Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S6 Ep 8: Richard Curtis

Episode Date: June 12, 2019

All in aid of Comic Relief, Table Manners is joined by the legendary comedy screenwriter and co-founder of Comic Relief, Richard Curtis. He’s written some of the greatest films & TV shows ever m...ade; Notting Hill, Love Actually, Black Adder... But Richard Curtis can’t get enough of Love Island and particularly Lucie... it is what it is!In this week’s special, we’re joined not only by Richard, but by his fabulous partner - and babysitter - Emma Freud, along with 2 Comic Relief competition winners, who entered the Table Manners chaos with mum and I and even brought a starter! We chat about pet tortoises, eating hotdogs in the cinema & of course, falling in love – this is a good’un! Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello and welcome to Table Manners. We are in fabulous Crouch End. Fabulous Crouch End in a very echoey kitchen, my manager's kitchen, so there is a kettle boiling and it's all go. But Jessie you like a bit of reverb. Reverb, I do like reverb, it's true. And sorry my son is banging the table because he's just learned that he has an arm um let's all go we have richard curtis who is a right screenwriter producer some of the best british comedy films yeah notting hill four weddings and a funeral love actually love actually one of my favorites and he's also the co-founder of comic relief who was the other one lenny henry he's a legend yeah in british cinema and very excited to
Starting point is 00:00:53 have um his partner emma freud she used to be on the radio i heard her on um giovanna fletcher's happy mum oh yes and podcast and she was just like i just thought we'd get on. So the reason we have been able to bag Richard Curtis is because Comic Relief auctioned us off the podcast off for two well actually it was a lottery Two ladies at the synagogue put £10 in
Starting point is 00:01:19 Oh sweet So it was £10 lottery see who wins and a lovely lady called Gillian who we are yet to meet has won and she's brought her husband along so this is going to be I'm so I'm really glad that you're feeling your best I hope I'm funny and I'm not eating the bloody food you're not eating and I feel woozy brilliant on the menu tonight which I won't be eating I'm really sad about it's my absolute favorite we have done it for Zachary Cto so it is the marbella chicken that will be in the book because it's
Starting point is 00:01:49 just a winner it's just a winner doing it with pesto rice and a green salad can't go wrong can't go wrong easy bish bash bosh marinade overnight did it this morning sorry richard i'm sure it's still going to have loads of flavor and then for pudding you've done a really pretty roulade lemon curd edible flowers on the top yeah rose petals i had them a little thing darling do you think they look all right they looked a bit funny though maybe i thought it looked nice i don't like the taste of rose in food but i'm sure everyone else i don't like the taste of rose in food, but I'm sure everyone else will. I don't think you'll taste it. So is it... Mum, that should go in the book. With rose petals?
Starting point is 00:02:29 Yeah. Bougie. Okay. How are you feeling about our book, Mum? I'm feeling pretty good. I think my recipes have gone very well. What are you trying to say? I'm trying to say that the comments I get are positively affirmative. Okay. Yeah, and then I edit it all. Yeah, no. Darling darling I did write a few bits today about the beef stafado yeah having just come back from Greece I've changed me
Starting point is 00:02:53 meatballs in ouzo meatballs and ouzo meatballs in ouzo and now much more ouzo ouzo and flambé um no it's coming together nicely yeah oh yeah he agrees and due to that i feel disgusting and so i stupidly um not stupidly baby brain meant that i put myself in for a detox this week so i'm day four into my detox so i won't be having the food tonight it's pretty good for because mom it's day four you start feeling great by day four. Oh, what we liked yesterday. The headaches have subsided and I'm basically virtuous now. But I will be eating out of a paper container and it's not my favourite dish that we always have. What do you mean it's not?
Starting point is 00:03:39 It is your favourite dish. Well, no. I know. I'm not going to be eating your dish. Oh, you're not going to eat it. Okay. Marbella chicken. I know. It's the best and it's already smelling delicious from the oven and I'm not going to be eating your dish. Marbella chicken. I know.
Starting point is 00:03:45 It's the best, and it's already smelling delicious from the oven, and I'm really upset about this. And then for pudding, I've saved my snack that I was supposed to have in the afternoon for pud, which is apple and almond butter. But no, thank you to Rosemary Ferguson, who is wonderful, and this five-day plan has been actually really delicious. I just feel incredibly embarrassed that I feel it's rather antisocial.
Starting point is 00:04:06 You're being very quiet about this. You usually have a real opinion about this. I've got a very bad back, so I've taken lots of painkillers. And you're feeling a bit oozy. Woozy. Woozy. Woozy would be the word. Are you going to be able to fire the questions?
Starting point is 00:04:17 I don't know. My mouth's going to move very much. Brilliant. Great. Oh, Richard Curtis is coming up on table manners you try a slick disc darling you try a five-day deed yeah okay darling you're worse than me brilliant richard curtis coming up on table manners so we have the competition winners i don don't know. It's not even a competition. You paid money.
Starting point is 00:04:46 You paid money. You are charity. You are brilliant people that put money into a lottery for Comet Relief. And you put your tenner in, I think. Was it ten? I don't know. Well, I love... Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Well, anyway, you put your money in to come to this and to listen to this and to join us and you've absolutely assassinated us with the fact that you are married married to the owner and head chef of trullo in islington one of my favorite restaurants that does the best beef shin pasta and he's only brought a present and it's the beef shin pasta so thanks so much jesse you were definitely having that well i wish you told us we wouldn't have fucking cooked you could have cooked no you could have made this a true special it's it's we've got a tasting menu oh yeah yeah oh yeah okay can i just explain something and i want to apologize right now i've cocked up baby brain and the fact that we've been recipe testing so i've been eating like puff pastry and
Starting point is 00:05:44 we're doing christmas tarts in the morning and, like, blazing bank holidays. Anyway, I was like, I feel awful. My back is in ruins. Kindly, Rosemary Ferguson said, do you want to do a little detox? I was like, yeah, sure. Said yes to it.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Realised then that this is this week. So I'm, like, on this particular meal plan, which is so antisocial. Mum's like, people are going to think you're really weird and it's annoying yeah break it no but I've gone three Jessie
Starting point is 00:06:11 it's not life's too short you might get knocked over and you'll never but I'm going to look like Kate Moss tomorrow but if you no you won't no I won't
Starting point is 00:06:19 fuck it I'm going to have a bit of Asian shit we are here have a bit of Asian. Shit! We are here doing this special comic relief episode with Richard Curtis and I'd like to think that Emma you are going to join in on this. If you can pull yourself away from my child.
Starting point is 00:06:37 I'm slightly busy. Well listen, I'm really happy because I had the bottle ready for my son to shove it in. And Emma's kindly done something to him and he's caressing you. He's got his hand on your chest and he's really happy. I know. And you're happy.
Starting point is 00:06:56 So that's great. He's my fifth child. Fine, have him because he's been really cranky for the last two days. And then we have not the competition winners, because that's weird to say. People who bid money. You are the people that bid money for a worthy cause. And please introduce yourself to the listeners. Okay, I'm Jill.
