supermegashow - EP 94 - Animal Urges

Episode Date: June 10, 2018

We talk pet monkeys, handstands, and Ryan has a very serious question. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This NBA season, make every three-pointer alley-oop and buzzer-beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit ConnectsOntario.ca. I can't believe you are almost 24 and don't rely on coffee. That's impressive. I'm like like i've never taken a liking to coffee really like uh i i don't know how i'd be able to survive without coffee really is it that much of a my morning suck if i don't have well they don't suck is that much of a

crutch it's not that my morning suck it's that if i don't drink coffee come 2 p.m i'm just gonna be like all right time to go to bed i definitely feel those naps kicking in, but I feel like that's more from my cigarette breaks that I take in the afternoon. Well, that's the downfall about anything that's a stimulant, like nicotine or caffeine. I would not say nicotine is a good stimulant. That's what it is, though, right? Technically, by definition, I'm sure, but it doesn't work in the way that you would think a stimulant should work like caffeine yeah like caffeine or anything like that or it's gonna get you all jazzed up

it doesn't get you jazzed up it will make you tired oh yeah right after like you'll get a buzz and then you're like alright now I'm super tired it's akin to masturbation it's like you know after you masturbate you're like oh I shouldn't have done this every time I'm like tired. It's akin to masturbation. It's like, you know, after you masturbate, you're like, oh, I shouldn't have done this.

Every time. I'm like, God damn it. Why did I do that? Same with smoking. It's like, oh, I shouldn't have done this. What am I doing? I mean, it was great. Like, I enjoyed it while it was going on.

But now that it's all done, it's like I realize the adverse effects. Same with caffeine. I drink a cup of coffee. I feel great. And then a couple hours later, I'm like, oh. Well, I'm glad that, you know, mom, if you still listen to the podcast, Mama Watson. I'm glad that my mom probably doesn't listen to everyone, but she'll tune in. She'll be like, all right, episode 94.

Let's see if maybe they're not as crude anymore. First minute talk about masturbation. My mom's like, all right, I'm turning it off. I think my mom still tries to listen to every episode. She'll text me, like, I think she's always like about a week behind on the podcast but she's always like i really love the podcast so mom if you're listening i love you and thank you for continuously supporting me like since i was young you too mom you know i know you got a lot of shit going on in your life it's been hectic it's been stressful it's not fair she's she's still she's still choosing to take time out of her busy hectic

work week and and her her busy underpaid work week to listen to us talk about you know disgusting things our parents lived in a generation where they essentially the whole thing was you know get a job start a family our generation it's not necessarily, I think, about that now. Because I think, you know, our parents didn't have, there wasn't an easy accessibility to have an income for yourself. To have a quote-unquote entrepreneurship as like YouTube or Twitch or any other medium like that creates for ourselves. So I bet you it's like weird.

They go through college, get their degrees. They fucking do all this extra work. They have to raise a whole household. And all of a sudden it's like, I got to prepare him for the real world. You got to finish school. The world's tough. It's really tough. And getting a job, it's not what you think.

It's a battle. And then you and I are just like, ha- ha, dicks and balls and farts, man. And then we somehow make a living. So, yeah. I love that, though. Hold up, Ryan. Before we get into the rest of the podcast, I want to take a moment to talk about a very special sponsor, Omaha Steaks. Ryan, Father's Day is just around the corner.

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your daddy some meat. That's their new catchphrase. It's cool how, it's interesting how we live in a generation, like we're kind of like, not the pioneers, but we're in that first group of people that are able to, because of the internet, be entrepreneurs

in a way that no other generation has been able to. We're able to make a living doing like – Well, it's about accessibility because it's so easy to do it. It is so easy to have a YouTube channel or a Twitch. It may not be easy to maintain. Well, it's not easy to make money on those platforms. It takes like a – a lot of it is luck. You got to – it depends on who you know, what you do. It's like how do lot of it's luck you gotta you know depends on who you

know what people say it's like how do i how do i there's no good way to answer how do i make it on youtube or twitch anymore especially look people think i'm being an asshole when i tell them they're like oh i'm i'm getting into youtube and i'm gonna start youtube it's gonna be great and then i'm just like yeah i'd jump ship if I were you. They're like, but I put all my eggs in the YouTube basket. YouTube right now, with certain things that you and I have been witnessing. Don't stick your eggs in that basket. Yeah.

There's just shit going on behind the scenes that certain creators can see. And it's definitely, we all saw it. It was gearing more towards TV personalities and celebrities. But it's more in line really moving in that direction to where it's going to solidify itself as that medium. We always knew they were going to try to be another Hulu or Netflix or some other thing like that. That's what they're trying to do. I think they're trying at this point to cultivate the big talent and only like choose the few out of there that are safe. Yeah.

And then they're really just going to harken on them. And for the people like you and I, there's an invisible countdown. um countdown and it's unfortunate that we can't see how long we have but i really do feel like channels like ours or other channels that are a little bit are even smaller um or even channels that are just trying to get started it's it's it is not just an uphill battle yes it is it is an uphill war essentially if you want to if you really want to get started because the luck you need to get started at this point in YouTube is astronomical. Yeah, and two things on what you just said. One, don't let that discourage you from creating. When I say don't put your eggs in the YouTube basket, I mean that financially.

But don't let that stop you from like if you got an idea or like you want to make it, do it. Just know that YouTube as a platform for earning a living is becoming less viable. But YouTube is great for getting a fan base, which then you could translate that into other platforms like Patreon or Twitch. I mean that's kind of the issue is right now there's not a good website for – it's like kind of in a limbo where like what's a good website to start doing stuff on because it's hard to start on patreon without an audience and it's hard to make money on youtube but you can get an audience on youtube so it's like it's just harder to make money it's harder for youtube to be your business yeah and when people i mean you and i started making videos on youtube when we didn't even make any revenue off of our videos. I don't even think it was a thing back then.

