Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S15 Ep 6: Carol Vorderman

Episode Date: March 29, 2023

This week we welcome the iconic queen of numbers and letters, Carol Vorderman to Table Manners.Over a lunch of scallops, pea purée and fresh bread we discuss her upbringing in North Wales, sharing Mars bars with her siblings, being introduced to olive oil & the joy of a long lunch. We talk all about her hugely successful TV career, flying planes & not giving a damn what people think! She really is remarkable. Thank you Carol. Lennie is waiting to paint the town red with you x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Manners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm here with Mum who looks very lilac, spring, I like that jumper on you. It's a bit of cleavage but it's soft but also racy at the same time. You got your pearls on, good on you. We have a guest that we have been desperate to have on. Jessie, a clue. First name, three consonants. Oh, God. Da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da. Your fucking time's up, Mum. It's Carol Vorderman. Three thousand.

Should we talk? I don't know if you remember this, Mum. We've actually met Carol Vorderman before. Where, darling? In Florence, outside of the Duomo. Is that where it fell over? That's where you fell flat on your arm was she there she was there oh my god do you think she'll remember i hope not for your sake i was a lot slimmer then as well well the acoustics in the duomo certainly heard the fall was that was that when we went for the wedding we went for the wedding my best friend's

wedding it's about 22 years ago alex had just done his g sassy jewish studies all right great so he was 14 all right brilliant no he was 14 he just did a night shift too poor alex how is he he's fine anyway you fell on your ass in front of Carol Vorderman. I think I fell on my face, darling. You fell on your face. Yeah. Oh, wow. And I think she did ask if you were all right.

But let's not bring it up. Just so the listeners know. I hope the earth didn't move when I fell on my face. Anyway. Was that when we were getting... The Tower of Pisa leaned a bit more no darling was that when we were getting out of the horse drawn carriage

you always tried to give us experiences on holiday three teenagers so grumpy in the back of a horse and carriage and you're like we're in Florence enjoy it darling anyway so we have Carol Vorderman on the podcast

she has a new podcast slash youtube channel slash kind of everything app i don't know we have to ask her more about it it's called perfect 10 it's 10 questions 10 points all done in just 10 minutes how many different like trivia apps kind of brain darling puzzles every day it's probably why I use my screen so much because I do word games every single day so I do word maker at the moment and I had to the app went all funny so I had to start again with it and I have been up to like a million words yeah I love word word games I'm not very good with number games are you Jessie I can't do Sudoku is it Sud Are you, Jessie? I can't do Sudoku. Is it Sudoku or Sudoko? But I can't do that.

What are you cooking today? I've cooked, because it's lunch, so I've done scallops. Lovely. Well, I'm doing scallops, but I haven't cooked them yet. Last time we did them was for cat dealing. Yeah, it was.

So I've done scallops with... Always for a national treasure. A national treasure. I've done scallops with the salty new potatoes that I made the other day. Oh, fab day because they're nice uh big salad pea puree did you add the cumin into the yes darling anything else you add it was a red onion um cumin I think I might have done it with shallots last time but I've done it with

red onion so you saute the onion saute the onion with cumin then add the peas and some chicken stock and zhuzhit zhuzhit and then i've tried to because she's a healthy eater and you're a healthy eater and i try to be a healthy eater i've made healthy individual little cheesecakes which are made with honey oats and a little coconut oil and then you just mix that together and press that down to make the crust. And then you put on top, it's Philadelphia light with some honey and vanilla. And then they've been in the freezer overnight. Oh, wow. And they're little tiny ones.

So it's just vanilla and cream cheese? Yeah, but the low fat one. So it's a healthy dessert. Carol has been in the headlines recently. She went on our lovely friend Michelle Fazage's brilliant podcast. Yeah. She's been in the papers for two reasons. Yeah.

She seems to be having simultaneous relationships. We love that. Not committed to one, but running a few at the same time. And also, she's a great anti-corruption fighter and she's got a lot on her hands at the moment, I would say. I can't wait to talk to her about that. You're going to put the world to rights. Yeah, today, me and Carol.

Against the world. Against the world. Carol Vorderman, coming up on Table Manners. coming up on Table Manners. Carol Vorderman, you have just walked in with, let's describe, this is like a jumpsuit.

Yeah, but. It's old and it fits like a damn glove. And it shrunk. And look how high. No. It doesn't matter. You look fabulous. You look like a kind of superhero.

Like a Catwoman superhero. It's a zip-up jumpsuit. I don't want to objectify you, but your body is something else. It's quite unbelievable. And it's just a pleasure to have you here. Yeah. We're so excited. Oh, really? You've just allowed a pleasure to have you here. We're so excited. Oh, really?

You've just allowed Lenny to open the champagne, so you're already best friends. Cheers. Cheers. And Lenny, may I just say congratulations. She's obviously opened more than one bottle of champagne. That was done with expert precision. It's one of my strong points.

