Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S16 Ep 20: Ross Kemp

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

This week we have actor, presenter, and documentary maker Ross Kemp joining us for lunch at mums. He regales us with tales of bullets whizzing past his head, it being so hot in Afghanistan there was no need to heat the MRE (that’s Meal Ready to Eat, he loves an acronym…), the best chicken stew he’s ever eaten courtesy of an Amazonian tribe, getting D&V after being forced to eat raw chicken at gun point, eating live sea slugs, and surviving on squirrels alone in Alaska… But nothing can beat his mum’s Coq au Vin and Baked Alaska! I demand a part two for more tales from Ross. A delight! Ross will be presenting the new series of Bridge of Lies which returns to BBC One on 11th March. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Table Runners. I'm Jessie Ware and I'm in Clapham again. I've got off cooking. How are you mum? Fine. You seem very relaxed. Because I did it all yesterday. Nice. And it's set for my sweet potato mash and went to Pilates this morning. Oh. Great. Eat, pray, love Lenny. Yeah. Exactly. Had to be in control. Namaste. Serene today. Yeah. Eat, pray, love, Lenny. Yeah. Exactly. You have to be in control. Namaste. Serene today. Yeah.

Hakuna Matata. Oh, my God. That tan is still giving. Yep. Worth the money. We have Ross Kemp coming on today. He's well hard. Well, I don't know if he actually today. He's well hard. Well, I don't know if he actually is.

That's the point. It probably isn't. He seems very... Probably a real pussycat. He seems very passionate. I mean, he's done everything from being Grant Mitchell to being Ross Kemp gangs to deep-sea diving for the History Channel to now hosting a new... Well, it's in a second series,

Bridge of Lies, which is a quiz show, which got rave reviews. Have you not been asked to be on it, darling? I don't think I have. Anyway, so Ross Kemp is just having a lovely time. It's like he basically can do anything. But I wonder about who insures him when he goes off to foreign places

and tackles drug barons and gang leaders and Russians. Well, I want to know what he's eating in the prisons. Oh, yeah. And with the gangs. I'm very excited to have him on. What have you made then, Mum? Made Moroccan meatballs with harissa. Who did we do that for last time?

I say we, I mean you me um the lamb father and son yeah and they like that yeah it was really nice yeah so I felt confident doing this today no stress after Tommy Banks you felt that was a stress but I've made I think I have outdone myself if it tastes nice so I've made a bass cheesecake I have outdone myself, if it tastes nice. So I've made a bass cheesecake. It looks amazing. It looks great because you get this kind of burnt top. I tell you, I did have a moment yesterday though. So I lined my cake tin, my spring, what do you say?

Spring form. Right, lined it all, spot on, did the sleeve a bit higher, like three inches higher, put it in the oven and it leaked. And I could see it all coming out of the effing bottom. So what did you do? I turned up the oven and thought it will seal it if it's a bit hot. And it worked. So only about four big, enormous blobs came out. And then it was fine.

So much for your springform. It just didn't, I mean, I didn't know it was a leaky. Yeah, I guess maybe you just wouldn't use it. And it was quite a, it was quite like a batter rather than a cake mixture. Did you have baking paper? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I hadn't, you could do the baking paper two ways, either cutting it out and then lining it. And you did that.

Or the actual real way I suppose to do it is pleat it. Do one big piece and pleat it around the edge so it looks more rough. Who's got time for that? Well, that would probably have been easier. Shall I tell you how I do it? How do you do it? I scrunch it all up and then it's far more malleable. You take it out and then you can like bend it around.

Yeah, well, I could have. It's so much, you know how you always want to push it down you scrunch it all up it's well i could have done it like that and then it wouldn't have leaked because it would have been one piece yeah but i didn't do it like that i did exactly how i thought it would come out anyway it's all right mum i ate at a restaurant in borough market which i knew about from when we had alice and roman on the podcast yeah and you remember she was going she was eating here and then she was going for a second dinner at a place in borough which was a new sri lankan restaurant and rambutan yeah absolutely amazing i've never had sri lank food. The most glorious colours, tastes.

They have really spicy there. And I was a bit of a pussy and I was like, I can't do spicier than these delicious dosables. But it was such... Does this make you want to go to Sri Lanka? Yes, it does. Should we go? Yes.

All right. But I just shout out to Rambutan because it's in Borough. It's very near my other favourite place, Elliot's. It's next door to Monmouth Coffee. And it's just such a great place to go and eat. And they do a really reasonable tasting menu, I think, for like £38 per person, where you get all their faves on there. And these really gorgeous mums.

It was almost like a Cosmo, but it was with tequila. And it was the prettiest pink. I felt like you would have really enjoyed that too. But yeah, Ross Kemp coming up on table number one. Ross Kemp is opening a bottle of red wine. Well, you were insistent to do it, mate.

