Tales from the Stinky Dragon - Wight Winter - Ep. 37: Revenge of the Wraith
Episode Date: February 9, 2022The interns have a lot to handle - Kyborg squares off with a mighty hunter, Bart tries to calm a heated fight, & GumGum & Mudd attempt a water search and rescue. All this and more in the final episode... of the Wight Winter arc! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Welcome back to all you woodwolves. Stride your stumps on into the Stinky Dragon.
Sip up our latest sap, the Uprooty Tooty Fruity.
It's a mixture of maple syrup, sarsaparilla, reed, and rum,
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This saccharine swill has more heart than a will and sacrifice.
Previously,
our adventurers dug their way out from a falling building only to enter a courtyard
of chaos. They soothed
the spooked horse, careened through
crossbow crossfire, played music
for a mob, and stepped into a
cyclone stadium. Can
they reach the sacred tree and stop a century
of war? Let's not beat around the bush
and see what's in store.
Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
We're here. We're ready
to fight whatever comes across
our way. I'm ready to fight the adventurers.
The adventurers are ready to fight us. We're here.
We're queer. Well, not everyone.
Some of us. Maybe one of us.
One and a half. One and a half. I do like
that whenever Gus records
his tavern voice thing, he's
been doing it live in front of us now
more often, so we're just... Imagine
six adults in this recording just kind of
waiting as this man goes like this.
Yeehaw!
Also after a serious discussion where we're like,
uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Okay, hold on.
Welcome to the show!
Yeah, our quote-unquote serious discussion
was determining Mudd's tiger state.
Yes.
I can't remember sometimes if I'm an animal,
if I'm not an animal,
if I left the last episode as something.
Usually I go off of my character sheet and right
now, according to my character sheet,
fair, fair audience, I'm
not an animal. So I'm going with that.
So I don't think... You were driving
the cart, right? The horse-drawn cart?
I was driving the cart and I don't
think I was a tiger driving the cart. Which I would
love to see a tiger driving
a cart. It's adorable.
It's adorable. Do you think we spend more time trying to open doors or trying to figure out if John
is an animal or not?
We do that less.
I'd say the doors are a much bigger thing.
That's very true.
In all caps, Micah typed doors.
Door.
We're going to need a second opinion.
Doors.
Can I give a shout out to somebody on Twitter?
Yeah.
At Jarmstrong said fine i guess
they must have just listened to an episode and they said finally mud uses the immovable rod
uh but then they said but seriously these cliffhangers are killing me um yes you're
welcome maybe sometime in the next next 35 episodes i'll use it again
yeah because you took it you took it with you i have it i i've been re-listening uh to the show
from the start uh while i was painting and stuff i got so mad at that episode
i was so mad i was like you're still so hard thinking back though okay knowing how chris
plays dnd and how he just tries to find any route into a problem to like
break the game. To break the game.
If he had gotten an immovable rod
that's like giving a nuke to
North Korea. It would have been over.
This game would be so broken
right now constantly. Oh yeah.
I'd be like my Google history would be
filled with how do you break an immovable rod?
I feel like whatever
if we ever do another campaign with new characters,
Chris should play like the dad-like character
just so he has to be responsible
just because I want to see that.
No, no, no, no.
Chris gets to be DM
and I get to try to break his game all the time.
I would just like to like,
can I be the dumb impetuous one
that ruins everything for everybody?
Can I be that one? Aren't you already? John, I don't think impetuous one that ruins everything for everybody? Can I be that one?
Aren't you already?
John, I don't think you could physically do that.
I don't think your brain would let you do that.
Oh, you've played video games with me
where I get into a little bit of a chaos mode.
That's true, John can do that.
And I like to cause trouble.
But it's just like in this show,
we got to do stuff.
Yeah.
So someone has to be the we do stuff guy.
Well, I want you to play a compulsive liar, John.
I'd love to.
It would totally, it would be fun.
You mean you would hate that?
In this fictional world, I'd be fine with it.
I'm just, because you're lying, so you'd say you hate that.
Because everything you say is a lie.
It's good.
I'm right there with you.
It's not opposite day to day, guys.
Or is it?
Let's play some D&D.
Gum Gum, as you're staring down a smug-looking Osmond,
you are caught off guard by a drenched snow bice behind you
that snatches Knive and pulls him into the icy water.
You had an action ready.
If you want to do anything, you can at this point.
Yeah, I want to do something.
I want my little boy, Gink,
getting iced away.
Can I... What you got?
Iced to see you, Gum Gum says.
There it is. There it is.
That was good. Chill!
Sorry, I'm just
rattling off Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes
from Batman and Robin. How could you not?
I know what I'm gonna do.'m going to tie a rope to him
and then tie the other end to me and pull.
He's already grabbed it in the water.
It's like he just came up and grabbed him and dove down.
Like, you don't have time to...
Oh, so he's in the water.
Right.
Okay, I'm diving in after.
Oh, diving in.
But can I tie a rope to me and then dive in?
Can Gum Gum canonically swim?
Have any of us swam in this game before? What, are you going to tie the other end to? You're just going to tie a rope to me and then dive in. Can Gum-Gum canonically swim? Have any of us swam in this game before?
What, are you going to tie the other end too?
You're just going to tie a rope to you that you have in your own bag?
That's what Gum-Gum might do.
He just ties a rope to himself, leaves the rope on the thing,
and thinks that's what works.
That's Gum-Gum.
I think Gum-Gum would do that.
I think that's...
Okay, so you pull one end of the rope out from your pack,
tie it around your waist, and dive into the water.
I've got this, guys.
You know what would really come in handy right now?
An immovable rod.
It would.
It would.
It really, really would.
Oh, my God.
I guess you'll just have to get to me.
Okay.
Suckers.
Synergy.
Synergy.
