. Who? Wow, that was actually really good. That's a good one.
Starting point is 00:27:17 We were... The other night, we were at my place, and we were looking at a $100 bill. And we're looking at Ben Franklin. And we realized, like, how fucked up his face is. We were talking about, cause I was saying that like, you know, they did those hairstyles because they were balding and it's like, no, I still have hair. And I have nothing on the top of his head, but like a foot long of hair down the back. And he's like, see, I have hair.
Starting point is 00:27:37 It's still there. Right guys. Like those, those founding fathers, like they, they, they went out of their way to show that they weren't balding when they clearly were I like How they kept all the gross? Wrinkles and creases on Ben Franklin when they put him on the hundred all the time try to make him look good Like in one side of his face is like sagging down like he gives you a very Disapproving hit a stroke right before the person drew is it did he have a stroke?
Starting point is 00:28:00 Is that why his face is like no like fucked a bunch of hook He fucked a bunch of hookers, didn't he? Did he really? He fucked a lot, right? Ben Franklin was a big fan of fucking prostitutes. He probably was like, hey, one day I'm gonna be on the money, so you wanna have sex with me now. And they're like, oh wow, this guy's a celebrity. He's gonna be on the money. He's also gonna go out
Starting point is 00:28:19 in a thunderstorm and get electrocuted. Like a dumbass. Is that true? Did he do that? What? The thing with the kite with the key? Fuck, I don't know. I saw it in a cartoon one day. Did Franklin get shocked by lightning? That's like... Has he tied a key to a kite? That's like a stupid Isaac Newton story.
Starting point is 00:28:35 What did he tie to a kite? What was he saying? Was it a key? A stupid key? He got struck by lightning. Because it traveled down the kite line or whatever it's called. How would it travel down the kite line? It's string. I don't know. It's not a conductor. That's bullshit. The story didn't happen. He'd die if he got struck by lightning, most likely. Probably. And also,
Starting point is 00:28:52 that's why his face is all fucked up. Because he got struck by lightning? He got struck by lightning. He was like, ooh! And it forced him to have an electric stroke? It forced him to have a goofy face. That should be a Spider-Man villain. The electric stroke. And it's just Ben Franklin. Like, coming back from the dead. Ben Franklin has electric powers.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Yeah, but we were talking about how, like, you know, back then there weren't photographs. No. The only way to remember somebody was through a painting or a drawing. Actually, when did photographs start coming around where you had the standstill because of the exposure and all that shit? Late 1800s. Okay. Ben Franklin was before that. And it's like, they could have remembered him.
Starting point is 00:29:26 He's an old motherfucker. You know, it's like, yeah, when they painted him for the money, like, there's no photographs. Like, they could have made him look, they could have done him a little more justice. They could have made him look like Dwayne the Rock Johnson. He could look nice. He could look sexy as shit. And no one's going to be able to prove it otherwise. Instead, they got to paint him all gross, decrepit looking with his wrinkles and shit.
Starting point is 00:29:43 It's like, I'd be pissed if I were him. if he actually looks like that. He looks like Humpty Dumpty He looks like a good representation of like a The Brothers Grimm Humpty Dumpty you put put fucking Ben Franklin's $100 bill face on an egg and it's Humpty Put him atop a big brick wall Humpty Dumpty Did give him a push see him takeop a big brick wall. It's fucking Humpty Dumpty. Give him a push. See him take a long big fall. Fucking get struck by lightning. He'd give you that disappointing look.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Layton was over. Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again. I know it's longer than that. That's probably a very toned down version. I thought there was a longer version but something about Layton you were saying. I was saying our friend Layton was over and she was just saying how like he, his face is so like, it's like the, it's like that face, like a, like, like an old white person
Starting point is 00:30:36 will give you if you're like at a restaurant and you're high and you're being loud. It's like that look. He like kind of just. Disappoint, like disapproving. Oh my God. And you know, if Ben Franklin was around today, he'd just be some like old fucking Kansas. That's at the Waffle House at like, like 8 PM, just like in a tank top. Like you look at him and you can see what he would look like nowadays.
Starting point is 00:30:55 Like as a, as a middle-aged American, he probably wouldn't grow his hair out like that. He probably just bald. But like, you can like look on his face and just see like a middle American, but he's on the a hundred dollar bill and then like if you look at george washington on the one dollar bill he has a look that's like trying to be disapproving but you can tell he's like he's about to laugh he's like he's about someone someone someone's like goofing off he knows you he knows you're doing some bullshit but he's like yeah i can't help it he's like get a little smile on this yeah put me on that dollar bitch he likes the thing it's like you yeah, I can't help it. He's like, yeah, put me on that dollar, bitch.