We just did it for fun. Yeah. And for instance, like making syndigo. Yeah. We were trying to cultivate a fan base, but we weren't, we weren't, I don't think we got paid good money from YouTube itself for a long time. Yeah. We got decent views at the time, but it's just you have to like what you do.

Yeah. If you don't like what you're doing and you're doing it for the money, it's harder to clue in on what gets people to view. But if you do it for fun and just happen by luck to find that fan base, which is probably the best route to go, then that's good. I fully applaud that. But if you're solely looking into it as a business practice, I'm not trying to deter you, but I do want to put it out there that it is very difficult if you already do not have some sort of following. Not impossible, though.

No, no, no. It's not impossible. Like, I thought it was impossible for myself to be one of the, not big YouTubers, but I thought it was impossible for myself to make a living in some way off a youtube or cultivate some sort of personality that translates into me gaining an audience um i didn't think that was well that's also back to just high school thought processes of oh people don't like me that type of shit when you're in high school and you and you got like low self-esteem and shit uh you're like oh when i'm an adult that'll go away no i'll have that figured out

no i don't think that's gonna go away on i don't think it's gonna go away until i'm pruning and rotting probably will still be there i because i feel like old people they get to a point where they look in the mirror they're like well fuck it yeah there's a point there there's that one day and it's it's the opposite of a midlife crisis it's where it's where you just it's where it's the ultimate epiphany yeah it's the ultimate epiphany dude i've done everything like i'm old i can do whatever the fuck i want doesn't mean it's a happy epiphany it just means that you know you understand where you are in terms of life where it's like yep i ain't smashing I ain't smashing dudes anymore

in this circumstance it was someone of the homosexual life or a woman this is not you not my perspective I don't know what my perspective will be it could be that exact you could be saying I'm not smashing dudes anymore you don't know

life comes at you quick buddy it does there's a lot of things people harbor until late in life that's gotta be a really peaceful feeling when you when you get to that old age and you're like fuck dude shit doesn't matter anymore i'm just living for the end that's gotta be like pretty peaceful because then you're like ah shit doesn't matter seems also boring boring or you could do like a a whole thing where it's like shit things don't matter i'm'm going to do whatever I want. Dude, when you and I are old, when you and I.

I'm going to go piss in the grocery store. I mean, you could do that. But I think when you and I are older, there will be a lot more things for the elderly to occupy their time with. Think of VR. Yeah, dude. There's going to be. I mean, I'm just going to be able to be like, I want to go to Italy. Yeah.

And like you can get a wheelchair, but they'd still go to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which probably won't even be standing at that point because it's supposed to fall down. It was supposed to fall down in 2012. I remember reading a book. Was it supposed to? Well, when I when I was a kid, I was supposed to fall at some point. Are they not trying to structurally like what's the word where you're trying to save something? Rebalance.

I don't know. You know, when you're trying to save, preserve. Preserve. They're trying. They're not trying to preserve it at all? I think that it's kind of fucked. It's like they can't make it,

stop it from falling. And I remember reading a book when I was a kid that was like, the Leaning Tower of Pisa is expected to collapse in the year 2012. And I remember thinking like,

oh. That's told by the Mayan calendar. That's so. The Mayans predicted when the, that's what they were talking about. Do you remember 2012? Like that whole,

like event and how everyone for like three years straight was like, it was leading up to, it was like, fuck dude, December 21st, 2012, the world's going to end. I remember going down, I think it was St.

Andrew's road. There was some church. You don't know St. Andrew's road. Do you? It's, I know it's in Columbia, South Carolina.

Yeah. Well, I was going down St. Andrew's and I saw a church and they were having, it was on a banner, a rapture party. It was back in 2012, I want to say, and they were having a big old grill out

because I legitimately think this church thought the world was going to end. And I thought it was strange because I only thought the religious types who thought the world was going to end were like the outliers of a congregation. But no, these were kids having fun on a bouncy house. There was a bouncy house, kids

running around. You saw smoke from like some fucking Franks that they were grilling. Grilling up some old school American Franks. But a big banner that's just Rapture Party. I want to say they were self-aware. I want to believe it. It could have been. But it's South Carolina. Also, but why would a bunch of Christians

think the world's going to end based on a Mayan prophecy? Because Barack Obama was president and he's the Antichrist. That's true. That's true. It's like the fourth podcast in the last like 10 podcasts we've talked about Barack Obama being the Antichrist. Well, I'm just, well, you asked why and I gave you the reason. You know, and it's a very valid reason. I mean, I didn't just fish it out of nowhere. Do you think that like, how many people like woke up on December 22nd and were like, oh shit, the world didn't end.

I fucked up because they did something really like, you know, a bunch of people did like stupid things on the 21st. They actually thought it was going to be like the world was ending. So they did some stupid like financial mover. It wasn't as big as Y2K. So I don't think there are – because I think a lot of rational people during Y2K were kind of wondering what was going to go down. Well, because that had like a legit – like more scientific stuff behind it. It just was like, oh, we don't have – It's like computers might fuck up.

Will the numbers not work? What happens when it changes to two it's like the number changes the two what are you talking about yeah i feel like i feel like a large group of people during y2k were just like oh it's why am i worrying about this i don't think too many rational people besides kids and you can argue for their rationality or not really actually believe the mind calendar was correct yeah well actually i mean, I remember I went on a lot of forums before December 21st, 2012. And I remember I said rational people. Yeah.

