Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Karcasuuk Coup - C02 Ep 14 - Bazaar Turn of Events
Episode Date: August 9, 2023The party makes their escape through Boneesh Bazaar and into Sh’la Turr Seaport to secure boats to take further into the city! Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and mo...re: https://linktr.ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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This is a Rooster Teeth Production.
Cheers to all you tools.
Crab, walk your way into the Stinky Dragon.
Lap up our latest latte.
Grand Central Crustacean.
It's a mixture of arcana cubes, Tanta cold coffee, and just a pincer of sugar.
One pour of this percolation is enough to satiate any shellfish desire.
Previously, our adventurers came upon the land of Karkasuk and met the mummy herself while saving her from a horde of Horduum.
But now it seems they bargained for more than they asked for at a bizarre bazaar.
Pour yourself a potation.
Let's proceed with this pungent potboiler.
Bazaar, bazaar. That's good. Hello, bizarre.
That's good.
Hello, everyone.
My name is Gustavo Sorolla.
I'm your dungeon master for our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow as they introduce themselves.
A little role-playing warm-up question.
Get down!
This week, the question is, yes or no, your character thinks a hot dog is a sandwich, and why?
God.
No!
Your character, not you. Oh, hello, my name is
Elga Von Brass, I am a half-elf
vampire barbarian, and a
hot dog is not a sandwich.
That's- I'm not giving any explanation.
It's just not...
It's a hot dog!
Elga's been having- Elga's been having
this argument for the, uh,
the 200 years that Elga's been alive.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Playing Gibson here, playing Chip Haney's
a tiefling rogue, and a
heck no, that ain't no sandwich.
Also, I believe in hot dog superiority.
No ketchup such in my
hot dog. It's only mustard and relish.
Oh, I like Chip. I want to hang out with him. There you go.
I agree. As Barbara.
I'm Chris Damaris, and I play
the human cleric Barney
and you don't have to
giggle every time you do
I like that it brings him joy
because he knows it's
silly that's what it is
but he's laughing at his own silliness
I like hot dogs
and the answer of yes or no
sure okay
they could be sandwiches.
That's what you're saying.
I like sandwiches.
Okay.
There we go.
Great.
That's a good part of your response.
I think Barney needs a nap.
My name is John Reisinger
and I'm playing Matty Confucius
who's the air-crocker and ghost monk
and I do not know what a hot dog is.
Oh.
Oh, it's an American food.
It started in Germany
but we took it over
and made it better and fatter.
Oh, God, are you okay?
Suddenly, you hear someone to your left start to hack and wheeze uncontrollably.
Then another person to your right screams at the sight of their arms and legs swelling with warts and boils.
One after another, more people in the crowd start to either cough or swell until... RIP it.
Whoa.
Everyone make a constitution saving throw.
Oh.
Oh dear.
I don't remember exploding frogs in the Bible.
I'm going to get hurt by this frog.
Six. My constitution's good but
I only rolled a three giving me an eight.
Hey I rolled a three too. I rolled a one
for a three. Wow we are not
constitutionally resolute.
You also did a check instead
of a save. Oh
sorry about that
Only been over 100 episodes, it's fine
Same
Wow, we all roll terrible
Get them all out of the way now
Alright, is anyone like resistant
To poison or immune to poison?
Oh, I think I am actually
It's not disease, is it? No, poison
I think as a
Geist, that is actually my thing
Oh yeah, you're immune to poison Yeah, can't poison if I think as a goose, that is actually my thing. Oh yeah, you're immune
to poison. Yeah. Whoa.
Can't poison if I'm dead already.
So then this does not matter to you at all.
I have a defense against
poison. Yeah, it's got a
see it has a little eye with a shield next to it?
Then it's immune. So to clarify
what just happened, Barney is also immune
to poison. Correct. Okay. So this only
affects Elga and Chip,
who take eight points of poison damage.
Yikes, that was a spicy frog.
Achichachi, that hurt.
There's a reason I don't eat anything.
What a cursed vileness is this?
You look around and splat.
More and more frogs are emerging from people
and exploding with toxic fumes.
The pestilence is spreading.
We need to make haste to the seaport. Hurry.
There's an exit to the northwest.
Everyone make a perception check. Why
do we gotta go to the seaport? To escape. It's the
closest way out of here. Oh, just like, we're just
GTFOing. Yeah. Twelve. Twelve.
Seventeen. Bad rolls.
Bad rolls. Seven. It's okay. It's just
perception. I got other eyes around me. Okay, well
we'll start with Mateed,
who looks up to find the exit,
but they are immediately overwhelmed with the vast infected crowds and clusters of stalls.
It's a very claustrophobic scene.
Elga and Barney,
you notice that as people become infected by the toxic gas,
they're turning into the Hordum.
If you wait too long,
you may be overrun by a mob of them.
Chip, maybe you're powered by a hot dog today.
You got a little extra perception, a little extra sight sight it was a pretzel bun you you mind your surroundings and notice a
system of bridges and tunnels overhead snaking between the canyon walls which might prove useful
guys i found a system of bridges and tunnels between the walls that might prove useful
follow me thank you for communicating that so well oh yeah okay yeah. Okay, Chip takes point. Good to know.
Y'all need to navigate your way through the bazaar and reach what you can see as a large archway to the northwest.
But, of course, you've got to navigate through all these things that are in your way, causing you to slow down and maybe poisoning you, question mark.
Well, poisoning some of us.
You know, I might have some sort of potion.
This isn't the kind of poison that like continuously hurts us.
It's just like one and done.
Yeah, are they like Pokemon?
Every step we take,
they lose like a point of damage.
No, you're not poisoned.
You just take poison damage.
Okay.
I got a potion of climbing
and an elixir of healing.
If you combine them together,
you get to climb and feel good.
As you're looking through your potions,
three pestilent frogs leap out
from a nearby cart.
They're hopping towards you.
It seems like with every hop, their body gets larger and larger as they're getting closer.
It looks like they're ready to pop.
Chip, where do we go?
We run.
Follow me.
And then I go left.
We got to go northwest.
He wants to go northwest.
Northwest, which is left from here.
Ish.
Left-ish.
Yeah.
And can Barney use himself as a shield to block?
Don't be a hero, Barney.
I'm not.
You can bring up the rear, all right?
And act as a shield for us as we run.
Okay.
If you're at the back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How are you all going to navigate the three frogs that have leapt out in front of you right now?
Oh, they're in our way?
Yes.
Oh, okay. in our way? Yes. Oh, okay.
You know what? Mateed,
immune to their poisonous, rushes forward and
does a flurry of blows
against those frogs. Yeah, there's three of them.
Go ahead and I guess make some attacks.
I will make an attack
because that's what I said I'm going to do. How many
flurries do you get with your flurries of blows?
Now I want to make flurry How many flurries do you get with your flurries of blows? Now I want a McFlurry.
McFlurries of blows.
That should be the next drink in the next episode.
Don't make me grimace.
Hey.
Give it expression, Dad.
Come on.
You know you want some.
Look at this guy.
He needs Mary McCheese over here.
Okay, so I can actually, I was trying to,
I haven't done flurry of blows in a second.
It's I take an attack, and I can actually, I was trying to, I haven't done flurry of blows in a second. It's, I take an attack, and then after that, I can do two more attacks with my flurry of blows.
So basically, I can do three attacks.
Oh, okay.