Starting point is 00:31:25 It's a thing. It's like you put a dollar bill in a stripper's shorts. I don't know. In her shorts? In her, I'll say drawers. Is Lincoln on the five and the penny? Lincoln is on the, is he on the five? Is he on the?
Starting point is 00:31:40 I don't know he's on what money, but here's the thing. Is Jefferson on the 20? Jefferson, Hamilton's on the five. Is Jefferson on the 20? Jefferson, Hamilton's on the 5. Hamilton's on the 5. Well, I know Lincoln's on two different currencies. Lincoln is. Same with Washington. Is Lincoln not?
Starting point is 00:31:54 What is Lincoln on? Lincoln's on a penny. He's also on a bill. But basically it's like if you put a dollar in a stripper's drawers, you get that look back from George Washington. It's like, all right, my man. a stripper's drawers, you know, you get that look back from George Washington that's like, alright, my man. He's on the five, you asshole. I'm sorry. I fucked up.
Starting point is 00:32:10 Who the fuck did you say was on the five? Hamilton. Hamilton. No, Jefferson. I don't know. You said Hamilton. Jefferson's on the 10, right? Hamilton's on the 10.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Jefferson's on the 20, then. That's the only other one I can, because I know Grant's on the 50. Grant's fucking sexy my he's my relative yeah wait what the fuck is this do you know I'm related to Ulysses S. Grant Thomas Jefferson yeah he's on the featured on the is on the $2 bill yeah
Starting point is 00:32:37 Jefferson is on the $2 bill and George Washington's on the $1 bill yo you know like but Benjamin Franklin's face if you if you were to give a $, if you're drunk at a strip club and you stick a $100 bill in a stripper's drawers, you know, like, you see that look from Ben Franklin staring back at you, like, I can see the face just like, you fucking idiot. Like, really? You just did that? You just gave $100? Good job.
Starting point is 00:33:00 Like, that's the face he's giving you. And I think they did it on purpose, so you'd be smart with your money. You think so? Mm-hmm. Is that why they put Ulysses S. Grant on the 50? It's my relative, man. Is he? Yeah, I'm directly related to him. And they said that.
Starting point is 00:33:11 Directly as in like. He's your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather of some kind. My grandfather. Or like a cousin. So he married. That's some bullshit. He married his wife. He married his wife? No way. Are wife? no way his wife is in my family
Starting point is 00:33:29 so their kid went on to spawn on my mother's side of people so I can directly trace myself to Grant it was an interesting way of wording it he went to go spawn some my wife and I are thinking about spawning a
Starting point is 00:33:45 few i created you it's like frogs frogs spawn right it's like that's what it's called do they isn't it like well like when frogs give birth it's like spawning isn't it don't they just fucking just out a bunch of tadpoles a bunch of eggs is that it's it's like the little jelly balls that then the tadpoles hatch from oh tadpoles are cute how jelly balls that tadpoles hatch from tadpoles are cute tadpoles are adorable I think they're cute they're very cute like every time I find tadpoles in a pond
Starting point is 00:34:13 I'm like aww they're little baby frogs it's so cool how they grow into like goofy looking motherfuckers they look different from like they can kill you too tadpoles? no frogs, certain kinds of frogs and shit isn't that crazy there's nice frogs and there's mean frogs yeah just like there's like nice flowers and mean
Starting point is 00:34:32 flowers could you imagine if there were poisonous dogs like there are frogs i hate that would be terrifying like poisonous cats and shit how come there's no like poisonous mammals or like mammals with all these weird shit that's true man there's no poisonous mammals or mammals with all these weird shit going on? That's true, man. There's no poisonous mammals, are there? I don't think so. Platypus? No, what's a platypus? That's a mammal.
Starting point is 00:34:50 They're not poisonous, though. Aren't they? I thought they were somewhat poisonous. They might be, actually. I have some weird gut feeling that they are. And you know, it's like, are there poisonous birds? No. Are there poisonous birds?
