Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Deja Ürbloom - Fortunes, Forests & Faith Pt. 2

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

Bart and Mudd deal with an oversized Stirge swallowing Sorto, while GumGum and Mudd head to the temple of Dia to search for Elleve's Inbreather & figure out where Paralyte is headed next! Unravel the mystery and connect the dots each week with Red Web available Mondays on Rooster Teeth, YouTube, and any of your favorite podcasting apps. Follow Us On Social: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This ad for Fizz is only 25 seconds long, but we had to pay for 30. Those leftover 5 seconds shouldn't just disappear, right? It's kind of like what happens to your unused mobile data at the end of each month. Except at Fizz, your unused data from the end of the month rolls over, so you can use it the next month. Hey, you paid for it, so keep it. Try the other side. Get started at fizz.ca. If you need some time to think it over, here's 5 seconds.

Certain conditions apply. Details at phys.ca. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Greetings, my ghosts and ghouls. Long time no see. Float on in to the Stinky Dragon and try our latest cocktail, the Corpse Haunter. It's a mixture of four different spirits that'll stick with you until the very end and then some. Talk about an aftertaste. Our story continues with our adventurers split up,

searching for remedies that will hopefully save a leaf from a grave threat. Bart and Mud are in the misty Elderpine Forest looking for medicinal plants and a lost sword. The good news is they found him. The bad news is he's inside of a giant sturge belly. I wonder what fate awards Gum-Gum and Kyborg as they embark on their mission at the local temple. Let's find out together and continue our tale. I love when you get to your high-pitched voice. Woo! I'll tail it out of there.

You gotta do it every now and then. You gotta give a high pitch. Imagine Gus with a brother named Bus, and that's what he sounds like. Hey, Gustavo, it's your good old bro, Bus. Oh, I hate that bus. All right, we're going to pick up with Kyborg and Gum-Gum here. They're going to church. Yeah, you follow the local signage southward

past Boulderay Heights School until you reach an impressive stone temple with stained glass windows. You walk around the building and you find a small set of stone steps leading up to a pair of ornate elder pine doors. A marquee sign next to the door reads, Temple of Daya, open 24-7. Queen Daya,

help us to be the people our dogs believe us to be. Signed by Pastor Ocean. I mean, are we just standing outside this place? Yeah, you're standing right outside. Right outside the Temple of Daya. Okay, let's go in. Gum, gum.

Real quick. Pop quiz. I know what it is. I'm going to see if you know what it is. What? What are we looking for? We're looking for an altar. Nope.

Yes, an altar. We're looking for an inhaler. An in-breather. Oh, God. How big is it? It's like a fist. It's between my two fists. It's pretty good.

Pretty good, Gum-Gum. I'm proud of you guys. I mean, we only did cover that yesterday. We just, so we're recording this the day after that other episode. So good memory. You got it for 24 hours. Yeah. So yeah, you all are standing outside the Temple of Dia.

Okay. I knock on the door. You ball up your hand into a fist and knock on the door. And the door isn't even latched. It slides open. And the Elderpine front door is open to reveal a long stone hall bathed in kaleidoscopic sunlight pouring through stained glass windows on all sides.

The floors are made of mosaic stone tiles and the vaulted ceiling is decorated with a painted mural. Along the walls are a few alcoves decorated with stone statues and plants. Straight ahead are a few pedestals holding religious relics and a pair of bookshelves. Beyond that are several stone pews occupied with a handful of locals,

and at the end of the temple you spot an altar and someone playing a pipe organ that echoes through the halls. All right, let's go. Do we need to, like, do a thing before we go in? You know, like one of those religious things? What's the religious thing that you're thinking of? I don't know.

Isn't there like a pond of water and you got to like dip, you got to slurp it or you got to dip your hand in it and rub it on yourself? I've never thought of it as a pond of water. I want to investigate whether or not I have to do anything before I enter. Well, luckily for you, there's a forest gnome acolyte who comes running up to greet you. He says, oh, welcome, welcome to the Temple of Daya. I'm acolyte Monet. Is this your first time visiting the temple? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, you're definitely going to want to follow the temple's sacred practices in order to adhere to our religious beliefs here. Okay. Okay, yeah, sure. What's that? Walk us through it. Okay, well, first of all, she looks down at your feet.

Are you all wearing shoes? Do you all have shoes? We never covered that. Show feet. Can you walk us through it? Okay, well, first of all, she looks down at your feet. Are you all wearing shoes? Do you all have shoes?

We never covered that. Show feet. I'm wearing fine boots that I made from a leather of the hide of an animal that I hunted in the woods. Let me see if I'm wearing boots. I imagine you are. I imagine I'm wearing some sort of boots. Yeah. First step, obviously, you must take your shoes off. We have racks over here where you can safely stow your shoes.

Okay. I'm imagining that Gum-Gum has Crocs. Old, golden day Crocs. They call them Corks in this land. Gotcha. Okay. I remove my shoes. And I get a good whiff of my boot.

And I say, Oh, yeah, that's musky. Oh, I should have told you that Acolyte Monet has golden hair and skin With tattoos sprawling across her body with religious symbols Oh my god, I'm in love She's dressed in a rainbow robe I forgot to mention that

I'm in love with her I like your drawings Oh, she looks at her tattoos And then she looks at the mural on the ceiling Oh, thank you What do we do now? Okay, well, now you got to cleanse your hands and your feet in the holy water. And she leads you over to what Blaine would call a pond.

Or a bowl of water. Or just a bowl of water. Can I look up at the murals that she was glancing at when I mentioned her body art? Yeah, there's a huge mural across the ceiling of the temple. It looks like an impressionistic painting showing a technicolor goddess with her arms stretched out gathering all the realms together. The realms? Okay.

Cool. So she leads you over to a bowl. I wash my hands and then I run some water through my hair, kind of rub my teeth a little bit because it's been a bit since I brushed my teeth. Hey Bart, you want to put money down on how soon these guys anger a god or something? I gargle some water. Yeah, five minutes ago.

I went in on this. All right, what next? Is Gum Gum also cleaning up a little bit? I think he sticks his hands in, and then he splashes a little, like, for fun, and giggles. All you really need is hands and feet. If you want to have fun with it, that's not frowned upon. Okay.

I tell you what, can you both make a religion check for me? Oh. Negative one. Uh-oh. I got a two. That is a... I got a zero. How did you get a two and a zero?

I got a one and my negative one. I'm a negative three on religion. You both, as you're cleansing yourselves in the holy water, you feel compelled to confess a sin and ask for forgiveness. What was the acolyte's name again? Monet. Monet. Monet, I have a quick confession.

Did something real bad. One time, Mud thought that he was putting dirt in his coffee. It wasn't dirt. What was it? You're not there. I want to know.

I'm just asking. I just leave it there. I just leave it there. Well, what's the sin? There's no sin. You just said it wasn't dirt. That's not confession. Confession is saying the bad thing you did.

And then you have to ask for forgiveness. Yeah. So I need forgiveness for putting poop. I mean, something that is not dirt in this coffee. Wait, is your poop dirt-like in texture? I let it dry out for a bit in the sun because I really, I wanted this to work out. It's that night soil. Oh my God.

That's like you had to crumble up your own poop. Go ahead and roll another religion check there, Kyborg. Okay, all right, here we go. Money, money, money, and three. Yeah, you still feel dirty. You feel like you have another sin you need to unload before you proceed into this holy place. Oh, God, okay.

What was your name again? Acolyte Monet? Monet. Monet, okay. Monet, I have another convention. Monet. Okay. Monet. I have another convention. Go on, my son. Terrible.

In my party, there is a small man named Bart. And one time when he was sleeping, I said, Bart, more like fart. And then I farted on him, his face while he slept but you know that dirt that came out from Mud's cup of coffee that's where I got the dirt from and you have to ask for forgiveness

I need your forgiveness Monet, please forgive me I'll make another religion check 16 all is forgiven my son Bonet, please forgive me, Acolyte Bonet. I'll make another religion check. Okay, here we go. Here we go. 16. 16. All is forgiven, my son. You may proceed. Oh, bless you.

Thank you. I have a confession. Yes. I'm afraid of the dark at night. Oh, God. Well, there's nothing inherently wrong or bad with that. Yes, there is. Do you seek forgiveness for your fear? Yes.