So now, oh, look at you. All right. Pretty, pretty good. Woo! And it's not corked. Okay, fabulous. And it's my favourite wine. What's your favourite wine?

What have we got? You've got Pinot Noir, which is my favourite wine. Really? Absolutely. And I do find that if I drink something like Shiraz, Cabernet Sauvignon, I just don't feel as good as when I drink Pinot Noir. Well, we'd better get it into the glass. I tasted it at a friend's house, and Jessie loves this label.

See, I don't like Pinot Noir, but my mum was like, I really like their Chardonnay, bread and butter Chardonnay. And you said this Pinot Noir was really good. It was really lovely. So what I like about it is you can see through it. Yeah. So I often find that the amount of hangover that I get is kind of reciprocal to the kind of thickness of the wine.

Cheers. Lovely to meet you. It's a bit like Ribena, actually. Yeah, let's see. I drink it like Ribena. It probably needs to be opened a bit. Oh, that's nice. I like that.

What do you think? Are you a wine connoisseur? No. You're not like, you gave that look. I just like it. Me too. And I like Pinot Noir

and that is an excellent Pinot Noir. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? So well done, brilliant butter. How are you? How am I? I am good, yeah.

Thriving. It feels like you do everything, Ross. I've just come back from Casablanca but I can't tell good. Thriving. It feels like you do everything, Ross. I've just come back from Casablanca, but I can't tell you why. How fabulous. I know. And it's something to do with my family history. Oh, you're doing good.

Wow. And you went to Casablanca. I came back and I was back, literally. The way that my family were. I can also say it's a real honour to be here. Oh, you're so sweet thank god very talented people

talented yes I think so many ways I'm just wondering whether this is like this is your spiel when you go and see

like the gangs you're like how do I like get to put on the big schmooze disarm them and you're like how am I going to

disarm Lenny and Jessie we're going to send big fans? I always roll up into any gang situation, particularly in Columbia with a bottle of champagne and we crack open a bottle of Pinot Noir

and sit down in their beautiful kitchen. You are, yeah. Tearing us like a... He's joking, Mum. He's joking. Do you rock up with a big bit of Coke instead?

No, they generally have a rock of Coke on them. More than one. In fact, I've been... Credit in fact I went to Columbia twice last year and they're smoking a thing in the prisons now and outside of it called bazooka which is a residue of crack cocaine mixed

with brick dust. Did you ever go? No certainly not, not when you see what it does to people so you know sometimes I sort of feel slightly guilty about the fact that I literally do get paid to go and make documentaries about human suffering. So what's nice about doing a game show

is it's less about human suffering, more about having a laugh and a giggle. And as this is, I feel more relaxed doing something like this than I would do doing a serious, well, it's going to be a serious interview, but, you know, going on and having somebody try and pour holes in what i do yeah yeah but so i came home from africa the car got stuck got a late flight back out of gatwick um much prefer he throw because it's closer to home all right and then the car got stuck on the drive because it tried to reverse back

so two hours later after waking everybody else up he leaves and then two days into being at home I'm having the shower double shower tray because we've got a double one because it never gets used because really one person needs a shower at a time

but it was a great idea when I bought the house Hold on, you've got a double shower tray so two people can have a shower at the same time yeah there's two shower heads like that like that it is it sounds well you're newlyweds at this time yes exactly and it's never been used and it's never been used that's it's to its full potential let's put it that way not since kids came along right anyway but it's 2.5 meters long by two meters high so it's from here to the window, right? Okay.

It manages to be pulled up and moved out of the way because the shower tray is leaking and it has to be replaced. And I leave for... I'm making a documentary. I can't say what that's about. It's organised crime groups. So I was in... I've already...

Before Christmas, I was in... Back to Columbia and back to the same prison that I'd been in for a month before, in between doing the game show. And then I was in back to Colombia and back to the same prison that I'd been in for a month before, in between doing the game show You were there for a month? Yeah, sometimes I'm away from that that's about the max that I like to be away from, anyway, but I've been

to Italy and Spain and all over that part of Europe and that bit of glass is absolutely fine I come home, guy come he's fixing the glass and putting the tiles back in he comes over and my kids have been running around it the dog's been around it human beings have all been around it but whatever happened in the five minutes that it shattered into a million pieces I have pictorial evidence so that's like two days home and then yesterday morning i

woke up to the nanny who arrives at seven saying ross there's a monk jack stuck in the railings it's like what of course there is of course there is a monk jack is a deer that gets to about where do you live you live on the bushy park, I live just outside a place called Marlow. But I am surrounded by National Trust land. So there are a lot of Monk Jacks around. But it's got an open gate. And the railings are that long and that long with an open gate. So Monk Jack, what were you doing?