Starting point is 00:07:13 What's your name? Where do you come from? Jill, we're from Northern Ireland, but we live in Walthamstow. Ah, interesting. And who is right next to you? I'm Connor. I'm from Belfast.
Starting point is 00:07:26 I also live in Walthamstow Why did you bid? Just because you wanted to see Well, the comic release is well known It's a great cause Love the podcast, I think I heard it on the podcast you saying that we could do it and then just put the money in Did anybody else bid?
Starting point is 00:07:41 We want to know I know because I never win anything So it wasn't a bid It was a draw Did anybody else bid? We want to know. I know, because I never win anything. So I was like, I want to know. You won very much, did anyone else bid? No, so it wasn't a bid. It was a draw. So everyone paid 10 quid and all the names went into a hat. Yeah, lottery. And then Jill won.
Starting point is 00:07:55 But with the amount of people that wanted to come and sit in this kitchen today, we have raised enough money at Comic Relief to a school in an african nation that's incredible okay well thank you so much to everyone that put money in thank you so so much that's incredible i'm feeling bad now why i didn't bid i'm feeling bad you got the gig anyway oh he's sad about that it was the mention of school he's thinking about I don't want to go to school I don't know if the chickens done I'm actually think I'm sure because I accidentally had it on too high for the beginning so oh shit is it ruined okay wouldn't say okay fine good thing we've got your pasta can i say jesse just generally on the subject of subjects if i could keep one thing in the world yeah it would be rice
Starting point is 00:08:53 oh okay let's get into it i love it obsessed by rice and i think it was because i was raised in the philippines when i was little we moved there when i was three until seven so we never had potatoes and we never had milk you know i we had rice and mangoes and and for me now i could eat rice all the time all the time and probably you know i'd be happy with risotto but then i'd also be happy with rice with a bit of um onion in it and then i'd just be right happy with rice and butter and i'd just be happy with rice and butter and then I'd just be happy with rice. I completely agree with you. And I don't want to say this to the Trudeau head chef owner. I do, I love pasta. I feel like pasta has got this kind of guilt around it
Starting point is 00:09:33 that rice doesn't. It does. And, but I love rice. I think it is very versatile. And it is far more satisfying to me than a potato. I completely agree with you. Cold, hot, in puddings. Show me a potato pudding.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Are there any? No. No, you're so right. Because there's potato kugel. That's a pudding. Yeah, but that's not sweet. No, it's not sweet. It's not as versatile as rice.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Right, Richard. So it's going very well because chicken and rice are my favourite thing. Well, it's going to be a pesto rice. I mean, I'm very embarrassed. Okay, anyway. my favorite thing. Well, it's going to be a pesto rice. I mean, I'm very embarrassed. Okay. Anyway, it is what it is. It's going to be delicious. You have kindly done this and we are so happy to have you.
Starting point is 00:10:13 I'm so delighted. It's the best bit of my day and I'm now starting to think my year. Oh, don't. We're so excited. Your voice is amazing. Yeah. Is it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:21 Well, you should have a podcast. Oh, God. Or voiceover. It's fruity maybe i can just do like intros for your podcast yes ladies and gentlemen now episode 532 that's working thank you we've got that perfect you just have to do another 500 so thank you for coming and thank you for joining us and making you know we're so touched to have been involved in making a little bit of money for Comic Relief. And I just wanted to...
Starting point is 00:10:50 Thank you, by the way. It's the other way around. Please. It's like absolute pleasure. So you were born in New Zealand. Born in New Zealand. Yeah. Sort of by chance.
Starting point is 00:10:57 My parents are both Australian. Okay. And my dad just moved to do a job in New Zealand. So what did he do? He worked for Unilever. Right. I always hoped he was a spy because we moved around the world and I thought it was a cover. He might have been.
Starting point is 00:11:10 It wasn't a cover. No. No. We ended up in Warrington for 14 years. Warrington, yeah. Oh, no, I loved Warrington, actually. Did you? But all I'm saying is, yeah, he worked for Unilever.
Starting point is 00:11:19 Which football team do you support, then? I now support Tottenham Hotspur. Oh, mate. Bad, bad, bad. Is it? Bad Saturday. I'm sad for them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:28 My husband's bad. Yeah. Well, this was, yeah. Well, what happened is I didn't have many opinions. And then my children were groomed by a man called Simon who told them how great Spurs were. And so they're now just completely passionate. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:43 And I go along with it. I can name the team. Very oddly. So do you go? Yeah. Do you eat the food? What's the food like? Have you been to the new stadium?
Starting point is 00:11:52 Oh, well, I've been to the new stadium, but I haven't eaten any food there. I bet they're doing quite good food. Oh, I hope so. I mean, there's nothing I love more than a hot dog. Imagine a hot dog. What I love is frankfurters and rice. That is so... Basically anything and rice that is so basically anything
Starting point is 00:12:06 and rice is what is what i want but frankfurters and rice i once lived on my own in the country for seven years and i don't know why what and i used to shop it was in oxfordshire i think it was so i could get more work done and I used to shop once every fortnight. And slowly I'd eat all the food. And I'd just in the end be left with rice. Which was fine. With butter and salt for the last three days. And then I'd go back to Sainsbury's.
Starting point is 00:12:40 Did it make your writing better? Well, the thing about living entirely on your own is when you're an ill-disciplined younger writer, because what used to be the problem in London is I'd get up at 11, I'd try and work out what to do, I'd have lunch, I'd work for a couple of hours and then friends would start ringing you and saying, do you want to go out?
Starting point is 00:12:58 And I would sort of not go out and I'd feel guilty and horrible, so I thought, why don't I just go somewhere where I can watch television for like seven or eight hours and still do a full working day so speaking so do you watch a lot of tv because yeah so I wrote blackadder out there so I wrote a lot of tv I wrote a lot of tv but I also watched a lot of tv do you still watch a lot of tv I I do love TV. Can we talk about Love Island? Because when you came in, you said that our wonderful producer-editor, Alice, looks like Lucy.
Starting point is 00:13:30 She looks a bit like Lucy. God, I hope Lucy lasts all nine weeks. I mean, I'm just terrified because it's such a complex algorithm that things can go wrong. They are puppeteers. They know exactly what's going on. The thing is, as someone who
Starting point is 00:13:45 has written about sort of romance and love, what is so amazing, I remember it about the original Big Brothers and I feel about Love Island, is to actually see it happening. You think it really is love. Well, certainly what's just happened in the last couple of days.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Joe's definitely fallen in love with Lucy. He's not l in love with lucy he's not licking his lips every time i know bless him but then on the other hand the moment that tommy comes in and she has to go with him then the dark side of joe appears and you're actually watching real emotions and i spend all my life trying to sort of get actors to act these things as convincingly as they can suddenly it's happening right in front of you and you can watch it happening i do find it intriguing you really love love island i think yeah it's yeah i mean i can't believe it's happening i've never watched
Starting point is 00:14:37 because of the shape of their bodies and because of the sort of implicit misogyny and also to just see how the guys behave and all that. So it's very complex now, but it is the greatest television program of all time. I'm afraid. But it has got that thing that it had with Big Brother, those first few series where you were just like glued. You wouldn't go to bed without missing...
