Table Manners with Jessie and Lennie Ware - S6 Ep 9: Greg James and Bella Mackie
Episode Date: June 19, 2019We’ve got another first this week... our first couple on Table Manners & a total power duo - Greg James & Bella Mackie. With Prosecco at midday, we chat wedding food, stockpiling wine, ...compare hours of sleep and now we understand what a 'tailender' is. And I ruin pudding. Again. Enjoy x Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hello and welcome to Table Manners.
Do you want me to speak?
Yeah, sure.
Am I allowed?
Oh, fuck.
Okay.
Go on then, Christiana.
Hi.
Oh, if you say that again, I'll smack you.
Look, can we give a big thank you to my friend answini yeah who has come to meals on wheels
meals on wheels with because i've had a bad bat has done a veggie delight for our vegetarian
bella's a vegetarian oh okay cool so what what's theweeney pie? It's kind of, she does it with a phyllo pastry base rather than a pizza base.
I think it's got artichoke hearts, it's got pine nuts, I think mushrooms, tomato.
And it's kind of like a quiche or a pie.
It's like an open pie.
I haven't looked at it yet.
I've looked at it, it came in the Uber.
Yeah, it's like an open pie.
So I just pop it in the oven.
I think I should send her some
flowers yeah i'll send her some flowers so we've got that yeah what else have you done i've just
done a green salad no bread i don't think you need it you're on detox well no everyone else
why would you need bread i don't suppose you do well we're having it with a green salad and i can
you can you're good at doing um asparagus and then I haven't griddled the peaches yet because I thought there's no point.
We'll griddle away, darling.
I went and got some peaches.
I've toasted some almonds and some cream.
Thank you, Anne Sweeney.
She's the best cook anyway, so they're very lucky to have her.
Better than us, really.
So today we have Bella Mackey and Greg James, who are a couple.
Bella Mackey is a journalist and has written a
book about running and about how it's called jog on and it's about how running saved her life
what's about running mental health it's about running and mental health yeah she writes um
she's a freelance journalist and Greg is a radio one presenter now has taken over the breakfast show and has written a kid's book.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kid normal.
And also has a podcast with your mate, Felix White.
Tailenders.
Yeah.
And I don't even know what a tailender is.
Well, there we go.
We can ask them.
I'm interested to see who they think has the best table manners out of each of them.
I loved her dress at her wedding.
Me too.
I was just going to say exactly the same thing. had about three outfit changes yeah she looked gorgeous and she
had this fantastic polka dot dress as well i want to know where it came from it's great we would
love to involve the table manners community into this mad podcast by asking if you have any good
recipes i don't i mean when i say what your favorite restaurant? I don't want you to say McDonald's.
It's not funny.
I would love you to give us some of your recipes,
some of your favorite London places to eat.
It's my favorite thing to do on Twitter is when I go away,
I just kind of ask everybody where to eat.
And then you just kind of, it's a bit of a sifting situation,
but I love it.
So yeah, any tips of where to eat in Edinburgh?
We'd love some food spots in edinburgh
i love the timber yard and i know there's so we're going to stay yeah anywhere uh can anybody put us
up um we'd love to know uh where we could eat in edinburgh that would be fantastic i definitely
am going to try and go to long clume on the way up um and then yeah life hacks recipes please get
in touch and we will be reading stuff out and and just want to get to know you a bit better.
The email you can write into is hello at tablemannerspodcast.com.
All lowercase.
It doesn't matter.
Just spoil my little bit.
Do you want to say anything to your fans, Mum?
No, darling, I think you've said enough.
Ooh, nobody puts Lenny in the corner, sorry
You need to griddle some peaches
Should I do that before they come?
Shit
What about the asparagus?
You don't have to do it stuff like that
Well, how should we do the asparagus?
Griddle, or boil it
I've only got one griddle
Well, boil it then
Okay, you're on asparagus, I'm on griddle peaches
Okay
Let's go
We'll boil it then. OK, you're on asparagus, I'm on griddle peaches.
OK.
Let's go.
Bella Mackey and Greg James, thanks so much for coming over,
bringing gifts, feminist gifts.
You're welcome.
I always carry these books with me.
Thank you, Bella.
Greg, big feminist reader.
Loves Rebecca Solnit.
Darling, will you check if that's...
It's not brown yet.
OK, put it on for five more minutes, darling.
Do you see how we're... This is how we work.
It's really... Who knows what it will taste like?
From stalking you both on Instagram, you've got a new rescue dog.
Oh, yeah, we adopted one from Batsy Dogs Home,
just if you want
a rescue dog.
Adopts don't shop, guys.
No, I agree.
And also that means
you can be really smug
and say that online.
Yeah.
Hashtag.
So we've got an amazing
year old Labrador puppy
called Barney
and he is the most amazing
little thing.
Does Barney like Barney?
They didn't
she does like him now
hon have you got two dogs
yeah
we've got two and a half
are you mad
we've got two and a half dogs
yes is the answer to that
because my parents have
a 13 year old pug
that is incontinent
which sort of
is part of the pack
and like sort of
is
in the house
around
but
so we have two and a half dogs
two and a half dogs
so do you have an au pair for your dogs yeah
we just realized you pay for somebody else to look after them you know what well we really look
three months in we have a dog i was doing all of it yeah sorry yeah dog walk but i was doing all
of it i was doing like every day you know 12 hours a day and greg would sort of come home and like
wave at the dog and then go out something glamorous again and i was getting really resentful
a and b i wasn't doing any work.
I was just like trudging around.
I was honestly doing 20 kilometers a day with this dog and just kind of crying constantly when it did stuff.
And so we just thought throwing money at the problem and to stop us getting a divorce, just get someone to walk it during the day.
And then we can have like the fun time with it.
But not my I was being consumed by the dog.
I was getting slightly obsessional about like, like, the dog need so it's just better right and when bella says i go to
something glamorous she means go upstairs to bed yeah of course obviously my glamorous dreams
what's it what's it like yeah how are you how are you i'm okay doing the show makes it all
worthwhile because it's that 6 30 till 10 bit of my day is great.
Getting up at 4.30.
And I'm saying that in front of a new mother.
It's not fun, is it?
No, it's not fun.
So do you ever go out in the evening?
Yeah, not as much though.
But our relationship sort of was based on going out and getting pissed and having dinner late into the night.
Quite early on in our relationship because I was doing
an afternoon show
and Bella's whole life
has been based on that anyway
but no
but that's what we
we quite like going out
but this is
we've ruined our lives
no but it's really
it is really fun
but we just had to
change our routine
a little bit
it's hard for you
and we decided to add
a very bouncy
rescue dog
into the situation
which I thought
was a great idea
at the time
and it is
overall a great idea but sometimes you and it is overall a great idea
but sometimes you're not giving him back stupid no no no never they're a big responsibility dog
so you have every friday off now though i do have friday so you have friday so you have a proper
weekend but can you sleep properly yeah i'm not too bad so do you stay up late on the thursday
and think oh i've got Friday off?
Yeah, Thursday feels like the last day of term every week.
Yeah.
Amazing.
And can you get back into the swing of things or just so tired?
By about Wednesday, it all crumbles down again.
Sometimes by sort of about quarter past nine some mornings,
I actually say on the show,
I'm done.
Well, I'll come back tomorrow and do some more.
Because I think it's important to be honest. You should do that uninterrupted playing of music then.
Just be like, now this is the time for you.
You could just do that.
Ten in a row.
Yeah, exactly.
How great would that be?
So you knock off at ten?
Yeah, but we don't finish.
We pre-record some stuff for the next day.
So we're kind of out of,
we're done by midday in the studio.