But it's gone through a drop off. So it's got its head. It's got its front legs through. It's got its tummy through. But it's screaming. front legs through, it's got its tummy through. It's terrifying. It's screaming. So I'm out there with a dog. I had to put the dog tail to the nanny one side of the railings,

the fencing, and I literally had to pull the poor thing back through. And she was as bald as me on both sides. By the time I got her back, she's alive and she ran off and she's good. But that's how you start a day day how old do you think she is? she was a baby she was small she was a baby because they get quite big

they can get well not too big if they can get to about that big than males no wonder you're doing Bridge of Lies it must just be quite nice to be in a studio where people step on things

and try and work out whether it's Spice Girls or Sugar Babe songs it's simpler than being at home sometimes you know what it's about the balance isn't it because it's nice than being at home sometimes. You know what? It's about the balance, isn't it? Because it's nice. Well, look at your life.

Exactly. I'm very lucky that I get a balance. And like you do, you get to kind of go and hang out with jug lords and meet the most interesting, terrifying people. But then you also can go and do a very successful game show. Yeah, I saw that coming. But that's brilliant. I think the world's changed.

I think television, the world has changed. Changed a lot, particularly since lockdown and COVID. But also the way that, when I was younger, I left drama school in 85. Where did you go? I went to Weber Douglas, which doesn't really exist anymore. It became part of Central. So you went to Weber Douglas, yeah. My really exist anymore. It became part of Central. So you went to Weber Douglas, yeah.

My first job was with John Thorpe and Richard Wilson, who many people might remember as Victor Meldrew and Morse. But, you know, they were big television names in that day, and television was a big, really, really big deal. And it's sort of become less so with the advent of social media and podcasts and everything else. There's so much more choice out there than there ever was. But when I first started going out in the acting world,

there were reps virtually in every city or in every town in the UK. There were like 50, 60-odd repertory theatres. I thought, oh, that's going to be my life. I'm going to move around doing rep theatre and I I might get a little job. On the boards. Yeah, tread the boards and get a little job in television and how wrong could I But you're not doing any acting at the moment. Yeah, you just did the Channel 5

programme but you were up for an award, well I mean this is, yeah but. So I had a really bizarre year last year so I started off with 10 weeks in Hungary in Budapest pretending it was Coventry and believe it or not no one spotted the difference which I don't know what that says about Budapest or Coventry but and then I had like two weeks off and then I went off and made

a documentary uh then I came back did some corporate work and then I was finishing up a book a book that I'd written it took me two years to kind of like get together and then I went and did a documentary in Colombia in a prison called La Picota which was really interesting unfortunately it might not see the light of day but it was fascinating why not?

just reasons that I can't go into and then I went off to Scotland for three and a half weeks to do the game show which I love doing um it coincided with being away so it puts a lot of pressure on my wife and everybody else at home and I miss my kids dreadfully when I'm away how old are they really young so I've got two girls who are six I've got a boy who is eight and I've got another boy who is 13 who lives with his mum and a golden retriever

and a golden retriever called Bruno and we don't talk about Bruno I love Bruno he's a boy, he's my soul buddy do you love him? I don't care Careful what I say. But sometimes when I'm stressed out,

I do actually envisage him. Oh, that's your go-to. He's your happy place. Bruno's your happy place. He's totally unjudgmental. Do you know what I mean? My kids are so much more judgmental. I mean, I love them more than my dog, obviously.

But, you know, my wife, of course. But he's always happy to see me. It doesn't matter what's happened at school. It doesn't matter what's happened at the office. It doesn't matter... He wags his tail and licks you. He just wants to be there. And even when he's been fed,

and they're a dog that loves, they're a breed of dog that loves their food, he's just always over the moon. He's so happy. And we nearly lost him two years ago so he's like every day that he's around there's a little bit of bonus i'm really enjoying getting to know you ross because you're a softy you're a bloody softy aren't you yeah yeah until you try to my turn you're not well hard as i thought you'd be well no i don't think that was a character that i played in a soap. And it was... And again, going back to how television's changed, it was being watched by nearly 20 million people

on a regular basis. If you're... And there's nothing else on TV, you're going to watch it, aren't you? Whether it's good or whether it's bad. And I think it was also pretty good in those days. I think it still is. Whose idea was it that you become a documentary maker?

Who thought Phil Mitchell should change? He's Grant Mitchell. Grant Mitchell. But Grant should change and become this documentary maker. Me? It was your idea. A totally fluke. I was

asked to step in to present. I left EastEnders after 10 years and went to ITV on a contract. Yeah. And it was mainly to be an actor. But I got bored really quickly because I'd been working virtually day in, day out on Enders. If you weren't there, you were learning lines. Yeah.

