Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S6 Ep 8: Richard Curtis
Episode Date: June 12, 2019All in aid of Comic Relief, Table Manners is joined by the legendary comedy screenwriter and co-founder of Comic Relief, Richard Curtis. He’s written some of the greatest films & TV shows ever m...ade; Notting Hill, Love Actually, Black Adder... But Richard Curtis can’t get enough of Love Island and particularly Lucie... it is what it is!In this week’s special, we’re joined not only by Richard, but by his fabulous partner - and babysitter - Emma Freud, along with 2 Comic Relief competition winners, who entered the Table Manners chaos with mum and I and even brought a starter! We chat about pet tortoises, eating hotdogs in the cinema & of course, falling in love – this is a good’un! Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello and welcome to Table Manners. We are in fabulous Crouch End. Fabulous
Crouch End in a very echoey kitchen, my manager's kitchen, so there is a kettle
boiling and it's all go. But Jessie you like a bit of reverb. Reverb, I do like
reverb, it's true. And sorry my son is banging the table because he's
just learned that he has an arm um let's all go we have richard curtis who is a right screenwriter
producer some of the best british comedy films yeah notting hill four weddings and a funeral
love actually love actually one of my favorites and he's also the co-founder of comic
relief who was the other one lenny henry he's a legend yeah in british cinema and very excited to
have um his partner emma freud she used to be on the radio i heard her on um giovanna fletcher's
happy mum oh yes and podcast and she was just like i just thought we'd get on. So the reason
we have been able to bag
Richard Curtis is because
Comic Relief auctioned us off
the podcast off for two
well actually it was a lottery
Two ladies at the synagogue put £10 in
Oh sweet
So it was £10 lottery
see who wins
and a lovely lady called Gillian who we are yet to meet
has won and she's brought her husband along so this is going to be I'm so I'm really glad that
you're feeling your best I hope I'm funny and I'm not eating the bloody food you're not eating and
I feel woozy brilliant on the menu tonight which I won't be eating I'm really sad about it's my
absolute favorite we have done it for Zachary Cto so it is the marbella chicken that will be in the book because it's
just a winner it's just a winner doing it with pesto rice and a green salad can't go wrong can't
go wrong easy bish bash bosh marinade overnight did it this morning sorry richard i'm sure it's
still going to have loads of flavor and then for pudding
you've done a really pretty roulade lemon curd edible flowers on the top yeah rose petals i had
them a little thing darling do you think they look all right they looked a bit funny though maybe i
thought it looked nice i don't like the taste of rose in food but i'm sure everyone else i don't like the taste of rose in food, but I'm sure everyone else will. I don't think you'll taste it.
So is it... Mum, that should go in the book.
With rose petals?
Yeah.
Bougie.
Okay.
How are you feeling about our book, Mum?
I'm feeling pretty good. I think my recipes have gone very well.
What are you trying to say?
I'm trying to say that the comments I get are positively affirmative.
Okay. Yeah, and then I edit it all. Yeah, no. Darling darling I did write a few bits today about the beef stafado yeah having just come back from Greece I've changed me
meatballs in ouzo meatballs and ouzo meatballs in ouzo and now much more ouzo ouzo and flambé
um no it's coming together nicely yeah oh yeah he agrees and due to that i feel disgusting and so i
stupidly um not stupidly baby brain meant that i put myself in for a detox this week so i'm day
four into my detox so i won't be having the food tonight it's pretty good for because mom it's day
four you start feeling great by day four. Oh, what we liked yesterday.
The headaches have subsided and I'm basically virtuous now.
But I will be eating out of a paper container and it's not my favourite dish that we always have.
What do you mean it's not?
It is your favourite dish.
Well, no.
I know.
I'm not going to be eating your dish.
Oh, you're not going to eat it.
Okay.
Marbella chicken.
I know. It's the best and it's already smelling delicious from the oven and I'm not going to be eating your dish. Marbella chicken. I know.
It's the best, and it's already smelling delicious from the oven,
and I'm really upset about this.
And then for pudding, I've saved my snack
that I was supposed to have in the afternoon for pud,
which is apple and almond butter.
But no, thank you to Rosemary Ferguson, who is wonderful,
and this five-day plan has been actually really delicious.
I just feel incredibly embarrassed that I feel it's rather antisocial.
You're being very quiet about this.
You usually have a real opinion about this.
I've got a very bad back, so I've taken lots of painkillers.
And you're feeling a bit oozy.
Woozy.
Woozy.
Woozy would be the word.
Are you going to be able to fire the questions?
I don't know.
My mouth's going to move very much.
Brilliant.
Great.
Oh, Richard Curtis is coming up on table manners you try a slick disc darling
you try a five-day deed yeah okay darling you're worse than me brilliant richard curtis coming up
on table manners so we have the competition winners i don don't know. It's not even a competition.
You paid money.
You paid money.
You are charity.
You are brilliant people that put money into a lottery for Comet Relief.
And you put your tenner in, I think.
Was it ten?
I don't know.
Well, I love...
Oh, my God.
Well, anyway, you put your money in to come to this and to listen to this and to join us and you've absolutely assassinated
us with the fact that you are married married to the owner and head chef of trullo in islington
one of my favorite restaurants that does the best beef shin pasta and he's only brought a present
and it's the beef shin pasta so thanks so much jesse
you were definitely having that well i wish you told us we wouldn't have fucking cooked you could
have cooked no you could have made this a true special it's it's we've got a tasting menu oh yeah
yeah oh yeah okay can i just explain something and i want to apologize right now i've cocked up
baby brain and the fact that we've been recipe testing so i've been eating like puff pastry and
we're doing christmas tarts in the morning
and, like, blazing bank holidays.
Anyway, I was like, I feel awful.
My back is in ruins.
Kindly, Rosemary Ferguson said,
do you want to do a little detox?
I was like, yeah, sure.
Said yes to it.
Realised then that this is this week.
So I'm, like, on this particular meal plan,
which is so antisocial.
Mum's like, people are going to think you're really weird
and it's annoying
yeah break it
no but I've gone three
Jessie
it's not
life's too short
you might get knocked over
and you'll never
but I'm going to look like Kate Moss tomorrow
but if you
no you won't
no I won't
fuck it I'm going to have a bit of Asian
shit
we are here have a bit of Asian. Shit!
We are here doing this special comic relief
episode with Richard Curtis
and I'd like to think that Emma
you are going to join in on this.
If you can pull yourself away from my child.
I'm slightly busy.
Well listen, I'm really happy
because I had the
bottle ready for my son to shove it in.
And Emma's kindly done something to him and he's caressing you.
He's got his hand on your chest and he's really happy.
I know.
And you're happy.
So that's great.
He's my fifth child.
Fine, have him because he's been really cranky for the last two days.
And then we have not the competition winners, because that's weird to say.
People who bid money.
You are the people that bid money for a worthy cause.
And please introduce yourself to the listeners.