So that's quite a long. Shit. It's quite a long sort of focusing thing i mean you're making out that
that's your only job you have just written a kid uh sorry do you call it a kid's book or do you
call it a but what age range is it for eight to twelve okay cool so my daughter can't have it yet
but um she's very i mean sorry she's really advanced they're proper stories yeah so they
they take a proper time to sit down and write.
How many have you written?
We've just started writing the fourth one.
Wow.
Yeah, fourth kid normal.
And yeah, but I do that with Chris Smith, my good pal.
So actually we sort of share the load quite a lot, which is good.
But then you do Tailenders as well.
That is, but it's a podcast, isn't it?
That's fun.
With Felix, who was here. Was he at this very table? He was when it was over there. which is good but then you do Tailenders as well but it's a podcast isn't it that's fun with Felix
who was here
was he at this
very table
Felix and her
have been at school
since they were six
we love Felix
still at school
I love Felix
I love him so much
he's the kindest man
in the world
he is
he's a bit lax
but he's very kind
but it has started
why
we're all lax
that's why we do a podcast together
and we love it so much
he has started bringing wine
to dinner now
was he not
no
he said no
he used to say
he said Lenny
I bought you a bottle of wine
I'm a grown up now
and it was a decent bottle
now we want to see
what does tail enders mean
so tail enders
do you even know what tail enders is
no
no but you know
do you know the cricket
is it the cricketer that comes in to bat at the end?
No.
Yeah, exactly.
You see?
Yeah, so there's 11 players in the cricket team,
and then it tends to be the last two or three batsmen aren't,
they're normally bowlers, so they're not very good at batting,
so they're called the tail-enders because they're in at the tail.
So that's what it is.
They bring them on last because they're not very good.
They're not subs. No, they come in last. Third sub. So it's like the... They bring them on last because they're not very good. That's the subs.
No, they come in last.
Third sub.
No, it's like the...
In football.
In the batting order.
They're not as good
as the rest at batting.
How shit's been known
as the tail enders?
But they might be
a fantastic bowler.
Yeah.
So they might not be
a good batsman.
Okay, got it.
In the other way round,
what would that person
be called?
Bowlender?
No.
Not really, there just wouldn't be bowlers.
That's the mean thing about cricket,
is that everyone has to bat, but not everyone has to bowl.
I love when I listen to cricket enthusiasts,
such as you and Felix,
you are so enthusiastic to try and explain
and try and win people over to like cricket.
And me, Bella's got her arms crossed.
I know, I know.
I'm just confused.
Like, no, I don't give a shit about cricket.
There's a desperation.
I resent how complicated it is.
Is it complicated?
Well, I know that it's stupid,
but I can't understand why.
It says complicatedness rugby,
which changes the rules all the time.
Well, even the referees in rugby
don't understand some of the rules.
They have to keep, because they change them so often.
So when you're doing your podcast, what are you talking about?
Cricket, obviously.
What are you talking about?
No, I'm listening to Terlander.
No, obviously, a subscribe.
No, but I just want to know, are there leagues at the moment?
Is there a World Cup at the moment?
The World Cup is currently happening in England and Wales.
So this is a really exciting time.
Didn't Afghanistan do really well recently?
I didn't even know they had a cricket team.
That's from the Guardian app.
No, it isn't.
Because I listen to news all the time.
So all the best players from the world are in the UK at the moment playing.
So how are you managing to...
Bella's zoned out.
So you have
sacrificed going to
a cricket match
I'm just thinking
about wine
we need to get
Gregmore wine
oh we need to get
Gregmore wine
yes where's the
Prosecco
but okay so are you
going to any of the
matches
yeah we're doing
live shows from
some of the matches
on Saturday
so they've made
our podcast into
the radio show
which is quite fun
to be fair I did
go to the live show
and I did think
it was really fun was it really fun?
yeah because it wasn't
actually really anything
about cricket
it wasn't like
nerding out about cricket
it was kind of just
taking the mickey
out of people
and making puns
but I liked it
what a review
no I liked it
it's basically
is it like
have I got news for you
but with a bit of
cricket flair
yeah
great
yeah that's a good way of looking at it it's a cricket show cricket flair yeah great yeah that's yeah that's amazing looking
at it it's a cricket show not really about cricket i think that's basically it you've
enjoying doing it so fun because it started as a so different to radio as well it is yeah because
you get uh it's a real niche i mean you love podcasts so much for that reasons that you get
a real niche what's your favoritesites this one no I really love
well I love
all politics ones
because I was a
journalist for such
a long time
so I think
really I think
the American
podcast
the daily
I love the daily
me too
amazing
can you do
Michael Barbaro
no
you can
I'm Michael Barbaro
here's what else
you need to know
in a day
I know
it's so wonderful
it's very soothing
I think you should do this as an interview technique, when you interview someone he goes
uh, uh, uh huh, uh huh, when he's listening he just goes uh, uh, uh huh.
So it sounds like you're still there.
Apparently that's the most complained about thing on the daily.
They said it the other day, they were like people like viscerally hate it or love it
but like people complain, they email in and they're like please stop doing that he's great michael barbara i want to meet him it's jog on your first book yeah yeah
it's the it's the first and only so far and i'm about to write three more what are they going to
be about so running yeah so my first book is running second book is a journal to accompany
the running book so it's going to be sort of how to start running when you're anxious.
It's very niche.
It's like anxious runners.
But it's kind of a how to start and not in a kind of you need to be this fast
and you need to be, you know, this long and blah, blah, blah.
It's just like very idiot guide to learning how to run.
I need that.
Yeah, to make you happy rather than to kind of make you, you know, lose weight.
Do you run skinny?
I do, yeah.
Exactly.
And then the books two and three,
three and four are novels
that I got signed to write,
so I'm doing that.
But that means you're at home a lot
on your own.
I'm at home all the time on my own
walking the dog.
Or feeling guilty about not walking the dog.
Yeah, got it.
Or watching TV.
Really?
Are you a big TV watcher
I'm just such a
procrastinator
I just sit down
at my kitchen table
to write
and then I write
250 words
and then I go
oh my god
this is the worst
thing in the world
and I get up
and I'm like
what can I do
I'm online shop
and I paint my nails
and I read a book
speaking about online
shopping you look
fantastic today
I know
and I do
I feel like we're
darting about
sorry
no no no
please
your outfits for
your wedding they were good Jacquemus the best he's so fit he is really fit yeah he's really fit
Greg he's so fit beautiful French man can I what's his name I'll have a look while you're
um is that his full name I want to know about the polka dot the polka dot was I think she's
an Argentinian designer. That was amazing.
I ordered them all online and just got them
and then had them a bit altered if they needed it.
They looked amazing.
Yeah, I just bought everything online.
Did you have three outfit changes?
Yeah.
The last one was a velvet, blue velvet mini dress
with a ruffle on it.
So the wedding day,
I mean, we don't have to talk about the wedding day.
You can talk about that.
Oh yeah, he is fit.
He's gorgeous, right?
Gorgeous.
Gorgeous. But, so the wedding day. You can talk about that. Oh yeah, he is fit. He's gorgeous, right? Gorgeous. Gorgeous.
But, so the wedding day, what did you eat at your wedding?
Oh, do you know what?
We had such amazing food.
Oh, you foodies.
Sorry, we need to talk about food a bit.
Oh my God.
Yeah, we are definitely.
That's our favourite thing is going out for dinner.
Oh, we have.
Because it's just us two chatting and getting pissed.
That's our favourite thing.
