Taking 20 Podcast - Ep 89 - Monster Series - Goblins

Episode Date: September 5, 2021

Goblins are classic low level one-note baddies that eat anything they can, kill everything else, except for the few things that they try to mate with.  There's no nuance there, right?  Not so fast my friends.  Goblins can be just as nuanced as the other ancestries and make for great player characters and big bads for your campaigns.

This week on the Taking20 Podcast. Just because goblins have been historically treated as borderline insane, chaotic, pyromaniacal little monsters that are completely ruled by their id, doesn't mean that you have to play them that way. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to episode 89 of the Taking 20 podcast, continuing the Monster Series, this week all about goblins. This week's sponsor is the Smoking Hot Dating Service. Want to find a date that's straight fire? We'll help you find the perfect match. First of all, I want to thank you for helping me spread the word about this little podcast.

This month, I should crest 8,000 downloads, and that's more than I ever thought I would receive. Thank you if you've told someone about the podcast, posted to social media about it, or just a consistent listener. Thank you from the bottom of my cold, dead heart. Ah, goblins. Reliable, low-level bad guys. Need a quick adventure for a low-level party? Pack of goblins dicking with the local populace is always a good choice. You can play them as unrepentantly evil. They can be found in groups as small or as big as you want them to be. They're smart enough to take class levels and have support creatures around them that can make PC's lives

a living hell on an adventure. Aren't goblins great? That's our episode. Thanks for listening. I want to... Sorry, what? Evidently, goblins have gotten a little more nuanced since the early days of D&D, so I better go a little more in-depth. We get the term goblin from European folklore, traditionally reserved for any ugly fairy that is either mischievous or malevolent. The word goblin is originally derived, however, from the Greek word kobolos,

which translates into English as rogue or evil spirit. Goblins have been around since the first edition of Dungeons & Dragons, like the white box set original Dungeons & Dragons. They predate me, and I'm older than dirt. They were described as small monsters and later further described as having flat faces, broad, sometimes prominent noses, pointed ears, large heads, and fangs. Goblins are usually three to four feet tall, weighing about 40 pounds, with skin and eye colors that vary from yellow to green to brown to red. In Pathfinder lore, their heads are a little flatter than normal, and they're basically shaped like American footballs. 5th edition hasn't changed them much, describing them as, quote,

small, black-hearted humanoids that lair in despoiled dungeons and other dismal settings. Individually weak, they gather in large numbers to torment other creatures. Goblins are traditionally treated as less of a threat than orcs or hobgoblins, all the way through all the editions of Dungeons & Dragons. Individually, they are no match for a prepared player character, but goblins don't believe in fighting fair, and they will make every attempt to overwhelm adventuring parties by sheer numbers. In gaming systems all the way up through 5th edition, goblins are said to seethe with hatred, with some groups feeling their wrath more than others. Traditionally, while they dislike most of the quote-unquote civilized races, goblins have fought with gnomes countless times, so they are particularly hated.

They hate horses because they're big and frightening, and they don't like regular dogs whom goblins regard as junior varsity version of their goblin dogs. In Pathfinder, they even have specialty weapons that reflect this hatred, specifically the dog slicer and the horse chopper. Goblins delight in others suffering, traditionally, taking joy when someone, even another goblin, falls into a pit, has a potion explode on them, or otherwise does something to injure themselves or gets injured by others. They will regularly play pranks on each other, sometimes harmless, but not always.

It's not uncommon to see a goblin with a burned face, a nasty scar, or missing fingers. Not because of a fight with some invading monster, but because their cousin thought it would be hilarious to pour water in the alchemist's phosphorus vial. Goblins are also quite superstitious and treat magic with a mixture of awe and fear. They have the habit of ascribing magic to mundane things as well. It's not uncommon for a goblin to believe that it's magic that makes birds fly, straws work, or gunpowder to explode. Speaking of which, fire is much beloved by goblins for its capacity to wreak great destruction.

It doesn't require size or strength to wield like big weapons do. Goblins view fire with reverence and delight in using it to bring fear to the large folk. Goblins hate the written word since they believe that writing steals words out of your head. As a result of this belief, goblins are almost universally illiterate.

Goblins are voracious and can eat their full body weight in food every day without growing fat. Other species have been known to survive goblin encounters by feeding them everything they have that's edible and then paying them off at the end. So let's talk about where goblins live. They live in complicated lairs designed to confuse invaders. They keep pets like rats and goblin dogs, or maybe even more exotic creatures like maggots, carrion crawlers, or wargs for food and defense. Goblin's lairs employ numerous traps.