So I dive in.
Do I see anything?
What do I see in the water?
If you're not familiar with the rules of swimming in D&D,
I'm going to read over them real fast with you.
I'm not, actually.
So each foot of movement costs one extra foot.
So, you know, for example, if your movement's 30,
then your movement becomes 15.
So it's halving your movement.
Yeah.
So I believe your movement is 30, GumGum, so you'd be able to move 15 right now while you're swimming.
You're the deep end of the pool.
I'm not allowed.
What do I see when I open my eyes underwater?
Water.
Make a perception check.
Okay.
Blurred vision.
I don't know when you typically swim.
That's a five.
A five.
The water stings your eyes a bit.
It's difficult to see.
You think you see the shadow of a quickly moving snowbeist under the water.
I'm going to swim towards it.
Okay.
You swim 15 feet towards the snowbeist.
Guess so.
Can I throw my spear in it?
Actually, hold on.
You used your move action to jump.
That's right.
So now this move is all you can do,
because all you have left is either another movement action or an attack action.
So by jumping in, like tying the rope to yourself, diving in and swimming,
that's your second move, so that is your entire action.
That's all you can do.
That's right.
Okay, so I'm 15 feet towards it.
Yes, correct.
So let's see.
Now we have Sleek, and after Sleek is Bart.
Just FYI, Bart.
Sleek is going to cast something.
Let's see.
He begins channeling arcane energies.
Raccoon, raccoon, raccoon.
And Osman must make a saving throw.
He rolled a seven.
I'm pretty sure that's a fail.
I'm double checking.
That is indeed a fail.
So Osman takes some damage.
Osman takes one point of damage.
Way to go, Slate.
Thrilling battle.
He gets a paper cut.
Not great rolls.
Bart, what do you want to do?
How far am I from Osmond right now?
You got blown away by the strong gust of wind.
So you're a little further away.
You're going to be about 35, 40 feet away, something like that.
Excellent.
I would like to cast Dissonant Whispers at Osmond.
Ooh.
I would like to cast Dissonant Whispers at Osmond.
Ooh.
That's pretty good.
He must make a wisdom saving throw.
So he's going to make that right now.
Oh, he rolled a one.
He definitely fails that.
Yay.
So he does three ID6s.
We love a successful spell.
Psychic damage.
It's 12.
12 points of damage.
And then what does he do?
He has to run away or something?
Let me see.
He must immediately use its reaction if available to move as far as its speed allows away from you.
So he does have reaction.
So like I said, he was just getting out of the water. So he's going to make a beeline away from you.
You were blown up to the north by the water. So he's going to make a beeline away from you. You were blown up to the north by the wind.
So he's going to make a beeline
to the southern edge of the arena.
Okay.
So Osman's now in South Korea.
Yeah.
So he's like on the opposite end of the arena now.
How did I say that weird?
He's on the opposite end of the arena now from you.
Opposite send.
I thought that's what I said.
So he's about 65, 70 feet more or less away from you now.
And where is the water in conjunction to where this is all happening?
It's largely in the middle.
So the arena is kind of circular and the water is like in the middle where the tree was.
Okay, so he's south of that and I'm north of that.
Yeah, correct.
And it's like the only solid land left is kind of, it looks kind of like a very thin donut.
There's like bits of land around the outer edge of the ring
and like the middle part is largely water.
And tell us again, so the tree submerged into water?
Yeah, like all of the snow kind of melted and became water.
So now it's largely underwater.
You could already see a few little branches poking out from the snow
and you can still see that sticking up above the water.
But now instead of being buried in snow, it's underwater.
So is it like this picture I just posted in Discord
where the pink is the land and the hole in the middle is the water?
Interesting.
You just posted a picture of a donut from Simpsons.
She posted a picture of a donut.
Yes, except the pink donut part is much thinner
and the water part is much larger.
But yes, that is the gist of it.
Man, I want a donut now.
I literally just went Simpsons donut.
So it's more of an onion ring.
Yeah, more of an onion ring.
That's a good way to put it.
Yeah.
Here to help.
Get your map.
Micah's accusing you of stealing his map.
Is there anything else you want to do, Bart?
I feel like I should maybe get closer to the water to help Gum-Gum out.
But I also don't want to be too close in case that snowbite gets out.
And then I'm...
Roll a perception check for me, Bart.
That is a 16.
I would say you can still see the shadow of Gum-Gum in the water.
And he is kind of far from you.
So if you wanted to try to help him, you'd have to jump in the water as well.
Okay.
I'll just stay where I am. Okay. It's Knives'
turn after Knive is mud.
Knive is going to
try to make a strength check to see if
he can get free.
Well, he rolled a one. That's not great.
Good lord.
My rolls are terrible today. The Snow Bice
did still beat him, though.
The Snow Bice still has him under control
and the Snow Bice is not acting.
So Knives just struggles this round
and tries to move around.
Mud, you're up. Then after Mud is
Kyborg.
How far am I
from where Gum-Gum
jumped in the water? You were able to
hold your ground. You and Gum-Gum both
held your ground. So you were close to each other,
but he jumped away using the ring of jump.
I believe he jumped away about 20 to 30 feet
and then dove into the water.
So I'd say you're about 20 to 30 feet
from his point of entry into the water.
Okay.
And then from point of entry into the water,
how far away is the snow vice now at this point?
Make a perception check.
That's a nat 20 plus 7, so 27.
Oh, okay. Yeah,
you can see very clearly, you can see
both the shadow of
Gum Gum and the shadow of the Snow Bice.
And the Snow Bice is
pretty
central. Like, he made some moves.
He's pretty central in the water,
crossing over what would be the tree
at this point. That's why I'm trying to figure out
what spell I can pull off.