Well, there's three frogs.
So I'm going to smack these frogs.
Hit them.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you.
One of the rare times it was on a low number and rolled to 19, which is a 24.
That hits.
Believe it or not, you hit a frog with a 24.
I would hope they're AC's low.
It's so high, you hit all three at the same time, right?
Yeah, really.
Like they're stacked up on top of each other?
Five damage?
Yeah, the frog deflates and croaks.
What's it sound like?
14 on the next Kermit.
That's a hit.
Okay.
That one's a seven.
So I assume he buys...
Croak.
And then I do a 22.
Ooh, Mateed, like, hops out
and, like, in a blinding flurry of
feathers and fists, uh, quickly
dispatches the three frogs. I just chunly
these frogs out of here.
With your arms, or? No, my
feet. This is feet stuff. Oh, these are feet? I like
to, I like to think that Mateed really likes to use
their feet, like, primarily
for attacking. So are you, like, leaning back on your elbows and, like, kicking?
Or feathers?
It's like I'm, like, bicycle kicking, like, Blue King at these, like, three frogs.
And just like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah.
And then knocking them out.
And you can flap while you do it, so you're like, oh, cool.
Blowing them away.
All right.
And then I turn back and look very proud of myself.
Elga claps.
Now, Mateed. I know that in your place of origin that frog legs are a delicacy,
but I do not recommend that you eat these because they might poison you.
I cannot be poisoned.
Go ahead. Nomm away.
I do not eat them, though.
Okay, yeah, you all continue scampering your way out to the northwest,
as Elga was very keen to remember.
As you're continuing your trek, a Horduum,
who's covered in boils, is coughing and stumbling out of a nearby alley,
looks up and locks eyes with you, and quickly begins closing in the distance.
Can I jump in?
Go for it.
I'll cast command, and I'll say,
Go over there!
And point the opposite direction.
Okay.
I guess it's go and point. I guess because I can only go over there and point the opposite direction. Okay, I guess is go and point
I guess because I can use one word. Yeah, so you have to make a wisdom saving looks like a DC 14 wisdom saving throw
Okay, I guess I could say flee. Well, it rolled a three on its saving throw
So it obeys and turns around and immediately flees in the opposite direction
I love to think that it's amicable.
It's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh You see a group of locals who run in a panic down the street and knock over a precarious stock of barrels. Every cask tumbles down and rolls into a nearby support beam of a bridge overpass.
Kapow! The legs detonate and the stone bridge begins to crumble and collapse.
Donkey Kong!
You spot an elderly citizen trying to hobble to safety, but it's all happening so fast.
Barney, one of you!
I jump in to save the old person!
Which one?
The one in danger? Make a
Dexterity check. Okay 18. Oh, yeah
Definitely jumps out very nimbly
Good thing you were taking point as we established earlier is able to secure the elderly citizen
Make a strength check just to make sure you can pull them out of there. Okay
21 I'm here to rescue you. My name's Chip Haney.
Oh, dear. My grandson's
name is Chip. What? My grandson's
name is Chip. Are you Grandpapa?
With a 21,
you're able to lift the elderly citizen
off of their feet and pull them out moments
before the bridge crumbles and a large
piece of stone falls where you were standing just moments
before. Though you may naturally
be close
to death today is not that day go live the rest of your life in peace and happiness oh thank you
yeah they turn around and trip on another thing so sad they're totally mr magoo it yeah but you
have a very keen sense of accomplishment after doing that. As you, you know, dust your hands off, I assume arms akimbo at your waist.
The party turns around and realizes there's one pestilent giant frog standing between you and your goal.
It bounds in front of you with a thick thud, blocking your path.
Back down, everyone.
It licks its lips with a slimy tongue and you see a ravenous look in its bulging eyes.
This one's mine.
Elga steps forward and swings at it with her greataxe. I can't wait for this frog to eat our tiny little friend.
She could eviscerate it from the inside.
Yeah, yeah. She's gonna Drax it.
Roll that attack roll.
15?
That hits.
Yeah. They ain't got no AC.
This is a giant frog though, unlike the little ones you attacked earlier.
12 points of damage.
You take a mighty swing with your great axe inspired by your party's heroic actions
and cleave the giant frog in flames.
Another one rebits the dust!
Rebites the dust.
You reach the northwest archway with a sign that reads Schlahtur Seaport.
The exit is draped with beads and hanging cloth.
I'm afraid I haven't been to this part of town for some time,
but I do know the seaport has boats.
Perhaps we can find transport
and be able to navigate further into the city
without attracting unnecessary attention from citizens.
So we're getting in a boat to go where?
Further into the city.
Oh, is this like a canal?
Are there lots of rivers and things?
There's not lots, but there is a canal
that makes its way up
and then kind of branches off into the city.
It's called Schlatter.
Schlatter Seaport.
So what are we looking at?
What boats are there for us?
Well, you're at the archway
and then the exit through the archway
is draped with beads and hanging cloth.
It's hard to see through.
Everyone make a perception check, I guess, to see what you see.
Seven.
Fifteen.
Eight.
Twelve.
Getting better.
Still not great.
Nope.
Barney, you notice a trample sign buried in the sandy ground nearby that reads,
Shoot at your own risk.
C-H-U-T-E.
Not like bang, bang, shoot.
So this is probably going to be like a slide of some sort.
Ooh.
I remember when my family used to take me to the water parks
We're tieflings
So we went to a special one that had boiling water
What does it say Barney?
It says shoot at your own risk
I think there's a shoot
Bless you
What is a shoot Barney?
It's a slide I. Bless you. What is a chute, Barney? It's a slide.
Oh. I'll go full
speed ahead. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna say, you're
leading, so. Cowabunga, dudes!
Chip bursts through the beads. Make a
dexterity saving throw with advantage.
Well, I'm gonna stop rolling. 24.
Yeah, it's a 20. I guess you can't do any better than that.
You step through, but perhaps because you're
expecting it, you know, your feet kind of give out
a little bit under you because the floor is super slick and greasy,
and you begin sliding down a steep chute.
It winds and curves, and eventually you reach the bottom.
I'm not going to describe that until we get further along.
It feels like this kind of a thing you shouldn't have.
I'd like a vision-obstructing doorway in front of it.
That helps the adrenaline.
Even just like a little window you know or something i get
there's a sign on the floor there's no osha here it's uh it's really terrible could elga jump
through arms first sure you also go and give me a dexterity saving throw with advantage because
you're you're expecting this can i also ready myself to catch her if something goes south
sure why not five and then an 18 oh okay yeah you're able to slide through arms first. It's like one of those water parks I've heard so much about.
I've never been to one. Maybe one of you can take me someday.
She's saying this all the way down the slide.
I'm just hearing it like a Doppler effect getting further away.
I'm having so much fun on this slide. It is such a fascinating time.
Barney?
Okay, let's go.
I'll go.
Same drill. Make me a dexterity saving throw with advantage, please, Barney. Also going to offer go. I'll go. Same drill.
Make me a dexterity saving throw with advantage, please, Barney.
Also going to offer to help catch him if he needs.
You're just the dad at the end of the slide.
Okay, here we go.
Next one.
That's 15 with advantage.
Okay, yeah.
Does Barney do any special maneuver going down or just like? I think he holds his nose and closes his eyes.
Like it's an actual water slide.
Wait, is there actually water involved?
No, there's no water. So the sound is just
eee eee eee.
