Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Betwixt The Bramblecracks - Ep. 66 - Moorbane Than Meets the Eye

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

The interns get their next quest from Shaman Suess to help Lord Loamish with his mysterious memory malady. Follow us on social media: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Check our our merch: h...ttps://store.roosterteeth.com/collections/tales-from-the-stinky-dragon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Rooster Teeth production. But first 45, that's first and the number four and the number five. Thanks. Salutations to all you angry sorrow sworn. Drag your duo headed selves on into the stinky dragon. Drink up our latest dram, ripe old rage. It's a mixture of angry tortured apple cider, hooked armaretto, cinnamon schnapp judgments, and orange juice with plenty of pulp. One taste of this hot tempered hooch and you won't need to bottle up your feelings cause we've done it for ya. Previously our adventurers found themselves at Mud's hometown of Bupa Ayu, battling a bad smelling batch of amnusias. After slaughtering the slimy monsters and freeing Mud's brother Clay,
Starting point is 00:01:08 they found their way to the towering citadel of Bramble Castle. There the party was introduced to a dormant Lord Lomish, sorrowful Lady Sandra, and Mud's mentor Shaman Soos. Round up a refreshment, Let's resume this aromatic adventure. I forgot about Shaman Seuss. I forgot about Mudd's mom. Sorry. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:01:42 I should be bringing that energy into this episode. I'm so sorry. What cup of coffee is that for you, Blaine? It's my first, it's my first cup of cold brew I woke up at 9.40 on the dot Got here perfectly on time, even though I showered You showered and Drove here in 20 minutes? That old jeep, it looks like a piece of
Starting point is 00:01:58 No, no, no, that's not the part of, the shower is what I'm wondering about It's like a Millennium Falcon of jeeps Surely you remember Soos. It hasn't been that long, has it? You used to follow her all around Bramble Castle. Never left her side, it seems. She taught you everything you know about the natural world and druidic arts,
Starting point is 00:02:17 much to your father's chagrin. Is any of this ringing a bell? You hear a voice from behind you ask, Does this jog your memory? And suddenly grassy vines and weeds burst from the ground, wrapping all around the furniture in the room. Then a frosty shard of ice whizzes past your head, shattering into a nearby wall in a thousand pieces. And you hear a faint wisp flutter behind you. A shroud of mist dissipates to reveal a dainty, wrinkled, shrimp-like humanoid in flaxen-colored robes standing at your waist. She slaps your butt.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Well, aren't you gonna slap your mentor's butt back? Do it. Do it. I did at the end of the last episode. You slapped her butt? Yeah. Didn't I? Maybe I didn't. I mean, she gave consent. So you slap her butt. Sure. And as you slap her butt... Wait!
Starting point is 00:03:02 Before we get too far past... That echoed in the room. Is she a little shrimp? Like, shrimp-like. Like, small and shrimpy. Okay, I'm asking because we just learned that Doctor Ahem is apparently dragonborn, and none of us, like- What? He's not human? Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Have you all not listened to the playbook? I knew this because we talked about it. This is the point I'm trying to make, is that we keep missing these descriptions of these characters, like, what they are. I think, like, even there was a long time before someone realized, I don't know who it was, that the pies are actually, like, praying mantis. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah, it was Barb.
Starting point is 00:03:36 She told it herself. Yeah, no, definitely. I'm definitely admitting to that. It was also me. It's like, let's stop picturing actual pies. Ooh, blueberry. I'm being a good little student, and I'm trying to pick up on your very specific words.
Starting point is 00:03:50 So to clarify, she looks like a short, shrimp-looking humanoid. So humanoid, but shrimp-like in appearance. So like the crustaceous little bug. Because we're in the buh-bye-y. She has like antenna things. The buh-bye-y is a good connection. She's a crawfish! If I ever did see one!
Starting point is 00:04:07 Ben makes a good example. Kind of like the pies are mantis humanoids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ben also points out that he's literally shown you all photos of Dr. Ahem before. Leading up to before you all not knowing that. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Also, now I want nothing more than for Blaine to try his best Cajun accent in front of my girlfriend. Oh, who is Cajun. Yeah, I would love to. I like how Micah's put all this work into this show and we don't remember details that are important, especially about his character.
Starting point is 00:04:39 He's just like, I'm out. Done. Okay, little crawfish person. I slapped your butt. You know what we need? We need a classroom. Oh my god. We need a classroom where we have all the imagery and all the stuff from everything. You know what would actually be
Starting point is 00:04:55 a good idea is if the listeners put together a wiki for us and collated all of this information. That way you all could reference it. That'd be really cool. Do free labor. Alright, you slapped Seuss' and collated all of this information. That way you all could reference it. That'd be really cool. Do free labor. Do free labor. All right, you slap Seuss's butt,
Starting point is 00:05:12 and then a flash of memory starts fluttering through your mind. Mudd, specifically, your surroundings blur for a moment, and then refocus on the rushing sound of rain. You look down at your damp, furry feet, and they look smaller and less hairy. You look up, and it appears you're standing outside in the rain with Seuss. You're surrounded by drooping willow trees and mossy logs with a swampy river running through it.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Come on, mud. Don't give up. Just close your eyes and stench the water all around you. In the air, the ground, on the trees, even inside of you. Channel that feeling
Starting point is 00:05:44 and then shape the water into anything you want. It was a false. Roll a wisdom check, Mud. That's a one. Ten, ten. All right. So you rolled a ten.
Starting point is 00:05:55 One plus your modifier is nine for ten. You managed to successfully channel the energies to cast shape water and you begin molding the water in your environment around you. What do you want to make the water do? No. I do.
Starting point is 00:06:13 There's lots of hand motion going on. There's a lot of grunting in this audio podcast of my co-stars motioning towards inappropriate things. I wonder what they could have been. Anyways, she forms it into a butt. Oh, nice. Like a nice big two-cheeked full moon?
Starting point is 00:06:30 You can't hear it, but I'm doing a golf class on you. Something that, you know, he likes to slap though, so... Yeah. Your surroundings wash over you like raindrops and then refocus on the chiming of bells. You look down at your feet, and they're wearing shoes. Dress shoes, to be more precise. You look up and see your fully grown self in a mirror.
Starting point is 00:06:46 You're dressed in an elegant floral suit with a butterfly bow tie. Notice you're twiddling with something in your hand as a door opens in a corner of the room. Soos walks in and says, Wow, you look nice. I know you're next in line for the throne and you'd make for a majestic ruler. But if this isn't what you want to do, Mud, then you don't have to take the crown, you know. I've seen how much you've grown in the druidic arts.
Starting point is 00:07:14 You clearly have a passion and talent for it. If this is your calling, Mud, then I say, follow that dream. But it's your choice. Zeus holds open the door and a ray of moonlight pours into the room. She offers you a wrinkled smile. I'm acting all these things out for you. I am the wrinkled smile. I know we'll have maybe it'll either be Gus's voice or we'll get a cameo to do Zeus's voice.
Starting point is 00:07:40 But I imagine it sounds a little like this. Because she's a little shrimpy shaman. I accept your audition. I make a mad dash to the door. You run through the door and your surroundings swirl once again and refocus back to the present in the royal chambers. You look down at your hand and find yourself fiddling with something. Soos asks, What's it been, Mud? A year or so?
Starting point is 00:08:06 My heart is overflowing with joy to see you once again, but also saddened at the circumstances of this reunion. She turns and looks at Lord Lomish. Did we see that flashback? No. That was all in Mud's mind.
Starting point is 00:08:21 I was going to ask if we could see that bowtie. I would like to bring that butterfly bowt tie back. Make a perception check, Kyborg. Perception check. Got it. All of a sudden, he's wearing a butterfly bow tie. That's a 11. In the corner of the room, you spot a chair with something draped over the back of it, and it looks like a very nice butterfly bow tie.
Starting point is 00:08:43 Can I have that? You do you. I point to that, and bow tie. Can I have that? You do you. I point to that, and I say, can I have that? Who are you saying this to? I'm assuming it's a giant neck-sized bow tie, so I'm assuming it's your neck. Yeah, I don't like ties. You can totally take it.
Starting point is 00:08:58 I'm adding that to my inventory. What's the stats? Micah, what does it do for me? It's a minus one to dexterity, because, uh, it's tight around your neck. It restricts the blood flow into your brain. You get a minus one on intelligence. I'm starting to stomp them on me.
Starting point is 00:09:13 I'm too dexterous. You said I'm fiddling something with my hand again. What am I fiddling with? You look, and, uh, you remember it's a ring with a bramble symbol. Okay. Yeah, it's not the best reason to have come home, but you know, it's sometimes you don't have a choice and you have to come back and do this kind of stuff. But glad to see you, little
Starting point is 00:09:32 shrimp professor. Shrimp professor? She says, oh, thank you. You can just call me Soos. That's fine. I think I'll stick with shrimp professor. I think that's better. Shaman, shaman Soos. Shrim's fine. I think I'll stick with Shrimp Professor. I think that's better. Shaman, Shaman Soosed. Shrimp Professor is a little lower on the list, but that's fine.
Starting point is 00:09:51 She's so sweet. We are so glad to have you back in this trying time with your father. What's wrong with him? One month ago, Lord Lomish was swimming in the Royal Pond and came into contact with the first sighting of that yellowish slime we've come to call amnusia. His skin turned a sickly yellow and he started losing his memories. But as the weeks passed, he eventually fell into this comatose state. I could do a medicine check if you want.
Starting point is 00:10:22 Why not? Go for it. I want all the checks. Kyborg rolls up his sleeve. Maybe you'll heal him. Alright, here we go. You've got this bow tie on. You're feeling extra confident now. That's a three. He murders the king. If you were in like a hospital setting, you'd be like boop, boop, boop,
Starting point is 00:10:40 boop. Everything's fine here. Everything's in order. I imagine Kyborg just goes over to Lord Lomish and puts his hand on his forehead and goes, yeah, he's sick. Puts his hand on his forehead and goes, no, he's dead. Pulls the sheet up over his face. Mark the time. Dr. Kyborg, Medicine Ranger. I was just talking about Dr. Queen Medicine Woman, like, I think in a stream recently,
Starting point is 00:11:05 and everybody was like, they had not watched that. I forgot about that show. There's going to be so many people listening to this podcast who are like, who? Because they're under the age of 30. We watched Dr. Quinn with Sully, the monster from Monsters, Inc. There were 150 episodes of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. It went on for a while. Wow.