I was wondering if there's like a distance check
on if I were to get to where Gum Gum went into the
water and I don't get in the water
how far away is the snow bias for
me at that point? Oh, that's a good
question. Oh, one thing I failed to mention
earlier is
I mentioned it on the previous episode that there
were stalagmites sticking
up from the ground on the floor of the arena.
So those little points are also
still sticking out in the water. There's not
very many of them, but those are
also sticking out at a few points
around. Are you saying that because those
are things that we could either hit
or that we can use for traversal?
You could like swim to them and pull yourself up.
Yeah. Okay, traversal. I'm only mentioning
it now because in looking at the map I saw them
and I'm like, oh yeah, I forgot to mention them. It's not that it's crucial
right now in this moment or anything. Okay.
Anyway, your question was if you move to where
Gum-Gum jumped into the water, how far
is the snowbite from there? Yeah.
I'd say about 25
feet or so. Okay.
That's doable. Okay. If I move to where Gum-Gum went in the water
and his rope is sitting there, right?
No, the rope is still in his pack.
Oh, he took the rope with him.
He didn't leave the rope with him.
Okay.
Right.
That's fine, that's fine, that's fine.
I go to the water.
The rope would be on the shore, right?
Isn't it the thing, it's like the trope
where it's unraveling slowly
before giving someone time to jump on it?
That's what I thought Chris was trying to describe.
Yeah.
The way I described it when I was repeating to confirm
was that you pulled one end out from your bag,
tied it around you,
and jumped in with the rest of the rope still in your bag.
That's what I said.
Oops.
How long is the rope?
Because we can math this.
If he's only gone 15 feet.
I was thinking it was still on the ground.
Okay.
It's still on the ground then.
Okay.
But I didn't tie it to anything, so it would have been useless. Yeah, he didn't tie it to anything. He just left a loose still on the ground. Okay. It's still on the ground then. Okay. But I didn't tie it to anything, so
it would have been useless. Yeah, he didn't tie it to anything.
He just left a loose rope on the ground. Okay. Right, but if
the rope is like 20, 30 feet...
Right. It's unraveling. We still have time.
Yeah, the rope in D&D
normally is pretty long.
It would definitely still be there
unraveling if you left it on the ground. Okay. Long rope
of triumph. I mean, physics...
Based on Gum-Gum's weight... No, mean, physics. Based on Gum Gum's weight.
No, no, no.
Would I be able to tie the rope to something
and still have an action for a spell?
No, because it's a move,
and then picking up the rope and tying it
would be also an action.
The only spell you'd be able to cast
would be like if it was a bonus action.
If you didn't have to move
and you were standing there,
you could tie it,
but you have to move and then tie. That takes up your whole turn. Grabbing the rope myself counts a bonus action. If you didn't have to move and you were standing there, you could tie it, but you have to move and then tie.
That takes up your whole turn.
Would grabbing the rope myself count as my action?
I don't think so, right?
I'll give you that as a bonus action.
Okay.
Then I'd like to go to where Gungun fell in the water.
I'm going to grab the rope.
I'm a big guy.
I can pull this little half-orc boy back up if I need to.
And I'm going to cast...
Could I cast Shape Water
where the Snow Beist is?
And because I can change
the flow of the water,
would that be able to hinder
its ability to move much further
if literally the current
in a five-foot cube around it
is pushing against it
the other direction
towards Gum-Gum?
Let me verify the Snow Beist
is not large. It's a large creature so you could slow it down or potentially have the
current push it up i don't know if you could like make it flow backwards though because it's so big
okay wait so i can make the snowbites flow up right you can make it you could like an updraft
yeah you could push it up or you could slow it down,
but I don't think you could turn it around like 180.
You couldn't force it to go backwards.
No, that's what I mean.
I was wondering if maybe I could almost make it do a full stop so make it easier for Gum-Gum to swim to it.
Yeah, it wouldn't be a full stop,
but it would be a significant slowdown.
Okay, then I would like to waterbend this mofo
and help Gum-Gum in his little swimmies.
Language.
Little swimmies. Language. Little swimmies.
Mud conjures up his waterbending abilities,
and the snowbite seems to slow down.
I guess the only people who would notice would probably be Bart and Gum-Gum
because they were both looking at the snowbite in the water.
Okay.
Is that it for you?
That's it for me, and I'm bracing with all of my fear bog weight to pull that boy.
All right.
Kyborg, you're up.
Then we have a couple of NPCs and then Gum Gum.
You'll be after them.
Okay.
Did I survive the wind blast?
I thought I did, right?
Yeah, I believe you and Mud stood your ground.
Okay.
And then I had recently shot an arrow at Osman.
Where is he and what's he looking like?
He, after the Vicious Mockery, you know, he emerged from the water,
got Vicious Mockery, and then ran straight to the south,
and is still, you know, under the effects of that Vicious Mockery.
So he's, you know, he's taking some damage.
He's beaten up a little bit, and he's on the southern edge of the ring.
So, like, within shooting distance?
Oh, yeah, their shooting distance is really far, isn't it?
Shooting distance?
Yeah, it's 150 to 300.
Yeah, you could hit anything in this arena with your bow.
Bet your butt I could.
I'm just confused what I should do.
I feel like we've already got enough people in the water thing.
Yeah, I think focusing on getting that Osmond taken care of is not a bad thing.
Yeah, it's just gum gum underwater.
I got him.
I got him.
All right.
Well, you know the thing about a gum-Gum, it's got lifeless eyes.
Black eyes, like a dog's eyes.
Just imagine Gum-Gum swimming like a shark.
Gum-Gum doggy paddles. Alright, I'll take a shot
at... Real fast, Micah sent me
a quick correction. It was Gum-Gum
and Kyborg who successfully made
the saving throw against the wind, not Mud.
So Mud, you would have been blown away.