Starting point is 00:35:04 It seems like poisonous animals are strictly insects reptiles and amphibians why is that oh toxic birds are birds that use toxins to defend themselves from predators no species of bird is known to actively inject or even produce venom but some birds are known to be poisonous to touch or eat these birds usually sequester poisons from animals and plants that they feed on. So these are just birds that steal poison. They eat some poison. Yeah, they eat some poison. It doesn't affect them, but it affects things that eat them.
Starting point is 00:35:33 I could do that. I could drink like Ajax and then like spit it on somebody and be like, yeah, I'm poisonous. Dude, I'm going to take a cyanide pill and then jump into a lion den. Boom. You're a poisonous human. And if they eat you, they might just miss the poison. I'm also dead, too.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Yeah. I'd rather die from cyanide than lions. I don't know, dude. Cyanide's a real painful death, though, isn't it? Oh, it's quick, though. It's quicker than being eaten alive by lions. Yeah, lions are gonna fuck you up. Unless they go for your throat, then they'll bleed out. Aren't there some animals that just like eating you alive?
Starting point is 00:36:05 Like they like the freshness of eating things that are moving and shit? Probably most venomous or vicious animals. Fish. Fish are poisonous, too. It's poisonous fish. Like the puffer fish. I was reading, I read a thing about how. If you don't cook it right, it can kill you.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Yeah, well, they prepare it. And in Japan, I think it was Japan Japan they accidentally sold a poisonous puffer fish and they don't know who bought it at like a market and they're like oh shit so they put out all these alerts like if you bought it if you bought a puffer fish don't eat it and I don't know if someone died or not
Starting point is 00:36:37 because it was in like the section of like this is safe to eat but it wasn't so fuck that's scary man those jerks I'd love to try a puffer fish. I wouldn't. I just want to see what it tastes like. I just don't trust the cook. They're cute. They're cute animals. I've seen them out in the wild before. They're cute
Starting point is 00:36:53 even before they puff up. I looked off a dock once and I saw a puffer fish swimming by. Was it? I was like, hey. Yeah, I was in Florida. It was all puffed up, too. I was like, hey, look at that. It was real cool. I saw a squid once swimming in the ocean. was all puffed up too. I was like, hey, look at that. It was real cool. I saw a squid once swimming in the ocean, just swimming on by at nighttime. I shot my flashlight in the water and I was like, hey, a squid.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Octopi, super smart. Yeah, they're super smart. They can open jars and they learn. Yeah, they're really smart. And they're very emotional. I love baby octopi. Like if you like go on YouTube and look up videos of baby octopi, they're very emotional. I love baby octopi. Go on YouTube and look up videos of baby octopi. They're so cute.
Starting point is 00:37:28 I want a baby octopus as a pet so bad. It's going to grow into a massive fucking monster and kill me. How big is the recorded, what is the biggest squid? Giant squid. I think off the coast of Japan, they're like huge. They're like massive. But it was only like until in recent history that we actually had proof of
Starting point is 00:37:52 recorded sightings of giant squids. Cause was it in our, was it during our lifetime or before our lifetime? They found giant squids. No, it was during our lifetime. Cause I remember as a kid, I remember looking it up and like it was all myth.
Starting point is 00:38:05 They didn't have any – well, they'd washed up on shore. So people had found them. So like they knew they existed. Oh, because they go in the deep sea. They're deep sea dwelling. Yeah. Well, that's the thing is like there have been whales that – here's something freaky. Dude, deep sea gigantism.
Starting point is 00:38:21 Yeah, yeah. So on that note, remember we were talking about deep sea stuff earlier? There's these whales that they're like the deepest diving creatures known to man. And they come back up with like suction marks all over them, like from being attacked by something massive. Yeah. So they're like oh shit, there might be some really big like
Starting point is 00:38:37 squid creatures down there. These squids could be they're saying like 13 meters long for the males and then 10 meters long for females. Dude, can you imagine being- You know how big a meter stick is, dude? It's big, man. It's bigger than a yard stick.
Starting point is 00:38:51 What the fuck is a yard? Three feet. Why? I don't know. I don't know. Why don't we just use meters? Why the fuck do they like, they're like, oh shit, they have meters. We need to, it's a yard.
Starting point is 00:39:02 It's almost a meter. Because feet don't go into meters. It doesn't make sense. Because we had to it's a yard it's almost a meter because feet don't go into meters it doesn't make sense because we had to have something that goes into feet our system because we're stupid stupid as shit whatever dude it works we figure shit out yeah but it's dumb oh well it's the reality we live in how many feet are in a mile right how many feet uh five thousand something see five thousand six hundred some fifty seven i don't know. How much is it? The fact that you don't know it shows that it's a stupid system. I'm gonna look up. It's 5,280.