They take advantage of their small size and high dexterity to sprinkle pit traps, hanging nets, entangling wire, and other things for the larger folk to blunder into. They could scatter caltrops on the stairs wide enough apart that their feet can fit between them, but human feet can't. Imagine the PCs invading a goblin lair only to step on a concealed pit trap that breaks because the lead character weighs more than 50 pounds. They fail their dexterity or reflex save and down they go into a slightly larger hollowed out area with two other dead goblins and patches of yellow mold that are releasing

spores. Um, guys, I think I could use some help down here. This is, it's getting hard to breathe. Goblin lairs always have numerous storerooms and larders, by the way, since they love food. While they prefer human and gnome flesh, a goblin won't turn down any food, except maybe vegetables. Well, today I learned my son is possibly part goblin. His room contains a number of hidden traps on the floor since he doesn't clean it of his own accord and he hasn't willingly eaten a vegetable in his life outside of broccoli covered in cheese. Of course, he is

six feet tall. Maybe he's two goblins in a trench coat. I need to go check on that later. So let's talk about goblin societies. Goblin societies tend to be tribal in nature. Leadership is held by whomever is strong enough to sit the throne. They tend to not build permanent structures, see their affinity for fire, pranks, and traps for the reason why. They tend to live in out-of-the-way places, and if they find some abandoned ruins or caves, they happily fill it up with little goblin families? While they may keep livestock like maggots or animals to ride like wolves, they rarely farm or set up a complicated marketplace of any sort. Again, traditionally, societal structure is not goblin strong suits. Goblin infants, which aren't called

goblets, but they fucking should be, are self-sufficient almost immediately after birth, and they mature very quickly. Because of this, they are largely left to fend for themselves by their parents, sometimes kept in communal child-rearing cages in camp. If the adults forget about them and they don't feed them for a little while, the strong goblins may kill and eat the weaker ones, you know, like hair bands did in the 80s. Sorry, what was that? I'm being told by my wife that I must legally state that hair bands in the 80s did not become cannibalistic once the grunge and alternative music became popular. But all I'm saying is that no one's heard from the band Warrant in a long time, and Axl Rose has gained a little weight. I'm not saying Guns N' Roses ate Warrant in a long time, and Axl Rose has gained a little weight. I'm not saying Guns and

Roses ate Warrant, but I'm not saying they didn't either. Back to Goblins. As I alluded to earlier, depending on the game system you enjoy, Goblins may have undergone a bit of a transformation in recent years. Goblins have been made an official playable race in both 5th edition with the Monstrous Adventurers section of Volo's Guide to Monsters and Pathfinder 2nd edition in the Core Rulebook. How common they are are up to each individual DM or GM. Racial and ancestry depiction has become more nuanced in recent RPGs, and for one, I'm very thankful for it. For one, I'm very thankful for it. Just because goblins have been historically treated as borderline insane, chaotic,

pyromaniacal little monsters that are completely ruled by their id, doesn't mean that you have to play them that way. Playing a goblin gives great role-playing opportunities for players, and a variety of combat options and feats that may otherwise not be available to other races of characters. I will admit that I have a soft spot in my head. Wait, that's not right. Sorry. Soft spot in my heart for goblins in Pathfinder 2nd Edition. My very first 2e character was a female goblin rogue named Eddie. Since goblin leaders pick a new name for themselves, when she left her family and joined society, she did the same. She wanted a new name.

Goblin Nill Eater names tend to be two words hyphenated together, like Firesinger, Rip Nugget, or Swamp Stomper. Since Eddie wanted to get rich, her last name was Gold Shits, but not spelled like you think. It was S-C-H-I-T-S because she's classy now. She had a relatively high charisma, purple hair, sassy attitude. God, she was so much freaking fun to play. I need to bring her back in another campaign.

Anyway, in combat, goblins tend to use traps to their advantage. They will try to get the PCs to stumble into a snare that will cause damage, slow their movement, knock them down, so they can reduce the size advantage most ancestries have over them. They will send a nimble scout to harass the party and try to lead them back into an area where the goblins have a greater numbers and gain the surprise advantage. So literally, little goblins

will try to kite the PCs back to the rest of the tribe so that the rest of the goblins can wail on their heads. Goblins do love fire, and fire sorcerers are held in very high regard in the tribe. They love to set their prey on fire because, hey, that shortens future cooking times. Goblins have darkvision and will attack in total darkness to put the PCs on their heels. Magic-wielding goblins can even use darkness spells and the like to extinguish torches and make non-darkvision races even more nervous and at more of a disadvantage. Goblins will use their small size to their advantage whenever they can. If they attack, move, and hide, they will do so as long as the PCs let them. A group of low-level goblins, whatever. They can become fucking lethal if you leave them at range.

In melee, they will flank, surround, overwhelm, and fight dirty, biting, clawing, and using crude weapons to great effect. In numbers, they will wear down PC hit points, and it might leave the players around your table confused. Wait, we died to a bunch of damn goblins? Goblins, however, are not mindless. They do have a sense of self-preservation and will retreat if they're reduced to very few hit points.

They'd rather retreat, lick their wounds, find more friends, and come back for revenge later. So let's talk about tips for using goblins. Generic stat block goblins that you can find in the monster manual are great as low-level antagonists. Goblins will scout for food, so an encounter with a small group in a forest is a classic. They will raid towns for food, though, if there's enough goblins, and easier food sources just can't be found. How bold they are will depend on their number, desperation, and leadership. How bold they are will depend on their number, desperation, and leadership.

