Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Karcasuuk Coup - C02 Ep 15 - Red Letter Day

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

After helping out the shopkeepers in Cah-H’rion Canal, the party comes face to face with a blood elemental! Check out our merch and follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and more: https://linktr....ee/TalesFromTheStinkyDragon Go to http://mintmobile.com/stinky to cut your wireless bill to $15 a month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 This is a Rooster Teeth production. stinky dragon partake in our latest potation, Flotsam Blossom. It's a mixture of teeth toffee bar, vanilla spine cream, and cold detachinated coffee. One sip of this snake sauce is enough to cool your jetsam. Previously, our adventurers bolted from Bohnish Bazaar, barreled into a bone-chilling butchery. However, things heated up quickly when hellfire hail hurled high from the sky. Luckily, the party boarded a boat and began a cruise to Carrion Canals. Now it seems they are taking on more than water, a flood of blood.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Round up a refreshment, let's resume this rank recollection. Hello everyone, my name's Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. Resume this rank recollection. Hello, everyone. My name is Gustavo Sorolla. I'm the dungeon master of our putrid party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. This week's role-playing warm-up question. Thank you, Barbara.
Starting point is 00:01:14 This week's role-playing warm-up question is, if your character had a catchphrase, what would it be? Don't forget to introduce yourself when you answer it. That's a good one. I like that question. Oh, I'll go first i i got one okay go for it okay if i had a catchphrase introduce yourself hey it's blaine uh hey jay there hey it's chip haney uh blaine gibson oh god i i'm all out of swords uh tiefling rogue
Starting point is 00:01:40 and if i had to look at your phone for that that that's what you need. Yeah. I had a catchphrase back during my assassin days. I'd sneak up on someone real sneaky, like, and then I'd whisper in the air. Looks like you got a chip on your shoulder. That's good. That's really good. Vital part of someone's body.
Starting point is 00:01:59 The shoulder. They'd laugh until the blood filled their throat. That's a good one. Chip. I like that. I hope you never say it to me. Hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman. I play Elga Von Brass, the half-elf vampire barbarian.
Starting point is 00:02:14 And her catchphrase would be, Get in my way, Elga will make you pay. These sound more like the like Desperate Housewives little like lower thirds. We're seeing the character select menu in Mortal Kombat where they say like, oh.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Touch my man and you won't have a hand anymore. There's a lot of similarities between Street Fighter and Desperate Housewives shows. I would say so, yeah. Very similar costuming. I am Chris Damaris, and I play Barney Farney. I had a couple catchphrases. I'm going to go with fool, fool, fool.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Perfect. No notes. Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Yeah. Well, you can't get fooled again. A classic Bushism. Yeah, yeah, yeah can't get fooled again. A classic Bushism.
Starting point is 00:03:07 Yeah, I got it. I got it. Did you say that? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's famously flubbed it. It's great. That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:03:15 My name is John Reisinger. I play Mati Confucius, the Eric Cochrane ghost monk. And I'm trying to think of like what Mati would have a catchphrase of. And the best I could come up with is just something along the lines of je ne parle pas anglais just to get people not to talk to them anymore I don't speak English
Starting point is 00:03:35 I thought it would be something like Matide rises to the occasion no I don't like Matide has no interest in being like quippy like that with people Mateed is just like Mateed's just very aloof yeah that's good hey inspiration dice to you guys
Starting point is 00:03:54 thank you actually I really liked your catchphrase Chip why don't you give yourself an inspiration die that was excellent not denigrating anybody else's catchphrase. That was genuinely funny for once from Blaine.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Took me a second to figure the inspiration die situation. I was trying to think of a pun with like hell and Elga. Like there'll be Elga to pay.
Starting point is 00:04:18 But then I was like that's a weird thing to say. I like it. You all embark onto the canal. Spire continuing to fall from the skies. But as soon as you leave the port,
Starting point is 00:04:27 you notice the blazing hail does not seem to follow. You follow the coastline for a few minutes until the channel turns and you pass under a few bridges. A cool wind sweeps through your hair and feathers and the lapping of water against the boat makes for a soothing rhythm. Splash, splash, splash.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Roll, roll, roll your boat. Chip me down the stream. Elga looks at Chip. Merrily, merrily. For the first time since you entered the desert, you notice your sore feet feel cool. In fact, they feel wet. You look down and realize that your boat is taking on water. Uh-oh. Faster and faster
Starting point is 00:05:00 the boats flood with water, and before you know it, you are sinking into the canal. You struggle to swim to shore, but the water feels thicker. Your breathing becomes hurried, and you can't seem to stay afloat. That's when you notice the color of the water has turned crimson red. That's a nightmare.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Yeah, uh, speaking of nightmares, everyone go ahead and make a strength saving throw. Quick, does anybody have a bunch of jugs that we could bottle this up for later? I'll do the strength saving throw if you want me to, but genuinely, at the feeling of water on their feet,
Starting point is 00:05:29 Mateed would have gone straight to the sky. In that case, make a dexterity saving throw just to see how quickly you're able to react. That was an 18 for Chip. I'll do a 25 for Elgo. My saving throw is the same as mine,
Starting point is 00:05:40 so it was 18. One day we'll get him right. I know. 14. 14, yeah. We'll say you're able to dart up into the Air very quickly so strength save chip 18 Barney
Starting point is 00:05:49 18 Elga 25 Look at you everyone's pretty strong today Used to be back on the rowing team in college What college did you go to What was chip's major And there's where the improv died I had all this written down Yamford
Starting point is 00:06:07 Yamford Oh yeah Is that in the credit score? Sorry I stepped on what you were saying No no that's great Those fucking yams I really want to We need a shirt
Starting point is 00:06:23 The yamford yams The fighting yams We need that Yeah, I really want to we need a shirt The game for games yeah the fighting yams we need that I'm just imagining the mascot at the games Doesn't have any a face hole It's just a body in a big Potato and I majored in communications. You know, you're a very good communicator. Why, thank you. What?
Starting point is 00:06:53 So yeah, everyone made their saving throw successfully, as did the mummy. So you all, I assume, take the opportunity to swim directly to shore, which is not honestly too far away from where you are. The mummy's just dry bones. What happens if she gets wet? Does she fall apart? It's like toilet paper getting wet.
Starting point is 00:07:10 Yeah. Oh no, she'll dry out. What do you think happens to a mummy when they get wet? Probably not good things. I feel like if you poured some water on King Tut, he wouldn't look so good. The whole process of mummification is drying out the body. Right. Yeah. How is Elga swimming through all this?
Starting point is 00:07:26 Open mouth. That's what I was wondering. Just like a Jaws shark coming in for the kill. I mean, this isn't, it's just blood, right? Is it human blood? Is it any type of blood? You're the connoisseur. You tell us.
Starting point is 00:07:41 I'm sensing some human noise in this. Is it actually blood? So are you actually drinking some of it then, Elga? Yeah, absolutely. What's your constitution? Uh-oh. My constitution is 16. Hmm, that's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:07:53 A hardy little vampire. So you open up your mouth and, you know, take a gulp or two of the, in air quotes, water. But yeah, it does seem to be blood. You're not sure specifically what kind of blood, but it is definitely blood i have any like empty vials with me that i could i don't know what's your in your inventory do you have a flask i believe i do you could you don't well i'm not gonna tell you what to do but you might have a flask as matide looks down to you guys arriving to the shore one of the party looks like a blueberry just blown up don't think i do actually have a flask i feel like you had potions that we've
Starting point is 00:08:26 emptied out yeah we never keep track of keeping those bottles true but we don't we recycle so uh they're gonna have a chip on their shoulder I don't sleep I'm a ghost come at me everyone reaches the shore and the mummy looks up and down the canal I don't understand. I'm a ghost. Come at me. Everyone reaches the shore and the mummy looks up and down the canal.
Starting point is 00:08:45 I don't understand. First, deceased amphibians. Then, fire from the sky. And now, water turned to blood. It's as if a curse has fallen upon us. You see a throng of locals running down the street toward you. You overhear some people on the street. I can't believe I just drank blood.
Starting point is 00:09:07 I know. We gotta get out of the city. I know I can't believe we drank blood. I hear Glurb is nice this time of year. The crowd of people brush past you all. In fact, one person bumps into Chip and they knock you over, but they just keep going and quickly around a nearby corner disappearing from view. Well, excuse me. Golly. Did any of us see who that was? No, it was just very quickly in the throng of people. I checked myself to see if anything got stolen. Yeah, make a perception check, I guess. All right. Or like place.
Starting point is 00:09:31 What's the counter to a sleight of hand check? Perception. Okay, learn something today. 13. No, you, I mean, all your weapons, everything that's important to you, checked out. No, the only thing that's important is I checked that the photo of my wife, Carol, is still intact. It is intact. Oh, thank goodness. It looks rose-tinted.
Starting point is 00:09:48 Oh no, Carol! The mummy reaches out to lift you back up. Please, excuse my people. They are normally more hospitable than this. Speaking of... The mummy looks around a bit. We should probably find somewhere to get cleaned up from all this
Starting point is 00:10:04 blood. Yes. Cleaned up from all this gross blood. Yucky. Go ahead and everyone roll a perception check. I rolled a 18. 18. That's a nice roll. 23. I don't know what I rolled my... Matide a 4. Thank you. I rolled a nat
Starting point is 00:10:19 20 but minus 1. We'll start with Matide. You choke on something and panic as you start coughing up blood. I flew. But then you remember it's not yours. Oh, you flew. You panic. Try again.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Try again. You panic as you see many people on the street coughing up blood. Okay. But you calm down. And then you start coughing on bugs that you coughed. When you're flying, you flew up in the air, mouth open. Yep. And then bugs.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Perfect. That's perfect. Hey, Blaine, high five. Hey. D&D, Scrabble, storytelling. Give's perfect. Hey, Blaine, high five. Hey, D&D, it's collaborative storytelling. Give me a high five, you sissy boy. Dylan.
Starting point is 00:10:50 What happened is with the two of the most sad high fives ever. Yep. We laced fingers on that last one. Elga and Chip, you look around and see this part of Carcassouk
Starting point is 00:10:57 is built amongst channels and canals that weave between buildings and bridges, but every waterway appears to be filled with blood and three buildings stand out amongst the rest. Two have gold domed roofs, and a third is a large
Starting point is 00:11:09 establishment built into a rocky hillside to the north. Barney, every now and then you think you see a pair of eyes staring at you from the canal, but it's probably just the sun reflecting off the liquid. Oh. Or is it? It's going some crazy. Elga looks around and goes, I think someone's been reading my diary.
Starting point is 00:11:27 It's like someone sees your dreams. Yeah. So you're like on the, you know, where this canal is and this channel, it's like on the southern end of this district of the city. This district kind of sprawls out to the north from here. And that rocky hillside I mentioned is like on the far north end of this district. Hey there, mummy. What's that?