I'm sorry. Roll a religion check, please. It's a four. You have a minus three on religion. Wow. Is there anything else you wish to unburden from yourself? I'm also afraid of forks. Forks? Like

the eating utensil? Yeah. There's a lot of spikes on them and they hurt my tongue. Monet, if I may, it's because he was chased by people with pitchforks when he was young because of his size. You seek forgiveness for this? Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm afraid

of forks. Go ahead and roll a religion check. We'll say you have advantage for having a pure soul. Just being dumb. I got a seven and a nine. I'm sorry, Gus. Don't be sorry to me. You're the one who has to keep coming up with sins.

What else do you wish to unburden from your soul, child? I'm trying to think, sir. If I may, Monet, I have one more confession. I know I don't need to do this, but I feel like I must. Okay. One time in the night,

I put several forks in Gum-Gum's bed and he couldn't see them because it was the night and he was afraid of the dark. Please forgive me. You are forgiven. Oh, thank you. I'm also afraid of those wiggly things in the dirt.

Worms? Oh, yeah. Do you seek forgiveness for your fear? Yeah. Yeah. I got a negative one. You got a negative one? Jeez.

You have an advantage for having such a pure soul. I got another negative one. Two negative ones. You had advantage on this roll, and you ended up with a negative one. I'm glad you guys aren't fighting anything right now. Maybe, Gum-Gum, you might be tied up here for a little while. I don't know if Kyborg wants to continue

or keep listening to all of your confessions. No, no, no. We must cleanse this impure being. I'm also freed of swallowing seeds. It's true. When I eat fruit. And do you seek forgiveness for your sin? Question mark?

Yeah. Go ahead and roll a religion check. Thirteen. Thirteen. Roll one more just so we can see what it is. Oh, yeah. That's how I got sixteen. Sixteen. All right.

Oh, I feel you have unburdened yourself. You are ready to move on. Your soul is somehow even more pure. I feel burdened. He pulls out a book for you guys. It says, next, I need you all to read a proverb from the sacred text. Okay. Guy Borg just starts talking.

She had dumps like a truck, truck, truck. Thighs like what? What? I got to say. Monet. Monet, Monet. I gotta say Monet. If you wanted to save time, or you made a mistake by giving him

a proverb, I'll say it. We, we, we tripe no, no to own mountains. Remember what Bart taught you

about reading. And about projecting your voice loud enough so we can all hear. Boot no moley house. Hells. Moley house. We tripe

note on no mountains but no moly hills beautiful very wise very wise I think he just summoned Cthulhu is that good Bart doesn't know but he feels

proud for some reason doesn't know why a fine proverb from the diary and you? You got it. Here we go, Acolyte Monet. Two good talkers are not worth one good listener. Mmm.

Wise. I feel like, oh, strange. That came from the god Meta, who says that Gum-Gum and I talk over each other too much. I show Kyborg my thing, proverb. Show him how good I did. We trip not on mountains, but on molehills. Yeah. Very good. No, no molehills.

Important to remember. Great wisdom. Now you must proceed to make an offering to Daya in the alms chest. Oh, God. Acolyte Monet leads you to the alms chest. Don't you guys love church? Are we getting married? Is this what this is?

Nope. This is just church. You're led to a gold-inlaid elder pine chest, which is locked with a thin money slot. Can I have a privacy? No, I mean, the chest is out in the open. No, I just can't go with people watching. Well, there's no way.

It's like attached to the floor to prevent theft, so there's really no way to move it to a private location. Okay. The entire congregation watches. Some of the congregation in the pews up front are watching you all as you proceed to the alms chest. What's the minimum? What's the cover

at this nightclub? I don't think I can go with them watching Cryboard. You just gotta give an offering. You just give them some money. Oh, money! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not to be confused with Monet, who is the acolyte. Very friendly tattooed lady over there.

She's watching as you all stand in front of the alms chest, not giving any money so far. What's the minimum? How much? Oh, Daya only asks that you give from the heart what you can. Okay. I want to convert. Can I convert silver into copper?

Is that something I can do? Convert? No, you need to go to like a shop or like a money exchange or something. Oh, no. It's less about that I don't have the money. It's just that I wanted to do something with money. I guess I'll put in three gold.

Is that a lot? Whoa. God. Wow. Is that a lot? Whoa. Good God. Wow. Is that a lot? Really religious. Acollette Monet says, Thank you, my son.

Your pure soul shines through. Thank you. I take out five pieces of silver, and then I make it rain. I just flip them. I go, Yeah! And then end of the thing.

Very respectful in the church. Acollette Monet is clearing her throat. You okay? I know that guy! Dr. Hung! Yeah! We go way back. Wow.

You okay? I feel like There's some pond up in the front of the church If you need it Her eyes are kind of Looking over at the alms chest I'm gonna I'm gonna give a

I'm gonna flip one more gold Coin in there I'm gonna flip one more gold coin in there. I'm going to flip one more gold coin in there. Okay, that's all I got. That's all I got. You're not getting any more. I put in one more gold coin.

Oh, thank you. Thank you, my child. Your kindness shows through to the all-benevolent goddess Dia. Oh, yeah. Least I could do. Yeah. No big deal. So stupid. Don't worry.

We're almost done. You're almost ready to proceed into the temple. The next steps should be very easy for folks like yourselves. Okay. What does that mean? Extrapping young men. Next, you must either sing a song or offer a prayer to Daya. Names Daya?

Yeah, if you choose to sing a song, it must be in the form of a haiku and you must sing it out loud. If you decide to make a prayer to Dia, it must be a quatrain with alternating rhymes of ABAB. Oh. Haiku? I'm going to let you two think about that for a little bit and we're going to

smash cut back over to Team Bud in the Elder Pine Forest. Smash cut. Smash cut is also our alternative team name. Haiku. Haiku. That's so accurate. Smash Cut is also our alternative team name. I cut, Bart smashes. That's so accurate. Bart and Mud, you were in the clearing and an alpha Sturge had just come out and swallowed Sordo

and he was surrounded by three regular size Sturges who were laying prone, bowing down to him. And I am a dog. And I am a dog. And you're a dog. And you came charging in to cost them, I guess, try to scare them off. Yeah. So in your DM brain, am I committed to this charge while this Sturge is doing this? Or have I been given opportunity to alter course of my actions?

I pictured you charged in and tried to, like, bark and scare them off, but they didn't notice because they were busy starting to, like, bow down when the rumbling started. Yeah, I rolled a bad intimidation. Right. So what do you guys want to do?

I'd like to back up a little bit. Is what I'd like to do. So you're not charging anymore. What you thinking? Should we, are we like, we're not in combat, right? Unless you want to be. No, I'm asking. We have not rolled for initiative.

We have not rolled for initiative, no. All right, all right. I feel like, should our main priority try to be saving Sordo? Yeah, I mean, we got to get Sordo out. So we probably need to... I mean, I could try casting... Could I try casting a spell on Big Alpha Boy? Yes.

What spell are you thinking of? I could try to make it sleep. Hey, let's use that classic. Yeah. Although it's big. It worked once before. It would probably take a high roll, right? What do you got like

5d8 is what you get to roll I think so yeah alright I guess we could just try it we're not in combat yeah I'm gonna say that if you cast this

this will be like almost like a surprise action and then after this you're gonna roll initiative do you have any other ideas on how to resolve this without immediate

fighting I mean, I could try talking to him. I have good charisma. I can talk to animals, too. Because this Sturgis is what, an animal? Yeah. It looks like a cross between a large bat and an oversized mosquito. Oh, wait. Hold on. I have comprehend languages, but I don't

think that it counts for me speaking to them. I think it's just understanding. So, let me get this clear. Mud can speak to animals and plants, and then if they can reply, Bart might be able to understand them. Yes. Perfect.

Perfect. But I think it will cost me a spell slot to comprehend languages. You want to try to do this without combat? Yeah. All right. I approach. I change out of my dog Yeah. I approach. I change out of my dog form.

I'm going to be my cuteness. My furball self. I approach. Hello, how are you doing today? More dinner? Are you hungry? Do you need some more food? I'd be happy to share a meal with you if you'd like.

My name's Mud, and this is my companion Bart. And we're here looking for some companionship to share some berries with. The other Sturges that were previously bowing down are no longer bowing down. They're up and flying around looking at you guys. They seem to be deferring to the Alpha Sturge, waiting to see what it's going to do before they act. Okay, okay. Do you want to maybe try to convince him that Sordo is poisonous?

Oh, yeah. If he doesn't let him go, he might die. I've noticed that you've taken a liking to our friend Sordo. He's the little chap that you just swallowed. I'd highly recommend that you maybe reverse that action. Sordro is made out of material that's not good for the

digestion. I don't know if we could maybe interest you in some other food instead. But shiny yummy. Oh, I agree. Very shiny. But shiny yummy. Oh, I agree. Very, very shiny. But the yummy will end and will result in some

no, no, tum, tum time. No, no, tum, tum? Bad. Yes. Yes. Make it, we gotta have some kind of charisma. I got, I got, I got advantage on charisma. From Bart's perspective, it just looks like Mud is talking to this... What is it?