Starting point is 00:15:02 You wouldn't go to bed with missing... I can't fucking speak because i'm on this fucking detox please forgive me you won't be you'll be feeling much better once you've had that once you've got some papa deli down you you'll be fine but yeah i i love love island i got into it two seasons ago and i even got my heart but like i didn't i didn't even have to get my husband do you watch it you too i haven't watched it this year. I usually come towards the end. You've got to get stuck in. I know, maybe.
Starting point is 00:15:28 All my friends do. But I remember two years ago when I just had my first baby. Yeah. It was my thing. 9pm, he was in bed. I could watch it. Was that Montana? Yes.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Who was it? Yeah, Montana. Oh, yeah, Montana. God, you know them all. Did you like... You name it by your favourite girl I went to Well I went to the premiere
Starting point is 00:15:47 Of Mamma Mia Which I'd worked on And it was Psychologically interesting Because Meryl Streep was there I didn't know you worked on that Pierce Brosnan was there Lily James was there
Starting point is 00:15:56 Yeah But Montana was there That was all I cared about Oh bloody hell That's Montana Get out of the way Meryl Get out of the way Get out of the hell, that's Montana. Get out of the way, Meryl. Get out of the way, Stellan. Get out of the way, Colin.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Because you love Montana. Did you work on both Mamma Mia's? No, only the second one. Ah, interesting. Well, okay, because we... Boring story. Mamma Mia is the island... It was filmed in the island that we go to every year.
Starting point is 00:16:23 I love that movie. I saw that movie, the first one, on a rainy day in Cromer in Norfolk, which is what Mama Mia's for. Life's not going as you expect. You go on a summer holiday, it's pouring with rain. What they've called a luxury campsite turns out to be a campsite.
Starting point is 00:16:40 And you think, what are we going to do now from nine o'clock in the morning till nine o'clock at night? And the answer is go and see Mamma Mia at 1. Oh, yeah. That's the best showing. Just made us so happy. Pick and mix.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Yeah. Lovely. Hot dogs. Hot dogs. Do you get the hot dogs from the cinemas? Yeah, I love them. I do too. I mean, who knows what's in them?
Starting point is 00:17:02 Who cares? Yeah. Connor's making the beef shin and the pasta. I mean, it's so professional, it puts us to shame. But it's fantastic and we're having it as a preemie. Literally, we've had our kitchen taken over now. This is amazing. Not even our kitchen.
Starting point is 00:17:14 So this is kind of a play within a play within a play, I feel like. Yes. But okay, so apart from rice and frankfurters. Yeah. Let's just go there. Desert Island meal. Well. They're going's just go there. Desert Island Meal. Well. They're going to be on there, both of those or not?
Starting point is 00:17:30 Yeah. Oh no, not the Frankfurters. Okay, fine. I don't think. You know, I live with Emma Freud here. And when her dad was a famous chef. Yeah. And when we started going out with each other,
Starting point is 00:17:46 I think Em just assumed that she was a great cook, and she was a, what did you say, moderate cook? Poor. Poor, but Em is now the most wonderful cook. She's sort of taught herself how to do it. She's just unbelievably... So what's your dish? What's your go-to?
Starting point is 00:18:04 Because mine's the Barbea chicken, which may not come out that great that we's your dish? What's your go-to? Because mine's the Barbea chicken, which may not come out that great that we're having tonight. What's your go-to dish? I don't want to dry that out. Connor, we just check on the chicken, please. Thanks, mate. Just take it out. What's your go-to dish? She's gone very Lebanese recently. The one I'm going to say is you used to do
Starting point is 00:18:19 a marvellous chicken in a sort of creamy coriander sauce. Do you remember? remember with you made that up amazing amazing roast oven roasted vegetables with lots of olive oil and rosemary biggest fan yeah come and tell me what your favourite one that you think is like your piece do this man is going to be easy to please frank Frankfurt and rice. Anything. That's the starting point. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:45 I'm very keen on a slow roasted. Oh, me too. Anything really. And slow roasted pork, slow roasted lamb shoulder. Bit of maple syrup, quite a lot of white wine in there. Bit of leek. This sounds very Nigella actually. And Gizzy Erskine's got a great slow.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Have you got Gizzy's book? No, I've got an old one. It's called Slow. Oh, yes. That'll be right up my street. You need to get it right up your street. I love anything smoked. I love a Jamie Oliver Asian salmon.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Oh, that's good. I've noticed that one coming out. Where you marinate it in lemongrass and soy and a bit of mirin and chilli and lime leaves. And then you grill it for 10 minutes. Even a huge great big side, 10 minutes under the grill and that's it and you serve it room temperature it's gorgeous, bit of quinoa
Starting point is 00:19:32 and the salmon's very good with rice and then you do a lovely Thai curry, don't you, with rice and then you do the problem with the roast chicken tends to be with potatoes but then you do I'm good at that. And then you do... The problem with the roast chicken is it tends to be with potatoes. But then you do... I'm good at pavlova.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Oh. I didn't used to be, but Richard's mother, who's Australian, she basically was Dale Medner. She must be the queen. She was the queen.
Starting point is 00:19:56 Yeah. And she was the queen of pavlova and she taught me. Why? Australians get... They invented it. Oh, I didn't know this. So there was this dancer ballet dancer and she came
Starting point is 00:20:07 and danced in sydney and they had a national challenge to come up with a dish that would in some way celebrate and represent her light and sweet someone invented that just like coronation chicken you know was a competition and they didn't know that was a competition. Yeah, for the coronation so that everyone could eat it outside on those open tables when the queen was crowned. I'd love for somebody to create something. Yeah, it's a lovely idea. The Jesse. I'm going to make a Jesse.
Starting point is 00:20:38 Thank you. Please make a Jesse. I'll come back to you. I feel like my Polish fans would be up for that. I don't know. Thank you for two bits of trivia you've got really good trivia
Starting point is 00:20:49 by the way the only other thing that I would add on my favourite things is also I'm slightly obsessive about truffle oh do you like truffle so that makes going to a restaurant very easy because if ever you see you know the way you have magic words?
Starting point is 00:21:05 Yeah. Crispy's one of mine. Mustard's one of mine. And truffle's one. And then you don't have to... The horror of making up your own mind because you just order the things according to that. What was that restaurant that we went to in Santa Monica
Starting point is 00:21:20 that has truffle pasta? Oh, Jesus. Oh, jeez. It's the Italian. It's the one that everyone goes to and gets photographed at. You must have been. Oh, Jesus. Oh, jeez. It's the Italian. It's the one that everyone goes to and gets both quite bad.
Starting point is 00:21:28 You must have been. Well, I don't know. I don't know. But I do love a truffle pasta even though I'm because I'm I've put on
Starting point is 00:21:36 a bit of weight recently. I mean, in the last 10 years. I'm not I'm not eating as much pasta as I used to.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Am I? Well, it looks like you are. Oh, that's so mean. I think he looks self-like. Thank you very much. We had Noomi Rapace on, who's the Swedish actress, and she said that she carries truffle salt with her everywhere.