It did feel like there was some kind of grease or slickness
to the chute. I would hope so because Barney's completely
covered in metal armor. So it's just going to be
just sparks.
Just sparks.
Barney's on fire at the
bottom of the slide. Barney rolled
a 15. So yeah, you're able to slide down,
holding your nose and pop up off the slide
at the very bottom.
Mateed walks forward and parts the curtain
to see what's on the other side.
After hearing all these sounds,
sees that it's a chute and opts to just fly down,
just to fly.
Oh, Mateed, you're missing out on the fun.
You know what? Mateed gets to fly around in ways Just to fly. Oh, Mateed, you're missing out on the fun. You know what? Mateed
gets to fly around in ways
all the time. Yeah. Doesn't really want to do it on the ground.
It is dark.
Do you have like a dark vision? I do. I can see.
I have dark vision. Oh, you do? Okay, great.
When you park through, no one else notices
because they just hop through and immediately slip.
But it's pitch black. Okay. Well, I go in
and I can see everything and I do a nice little
maneuver through it all. It's like Thunder in and I can see everything and I do a nice little maneuver through it all.
It's like Thunder Mountain.
I can see everything.
I see all.
Hear all.
I can see enough.
Okay.
Does anyone else have dark vision?
I do.
I have like super dark vision.
Super dark vision? He explained this to me the other day and it's actually pretty cool.
I can see 300 feet in dark vision and I can also share it with y'all.
Do we all have dark vision then?
Yeah, we've established this darkvision crew.
But like normal darkvision is like 60 feet.
This is like, I can see even better than normal.
The length of a football field.
And I will share my darkvision!
I will take your darkvision!
That was very, I declare bankruptcy.
I declare.
Wow, yeah, this is a really cool ability.
I didn't know you had this. Is it a monk thing?
It's a twilight cleric. Cleric. Not monk. Cleric. It's is a really cool ability. I didn't know you had this. Is it a monk thing? It's a twilight cleric.
Cleric.
Not monk, cleric.
It's just a twilight thing.
You know, Edward's twilight thing.
They sparkle.
It's so he can read his books in the dark.
So you're able to make things out.
It's not like seeing in the day.
You're still murky, but you are able to see a little bit up to 300 feet,
even though it is pitch black.
Anytime Barney's in the dark,
I imagine it's like the Tom Clancy night vision noise.
Just that sound.
His eyes are glowing green.
I also want to do vision blessing,
which gives me advantage on initiative.
You doing that now at the bottom of the slide?
Yeah.
This room is extremely cold.
That's the first thing that hits you
when you reach the bottom, all four of you.
It's like shockingly cold,
especially considering the atmosphere you just left above the top reach the bottom, all four of you. It's like shockingly cold, especially considering the
atmosphere you just left above the top of the slide.
This is a weird port.
I should have brought my sweater. Everyone
go ahead and make a
constitution saving throw.
14. 21 for our English
listeners. 23. 15.
Oh, okay. All of you are fine. Yeah, it's
super cold.
That's it. No shivering. I got it. You're just are fine. Yeah, it's super cold. That's it. That was no shivering.
I got it. You're just
a master. Let's all describe in detail
in our voices how cold it is.
That's so stupid.
I can close my eyes and I can picture it.
Oh, this show is silly.
What are we seeing? I'll make a perception
check with disadvantage.
Why with disadvantage? Darkvision. All of us are just Mateen. Oh, if perception check With disadvantage Dude, why with disadvantage?
Dark vision
All of us are just, uh, Mateen
Oh, if you want to look too, yeah
He's just the one you say wants to look around
You said perception?
Yes
Disadvantage
All of us disadvantaged?
Even with super dark vision?
Yes
18
Doesn't matter
I rolled a 1
4
3
I'm a 9 with disadvantage
15
Once again, Barney
You're pretty much the only one who can really make out too much
Everyone else, it's too murky to see with any real distance.
But Barney, maybe you're more experienced with this to see a little further out.
It's kind of a long room and wide kind of rectangular.
And you think you're at the northern end of the room.
And along where you are here on this northern wall seems to be like a bunch of crates.
Can I inspect the crates and see if there's anything hidden behind
them or in them or any hints of like names on the crates? Like the letters TNT? The crates all
have Carcasuk written on them. That's where we're at. Can I open up one of them? Yeah. How does
Barney open up crates? Yeah, Barney, let's actually get into that. That's a great question,
Mateet. How do you open up this crate, Barney? I think what I would do is I would take my walker or hammer and just crowbar it.
Smash it with a hammer.
You smash the crate with your walker.
Definitely TNT.
And out pour some cutting utensils.
There's like some cleavers, knives, hooks, some heavy duty looking scissors, saws crowbars
Wow. Is it crowbar you said?
Yeah. Okay. Can I
pick up some scissors and crowbar?
It's like when you need scissors to open a pack of scissors
Yeah yeah
Is there any like weapons
worth a darn in there or is it all just
housed to utensils? It doesn't seem
like these are intended for combat
Because not a lot of people heard my joke.
Elga picks up one of the cleavers
and she holds it next to her and she goes,
cleaver girl.
I did not hear that.
That's a good one.
Cleaver girl.
Cleaver girl.
Clever.
Is this thing on?
Let me keep explaining here.
Mateed takes offense to that
because Mateed heard it and chuckled a little bit
and that wasn't enough for you apparently, so.
No, I need everyone's approval.
Everyone focus.
Yeah, so it's just these crates in a long rectangular room
that is cold.
Yeah, very cold.
Can I pick up two knives, two cutting knives?
Sure.
Also, quick thing that I forgot to do last time,
the axe of the scarab that I got last time,
it requires attunement.
Yeah.
Could I attune it while we're down here?
Yeah, you can attune to it.
Is there something special you want to do to try to become one
with it or to try to attune it to yourself?
Elga does this thing where because
these things are so much bigger than her, she
likes to hold it up standing next to her and
just hug it because she doesn't show love and affection
to a lot of things except for weapons.
Except things that can draw blood.
Yes. New Elgalore. Lots and lots of blood.
Yeah, you feel an innate connection with your Axe of the Scarab.
Can I tune my Kopesh?
Yeah, any special you want to do for that?
When I went to assassin school, you know, we kind of did some Tai Chi stuff,
but it was involving weapons to kind of make us one with our killing tool.
So I do my like, wah, ha ha, wah.
Thank you for making this an audio format.
Yeah, but with a deadly weapon.
Okay.
And I do that.
You feel a special bond with the copep.
Nice.
Is there, let me see, do I have anything in my inventory for like lighting the way of any kind?
I don't think I do.
Yeah, what the heck is this place?
Why is it so dang dark?
And cold.
Is anyone else going to do an attunement by any chance? Just before we get to lighting the fire. I don't think I do. Yeah, what the heck is this place? Why is it so dang dark and cold? Is anyone else going to do an attunement by any chance?
Just before we get to lighting the fire.
I don't think I have to attune.
I had to attune them whenever I was with them, but do I need to do anything?
Yeah, just what special thing do you do to try to, like, make the item yours, you know?
Well, for the Scarf of Sightless, I put it on, I close my eyes,
and I envision the world around me as I see it.
And then for the staff of candor, I'm like, Chip, tell me something true.
Oh, oh, uh, you're one of my best friends, Barney.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, all of you, gang.
You guys are so great.