So you would have approached where Gum-Gum jumped into the water from the north,
from where Bart was, instead of coming from the south.
Would that impair my ability to reach that point anymore?
No, no, no.
Just for clarity, you came from the other direction.
Thank you for clarity.
Thank you, Micah.
Okay, sorry to interrupt, Blaine.
You're good.
Oh, and Vinkane...
Shoot.
Knive?
No, not knife.
V...
V-Head.
Head Ward is fighting with...
Spectral.
Spectral.
Spectral.
Okay.
I don't feel like I need to intervene.
Based on your rolls, I feel like they're probably not doing much damage.
It seems like they're in a slappy fight.
Well, they're also...
I mean, that's what's causing a lot of the magic.
Remember, there were lightning strikes that almost hit you guys.
There was the wind that blew you around.
The snow melted because of the fallout.
It's actually a huge battle going on.
If we were in Warcraft right now, I would scream, please don't pull aggro.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, then I'll just take a shot at Osman because I don't know what he's doing.
He's just running away, I guess.
Ooh, 16.
That does hit.
Damage is 13. 13? That's That does hit. Damage is 13.
13? That's so much damage.
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Yeah, it is, Gus. Oops, all damage.
I rolled a D8. I rolled an 8 on a
D8, so. Yeah, wow.
I mean, you let an arrow fly
and it hits him. He's
running away from you, so it probably hits him in the lower back
and he seems to double over.
It looks like he's in incredible pain.
He's not looking very
good, barely clinging to life down there.
We already debated if that's an attack
of opportunity, opportunity. Why did I say
it like that? What? Sorry, I'm having
a stroke. Never mind, never
mind. He's running away
so I thought I would get an attack of opportunity
but I think that we already discussed that
and it is not in the cards.
Opportunity, opportunity?
He would have to leave the space that you are threatening with a melee attack.
So he'd have to be, like, within five feet of you.
That's when you get, like, a melee attack of opportunity.
Okay.
Prestidigitation, is that a bonus?
Prestidigitation.
Casting time is one action, so no.
Okay.
There's nothing else I can do.
I was going to see if I could help Gum-Gum in some way,
but I'll take my shot.
Chip away at that Aussie.
After landing that sweet shot,
I do like a spin, a slight moonwalk,
and then a hee-hee.
Always with style.
Make a performance check.
Roll for slipping on the ice.
Performance check.
Oh, God.
You go prone.
You die. Yeah, you fall on one of those stalactites. Negative two. Ooh, slipping on the ice. Performance check. Oh, God. You go prone. You die.
Yeah, you fall on one of those stalactites.
Negative two.
Ooh, that's a zero.
Oh, he got a two minus two on performance.
You try to give it your best Michael Jackson impression,
but it falls very flat.
He chokes on his spit while he tries to go.
You choke. your voice cracks,
the ice cracks under your feet.
So cool.
Fortunately, no one was looking.
Everyone was very busy.
He farts a little bit.
Micah says your shoelaces get tied together.
Magically.
By themselves.
Okay, it's Osman's turn.
But around the same time that it's his turn,
you see Ward hurl a massive anchor to Spectral's back.
You see lightning strike all around the arena.
Not really close to you guys like last time,
but still all over the place, all around the arena.
Very dangerous.
Okay, Osman doesn't have to run away anymore.
Osman, what will you do?
Run away and never return, like Scar said to Simba.
Is it either a Simpsons reference or it's a...
Run away, Simba.
Or Disney.
Yeah.
Okay.
He is...
He's not happy that Kyborg did so much damage to him.
I wouldn't be either.
And Bart.
Psychic damage.
Well, he can physically see where the arrow came from.
He knows that.
So he readies his pickaxe,
the one that's shaped like an anchor,
and he throws it at you, Kyborg.
How far is this dude?
It's about 50 feet away or so.
Okay.
That is a 17 plus 7.
That's a 24, which I assume is a hit.
Yeah, this is a big hit.
Kyborg's about to get hit by a giant pickaxe.
I'm just like, wee!
It's going to be like a Roadrunner cartoon
where there's a giant shadow that's just getting larger.
You take six points of piercing damage from it.
Not bad.
And now you need to make a strength saving throw.
Ah, my specialty.
Here we go.
20.
Oh, it's a 14 plus a six.
It's a 20.
The pick, you know, hits you and tries, you know,
you feel it pulling at you like he's trying to pull you closer to him.
But, you know, you plant your feet after your smooth Michael Jackson moves
and hold your own.
And the pick, you know, pulls free and retracts back to Osmond.
Oh.
He pulls it back.
He was trying to Mjolnir you.
Is it hooked up by a chain or magic?
Yeah, you see now he's got like a rope on it.
Oh, he's scorpioning me.
Scorpioning me.
He tried to.
He said, get over here.
Get over here.
All right.
Now what's he going to do?
He's going to try to move a little bit to the east to get back up to the ridge,
try to get the higher ground and survey the situation.
Don't do it, Anakin.
Snow Bist.
He is also going to continue swimming to the east.
He's slowed down.
So normally he'd be able to move 20 feet in this water.
But you said you were slowing him down, right?
John, with your shape water?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
So normally he'd move 20 feet,
but we'll say instead he moves half of that.
So he's only able to move 10 feet this round.
And continues moving to the east.
Your spell actually probably did a lot of help
because if you hadn't slowed him down with 20 feet,
he'd probably been able to get to the edge
back up to the land at this point.
So you kept him in the water
this turn. So he's
underwater, right? Yes.
Gum Gum, you're up, then Sleek,
then Bart. Okay. And you're underwater
as well. Can I swim towards
the guy?
Snow Bice. The creature and
little Nye. Science guy.
Knife.
Yeah, you have, what do we say, 15 feet of swim?