Starting point is 00:22:00 Does she? Yeah. Oh, I'm going to cry. My son's taking the bottle now Em is in a slightly over emotional state because we've had four kittens I know in the house and I think the last one's gone today is that right
Starting point is 00:22:13 oh it's gone the lemon cardboard the fourth kitten my son names the kittens lemon cardboard no the lemon cardboard oh wow I think is left today oh i'm sorry i'm really glad that you didn't keep one back we've already got four how many animals do you have we have a lot of animals i had four children and then they grew up so i got animals
Starting point is 00:22:41 so we've got cats and a dog and tortoise and there were rabbits on our balcony. I'm imagining Emma opening the windows and being like, is it in Sleeping Beauty? No, it's not. Is it Sleeping Beauty? And all the animals, the Bambis, and they're all listening and running up to you. That's how I'm imagining you opening the window.
Starting point is 00:22:57 You come downstairs and they place themselves like, do you remember that scene in Sound of Music where the Von Trapp kids were on each stair? It's like that. And Posey the dog and Catsby. I'm sorry, he wants more milk, sorry. I'm literally not having to. We have an animal on every stair
Starting point is 00:23:12 and then sad old Larry the tortoise is at the very bottom because Larry can't get up a stair. Oh my God, bless him. What's it like having a tortoise? Is it boring? Boring. You know, I mean, I've searched high and low
Starting point is 00:23:26 for any signs of character in Larry. And there's precious little to show for ten years' worth. Really? Do you put him in a box in the winter and he just hibernates? In the freezer you can put them in. No. What? No, the fridge.
Starting point is 00:23:38 In the fridge. We did that once. It didn't work very well. Sorry, not the freezer. This is a podcast, not about murder. No, sorry, I got it wrong. Freezer? There were no tortoises put in freezers, I promise.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Critogenic tortoises. No, but the fridge is a thing. Yeah, it is. It didn't work well for us. So when you say it didn't work well, was like Larry just like, Cooey, I'm still here, I wanna get out. Well, if I said it was Gary then. Oh God, okay. just like, Cooey, I'm still here, I want to get out? Well, if I said it was Gary, then...
Starting point is 00:24:05 Oh, God. Oh, shit, really? Jessie, don't you say things like that. People will copy and put them in the fridge. I am not... The thing about Gary was we found out after about seven years that Gary was in fact a woman. And Spike, my son, is a genius at gaming.
Starting point is 00:24:22 How do you find that out? We went to a date, I think. Oh, right, okay. And Spike immediately changed Gary's name to Barbara, which I think is a great name for a tortoise. So, did you, am I imagining, did you do something with SEO Trot? Yeah, did a TV version.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Because you loved having a tortoise so much. Well, it was, in a way, I suppose I had. I got used to it. It was really hilarious because we did have hundreds of real tortoises. And Dustin Hoffman had to, you know, coexist with them for week after week. And they're messy. They wouldn't know a toilet if it got up and gave them a hug so who's your favourite animal
Starting point is 00:25:07 I love the animals now I mean I love them but I just I love them specifically but not generally we've got little posies of the dog shit so you've got dogs, cats, tortoises and rabbits I'm just pushing for goats now and baby donkeys
Starting point is 00:25:23 also I would like to get a house dwarf pony. A house? It lives in the house? Yeah, it's a thing. House dwarf pony. Do you live... Have you got a big house? I'm presuming that...
Starting point is 00:25:34 Not big enough for horses. Yeah, right. No, let's be honest. You've got a big garden. It's the word dwarf. They're tiny. But like how tiny? Like as tiny as my son?
Starting point is 00:25:42 I don't know. I think it might have been a Photoshop, to be honest. But I was excited. I've seen the miniature but the mini pigs they're like what they micro what they called the pigs? Micro pigs. Turns out there are no such thing as a micro pig they're just piglets and they call them micro pigs and then you get them and then they become pigs. What did Mel B have? She had fainting goats. Fainting goats? No way. What? Fainting goats. And I said, well, what happens?
Starting point is 00:26:06 She went, they faint. So I was like, that's really sadistic. They fall over and faint. And she painted them in separate colours, didn't she? Yeah, like tie-dyed them or something. Yeah, tie-dyed them. Yeah. She's nuts.
Starting point is 00:26:17 So wait a second. Can I ask you a question just that occurs to me? Because I mentioned the word Barbara and therefore I thought about Barbara Streisand. Oh, yeah. Are you going to go to Hyde Park? I'm very tempted. I really like Hyde Park. Celine Dion therefore I thought about Barbara Streisand. Oh, yeah. Are you going to go to Hyde Park? I'm very tempted. I really love it. Celine Dion on one date and Barbara on the next.
Starting point is 00:26:28 Because I saw Barbara about 15 years ago, and her voice was so extraordinary. It's the best. And I remember thinking, when the instrument, you know, normally someone sings and then a clarinet comes in, and you think how extraordinarily pure
Starting point is 00:26:45 the clarinet is but she would start singing the clarinet with Joy and you'd think that's rough take the clarinet out because her voice
Starting point is 00:26:52 is so it's so wonderful she can do things with her voice that nobody can do so can Celine Dion to be fair it's like the best
Starting point is 00:26:57 weekend ever I was going to ask you your top three or four maybe five female singers yeah just to get a sense of it
Starting point is 00:27:04 Billy Holiday. Thank you. Sade. Whitney Houston. Barbra Streisand. Bloody hell, this is a good list. Oh, flip. Who should the last one be?
Starting point is 00:27:14 I'll get back to you on that one. Okay. Female voice. Did you say Whitney? I'm throwing Joni Mitchell at you. Joni's great. Sorry, Joni is great. Yeah, but not Kate Bush.
Starting point is 00:27:22 Oh, Kate Bush. Let's go there. Kate Bush is the five and five. Yeah. Who's yours? Yeah, Jodie is great. Yeah, but not Kate Bush. Oh, Kate Bush. Let's go there. Kate Bush is the five and five. Yeah. Who's yours? Yeah, go on. Yours. Well, you know, the thing is I couldn't get a girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:27:31 I mean, for love nor money. And so I do feel that from 13 to 23, I was in the hands of these extraordinary singers. They were my emotional education. They were the women who I loved and so that was Kate Bush Joan Armatrading Chrissie Hynde Linda Ronstad Joni Mitchell I don't know Linda Ronstad oh she's amazing she was sort of when the Eagles were huge the Eagles learned a lot of what they learned from Linda Ronstadt she was just a incredibly pretty but rather wonderful
Starting point is 00:28:08 country and Western singer yeah or sort of East Coast yeah yeah she did a lovely she did some great cover so she did brilliant version she's the original version of Desperado which the Eagles then did so So yeah, she was wonderful. Probably got some of the duples. I depended on them. How did you two meet? I can tell this bit. I interviewed him when I was at GLR, Greater London Radio for the BBC,
Starting point is 00:28:36 doing their morning show and Richard was just producing the first ever Comic Relief. And I did a three minute interview down the phone line with him just oh so tonight on BBC's brand new charity event called Comic Relief and this is the producer and he's
Starting point is 00:28:52 called Richard Curtis and what have you got on the show just that and then at the end of that little interview sort of knew it was love actually so you're just as big a romantic as Richardard took me ages oh it took me years honestly what to fall in love with emma asked me to marry her at one point and
Starting point is 00:29:12 i asked can i have a year just to think it over and then at the end i said yeah i don't did you get married no are you why you don't want to you don't believe in it no it's not that i don't believe it's the most it's you know we've never got to the bottom i think the answer really was i can say this in to your mum that i think the the wedding my mum would have wanted yeah is not a wedding i would have wanted because there would have been an enormous number of her friends at it and consequently in a way it was was easier just not to get married because it didn't seem to be making much difference in terms of children. Right, yeah, fair enough.
