Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Gems of Glrrb - C02 - Ep 21 - Swept Under The Slug
Episode Date: October 3, 2023The party helps extinguish the Sphoenix’s flame set ablaze in the city of Glrrb! Join us on Discord: https://discord.gg/roosterteeth Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok... and more: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Go to http://shopify.com/dragon to sign up for a $1/month trial period. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This is a Rooster Teeth Production.
Best wishes to all you Baelors.
Swoop into the Stinky Dragon.
Drink up our latest java.
All fun and flames.
It's a mixture of freshly peeled flesh,
lemons and oranges work too, a claw full of cloves, lightly roasted cleric coffer topped
with a dash of unholy water. One mouthful of this mug is enough to bring you back from the throes
of an exploding death, which would have caused 20d6 fire damage. Half if you saved.
Previously our adventurers said farewell to a feroic friend, found an entombed alchemist,
sailed and shopped with Captain Kerg, and now finally have a good look at Glurb.
Latch onto a libation, let's leap into this leaky lore.
Hello everyone, I'm Gustavo Sorolla, I'm your dungeon master for our putrid party.
Before we get started, I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.
Down the ground!
Before you get to the arrow, blow up a girl ball.
Mr. President!
This week's roleplay and warm-up question is,
What is one thing guaranteed to scare your character so terribly that their first instinct is to immediately run away?
Oh, life.
Life itself.
Their deepest, darkest fears.
Ooh.
Student loans.
You got fears?
I have many fears.
You have many fears? Actually, I only have this one.
Hey there, it's Chip Haney.
I know I make a lot of laughs.
I make a lot of goofs.
But I'm going to talk to you about something real serious.
I've seen a lot of murder. I've seen a lot goofs. But I'm going to talk to you about something real serious. I've seen a lot of murder.
I've seen a lot of killing.
But the one thing I'll run away from.
High blood pressure.
Carbon monoxide.
A silent killer.
So, hey, Chip Haney, volunteer firefighter,
make sure you check all of your magical smoke detectors
and fill those batteries.
In D&D, smoke detectors are just miffets that
hover at the top of your...
And then whenever they die, you're like, oh no.
Or when they're hungry, they go, ah!
And then you can't find them in the house.
At long intervals. And what was your name?
He said Chipaini. No, what's his real name?
Oh, uh... No, you!
What's your name? Oh, Blaine Gibson.
Blaine looked at his phone.
Well, I keep my ID in my phone
to remember my name.
And what level and class is Chip Haney in race?
Tiefling Rogue 5.
Rogue 5, standing by.
I feel like this is a good point
to inform the audience.
We have not recorded any episodes
with us for a few weeks. It's been almost
a month. It's less about that
and it's more about Baldur's Gate. I'm
so, Coach Gibson, my
Baldur's Gate character, I
am him now. So I gotta like pull
Chip back from the darkness. Yeah.
They, particularly
Barbara, Chris, and Blaine have been
neck deep in Stinky Dragon Adventures
and so we had to take a little bit of a recording break,
but we're going to be recording nonstop a bunch of D&D today.
So very excited about it.
We're recording not only Stinky Dragon, but our bonus show, Second Wind.
So if you're a first member on Rooster Teeth,
you can check that out for a little peek behind the scenes about what's going on with the show.
We are D&D machines today.
I'm going to be taking notes during these episodes of things to talk about in Second Wind.
Dang it, I forgot my notebook.
You've got a tablet right in front of you.
My notes pad. Infinite notes
right in front of you. Just don't throw up previous episodes though.
I know. Who else is here?
I'm here.
I'm Barbara Dunkelman and I play
Elga Von Brass, the female half
elf vampire barbarian.
Also level five. What?
Yeah. You got to be level five too?
Are we not all level five?
We all level five.
I was like,
did we level up more than you?
I'm sorry.
And I think,
you know,
Elka is really not afraid
of a lot of things.
You know,
she's very brave,
but I think if a school bus
full of toddlers
and little babies pull up,
she's going to run far away.
Wait, why?
She does not like little children.
They're snotty, they smell bad,
they poop poop in the diapers,
and they cry a lot,
they make noise. They probably are too familiar with Elga as well. They probably think Elga's
also one of them. Yeah.
Elga's beyond that. She's just so over it.
Yeah. That's not what I
expected. That's fun.
I'm Chris Damaris
and I play
Barney,
Farney.
Farney.
Oh,
he's getting all
puppet-y stuff today.
Is he going to sing
a song for us?
Maybe.
Level five
human cleric
Barney.
Guys,
can you curse Barney
today to have to
sing everything?
I feel like he's got
one of those little
like tuning things
you blow to.
He's like trying to find his correct pitch for his name.
Yeah.
His greatest fear are the things that make him want to run away from anything.
Are his failures.
Some wisdom from an old man.
There's a lot of things that he's failed.
His failures and he's
Is Barney falling asleep?
Can you wake up Barney?
It's just one way of running away from things.
People have been debating whether or not Chris
is like a robot or an alien for years and I
think the robot theory is actually falling through
and he just hasn't charged.
Yeah.
Powering down.
That actually makes me have a question here.
Does Barney remember his failures better than other things?
Depends.
He knows he's failed.
Sometimes it's hard to remember how exactly he's failed.
Does that make sense?
No.
He just feels the disappointment.
That just sounds like my anxiety.
You can sense something's there. I don't need to
remember what I did wrong, but I know I did
at some point. The trauma did its work. I don't need
to remember it. It just did its job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Okay. What about you, John? Bonjour.
Je m'appelle John Reisinger.
I play Matty Confucius,
the air cockering ghost
monk, who is also
level 5 level 5
and it's hard to
be afraid of anything when you have already
faced most people's biggest fears
which is death but if I had
to think about it my greatest fear
is something that
you had a 5 about it
about to think about it
that was good
that was good
if I had to think about it. That was good. That was good. That was really nice.
He's already got one.
Okay.
If I had to think about it, it is the worst thing in the world.
It is mold.
Mold?
They are a maker.
If you turn over what you think is a perfect baguette and it is covered in mold, it is
a failure.
It is a loss.
It is like a death in the family.
I was thinking like, you know.
Like in the ceiling?
Yeah.
Like real bad mold. Like a contractor?
Yeah, like.
I do not want that detail.
I, you know, I like my own.
I also love how you said mold.
Blaine and I went, oh.
And then two seconds later, Chris went, oh.
Well, I was like, why, why, why?
Like, because my brain went to like mold, like in the house.
Yeah, which is also a big fear.
Yeah.
Matita is a small business owner.
You don't want mold in your business.
Yeah, I was thinking though as a ghost,
you're like, I've already faced the greatest fear of death,
and so mold.
Why is Matita scared of mold?
You know what my favorite thing about John playing Matita is?
It's how small his mouth gets when he goes,
Me-key-koo-hee-hee.
Especially with the mustache, his mouth says it gets when he goes especially with the mustache his mouth practically disappears
Gus what's your greatest fear?
my greatest fear is the party vanquishing
my traps for them
his greatest fear is rolling like a two
on an attack roll against us
it happened a lot recently
it's nightmares the kind of stuff you wake up
in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.
The party just
walked through the door.
Speaking of the party,
as the crescent sun
reaches high noon,
you notice a shift
in scenery
from the surrounding
shores and beyond.
What was once
a desolate desert scape
is now a countryside
of grassy knolls
and mushroom fields.
All the while,
the column of black smoke
has only grown larger and now fills the foreground.
It takes you a moment to fully appreciate what you see.
It appears to be a town, but it's slowly moving.
Here at the edge of the river,
you can make out a massive dribbling trail of slime
leading up to a mountain-sized slug
with neighborhoods of homes, businesses,
and even roads constructed on its back.
It would all be mesmerizing if not for one detail.
It's all on fire.
No!
No!
Is that your nose? Is this, uh, Escargot flambé?
Good ma almighty.
It looks like Glerg is on fire.
I would go and help, but what of my ship, my livelihood?
And let's not forget Spore.
Oh, I forgot.
Everyone around the circle of our party is like all nodding their heads like,
oh yeah, this was Kurt.
I remember him now.
I know this is much to ask of strangers,
Oh yeah, this was Kurt. I remember him now.
I know this is much to ask of strangers, but
would you please go help my
fellow Glurvians?
Oh my god. Yes. Yes!
Yes, we would really
like to go help your fellow Glurvians.
When there is a fire,
Chip, paint, chip.
We'll take it again.
When there is a fire,
Chip, paint, you will answer the call.
Oh, right.
Yeah, we just established that, too.
Volunteer firefighters.
That's right.
How do we put out snails?
Usually I step on some.
Well, how far away are we from the giant snail city?
You know, you all were on a ship in the water.
Right.
And, you know, there's fields out stretching out between you and Glurb.
So, I mean, it's several hundred feet of fields leading up to glurb so we're in water that leads up to a beach
that leads up the fields that leads up to the snail i would say a shore as opposed to a beach
it's not like an ocean it's like a river so we'd have to jump in the water to get to the town yeah
but i mean it's you can get this the design of the ship allows it to get pretty close to the shore
you put down like a gang.
Do you want to do like an aerial like firefighter thing and like Mati can grab Chip?
I get a bunch of buckets.
Chip just opens his mouth as Mati drags him along the water and then we just drop water over the snail.
Like I'm going to have like a seagull.
Just a glottal like.
I was going to say like make the problem come to us.
What if we flag down snail city
and make it go into the water so when it's you say it's on fire and this is a city that's on
top of a snail right the city's on fire the snail is on fire the city is on fire okay
could this snail just like do like we say like roll over roll over every citizen
it's a quick way to put everyone out of the misery technically the problem is solved not stay
rolled over but just a quick i think no matter what matine would have a bunch of ghost friends
yeah yeah yeah i i have this stuck in my head so i need to say it my snail's on fire how about yours
It's stuck in my head, so I need to say it.
My snail's on fire.
How about yours?
It's been in my head nonstop all morning. Mine was, this glurb is on fire.
Can I perceive if the snail notices even?
That's an excellent question.
It's just screaming.
You're moving one mile an hour.
How do snails scream?