To be there the next day. And so they asked me to step in. I know a number of people turned it down. So when they rang me up and went, you're the first person we thought of i went this is before mobile phones and before the internet really had taken off um and i went yeah apart from the two people i know you've already asked um and i said yes and while i was making it i met a guy in Compton who's a black lad in America yes it was about America's infatuation you can still watch it it's still out there on YouTube it's called Lethal Attraction and he'd been shot 23 times and I went boom no one's been shot 23 times right and survives and i met him and apart from having a lot of guns on him he had been shot

23 times and i couldn't help thinking that this guy had he been born 20 blocks in any direction from where he was would have been a teacher would have been a producer would have been a a valued member of society could have been anything um and because of circumstance and because of location he'd ended up becoming a gangster and um i stayed in contact with him but again it's often not a case of of what you know it's who you know and i knew people at sky at Sky at the time and I put forward the idea we went on to make 19 of those over 35 extreme worlds 15 films in Afghanistan at the minute I reckon I'm 123 124 that dogs it's exposing yourself we'll get to food in in a. Exposing yourself to that much suffering and negativity and crime, it must do things to you.

You think it must be exhausting. How do you escape? What do you do to offset that misery? I think you've got to have a curious... I think to be a good actor, you've got to be curious about how the world works and what makes human beings tick. I know that you were a social worker, so you've seen your fair share of misery.

There's also a lot of joy attached to it as well when things turn the right way. We can make things change. Yeah. And so I don't sit at the top of the tree by any stretch of the imagination, but if I can bring people to a world that they

would not necessarily want to go to if i can make them switch off the computer and come with me and get a better understanding of maybe the class system in india and how that eventually affects children involved in sex trafficking um or we can look at the tribal violence that exists in the highlands of papua New Guinea and just show you how brutal it is and how much nothing's being done and how nothing has changed because only two days ago 26 people were killed in exactly the same place that I was in making it from about seven years ago but if I can do that in the way that I want to do it which is a freedom that a lot of people don't get

to be able to make programmes the way they want to make them and that is becoming harder and harder as sort of like they've got confidence in you now but no but you personally

I didn't ask the question you didn't so so how do I deal with it you get better at it the more you do it it's like typing. Yeah.

You get a better, you become a better judge of when it's not going in the right direction and how to redirect it and steer it. Do I lay awake at night worrying about it? I have a very disposable brain. There are certain issues in certain moments particularly involving children that never go away um and also i can i can often kind of like deep i can deconstruct it into a very very good man a very very bad man so i can

literally and that sounds really an awful way of kind of separated because every there's people are a mixture of many many things often in circumstance is often the greatest influence i don't think people are often born to be awful and incredibly cruel think circumstance sorry i think it's genetic well Well, and some people are, but they're the rarity. Some people are bad. Yeah, yeah. And I would say Mr. Khan, who on camera admitted to killing over 300 young girls when it came on top for him because the authorities were after him. He was a sex trafficker and he started to cry because he felt sorry for him. That's the only time I've stopped an interview because I literally was going to kill him.

But I couldn't because he had armed bodyguards around him but i wanted to and i couldn't face him any longer and it was his self pity he was crying for himself yeah that sent me above the notch that i can normally can handle um and i've interviewed pedophiles and i've interviewed some really kind of pretty extraordinary individuals over the years but that was the one but then i have dr mcquague who was doing nearly a thousand fisted operations of women who were being butchered their genitals destroyed with bayonets and sticks and things are cutting hacking people's hands off uh And he sits at the complete opposite of Mr. Khan. And there are so many different things that are in between that.

I have to use something as North and I have to use something as South or vice versa in order for me to be able to put into order what's normal and what isn't normal what's been your scariest moment have you got one moment that you think for i'm really not going to survive this or i've gone too far i'm not the best barometer for that the best barometer for that is the person on the ground they have a better understanding of what's going on and what's going to happen next Have you ever felt frightened?

When bullets are whistling past your head you generally wet yourself slightly I remember once my first ambush in a place just outside of Sangin in Afghanistan I'm face down and there was a swoosh to my left and to my right. And I think the next one is going to pair me down the middle because he's clearly aiming directly at my head, which is my blue helmet, which is face down.

But I've got a Bergen on my back that sticks up that high. And that's when the sort of like the idea and the romantic idea of war suddenly just drained from me. But it didn't stop me going back i carried on going back for another five six years six years and but there is there is also a um an attractability about that but in terms of you know seriously when somebody knows what they're talking about says we may not see the sun go down you fucking go well this is my life that's the end of it um and what was it for and And at that point in my life, I was, you know, I didn't have kids.

I didn't, I was, I lived not far from here. Really? Where did you live? I just lived, first I lived off Clapham Common North and then I lived in Beachmore Road, just off Ballastie Park. So I lived there for most of my 20, 23 years. So all the time I used to train for Afghan.