Okay, I'm Jill.
What's your name?
Where do you come from?
Jill, we're from Northern Ireland,
but we live in Walthamstow.
Ah, interesting.
And who is right next to you?
I'm Connor.
I'm from Belfast.
I also live in Walthamstow Why did you bid?
Just because you wanted to see
Well, the comic release is well known
It's a great cause
Love the podcast, I think I heard it on the podcast
you saying that we could do it
and then just put the money in
Did anybody else bid?
We want to know
I know because I never win anything
So it wasn't a bid It was a draw Did anybody else bid? We want to know. I know, because I never win anything. So I was like, I want to know. You won very much, did anyone else bid?
No, so it wasn't a bid.
It was a draw.
So everyone paid 10 quid and all the names went into a hat.
Yeah, lottery.
And then Jill won.
But with the amount of people that wanted to come and sit in this kitchen today,
we have raised enough money at Comic Relief to a school in an african nation that's
incredible okay well thank you so much to everyone that put money in thank you so so much that's
incredible i'm feeling bad now why i didn't bid i'm feeling bad you got the gig anyway
oh he's sad about that it was the mention of school he's thinking about I don't want to go to school I don't know
if the chickens done I'm actually think I'm sure because I accidentally had it
on too high for the beginning so oh shit is it ruined okay wouldn't say okay fine good thing we've got your pasta can i say jesse just
generally on the subject of subjects if i could keep one thing in the world yeah it would be rice
oh okay let's get into it i love it obsessed by rice and i think it was because i was raised in
the philippines when i was little we moved there when i was three until seven so we never had potatoes and we never had milk you know i we had rice and mangoes and and for me now
i could eat rice all the time all the time and probably you know i'd be happy with risotto but
then i'd also be happy with rice with a bit of um onion in it and then i'd just be right happy
with rice and butter and i'd just be happy with rice and butter and then I'd just be happy with rice. I completely agree with you.
And I don't want to say this to the Trudeau head chef owner.
I do, I love pasta.
I feel like pasta has got this kind of guilt around it
that rice doesn't.
It does.
And, but I love rice.
I think it is very versatile.
And it is far more satisfying to me than a potato.
I completely agree with you.
Cold, hot, in puddings.
Show me a potato pudding.
Are there any?
No.
No, you're so right.
Because there's potato kugel.
That's a pudding.
Yeah, but that's not sweet.
No, it's not sweet.
It's not as versatile as rice.
Right, Richard.
So it's going very well because chicken and rice are my favourite thing.
Well, it's going to be a pesto rice.
I mean, I'm very embarrassed. Okay, anyway. my favorite thing. Well, it's going to be a pesto rice. I mean, I'm very embarrassed.
Okay.
Anyway, it is what it is.
It's going to be delicious.
You have kindly done this and we are so happy to have you.
I'm so delighted.
It's the best bit of my day and I'm now starting to think my year.
Oh, don't.
We're so excited.
Your voice is amazing.
Yeah.
Is it?
Yeah.
Well, you should have a podcast.
Oh, God.
Or voiceover.
It's fruity maybe i can just
do like intros for your podcast yes ladies and gentlemen now episode 532 that's working thank
you we've got that perfect you just have to do another 500 so thank you for coming and thank
you for joining us and making you know we're so touched to have been involved in making a little bit of money for Comic Relief.
And I just wanted to...
Thank you, by the way.
It's the other way around.
Please.
It's like absolute pleasure.
So you were born in New Zealand.
Born in New Zealand.
Yeah.
Sort of by chance.
My parents are both Australian.
Okay.
And my dad just moved to do a job in New Zealand.
So what did he do?
He worked for Unilever.
Right.
I always hoped he was a spy because we moved around the world and I thought it was a cover.
He might have been.
It wasn't a cover.
No.
No.
We ended up in Warrington for 14 years.
Warrington, yeah.
Oh, no, I loved Warrington, actually.
Did you?
But all I'm saying is, yeah, he worked for Unilever.
Which football team do you support, then?
I now support Tottenham Hotspur.
Oh, mate.
Bad, bad, bad.
Is it?
Bad Saturday.
I'm sad for them.
Yeah.
My husband's bad.
Yeah.
Well, this was, yeah.
Well, what happened is I didn't have many opinions.
And then my children were groomed by a man called Simon who told them how great Spurs were.
And so they're now just completely passionate.
Really?
Yeah.
And I go along with it.
I can name the team.
Very oddly.
So do you go?
Yeah.
Do you eat the food?
What's the food like?
Have you been to the new stadium?
Oh, well, I've been to the new stadium,
but I haven't eaten any food there.
I bet they're doing quite good food.
Oh, I hope so.
I mean, there's nothing I love more than a hot dog.
Imagine a hot dog.
What I love is frankfurters and rice.
That is so... Basically anything and rice that is so basically anything
and rice is what is what i want but frankfurters and rice i once lived on my own in the country
for seven years and i don't know why what and i used to shop it was in oxfordshire i think it was
so i could get more work done and I used to shop once every fortnight.
And slowly I'd eat all the food.
And I'd just in the end be left with rice.
Which was fine.
With butter and salt for the last three days.
And then I'd go back to Sainsbury's.
Did it make your writing better?
Well, the thing about living entirely on your own
is when you're an ill-disciplined younger writer,
because what used to be the problem in London
is I'd get up at 11, I'd try and work out what to do,
I'd have lunch, I'd work for a couple of hours
and then friends would start ringing you and saying,
do you want to go out?
And I would sort of not go out and I'd feel guilty and horrible,
so I thought, why don't I just go somewhere
where I can watch
television for like seven or eight hours and still do a full working day so speaking so do you watch
a lot of tv because yeah so I wrote blackadder out there so I wrote a lot of tv I wrote a lot
of tv but I also watched a lot of tv do you still watch a lot of tv I I do love TV. Can we talk about Love Island? Because when you
came in, you said that our wonderful
producer-editor, Alice, looks like Lucy.
She looks a bit like Lucy. God, I hope
Lucy lasts all nine weeks. I mean, I'm just terrified
because it's such a complex
algorithm
that things can
go wrong. They are puppeteers. They know exactly
what's going on.
The thing is, as someone who
has written about sort of romance
and love,
what is so amazing, I remember it about
the original Big Brothers and I feel about Love Island,
is to actually see it
happening. You think it really is love.
Well, certainly what's just
happened in the last couple of days.
Joe's definitely fallen in love
with Lucy. He's not l in love with lucy he's not
licking his lips every time i know bless him but then on the other hand the moment that
tommy comes in and she has to go with him then the dark side of joe appears and you're actually
watching real emotions and i spend all my life trying to sort of get actors to act these things
as convincingly as they can suddenly it's happening
right in front of you and you can watch it happening i do find it intriguing you really
love love island i think yeah it's yeah i mean i can't believe it's happening i've never watched
because of the shape of their bodies and because of the sort of implicit misogyny and also to just see how the guys behave and all that.