Starting point is 00:11:21 She's beautiful. I'm looking at it now. This looks like a fun show. What's her name? I don't know. Was it a Jane seymour jane seymour jane seymour all i could think of was like she's the lady who made the necklace later on that little anyways she was uh in star trek jane seymour no no no no captain janeway that's i'm thinking captain janeway man how'd you get out of my head listen if we're gonna talk about dr quinn or star trek i got some knowledge i have been completely distracted.
Starting point is 00:11:45 We were... Oh, yeah, Lord Lomath, he was swimming. Kyborg did a medicine check. Okay, yeah, he's sick. Well, I mean, we just dealt with the amnesias to a degree outside, so it feels like that's got to be a problem that's got a solution for it. Maybe we could help and figure out some sort of cure. I haven't given up hope.
Starting point is 00:12:03 I have been communing with my ancestors, and I believe there is a cure to this amnusia ailment. The Bomb of Briary. It should awake your father and heal all those who have been afflicted by the amnusia. However, I must remain here to sustain your father and make preparations. Therefore, I need your assistance in collecting some supplies.
Starting point is 00:12:29 I don't know. I think Guybo's doing a good job. There's Guybo. There's a pillow over his head. And he's helping. He's moving. Clear. He's just got an arrow pointed at him with healing jelly on the end of it.
Starting point is 00:12:46 Just standing on his bed. I have a brew bow, so I'm aiming my brew bow at him. Yeah, I think we three should go, and Kyber can stay here and keep working on his medicine. Yeah, you guys go ahead on that fetch quest. I got this all under cover. No, we definitely can. We're very good at gophering stuff, so we'd be happy to help. That's great, but you need to be careful.
Starting point is 00:13:09 My instincts tell me it's no doubt the work of Sludge. But I still can't make sense of it all. Sludge has been imprisoned in a demiplane for a century by the hand of Lord Brumble Bramblecrack, Mudd's great-great-grandfather. He somehow managed to wipe out all of the kajuju, save for me, and now he's infecting the land of Witherveins. John's dying.
Starting point is 00:13:36 You know, I think I figured it out. At this point, Mike is playing a game with Gus, and his game is, what can I get Gus to say? Sometimes my tongue feels big in my mouth, and Lord Brumble Bramble, crack is one of those times. Sludge. It's just still like. It's also.
Starting point is 00:13:50 I heard kazoozoo. I like how we have. It's the shaman seuss who's a. What kind of. Shrimp. No. You named the type of. Shaman?
Starting point is 00:14:01 No. The species. The species. The kajuju? Kajuju. Oh, so the shrimp people are kajuju? Kajuju. Oh, oh. So the shrimp people are kajujus. Kajujus. Yes. Okay. And Sludge
Starting point is 00:14:10 has wiped out a bunch of the kajujus. All of them. All of the kajujus. Except for Shaman Suze. She's the only kajuju left. As far as we know at this point, yes. A thousand generations of kajujus live in you now. Leave it to Barbara to clarify everything. Oh, I appreciate it. I need this context.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Thank Barbara for clarifying everything. You say you need this context or this confidence. You're not writing any of it down. Your phone is face down. I'm in the moment. I'm performing. It's okay. I'll take notes. Also, Kajuju, the root word's Cajun. So, like, we're really doubling down on this.
Starting point is 00:14:41 It could be Juju. I imagine, though. Sounds like they're magic Cajuns. Like bad Juju? Question, Kaj Sounds like they're magic Cajuns. No, but I imagine. Like bad Juju? Ah. Question, Kajuju is actually a D&D species? Uh, no. Like Kenkus?
Starting point is 00:14:50 No, no. Okay, homebrew. Yeah, it's a homebrew. Hard to tell. You guys keep throwing all these random creatures at us. So, Shaman Seuss is the last, supposedly, the last known Kajuju. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Left, because Sludge, which is a great name, by the way, wiped him out. Just for clarity, it's S-L-U-J-J. In mud, whenever you hear the name Sludge, does it make you want to go, Sludge? I don't know if I know who Sludge is. Do I know who Sludge is? You wiped out your family. Not my family. Your dad, your grandpapa had to take him out.
Starting point is 00:15:19 Great grandpapa. I think your brother Clay or someone when you first arrived told you about Sludge being imprisoned at the Demi plant. Oh, no, you learned about it on the Bramble Boat. Yeah, your great-grandpa was the one that cracked him. I like how Gus says, you learned things on the Bramble Boat. No, we got to ask a bunch of questions we didn't know the answers to. It was Mud's great-great-grandfather.
Starting point is 00:15:37 Okay. Yeah. Lord Brumble Bramble Crack. No, I don't have that kind of a vendetta like you. Okay, I'll take that over for you. You can. I'm currently seeking new kind of a vendetta like you. Okay, I'll take that over for you. You can. I'm just currently seeking new vendettas. You need one.
Starting point is 00:15:50 I'm in the dating pool. Yeah. You had it for so long, you needed something to fill that hole. What's the Tinder for villains? Is that what you're going on? Yeah, Tinder for having someone to hate. It's called the news. Yeah, so are you saying we hate. It's called the news. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:08 So are you saying we should go question Sludge? Is he in a place that we can even access him? I don't know what this like. He's imprisoned in a demo plane as far as we know. However, our immediate need is to heal Lord Lomish. I need to make the bomb of briary that can heal him, but in order to make the bomb, I need you all to get some supplies for me. Next quest.
Starting point is 00:16:29 I've seen this movie called Kung Fu Panda, and I know that if you go visit the persons in the prison, that's the way they get out of the prison. So instead, we're going to go get all these things because it's fun to go find stuff. Scavenger hunt! Sludge! First, travel to the foggy hillage
Starting point is 00:16:45 of Morbane and retrieve the emerald stone of Alderach. The locals can be fairly power hungry and a bit brutish. So be careful. Blaine is fake typing in front of himself right now. Sloggy hillage.
Starting point is 00:17:01 It's Alderach. What was it? Alderach. The Emerald Alder Rock. Okay. Kyborg. Make a wisdom check. Gum Gum, make a wisdom check. Rarely am. Okay.
Starting point is 00:17:11 I can do it too. That is a... Chris, you don't have to make one. It's also a three. I legitimately got a three. Oh, you got a three? He had to make one too. It was important.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Okay. Never mind then. You can't just... It was a bad roll. You don't know anything. Is something wrong, Kyberg? Second, travel to Krokmire and search for an ancient incantation
Starting point is 00:17:35 written on a secret scroll preserved by the Krokmire clan and protected by the spirit Amphibolus. North for a rock, south for a scroll. Got it. Once you've collected both of those items, then come back to Bramble Castle and find me in the highest spire of the tallest tower.
Starting point is 00:17:55 There we will concoct the bomb of briary. Is there a reason we got to go to the top of a tower? That seems like a lot of work. I don't want to walk all the way down So just say meet me here yeah, yeah, that's why I said old shrimp lady My things about stepping on the Right okay, we can go do that my kyborg since is tingling. I think I need to make another with
Starting point is 00:18:25 Gunga make another wisdom throw. Gunga, make a wisdom throw. No, Chris, he's not the GM. I don't know what to do. All right. Are you guys ready to go? Do you want to talk to- I guess we awkwardly leave the room. Talk to anyone?
Starting point is 00:18:37 What does that road look like? It's green. And is this bomb of briary, is this intended to cure Lord Lomish? I believe it will wake Lord Lomish and heal not only him, but the others affected by the amnesia. You know what? The shaman seems really smart and wise with all of her years. Can I ask her if she knows anything about diagems or if they have any in this land? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:04 How would you phrase it? Like, what specifically are you trying to ask her if she knows anything about diagems or if they have any in this land. Yeah, how would you phrase it? Like, what specifically are you trying to ask her? Uh, I say that we're on, like, a larger quest to find the diagems to stop a greater evil. Do you not have one in your arm anymore? I don't want to, like, give it away. Because I don't know this old crustacean
Starting point is 00:19:18 lady. Um, we're looking for diagems, though. The seaweed has always been... And we need to know if you guys have any in this land, because we're helping, like, a big... Yeah. I've heard of them, but never pursued the lore behind them. It doesn't really apply to our day-to-day here,
Starting point is 00:19:35 but I've read of them in ancient texts. Okay. But you know of them, like, in this land? Like, ancient texts from these parts? I don't know of any in this land. I've read about them but haven't really pursued that knowledge. Thank you shrimp teacher.
Starting point is 00:19:52 And her name is? Her name, she is a Kajuju by the name of Shaman. You know it. You got it. It's there. She do not like green eggs in ham. Shoosh!
Starting point is 00:20:06 Shoosh! Your imaginary notes are doing you well. Yeah, you might want to check the battery in your made-up laptop. He'll make note of this. So we're good? Yeah. Okay, Mud uses his billowing cape And makes a dramatic billow
Starting point is 00:20:28 And then leaps out the closest window Oh my goodness It hits Bart in the eye Because she's that short Bart also jumps out the window Oh my goodness But uses his vest of slow descent Hey
Starting point is 00:20:42 Alright, who else? Gum Gum jumps out the window. He's got a way to deal with this. I do not. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. Well, how high up am I? You don't know.
Starting point is 00:20:54 I mean, do you jump out this window or not? I guess so. Gum-Gum would jump out the window at this point. It's probably really high, y'all. Do it, do it, do it. Yeah. You totally have something. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:03 I know your inventory. I know you have something. I'm trying to- Kyborg, are you going to let this stand, or are you going to jump out the window? I, I, I, uh, uh, take out exploding jelly from that ark several missions ago, and I throw it on the ground, and then I run out the door. And you kill- Kill?
Starting point is 00:21:18 Kill? And then Mutt's dad wakes up. It's a miracle. So what, you run out the door? You don't jump out the window? Is there any, like, thing that thing that I could like grapple onto? Like a rope thing that I can... I put a rope around the bed frame of the king.