Starting point is 00:11:47 The gold donned buildings. What's that gold-doned buildings? What are those? Those are various businesses here in the district. I don't remember specifically what their wares are, though. And the canal. Is this just a... What's the purpose of the canal? It helps with shipping goods and moving quickly around the city.
Starting point is 00:12:06 Are there typically creatures in it? All kinds of fish and wildlife. I just feel like someone's looking at us. With all this here blood in the canal, would you call this an eerie canal? Can I kick Chip into the canal?
Starting point is 00:12:22 You absolutely can. I kick Chip into the canal. Like a Spartan 300. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't resist. I'm not Chip, I'll save you. I don't resist. I knew this day would come. It's just Chip open arms going, yeah, Michael, I deserve it.
Starting point is 00:12:36 Elga jumps in to save Chip. Any opportunity. Yeah. Elga's going to end up being real like loaded up, like logged down with all this liquid. When you drink so much water and you move and you can hear it slush in your stomach. You can have a distended belly. These buildings that have the gold domes,
Starting point is 00:12:51 did they have anything discerning about their markings that showed what kind of a shop they were, if maybe something? Was there signage or a barker outside of it going, hey, come here and clean yourself? One of them's relatively close to you. The other gold dome building is a little further away, more in the center of the district.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Mateed approaches that building. Okay. I assume you're just looking at it from the outside. Yeah. It's a fairly nondescript building that looks largely like a lot of the other buildings around it, with the exception that it has a gold-domed ceiling on top of it. Is there a door?
Starting point is 00:13:20 Yeah, of course. Is it open? There's no door, per se. It's more like beads. Okay. Oh, cool like beads. Okay. Oh, cool. I walk in. A conga line in past with my teed.
Starting point is 00:13:29 Cha, cha, cha, cha, cha. Why are you conga-ing? Because conga's like re... What is that called? Conga line? Yeah, but what's a re-line? I'm just excited. Having a great time with my friends.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Can you do a two-person conga line? Yeah. You gotta start somewhere. Gotta have a third. It's the most awkward conga line ever. Fourth. Two points is the minimum you need for a line. You got to start somewhere. Got to have a third. It's the most awkward Conga Line ever. Fourth. Two points is the minimum you need for a line. I'm adjusting my glasses.
Starting point is 00:13:49 So yeah, you enter and it's a small circular room, probably, if you had to estimate, 40 feet or so in diameter, with the gold domed ceiling. The center is a marble fountain that you think usually greets customers with the soothing sounds of trickling water. There's mirrors and shelves of mineral-based wellness products all around. Is this water water or is it blood? Currently, there is blood spewing from the fountain right now.
Starting point is 00:14:11 So would you say it's less of a trickle and more like a blurb-a-gurble? Blurb-a-gurble? Oh, a blurb-a-gurble, everyone. Blurb-a-gurble. Yeah, if you were to stick your head in it, you would definitely have a blurb-a-gurble day. Okay, and is there anybody,
Starting point is 00:14:22 circular room, fountain in the middle, people? There's a few chairs here set up in the room. One second, let me roll something. You know, if you guys just wanted to leave me here, I'd be okay with it. She's just in the fountain. Are you okay? Are you okay?
Starting point is 00:14:36 Oh, I just, this place just seems so nice and peaceful and has everything Elga needs. There are a few chairs as well, and you look around and you notice there's four people in this room who appear to be currently stuck in their seats or pinned up against the wall. What? Pinned in place by globs of blood. Do you need help there? Are you inside too?
Starting point is 00:14:56 Yeah. Oh, yeah. Conga lined in. Did you not recall? Oh, right. Yeah, you're Conga lined in. Wait, they're like being like gelatinously pinned. Yeah, it's really thick, viscous blood.
Starting point is 00:15:06 Like if someone came in here and was like doing a splatter, you know, what's that called when you go in for like forensics, when it's like a splatter? Oh, like a splatter test or something? What is that called? The Dexter thing. There's a term for that. Anyways, if I went in there,
Starting point is 00:15:20 what did it look like? It all came from the fountain. Yes. As Chip asks, do you all need help there? A glob of blood fires off in Chip's direction. Chip, make a dexterity saving throw. Oh, shucks. Mr. President.
Starting point is 00:15:35 I just got it. Delete reaction. 20, 16 plus 4. Oh, yeah. You see it coming in. You probably incorporate it into your conga dance, and you duck and dodge out of the way of the viscous blood. I actually want to use my tail to connect to the back of my head and make a hoop that it
Starting point is 00:15:47 goes through and i say two points both the the two of you chip and matide make um perception checks that's uh i miss being mud 17 i got rolled a seven i remember when we did perception checks, I was like, 24, 28. I'm just like, seven. Yeah. Mateed has no use for the rest of the world. Chip, you notice that there is someone behind the counter who seems to be trying to wave you over. Oh.
Starting point is 00:16:15 Okay. I cha-cha over real smooth. I follow the cha-cha-ing man who's followed me in here. It's a dancing man. What do you think they're doing in there, Barney? I don't know. Looking for snacks. Oh, snacks. Did you all swap places in What do you think they're doing in there, Barney? I don't know. Looking for snacks. Oh, snacks.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Did you all swap places in the conga line? We come in here. Yes, but I am not conging. Okay. Conga-ing. At least Elga wants to come in. Yeah, Barney follows.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Yeah, you see the scene that I described where there's, you know, blood spewing out of this fountain. People seem to be pinned to the walls and chairs. Oh, my God. You see...
Starting point is 00:16:42 The horror. Chip and Mateed making their way to a counter with someone crouched hiding behind it. Are you still Congo-ing? No, I'm cha-cha-ing. Cha-cha real smooth. I slid to the left. Slid to the right.
Starting point is 00:16:55 Criss-cross. And then I go up to him and I say, Everybody clap your hands! What's going on? I'm Chip Haney. Hi, I'm Emix. Can you help me? I don Chip Haney. Hi, I'm MX. Can you help me? I don't know what happened. My fountain went haywire and it's pinned all my customers. Can you help free them?
Starting point is 00:17:12 Why are you whispering? Elga, make a dexterity saving throw. Oh. With advantage because I could see it, right? Yes. First one's a 12. Second one is a 10. 12's good enough.
Starting point is 00:17:22 As you ask why Emix is whispering A glob of blood launches at you But you with your danger sense You sense it coming And deftly step out of the way just in time This is the first time I've avoided blood in my life Intentionally Since it's like congealed
Starting point is 00:17:38 It's like pudding to Elga Yeah Oh yuck Does anybody have like a Oh oh oh oh Remember that there ice knife you got? I ducked down behind the desk, by the way. My thing, Frost?
Starting point is 00:17:49 Yeah. Why don't you like stab the blood and then make it freeze? Chip, make a dexterity saving throw. I know if I don't say it, you're going to do stuff like that. He's saying it in the voice. I know my DM. Nine. As you're suggesting Frost fang to Elga,
Starting point is 00:18:05 a glob of blood catches you from the blind side and pins you up against the counter. Is my mouth closed? No. Oh, good. Uh-oh. Gross. Can I try to use my fang frost on that glob that just trapped Chip?
Starting point is 00:18:21 Does the fang frost have like a freezing effect you could just throw at the whole fountain itself? I don't know. That's what I was kind of thinking. I'll test it on this first maybe and see what happens. You want to like cut him out from the blood? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:18:32 You're fairly careful. You're adept with daggers and you're able to, you know, cut away some of the viscous blood and free chip. Does the Fang have any effect on the blood? Does it seem? No, just cutting it? No, it doesn't seem to have any effect if anything maybe i would say as you're cutting it it solidifies a little bit but not to the point
Starting point is 00:18:49 where it's you know ice or anything it's just a little more a little thicker so we probably need to make this fountain stop spewing huh yeah does it is it coming from like all angles of the fountain is there like one point it seems to be coming out of yeah there is like a central point where all the liquid comes out on the fountain and that's the origin of everything. This fountain? This is where the Big Bang happened? The origin of everything? Wow. The MX guy, can you
Starting point is 00:19:14 remind me what he whispered again? MX asked for help getting their customers freed and out of harm's way. Yeah, Matisse is still sitting behind the desk. Are you behind there with MX? Yeah. Hey, how are you? My name's MX. Bonjour. My name is Matisse is still sitting behind the desk. Are you behind there with Emix? Yeah. Hey, how are you? My name's Emix. Bonjour. My name is Matisse. Good to meet you. What sort of establishment is this
Starting point is 00:19:29 when it is not being assaulted by blood? Oh, this is a mineral salon. A mineral salon? Oh, what sort of minerals do you procure? We have various cosmetics and treatments for people to help make them feel better. Oh, do you get a lot of business in this area? Yeah, it's pretty good. Maybe that's why she's whispering.
Starting point is 00:19:47 Make a dexterity save and throw Helga. Fifteen. I gotta tell the listeners, I fully, like, snitched on Barbara. I was, like, pointing at Barbara, like, she talked. Hit her with the blood. When people work at salons, they're often whispering. I don't know why to make everyone come, maybe. You could also intentionally fail the save if you wanted to.
Starting point is 00:20:07 Just throwing that out there. No. Okay. Well, you rolled a 15, so the blood fires at you, and you managed to definitely dodge out of the way. Why don't you go up there and freeze it with your sticky? We just tried that, Mario. It didn't work.
Starting point is 00:20:21 Well, did you cast the cold on it? It does that automatically when you use it. It does the cold damage. No, no, no. Well, I don't know this, so I can't see. Should we go up there and try and fight it? Sorry, there's an element of this thing where you could use freezing ferocity while holding it. So maybe I'll try that.
Starting point is 00:20:39 Is that what you meant? Yeah, yeah. Okay. But you don't know that. Yeah, I don't know that. Marnie, that's a great idea. Make another dexterity saving throw, Elga. Uh-oh.
Starting point is 00:20:49 Oh, come on. I rolled a five. You have advantage and you still got a five. Maybe you were overconfident by how easy it was to dodge the blood before, but as you address Barney, a glob of the blood hits you from behind and also pins you up against the wall. MX, this is my cat, Jacques. He's a very, very nice kitty.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Would you like to say hello to Jacques? No. No, I'm okay. The cat's weirded me out a little bit. Oh, why is that? The whole undead connection with cats. Oh, I think it was a reminder. They're not very calm to see around Carcassouk. Guys, can you speak louder? I can't hear you from across the room! Make a dexterity
Starting point is 00:21:26 check, but no advantage. Like, just a normal dexterity check. Uh, 11. You're already restrained, so it can't restrain you anymore. The blood hits near you, but does not do anything further. Is Barney trying to, like, cut her free or pull her free? How do you want to do that? I guess.
Starting point is 00:21:42 Just, like, just, alright, give me your hands, I'll give it a pull. Are my hands free? No. What about my feet? Sure. Okay, grab my ankle. She looks like a blood cocoon.
