Taking 20 Podcast - Ep 5 - Managing Your Table Part 1

Episode Date: March 8, 2020

Like a schizophrenic Cerberus, Jeremy pivots back to advice for GMs.  How to manage your table by managing yourself, communicating with players, preparing the gaming space, setting expectations, and handling difficult/controversial topics.

Thank you for tuning into the Taking20 Podcast, Episode 5, Managing the Table. I'd like to ask you to rate and subscribe wherever you're listening to this buffoon bang rocks together on a microphone. Our totally not made up sponsor is the TCP IP Protocol, making things go ping since 1983. This episode is more for DMs, but not that players couldn't get some nuggets of information out of it. But when it comes to managing your table, the DM does have the primary role here. Managing your table. So how do you do it? First thing you have to do is manage yourself. Lao Tzu has a great quote, managing others is strength, but managing yourself

is true power. This game, and that's what it is, it's a game. It's supposed to be fun. If you find yourself as a DM getting frustrated with the game, the players, the venue, take a break. Online, there are a ton of dungeon masters who lament, quote, the forever DM, end quote. The DM who never gets an opportunity to play. In a lot of ways, that DM has brought that upon themselves. They should encourage players to become DMs. Say to your players that you would like to take a break from DMing and you'd like to play a little bit. Give another player the opportunity to step up and become a DM. And if no one does and you're burned out, you're getting frustrated, maybe it's time for your gaming group to take a little bit of a break.

With all the points that I'm about to discuss, clear communication is key. Early on, away from the table, session zero, before session zero, make sure you as a DM clearly communicate your expectations for your table to all of your players. Some key terminology use. When I say player, I mean the real person, the person who's sitting at the gaming table. When I say character, I'm talking about the fictional person that they are role-playing as. I'm going to try to be very careful this episode to make sure I use those terms properly. So before you start, you need to prepare the space. Make the area as conducive to gaming as possible to give them the best gaming experience you possibly can as a DM. Give people room. Try to minimize distractions from television, people using the internet, ideally even areas where you'll have limited interruptions from pets or kids.

That doesn't mean you need to go lock your kids in the dungeon or people need to lock their pets outside for gaming sessions. kids in the dungeon, or people need to lock their pets outside for gaming sessions. If the host has pets, has kids, and they do have the run of the area where gaming will happen, just accept the fact that interruptions are going to happen and live with it. No point in getting upset. Manage yourself. Do you need space for a battle map on the table? If so, you may need a bigger table or larger area for a projector or TV or rollout map or whatever you happen to be using. If you primarily do things with theater of the mind, then you can role play in a smaller space. Maybe not even need a table at all. If you are using a table, do you need a table topper? Something to consider. Because you may

need a nice thick material because I know from first-hand experience that metal dice scratches the fuck out of wood tables. How do I know this? From the dirty looks that my wife gave me after I hosted gaming one night and someone brought all brand new metal dice for everyone. They're nice little gouges in the... what's the color dear? Wenge? Wenge. Table. So if they're going to use metal dice, ask your players to bring or maybe you can provide them, dice trays or a nice thick table topper so it won't scratch the table. So before the game ever starts, make sure you set the expectation. Coordinate between DM and host to make sure everyone understands the areas of the home that are completely off limits.

When I host, for example, the master bedroom is completely off-limits. I'd like to say that's where the magic happens, but we've been married long enough that that's where the vigorous negotiations for old people sex happens. I'd really not have that aired in front of everyone, so we just keep that door closed and ask people to stay out. Other hosts may say the entire bedroom suite is off-limits, the backyard is off limits. Just make sure that all the players know and abide by those rules. The DM and host should work together to define what is allowed at the table. Examples include, and this is going to be very mild for some of you, but just something to think about, cursing.

Some families have kids running around with an earshot. Some families just don't curse in the home. If that's the case, make sure that's clearly communicated to the players, and as players, make sure that we abide by those rules. Yes, I know, a lot of us, as soon as we're out of earshot, we curse like sailors. You should hear some of the outtakes from this podcast. I have used every word. I have made up cuss words. Cursing may or may not be allowed at the table. Just make sure the players know. Same thing with smoking or using tobacco products of any kind. Some hosts, myself included, prohibit smoking at the table