Bird? Giant bird? Bat. Yeah, like a mosquito bat. Well, you know how it's working out is I'm talking, it's then talking back, and you have to then translate to me. Well, no, it's speaking in a very broken call. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah.

Make a persuasion check. Well, we're at a... A 14. Is that right? That's 14, okay. Yeah, yeah. Make a persuasion check. Well, we're at a... A 14. Is that right? That's 14, yeah. Okay. Tum-tum bad-bad. Right, I told you.

It's not going to end well. That guy coming out of you is not going to be a good time. What do? Oh, that's a good question, my friend. Bart, do you perhaps have anything to help the situation here? Well, you know, Bart has some practice with the Heimlich maneuver. Great. It's a very, very gentle procedure of extracting whatever it is you accidentally swallowed.

This alpha sturge is about five feet tall. I don't remember how tall you are off the top of my head. Were you like four foot four? Yeah. Yeah. So it'd be, it's a, it's,

you know, eight inches taller than you. So it would be maybe a little difficult to try to Heimlich it. I mean, I guess you'd give it a shot. You're kind of a beefy boy. Yeah. I cast guidance on Bart and give him a D4 to the,

a rolled ability check. Oh, excellent. Excellent. Would this be medicine? Yeah, let's try a medicine check. Okay. Roll out. Oh, shoot.

It's only a six. So you go up and you try to give a Heimlich maneuver to this Alpha Sturge. He doesn't seem very happy about it. And you're not able to really get Sordo out. And he seems even less happy about that. No hit me. We should have had me do it. I have a plus five.

I have a plus four. Plus four, okay. It would have been a ten total with your additional four. I'm guessing that still didn't work, right, Gus? No, that would still be too low. Okay. Hurry, help. Oh, okay.

Or maybe eat you. Oh, let's not do that. Wait a minute. Hold on. I have a tool to fix a wheel slash multi-tool that I got in the first episode that I took from that guy who was helping us with the cart. Oh, yeah. Was it Bezler?

Bezler? Yeah. Bezler. Is it possible to like reach down his throat with that tool to grab sort of You're going to have to make like a persuasion check because he's not going to be happy about you wanting to do that. Yeah you can

try to persuade him but it's going to take a pretty hefty persuasion check to let him do that. Oh man. can try to persuade him, but it's going to take a pretty hefty persuasion check to let him do that. Oh, man. What if? I have a plus four persuasion. Oh, yeah. It's up to you.

I mean, I'm just telling you what you would have to do. I mean, I could try to persuade him, and if he says no, he says no, right? It's not like... Yeah. All right, so how are you going to do this? Are you going to pull out the tool and show it to him and offer to, like, pull it out?

Yeah, yeah. This fine tool here So how are you going to do this? Are you going to pull out the tool and show it to him and offer to like pull it out? Yeah. Yeah. This fine tool here should get that little guy right out of your belly. All you got to do is open up. Open up wide. Try not to breathe. Go ahead and make a persuasion roll to see if you persuade him. God damn it.

Okay. One. Okay. Should I use my inspiration die it's up to you what do you think john oh totally burn that okay i'm using my persuasion i'm gonna try that again second roll persuasion seven it's a seven i am not rolling good today. This is a cursed episode. This entire episode is cursed. No.

Ouch. Okay. What if we just try another version of the Heimlich maneuver, but we go more of a frontal assault style, and I'll hold from the back,. And I'll go from the, I'll go, I'll hold from the back. And then Bart will go from the front and give a nice little tap to the tum-tum. We'll get him, we'll get Sorto right out of there with a group effort. Yeah, if you do this, if you say, for example, in this scenario,

if Bart is the one doing the Heimlich and you're in the front helping, you would basically give Bart advantage on her role since you're their assistant. Sorry, you'd give Bart advantage on his role. Sorry, I get confused. Barbara. I'm playing a little boy. I guess Barbara's making the role for Bart, which makes it even more... You're welcome, Gus.

Try to make it as confusing as possible. I think if we both help, we can get this figured out. To complicate things a little bit, for some reason, you're starting to feel a little tired, Bart. Oh, no. Not quite your full self. Maybe it's a, I don't know, you've had a long day.

What role did I fail on? Is it from the glowing shrooms we passed before? It might be. It might be. We did some shrooms earlier, and it's just got effects on us. Yeah. Could we do this one-two punch kind of thing? Because Bart is tired, he now has disadvantage on ability checks.

But if you assist, then that would give him advantage, which means he descends it being a straight roll. Okay. It's not really helping a ton. Oh, my God. What if, what if, what if,

what if instead I'm the one that's doing the Heimlich, but Bart's helping me? Yes, you could try that. Yeah, that would be fine. Okay. Let's do that.

And I've also given myself a nice little, little pat on the butt. Could I also give him bardic inspiration as a bonus action? A creature other than myself within 60 feet can hear me. Gains an inspiration die 1d6. For 10 minutes, you could add it to one ability check, attack roll, or saving throw. Yeah. I'm not sure if that stacks with what Mud does.

What if we say it does? Sure. Why not? It stacks. Okay. It stacks. We're doing this. We're doing this.

Okay. Okay. This is this one. I hope it'll forever be called the bud maneuver. The bud maneuver. So what am I rolling? A medicine? Yes.

And I have advantage. Yes. And I have the two bonuses. Yes. You should be making this alpha sturge barf. I should. Let's roll. That is an eight.

Oh my god. Plus the d6. You rolled a three. I did. Oh my god. Plus the d6, which is four. That's 12. Wait, wait, wait. You had advantage, so you gotta re-roll. Oh, I did have advantage. Roll another 20-sided die.

Okay. I rolled a two. Oh my god. So eight a two. Oh, my God. So eight plus four is 12 plus a D4, a two. So I got a 14. That's still not enough. It's pretty good. 14 is pretty good. It's pretty good.

You start squeezing and constricting on the digestive tract of the alpha sturgeon. Maybe he's like also in his own head about wanting to pee. You know how that thing gets when you think you're going to feel a little sick. I'll sweeten the deal for you guys. I also, while I'm doing it,

I'm going to burn a spell slot and cast cure wounds while I'm doing that so that he's feeling good. I'm like, I'm curing him while it's happening. So he feels like he actually feels better now like he's got an HP back. So I'm casting that.

You got 11. Oh, damn. Yeah, nice. You start squeezing on him. He gets into his own head, but he's feeling better and out pops Sordo covered in oo, slimy goop. Yuck.

Thanks for getting me out of there. We did it. First try. Sordo! Now fly. Fly, buddy, fly. Pipsqueak, do drop. I owe you one.

He eyes the Alpha Sturge warily. Does the alpha Sturge have a name? Do you have a name, my friend? Me, Levi. Oh, it was a pleasure to meet you, Levi. I hope you feel better now. Sordo kind of whispers to you, quick, let's get the breezeberries right here and get out of here.

Oh, Levi, would you mind if we took some of these berries to go? Only a few. Okay. Happily. How about while Sordo and Mud are collecting the berries, I play a little ditty for them to distract them.

So they don't really see how many we're taking. Yeah. Okay. You going to do a performance? Oh, 27. Oh, it's a natural 20 plus 7 yeah the the sturges are not even looking

at mud and sordo as they pick the breeze berries yeah you're able to get a sufficient amount and sordo says looks like you got the hush thistle already so let's make like a tree and leave oh sweet we definitely got the hush thistle already. So let's make like a tree and leave. Oh, sweet. We definitely got the hush thistle. We definitely

got the hush thistle. Lovely. Fantastic, Levi. You have a great rest of your day, my friend. Feel good. Yeah. Alright, Sordo leads you guys out of the clearing and back out of this

little area where you were. Everyone want to thank you for listening to the show. We're not done yet, but I do want to remind you, the best thing you do to try to help us out is to tell a friend or engage on social media about the show, tweet about it, wherever you use social media, talk about it there. That would try to help us spread the word if you use hashtag stinky dragon pod

we might use your name in the show as an NPC in a future arc just like Levi the alpha sturge who was Kalan Quasage on social media or the brief appearance by Parishioner Sheridan who was Sheridan Green on Twitter you can tell us maybe if you want maybe like a simple magic item

you'd like to use in the show. Maybe a few items that are going to show up that were suggested by Jason Elger. And of course, you can also rate us on the podcast platform. Wherever you listen to this podcast. So far, we've had amazingly positive and glowing reviews of the show.