Starting point is 00:21:36 And I lower myself down. Just slowly lowering yourself down. Okay, so Mud has jumped out. Bart has jumped out. Gum Gum has jumped out. And Kyborg is attaching a rope to the bed frame of Lord Lomus. But I can fly out pretty fast because with my metal arm, friction isn't an issue. And you know what's great about that is we'll have that rope to get back in when we come back.
Starting point is 00:21:56 There you go. Just going to leave it there. We'll leave it there. It's not a security hazard at all. His bed frame just goes. Okay, so Mud, you jump out the window. What do you do to prevent from taking fall damage?
Starting point is 00:22:11 This is a great power play at this point, because right now this entire story is based around Mud. If I do nothing and Mud just dies right now, what do we do? I'll be the new Mud. Mud turns into a owl.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Who? You beat me to it. Bart? I use my vest of slow descent. Ooh, your vest of slow descent. That's what happens when you only have 20 minutes to shower and get to work. I like how you have to go under the
Starting point is 00:22:42 table to do it as if we haven't all seen you. No one stare at Blaine. No one stare at Blaine right now. Blaine's taking his shirt off. I can see his shoulder and clavicles. Gum Gum, you jump out the window. What do you do to prevent taking any fall damage? Well, tell me what am I seeing? You jump out the window and you see the Bayou sprawling out beneath you.
Starting point is 00:23:01 You jumped out of the top of the Bramble Castle and down directly below you, you can see a courtyard and that Bramble-covered wall that you all had previously entered through. And then beyond that is, of course, the Babayu and then further on, more of the Wither Veins. You're a couple hundred feet in the air falling down at the moment.
Starting point is 00:23:18 How far is the Babayu? So, you know, that would be at an angle from you. It's a couple hundred feet away. You really jumped out of this window with no plan? I'm going to start rolling a fall damage here. You've got about like, you've got a great item. But I see, I see Bart slowly. You've got about 30 seconds to figure this out before I start rolling.
Starting point is 00:23:42 Can I, can I? I don't think I can. I throw my friendship bracelet. Bart, grab my friendship bracelet! Can I, can I? I don't think I can. Okay, then I throw my friendship bracelet at Bart. Bart doesn't grab it. I just see you whiz past me as I'm slowly descending. Do you need help? Because I think I know something that can help you. Well, I could, uh, try and use my immovable rod. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:58 To, I guess, teleport back in. Or to the ground? You got about 10 seconds to figure this out. Well, how far down is the ground? It's a couple hundred feet. I can't, I teleport back into the, the to the ground. You got about 10 seconds to figure this out. How far down is the ground? It's a couple hundred feet. I can't, I teleport back into the tower. Okay, Gum Gum teleports back into the tower at the very last second.
Starting point is 00:24:14 I love how the Shaman Seuss was basically like, here's this stuff you need to get, meet me back here, blah, blah, blah. And we're like, okay. And we crash through and jump out a window and then Gum Gum appears back inside hey uh and then uh kyborg you started just like letting yourself repel out how much rope did you have anyway several hundred feet okay minimum you're fine then i can check i actually don't know i see
Starting point is 00:24:38 50 feet of rope in your inventory okay okay how about this how about this i can just do that thing where i run laterally until I find another window, and then I go into one of those windows, and then I just descend the rest of the way through the stairs. I have embraced this, I can't go back in there. Okay, okay, I got you. Like, you want to save face, you've already gone out the window. I got it. You sneak into a window.
Starting point is 00:24:58 Make a... And I find sludge. Roll for initiative. Is he in this tower? He's being held prisoner in an artifact that is in the Bramble Castle somewhere. I think you don't know specifically where. All right. So you find a window, make a sleight of hand check to see if you can jimmy it open without breaking it.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Okay. We are going to do plus five. 18. Oh yeah. You successfully crack open a window without damaging it, crawl in through a storage pantry, and you make your way down to the stairs and run down as fast as you can to try to reach.
Starting point is 00:25:32 Is there any rope in there? Could you retcon that so that it was someone's bedroom? I thought about it. I didn't want to go down that path. Sure, yeah. There's another 100 feet of rope in here if you want to steal it. Yes, I would like to. Okay. So you run down. You catch up very quickly to everyone in the courtyard. Sure, yeah, there's another 100 feet of rope in here if you want to steal it. Yes, I would like to. Okay, so you run down.
Starting point is 00:25:47 You catch up very quickly to everyone in the courtyard. Gum-Gum, you teleported back into the bedroom. You catch Lady Sandra by surprise, and she muffles a scream of surprise. Oh! Hi. I have a question about the immovable rod. What's the cooldown on using it?
Starting point is 00:26:04 I get three a day. Yeah, but in between each rod. What's the cooldown on using it? I get three a day. Yeah, but in between each use. I think you just keep using it. Could you not have just dropped up until... That's what I was thinking, like, in the sky and then drop a little bit. In the sky, drop a little bit. Yeah, but then I'd be using it all. His is the taller one, not the immovable rod.
Starting point is 00:26:20 Right, but, like, he's already, like, going down. I guess my question is, do I keep momentum if I use it? Like if I was to use it, does it stop my momentum or do I keep my momentum? I'm going to say it stops your momentum. Otherwise you would have slammed into a wall or a ceiling in this room when you teleported back in. Okay. Then I could have done that.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Yeah. I just, I wasn't. Lessons for next time. I hadn't tested it. I didn't feel like testing it while falling out of a... You can also ride it like a broom. So I have GumGum's friendship bracelets now. I guess so.
Starting point is 00:26:51 Or they're on the ground. Nice catch, by the way. Thank you. I'm just descending so slowly, it's just natural. What do you want to do? Do you also want to take the stairs down, GumGum? Yeah. Bye-bye.
Starting point is 00:27:00 Barbara, what are those things? Sugar gliders? Oh, the... Yeah, the, like, the like squirrel thing. That's what Bart looked like going down. I made a boo-boo. All right. This is what we learned about Gumsy coming to peer pressure.
Starting point is 00:27:15 All right. Don't tell him to do something because he will. He is a lemming. Yes. My thing's it's funny. And then, yeah, slowly, awkwardly backs out of the room like a cat yeah you go downstairs and you find the rest of your party at the base of the bramble castle did you witness the newest fabulous fan art post for the podcast or vote in the latest poll about
Starting point is 00:27:40 this new story arc if not then you should give us a follow at stinky dragon pod on twitter and instagram join us on the stinky dragon subreddit where we feature phenomenal fan art from listeners like spork ruler plus if you tag us on social media using hashtag stinky dragon pod or post subreddit you could have an npc named after you in fact shaman seuss is named after at seuss 861 and of course we want to give a big thank you to all of our voiceover actors. Clay Bramblecrack, voiced by Alfredo Diaz. Sump the Furbolg Valet, voiced by Brian Garr. Lady Sandra, voiced by Kelsey Childs. And Shaman Seuss, voiced by Elise Willems.
Starting point is 00:28:15 Remember all the way back to Arc 1 when Bart, Gum Gum, Kyborg, and Mud were just little interns traveling to Boulderay exploring the Infinite HQ and investigating shenanigans in Pious Pass? Well now you can relive the musical soundscape with our first ever tales from the stinky dragon soundtrack the first album is now available for listening on all your favorite music streaming platforms it includes the stinky dragon show theme song by column r mcginnis at nice violin boy on twitter plus eight other tracks of musical themes and songs written by micah reisinger including pyrolight's leitmotif, Wilhelm's waltz, and the first character's song, His Name is Mud. We hope you all enjoy listening to the album, using it in your own D&D adventures,
Starting point is 00:28:51 sharing it with loved ones. Stay tuned for other soundtrack albums to be released in the future. Speaking of things to check out, we made a puppet video using some of the audio from Tales from the Stinky Dragon. You should check it out on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok. It's really funny.
Starting point is 00:29:04 We took a moment from the show where the characters were all haggling over in Pius Pass and using some really cute felt puppets, we kind of tried to bring it to life. I think it's really great little video. Check it out, like I said, on our Stinky Dragon Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok. So y'all make your way out of the Bramble Castle and back outside to the edge of the Babayu. You head north toward the hillage of Morbane as the afternoon sun wanes just off the horizon with pastel pinks and yellows coloring the swampy sky. Everyone make a perception check. First evening. 15. 17.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Uh, that's a 16. 20 plus 4, 24. Oh man, everyone's really good at perception. Uh, we need to make these checks much harder. I'm not. Mine's minus one. My eyes glow red. I see all.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Alright, so 15, 16, 17, 24. Bart, we'll start with you since you got the lowest one. After traveling for a while, you take note of the landscape thickening with more and more willow trees, and the once level ground is becoming more sloped, filled with stones, mud, and gum gum. For you all, you notice the air smells quite briny, and you notice a bank of fog rolling in from the north, obscuring your vision. And Kyborg, in the distance you hear the pounding of earth, and every once in a while the ground vibrates beneath your toes.
Starting point is 00:30:25 I bend down to touch the ground. I say, hmm, yes, the earth is telling me that there's disturbances up ahead. Vibrations. Good vibrations? I'll talk about good vibrations. No, I was thinking good vibrations. A couple of routes. No, we don't do Mark to Mark here.
Starting point is 00:30:43 So, okay, we're at the edge of the place? No, you're still making your way north to the hill edge. Y'all want to continue going? Do you want to do something about that boom-booms? I'm assuming that there's something very large up ahead, crew. Should we maybe be stealthy? That's not a bad idea. I changed my cloak of many fashions to some camo that kind of looks mossy or whatever
Starting point is 00:31:05 the surroundings are looking like. And could I cast invisibility on myself? Yeah. I will wrap myself in my rat blanket. Your rat blanket. Owls are naturally stealthy. Yeah, of course. And their wings are literally made to not make sound.