Very quietly.
Make a, let's call it, investigation check.
That's a good one. 21. Nice.
It seems like
the giant slug
is rather nonplussed
about the entire thing. It just seems to be
moving on its own. What's the
scale of this? This is a city.
Yeah, I mean, the slug is like a mountain.
It's massive. It's huge.
So this's big.
Should we approach the city and try to get on the ground level to see what there is to do?
Yeah.
I do not have any solution for putting out an entire city, so I think we should... Our people, the Glurbians, are nomadic and move across Groteth.
This is not the time for a historical TED Talk about Glurb.
Normally, I would love to hear more information about the people around you,
but time is of the essence.
Oh, good lord.
He's going.
Okay.
Oh, Mateed grabs Elga and flies off the ship.
Let's tell me more about the history of your people.
I think it's very interesting.
Where were they before Glurb?
Yeah.
I like to think Elga's flying away.
Where were they before Glurb?
Where were they before Glurb?
I don't know.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, I think we should probably just, like, get in there and see what we can do on the ground.
I agree.
Yeah.
Kirk, were you going anywhere with that, or were you
just like, you just were all proud of...
Stop addressing him!
He has to talk back when you address him!
Yeah, but he's telling us information. We need to know.
Okay, okay, okay. I acquiesce.
Kirk, anything else?
Please, help
the Glurbians.
Oh my god. Okay, let's go.
They normally do not get involved in worldly affairs.
They may be hesitant when meeting you.
Does that help, Chip?
Was that worth our time?
I'm sure five people died of fire burns while we were listening to that.
Well, Elgar!
Would they be hostile towards us when we try to help them?
Great question, Elgar.
Not hostile.
Just shy.
Oh, well, that is sweet.
Maybe we'll just take the little blobs and throw them into the water.
Do a little donkey dunk.
Like little bao buns just kind of dropped in the lake.
Captain Kirk, do your people have any weaknesses?
If we were to expose them to water or something?
Fire.
Nothing in fire, obviously.
Well, we don't know.
They might be fine.
Well, no, Captain Kirk's freaking out, so context clues.
I guess that it's bad.
None.
Jump to mind. Let's get it in.
How do we get there fast? Are you sure you do not want to
ask any more questions? No, I'm done with Captain Kirk.
Like I said, the ship you're on is
pretty close to shore. It'd be easy to
just hop off and cross the fields
to get up to where
Glurb is. And then
figure out a way to climb or fly
or whatever you want to do to get up there. Yeah, like what's the
way to, is there any way other than flight to get onto the snail at this scale?
Maybe cool elevators?
It sounds like we're close enough to just hop on.
Yeah, but I was just thinking like the scale of this giant snail and if the city's on top of it,
like do we have to like do some climbing?
Yeah.
Or some stairs.
All right, let's go.
No, why don't you guys go ahead?
I'm going to stay with Captain Kirk and hear stories of his different escapades
and I'll be here for about
25 years.
You've got the time. You're immortal. Alright, no,
I'll hop off too. Alright, I hop off the
boat in the coolest way you can imagine.
Which is? Oh, please tell us.
Uh, well, I was gonna let the
imagination run wild.
This is D&D. You have to paint the
picture. I do, uh, remember that old snowboarding game 1080
snowboarding yeah i do a 1080 i don't know what that means but i do a 1080 what do you think a
1080 is probably has to do with degrees so 360 times four yep two three times four seven that's
like three three flips so i do three front flips 1080 oh three front flips okay make a
make an athletics check i remember that the video game 1080 snowboarding where the intro music was
like work your body work your body work your body work your body 21 work your body work your body i
guess i never played this game uh chip walks up to the edge of the ship and does a few calf stretches
and then uh hops forward doing three front flips 1080 as it were, and lands deftly with his feet under him on the shore of the river.
It looks like he's landing like Spider-Man.
No, like Black Widow.
Like a three-point landing?
Yeah, like a three-point landing.
And then I go, ooh, it's like perfect sprinting stance.
Yeah.
Gus told me to preserve my energy.
I'm doing standing like physical gags.
Yeah. Elgo walks off the boat. Okay. Gus told me to preserve my energy. I'm doing standing physical gags.
Elga walks off the boat.
Elga watches this and then sees a gangplank and then just moseys on over
to it.
Barney will follow Elga.
Come on, Barney. Watch your walker.
Or do you have your walker?
I lost the cane.
I don't know where it went.
I think it went back to the alchemist.
Yeah, the alchemist took it. I know what Barney did. You did my cane go? I think it went back to the alchemist. Yeah, alchemist took it.
I know.
Oh, Barney's.
Okay.
You know what, Chris?
I'm going to admit,
it's hard to see where the lines end,
where Bernie ends and Chris begins.
Mateed watches this
and does four front flips off of the ship.
Four?
Of the 1440?
Yeah, and lands on their toes
and then dashes forward behind Chip.
I welcome this.
This is cool.
We're like a unit.
Do you have to do an athletics check?
Yeah, I want to see an athletics check on that.
With flight?
Yeah.
Do it, John, do it.
They're still doing four front flips.
Okay.
You got to keep your orientation.
Flying and flipping is different.
That's true.
Why are you sweating, Matee?
What's going on?
Let's do the 1440.
13?
Not as impressive. I'll tell you what, roll it again. I'll give you advantage because you do, Mateed? What's going on? Let's do the 1440. 13? Not as impressive.
I'll tell you what, roll it again. I'll give you advantage because you do fly.
What?
Mateed hits 13.
Not quite as graceful. Maybe it's the addition of the extra
front flip, but you still land it.
Mateed is not a
coastal bird.
So a little bit, you know, moist feathers is just not the best.
In the future, we'll do acrobatics
for checks like that. It's a dexterity base.
But anyway, you also stick it.
Oh, yeah.
That was not strength.
Yeah.
I just realized on my own.
That's stupid.
That's my fault.
Yes, you all are on the shore.
There's a couple hundred feet worth of fields between you and Glurb up ahead.
I assume you just start walking towards in that direction.
Before we start walking, could Elga just cup her hands and go,
Mrs. Glurb,
your back is on fire!
Do you hear me?
That's not a bad strategy.
How does that pan out? Pretty far away,
right? Yeah, you're pretty far. Make an investigation check.
I'm guessing not with advantage.
No.
To use your glasses, you mean?
That you have to be an inch away from what you're investigating?
But I rolled an 18, so.
Yeah, it doesn't seem like there was any change to Glurb's movement.
Did I not call you by your legal name?
Maybe that is not Zepro nouns, maybe.
So we run up or walk up?
Yeah.
Climb it.
Yes, yes, yes.
I'm climbing.
So you all start making your way across the fields.
You know, it's like vast fields, like, you know, grass and a little bit of mushrooms and stuff growing out here.
It's very idyllic looking.
Except for the snail fire.
Except for that.
I mean, if you look down, it's idyllic.
Oh, yeah.
If you look up, it's awful.
Yeah, so you look down.
Wow, look at the flowers.
What's your marching order, just out of curiosity?
I think Chip's in front.
I'll lead the way.
Volunteer fire brigade coming through. I'll
go second. You're talking about marching order
to get up the snail?
Like to walk through the field. Oh,
we gotta traverse the field. Yes. Okay.
I guess I was behind. I'll go. Okay.
I'll trail in the rear.
As you all are walking through
alternating looking up at the horror of
the snail on fire and looking down at the
ideal field. Screaming and then admiring screaming and admiring. Chip, during one of the moments you're looking up at the horror of the snail on fire and looking down at the idyllic field. Screaming and then admiring, screaming
and admiring. Chip, during one of the
moments you're looking up and screaming, you don't
realize it, but you walk near a patch of razor
vine. Make a dexterity saving throw.
That's why you wanted to put a dangerous field
between us and this snail.
Because it's D&D. It's just a
field. There's inherent danger in the world.
Dexterity saving? This is just Gus's
fear of the outside coming out in D&D.
Stay inside, play D&D. Ha-cha!
25! Not only do I
jump over it, I cut it for the
passerbyers to follow.
Do you have any ability where...
You are going to crash so hard in about
30 minutes. No, I'm not. I'm looking at your
empty cold brew mason jar
in front of you. My body hasn't processed it.
Well, you get it, I guess.
Do you have an ability where when you successfully make a dexterity saving throw you don't take any damage even if you were supposed to take half yeah i'm pretty sure i have that ability yeah
i'm looking right here yeah i got it he did roll in that 20 yeah yeah yeah no i have that one what
is it called uh it's called a 1080 it's uh it's called work your body work your body all right well you
rolled so you only take two points of slashing damage from the razor vine does matisse see this
yeah because you're behind okay and the razor vine is just on the ground yeah okay matisse
i guess does their best and grabs barney and flies over the razor vine
the look on chris's face when you said
Mateed grabs Barney was like pure joy.
I also like the idea that
Barney didn't see the razor vine.
I don't know. And also did not see
Mateed and is not aware.
He is the flying boy.
Barney's feet are still kicking like
a dog when you pull them out of the water.
Where's Mateed? Mateed, look, I can fly too!
Ha ha ha!
Okay, yeah, so y'all
continue making your way. Mateed
and Barney airborne while Chip
and Elga continue to plod along
on the ground. Communicate to Elga that there's
Bush. Bush, watch out for the
Razor Bush. Vines.
Not George W., the other. Bush?
Razor Vine. Okay,
I see you. Thank you, Chip.
You're right in front of me, so I did not expect you almost hurt yourself.
He's just turned around.
He's like just yelling down at you.
Fire!
There's a fire!
There's a fire!
Go!
Okay.
Could Elga, like, I guess jump over it or, like, try to get around it since she saw?
Yeah, you can give it a pretty wide berth and get around it easily now that Chip's pointed it out.
That's a good cadet firefighter.
Vulture firefighter right there.
Barney, you know, you're taking in the sights, really enjoying soaring through the air.
Barney is just on his own soaring over California right from Disneyland.
I'm trying to imagine, like, what would Barney focus on?
Would he be looking at the ground?
Would he be looking up?