So it's very complex now,
but it is the greatest television program of all time.
I'm afraid.
But it has got that thing that it had
with Big Brother, those first few series
where you were just like glued.
You wouldn't go to bed without missing...
You wouldn't go to bed with missing...
I can't
fucking speak because i'm on this fucking detox please forgive me you won't be you'll be feeling
much better once you've had that once you've got some papa deli down you you'll be fine but yeah i
i love love island i got into it two seasons ago and i even got my heart but like i didn't i didn't
even have to get my husband do you watch it you too i haven't watched it this year. I usually come towards the end.
You've got to get stuck in.
I know, maybe.
All my friends do.
But I remember two years ago when I just had my first baby.
Yeah.
It was my thing.
9pm, he was in bed.
I could watch it.
Was that Montana?
Yes.
Who was it?
Yeah, Montana.
Oh, yeah, Montana.
God, you know them all.
Did you like...
You name it by your favourite girl
I went to
Well I went to the premiere
Of Mamma Mia
Which I'd worked on
And it was
Psychologically interesting
Because Meryl Streep was there
I didn't know you worked on that
Pierce Brosnan was there
Lily James was there
Yeah
But Montana was there
That was all I cared about
Oh bloody hell
That's Montana
Get out of the way Meryl Get out of the way Get out of the hell, that's Montana. Get out of the way, Meryl.
Get out of the way, Stellan.
Get out of the way, Colin.
Because you love Montana.
Did you work on both Mamma Mia's?
No, only the second one.
Ah, interesting.
Well, okay, because we...
Boring story.
Mamma Mia is the island...
It was filmed in the island that we go to every year.
I love that movie.
I saw that movie, the first one,
on a rainy day in Cromer in Norfolk,
which is what Mama Mia's for.
Life's not going as you expect.
You go on a summer holiday, it's pouring with rain.
What they've called a luxury campsite
turns out to be a campsite.
And you think, what are we going to do now
from nine o'clock in the morning
till nine o'clock at night?
And the answer is go and see Mamma Mia at 1.
Oh, yeah.
That's the best showing.
Just made us so happy.
Pick and mix.
Yeah.
Lovely.
Hot dogs.
Hot dogs.
Do you get the hot dogs from the cinemas?
Yeah, I love them.
I do too.
I mean, who knows what's in them?
Who cares?
Yeah.
Connor's making the beef shin and the pasta.
I mean, it's so professional, it puts us to shame.
But it's fantastic and we're having it as a preemie.
Literally, we've had our kitchen taken over now.
This is amazing.
Not even our kitchen.
So this is kind of a play within a play within a play, I feel like.
Yes.
But okay, so apart from rice and frankfurters.
Yeah.
Let's just go there.
Desert Island meal. Well. They're going's just go there. Desert Island Meal.
Well.
They're going to be on there, both of those or not?
Yeah.
Oh no, not the Frankfurters.
Okay, fine.
I don't think.
You know, I live with Emma Freud here.
And when her dad was a famous chef.
Yeah.
And when we started going out with each other,
I think Em just assumed that she was a great cook,
and she was a, what did you say, moderate cook?
Poor.
Poor, but Em is now the most wonderful cook.
She's sort of taught herself how to do it.
She's just unbelievably...
So what's your dish?
What's your go-to?
Because mine's the Barbea chicken, which may not come out that great that we's your dish? What's your go-to? Because mine's the Barbea chicken, which may not come
out that great that we're having tonight.
What's your go-to dish? I don't want to dry that out.
Connor, we just check on the chicken, please.
Thanks, mate. Just take it out.
What's your go-to
dish? She's gone very Lebanese recently.
The one I'm going to say is you used to do
a marvellous chicken
in a sort of creamy
coriander
sauce. Do you remember? remember with you made that up
amazing amazing roast oven roasted vegetables with lots of olive oil and rosemary biggest fan
yeah come and tell me what your favourite one that you think is like your piece do
this man is going to be easy to please frank Frankfurt and rice. Anything. That's the starting point.
Yeah.
I'm very keen on a slow roasted.
Oh, me too.
Anything really.
And slow roasted pork, slow roasted lamb shoulder.
Bit of maple syrup, quite a lot of white wine in there.
Bit of leek.
This sounds very Nigella actually.
And Gizzy Erskine's got a great slow.
Have you got Gizzy's book?
No, I've got an old one.
It's called Slow.
Oh, yes.
That'll be right up my street.
You need to get it right up your street.
I love anything smoked.
I love a Jamie Oliver Asian salmon.
Oh, that's good.
I've noticed that one coming out.
Where you marinate it in lemongrass and soy and a bit of mirin and chilli and lime leaves.
And then you grill it for 10 minutes.
Even a huge great big side, 10 minutes under the grill
and that's it
and you serve it room temperature
it's gorgeous, bit of quinoa
and the salmon's very good with rice
and then you do a lovely
Thai curry, don't you, with rice
and then you do
the problem with the roast chicken
tends to be with potatoes but then you do I'm good at that. And then you do... The problem with the roast chicken is it tends to be with potatoes.
But then you do...
I'm good at pavlova.
Oh.
I didn't used to be,
but Richard's mother,
who's Australian,
she basically was
Dale Medner.
She must be the queen.
She was the queen.
Yeah.
And she was the queen of pavlova
and she taught me.
Why?
Australians get...
They invented it.
Oh, I didn't know this.
So there was this dancer ballet dancer and she came
and danced in sydney and they had a national challenge to come up with a dish that would in
some way celebrate and represent her light and sweet someone invented that just like coronation
chicken you know was a competition and they didn't know that was a competition. Yeah, for the coronation so that everyone could eat it
outside on those open tables when the queen was crowned.
I'd love for somebody to create something.
Yeah, it's a lovely idea.
The Jesse.
I'm going to make a Jesse.
Thank you.
Please make a Jesse.
I'll come back to you.
I feel like my Polish fans would be up for that.
I don't know.
Thank you for two
bits of trivia
you've got really good trivia
by the way the only other thing that I would add
on my favourite things
is also I'm slightly
obsessive about truffle
oh do you like truffle
so that makes going to a restaurant
very easy because if ever you see
you know the way you have magic words?
Yeah.
Crispy's one of mine.
Mustard's one of mine.
And truffle's one.
And then you don't have to...
The horror of making up your own mind
because you just order the things according to that.
What was that restaurant that we went to in Santa Monica
that has truffle pasta?
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, jeez.
It's the Italian. It's the one that everyone goes to and gets photographed at. You must have been. Oh, Jesus. Oh, jeez. It's the Italian.
It's the one that
everyone goes to
and gets both
quite bad.
You must have been.
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
But I do love
a truffle pasta
even though I'm
because I'm
I've put on
a bit of weight
recently.
I mean,
in the last 10 years.
I'm not
I'm not eating
as much pasta
as I used to.