Yeah. But there was a huge following for the 2012 end of the world thing. And there's a there's a huge following. There was a huge following in r slash incels. And there's more people. There's a new subreddit that has like 20 something thousand. That are for incels? Yeah. Brain cells. I finally watched half of that goofy 30 minute documentary with those people and yeah i want to i want to finish it but it's some of them are very nice

and aren't creepy some of them the ones that there's this guy with the glasses that the guy that founded the website yeah the guy who was like love shy or whatever i guess the guys who explain themselves as love shy i'm like oh that's a goofy way of explaining it but i understand it's the people that self-describe themselves as incels and they're like it's like the guy was talking about it's like uh what did he say i would fight through the bloodiest battles if i could if i could get a if i could get a fat ugly girl he was i i would me for the rest of my life i i would fight in the in the bloodiest battle known to mankind and lose all of my limbs just if it guaranteed me an ugly fat chick for life. Yep.

Dude. It's like, chill out. And like, he wasn't even that unattractive. That's the thing. If he cut his hair, you could tell he had nice eyes. He could clean himself up. He had some puffy lips. Work on that personality.

That boy had some DSL. It's never about, I mean, not never. never i mean sometimes it's about looks of course when you're rejected but a lot of the time it's about personality but you it's about the package that's yeah it's about the full package the dude was like in the documentary was saying it's not even a documentary it's a 30 minute youtube video called shy boys it's good it's really good yeah just look up incel documentary. It's 30 minutes. It's this, one of the weird, weirder parts was like, yeah, like your sound guy.

He's a pretty handsome guy. You know, he gets the girls. Come on, look at him. Turn the camera. It was just like, he's just, he's just like, Hey, they kept, they kept, they would not leave the sound guy alone. They're like, look at him. Look at these Nike shoes. Dude, that, did you, did you like the pickup artist?

Are you talking about the dude that like talks about it like he's training them for the army? Yeah. And it's like, I'm going to wake. I'm going to I'm going to sit them down and I'm going to make them watch videos of these gods of men with six packs. Fuck the hell out of women. And I'm going to show them what they're missing and can't have. And then you find out he's a virgin. Yeah.

And it's like that guy is ridiculous. I liked his sunglasses too. Yeah. A self-proclaimed pickup artist. Guys, we've been teasing it for a while. Before the movie review series comes out, we are going to release a pickup artist series on the channel where Ryan and I will show all of you how to properly get women. Dude, we should seriously make a pickup artist like series.

It involves Shutterstock and Tinder. Absolutely. Search attractive man on Shutterstock. Buy those images up. You might need to pay $200 for some good high quality shit. Why don't you just go to Fiverr and pay some dude to take selfies and then make that your Tinder account? Then if people reverse image search them, they won't find them online. Yeah.

And it's like, oh yeah, this is a legit person. That's called catfishing, guys. Don't do that. That's bad oh yeah this is a legit person that's called catfishing guys don't do that that's bad i've known a few people who've been catfished i've been catfished you know not not to where i like showed up but i've been catfished to where like i've talked to somebody in the past and then find out deep into the conversation oh this person's not real holy shit i 100% definitely have been catfished like that as well. But it's just kind of like – I don't – I think it would be difficult to get to the point of me meeting up with someone and being, oh, shit. Because that's a whole other thing. I try to vet things out.

Yeah, got to use that sweet vetting – both times – It fails sometimes, the vetting process, I do have to say. But, you know at least you have something i've been catfished twice and both times have been within a period of like only knowing them for two hours it was never like we talked for like a week and then i was like oh shit this person not real it was like i would talk to somebody not even like romantically that i would just like talk to someone online and then i was like oh shit wait a second this person's totally fucking with me yeah but it's like, people are good at it.

People are really good at it. So just be careful out there, guys. You never know if the, there's at least one person listening right now who is getting catfished and they have no idea. So maybe rethink it, guys. Be careful. Ask them to send you a picture of their face and holding up a sticky note that says your name on it.

Boom. Not even that. You just go up, copy me, and then you send them like a little picture of you doing some sort of sign with your fingers. Like do this, and then boom. And if they can't do it, guys, unless they're an amputee, that's another story. Be careful of the misdirection of jokes because catfish love to misdirect. If you try to do that, they'll be like, oh, and then they'll send another picture of them doing another type of goofy hand signal. But it's like, hey, that's not the one I.

Yeah. You got to get secret agent on this shit. Why don't you send me a video of you saying, mama pussy, got to love that milk. And then you know it's the real deal if they send it back. And you found yourself a soulmate if they're willing to say that to a random stranger you heard it here this is the Ryan McGee method of proving if somebody's real get them to say mama pussy what is it?

gotta love that milk mama pussy gotta love that milk mama pussy gotta love that milk is mama pussy dude can we open up like a really nice southern like breakfast barbecue slash breakfast place in Charleston? Call it Mama Pussy.

Come on. Hey, y'all. Come on down to Mama Pussy. Get yourself some. Gotta love that milk. Get yourself some barbecue. Can we have things on the menu where it's just called Cousin's Taint? And it's like the burger and shit.

Cousin's Taint, and it's like the burger and shit. Cousin's Taint. I think I'll have myself a Cousin's Taint. Okay. I'll have a Mother's Milk, please. Well, what would you recommend as a side? I see you've got a bunch of sides right there. Well, you could do the Uncomfortable Stepdad. Oh, okay, that's good.

I like that. Looks a bit frothy. You could get just uncomfortable stepdad. Oh, okay. That's good. I like that. Looks a bit frothy. You could get just a big Mountain Dew. Man, like Mountain Dew is a... Mountain Dew used to be my drink of choice when working at Food Lion. I'll still say, like, I love Mountain Dew. When it was stocking, when we were stocking groceries at Food Lion, and it would be, the truck would arrive anywhere between four and

six and then we'd be there anywhere between 10 and two, 10 PM and two or 2 AM. And I remember we'd always, one of us would always go to the front by like three to four Mountain Dews and, and hand them out to the other people that we're working with. It's like, Oh, here we go. Just us all drinking Mountain Dew, stocking shelves, getting that energy, going home, staying up till 4 a.m., waking up at 5.30 to take a shower and start working the next day. Sounds miserable. I cannot, Mountain Dew is like, I love it, but I can never drink it with a clean conscience.