It was like the nun's whisper, wasn't it? Yeah. The nun's whisper. wasn't it? Yeah. The nun's whisper. Yeah. I love that. It's just like, the nun's kiss. No struggling with the thumbs. Actually, I thought that, because Pink was on at the beginning of this series,

and she opened one. One of my heroines. She's unbelievable. I've just been singing. That's, oh, I'm rubbish with lyrics. No. been singing um that's oh god you see i'm the new one lyrics no the uh put your head back spit in the wind which was that do you know it i can run just as fast as i can to the middle of now i can just sit here and you sing for an hour i'd be very happy with that so so you're here we've been so excited for this we've wanted

you for a long time and you play hard to get i tell you definitely but we are so thrilled to talk all about perfect 10 all about you all about growing up and food and whales and what yes and it's a bit different i suppose isn't it because the welsh thing well let's yeah let's start where did it start at the beginning well so um oh god uh it's a long time ago now we get to that point don't you know how did but no but carol can i ask something very rude how old are you now? If you've got a 30... I'm 62. Shit. I'm 62, but happy.

I was always meant to be in my 60s. Do you think? Yeah. It's like... So in my 20s, 30s, I've always kind of struggled with society's rules, if you know what I mean. Because our time growing up yeah you you were not meant to do this society told you and there were no outlets for anyone who felt a

bit different so um which i always did so now it's like i feel freer than i've ever felt you do get to well I'm much older than you but you get to well my age and you think I'm gonna do what I want and say what I want fuck it I'm I'm old enough I know what I like I know what I don't like I'm not bothered and I'm not bothered anymore yeah that's exactly that yeah so it's like this sort of sense of freedom, really. I've never... I'm always up for a fight, always up for a challenge, always up for a battle, but I've never felt free now. It's like, oh, fuck it, I don't care. Yeah, absolutely. There's nothing more that can be said or done.

That touches me in any way. What was it like being... Cheers. Yeah, cheers to that. Cheers to that. Cheers to... Yeah, so cheers to that. I'm glad you to that. Cheers to that. Yes, cheers to that. But what was it like then,

being this kind of pin-up, clever, doll, like, you know, all these kind of tick, tick, tick, but also quite kind of exotic, because you're all these things that maybe women aren't meant to be. Oh, presented. You were kind of presented as that weren't you well i don't know you were you were more sorry this sounds rude but you weren't quite as glamorous when you were on countdown at the very beginning no is there a reason i had a secret life though you see you were kind of much more scholar like yes because that's what people told you you had to be oh is that right because back in the so it's 82 1982 when i started yeah i know that's a long

time that you cast your mind back there were three channels yeah there were there was no daytime telly as we know it there was no breakfast telly as we know it there was no breakfast telly there was no sky there was no you know channel four by definition was beginning because countdown was the first show and i was the first woman to talk on channel four and and it and so you were either one of i don't know three or four female newsreaders taking the acting side to one side completely um or you were a dolly bird yeah that's true and you there was or you were ester anson there was nothing there was no one else as a woman that you were allowed to be so there so then this thing called countdown started

and i had a proper job at the time because i was an engineer you see so it's like what were you making uh at that time i'd finished working underground i was working in the computing industry then but anyway that's that's another story that was after graduating from that was after graduation became yeah so i'd worked in frozen pea factories and i love the glamour But anyway, that's another story. And that was after graduating from Cambridge and all that, yeah. So I'd worked in frozen pea factories, and I love the glamorous life. I can drive a forklift truck in minus 20 degrees. I can go five pallets up with my prongs.

Very good at all of that. That's what gets my smell of cement powder, really. That's where people go, oh, spray this perfume. Where was all this? Was this in Wales? All over. All over. All over, yeah.

So back then, you had to be what they wanted you to be on the telly. And I wasn't the Dolly Bird, if you like, because they were models and they were this, that. Not that I wanted to be on the telly anyway. the dolly bird if you like because they were models and they were this that not that i wanted to be on the telly anyway and then this sort of job happened along because my mum forged my signature and letter in and and that's kind of where it started and um so you had to be what they wanted you to be so back in the early days of camp down all i did was answer the numbers and they had a dolly bird as they would would call them, doing, you know, doling out the letters. Kathy Heitner, who's a model from Manchester.

And people, it was very sexist times, you know, they just were. My title was, as in vital statistics, the vital statistician. That was my title. The vital statistician. Yeah. So you kind of, you you know you get to this age and you've lived through it all did they tell you what you could wear and how you should look yeah it was very tidy so when did things change for you that you felt well I feel like you well

you've won rear of the year many times you are so sexy you are glamorous you are vivacious you are confident you are so intelligent when did you feel like it changed that you felt like you could uh be that maybe these two worlds that you were living in could kind of collide i think you see when i was growing up so i grew up in north wales and i was a bit of a i I don't know, I was a rebel. I just don't really care what other people think. Which bit of North Wales? So, do you know Rhyl? Yeah.

Yeah. Because my niece lives on Anglesey. Oh. And we used to go to. Proper Welsh Wales. Abersoch. To Abersoch, yeah. And so we used to drive.