And that's from our first date
was pretty much that
wasn't it
just let's go out
where was your first date
I took
no don't cringe
why
no we went to go
and sit
no so we went to see
I can't name it
it's not aged well
how did you
oh I can't wait
we went to see
a shit comedian
that I got some tickets for
who it turns out
no no don't say it
just don't say it
don't say who it is
don't give them satisfaction
I'm not going to give them satisfaction I'm just going Who it turns out... No, no, don't say it. Just don't say it. Don't say who it is. Don't give them satisfaction. I'm not going to give them satisfaction.
I'm just going to say,
it turns out they are perhaps
of the alt-right these days.
Oh, no!
No!
No!
That's amazing!
Because it sounds like I took you
to see an alt-right comedian.
I didn't.
Well, you did.
Boris and Michael Gove
doing a comedy act.
No, I didn't.
If only.
No, it wasn't that.
It was...
He wasn't that bad at the time,
but it turns out that
since then he has become,
they have become,
not to give too much away,
like a very bad person.
Anyway, so we went to see this...
But my worst thing was
I was sitting there inside...
Were you laughing?
No, I just sat there inside
and it's furious.
And I thought,
if this person,
if Greg likes this,
then I will never see
this person again
so was it Greg's idea yeah well I had the I had these tickets where had you met her so we we met
actually met on Twitter weirdly so we met we just started chatting did you slide into her DMs no I
slipped into his oh Bella part of being a journalist that sounds quite rude yeah yeah
get with the program she's just learned what a life hack is I don't really know
what a life hack is
to be fair
life hack means
like you know
it's a tip
keep your old
biscuits in a balloon
use a pair of knickers
as a hair tie
instead
that's a posh
bicycle one
someone told me
to knot my earphones
which I don't use
anyway
we didn't like that one
to knot one side
so you know that's the left side
I was like nah that's not a life hack
there's an L on that
sieve lentils through your tights like my grandma used to do
oh gross
was she wearing them at the time
that's quite a lot
she used to sieve things through her tights
what you doing nan just sieving me lentils through me tights
I don't know why she's northern
is she northern she was from Ealing so you started this twitter relationship What are you doing, Nan? Just sipping me lentils, sipping me tides. I don't know why she's Northern. Is she Northern?
From North London.
She was from Ealing.
So you started this Twitter relationship,
DMing each other.
Yes.
DMing.
I was...
When you're a commissioning editor,
you get really desperate for new writers.
Where were you commissioned?
I was at The Guardian,
and we were looking for, like, young, big names
that would write this for the series. Yeah. For this series that I was running the Guardian and we were looking for like young big names that would write this for this series
for this series
that I was running
and
and he followed me
so I was being lazy
and I went through
Twitter
why did you follow
her
a prominent journalist
yeah
loved her writing
yeah
well we
feminists
we were following each other
I don't know why
I think Bella was being funny
because she's incredibly funny
so I thought
that's a funny person she seems incredibly funny. So I thought,
that's a funny person.
She seems like a good person.
Fizzy Walter?
Yeah.
So I just went down my Twitter list of people
that followed me
and picked out the people
with blue tics
and emailed them all
and said,
do you want to write something?
Yeah.
Because I was being lazy.
Yeah.
And Greg said,
yeah, yeah,
I'll write something amazing,
amazing.
And then never did.
And then I left The Guardian,
went on for this long
and went to work at Vice.
And again,
we needed like sort of
trendy culture writers and again I thought
well he said he would last time
so I messaged him again, yeah yeah I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it
never did it and then eventually
five months later we were now on a date so
So you never actually got that
piece of work from him? But had you met each
No, no it was quite weird
And he takes you to see an alt-right
comedian
Not really well thought out But anyway weird we had a really and he takes you to see an alt-right comedian not really well thought out
but anyway
so we had this really
really nice
five months
weird but nice
five months
where we were just
exchanging emails
or sort of
and then I think
eventually
quite exciting
it was exciting
I love it
it's like you got mail
I worried that he had
like a girlfriend
or that he might be gay
I didn't know anything about you and I thought this guy's very funny but that I worried that he had like a girlfriend or that he might be gay I didn't know anything
about you
and I thought
this guy's very funny
but that was all
that was the extent
and you were quite coy
about kind of your
your life
and so I didn't know
whether you were
interested or not
my sister was like
this is such a time waste
you're being a time waster
you know you're 30
whatever you are
you're such a
this is such a boring
thing for you to do
you always do this
stop doing this
you always
hang on
you always do this you always do this. Stop doing this. You always, hang on. You always do this.
You always do this.
You don't think she,
you weren't the first to be.
No, that's true.
Bella's sister always takes a piss and says that.
She was like, yeah,
wanted to get him to write for you, sure.
Yeah, like I was just like shagging everyone on Twitter
by asking them to write for me.
But we had this really nice.
Getting in touch with like the hottest men I could find.
We had this really nice sort of few months
where we were just getting to know each other.
Pen pals.
We were pen pals.
That's lovely.
And then when we had our first date,
to go and see the alt-right comedian,
we sort of knew loads about each other
and actually there was no awkwardness at all.
And then we went for dinner.
So that was the question.
When you came out, did you say, both say,
God, that was awful.
At the interval we were saying that.
Yeah.
Did you leave? We didn't. Well, God, that was awful? At the interval, we were saying that. Yeah. Did you leave?
We didn't.
Well, no, we went back and watched the...
No, we didn't. We stayed because we knew people sitting next to us.
Oh, right.
And they thought it was really funny, so we were like, okay, well...
That's the best excuse about a dog and a baby.
You can be like, oh, the dog's just like...
Imagine our first date, our baby's at home.
We need to go.
Okay, so what did you eat on your first date?
And where was... Like, did you go for dinner after? Yeah, we went to Little House. Okay, you eat on your first date and where was
like did you go for dinner
after
yeah we went to Little House
okay lovely
no we didn't
oh
sorry no we didn't
we got married at Little House
sorry
oh lovely
we didn't get married there
we got married at Camden
sorry that was my other husband
that was
that was Bella's first marriage
I have been married before
so I do like to refer to you
as my current husband
yeah
I love this I am I love it I can see what actually happened was we left the venue That was Bella's first marriage. I have been married before, so I do like to refer to you as my current husband.
Oh, Elizabeth Hitt, I love this.
I am Elizabeth Hitt. I love it, I can see.
What actually happened was,
we left the venue,
and then we were sort of like,
what do we do now?
And I'd booked somewhere just in case it went well.
Where had you booked?
That's really nice.
I don't think I've ever been on a date
with someone that's booked dinner, ever.
No, that's really impressive.
Come on, tell me.
So it's the place on Pollen Street.
It's called Little Social.
Pollen Street Social? The Little Social, the one opposite. Oh, tell me. So it's the place on Pollen Street. It's called Little Social. Pollen Street Social?
The Little Social, the one opposite.
Oh, I don't know it.
It's like a little sort of French-inspired kind of tiny little benches and things.
Really nice.
Yes.
And then I realised she was vegetarian.
Did that put you off a bit?
No, it didn't.
And I'm actually now much more veggie than I was.
I'm sort of nearly a vegetarian.
Sorry about my mother, Bella.
If you were vegan, you wouldn't have been allowed through the door.
That is a very valid question.
I come from a family of Scottish farmers
and nearly all of the daughters and granddaughters are now vegetarian.
And we didn't tell my grandfather
because we were just like, it's not worth his fury and vengeance.
But he knew about some of them. And at 90th birthday he's dead now um but at his 90th birthday
he said to my aunt don't worry it's fine there's a table for the lesbians and she was like mum you
would have yeah well with him yeah we were like to be fair fair play to him in his 90 year old mind
like that is what a vegetarian is.
And so I think it's fine.
So how long have you been vegetarian?
At least 10 years.
Okay, so obviously vegetarian food has got better and better out as well.
Out and in, yeah.