Like I feel bad drinking it. Like it's almost like I'm committing like a sin because I'm like, wow, this is so bad for me. Except Baja Blast. I can drink Baja Blast. No problem. I just find it harder to get those super sugary sodas down. Like Coca-Cola, I can still do.

But like if I have a choice, it's usually just going to be Sprite or Sierra Mist or something. Sprite always feels more healthy to me because I'm like, oh, it's clear. But it ain't. It's sugary water. It's soda. Soda is not good for you. There's no soda that's healthy for you. No.

I mean, there's like ones that are on the deeper end of the spectrum. Like Mountain Dew is probably one of the worst sodas for you just because of how much caffeine and sugar it has. But like, I don't know, Sprite's probably like on the better end. I'm a fan of Mellow Yellow. Mellow Yellow's good. Mellow Yellow's still probably about the same as Mountain Dew. Squirt's pretty good, I gotta say. I did not know Squirt was like a grapefruit beverage.

Squirt's a tasty little grapefruit beverage. Because squirt reminds me of kind of Mellow Yellow. Is Mellow Yellow a grapefruit beverage? Yeah. So I've never had grapefruit. It must be delicious. I don't think you'd like grapefruit at all. Just knowing you, I don't think you'd like grapefruit.

Yeah. It's real bitter. Oh. It's like a... Mellow Yellow's not bitter. I know. They take the good flavor of grapefruit. Yeah. It's real bitter. Oh. It's like a. Mellow yellow is not bitter. I know. They take the good flavor of grapefruit and like exclude the bitterness. Angie has made it easier than ever to connect with skilled professionals to get all your

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No, no, like flavoring tastes like, like green apple doesn't taste like apples. Strawberry, like cherry, it doesn't taste like a fucking cherry. I think green apple is the closest someone has gotten to like actually getting a flavor down, maybe. Yeah, I mean, if you eat a cherry and then eat like a cherry Jolly Rancher, you're like, this tastes nothing like... Is it watermelon? Like, I don't know where they came up with these flavors. And they're like, yep, that's it. It doesn't taste like it at all. But like, in your brain, when you taste

that flavor, you're like, oh yeah, that's watermelon. That's gotta be somewhat watermelon. It's kinda watermelon, right? I don't know where they're getting this shit, dude. It doesn't make sense to me. Guess what comes out this week? Matt, your favorite sense to me. Guess what comes out this week? Matt, your favorite movie, Deadpool 2. That comes out this week?

Yeah. I didn't even know that was coming out. And then next week, Solo, a Star Wars story. Oh, shit, dude. Boy, I cannot wait for those two blockbusters, dude. Came out two weeks ago now as of recording this podcast. Yeah. Shit.

Because we're backlogging these podcasts because we're going to be gone for a good bit of June. Yeah. I mean, this podcast comes out June 1st. Yeah, June 1st. It's June now, guys, which means that you've probably... It has been over half a month since we've recorded this. Did we do an update video? I don't know.

Probably. We should have. We definitely should have. If we didn't, we're sorry. If we didn't, we're slacking. We need to update you guys. We got a lot of big shit on the way in terms of changes to the channel,

but the month of June is going to be a dry one in terms of... There's still going to be uploads. We're still going to do a podcast every week. It's going to be drier, though. I think we've already introduced... No. Bleep that out. It comes out it out matt it's bleeped out

people are gonna be like what what's coming out what's coming out this week it's coming out this week yeah but uh just in terms of a i don't want to say too much just because it's like this does come out more down the road and things are subject to change so i don't know how solidified plans are but June is just a month where we're doing a lot of traveling. We're going to be out of the country

for a chunk of time. Japan! We got to do different, you know, we're going this place and that place. We got to prep for Anime Expo.

Oh my god, Anime Expo. I'm excited. I'm really excited for Anime Expo. I'm excited but like conventions in general

just tire me the fuck out. It's going to be exhausting. That's why you got to get a little Mountain Dew. Oh, how hard our lives are. We get to be ogled at by people who appreciate what we do. What hard, hard, disgusting, despicable lives we live, Matt. Yeah, sorry guys.

Do apologize for the dryness in June. We're going to rub it well and get it wet in July. We promise. And also, you got like 700 videos on this channel. I guarantee there's someone that's watched all 700-something videos. But you probably haven't, average listener. So go back and find something. For those who are in the I've watched every fucking super mega episode in existence club why don't you go why don't you say so in the comments

that scares me because then i'm like wow there's someone out there that knows me pretty damn well i doubt i doubt i wonder how many people have actually done that i think it's probably in the minority oh yeah but there's people even fans that even even youtube channels that i'm a fan of i haven't seen every well there's people that have done it. Even YouTube channels that I'm a fan of, I haven't seen every single one. Well, there's people that have watched every Game Grumps video. And I'm like, gee, that's like 5,000 videos. Yeah. And we release less and stuff like that, too. So people definitely have seen every single one.

I mean, we've only been around for two years now, a little over two years. Remember when we did two fucking Let's Plays a day? Two Let's Plays a day was... Yeah! Shit was tough. Yeah. I like playing games more over at twitch and stuff i like that feel i want to do more like kind of i want to do super mega live streams

yeah definitely i mean i fucking i love doing the podcast and uh we got some news with the podcast coming soon guys so so uh stay tuned news you guys will actually like. You'll be like, whoa, shit! And I'm just going to say it right now. There will still be a podcast on Fridays. 100%. But, you know, the addition of whatever we're doing with the podcast, I'm just going to say you'll enjoy it, hopefully. We're joining Rooster Teeth,

quitting Super Mega. We're going to join their Quidditch team we're actually we're gonna melt and merge with Mega64 and make Super Mega64 and as of our Let's Plays we're actually going to be focused solely on Harry Potter Quidditch

in the World Cup for the GameCube so every single Let's Play from now on will just be a match of that I would not mind I was addicted to that game. Like four years from now, we're still releasing Harry Potter Quidditch for the World Cup for the GameCube. It's a fun game.