I don't know if I trust Chip anymore.
For some reason, the staff doesn't attune to you. I don't know why.
Barney gets really
emotional and goes and hugs Chip.
I give him one of those hugs,
but when he doesn't let go, I kind of look around at everyone
else like this. Elga sees them hugging and hugs
her axe tighter.
Can you help? Yeah, yeah. What do you need?
Can I whisper something to Chip?
You guys, you don't listen.
This is between me and Barney. I am not listening at all.
I'm totally listening.
I don't think our bird friend likes me.
I don't think they do either, Barney.
I'm trying to be friends.
Yeah.
No, I know you're doing your best, Barney.
You're so good at making friends.
You know, you just got to feel the room, feel the vibe, and sometimes
people... What are you guys
talking about over here?
Are we telling secrets?
Elga, come here, come here.
Matide, look at that box over there.
We're discussing how Matide
doesn't really like Barney all
that much. Oh, no, Matide loves
Barney.
Ben described this as
old man and Ted Lasso ASMR.
I'm just trying.
I'm just
trying to make, you know, be friendly.
I'm just, sometimes I'm not
the best at making friends. You know, I don't know if
Matide likes many people
rather than they just
accept people.
Yeah, sometimes you just gotta
lean into it, you know, and then when they
are kind of grumpy, then you
just bring it back
and boom, uno reverse,
extra happy. That works
for me. Yeah, that's good.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
I appreciate it really a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
Anyway! No, this is good stuff
I like this while you guys were having that long awkward hug a Mateed was attuning to their wrappings of antique
Mateed is going to pet Jacques
And do that little like when you like scruff the their like sides like back and forth to hands
I love you like just rubbing them and make sure heies get all like really excited because they like the pets.
They're covered in cat hair now.
Yeah.
Cool.
Is anyone allergic to cats?
Does anyone need to make a constitution saving throw?
No.
I forgot that I need to tune my robe of serpents.
So I just take it and I whip it between my legs and then I floss.
That's how you tune?
I thought that was weird for the way I tune things.
All right, everyone go and roll me a constitution saving throw.
No, I have one more thing I wanted to do.
Can I do it real quick?
Yeah, go for it.
I have my sling of sandstorms.
Oh, sorry.
And since we're in a dark room, I want to test.
Nope.
I want to give it a nice test fling in this dark room that's long
and send like just like a nice pebble down the hallway to see
like if we get a little bit of maybe some echolocation of how long this room is if there's
something that it might hit so what happens you toss it down there and you hear like the pebble
sounds like it bounces off of something metallic is the sound you hit barney above the floor or
the floor like was it a wall it's's low, I would say that. Okay.
It's low. Okay, thank you.
Alright, now we're rolling for what? Yeah, everyone make a
constitution saving throw. Full disclosure,
God, I rolled a check
and it was a four, but I realized
the error of my ways, rolled a constitution saving
throw and it was an 18. So, do with that
information what you will. Usually what
we'll do is we'll take the check and just change the
modifier, but you rolled again, so we'll take that check and just change the modifier but you rolled again so we'll
take that. If you agree that every
time you roll the wrong one we're always just going to do a re-roll
that way you're not selectively choosing
the best option. Oh of course
yeah yeah. Okay. I rolled
a one and I'm doing bad.
Eleven. Eleven as well for Elga.
Mateed you're not sure maybe it's the sling
or something about this room. You feel super
tired. You just feel exhausted. Maybe it's the sling or something about this room. You feel super tired. You just feel exhausted.
Maybe it's all the cold in this room.
Okay.
The cold does make people tired.
Wait a second.
This is like a meatpacking plant
because we found a bunch of cutting tools and it's cold.
Perhaps we should open the other crates.
Ah.
What was the constitution saving throw for?
Probably because it's cold.
Oh.
Should we just keep walking until we, like,
with our arms out maybe
until we reach something
that we could open or get to?
Marty might be able
to guide you a little bit
because he did have
a decent perception check.
Just do that.
Open the crates really fast?
Uh, yeah.
I have the crowbar now.
May I have the crowbar, please?
Yes.
I use the crowbar
and try to pop open, like,
a couple more crates.
Of course you can.
I'd love to share my crowbar with you.
All right, no reason to be so eager.
By the way, on your character sheet, Matid,
you should mark one level of exhaustion.
Oh.
Only if you do two.
Yeah, the next crate says Karkasuk TNT.
Oh!
It's dynamite!
I'm glad I didn't hit that one hard.
But I can pop it open, right?
Yeah.
All right, I pop it open.
What am I looking at?
You pop it open, and it's filled with similar tools to the other crate.
But it says TNT?
Hmm.
But marked what Barbara just said?
Yeah.
You look on the underside of the lid, and it says,
Carcassouk Tender and Tasty Meats.
Oh.
I knew TNT was going to stand for something else.
I knew it.
That's a hoodwink.
I was like, cleavers and knives.
There's no T or
N in there. Tasty and what?
Tender and tasty. Tender and tasty.
Can I do a quick, like, you know,
spin around and looking at all the other crates to see
if they're all labeled TNT? Yes.
Okay, so we seem to be in
a meatpacking port.
Yeah.
Perhaps we should proceed forward. Yes.
Mateen, I want you to keep that crowbar.
I got another one right here, and I pick one up.
I drop the crowbar.
Okay.
With a hook.
Barney, do you think you can guide us?
You seem to be able to see the best.
Here I go.
Which way do you want to lead everyone, Barney?
You can either go towards the east wall, the west wall,
or continue straight down to the south along the middle.
It's a rectangular room, right?
Yeah.
Can I see the ends of the walls?
Yeah, it's about 20 feet wide, I'd say.
Then I guess go keep going down south.
Okay.
So you stay in the middle and head down to the southern wall.
Yeah.
All right.
Once you get to the southern wall,
everyone roll me perception checks again with disadvantage.
We're all the way at the other end of the building now?
Yeah.
You ended up walking about 40 feet, it seems like, more or less.
It's 11.
Four for Elga, but I did a crit fail.
E.
Two.
Zeti's 11.
This time we'll say, I mean, it was good enough.
Everyone who got the 11, which is Barney and Matit,
the two of you are able to make out here
at the southern end of the room
that there's a small frost-covered chest
sitting here up against the wall.
And just beyond the chest is a door,
and there's three levers on the wall.
So many
elevens in here. You might think that
this is quite the stranger thing.
I'm shaking my head.
I'll just
hover over the inspiration die.
The look that Barbara has
on her face when she says
these jokes is this understanding of like,
this is a bad joke, but I can't not make it.
And I'm hoping you guys think it's good.
Can I inspect the chest?
Is there a lock?
Is it locked?
Does it seem to be openable?
I assume you mess with it with your hands and like try to.
Yeah, I'm not trying to fully open it.
I'm trying to see if it's if it opens.
Yeah, you know, shove it around a little bit and, you know it and it seems like it's frozen shut oh huh could uh elga come
over and try to help pry it open yeah absolutely i'll also help like how are you thinking elga
just like taking the two it's not locked is it can we tell if it's frozen it just seems like
it's frozen shut okay she wants to like chip away at the ice that's like on the crease of it.
Hold on, hold on.
With just like her axe.
And then she wants to try to pry it open with her hands.
Sure.
Go ahead and make me an athletics check.
24.