Starting point is 00:31:22 Owls are really cool. Owls are awesome. I don't know, screech. right, you all continue on your way? They can screech. After a few more minutes of traveling along the marshy path, the trail ends. Before you is a wide river with rapids rushing from west to east. You peer past the river through the fog, and you catch vague glimpses of buildings and shadowy figures walking around. We would explain the pounding on the ground.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Unsure. You're unsure yet. Hmm. Should we talk to somebody? Shadowy pounding on the ground unsure. You're unsure yet Walking around shadowy figures as in like they are like ghosts like wraiths or Foggy so you can't quite make out like fine detail Me get closer and you also have that thing those cool goggles I do I in our previous I'm invisible. Do you want me to get closer and try to see? You also have that thing, those cool goggles. I do. I, in our previous encounter with the shop, I bought the, oh man, Veronian goggles. Nailed it.
Starting point is 00:32:19 Which helped me see through different types of weather, I think including fog and rain. All right, Veronian goggles. While wearing these goggles, you can see up to 100 feet through all types of non-magical weather such as rain fog or snow additionally your vision is not affected by the fog cloud spell all right so like i said you are standing at the bank of a river that's uh rapidly rushing from one side to the other and the river itself is about 70 feet wide if you stand right up on the bank you can see like 30 feet past the river. Which I assume they are in that vicinity.
Starting point is 00:32:49 Yeah, you see what appear to be large humanoid creatures walking around. Like very large. Like giant size? Yeah. Oh, like are they as big as mud? No, they're probably bigger. Like maybe like the giant we saw on the boat oh yeah could i uh tell if i recognize uh i forget his name the the guy who was the giant on the boat that was the giant maximus could i tell if one of them
Starting point is 00:33:16 are maximus or if they seem like the same type of breed as maximus uh they seem similar to maximus you don't recognize maximus himself, but they do seem similar. Okay. Almost like a wisdom check that someone failed earlier could have helped give insight to this. Oh. Should I do a wisdom check? No, no, no. You recognize these giants.
Starting point is 00:33:38 Hey, guys, remember Maximus from the boat? Our good old buddy who gave us all that information that we remember perfectly? Who could forget? I think these are his peeps over here. They look very much like him they're they're big old guys should we try to find maximus then that might not be a bad idea could i tell also if they're like just kind of like peacefully doing their thing or if they seem like aggressive how are they lifting the boxes aggressively or kindly i guess like what are they doing well they're not like fighting with each other or anything it seems like they're going about daily business.
Starting point is 00:34:06 Okay, cool. All right. I just got to get across this river. Wait, are we on the other side of a river? Yeah. A river stands or is flowing between you and these creatures. It's 70 feet wide. There it is.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Is there something to do to check to see if the water's safe to cross? Make a survival check. Survivor check. I'm a survivor. Be sure and watch. Survival check. I'm a survivor. Be sure and watch. I got 11. Not you. He was the one asking.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Survival. Don't know if I've rolled that. 14. Nice. It looks like it is very treacherous and very, like the water's moving very quickly. Like it would be dangerous for any of you to try to get into the water without making preparations or having a clear plan to cross the river. Could I do a little owl reconnaissance to see if there's a boat? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Or bridge or raft. It's pretty rapid though, right? Yes, it is very rapid. Mud's played enough. Yeah, mud. Make an investigation check. Just blast across? I could.
Starting point is 00:35:03 But first we're going to roll an investigation check. Let's see what that does. It got me a 19. Nice. You do see a rowboat that's heavily obscured by mossy stones, but it's filled with holes and only has a single splintered oar. Also, the last time we stole a rowboat, it did not go well for us. What happened?
Starting point is 00:35:19 It was like right outside the pyramid thing. What was it called? The Escalon. The Escalon turned into part of a spider. Yeah. Well, I remember. I drew you. Like was it called? Ash. Galant. Ash galant turned into part of a spider. Yeah. Oh, I remember. I drew you.
Starting point is 00:35:28 Like one of my French girls. I want a picture of Gum-Gum as a spider, but like on a couch. With the heart of the ocean. As a paying customer. Don't like it. I don't like it. I'll never let go, Gum-Gum. I'll never let go. Come, come. I'll never let go.
Starting point is 00:35:48 How wide is the river? About 70 feet wide. 70 feet wide. All right. Well, there's a boat. It's a bit broken. Yeah. And it seems like the river might be too fast to carry us in that boat,
Starting point is 00:36:02 even if the boat did last enough to get us across. I don't know. It's too wild. Who's got an idea? I don't mean to impose, but, I mean, you're in owl form. You could probably big owl form. Hey, big owl. You want to carry us across one at a time?
Starting point is 00:36:14 We could also use our habmobile. Could. Unless, does it only have like X amount of uses per day or per rest? I don't believe so. Okay. Make a boat. I'll pull it. Say it magic words part. Say it. Our bonga.
Starting point is 00:36:28 He says it in a different way this time. He wants to get more sing-songy with it. I'll make the sound effects for the boat. Oh, there's more than meets the eye to this. I hate everyone. All right. Yeah. You've got a boat that's big enough for all of you bobbing around in this rapidly moving
Starting point is 00:36:43 river. Okay. Everybody's driving. We're going for bobbing around in this rapidly moving river. Okay. Everybody strapping. We're going for a ride. Does this boat have holes? I hope not. That'd be bad. Not yet. How are y'all going to propel the boat across?
Starting point is 00:36:56 Is Mud going to pull it or push it? Can I just pull it as a big ol' owl? Can I help row it? Oh, interesting. So you would pull it as an owl. Like think of me as a sail, but I'm also the wind all in one package. Sure, why not? And while he's pulling it as an owl, Gumgrim, you also want to try to row?
Starting point is 00:37:13 Yeah. I don't know why we're doing a boat and not just a plane. I was wondering that, but I mean. Just fly across it instead of going through the treacherous water. But okay, that's not my. It's fun. We're using the Ahemmobile in a new way. That's what I figured it was all about.
Starting point is 00:37:26 I want to do a hot air balloon at some point. A dirigible balloon. I don't think it does that. It's like a boat that you carry. Yes, and? I'm just saying, I think previously I had said land, sea, and air. I guess I did say air. I think it would have to be to bring itself up.
Starting point is 00:37:44 You'd have to just fly straight up. I could do it. I got stuff. Yeah, and Kaiborg's full of hot air. He could help. All right. So Mud, as an owl, tries to pull the boat, and Gum-Gum is helping by paddling.
Starting point is 00:37:58 Mud, make a, let's call it a dexterity saving throw, and Gum-Gum, make an athletics check. 20. Nice. 23. Nice. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's great you uh pulled the boat along you're very careful in your flight to avoid hitting any tree branches or thorny vines that might be hiding in the fog and you successfully dodge all of them and gum gum helps keep the boat going in the correct direction with his skillful rowing and keeps you guys out of any eddies and whirlpools that he sees in the correct direction with his skillful rowing and keeps you guys out of any
Starting point is 00:38:25 eddies and whirlpools that he sees in the water and yeah you manage to successfully reach the other side of the river and you find yourself at the base of several stony hills enormous cottages built out of willow wood and stone pepper the foggy foothills and striding between buildings are gigantic giants and towering trolls with a boom, boom, boom, boom. Drop the bass. Guys, before we go up this treacherous hill, I want to point out that that would have taken us like an hour and a half in our previous adventuring days. We have become an elite unit.
Starting point is 00:38:56 It did take us a very long time to get out of the castle. But then you jumped out. Like you got out very quickly once you made the decision. Yeah, before you, there are three paths going up the hills. There's a left path, a straight path, and a right path. Well, I know we don't want to take the straight path. Am I right, boys? Am I right?
Starting point is 00:39:16 Where do you want to go, Cave? I want to go left. Sorry, that was my inner gum gum. I want to go left. Then we should go left. Split the party. What the heck? Are you all going to split up?
Starting point is 00:39:25 Are we going together? Okay. The left path leads up to a cloudy building with a smoking chimney. A sign outside of it reads, Bakes Stonery. Nice. Smoking chimney with a stonery. Nice. Baked.
Starting point is 00:39:41 You go up the left path and you find yourself outside of this building. Is it also like a giant building? Like the doors and everything? Yeah, it's huge. It's really big. Okay. Is there a window? Yes, but it is also, since it is like giant size, it's pretty high off the ground.
Starting point is 00:39:55 I can fly. I can fly. I can fly. I look in the window. You peek in the window and you see what appears to be a shop with some cases and various stones. Anybody in there? Yes. You peek and see a troll sitting in there. There's a troll inside.
Starting point is 00:40:12 What are his questions? Three. He should knock on the door. Don't go in. Does he have a gemstone in his belly button? And like I said, there is a sign outside of this building that says Baked Stonery. Can I knock on the door? Do it! Boom, boom, boom. I say as I knock on the door.
Starting point is 00:40:29 But not in sync with your knocking. Real psychotic. God, that would break my brain. You hear a large bassy voice from the inside say, come in, I'm open. Alright. I try and open the door
Starting point is 00:40:43 if I can reach it yeah i assume i can reach it yeah yeah there's also besides like the giant sized doorknob there's a there's a smaller lower one for uh humanoid size or for medium-sized creatures like yourself you could reach up and use the same one as them accessibility is important we might have like solved the you know know, eating situation. Like, if we lived here, we'd just buy their normal standard-sized foods, but it's huge for us. We'd have family of five. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Also, just like a cupcake for a giant. A cupcake? Yeah. Think about Bart, how much he could eat. Yeah. A cupcake has all the nutrients any person needs. So, I guess we open the door? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:22 You all open a large stone door to a hazy shop furnished with countertops and glass cases, each of them glittering with an assortment of jewels and gemstones. But it's hard to see them because everything from the countertops to the furniture to the ceilings are much higher than you're used to. They've got gemstones. What is it? Infant knights. Infant knights. Sorry, go ahead.
Starting point is 00:41:40 What does it smell like in here? Let me finish reading this and then I'll answer that. Sitting behind a counter in the center of the shop is a droopy-eyed troll wearing a shimmering multicolored robe. Make a perception check, Bart. I'm gonna say 13. It smells a little
Starting point is 00:41:55 musty and dank. You feel like you've smelled this before. Every time. Bart's definitely smelled it before. You said it. Stop. Hey, my name is Gum Gum. Are you talking to us or are you talking to that guy? Nope. I'm talking to her. He says oh welcome Gum Gum.