If I went to Abersoch from Manchester. Yeah. You might. Are you from Manchester? Yeah. Well, anyone in Rhyl so like if you live in Rhyl you're a third Scouser Manc and the rest of you is Welsh basically

but every Scouser I know they go oh where are you from I go oh from Rhyl oh Rhyl oh it's great I've had many a lovely holiday in R you know that's scouts isn't it yeah it's part scout well it is part scouts yeah so it's right on the seaside yeah they're happy times but they set you don't know where you grow up i think sets a big part of you well let's talk

about that growing up and what was being eaten. Yes. What were good memories, bad memories? Barabrith. Barabrith. Very good. Yeah, what's that that Luke Evans brought? I mean, every Welsh person that's been on this. Has Luke Evans sang this song?

Yes. Yes. And sang to Jessie. Yes. And brought his mum's Barabrith. Barabrith. Yeah. Barabrith.

Barabrith. With butter. Did it have butter on? No, actually. No. Barabreath. Barabreath. With butter. Did it have butter on? No, actually. No. Well, he'd frozen. No. He'd taken it out of the freezer.

He brought individual portions. Yeah. She makes them so much. It's only half Welsh, that. So who was cooking? Well, so I was born in 1960. My mother and father were married, and I had an older brother and sister. And my mum was a farmer's daughter from Wales, so she's very Welsh.

But they, by then, so they met just after the war. He was Dutch, Borderman. Oh, of course. And Dutch resistance. Oh, wow. So he came over after the war because as you know there are many people from holland uh came over they met and my mum this she always described herself as a little like welsh mouse this quiet little mouse moved to holland two years after the war ended and learned to speak and they got married in holland which was like which was like going to the moon back then and so they they met and then they came back to north wales and

then briefly they lived in bedford and uh anyway my mum fell pregnant with me and unknown to her he started having an affair with a young girl and so he told my mum after i was born christmas eve carol and um so she left after two weeks and went back home to north wales so and my father would have nothing to do with me i met him in my 40s even though he spoke you know looked after my uh brother and sister well didn't look after them but it had stuff to do with them through the intervening years so the only family I've ever known

is my Welsh family and I grew up in Wales so it's quite funny some people go on Wikipedia and go you're English you were born in Bedford and I was like alright two weeks and then I went to school in Rhyl on my life and lived in Prestatyn. But it was really hard in the 60s, so we were properly poor,

like dirt, dirt, dirt poor. What did your stepfather do? Well, my stepfather was a builder, so she married him in 1970. But those first years, and I'll never forget them even though i was obviously very small were very hard for my mum because there was no uh is it called the cps now what's the child support csa child support is that what it's called now yeah where the fathers have to pay money and that didn't exist so my mum had five part-time jobs and she was in her 30s then and and exhausted endlessly exhausted and we had no food really so my my tide my grandfather

tidy oh that's what my friend tidy yeah tidy yeah tidy which is not very north wales word um uh for grandfather so he would bring around he was a tenant farmer and so he brought around a tray of eggs and a little mini sack of potatoes every week and so we lived on proper properly made chips the chip pan was always on the little gas gas hob yeah and egg and chips is what we lived on And occasionally she'd let me run down the high street to get fish bits, which was just like the broken bits of batter. I don't know what you call them in Manchester. I don't know. They had it on the Great British Menu last week.

Fish bits? They did fish bits. The buttery, crispy bits of batter. It was just the bits that fell off into the fat. It's not the fish. It's just the crispy. No fish in it. Okay.

Yeah. I mean, they're quite delicious, but it's not the most it's just the fish okay yeah and i mean they're quite delicious but i mean it's not about not the most bad yeah right but then everything then was from fresh there was no processed food yeah right there was there was nothing then so and you ate your meals we couldn't afford sweets and crisps and all of that sort of thing so except on a Sunday, we used to go, my brother and I, to the, like, they were called tobacco agents back then, the shops. Like a newsagent.

Yeah, except they didn't sell the newspapers. It was very much they sold... Just sweets, mix and mix. Sweets and fags. Fags, yeah. And cigars, basically. And we used to go around there and buy a Mars bar. And he'd slice it, my brother,

and then he'd arrange it in like a spiral on a saucer. And we'd sit in front of the city, because in the whole flat we only had like this one little bar of gas fire to all the heating. But, you know, you don't know that you're poor back then. Was it a happy childhood yeah very happy very very happy and on a saturday afternoon we um so our hedge backed on to the back of a shop where back then they'd close on the sunday and any like things that they didn't that wouldn't last till

the Monday uh no barabreath in the freezer back then it was uh they'd put on a uh like a cardboard box and put it on the hedge for us uh on a Saturday like these little kindnesses you know sometimes there was nothing but occasionally there'd be like cream cake and all of that you know so so they're very different times but then and my mother hated cooking so food was very basic and you loved it because it filled you up but so you got countdown when you were 22 21 21 yeah and you're on the telly and you're like having to be a very clever person on telly like at all times and then you

moved to London or was it filmed somewhere else? No we did it in Leeds It was Richard White Richard Whiteley Whiters and Borders yeah they were heady days because it was the biggest show

on Channel 4 for like 20 years. Yeah. Well, my mother watched it religiously. Yes. She would sit at four o'clock with a thumb of whiskey, she would say, and a hummus and crisps. And she watched it every, she adored you. And it kept her.