Are you a South London boy? No, no, I'm an Essex boy, but this is where I ended up. Why did you end up in South London? My first wife. Oh, right. Well, you started off in Essex. Yeah.

How many in your family? Brother. Yeah. Who is an award-winning documentary maker. Oh, is he? Yeah. So people say, oh, it's a massive step for you to go winning documentary maker. Oh is he? So people say it's a massive step for you to go into

documentary making. Well it wasn't really. Most of my friends were journalists. I didn't hang out with actors that much. I like actors but it's not the way it's rolled for me so I either hung out with mates of mine here in the armed forces or people I played rugby

with or I did martial arts with or journalists. What did your mum and dad do? Did they work? My father was a police officer in the Met for 30 years and worked his way up from a PC to detective superintendent. He's still alive, God bless him. Very old now, he's 85 years old.

And my mum was a hairdresser. Who's the cook at home? Mum, 100%. old and my mum was a hairdresser who's the cook at home mum 100 percent um but food has always played a really important part in my family and my dad obviously did long hours and wasn't around very much but when he was on a saturday night there was a collection magazine called super cook like in those days in the 70s these kind of binders where you put together you get recipes one a week it was a good way and then you've got a little ring binder with the picture on the front yeah you see yeah and but there were recipes from all around the world

and my mum god bless her would try and cook these meals and that was very different from what most kids in in the close in essex that i i played with every day were getting on a Saturday night, you know? So, you know, we were experiencing paellas and, you know, baked alaskas and, you know, garlic chicken. People putting garlic on chicken in the 1970s. And, you know, we'd have more wine than just Black Tower and Blue Nun, which were the, you know, they were the drink of the day in those days. So having a special meal on a Saturday

and us all getting together is really important. It's something that my wife... Do you still do it now? My wife and I encouraged, even though annoying it can be with my children occasionally, particularly after I've cooked... I cook the roast generally, the chicken or whatever it may be. And I i'm very proud of my gravy i'm not very good at all things particularly i can't i'm not a great baker but uh i'm not a baker at all but i can make pretty good stock

gravy so what's your secret your chicken soup what's your secret use natural ingredients and use vegetables as well i mean in so if i going to cook chicken, and people would like this, but I will put stock in with it, chop an onion up, chop carrots up, go and get some whatever herbs. I'm not exactly, it's not a precise science. It's just practice over the years. Good seasoning, some natural stock uh glass of wine and let let the juices of the chicken mix with that and then like just before the jamal

sometime before like 20 minutes where i'm going to pull the chicken out and let it stand i'll lift the chicken out make sure all the juices generally pour up my arm burn me and then get the chicken out if it's cooked I'll leave it to stand but then I'll take all those juices out and I'll mix it together in a slightly thickener so you've kind of almost made you've made your gravy almost whilst you've been cooking your chicken

that's a nice little choice potatoes, yeah the greatest thing is to shake them in a sieve to get them to break up so they crisp up and use duck fat, goose yeah i don't use lard but also the thing about you know people eating processed food i think is one of the biggest issues that we have that we're faced with in the west um you know like some of the poverty

that i've seen in the united states of america is staggering people have this kind of romantic image that everybody lives on the east coast on the west coast they don't the majority of them live in the middle or in the south where you know a two litre bottle of fizzy colour fizzy drink is cheaper than a bottle of water you know everybody thinks everyone in America's got perfect white teeth I can assure you that couldn't be further from the truth most of them have black teeth by the age of, teeth that have gone rotten, have gone brown whatever it is

from often a very early age and loose teeth Do you watch what your kids eat then? More so, my wife's a sugar Nazi so my kids, I think if they touched some of the stuff that I ate when I was a kid they'd be flying they'd be stuck to the ceiling you know literally i mean the numbers that i must have

consumed when i was a kid just must be frightening there was a corona man do you know what this is a corona man yeah we used to have the pot man he used to bring corona he used to deliver like you had milk delivered once a week you have pop'd come round with a fizzy drink. Yeah, with a fizzy drink. So we used to have... Oh my... No. Did you not know that?

No. We used to have it delivered. It was the best day of the week. And I think they delivered it on a Thursday where we lived. And we had it on Friday. So we had dandelion and burdock and grapefruit crush, my mum used to like. Grapefruit crush. Because imagine, there was no grapefruit in that. that. Why have we never discussed that? Agent Orange, there was orange aid right literally

glowed. Yeah it was neon. Yeah and so what was a memorable dish from your childhood? I mean it sounds like the Saturday nights very varied but is there one dish that your mum made? So coca van uh I still love to this day. I love coca van. I always have. My mum does it, or used to do it. She's too old really now to do it. And I used to, this is going to sound so, this is like a semi-detached in Essex.