Yeah.
How far away are they?
Yeah, I'm trying to think how far you'd get.
So he only moved 10 this time.
He was a, yeah, you would get, you would,
I would say on this turn, you would catch up to them.
Can I catch up to them and try and grab the kid?
Yeah, make like an opposed strength check
with the snow
bice to see if you can pull knife out if you use his name you won't you won't
forget it as often knife I'm gonna let you go first okay wait wait wait wait
13 but I'm raging so I'm an advantage a strength check yeah that's a 16 plus I'm
gonna also use my bonus thing that Bart gave me, like, last, like, forever ago.
Flapped my butt.
How forever ago was it?
It was in the fight of the, with the lord of the guy that was trying to.
Are you able to use it that far away from when I gave it to you?
Yeah, that's why I'm asking.
Well, timeline-wise, it was within an hour, right?
Which buff was it?
Was it Bardic Inspiration?
Bardic Inspiration.
It only lasts for 10 minutes. Oh.
So no, it would have been longer
than that. Dang. Well, then
16 it is. Okay, 16.
Still a pretty good roll. I'm going to roll for the Snow
Bist. The Snow Bist has a
plus 4 on this roll. You can do it. Come, come.
God, a 2 plus 4 is 6.
Yes! Woo!
Yeah, I'll say you get in there
and start wrestling with the
snow bice. You probably caught him by surprise.
You probably didn't realize you had jumped in
and were swimming after him, so
he didn't really have as solid of a grip on Knives
as he could have had. So yeah, you
sneak up in there and pull Knives away
out of his arm. He didn't hear Gum Gum just
constantly saying, da-da,
da-da, da-da.
Sorry, and then, do I have any ability to swim back, or is that pretty much my Constantly saying, da-da, da-da, da-da. Sorry.
And then do I have any ability to swim back,
or is that pretty much my movement?
No, that was your entire movement,
because your move is 15.
You used all of that to catch up to them.
Then your action was the strength check
to try to pull Nive away.
So you're still there next to the snowbice.
So now I'm just hugging the kid.
You got him.
You got him out of the snowbice grip, so that's good.
Yeah.
Sleek.
Sleek, my friend.
What can you do?
Sleek now has no friends.
Sleek being friends with the DM is like being friends with the cafeteria lady at school.
That's not a real thing.
That's great.
That's a burn.
Your anti-sleek agenda is affecting the rest of the party, Blaine.
It really is.
Good.
I'm sorry.
How much damage did Sleek do his last turn?
One.
He's trying.
Tried a lot harder when he was trying to destroy a city.
How many times do I have to say it?
I do not have to say it?
I do not have my loot.
Maybe you guys should be looking for his loot.
That way he can do more damage.
Wait, would he even be around?
Like, I thought we left that way back. We're in like some foreign land.
What's-her-face has it.
Paralite took it.
And Paralite's not here.
Correct. So just whatever that boy's going to doite took it. And Paralite's not here. Correct.
So just whatever that boy's going to do, do it.
Whatever his turn is.
Go ahead, Sleek.
Waste your time.
We're waiting.
He's going to go ahead and...
Oh, what's he going to do?
He's going to cast a spell.
Oh, watch out, guys.
Hold your breath.
Here we go.
Oh, me. Que? Oh, guys. Hold your breath. Here we go.
Oh, me.
Game.
Oh, lay.
He casts a spell, and you see one of the polar bears that was up on the ridge turn around and start running towards Osman.
Do we want to know what spell he cast?
Nah.
You can make an arcana check.
Mud checks to see if Sleek cast fear.
13.
13. 13.
You think that he cast some kind of enchantment on that polar bear.
To ally with Osmond.
Weird.
To help him.
Yeah.
Where are we?
That's Sleek.
Bart.
After Bart is Knife, then Mud.
Just FYI.
I am a little concerned about Spectral right now
since he's off fighting Ward by himself.
Am I within 90 feet of him?
I'm on the north side of the donut.
Yeah, you're within 90 feet.
Excellent.
I don't know if this will work,
but could I try to cast Sleep on Ward?
Oh, that's an interesting one.
Sleep.
Yeah, I mean, you can cast it.
You just need to see how many hit points of creatures you can affect.
So you pick a point and then within 20 feet of there, you know, you would roll hit points or hit die 5d8 and determine how many hit points you affect.
You can try it.
I will say in the past,
because you have to roll 5d8 with higher level creatures,
you normally don't roll high enough to affect them.
Like even if you rolled all eights,
you could affect him if he had 40 hit points.
Okay.
So it's probably not going to work.
Yeah.
Just from a math perspective,
it's like, it's tricky.
And on, you know, you would know from here that he probably has more than that. Like he's probably not going to work. Yeah, just from a math perspective, it's like, it's tricky. And on, you know, you would know from here
that he probably has more than that.
Like he's probably too strong
and would resist the sleep.
For reference, mud is 36 hit points
and I'm not a boss.
Copy.
How far am I from them right now then?
Spectral and ward?
Yeah.
Say about 50 to 60 feet,
somewhere in that range.
Let's say it's 50. Okay. Let's say it's 50.
Okay, let's say it's 50.
So could I move my maximum walking speed towards them?
So that would be 25 feet?
Yes.
And then could I try to cast Suggestion on Ward?
Suggestion.
So range is 30 feet.
So that's why you want to get closer.
Yeah.
I must make a wisdom saving throw,
but you could try to persuade them to do something,
as long as it sounds reasonable to them.
And as long as it doesn't,
it's not like asking them to hurt themselves, essentially.
Right.
It says that you must be warded in a way
to make the course of action sound reasonable.
So not like stab itself or light itself on fire
or do something obviously harmful.
My suggestion would be stop fighting Spectral and leave him be.