Starting point is 00:29:56 I'm really sorry. Connor's outside with a wok doing something to the pasta. Oh, this is hysterical. Is it a colander or a wok? I don't know, but this is hysterical. I want table manners to be like this every week. We have someone cooking for us. Yes, chef.
Starting point is 00:30:11 Thank you so much. So that's the celebrity. It's the celebrity. That's what always happens. You get a celebrity chef. Wow. This is fantastic. Wow, thank you.
Starting point is 00:30:21 Thank you. This is so delicious. This is so delicious. It is so good. Did you make the pasta as well? Yes. Did you? So what does a Belfast boy... How did you learn to make such good Italian?
Starting point is 00:30:37 Once you learn how to cook, you can apply it to any discipline, really, once you get the basics. Oh, no, sorry. Conor's just made us dinner and now is holding my baby. But my baby's really happy. Did that rival... He just gave a really big smile. Did that rival your smile that you got, Emma? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:30:55 I think mine was bigger. I'll give you that one. You're really into your music, aren't you? I am. One of the things I love most is that I've not done the thing I most love. So I haven't had to exercise any critical ability. I mean, you must think, do I like this? Do I not like that? What style do I feel strongest about?
Starting point is 00:31:17 It becomes love-hate sometimes. Yeah, because I love everything to do with music and I just consider it. You know, that's why I did a movie about pirate radio and doing a movie now about the Beatles. So when is Yesterday coming out? Two weeks now. Oh, really? Starring Ed Sheeran, playing the part of Ed Sheeran. He's good at that. it because it's sort of um it's about a very unsuccessful singer-songwriter from suffolk
Starting point is 00:31:46 who then becomes the biggest star in the world because he's the only person who can remember the beatles music but in the end he has to sort of in a way choose between the music and the love of a girl who's he's always loved and so he went all the way around the world the world was his oyster but in the end he comes back and he's in love with a girl he was at school with. And that's the sort of thesis anyway of the film. Ed's very funny and he worked very hard at it. He said, I want to learn more about acting. And Danny Boyle taught him some stuff about acting.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Oh, really? Yeah. Danny's big note was listen. And did he? Yeah, he said, it's really hard and it's absolutely true if you've got your line and you're just waiting to say your line you're going to say it badly and artificially but if you think of if you're really focusing on what the other person says to you then your line will just become a kind of natural follow-on to what
Starting point is 00:32:40 they've just said so Ed's Ed's brilliant in it i mean and he looks funny because he's got all that he's got that funny face and the funny hair yeah he takes things yeah he does work he's yeah he's amazing i love him very very much and cherry is brilliant well he's been by the way because we are in the context of comic relief he has been absolutely brilliant for us as well and and the little documentary he did this year, which was about homelessness, I think made the most money, or the second most money on the night.
Starting point is 00:33:09 First time, actually, very interesting this year, first time that the UK documentaries have actually made more money than the ones from abroad. But then he travelled abroad, didn't he, to... I remember seeing that film. Was it to Tanzania? No, Liberia. Liberia.
Starting point is 00:33:24 To Liberia with the boys Liberia to Liberia with the boys and he wanted to kind of help them and he was frustrated yeah marvellous
Starting point is 00:33:30 and so open hearted and he's been great and I remember I was like in real trouble we were one song short the first time we did Red Nose Day in America
Starting point is 00:33:39 and Ed happened to be in town and he charged in and sang a duet with Kermit oh my you're the frog yeah he did the Rainbow Connection yeah he's brilliant yeah And Ed happened to be in town and he charged in and sang a duet with Kermit. Oh, my God. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:47 He did the Rainbow Connection. Yeah, he's brilliant. Yeah. Are people more interested in supporting home projects now than things abroad? Well, it's a very interesting thing. Basically, until now, it's always been a bit head and heart. You know, what happens is people, with their hearts, when they watch the documentaries on the night they're so moved by the intensity of the problems that they see abroad that's what
Starting point is 00:34:11 they actually give money to but they wouldn't feel as comfortable giving money abroad if they didn't know that stuff was being spent here as well you know because you really charity does begin at home and is incredibly important elsewhere and people want to know that both is true. But this year, interestingly, and whether or not it is a sort of sociological shift or just two really strong films, Ed did a great film about the number of people who die on British streets from homelessness.
Starting point is 00:34:38 And Olivia Colman did a beautiful film about refugees just saying Britain was so amazing with the Kindertransport and the war and what's the difference now with completely innocent children coming in from Syria, why would we not open our arms to take care of them and they were the ones that made
Starting point is 00:34:55 the most money on the night You don't have to talk about this but obviously there was so much about the Stacey Dooley gate and the fact that David Lam, but I, you know, obviously there was so much about the Stacey Dooley gate and the fact that David Lammy got involved, you know, commented.
Starting point is 00:35:10 And do you feel like that maybe potentially took away from the, I don't think it, I mean, one of the reasons we sort of didn't answer it is because you don't want to stoke up the controversy at a time when brilliant kids are doing really innocent things. Um, because it's actually a really interesting debate and em got particularly sort of interested and passionate about it because it does raise important issues i mean for me it's very complex we absolutely have
Starting point is 00:35:38 to do the right thing we have to be ahead of the curve it's really important to represent positive things as well and to be really sensitive when you're talking about africa that you're actually saying the right things on the other hand um it's really important to realize that people often do identify with presenters who go there and that in fact one of the ways of feeling empathy and compassion is to find someone who you love and are interested in in that situation. So they sort of become you.