Man, Ilga almost rips the lid off of the chest. You know, you do have to mess with it a little bit,
but you are able to pretty easily pry the chest open.
And as you do so, I'm going to say all four of you make a constitution saving throw.
Opened it with the help of Chip.
Hey.
Chipping away.
Hey.
With disadvantage, or just regular?
Just regular.
21.
18.
Also 21.
That's a seven.
You know, sometimes we have days like that.
I'm glad it's out of combat.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't beat yourself up, Matee.
You're a very valued member of the team. I would like
you to beat yourself up, actually. I think
you're great. Aw, isn't that nice
part? Mateed, isn't that nice?
I do not need the acceptance of other
people. I love myself regardless. That's great.
Very healthy. There's a lot to love.
Oh, well, don't call them fat now.
As you pry open
the chest, Elga, a cone
of concentrated cold focuses out and impacts everyone in the party.
Three of you are able to kind of like bear the brunt of it, but Mateed takes a good amount of cold direct to the face.
Could I close the chest?
It comes out and then very quickly disperses.
What's the cold do?
The cold gives Mateed 26 points of damage.
Oh my goodness.
Everyone else gets 13.
Mateed's down.
So Mateed's not down.
Mateed's frozen in place like a statue.
Okay.
Okay.
Mateed's frozen in place and zero HP.
And this isn't necrotic or disease, is it?
No, cold.
Can I Barney cast aid?
Which I looked into it.
Choose up to three creatures within range.
Each target's hit point maximum and current hit points
increased by five points for the duration.
And because it's not healing,
it can work on people who are undead.
I don't know if temporary hit points bring up someone who is at zero.
It's not temporary hit points.
The phrasing, I think, was specifically their current hit points up by five.
So it's not, it's actual hit points, not. It's your hit point maximum their current hit points up by five. So it's not, it's actual hit points, not.
It's your hit point maximum and current hit points increases by five.
So it's not contemporary hit points.
So your cup gets bigger and more gets poured in your cup.
I did some research on that because I was trying to find a way to cure people.
So technically that would put me at five HP while the spell is in place.
Yes.
And it lasts for eight hours.
Concentration, I imagine.
It does take concentration.
There is a ruling here from Jeremy Crawford who...
Ah, yes, Jeremy.
...is like the person who...
Mr. D&D.
Mr. D&D.
And his exact wording is,
if something in the game gives you hit points
and they're not called temporary hit points,
they don't follow the temporary hit point rule.
And specifically, aid says,
each target's hit point maximum
and current hit points increases by five.
It does not call it temporary hit points.
Specifically, you're right, Ben.
I should give him his credit.
He's the lead rules designer for Wizards of the Coast.
So, yeah, Mr. D&D.
So, yes, you are correct, Chris.
This would give Matit the five hit points.
Okay.
Turn to the book of Jeremy Crawford, chapter five, verse 13.
So, five? Five. For a second orford, chapter 5, verse 13.
So five?
Five.
For a second or two, you know, Matide is frozen in place in his statue,
seemingly with a shocked expression on their face.
This is literally just a chest in Ocarina of Time that freezes Link when you open it.
That's what this was.
But Barney comes to Matide's aid and defrosts them.
So who do you all give that to?
The three of you all?
Because I don't think I can do it on myself.
So it's not temp HP.
We just add five to our normal.
You get your hit points increased by five,
but you also get five hit points.
Are you okay?
I am okay for the moment.
All right, that's good.
Merci beaucoup. I was sad when you were Block of Ice.
Elga, now that the kerfuffle has died down,
you notice that there is something, there's a dagger inside of the chest. Elga, now that the kerfuffle has died down, you notice that there is something,
there's a dagger inside of the chest.
Elga pulls it out.
You grab it and pull it up and everyone takes,
no, I'm just kidding.
I was waiting for it.
This room sucks.
As soon as you pull the dagger out of the chest,
the room seems to start warming up a little bit.
What?
Ice starts, you know, dripping and melting
and turning into water.
Was the dagger like in anything or was it just like in the chest? Just in the chest. Placed in
the chest. Could I investigate the dagger or like see if there's anything like markings on it or
words? It's a very unusual dagger in that it seems like it's made from a fang, like a tooth from a
big animal of some kind. Does it look like a dragon? Make a nature check. Can I pull out my dragon sheet paper?
Didn't you give it away?
No, they didn't take it.
I rolled a nat 20, but minus one, so it's 19.
Chris isn't upset by this.
It does not appear to be so, even with the reference from your paper.
You said it's from a fang.
Yeah.
Is this like a weapon weapon or is this like a...
Yeah, it's a fang that has been modified to be able to be used as a weapon.
If you don't want it, I'm in dire need of small pointy weapons.
But also, you found it, so...
How about I hold on to it for now and if you need it, we'll talk.
Okay.
This is in character, Mateed is laughing.
Mateed thinks this is humorous.
Sometimes Elga wants things more when other people want them to.
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You can add this to your inventory if you want,bara it's labeled fang frost fang frost so uh just as a reminder uh up against this wall there was also a door and three levers oh is there
anything marking the levers make an investigation check can i investigate as well sure yeah why not
what does um range mean when it says 20 feet
out of 60 feet? Like if you throw it.
So you throw it within 20
feet normally, then
beyond that, up to 60 feet is disadvantage.
Oh, okay. It's like too far. Like the
shooting the arrow thing that Kyborg had.
Exactly. 11? I rolled a 3.
Both of you look and neither of you can find any markings
on the three levels. Perhaps Elga and
Chip, you might be able to decipher what is the use of these levers.
I have an advantage on investigation because of my...
Because you're a curious little girl.
Because of my eyes of minute seeing.
Minute seeing.
Minute seeing.
14.
Yeah, go ahead and check it out then.
Come on, advantage.
Okay, there's a 15 and a 7, so 15.
Yeah, both of you look and neither and I guess none of the four of you
are able to find any markings on these levers.
Guys, I don't know about you,
but I just want to start yanking levers.
Like, what do you say we pull the left lever?
Matisse slowly steps back about 10, 15 feet.
Okay.
Barney, I guess we'll do the same
and kind of, like, ready himself.
So you're just pulling one?
Yeah.
Elga, you want to take cover in case it explodes?
Elga gets in the chest.
What do I do with your nice new dagger to take any damage?
It's not very in character for you to be that way.
This is making me want to hold on to this dagger forever and ever
and just go to sleep with it and think about it.
Are you going to give it your special Elga hug?
Yep, sure am.
I'll pull up my shield.
I'll stand in front of Mateed and Barney.
Okay, so Chip is pulling the levers.
Then behind Chip is Elga.
Then behind Elga, she's kind of blocking Mateed and Barney who are behind her.
Yep.
Okay, which one do you want to pull?
Left, middle, or right?
Left.
And before I do, I say, I'm going to say something real silly,
because I don't think that I live in a world where God would make me, you know,
say my last words something dumb, you know?
Like, I think they would give me some sort of poetic, cookie dough.
Not blurble
garble
blurble garble
everyone
blurble garble
blurble garble
to you
and a good
morning to you
you pull the
lever on the
left and all
you hear like a
metallic clink
noise come from
the ceiling up
above you
giant hunks of
frozen meat begin
falling to the
floor all around
everyone make a
dexterity saving
throw even though I'm like 15 feet back?
Oh, yeah, it's all in the room, everywhere.
What is this meat packing room?
What is this room?