Stop fighting Spectral, leave him be.
So he has to make a wisdom saving throw.
Looks like it's DC 13.
Fart often doesn't choose violence.
10.
What is his wisdom?
Less than three.
Less than three. Less than three.
It is plus one, so 11.
Yay!
Yay!
Are you suggesting for him to do something other?
No, just to stop fighting Spectral.
So Spectral's just going to keep beating on him
while he does nothing.
I just imagine an infinite we want to keep safe.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, of the two,
there's one that we need to take home with us.
Oh, man.
I don't like this.
Okay, yeah.
You see Ward seems like he, you know, almost like powers down a little bit.
You know, he takes a step back and seems to be not as aggressive in his posturing.
Good, good.
Bart does that, like, thing thatris pratt does in uh jurassic park
with the velociraptors blue put your hands out yeah uh okay so that duration is concentration
up to eight hours oh wow yeah so i'll just i'm still concentrating. Okay. Where are we? So that was Bar, Knife.
Knife is now in Gum-Gum's arms.
So he is not going to resist.
He'll delay any action until something else happens.
Mud, you're up.
And then after Mud is Kaiba.
Well, I've caught a Gum-Gum and a Knife.
So can I reel them in?
Here we go.
Can I reel them in, get them away from the snowbites?
Yeah, you'd have to make like a strength check
to pull them in
because they're pretty heavy and they have a lot of drag
on them, so you could do that
Then I cast guidance on myself
and do a strength check
You gonna cast bud light while you're out there
fishing? Nat 20
plus 2
plus 3.
25.
25.
You really put your back into it.
You feel otherworldly strength coursing through your veins,
and you start pulling on the rope.
And, yeah, I will say you're able to pull both Gum-Gum
and Knives back up onto the shore by you.
Oh, it's a big one. Oh, I've got a big one!
It's coming in! Oh, I've got it! I've got it!
I wanna see you take the picture of you holding up
Gum Gum upside down.
It's a five-footer.
It's funny because, like, in my mind,
Gum Gum and Mud are, like, similar size and weight,
even though I know that's not true, but, like,
that's just how I picture you guys, so it's just like...
It's biggin'. Yeah, and I... that's not true, but, like, that's just how I picture you guys, so it's just like... He's bigging.
And I smell Tyrant.
I mean, Gum-Gum's close.
Gum-Gum's pretty big.
He's big.
No one's as big as Mud.
Okay, you pull him out,
and as you pull him out into the water,
Knives says...
Thank you both.
That was a close one.
It looks like we're not far from the sacred tree.
If someone can distract the snow beast,
Mud and I can get to the tree.
Close.
Very good.
At distractions,
that's my little gum gum.
All right.
That's your whole turn, I take it, Mud?
Yeah, I figured that's all I can do, right?
Other than bonus actions?
Yeah, unless you had like a bonus action or something.
I would love to turn into a swimmy
thing, but I don't have swimming ability yet,
I don't think. Do I? Even if you
turn into a creature that can swim? Oh, I
can swim now, right? I
think that spell got upgraded when we leveled
up last time, or, like, last time I was able to
upgrade that spell, and I think I might be at swimmy's
level. Can I check that real quick? Because I might
want to turn into something that's got some good swim speed.
You can, but with the caveat that you have to wear
floaties.
This is for Wild
Shape? Yeah.
As of level four,
you just can't fly.
Well then.
Mud turns into a...
Wild Shape is an action.
Nope. Nope. Oh, you have Combat
Wild Shape. I got Combat Wild Shape.
You can use Wild Shape as a bonus action.
So, yeah.
I feel like you should get an Inspiration Die taken away if you tell the DM, nope.
I like the way Barbara thinks.
If he's wrong?
No, I know.
Teacher, that is incorrect.
Yeah, at level two, your limitations are no flying or swimming speed,
but then when you hit level four,
it's only no flying speed.
Yeah, so I'm going to turn into a sea otter.
Sea otter versus snowbeast.
Fight.
Cool, there's now an otter on the shore
next to Gum Gum and Knife.
They're otterby.
Hey.
That's good.
That wasn't good.
I'll see myself.
Kyborg.
How's
Osman looking?
Not great. Not great at all.
Okay. So this entire time
Fred, the little
fox, has been perching up
like out from under my shirt
you know? Because that's where I've been keeping him.
My little fox.
And I give him a kiss on the head
because this one's for him.
Zosman's responsible for him being in the fighting pits.
And then I take a shot.
The longbow of triumph.
Yikes.
That's a 10.
He rolled a 10.
Why do you hate your fox so much?
Inspiration die.
The fox is telling you to save him.
No, no, no.
Inspiration die. Inspiration die. He's save him. No, no, no. Inspiration die.
Inspiration die.
He's whimpering.
18.
18.
That actually hits, unlike a 10.
All right.
And rolling for damage.
It's a one plus five, six.
Okay.
Yeah.
The arrow.
This one flies.
Flies true.
Hits Osman in the neck.
He falls to his knees,
and he looks at you, raises a fist,
and says,
the hunter becomes the hunted,
and he collapses dead.
Loser.
I can't hear you.
You're really far away.
What?
What?
It's like that scene from Shazam
where Mark Strong is monologuing
super far away
I can't you're like 80 feet
away from me dude
perfect scene
do you have any questions about the show perhaps a query
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maybe you're curious what's going on behind the Dungeon Master screen.
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Speaking of characters, we do, you know, cast
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at XChinYoung
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That was Kyborg.
It's Osman's turn.
He just continues to be dead.
It's super effective.
Nat 20.
Yeah.
Snow Bist.
He's going to... He's going to swim after Gum-Gum and Knife.
Tracks.
And comes out, pulls himself up onto the shore.
He's going to look at his foes in front of him, but he's most mad at Gum-Gum for taking Knife from him.