It's not just sides that you can get.
No, exactly.
I mean, obviously you go to France and they're like,
what do chicken do?
And you're like, not chicken.
And they're like, well, pork do. And you're like, not chicken. And they're like, will pork do?
And you're like, okay, we'll have to go through this again.
But here, it's completely fine and no problem at all.
So where are your favourite vegetarian restaurants
or places that do the best vegetarian food for you?
I think it's by cuisine, isn't it?
So like Greek food is fantastic for veggies.
And when we were in Portugal recently,
we had dinner at an Israeli restaurant.
Oh, my God god it was just like
perfect
there was nothing
on the menu
was it in Lisbon?
in Lisbon yeah
I love Lisbon
best city
me too
yeah it is the best city
but we went back there twice
because it was the most
delicious vegetarian food
so yeah
Israeli, Lebanese
we did that touristy thing
of having a really nice dinner
and went
I'm sorry
can we book for Tuesday?
yeah
6.30pm.
If you find somewhere you like, you might as well keep going.
It was just, I keep thinking about that place.
And do you eat veggie food?
Yeah, I'm pretty much veggie anyway now.
I've always been more fishy and chickeny anyway.
I just don't miss having a steak.
It's weird.
Yeah, you just don't eat red meat now.
Don't eat red meat.
So my weird morals,
I think everyone's got their own sort of thing.
And mine is,
I feel better for not eating mammals, basically.
I think it's maybe since having a dog,
a little bit.
Is your dog veggie?
Well, no, he's not.
He's an absolute monster.
That's the thing with complete hypocrites.
I'm like,
what will keep them entertained?
Pigs ears,
like duck throats, like whatever it is. I'm like what will keep them entertained pigs ears, duck throats
whatever it is I'm just throwing them at them
shoes, laptop chargers
they've got fur
they've got fur
I know that they look like they might be
can't you get willies
you can get willies
they're called pizzles
he's not into them he doesn't like a pizzle
duck throats honestly it's everything It's called pizzles. Yeah, pizzles. Yeah. He's not into them. He doesn't like a pizzle.
Pizzle.
Pizzle.
Duck's throats.
Honestly, it's everything. Duck's throats.
Every part of the animal.
They are not wasted.
Yeah, it's pretty.
It's disgusting.
Weirdly, there was something that just happened with me where I just didn't want to, it felt
like eating flesh was quite weird.
And it was, that's, and that's just my little thing I've stopped doing.
So I eat a lot of fish and a lot of chicken, but not much else.
And you won't go vegan, you don't think?
I would never do it.
I could never do it.
Cheese, I could not do it.
I can't function without cheese.
No, and also, you know, I think if you buy free-range ethical eggs
and milk from, you know, Rachel's or whatever, I think you're okay.
Sound like you're doing an advert then.
Free-range ethical eggs.
Oh, I am literally just trying to get my sponcons in here.
Did I not mention?
Sorry.
I'm actually really hungry, so I feel like we should eat in that minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm starving.
So, disclaimer, mum's had a bad back.
Oh.
So our friend Anne Sweeney has been set to the rescue to make this meal.
Anne Sweeney makes the best.
Anne Sweeney's the best.
and Answini has been set to the rescue to make this meal.
Answini makes the best.
Answini's the best.
It's really simple.
Sorry, green salad and some roasted asparagus.
So we've got, yeah, we've got a veggie tart,
phyllo tart with pine nuts and bits and bobs that we didn't cook.
Answini is the best person in the world.
And we've got green salad, asparagus.
I do like eating veg though.
This is my favourite thing.
This is actually Bella's dream.
Oh really?
Is this what you call plant based?
Are you like Carly Rae Jepsen?
You love a quiche?
I love my mum.
All my mum ever in our lives had in the house was quiches.
And one of my friends split up with her husband when we were in our 20s and she came to live with us and after about three months she was like your mum is obsessed with quiches in an
unhealthy way and that no one eats them but she's always like there's a quiche on there's a quiche
i love that what's her what's her quiche of choice um i think it's always like a broccoli
and like tomato growing up in the 80s obviously that was like a classic fancy thing from an M&S.
But so I do love a quiche.
Can I just ask you about your jogging?
Yeah.
If I could jog, I would jog.
But you could jog.
Not with a slip disc.
Not with a slip disc at the minute.
But I know people who run really love running
and they can't not run
because it makes them feel good.
So what time do you start running at?
During the day?
I do it first thing in the morning before I have breakfast.
So what time will you go?
So, I mean, bearing in mind that I go to sleep at, you know, one or two.
Yeah.
I get up at like nine.
So you miss his show.
I miss his show.
I listened to it on the first day it was on and I haven't listened to it since.
I love that.
That's like Sam's never listened to a podcast.
But also, I listen to Radio 4.
Like, I love you, but my vibe is very much...
You live with him.
I'm on that as well.
Yeah, that's true.
Across all the mediums following me around.
Turn on the day...
We'll do a show that you will listen to one day.
So yeah, I go first thing in the morning
and that's kind of how I wake up
and how I sort of start my day.
And how long do you run for?
I try and do 10K a day.
Fuck!
Shit.
Fuck you!
That is why you look so fucking great!
Is that more than 10,000 steps?
Yeah, I'd say that's more.
I don't know, wouldn't it be like you'd kind of...
Is it more?
Is it?
So how far...
10K is about four miles.
I'm really happy for you, Bella.
That's six miles.
Six miles.
Okay, and do you run around the Heath?
Is that your spot?
No, fuck that.
It's too hilly.
Do you just do roads?
Yeah, I run around.
I run all the ugly arterial roads in London.
I think it's more distracting.
Yeah, it is.
Because what you need is to be looking at things
and concentrating on trying to get out of people's way.
How did you know that you had a stalker?
Because he got in touch with everyone in my family
and said
When was this? This was about
three and a half years ago
So he got in touch with everyone on
social media and my dad
I think originally was like, oh one of your friends
got in touch with me. Were you two together?
No, no, no. At the end of it all
actually we'd just started going out. Yeah, but
so he got in touch with everyone and it was a bit freaky
and he was messaging everyone and it was a bit freaky and he was messaging everyone
and it was quite obvious
that he had mental health issues.
And I kept saying to my family,
like, oh, no, I don't know this person,
so just don't reply to any of it.
And he was sort of trying to...
And then he found all our email addresses
and I don't know how.
And then he found my work email
and my Twitter.
I mean, he literally found everything.
And...
How do they do that?
I don't know.
I have no idea. It's really scary because especially, like like my mom's and my sister's they were private email i don't know
um anyway so yeah he got in touch quite a lot for a couple of weeks and then his local police force
contacted him and said you know gave him a warning but what was he writing in these emails like long
sort of i love you and we're meant to be together. Right. You know, I can see the fire in your sister's eyes.
Oh, my God.
Stuff about Princess Diana.
I mean, like, really not well.
Princess Diana?
Yeah, like, not well, you know, not well stuff.
And had he seen you?
Do you think he'd seen you?
No.
Or was it kind of an online?
No, I was out of London.
Right.
I'd never met him.
He might not be well, but he wasn't stupid, was he?
No, exactly.
So the police wound him off, which is what they do initially.
They say, don't contact this person again,
and if you do, you'll be arrested.
And then he contacted me again,
so they arrested him, sort of cautioned him.
And then it calmed down for a month.
Bless you.
And then, yeah, we thought it had gone away and
i think by that time we were chatting i don't remember i was working at vice and i got a phone
call from my mom and she said don't panic but the people who owned our old house so the house we
moved out of 20 years ago didn't turn up i've just called to say that he's turned up then
and and i said right person says went straight to the police station and when i was at the police
station i got a phone call from my one of my best friends was living at my parents house she just
had a baby and they were living there and she called me and said he's just turned up on the
doorstep of your parents house and i was living across the road from them so it's kind of the new
yeah oh jeez literally gone straight from last place to that place so and her So, and her boyfriend tried to apprehend him, but he got away.