I mean, it kept her brain going. And it was, it was a very loving show. So we called, we never said viewers. People would count down us because Richard and I always felt like we were all in it together. And everywhere we went, you know, you couldn't go out of the house without people, for me, talking about him or for him talking about me. And it was just a joy. It was a real love.

You know, everybody loved it, whether it was your mum. Because they felt very to watch it at university as well you did it you did it for how many years 20 years 26 26 years but i always count myself as very lucky i'm a stepfather i'm just going back to the 70s so food yeah really for me started in 1970 because my stepfather was an italian prisoner of war oh my gosh my mother liked foreigners sometimes she did didn't she for a little welsh girl i'm real i heard her listening to um an air of flock captain when we lived in maidenhead once going over and i was getting in a russian voice i said mother is switching that off i'm not having that i'm not having

that abandon from having a boyfriend from when she was about 60. Was he handsome, this Italian man? This was your stepdad? My stepfather, who I called my dad, who turned my world from black and white to technicolour. I absolutely loved him. He swore every third word he swore, right? And he had, his first language was Italian,

his second language was Welsh, because a lot of Italian prisoners of war came over to Wales because it was all agriculture and stayed. And his third language was English, so you can imagine, can't you? And he'd got this tiny little sort of building company. And so we moved from this cold flat where there were four of us in one bedroom.

I had my own bedroom. I was like, oh, my God. And there was like a proper kitchen and everything. And because he was Italian, we had proper olive oil back in 1970 yeah you could only buy it in the chemist you could buy it for what purpose i don't know you had to heat it on a teaspoon pour it in your ear to get rid of earwax that was olive oil wasn't it yeah you could only buy like it was that big yeah it was a little square bottle but we had it to cook so we had proper parmigiano oh yeah i mean it was just amazing did he did he

take pride in his cooking yeah he loved his cooking so friday so i would cook monday to thursday because back then i bet you did this monday was always the same thing yeah you have the same every day tuesday what did you have on a mond? Lobscouse. Oh, what's that? Lobscouse was like a stew of the leftover lamb on the Sunday. Okay. So Wales was very lamb, lamb, lamb. Yeah. And then you'd have lobscouse.

And then, I can't remember what Tuesday was, but Friday was Italian. And I was always first time from school, from age of 10. I cooked for everyone. And my dad would be back from the building site quarter to six, bang on the nose, and I had everything ready to go. Mum would come back from work as well.

And then Friday, he'd teach me how to do the Italian stuff, you see. Can we talk about the podcast? Yeah. Is it an app as well not yet it should be right yeah that's gonna i think it might end up on telly actually but that's not the purpose of it okay let's talk about it yeah introduce it yeah so so i started at the beginning of the year a new little podcast obviously quizzes have been my thing. Yeah. The Queen. The quiz. And there are not many podcasts about quizzes.

And you think, oh. You're right. So there aren't. There aren't. Name one. None. None. So, you know, Sudoku Queen and Countdown, obviously. And you think, well, podcasts well podcast massive things where's the quiz show

one there isn't one but everybody loves a quiz why isn't there a podcast so I spent about a year with my partners in crime on this and uh I said don't want it to be anything mastermindy I don't want it to be anything that people feel you know a little bit like mastermind where you think oh i feel inferior because when you've got two answers and all that or you have to have specialist knowledge because then what you're doing is the only people who can answer it are the ones who can nerd out on research books. So I'm good for them. But I didn't want it like that.

I wanted it to be something... Anyway, we developed this thing called Perfect 10. So it's 10 questions, 10 points, all done in 10 minutes. It's so neat. It's just neat, isn't it? Perfect. It is the perfect 10. It's really good. Yeah, it is good.

And it's like, boom boom it's hit the charts and everything and so every question one is of the same kind so when you tune in it's a bit like on countdown you know you go in you don't have to keep saying and now select nine letters some will be consonants some will be vowels and now make the longest word that you can you don't have to say all of that because things become shorthand after a while and that's what i wanted with perfect 10 so there are many different kinds of rounds but anyone can attempt the answer so you know there's a bit of a riddle there are questions like uh the goldenches, how do you spell McDonald's, with or without an apostrophe? And people go, oh, my God.

I've seen it a million times. Is it with or without? I don't know. It's with. Oh! Misspent youth, darling. Your mother knew. Yeah, so things like that.

And then in the answers, you know, might give a little bit of information why that would be with an apostrophe, for instance. So it's like just enough. It's just enough. It's 10 minutes. You listen to it and we say it'll entertain, educate and irritate the hell out of you. Love it. Yeah. Are you on a regular pub quiz team or is it just when somebody sees Vordas

coming through the door, they're like, just give her the bloody prize. I've got to be on one next week. Somehow or other, somewhere in my brain, it remembers things. But it's rubbish on music, for instance. Sport, rubbish. Okay, so... Jessie can remember lyrics. In lockdown.