Thank you so much. We'd love it if we get more. We're greedy that way. But again, thank you so much for all of the positive vibes, all the good engagement. And with that being said, let's go ahead and pay the bills. In a world full of secrets, two sleuths with an appetite for

the unknown have come together to uncover the hidden truths of the internet. Join co-hosts Trevor Collins and Alfredo Diaz as they dive into the internet's most intriguing mysteries, conspiracies, and supernatural events. Every week, our hosts will guide you through one of the numerous unsolved incidents and through what some would call expert analysis to try to figure out what's real and what's

nothing more than a tall tale. Maybe they even investigate some creatures that you would hear about like in a mythical setting, like some kind of fantasy creature. Maybe they'll find a unicorn. Maybe they'll find a dragon. Unravel the mystery and connect the dots each week with Red Web, available Mondays on Rooster Teeth, YouTube, and any of your favorite podcasting apps. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account.

It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. At Miele, our partner is the planet. Our appliances use less water and energy and are tested to last for 20 years of use. That's the ultimate form of sustainability. I'm Nelson Fresco, president of Miele Canada. From now until June 30th, every Mila dishwasher purchased supports the planting and preservation of Canadian forests through the Mila Forest Initiative.

Join us in making an impact today for a better tomorrow. Visit mila.ca to learn more. Meanwhile, back at the Temple of Daya, Acolyte Monet is eager to hear what you have prepared for her. I would like to sing a song. Sing a song? Oh, the parishioners would love to hear that. Gum, gum is in church. Gum, gum likes to sing the songs.

Gum Gum is in church. Go ahead and make me a performance check. That was a bop. Performance. Twelve. Twelve. Oh, the parishioners, they seem to be nodding to each other and smiling at you. They seem to like

it. Athlete Monet says, very good, Gum Gum. Did you come up with that all by yourself? Yeah. That's excellent. You've done such a great job today. We're all so proud of you. Thank you. Kyborg, do you have something you'd like to offer to Daya? Oh, yeah. Just putting on

the finishing touches. Let me review this real quick. What would you like to offer to Daya? A song or a prayer? A song. It doesn't really fit your format, but it is for Daya. Holy Daya, you've been down too long in the midnight sea. Oh, what's become of me?

I'm looking around and no one's getting the joke. No one's into it. Okay, alright. This is a prayer that I made. Prayer? There once was a man named Brink. He

jumped into a cold pond. The water made his privates shrink and off came his fleshy wand make a persuasion check this is a church my dude yeah I hate break tussler it was also supposed to be a prayer to Dia. Yeah. That's a solid seven. Yeah. No, the parishioners are very unhappy. They seem to be really, really

upset. They're getting impatient with you. I got one more. I got one more. It's not so much a prayer. It's more of a confession. There once was a boy named Gum-Gum. He wanted a pogo stick. But his friend Kyborg was a dum-dum.

He lost the toy and now he feels like a dick. Huh? Make a persuasion check. Persuasion check coming up. And yeet. It's a night of one. Wow. The parishioners are actively booing now.

There's a couple who are actually walking out of the church. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I can't, I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. Gum Gum is in church. Gum Gum likes to sing the song. Gum Gum is in church. The person who we're leaving, stop and turn around and look. Gum Gum is in church.

That's just my favorite song. Gum Gum likes to sing the song. Gum Gum is in church. This is your fault, Kyborg. I think he's doing better than Kyborg. Yeah, he is. The person is, some of the more concerned ones step up and ask if you'd like some help, Kyborg. No, I'm good.

I'm good. I got this. I'm two lines away from completing this really sick haiku. You're two lines away from completing a haiku, sir? You're one line in? Okay, this is a haiku. Alright. It's really good. I've been sitting on this one

for a while. Five, seven, five. And one, two, three. Once there was a mud, he liked to eat lots of crud and now he stinks bad. Nailed it.

Go ahead and make a performance check. Okay, here we go. Performance. And bada bing. 17. I nailed it. I nailed it. I nailed it. You did it. The personers look around to each other

and nod and kind of shrug. You get a smattering of applause. Thank you. Thank you. Where am I? Where is this place called? The Temple of Daya. No, like what's the city?

Boulderay. Thank you, Boulderay. Good night. Acolyte Monet says, Well, that was certainly colorful. You have one step left. Oh my God. You must demonstrate humility at the altar.

You must perform gestures in the correct order. The gestures are, in no particular order, kissing the celestial crown, drinking from the sacred chalice, swearing allegiance to Dia with your right hand on the diary, and bowing for the altar. Kissing, drinking,

what was the other one? Kissing, drinking, swearing, and bowing. Okay, well, I'll go first because I am the most humble. I pride myself in my humility. I am incredibly humble. I think GumG my humility. I am incredibly humble. I think Gum Gum can attest.

That's what you're known for? Yeah, he's humble. So what order do you want to try to do these in? I want to drink. No, swear. So the first thing you're going to do is you're going to

put your right hand on the diary and swear allegiance to Daya. Oh, it's very specific. I was just going to say a bad curse word. But yes, I will do that. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. Constitution saving throw. I think I messed something up here. And it's a 14.

Monet just shakes her head at you. Okay. I kiss. You want to kiss the celestial crown? Kiss the celestial crown. Go ahead and make a constitution saving throw. Okay. Assuming I goofed up.

That's an 11. Acolyte Monet shakes her head. Gum Gum, you want to give it a go? Yeah. I want to drink the water. Drink from the sacred chalice. Go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw. Okay.

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. 14. She shakes her head. No, no. Then I kiss the crown. Wait, you said that. I kiss the crown. You want to kiss the crown?

Go ahead and roll a constitution save Twelve Acklite Monet looks very disappointed No, no Try bowing A bow, a bow You guys are so bad at church I bow so low

that I fall over and hit my forehead on the thing Look at him, look at the humility Look at how he bows I bow so low that I fall over and hit my forehead on the thing. Look at him. Look at the humility. Look at how he bows. Okay. Oh, Acklat Monace seems pleased with your bow.

Oh. Now I drink from the sacred chalice. How big is the sacred chalice? You're kind of big. You could hold it with one hand, but it's kind of... Can I stick my whole head in it? Upside down? No, it's not that big. Most people would have to hold it with both hands,

but it's not big enough for your head. Okay. Go ahead and roll a constitution saving throw. Okay. I drink a lot. I rolled a 23. Oh. Joe.

Joe. When's the last time we had a roll that went over the 20s? Oh, Bart's performance. Acklite Monet shakes her head. One of the parishioners pops up and walks up to you, gum gum, and says, excuse me, sir. I might introduce myself. My name is Sheridan. one of the parishioners pops up and walks up to you gum gum and says uh excuse me sir i might introduce myself my name is sheridan uh if you'd like i can i can help guide you through this

process okay we don't need your help we don't need it i know what it is get you in your hotels out of here all right oh i bow okay oh oh aclait monet seems happy with that okay i kiss oh you uh you kiss the celestial crown oh yeah she's uh she's nodding yeah yeah yeah uh i swear oh swearing allegiance with your right hand on the diary nice nice yeah yeah you like that then i drink this is like that meme of Vince McMahon. Oh, very good. You hear murmurs of approval from the congregation. Woo! Humility!

Okay, then I do the same. What was the order again? I bow and I hit my head again And then I kiss And then I swear And then I drink Oh yeah Everyone's very very happy Sheridan particularly

You did it Gum Gum Sheridan seems very happy with you Less happy with you Gum Gum is No The whole congregation very happy with you. Thank you. Less happy with that. Gum, gum is... No, no, no. The whole congregation joins in this time. It's a new prayer song.

Acolyte Monet says, you've demonstrated humility and respect for the temple, so you're free to wander about the temple at your discretion as you wish. And steal the thing you're looking for. I look at the organs to see if the

rebreather is a part of that. I have a hunch. Make a perception check. Here we go. And boom. That's a ten. You don't notice an in-breather.

You do see that there is a tiefling also in a rainbow robe seated at the organ playing it. He's bald with a black ponytail. He's got gray skin. Looks like several piercings on his ears, eyebrows, nose, and lips. Hmm. Play it again, Sam. That's a guess. I don't care. I say, play it again, Sam. Doesn't exist in D&D.

Okay, can we kind of look around and see if I see the thing that we're looking for? Go ahead and make an investigation check. Five. Five. You don't notice anything out of the ordinary, like what you're looking for necessarily here. Can I ask one of the, is it that one lady who the... Acolyte Monet? Acolyte Monet.