Starting point is 00:21:53 You slide me out of this blood goop and I keep my mouth open just in case for breathing. Okay. Not swallowing. Definitely not eating. A normal sentence a human says. Yes. Okay. Make a strength sentence a human says. Yes. Okay. Make a strength check, Barney.
Starting point is 00:22:10 I'm envisioning that you look like our friend Jeremy when they duct tape him to the wall. Ten. You give a mighty pull, but Elga does not seem to budge. You might have to stay here. Okay. Emix. Emix. Hey.
Starting point is 00:22:25 Yeah, I'm Emix. What's your name? Hey, there's me. It's Chepaini. I already introduced you, but it's okay. Did we? Mm-hmm. Pretty sure that's like the first thing I do whenever I meet someone.
Starting point is 00:22:35 Oh, sorry. The cat's weirding me out. It's okay. Jack is nice. He's very nice. Mew, mew. I'll take your word for it. Mew, mew.
Starting point is 00:22:42 Mew, mew. Is there like a power source to that there fountain? Some sort of pneumatic system? Pneumatic? Did you go to Yenford? Yeah, go fighting ants.
Starting point is 00:23:04 No, it's just pressure from the water that pushes it out. Normally, it's water, not blood. Yeah, you got to think of very rudimentary technology. Yeah. Kind of just figure out the source of the blood. If you could just free the customers, that would be helpful. I would be willing to reward you. What dissolves blood?
Starting point is 00:23:19 Elga, you seem to be an expert. For some odd reason. I can't hear you from over here. Al goes up against the pin. Yeah. Blood. What about it? What?
Starting point is 00:23:30 Dissolve. Blood. Well, usually I do. There's four people pinned. Yes. Salt. He uses a mineral story and puts salt on it. Put salt on the wound.
Starting point is 00:23:42 It's not ice. That's what you do to its blood. I don't know. Go try something. Hey, I'm stuck against the wall. Oh, you're stuck against the wall as well? Maybe try freeing me so I could use my freezing blood. Have you tried a strength check against it? I want to try a strength check against this blood.
Starting point is 00:23:58 Oh yeah, are we allowed to try to wiggle ourselves out? Yeah, sure, why not? Isn't there a condition that would describe what they are? Are they restrained? Restrained, okay. Can I help Elga while she wiggles? Yeah, and if you help Elga, then I say, Elga, you can make that check with advantage. Mateed, Mateed, Mateed sighs.
Starting point is 00:24:15 Barney's helping Elga. Help me. The Mateed just sighs and just like does that like, okay, and gets up and very just like like, slowly walks towards you. You never purposefully get this close to me. This is nice, is it not? Is the consistency of what is pinning him to the wall something that Mateev would think that, like, slashing it might help?
Starting point is 00:24:38 Yeah. Is it that thick? Yeah. Okay, then I'd like to do, like, a talent strike on it. Also, I rolled a 16. 16? Oh, okay, yeah. You're able to do a talent strike on it. Also, I rolled a 16. 16? Oh, okay, yeah. You're able to wiggle your way free from it.
Starting point is 00:24:47 You're not sure if it's your own brute strength or Barney helping you out, but you're able to free yourself, and you're mobile once again. We did it! We make a dexterity saving throw. Seven. Yeah, now a glob flies out and hits Barney and pins him to the wall right next to where Elga was a moment before. Oh, such a funny visual.
Starting point is 00:25:07 You're free. What would you like me to do for a, uh, do you want me to do, like, an unarmed strike? Yeah, exactly. I'll do strength. And, yeah, you make a strength check. I don't know what you'd be so good at. That is a 20.
Starting point is 00:25:20 Yeah, you're, um, you're pinned really tightly, Chip, but, um, Matide is able to slash and weaken the blood that's holding you up against the wall, and you're able to burst free. Can it be like you weakly couldn't do it, but I slash it, just palm your head, and pull you out from the wall? With your talons?
Starting point is 00:25:37 Yeah, yeah, yeah. One foot slashes the other, and it just grabs the little man. Still holding me near. I go back to behind the desk. Okay. Could I go try to save Barney? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Could I try stabbing that little blood thing and using the freezing ferocity on it? You're trying to stab the blood that's pinning him to the wall? Mm-hmm. You can absolutely do that. I will say... Okay, is that only one use?
Starting point is 00:26:01 It's one until long rest. So it might be a better thing to use. You can just mimic what I just did, basically. Yeah, never mind. Sorry, I didn't It's one until long rest. So it might be a better thing to use. You can just mimic what I just did, basically. Yeah, never mind. Sorry, I didn't see the once per long rest. Also, just so you know, that effect isn't just on one thing. It's a 60-foot cone. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:26:13 So it would affect a lot. This doesn't say 60 feet on that, but that's good to know. Yeah, because you're casting Cone of Cold. Then you have to look up Cone of Cold, and then that's where the information on that is. Okay, I would like to just pull Barney out. Okay. Both of you make strength checks then.
Starting point is 00:26:29 22. 17. Oh yeah. I mean Barney you pop out so easily. Elga you like rip him off the wall. Barney like leaps forward free from all of that. Now we stay very quiet because for some reason I think the blood can hear us. I can make a distraction.
Starting point is 00:26:46 I wanted to revise what I said. I don't go back to behind the desk. I forgot. We just need to get to this objective. Mateed, same energy just slowly plods to the next, to the people. I'll go to a person as well. And it tries the same thing. Can I do
Starting point is 00:27:01 thaumaturgy against a back wall just to distract it where I make noise? That's not bad. Yeah. Yeah, you could try that. And I'll make, I'll go boom boom.
Starting point is 00:27:11 And it's a place that no one is, I assume. Yeah, yeah. So I'd like just do like a back wall making noises. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:16 That's a really good idea. So while you do that at the same time, Mateed and Chip are going to try to pull people off the wall? Oh, yeah. The fountain that's in, I assume, the middle of the room?
Starting point is 00:27:26 Yeah. Is there a way to put a 60-foot cone on it without it affecting anyone else, or is this room too small? Is there any directions that doesn't hit anybody? The room is a 40-foot diameter. There's four people. We'll say they're all up against the same wall.
Starting point is 00:27:40 So, yeah, if you turn it to the opposite wall, you could do that. Okay, I'm going to do that. Okay, so two people are being pulled off the wall thaumaturgy is distracting the fountain and conicola is going off all at the same time a coordinated triple threat the two chip and matide make strength checks okay i thought i was doing a unarmed strike oh that's what you're doing yeah yeah sorry i thought you were pulling okay yeah approach the person and say hi there chipaney i'm here to help you out of this here thing of blood i'm just gonna take your hand give you a little yoink and 13 yeah the two of you managed to peel people off of the wall i guess
Starting point is 00:28:15 chip you peel a person off the wall matid you uh slash and allow that person to fall free right as barney casts his thaumaturgy and a glob of blood flies in the unoccupied space, distracting the fountain. And Elga unleashes a Cone of Cold onto the fountain. Go ahead and roll the damage for that. It's like a Cone of Cold air shoots out from the dagger in a huge cone that envelops the entire fountain and the entire side of the business. So go ahead and roll your cold damage for that. Would it be from the Fang Frost? So the damage is like 1d4 plus four.
Starting point is 00:28:49 You're proccing the spell, the cone of cold. What's the spell's damage? So that's 8d8. 8d8. I shield my person. 34. Dang. The fountain very quickly ices over
Starting point is 00:29:04 and no longer is borbling or gurbling. Oh, no. Burble, garble. Seeing that the fountain is frozen over, MX peeks their head up from behind the counter and says, Is it safe? Check! Test! My ear.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Frozen! Nothing seems to happen. Okay, yeah, it's good. MX comes down and says, Thank you so much. Could you possibly free my other two customers? Sure. I'll go help the other guy.
Starting point is 00:29:30 Can I help as well? You don't have to make a check or anything. The two of you are able to get to freedom just fine. Helga still enjoys whispering. That's kind of a fun little game. I pull my guy out by the right hand, and then he pull him into a handshake, and I say, Chip Haney, pleasure to meet you. Here, you all deserve some kind of reward.
Starting point is 00:29:47 Take these. Here, here, no charge. On the house. What are they? There are two items in MX's hand, one of which appears to be a soap and the other is some kind of charcoal colored powder. This is a concealer of unsightliness and this is a soap of solace. What does a soap of solace do?
Starting point is 00:30:04 The soap of solace refreshes and rejuvenates you and cures any exhaustion, diseases, or poisons you're feeling. Oh. So basically, yeah, someone gets poison, diseased, or exhausted? Yeah. Okay. And when the soap of... Charcoal powder. Unsightliness. Concealer of
Starting point is 00:30:19 unsightliness. Wait, wait, wait. You're trying to get in play? Charcoal is unsightly. No. Unsightliness. Just one. Get your start to get in line? Charcoal is unsightly. No. Concealer? Unsightliness. Just one. Get your start and get to the end. Pneumatic. Concealer of unsightliness? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Is that makeup? It's a charcoal colored powder, like I said, but it kind of shimmers with some other dust in it. When you apply this to your face, it makes you invisible. Oh, my goodness. All right, who wants what? And it's just one of each? Yes. I wouldn't mind the salve because my knees hurt in the morning.
Starting point is 00:30:51 Only if you remember what it's called. I don't remember what it's called. Soap of Solace? Yes. Make sure you put that into your notes section in D&D Beyond. That way you have it and you can remember. And they're like one-use items, just FYI. Who's got a not-good stealth? I think
Starting point is 00:31:08 I'm going to pass on this here charcoal. I only have a plus one to stealth. Okay. They're actual items you can add to your inventory by the way. Sorry, I have plus five. I put it in my hand and... You know, maybe I take the concealer of unsightliness. Oh, yeah. I think you look
Starting point is 00:31:23 like a nice young woman. Not for long. First time Elga uses it, puts a little domino mask on, and just goes, bet. But you just don't see her eyes, though, because it's him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So these are actual items, you said? Yeah. So they're like probably, other than Mateed, our party is quite dirty still.
Starting point is 00:31:42 Probably. Because it just got all congealed up. Okay, well, I'm getting out of here. Thank you all for your help in freeing my customers. But before you go, I just want to be friendly and, you know, a good customer servant. So I'm going to introduce myself to all four of your customers. And I want to hear their names. And their specific.
Starting point is 00:31:59 They're already gone. They left immediately as soon as you cut them down. I just see out of the corner of my eye, Micah furiously writing. Yeah. Pulling up Twitter names. To do four different voices. No, no, no. Thanks, bye. And with that, Emix leaves and runs out the door. Matit follows. Okay.