Yeah, I can't remember in lockdown yeah did you how many bloody zoom quizzes did you do i didn't do any oh because everyone was doing yeah and you were like i didn't do any and the first week you go oh great i hated it we're gonna do a family good no this sounds so perfect because they go on as well. You're invested for 10 minutes in the quiz. And then you're like, novelty's gone. I want to get off. I'm Googling.

Yeah. And 10 minutes. And it's the hearsay question, which is a bit like catchphrase, but audio version. Okay. Give us an example. Can you give us an example? I love that. Well, yeah, I'm not going to do the sounds, but you would hear sounds.

And you've got to say what you hear, which is why we're going to hear his say. See you tear. Pig. Oink. Oink. Oink. And then doors to manual.

Doors to manual. Could all the passengers kindly remain in their seats? Seatbelts off. Pig hostess. Doors to manual. Pig hostess. What did you say? Pig hostess.

For doors to manual, what do they... Oh, yeah, pig hostess. Yeah, oh, yeah. What is it? No, you have to work it out by going through a series of... Pig hostess, I don't think I've ever heard. Neither have I, darling. Pig. Yeah. Pig. Is it a pig or an oink? Pig. Okay, I don't think I've ever heard. Neither have I, darling. Pig.

Yeah. Pig. Is it a pig or an oink? It's a pig. Okay, pig. Clothes. Pig. Doors to manual.

Pig doors. Pig open. Pig shut. Pig order. Pig. Doors to manual. Pig plane. Doors to manual.

Doors to manual. Your seats. So it's take off. Pig. Tannoy. Pig. Touchdown. pig plane please remain in your seats so it's take off pig tannoy pig touchdown what's that refer to?

instruction an aeroplane yes and what do aeroplanes do? fly pig fly pigs will fly oh

I like that I love that pig say is like a saying yeah it's always a well known phrase or saying sorry okay you should have said that in the first place. But actually, if I'd said that, it wouldn't have been as funny.

That's amazing. Do you still fly? I haven't for a few years. Fly my little plane, my Mildred. You're Mildred? Why did you call her Mildred? Because there's a wonderful woman who I want to make a documentary about called Mildred Bruce, who was born in almost 1900, so late 1800s.

And she was amazing. She was the first woman to get a speeding fine. She was 15 on a brother's motorbike. She was a champion race car driver. When Amy Johnson flew in 1930 to Australia, first woman to do so in her little plane mildred decided she was going to be a pilot bought a plane went solo within the first six days which is a big thing for a pilot and took off six weeks later to fly around the world solo she'd only been flying six weeks and these adventures that she had and she had a plane which couldn't go over

the oceans so she was the first woman to traverse the world in an aircraft but without the oceans because there wasn't an aircraft capable of doing that at the time if there had been she'd have done it she was extraordinary then she came back she set up a flying circus then she set up an airline now in the 30s 30 what they call dragon rapids and she used to fly like the times the telegraph and so on all the newspapers over to paris and then they'd have passengers and she was the first person to introduce an air hostess she said well these boys would want to like a pretty thing doing this, that and the other. And then during the war, she kind of lived in the Dorchester and threw parties, very bad parties, naughty girl, terrible woman. And during the war, she had to close, obviously, the airline because of the war. So she set up, she was a proper engineer in Wales, a factory to repair Spitfires.

Wow. She was an amazing woman. Absolutely incredible woman. Are you going to be able to make the documentary? Well, I hope so. I think you've sold it. It's like, that is... It could be a television series as well.

And nobody knows about her. And I think that's part and parcel of this whole thing, which is, oh, let's talk about the men and glorify. And I love men. Don't get me wrong. This isn't anti-men. No. This is pro-women.

Have you ever met Sandy Toksvig? Yeah, I love Sandy. And Women's Equality Party. You know, we had a similar conversation with Sandy when she was on the podcast about these women that have done remarkable things in history, but yet don't... People go, who?

Yeah. And I would like to do that. Help yourself to bits and bobs. I will. I'm a great buddy. Do you live on your own at the moment? No. With my son. You live with your son? the moment? No. With my son.

You live with your son? Yeah. But not a partner? No, God, no. We don't want that. I know what you mean, darling. Couldn't think of anything worse, could you? Not now.

No. I don't want to look after anyone. No. No. When you're in your 20s and your 30s, you think, oh, I'm going to get married, which I did. Have which i did i get it have you been married once well i briefly got married in my 20s which was i didn't really want to get married so why did you get married because my mother thought it you know right okay that lasted that lasted well not but that wasn't his fault not my fault just

so young i think we were like 23 and 24 or something and we met married within four months nonsense absolute nonsense is he the father of the children? No. Paddy, their dad, got married when I was 29 and he's a nice man. Did he work in telly? No. He was a trained accountant. Not surprisingly. Our numbers really turn you on, eh, Cal?