It's the only... Well, okay, there are two sports games. Never mind. There have been three sports games that I have legitimately liked. One, and these aren't in any order. One is, of course, Mario Super Sluggers Baseball. I thought it was really fun if

they made a donkey kong basketball that would be fucking awesome too or just can you make a fucking mario baseball for the switch nintendo please i know you're making a tennis but i would just love a baseball game anyways so mario super sluggers baseball there's this like something something home court for the PlayStation 2 maybe or 3. I can't remember what it was, but you got to like do front flips and do dunks and stuff and you played on the streets. You could do that in real life, Ryan. I could if I trained. I guarantee one year from now if you started training today, you could be doing like flips on the court and fucking like slamming balls.

You could be doing flips on the court and fucking slamming balls. I'm never going to trust myself to do a back or front flip in real life. Because I've actually seen a few videos of people doing that and then landing on their heads, bending their neck, and they're dead. So I know that would just happen to me. That's my luck. That's the luck of the Ryan. That's the luck of the Ryan. I feel like I'm too long to do a back flipip. Like, there's just too much of me.

Like, so when I flip, there's just too much leg flying up. That's more momentum that your legs can swoosh, right? I don't know, dude. I feel like... And you're lighter? It's too much sticking out. I mean, it's like, that's more leg I have to drag over my head. Well, you can do a sick handstand, though.

I can't do a handstand. In water, in a pool. In a pool, I can do a handstand. I can do a handstand, too. In a pool. though. I can't do a handstand. In water, in a pool. In a pool, I can do a handstand. I can do a handstand, too. In a pool. I'm too long to do a handstand. What? The taller you are, the harder to do a handstand, because there's more to balance.

You know, it's like, whoa. Closer to center of gravity. If you're short, a handstand's probably pretty fucking easy. If you're short and stubby. Yeah. Am I getting a phone call? Oh, no. Sorry, it was a text message from my doctor. Oh short and stubby. Yeah. Am I getting a phone call? Oh, no. Sorry. It was a text message

from my doctor. Oh! I have AIDS. Oh. Holy shit. Congratulations. I have AIDS. Dude. I can't believe this. You've been waiting for a long time and you finally got it. I finally have AIDS. I'm surprised. Oh my god, dude. I'm legitimately surprised. Give me a high five.

I got fucking AIDS. Yes! Oh my god. You might want. Oh my god, dude. I'm legitimately surprised. Give me a high five. Give me a... Oh god. I got fucking AIDS. Yes! Oh my god. You might want to get checked too, dude. We shared a drink this morning. Did we? Can AIDS...

Is AIDS passed through saliva? No. Passed through blood. Just blood? Yeah. STDs. Other STDs I think are passed through saliva. Ryan, you're like six feet from your microphone right now.

They cannot hear you. Not only are you like six feet from the mic, you're face down in the couch. Fuck it, dude. You're gonna do the podcast that far away from the mic? I'm just gonna do the podcast from here now. I can barely even see your waveform. What do you think it's gonna sound like? Probably not good.

Probably not good. Do a whole good probably not good do a whole episode let's do a whole podcast episode where we're like we're standing in the back of the room let's turn on one microphone and put it on the opposite side of the room and it's only coming from the right channel and we talk at just regular speaking volume i am getting um the first time in a long time Getting some heartburn What'd you eat? It's all dietary baby Tacos It's the salsa with the tacos And it's also probably the Gatorade I just had

Very acidic I woke up in the middle of the night last night I got myself a dang Gatorade out of the fridge And I chugged that thing And then I got terrible heartburn I also smoked a cigarette While drinking Gatorade fridge and uh chugged that thing and then i got terrible lemon lime got terrible heartburn yeah i also smoked a cigarette while drinking gatorade did you dip the cigarette in the gatorade yeah did you ash the cigarette in the gatorade shake it up and then drink it double the buzz it's like it's

like a delicious like cocktail of uh nicotine that should be a gatorade commercial just like lebron james smoking a fat cig and then he just puts it out in his drink and then he drinks it it's like it's like the tequila worm and then you drink the you drink the burnt out cigarette at the end you eat it and it's soaked in electrolytes for your for your nourishment and energy I like

that you ever eaten a cigarette Ryan no you ever chewed on one yes you ever have you ever just like you're finishing a cigarette I've taken a drink accidentally because I usually, I had like a mini diet Pepsi bottle and I would still have some diet Pepsi in there. And then I just put them in there, screw on the cap while I'm in my car so I could just put them out easy. Then I took a swig one time.

How good was it, man? Very pulpy. Was it just like dissolved cigarettes and Pepsi just very soggy tobacco and wet grass essentially that's disgusting with a very it ruminated quite a while

I imagine it's like it's like tasting a fine wine you know you gotta let it age gotta let it sit for a while you gotta swirl it around and when it hits your mouth you really want to like feel it on your palate and like like you gotta like different parts of your tongue gargle it and then spit it yeah yeah and spit it back in because you know if you swallow that you're gonna get too buzzed yeah you know um have you ever just thought about there's got to be one dude out there that like when he's done

smoking a cigarette he just fucking eats it. He just eats the rest of it. The filter? Yeah, just the rest of it. He'll smoke half a cigarette and be like, I'm done. And instead of ashing in an ashtray, he just pops that sucker in his mouth and yum, yum, yum. I don't... Okay, yeah, I agree with that because remember that woman who ate bricks?