Can I ask her if she's still around? Yeah. I mean, she's like milling about doing various tasks. Miss Monet? Yes, Gum Gum? Someone I know is hurt and they need to breathe better. Do you have a breathy thing?

A breathy thing? I can't say that I do. I'm not sure what that would be, but no, I don't have anything like that. It's like L-shaped, like a shape of an L on her forehead. Can't say I've seen anything like that.

You might want to ask Pastor Ocean over there at the organ. Maybe he knows of something like that. Okay. And go ask Pastor Ocean. Pastor Ocean. Ocean. You walk up to him, and he's seated at the organ. Ah, new faces.

Welcome to the temple. You know the one. You know the organ. Ah, new faces. Welcome to the temple. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. You know the one. You know the one. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Ah, charge. Mr. Ocean? Yes, my child. Someone I know is sick and they can't breathe.

Do you have a breathy thing? Oh no, illness. Yeah. Such a terrible thing. Is this something only we can assist with or is this something only this specific item you are searching for can help with? It's the only thing that can help. Who is your friend that is sick?

Is there something we can maybe do? Who is our friend that's sick? Aleve. I think it's Aleve. It's Aleve. Oh, I know her. I leave. I think it's a leave. It's a leave. Oh, I know her. Marcy. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yes.

She used to spend quite a bit of time here at the temple. I haven't seen her in a long time. She's ill, though. Yeah, she's sick. Oh, how terrible. Where would she go to the temple? Oh, Marcy grew up in Boulderay and became a devout daist at a young age.

When she became an adult, she requested to be an acolyte in the temple and served faithfully. After the Boulderay mining accident and the loss of her husband, she changed dramatically. Perhaps she lost her faith in Dia. But she came to the temple less and less. One day she came back to visit, and she had a sudden interest in the sacred magical arts, both divination and necromancy. I know magic.

Oh, you know magic too? I do. We practice more of the divine variety. I assume you practice the arcane? Yes. Hmm. That is fine in its own right, but we like to practice magics provided by Dia.

Okay. So where's this breathy thing? Once the conversation was over, she dropped a pack at my feet and left. Oh. It had some of her stuff in it, robes and other things. Maybe it's in there. That was the last time I saw her. Didn't hear

from her again until, well, about now. Oh. Can we see her pack? Where's the pack? Maybe her thingy is in it. I kept the pack, but I don't remember where I placed it. All I remember is that I kept it in the temple, just in case she ever came back and had a change of heart. Yeah.

I have an idea. I have an idea. I have an idea. What's your idea? I pull out my crowbar and I say, Daya, please bless this crowbar to help me find the pack. And then I close my eyes and I let the crowbar guide me. Like Indigo Montoya from Princess Bride. Exactly like that.

Like whatever you call those rods. Divining rod. Divining rod. Divination. Okay. Make an investigation check. Investigation guide. There we go.

The most investigative. Negative one. Three. That's pretty good. You don't hear any holy spirits speaking to you, and the crowbar just seems to be heavy metal in your head. I start waving it around and hitting things, though, hoping I'll continue to find it.

You start hitting things? Oh, no. You know, like, not like people, but, you know, I might start bumping into it. Like the altar and the organ? You got to be very specific about what you're doing when you're waiting. Yeah, what are you doing? I'm swinging a crowbar around church. I mean, I'm just trying to use the crowbar to guide me.

I try again. I say, oh, holy dia. Use this crowbar to guide me to the breather, breather, pro-breather, inhaler. Make a constitution check. All right, here we go. Constitution check. That's a 20. That's a 20.

Look at you. Pastor Ocean seems to be furrowing his brow at you, pondering what it is exactly that you're doing. My eyes are closed. You can't see this. I go and hug Kyborg real tight so he can't move. I go and hug Kyborg real tight so he can't move. Where did you put the... Where could the pack be? Do you think you might know?

Where was it? It was somewhere here. I just can't remember. The crowbar. Follow it. Go ahead and make an investigation check. Oh, 14. That's pretty good with a minus three.

11, because he's carrying me, so I'm assuming I'm there as well. Gum-Gum, you notice that there's alcoves here in the temple with stone statues that look like they'd be a good place to hide something. Like alcoves in the stone statues, like on the edges? Yeah, like all around. There's like four of them placed around the temple. Okay, Kaipo. Open your eyes.

Why did you have me facing your face? You're so close to my face. Look up there. There's statues and there's stuff in them. Let's climb it. Alcoves. Yes. How tall are these things?

They're pretty sizable. They've got like plants behind them. Let's say like 15 feet or so. Oh. Here, Gum Gum. I'll get on your shoulders. Alright. I'm seven. And then I'm five ten. Okay, so that's

ten? So then you jump and I jump at the same time Okay, alright I've done this in Half-Life Gum Gum, make a perception check That's a one Alright, let's do this Make one more

That's a four Alright, let's do this How many things are negative on your character sheet, my dude? So maybe you get a rope. You get rope and then get on my shoulders and then I'll jump and then you jump. And you use the rope to pull up. But what do I attach the rope to?

How about I get on your shoulders and then you do a cheerleading maneuver where you lift me with your hands because you're very strong. Okay, I'll throw you. Okay. All right. Here we go. So I put him on my shoulder. Which one do you want to go to? Like I said, there's four.

There's one in the northwest corner, the northeast corner, southwest. They all look the same. Airlines. They all look the same. Okay, we'll go southwest. Okay. I put him on my shoulder and I'm going to lift him up with my arms and then jump. And we're going to both be saying hep hep the whole time.

So with my arms raised, that's like 10 feet high. Yeah, and I could do a pull-up. I could do pull-ups all day. That wasn't in character. That was me. That was Blaine medicating. Did I need to do like athletics or something? Yeah, as you get in front of that statue there at the southwest

corner, Gum Gum, you feel a surge of radiance in your heart, almost as if like a holy power is filling your body. You having a heart attack? Why are you clutching your chest? There's almost like a holy light shining

in through the stained glass windows, illuminating the statue in the northwest corner of the temple. The northwest. And then I carry Guyborg over to the northwest. Alright, corner of the temple. To northwest. And then I carry Guyborg over to the northwest. Alright, both of you make a perception check. That's a three. That's a four.

Okay, alright, you're gonna do this cheerleader pop a thing, put Guyborg up in the air. Alright, yeah, both of you, I guess, make an athletics check. Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop, hop. Fourteen. Forty-five. Hop, hop, hop, hop. you, I guess, make an athletics check. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, 14, up, up. 45. Up, up, up, up.

All right, Gum-Gum, you easily managed to lift Pop Kyborg up in the air. He gets a little bit of air, actually. Like, you toss him up so strongly. Because I jump. I jump and throw him up. Yeah. While he's at the height of his time in the air, Kyborg, do you think you notice a pack behind the plants that are behind the statue here in the alcove?

That I want to grab onto the ledge. Grab onto the ledge. Okay, well, I mean, the statue's on the ground. It's like an alcove. Like, it's carved out into the side, like, into the wall of the temple. The statue is 15 feet tall. But the pack itself is on the ground behind the statue? Yes, behind the plants that are behind the statue.

Got it. Okay. Then I want to pull out a land. Gracefully, might I add. In Got it. Okay. Then I want to pull out. I'll land. Gracefully, might I add. In my arms. No. I stick the landing like a beautiful gymnast. I don't know. I think if you're the one falling, he's the one who gets to decide

where you fall. Alright, fine. I land in his arms. Here you go. And then I set him down. And then I do my hands up in the air like I just landed it perfectly. And then I... Is it within arm the air like I just landed it perfectly. And then I... Is it within arm's reach? Yeah, you can walk around behind the statue

and kind of poke through the plants and get the pack if you want to. Jesus Christ, I didn't do that from the beginning. All right. Gum, gum? Yeah. Watch me disappear. I go behind the statue. I grab the pack.

Where'd you go? I come back and I say, I got it. Wow. What's in it? You open it. Okay. Okay. Gum Gum opens it.

Inside, there's like a copy of the diary, a tattered rainbow robe, and an L-shaped metal device. Wow. You have found a leaves-in breather. Congratulations. Before I leave, I say, hey, Monet, catch you later. Then I do a backflip. Roll that athletics check.

There we go. 15. Yeah, you stick it. And then I go, I'll see you on the flip side. Do a backflip. Roll athletics roll. 18. I'm just following Kyborg. Kyborg does it so I do.

Oh, I wanted to see that robe that I found. Can I investigate it and see if there's anything magical with it? Sure. Just roll a perception check first of all and then an arcana check. Okay. 19. That's a nat 20. On of all, and then an arcana check. Okay. Ooh, 19.