Starting point is 00:42:12 What do you have here in this are there goods? Wait really quick did he know his name? He said my name's Gum Gum. Oh sorry sorry. Yeah he knows it because he literally just said it. Your notes are really failing you today. He rolls initiative. He's ready to fight.
Starting point is 00:42:28 And I'm sorry, what was your question? I got distracted by the stupid question over there. What kind of goods do you have here? We're looking for an emerald. Oh, he says, oh, well, I've got plenty of emerald stones in stock. Would you like to look? Yeah. Guys, I think we just solved this quest.
Starting point is 00:42:44 Maybe. He points over to one of the display cases, and it's to your right. It's a glass display case showing an assortment of gemstones with varying degrees of value. I go, ooh, and I turn to look at my... Why? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:42:59 Let's just figure this out. Sir, do you guys have diagems here for sale? I know they're not going to, but you have to ask. Diagems. He kind of scratches his head and says, can't say I'm familiar with that. Do you have any emeralds? What'd you say? What did you say?
Starting point is 00:43:15 No, you go ahead, John. What did you say? Nothing. I want to hear your question. Sorry, I got distracted for a little bit. Go for it. No, no, no. I said emeralds.
Starting point is 00:43:22 I know. So did Gunko. Okay, that's what I was asking if I was doubling up on you. I know, I know. I was trying to be polite and say that I had done something wrong. No. Let's see what the shopkeeper would say. What the shopkeeper would say.
Starting point is 00:43:38 If we were messing with them? Yeah, we were looking at the gemstones. I know. I thought they just showed that they had gemstones. Yeah, there's an assortment of gemstones. I know. I thought they just showed that they had gemstones. Yeah, there's an assortment of gemstones. They didn't respond to the exact request of emeralds. Oh, there are green gemstones in the case. But I asked for emeralds, right?
Starting point is 00:43:53 Yeah, and there are emeralds in there. The green ones are gemstones. Look at Mud. There's a name for the emerald that we were supposed to get. Hey, we're looking for a particular emerald. One that will help us do a stew i think or yeah one of those uh you're trying to make a stew out of an emerald you don't strike me as a rock eater are we looking for the algerock and algerock oh we have a shrine of algerock here in town is
Starting point is 00:44:21 that what you're looking for maybe yeah the alger an emerald from Aljaroc. Is there perhaps a stone on the shrine? I don't have any emeralds associated with Aljaroc, but like I said, we do have a shrine to Aljaroc here in town. What is it that you're selling here? Are these stones mundane or have you done something to them?
Starting point is 00:44:39 What's the product? He kind of strains up. I've made them pretty. Yes, you have. I'm a master stone cutter. If anybody needs jewels, gems, or stones cut in a particular way, they know. They got to come to Baked. Yeah, do you use a burner phone? Or how do you contact your clients?
Starting point is 00:44:58 Stop doing the drug humor. It's called the Baked story. I smell dank in here. In addition to the gems which you all are perusing. He points out on the other side of the shop. I also have a case with rings as well. And that can resize rings to fit any kind of creature. So if you see something you like, you let good old bake know.
Starting point is 00:45:18 Any magic ones? I saw that coming. Of course. Oh. What you got? I have many fingers that could use some rings. What a weird way to phrase it. I have many fingers that could use some rings. What a weird way to phrase it. I have many fingers.
Starting point is 00:45:29 I know. Some would say I have eight fingers and two thumbs. Which one's me? I would say that. Which one's your third finger? Oh, yeah, yeah, of course. I've got a ring of jumping here. He's pointing in the display case at this point.
Starting point is 00:45:43 A ring of mind shielding, a ring of swimming, a ring of warmth, and a ring of water walking. What does a ring of water walking do? He says, well, when you're wearing this ring, you can stand on and move across any liquid surfaces just like they were solid ground. What's the price range on these here rings? Well, lucky for you guys, I'm running a special today on my rings. Any one of them can be yours. They're all priced the same for 100 gold pieces. Oh, that's not bad.
Starting point is 00:46:09 Can I get the ring of jumping? You guys cool with that? I don't have any mobility things. Yeah, please. I will take a ring. Was the jumping out the window something that really called attention to your intimate? Wait, does the ring of jumping also allow me, let's get into the meta of it. Casting jump.
Starting point is 00:46:22 Does it allow me to like land softly or am I just jumping in the air and then break my life i've been using the ring of jumping the whole yeah okay then i want to read all it does is it triples your jump ability that sounds awesome yeah which includes land ability specifically it allows you to cast the spell jump and the spell jump triples your jump ability. Okay. How about this? I will take the ring of jumping. Full price. But could you also give us a discount on the ring of water walking? They're already discounted. 100 gold.
Starting point is 00:46:52 The water walking. And then what were the other? There's the mind protection. There's something about mind protection. I kind of like that one. Oh, the ring of mind shielding. When you're wearing this, you're immune to magic that allows other creatures to read your thoughts, to determine if you're lying, to know your alignment.
Starting point is 00:47:07 Creatures can only telepathically communicate with you if you allow it. I'm already a blank book. There's also the ring of warming. I like how you combined blank slate and open book and said blank book. Really quick, can you guys check your inventories and tell me how many gold pieces you have? I don't need to tell you what's in my bank account. Five?
Starting point is 00:47:24 Fifty-five. Fifty-five bank account. Five? 55. 55. Four. Five. He's eight. He's doing it with his fingers and it's the most confusing way to convey the quantity. The reason I asked is if we were hard off for money, I have enough that I could buy everyone a ring
Starting point is 00:47:37 as a show of good faith. Whoa. But can you duplicate on rings or do you only have one ring of like... Oh, only one of each. Okay. The ring of mind shielding also allows you to use an action to cause the ring to become invisible and to use another action to make it visible.
Starting point is 00:47:51 Make the ring invisible? Yes. And if you die while you're wearing the ring, your soul enters it. Great. That's cool. I want that one. Yeah, I want the ring of jumping. And don't forget, there are other shops in the area, so...
Starting point is 00:48:01 Then I'll just keep the ring. I'll just keep with the ring of jumping. Okay. Oh, you're not getting S rings anymore? you're low in cash do you want a ring uh okay what about this water walking one oh 100 gold oh there was one other one too uh there were there were four other ones there's a ring of jumping ring of mind shielding ring of swimming ring of warmth ring of water walking ring of warmth what's that do that keeps you warm you get resistance to cold damage uh In addition, everything you wear
Starting point is 00:48:26 and carry are unharmed by temperatures as low as negative 50 degrees. I trade you a health potion for a little bit of your straps of haggling. Ah, do we need some haggling over here? Yeah, I'd like that ring of mind shielding, but maybe we get a little bit cheaper. Uh, sir, uh,
Starting point is 00:48:41 Mr. Baked, if I may call you that. Um, my friend here is- Oh, please, please, Mr. Baked was my I may call you that. Um, my friend here is- Oh, please, please, Mr. Baked was my father, Hyde. Oh. Is that Hyde Baked or Baked Hyde? Mr. Hyde? Oh, I get it. Uh, my friend here is very interested in this, uh, uh, ring of mind, well-
Starting point is 00:48:59 Shielding. My shielding. You did that right as I had a full mouth of water. And I was wondering if he could get it for maybe a slightly discounted price of 70 gold pieces. And he flings his... Did you just snap your brush? Sure did. Oh my god. I was like, how did you do that?
Starting point is 00:49:20 Because you're wearing a sweater. Sure did. It's coming through in the microphone. It's so clear. Causing me actual physical damage too. That's great. Roll your, what is it, persuasion check with advantage. Persuasion.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Can I smack? Sure. I smack. 22 and 13, so 22. You want to use that smack? Yeah, use D4. Which is an additional 4, so that would be 26. Big, that threat? Yeah, use D4. Which is an additional four. So that would be 26. Big, big roll.
Starting point is 00:49:48 Yeah, and you take damage, don't you, from that? I do. I think I take... I think it's five. You roll for it. Oh, do you? Oh, okay. I roll a 1D4.
Starting point is 00:49:57 And then if I do it again, I roll 2D4. Three points of damage. Oh, not bad. Ben said that you, Barbara, you personally take damage because you're also doing that. Oh, that's pretty low, but yeah, yeah, sure. I can do 75 on that. Wait, 70 was what?
Starting point is 00:50:14 I did say 70. Oh, 70. Okay, sorry. That's a Gus misunderstanding. I hand over 70 gold. I wish I had done this. Is there a... Well, I appreciate you being quick And direct Do you have to attune these things Are you limited how many things you can attune
Starting point is 00:50:31 Yeah I'm also running into this Some of them do require attuning Which one do you want The ring of swimming And the ring of water walking I will take the ring of water walking 100 gold Just using me huh What are you want to snap it?
Starting point is 00:50:47 Just using me, huh? What are you willing to pay for it, Gum Gum? A big hug and a potion? No, I mean, what are you willing to pay? I got you. I got you. I'll heal you. Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:50:57 I got you. No, I'm not worried about the damage. What do you think it's worth? 75. 75 for water walking, sir. Oh, God. Make your roll. With walking, sir. Oh, God. Make your roll. With a butt slap.
Starting point is 00:51:09 Oh, another butt slap. Okay. That is a 23 and a 14. That's 23 plus a D4 from the butt slap. It's four, so it's 27. All right. I like you guys. Sure, we can make that happen.
Starting point is 00:51:26 We can make that work. My man, my man. Do you have any coupons for other shops in town? You know, sometimes you support local and you guys have like coupon books for sale. No, can't say I'm familiar with that. Cool, okay. You're not from Austin, never mind. I took another five points of damage from my suspenders.
Starting point is 00:51:42 Wait, so I just got the ring of jump then, right? And I can add that to my inventory and everything's groovy? What's the attunement process like? Does it have to be with me for several hours? Yeah, you probably just have to wear it for a bit just to get it attuned to you. Okay. And it's tripled my jump? Yes.
Starting point is 00:51:54 It allows you to cast jump, which allows you to triple your jump. Oh. Yes. I've got a magic ring. I take out a handful of rations and sprinkle it with Huard's handy spice pouch and give it to Bart for some num-nums. Gum-gums. What does that do? What do I roll for that?