Did the Joker make this room?
I rolled a one.
Was I able to, because I have advantage on dex?
Yes.
Okay.
Your dangerous sense would work.
They were fairly readied up, too.
I have basically not rolled above a 10 this entire time with any of my natural dice rolls.
I rolled a 5.
That's 10.
I was an 11.
15 for Elga.
Elga's the only one who makes it.
Everyone else gets clobbered by giant slabs of falling meat and takes.
Because I'm small, so I was in between the slabs falling.
Five.
Oh, no.
Five points of damage.
Matide is down again.
A giant rack of ribs
falls on Matide's head and knocks
him to the ground. I want my birdie back,
birdie back, birdie back. I'm down to
one. Man,
this room is worse than most enemies
we have fought, and it's just
a meatpacking room. Let's be
honest, it's a very dangerous profession.
Gus, do you mind if I take my elixir of healing?
Yeah, go for it. Alright, it's 2d4 profession. Gus, do you mind if I take my elixir of healing? Yeah, go for it.
Alright, it's 2d4 plus 3, I'm gonna roll those d4.
Just leave me down while you try these other levers.
Is this why you got into baking? Yeah.
No, I bake with meats. Meat pies are fantastic.
What if we cover you guys in the fallen meat
that provides kind of like a meat shield?
Just cover everybody in my carcass.
Does anyone have any healing potions?
I just used the last of it.
I'm sorry. I don't want to die from being, you know, hitting the meat.
All right.
Try another lever.
I mean, are you guys good if I just keep on with the levers?
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, you have the one in the middle and the one on the right.
Yeah, left, right, and center.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to cast Bless.
What does that mean?
I didn't sneeze.
Wait, no.
I can't do that,
because then we'd lose our five... You'd lose your five hit points.
Okay.
Because it's concentration.
I'm just gonna concentrate.
Okay.
Why don't you take cover under the slabs of meat, Barney?
Yeah, I'll do that and get under my shield.
What if we, you know,
there's got all these crates around here.
Why don't you guys all empty them out
and then get in underneath the crates
so they got, like, some protection. You pull the middle
lever, all the metal goes
We're just gonna Metal Gear Solid
it and just have a crate of this.
It's not a bad idea. If you want,
I'm gonna hold off until you guys decide.
I'll get in the box. Okay.
I'm unconscious. Alright, I stuff her
carcass into a box.
Do you wanna get into a box? No. Okay.
Nobody puts baby in a box. Nobody puts baby in a box.
Nobody puts Elga in a box.
Alright, this could kill us. Hold my hand, Elga.
Which one do you do? The center or the right?
Center. Come on.
Okay, wait, hold on.
I said cookie dough. Dookie cough!
And I pull the lever. It's cookie dough,
but C and D are swapped.
Dookie cough! You pull it, and you hear
a metallic clink come from the chest.
Which chest?
The one that you opened where you found your very special fang.
Can I check inside of it?
Yeah.
Make an investigation check.
11.
You see that there's like a locking mechanism in the crate that perhaps was activated by that lever.
So now the chest is locked?
Or would have been.
Correct.
It's like if you see like a deadbolt point out, but the door's open.
Okay.
Well, that was harmless.
This would have locked the chest if we had tried the levers before we opened the chest.
All right.
Good thing you didn't hide in the chest.
Hello.
Right lever.
All right, everybody.
Ready up.
Right lever.
Here we go.
I just want to point out, I can't say this in character, so you can't
act upon this. We haven't tried
the door at all. We've just been pulling
levers. Orble gerbil! And then I pull the lever.
You pull the lever and you hear a metallic
clink come from the iron door.
Door's unlocked. Alright, let's try
to get Matin's carcass out. Or maybe
now it's locked. Maybe we should
try opening it now. Can I go check the door?
How do you check it? I take my sword and I kind of poke at it and I just, from a distance, see if I can open it.
Yeah, you poke it and it begins sliding open.
Door's unlocked.
Can I come out of the box?
You look like a cute little turtle, but yeah, you get out of there.
Okay.
All right.
I'm not in combat.
When can I do rolls?
We can make the rolls now or someone in the party can take an action to stabilize you,
I think is what they call it, and you're just at zero.
Yeah, they can take an action to stabilize you.
Can I try and stabilize Mateed?
Is that a medicine check?
Yeah, a medicine check.
Oh, come on, bird.
16?
Yeah, you're able to stabilize Mateed.
Over 10?
So do they get one?
Yeah.
Barney, feed her like a mama bird.
It's what they're used to.
Bring her, bring him back to health.
Here, take this roll and just...
Mateed is up.
Like, Mateed has been recessed.
No, no, no, you need to go back down.
We'll bring you back to health.
Oh, I have a potion of healing.
You're still unconscious.
A stable creature doesn't make death saving throws.
It does remain unconscious, though. Quick, everyone
gather sticks and things to make a nest.
Why don't I just carry my teed?
If you stay at this state for
a while, eventually you do regain one
hit point. Can we like do a short rest?
Yeah, if you want to before you go through the door
I think you all could take a short rest now that the
dagger has been taken out and the room's warmed up
and not so brutally cold. Alright.
Okay. Up to you guys.
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if you
tell anyone to, uh, take
a short rest, they will do it. No, nobody has to,
uh, pick up and lug
my teat around. I don't think
now I have to do a long rest to get rid of my
exhaustion. I was like, does going down
to death take away exhaustion? Nope.
You still wake up exhausted.
Oh, I'm tired.
A short rest would be lovely.
And I'm going to go ahead and just give me my healing.
Good news, everybody.
I'm at full health.
Do we still have those five from Barney?
I think that lasted for an hour.
No, it's eight hours.
And he hasn't done a spell.
Okay, so we still have that.
All right.
Before we go, Chip wants to take a gander outside and see if the coast is clear.
Okay, so everyone's ready to go, done with your short rest.
But before really going through the door, Chip, you want to peek your head through and just kind of like see what's on the other side?
Sure.
You peek your head through the door, and the odor of salt and raw meat fills your lungs.
You're looking at the back of a fairly vacant butcher shop.
In front of you is a vendor wearing a bloody apron with a muscular chest and arms
but scrawny legs. She's currently hacking
away at a juicy flank of meat with
a serrated cleaver, but you notice she seems
to be sniffling while doing it. She doesn't seem to have
noticed you watching her. Okay.
Could Elga see if there's any blood
on the ground or like dripping
anywhere? Yeah, I would say that
since the room is defrosting,
that there would be like blood and juices
in the room on the floor.
Could Elga scoop up some and drink some very privately?
So gross, so gross.
Yes, but I don't know if that counts for your ability.
Okay.
I think it had to be-
Fresh.
Some, yeah, fresh.
Chip pokes his head back into the room and says,
Okay, we're still in the meatpacking plant area.
Elga, stop licking the floor.
I'm just making sure.
I thought it was water,
and I know we might be thirsty after such a treacherous...
I know we might be thirsty.
After such a treacherous journey down here.
There seems to be an emotionally vulnerable butcher outside.
They have skipped leg day.
We should approach with caution.
Why do you think emotionally vulnerable?
They seem to be sniffling.
So it's either, you know, they just went through a breakup and they've been listening to a lot of the T-Swift or they're cutting onions too.
Or maybe it's cold.
Allergies.
Maybe they have a cold.
That has been known to happen from time to time.