Starting point is 00:39:30 See, you know. Yeah. But it's like, how many, what percentage of Americans know how many feet are in a mile? Where, like, metric, it's like, oh, a thousand, you know, meters are in a kilometer. A kilometer.
Starting point is 00:39:46 You know, it makes more sense. Like, it goes up in tens and hundreds. So how much longer is a kilometer than a mile? It's shorter than a mile. Yeah, kilometers are shorter than miles. And every other country in the world, besides America and Liberia, use metric.
Starting point is 00:40:01 So it's like, why don't we use metric? It makes sense. I don't know. It's too ingrained now, though. We can't, like, go back. Well, fuck you, America, dude! Fuck, dude! We got the American measurement system where 12 inches equals one foot. It does! 5,280
Starting point is 00:40:14 feet equals one mile. Yep. And then... 3 feet equals a yard. Yeah. And then, uh... Is there anything else? But we also use metric here and there, like millimeters and centimeters. We still use centimeters and millimeters. We use that sometimes.
Starting point is 00:40:27 Oh, yeah. To measure shit. If you're measuring a small penis, you can use centimeters to make it sound bigger. Because a girl will be like, hey, how big are you? And you'll be like, six. No, I still think like centimeters sound smaller than inches. They are smaller than inches. I know.
Starting point is 00:40:39 I'm just saying like you can't trick someone because it just sounds smaller. Well, you don't have to say it's centimeters. Just like if she never specifies. 6 cm, man. She's like, hey, how long are you? 6 cm. I can be like, 6, 4. 4 feet?
Starting point is 00:40:54 4 centimeters. But I don't have to say centimeters. 4 centimeters as a small penis. Are you 4 centimeters erect? Hold on. I'm trying to measure by looking how big 4 centimeters is For an erect penis She's my cherry pie
Starting point is 00:41:08 Makes a grown man It's a little less than 2 inches A little less than 2 inches is 4 centimeters Because 1 inch is 2.4 centimeters I think So a 1 inch penis is 2.4 centimeters So if you had a 1 inch penis You'd uh
Starting point is 00:41:23 There are people with 1 inch penises. Which, guys, on the last, on, like, two podcasts ago, we're talking about if you have a loud car engine, you should legally have to put a picture of your penis on the car. People got so upset. They started getting so mad about that one. They were like, you don't know shit about cars. It's like, I love
Starting point is 00:41:39 racing. And I love revving my engine. If you got a problem with it, that's on you. There's a bunch of people so upset it's like Jesus Christ don't get so defensive just because you have a small penis doesn't mean you have to get mad in a comment section on a let's play channel that person we responded to one
Starting point is 00:41:56 person said we asked them yeah but how big is your penis and they deleted the comment I couldn't find it did they delete the comment I couldn't find it I don't think they deleted it well I couldn't find it anymore so it might just be hidden. Because we commented on it, I thought it would show up first. It might still be there. I might be wrong. Who knows?
Starting point is 00:42:12 All I know is that person was very upset. That's the guy that was like, I love racing. I love revving my engine. If you don't like it, that's your problem. Because we're just a bunch of soy boys trying to make ourselves feel better for not having cars that turn women on. Dude, I got it. If I was a girl and I saw a guy drive by and go, I'd probably splooge out of my car.
Starting point is 00:42:31 A female in the comments section did say that revving the engine, they can feel it down there. So that's probably why. Because it gets them all rattled down there. That's just, I don't know. I feel like there's other ways to stimulate yourself than annoying 50 people in public you could masturbate yeah you can go home and masturbate you can get a guy
Starting point is 00:42:51 you can have him dip his fingers in some Welch's grape jelly and he can go to town what would that be called huh what would that be called hmm what would that be called? Huh? What would that be called? Hmm.
Starting point is 00:43:07 What would that be called? Some pun on PB&J. Something about jam, right? I'm going to va-jam my fingers into your va-jay-jay. It's like PB&J. You know what I had the other night? PB&J va-jay-jay. There you go.