Am I?
Well, it looks like you are.
Oh, that's so mean.
I think he looks self-like.
Thank you very much.
We had Noomi Rapace on,
who's the Swedish actress,
and she said that she carries truffle salt with her everywhere.
Does she?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm going to cry.
My son's taking the bottle now
Em is in a slightly over emotional state because
we've had four kittens
I know in the house and I think
the last one's gone today is that right
oh it's gone
the lemon cardboard the fourth
kitten my son names
the kittens lemon cardboard
no the lemon
cardboard oh wow I think is left today
oh i'm sorry i'm really glad that you didn't keep one back we've already got four how many animals
do you have we have a lot of animals i had four children and then they grew up so i got animals
so we've got cats and a dog and tortoise and there were rabbits on our balcony.
I'm imagining Emma opening the windows and being like,
is it in Sleeping Beauty?
No, it's not.
Is it Sleeping Beauty?
And all the animals, the Bambis,
and they're all listening and running up to you.
That's how I'm imagining you opening the window.
You come downstairs and they place themselves like,
do you remember that scene in Sound of Music
where the Von Trapp kids were on each stair?
It's like that.
And Posey the dog and Catsby.
I'm sorry, he wants more milk, sorry.
I'm literally not having to.
We have an animal on every stair
and then sad old Larry the tortoise
is at the very bottom
because Larry can't get up a stair.
Oh my God, bless him.
What's it like having a tortoise?
Is it boring?
Boring.
You know, I mean, I've searched high and low
for any signs of character in Larry.
And there's precious little to show for ten years' worth.
Really?
Do you put him in a box in the winter and he just hibernates?
In the freezer you can put them in.
No.
What?
No, the fridge.
In the fridge.
We did that once.
It didn't work very well.
Sorry, not the freezer.
This is a podcast, not about murder.
No, sorry, I got it wrong.
Freezer?
There were no tortoises put in freezers, I promise.
Critogenic tortoises.
No, but the fridge is a thing.
Yeah, it is.
It didn't work well for us.
So when you say it didn't work well,
was like Larry just like,
Cooey, I'm still here, I wanna get out.
Well, if I said it was Gary then. Oh God, okay. just like, Cooey, I'm still here, I want to get out? Well, if I said it was Gary, then...
Oh, God.
Oh, shit, really?
Jessie, don't you say things like that.
People will copy and put them in the fridge.
I am not...
The thing about Gary was we found out after about seven years
that Gary was in fact a woman.
And Spike, my son, is a genius at gaming.
How do you find that out?
We went to a date, I think.
Oh, right, okay.
And Spike immediately changed Gary's name to Barbara,
which I think is a great name for a tortoise.
So, did you, am I imagining,
did you do something with SEO Trot?
Yeah, did a TV version.
Because you loved having a tortoise so much.
Well, it was, in a way, I suppose I had.
I got used to it.
It was really hilarious because we did have hundreds of real tortoises.
And Dustin Hoffman had to, you know, coexist with them for week after week.
And they're messy.
They wouldn't know a toilet if it got up and gave them a hug
so who's your favourite animal
I love the animals now
I mean I love them but I just
I love them specifically but not generally
we've got little posies of the dog
shit so you've got dogs, cats, tortoises
and rabbits
I'm just pushing for goats now
and baby donkeys
also I would like to get a house dwarf pony.
A house?
It lives in the house?
Yeah, it's a thing.
House dwarf pony.
Do you live...
Have you got a big house?
I'm presuming that...
Not big enough for horses.
Yeah, right.
No, let's be honest.
You've got a big garden.
It's the word dwarf.
They're tiny.
But like how tiny?
Like as tiny as my son?
I don't know.
I think it might have been a Photoshop, to be honest.
But I was excited. I've seen the miniature but the mini pigs
they're like what they micro what they called the pigs? Micro pigs. Turns out
there are no such thing as a micro pig they're just piglets and they call them
micro pigs and then you get them and then they become pigs. What did Mel B have?
She had fainting goats. Fainting goats? No way. What? Fainting goats.
And I said, well, what happens?
She went, they faint.
So I was like, that's really sadistic.
They fall over and faint.
And she painted them in separate colours, didn't she?
Yeah, like tie-dyed them or something.
Yeah, tie-dyed them.
Yeah.
She's nuts.
So wait a second.
Can I ask you a question just that occurs to me?
Because I mentioned the word Barbara and therefore I thought about Barbara Streisand.
Oh, yeah.
Are you going to go to Hyde Park?
I'm very tempted. I really like Hyde Park. Celine Dion therefore I thought about Barbara Streisand. Oh, yeah. Are you going to go to Hyde Park? I'm very tempted.
I really love it.
Celine Dion on one date and Barbara on the next.
Because I saw Barbara about 15 years ago,
and her voice was so extraordinary.
It's the best.
And I remember thinking,
when the instrument,
you know, normally someone sings
and then a clarinet comes in,
and you think how extraordinarily pure
the clarinet is
but she would start
singing the clarinet
with Joy
and you'd think
that's rough
take the clarinet out
because her voice
is so
it's so wonderful
she can do things
with her voice
that nobody can do
so can Celine Dion
to be fair
it's like the best
weekend ever
I was going to ask you
your top three
or four
maybe five
female singers
yeah just to get
a sense of it
Billy Holiday.
Thank you.
Sade.
Whitney Houston.
Barbra Streisand.
Bloody hell, this is a good list.
Oh, flip.
Who should the last one be?
I'll get back to you on that one.
Okay.
Female voice.
Did you say Whitney?
I'm throwing Joni Mitchell at you.
Joni's great.
Sorry, Joni is great.
Yeah, but not Kate Bush.
Oh, Kate Bush.
Let's go there.
Kate Bush is the five and five.
Yeah. Who's yours? Yeah, Jodie is great. Yeah, but not Kate Bush. Oh, Kate Bush. Let's go there. Kate Bush is the five and five. Yeah.
Who's yours?
Yeah, go on.
Yours.
Well, you know, the thing is I couldn't get a girlfriend.
I mean, for love nor money.
And so I do feel that from 13 to 23,
I was in the hands of these extraordinary singers.
They were my emotional education.
They were the women who I
loved and so that was Kate Bush Joan Armatrading Chrissie Hynde Linda Ronstad
Joni Mitchell I don't know Linda Ronstad oh she's amazing she was sort of when the Eagles were huge
the Eagles learned a lot of what they learned from Linda Ronstadt she was just a incredibly pretty but rather wonderful
country and Western singer yeah or sort of East Coast yeah yeah she did a
lovely she did some great cover so she did brilliant version she's the original
version of Desperado which the Eagles then did so So yeah, she was wonderful. Probably got some of the duples. I depended on them.
How did you two meet?
I can tell this bit.
I interviewed him
when I was at GLR,
Greater London Radio for the BBC,
doing their morning show
and Richard was just producing
the first ever Comic Relief.