It has been a little cold down here.
We should approach with caution because they do have a large cleaver.
I volunteer you, Chip, with all your charisma to help us out with this.
Hachi chachi.
A vote of confidence from Matide.
Okay.
Wolf, do you guys want to go?
I agree with Matide.
Turn it down a notch,
Barney. I love when Barney interjects.
Okay, so I'll
walk outside. I'll make my
presence abundantly clear.
How are you going to do that? Hey there! It's me,
Chip Haney! I thought like you were
going to stomp or something, not like scream
and scare the person with a cleaver.
You seem to be at work and I'm so sorry to bother you,
but I'm a little turned around
and I'm just needing to get the heck out of here, you know?
The butcher turns around, somewhat startled
at your loud exclamation and looks at you
and you can see it seems like she's fighting back tears.
Where did you come from?
Well, we were in the town, you know, the bazaar,
and then a bunch of frogs just jumped out of nowhere and started exploding.
And so we had to get to the nearest escape.
We went down a big old slide, and then we ended up in this here freezer.
And now I'm talking to you, and you seem to be a little troubled.
Unshoulder your burden on me.
What's going on?
Before we get to that, what was the name of the bazaar you were at?
Are we here or is it just Chip?
I think it's just Chip.
Do they hear it?
Can they, like, whisper?
Mateed knows it and is not saying it.
I know it's you.
It's the Chapikizab Bazaar.
You all heard the question.
You all can see Chip stumbling.
It's called Boniche Bazaar.
Boniche Bazaar?
Give yourself an inspiration, Barbara.
I'm loving it.
Sorry, John.
I know you knew it too.
No, no, no.
Mateed, in character, heard that they were asking Chip and did not give.
The problem is that I hate my job
I love animals that I can't stand the fact that I have to do this to make ends meet. Oh
Aha, I wish I could just follow my true passion
Yeah, what's your true passion
Sailing I'd love to fix up my old boat and just sail along the canals.
Well, what can we do to get your boat fixed up?
I don't know.
It's just so much uncertainty.
Well, how much is that going to cost you?
I haven't even thought about that.
Yeah, I don't know.
Then I'd have to stop working, find another job.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, do you want to spend your whole life hacking up old animals and you feel bad about doing it?
Or you want to follow your dreams, huh?
Are you following your dreams?
Oh, yeah. I kill for a living. It's great. I'm missing my wife. She seems to be gone and I can't.
How could you kill?
Well, I mean, I'm real good at it and I kind of, I've got, you know, I find joy in it sometimes.
You find joy in this bloody work?
Yeah, because if you find bad people and you're ending their life and they're stopping them from wrongdoing, you know,
we also live in a world where ghosts exist.
One of my best friends is a ghost, you know, there's life after death.
Oh, oh, so you only kill bad people.
You never kill good people.
Yeah.
Mateed looks around as you mention that.
Just trying to find out who you're pointing at.
The ghost friend? Should we just
silently close the door?
Mateed is nodding their
head and just helping you close it.
Back to my question though. How much is that going to cost
you to repair their boat?
It's not so much the cost.
Just the time. Sitting down.
Not working. And putting the effort into it.
And yeah, Barna, if you heard me, you can go in if you want.
I just want to say that life is short, and you can go your whole life dreaming of what you want to do and working on it.
And before you know it, it's almost over.
So don't hit that meat all day.
Yeah.
Hey, what's your name, by the way?
My name is Pamila.
That's a beautiful name.
The name of a sailor.
And what kind of creature was this?
Some bizarre looking humanoid person
wrapped up in wrappings
like a lot of the other citizens here in Carcasuc.
You know, you're right.
She takes a long, hard look at Barney.
I should get going while I still can.
I'd be happy to help you fix up your boat.
I'm a bit of a carpenter.
Yeah, he's got like mending stuff.
Oh, magic.
Oh, there's no need.
I'm already so indebted to you for giving me the confidence to go about my ways.
Here, in fact, take this.
She reaches into her pocket and puts ten silver pieces in each of your hands, Barney and Chip.
I'd give them back.
I couldn't possibly accept this.
You need this. Oh, you're too
kind. Thank you.
I'm gonna go and release all the animals
in the seaport and go fix up my boat
and set sail right away.
Ahoy, matey. See you later.
I'll take the silver if nobody
else is going to. No, no, no.
She needs it to survive. She runs out the door.
Okay, bye-bye.
Perhaps we should follow
this person because we are in need of
procuring a boat ourselves.
Oh, yeah. Hey,
Pamila! Pamila's gone. Okay.
Do you want to do a
quick look around the room in case there's
anything else in here? Yeah, it's
just like a quaint shop with rustic
wooden shelves, an array
of carefully curated cuts of meat. You know, the front of the shop's like a large glass window
looking out to the street where there's like a pen of livestock and the lettering on the window
reads Pamela's protein. Mateed, you, you know, quickly see what's going on and try to follow
Pamela, but she has bound out the door and down the street. Just passed all the animals she was supposed to release.
Beyond the butcher shop, there's a pair of long streets that are now filled with bleeding, bellowing livestock.
You name it. Camels, mules, boar, they're all out and about as Pamayla runs down the street letting them out, cackling.
At the end of the roads to the south is a seaport docked with a few boats.
Well, guys, we're going to the seaport. We gotta find a boat.
You think Pamela would allow us to join
her? You guys became such quick friends.
Yeah, it's worth a shot.
What the heck? Do we see which boat she got
on? She got onto
kind of a small dinghy and is
currently rowing out from the seaport.
Is the mummy still with us?
Yes. Is there a boat you think we should take,
mummy?
Oh, absolutely.
I'm sure we can commandeer some rowboats down at the seaport.
Oh, okay.
Can I look around and see if there's any ones that are damaged or not being used?
So the seaport's like at the end of the road.
We gotta go down these roads.
Right, you all are still at the northern end of the road.
All right, let's start power walking down that way.
Everyone roll me perception checks.
22.
16.
Good lord, six.
16.
Just not my day for rolling.
It's because you came out of the dark so quickly,
so your eyes are still adjusting. I'm dilating pupils.
I stepped on a crack or something.
Got cursed.
Everyone except for Mateed notices, like,
an acrid, smoky smell to the air.
Can we look and see if it's like in the wind or anything?
If it's coming from one area?
Make an investigation check, Barney.
13.
It seems like it's coming from up above.
Are we getting at seven deadly sins or not a seven deadly sins?
What is it?
All like the frogs?
The plagues.
You look up and storm clouds seem to be forming overhead and a hail of fireballs begins raining from the sky
throughout the seaport all around you.
We better get out of here before the firstborn is taken.
That's a nasty plague.
Yeah, let's hustle to the boat.
Looks like we're going to have to make our way down this road.
Yeah.
Will you start going northwest?
Is there any wagons or anything that we can speed this up with?
Yeah, there are like some carts that you feel would probably be pulled by beasts of burden,
which are now out running around wildly in the street trying to dodge fireballs that are falling from the sky.
Are there any that look nice?
Any carts that look nice or any?
No, no, beasts, like nice friendly beasts of burden.
Sometimes they might have been nice, but right now they're all panicked and beginning to run around wildly.
Will you just run? Yeah, let's a bird. Sometimes they might have been nice, but right now they're all panicked and beginning to run around wildly. We just run?
Yeah, it's just fun.
Yeah.