Starting point is 00:32:14 Yeah, let's go to that other gold-domed building. Can I just look around and see if there's anything else in this building? Like in this room? Just steal while the owner is left. Maybe there's more soap of solace or anything else. That was all he had left. Yeah it
Starting point is 00:32:29 seems like this shop has been turned over and wrecked. Probably a combination of panicked people and the fountain. There doesn't seem to be really anything of value left in here. What about like I know it's not a value but what about like a salt lamp? Like a large piece of salt.
Starting point is 00:32:47 Have we entered the looting portion of this campaign? I got plenty of money. I was going to leave it on the register. I just wanted to get a nice little gift from my wife, Carol. You definitely didn't murder yourself. I want to collect
Starting point is 00:33:04 things from every place so that way I can show her all the adventures I went on. Just get a magnet like a normal person. There's a salt lamp or shot glass. Yeah, get a shot glass. There is a salt lamp, sure.
Starting point is 00:33:19 I give him... How much is this valued at? I don't know. Mateed has gone to the other building silver two silver all right there you go mx i wanted you to be like 400 gold see how much blame was committed to this bit she's probably dead and that's where it ends kindest regards my rankly regulars stinky dragon is now animated have animated. Have you seen the video on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok? Well, you deserve more laughs in your life, featuring some of our favorite moments from the show.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Did you know Stinky Dragon has a soundtrack you can listen to? Well, don't miss out when the next album drops. We're releasing albums monthly to Spotify and YouTube. We have some new merch over at store.roosterteeth.com. We've got a t-shirt and poster available August 18th. The last time we had merchandise was the dice and that sold out super quick. So head over to store.roosteeth.com. Check out the t-shirt and poster August 18th.
Starting point is 00:34:12 After years of fine print contracts and getting ripped off by big wireless providers, if we've learned anything, it's that there's always a catch. So when I first heard Mint Mobile offers premium wireless starting at just 15 bucks a month, you know, of course, the first thought is, what's the catch? But after, you know, checking it out, using the service, I mean, it makes sense. There isn't a catch. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is they're the first company to sell wireless service online only. They cut out the cost of retail stores and pass those sweet savings directly to you. It's high quality service. It works fine. Don't worry about it being like inferior to any
Starting point is 00:34:40 other service you've had. It's just as good as any other service, but way cheaper, no catch. For anyone who hates their phone bill, Mint Mobile offers premium wireless service, just 15 bucks a month. Mint Mobile gives you the best rate, whether you're buying for one or a family. And at Mint, families start at two lines. All plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan. Keep your same phone number alongside all your existing contacts. Switch to Mint Mobile, get premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month. So to get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free, go to mintmobile.com slash stinky.
Starting point is 00:35:15 That's mintmobile.com slash stinky. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com slash stinky. How far away is the other building? It's kind of in the middle of the district. You can see it easily. There's a straight path. Well, a mostly straight path that leads you there. While we go out, can I also check the,
Starting point is 00:35:36 could Barney check the, what would you call it, the water thing? The fountain? No, the canal. Canal. The water thing. Because I did notice. Canal. To see if it... Because I did notice some eyes. Yeah, make a perception check.
Starting point is 00:35:49 It takes a few times of you saying some of the words these places for me to get the pun that Micah was going for. But the carry-on. Oh, yeah, yeah. Canal. Yeah. I see you, Micah. What's the carry-on?
Starting point is 00:36:01 Carry-on is a term for dead bodies. Yeah. Oh. 21. You look into the canal and you only see your face somewhat reflecting back in the blood. I don't like that.
Starting point is 00:36:15 An undead creature. There's an old man in the blood. Save him. You say there's someone trapped in the blood? Do they need saving? Angle would never be getting clean. You guys go by so fast. Yeah, we're probably all bloody, right? Yeah, you guys are all still pretty bloody.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Maybe that other building will have like mats. The gold dome building. The one that you can see in the distance your friend Mati is walking towards. Yes. I better hurry. Okay, we follow. You approach it and this building seems bigger than the previous one that you were just in like significantly bigger uh you're just looking at it from the
Starting point is 00:36:48 outside right uh yeah is there anything like is the same like bead door this one actually has a door unlike the previous building this one's actually a little bigger this one's like a significantly bigger it seems almost like this is a focal point like in the center part of the district building or a religious center. Some main building. Yeah, like it definitely stands out a bit. We're at the mall. That's where we're at. We're at the mall. Yeah, you're at Spencer's. And there's
Starting point is 00:37:13 a sign above the door that says Debbie's Drafts. Drafts? Like a pub. No wonder it's the biggest building in town. That's a focal point of towns like this. I mean, drafts could be something else. Yeah, we're at the army. I go try the door.
Starting point is 00:37:29 Or like a lot of wind. It's just fans. It's just fans. Come get your wind. Those are like really cool ones you flick out. It looks a little cold in there. I try the door. Yeah, door's open. I go in.
Starting point is 00:37:40 I go in. I go in. I guess I'm cool. You walk in and it's a large circular room this one's probably about 80 feet in diameter with a gold dome ceiling the center is a four-sided island bar top with what appears to be a humanoid person passed out in the middle flowing around the bar is an indoor river streaming clockwise around the room carrying floating tables and benches that's a cool in a current of blood. Oh, normally a cool
Starting point is 00:38:06 gimmick. Can I hurdle the little river to go to the barkeep? Yeah, just for fun. For giggles, because we're playing a game. Make a dexterity check. Is it a game? Barney, go as well. 16. Yeah, make a dexterity check as well. Chip, you very easily and deftly hop over the
Starting point is 00:38:22 river. Oh, here we go. Four. Face first. There it is. Oh, here we go. Four. Face first. There it is. It just loaded for you. Four. Barney, maybe you're focused on Chip too much, but you, yeah, you go face first into the stream.
Starting point is 00:38:34 Gotta try to catch him or grab his hand before he floats off too quick. Make a dexterity check. Ten. Bye, Barney. No. Yeah, Barney's caught in the current and floating now clockwise around the room. It's a lazy river. Strong current or lazy current?
Starting point is 00:38:49 It's pretty lazy. It's out. You're fine. Enjoy your time, old man. Take a little retirement. Can I look twice from the nearest thing? Maybe a chair? Yeah, make a strength check.
Starting point is 00:38:59 While Barney is floating down the Mississippi, can Matee take a look around the room and see if there's anybody other than that single person in the center? Sure. Let me resolve this real fast. No, Barney, floating down the Mississippi. Can Mateed take a look around the room and see if there's anybody other than that single person in the center? Sure. Let me resolve this real fast. No, Barney, you can't. You rolled a six. Even this weak, lazy current is too much for you. Anybody see where Barney went?
Starting point is 00:39:15 Mateed, you look around the room, and you notice that there are three groups of customers who appear to be frightened and hiding. Not on the river. They're on the outside perimeter of it? Correct. Okay. Can I, like, you know...
Starting point is 00:39:29 You've hopped the river. What are you doing? A Traities battle talk language with Mateed to see if, like, are they afraid of this here, fella? Why would you, like, make weird signs to Mateed? Because, like... I guess I wouldn't know that you would... I don't know. I don't know. I guess what I'm worried about is, like, I guess I wouldn't know that you would. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:45 I don't know. I guess what I'm worried about is like I'm afraid that they're afraid of the barkeep that I'm about to waken up and then he's going to be like I'm a demon. Then maybe you can mouth something to them. Uh, okay. Uh, Mateed. Why me? You're flying. I'm not flying.
Starting point is 00:40:01 I'm in the room. Mateed. Fly. What are you guys talking about over there? I'm going to wake up this here guy. Shut up, Barney. I'm going to go up to the barkeep. I'm going to tap him on the head with my tail and give him a couple little- Just if I heard.
Starting point is 00:40:22 I did not clarify that. Sorry. Every time I go into a bar and I hear that there's a barkeep, I imagine the guy from A New Hope. The one that Luke Skywalker tugs his shirt. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I picked your Gus. They're kind. I welcome it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:36 So I give him a couple of pitter-patters on the face. Her. Her. I give... Did I say them or her? You said him. Okay. I give her... Actually, I... A little bit gentler. I poke them on her? You said him. Okay. I give her. Actually, a little bit gentler. I poke them on the shoulder. Her.
Starting point is 00:40:50 I said them. I poke her on the shoulder with my tail. First try. Nailed it. Yeah, you do that. And as you're tapping her on the shoulder. Was the look necessary, Gus? The lookness. You notice that there's
Starting point is 00:41:08 a little devil-like creature prancing around near her feet behind the bar. A little imp? It's like you got horns. It's like a little you. Hey, hey, you. Hey, I'm like you. What's your name? I'm Chip Haney. That's how I approach cats.
Starting point is 00:41:23 We just a couple little demon guys hanging out. I want this thing to like just jump on you Trying to bludgeon you hitting a see is it like a raccoon size is going at his face They'd rolled a one it misses. I his face. It rolled a one. It misses. Can I catch it? It falls into the river. It jumps at your face, claws extended, but misses you entirely, misjudging the jump. But it rolled a one, so can I catch this thing? I mean, that's a, it failed. Sure.
Starting point is 00:41:56 Okay. And I hold it out at arm's length like it's a baby. You catch it, but it's made of blood. So it like, it drips all right through your hands. Okay. Well, that's horrifying. So it's not a solid being. Correct. Like a little grimer.
Starting point is 00:42:09 I don't know what a grimer is. That's a Pokemon. Okay. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You do, yeah. All right, well, I'm just going to just slash at this thing with the Kopash of the Desert Tempest, which has a lightning damage.
Starting point is 00:42:23 It has slipped through your hands, and you're attacking it on the floor. Yeah. So I'm going to roll that. That's an AC 16. That hits. All right. And then I do seven, I think, bludgeoning plus 1D4 lightning.
Starting point is 00:42:38 Lightning. That would be, ka-chow, a four. It's bludgeoning. It's not slashing damage? I'm sorry. It might have been slashing. That's good because it It's blood to me. It's not slashing damage? I'm sorry. It might have been slashing. That's good because it was probably immune to blood. Yeah, type slashing.
Starting point is 00:42:49 Yes. Nice. Thank you, guys. Yeah, you slash at it and the weapon, you know, unleashes lightning and the little devil-looking creature explodes into droplets of blood everywhere. Okay. Is that it? Or does it do like a T-1000 and it reforms
Starting point is 00:43:06 into a beast even powerful than the last? It explodes into a burst of sticky blood. So go ahead and make a dexterity saving throw. Okay, 23. Okay, yeah. Like a ball of viscous blood, not unlike the blood you saw at the fountain, flies
Starting point is 00:43:22 in your direction and you sidestep it and it harmlessly falls into the canal. Was that the fountain flies in your direction and you sidestep it and it harmlessly falls into the canal. Was that the end of it then? I don't know. Hey there team! I met a guy I met a little guy he's a demon and
Starting point is 00:43:37 he's made of blood. I slashed him with the lightning and he go kablooey. I walk over to the closest patron who's cowering. And I would like to save Barney. The patrons are no longer cowering. You know, they all saw the little demon explode.