And I did a three minute interview
down the phone line with him just oh so
tonight on BBC's
brand new charity event called Comic Relief
and this is the producer and he's
called Richard Curtis and what have you got
on the show just that
and then at the end of that
little interview sort of knew
it was love actually
so you're just as big
a romantic as Richardard took me ages
oh it took me years honestly what to fall in love with emma asked me to marry her at one point and
i asked can i have a year just to think it over and then at the end i said yeah i don't did you
get married no are you why you don't want to you don't believe in it no it's not that i don't
believe it's the most it's you know we've never got to the bottom i think the answer really was
i can say this in to your mum that i think the the wedding my mum would have wanted yeah is not
a wedding i would have wanted because there would have been an enormous number of her friends at it
and consequently in a way it was was easier just not to get married
because it didn't seem to be making much difference in terms of children.
Right, yeah, fair enough.
I'm really sorry.
Connor's outside with a wok doing something to the pasta.
Oh, this is hysterical.
Is it a colander or a wok?
I don't know, but this is hysterical.
I want table manners to be like this every week.
We have someone cooking for us.
Yes, chef.
Thank you so much.
So that's the celebrity.
It's the celebrity.
That's what always happens.
You get a celebrity chef.
Wow.
This is fantastic.
Wow, thank you.
Thank you.
This is so delicious. This is so delicious.
It is so good.
Did you make the pasta as well?
Yes.
Did you?
So what does a Belfast boy...
How did you learn to make such good Italian?
Once you learn how to cook,
you can apply it to any discipline, really,
once you get the basics.
Oh, no, sorry.
Conor's just made us dinner and now is holding my baby.
But my baby's really happy.
Did that rival... He just gave a really big smile.
Did that rival your smile that you got, Emma? I don't know.
I think mine was bigger.
I'll give you that one.
You're really into your music, aren't you?
I am. One of the things I love most is that I've not done the thing I most love.
So I haven't had to exercise any critical ability.
I mean, you must think, do I like this?
Do I not like that?
What style do I feel strongest about?
It becomes love-hate sometimes.
Yeah, because I love everything to do with music and I just consider it.
You know, that's why I did a movie about pirate radio and doing a movie now about the Beatles.
So when is Yesterday coming out?
Two weeks now.
Oh, really?
Starring Ed Sheeran, playing the part of Ed Sheeran.
He's good at that. it because it's sort of um it's about a very unsuccessful singer-songwriter from suffolk
who then becomes the biggest star in the world because he's the only person who can remember
the beatles music but in the end he has to sort of in a way choose between the music and the love
of a girl who's he's always loved and so he went all the way around the world the world was his
oyster but in the end he comes back and he's in love with a girl he was at school with.
And that's the sort of thesis anyway of the film.
Ed's very funny and he worked very hard at it.
He said, I want to learn more about acting.
And Danny Boyle taught him some stuff about acting.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Danny's big note was listen.
And did he?
Yeah, he said, it's really hard and it's
absolutely true if you've got your line and you're just waiting to say your line you're
going to say it badly and artificially but if you think of if you're really focusing on what
the other person says to you then your line will just become a kind of natural follow-on to what
they've just said so Ed's Ed's brilliant in it i mean and he looks funny because he's got all that
he's got that funny face and the funny hair yeah he takes things yeah he does work he's yeah he's
amazing i love him very very much and cherry is brilliant well he's been by the way because we
are in the context of comic relief he has been absolutely brilliant for us as well and and the
little documentary he did this year,
which was about homelessness,
I think made the most money,
or the second most money on the night.
First time, actually, very interesting this year,
first time that the UK documentaries
have actually made more money than the ones from abroad.
But then he travelled abroad, didn't he, to...
I remember seeing that film.
Was it to Tanzania?
No, Liberia.
Liberia.
To Liberia with the boys Liberia to Liberia
with the boys
and he wanted to
kind of
help them
and he was frustrated
yeah
marvellous
and so open hearted
and he's been great
and I remember
I was like in real trouble
we were one song short
the first time
we did Red Nose Day
in America
and Ed
happened to be in town
and he charged in
and sang
a duet with Kermit
oh my you're the frog yeah he did the Rainbow Connection yeah he's brilliant yeah And Ed happened to be in town and he charged in and sang a duet with Kermit.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
He did the Rainbow Connection.
Yeah, he's brilliant.
Yeah.
Are people more interested in supporting home projects now than things abroad?
Well, it's a very interesting thing.
Basically, until now, it's always been a bit head and heart.
You know, what happens is people, with their hearts,
when they watch the documentaries on the night they're so moved by the intensity of the problems that they see abroad that's what
they actually give money to but they wouldn't feel as comfortable giving money abroad if they
didn't know that stuff was being spent here as well you know because you really charity does
begin at home and is incredibly important elsewhere and people want to know that both is true.
But this year, interestingly,
and whether or not it is a sort of sociological shift
or just two really strong films,
Ed did a great film about the number of people
who die on British streets from homelessness.
And Olivia Colman did a beautiful film about refugees
just saying Britain was so amazing
with the Kindertransport and the war and what's
the difference now with
completely innocent children
coming in from Syria, why would we not
open our arms to take care
of them and they were the ones that made
the most money
on the night
You don't have to talk about this but
obviously there was so much about
the Stacey Dooley gate and the fact that David Lam, but I, you know, obviously there was so much about the Stacey Dooley gate and the fact that
David Lammy got involved,
you know,
commented.
And do you feel like that maybe potentially took away from the,
I don't think it,
I mean,
one of the reasons we sort of didn't answer it is because you don't want to
stoke up the controversy at a time when brilliant kids are doing really
innocent things.
Um, because it's actually a really interesting debate and em got particularly sort of interested and passionate
about it because it does raise important issues i mean for me it's very complex we absolutely have
to do the right thing we have to be ahead of the curve it's really important to represent positive
things as well and to be really
sensitive when you're talking about africa that you're actually saying the right things
on the other hand um it's really important to realize that people often do identify with
presenters who go there and that in fact one of the ways of feeling empathy and compassion
is to find someone who you love and are interested in
in that situation.
So they sort of become you.
And I'm nervous about giving that up completely.
And also the harsh truth is
that people will give money to sadder things
until we crack the conundrum
of making really optimistic films
which are as good at fundraising and the
truth of matter is the ball's now back in our court and we should try and find magical ways
of saying look the amazing things your money raises do do that rather than saying look at
the terrible things that happen unless you raise money so we're in the middle of a of a journey on
that and you know it's an issue well
raised and something we've got to be much cannier about but you know obviously it's slightly
heartbreaking when it happens and you think you might be losing money but in the end i think in
the in the interface of the night itself nobody watched an extraordinary film about malaria or an extraordinary film about refugees and
thought i wonder whether or not i should give money because of that argument i don't think
i don't think that happened david lammy on next year he should go on the show he's not a friend
of comic relief that's the thing he's not has he never been does he think it's a kind of some sort
of colonial well i think he believes which is a very complicated argument, he actually believes that the negative impression of Africa
is not worth the money that we make,
whereas I actually don't think that's right
because every grant that we give in Africa
is asked for by a brilliant local leader
doing a really important thing in their own community
so i think it's a very nuanced argument and i feel i'm probably too much on our side and david's
probably too much on the other side and we will come to a you know brilliant conclusion somewhere
in the middle the thing that it has done though, is created a different kind of debate within Comic Relief, which is fantastic, actually.