That's a nat 20. Wow. On the perception. Yeah. And then arcana. Arcana. These are both. Oh, my God. That's a 15.

That's with a minus three. It doesn't stand out as being anything particularly magical to you, but you did notice it's the same kind of robe that Monet and Ocean were both wearing. Just this one looks to be a little older and more in disrepair. Okay, can I put it on? Sure. I'm gonna wear it.

It's a little small for you. You're kind of good. Okay. So there's the robe and then the breathy thing and then what else? A copy of the diary. It's the holy book for the temple. Okay, so it's just the book that we read.

Can I open it and see if there's anything noteworthy in it? Yeah. Long ago, an ancient deity named Serendaya entered the material plane and saw the chaos of the world tearing itself apart. She stepped into the disarray and was able to bring peace and harmony

to all the lands. She used her celestial power to bring all the lands together as one, and she called all the lands. She used her celestial power to bring all the lands together as one, and she called it Faiza. The people of Faiza called her Queen Dia, and built temples all throughout the lands of Faiza in her honor. It is said that she roams the lands from time to time, visiting the temples and dwelling with the people there.

We look forward to her visiting us. Very profound. What's that mean? With that, everyone hastily makes their way back to the Infinite's headquarters. You meet up at the same time and you all descend the stairs to Dr. Ahem's lab. The door is open and inside you find Dr. Ahem

sitting next to a leaf, holding her hand as she lies on a cot, coughing hysterically. She seems to be mobile now, but still having trouble breathing and her face looks to be turning blue. Dr. Ahem spots you as you approach the lab and asks, Did you find the plants and the in-breather?

Yeah, I think she's calling your name. She just keeps saying, ahem, a bunch. We found the plants. Mission accomplished. Then there's no time to lose. Arden, Dant, you know what to do. Immediately, the two automatons retrieve the items you've collected and work in tandem with Dr. Ahem as he grinds up the plants with a pestle and mortar. He places the mixture in the in-breather and quickly administers it into Aleve's mouth.

Aleve's eyes shut and she falls limp into the cot motionless. Suddenly, her eyes pop open, she jerks upright, takes in a painfully deep breath. She takes in a few more gasps of air, and then eventually returns to steady breathing. Marcy, are you okay? Do you need anything? Aleve grabs Dr. M's arm, looks him dead in the eye,

and says in a wheezy voice, She's on the move. Who is Marcy? Paralite. Paralite? Where, Marcy? Where is she going to next? Urbloom. Urbloom? What does she want in Urbloom? Don't know.

Very well. Thank you, Marcy. You've been a great help. But now it's time for you to rest. We can talk more later. Ant and Dent help Aleve get comfortable with pillows and blankets. Doctor fiddles with his eye loop for a moment, looks up at you all and says, Well, looks like you have your next mission. It would appear there's not going to be much time for briefing or preparations, but Sorto can help you figure all that out once you get there. To Erbloom, that is. It's an innovative and groundbreaking city in countless ways, so it's anyone's guess as to

what Paralite is doing there. Just stick together, find out what Paralite is up to, and help the city in any way you can. Before you go, you will need to stock up for this mission. Just keep in mind, it's unclear how long you will be there, so don't pack lightly. Head over to Coupon Pawn just down the road. It's a general store and pawn shop that should have everything you might

need for the mission. Oh, and here are your earnings from your last mission. And Doctor, hands you all your internship stipend. It's probably best you get going. Cue the shopping montage. Shopping time. How much money is that?

It's 500 gold pieces. Oh my. We each get 500? Yeah. Per person, yeah. Oh my goodness. It's a paid internship. Yeah.

So you all head back down to the main row of Sordo and you immediately spot a store with a gaudy sign outlined with flashing letters, Coupon Pawn. You walk through the front door and hear a bell ring overhead. Rows and rows of disorganized shelves line the store filled with a hodgepodge of merchandise. In the back, you spot someone behind the counter with their back to you.

You hear them say, Welcome to Coupon Pawn. Boy, oh boy, have we got a deal for... A goblin turns around with a mustache smile. He adjusts his tan, musy cap and then puts his hands in the pockets of his suede apron. For you,

beautiful customers, bellissimo. Oh, yeah. Where did Gus go and where did this beautiful character come from? This beautiful Italian man. It's me, Angelo. Did he...

Mario? Did he just change his, like, accent when he saw us? Me? I know... I have no accent. You have the accent. Nope, that's just... That's John talking.

That's John talking. Mode sounds a little different. Oh, yeah. I just... That was John talking Mode sounds a little different Oh yeah I just That was John just going like Did this character just change into Italian As it saw us for some reason Did we trigger Italian

Italian No I'm from Charlottalia Oh Charlottalia Hey man I'll take two slices, pepperoni, some garlic knots. Mud, do you want anything? Yes, I

love... Mud pie, three mud pies. Yep, extra mud. What can I help you with? What is that rod? The winner of starting conversations. Oh, this? This is a immovable rod.

A flat iron rod has a button on one end. You can use an action to press the button, which causes the rod to become magically fixed in place. Until you or another creature uses an action to push the button again. The rod does not move, even if it's defying gravity. The rod can hold up to 8,000 pounds of weight. More weight causes the rod to deactivate and fall. The creature can use an action to make a DC 30 strength check, moving the fixed rod up to 10 feet on success.

Which I took that as like you'd have to roll 30 strength to like kind of do like a raising the bar higher, like kind of pumping yourself up in this. Or just move it. Once it's active, no matter where it is, if it's stuck in place, then you can try the strength check to move it. But you could always hit the button to

deactivate it and then reactivate it. Okay. Like trap something underneath it or something. Yeah. Gotcha. You like? Good deal. Yeah. Gotcha. You like? Good deal. 100 gold piece. And it move. I can move it.

I want it. For you, good deal. 110 gold piece. What? No. No. I like this guy. Can I pay less?

Okay. Okay. 100 gold. Oh, he gave you a deal? Okay, okay. 100 gold. Oh, he gave you a deal. 80, please? No, I need the money to save my family. 100. I'll get it to you for 105.

Oh, even more money for my family. I need it for important business. The little kids, they need to eat. You take the money from my kids. Let me think. Do it. Do it, Kyborg. I want it.

105. 105. I'll do it for 105. He looks like he's going to hand it over to Kyborg. I'll give it a 100. 102. 102. That's not Did you say 102? It's still not enough.

Hey, Gum Gum, you want to go up instead of down to haggle with Kyborg here. But I asked 101. How many rods do you have? How many rods? Oh,

just, just to this one. It's a very unique item. At this point, uh, Chris is, uh, combating with his desire to retain the,

the character of gum gum, but also his haggling nature of Chris that really wanting this immovable rod. Extreme couponing. He can't tell if he should actually haggle for the rod or stay in character. It's great to watch. Also, I want to call out the three other people who are interested in this product. Three other

people? Me, John, and Chris. Yeah. I was down for it as well. I think we do a bidding war. I think we do a bidding war. I think we do a big Ten why are you going up? Your kind of starting bid is a 105 under cardboard I know and now who's next 110 I I just hand over 101 gold 110 over here, bud.

110. I don't know. Your friend has more money. Kipork, no. Could you reach to the stream and kill me? Please? You needed to talk to your friends. Kipork, I will share the rug.

Ew. I tell you what If you all want to try to like haggle Amongst each other You all can maybe roll persuasion checks against each other To see who comes out the highest How about this I pull gum gum to the side and say Hey I'll let you

Buy the rod if you give me 50 gold pieces That's all I ask That's all I want you buy the rod if you give me 50 gold pieces. That's all I ask. That's all I want. I love it so much. 50 gold pieces. Yeah. That's cheaper than 100. I just need 50 gold pieces then you can spend the 100 gold pieces.

Otherwise, I'll just keep bidding for this thing. I'll take it up to 300. I don't care. So what do you say? Okay, but I'm going to have to loan you. I don't know what that means, but 50 gold pieces.

I'm going to take 50 gold pieces from you, okay? No. Okay. 115. 115 gold pieces. Do you all want to keep... If you want to keep haggling, maybe roll a persuasion check. I already did.

Yeah, I see GumGum did. Oh, okay. GumGum got a 14, by the way, for our audio listeners. That's a 10. Kyborg's got a 10. You have a negative two persuasion. Yeah, I sure do. That sucks.

I don't know what the persuasion check was for. It was to convince each other to not drive up the price unnecessarily. To convince Angela who we should give the rod to. I didn't see a check from Mud, though. Oh. I mean, I wasn't haggling, but why not? No. No!