And then I think the police spent like three days trying to find him,
and eventually did find him.
And then the process really worked.
So, did they know what to do?
Because for a while, they didn't know how to manage stalking.
And they still don't in lots of areas, but loads of work's been done on it.
And my local MP was amazing.
And there were loads of brilliant stalking advocates.
And there's like a service called Paladin, and a girl called Claire Waxman, who's been done on it and my local MP was amazing and there were loads of brilliant stalking advocates and there's like a service called Paladin and and one a girl called Claire Waxman who's been amazing so they've changed the law and it's being rolled out I think but like
a lot of police individual policemen need training because like I spoke to one who just said just get
your dad to get a baseball bat and put it by the door you know that kind of attitude and there's
quite a lot of did you have a relationship with him do you know him like yeah exactly that he's a stranger so there's a lot of that and the
only reason that it sort of kicked into high gear is because we're middle class and we're pushy and
you know we got in touch with our local mp and stuff but actually if you're not like that you
know two women were one woman killed herself last month and one woman was murdered by her partner
and both women were told off by the police for wasting their time for speech for talking about
it yeah so it's still like ways to go but they were amazing with him he didn't get custody he
didn't get bail and then he went to jail for a year so and then i haven't heard from him since
do you um did did this happen when your anxiety started to flare up was do you think there was
something to do with it?
My anxiety has been there forever.
Right, okay.
And it definitely flared up mega because of that.
And, you know, you suddenly lose that sense of safety and anonymity.
You know, it's so important to be able to walk down the street.
But that thing of just feeling like you're not free to just walk down the road
and just, you know, being comfortable and on your own and running,
you know, I was really scared to run.
Yeah, very well.
You know, you don't know where that person's going to be and it turned out he was going to my local
park and taking photos and so you know yeah really scary really kind of and but i think
is he out of prison yeah yeah he's back in did that worry you yeah terrified me because they
didn't call me to let me know oh that's not the best pastoral i know i know terrible but i was
living with you at that point, so it was fine,
because I sort of moved out.
I sold my flat.
What was the offence that they charged him with?
Is there a stalking offence?
Yeah, there's a stalking offence.
Stalking and harassment, and there was a third thing.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm a bit worried about this,
and I don't want to put you off with the pudding.
Taste that.
What is it?
I'm just a bit worried that the last thing we cooked
on the griddle was fish
and now I can taste fish.
No, you can't.
I really enjoy...
No, you can't.
No, you should never have said that.
I know I shouldn't have said that,
but I just freaked out.
You're a complete fool.
Oh, it's fish pudding,
my favourite.
Are you sure?
Mm-mm.
Kip a crumbly.
I know, well, enjoy that.
Thanks so much.
It's a griddled, yeah, it's a griddled, sorry, I shouldn't have done that, but I just suddenly
was like.
But why did you say it?
Well, I was just a bit worried.
But now what do you think they're going to think?
Maybe they're going to taste fish.
When they put it in their mouth.
You know what, Greg is so, like, he's so suggestible with your nose.
Like, you basically wander around the house being like, can you taste, can you smell shit?
Can you smell shit?
Because of the dog.
He's like, can you smell shit?
He's had a shit.
He's had a shit. He shat somewhere.
Dogs do smell this.
I do have some separate,
if they do taste of fish,
I've got separate nectarines.
I'm really sorry guys.
Sorry, sorry.
But you've spoiled it.
I know,
I have spoiled it.
I'm sorry.
We're going to get in the cab
and be like,
don't taste that fish.
No,
you need to tell me here.
We have good enough friends
to be able to be like,
you've just got to be like,
don't taste that fish.
I'll tell you.
Whilst Bella's gone to the loo, who's got better table manners?
We're both fine.
We're not that fussy with that sort of thing.
Does she do anything that really annoys you?
Well, she's slowly giving up smoking, which is great.
So when I met her, she was sort of a 20 a day... Really?
Roll-ups.
Like Ash Lill.
Yeah, proper.
I mean, her thing is like holding a glass of wine with a Diet Coke under her arm with a fag.
Because she's quite fabulous.
She's fabulous.
And she is amazing.
She is completely...
I was completely blown away when I first met her. She's so glamorous. And she's amazing. She's gorgeous and she is amazing she is completely I was completely blown away
when I first met her
she's so glamorous
and she's amazing
she's gorgeous
she's done really well
I do know that
don't need to whisper
we can tell her
oh yeah that's true
she knows
so she's just slowly giving up
which is great
she's down to one a day
so I guess that's her only habit
and when does she have that one?
after dinner or something?
yeah it tends to be with wine
there's like a trigger I think of like wine. It's like a trigger, I think,
of like wine, food.
It's like a crutch almost, yeah.
But no, we're pretty,
I think we're pretty good
with that sort of thing.
We're not, our house is sort of,
and I mean it in the nicest way,
like your house,
which is just like stuff.
Shit everywhere.
There's just stuff.
Yeah, shit everywhere.
We hate houses that feel
like no one ever lives in them.
There's stuff everywhere.
There's a dog running around.
There's people always walking through the door, which I really like.
So we just have a really nice sort of shambolic time.
Do you live near her family?
Yeah, her mum and dad live around the corner.
Okay.
Well, Bella, I tried to get a shit on you when you went to the loo,
but he's having none of it.
It is weird that we live around the corner from my family, though, probably.
Do they come and
do they come and cook?
No.
They don't come and cook.
Are they good cooks?
My parents
my mum is an incredible cook
because I think
family of farmers
they were all sort of like
like food to table
farm to table.
She's an amazing Scottish girl.
My mum thinks she's a Jewish mother.
So you're not Jewish?
No,
but we grew up in North London.
I feel like you're a Jew.
Everyone I knew was Jewish
and my mum was like,
well,
you know,
I'm the closest thing to a Jewish mother.
I was like,
you've got to stop it.
And she was like,
well,
you know,
I just,
you know,
the community and then blah,
blah,
blah.
So yeah,
I grew up with like,
all the lovely Jewish girls.
Did you guys have a lot of bat mitzvahs?
Yeah.
Like, all the, I genuinely thought I was Jewish growing up. Like, my friends were with all the lovely Jewish girls. Did you guys have a lot of bat mitzvahs? Yeah. Like, all the...
I genuinely thought I was Jewish growing up.
Like, my friends were like, you're Jewish.
Yeah.
And, you know, bat mitzvahs, Friday night dinners,
like, the whole shebang.
I'm sorry we didn't do something more Jew.
Yeah, we could have done.
Jewy, yeah.
But I was asking Greg whether he thought
that you had good table manners,
and he said you're both pretty brilliant.
I said that our house is sort of
chaotic
and it's like
it feels like a house
people live in
yeah
it's messy
and like
a bit dirty
and like
there's only ever
like five things
in the fridge
there's like wine
there's always wine
and ice cream
Bella loves twisters
I do
that ice cream
is pineapple isn't it
yeah pineapple strawberry and like a sort of cream flavour it's just brilliant but Bella's habits Bella loves twisters. I do like, I get, that ice cream is pineapple, isn't it? Yeah,
pineapple,
strawberry,
and like a sort of
cream flavour.
It's just brilliant.
But Bella's habits
are sort of,
I've got weird habits,
but I think maybe
they're anxiety habits.
Yeah,
I think they are,
but it's like,
have to have a bottle
of Diet Coke nearby,
have to have a little
snack in a handbag,
have to have a little
something like this.