Starting point is 00:36:08 And I'm nervous about giving that up completely. And also the harsh truth is that people will give money to sadder things until we crack the conundrum of making really optimistic films which are as good at fundraising and the truth of matter is the ball's now back in our court and we should try and find magical ways of saying look the amazing things your money raises do do that rather than saying look at
Starting point is 00:36:37 the terrible things that happen unless you raise money so we're in the middle of a of a journey on that and you know it's an issue well raised and something we've got to be much cannier about but you know obviously it's slightly heartbreaking when it happens and you think you might be losing money but in the end i think in the in the interface of the night itself nobody watched an extraordinary film about malaria or an extraordinary film about refugees and thought i wonder whether or not i should give money because of that argument i don't think i don't think that happened david lammy on next year he should go on the show he's not a friend of comic relief that's the thing he's not has he never been does he think it's a kind of some sort
Starting point is 00:37:20 of colonial well i think he believes which is a very complicated argument, he actually believes that the negative impression of Africa is not worth the money that we make, whereas I actually don't think that's right because every grant that we give in Africa is asked for by a brilliant local leader doing a really important thing in their own community so i think it's a very nuanced argument and i feel i'm probably too much on our side and david's probably too much on the other side and we will come to a you know brilliant conclusion somewhere
Starting point is 00:37:59 in the middle the thing that it has done though, is created a different kind of debate within Comic Relief, which is fantastic, actually. Yeah, it can't be bad. It's really good. It's really important. And all we're trying to do is the right thing. And when you have enough people coming to you and saying, I know you're trying to do the right thing, but in some ways it's more damaging than you understand, then the answer is not, but, but, but, listen to us. ddod i'r peth cywir, ond mewn rhai ffyrdd mae'n fwy ddiffyg na'ch bod yn deall, yna'r ateb nid yw, ond, ond, ond, gwrando atym, mae'r ateb yw, ddweud wrthym. Ac roedd llawer o bobl wedi dweud wrthym y tro, ac roedd, dwi'n credu, i mi, roedd yn teimlo fel
Starting point is 00:38:36 addysg. Rwy'n teimlo, rwy'n teimlo, rwy'n teimlo, rydyn ni wedi symud y dial yn gyfan o'r Cymru Relyff ar y ffordd rydyn ni'n ei angen i gael, nid yn unig, amddiffyn, ond hefyd moved the dial within comic relief on the way that we need to not only have diversity but also representation uh which are two very different things and inclusion which is a third different thing and you know we hadn't taken enough of that on board in the past and things will change um back to food yeah we didn't get onto your desert island meal. Yeah. I know rice is going to feature in that, but like, let's go start of main pud. Well, I don't know. And a drink.
Starting point is 00:39:10 It's really tricky. This is like saying, which is your... Jesse, I don't feel that we've got to the evolution of how he gets there. Because I don't know what sort of food you ate as a child. Well, I can tell you very... I can tell you very, very quickly quickly because it is quite sweet. Basically, my mum was sort of hardcore Australian in the 1930s and 40s.
Starting point is 00:39:34 So dinner was lamb chops. Lucky you. So we basically had lamb chops five days a week. Five days a week? With a slightly different vegetable and a slightly different potato and then exotic friday where you would either have fish and chips or like something really radical like pasta like spaghetti bolognese amazingly unusual sometimes chili con carne and then on sunday you'd have roast lamb so oh shit so Sunday you were back to the lamb
Starting point is 00:40:05 do you like lamb still yeah I do but it's got to be burnt burnt well because my mum always burnt the lamb well it was like well cooked but like well cooked so it kind of falls apart or is it like well cooked so it's tough to sell boots so it's just crispy you know so it's basically a lamb chop which is a bit like sort of bacon it's like you cut it and it's it's crispy wow um so that was my my upbringing was very lamb based i mean never had fish so it's very lamb based lamb so okay when you get to sweden yeah you're not gonna have lamb every day well we are oh really yeah the swedes want us to eat fish the swedes want us to eat fish but mom's having want us to eat fish, but mum's having none of it. So you weren't on Sprats?
Starting point is 00:40:48 No. So you still had lamb every day? I'm still very frightened of unusual fish. Oh, really? Yeah, I've never had an octopus or a mollusk. You do not ever have calamari? No, never had a calamari. I mean, I'm ashamed.
Starting point is 00:41:02 Don't be ashamed. I'm ashamed. I mean I'm ashamed don't be ashamed but I think I'm ashamed it was it's a two main course meal never been happier
Starting point is 00:41:11 oh darling look at it that's like a dream so hang on what's in this it's got that's the very crispy chicken it's got
Starting point is 00:41:18 a chicken what else is in it I think it's a stir it's got chicken no I can see olives olives I can see apricots prunes and apricots and it's a stir it's got no i can see olives olives i can see apricots and apricots and it's marinated in olive oil and oregano the only thing i haven't got a clue
Starting point is 00:41:33 there's a famous line in that book heartburn i know where the woman says that nothing that tastes good with capers doesn't taste better without capers. So I'm sceptical of the caper, but only because of Nora Ephron. Yeah, but you won't taste the capers. It's a bit like putting anchovies in things. You don't really taste it. It's just the flavour. I just want to say this is the best...
Starting point is 00:42:04 Mablla chicken. Marbella chicken that I've ever had. It's a lesson in how to mix in a jar of pesto into some slightly overcooked rice. It really is. Mate, I'm so sorry. So, when you went to Sweden, Yeah?
Starting point is 00:42:30 you were still eating lamb chops. So it was still lamb five days a week. No, six days a week. Yeah, I don't think we were very affected by the Swedish thing. Did you have good pastries? Except you became very obsessed in Sweden by, you know, they're obsessed by new potatoes. Oh. In Sweden.
Starting point is 00:42:44 You know know in England we the most successful tin vegetable is baked beans there they're so obsessed by new potatoes it's new potatoes in brine with dill but so because they just didn't have them it was their treat you know nine months of winter and then suddenly out come the new potatoes. So I love a new potato and dill. And then the thing I mainly remember was my dad was working for the equivalent of Wall's ice cream there, which was called Trollhättä Glass. And sometimes they would give us hundreds and hundreds of ice creams
Starting point is 00:43:22 that had failed in the marketplace. So I just remember... Had a fridge full of ice creams that had failed in the marketplace so i just remember had a fridge full of a fridge full of pineapple mivies oh yeah and that was what i would ice lolly on the outside and ice cream on the inside i love those like the strawberry ones oh yeah i love them and then i then I became obsessed by chocolate cake. And every day, my mum used to cook me chocolate cake and then I realised what I really liked was chocolate mixture. So every day I would make... The chocolate cake mixture. The chocolate cake mixture.
Starting point is 00:43:56 And then my mum read somewhere that eggs, raw eggs, aren't good for you. So then I would make the chocolate cake mixture without the eggs, which was less nice but still good so it was mainly Mivy's and raw chocolate cake mixture in Sweden that sounds healthy yeah and then where did you move you went to Warrington by the way at this time I was at boarding school where the food was so traumatizing. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:27 And the reason I think I can't eat exotic fish is that there used to be fish on a Friday. Every second Friday it would be white sauce and then the other Friday it would be red sauce. And you would smell it in the corridor as you queued. And they wouldn't let me leave the table until I'd finished it. So I would sit at the table for three hours because I wasn't allowed to leave the table so I miss lessons and sport and just sit there in front of this coagulating white fish and then after that I had all those years of sort of boy food in your 20s which is basically... Well kebabs? Particularly, yeah, Greek restaurants, Chinese restaurants, Indian restaurants,
Starting point is 00:45:09 Uddin Manzil's, The Swallow House and you know Mike's. Where was this? We were in Camden and first in Oxford and then in Camden and we used to go out almost every night nobody could cook in the house. Do you live in Camden? No, we live in Notting Hill by law. I imagine you live where the door was we live in notting hill i imagine you live where the door was and that was our house that was your house wasn't meant to be our house
Starting point is 00:45:31 it was our house and then the location manager for um notting hill went out to find the door they wanted for that for those scenes and came back and said i found it i found this door but it was your door i said where's our house, what are you talking about? And he went, what's the perfect door? We're using that one. Where do you like to eat in Notting Hill? My house. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:51 More than anything ever. Really? You don't like eating out? No, I love eating out, but I love eating in my house even more. Do you love your house? There's a great place called The Shed. I don't know it. Which we really like.