I got a nat 20. I got a nat 20. You set the price. Ah, your big friend. Here, get the rod. 100 gold. Oh, lovely. I wanted it, actually. Thank you so much. I called it.

I called it immediately. Angelo hands you the immovable rod, Mud, and Thank you, my good sir. John, do not do this to me. The good thing is we're all on the same team. I love that it finally broke Chris. He's out of character.

Please, John. What if we'll just think of it as I'm holding it on to it for you? That's a great idea. Who else want to get ripped off? Oh, me, me, me. Make a sale. Make a trade. I will take one long bow.

I'm not speaking to my ever again. All right. I will take one long bow of triumph, please. It's when you land a killing blow on an enemy, you gain 10 temporary hedge P. Ooh. Hedge P. Ah, find the quality.

350 gold piece. You got it. Ah, grazie, grazie. Cha-ching. I thought for sure that Gum-Gum was going to step in the way. Now, it's 350 gold. He ain't going to do that. Bart's ready to place an order here.

Go, Bart. Ah, yes, you little friend. Yes, hello. You're about my size. Ah, my fine Italian friend or something. Ciao, Italia. Ah, there you go. I would love to take one ring of truth-telling,

which while wearing this ring, you have an advantage on wisdom slash insight checks to determine whether someone is lying to you. It's 250 gold keys. Ah, fine equality. Thank you very much. Grazie, grazie. There's something special about the halfling taking the ring.

What about you, friend? You look so sad. He's looking at you. Come, come. I want the, I want the. Use your English words. But how much for your rod? 500 gold.

I'll happily hand it over for 500 gold. Tell you what, 450. The other guy was cheaper. He was, he was, but unfortunately it's now under the ownership of Mudd. I'd like to buy some other stuff, possibly. Yeah, cool. You got something else?

I would also love to buy the instrument of illusions. I love my illusions. While you are playing this musical instrument, you can create harmless, illusionary visual effects within a five-foot radius sphere centered on the instrument. But if you are a bard, which I am, if you didn't notice, the radius increases to 15 feet.

Sample visual effects include luminous musical notes, a spectral dancer, butterflies, a gentle falling snow. The magical effects have neither substance nor sound, and they are obviously illusionary. The effects end when you stop playing. Don't you already have an illusionary spell? Yeah,

I do. You just like to make illusions. This one doesn't take up a snow block. Why doesn't Mudd just pick every item for everyone? No, I don't want it. I was actually just like to make a lose. Why doesn't Mud just pick every item for everyone? No, I don't want it. I was actually just trying to bring up if Bart wanted to save their money for something that was... Oh, now suddenly Mud cares about his friends.

Instrument of illusion. 150 gold pieces. That was just 100. No, 150. Well, the document you guys gave us beforehand is incorrect. You buy a more, you pay a more. What? It's a volume pricing.

Good deal. Can I get the staff a flower? It makes flowers. Oh, look. It's like a rod made of wood. Yeah. So the staff has 10 charges. You can use an action to expend one charge from the staff,

and you cause a flower to sprout from a patch of earth or soil within 5 feet of you. Unless you choose a specific kind of flower, the staff creates a mild-scented daisy. The flower is harmless and non-magical. It grows or withers as a normal flower would. It regains 1d6 plus 4 charges daily at dawn. If you expend the last charge, you roll a d20 on the one. The staff turns into flower petals

and is lost forever. Very useful magical item there. Very useful. For you, 250 gold piece. Can I dance to try and bring the price down? Sure. Let's call it a performance check. Okay.

Seven on your dance. Now try a persuasion check as well. It's a 10. 10. What kind of dance do you want to do? I wanted to do the worm. Okay. Do you warn anyone or do you just like get down and start doing the worm? I just get down and do the worm. I'll use my inspiration dice if I need to.

I could do that. Which one do you want to use it for? Probably, I guess, the performance, huh? Okay, you can go ahead and remove that inspiration die from your character sheet and re-roll that performance check. Ten? That's better. So ten persuasion, ten performance. I mean, I guess you pull off maybe like a passable worm.

It's not great or anything, but I mean, you do it. Gum gum drops to the floor, begins thrashing about. Everyone has to be careful not to get hit by a stray limb. Ah, it's a good dance. 250 gold piece. Deal! Sir, is there any way that you give my little friend here that musical instrument for the asking price of 100 gold?

No, all the sales are final. No, I was talking about... Wait, did Bart buy the instrument? I did. And I still have 100 gold pieces left, I believe. You got something else you want to burn that 100 on? Yeah, I do, actually. Two potions of healing, sir.

That's very practical. Two potions of healing. 125 gold. Oh, my God. Y'all really need to have put the proper prices on this thing that I could have planned accordingly. Methinks Gus was prepared to just do this randomly. All right, one potion of healing, you dick.

60 gold. 60 gold. 60 gold. All right, cool. I'm keeping the 40 for myself then. I'd love to buy the dwarven stone of bread. It lets the user create darkness in the form of smoke and the smell of freshly baked bread. One use per long rest.

Oh, quality item. 100 gold. Lovely. Here's your 100 gold. Thank you for my rock. Bart, can you do me a favor? Can you roll me an insight check? Sure can. But I, boop, beep. 17. You realize the color of Angela's mustache

doesn't quite match the hair under his cap. Wait a second. Hey, guys, I think someone's been using just for men. Just for goblins. Hey, quick team huddle. Right. Something's off about this guy.

I noticed that his mustache does not match the color of the hair coming out of his hat. All on my own. The carpet does not match drapes. Exactly. Has he handed over these items as we've bought them? Like I said, all sales are final. Right. Should we... Do you want to

see if there's something going on? Do you want me to kill him? No, we're not going to go that far. We can steal all his things if we just kill him. Let's not do that, okay? We should probably question him, if anything. Right. Do you want to talk to him, Bart?

Yeah. Sir, I couldn't help but notice something seems very off about you. What's your name? Angelo. I'm currently wearing the ring of truth-telling. So I'm gonna go ahead and try

to determine if he's telling me the truth or not. So you want to make an insight check and you have advantage on it. Yes. 25. Ooh, 25. Dang. Nothing's getting past her. Him. Art.

I do the same thing all the time. Yeah, you're not sure. You're not sure if he's being totally forthright with you. Wouldn't I know for a fact with this ring? You determine whether or not someone's lying to you. Yeah, you don't think he's being forthright. So he's lying. He's saying, yeah, he's lying.

He's lying. You think maybe he's, he's lying. He's lying. You think maybe he's like, he's like got a little bit of sweat on his brow. Okay. Sir, how long have you been running this establishment? Not very long. Just come from Charlotte, Italia after the war. I only have 30 days to come up with the money to free my family.

Is that a real war? Oh, terrible war. Tell me every member of your family by name. If you're curious if that's a real war or not, you could roll a history check. Sure. Never rolled that in D&D ever. History check. Let me just blow off my history button. That's a seven.

Seven. Yeah, you're not sure. You're not familiar with Charlatalia history. That tracks for Mud. And you say his name is Angelo. Can I look around the shop for anything that seems amiss? Like a mess somewhere or a picture of someone else who should be running the shop?

Yeah, I guess what was that? Like an investigation check? Sure. Oh, man. What about a perception check? Yeah, you could maybe roll a perception check if you want. Oh, that's so much better. That's a 22. I mean, you look around the shop, nothing seems extraordinarily out of the ordinary. There is a very large inventory here at the Coupon Pawn. You notice that there is a very prominently placed tip cup on one of the display cases.

You notice behind the display cases on some of the shelves, a small jar that says mustache glue. Has everybody bought everything yet? I want to whisper to the group. I'm just going to go for it. If Mud sees that, can I reach out and just grab that mustache? Oh, I could sleight of hand it. Go ahead.

Go ahead. I am a large man grabbing a very small goblin's mustache. Maybe like a wrench touch attack or something? Tell him you got his nose. Well, it works on gum-Gum every time. Like an unarmed strike? Sure. That's aggressive.

We're just using that to see if he touches him, not that he's actually hitting him. 19. 19, wow. You reach out and you get a very firm hold on the mustache and you yank it. Oh, my mustache. Why you do this it hurts he's got his hands like covering his face where his mustache why would you that would see mud is bullying again i'm sorry my friend is mean my my mustache give it back no there is no crime worse than someone wearing a fake mustache. Gum Gum wants to grab the mustache from Mud.

My family, goblin pattern baldness. Sir, what's going on? Can Gum Gum grab the mustache from Mud? I mean, that's between you guys, but Angelo kind of sighs. And takes his cap off. Says, all right, you got me, okay? It's me, Bezler. Bezler. Knew it all along.