Would he be looking at Glurb? Like, since this is, like, a new perspective on the world, like, what would Barney focus on? Would he be looking at the ground? Would he be looking up? Would he be looking at Glurb?
Like, since this is like a new perspective on the world, like, how would Barney take it all in?
I think he'd be looking at the ground and then just let his arms out like he's about to sing, like, I Can Show You the War.
I think looking at the ground, seeing it all fly by, then maybe up at the snail burning, and then getting a little scared to then going back to
the ground. As you look up
at the snail and the fire, something
slimy falls from the sky
and splats you right in the face. Oh no.
What is it? I don't know, but make me a
constitution saving throw. We'll see if we can figure out what it is.
Did a snail spit me?
We're on the rear of it. Uh oh.
Oh! I think we know what
that means. Ten?
Snail doo-doo.
The slime is, like,
stinging your eyes
a little bit.
Luckily, your arms are free.
It's going to take you,
like, a minute or so
to scoop it all out
from your eyes.
You think maybe
it's just some errant slime
from the snail's back.
Snail storm!
Nice.
Does Mateed see this?
Yeah, he sees it.
Barney's, like,
pawing at his eyes.
Okay, I want to look up
and see if there's more of this. Is it, flurry of this barrage that's a good word no
there's like there's intermittent drops of slime falling okay then i would do my best to avoid
further splash damage sounds good back on the ground yeah did chip get hit by this wire stuff
the razor vine yeah he took uh two points of slashing damage is he bleeding at all
it slashed at him so yeah he would have like you know how when you're walking around like wire stuff? The razor vine? Yeah, he took two points of slashing damage. Is he bleeding at all?
It slashed at him. So yeah, he would have like, you know
how when you're walking around like roses
have thorns or like you're walking around in shorts
in the outdoors and like some
branch scratches up against
you and draws a little bit of blood. Yeah, it's like that.
Could I go up to him and hold my sippy
cup of satiation by
his cup and I go, here quick, your
bleeding chip, bleed into this cup.
You don't want to bleed on the ground and
ruin the beautiful lands
of Glurb. I'm imagining we're still
running while all this is happening, so I'm like, okay.
Could I hold up my sippy
cup and have him bleed into it?
Yeah, as long as Chip's down with it. Oh, yeah.
We just gotta go, Cadet
Junior Firefighter in training.
Here, let's make sure all the blood is really fully out of it.
And I squeeze the part of his arm or whatever.
Yeah, that's good.
Preserve the beautiful landscape.
My blood might be flammable because I am a tiefling.
A spicy drink for Elga.
Yeah.
Like a Bloody Mary.
And then she puts her sippy cup away.
Nice.
So, uh, y'all, uh Nice. So, Barney, you eventually
scoop all the slime out of your eyes.
You get really close to Glurb.
And everyone roll me
a perception check.
Is there anything
good about it?
The stinging slime that hurts your eyes?
Yeah, like, do I recognize it as
having any value?
The area around your eyes. Your pores.
You can make a medicine check if you want to figure that out.
I was actually thinking about that because this is a massive...
Barney's got pretty good medicine.
Ten.
I want a note.
There was no editing there.
That was not Micah getting rid of the pause.
I have pretty good medicine time.
Because this is like a city of snail
Man size thing producing this
Anyways what does it do
Was there a sentence in there
This is a city of snail size men
There were words
You don't think there's anything of value
To it you think it's just like regular
Snail goo or slug goo
Just big
I think everything has value
Barney is just arguing with God.
Everything has value in its own way.
Okay, what was everyone's perception check?
20 from Elga, I heard.
Six from Chip.
21, Mateed, and what about perception?
For Barney, I think it was eight.
It was eight.
Sorry, I got so caught up with my medicine.
So Chip and Barney are busy arguing over the value of slug goo
while Mateed and Elga are surveying the situation.
Matita and Elga, you both notice there appear to be small flying creatures in the area around Glurb.
What do they look like?
They're hard to see because they're so small and they're at kind of a distance from you.
If you didn't know any better, you'd say that they're flying cats.
Oh.
The little ones?
Mm.
Yeah.
Can we tell if, like, that's where the goo came from?
Or does it seem to have come from the snail?
It seems like it's slug goo or snail goo.
Hey, Barney, there seems to be little flying creatures.
They look to be maybe cats?
I think it's a bird.
A bird?
A plane?
Training cats and dogs?
Where is this going?
Bird or herp?
Matisse is not a cat.
Oh, no.
I'm talking about way far away, Barney.
Like, all the way in the distance.
Not the person carrying you right now, currently.
I'm yelling this, by the way, so that Barney could hear.
Do the cats look like they're glowing or anything?
Could they be the source of fire?
Glowing.
Like, are they methods?
Yeah, yeah.
Are they, like, well, this phoenix was, like Glowing. Like, are they... Yeah, yeah. Are they like...
Well, this phoenix was a, like, a fiery cat.
Flying cat. That's true. Are they baby
phoenixes? Phoenix.
Phoenix. Not phoenixes.
Are they baby phoenixes? Nope.
Oh my god.
My head is in my hand. Everyone's head is in their hands.
He was so sure. He was so sure.
He was so sure he had it.
I wish we could get metrics on when people pause this podcast,
because I bet a lot of people paused it right then,
because they were trying to stifle laughter at work.
Holy crap.
All right.
One more try.
One more try.
One, two, three.
A phoenix with a sphinx.
With phoenix.
Phoenix.
Not a...
Try again.
A phoenix with a sphinx.
It's phoenix with an S at the beginning.
Sphoenix?
I can't do this.
I'm going to end up saying sphincter.
That's what I thought I said.
Phoenix.
It is that prefix.
It is that prefix. It is that prefix.
Now, add that prefix to Phoenix.
Phoenix.
So Phoenix.
So Phoenix.
Like hooked on Siphonix.
You're adding like an uh.
You're saying like Siphonix.
Hooked on Siphonix?
Pleasantries, my pungent pals.
I often get asked,
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So to help explain,
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Yeah, so the best way you can support us
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That's what that would support me
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Me too.
And knowing that will help us.
But beyond that,
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On top of that bonus stuff, you also get
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It's pronounced
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Second Wind.
Yeah.
Where, you know, we do
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We talk about things
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I've never messed up on this show before in my life.
Everything has been strategically planned.
Sure.
We'll find out the rationale behind John when you listen to Second Wind.
As a Rooster Teeth First member, again, just $5.99 a month, you get tons of bonus stuff.
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What could I get that on?
You could be living the Blurble Gerbil lifestyle, John.
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We'd also like to hear from you
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Alright, we'll accept it.
Phoenix or alternatively
Suphenix. That's fine. You know what?
Close works. Yeah, we're close
enough. We don't need to be perfect here. We're not professional
D&D players. What was your question?
I'm sorry. I got so derailed with the
pronunciation here. Something about how
can we tell if they're creating the fire fire are they small versions it does not appear like
they are causing the fire like they're not on fire they're not carrying fire they're not
spinning fire they seem to shimmer as the light hits them but it doesn't you don't think it's
like fire shimmering flying cats i think we should get closer yeah yeah i'm so curious
if they're related to this phoenix matide just kind of makes a beeline with Barney towards the city.
Okay.
And then me and Chip as well.
I'll go and Chip continue on, I imagine.
I can put you in my fanny pack.
I'm just sorry.
While we were flying, I was just imagining the never-ending story,
like whenever he's on Falcor.
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
Sphincter!
Mateen recognizes this and then swoops down
to scare Chip and Elga like he did
in the movie.
Could I ride in Chip's
fanny pack of holding?
I don't think you can get in.
Can you get in?
Oh yeah.
Hold on tight!
But I want to keep my hands and head out of it.
Like a little baby.
Like a little kangaroo.
Like a little kangaroo baby.
In that case, we'll make Chips make an athletics check
to begin climbing up the side of Glurb.
Oh, wait.
I have good athletics.
Could I add my athletics to his?
You're up to assist.
Go ahead and make an athletics check as well.
17.
Like little T-Rex hands.
Yeah, you're like the second set of hands
coming out of Chip's stomach.
I help with a 10.
You're good enough.
It's not too difficult of a climb.
Sometimes you have to go in a roundabout way to avoid globs of slime that are dripping down the side of Glur.
But you make it up pretty quickly.
As you all are climbing and Asmatid is flying up, you get closer to these flying cats.
And they seem like small cat-like creatures
that have shimmering fur and feathered wings.
Shimmering in what way?
Like scales?
No, just like iridescent.
Like magical.
Like a 3D cassette.
Oh, like a vampire in Twilight.
Do they seem to fit in with the aesthetic of the city
or are these like outside visitors?
Make a nature check.
I would imagine in a place named Glurb.
Shiny feathery cats are maybe not native.
Ah, yes.
Three.
Cats, like more like a house cat or more like a humanoid cat.
Does that make sense?
You mean like the Broadway musical cats?
Yeah.
But you know what I mean?
Is a cat humanoid?
What?
Does it look like Mr. Mistoffelees?
Yeah, yeah.
Like, you know, is it like a cat person or is it just humanoid? What? Does it look like Mr. Mistoffelees? Yeah, yeah, like, you know, is it like a cat person?
Or is it just little cats?
Like Lionel from Thundercats.
Yeah.
Okay, so if you'd asked about...
Oh, so it's a sexy cat.
Yeah, well,
is Mr. Mistoffelees a sexy cat?
No, I say Lionel is.
All the cats in Thundercats
are way too sexy.
Oh!
I think Barbara's Googling
Mr. Mistoffelees over here.
It's like one what are these cats?
You know?
It's more like a house cat.
They're small.
House cat sized.
There's not three, by the way.
Yeah, they totally fit in.
What are they doing?
Yeah, what's their activity?
It seems like they're just flying around the perimeter of Glurb.
Not, like, swooping down or anything?
Well, at that point, they catch eyes and they spot you all climbing and flying.
A few of them begin closing the distance, flying in quickly.
We'll say four of them are flying towards you guys.
Hello.
Can I do some sort of check to see if it is an aggressive approach?
Yeah, make an insight check.
I rolled a nat 20, so 26 on insight.
It seems like they're approaching with hostility.
Oh, no.