Super bright. Oh, he was good with his spreadsheet. or he was good with a spreadsheet but how many men have you got on the go at the moment is it true what they say is it true what i say or what you say yes it is true yeah i think do you have them on a rota? Mum! No. Like you used to eat your meals in Wales on a Monday. I've loved scouse on a Monday. Fuck you, that's very funny.

It is very funny. Carol, when you've enjoyed that French bread with that butter... I'm sorry, I enjoy my food, but I'm a very slow eater. I'm very quick. I'm actually terrible my son is the only person i know is slower than me um i would like you to start and i'm really appreciating your your thought and preparation i feel like you've prepped for this um last supper you know it's coming up you've got a piece of bread in your hand with some butter

before we were just talking about you said it was going to be carb heavy are you ready to tell us so carb heavy so i love bread but i was working really hard and i just got to the point where i was eating for just to stay alive stay awake which i'm sure when you're on tour you understand and you've got little ones and you're just knackered all the time yeah and and i put on much but a bit of weight and i didn't like that and all of that so i started this detox diet which is uh biggest selling book actually eventually when i wrote the book um but it was slated by nutritionists at the time because it was 28 days detox diet and it was...

This was your detox diet? You wrote this book? I wrote the book, yeah. No wheat, no meat, no dairy, no sugar for 28 days. Then it was all, no, you can't do that. Now it's like standard.

You go, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm not a veggie. Don't want to to be a veggie never have wanted to be a veggie this is for 28 days to sort of give all your organs a way of deep naturally detoxing so what would you be eating on those days like what like a day in the life of the detox super high on um veggies not potatoes um i i won't i won't buy normal potatoes because of yeah because of the detox site changed everything i bought so when i go out i'll have what i like but i don't i never buy bread if i sometimes i buy because it's lovely bread now isn't it i could go through a whole loaf standing by the sink. Yeah.

And it has been known, and I've done that, I'm halfway through a loaf and I have to run it under the tap. Literally to destroy the bread. Otherwise I will finish it. There's like no switch off on it. Pasta. Good pasta. I love.

I don't like sloppy pasta. You like butter. I love love butter i love fish and chips nice fish and chips i don't like french fries they're like proper big chips proper old-fashioned big chips um all of that stuff have you got an air fryer i I'm thinking. Should we be getting one? Yeah, definitely. It tastes like it's fried. Yeah. Hence the fry a bit. But it's not. So after the detox diet, I became very...

I haven't weighed myself since 1999. Really? I don't know what I weigh. I won't let anyone tell me what I weigh. You know when you go for medicals and all that. And by and large large when i'm home i quite well but if i have somebody's bought me chocolates or whatever it might be i'll just find i'll just eat them before i go to the vegetables so i can't have it in the house so you deny

yourself quite a lot because then i'm very happy yeah't. I'm very happy. Yeah, it's all I've known for 20 years. Yeah, but if you open your fridge, what would be in it? Lots of vegetables, you know, coleslaw, fish, turmeric shots, which I love. I think because I emptied the fridge. Fruit, Greek yoghreek yogurt cottage cheese so your house is basically like it's like a retreat yeah no not really it is for us i don't need to go to body cam yeah people come to my if i go and stay in other people's houses i'm always amazed by what they've got in the fridge but i'd go to your fridge and i'd go oh no i wouldn't have that but i don't cook at home now you see so what do you have at night

well are you out tonight no i'm good i live with my mates in isha when i'm in okay so where do you normally live then bristol oh really yeah but great restaurants yeah it was brilliant but i so when i go out i'll eat what i want but i don't know i don't feel in denial at all i i have got to talk to you about your anti-corruption fight no don't start me i'm not i am so proud of you and so at one with you and so want to go out there with you and if you started something i'd join in with you because i just feel i'm so terrible isn't it it's so appalling yeah and what's so appalling is no one cares people are kind of immune well no i think that they're numbs aren't they they i think people do care, but I just think it's like fatigue. But we're used to it.

It's become such a... It's used to it. It's as if we accept that people can cheat and behave in such an appalling fashion. And steal from us. And steal from us. Yeah. To tune billions.

Billions. Via the government. In some of them, legitimate forms. I know. You see patterns. patterns you start to and this is all stuff that's freely available if you like so all i'm doing is a google search and and then talking to maybe a tax expert admittedly or a lawyer who's particularly into vip ppe lanes or you know in the background knowledge um but i want to do a podcast soon. Just calling it out subject by subject.

Because it is disgusting. It's disgusting. It's disgusting what's happening. But it's like... Scale of lying. And we've lived through similar political times, haven't we? But people resigned. You couldn't have survived politically if you'd done.