We're not talking in a close, right? In a close? In a close. Or a cul-de-sac. Was that elevated to live in a close? Oh my God. So you live on a place? Oh, my God. So you live on a road. I was writing the book and I went back there.

I was 10 when we left there and we moved further out in Essex because my dad had got promotion in the police. Where did you move to in Loughton? Shenfield, which is just outside of Brentwood, before Towie ever happened. So I ended up playing rugby for Brentwood and went on to play for the county and etc and stuff like that. Should we eat? Yeah.

I'm going to just put the microwave on to make the sweet potato. Okay fine. So I'm telling you what we're having Moroccan meatballs with harissa sauce and some sweet potato and some cavolo nero. I've just come back from Morocco. Have you been having a lot of harissa and have you been having lots of tagine?

Petit tagine. Can I just eat well? Yeah, Casablanca is very different to Marrakech. Yeah. It's not what I... Humphrey Bogart has a lot to answer for. I know. You'd think it's going to be exotic.

Or Lauren McCall. Marrakech is exotic. This is the capital of Morocco. And it's not gorgeous. We do need to ask a bit about food you know that you will be asked your last supper so it will be a starter main and pud

and a drink of choice I think I know the drink of choice but just let that mull over in your head whilst we talk I've met people who have had to make that choice. What would they like to eat before they died? Most of them didn't get what they ordered. Tell us more.

I've never done programmes about death row, but I've met people in certain countries who were probably facing death the next day and whatever they wanted to eat. And also, one of the things I was really proud of when I was going back and forth from Afghanistan that I was asked to go to the House of Commons, and fair play to them for asking me to do so,

because a lot of your basic squaddies were too scared to complain about the food that they were first given when we went out to Afghanistan. But they were meals ready to be MREs made for a cold war that they thought was coming which may still be coming what does MRE mean meal ready meals ready to eat MRE um and so you you open them up you put them in boiling you put them in boiling water boiling water and then you open them up and you eat them but it was so hot in Afghanistanghanistan i would lift up the pouch between my ceramic plate and drop my favorite one was chicken tikka and uh and complete with rice inside it and literally by the time i finished the day and we're in a compound where we thought we were safe i would

open that up literally open that bag up and um it was steaming. You literally cooked yourself. It was 43 degree heat, 44 degree heat. And you carry, I'm not carrying a weapons system. I was just carrying camera batteries, water, and body armor. It was a real wake-up call for me going out to Africa. Darling, you can have more. No, that's perfect. That's a little, it's a bit on the small side, to be honest.

Give him another ball, Mum. Smells. Here you go. I need more balls. Yeah. This is great. It's also very, very healthy. Do you want some more sauce?

There's loads of sauce. I'm good. Are you sure? I'll have a bit of sauce. Here. He doesn't like gravy. Wow. Aren't I lucky?

Oh, this is stunning. Is it? This is really nice, Mum. Good. Yeah, it is wonderful. You've eaten all around the world. You've been everywhere. You've been in very unique situations. I've told you a story about the chicken haven't I and the gang members

no please I got engaged by mistake to a gang member's sister in El Salvador what do you mean by mistake I gave her a reciprocal teddy bear on a key ring he made me before I left by everybody in the little psychopaths of Delgado

in El Salvador a big barbecue and my chicken arrived. And it put my plastic fork into what I could get into the chicken. And it was just covered in blood. And he made me eat two mouthfuls of it at gunpoint before he let me go. Why did he do that? Because you weren't going to marry his sister.

Oh, for God's sake. Did you get salmonella? There was a number of reasons for that. I was engaged to be married to somebody else. Also, she was about 14 and also I didn't really fancy having Chicho

as my brother-in-law or spending the rest of my life with a little psychopath of Delgado did you get ill yeah I was so ill

I woke up my AP who went on to be one of my directors Martha Shaw one of the bravest women I've ever met in my life I went to Syria

with her to Libya with her, to Libya with her she gave me Pepto-Bismol which I didn't even know probably what it was in those days it's an anti-acid it's like Gaviscon for food poisoning no I promptly threw I went off like a Roman candle at both ends

and woke up with my face stuck to the tile flooring of the Hilton in El Salvador, or San Salvador City. Anyway, on a more cheerful note. At least you were alive. That's an amazing story, though, Russ. How does that rate in your top ten?

Does it even make the top ten? No, it's not. Food poisoning. I've had lots of different... No, I'm not talking about the food poisoning. I'm talking about the guns to your head. Like, that bit was the bit. I had a lot of guns pulled on me.

Who insures you? I don't really... I don't really got insurance. So I took over production. You're like bloody Bruce Willis, diehard. No, I'm not. I'm so not. I'm so not. I'm so not. Yeah, but how can you go away without insurance in case anything happens to you?