Bonnie, get ready for the battle.
No, okay.
Yeah, everyone go ahead and roll initiative.
Oh.
19 for Elga.
12.
I can't remember if I'd had my double initiative thing on if I had mentioned it.
You had.
Aha.
22.
I rolled the same number twice.
13.
Okay, Chip.
You are, you know, on a little landing near the top of the snail with Elga in your, what
do we call it your bum bag
yeah uh one bag of holding yes and four of these winged cat-like creatures seem to be closing in
very quickly okay how far away yeah they're like flying right yeah they're flying in we'll say 25
feet okay i'm going to shoot at the the one that's closest to any of my party members with my crossbow.
And then I also have this thing
called Assassinate.
You have advantage on attack rolls against
any creature that hasn't taken a turn in combat yet
and any hit you score against a creature that is
surprised is a critical hit. Okay, it has not taken
a turn, but obviously it's not surprised.
Okay, well then I'll
roll for crossbow twice.
I didn't even need it.
That was a 24.
Nice.
And that's a nat 20.
Hey, baby.
Hey.
Pew, pew, pew.
So that means you do crit damage, right?
Yeah.
Excellent.
So...
Hey, Mateed, watch this.
Oh, my God, that's two sixes.
Wow.
14.
Okay, I just want to let you know, Mateed wasn't watching.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Aw. So you fire a crossbow bolt at it.
You line up the shot, get the creature perfectly in your sights,
and you squeeze the trigger.
The bolt flies through, hitting the creature in the head,
and it begins falling to the ground below.
And keep in mind, my stance was like that of Han Solo,
where I had one arm up, like, for some reason.
Back arm up over your head, one arm facing forward, shooting.
And Elga is just a pair of eyes peeking out of your zipper.
And two little hands.
And two little hands.
And that's the movie poster.
Blaine continues his pattern
of just mercilessly murdering small animals
in our D&D campaigns.
Well, they're hostile.
He was about to attack my friends!
Okay, so now that I did that,
I am going to then use cunning action that I did that, I am going to
then use cunning action, and then I guess
I'm going to just hide.
It's what you're supposed to do, but the way you said
it was humorous. So you're also
going to hide. Go ahead and make a,
just do so we have it on record, make a stealth check.
Okay. Also, the ones that fell, are they
dead, or are they just like hurt?
It was one that fell, and it appears to be
unmoving. 18 18 and if it wasn't
dead before that long drop definitely took care of it oh cool 18 for your stealth check i'm just
gonna write it down so i have it also anything i need to do is since it's still my turn to like
either help elga out or whatever they want to do because i realize that i'm carrying them with me
so could you throw me out can i throw her out yeah if you want or just we'll wait we'll
wait elga i choose you well one of the creatures goes before elga you elga you'll go after this
creature it you know swoops in let's have it make a a check to see if it sees you chip even though
you're hiding okay it has a plus five on this and you an eight, so it needs a 13 or better.
Okay.
Nine.
So yeah, it does not see you.
You've disappeared to it.
And by proxy, I'll say Elga's also disappeared since she's in your bum bag.
Okay.
So this creature sees Mateed and Barney.
It's going to swoop over towards them.
And what will it do? It's going to get close and, you know, use its paws, lash out with some talons and trying to hit Mateed.
So it swipes out with small talons that appear like they're like fiery.
Like, you know, it swipes at you.
Some fiery talons emerge.
Devilish phoenix.
It hits a phoenix.
A C.
13.
Does not hit.
Does not hit.
It swipes at you, misses, and then hisses.
Oh.
Misses and hisses.
It's a little rhyme.
Jacques hisses back.
Ooh.
It becomes a little shocked, and it arches its back in midair.
That's cool.
That's adorable.
Spicy kitty.
That's all it does.
Can I lean down to Elga real quick?
Yeah.
Be like, hey there, kiddo.
Welcome to the stealth life.
I don't know.
I don't want to make decisions for you, but if you want to subclass as a rogue, this is what it feels like.
There's a lot of...
Elga's not hearing any of this.
There's a lot of hiding.
I'm imagining it's a soundproof bag.
All she hears is...
Your blank expression eyes just staring out.
Elga's like, he must be hungry.
I guess I should ask a point of clarification.
I thought your head and arms were sticking out.
Is your head in?
She's just joking.
I should clarify.
If your head is in, when you are in the bag holding,
you would need to hold your breath.
Oh, yeah, no, my head is out.
Just another rowdy teenager doesn't want to listen to their parent figure.
I'm listening.
I just, yeah.
If you need to breathe inside the bag, you can survive up to
a number of minutes equal to 10
divided by the number of people inside. So you can spend up
to 10 minutes in there. Okay. Dude. That's
pretty long. That's going to be our next
aquatic
naval battle attack thing. Yeah.
You just put all of us in your bag? Yeah, I just stuff y'all
in there and then I run through. But then it's less time with more people.
Yeah, right. If there were three of you, it would be three minutes.
Three minutes, yeah. I can make a little hut.
What? Yeah, come on in. Build a tent.
I can make a hut. In the suburbs
of Phoenix? No, I can
make a hut that you can hide
in. It's a spell I got. I don't really
know how it works, but it makes a little hut. You could hide
inside the thing you're hiding in. Hut, hut, hut.
We're hiding all the way down. What's the spell called?
Hut maker. Leemon's
Tiny Hut. Okay.
Helga, you're up. Then after you is another one
of them and then Barney. Okay.
I want to get out of the bag. Is that
an action or a bonus? You can just do it.
I'm going to get out of the bag.
And could I
try to cast
this scroll of blur?
Yeah.
So you can use the spell scroll.
You just need to make an arcana check with a DC equal to 10 plus the spell's level.
The spell's level is second level.
So I would have to roll a what?
An arcana check DC 12.
Okay.
I rolled a 19.
Oh, okay.
Wow.
Yeah.
So you pull it out.
This is the first time you've...
This is the first time my scroll has been successful.
Yeah. You've done it. Yeah. You know, you pull it out. This is the first time you've... This is the first time my scroll has been successful. Yeah, you've done it.
Yeah. You know, you pull it out
and at first you're holding the scroll upside down
and you're like, oh wait, not the other way.
You orient it correctly. You read
it and you think at first that maybe
it's not doing anything. Then you look
down and you realize your body has become blurred
and it's like shifting and wavering.
Has it become blurbled, gerbled?
Blurbled, gerbled.
So, metagame-wise, any creature attacking you has disadvantage on attack rolls.
Yeah.
Cool.
Like a flash.
Yeah.
Or one of those documentaries where they try to keep the identity of the person a secret.
Oh, I'm eligible.
I mean, oh, shoot.
Yeah.
It does not last long.
In case it ever comes up in the future,
any attacker that doesn't rely on sight,
like if they have blind sight or if they can see through illusions,
is immune to the effects of blind sight.
Am I, are these little cats able to see me without sight?
It seems like it is effective against them.
And then was using that scroll an action, bonus action?
What's the, I don't think I have that.
Since it was a custom thing, I don't think I have that.
An action in Baldur's Gate, but I think Gus will give you a little break and just make it a bonus action.
Right, Gus?
In Baldur's Gate, which is a bonus action, we do it a lot more.
Yeah.
God, Skrull's a Baldur's Gate rule.
Yeah, I think normally it's an action.
We'll just say, we'll homebrew it.
We'll say it's a bonus action.
Okay, cool.
And then could I try throwing my Axe of the Scarab at the one closest to Matide?
It's pronounced S-carab.
S-carab.
Go for it.
Okay.
Go, go.
Is there any sort of advantage to that?
Is there hiding, perhaps?
Is it 12 hit?
12 actually does hit.
Okay, sweet.
And then that's going to do... Not heavily armored kids.
10 points of damage.
And I want it to come back to me as well.
Okay, so you toss your axe of the scarab out,
impacts the cat,
and begins falling to the ground along
with the cat-like creature, but as
it's falling past you, you reach your
hand out and the axe comes back
to you. Good little axe.
That's so cool. Is Elga petting
her axe? Licks the blood.
Is there
anything else Elga can do?
I think I'm going to end my turn right there.
The way that Barbara phrases that, I'm deciding.
I'm deciding to end my turn.
I could do more.
Cancel end turn?
Yeah.
Cancel end turn?
Yeah.
I give a stealth clap from the bush.
All the little cats turn.
The golf clap?
Yeah.
You could do ASL clap.
Oh, there you go.
Shaking hands.
Shake my hands in the air.
You see the bush?
Two purple hands.
The bush is growing hands.
One of the other creatures sees what you've done, Elga,
and flies towards you, swooping at you,
trying to, again, swipe at you,
but it's going to have disadvantage because you are blur.
Blur-ble-blur-ble.
There's two left?
Correct.
With disadvantage, it rolls an 11, which I assume is a miss.
Yeah, I'm an AC 15.
That's pretty good for a barbarian.
Heck yeah.
That means it's Barney's turn, and then after Barney is Matide.
I have a question.
Of course.
Can Matide toss me as part of my turn?
Like, can I?
You could delay your action and let me do that.
You two are back to back.
You rolled a 13, Matide rolled a 12.
I'll say we can kind of merge it here.
Why not?
Toss me.
When do you want me to toss you?
At one of the kitties.
I toss an old man at a cat.
Do you think anyone's ever said that sentence in the history of the world?
Maybe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I toss an old man at a cat.
I'm claiming that one.
Okay.
Yeah, sure.
You get tossed.
We're not that high up, are we?
I don't know.
I described the slug as being mountain-sized.
Okay, well.
You got this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We'll figure it out.
You jumped out a window at a college.
Do I hit the cat?
Did I hit one of the cats?
Oh, you wanted him to toss you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Toss me at a cat.
Like a.
He saw.
He saw Elga throw the axe.
I can do that.
Roll me.
Mateed, roll me a 20-sided die. Let's just see. If it's a good roll, yes. If not, no can do that. Roll me, Matide, roll me a 20-sided die. Let's just
see. If it's a good roll, yes. If not, no.
It's a seven.
No, you do not hit a cat.
You get close to it. How close?
Ten feet away.
Throw a hut at it.