And you had a love child you had to resign before. Do you remember Cecil Parkinson? Cecil Parkinson. Jeffrey Archer, who was accused of this affair and then committed perjury, was in jail. I don't think we get angry enough. Yeah, I agree. so your generation and below you i think it'd be wonderful if musicians got involved with encouraging the young get angry get fighting and get voting people my age can't really connect with you know the kids age 18 plus but musicians can and i really think it's i think it's time because if it if it isn't done they're going to suffer most of their adult life,

because we will be wrecked. For instance, there's a financial services and marketing bill, which no one's ever heard of, no one talks about, ever, anywhere, which has already gone through its three readings in Commons, in Committee Stage, in the Lords. After the global financial crisis, they separated the commercial banks like Goldman Sachs, JP Morgan a'r ariannau gwasanaethol, NatWest, ac ati, am ddewr. Roedd llawer o systemau sicrwydd wedi'u rhoi i'n lle i'n diogelu ni o ddifroedd ariannol. Nid oedd un un person wedi mynd i'r gaeaf, wrth gwrs, ar ôl y crisi ariannol ynghyd. single person went to jail by the way after the global financial crisis never do do they they were super rich so that so they were separated financial services marketing bill going through

with the tories now would do away with all of that and i googled it about charities just before christmas lots of articles and my google search criticizing it this that and the other nothing on bbc news nothing never they're not allowed well they are allowed to just choose not to do it for whatever reason and uh bbc chairman chosen by boris johnson oh there's a nice little loan for you and um and and then i googled it a couple of weeks ago. It's like it's been washed away. All you get is the government websites on it. It's really weird. And I am no conspiracy theorist.

It's just I know because I screenshot everything on my phone. Screenshot, screenshot, screenshot, because I've learned. I go, whoa. Wow. That's weird. Carol, get this lovely podcast going. I am. I'm going to get it going pretty soon.

You're not political. I am not associated, nor have I ever been associated with a political party. But I worked with David Blunkett to introduce a numeracy hour in the late 90s into primary schools. And also, I spent 18 months it was a time when chat rooms started and I did documentaries for ITV and all sorts of different things campaigned in the House of Commons. Jack Straw didn't want to know the Home Secretary was about grooming children online.

It was not illegal. And so when David Blunkett became Home Secretary, because I knew him when he was Education Secretary, he listened and I sat on the task force and we introduced the world's first criminal act for grooming a child online. Wow. And also he set up this wonderful organisation which is all about child protection online.

And then 2010, 2011, I worked with Michael Gove on a maths thing again, you know, big report about maths. So I've worked with both parties um but my thing's always been about children and education really um i need to ask you some food questions because we are chatting about everything and it's wonderful but i need to start her what are we having oh she's worked this out yeah no i haven't worked out i hope you're going shopping and not relying on your bloody fridge i like what would I have? I would like some parma ham, I think. Or what's that one that's the Spanish one that's really, really greasy?

Serrano. Yeah, I love that. Looks gorgeous. Okay, so we're having a charcuterie board? I think so, yeah. Okay, yeah. I love olives. Yeah?

Yeah. Black olives I like. Or big, fat green ones. Big, juicy ones, yeah. Love olives. And bread. Any particular kind of bread? Yes, I would like an artisan loaf.

Yeah? Okay. With some black olives in it. And maybe a few walnuts. Walnuts. I love an olive and walnut artisan bread. There we are. I see.

Oh, I love that. Is that a thing? Yeah, I think you can get ingales I can get walnut I've never had the yeah delicious

lovely okay and you're going to have to give me an hour to eat that

and a tub of really salted butter like proper salted Welsh butter yeah that sounds

delicious dead yellow right you're going to have to have a little while to get over that before you go on to your mains.

I know, I'm a slow eater. Yeah, okay. This is going to be a day of a last supper. Do you know what? Rich Whitener and I held records in a lot of London restaurants for the longest lunch ever. That is an amazing piece of information. Yeah. We'd start about one o'clock and often we'd still be going at like two in the morning.

I love a long lunch. Oh my God. So it's a little gang of us, gays and girls we call ourselves, gays and girls. So it's Alan Carr, Gok, O'Grady, me, Sally Lindsay and occasionally a few others and we would have the longest lunches and the most outrageous lunches.

I mean, Alan Carr is one of the greatest people to eat with. He's so funny. We've had him on, I've never laughed so much in my life. We couldn't breathe for laughing. No, I love our Al. Who picks the restaurant? Do you all take turns? Do you have a restaurant?

Well, have us. Have you ever been told that it's time to leave Carol often and that's when I know I've had a good day I am a troublemaker you pronounce the name of the gorgeous weatherman who bangs the

oh wine who's got a new radio 2 program oh wine because I would have said Owen Yeah Ohwine He came to a gig of mine I know Do you like Ohwine on?

As long as he plays the drums I can leave him a message We'll go to him as long as he plays the drums So we did a show about three years ago Because he's a Welsh speaker So a lot of my family are Welsh speakers, but you live in England. Are you? No, what we would say, tipping bach. Tipping bach.

Or go right, a little bit of Welsh. Anyway, we did this show for S4C called Iaith Arddaith, which was about travel and your journey and all this learning welsh so and he's a really good mate of mine owen so there's a word in welsh for thirst which is cuntav oh my god jesus exactly so we always i could play a million things We always start our voicemails, which are every day, like three times a day, with, my na cunt's half darling. And I can do it on my Radio Wales show because everyone in Wales knows it means first, right? So I go,

oh, my cunt's half darling, my first darling, la la la, right? In England, you never get away with it. And we always, always, always end our messages with, you never get away with it. And we always, always, always end our messages with, you know what's coming. Okay.