Bezler, you son of a gun. I'm just trying to run a shop here and not cause any trouble. But you guys, once again, are back. Are you going to rob me again? We robbed you before. That's a nice multi-tool you got there, Bart. I don't know what you're talking about.

Bart starts playing his newly acquired instrument of illusions to create some butterflies around Fessler to distract him. Bart's getting good use out of his purchases. Alright, very good. All right.

Very good. Very good. Look, you want to buy anything else? Are you ready to get out of here and quit wasting my time? Yeah. Does Gum Gum want something? Well, yeah. You know what Gum Gum wants. But can I get the jumpy ring that makes you jump?

Also, there's a ring of jumping. While wearing this ring, you can cast the jump spell from it as a bonus action. It will, but it can target only yourself when you do so. Yeah, yeah, 250 gold. Thank you. I tell you what, you give me my multi-tool back, and I'll give you back the extra gold I charged for all those items. You know what?

You know, I think that's a fine deal. Alright, you hand him back his multi-tool, and you can refund the extra money that he was upcharging you for items. Hey, uh, Bezler, I think it's buy one, get one free on rings today, so I'll take the

ring of warmth for free, please. Oh, here we go. Robbing poor Bezler again. Bezler's never done nothing. Helped you fix your wagon, but you're gonna screw over poor Bezler. If I help you grow a mustache, can you give a discount? This guy with the

discounts. No, there's no discounts. I'll give you a hundred for the ring of warmth. Oh my god, robbing poor Bezla blind again. 250. 110. 250. 120.

260. 130. 270. You're really good at this. 160 final offer. Can I do a persuasion check? Yeah, sure. Make a persuasion check.

It's not going to work. It's a three. What does that give me? 280. 160 final offer. Can I do a persuasion check? Yeah, sure. Make a persuasion check. It's not going to work. It's a three. What does that give me? 280. Could you finish up this transaction? No, it's done. I'm so sorry.

I've wasted everyone's time here. All right. All right. The last thing that I'd like is I'd love to get the Wand of Secrets, if that's okay. All right. For you, 250. Actually'd love to get the Wand of Secrets, if that's okay. All right. For you, 250. Actually, could I get the Wand of Secrets,

plus can I get one bottled breath, which would allow me to breathe underwater? And just to clarify, the Wand of Secrets has three charges. You can use an action to expend one charge, and if a secret door or trapdoor is within 30 feet of you, the wand pulses and points at the one nearest to you, And it regains 1d3 charges daily at dawn. Yeah. And then what was the other thing you said?

Bottled breath. Bottled breath. Bottled breath. The ball contains the breath of elemental air. If you exhale the breath, you gain... Oh, so you inhale it. Yeah, it lets me breathe underwater for about an hour. Okay.

But you can also exhale, create a gust of wind. A gust of wind. Can I get both of those? Yeah, if you got the money. I'm all out of money now. Anybody else? Anybody else want to try to rip off poor Bezler? Why were you trying to hide your

identity from us, Bezler? Are you ashamed of yourself? Uh, was it because of us? It's because it's you guys. I didn't want you coming in here thinking you could rip me off again. Or was it because Gus wanted to do a funny Italian accent? I think it's the former, Barbara.

I think Gus never wants to do funny accents. I think Micah wants to hear Gus do funny accents. Could I get one more potion of healing then? Now that I have... 50 gold. Alright. I'll do a potion of healing as well if you don't mind. Alright, alright. 50 gold. All right. All right. All right. I'll do a potion of healing as well, if you don't mind. All right.

All right. 50 gold. Thanks. We're buying your stuff. You sound so sad. Yeah. We're supporting small businesses. He's a little sore about it.

Just for clarification, so everyone knows, healing potion lets you regain 2d4 plus two hit points. Can I give him back his shirt? Oh, that's right. You do have his shirt, don't you? Oh, yeah, yeah. He would appreciate that. I'm sorry I took your shirt.

You're not going to get that rod, Gum-Gum, no matter what you do. Oh, you stretched it all out. I know. I'm sorry. It's like a blanket for him now. At this point, Sordo chimes in to remind you. Don't forget, you shopaholics, It's mission time. Let's get over to the Emur's gateway and head off to Urbloom.

Let's do it. Yeah. Mud jumps into the air. And freezes for just a second. Just a second. Mud jumps into the air and then hits the immovable rod button and does freeze in the air.

Gum-Gum throws his shackles at Mud. He just got a shackle. That's what he has in his inventory and that's what he's throwing at Mud. If there's anything that makes D&D really fun is when one

person's mad at another person. Yeah. So Sordo leads you all over to the Immerse Gateway, and once again, the front door unlocks for you. You step into the dim, circular stone room, and the cool, moist air gives you a little shiver. Sordo hovers toward the stone archway,

its glyphs glowing teal, and says, Erbloom. The murky gateway ripples to reveal a blurry city covered in what looks to be flowers. It's much better than the desert city that we just got out of. So who's going to do a barrel roll first or backflip or how are we all going through? You know us too well. Yeah. My money's on kyborg.

Yeah. Yeah. Today I want to do a no more than five, no less than eight somersaults. That's not how math works. What does that mean? No more than five, no less than eight? No more than eight, no less than four somersaults, please. Wow.

You just created an impossible number before. No more than eight, no less than four. So five, six, or seven? Yes. Okay. Go ahead. Okay. Go ahead. Okay, let me roll here. One sec.

Kyborg's stretching in the meantime. So you're going to do six somersaults. Okay. So you're going to make six acrobatics checks. Oh. Okay. Wow, I really regret it here. Here's one.

That's 16. Here's another one. 13. Here's another one. 13. Here's another one. Nine. The number's getting lower. Getting worse and worse. Here's the number one. 22. Here's one more. 14. 20.

And then another last one. 20. Those are some good rolls except for that nine. Yeah, Khyborg starts off really solidly with his somersaults. Then he seemingly like slips on a on a rock loses his footing but then recovers and continues and nails the remainder of his uh somersaults just fine somersaulting through the gateway question mark oh yeah and then each each subsequent somersault i i say yeah and it gets louder as i do more i go yeah yeah yeah yeah uh kyborg is doing something that normally he does in the privacy of his own home. Yep.

What about the rest of you guys? As always, mud just walks through. Bart is going to skip very jauntily. Who's skipping? Is that? I guess you can skip without any checks. Yeah, you're fine. Okay.

I was like, is it acrobatics? Make a medicine check for skipping. Gum-Gum? Gum-Gum just walks through. I want to request that Mud marches through like he's at the front of a parade, but instead of a baton, he carries the immovable rod.

You guys are just going to make GumGum feel awful about that. Okay, you all go through the Immerse Gateway. Before your feet can hit the ground, your ears are immediately bombarded with deafening music and the chiming of big brass bells all around you. You instinctively cover your ears. You feel torrential rain pounding you and the cobblestones at your feet.

A bright wall of emerald light shines into your eyes, leaving you blinded with green spots. If you want, you can go ahead and roll a perception check to try to rub your eyes and get them back into focus. Perception check, got it. 22. Bart rolled a 24. Ooh, perceptive. Two. Two rolled a 24. Ooh, perceptive.

Two. Two from Gum Gum. That's a one. So Gum Gum and Mud are temporarily blinded. Kyborg and Bart are able to pull the world into focus around them. You hear a loud gong. The music and bells continue to blare all around you. It sounds like a song you've heard before but can't

quite place it. You rub your eyes and try to look through squinted eyelids and you make out four blurry shapes on the ground just ahead. Gong! The bells thunder and shake the ground. You rub your eyes again and you can finally make out what appears to be four wrinkled and gray-haired corpses

decaying on the ground. They look like they've been here for a long time. Gong! The music is getting louder and louder. Amongst the four dusty remains and scattered debris, you see pieces of smashed instrument, splintered arrowheads, a broken stick, and some scattered gravel. Gong! Something feels familiar about this scene scene like you've seen it in a painting

or a dream as you study the four bodies suddenly it dawns on you these aren't ancient remains it's like you're looking in a broken mirror you see yourselves lying on the ground

oh my god dead what that's the end of the episode alright well that's the end of the show you guys are dead obviously on the ground

so thanks for listening, everybody. Hope you enjoyed this show. Kidding. Will we be dead next episode? Tune in to the Stinky Dragon. Find out. I love the plug, Barbara. Yeah, for our own show that you're currently listening to.

Hopefully you enjoyed this episode. Like I said, we'll be back next week with another one and find out what's going on in this world. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you.