Starting point is 00:43:54 They say, oh, thank you. Thank you so much. We were terrified of that thing. Oh, I did nothing to help you. I was just wondering. You and your friends. You're so kind. Hi there! Titles like that I do not prefer. What happened to Zabar Keep in the middle? Were they attacked
Starting point is 00:44:07 by that little creature? Is that why they are unconscious? Oh I think she just drank too much That seems like not a good thing to be with your bartender
Starting point is 00:44:14 Anyway We have to go We don't want to give you our name or backstory Matty doesn't ask or stop them from going Hi I'm Chip Haney Actually no Matty shoes't ask or stop them from going. Hi.
Starting point is 00:44:25 I'm Chip Haney. Actually, no. No. Matty shoos them away faster. Where are they off to? I want to wake up the barkeep, but I think we need to resolve Barney. Yeah. Elga said she was saving him. Save Barney, yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:38 How do you want to do that? Do you want to jump in? Do you want to try to pull him out? What's your plan? I'll try to pull him out. You hop over to where the area next to the river where Barney's lazily floating by, and you reach down to try to grab him out. What's your plan? I'll try to pull him out. You hop over to where the area next to the river where Barney's lazily floating by. And you reach down to try to grab him. Go ahead and make a
Starting point is 00:44:49 strength check. Barney will get you out no problem. 14. You're able to pull him up. No problem. You pull him up to the point where he's standing. You pull him so high and so hard that he's standing on the ground next to you. Do I need to give you mouth-to-mouth resuscitation? No, no. I'm okay. Everyone, be careful.
Starting point is 00:45:06 The river is pulling you in. I imagine, you know when a kid goes into the pool and he comes back out and there's all that water pool in his pants? Yeah. That's just Barney. And you have to, like, squeeze it. Yeah, it just goes... Gross.
Starting point is 00:45:18 Yeah. I like the Foley work. Mati does a quick 360 of the room to see if there's anything of value here or interest. And then while you rob, I'm going to wake up the party. Not robbing, just looking to see if there's anything of interest. Oh, yeah, sure. Wink.
Starting point is 00:45:31 I haven't robbed anything yet. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wink. None of us have ever taken anything that we did not belong to. The whole bar is a really cool concept. You know, now that you're taking your time and really looking around, it's not just the blood that's flowing around in the river. There's actually like floating tables and benches that also are in this current floating around. Could it all be just like decoratively themed and there's animatronics of like desert animals?
Starting point is 00:45:58 No animatronics. No? No. Does it seem like they were like they fell into the water in our spinning round or like that's how people enjoy their time at the bar? It seems like that's as it's intended. You know I bet that this here water isn't much dirtier
Starting point is 00:46:14 than it was when the blood hit because I bet this is just filled with liquor and pee. I did no such thing. No it wasn't. I wasn't saying nothing. In Barney's defense a lot of his urine is blood these days. So it's not that uncommon. You didn't need to do that joke.
Starting point is 00:46:31 Does Matide see anything? No, just, I mean, like I said, these tables and benches in the current as well as, I mean, it's a fully stocked bar. Barney, when you were in the Blood River, what was your nationality? Was it European? Matide has walked out of that room
Starting point is 00:46:47 because pubs aren't my place and don't seem to give interest here. But not saying you have to. That's just Mateed in character. Personally, I just want to live in this space because it took a lot of effort to write it and it's a very cool concept. By all means.
Starting point is 00:46:59 I'm just so sad that we got to burn it in five minutes and then that's it. That's it. We should invest. You guys already checked on the bartender? I was going to check on the bartender. Since you love this place so much, you surely remember the name of it. Check on the bartender.
Starting point is 00:47:16 Check on the bartender. Is the bartender's name Debbie? I don't know. Maybe y'all should ask her when she wakes up. You poke at her. Gently. Oh, hey there. Hey, sorry to disturb your rest.
Starting point is 00:47:26 It's me. It's Chipaney. She begins stirring. She's wearing an ombre wig and she starts, you know, parting it in front of her face. She looks up at you and says, Uh, Chip? Yeah, hi. I'm Debbie. Hey there, Debbie. You had a demon? Where is it?
Starting point is 00:47:42 Oh, it's dead. I killed it. Thank goodness. Thank goodness. Thank goodness, yeah. It was holding your people hostage. So, you know, they're gone. Just making sure you're okay before we move on. Thank you so much. Can I get you guys something on the house? I can't say no to a drink.
Starting point is 00:48:01 Do you have a milk? You got a milk? Do you want the one that's milk? Do you want the desert? How about some of our special drinks? I could get you a ginny and tonic or a full loose and fancy a fruity. You frities. If you give me a full loose and fancy fruity with a little umbrella. Full loose and fancy fruity.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Fancy was in there. That just about make my day. You got it. She begins pouring copious amounts of liquor into her mouth and then begins making you a drink. What kind of creature is she? You know, she's a carcassoucan, so it's hard to tell. She is covered up in scarves. Okay.
Starting point is 00:48:38 And you said she had a wig on. Yeah, an ombre wig that's like peeking out. I love your hair. Could I ask, like, why wig that's like peeking out. I love your hair. Could I ask like, why? That's it. Just why. Well, because I like it too. Okay. You know you do, you girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:48:54 Oh, almost supportive. She pushes forward a drink and says, Here you go, Phyllis and Fancy Freedy. What's the damage? What do I owe you? Oh, no. On the house for helping out my establishment. Ah, here's two silver for a tip. Here you go.
Starting point is 00:49:09 Oh, thank you. Is tipping a good custom in this town, in this place? Sure. I feel like Chip would no matter what. The drink is sweet yet spicy, very citrusy. It's garnished with an orange slice and a sprig of basil. Drinking this beverage, you can regain one of the following now. Oh.
Starting point is 00:49:24 A spell slot, a key point, a charge for a magic item, or some kind of special feature or character ability that you may have expended. You burned anything you want to turn back on? I don't... The Kopesh?
Starting point is 00:49:36 Am I allowed to drink this? I am definitely old enough. If you can order it, you can drink it. Well, it's on the house, so yes, I can order it. What are you ordering? Can I have the same thing that Chipped did? Oh, yeah. You gotta turn your ice thing back on. I would like that to be back on, yes. Good call.
Starting point is 00:49:54 I need to use Hell's Rebuke. If you don't have any milk, can I have one? Same thing? Footloose and Fancy Afriti? I suppose so. She begins shaking together two more Footloose and Fancy Afritis and shoves them in front of both of you. Here you go. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Could Elga like wring out some of the blood from her shirt into the glass? Gross. Are you trying to do it discreetly or? Yeah. I want to get another one and I want to do a toast. Another one? Yeah, can I have another one and I want to do a toast? Yeah, but the effects don't stack.
Starting point is 00:50:23 That's fine. I symbolically want one so I can do a toast with my friends. You're not another one? I'm going to do a toast. Yeah, but the effects don't stack. That's fine. I symbolically want one so I can do a toast with my friends. You're not getting one? Matide has walked out. Here you go. Okay, to Matide. To Matide. To Matide.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Debbie picks up a bottle. She has no idea who Matide is. Yeah, but she's drunk on her butt. Is she actually drunk, though? Could we do, like, a medicine show? He said she poured copious alcohol in her mouth as she was doing this. Hey, uh, thanks for the drinks, Bevy. Hope you're okay.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Bevy! Go get some not-bloody water. I'll get right on that. I restored my, uh, cone of cold. Sure. I followed Matide. I gotta spill some. Bye-bye! Yeah, y'all have a good one. Thank you for the drafts. We never found out what the other drink did. And no one
Starting point is 00:51:12 will. It's a shame. It's a really nice establishment. Turns out Micah was up all night trying to figure out what the last one could do. It spins. It spins. He was writing wrong. I need to figure out what the second drink is. Just out of curiosity, why did you all pick the Felucent Fancy of Freedia
Starting point is 00:51:28 if I didn't know and pick the Ginny and Tonic? I don't think they remembered the Ginny and Tonic. I only picked that one because I heard what the effects were on shit. Oh, yeah. I just like the name and I don't like gin and tonics. I'll say it. I don't like, like, hard liqueurs. I like slurping on candy things with fruits and umbrellas. What the queen
Starting point is 00:51:46 of the genie and tonic did? Tiki mug. It would have granted you a luck point. Ooh, that's cool. Son of a guy. I know. Blaine misses having luck. That's okay. I needed spell slots. Yeah. Is the third establishment close? The third establishment is, yeah,
Starting point is 00:52:02 it's like at the northern end of the district and it's kind of built into the face of the hill. Nice. I approach it. What do I see? Everyone else approaches as well, I assume. Oh yeah, I catch up because Matid is hustling. This is a large stone building built into the face of a hill
Starting point is 00:52:18 with wooden frames and palm leaf roofs. There's a sign outside that reads Wellsprings of Caharigan. Is it a door? Yes. Okay. When is a door not a door? Ha ha. When it's a sign outside that reads Wellsprings of Coherigan. Is it a door? Yes. Okay. When is a door not a door? When it's a jar. I open the jar. You open it up and it looks like it leads into a lobby of sorts. And like a little front desk.
Starting point is 00:52:34 Okay. I walk in. I follow. I do as well. There's like a little front desk with a call bell and a pot of tea and the room appears to be vacant. There's two open doorways. One to the east and one to the west. Can I see if the pot of tea is warm room appears to be vacant there's two open doorways one to the east and one to the west i see if the pot of tea is warm or cold or yeah you check it and uh the the pot of tea has gone cold is it clear that we're we're in like a hotel lobby is what we're at
Starting point is 00:52:54 because they're like uh slots for keys behind the desk no you don't see that no okay uh but there's uh east and west places to go yes anything discerning about the different ones i mean different directions they look pretty much the same from your point of view. I'm gonna go approach the west entrance and see if I can get a better view. Okay, I'll follow. Try to ring the bell. I'm afraid that we're gonna trigger something if we ring the bell. I just want to get a lay of the land
Starting point is 00:53:16 there first. But Barney, you're your own free spirit. You do what you want. Well, last time I almost drowned in a river. Sure did. No, no, I won't. Alright, so the entire party goes up to the west door? Yes. And you open it and proceed through?
Starting point is 00:53:32 Or what, I mean, what do you do? I just want to look inside. So open the door, but not proceed in. Take a gander, yeah. Yeah, so it's not a door per se, it's more like a curtain. So you, you know, you peek through the curtain, and you can feel a wave of cool, damp air washing over you. There's a soft bed of grass
Starting point is 00:53:48 ahead that expands out into an extensive stone cavern. This seems like a resort. Like you go here and you pay to go soak in the pools. Oh, like a spa. Yeah. Like stepping stones laid on a grassy hill, you see a handful of wellsprings leading up to a roaring waterfall in the
Starting point is 00:54:04 distance. Is there blood? It would all be idyllic if not for the gurgling of scarlet ichor filling each pool. Ah, blurble, blurble. In the distance, you hear a silky voice calling out from the waterfall. I'll be right with you. That's weird. Okay! Mateed passes through the curtain and walks down the stone steps.