Starting point is 00:43:18 You know what I had the other night? What'd you have? Did you do this? Did you jam your fingers into some Welch's grape jelly? No, no, no. No, I did not finger a woman with welch's grape jelly i did not stick two of my fingers or one people have done that with with grape jelly dude knuckle deep man you know what i'm saying knuckle deep hey babe anyways i had a peanut butter jelly sandwich those those those things are fucking incredible they're great i made myself one for dinner last night so good
Starting point is 00:43:42 it's a solid dinner man i've been making my way through the Harry Potter movies. I was on, I'm on the fifth one. No, no, no. I'm on the sixth one. Just finished the fifth one. Well, like, here's the thing. It's like, enjoy the PB&J while watching some good old Harry Potter or the Phoenix. Like, we're adults now. You're almost 24. Unfortunately, yes.
Starting point is 00:43:59 And I'm 22. Can I rewind? No, you can't. Fuck. Are you sure? I'm positive. positive shit you're right there's special crystals that might take you back fuck you can get them on the deep web okay
Starting point is 00:44:09 crystals that'll transport you back to a younger age yeah I'm serious okay you can get time travel I'll look for them
Starting point is 00:44:15 I'll look for them okay well uh like there's nothing wrong with making a cause I feel like when I make a PB&J for dinner
Starting point is 00:44:20 it feels so like bacheloresque and so like oh depressive but it's like fuck dude it's a sandwich and it tastes good. It's healthy. You get protein from the peanut butter and you get carbs
Starting point is 00:44:29 from the bread and jelly. You get some sugar and some spice and everything. Also like get some sliced apples or bananas with it, you know, like put it on the side. Who gives a shit if that's a kid's lunch? It's tasty. I'll still eat kids cuisine at 22. I think my favorite sandwich will always just be a peanut butter and jelly.
Starting point is 00:44:45 Because I will always be down for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. All right. I'm going to throw some variations your way. You might just throw them right out the window. Uh-oh. PB&J with banana on it. That sounds somewhat decent. It's good.
Starting point is 00:44:57 It's good. Okay. PB&J dipping in milk. Ooh. Okay. Only if I toast the bread. I wouldn't do it with soggy soft bread. I remember when I was a kid. Do that crunch. PB&J and milk. That, okay. Only if I toast the bread. I wouldn't do it with soggy, soft bread. I remember when I was a kid,
Starting point is 00:45:07 eating J&J and milk, that shit's good. Do you like crunchy peanut butter? What I did do is I do, um, I toast. See, I stopped myself from saying that. I toast bread, and then I put the peanut butter on it so it kind of melts almost. The peanut
Starting point is 00:45:24 butter kind of gets a little more soft and it's nice. If, if, and then you put the two slices together, then you dip that in milk. That's really good. I've never dipped a PB and J in milk. I've only dipped peanut butter toast in milk,
Starting point is 00:45:34 which is still really good. I mean, milk is made for dipping man. Oreos, cookies. So was, so was red wine. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:40 Red wine, dip cookies in red wine, dip a PB and J in red wine. No, you just dip communal bread in red wine. I wine dip cookies and red wine dip a pb and j and red wine no you just dip communal bread and red wine i'm still on this i'm gonna make sure people start doing this at parties like like like the eighth podcast we've brought up communion and how fucking delicious it is no not not communion in general i'm just saying get a fucking dip cup not a dip cup is different yeah get a fucking dip bowl. A bowl for dips.
Starting point is 00:46:05 We call that a mud jug, brother. Or spreads. And just put some red wine in there. And then around that, you put that in the center of the plate. And then around it, you put nice bread. Really nice bread that you get from your local grocery store, I guess. And then you have people just dip it in the red wine. It tastes good.
Starting point is 00:46:23 It's a fine little side. I like that concept, but I guarantee if that's at a party, no one's going to do it in the red wine. It tastes good. It's a fine little, it's a fine little side. I like that concept, but I guarantee if that's at a party, no one's going to do it. No one's going to touch it. How about this? If I invite you and a bunch of people over and I have that out, would you take part with me?
Starting point is 00:46:34 I will. You know, I will. Yeah. I think like the general consensus of the party, they're like, is that wine? What if I did just make it like a Christian or a Catholic themed party?
Starting point is 00:46:47 You know what I mean? Then I think it could pass and people would take it they'd be like oh just like communion Rob Dyrdek showed up for some reason Tucker doesn't know who Rob Dyrdek is what yeah I brought like two nights ago we were going to the liquor store and I and I was like I made some joke about Rob Dyrdek and he's like I don't know what reference you're making I was like I don't know Rob Dyrdek. And he's like, I don't know what reference you're making. I was like, Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, dude. And he was like, who's Rob Dyrdek? And I was like. From Robin Big? What?