You're ten feet away. You can do a lot from ten feet.
I know, I know, I know.
I build a tiny hut.
I can't do that. It takes a minute. You have a long off in 10 feet. Yeah, I know. I know. I know. I know. I build a tiny hut. I can't do that.
It takes a minute.
You have a long way to fall down.
I can't slow fall on Barney.
I think.
Let me think here.
Let me think here.
Think, Barney.
Think.
Can you throw anything?
I want to.
I want to.
Within.
Five feet.
Five feet.
He's just muttering.
Is it moving towards me?
No.
Oh, man.
Are you sure I can't be within five feet of it?
Ten feet.
I'm already giving you so much.
Okay, okay, okay.
On a seven.
On a seven.
I give an inch, and Chris constantly tries to take a mile.
I cast.
You're falling, Chris.
You're falling.
I cast.
What are you going to cast?
Barney, what are you going to cast?
Oh, my God.
Barney's falling.
I cast.
What do you do, hotshot?
What do you do?
How far do I have a minute?
If you fall at 32...
What's terminal velocity?
Just cast something.
Yes, you'd have a minute.
I'll send you.
Sure, why not?
I cast LeMond's Tiny Hut.
Oh, man.
A ten-foot immobile dome of force springs into existence around me.
Hey, guys.
And remains stationary for the duration.
Barney's playing Fortnite.
He's building.
The spell ends if I leave the area.
Anyone want to?
Y'all are welcome in my hut.
Where is your hut?
In the air.
I imagine he just built a tent, and then he completes it,
goes inside, rides about to hit the ground, and then it just shatters.
Yeah, what happens?
Does the tent float or does it then like?
It says it remains stationary.
Oh, like in a quantum state?
Like a movable type object?
My God.
This is the dumbest thing that Chris has done in D&D.
Barney's just floating in a hut in the middle of the sky.
Now what?
Could one of the cats have been in the hut with me?
I don't know.
What?
It's a 10-foot radius, so yes.
So I trapped the cat?
Yes, the cat is in the hut with you
because the hut has a 10-foot radius.
Oh, my God.
She just made a falling thunderdome with him and his cat.
No, it's in my...
To enter one leaf, to enter one leaf.
Wait, I need to catch up.
You cast a hut midair around the cat.
And himself.
And yourself.
Yeah.
So now you are stuck in a quantum state in the air.
Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
I just realized it takes you a minute to cast, right?
To cast.
So no, the cat would not be stuck around you.
Okay.
Because I thought if it went out instantly, the cat would be there.
Or they say the cat
like creature. Okay. You fell
for a minute and are most
of the way down to the ground. And that's where the
hut comes out. So Barney is now in a
floating hut close to the ground.
Yes. What's Barney doing? What in the
Looney Tunes are you going to do, bro?
What was your end game here?
He just forgot what he was doing and he's like, oh, this isn't my place.
I want to paint a picture for the audience.
Chris is not giving us a look like he has any plan.
No plan.
Okay, so.
I love it.
I'm going to rules lawyer a little more here.
Really now?
Yeah.
Say it isn't so, Gus.
It describes this hut as a dome, which implies there's no floor.
What if I catch it upside down?
Oh my god. Didn't think of that, did you guys?
Didn't think of that.
You're just in a bowl? He's in a little bowl.
A bowl of Barney.
So you're in a bowl.
Part of a complete breakfast.
It's a bowl of Barney.
And
I used my bonus action
Yeah, you do.
To how far away is now the bird?
Cat?
A mile.
The cat?
Yeah.
Several hundred feet.
So there's no other cats nearby?
No.
Okay, bye.
That's great.
My headcanon is that he cast the dome upside down, fell into it, and now is going.
I don't even know if
the dome would stop. I don't know if you would fall through. I'm not
going to think about it anymore.
Barney's in a sky bowl. Captain Kirk's watching
this from afar.
Slowly turning the ship around.
Oh, God. Mateed, what do you want
to follow that up with? I don't think
I can. I don't think I can.
There is Elga killed the cat that was in my direct, like directly in front of me.
Correct.
That one that attacked me.
Correct.
And so there are two more.
Yes.
One theoretically that I threw Barney at.
And then another one somewhere.
Another one that had gotten close to Elga and tried to attack her.
Okay.
So one airborne and one down the ground.
Yes.
Or I'm asking is that one airborne that we threw Barney at?
Correct. Yeah, okay. Then
how far is the one that is in the air?
Not too far. I mean, you toss Barney at it. We'll say
20 feet. Okay, then I'm going to go
at it and I'm going to attack
it with my Spear of the
Superior Baker and do that as my first
attack action. Okay.
Do you have two actions now? I got two
actions and if I do that, I can do a
third strike actually.
I'm a monk. That's really cool.
I'm a monk. I had a plan for how I could have killed the ground
cat, but you go wild.
That's a 14, so that hits.
It's D6 plus 6. That's only
7 damage. Okay. The cat-like creature
is still flying. Let us do it
again.
That's a 17. hits wheeze eight damage
oh yeah that renders the cat immobile and it begins falling to the ground it's the land in my
bowl yeah it's a party that cat lands in your bowl as you strike at it with your spear i i should
have mentioned this for elga as well but i will will mention it for you. How dare you? As you get close and, you know, you attack these creatures within, you know, melee range,
you feel like a tremendous amount of heat radiating from them.
Okay, so they are spinies.
Fiery.
Maybe.
Well, they attacked with fiery claws.
They are giving off heat.
They're not on fire, but they're definitely hot.
Okay, so they are Thundercats.
Got it.
Okay, then how far did I go to get to this one?
About 20 feet.
Okay, then how far is the last one?
Let's say it's another 20 feet down.
Then I go down and attack.
Is that one with my Vinyl attack?
Your Vinyl attack.
Yeah, I get to do...
I don't do much at this point,
except for just do a lot of attacks in a row.
That's the monk life.
We love it. We need it. I'm just going to go ahead and do another
spear attack. That is a
nat 20.
You're probably going to
demolish this creature, but go ahead and
roll damage anyway. I hope so.
Let's keep tanking here. That's 13 damage.
It's actually going to be more than that. We'll take your first
one, because it automatically rolls two dice.
We homebrew that one of the dice does maximum
damage, so it's actually 16 points of damage.
Oh, okay. And sure enough,
the creature falls to the ground
unmoving down to the
ground below. Mateed turns to Chip and goes,
I got two of them. I'm in
the bush. I had my knife ready to stab that one.
So instead of jumping out to stab,
I jump out for a hug.
So I guess three of you are together and Barney's dead somewhere.
He fell an indeterminate amount of distance below you.
I go and get the floating Barney.
Well, you can't enter it until I, unless it's got no top.
Or no bottom.
I think it has, I think it's.
I ruled it does have.
Okay, I jump out and I go, hi.
From how high up?
No, I jump up like, oh, for me to get.
Oh, to be caught?
Yeah, you said jump out.
I was like, what is Barney doing?
Look at that.
That is a wonderful bubble.
You did such a good job.
I watched the whole time you were making it
for that entire minute you were falling to the ground.
We make a really good team.
Yes, yes.
I would agree.
Captain Kirk is watching.
All he's seeing is a bowl in the sky, birds flying over, no chip, a blurry Elga.
Yeah.
Where are the rest of the cats?
That was all of them.
Oh, we got them.
Good.
All dead.
That was real.
That was real.
Okay.
You retrieve Barney and reconvene with your party.
You're close to the top.
I assume you just finish your final push and get up there.
Oh, yeah.
I got to go to the city.
Got to save the residents.
You reach the top of Glurb's slimy shell and come upon a smoky alleyway walled in to your right and left.
The ground is presumably made from the shell, some sort of slick calcified material.
However, there seems to be a path made of wood planks built into the ground.
They're currently smoldering and it's difficult to see past the smoke. You see that there? That's
against the fire code. Yeah.
How so? Well, you know, it's made of a real
there's no anti-flammatory
materials or paint
or anything to prevent a blaze
from happening. Now it's spreading uncontrolled.
Isn't paint flammable?
Depends.
Everyone go ahead and roll me a
perception check just because it's kind of difficult to see right now
with all this smoke.
That's a tree.
Tree? What?
One, two, three.
Twelve. Fifteen. Okay.
Elga and Chip, even though the town is moving
at a slow pace, you start to feel really
motion sick. Oh no. It's taking all your
energy not to gag. Okay. Am I
still blurry? It lasts up to a minute,
so I'm going to say it's probably dissipated by now. Okay.
Barney and Mateed, the smoke clears
for a moment. You see the path that winds between
tent-like homes and businesses is set
ablaze. They're people. Right
now, it seems like the streets are
overrun with little minions,
like little cats, like you saw before, little cat-like creatures.
And they seem to be, you know, running building to building,
lighting buildings on fire.
Oh, no.
We got to kill the cats.
And there are some residents also running and seemingly trying to hide.
Yeah.
They're like a resident we could approach?
None seem to be coming out to you.
They all seem to be either hiding or running away.
But it seems like it's a pretty straight path for you,
even though you, because you're, like I said,
you're walled in on the left and the right.
It seems like there's only one direction
you can really head towards.
Does anybody have, like, a thing they could do
to, like, blast all these kitties?
Um.
That was going to be the end of your sentence.
You have a nice knife.
Fang from?
Oh, I did, actually.
Our last episode, I got a cat blaster.
God, about that.
Oh, good, good.
Could I use my fang frost attack?
That's a good idea.
To attack a particular cat or?
Well, you said they're like over,
like the streets are overrun with them.
Yeah, they're just like everywhere.
They're, you know, running around.
They're also flying.
So it's not like they're just on the ground.
They're, you know, flying from rooftop to rooftop, and some of them
are on the ground running, but... I'm guessing we just can't
even wrap our heads around trying to get
all these. Right. This looks like so
much. Alright, Fireman, what do we do?
I can do a Spirit Guardian, and
you can pick me up and fly me around, and
anything that's within 15 feet
of the Guardian takes damage.
Okay. I have a feeling we're maybe
not supposed to try to kill all these things.
Like, should we just try to, like, proceed forward with caution
to find maybe help or a source of all this?