Yeah, it can't be bad.
It's really good.
It's really important.
And all we're trying to do is the right thing.
And when you have enough people coming to you and saying, I know you're trying to do the right thing, but in some ways it's more damaging than you understand, then the answer is not, but, but, but, listen to us. ddod i'r peth cywir, ond mewn rhai ffyrdd mae'n fwy ddiffyg na'ch bod yn deall,
yna'r ateb nid yw, ond, ond, ond, gwrando atym, mae'r ateb yw, ddweud wrthym.
Ac roedd llawer o bobl wedi dweud wrthym y tro, ac roedd, dwi'n credu, i mi, roedd yn teimlo fel
addysg. Rwy'n teimlo, rwy'n teimlo, rwy'n teimlo, rydyn ni wedi symud y dial yn gyfan o'r
Cymru Relyff ar y ffordd rydyn ni'n ei angen i gael, nid yn unig, amddiffyn, ond hefyd moved the dial within comic relief on the way that we need to not only have diversity but also
representation uh which are two very different things and inclusion which is a third different
thing and you know we hadn't taken enough of that on board in the past and things will change
um back to food yeah we didn't get onto your desert island meal. Yeah. I know rice is going to feature in that,
but like, let's go start of main pud.
Well, I don't know.
And a drink.
It's really tricky.
This is like saying, which is your...
Jesse, I don't feel that we've got to the evolution
of how he gets there.
Because I don't know what sort of food you ate as a child.
Well, I can tell you very...
I can tell you very, very quickly quickly because it is quite sweet.
Basically, my mum was sort of hardcore Australian in the 1930s and 40s.
So dinner was lamb chops.
Lucky you.
So we basically had lamb chops five days a week.
Five days a week?
With a slightly different vegetable and a slightly different
potato and then exotic friday where you would either have fish and chips or like something
really radical like pasta like spaghetti bolognese amazingly unusual sometimes chili con carne and
then on sunday you'd have roast lamb so oh shit so Sunday you were back to the lamb
do you like lamb still yeah I do but it's got to be burnt burnt well because my mum always
burnt the lamb well it was like well cooked but like well cooked so it kind of falls apart or is
it like well cooked so it's tough to sell boots so it's just crispy you know so it's basically
a lamb chop which is a bit like sort of bacon it's like you cut it and it's it's crispy wow um so that was my my upbringing was
very lamb based i mean never had fish so it's very lamb based lamb so okay when you get to sweden
yeah you're not gonna have lamb every day well we are oh really yeah the swedes want us to eat fish
the swedes want us to eat fish but mom's having want us to eat fish, but mum's having none of it.
So you weren't on Sprats?
No.
So you still had lamb every day?
I'm still very frightened of unusual fish.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I've never had an octopus or a mollusk.
You do not ever have calamari?
No, never had a calamari.
I mean, I'm ashamed.
Don't be ashamed.
I'm ashamed.
I mean I'm ashamed don't be ashamed
but I think
I'm ashamed
it was
it's a two main course meal
never been happier
oh darling
look at it
that's like a dream
so hang on
what's in this
it's got
that's the very crispy chicken
it's got
a chicken
what else is in it
I think it's a stir
it's got chicken
no I can see olives
olives
I can see apricots prunes and apricots and it's a stir it's got no i can see olives olives i can see apricots and
apricots and it's marinated in olive oil and oregano the only thing i haven't got a clue
there's a famous line in that book heartburn i know where the woman says that nothing that tastes good with capers doesn't taste better without capers.
So I'm sceptical of the caper,
but only because of Nora Ephron.
Yeah, but you won't taste the capers.
It's a bit like putting anchovies in things.
You don't really taste it.
It's just the flavour.
I just want to say this is the best...
Mablla chicken.
Marbella chicken that I've ever had.
It's a lesson in how to mix in a jar of pesto
into some slightly overcooked rice.
It really is.
Mate, I'm so sorry.
So, when you went to Sweden,
Yeah?
you were still eating lamb chops.
So it was still lamb five days a week.
No, six days a week. Yeah, I don't think we were very affected by the Swedish thing.
Did you have good pastries?
Except you became very obsessed in Sweden by,
you know, they're obsessed by new potatoes.
Oh.
In Sweden.
You know know in England
we the most successful tin vegetable is baked beans there they're so obsessed by new potatoes
it's new potatoes in brine with dill but so because they just didn't have them it was their
treat you know nine months of winter and then suddenly out come the new potatoes. So I love a new potato and dill.
And then the thing I mainly remember was my dad
was working for the equivalent of Wall's ice cream there,
which was called Trollhättä Glass.
And sometimes they would give us hundreds and hundreds of ice creams
that had failed in the marketplace.
So I just remember... Had a fridge full of ice creams that had failed in the marketplace so i just remember had a fridge full of a fridge full of pineapple mivies oh yeah and that was what i would
ice lolly on the outside and ice cream on the inside i love those like the strawberry ones
oh yeah i love them and then i then I became obsessed by chocolate cake.
And every day, my mum used to cook me chocolate cake and then I realised what I really liked was chocolate mixture.
So every day I would make...
The chocolate cake mixture.
The chocolate cake mixture.
And then my mum read somewhere that eggs, raw eggs, aren't good for you.
So then I would make the chocolate cake mixture without the eggs,
which was less nice but
still good so it was mainly Mivy's and raw chocolate cake mixture in Sweden that sounds
healthy yeah and then where did you move you went to Warrington by the way at this time I was at
boarding school where the food was so traumatizing.
Really?
Yeah.
And the reason I think I can't eat exotic fish is that there used to be fish on a Friday.
Every second Friday it would be white sauce and then the other Friday it would be red sauce.
And you would smell it in the corridor as you queued.
And they wouldn't let me leave the table until I'd finished it.
So I would sit at the table for three hours because I wasn't allowed to leave the table so I
miss lessons and sport and just sit there in front of this coagulating white
fish and then after that I had all those years of sort of boy food in your 20s
which is basically... Well kebabs? Particularly, yeah, Greek restaurants, Chinese restaurants, Indian restaurants,
Uddin Manzil's, The Swallow House and you know Mike's.
Where was this?
We were in Camden and first in Oxford and then in Camden and we used to go out almost
every night nobody could cook in the house.
Do you live in Camden?
No, we live in Notting Hill by law.