because they just don't want the scent in the air and maybe it irritates people's lungs or what have you. So when I host, I always make sure to include more breaks so that people who do smoke can go out in the backyard and do so. Is drinking allowed at the table? I mean, that's not just is alcohol allowed, but yes, that does need to be discussed. But can people bring water to the table? Can people bring soft drinks to the table? Can people bring hard liquor to the table? Is that allowed at all? In some homes, it's not because maybe they want to protect the gaming area. Maybe the table has a TV built into

it and they have no real waterproofing on top of it. And so if someone spilled a drink, it may short out the TV. Just things to think about. If they do allow drinking of alcohol in whatever form, If they do allow drinking of alcohol in whatever form, something that needs to be discussed is, is there a support system in place if one of your players gets drunk? Not characters, players. So if someone is drunk and it would be dangerous for them to drive home, are there support systems in place to get that person home safely? Are people allowed to smoke marijuana or take edibles or do hard drugs at the table? The vast majority of places I've ever gamed, that answer is no, but I also happen to live in a place where it's not legal yet. So this is something that our troop really hasn't had to come to terms with quite yet. What types of material can be discussed around the table? Can graphic descriptions of pictures or movies or sex or what have you be discussed at the table? Or are there people who feel uncomfortable doing so? Just have those conversations ahead of time.

Something minor to consider. If you're bringing food for the gaming table, first off, I love you. Thank you for doing that. Your gaming group probably greatly appreciates it, even if they never say so. But if you do bring food, make sure you keep dietary concerns in mind. One of my gaming groups contains a person who is a vegan, so every time that we provide food, we make sure there is a vegan option for him. Just keep those dietary concerns in mind, whether it's gluten or meat, dairy, or other.

As a DM, make sure you clearly communicate how characters gain levels. Do you do experience points, or whatever your gaming system happens to call them? Or do you milestone level, meaning when characters reach a certain point within the adventure, they will gain a level? Is the expectation that the players will level their characters at the table, or is that something that should only occur between sessions? will level their characters at the table, or is that something that should only occur between sessions?

Also, when characters do gain a level, is it an instant bing and they gain all these abilities and hit points and everything else that maybe they would gain as part of a new level immediately, or do they only get it when they take a long rest or sleep? Make sure you communicate that very clearly to your players how their characters will gain a level, at the table or not. Always encourage your players to ask questions. Make sure that you are a font of knowledge for them.

Make sure that you happily answer those questions. Don't belittle or judge a player who maybe doesn't remember the exact range on their short bow. Don't belittle or judge a, because he or she happens to be new to the hobby. Later on, we'll have an entire episode based around gatekeeping, where we'll talk about how to not be that type of person. Either way, have an avenue where players can bring their questions and concerns to you. Some players don't feel comfortable voicing that around the table because they're scared that others are going to judge them based on what they don't know. Also give them an avenue where they can bring their questions or concerns to you privately because it may be a problem with

another player or maybe a problem with another character or it could be something they just don't want to ask in open forum. A lot of game systems have multiple ways that characters can be built. Point by, role, stats, decisions based on their ancestries. Just make sure the players know how they should build their characters, what house rules, if any, exist on that process, and whether they should build that character before the session starts or the expectation is they're going to be building it during the first session. Now to the meat of the episode. How do you handle topics that make people feel uncomfortable? This is going to be a list of things that are by no means exhaustive,

but they are topics that have come up in the past. Concepts like racism. Do your players want to play in a game where the game world does have racism in it? Even if the racism exists, it could be overt, which basically means that you have entire ancestries or races that are treated as lesser just because of who they are, or it could be something that's more covert, where they are just treated as lesser in a more passive-aggressive manner. Race relations is a very sensitive topic, regardless of where you're talking about Earth,

or Kryn, or Galarian, or the Sword Coast, wherever your characters happen to be. Make sure you as a DM talk to your players about how much racism will be in the campaign, and make sure everyone's okay with it. How are relationship dynamics handled? Is it common for people of the same gender to marry, be in a relationship together? Is it legal? Is it allowed? Is it treated equal to marriages or relationships between different genders? Make sure the players know how that works in the world and make sure those players are comfortable with those concepts. To a broader concept, sex or flirting. Otter concept, sex or flirting. Are characters allowed to have sex with or flirt with or however far down that road you want to go with an NPC, non-player character?