They may just attack a remote farmhouse, leading townsfolk to hire PCs to clear out the infestation. But they may attack a town proper, wanting to burn it to the ground and capture enough potential food for them to last weeks or so. So goblins can be a great source of an individual encounter, a quick one-shot adventure, or even the big bads in a low-level campaign. I haven't even touched on the fact that goblins sometimes have a hobgoblin or bugbear boss and will fight for them out of fear more than anything else. When captured individually, goblins are cowards. They know they aren't as strong as the other ancestries, and they will snivel and grovel for their lives. strong as the other ancestries, and they will snivel and grovel for their lives. When left alone, though, they will look for any way they can to escape, maybe even eating their way out

of a wooden enclosure. Goblins in groups, however, are bullies. They will use their numbers to torment others if they have any sort of advantage. So how do I use goblins in my game? Because goblins are now a playable ancestry, in my world, goblins tend to dwell on the fringes of society or as opportunistic scavengers. If they've joined society, it's because they've realized that the other races throw away so much stuff, they can use that stuff and they'll give up their more violent ways of making money for scavenging. But because of thousands of years of violence, most other ancestries view them with wary trepidation at best. And they aren't fully embraced

into polite society yet. Societal goblins mostly take on the jobs that other ancestries simply do not want, like a garbage collector or pest removal or dangerous mining work. Many goblins in my campaigns are working hard to separate themselves from their more violent histories. They eschew, eschew, eschew, eschew, eschew, they turn away from

their robbing and murdering lifestyles to hold down jobs, pay taxes, and stay relatively clean. You just have to ignore the fact that occasionally pets near goblin houses may go missing. Also, if you move in close to them, don't eat the stew they bring for the housewarming party for reasons best left to the imagination. They can, however, be loyal friends and colleagues, and even though they still play the occasional prank, goblins are tending more towards neutral alignment with more and more good goblins being seen. They aren't all evil maniacs. They love music and when they dance it's a rolling mass of chaotic movements that usually ends up in a pile of goblins on the floor. They love a good joke and just like children, they are learning what it means to be happy and productive members of society.

I love having goblins as player characters in my games, with the caveat that they are there to work with the other PCs, not to try and eat them. In certain areas of Galarian, the Sword Coast, or other game world, I may ask them to make a diplomacy, charisma, or persuasion check to buy goods and services in a town that maybe that town has a negative history with goblins. But most shop owners aren't stupid. They're not going to turn away a legitimate paying customer. Some goblins, however, still love to cause mischief and trouble and would rather take what others have than work for it. They embrace the traditional description

of goblins who will raid villages, eat every scrap of food in the warehouse, and then burn it down because, ooh, fire pretty. I'll give the stronger members of the goblin baddie group class levels and suddenly the party is toe-to-toe with manic fire-wielding sorcerers with frontline armored fighters, rangers in the back, and a few clerics to heal them while the bard leader inspires and encourages all of them, promising them they can eat whatever PC they kill. Suddenly all those short little goblins get really scary when they get organized. Also in my world, there are subterranean goblins who are roiling masses of chaos. They are chaotic evil, multiply like rabbits, fight with claws and bite,

and swarm over invaders eating as they go. They have limited intelligence and they don't even have words in their language for tactics, honor, society, economy, diet, nutrition, or contraception. They consume, multiply, and spread. They'd be more of a problem if more powerful creatures like ogres didn't farm them for food and hunt them for sport in the dark places of the world. That being said, just because goblins in your world hold to the traditional evil roles doesn't mean you can't have fun with a campaign built around a goblin party. Have a party of four goblins who promise not to eat each other as they head out on an adventure together. Hell, one of the most fun adventures out there is an adventure called Weeby Goblins by Paizo, where your entire

party's a bunch of low-level goblins on their very first adventure together. If your players think goblins are evil monsters because of interactions in the past, have them come across a goblin camp that's been decimated by a greater evil, and the Warsinger, barely alive, begs them for help hunting down the monsters that did this to them. And they'll pay in gold or books or locations of treasure or we swear fealty to the leader of the PCs. In summary, goblins really are a ton of fun in just about every RPG out there. They are extremely versatile. They make trusted allies and dastardly low-level enemies.

Consider adding goblins to your games, whether as antagonists or maybe even as party members. I bet you and your players will have fun doing it. Thank you so much for listening. Please subscribe and rate us wherever fine podcasts or even this one can be found. Tune in next week where we'll talk about an interesting world-building technique I've been reading about called Grapes. Once again, I want to thank our sponsor, the Smoking Hot Dating Service. They'll help you find your next big flame.

This has been Episode 89, part of the Monster Series, All About Goblins. My name is Jeremy Shelley, and I hope that your next game is your best game. The Taking 20 Podcast is a Publishing Cube Media Production. Copyright 2021. References to game system content are copyright of their respective publishers.