That's my treat time today. Love that. Okay, so we've got bolly. We've got a charcuterie board with some really juicy olives yeah artisanal bread yeah what's the main my main course so it's got to be a meal hasn't it no it can be whatever you like okay with the fishy bits scallops and pea puree how good is that scallopsops the pea puree is so good she puts a bit of cumin

in there some stock and onions and it's really nice it's gorgeous isn't it would you go back for those fishy bits or do you think

a fish bit I would have you see because the last supper you can't change venue can you can you do that you're Carol Vorderman you can do what you like

I am going down to West Wales and I'm going on the beach at Newgale near my house which is in Pembrokeshire a little house and it's wild and the most beautiful sunsets and it's in St Brides Bay

and the sea is clear and the beach goes on for miles and miles and miles and I'd have a barbie there with someone gorgeous doing the barbie ofs someone gorgeous and it would be lovely

fish but I would need it in batter I'd have to have something that's battery so the chip fry would be there in some form it would be there and so you can always do it can't you can always manage let's be fair and um yeah that would be my main down there we'd all be going down there by time travel and does this taste healthy this tastes very healthy i actually don't i quite like it but it's very healthy. It feels like breakfast. And then we play games in the sand. Oh, I love games.

What games? Well, games like drawing rude words in the sand and then waiting for the water to wash them out. That kind of thing. Generally, they've got four letters beginning with a C. But, you know, it's just a thing. In Welsh. In Welsh, yeah.

My first word. What's that name for... What's that name for a hug? I love it. Quilch. Cutch. Cutch. It's such a good word.

Are you a sweet person? Not really. No, I'm a savoury girl, really. You don't have to eat that. No, I will eat it. Okay. I eat everything. Is there anything

you're not good at? Loads of things things a million things can't speak languages I can't but as long as you're happy doing the things that you're happy doing then that goal's happy isn't it

I wish I had your mind I wish I had your brain what brain well it doesn't work like yours. There's nothing sexier and more amazing and empowering than a mind, a good mind. Than an accountant. That is the least, yeah. What would your dream bloke be then, Lenny?

If you were 60 again, what would your dream bloke be? 60 again. Or would you have more than one? Well, yeah, probably I'd have... Well, I did used to like Saul from Homelands. I do think Rafa Varan, who plays for United as fullback, is the handsomest person I think I've ever seen. Okay, so we've got a bit younger.

I feel almost faint when I look at him. Right. Who else would I like? I don't know, really. It's nice when they each provide a little bit of everything. I think that's why you need to have more than one. You're so right. Thank you.

You need bits of everything. A bit like the last supper. Do you know what I mean? A bit of everything you fancy. That's 13. Now you're pushing it, mate. A bit of everything you fancy now you're pushing it a bit of everything you fancy there you are to be honest

she's converted Carol, before I feel like we get on to the next bottle of champagne no I'll drink this much alcohol in oh shush you enjoy that I'm only on my second glass well you think that's your second glass.

I have been pouring it when you haven't been looking. So let's talk about whether you think you've got good table manners. What's that then? What do you think are good table manners? Well, exactly. I think good table manners are not about where you hold your knife and fork. I think it's about being entertaining and having a good chat, being lively, getting up and dancing a little bit. Doing all of that.

That's good table manners. Is that what's happening on these long lunches, then? It doesn't matter if you've got your elbows on the table. Jessie, why did we only have two hours? Because she would have stayed till one in the morning would have got the music going i know we would have had whitney on whitney on a bit of whitney a bit pink though pink i feel kind of like i've got this image of you now you and your pickup truck playing pink yeah maybe with a headscarf on like thelma and louise you just driving off into the sunset to go and fly with ten men

in the back Mildred with ten men in the back like I just I don't know it isn't called a pick up truck

or nothing God stop Carol loved that hood. She was over at the bloody sink finishing it up. She told me that if she could buy those in the shop, she'd buy them. Really? I thought they were nice. They were okay.

I mean, it went a bit gooey. That's what happens when you've got not much fun stuff in your fridge, isn't it? Really? I thought they were nice. They were okay. I mean, it went a bit gooey. That's what happens when you've got not much fun stuff in your fridge, isn't it? You think of... Her fridge sounded dry. What a woman, though. I just thought she was such good fun, a force of nature. Yeah. What is that word she uses that sounds very rude, but it isn't really very rude?

Me, my cuntav. Cuntav. Yeah, she's really quite fabulous. She's a bit of a showstopper. She's just such good fun. So, do you see how quick she got those letters? I know. And they were jumbled up.

Thank you to Carol Vorderman for coming on to the podcast. I would like to be privy to one of those long lunches. God. Yeah. Her, Alan Carr, Gok Wan. Yeah. And Owain. Owain.

Love that. I really loved how she made herself at home. It was just really... Very warm. Yeah, it was so warm. Loved it. Thank you. Thanks for listening and we'll see you next week.