Let's face it, bards have a reputation. Do you allow the bard to try to seduce the construct, dragon, god? I mean, bards have a reputation of wanting to sleep with just about anything that moves. So much so that in a previous campaign, I had the crops in the field stop waving in the wind every time the bard walked by. This is a conversation that needs to happen early on so that players know what their characters are allowed to do. Can two characters get it on? Can the bard and the sorcerer batter dip the corndog together, or does that make other players uncomfortable? If it makes players uncomfortable, just have it not happen at the table. Is player-on-player flirting allowed?

Is player-on-player sex allowed? While some couples do find each other at the table, maybe keep that to yourselves. I mean, unless it's that kind of role-playing night and then doodle-bop to your heart's content. But for the most part, keep that away from the table, even if you're married. More difficult topics to discuss include things like sexual assault, rape. Does it happen in your game world? Does it happen at your table? Are threats allowed? Is slavery allowed? Is bigotry allowed? There's a recent publication that came out, Consent in Gaming by Monecote Games. It came out in 2019. It was kind of an RPG consent checklist. And the idea was that you allow players to check the topics that make them feel uncomfortable

so that the GM or DM understands that before the game even happens. It was very controversial and there was wailing and gnashing of teeth everywhere. But I think the people who reacted that way missed the purpose of that publication. The consent in gaming PDF was to get players and DMs to open up about what bothers them. The idea wasn't to allow players to revoke consent on hard encounters or difficult concepts or difficult topics. Players who try to use the consent in gaming to try to change the gameplay to be to their advantage don't really belong at your table. But the idea was that this document was to facilitate discussion about what bothers your players. I mean, let's face it, this depends

on the campaign. If someone has a fear of spiders, for example, but the campaign revolves around the demon god Lolth, there's going to be some issue, because Lolth loves spiders. You may need to have that conversation with the player. Can they come to grips with their fear of spiders, or is that something that they're going to have to maybe step away, or you'll have to change the campaign? To me, that's the equivalent of somebody saying, I want a campaign built around Thor, but I have a crippling fear of hammers.

They're not going to have a good time. My advice to all DMs is to have a starting point to open the discussion, to start having these conversations about what makes people feel uncomfortable. My starting point, where I always go for my session zero and then discuss with my players about what makes them feel uncomfortable, is that there are certain topics, there are certain things that are not discussed at my table and do not happen at my table, even if they happen in the game world. Examples include things like gore for gore's sake. During the combat, the player and the DM can describe what happens,

and sometimes it's theoretically pretty gory. I step forward and I chop the kobold's head off, and I look at the next one and grin and say, You're next. That's one thing. Extended descriptions of torture, extended descriptions of gore that's just there for shock value

or just there to try to get a visceral reaction out of people has no place at my table. Does torture happen in my game world? Yes, but it's not described. It's not described. It's not something that we go into any detail about and discuss. At my table, character romance is forbidden unless the players themselves are dating and married. And that even then, if any activity starts getting close to sexual, it fades to black. Troy and Jesse, who happen to be married at my table,

if their characters start flirting with each other, I just generally interrupt and say, and we fade to black and it's the next morning. Same thing is true between NPCs and player characters. If a player character and an NPC happen to get it on, it fades to black and we don't really describe anything that happens. We assume that player and that NPC are off diddling the cloaca or whatever the races or ancestries happen to be. Another thing that has no place at my table is any sexual activities with anyone who would be considered underage or too young to participate in those types of activities.

This is not the place, not at my table, ever. those types of activities. This is not the place, not at my table ever. Players know all these rules going in, and these are some of my hard lines. Occasionally there will be discussions about some of the other concepts I talked about, slavery, race relations, and so forth, to make sure that if it is a part of the campaign or if it is part of the adventure, that the players are comfortable with it. If they are not comfortable with it, then I can either adjust or the player can leave. It boils down to this. The game world that you're playing in isn't necessarily Earth in 2020, but there may be similarities.

Some nations of the world may have a spectrum of reactions to gender, race, homosexuality issues, cultural issues, and so forth. For example, in Pathfinder, One Nation uses halflings as slaves. Made for a great adventure, by the way. Underground railroad type adventure where you're rescuing halflings of a particularly cruel mistress. It was exciting and fun, but I made sure that the players understood that race relations was a central part of this particular adventure. And that everyone was comfortable with it. This is a good place to stop.

So I want to once again ask you to please rate and subscribe us wherever you happen to be listening to this hopefully good podcast. And I also want to take another chance to thank our totally not made up sponsor, TCPIP. Without it, you don't have the internet. I'm Jeremy Shelley, and this has been Taking 20, Episode 5. Here's hoping that your next game is your best game.