Because you leave enough money in other places to cover it. Okay, fine. And there was insurance. I mean, but, you know, most of these companies aren't going to pay out, so I shouldn't say that, but it's a fact. Don't waste your money. So you've been around the world, you've eaten. Apart from the gun to your head chicken surprise.

It was gun on the table. I mean, we were going to make you marry me chicken. That would have been kind of disrespectful today. I'd have eaten it. This is, honestly, can I just say. It's really nice. Thank you. It's a super.

Good. Let's go on to your last supper, Raskamp. Yeah. Starter. Where are we going? Oh, it's so difficult. Do you want some more sweet potato? No, thank you.

That's more than enough. Oops. Do you want some more sweet potato? No thank you, that's more than enough Oops So I can have it started from anywhere or anything I'd probably go some kind of sashimi or this is going to sound so Essex

which I have in Scots a proper prawn cocktail What's the Scots one like? Brilliant. I don't want the prawns to be too big and overly puffy. I want them to be small and sweet. They do a pint of prawns, which I absolutely love. I'll have that.

I can pick my way through those. Makes your fingers a bit smelly, but it goes. Do you like your prawns shelled? Yes. Me too. I hate that, having to shell them. Oh no no no I like them. Oh you like them with the shell on? No because you know they're a little bit... Yeah and I like, it makes me work a bit harder and makes me not guzzle it down as much. Fingers darling. That's okay. Okay so that's your starter. I'm sorry but I would also like a cheese

souffle. Oh I love that. I nearly made that today. Jessie pulled her face. I was going to do a smoked salmon cheese souffle. Oh, you see, I love that stuff. Yeah, you see? I thought that was quite hit and miss. Excuse me, you put vomit emoji on when I suggested it. Well, I think it was a bit hit and miss.

I thought maybe it would be like... A smoked salmon souffle. Some people don't like smoked salmon. We do in my house and I know the first time I had it was when I went to buy the leather jacket for Grant Mitchell and we went to, oh god what's the

Harvey Nicks and I went downstairs with Peter Holston who was the costume designer and this must have been 1989 December no December and he said what are you going to have for lunch and I'm like I don't need places and this must have been 1989, December. No, December. And he said, what are you going to have for lunch?

And I'm like, I don't eat in places like this. I've never been to a place like this. I've just bought a Hugo Boss jacket for a character I'm going to play in one of the biggest shows. That's amazing. Did they give you an allowance? Yeah, the allowance. I mean, you did wear that leather jacket to death, to be fair. Good investment.

They got their wear out of it. Have you still got it? I've got one of them, funnily enough. I couldn't let it go. It sits in the wardrobe. Who were you married to in EastEnders? A few people. Yeah, quite a few.

Tiffany? Sharon? I never watched it. Tiffany and Sharon, mainly. Oh, Sharon. So back to Harvey Nicks. So you ordered your smoked salmon and scrambled eggs. Yeah, I had smoked salmon and scrambled eggs for the first time.

I know that I was 25 because that's the year I was 25 when I joined EastEnders. And I remember not long after that, I went to my first proper Chinese restaurant and had Peking duck for the first time. And my kids expect Peking duck. With pancakes? With pancakes, yeah. Yeah, I love that. You know, or hoisin sauce.

So what are we doing for the main um I would make my own roast chicken yeah roast dinner roast dinner

sorry my own one okay yeah sorry I think you are the only first person to make your own

last supper main just saying that I don't know what that says about you I'm going to digest that that's a bit of a control freaky thing. I mean I said that as soon as you came in.

I spied that. Do you start with a cocktail? When I'm aching, I drink red Pinot Noir. Pinot... I got it right today. You got it so right. That was superb. Thank you. What are some of the table manners or

differences in culture around eating you've discovered in all your travels well hand eating is always a difficult one for you no i can eat with my hands it's just like you know you're always worried about d and v okay you love an abbreviation i'm certain acronyms are me you diarrhea and vomit that means if you do get d andv and you're away from home and you're in a war zone trust me it's one of the loneliest things that can ever happen to you there's no mama to come and give you anything about your producer giving you pepsi bismol often when i was out in afghan it was just me and a cameraman and he generally he went down worse

with it than me often um you know there is nothing worse how many times have you had really badly in madagascar in afghanistan twice in africa once in south america three or four times and also but i've had i've like i've had some of those amazing meals i can remember being the warani tribe who are in the middle of the Ecuadorian rainforest, cooked us. And you're going, I'm going to get ill, but I have to eat this. It was a chicken stew. And I thought, God, there's got to be something. It's one of the best chicken stews I've ever had.