Starting point is 00:54:23 Okay. Mind you, as I pass the curtain, Jacques plays with it. Oh, the grass is actually really soft. As you're walking down, a small silhouette appears behind the waterfall. Welcome, travelers, to the wellsprings of Caharita. You must be exhausted from the sweltering heat. How about a refreshing dip in one of the pools? Oh, another satisfied customer.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Ah, I do love that sound. Out from the crimson waterfall emerges a horrendous organ creature made of swirling blood. Come now. Who would like to take a plunge with the emo goblin? Ah, now that's a Spider-Man character. That's great. Are we rolling for initiative? Before we do, is this Kentucky bluegrass?
Starting point is 00:55:08 What you got here? This is great stuff. How do you mow in here? You must be the only person on earth who knows the different types of grass. Dude, the clippings, like how do you put them in a bag? How do they not get into the pool? You think that maybe this isn't the normal proprietor of this establishment? Oh, you're a faker.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Okay. Can I do Vigilant Blessing on myself? Oh, you're a faker. Okay. Can I do Vigilant Blessing on myself? It gives you advantage on initiative. You can, and then, yeah, everyone go and roll initiative. Ah, shoots. Oh, you. Here we go. I didn't mean that as an attack action.
Starting point is 00:55:36 13. 9. 19. 22. Ooh, the mummy got an 18. Hey, you remember the mummies here. Yeah. Good for me.
Starting point is 00:55:43 I always forget about the NPCs. Micah, didn't you have to remind me this time? Barney, you are up first. You know, before you see this really awful view with these springs filled with blood and the hemogoblin. Actually, make me a perception check, Barney, before you do anything else. Ooh, 22.
Starting point is 00:56:01 You feel like you get a glimpse of, like, a mustache inside the hemogoblin's body. Like maybe there's something trapped inside of him. Oh. Okay. How far away is it from me? What's like our... It's pretty far from where you are.
Starting point is 00:56:15 It's at the end. Like there's various wellsprings along the way. There's probably like eight wellsprings between you and the hemogoblin. And they're back at the end. It's a couple hundred feet maybe to close. Maybe not a couple hundred. Let's say 100, 150 feet. That's pretty far.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Do you want to know something, per the intro thing? Hmm. A hemoglobin is a protein in red blood cells that carries oxygen. Did you Google that right now? I spelled hemogoblin wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:40 You have stumbled upon the origins of why Micah named it this. So you said that like 100? 100, 150 feet, something like that. And like, it's a mixture between idyllic and horrific. There's like soft grass, little pathways, springs that are filled with blood, all, you know, and some trees all leading up to their little pagoda, maybe. It's hordillic.
Starting point is 00:56:59 Okay. Hordillic. No making up words. Kyron. We're not allowed to make up words. Yeah. I want to cast bless not allowed to make up words. Yeah. I want to cast Bless. Oh, bless your heart.
Starting point is 00:57:09 And then cast Bless on my party. Which does what? Up to three creatures of your choice within range. Whenever a target makes an attack roll or saving throw before the spell ends, the target can roll a d4 and add the number roll to attack roll or saving throw. So I'll do that. And then... Is that a bonus action or anything?
Starting point is 00:57:24 That's a regular action? That's a regular spell. And then can I go as far close to this little demon thing as I can, which would be 40 feet? That was as far close. As far close. And I got increased walking because of that cane.
Starting point is 00:57:39 Yeah, you begin closing that distance. You know, it's gonna take you kind of by the first pool that's closest to you. Can I peek in? Yeah, as you do so, a bloody, demonic little looking creature, similar to the one from the bar that you saw earlier, jumps out. Oh, no. And attacks you. Okay.
Starting point is 00:57:55 Hitting a C8 with its bludgeoning blow. That does not hit. That does not hit. Little fella's got bad rolls. I want to use my bonus action to cast spiritual weapon I create a floating spectral weapon within range that lasts for the duration or until you cast a spell again And when you cast spell you can make melee spell attack against creature within five feet of the weapon on the hit The creature takes force damage equal to 1d a plus your spell casting ability modifier
Starting point is 00:58:21 I'm gonna make the form because either bloody boy. What's a good? casting ability modifier. I'm going to make the form of, let's see, they're bloody. What's a good... Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Like a thing. What do you doctors use? What do they use? There's a lot of things they use. A syringe. A scalpel? Scalpel.
Starting point is 00:58:36 Scalpel. He was making slashing motions. I had to infer. He was just moving his wrist. There was a lot of stuff. You know when you go see your doctor and he brings a book out the scalpel every time. The scalpel is just like chopping it at you. The scalpel for making precision cuts. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:49 And it's a big scalpel. And I want it to like slash at this little creature attack. Okay. Go ahead and make your rolls. 26. That hits. And I did 12 damage. You slice this little devil in twain and it falls.
Starting point is 00:59:02 No. But it explodes. No. Into a burst of sticky blood. Make a dexterity saving throw. Are we worried at all about hurting the person inside this goblin? Four. That's why I got a scalpel.
Starting point is 00:59:20 A gooey glob of blood flies out and hits you and pins you to the ground. You are now restrained until your next turn. Oh, no. That was good. Sorry. Oh, no. That was good. Sorry. Oh, no. Money. It's split in twain, so what happens? It's dead. It perishes. Oh, that was like final death. Yeah. The explosion.
Starting point is 00:59:35 The mummy says, Those look like methods, but I have never seen one made of blood before. What are methods? They're elemental creatures normally comprised of ice or fire. Oh. Seeing them made of blood is very unusual.
Starting point is 00:59:54 Mm. Did, like, the mustache fall? The buffet is different from the hemogoblin. Oh, sorry. You saw the mustache in the hemogoblin at the other end.
Starting point is 01:00:02 This is a method that popped out of, like, a little spring. Yeah, these are their little baby enemies. I misheard. I thought it popped out of the hemogoblin at the other end. This is a method that popped out of like a little spring. Yeah, these are their little baby enemies. I misheard. I thought it popped out of the Hemogoblin. I was trying to read how to use my sling of sandstorms. I missed that.
Starting point is 01:00:11 So how many methods are there? You don't see any more. Okay. Okay. They might pop out of the pool. That makes a lot more sense. I was like, we already beat the Hemogoblin. Well, Mateed, you're up about 30 feet, 30, 40 feet in front of you.
Starting point is 01:00:24 You saw Barney get attacked by a Mephit that popped out of that spring. And Barney is now pinned to the ground by viscous blood. How much distance between Barney and the Hema Goblin? From there, maybe another 100 feet or so. Okay, so far away. And so then between me and that, is there another Mephit? You don't see any, but there are two other pools. There's a total of three between you and the Hemogoblin.
Starting point is 01:00:49 What's the height of this room? It's a pretty tall room. This entire building, remember you walked into like the face of the cliff. So it's all, you presume this is all carved out inside of that cliff face. So this room is pretty cavernous. It's pretty tall, 80 to 100 feet or so. Okay. I'm going to go up, let's say like three feet via flight.
Starting point is 01:01:07 And then I'm going to use my sling of don't do the song and use... Well, I actually have to say it. I'm going to use sandstorm. And it says you can use an action to expend three charges to create a whirlwind of coarse sand in a 20-foot sphere. Oh, never mind. Centered on you. Okay. Then instead, I'm just going to use ancient sands,
Starting point is 01:01:30 and I'm going to do a long-range attack with the sling of sandstorms, which has a range of up to 120 feet. So it's 30 feet slash 120 feet. 30 feet is normal. Past 30 is the... Right, it's at disadvantage. And then past 120 is that you can't do that at all. Correct.
Starting point is 01:01:46 Okay, then can I instead go, let's say, oh, I can't get close. Oh, I could! I could! Because I am a monk, and I shall use Step of the Wind. Aha! So I'm going to go up, let's say 20 feet, and then go directly towards the Hema Goblin, which would give me a remaining
Starting point is 01:02:01 of, what's my flight? My flight is like 60, so they give me another 40 that way and then I can use my step of the wind as a bonus action and dash. So then you would get your movement again which is another 60. Yeah so I get. Which would close the distance. Close the distance and now I can use ancient sands.
Starting point is 01:02:20 Doesn't quite work that way. So I'm going to do an attack roll and I have to say I'm going to use three charges. Okay. On a successful attack, the damage is increased by 1d4 force damage for each charge you expend. So you make your attack, do your damage, and then do an extra 3d4 force damage on top of that. And I get plus two to my attack rolls, which does not do enough. Oh.
Starting point is 01:02:41 Well, it's an 11. Plus two, though. Do I have to know if it's 11 total? Because it is or it already works into the thing. Do I have to use inspiration dice before I find out if it worked? I think you have to use it before, but let me double check. I think we've done it the other way before. Yeah, you do have to use it before you know. 11's pretty low.
Starting point is 01:02:55 I'm going to try it again and use my dice. That's much better. 18. 11 would have missed. Good. I think I really wanted to do it again because I really want to hit this because I'm spending charges. Right. Yeah, that makes sense. I'm going to roll for damage
Starting point is 01:03:07 and then I will roll for the Ancient Sands bonus. Okay, that's only six. One, d4 per charge. That's 3d4. So six plus whatever my first thing is because I can't see. Six. So 12 of six force, six bludgeoning to be specific.
Starting point is 01:03:23 Yeah, you have the attention of the hemo goblin who's staring at you flying in the air. Okay, I can't do anything else because I already did a bonus action. Just land over it. Just hovering. Just giving it a little... Fly by kiss?
Starting point is 01:03:37 Yeah, just staring at it. Just look. Yeah, that's right. It's the mummy's turn. After the mummy will be Elga, then Chip. The mummy will dash forward and kneel by you, Barney, and ask. Do you require assistance? Yes, please.
Starting point is 01:03:52 Okay. The mummy pulls out an instrument of some kind and begins hacking at the blood that's pinning you down, freeing you so you're no longer restrained. Thank you very much. You see, you hack up blood. Mm-hmm. Hey. Elga, you're up.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Okay. What is the lay of the land right now? You're pretty far away from the Hema Goblin. Yeah. But there's those pools that the little Mithits could have come out that are in your way. Yeah, and the mummy and Barney are both about 30, 40 feet in front of you by one of the pools. When the mummy approached Barney, it didn't proc anything out of those other pools? They're still by that first pool, but no, nothing else.
Starting point is 01:04:26 There's enough distance between them. Well, I'm going to rage first. Smart. Just in case. Yeah, do it. I don't want to hurt the thing that's inside of the Hema Goblin. You're not going to be able to get to the Hema Goblin at this point. It's still like a hundred, 150 feet away.