So what snack
do you have in your handbag?
Because like,
I think because I get anxious,
like I would always have
like really low blood sugar,
so like sort of crash and then be so hungry that I'd sort of start anxious, I would always have really low blood sugar, so I'd crash and then be so hungry
that I'd start shaking.
So I always either have oat cakes or...
When Bella takes my raincoat out,
when she takes Barney,
I'll put it on for work the next day
and I'll put my hand in.
And there's oat cakes in.
Oat cakes in my pocket.
Or like digestives,
or like a caramel.
I've got a caramel with me in my bag.
Love them.
Yeah, for like the children stuff
Just in case you ever get like
Or the wafer ones
Yeah
I love them
So I mean I love them
I buy the stuff in bulk in Sainsbury's
Like my mum in the 80s
And then I just like have it on me
Just in case I need a little snack
I always like it
I like a snack
I'll get up at four in the morning
Have a biscuit
Go back to bed
You're a snack
Yeah so I think these are quite anxiety things.
If Brexit goes through, what would you stockpile from Europe
that we might not be able to have access to?
Your dad stockpiled, isn't he?
My dad stockpiled.
What, wine or olive oil?
Wine, olive oil.
No, so my mum apparently said to him,
please, can you get like a two litre thing of olive oil?
And then he came back with like eight litres of olive oil and wine
because he's worried about wine.
Well, olive oil has gone he came back with like eight litres of olive oil and wine because he's worried about wine well olive oil
has gone up
dramatically
already
by about
it's now like
eight or twelve pounds
yeah rice is more expensive
olive oil is about
twelve pounds
for good olive oil
a litre
and it used to be
about six quid
I have started
stockpiling
wine
what have you started
stockpiling
what's your favourite one
wine
and cannellini beans
because I felt like
I could live on them forever
they're quite good starch
oh shit
well they go too
they'll go
fuck
they're going
anything that's not like
white bread
beans, wine, olives
all the good shit
all the good shit
so stockpiling
Italian red wine
Brunello
yeah
Camontopulciano
yeah
this is all my favourite shit
fuck I'm gonna start
stockpiling
stop
get on a cardo mate
now
now
fuck
just because you want it
you want it to be in the house
you don't want it to have
gone up in price
don't you just drink it
accidentally and then be like
oh fuck
better start stockpiling again
yeah but do you know what
when we moved into our house
there were
there was lots of things
wrong with our house
but the best thing in our house
was that someone left
this massive wine rack
like this enormous
like really professional looking kind of mahogany it's rude
not to feel yeah so you're like it looks empty if you don't have like do you drink wine every day
yes she does and in fact like a nice day something the summer is going to be an absolute killer for
my hours because we just sit in the garden now the other night until about half an hour
i'm fine she She's like,
you've got to go to bed.
I'll be fine.
It's so strong.
What?
Whispering Angel.
Whispering Angel.
Honestly,
had the wildest night
with E.L. James on it.
Mental.
Amazing.
Jessie's best mate.
Of course,
E.L. James drinks
Whispering Angel.
That's her drink.
She probably owns
the company of Whispering Angel.
That's what I want to do.
One day we'll move to Italy or Portugal
and we'll have a vineyard.
We'll just make wine, just sit in the sun.
But you know Kent's doing really well out of climate change.
Yes, because they've got...
It's quite the same, darling.
No, I don't know which way...
I want to go back to Bromley.
I reckon I can spread my wings a bit further than Kent.
I love it.
It sounded like a song.
One day we're going to live in Lisbon.
We didn't get round to what you ate at your wedding.
Ah, yes.
We had like a real mixture.
So when Bella remembered what the venue was.
Who am I married to?
My first husband.
Oh no, I've not done Bella voice yet.
Oh, is that Bella voice?
Oh my God, it's absolutely
It's just North London voice
It's my first husband, oh my god
Was that my first wedding or my second wedding?
Where's my cat now?
What are they called?
Becks
Are you a Beck?
Well, like, I'm a 35 year old Goyim, but yeah
Oh my god, Greg
Oh my god, let's go shopping for shoes
and he does the voice now
and he does it
on the radio of me
the dog's done a shit
come pick it up
anyway
at our wedding
oh my god
he's like Tim Dowling
where are my fucking car keys
he's creating you
into Tim
like Tim Dowling's wife
yeah
at our wedding
to eat
we had
like
basically big bowls
was it completely veggie
yes
yes
no no no
we had a couple of meat
we had chicken
we had some fish
we had a salmon and a chicken
it was like big sharing bowls
oh yeah that's because
that nine
nine or ten tables
I pretend
it was Little House in Mayfair
so we had a big dinner there
I pretend that I'm really
not judgmental about meat
I'm like yeah do you
that's great
and then I get like really aggy about it. I'm like, yeah, do you? That's great. And then I get, like, really aggy about it.
We had proper, like, nice risotto things and loads of veg.
We did, yeah, big bowls and macaroni and cheese.
Stodgy to make sure people didn't get too drunk.
And then we had this amazing bakery around here, actually,
which is a social enterprise called the Luminary Bakery.
Oh, they're in Stokey, aren't they?
Oh, they're a social enterprise.
They did our, yeah, they train up women,
and it's all part profits go back into the development.
It's amazing.
Oh, great.
And so they made our carrot cake and chocolate cake and tiramisu cake.
Oh.
They were the most delicious cakes.
What was your wedding cake?
Tiramisu cake.
Oh, you, that's so right.
That's the best.
It's the best.
We had a table of cheese as well.
A cheese table.
Just like wheels of cheese.
Just wheels of the stuff
that would be a big problem
with Brexit
wouldn't it
yeah
good cheese
that's why I moved to France
yeah we'd have to
we'd have to
we'd have to
okay so
Desert Island
Desert Island
meal
Greg
go first
Italian
okay
so
anything tomato-y.
Starter.
Let's go with starter.
A pizza for starter.
Yeah, cool.
Toppings?
Pretty plain.
Like a nice but beautifully made
with buffalo mozzarella.
Is there one particular place
that you've had that
that you love
in Italy
yeah just an Italian
proper made
okay
one with buffalo
and natural cherry tomatoes
say buffalo again
buffalo
okay thank you
it's beautiful
beautiful
and then
and then just a nice pastry
just like a
just a made
it's Italian
the whole way through
what pasta is that pasta is it pre-meat or is it going to be a main And then just a nice pastery. Just like a, just a maiden. That's Italian. It's Italian the whole way through.
What pasta?
Is that pasta as a pre-meat or is it going to be a main?
It's a main.
Okay.
It's a main.
So your last, Bella, your desert island meal.
Are you going Italian too?
Probably.
You're not on the desert island together.
You could be.
Why not?
Let's bring us up.
No, you can have
separate meals.
You bring your own.
What the hell is this?
I would have,
I just feel like
a parody of a
middle class person.
I would have
stuffed zucchini flowers.
Why is that?
Shut up.
I completely
understand that.
Yeah.
No, it just sounded
like I was like,
I'm about to say
the most ridiculous
sentence in the world.
You can find them
on the desert island
somewhere. Yeah. Have you got find them on a desert island somewhere
yeah
have you got any
parmesan to put in
the best ones
Italy
River Cafe
oh I've never eaten there
yeah I've heard
they're amazing
we have them a lot
in Greece though
we've got to go back
to River Cafe mum
it hasn't been since
Alex's graduation
Hannah's graduation
it's far
but it is
by far my favourite meal
the blinis with the peaches
yeah
my favourite in London it's London I know it's not the fact that it's in West London it's the fact but it is by far my favourite meal. The bellinis with the peaches. Yeah, my favourite in London.
It's London.