Gotta find a government official, perhaps the fire marshal,
the person in charge.
I'm just thinking, like, this is clearly a very big catastrophe.
Ha ha.
And I don't know if, like, stopping and just fighting every single cat
is the way to do it.
Probably not.
Should we just continue forward?
Yeah.
Is there a way for us to do it without like drawing attention?
You could try to like roll like a group stealth check.
Yeah.
Let's do that.
Group stealth check.
I got pretty good stealth.
19 for Olga.
17.
20.
I have disadvantage to hold up.
Oh, yeah.
17.
Nice.
Wow. So sneaky here. That's maybe Oh, yeah. 17. Nice. Wow.
So sneaky here.
That's maybe our best group stealth check.
That's really good.
Not a single one of you failed.
So, you know, you continue.
You walk down the path a little ways.
It's an interesting layout on this city because it seems like to your left and what you presume
would be the center of the city, the elevation's higher.
Almost like the city's kind of built up along the shell and continues to be taller in the center of the city, the elevation's higher, almost like the city's kind of built up along the shell and continues to be taller in the center.
Anyway, you walk for a little bit and you see a smoldering sign that reads, visitor
center, Borble Gerble.
Ah.
If you peek in the window inside, you see a few shelves of inventory in the front counter,
all of which are on fire.
Oh.
Is there anybody in?
Is there any water fountains?
Making investigation check, Matid.
Once again, I need to stop asking for investigation checks.
Nine.
Seems like it's empty.
Does anybody have positive on int?
Yeah.
Could you go in?
I mean, you're-
You need to investigate more.
You're fire resistant, right?
So if you go in, you can-
I'm pretty sure he's immune to it.
I'm immune to fire.
No.
I want to look around and see if there's any water sources,
and I want to see if there's any people.
Water sources.
Yeah, you know.
Fountains.
Fountains.
Water hoses.
Wells.
None that you can see, but it is also difficult to see
because of all the smoky, smoldering buildings and your motion sickness.
You see, I am a tiefling, though, and I have resistance.
It's a fire.
Chip, do you perhaps see anybody inside of the visitor center?
Let me take a look.
Thank you.
I'm just going to roll an investigation.
You didn't ask, but I'm going to.
20.
There we go.
You see what you think might be a couple of offspring,
like young pluribians hiding behind the front counter.
I kicked out of the door.
I go save the children.
Come here, my babies.
Make an athletics check to kick down the door. Why don't you turn into Arnold there?
Yes, let's save all the children.
It's a six.
Lucky!
I threw all the six.
Lucky!
I gotta save the babies.
It's a nine.
You, uh, kick the door, but that solid Glurbian construction just won't give.
Those hinges hold.
I'm opening the door.
No, wait.
I try to open the door with a knob.
Matin reaches out and opens the door
and it swings open.
It's not that intensive a fire.
It's just a small little hot spot.
Why? There's no such thing as not as intensive a fire.
Fire spreads. That's where it gets
its power. Why are you pitching for me
to get damaged? What?
We're trying to be realistic.
Yeah.
After the dome air situation, we're trying to be realistic. Yeah. After the dome air situation, we're
trying to be realistic with our D&D.
So Matit opens the door? Yeah, Matit opens the
door for Chip. But I like make
a motion to let Chip in. And Chip,
you spot six young Glurbians
cowering behind the front
counter. Hey there, kids. It's me, Chip
Haney, your local volunteer firefighter.
If you follow me, I will take you to
safety and make sure that I can
save what I can of your home.
Come along now! Stop, drop, and roll!
Will you help us find our progenitors?
I don't know what a progenitor is,
but you betcha! Okay. Okay.
They get up and, uh, they're all
six of them holding hands and they begin following
you. That's adorable! That's the spirit! Go, go,
go! And they,. And they run outside.
All right.
Marco.
Marco.
I don't think any of them are named Marco.
Okay.
Hey, little children.
What's a progenitor?
Our progenitors.
The ones that create us.
Yeah.
They're like little blobby things.
So they don't have like, they might have different terminology for like parental units.
Okay.
I start searching room to room.
You begin searching around. Make them. I'm in my element. Okay, I start searching room to room. You begin searching around.
Make them...
I'm in my element.
Again, make an investigation check.
Fire.
We're just doing deja vu here.
Blaine's character killed a small animal,
and now Blaine's character is in a fiery building
trying to look around.
Ten.
You don't spot any other Glurbs inside the building.
However, you do see some pretty neat looking gloves.
They're like protective elbow length orange gloves.
Ooh.
Do they have any sort of benefits or anything?
I think they could maybe help protect you when you're investigating things.
Ooh.
I grab them.
I put them on.
Meta-game wise, they offer resistance to acid damage.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's handy.
It's like a hazmat suit.
Yeah, I'll take these.
Yeah.
And they're bright orange.
You'd think a firefighter would like that, right?
Yeah.
I might not go with my costume, but, you know, whatever.
It's very situational. Sure.
Put them on when you need them. Chip is turning into, like,
when you are playing a video game and your character just
has the best gear, but none of it
matches.
Or like me in Baldur's Gate, where I've got tons of gear I
can't use, but I refuse to put it in a chest.
Yeah. Meanwhile, outside,
the offspring run off in different
directions, following larger blurbs, presumably their progen run off in different directions following larger Glurbs,
presumably their progenitors.
They just...
Was this a fool's errand?
No, you got gloves.
You saved them.
You also saved them out of the building.
They were looking for the progenitors, and then they just found them outside.
They were scared to go outside.
It was fiery.
It was scary.
You did a good thing.
It's fiery.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
Come back out.
You saved them, and you got an item.
What else do you want?
It's like a win-win.
I want a statue of me in the town square.
He wants a hug.
The young Glurbians all come up and hug you.
Oh, that's right, children.
There you go.
Oh, yeah.
All of a sudden, it looks like one of those jellos with Chip inside it.
Oh, my goodness.
They're attacking him.
They all run away, and you're left very slimy.
Okay.
Have we exhausted this and should move on to other parts of the city to see if we can help?
Is there anywhere else?
What's the next most fiery place?
We're just going down
the list. Barney, you look a little further
down the way and you see a scorched
sign that reads Fun Garden.
Fun Garden? Yeah, and there's
a Glurbian who appears to be struggling to
put out a fire there. Can I run and
help? Yeah. Barney detaches
from the party and runs away. Throw me!
You can walk. Okay.
You got this, Barney. Have faith
in yourself. He's trying to put out a fire?
Like, of where? You get
close to the fun garden. You see it's an outdoor garden
bed filled with mushrooms and fungi
that's currently set ablaze.
There's a Glurbian wearing jelly
glasses who's struggling to put out the fire
in the garden. She sees you, Barney, and says,
Please help me save the fun garden.
Okay, yes, I will.
I'm looking for the correct way to save a fun garden, and I only have, only one thing comes to mind.
Garen.
Leomund's tiny hut.
That's what comes to mind.
Oh, no.
Because, I mean, it will, the oxygen, it needs oxygen.
I control the environment. That's what comes to mind. Oh, no. Because, I mean, it will. The oxygen. It needs oxygen.
I control the environment.
I can do it, but it's like my last third level spell.
It doesn't seem like the best thing to do,
but it's the only way I know how to put out a fire quickly.
You used it so well the first time.
I did.
I did.
You're right.
That's the only.
Is there any other.
Is there a well nearby or any source of water?
Yes, there's a well nearby, presumably, that's used to water the garden.
Let's talk about the logistics of this here well, okay?
Because we're on top of a snail. So does that well just dig into the snail's back and then pulls water from the snail?
You think it might be more of a rain collection kind of thing,
where it's maybe more like a cistern where water is funneled down into it
and then drawn up when it's needed.
Okay, I see.
Okay, continue.
There's a bucket, I assume.
Is this a fire that could be put out with buckets of water? Yes.
Okay. Is there more than one bucket?
We'll say there's two. Alright.
Barney starts getting a bucket from the well
and splashing it on the water.
Splashing it on the water? Splashing it
on the fire while also doing
mage hand that's also picking up a bucket of water.
And you're doing two buckets at once.
Wow.
And I'm saying, get the buckets of water.
Okay, yeah.
You work feverishly with your Mage Hand and you manage to get the fire in the fun garden under control.
And I high five my Mage Hand.
It's very important.
This fun garden is safely fun.
And then I'm in the sign.
Oh, look at you.
Yeah, the sign. The little scorch marks go away and the sign writes itself. Wow then I'm in the sign. Oh, look at you. Yeah, the sign.
The little scorch marks go away and the sign writes itself.
Wow.
It's a fun garden.
Nature's healing.
And then the building right next to it still is on fire.
Catches it on fire and just it all proceeds to crumble.
Collapses on top of it.
Thank you so much.
My name's Valble.
How can I possibly repay you?
Maybe some free mushrooms?
Sure.
You don't have to repay me, but I like mushrooms.
Here, here.
I insist.
These mushrooms only survive because of you.
Here, take them.
She goes over and picks some mushrooms and hands them to you.
Free psychedelics.
Way to go, Barney.
Thank you.
Don't trip.
What do these do?
They go good on a salad.
These are mushrooms.
Oh.
Oh, from Minecraft.
They're white with black splotches.
Be very careful with them.
If you ingest them and can stomach them,
you will grow horns that you can attack your enemies with.
Well, me too.
But if you can't stomach them,
there may be some bad side effects.
How long do they last?
The effects should last for quite a while.
I eat a mushroom.
Okay, make me a constitution saving throw.
She's like, careful eating.
Oh, he's eating them.
He downs every single one.
16.
Whoa.
You feel like they start really upsetting your stomach and making you feel sick.
You bend over in pain for just like a split second.
Then two horns pop out of your head.
That's good Foley, Barb.
Yeah, that was really good.
Yeah, yeah.
So now you've got you've got
horns on your head thank you and she says oh you ate them already no just one here let me give you
another one thank you this is a clover cat oh if you eat this you become extra athletic in
metagame wise you get advantage on your next attack roll these mushrooms just turn him into
chip what is going on horns and athletic. And these ones give you a tail.