Starting point is 01:04:39 150. Wow. Okay. And the little pools that these things are spawning from. Is there like a... I want to save my cone of cold for this thing. Yeah, maybe save that for the big baddie. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Probably just go and like, I don't know. Get closer, I guess. Yeah. Get to those pools and see what happens. Yeah. I'm going to go towards the Hema Goblin. So you're just making your way downtown? Downtown.
Starting point is 01:05:01 Can I do a double walk? Double speed? Yeah. So a double move. So you move 60 feet? Yeah. Yeah, that would put you kind of by the second pool. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:09 So you do that and yeah, a method pops out of it. Of course. And lashes out with a bludgeoning blow. What noise does the method make? It sounds like a giant devil from Lintons. He was so quick to that. I said it's bludgeoning? Well, that's what it's called
Starting point is 01:05:25 It's a bludgeoning blow And it lashes out Hitting AC 13 Oh that misses Oh Yeah Those poor little guys They can't get a hit
Starting point is 01:05:33 Yeah they're Not great Do you think I'm Scared of blood Cause I I eat blood for breakfast Lunch and dinner Midnight snack too
Starting point is 01:05:42 Eat the method Eat the blood method Like Kirby this this guy. I'm out of actions. So Elga ends her turn with mouth open. Oh no, it would be terrible if the method jumped in my mouth. Oh no.
Starting point is 01:05:56 Elga smiles and just shows all the blood that's all over her mouth and teeth. Just messy like a kid on their like birthday. Feral. Chip, you're up. Hey there. Who you say that to? Hey there. God.
Starting point is 01:06:09 Hey there, God. It's me, Chip. It's me, Chip. It's me, Chip. Remind me again how, forgive my ignorance, how Dash works. That's just additional that you're walking. You could use a bonus action, yeah, to then move your movement speed again. Sorry, that is definitely got to be your biography style. Hey. Sorry that is definitely your biographies. Hey there God
Starting point is 01:06:27 It's me there God. Sweet Chip. Okay. I do a couple little stretches You know those like side things where you stretch out the obliques and I start power walking and I want to do a walk speed 30 feet and then I want to double my walk speed by not taking an action an additional 30 feet and then I want to use a bonus action For cutting action to do dash 90 feet. So you walk past Elga who's fighting the method then? I love you. And they're like hey there Elga and then I'm just like
Starting point is 01:06:52 boogieing. Again power walking one foot is completely on the ground at a time it really needs the glutes and I got my arms tucked in tight so I'm not you know perfect movement speed. He's pulled out two and a half pound weights out of his fanny pack. Yeah, that puts you by the third pool and a blood method jumps out of there.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Oh, hey there. It's, oh, hey, little brother. Hey, it's your demon just like me. Let's team up. Really quick, 90 feet. How far does that put me away from the hemogoblin? You're pretty close at this point. I mean, you'd be able to get there on your next turn okay groovy the method appears confused when
Starting point is 01:07:29 you call it brother yeah cousin hey little guy it's i look just like you look the horns and i am touching its horns and i am purple and you are red we're we are one in the same oh it looks like it might have gas it burps and it burps, a large blob of blood comes out in your direction. Chip, make a dexterity saving throw. Mr. President! I can't wait till you guys recreate this whole scene with the puppets. No, right. That was a 14.
Starting point is 01:07:56 It was a check. Forgive me. I'm sorry. My finger was already on it. So it would be plus two. Do you want me to roll it again? It's the same. Yeah, you make it regardless, even with your other modifier.
Starting point is 01:08:03 You got it. Okay. Yeah, you dodge out of the way. How rude! I don't want this to be, like, in a reaction, but can I, like, pat him on the back? It's like, it's okay there, little brother. This wet Miffit? Yeah. Purple purple.
Starting point is 01:08:15 Alright, is that it for your turn, Chip? Yeah, that's all I got. Alright, well, it's the Hemogoblin's turn. It's not happy with Mateed because Mateed did some damage to it. What's it gonna do about that? Mateed did some damage to it. What's it going to do about that? Go talk to its therapist about it. It like slashes its arm in your direction. Obviously, you're not within melee range of it.
Starting point is 01:08:32 Nope. But like a bit of blood flings off from its body and flies in your direction. Hitting AC 16. That is my AC, but I use deflect missile because it hits me right with. Yeah, it would hit if it hits. What does that do? You can cause your reaction to deflect or catch the missile when you are hit by a ranged weapon attack. When you do so, the damage you take from the attack is reduced by 1d10 plus 6.
Starting point is 01:08:54 If I reduce it down to zero and have a free hand, I can spend a ki point to make a ranged attack. Well, let me, so you reduce it 1d10 plus 6. You catching bullets? Yeah, blood bullets. I'm going to roll the damage and we'll see if you're able to reduce it 1d10 plus 6. You catching bullets? Yeah, blood bullets. I'm going to roll the damage and we'll see if you're able to reduce it, okay? It does 15 points of damage. All I got to do is roll almost a perfect 10.
Starting point is 01:09:14 Here we go. Here comes a 9 or a 10, everybody. Is that a saving throw or what? No, it's a reaction. Monk ability. And so I reduce it by 9. So you take 5 points of damage. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:25 I don't like being so squishy. I need to have health. The Hemogoblin says, now take your medicine. And fires another one off at you. Gross. Can I do another reaction? You only get one per round, but it doesn't matter because this one misses anyway. I dodge it.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Yeah. Like a very graceful bird. Okay. That's it for the Hemogoblin's turn. Barney, then Mateed. So how far away am I from this thing? And what is it it for the Hemogoblin's turn. Barney, then Matit. So, how far away am I from this thing, and what is its... From the Hemogoblin?
Starting point is 01:09:50 Yeah. You're pretty far. You're still like 100 feet away. You barely started going, and then you immediately got stopped by a method. So, I'd say roughly 100 feet away, if you're asking for a spellcasting purposes. Okay. Well, I will cast Guiding Bolt on the Hemogoblin. That's how far?
Starting point is 01:10:05 120 feet. Ooh. So the flash of light leaps out from your hand and streaks towards the Hemogoblin. That's a 23. That hits. Rolling for damage. It's a 14 damage. That's radiant damage, right? Radiant damage.
Starting point is 01:10:19 All right. And then how far am I from the other thing that was attacking the other goblin? There's a method that is in front of Elga. Try to fight me. It's about 30 feet in front of you. Okay, I have a question. Elga wouldn't call this a fight. As a bonus action, I can move my spiritual weapon up to 20 feet.
Starting point is 01:10:36 So if I cast it before, was it five feet in front of me when I originally cast it? Right. Okay. So then I want to move it 20 feet and then it can still attack within five feet which would be able to attack the one that is in front of okay sure and i go and you sound like a method and that was in tech of nine so i don't know if that hit that actually does hit wow really they're very squishy the little blood things have been low ac yeah it's a five but hemo has a little bit more thehit explodes into a fountain of blood.
Starting point is 01:11:07 Elga, make a dexterity saving throw. Elga? It's the one by you. Do I have advantage? Yes. It's a 10 and then eight. Yeah, the viscous blood hits you and then pins you to the ground.
Starting point is 01:11:18 Oh, man. And then how far away is Elga? About 30 feet. Well, I guess I'll go to to elga i've already used my bonus action and my action so i probably can't help probably wiggle myself out if you want to go somewhere else still gotta go that direction yeah still has to go i don't know i'll just stay here to potentially help if i can do anything is that it for barney yes okay we got mati then the mummy then elga i don't want to get close to this thing so I will continue to pelt it. I will use
Starting point is 01:11:46 eh why not. I'll use my remaining two charges and do a sling of sandstorms ancient sands attack. That's a 26 my dude. Oh that hits. Alright so roll for damage first. The bludgeoning is six bludgeoning damage.
Starting point is 01:12:02 Oh. Plus. I feel like the sling of the sandstorm is this campaign's dissonant whispers. Yeah. That's true. Five force damage. Ah. And that's all I want to do right now.
Starting point is 01:12:14 Mm, okay. I don't think there's anything else bonus that I can do that I'd want to do because I don't want to do astral self because I would like to hit it with the proc that happens with that, which needs 10-foot radius. Yeah, and the other stuff is like close combat stuff i can be flurry of blows but i don't want to get close to it so if you did it might help me though what do what if you got
Starting point is 01:12:34 within five feet of it it might help me how would it help you because i have a move that if people are within five feet of it but also if you don't want to no matide stays fair mateed yeah mateed is more uh precautious self-preservation top priority i think they're more precaution that's a good one yeah that's all i'm gonna do okay it's the mummy's turn the mummy runs up following barney over to elika kneels down and asks do you require assistance? That's a total NPC energy. What a helpful character you are, mummy. Well, I have a lot I can do, but this is the most pressing need at the moment. Yes, I would love some assistance. The mummy quickly manages to cut you free
Starting point is 01:13:20 from the blood that's restraining you. Thank you. Blood, gross, yuck. I know, right? So nasty. Elga, it's your turn. And then after Elga's chip. How far away am I from now? The... You're closer. I did double movements. I was 60.
Starting point is 01:13:35 You're probably 60 feet away or so. Am I able to use my axe of the scarab? The range says 20 feet out of 60 feet. That's if you throw it. Yeah. So 20 feet is a normal attack. Beyond 20 up to 60 is at disadvantage because it's at like a far range. Okay. It says you gain a plus two bonus
Starting point is 01:13:54 to attack rolls you make with this button. Yeah, you would still roll with disadvantage, but you would get plus two on each of them. Cool. And plus bless. And you would be throwing it, so you wouldn't be able to to attack with it again. Oh, wait. Well, it says that I could use, as part of my attack,
Starting point is 01:14:09 you could make the axe fly back to your empty hand. Yeah, yeah, okay. So I would do that if it, you know. Gotcha. And then because I'm raging as well, would that also? That would increase your damage. But that's only with a melee weapon. If you're throwing it, I don't think it counts.
Starting point is 01:14:26 So it's not melee because I'm throwing. Correct. You only get that damage bonus if you're actually like, if it's in your hands and you're attacking something. Gotcha. Okay, well I'm gonna use it. Nice axe throw. Axe throw, uh, 27. Wow. I imagine that hits. It's at disadvantage because it's beyond that range. 24.
Starting point is 01:14:42 Ooh! I hate Olga. Yeah, that hits. The barbarian's supposed to do one thing, hit things with axe. I guess so. Smashy, smashy.
Starting point is 01:14:49 Yeah, yeah. All right, yeah. Your axe of the scarab hits the hemogoblin. It does. 12 plus two, so that would be 14 damage. Why the plus two?
Starting point is 01:14:59 You gain a plus two bonus to attack rolls you make with this weapon. Oh, plus rage. Rage only counts in melee. She's throwing it. This axe has sun touch, so it says you gain plus two bonus. So that to attack rolls you make with this weapon. Oh, plus rage. Rage only counts in melee. She's throwing it. This axe has sun touch, so it says you gain plus two bonus. So that's attack rolls, that's damage rolls.