I know.
It's not the fact that it's in West London,
it's the fact that it's quite far from a tube or like a,
you know, it's in like a residential bit.
Schlepp.
Yeah, but it's Schlepp.
But it is just the best.
So that with ricotta inside, fresh ricotta, I would have that.
Then I would probably have, again, I would probably have pasta
because it was just like, as a child, I used to eat like pans of it. What would you have again I would probably have pasta because it was just like as a child I used to eat like pounds of it what would you have as a child I literally would have
parmesan and olive oil and salt and pepper and that would be it and then for dessert I would have
um eclairs but with proper creme anglaise in them not like cream that you get in supermarkets
because that makes me angry whipped cream yeah just it's a cheat don't do that
it's cheap
I do love whipped cream
fine but I want
proper French custard
fair enough
I thought so
what about dessert
I fucked the whole thing
yeah you fucked it
I panicked
I wasn't expecting
the question
come on you go back
it's fine
I'm deleting the earlier one
okay fine
Alice
no keep it in
but I need to correct
my wrongs
cheese
just all cheese you just want cheese and then dessert is custard based dessert No, keep it in, but I need to correct my wrongs. Cheese.
Yeah.
Just all cheese.
You just want cheese.
And then dessert is custard, based desserts.
Do you like your cheese with a cracker or with bread? Yeah, anything with bread, crackers.
Are you going to have like a trio of custards?
It's dairy-based meal.
So it's going to be...
Flan.
We're going to have flan, proper French flan.
Oh, rice pudding.
That sort of wobbly kind of...
Oh, like crème caramel.
It's like crème caramel. But in a tart, like proper tart. Okay. Oh, rice pudding. That sort of wobbly kind of... Oh, what, like crème caramel? Slight crème caramel.
But in a tart, like proper tart.
Okay.
And then sort of like a rice pudding type thing.
Do you like rice pudding?
Yeah, it's like a...
So does Richard Curtis.
It's delicious.
I like ambrosia.
Do you like ambrosia?
Like the most basic.
I like the Lebanese one.
My childhood was essentially eating out of a...
They put pistachio and
raisins
really your childhood
was eating out of a tin
eating mouthful
out of a tin
was that because
your parents weren't
massive foodies
they hated me
no they were just
a great treat
I was like
I'll just eat it
out of the tin
well they might
like a peach or two
shall I get up
and do it
yes
fishy peach
fishy peach
I'm so sorry
about that
it's rosemary
griddled peaches.
Amazing.
Greg really loves dairy.
He's smothered the fish.
I know, I've really...
No, I love that.
He's done it to take away the fish taste.
I know, I'm so sorry.
Have you got some nuts?
Cream on ice cream is my favourite thing in the world.
Oh my god.
Dessert's the most important to me. So, because I am a massive baker.
That sounds rude, doesn't it?
Oh, no.
No, if you said master baker.
How did we not know this?
Master baker.
So, I did, like, cordon bleu courses.
And I, like, yeah.
So, when I was going through, like, all my sort of anxious divorce stage.
And you didn't bring a cake.
Yeah.
Jesus, Bella.
I did think about it.
You know, honestly.
Well, I spent feminist literature, but I wanted a fucking cake.
I did think about bringing a cake, right? And then I thought, like honestly feminist literature but I wanted a fucking cake I did think about
bringing a cake right
and then I thought
I wanted a fucking cake
the slightly obnoxious
thing that I do
is that I bring cakes
to things where like
I have no business
bringing cakes
so like
you have business
to bring a cake
to a food park
but I think sometimes
it feels a bit smug
like someone's cooked
dinner or lunch
or whatever
and then you're like
here I am with my cake
I have a cake
I just feel like
sometimes it's a bit like
what's your cake
sorry just quickly this is really mean and this makes me
like I feel cringy when I think about it if I oh my god you love each other so much I couldn't I
didn't think that I would um love her any more than I did at the time and then we went to a
mate of mine who left for a really big job in LA.
He went to go and work for Netflix in LA.
And so there were hundreds and hundreds of people at this leaving party.
So I thought it was like 10 people in a bar.
I thought it was at the pub.
Like, there'll be 10 of us.
And my mate Ben is a proper, like, he loves a night out.
And he's hilarious.
And I was like, I think a cake that is leaving dudes
probably might be a bit
So I made a flourless
chocolate cake
a mousse cake
and put it on a plate
There's about
200 people
at this theatre bar
I'm going to take it with me
Bless you
There were literally
200 people
smacking their tits off
Essentially it was like a club
It was a club
We got there
and everyone was just
dancing
and there were speeches
and she was like
I don't know anyone here.
You can hold the cake.
Hold the fucking cake.
So I was stood there with this chocolate cake in tin foil.
It wasn't even in tin foil.
It was just on a fucking plate.
Oh my God, I love that.
In the middle of a nightclub.
So I think actually there's PTSD from that.
Yeah, no, that's true.
It doesn't bring a cake anywhere.
So now I don't, I've like stopped cooking properly since then and just made my own.
Oh my God, no.
That's not true.
That's bollocks.
Did anybody eat the cake?
No.
Did you even get it out of the tin? No, I literally sort of went, I bought you a cake. And my mum was like drunk and went make them at home. Oh my god, no! That's not true, that's bollocks. Did anybody eat the cake? No.
Did you even get it out of the tin?
No, I literally sort of went, I bought you a cake and Ben was like drunk and went, yeah
okay.
Fuck is wrong with you?
But at the end of the night we had to, we went back to see Ben because everyone, he
was obviously pissed, so we went back and went, just remember that Bella did bring you
a cake, that's a really nice thing to do.
And he went, yeah, a really nice, yeah, yeah, yeah, great, thank you.
Who's Bella Bella you fucking idiot
but no
I sometimes make cakes
late at night
when I can't sleep
and I don't want to write
and I make them for you
to take into work
the next day
so when I
when I leave at
quarter to five
whatever it is
there's sometimes
a little package
on the
oh sweet
I bet everyone at work
is really happy
so I walk into the team
who are obviously so tired
and it's like
so I walk in and go
Bella had a sad night she's been in and go Bella had a sad night
she's been baking
so Bella's had a sad night
but we all win
part of your dating
I love
courting
your courting
was
definitely didn't stay
it was
it was revolving around
it was
it was revolving around
drinking
and
I imagine
you were in Soho
all the time
that's how I imagine were you in Soho where did time that's how I'm imagining, were you in Soho?
Where did you go out to eat a lot?
Maybe it's because your first date was in Soho
You just said
our first date
we ended up
walking around Soho and went
there's nothing here and I was kind of
tentatively like what do we do now?
and then you
you went come back to mine.
Oh, come back to mine if you like.
You can't really hear eye rolls on the podcast,
but if you could, that was the biggest one ever.
Yeah, I was 33.
Time wasn't getting any younger.
Fuck it.
Let's get it done.
Did you eat anything?
We had our nice dinner.
You shouldn't have come home for a nightcap.
You didn't use that line.
No, I think I was pretty like...
Let's go and do this.
And then we just sat up in her flat and just chatted and listened to loads of music.
And then we just stayed.
By the way, he made, in our wedding speech, he made that speech.
He was like, stayed over the first night. And I was like, what are you doing? What the way, he made, in our wedding speech, he made that speech. He was like,
stayed over the first night
and I was like,
what are you doing?
Like,
what do you want from the crowd
at our wedding?
Like,
what are you looking for?
A laugh,
which I got.
Very good.
Perfect.
So,
where do you like to eat?
So I moved in with him
for a bit,
in Shoreditch.
So we ate a lot
around Hackney,
Shoreditch.
Where would you eat in Shoreditch?
Bistro Tech.