Is that what she ate? She ate something. She ate cement. Cement. It was in TLC's My Strange Addiction. Yeah, she ate a chalk or something. She ate something that was goofy. I bet you there's someone who eats cigarettes.

There's probably someone who doesn't even smoke them. They just pop that pack open and eat those bad boys. So since tobacco's a plant, right? Yeah. And you're out in the wilderness. You only have a pack of cigarettes. Can you make a tobacco salad, and will that sustain you for at least a day? I feel like you'd get sick.

Yeah. Because the nicotine would make you so sick. And also, it's like the tobacco's dried out, so it probably doesn't have any nutrients in it. Use them as croutons. To pick some leaves off of trees. Could humans survive off of eating leaves, or is that just too much fiber? Huh? I don't know.

I don't know if leaves have any nutritional value. Do leaves have fiber? Am I right? Take a bite out of a tree, you're going to get some fiber. Yeah, there we go. Get some bark. Sorry, bark is where you get your fiber. How do people starve in the woods?

You get lost in the woods? Fucking eat some leaves. Eat some dirt, man. There's food all around. Eat some fiber. Yeah, there we go. Get some bark. Sorry, bark is where you get your fiber. How do people starve in the woods? You get lost in the woods? Fucking eat some leaves. Eat some dirt, man. There's food all around. Eat some sticks, you know? There's a lot of things that humans, like, is not safe to eat that other animals can eat. Like, animals can just eat a dead, like, it sees a fucking carcass, it's like, I'm eating

this. Or it just gets a fresh kill, it's eating this. Us humans, we gotta start a fire and shit. Do we have to, though? Like, what are the chances? Do animals run the same risk as us when they eat another animal of getting sick or coming down with something?

No, their bodies are different. Their systems are made for that. Our systems have evolved to... We've wussified our system. We're stupid little snowflakes now we're little cucks when it comes to eating primates like like because they like think about that we're we're we're not just like a different speed we're primates we're like we're like fucking monkeys dude we're primates isn't that weird we're primates like like you look at you look at me ryan

i'm in the same category as a monkey yeah i'm a primate right as a chimp like i'm i'm straight up in the same family as a chimp or a goofy looking orangutan yeah you're you're in the same category as a monkey. Yeah. I'm a primate right now. As a chimp. Like I'm straight up in the same family as a chimp or a goofy looking orangutan. Yeah. You're in the same category as a little capuchin monkey. Do you think they look at us and see the similarities too? Yeah probably. They're smart. Are they like cause I know cats see us

as just big cats right? And dogs I don't know what dogs think. God. They think we're gods. Yeah. They're just happy we're gods. Yeah. They're just happy all the time. Yeah. But like monkeys. Dude, I would love to just hang out with a monkey.

Like if I had some kind of guarantee it wasn't going to rip my face off. I'd love to just like sit on the couch with a monkey. It like walks around your house with a diaper. It's like, do you want something to eat? Like you hear like. It plays little bongos and shit. Yeah. Like that'd be great. You buy it a like little bongo belt.

It could always have bongos around as well. Like a little monkey with a bongo belt and just walks around your house and just playing little bongos and shit. Yeah, that'd be great. You buy a little bongo belt. How great would that be? Like a little monkey with a bongo belt and just watch on your house just playing little bongos? You can just let him out in your front yard and he'll sit there playing the sprinklers and shit. Let him run around and just climb trees and put little monkey bars in all around your house. Let him swing and have fun. You take him out

around the Galleria. You hold his hand around and get him some ice cream and he's eating ice cream as he's holding your hand walking around the Galleria. That'd his hand around and get him some ice cream, and he's eating ice cream as he's holding your hand, walking around the Galleria. That'd be great, man. That would be so fantastic. Walk him around the mall with you. Get him an orange Julius. They'll give you kisses, and monkeys will do that monkey thing where they

grab the back of your head and put your forehead at their forehead. That would be so intimate. Not in a sexual way, but in a primate-to-prate kind of way. What animals have we not fucked yet? There have been... Every animal's been fucked. You think?

There's been a lot of people. There's been a lot of years. I'm not trying to go like, oh, you can't fuck a bee. But I'm saying animals that you can just fuck. It's possible to fuck. Have we fucked it as a human species?

This is a question for Vsauce, you know? Hey, Vsauce, Michael here. What animals have we fucked? When you think about it, there are so many species of animals that we could fuck, but not all that we can fuck. Some animals are just too small, others too big. Some don't even have vaginas. We couldn't procreate, but then we get into the definition of fucking. Vaginal

secretion is... And then he starts getting into weird shit. You shouldn't get into it. That's a video for UVSauce if you're listening. If there was one animal you had to guess that humans haven't fucked yet, what would it be? Like a giant squid. Who turned on the AC? Starting the fucking air. Interrupting... That's God being like,

alright guys, stop talking about fucking animals. Are they filming Power Hour? Well, I don't know, but somebody just turned on the air conditioning when I'm trying to record my damn podcast

and I'm trying to talk about sex with animals. Man, I'm gonna solve this mystery. Go outside and, uh, kick somebody's ass out there. I thought they were filming it tomorrow. Who turned on the AC? This is unacceptable.

Who did it, Ryan? Who done it? Hey guys, it's just me now. Tucker Prescott. Get your ass in here. Wearing the same clothes as yesterday, huh? I just noticed that. That is absolutely true.

Ryan, look at him. That's the same clothes as yesterday. Ryan is taking off Tucker's clothing. I'm not stopping him. That's the same clothes as yesterday. Ryan is taking off Tucker's clothing. I'm not stopping him. That's a tight belt. You can't get those pants down. The pants are tight, too. There you go.