Starting point is 01:15:10 Okay, never mind. Sorry, misread. No, 12. So it's a 12. Numbers, numbers, numbers. My brain's like, business, business. And then I also want it to fly back to my hand as well. Okay, that's pretty cool.
Starting point is 01:15:21 Wow. I'm glad I bought that. The hemogoblin roars as the axe of the scarab hits him and flies back to your hand, Elga. Who knew that my axe would become a bat before I did? Is there anything else you can do? Did you move? Can you move?
Starting point is 01:15:35 Yeah, let me move closer. Yeah, you would be able to move up to where Chip is. Chip's up at the next pool. Okay, I'll go up to where he is. I have to warn you, I'm facing off against a little guy. I will go 10 feet behind Chip. From a metagame perspective, it already attacked, so it wouldn't be able to attack you again until it's next turn.
Starting point is 01:15:54 But if you want to maintain that distance, you're more than welcome to. You can come up here. I just want to let you know I got a little guy. I'll go five feet behind Chip. Okay, is that it for you, Elga? Yes. Okay, Chip, it's your turn. All right, sothead is not
Starting point is 01:16:06 within five feet of the hemo goblin no right okay where is the hemo goblin currently looking probably me uh well no it was currently looking at elga because elga threw the axe so i don't have the ability to do a sneak attack nope we're in a hallway okie dokie well now shucks i'm just gonna run up to that ding dang thing and I'm gonna use the old Kopesh of the Desert Tempest. Did you already deal with the Mephit? No, but I'm gonna disengage. Okay, there you go. Cutting action. Alright, so you disengage
Starting point is 01:16:33 with the Mephit and you run up to... Oh, and before I go, I say, hey there, little guy. You have a good day. Stay safe. Be good. Make us demons proud. Bye-bye. Make good choices. It's like a Lilo and Stitch situation here. Alright, so you disengage and you run up to the
Starting point is 01:16:50 Hemogoblin. And what do you do again? Use the Kopesh of the Desert Tempest. That's a five. I'm going to use my inspiration data. That's a two plus three. Six plus three plus three. Plus a d4, right? Because I got bless.
Starting point is 01:17:04 Bless this mess. It's not going to be enough. It's a one. 6 plus 3 plus 3. Plus a d4, right? Because I got bless. Bless this mess. It's not going to be enough. It's a 1. 7. No, that's not enough. Because an 11 would have missed. I don't think I've got anything else.
Starting point is 01:17:26 It's so sad when you're playing these roles that you just, you know, you do your magic and it doesn't hit and nothing happens. What does the robe of serpents do? This is a bargaining with your inventory. This is a Blaine move where he's like just going through his inventory to see what can I do? I want to make sure that I didn't use my bonus action I think was used. Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 01:17:41 All right. Well, I tried. You're standing in front of him and I put my hands on my hip but I say your move okay well it is the emo goblins move bring it yeah come on okay show me what you. I think that guy threw an axe at you. Just pointing at Chip. I am your enemy. Holding your axe behind your back, but not fully obscuring it. Face me.
Starting point is 01:18:17 It unfurls a whip made of blood. Yeah. What is that all you got? And lashes out at you. Uh-huh. Hitting AC 12. Ha-ha! No, I'm a 13. Nice.
Starting point is 01:18:28 Hmm. The, uh, seems to, like, roar with anger. Ah! And it's almost like it's getting bigger. Okay. It begins expanding a little bit. Like, it's really getting uncomfortably close to you, Chip. I puff out my chest.
Starting point is 01:18:41 I go, oh! Oh, that's perfect because it, like, absorbs. It's gonna swallow you, dumb man. It touches you my chest. I go Oh, that's perfect. Because it like absorbs. It's gonna swallow you, dumb man. It begins absorbing you. Oh no! Make a strength saving throw. It's already got a man's mustache inside. It's collecting mustaches. Strength saving throw. He didn't get it at all.
Starting point is 01:18:58 He leaned right into it. Nine. I've seen the movie Blob. I know you don't do that. It starts like pummeling you as it's pulling you in closer. Why not the bless? Oh, yeah. Do bless. What's the bless?
Starting point is 01:19:10 Does that add to your save? Yeah, saving throw. Plus four? Yeah. You got to roll for it. A D4. Two. Eleven.
Starting point is 01:19:16 Eleven. Nope. That's okay. I didn't want to anyways. What are you going to do about it? Well, what it does initially is it gives you 13 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh! He's losing his team, everybody.
Starting point is 01:19:28 That's it? That's all you got? You are now grappled within the Hemogoblin. Oh, that's a darn shame. You fell right into my trap. Can you breathe blood? I don't know, but I can use Hellish Rebuke, which is a reaction which you take in response to being damaged by a creature within 60 feet.
Starting point is 01:19:47 How are we doing on sound levels? I feel like we're yelling a lot. You cast that, right? Yeah. You point your finger and the creature that damaged you is momentarily surrounded by hellish flames. The creature must make a dexterity saving throw. Yeah. DC 14.
Starting point is 01:20:00 Oh, you just said earlier that you need to be using hellish rebuke. I sure did. It's all part of the plan. It's all part of the plan I rolled a 13 so it's a fail-safe. Oh, you got rebuked. That's 3d 10 13 Just stumbled into a really cool moment There's a reason I was clear in the distance to get up to. Do I get to do it bless? That's just for that's stupid I know
Starting point is 01:20:38 You cash your hellish rebuke as you're being absorbed like I guess Your head is sticking out and you cast hellish Rebuke. That's the Taco Bell! And the Hema Goblin roars in agony. Aha! Fortune favors even the foolish now and then. But mark my words.
Starting point is 01:21:00 Next time, I'm going for the jugular. And with a splash, the Hema Goblin vanishes into the waterfall. And just like that, every wellspring turns back to fresh water. I want to catch whatever body was inside it. Nothing falls out of it. However, after a second, you hear hacking and wheezing and someone emerges from behind the waterfall. You all recognize him.
Starting point is 01:21:20 It's Weezer. Chief Inspector Weezer? Chief Inspector Weezer. It's Weezer. Chief Inspector Weezer? Chief Inspector Weezer. I pat the Chief Inspector on the back to help him get the blood out. Thank you. That was a nice trick, by the way.
Starting point is 01:21:35 Thank you, Skull. Hellish rebuke. That was my first time using it. Chief Inspector Weezer, what were you doing inside that emo goblin? He seems to be struggling for his breath. He's like retching up, coughing up blood. He's like pointing out, giving like a wait sign. He's turning one of the blood methods.
Starting point is 01:21:51 You all look down and notice your clothes are no longer drenched in blood, but damp with water. We were baptized. What is this? As you're wringing out your vestments and drying off, Chip, you notice your fanny pack zipper is open. What the heck? You check inside to make sure nothing has fallen out, but the opposite is true. You find a note. On the outside is familiar floral
Starting point is 01:22:13 penmanship that reads, To Chip, from Carol. My wife! What does it say? We're going to find out next week. Why did you kill me? That person that bumped me must have been Carol. Oh, delivering a note from Carol.
Starting point is 01:22:42 I knew I got the butterflies for some reason. Maybe we'll get some answers next time. Oh, shoot. All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. Oh, oh. Or delivering a note from Carol. Oh, I knew I got the butterflies for some reason. Maybe we'll get some answers next time. Oh, shoot. All right, well, thanks for listening, everybody. Oh, wait, do we want to talk about that thing that happened on RTX? Oh, so, you know, we had our event RTX a couple of weeks ago at this point, and we asked every single person who came by to this Tales from the Stinky Dragon autograph signing who their favorite character was.
Starting point is 01:23:01 Now I know why Blaine wants us to bring it up. From campaign one. I asked every single person, and I kept Tali in secret. I didn't show the people who were voting and I didn't show anyone else the Tali until we were done. This is from campaign one. From campaign one. Kyborg won by one vote.
Starting point is 01:23:14 Every other character was tied in second place with the same number of votes. Kyborg had one more vote than everyone else. It was like 150 people or something. It was so close. I can't believe how it ended up. I think Blaine took a picture of it, so maybe we can post that on social.
Starting point is 01:23:32 I'll send it to Ben. Yeah. And yeah, everyone gave their answer like just how they felt and it just happened to line up that way, which is really cool. Zero intimidation or intimidating eye contact whatsoever. But yeah. Anyway, thanks for listening, everybody. We'll be back next week with another episode. This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon
Starting point is 01:23:47 was produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sanier. This week's arrow question was submitted by atrainbow on Discord. Here's a quick shout out to folks that interacted with us on social media recently. Here's some NPCs named after them in this episode.
Starting point is 01:24:01 Ryder Rajad, aka The Mummy, named after user Ryda7s on Reddit. MX, the esthetician, named after them in this episode. Ryder Rajad, aka The Mummy, named after user Ryda7s on Reddit. MX, The Esthetician, named after at MXDustStorm on Instagram. Debbie, The Draftmaker, named after at DendyLeo0 on Instagram. Chief Inspector Weezer, named after user CarlWeezer567 on Reddit.
Starting point is 01:24:18 I also want to give a special thanks to some friends who provided voiceover for characters in this episode. Ryder Rajad, aka The Mummy, voiced by Hannah McCarthy, at HiHello underscore Hannah. MX, The aka The Mummy, voiced by Hannah McCarthy, at hi hello underscore Hannah. Emix, the esthetician, voiced by Hector Gonzalez, at Hbag 22. Debbie, the draftmaker,
Starting point is 01:24:32 voiced by Lindsay Washburn, at Linzbot underscore. And Hemogoblin, the blood elemental, voiced by Mikey Spandex, at Mikey Spandex 1992. Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Dash is an action. Is that a bonus action? We're clarifying here.
Starting point is 01:25:10 What? Maybe don't get too close. Also on mine. It says what? It's a dash action. A cunning action. You can take a bonus action on each of your turns to take the dash disengage your high action. So you're using that as cunning action. Okay. Yeah. Correct. Cunning action is the bonus. Which dash, disengage your hide action. Okay, so you're saying that's cunning action.
Starting point is 01:25:25 Okay, yeah, yeah, correct. Cunning action is the bonus. Which, if you listen back, I did say that, but it's okay. It's fine. We're just checking. No, I know. I appreciate you. So how far do you move in total?
Starting point is 01:25:33 We're all about following the rules to a T here. Cunning action. That's what we're known for. Yeah. We're known for being real rules followers. Rules lawyers, dungeon drafts. You can learn exactly how to play this game correctly. If you want a fun podcast, go somewhere else.
Starting point is 01:25:49 We are the Hardcore Rules Podcast. That's our next shirt. This is our show, Tales from the Sticklers Dragon.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.