It was really nice.
Oh, yeah.
I haven't been there for ages.
And on Columbia Road Market,
La Campagna and Jones.
Oh, that's the best for, like, Italian.
Yeah.
That's where we went for Hannah's birthday.
Is that where Hannah's birthday is?
I got obsessed with Dishoom,
their breakfasts.
Oh, yeah.
Fucking great breakfast, yeah.
And then there's a little,
what's the one that's on Exmouth Market that's now on...
Morito.
Yes, Morito.
Shit, there's the place where Bella proposed.
Oh, fuck, we haven't talked about this.
Just off...
I can't remember what it's called.
It's a really lovely little Italian...
A mate of mine the other day went,
oh, I found this amazing Italian...
Where in Ashford?
Right off Great Eastern Street.
Yeah, in Hoxton.
Yeah.
And they said, I went to this amazing talent last night.
What's it called?
I can't remember,
but they said,
and I went,
oh, fuck yeah,
I've been there,
that's where they proposed.
But it's a really nice,
near Great Eastern Street,
around there.
Yeah, between,
yeah,
I can't remember the name of it.
Did you know you were going to propose that night?
Sort of.
I thought,
I woke up that morning and thought,
Did you have a ring?
No,
so I woke up that morning and thought,
because he was about to go and do that big challenge that big um climbing mountains challenge
last year oh was it the three not three peaks it was beast in the east and I remember being like
he may die he might die because I'm anxious so I was like all right the worst thing that could
happen die um so I woke up that morning and thought I might just go to Argos and see if I
can get a ring and then I had this little there's a little square near St Paul's I was like I might just go to Argos and see if I can get a ring. And then I had this little, there's a little square near St Paul's
that I was like, I might take him for a walk and take him to that square.
And then I didn't go to Argos.
I went and bought myself some shoes or something.
And then I, we took, we went to the square and it was shut.
And I was like, okay, I'm not going to do this.
And then I had one glass of wine at dinner and burst into tears
and was like, I think we should get married.
And he was like, yeah, cool, yeah.
Because we talked about it.
And then I was like, no, I think we should get married, for real.
And then cried and you were like, oh, God,
like, you're being serious.
So then I had to go outside and have, like, a cigarette
and calm down.
And then we went back inside and he sort of said,
great, but, like, let's not tell anyone.
No, this is the bollocks bit of the story.
This is the lost in translation.
So lost in translation, but I thought he was saying to me,
like, don't tell anyone and
like, let's not decide yet until I get back from my trip.
So in my head, it was like a...
It's like he's not sure.
Yeah.
Meanwhile, in my head...
He was like, I've got to go to bed now.
See you later.
So he went to bed.
Wait.
And then I spent the week writing this book that I was writing, like on deadline at my
mum's.
And I was like, sort of think I proposed to Greg on Saturday but he didn't really say yes
oh god right
this sounds like a rom-com
yeah my mum was like
okay well
don't waste my time
like come back to me
don't waste my time
yeah she was just like
fine like
I don't want to get
invested in this
like just let me know
so then you came back
and I was like
well I mean
meanwhile
I was doing this
stupid challenge
with having that amazing thing in my head whilst I was doing this stupid challenge with the having that amazing thing in
my head whilst I was doing this to get me through the whole thing but I hadn't obviously communicated
that properly so I was that for comic relief a sponsored wedding um it was for sport relief yeah
and sport relief yeah and uh and I had this amazing thing in my head.
I was like, this is going to get me through and I'm feeling sad.
But you hadn't told this to her?
Well, I was having to communicate it properly.
No, it's sort of been like, cool, babe, got to go to bed in like half an hour
because I've got to get up and climb a mountain.
And also, let's not really talk about it or tell anyone.
I was like, cool.
Yeah.
Well, that's the one side.
Did you really propose?
Why didn't you want to? No. Come to understand the notes. No, I did. I really propose why didn't you want to
come to understand the notes
but why didn't you want to marry me
no no I didn't
that's not a direct quote
that's been changed
the story's changed
I just said
let's do it as a
thing when I get back
bring everyone around now
we're getting married
if I survive
just to make her
a little more anxious
I mean you're saying
it like it was
you planned
well none of it
was planned
the whole thing
has been a brilliant
do you wish you'd
been able to get in there
before to propose
no definitely not
he does this thing
now
every time we like
pass a beautiful place
like that's where
I would have proposed
if I had the chance
like literally
like walk past a park and he's like that's where I was going to if I had the chance like literally like walk past a park
and he's like
that's where I was
going to do it
even places we never
thought like in Lisbon
I go that monument
that was where I'd planned
I planned
yeah on Calton Hill
in Edinburgh
like a place he'd
never heard of
he was like
I called the council
and organised a
fireworks display
thank you so much
for being
so much for coming
for spending your
like pretty precious
time together with us.
Please.
It's nice.
I've got a deadline for next week, so I should be doing that.
Oh, God.
Hanging out with Greg.
And this has been a lovely welcome, really.
Mum, you loved them.
I loved them.
You and Bella, I could see being friends.
Yeah.
Going out for Cosmos.
He's very tall, isn't he?
I couldn't get over how tall he was.
He doesn't look tall on telly.
I loved having a couple. It was fun.
Maybe he just stands next to tall people usually
but he was
noticeably tall and clearly I've
got to get out jogging.
They're both slim as pins.
Yeah, I really shouldn't have brought up the fish
with the peaches. Why did you do
that? He did douse
his peaches in cream.
But it didn't taste of fish for seconds i think but
jesse why would you say does this taste of fish i got the fear you've got to stop this self-doubt
sorry i am doubting myself no stop it just the pressure of this podcast little more confident
for brilliant people it's you know it's getting to me well and sweeney absolutely knocked it out of the park it was
delicious it was so delicious i could become a veggie eating that i wonder how long that took
doesn't take long i've got the recipe okay well i loved it and i did like our oven roasted asparagus
that was very good thank you producer alice that was really lovely and the peaches were a treat. Were they? They were gorgeous.
They were all right.
They were lovely, darling.
I think that's been one of my favourite desserts.
What?
Fresh raspberries, grilled peaches.
Because you didn't make it, probably.
Yeah, I love everything I don't make.
Thank you so much to Bella Mackey and Greg James
for coming on Table Manners.
We're so touched that you are fans of the show.
And I hope we lived up to expectations.
It felt slightly chaotic.
Sorry.
I felt like we were a bit tail-enders at this.
Yeah.
Coming in to bat at the very end.
However, they have been with us for three and a half hours.
Yeah, I think they enjoyed it.
And do read Bella's book, Jog On.
And also, please do read Greg James' book, Kid Normal.
I can't wait for my daughter to be the right age for it.
Eight.
Eight, yeah.
About like a normal, a superhero with no superpowers.
Kind of a charming couple.
Power couple.
Royal couple.
Royal?
Almost royal, weren't they?
They were lovely.
Yeah, I loved them.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
She had some good life hacks.
Yes. Oh, what was the one that they told me? weren't they they were lovely yeah I loved them brilliant yeah she had some good life hacks yes
oh what was the one
that they told me
she said her friend said
if you wouldn't want to do
if you get asked
to do something
and you wouldn't want
to do it that evening
then don't bother
saying yes to it
I don't know
that was a very good one
I like that one
that's you
that's a good one for me
but you'd never want
to do anything
except go to bed
that's true
yeah so I don't think that is a good one for me. But you'd never want to do anything except go to bed and drink. That's true. Yeah, so I don't think that is a good one for you.
Okay, fine.
The music you've listened to on Table Manners
is by Peter Duffy and Pete Fraser.
And Table Manners is edited by...
The wonderful Alice Williams.