What was in it that kind of, what was memorable? It must have been local produce, local things from the Amazon. You know, there are undiscovered plants in the rainforest they pretty sure could cure most cancers all right and the average i think is 100 square meters of of the rainforest there are more different species of plants and trees than there are in the whole of the northern hemisphere wow and we're destroying it at a rate that is just phenomenal i went there to show how the making of cocaine was destroying it by how much paraffin gets poured in the residue of making the uh the coke coke pastes but the

amount of mercury that's in in the wood table there because of the thirst for gold. Whatever, and I say man, but I mean humankind, but it's generally men, whatever humankind go, particularly into environments like that, they put a road, and as soon as they put a road, everybody goes there, and everybody's out for their 40 years, 50 years, 60 years on this planet to enjoy themselves as much as they possibly can or do something which they believe

is going to bring them, in quotes, happiness. Mum, this looks great. Wow, it looks... You're going to have to have a slice. Please. Pudding, where are we going to go for your last supper? Because I'm not sure you enjoy them too much these days, too many these days.

No, no. I've lost the love. The love? Yeah, that's not for me, because I can't have... Okay. That's way too... I've never seen Ross Kemp look so terrified for the slice that Mum just offered him.

Do you know what? Again, it goes back... I was supposed to have a half one, Mum. Also... Shut up. Also, can I just say, this is about the waste thing because this is the way

that I was brought up you had to clear your plate and even sometimes it was things there's one thing that you know I eat nearly everything I'm not a fan of

pesto but you know I've eaten lime seed slugs in different parts of the world occupied for breakfast I've eaten

I shot and killed squirrels sadly I had to I was living on my own in Alaska why? because there was nothing else to eat? I had to survive on my own

that was part and parcel of it shall I take I'll eat my meat bit my meatball residues in there oh god do you want a clean one darling? I don't want to use that waste of water

I'm going to use that shot this food is just I'm going to have a bit more I'm going to have a bit more because that looks really that looks fishy it looks rubbish yeah it does

so but sweet going back to sweets if I had to have a bit more because that looks really... That looks fishy. It looks rubbish. Yeah, it does. So, but sweet, going back to sweets, if I had to have a last sweet, and that's answering your question. Yes. Because of the memory of my mum and her being the only one that could do it, because I asked for it. I saw it in the cookbook and said,

can you make this? And she managed to make baked Alaska in Essex in the 70s, which I don't think many kids were getting. You do that? I love baked Alaska. That's so sweet. That's such a lovely memory. What do you think, Jessie?

This is really nice, Mum. This is stunning. Is it? It's really good. Never made it before. You've never made that before? No. It's beautiful.

But it looks nice, doesn't it? Where do you get the cherries from? They're frozen. Lovely. Cherries are really good for you. I put star anise in them. I'll get you. And orange.

That's really good, Mum. Dad using. Thank you for being on Table Manners. You've been absolutely fascinating and such good fun. And I feel like there must be a part two in a couple of years because i just find you absolutely fascinating thank you i've got to ask one thing do you like karaoke not really but why but which song would you know we're not talking about which song would you choose i always say i've got like yeah because, so, L is for the way I look at you.

Oh, you're a crooner. Okay, he's a crooner. Yeah, but a crooner, because it's a way out. You can vibrate your way through it. You've got a tenor voice. Yeah, bassy tenor. Jesse, you sounded like Michael Bublé when he said you could sing.

Have you had an album before, Ross? No, God no. But I'm coming up to 60, and I'm thinking about doing some music for my my 60th but i don't know what i'm gonna do it was all very musical weber douglas specialized in musicals so i really came out of drama school thinking that i was going to go into musical comedy how right was i wow yeah you really went a different path and i think think that's partly to do with the way that I looked, but that was what I thought I was going to do. There's always time, Ross,

and I feel like you do anything that you set your mind to. So, yeah. Yeah. I'll wait for the big band album for your sixth year. Yeah, I think you should. Duet with Kylie. My wife would be happy. As an Australian

well thank you so much no thank you and we can't wait to watch you on the box for many many many more years

oh thank you do you know what it's nice to be at the table with you guys pleasure thank you thanks I loved Ross Kemper.

Oh, wow. I loved his stories. I love the stories that... The questions he never answered, but would give you another good story, so I kind of forgive him for it. He was so lovely. He was very complimentary. I was slightly shocked. Mum your food was excellent. It was nice today. Ross Kemp ate everything

cleared the cleared the plate. Loved it. Loved it. A man of many words and stories. Yeah. And just really nice guy. We've never had someone that's cooking their own last supper, he likes to be in control I think, I mean I saw that as soon as he, yeah he opened the bottle he looked at you and thought no, let me handle this wrestled the corkscrew away yeah, must be all that time

in the pub, of the old Vic thank you so much to Ross Kemp for being such a great guest. I would have him on again and again. I'm telling you, he's coming on the Christmas special. I don't care. He may have to call him from Afghanistan or Casablanca.

He's doing it. I don't care. I loved him. Me too. Thank you everyone for listening and we'll see you next week