Starting point is 00:47:10 You don't know who Rob Dyrdek is? He had mini horse, dude. Mini horse? I don't, like, how does. Big fat bulldog? Oh, yeah. That dog was unhealthy. Big black Sanchez?
Starting point is 00:47:20 That's not his name. Big black Sanchez? Hey, man, I'm big black Sanchez. His name was just Big Black. Or Big. Big Black Sanchez? Hey, man, I'm Big Black Sanchez. His name was just Big Black. Or Big. Big Black Christopher. Was it Big Black Christopher? I think his name was Christopher.
Starting point is 00:47:32 Christopher Big Black? Yeah, we call him Big Black. We just call him Big. Because he's fat. Big Black just sounds like a fucking Mark Twain name that we shouldn't be using. You know? What? Just sounds like a Mark Twain euphemism.
Starting point is 00:47:45 Yeah. Like that's what Mark Twain would have called a character because he's racist. It was Jim's best friend. Can you believe that that's just a character's name? What? Yes. I get it from the time period.
Starting point is 00:47:57 I can believe it was a character's name. It's just like, it's just funny that it's like, oh God. Didn't we talk about him getting his own movie in a podcast they just called it what is yes the character's name i would love them to replace the word by just saying n word so his name in like future books is just n word so it's just like what what are they doing do they make like modern do they make like a revised version of that book where his name is literally not inward jim where it's just jim just jim and they ignore all the slavery aspect it's like racism doesn't exist it's just our friend jim yeah just our friend jim friend jim they called him friend jim oh man that'd be an oversimplification
Starting point is 00:48:41 of what was going on in that time i think think. Like character's name, though. Just like in, it was in a Netflix Mr. Show episode or something like that. Or they did a show that wasn't Mr. Show. Louis C.K. did a bit about it. Where it was like, they were talking about slaves and then David Cross was like, no, no, no, no. That's offensive. We'd prefer if you just called them helpers or something like that. Louis C.K. did a whole bit about Jim. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:08 But Louis C.K., he... Masturbated vigorously over the phone while talking to another female comedian. Did he masturbate into a potted plant? No, that was Harvey Weinstein. I'm getting my masturbators confused, man. The great hall of masturbators. You got Louis C.K. You got Harvey.
Starting point is 00:49:25 You got the Kony 2012 guy that went and masturbated in the streets of San Francisco. Is he dead? Kony? Yeah. Is Kony still doing shit? I don't know. That was 2012. It's 2018.
Starting point is 00:49:35 What is Kony up to? I'm going to type it in. Watch this. Watch this. Is Joseph Kony still alive? Are you going to ask? What is Kony up to? Started a Let's Play channel, I heard.
Starting point is 00:49:47 Joseph Ray O'Kony, pronounced whatever, born 19, is the leader of Lord's Resistance Army, a guerrilla group that formerly operated in Uganda. Kony was indicted in 2005 of war crimes and crimes against humanity by the International Criminal Court. That was before the Kony 2012 shit. So he was still doing it. Is he still bumping? People just forgot about the Kony 2012 shit. So he's still, he was still doing it. Is he still bumping? He's still, people just forgot about Joseph Kony. You know?
Starting point is 00:50:12 What? What? Elon Musk gave Kanye West and Kim Kardashian a custom silver Tesla. Oh, and then Elon Musk tweeted at them and said it was false. Oh, I thought you were going to say Elon Musk gave Joseph Kony a custom Tesla. them and said it was false oh i thought you're gonna say elon musk gave joseph coney a custom tesla elon musk if you're so rich then why don't you supply my buddy matt and i with with a tesla huh or two it can be pink it can it can have a picture of a penis on it and yeah elon you're so you're so rich huh why don't you give us a uh teslas it could it could have the picture it
Starting point is 00:50:44 could have a picture of I don't know just fucking I just want a Tesla just give me a Tesla Elon I wish I was rich so I could Elon Musk I will I'll smell your musk Elon we will personally send you personalized nudes
Starting point is 00:51:00 holy yeah Elon Musk I will send you a dick pic everyday we will each send you 5 nudes. So that's a total of ten nudes in one envelope if you give each of us a Tesla. And you can spread them around if you want. You can upload them to Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could share my penis on your website.