And make you purple.
Yeah, and fire resistant.
Purple gerbil.
Purple gerbil.
So I got eight Clovercap and two more mushrooms?
Sure.
Neato.
And you currently have horns.
Yes.
Metagame-wise, they deal 1d6 plus four piercing damage as a bonus action.
Oh.
Headbutt.
Thank you.
Stay fun.
And then I run back
mooing.
Oh my god, Barney,
what are those on your head?
Mad cow disease! Put him down!
Matide looks at Barney and Chip and goes,
I cannot tell the two apart!
Which one do I shoot?
Now you can drop me headfirst.
There you go.
Nothing bad could happen from that uh we proceed to the
next place that looks like it could use our help yeah i don't know why barney ran back because now
he has to walk back past the uh garden with everyone he needs his steps okay yeah everyone
just since you're continuing everyone makes stealth checks again just to see okay because Okay. Stealth check. Stealth check 15. 23.
Whoop-cha.
17.
All right, let's sit up for it.
Let's sit up for it.
It's going to be eight.
That's still good enough.
The three rolls were good enough.
You all continue your stealthy crawl through Glurb,
and you come across a large marquee tent with stalls inside,
and the wooden poles are on fire. In each stall is a slimy slug-looking creature roughly the size of a donkey.
There's five stalls that are currently occupied
who seem to be skittish from the fire.
Is this blurbian livestock?
Make a nature check
for me, Matija. Sure, that'll go well.
Hey, thought better that you're doing it.
No, it's an intellectual. It should be
Chip, 12, but he rolled a
three on his last nature check. You think that these
must be some kind of, like, used as, like, a beast of burden.
Okay, so.
Milk them quickly, Matita.
Stop.
Am I wrong?
Is that where you go first?
Yeah.
What do you think a beast of burden is?
Oh, it's, like, a thing that carries weight and stuff, like a yoke and stuff.
But also, I mean, like, milk is a burden.
You got to get rid of it.
That's got to, like, house a beast, like, milk is a burden. You gotta get rid of it. That's gotta, like, cows are beast of
burdens.
Milk is a burden!
You know, the classic saying.
Both poor mothers.
Sorry, to bring it back to the picture
you were painting, there are four
stalls? There are currently five
stalls occupied. It's on fire, and these
beasts of burden are seemingly trapped.
Yeah, they're like really skittish because of
the fire and they're all like tied into their stalls.
Do they have horns? No.
What was the end game of that? I was gonna see
if I could like coax them
as one of their, like, they might trust me.
Do you want to go help with me?
I would love to. What should we do?
I don't know, but I think we run in
and we free them from their little cages, whatever they're in.
Stalls.
Stalls.
And then pull them out.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sounds like a reasonable plan.
Are the stalls like a typical horse stall where there's a gated door?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
Then, yeah.
All right, you take the left, I'll take the right, and we should open the doors for you.
Okay.
Each of you, just for fun, make me animal handling checks.
There's a 15.
17.
Oh, yeah, that's pretty good.
Despite the fact that these creatures are very skittish from the fire, they seem to
implicitly trust you.
You're able to open the gates and coax them out and let them free from the tent that is
ablaze.
And do we see anything in their stalls that they left behind or like anything in this
area?
Make an investigation check for me, Elga.
I'll do one too, just because I'm looking
as well. With advantage? Yeah. Okay.
That's a six. Well, I rolled a 14 twice.
There's a lot of nothing in here.
You know, stalls that need to be mucked. But Elga,
you find a jar that's labeled
ooze ointment. Ooh, okay.
And it appears to be an ointment that heals
acid damage. Ooh!
I feel like we're going to be running into some acid. Ooh, it is!
Elga drinks it.
No kidding.
What is the save point
with all these
health potions?
Okay, I put it
in my backpack.
Okay.
Inventory.
Quick, Chip,
there's so much milk here.
We need help.
It's such a burden.
We got to milk
these things quick.
I put on my gloves
to milk them.
We save the beastisa Baden.
Yeah, you've accomplished your task.
All of the creatures are safe.
Mateed winks at Elga.
Elga blinks back with both eyes.
That tracks.
We did it.
We freed the little creatures.
We've released them into the fire.
Should we put Barney in one of these dolls.
Put him out to pasture.
Chip looks around to see
if there's anybody else that needs to help.
Oh, nothing that
pops out, or nothing stands out, I should say.
But you can continue along the
path, continuing towards the center of
the city. Let's do it. Come on, gang!
You reach a wood plank ramp leading
up into the center of town. Against fire code.
The light of day has dimmed
to a red and orange sunset. At the top
of the ramp is a splintered gate
sprawled across the ground in a smoky heap.
Past the gate you see a large
translucent mushroom the size
of an oak tree glistening from the golden glow
of the sunset. Flying around in the air are more
of those fiery feline creatures.
They seem to be circling above a tent canopy twinkling with floating lights surrounded
by a crowd of Glurbians and various fiery creatures.
A deep blazing voice bellows from the canopy.
I said, where is it, you trembling dog?
And then a wave of fire fans out from a scorching Phoenixoenix and skirts over the top of the crowd.
A banner overhead catches fire and falls to the ground,
and as it burns up, you read,
Blending Ceremony of Hexel and Ogvel.
Aww.
Please, there's no need for this.
As I said before, no one here has heard of the Moulds of Underglopula,
or where it might be.
I beg of you, have mercy on us.
We are a peaceful people. You peer past
the crowd and spot a somewhat familiar
face, so to speak. It's a massive
amorphous mound of orange that's
unmistakably known as the blob.
What was, wait, what did the sign say?
The blending ceremony? Yeah,
blending ceremony of Hexel and Ogvel.
Okay, it must mean it's like a marriage.
Yeah. Do they just like become one
when two become one?
That'd be crazy.
Like the Spice Girls, but like literally?
You'll have to ask them.
The blending ceremony.
It's probably their like mating thing.
Yeah.
So, so the, the, God, Chris, the Sphenix is.
The Sphenix is the one that's interrogating the blob?
Correct.
Okay.
Eddie's not around?
Not that you see, no.
Okay.
Do we step in there?
We gotta stop this.
We gotta.
These are bad guys.
How far away is this?
The thing?
The cat?
Egyptian?
You got it. Which is called?
You got it.
Sphynx.
Sphynx.
Sphynx.
Sphynx.
Sphynx.
Sphynx.
Sphynx.
There.
You got it. You got it!
You got it!
I do like Svee-onks, though.
Now all Micah has to do is just get that little audio clip and use it every single time.
Yes, we attack the Sveenix.
With us cheering, too, every time he gets it right.
I'd say it's maybe 30 feet away.
And it's big, huh?
Yes.
Sveenix is this campaign's prestidigitation. Guys, I think
we need to talk to Sphoenix. Yeah, the Sphoenix is like
a huge cat-like creature made
purely of fiery feathers with four
fiery paws, a blazing tail,
two burning wings, and a flaming feline
face with scorching eyes.
That's cool. I'm sure you remember from
one of our previous episodes, the Sphoenix is the ruler
of Pyroa, which is the elemental dimension
of fire. Yeah, of course.
That's the refresher.
Is it a humanoid?
Does it kind of...
No, it's cat.
It's cat bird.
It's a humanoid.
It's cat bird.
It's specifically Taylor Swift
from the movie Cats.
Yeah.
With wings.
With wings.
Should we go talk to her?
I'm torn between wanting to socialize with it
and wanting to attack it with stealth.
Can we continue to watch from afar and see what happens?
Sure, if you want.
Gus is like, no, I'm out of dialogue.
The phoenix again says,
The mold of Underglobula.
Bring it to me or I will destroy all of Gloob and its citizens.
The mold.
Mold.
Mold.
Of Underglobula.
That is Matide's worst nightmare.
Not mold.
It's mold.
Elga, make an intelligence check for me.
Oh, but I know.
I'm sorry, not intelligence.
Wisdom.
You were listening, Chris.
Wisdom check?
Yes.
16. Underglobula sounds familiar. It does sound familiar. You were listening, Chris. Wisdom check? Yes. 16?
Under Globula sounds familiar.
It does sound familiar.
You think you found something that had Under Globula on it.
Isn't that the thing that's just in the back of your throat?
Is it?
Maybe in the library you found something?
I do remember, right?
And my memory tells me.
If you do a search on your inventory and type under globular, I think it'll pop up.
Sky chart labeled gold of under globular.
You got it.
You got it.
Oh, no.
Hi, welcome to Mudmouth, the podcast.
I have the sky chart labeled gold of under globular.
Got it.
Is this what I am remembering?
Yeah.
But this is, was I supposed to write mold or did I write gold as the appropriate thing?
You think you wrote it correctly.
Okay.
Okay.
And the upper half was ripped off.
Yeah.
Wait, where did we get this?
This was probably in the library.
Probably the library.
This was from the library.
So, okay.
I feel like we should just really type it, chime up, chime, chime, I'm manic at words.
Glop, glop, glop, glop, glop, glop.
It's bread.
Yeah.
It spread.
Ace Phoenix!
You leave them alone!
They're in a ceremony!
Rude!
You talk to us!
The Sphoenix drops the blob to the ground and another couple of Glurbs run out
and seem to attend to the blob
as the Sphoenix turns its attention to you.
Yeah?
It's me?
Our very stealthy rogue.
I'm the problem.
I am the problem.
In like a velvety voice, this Phoenix asks,
And you are?
And I say in a sandpapery voice,
Chip Haney.
Haney.
And I'm here to protect the people of...
Glurb?
Yep.
Glurb!
Have you by any chance seen the upper half of a sky chart?
Have you?
This phoenix asks you, Chip.
So you are going to bring me the mood of underglobula to protect the citizens?
Yeah, maybe, but you gotta chill out, dude.
Because, like, you're lighting this place on fire, and that is, like, so rude.
What the- what?
You're looking for gold?
Mold of Underclobula.
Mold? And that's worth killing people for?
Let's calm it down.
Bring it down a notch, Phoenix.
Gosh.
Gosh.
All that matters
is the retrieval of the
mold of Underclobula.
Everyone will be spared
if you can provide this
for me. Okay.