Revealed. Wow, it's just really... Tucker, put your clothes back on. What are you doing, man? How far are you going to let me go, buddy? Coming into our podcast, getting naked, turning on the AC. Not cool, man. I flipped it on, saw you were recording, flipped it off.

Oh, no. I've ruined their important podcast. Well, I was thinking, oh, no, I've ruined Aaron and Dan's important recording. And I realized it was you guys. Oh, and it's like not that important anymore. Because we get less views. And you know why we get less views. And you know why we get less views?

Because we limit our audience by talking about things like fucking animals. It's an interesting conversation. I was saying like of all the fuckable animals that can potentially and physically be fucked by humans is there an animal that has not been fucked by humans yet? I thought you were going to talk about the best and most pleasurable animal. This is why we don't have a bigger

audience. Because we put ourselves have a bigger audience. Because we... We put ourselves in a box here. That's a legitimate question. You know we've been... Ryan, we are... What are we going to talk about? You guys need to be family friends.

What are we going to talk about if not fucking animals? I mean, what are we... You're getting upset, Matt. I'm not getting upset. Look at you. You're boiling red. I am. What do you want to talk about? What's the subject you want to talk about?

He wants to talk about what he's wearing. He wants to talk about what he's wearing. Do you want to talk about some music? Sure, I'll talk about some music. Okay, what's good? What's good? What's up? What's going on right now?

New Arctic Monkeys just came out. Cool. Like three days ago. We were just talking about monkeys before you came in. That's totally different. That's an entirely different subject. But it's still... Do Arctic monkeys actually exist?

No. That sucks. Well, in Japan, there's monkeys that hang out in these snowy mountains and they chill in some warm sun. Are they white? They are. Are they baboons? No, maybe they're not white.

Maybe they're tan. I don't know. They're goofy looking. Monkeys are just funny looking. Probably beige. Maybe a nice beige monkey. Light-sh Probably beige. Maybe like a nice beige monkey. I listened to... This weekend I listened to a lot of Mac DeMarco.

Yeah, you were there, Tuck. Favorite album? Two. I was about to say the same thing, yeah. Two is a very good Mac DeMarco album. Listened to some Deer Hunter this weekend too. That's good. Have you seen De hunter? The movie?

No. Starring Robert De Niro. Yes I have. Incredibly fucked up. Fucked up movie. Incredibly sad. Incredibly moving. Not totally accurate,

but that's not the point. The point is just a general feeling about what it means to go through that kind of experience and never recover from it. Okay. Matt, what's your favorite Japanese letter to write or word to write? My favorite Japanese. What's the most pleasing one to write out for you?

Damn, dude. Is that it? The phrase, damn, dude? Not what I expected at all, Matt. Can you write that out for us? Can you show what it is? I could write damn, dude. Dama dudes.

I guess I could, yeah. Dama dudes. You know, I really like the character for hot water. Pronounced you. It's very fun to write. Okay. Is it like, is it vertically long? No, it's like you could fit into a nice box.

Okay. It's pronounced you? You, yeah. You. Do you ever like walk up to somebody and say you were in hot water son you know why don't we just bring tucker on full time on super mega with this is funny i don't i don't know that was funnier than pretty much your entire show humans have definitely not fucked a gorilla no way yes they have no way yes they have a gorilla would not let us fuck it? You don't know that.

It's a dating gorilla like a zoo. Come on, Ryan. No one. Okay. Think about it. Ryan, I'm sure a gorilla's been into it. I'm just saying. I'm sure there's been at least one gorilla that's been like, yeah, I'll go for it.

He's trying to fuck. He's trying to fuck. Gorillas get horny? Yeah. People get horny? Crocodiles. Someone's fucked a crocodile. Okay.

Someone has taken a dead crocodile and stuck it in there. All right. Salt water crocodile. Someone has taken a dead crocodile and stuck it in their... Alright, saltwater crocodile. How about a tiger? You can't do that. People have fucked a tiger. It's gonna kill you. You could say that about a gorilla. Gorilla is more human than a tiger and I'm sure a gorilla would be into the sex.

The tiger thing scares me. Imagine Coco the gorilla like signing out like please fuck you know someone's fucked a tiger cub that's what I was gonna say I didn't want to go there that's extreme

still a tiger somebody's done it I no longer like this conversation it's going all the way reminding you too much of your home life with banana yeah I no longer like this conversation it's going it's going all the way reminding you too much of your home life with banana yeah i'm sorry i no longer like this conversation i'm sorry matt we've been avoiding this conversation but i mean is that why you're bothered by me spending time with you in your in your apartment because i regularly fuck your cat i'm gonna cut everything else out except that

Tucker why'd you bring that up that's really weird Matt how do you do your hair in the morning how do I do my hair in the morning get out of the shower I take my towel and I go and then it's all it's going crazy man it's like some

Kevin Bacon shit from Footloose. Kevin Abernathy? It's some Kevin Abernathy shit. It's a lot like Kevin Smith. Former editor for Game Grumps. And then it's not like Kevin Smith at all. And then I brush it to the, is this the right? That's your right.

It's my right. I brush it to my right. But you brush it to the left. Is that to our left? Okay, to the viewer. Their left. My right. Then I run my hand through the swoop, give it some volume.

Then I take a blow dryer. Okay. And I blow specifically on the swoop, and then I tilt my head down, and I kind of just blow it all through. Give it a little bit of... Then, once it's dry, I'm going to get a little of Layrite cement. That's what it's called. Put it in my hands. Do a little bit of this, and then I just kind just kind of from all angles just run my hands through that

See that I didn't actually get a chance to do that this morning because I woke up so soon to the meeting Here's the thing Matt. What's the secret? We've heard all that But what's the secret? What's the secret to your hair dude? Secret? I don't know if I'm ready to share that, but. It's fucking a tiger cup, isn't it? It's not. It's not, I promise. It's milk.