I imagine you live where the door was we live in notting hill i imagine you
live where the door was and that was our house that was your house wasn't meant to be our house
it was our house and then the location manager for um notting hill went out to find the door
they wanted for that for those scenes and came back and said i found it i found this door
but it was your door i said where's our house, what are you talking about?
And he went, what's the perfect door?
We're using that one.
Where do you like to eat in Notting Hill?
My house.
Okay.
More than anything ever.
Really?
You don't like eating out?
No, I love eating out, but I love eating in my house even more.
Do you love your house?
There's a great place called The Shed.
I don't know it.
Which we really like.
It sort of feels like you're in a boat, doesn't it?
It's three brothers from, where are they from?
They're from Kent or somewhere.
One brother is the farmer,
and one brother is the chef,
and the other brother is the front of house manager.
And the mum does the foraging.
Where is it?
It's just sort of near Notting Hill Tube.
The other thing that was huge in my 20s were pizzas,
which were really only just arriving.
And I remember they used to do that thing in Time Out where they said,
pick your five favourite restaurants in London.
I just picked five Pizza Expresses.
Yeah, I said Pizza Express, Soho, Pizza Express, Bayswater Road, Pizza Express.
What do you eat at Pizza Express?
Oh, now it's Roma, the thin...
Really?
Yeah.
Okay, because it's a bit bigger.
They get smaller and smaller.
No, I'm just trying to feel less guilty.
Roma pepperoni, really.
But I used to have pepperoni hot.
Wasn't that what it was called?
Mm-hmm.
Which is pepperoni with the little...
American hot.
So I'm presuming you don't cook, really.
No, I wish I did more.
And I'm thinking of retiring from my old job.
And my first thing on my to-do list is to learn how to cook risotto.
Because I love risotto.
But you could learn now.
Can you?
This is all I've got.
Oil, onion, add the rice, and then water. Got a bit to go, but no. That's all I've got oil, onion, add the rice and then water.
Got a bit to go but no.
That's what I've got at the moment.
Can you just add a couple of details to that?
With fried onion I'd say.
Stop, stop.
Oh stop.
Don't stare at me.
Stop, not water.
Stop, not water.
Don't you have onion in yours?
So onion, celery, cook it.
Yeah.
A soft, no colour, add the rice yeah you cook that you know you cook that
in oil oil or butter yeah fat basically add the rice when the rice is too hot to pick up
yeah you add wine wine yeah essential lots of wine and then you cook all the wine off and then you ladle in your stock.
But the rule is you can only use a wooden spoon
and only work it clockwise.
Do you know what?
I think, to be honest,
I think that sounds like...
What's that thing called?
Nonsense.
So you're going to learn to do the job? I'm really going to learn to cook I'd really love to do it
and I do feel ashamed of the fact that I've let Em do all the cooking
I think that's terrible
wouldn't you be able to follow a recipe
or would you be too naughty
well when I lived for 7 years on my own
I had to cook but it was not a nice
it was not a great experience
I'm good at rice and frankfurters as i've said before and
i've got the complete master of the frozen pea i never make a mistake there but i know there's
better things to do with pea i love i love peas by the way do you do a pea soup i do a pea risotto
is great i do you know my dream before i, I want to make a pea veloute.
I don't know what it is, but it's...
Pea soup.
Yeah, a pea soup with some foam.
God, that would be brilliant.
Are we allowed to ask the Desert Island meal now?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right, Desert Island meal.
Actually, no, first I want to know
where you went on your first date meal-wise.
Can you remember?
Ours. Well, no, first I want to know where you went on your first date, meal-wise. Can you remember? Ours.
Well, in some ways, I remember the falling in love happened after seeing The Abyss.
Oh, yeah.
I remember we went to see The Abyss, not James Cameron's masterpiece.
I think we'll all agree.
And we went somewhere in Covent Garden, which I suspect was just tea and a croissant.
And I thought, I can't be happier
than this
I think that's what
the abyss
and tea
and a croissant
and I was reeling
from the fact
that he'd taken me
to the cinema
which I assume
meant you wanted
to have a snog
on the back row
and you didn't
touch me
nothing
watch the movie
you wanted him to
I was very ahead
of my time
in terms of
I thought you went
to the cinema
with boys in order to have a snog
no I was very keen on James Cameron
the progress of his career through
Terminator and Alien to
The Abyss
I had no idea you had that in mind
otherwise I would have
gone to see a less interesting film
but I do just remember there was a moment
of thinking oh
I'm absolutely happy.
I want to ask a few things.
Do you think you've got good table manners?
I hope, that's a really interesting question.
It would have mattered a huge amount to my mum and dad.
They were of that generation, particularly my mum.
My mum, you always said that instead of saying I'm full,
you should say I have had adequate sufficiency.
Adequate sufficiency. Adequate sufficiency. Oh I love her
and I would hope
I've got fairly good
table manners but my M says
I slurp my soup
Oh interesting. I can't hear it
I can't hear it but
My husband can't stand hearing me in apple
he's like it drives me crazy
but I kind of understand that
Okay so what's your worst table manner that you think and other people like
you can't stand another person and this is also something i got for my family i hate people
when they clear a table piling america no but oh scraping the food onto another plate so they they turn the food into
rubbish in front of your very oh yeah right okay you know so suddenly something that was being
eaten a second ago is scraped onto one plate and then they get another plate and they scrape
because it seems to me that turns the food into rubbish so I think you should
Because it seems to me that turns the food into rubbish.
So I think you should clear all six plates, as it were, and then compile them.
That matters to me.
Did you know that it's polite to eat hot food
as soon as it's put in front of you
rather than wait for everyone to be served?
Do you know how polite we are when we all go,
no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine.
Apparently it's wrong.
You should eat it straight away because it's hot.
Tell me about this amazing
pudding. It's just lemon curd
roulade. With rose petals
this is a new reaction. So it's not
pavlova?
No, I think it's
kind of like pavlova. It's like a rolled pavlova
isn't it? Yeah. Well it looks
amazing. It is really
she's bloody good at this. Did you get
I mean did you feel you were
very well fed as you were young was it was was every meal about a mystery i mean i was very
well fed because i had three servings of each thing so yeah i was very well fed mum yeah i
made her nipples bleed as soon as i came out like thank you darling sorry i wanted to know
brexit we ask everybody on this series,
if they were to stockpile one thing, I think I know the answer.
Stockpile one thing?
You mean you never can go back to Europe and you've got to keep one thing?
Yeah, we're hoping.
Two things.
One, truffle.
Okay.
Can you only get it abroad?
Get it in Scotland.
I don't know what it's like, though. Can't we get it in Scotland? I don't know what it's like though. Can you get it in Scotland?
You can get it in Wiltshire. Wiltshire do a good line on truffle, black truffle.
You're sorted then. Oh okay. Don't worry about that.
Not like the white Alba truffle. That's a different colour.
Then I think probably a record by a guy called Jimmy Fontana called Il Mondo.