Starting point is 00:46:01 It sort of feels like you're in a boat, doesn't it? It's three brothers from, where are they from? They're from Kent or somewhere. One brother is the farmer, and one brother is the chef, and the other brother is the front of house manager. And the mum does the foraging. Where is it?
Starting point is 00:46:17 It's just sort of near Notting Hill Tube. The other thing that was huge in my 20s were pizzas, which were really only just arriving. And I remember they used to do that thing in Time Out where they said, pick your five favourite restaurants in London. I just picked five Pizza Expresses. Yeah, I said Pizza Express, Soho, Pizza Express, Bayswater Road, Pizza Express. What do you eat at Pizza Express?
Starting point is 00:46:40 Oh, now it's Roma, the thin... Really? Yeah. Okay, because it's a bit bigger. They get smaller and smaller. No, I'm just trying to feel less guilty. Roma pepperoni, really. But I used to have pepperoni hot.
Starting point is 00:46:55 Wasn't that what it was called? Mm-hmm. Which is pepperoni with the little... American hot. So I'm presuming you don't cook, really. No, I wish I did more. And I'm thinking of retiring from my old job. And my first thing on my to-do list is to learn how to cook risotto.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Because I love risotto. But you could learn now. Can you? This is all I've got. Oil, onion, add the rice, and then water. Got a bit to go, but no. That's all I've got oil, onion, add the rice and then water. Got a bit to go but no. That's what I've got at the moment. Can you just add a couple of details to that?
Starting point is 00:47:33 With fried onion I'd say. Stop, stop. Oh stop. Don't stare at me. Stop, not water. Stop, not water. Don't you have onion in yours? So onion, celery, cook it.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Yeah. A soft, no colour, add the rice yeah you cook that you know you cook that in oil oil or butter yeah fat basically add the rice when the rice is too hot to pick up yeah you add wine wine yeah essential lots of wine and then you cook all the wine off and then you ladle in your stock. But the rule is you can only use a wooden spoon and only work it clockwise. Do you know what? I think, to be honest,
Starting point is 00:48:14 I think that sounds like... What's that thing called? Nonsense. So you're going to learn to do the job? I'm really going to learn to cook I'd really love to do it and I do feel ashamed of the fact that I've let Em do all the cooking I think that's terrible wouldn't you be able to follow a recipe or would you be too naughty
Starting point is 00:48:36 well when I lived for 7 years on my own I had to cook but it was not a nice it was not a great experience I'm good at rice and frankfurters as i've said before and i've got the complete master of the frozen pea i never make a mistake there but i know there's better things to do with pea i love i love peas by the way do you do a pea soup i do a pea risotto is great i do you know my dream before i, I want to make a pea veloute. I don't know what it is, but it's...
Starting point is 00:49:10 Pea soup. Yeah, a pea soup with some foam. God, that would be brilliant. Are we allowed to ask the Desert Island meal now? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right, Desert Island meal.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Actually, no, first I want to know where you went on your first date meal-wise. Can you remember? Ours. Well, no, first I want to know where you went on your first date, meal-wise. Can you remember? Ours. Well, in some ways, I remember the falling in love happened after seeing The Abyss. Oh, yeah. I remember we went to see The Abyss, not James Cameron's masterpiece. I think we'll all agree.
Starting point is 00:49:38 And we went somewhere in Covent Garden, which I suspect was just tea and a croissant. And I thought, I can't be happier than this I think that's what the abyss and tea and a croissant and I was reeling
Starting point is 00:49:51 from the fact that he'd taken me to the cinema which I assume meant you wanted to have a snog on the back row and you didn't
Starting point is 00:49:57 touch me nothing watch the movie you wanted him to I was very ahead of my time in terms of I thought you went
Starting point is 00:50:04 to the cinema with boys in order to have a snog no I was very keen on James Cameron the progress of his career through Terminator and Alien to The Abyss I had no idea you had that in mind otherwise I would have
Starting point is 00:50:18 gone to see a less interesting film but I do just remember there was a moment of thinking oh I'm absolutely happy. I want to ask a few things. Do you think you've got good table manners? I hope, that's a really interesting question. It would have mattered a huge amount to my mum and dad.
Starting point is 00:50:34 They were of that generation, particularly my mum. My mum, you always said that instead of saying I'm full, you should say I have had adequate sufficiency. Adequate sufficiency. Adequate sufficiency. Oh I love her and I would hope I've got fairly good table manners but my M says I slurp my soup
Starting point is 00:50:55 Oh interesting. I can't hear it I can't hear it but My husband can't stand hearing me in apple he's like it drives me crazy but I kind of understand that Okay so what's your worst table manner that you think and other people like you can't stand another person and this is also something i got for my family i hate people when they clear a table piling america no but oh scraping the food onto another plate so they they turn the food into
Starting point is 00:51:28 rubbish in front of your very oh yeah right okay you know so suddenly something that was being eaten a second ago is scraped onto one plate and then they get another plate and they scrape because it seems to me that turns the food into rubbish so I think you should Because it seems to me that turns the food into rubbish. So I think you should clear all six plates, as it were, and then compile them. That matters to me. Did you know that it's polite to eat hot food as soon as it's put in front of you
Starting point is 00:51:55 rather than wait for everyone to be served? Do you know how polite we are when we all go, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. Apparently it's wrong. You should eat it straight away because it's hot. Tell me about this amazing pudding. It's just lemon curd roulade. With rose petals
Starting point is 00:52:10 this is a new reaction. So it's not pavlova? No, I think it's kind of like pavlova. It's like a rolled pavlova isn't it? Yeah. Well it looks amazing. It is really she's bloody good at this. Did you get I mean did you feel you were
Starting point is 00:52:25 very well fed as you were young was it was was every meal about a mystery i mean i was very well fed because i had three servings of each thing so yeah i was very well fed mum yeah i made her nipples bleed as soon as i came out like thank you darling sorry i wanted to know brexit we ask everybody on this series, if they were to stockpile one thing, I think I know the answer. Stockpile one thing? You mean you never can go back to Europe and you've got to keep one thing? Yeah, we're hoping.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Two things. One, truffle. Okay. Can you only get it abroad? Get it in Scotland. I don't know what it's like, though. Can't we get it in Scotland? I don't know what it's like though. Can you get it in Scotland? You can get it in Wiltshire. Wiltshire do a good line on truffle, black truffle. You're sorted then. Oh okay. Don't worry about that.