Putting milk in my hair every morning. You told your complex, hey, can you fill my water reservoir with steaming hot milk? When I turn on my faucets, it's hot milk. It's just milk. It's just milk. It's boiling hot milk. Time for a hot milky. Okay, next question. How do you... Shout out, shout out, shout out. Shout out.

Bratmouth.com Sorry, what were you saying, Ryan? I'm sorry, Tucker, is this your podcast? It's a brand deal. I get paid every time I say it. How do you deal with that annoying acne, Matt? How do you deal with annoying acne? What acne, Ryan? Acne that everyone gets. Are you saying I have acne?

If you don't, then you're not human. How do I deal with acne? Well, I have a face wash I use in the morning, a face wash I use at night. When you shower? Yeah, yeah. Are they different? Mine is that

clear something. No, no. I think it's clear still. I use it in the shower. I go whoop and then I go whoop. You bend to my pump. That's what I use. It's like a little pump and there's a morning one and a night time one. The morning one's green and the night time one's purple. I just have a regular one. But you have a morning

and night time specific. But I don't always shower at night. I always shower nighttime specific. But I don't always shower at night. I always shower in the morning, but I don't always shower at night. So I use the morning one more. But then I also have some emergency stuff. I enjoy showering right before going to bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I shower in the morning, and then if I go exercise, I'll shower before bed.

And then I'll put a little emergency cream on my face if I'm breaking out. And then that usually does the trick pretty well. I've started to hate the feeling of going to bed without showering. I just want to have my bed as clean as possible. You want that shit clean, man. I want my linens nice. You want your linens nice and fresh. You wouldn't even let me try your bed the last time I

No. Tucker, you got some dirty ass feet, man. Well, I didn't even let like, even with Matt, like I don't like, he was coming over. He's like, he's checking out my mattress because he heard that I got a new sport and nice mattress. And he wanted to see if it's a mattress that he would be interested in. I'm very, I'm not going to let you people with your outside clothes come in and lay on my bed. The next time I'm naked in your house, can I come lay on your bed?

If you wash your body, yes, after you shower, you can definitely lay on my bed excellent okay that's why like that's why also like i have another area where i can lay down in in my day clothes and i don't have to shower i can i i can just lay down on my couch it's very nice so i uh my guest bed i love couch. My couch gets me so horny, not in a sexual, does it? There's two types of horniness. There's sexual horniness. I mean,

there's just like, I'm horny for this, but not like aroused. I thought you were talking about sexual horniness. And then just that fucking instinctive, horrifying, just kind of curled up lip fucking ravenous

horniness yeah like I'm horny for a baby tiger see he brought it back Matt Tucker why you doing this man hi I'm Mike Couch pleased to meet you I'm gonna censor I'm gonna bleep it out so people won't even know what you said you were horny for and uh I'll leave that up

to the imagination do a baby bleep it out so people won't even know what you said you were horny for. And I'll leave that up to the imagination. Do baby bleep? No. Or just cut out tiger. Jesus Christ. When he says bleep, bleep it out. I will. I will.

But, man, you know what there's not a word for that there needs to be? No, what is it? Humans experience thirst. They experience hunger, like desires for things. There's not a word for that, like, feeling when you look at a body of water that you just want. You ever feel that? Like, that hunger for swimming in a

specific pool of water? Like, you look at a fountain or a specific pool and you want to get in so bad. And it's almost like, it feels like hunger, but it's like for being in that water. You know what I'm talking about? You want to be immersed in the water. It's like, it's almost like it's its own thing, but there's not a word for it. You want what I'm talking about? You want to be immersed in the water. It's almost like it's its own thing, but there's not a word for it.

You want to return to the womb. It could be like, if Freud were here, he'd tell me, hey, that's because you want to be back in the womb. Then he'd smoke crack and fuck his mom. That's another thing Freud did do frequently. He loved cocaine. He was a coke addict. Yeah. So you can't trust

anything a coke addict says. You can't trust anything a coke addict says you can't trust a junkie that's a quote from gustavo fring from breaking bad you can never trust a drug addict or you can't you can't you just can't it's not there i mean it is their fault but like it also isn't their fault you know what i'm saying it's a complicated it's a complicated thing complicated system it's a it's a it's a tricky thing but speaking of crack addiction i got it bad yeah should we talk about that the crack let's talk about that crack addiction let's talk about that i got it bad and ryan has it to a lesser degree but any advice guys well it's's because when we used to

live together, before I woke up, I used to tickle my nose with a feather and hold crack under my nose, so I'd wake up going, right away, I'd wake up on crack, and... Yeah, but that was fun. You know that was fun. For who?

It was fun for you. You enjoy crack. Of course I enjoy crack, it's a good drug Matt wasn't alone anymore, Matt had a friend in his crack addicted world I didn't like being addicted to crack by myself, I had to get my friend addicted to it also, I understand that boys will be boys

boys will be boys, they'll get their friends addicted to crack I love that saying, boys will be boys good old locker room crack it's just like a cheap out for doing shitty things. Oh, yeah. Well, that's just what guys do. Boys will be boys, man. Boys are rowdy and rambunctious,

okay? They're violent. Boys will be boys. They smoke crack, they'll say sexist things. Boys will be boys. You guys want to go smoke crack right now, actually? Talking about it's making me want to. Yeah, okay, yeah. We can smoke some crack. Please. Alright, well, we'll see you guys want to go smoke crack right now actually talking about it's making me want to yeah okay yeah we can smoke some crack please i'll smoke a little crack then all right well uh we'll see you guys uh next week go check us out on itunes uh rate that podcast and uh subscribe to our youtube channel if you haven't so we can buy more crack bring your pipe i did bring my pipe it's in

my car i'll go get it right now. Okay.