He, like, focuses his gaze on you, Gum-Gum,
and you need to make a constitution saving throw.
Oh, yeah.
22.
Oh, Gum-Gum glares back.
Blue steel.
Except he doesn't know what glaring actually is,
so he's just blinking really hard.
You know, you stare back at him,
which he takes as an insult,
so he roars in your face.
Then takes a swipe at you with his left claw.
Hitting on a 23, which I assume is a hit. Yeah, it hits.
So what of it?
It does
5 points of slashing
damage where you take half of that because you're raging, so you
take 2. But you also
take a little bit of cold damage from that,
which is not halved. You take 5 points of
cold damage. I have a question.
Okay.
That move I just did, I count as an attack.
What move?
Me fighting, grabbing the little kid.
No, it's not an attack.
It's just an action.
Well, then I think my rage would have ended.
Do you have to attack?
Rage ends early if you're knocked unconscious or if your turn ends and you haven't attacked
since your last turn.
Oh, yeah, your rage would have ended.
I don't think I've ever encountered that with a barbarian before. or if your turn ends, you haven't attacked since your last turn. Oh, yeah, your rage would have ended.
I don't think I've ever encountered that with a barbarian before.
Rage ending?
Yeah, rage ends because they fail to attack.
Oh, interesting.
That's why I wanted to attack at the end there.
Oh, I see.
Did you just out yourself?
You know, that's fair.
That's honest, So I appreciate that.
Instead, on the first attack,
instead of taking two, then you take five points on that one.
Just in spite of you, I put my shield back on.
And then the Snow Bice
makes a second claw
attack with its right claw.
Not to be confused with a white claw.
But he totally misses
and stumbles a little bit.
He's just so furious.
He can't control himself.
He's a little off balance now.
Gum Gum, it's your turn.
All right.
Then after Gum Gum, a couple of NPCs and then Bart.
So they're about to swim away, right?
Him and the kid?
They haven't said that, but Mud turned into a sea otter.
And you did hear Knive talk about going to the tree.
So it's a pretty safe assumption that yes, but they are still there with you.
All right.
Well, then I'm going to rage again, I guess.
Rage against the machine.
I'm a wee wage.
And roll my thingy.
I didn't even use my last thing that made the weapon come back to me.
Oh, right.
One, which is, let's see here.
Shadowy tendrils lash around you.
Each creature of your choice that you can see within 30 feet of you must succeed.
Constitution, saving throw, or take D12 necrotic.
Oh, that's a good one.
I also gain D12 temporary hit points.
Yeah.
That was great.
Okay, so the only enemy within 30 feet of you is the snowbeist
yeah um and i want to shadowy tindals flashing tendles tendles tendrils he has a plus three
on this roll ten so that's a fail yes yay so you want to go and uh roll that necrotic damage for it? Eight points.
Eight points, yes.
It says shadowy tendrils creep up from the ground
and start enveloping the snowbeist.
And then I want to, I'm still raging, right?
For my move, can I, there's nothing to tie the rope to.
Can I try and grapple the thing so it can't swim away towards the others?
You could.
Micah also suggests you could tie it to a tendril.
Okay, yeah.
I'll do that.
That's a good suggestion.
Thank you, Micah.
I'm going to tie the...
Well, I have to tie the rope to the creature first, right?
Yes.
the rope to the creature first, right?
Yes.
Can I roar back at it and try and tie the rope to the snow-biced?
Yeah, like I said, after his last attack,
he was off balance, so I'll give you a bonus
to try to do it.
Go ahead and make a sleight of hand check
with advantage to try to get it around him.
Okay, that's a three and a 10. Sure, we'll say you're able to get it around him. Okay. That's a three and a ten?
Sure, we'll say you're able
to loop it around him with a ten.
Okay. And you're able to start
that process. Alright.
You're not as tight as me, jerk.
We're friends.
Is your friendship, is a modified
friendship bracelet? No, because we're not
friends. We're not friends.
Friendship necklace, this one.
Friendship bracelets, enemy necklace.
Enemy necklace.
Gum-Gum almost did a Rorschach. He could have been like,
you're not trapped down here with me.
Yeah, I'm not trapped down here with you.
Yeah, Gum-Gum's not
quite that clever. No.
I tie it around him.
Good to get out of here.
Is that it for you, Gum-Gum?
I think that's all.
Because that counts.
That's by attack, right?
No, that's just an action.
Because his rage was his tendrils, and that's not an action.
Correct.
And then he did the tying thing.
Tying, that's just an action.
That's not an attack action.
Oh.
You could substitute the tying as like a move action.
So could he actually just attack the snow bike?
Yeah, he could.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, that's an interaction with an object.
Cool.
Do it.
And then I'm going to attack it with my greataxe recklessly.
I'm just going crazy.
He's pushing all the buttons.
Which is 19.
Oh, wait, no, 21.
Oh, nice.
Even better.
Believe it or not, that hits.
No, really?
This unarmored animal?
Really?
17 points of damage.
17 points of damage?
Wait, and that's 19 with rage.
Good Lord.
He rolled a D12 and rolled a 12.
Wow.
12 plus 5, 17 plus 2 from rage, 19.
Yeah.
I mean, your great axe lands a mighty blow on the snow bice who roars in pain from the blow.
Yeah.
He's pretty beat up.
Yeah, that's a lot of damage.
Are they still underwater?
No, they're on the shore.
Okay, okay.
Gum Gum and the snow bice are on the shore.
Got it.
Sleek.
Man, there's not much to do at this point.
Oh, prepare.
Sleek's coming. Here we go, guys. Let's get ready. What's he much to do at this point. Oh, prepare.
Sleek's coming.
Here we go, guys.
Let's get ready.
What's he going to do?