Starting point is 00:52:13 I assume like healing stuff? Oh, seasoned meals restore 2d6 hit points and grant five temporary hit points. There you go. 2d6 rolling barb and five temp. Wow. Thank you. Thank you. Anybody else want anything?
Starting point is 00:52:26 Do we need the... Do you think the water thing is worthwhile? I thought you got the water thing. I got it. But there's also swimming. Oh, that will be good. Don't forget, I don't think we've come up to it yet, but there is a limit to the number of rings you can wear in D&D.
Starting point is 00:52:39 Okay, thank you for your fine rings and for the tip on where the Eldorok Shrine is. I didn't tell you where the Shrine is. I told you there was one. I would love to know where the Eldorok Shrine is. Could you point me in the direction? I can, but you have to do something for me. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:52:55 We did. We bought your wares. You ripped me off. You don't know that. So, selling these wares, that's fine and all. That was more of my dad's dream. I want you all to help me with my business. I bake.
Starting point is 00:53:08 What's that? My true passion is experimenting with swamp spores, and I'm working on trying to concoct a vapor that grants some relaxing properties. Okay, how is he not expecting us to not touch on what Barbara's been joking about this entire time? I haven't told you all to stop. Oh, it's just me, John. You're right, you're right. Okay, tell us more.
Starting point is 00:53:26 I'm happy to divulge where the Shrine of Alderoc is if you're willing to help me test my latest spore vapor. Absolutely. My man. Baked reaches behind the center countertop and pulls out a cauldron that's wafting a purplish vapor. I like to call this Baked's breath. And he pulls out a stone pipe.
Starting point is 00:53:44 He says, five copper pieces. You can help me test this out. Wait, you're gonna pay us five copper pieces? Oh no, you could pay me because it's just for my materials here. So you need our help to test this out, but we have to pay you to help you. Yeah, it's only five copper. This is very, this is my base cost. Is that any relation to baby's breath?
Starting point is 00:54:00 No. Alright. Oh, good. I didn't want it there to be. I will pay the five copper. As I will too. Bardo, I'll cover yours. I give him one I didn't want it there to be. I will pay the five copper. As I will too. Bart, I'll cover yours. I give him one silver just to make it easy for everybody. All right. So Kyborg, Bart, Gum-Gum are all trying it? Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:54:14 All right. He, you know, packs a little bit of this material out of the cauldron into a stone pipe and passes it all between you guys. Each of you who inhaled it, so everyone but Mud, make a constitution saving throw. I have advantage. 22? 7. 11.
Starting point is 00:54:32 And there we go, 23. Okay, so Kyborg and Gum-Gum, you both feel extremely calm. Okay. Very relaxed and very willing to go with the flow. Bart. Am I paranoid? You feel frightened.
Starting point is 00:54:52 You feel like you have lost the ability to distinguish the difference between friend and foe. You're wondering if the rest of your party is secretly plotting against you. Sounds very familiar. This is very unlike Bart. Bart, there's something behind you. I think it's working. Bart, are you hungry? Hey, I'm really scared
Starting point is 00:55:13 because someone's going to hold my hand in case I... Do you want to put on the friendship bracelet? I don't want to float away or anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I trust you, Gum-Gum? Yeah. Okay. We all hold hands. I might have Lay, Gum-Gum? Yeah. Okay. We all hold hands.
Starting point is 00:55:26 I might have Lay's potato chips. I have some rations. I'll put on the bonding, I guess, because you had it. Yeah. Bart puts the friendship bracelet on and then attaches it to Gum-Gum's wrist as well. And you want to put it on your thunder jacket? That's just a big old hug, right? It is.
Starting point is 00:55:47 Bart does the thing where he puts his hands on his shoulders, like, crosses the body And then I hug Bart and pick him up After about a minute you feel like these waves of calmness and these waves of fear begin to subside All three of you go ahead and make
Starting point is 00:56:02 an intelligent saving throw Intelligence saving throw? Kyborg was doing yoga the whole time. Intelligence saving throw? Yeah. Zero. Eleven. Oh, 13. All three of you really struggle to remember the last 15 minutes or so. Baked is writing down
Starting point is 00:56:18 Oh, interesting. So, what do you do here? I'm baked. I have a store here. Do you have any emeralds? We were all baked a second ago. Am I right? This is very interesting.
Starting point is 00:56:32 I'll have to adjust my spore mixture. Do you have any emeralds? All right. Hey, I'll take over here. I want to know if you have any magic things. They did their due. Is there information now to share? Yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:56:44 There's a greenish waterfall to the northwest. You're going to want to go behind that waterfall, and there's a Shrine of Algaroc there. However, it does require something in order to enter. I'm not sure exactly what, but that's what you're looking for. Video game rules. Let's go explore more of the village and see if we can find some more information about this green waterfall.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Thanks, Briggs. More things to buy. Stop that. Now Barbara likes it. I head to the door and then I wave at Baked and thank him for his time. He salutes you. Baked was yet another lovely NPC that I enjoyed our interaction with.
Starting point is 00:57:19 I don't remember it. Let's head towards the center path. That way there's a building with soothing chimes and steam wafting from the windows and a sign outside of it that reads Salt Lake Spas. You know, after someone drags breath,
Starting point is 00:57:37 I'm down for this. Matt knocks on the door. You hear a loud, booming voice yell, Come on in! I'm so friendly here uh we head in you open the large stone door to a steamy shop furnished with huge overstuffed chairs shimmering multi-colored robes hanging on the walls and miniature versions of willow trees decorating the corners of the room sitting behind a counter in the center of the shop is a bald giant wearing a shimmering multicolored robe. Yes, I like the vibes here, I gotta say. You all recognize this
Starting point is 00:58:07 giant as Maximus. It's Maximus. Hello, Maximus! Do you remember us? Do you remember me? Oh, hello, little ones. Bart goes, we missed you, and he grabs onto his calf and hugs him. Oh, thank you, little, little
Starting point is 00:58:24 one. I'm Bart. Littlest one. I was wondering if you have any information on the special little green waterfall in the back of the village. Oh, you're talking about the Shrine of Algaroc? That is correct. I thought it was somewhere over there. I do know you have to take a sacred offering to enter that shrine. Do you happen to know what kind of sacred offering we need? Yeah, you know, I have information
Starting point is 00:58:45 that's useful to you, and... Let me guess. You'd like us to help you with something? No, no, no. I'd like to help you. I'm sure of that. Okay, yeah. If you guys partake and purchase a spa treatment... Is this a pyramid scheme? Or should I say an echelon
Starting point is 00:59:01 scheme? I'd like to help you relieve you of your money. Maximus, I am so down. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm happy to help support local businesses of a huge jack giant guy. Yeah, my shoulders are a little achy. From your straps. From something.
Starting point is 00:59:18 What is this spa thing, and how much do you require? What are your services? I have two different spa services you can choose from. They're 100 gold each. You can have Halo therapy or Radiance therapy. And what's the difference? One's on Xbox and one's on PlayStation. The Halo therapy is an alleviating respiratory treatment
Starting point is 00:59:39 that involves deeply breathing in a dry salt aerosol to naturally aid in the treatment of numerous illnesses. If you're feeling stressed, taking the time to sit and breathe relaxes the mind and eases anxiety, helping you find your peace and balance. So relax, breathe, let go, heal, and rejuvenate. That sounds like some homeopathic crap. Radiance therapy is an invigorating, cleansing treatment that leaves the whole body soft, smooth, and radiant.
Starting point is 01:00:02 This treatment is a deep, full-body scrub that exfoliates, nourishes, tones, and soothes your skin with a gentle botanical extract and vitamin-rich formula developed from our natural salt deposits. Maximus, does this have, like, long-term effects, or is it just, like, a one-time, like, it's gonna last for 24 hours?
Starting point is 01:00:18 You will get some benefit out of it. Bart could use that Halo treatment, but Bart only has 55 gold. Why don't we just all tip in to get Bart a Halo? I'm happy to, but I like... I can see your Halo. I don't want to go into metagaming, but can I perceive or use intelligence to figure out what it actually does to us? Or are we going to figure it out?
Starting point is 01:00:36 Make a medicine check. Yeah, it has to be background. I'll make one too. I'm curious. Yeah, make a medicine check too then. Bart doesn't ask questions. He just hears nice words and wants the service done. I'll please. Just like
Starting point is 01:00:47 me in real life. Seven. I rolled a seven too. Twins. So 14. With your powers combined. You're not quite sure. They do sound lovely though. We chip in for Bart. Well, thanks guys.
Starting point is 01:01:02 I'm going to get the halo treatment please. Do you require more than one spa treatment for this help? We chip in for Bart. All right. Well, thanks, guys. Yeah, I'm going to get the Halo treatment, please. Oh, nice. Do you require more than one spa treatment for this help? No. Nobody else wants a spa treatment? No one wants to try the scrub? For someone like me who enjoys athleticism and feats of dexterity, which one do you think I should go for, Maximus?
Starting point is 01:01:26 Someone who needs to bulk up like you should definitely go for the halo therapy. I'm going for the halo therapy. Anybody want to pitch in for my halo therapy? Feel free to utilize one of our robes while you're visiting the spa. And he points to a corner and there's other shimmering robes. Of many colors. Massive robes. Is there one in my size?
Starting point is 01:01:41 Oh, yeah. We have some children's robes here somewhere. And he pulls out. It's still a pretty large robe. Still big on me, yeah. We have some children's robes here somewhere. And he pulls out. It's still a pretty large robe. Still big on me. Hey, Maximus. We're old friends. We go back to the boat. You gonna give me like a friends and family discount? Bart, do you want to bring those suspenders over here? Jesus, boy, his poor
Starting point is 01:01:58 shoulders. Yeah, you know, what do you need? What do you need? Just, you know, I'm gonna see if I can get a little discount from old Maximus here. You know, since we're buying two if I can get a little discount from old Maximus here. You know, since we're buying two Halo treatments, I think maybe a good old friend, Kyborg here, who, you know, you guys bonded pretty nicely on the boat earlier. Maybe he gets the treatment for, let's say, 70 gold pieces. Oh, I hate it.