I've heard of Jimmy Fontana.
He was an old pop star in about 1965
and I went on holiday with my dad to Alba
and I squeezed it into my film About Time.
It's a very strange Italian song
that plays when Rachel McAdams gets married
so I can't imagine life without that.
Okay.
Jean Almondo, Jean Almondo,
Spazio senza fine,
coli amore, appellate, coli amore, giapponiti.
I've been singing those words all my life.
I love them.
No idea what they mean.
No idea.
We still didn't get your desert island.
Oh, desert island.
Okay, so, well, I'm starting with P. Valute.
Or last, okay.
P. Valute.
P. Valute.
Okay, okay. You've made. A choice of pastas, okay. P. Valute. That you've never had. P. Valute. Okay.
That you've made.
A choice of pastas, I think.
Either the one we've just had. Yeah, definitely.
The pappardelle with beef or a, whatever is the best with truffle.
Tallurini with butter.
Tallurini with truffle.
Okay.
And then, mainly, lamb chops.
Your mother made.
A la Glynis Wag
so burnt lamb chops
with
you can't really have rice
can you
you can
you can
with Swedish new potatoes
and more peas
and dill
and lamb chops
and then
pudding
I'm going to have
M's pavlova
aww
thank you so much
for doing this
I'm coming every night.
Oh my God, please do.
No, no.
Please do.
No, that's, you mustn't, that's not.
No, they really like me and they want me to come back.
They really, and hold the baby.
I'm quite up for it.
I'm good with the child.
Oh, that's true.
A night nurse.
Thank you for looking after my child.
Thank you so much for putting your tenner in.
Or 20, whatever.
I'm disappointed.
I'm bringing the mill
I want to say a last thing
about comic relief
yeah please
which is only that
I
there are a million ways
that you can
change people's
lives
and what is so brilliant
about
99% of English people
is just that when you open the door
to doing something
that helps other people
they stride through it
so I just want to thank
our lovely guests
who just thought well I'll give away some money
on the 0% chance of winning
because I know it'll make a difference
and I want to thank you guys enormously
it's been such fun
thank you for introducing us
thank you so much to everybody
it's been just so lovely.
I don't really know what just happened,
but I think everyone had a really good time.
I hope so.
He was very funny
very comic I thought he was just so engaging and fun and interesting and so committed to comic
relief and what he's doing oh it was such a pleasure to have them and I can't believe that
the drawers raised so much money it's amazing so we're just so happy that we were a part of that and what wonderful guests fabulous jill and connor yeah brought their own food such fun yeah it's
good to know that we've got fun listeners yeah it's fab um no that was so interesting and lovely
and actually felt quite relaxing because we had somebody cooking for us. I'm drunk, so I wasn't het up. Did you not drink?
No.
Oh, well done, Mum.
I didn't drink either.
No.
But I did have beef shin.
I don't know how that works with beef.
Oh, that was so delicious.
It was really good.
I love that when...
Connor said, have you got any parmesan?
My manager, Peter, didn't have parmesan.
He had wonderful grated mature cheese.
Reduced fat.
Oh, reduced fat! Like... didn't have parmesan he had wonderful grated mature reduce flat reduce fat we have been booked for edinburgh festival fantastic um edinburgh fringe festival does
that mean that we are fringe no darling it's not fringe the fringe artists appear there but they
don't call it edinburgh fringe festival yes they do mom oh yeah miss
no it almost freaking blowtorch creme brulee over here actually edinburgh fringe festival 2019 we
have been booked for okay um we have some surprise guests yet to be announced we have sold some
tickets and uh we would love to see that if anybody is deciding to come down i don't know
what our sc contingent...
We're quite early in the day, aren't we?
We're on at 12, so I think it will be a brunch affair.
And I am interested how we're going to do that for the audience,
what we could make.
We could do bacon butties.
Yeah.
And we would love to see that.
We are performing on...
Performing, mum.
The 2nd and 3rd of August.
So please let us know on Instagram if you are attending.
We'd love to hear from you.
At Table Manners Podcast.
And the ticket link is in the bio of our Instagram profile.
So if you'd like to buy some tickets, you can do it there.
Mum, do you remember when we were talking about life hacks?
Yes.
Well, bless.
We actually have had some emails to our table manners email
so who has sent this in helen fleming helen fleming writes i'm celiac and vegan oh jesus
she must hate us yeah okay and would probably be your nightmare to cook for. Yes. But want you to know that I love food.
I cook every day and vegan cooking is never boring.
It's definitely harder being celiac than it is being vegan.
Yeah, I bet.
I think if I made you my chili, you'd never know it didn't have meat in it.
My top tip or life hack, mum, is to blitz roasted walnuts and the mushrooms in a food processor, which gives the texture of mince.
Thank you, vegan Helen. Can't you use use corn she's giving you a life hack oh that's jesus christ okay
never mind forget it life hacks why don't they call it tips all right fucking change change it
mum change it okay right a life hack for lenny is the subject yeah people really want you to
understand this and enjoy it and embrace it david patterson another vegan david patterson okay tie a little knot and either the left or right cord
of your headphones or earbuds and you will never need to check to see which bud goes in which ear
changed my life on transatlantic bikes also ruins the quality of sound probably david so why do you
knock them if you knock both of them, then how would you know?
Oh, just one.
He's saying either.
Well, I'm glad that that's worked for you.
I'm sure you're hearing really shit sound, David.
Why is he sending that to me, though?
No, he's explaining what a life hack is, Mum. Okay.
Fucking hell.
All right.
We're getting interactive.
We're going global.
Come on, get with the programme.
Becky Medhurst, hi, Jessie and Lenny,
OXO cubes are packaged so you can pour the stock granules into the pan without touching them.
You what?
OXO cubes are packaged so you can pour the stock granules into the pan without touching them.
I've never actually been offended by crumbling a bloody OXO cube, though.
I know, but maybe you shouldn't be touching them.
I don't know okay
we've got a video of the oxo cube bless her squash your oxo cube whilst it's in the foil go on becky
oh yeah thank you becky she is squashing it with her hand we're now watching the second video that
says then tear the corner of the flattened oxo cube and it becomes a sachet oh no that is quite clever but to be fair becky i think that's taken longer than if i just
crumbled it with my fingers that is quite clever i like that one becky you know what that's a good
life hack i'm gonna try that so i'm an irish guy living in nyc listen since day one i've seen you
twice jesse and your podcast makes me feel like home even
though i'm irish thanks babe this familial sound is comforting nyc restaurants dirty french oh yeah
that's in the hotel blood load i love i love the look of that and a vegan restaurant trust me called
yeah yeah yeah been there kevin and it's bloody good thanks so much for communicating with us
our email that we would love you to email into is hello at tablemannerspodcast.com.
The Table Manners music you have been enjoying is by Pete Fraser and Peter Duffy.
And our dear editor and producer is Alice Williams.