You begin running, which seems to spook some of the livestock even more.
And they begin running, too.
Like running alongside you wildly.
This is about to be a Noah's Ark situation.
I was thinking more like Lion King, like Will to Bees.
Yeah.
He's heading down that way.
Very much that way.
Everyone, for fun, let's make a dexterity saving throw.
Jeez.
11.
Do I see this, though?
Yes, you have advantage on this one.
24.
Oh, thank goodness.
Oh, Mateed, look at you.
20 for Elva.
Chip and Barney, some of the larger livestock kind of bump into you all a few times,
roughing you up, you know, bruising you in the ribs a little bit.
So each of you takes one point of damage.
Blame.
Move.
Blame.
Hush.
Okay.
You've already, like, taken us down to, like, nothing.
We're so soft.
Oh, fine.
Everyone make another dexterity saving throw.
Hush.
The fireballs are falling all around you.
Oh, so we're actually doing another dexterity saving throw?
Are we actually?
Yeah.
20.
Yes. 21. 20. Yes.
21.
22.
17.
I hate you all.
Okay, yeah, you all are able to effectively dodge out of the way of the fireballs that
are falling from the sky all around you.
You run and you see docked in the harbor, there's a pair of rowboats being looked after
by a guard.
We can take these rowboats, get out of the seaport,
and travel the Kahorean canals to the northeast.
Karen canals?
Run up to the guard.
I'm like, what's your name?
What?
Who are you? What's your name?
It's really strange when the elderly just run up and go,
what's your name?
Son.
People call me Rod uh, Roddy.
Roddy, quickly.
We need to escape.
The entire village is being overrun by animals and fire.
I can see.
What happened?
I don't know, but we all have to leave.
Let's get in these boats and run.
We'll make sure you're safe.
We're expert rowers.
Come on, Roddy.
Let's go, Roddy.
Come on.
We can't go. You don't want to lose yourers. Come on, Rowdy. Let's go, Rowdy. Come on. We can't go.
You don't want to lose your life.
Rowdy, come on.
Let's do it.
Do it.
Make a persuasion check with advantage.
Just because Chip was yelling, do it.
Do it.
That's a 19.
Rowdy says, oh, okay.
He throws down his sword and begins releasing the moorings of the rowboats.
That's a boy, Rowdy.
Keep your sword.
You might want it.
And I give it to him.
And then can we all get in the boats?ats. Better boy, Roddy. Keep your sword, you might want it. And I give it to him. And then can we all get in the boats?
Yeah.
Come on, new guy.
Roddy goes to jump onto the boats,
and as he does so, a fireball from the sky
falls down and hits him and knocks him into the water.
Oh, Roddy!
He sinks to the bottom of the canal, unmoving.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
I salute for just a second
and then we get around the boat.
So is he dead?
Yes.
Could I dive in and bite him?
There you go.
Sure, you can try mouth-to-neck resuscitation.
Don't be a hero, Helga!
No, I need to save him!
Be right back!
Helga, no!
No, she's just doing good.
Oh, she's giving him mouth-to-mouth.
Oh!
In the water! What a she's just doing good. She's giving him mouth to mouth. In the water.
What a brave young lady she is.
You dive into the water, and as you do so,
you see Roddy pop back up out of the water. Oh.
As a Horduum, and he begins to slowly start to shamble over towards the boat.
You did it!
Way to go, Helga!
Can I do my bite of sucking?
Sure.
I'm going to use my inspiration die on that one because I only rolled a nine.
It's 25.
Oh, yeah.
It successfully hits.
During.
Or attaches or latches.
Six points of damage.
Yeah.
You're able to latch on to the Horduum, formerly known as Roddy, and drain its life force.
You get HP for that?
The bloodthirsty bite gives you.
Oh, okay. That's a form of my bite of sucking. and drain its life force. You get HP for that? The bloodthirsty bite gives you...
Oh, okay.
That's a form of my bite of sucking.
This one just procs your knee to do that.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, Mateed is already rowing.
Okay.
Guys, I have bad news about Roddy.
No, don't die.
Tell us.
Give it to us straight, doctor.
He didn't make it.
He was bleeding everywhere.
I don't know how drowning would do that, but it did.
It's probably because Barney gave him his sword back.
Oh, Barney.
It's all my fault.
Barney.
He would still be with us.
In the boat.
Okay.
You all embark onto the canal,
spire continuing to fall from the skies,
but as soon as you leave the port,
you notice the blazing hail does not seem to follow.
You follow the coastline for a few minutes
until the channel turns,
and you pass under a few bridges. A cool wind sweeps through your hair and feathers and the lapping
of water against the boat makes for a soothing rhythm. Splash splash. Roll roll roll your boat.
Chip me down the stream. Elga looks at Chip. Merrily merrily. For the first time since you entered the
desert you notice your sore feet feel cool.
In fact, they feel wet.
You look down and realize that your boat is taking on water.
Uh-oh.
Faster and faster, the boats flood with water, and before you know it, you are sinking into the canal.
You struggle to swim to shore, but the water feels thicker.
Your breathing becomes hurried, and you can't seem to stay afloat.
That's when you notice the color of the water has turned crimson red.
Find out what happens on the next week
of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
Sounds like Elga's going to have a great day.
Yeah, yeah.
Elga just comes out like...
She's doing laps.
Yeah.
Like the blueberry girl
from Willy Wonka,
but she's red.
All right.
Thanks for listening, everybody.
It was a real fun episode.
Get on in the water.
It's great.
We'll be back next week
with another new episode.
Oh, we've seen a lot of posts
on social asking about
where they can get
Stinky Dragon Dice.
They are now in the Rooster Teeth store.
Woo!
Store.roosterteeth.com.
Barbel, garble.
Barbel, garble, everyone.
Garble, garble.
I have this lovely little green felt bag, and they look beautiful.
With the logo, Stinky logo.
There's a limited number of quantity.
Yeah, they all sold out at RTX, but we saved half of the batch for sale online for the folks that could make it to Austin.
So, if you are interested, go order
them now because they will
sell out. Yeah. Also, quick update,
while Chris and I are still working on
the Big Puppet Show, you might notice
that the puppet videos are going to
slowly be replaced by
animated videos, which are cool!
On our social, we've got our
team of animators who are working on RTA
here at Rooster Teeth.
They're going to be working
with us on, like,
cartoon versions.
So tune in for those.
They're a lot of fun.
They're very cute.
And that's basically
just to pull back the curtain.
We don't have the ability
to work on both
the long-form puppet show
that we're working on
and the mini versions
for social.
The puppets are real divas.
They won't work
on both at the same time.
Only one production at a time.
So, yeah, fortunately, we have our awesome animation team
that's helping us with that workload.
Go check them out. Socials are at StinkyDragonPod.
User.
This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Ben Ernst,
written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger,
with additional editing work by David Sanya.
And this week's Arrow question was submitted by
user WolfMarauder39 on Reddit.
Here's a quick shout out to some folks that interacted with us on social media recently and here are some npcs named after them
in this episode rider wajad aka the mummy named after user rider 7s on reddit pamela the butcher
named after user uncrystallized on twitter also want to give a special thanks to some friends
who provided voices for those characters in this episode. Ryder Rajad, the mummy, voiced by Hannah McCarthy at hihello underscore Hannah.
And Pamela the butcher, voiced by Emily Weeks at Emily Weeks.
Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. you