Starting point is 00:51:14 Do whatever you want. Or keep it for yourself for your grimes. Or like put them, like make a bunch of money off them. You know? He doesn't want, he won't want grimes to see our penises because he knows that she might like what she sees. That's all I'm saying. I bet Elon Musk has like a beautiful dick.
Starting point is 00:51:32 Well, we know Grimes is a big fan of Super Mega. So Grimes, I know you're listening right now. If you can fucking pass this message on to your boy Elon. Yeah. And if you think that we're using you just to get a Tesla, you're wrong. Name your favorite Grimes song. I like all of them equally.
Starting point is 00:51:49 Same. Yeah, same. Guys, for this week's ad read, there's nothing. Ha ha ha! I think we're going to wrap the podcast up here. Check out our social medias. Links in the description.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Patreon coming very, very soon. Check out our Twitch channels. What's yours, Matt? My Twitch channel? Yeah, twitch.tv slash what? Ninja. I'm Ninja. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:17 I look kind of like him, you know, if I had that goofy hair. I'm not calling his hair goofy. I'm saying, like, if I had the colorful, like, do that he has that, like, goes over to the. Do you want to say something about rice gum or something? See if he, see if he catches it and rice gum, maybe roast us and be like, wow,
Starting point is 00:52:31 it's two years too late. Yeah. Rice gum. Please roast us in a video, dude. Come on, man. I just like,
Starting point is 00:52:37 we could use the, the view boost from your 12 year old fan base. Don't be mean to him. Now he's going to actually roast you. Don't roast me. Rice, rice, rice. I met you. If you recall, we shook hands. Yeah. He goofed you and't roast me rice Rice rice I met you if you recall we shook hands Yeah, he goofed you and made fun of you to your face, and you didn't even know it I was
Starting point is 00:52:52 Didn't even know it you're making fun of him you're like big fan I shook his hand and like and then like I was like dude look huge fan of your work He's like oh, thanks, man So to DAP him or something like that yeah No then that like 10 year old vine kid mark Jacobs or whatever his name is, came up and, like, started dapping him. And then, like, RiceGum just totally just, like, ignored that I existed.
Starting point is 00:53:11 And then I walked off. And then we were leaving. And I was like, see you later, Rice. And he was sitting by himself on a couch. At VidCon. Yeah. Like, every time I saw him at VidCon, like, this is not, like, a collet or anything, but every time I saw him, he was by himself.
Starting point is 00:53:23 Well, now he has a bunch of friends and a bunch of bitches, right? Does he have a lot of bitches? He's got a lot of bitches. Damn, RiceGum got them. Well, he has a lot of money. What are you trying to say? You're trying to say... You're saying that money can buy fake friends?
Starting point is 00:53:35 Yeah, true. It can. It can. Money and fame on the internet. Very easy to... All those young people that hang out with like all these rich like YouTubers and stuff, they're real friends, right? Yeah, they care about them on a personal level and not because of their internet clout. They have money and they have a nice house and – oh, who got – oh, it was one of – before we end the podcast, I read this somewhere.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Who's the short funny man? There's a lot of them, peter dinklage he's black chris hart kevin kevin hart kevin hart apparently it was one of his longtime friends of 15 years that was like um threatening to release the sex tape of like him and his mistress really he found out recently and it's like fuck why was it his money. Really? And he found out recently. Why? And it's like, fuck. Why was it his friend? Money. For money? For money. Wow, that's a shitty friend.
Starting point is 00:54:28 He was extorting him. I might extort you one day. What do you have on me? You have a lot of dick pics, you know, so. Ryan, we have a lot of shit on each other. So can we just make like right now, like just a mutual agreement, no matter what happens in the future, we never extort each other. Well, I'm not into that YouTube drama bullshit. I'm not talking about YouTube drama. I'm just talking
Starting point is 00:54:46 about send a video of my butthole to my mom or something. That'd be devastating. I mean, if you fucked with me in a very mean way, I might have to consider sending a picture of your butthole to your mother. Well, I'll have to send a picture of your balls to your
Starting point is 00:55:01 mom. She'll be like, wow, they've grown. Ryan, these balls are so nice. Where'd you get them? Can I upload them to Instagram? Ryan, can I upload this? No, mom, you can't upload my balls to Instagram. She's going to do it anyway and be like.
Starting point is 00:55:19 She's going to do it anyway and do it on both of her accounts. She's going to be like, miss this boy and his balls. Anyways, bye. way and do it on both of her accounts or probably she's gonna be like miss this boy and his balls anyways bye

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