You could have just said that from the beginning.
And what do you want it for?
Yeah, what's the mold?
I want it so that
I don't have to kill everyone here.
It saves everyone in this town.
If we retrieve this mood for you, will you disperse from the city and leave everyone alone?
Of course.
In fact, I'm so forgiving, I'll give you until next sunset to retrieve it and bring it to me.
Well, why don't you put out these fires that you started while you're at it?
The Globians can take care of that.
I don't think they can, really.
They're struggling and we're pretty hardcore with them.
If you put out the fires, we'll get you this mole. You bring me the mood
and everyone
can be saved.
And with that, this phoenix takes to
the air. Oh, that guy's a jerk.
Let's go tend to the
guy, the glob. Can we go check on the blob?
Blob. Yeah, you run up to the blob
and a couple of other glurbs are
attending to the blob. The blob, you know, addresses
them and says, Oh, don't worry, Hexel.
I'm fine.
You go look over Ogvel.
Those are the two that were having their ceremony.
Blending ceremony.
Oh, and the blob was probably there to just be the...
Officiant.
Officiant, yeah.
Celebrity guest.
The blob sees you all approaching and says,
Thank you for running this phoenix off.
No problem.
We're on the case.
What is this mood that he keeps referring to?
Did we promise a WMD to an already extremely powerful evil villain?
We don't know.
We have no idea what the mood of Underglobula is.
We don't know why this phoenix came here looking for it.
We Glerbs don't like to get involved with the outside world.
We just want to keep to ourselves and our nomadic lifestyle.
When, you know, the blob is saying this, Hexel seems to kind of like scoff. It seems like Hexel maybe disagrees. Hexel counterpoint? Hexel chimes in and says, I think we need to be more
involved in the world. Isolationism versus... It's a Wakanda problem. It's a real one, exactly.
Unlike my progenitor, the blob. Oh. I think that our place in the world needs to be defended.
Oh.
It is very common to not agree with the boomer parents.
Yeah, yeah.
Opinions tend to be outdated.
That's what the shell's for.
What is under globula?
Is that a location?
I don't know.
You don't know anything about any of these words?
No, not at all.
There's got to be a reason that the Sphoenix came to you.
I mean, it's got to be around here probably.
Is there perhaps an elder or historian in this place that will be able to help us with this?
Yeah, take us to an historian.
Oh, we have that guy on the ship.
Kerg?
Kerg.
Yerk.
So, Elga, you still have the sky chart.
Yeah.
But does any, have you told any of your party about it? Or are you the only one who remembers about it right now, Elga, you still have the sky chart. Yes. But have you told any of your party about it,
or are you the only one who remembers about it right now, Elga?
I think I'm probably the only one who remembers,
but could I pull it out and show everyone?
So, the Sweenex mentioned something about the mold of Underglobula,
but I found this sky chart that's labeled gold of Underglobula,
but only the lower half.
Hmm.
Do you guys... And she holds
it up for them and spins it around to everyone.
Does this look familiar to any
of you? Show and tell. Hexel says,
Perhaps we can ride some slugs
out to the fields below and wait for the stars
to come out. Then we can see if
we can identify it.
That's exactly what I was going to suggest.
Was it sunrise or sunset? Sunset.
Next sunset.
Okay.
And I have a question.
Whenever we were in the library,
didn't we see the whole stars thing at some point?
Correct.
It was like that silver, the brass rings, right? Yeah.
Correct.
It was more like planetary alignments.
Because I saw, I know Barney saw it.
Can I make like a history check or something
to see if I recognize anything that's not?
Well, it wasn't like a chart of stars though.
That's the thing.
It's fine.
So it sounds like we're going to need to wait till nightfall,
and then we can glean some more information as to where to find this thing.
Correct.
And it is already sunset.
Oh, lovely.
I guess it's time to go.
I'll go with you.
Perfect.
Wait.
Whoa.
Sorry.
What did we walk?
What was this ceremony?
Were you guys getting hitched?
Yes.
It was supposed to be the blending ceremony between me and my fian fiancee Ogvel. Ogvel, how are you doing?
Could be worse. Could be better. Wow, that's a real good approach to life, you know. Ogvel seems super chill.
Like Ogvel seems nonplussed about everything that's going on. Wow.
Do you guys still want to have your blending ceremony so we could watch? Oh, we'll still absolutely have our blending day.
I think we should wait until we get this Phoenix
issue taken care of. The city's not
on fire. You know, you can't
expect everything to go perfect on your
blending day. Yeah.
Yeah, things go wrong. It's
fine. The important thing is
we're going to be together. That's
beautiful. Wow. You
know, this reminds me of my wife, Carol.
I was waiting for it.
I was thinking about our blending day.
And it was beautiful.
My parents were there.
Oh, my mama, she was crying.
And, oh, that night, love.
Like, you wouldn't believe.
Was that the first time you blended?
Two bodies becoming one blended ooze.
Matide puts their hands over Elga's ears.
Elga's already doing it.
I miss my wife, Carol.
So we can get little...
Slurgs.
Slurg to the slurgs.
To the slurgs.
That should allow us to get there fairly quickly.
I've never taken a slurg before.
This is my favorite soda.
I'll tell you more about my blending day on the way.
Sounds wonderful.
Oh, yeah.
Hexel leads you all back to that large tent where you all freeze the beasts of burden.
And the slurgs are out milling about.
Oh, thank goodness they're all okay.
I pat one.
And look, there's five of them.
It's like Princess Bride.
I found these horses.
You all mount the slurps,
and it seems like they move really slowly at first.
This is the worst.
But once they get on, like, slimy and wet surfaces,
they begin to move super surprisingly quickly.
That's a fun game mechanic.
We're back to Neverending Story with the racing snail.
Yeah!
I cannot wait to hear the foley that Micah does for this episode.
It's just going to be mushy.
It's going to literally be your brother playing with a jello or something.
I love it.
There certainly has been foley in this episode.
Nice.
So you all travel back down the slimy side of Glurb
and eventually reach the grassy knolls and fields of fungi once more.
If you want to at this point, you all can actually take a short rest.
Can I ask the name of my
Blurg? Slurg? Yeah.
Ask the Slurg what its name is. What's your name?
Make an animal handling check.
Easy. Eight. I'll provide the voice for
this character if you'd like. Thank you. Please do.
I was going to, but you do it.
Wow.
Yeah, it's the same. That's actually really good.
Thanks. Its name is Blurg.
Wait, do we do a short rest?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to pass on the short rest because I have temp HP and I want to keep it.
I'm going to take a short rest just to get some stuff back and do my initiative thing.
Gotta get your tent back, dude.
After an hour of waiting, you glance up to see a pitch black blanket of night sky speckled with stars.
Hexel looks up and says,
I never tire of seeing that.
There's so many of them.
It reminds me that for all
of Glurb's traveling, there's so much of this
world I haven't seen.
Anyway, we should probably take a look at
that sky chart now. Perhaps
we can find a clue as to
what or where this
mold is. Okay, here
it is. Yeah, everyone make a survival check to
try to look at the sky chart. 18.
21. 12. It was a 5.
For a bird, you don't see sky very well.
I died.
I love how many could just use that excuse
whenever they want. Yeah. Pull it out. If I fail
a survival check, I die. Elga, you instantly
maybe it's because you've been holding the sky chart,
but you instantly pick out five stars in the sky
that are an exact match to the sky chart.
And as you start pointing them out to everyone, each shines brightly for a moment and then just as quickly disappears.
And one by one, each celestial body brightens and vanishes until there's an outline left in the negative space that looks like a diamond.
And foosh! Bright specks start appearing in the grassy ground below you, surrounding you on every side with spots of light,
until they all form a constellation in the soil,
a jewel.
In the center of the consoilation,
a hole opens up
in the ground near your feet.
The pit plumbs deeper
than the eye can see
into a dark void
blacker than the night sky.
And Hexel asks,
So, who wants to go first? first.
I think this is the underglobula.
Well, we're going to have to find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
What? The stars
at night are big and bright.
Deep in the heart of
Glurg.
Alright, everyone.
Thanks for listening.
We'll be back next week with another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
And don't forget to listen to a second win where we'll talk about this episode
and all the behind the scenes of it for first members.
Yay.
Also a bunch of new merch.
You can find all of that at stinkydragonpod.com.
What?
Wow.
We got our own website URL.
This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst
written edited and composed by Micah Reisinger
with additional editing work by David
Sonnier did you know you can directly support this
show and interact with us by subscribing at
stinky dragon pod dot com slash
first cool talented amazing
first stinkers like rain and fire
Phoenix flare
Unipants easy possum 98
or easy opossum 98 or Easy O' Possum 98
and Sissy Law
they're directly
supporting this show
and they get more
great content
like Second Wind
they can interact
with us on our
subscriber only
Discord channels
and more
again find out
more information
at StinkyDragonPod.com
slash first
this week's
arrow question
was submitted by
Kero on Discord
here's a quick shout out
to folks that
interacted with us
on social media recently
here's some NPCs
named after them in this episode.
CaptainKergTheGlerbian named
after at CaptainKerg030
on Twitter. ValbleTheMushroomGardener
named after user ValuableMath9969
on Reddit. PegzlTheBlobs
Offspring named after at
EggsTheWorldDestroyer on Instagram.
OgvulTheAttachment is named
after at NickyAgdy on Twitter.
Also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided
VO for characters in this episode.
Captain Kirk, voiced by Ben Ernst,
at Halcyon underscore Ben.
Valbel the Mushroom Gardener, voiced by Chelsea
Atkinson, at Chattykinson.
The Sphenix, voiced by Christian Young, at
X Chin Young. The Blob, voiced
by Kyla Cook, at Defined by Kai.
Hexel the Blob's Offspring, voiced
by Elise Willems, at Elise Willems. Hexel, the Blob's offspring, voiced by Elise Willems at Elise Willems.
And Ogvul, the attachment,
voiced by James Willems at James Willems.
Tune in next time for another thrilling episode
of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Metagaming, Blaine is into collecting cassette tapes and sometimes the cassette tapes release up.
So I'm accustomed to this.