Starting point is 00:53:14 Not like the white Alba truffle. That's a different colour. Then I think probably a record by a guy called Jimmy Fontana called Il Mondo. I've heard of Jimmy Fontana. He was an old pop star in about 1965 and I went on holiday with my dad to Alba and I squeezed it into my film About Time. It's a very strange Italian song that plays when Rachel McAdams gets married
Starting point is 00:53:39 so I can't imagine life without that. Okay. Jean Almondo, Jean Almondo, Spazio senza fine, coli amore, appellate, coli amore, giapponiti. I've been singing those words all my life. I love them. No idea what they mean.
Starting point is 00:53:53 No idea. We still didn't get your desert island. Oh, desert island. Okay, so, well, I'm starting with P. Valute. Or last, okay. P. Valute. P. Valute. Okay, okay. You've made. A choice of pastas, okay. P. Valute. That you've never had. P. Valute. Okay.
Starting point is 00:54:06 That you've made. A choice of pastas, I think. Either the one we've just had. Yeah, definitely. The pappardelle with beef or a, whatever is the best with truffle. Tallurini with butter. Tallurini with truffle. Okay. And then, mainly, lamb chops.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Your mother made. A la Glynis Wag so burnt lamb chops with you can't really have rice can you you can you can
Starting point is 00:54:32 with Swedish new potatoes and more peas and dill and lamb chops and then pudding I'm going to have M's pavlova
Starting point is 00:54:40 aww thank you so much for doing this I'm coming every night. Oh my God, please do. No, no. Please do. No, that's, you mustn't, that's not.
Starting point is 00:54:49 No, they really like me and they want me to come back. They really, and hold the baby. I'm quite up for it. I'm good with the child. Oh, that's true. A night nurse. Thank you for looking after my child. Thank you so much for putting your tenner in.
Starting point is 00:55:01 Or 20, whatever. I'm disappointed. I'm bringing the mill I want to say a last thing about comic relief yeah please which is only that I
Starting point is 00:55:09 there are a million ways that you can change people's lives and what is so brilliant about 99% of English people is just that when you open the door
Starting point is 00:55:22 to doing something that helps other people they stride through it so I just want to thank our lovely guests who just thought well I'll give away some money on the 0% chance of winning because I know it'll make a difference
Starting point is 00:55:36 and I want to thank you guys enormously it's been such fun thank you for introducing us thank you so much to everybody it's been just so lovely. I don't really know what just happened, but I think everyone had a really good time. I hope so.
Starting point is 00:56:04 He was very funny very comic I thought he was just so engaging and fun and interesting and so committed to comic relief and what he's doing oh it was such a pleasure to have them and I can't believe that the drawers raised so much money it's amazing so we're just so happy that we were a part of that and what wonderful guests fabulous jill and connor yeah brought their own food such fun yeah it's good to know that we've got fun listeners yeah it's fab um no that was so interesting and lovely and actually felt quite relaxing because we had somebody cooking for us. I'm drunk, so I wasn't het up. Did you not drink? No. Oh, well done, Mum.
Starting point is 00:56:47 I didn't drink either. No. But I did have beef shin. I don't know how that works with beef. Oh, that was so delicious. It was really good. I love that when... Connor said, have you got any parmesan?
Starting point is 00:56:58 My manager, Peter, didn't have parmesan. He had wonderful grated mature cheese. Reduced fat. Oh, reduced fat! Like... didn't have parmesan he had wonderful grated mature reduce flat reduce fat we have been booked for edinburgh festival fantastic um edinburgh fringe festival does that mean that we are fringe no darling it's not fringe the fringe artists appear there but they don't call it edinburgh fringe festival yes they do mom oh yeah miss no it almost freaking blowtorch creme brulee over here actually edinburgh fringe festival 2019 we have been booked for okay um we have some surprise guests yet to be announced we have sold some
Starting point is 00:57:38 tickets and uh we would love to see that if anybody is deciding to come down i don't know what our sc contingent... We're quite early in the day, aren't we? We're on at 12, so I think it will be a brunch affair. And I am interested how we're going to do that for the audience, what we could make. We could do bacon butties. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:56 And we would love to see that. We are performing on... Performing, mum. The 2nd and 3rd of August. So please let us know on Instagram if you are attending. We'd love to hear from you. At Table Manners Podcast. And the ticket link is in the bio of our Instagram profile.
Starting point is 00:58:14 So if you'd like to buy some tickets, you can do it there. Mum, do you remember when we were talking about life hacks? Yes. Well, bless. We actually have had some emails to our table manners email so who has sent this in helen fleming helen fleming writes i'm celiac and vegan oh jesus she must hate us yeah okay and would probably be your nightmare to cook for. Yes. But want you to know that I love food. I cook every day and vegan cooking is never boring.
Starting point is 00:58:48 It's definitely harder being celiac than it is being vegan. Yeah, I bet. I think if I made you my chili, you'd never know it didn't have meat in it. My top tip or life hack, mum, is to blitz roasted walnuts and the mushrooms in a food processor, which gives the texture of mince. Thank you, vegan Helen. Can't you use use corn she's giving you a life hack oh that's jesus christ okay never mind forget it life hacks why don't they call it tips all right fucking change change it mum change it okay right a life hack for lenny is the subject yeah people really want you to understand this and enjoy it and embrace it david patterson another vegan david patterson okay tie a little knot and either the left or right cord
Starting point is 00:59:30 of your headphones or earbuds and you will never need to check to see which bud goes in which ear changed my life on transatlantic bikes also ruins the quality of sound probably david so why do you knock them if you knock both of them, then how would you know? Oh, just one. He's saying either. Well, I'm glad that that's worked for you. I'm sure you're hearing really shit sound, David. Why is he sending that to me, though?
Starting point is 00:59:55 No, he's explaining what a life hack is, Mum. Okay. Fucking hell. All right. We're getting interactive. We're going global. Come on, get with the programme. Becky Medhurst, hi, Jessie and Lenny, OXO cubes are packaged so you can pour the stock granules into the pan without touching them.
Starting point is 01:00:11 You what? OXO cubes are packaged so you can pour the stock granules into the pan without touching them. I've never actually been offended by crumbling a bloody OXO cube, though. I know, but maybe you shouldn't be touching them. I don't know okay we've got a video of the oxo cube bless her squash your oxo cube whilst it's in the foil go on becky oh yeah thank you becky she is squashing it with her hand we're now watching the second video that says then tear the corner of the flattened oxo cube and it becomes a sachet oh no that is quite clever but to be fair becky i think that's taken longer than if i just
Starting point is 01:00:49 crumbled it with my fingers that is quite clever i like that one becky you know what that's a good life hack i'm gonna try that so i'm an irish guy living in nyc listen since day one i've seen you twice jesse and your podcast makes me feel like home even though i'm irish thanks babe this familial sound is comforting nyc restaurants dirty french oh yeah that's in the hotel blood load i love i love the look of that and a vegan restaurant trust me called yeah yeah yeah been there kevin and it's bloody good thanks so much for communicating with us our email that we would love you to email into is hello at tablemannerspodcast.com. The Table Manners music you have been enjoying is by Pete Fraser and Peter Duffy.
Starting point is 01:01:42 And our dear editor and producer is Alice Williams.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.