Starting point is 01:02:19 And I smack Bart's butt at the same time. So it's just from all. Go ahead and make your checks, Bart. So Nat, 20, 25. Yes! And then the second one's 17, so 25 plus... Bart. The barter.
Starting point is 01:02:36 One, 26. 26 on that. Okay, yeah, we can cut a special deal for that. Hey! How much you talking? 70, I guess? Yeah. Let's not be eager then.
Starting point is 01:02:44 I know you all can help yourselves to some of my salt lick samples. And he points on the counter. There's a bowl of small salt lick stone samples. These are from the natural salt deposits of the Morbane. I just did my damage. I got 10 damage.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Oh. Is there benefits to these salt things? Oh, well, first of all, they're delicious. Second of all all they can really exfoliate your skin and those are free oh yeah help yourself there's samples all right i take one yeah i guess i'll take one too there you go i'll take it i'll take one and along with the robe it's salty so uh kyborg and bart are both wearing robes right yeah and mine is dragging on the floor behind me so says uh you two enjoy your
Starting point is 01:03:25 salt lick stones wait here i'm gonna go back with uh the two little ones and uh help them out with the halo therapy does maximus consider mud a medium one yeah i'd go with that okay okay actually i'm curious what's the height of giants uh hill giants they're they're really big so you know in dnd perspective you all are considered medium creatures. Giants are, they have their own class called huge giant. Yeah, you're also a medium creature. So they would be like even bigger than large. Like it's just absolutely massive. We are in a very abnormally large building to us.
Starting point is 01:03:56 Yes. Gotcha. Okay. I was just trying to mentally create the scale. Hill giants are, let's say between 16 and 17 feet tall. So twice my height. Yeah. So again, if we moved into this town and got like a studio apartment. Alright, so Maximus
Starting point is 01:04:10 leads Kyborg and Bart into the back to partake in your halo therapy. He lights some incense and pours some liquids over some hot stones and says, here, just sit in this room for a bit
Starting point is 01:04:25 He puts on some ambient music. You know I gotta say I like this place. I like this ark What's fantasy in ya I'll come back to get you all out in just a minute. Take your time He leaves you two alone and comes back out to see if Mud or Gum-Gum need anything. Mud's showing Gum-Gum his ability to juggle the salt rocks. Wow. A few minutes pass. You all who partake in the treatment fully relax and rejuvenate.
Starting point is 01:05:00 And Maximus comes in after a while and leads you all out of the rejuvenation room. I ate the cucumbers that were on my eyes. No, no, no, no, no. Kyborg, you feel really healthy and you feel like, metagame-wise, you gain resistance to psychic damage for a little while, Kyborg. That's actually helpful.
Starting point is 01:05:17 Bart. While being like the entire campaign. I'll let you know. Bart, you gain resistance to necrotic damage for a while. Necrotic damage. All right, well, I guess it's time for me to hold up my end of the deal. If you want to get into the Shrine of Algaroc here in town, you need to carry a large algae-covered stone inside.
Starting point is 01:05:34 I don't suppose you know where we could get a large algae-covered stone. That would be sufficient for this sacrifice. I know Baked knows all about stones. I don't know if you've met him yet. He's got a shop over here in Canada. Oh, we met Baked. Me and a cyborg high five. Baked, unfortunately, didn't seem like
Starting point is 01:05:52 they had that much information on the waterfall. Are you sure Baked is the one that would know where the stones are? Whenever I have a stone question, I ask Baked. But I mean, algae-covered stone, you should be able to find those just about anywhere. Does the stone need to be anything special in particular? Or like you're saying, it's something else? Just any mundane algae-covered stone. You should be able to find those just about anywhere. Does the stone need to be anything special in particular? Or like you're saying, it's something else? Just any mundane algae
Starting point is 01:06:07 covered stone. Then let's go find a stone. A stone. My chaps. Okay. Covered in algae. Yes. I'm fine proceeding to the waterfall, but if you guys wanted to see the other... Shop. Shop. Shop. Shop. I mean, we should check out the right path. Alright. You see that path leads up to a boisterous building
Starting point is 01:06:23 reeking of ale. And outside is a sign that reads Slayin's Dragon. Slayin's Dragon. And then when you walk up to the building itself, on the door is a sign that reads, Everyone is welcome. Everyone always cheers. Oh, I like that. I think we're in Fantasy Ants.
Starting point is 01:06:39 All right. I approach the door and then I cheer. I go, Whee! I'm welcome. Okay. All right, I approach the door, and then I cheer. I go, wee! I'm welcome. Okay, you open a large stone door to a dimly lit lobby with several mirrors and a few racks of various clothing. The city behind a counter in the center of the lobby is a tall, curvaceous triant. Half troll, half giant. Oh, triant.
Starting point is 01:06:59 Wearing a velvet-crushed dress shimmering between different shades of green. Bart scooches in past everybody oh hi folks i'm your host slaying goblins two questions before i let you all in who is welcome inside and how often do you cheer inside everyone's welcome and we cheer all the time all right yeah come on in yeah i like the vibes here. Might I say, your dress is mighty beautiful. Almost as beautiful as the lady wearing it. I know, that's part of it. Bart's going...
Starting point is 01:07:37 Slay says, oh, thank you. You're so kind. We like to do our best here at Slay and Dragon. What do you sell here? We sell fun here. Oh. I would like more. This here's a bar and theater.
Starting point is 01:07:51 So yeah, you can have as much fun as you want here. What movie is he playing? This is more of like a performance theater. Not any kind of moving picture. So y'all can feel free to get dolled up with the clothes racks behind you. Whatever helps you express your truest self. I'm here to help. Otherwise, when you're ready, just let me know and I'll let you all inside.
Starting point is 01:08:10 What's your name, my fair lady? Slayin. Slayin. Slayin, where's the gentleman companion of yours? Is he around as well? I don't assume. Of course, of course. Gentleman companion.
Starting point is 01:08:22 Well, I don't necessarily need one of those now, do I? Absolutely. You don't need no man. That's right, that's right. Bart, you're going to knock this. You're going to perform your butt off. I think Bart might be barking up the wrong tree. No, no, no, no.
Starting point is 01:08:34 Is that because she's so tall? Yeah. I'll let you figure this out on your own. Oh, I didn't get subtext. Okay. I don't understand what's... What are you talking about? So before we get all gussied up, we do have a question.
Starting point is 01:08:51 We're trying to get through to the shrine, which I... Algae rock shrine. I know the word. And we know that we have to have a mossy rock to get to the waterfall. Is there any chance you have a read on where we get a nice algae covered rock you can probably find one out by the shrine itself okay however that being said you need to be careful when you go into the shrine it is guarded bye i'll let you know if you perform inside uh the slaying dragon you got it all right are we now we're putting on some stuff.
Starting point is 01:09:29 Are we doing that to participate in something or to witness something? If you want to know what's guarding the shrine, you have to perform. Oh, I am ready. This is a weird town that is just completely based upon tricking people into buying their wares. Bart is already holding his loot. Oh, no, no. It doesn't cost anything to get dolled up and perform. Bart's always dolled up
Starting point is 01:09:48 and ready to perform, baby. Kyborg does drag. Kyborg does drag. Yeah, there's, I mean, all kinds of clothes, accessories, makeup, whatever you want on the racks. Makeover montage.
Starting point is 01:09:57 Makeover montage. Yeah, so Kyborg decides to dress in drag. Does anyone else have any specific direction they want to get dressed up in? Bart would like to... Is there a curling wand here? There's all kinds of devices to do whatever you want to your hair,
Starting point is 01:10:12 and there's also an assortment of wigs as well. A curling wand has a different definition in a fantasy D&D place. Bart's hair is already curly, but he uses a curling wand to define his curls ever so perfectly and puts on a little rouge on his cheeks Um, Bart's hair is already curly, but he uses the curling wand to define his curls ever so perfectly. And puts on a little rouge on his cheeks. And just a little bit of glitter on his eyelids. Oh, sparkly.
Starting point is 01:10:34 Yeah, he wants to shine from far away. And some highlighter, of course, on his cheekbones. Gum Gum sees the sparkly and is like, ooh. And tries, it sparkles his entire stuff up. Oh, just like all over? Like you take like the entire thing and just like pour it and rub it all over you? Yeah. Look at me, I'm magic. You're a magical fairy, GumGum. You remind me of this vampire I once met.
Starting point is 01:10:52 What about you, Mud? I'm waiting for Kyborg. He went drag. He went drag? Okay, but what's your specifics? My name is Proteina Shakira. That is a deep cut. My cut has named GumGum GlamGlam. GlamGlam. Sounds like a wrestler to while mud does like the drag element of it all mud already turns into anything
Starting point is 01:11:13 you want so mud turns into an aurochs and kind of nudges up against I guess against gum gum and gets a little bit of the glitter, just a little bit on the cheeks of the Orocs. Nice. I like it. You look really nice, bud. Bart's being pulled in multiple directions now. Bart's sweating. Slayen asks, are you all ready? Sure. Slayen pulls back
Starting point is 01:11:37 the curtain to reveal a lively tavern furnished with candlelit dining booths and tables. They're all encircling a smooth stone stage in the center draped with green velvet curtains. The tavern is packed with folks of every shape and size, and they're all currently cheering on a young giant dancing on the stage to live music being played in the corner. The giant does a backflip and lands doing the splits.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Slayin immediately claps and cheers for the dancing giant. A voice from behind the band shouts, Let's hear it for Sabotage K! And Slayin asks you all, Anything to drink I can get you folks? I think we're just ready to perform, right? Oh, performance straight to the stage. Unless you have anything magic.
Starting point is 01:12:17 The magic comes from within all of us. We're drinking pee. Can Bart get on stage and go right Wait hold on Bart almost just walked right past that Did not register that he said pee No no go go go Just slap it out of his hand You've been doing so good lately
Starting point is 01:12:36 Gross People tell us all the time They listen to this show with their kids Could Bart walk right up to the microphone Like is the stage clear now Performer Sabotage K has walked off the stage People tell us all the time they listen to this show with their kids. Could Bart walk right up to the microphone? Like, is the stage clear now? Performer Sabotage K has walked off the stage. So it is empty if you wanted to just go straight there. Bart walks up to the stage onto my phone and brings his team up and goes,
Starting point is 01:12:55 Are you ready to Algebrak? Oh, nice. Everyone starts cheering. Mud starts stomping with his hooves on the floor to a beat. Nice. And Gum-Gum gets out his drum drum. He does have that. And starts banging along.
Starting point is 01:13:13 Nice. Kyborg does an insane dance mixed with acrobatics and is just dancing to the music that everyone's playing for the crowd. What about you, Bart? Bart's playing his lute. Ooh. All right. Everyone make a performance check.
Starting point is 01:13:28 And singing, of course. Oh, and singing. Ooh. That's 20. 20. Wow. 21. 14.
Starting point is 01:13:34 That's an eight, but I don't know if you have any luckies left. Hold on. He's about to roll a lucky on dancing. I can't let this slide. I don't think I can. Maybe it's an electric slide. I'm imagining Kyber is like Esmeralda from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Just like a bunch of little like jingles
Starting point is 01:13:47 and stuff like that. This is, I think, a great example of why you need to stop burning your luckies so quickly is right now you are furiously trying to go through your character sheet to see if you have one, but you don't. I have no luckies. Then you... He rolls a what? I think my butt.
Starting point is 01:14:02 I am an aurochs. I ain't got no butt. Hope me. Hope my butt. Alright, so GumGum, you rolls a what? Stink my butt. I think I'm an aurochs. I am an aurochs. I ain't got no... Hove me. Hove my butt. I can't. All right, so GumGum, you rolled a 20. Something about the spirit of the room really like channels through you and through your hands and you play the drums like you've never played them before.
Starting point is 01:14:17 You feel like you're on a whole other level. Kyborg, it's not your best dance. You keep bumping into people on the stage up there with you, and it's not going great. It's an acrobatics thing, though, so you owe me a role for acrobatics. No, you're performing. Bart, despite Khaiborg bumping into you every now and then, you're playing the lute like, I mean, this is like second nature for you.
Starting point is 01:14:39 You know this lute inside and out. And Mud's rhythmic aurochs hooves are stomping in perfect time on the stage. Everyone in the crowd begins cheering wildly for everyone who is performing. Can I take out my pan flute and start playing that at the same time as well? Whoa, yeah. Do I need to do
Starting point is 01:14:58 another performance? Sure, do it. 17. That's really good. You hear, whoa, everyone starts gasping in the crowd. Then you all finish in a crescendo and the crowd goes wild. Everyone's just cheering for you guys. Yay! And they're throwing money at us, right? No, there is no money.
Starting point is 01:15:14 I want to do a double backflip that lands in the splits. I want to top the previous performer. Make a performance check. Shirts on neck. Performance check. Fun! Oh, you have a minus. 16. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, you land it perfectly. Stick itobax. Performance check. Fun. Oh, you have a minus two. Sixteen. Oh, that's pretty good. Yeah, you land it.
Starting point is 01:15:27 Perfectly. You stick it. Yes. Yes. Redemption. Slayen comes up on stage and says, Oh, everyone, let's give a big hand to what do you all call yourselves? The Algerocs. The Algerocs. Yay! Slayen says, Oh, you all did a fantastic job up there. Congratulations.
Starting point is 01:15:43 Do you all practice? Do you all travel and do shows like this often? Surprisingly, every once in a while. More than you would think. Oh, it shows. You all absolutely are welcome back anytime to perform. We also murder. Bad. Is this on stage?
Starting point is 01:16:07 Does the crowd immediately go silent? This is like an aside. This is Slayen talking with you all. Well, that's very impressive too, my friend. She's a little scared now. One of my eyelashes is falling off at this point. Yeah, Slayen begins herding you all back out to the front. Here, why don't we help you all get out of this?
Starting point is 01:16:29 We need our information. Oh, right, of course. From what I hear, the Alderock Shrine is guarded by living stones. What do you mean by that? Like golems? That's what I've heard, that the stones come alive and guard the entrance. Are they on the west side of the waterfall, are they? The information I've heard
Starting point is 01:16:46 is that once you enter the shrine, it is guarded by living stones. Okay, thank you. Yeah, let's head to the waterfall. I think we should just like, we should kind of shuffle away and then maybe leave Bart a moment to talk to Yeah, sure. Slayin', I just want to say, it's been a pleasure.
Starting point is 01:17:04 And must I say, you're totally slayin' in that outfit. He slaps his suspenders. Are you haggling with Slayin'? He just wants to impress her. He's haggling for attention. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I bet you say that in every town you uh roll through and
Starting point is 01:17:25 perform in oh no not at all but it's rare to find a beauty such as yours and i just want to say thank you for allowing us to perform on your wonderful stage and your wonderful place well like i said all of you and especially you uh bart are welcome anytime back. He takes her hand and gives a little kiss. Oh. A giant hand. Yeah. It's just like a little hand and it rings around a finger. Like just a finger. Oh, such a romantic.
Starting point is 01:17:52 Get out of here, you charmer. He winks. And snaps. No, I'm kidding. No. Why is Bart almost dead? I just saw Bart. Yeah, let's head to the waterfall.
Starting point is 01:18:04 Yeah, y'all, with your waterfall. Yeah, you all are. With your newfound knowledge, you make your way northwest and eventually come upon a cluster of sizable stones covered in algae surrounding a roaring greenish waterfall.
Starting point is 01:18:13 It looks to be pouring straight into the river of rapids you crossed earlier, which now appears far below you at the base of the hills. I say we all grab a stone. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:18:22 Yeah, sure. I'll grab a big moss stone. Sure. Yeah, there's plenty of algae rocks, algae rocks to choose from here and I go last one in It's a stinky rock and I run and jump into the water I forget that I'm wearing my ring because I did not remember I bought it He forgot the last I forgot the last 15 minutes So then I run and jump and just like you're seeing people jump into an ice Yeah, hurt their tailbone so the waterfall is across the water uh it's like uh it's at the
Starting point is 01:18:50 like the mouth at the origin of the river like deep we can't walk through we need to like oh no you can you can uh you know with your knowledge you know that you can you know shimmy around on a ledge back behind the waterfall we do that there is There is an algae-covered rock face here. Yeah, I take my rock and I push it against that one. The algae begins to part and open up a pathway for you to go through. And inside is a circular cove with extremely high ceilings. The whole
Starting point is 01:19:16 cove is shimmering like greenish crystal with a small pool of water in the center. Inside the pool is a pile of large algae-covered stone. Those are the living stones. Living stones. Living stones must be. Can I approach and put my rock on top of that pile of moss-covered stones?
Starting point is 01:19:30 Yeah. Can I also do that and then kneel on my prayer pillow? Which I have a prayer pillow. What? And then say, we come and offer to worship the spirit of rock, Algae Rock. That's pretty good. So that's what Kyborg and Gum Gum are doing. Mud and Bart.
Starting point is 01:19:50 I guess I'll follow suit. Why not? Back away in prostration. You got it. Okay. Prostation. No. That's the other bad one.
Starting point is 01:20:01 That's the bad one. Is your prostate bad? What are you saying? Prostration? Prostrate? He wants to prostrate himself. It's genuflection. I've never heard that word in my life.
Starting point is 01:20:14 It's like a deep bow with arms extended. Come on, today I learned. There you go. Yeah, you all place your stones in the pool, and the four stones come to life, revealing four stone giants. They pick up large stones around them. They look like they're ready to hurl them at you all.
Starting point is 01:20:28 And you hear them ask in booming, gravelly voices, Who are you? From where did you come? I'm Bramblecrack from the Bramblecracks and the Bayou. What purpose do you serve? How do you know? That was two questions. They ask you the first time also. Who are you? from where did you come seek to heal the uh we seek to heal the king lord lomish lord lomish or he has been affected by
Starting point is 01:20:53 the amnusia we we want to destroy sludge and we know this because of Shaman Zeus. And other friends of this dwelling. I am a brother of yours. Behold my arm, Iron Golem. I am part of Iron Golem. They're rock golems, right? They're rocks. Stone. Stone giants. Stone giants.
Starting point is 01:21:19 I take that last part back. We might be distant relatives. I'm sorry. I just like that you're yelling at them. They actually focus a little bit on you there, Kyborg. And they ask, what makes you you? Have you ever wished you were someone else? My experiences make me, and I would not change who I am for the world. The stone-faced giants look at each other for a moment, then turn back to face you all.
Starting point is 01:21:47 A word of wisdom. Speak plainly if you wish to live. The four giants jump into the pool with a deafening splash. The pool quakes, ripples, and begins to bubble with green foam until a crystalline monolith shoots up out of the pool, glowing emerald green. It towers high over you, nearly touching the ceiling, and with each passing second appears to be getting larger. No, wait, not larger.
Starting point is 01:22:10 It's getting closer. The emerald tower falls forward straight toward you all and lands with a loud smash. Smash? Smash. Did it, like like break at all? We'll have to find out in the next episode. Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Starting point is 01:22:28 Man. I think we handled that well. Y'all were fun. It was a good episode. It was a fun episode. Yeah. I always like whenever we encounter like a magical being of anything, we're always like, hello, yes, I have come in peace.
Starting point is 01:22:41 We also speak like this. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another episode. Check out our merch. Yeah, we got Smarsh's King shirt. Oh, yeah. Everybody was crazy about the finale.
Starting point is 01:22:53 I saw a lot of people in the subreddit happy about how the finale last arc worked out, and they liked the inclusion of Smarsh. Yeah, get some Smarsh's King merch, and also join our subreddit, reddit.com slash r slash stinky dragon podcast, and also tweet at us usingdit reddit.com slash r slash stinky dragon podcast and also tweet at us using hashtag stinky dragon pod or Instagram. You should really follow our stinky dragon accounts right now on social because we're about to be posting some really cool
Starting point is 01:23:13 supplemental video content. Something very cool. We're all talking faster because we're trying to wrap this up but we keep going. Bye. Thank you.

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