Well, we've basically got two objectives right now.
Either get the stuff to the tree or deal with Osmond and Spectral.
No, Ward and Spectral.
Yeah, and Bart kind of has Ward under control at this point.
Well, maybe he should talk to his friend.
Hey, what?
Spectral and Sleek. They're supposed to be buddies. They're friends.
They know each other. They're infinites. Oh, I thought
you meant me. And I was like, I'm
distracting Ward right now. Yeah, you got
that. Yeah, so then the
one useful thing Sleek could do right now
is to go and just like calm
Spectral down and like,
you know, grab a cigarette with him or something.
I don't know.
That's not a bad idea.
Yeah.
Sleek will... No smoking, kids.
Sleek will start making his way over to the eastern edge of the arena
to try to get over to the grandstands to get closer to Spectral.
Good.
Then after him, that polar bear that was running towards Osman before
changes course and starts making
a beeline for the snowbeist.
Jumps in the water.
Polar bears are adept swimmers.
Quickly gets through the water and pops up next to Gum-Gum and the snowbeist.
Does he have enough to attack?
He does not have enough.
It was too far.
He had to double move to get over there.
He just jumps in.
Hello. That was too far. He had to double move to get over there. He just jumps in. Hello.
Bart. Then after Bart
is Knife, then Mud.
So right now, my concentration
is on Ward.
Correct. Keeping him from fighting Spectral.
Yeah, you're keeping your suggestion
going. Yes. Use that
Bardic charm
and get Spect spectral to chill
his beans. I don't know if I
could do that to two. I don't think I
could do that to two. Oh no, I meant like literally
your actual just charm.
Your natural bardic
you know. You're a charming guy.
I am very charming. So charming
in fact that while I'm
charming one fella
let me try to talk down the other.
Maybe.
Do we want him to come help us?
Like, what are we, I guess,
what are we trying to get Spectral to do at this point?
I mean, we definitely need him to stop
trying to commit walrus genocide.
Yeah.
And also to, yeah, come back with us
because we need to retrieve him.
So there's a few things to...
We talked to God.
Am I close enough, I guess, for Spectral to hear me?
You had closed to within 30 feet.
Yeah.
So, I mean, you can try.
Yeah, you know, it's...
Plus, there's a lot of weather effects and things going on,
a lot of magic in the air.
So it's loud, but, you know, if you shouted, you could try.
Spectral! Spectral! do i see him respond yeah he'll he'll uh turn and look in the direction of you uh bart starts waving his little hands in the air and he
goes you don't need to do this he's standing down come help us come with. It's not worth it, buddy. Kind of like one of those negotiation specialists that you see.
Like a hostage negotiator or something.
Help me help you.
Help me help you.
Get away from the lich.
Step away from the walrus.
It's not worth it.
He's definitely looking at you.
You're not sure if he's like, you think he can hear you, but you're not sure if he's listening.
But he's definitely looking.
Make a persuasion check.
You got it.
It's a 16.
16.
That's not bad.
He seemed like he was so angry, like out of his mind.
Not the same Leonard that you saw before.
But he does seem to be like focusing on you and listening to what you're
saying now.
Remember you're Leonard Link.
Remember who you are.
Remember,
remember the something of November.
Yeah.
It's like,
it's like Mufasa in the clouds.
Remember who you are.
Good.
Good.
Yeah.
Um,
does that do anything?
Yeah, he turns and he seems like he's listening to you.
He takes like a step or two in your direction.
He definitely seems like, you know, his aggressive posture seems to be lessened.
Okay.
Bart just starts nodding and kind of like motioning towards himself.
Yeah, like his knives in his hands seems to like, you know, he's not holding them up in an offensive posture anymore.
They seem to be like down and maybe like being held loosely in his hands.
Bart, the persuader.
Gotta have, you know, a peacemaker on the team somehow.
One of us has to have people skills.
It's either Bart talks to them or Kyborg arrows them.
They're two different methods.
Yeah, it's Knives' turn.
Knives, you know, I guess he would look at the otter very excitedly,
but then, you know, he would say,
Come on, we have to hurry.
And then he dives into the water.
Yay.
It's a good underwater adventure.
Oh, he's a walrus.
Yeah, he can.
Yeah.
Quick, Micah, make an underwater theme similar to, like, Sonic or Mario,
where it's, like, what we've been listening to.
No, no.
The water.
Donkey Kong.
Oh, yeah, sure.
We can do Donkey Kong.
Fine.
God's got a great set.
What?
Underwater?
Donkey Kong's fine.
He said it sounds like blub, blub, blub.
Classic.
Mud.
You're up.
Then after mud is Kaibou.
I jump in the water and I am how far from the tree?
Oh, you're an otter, so you have, like, swim speed.
What's your swim speed?
I know, it's 40.
40?
Yeah, so you could get there, uh, you know,
Valorossians are walrus people, so they also swim pretty easily,
so you're both able to get to the tree.
Well, I guess you're able to get there,
and Knive is already there when you get to the tree.
Cool. Mud clenches all of his little
otter muscles and
tries to focus the amulet at the tree
by holding onto
the tree and holding onto the amulet, or
trying to push the amulet and the
tree together, just doing whatever he can.
Make him kiss. He's like, I don't
understand exactly how this magic works, but I'm
doing my best, Andy. Come on, give me something. Make an arcana check. That's only a five. I don't understand exactly how this magic works, but I'm doing my best, Andy.
Come on, give me something.
Make an arcana check.
That's only a five.
I have an inspiration dice.
Should I use an inspiration dice on an arcana check?
Is that important?
You got the little boy there.
He probably knows what to do.
This is a very sweet moment because it was his locket and it was your amulet.
You guys just happened to be there at the finish line
doing the thing together.
This isn't the thumbnail. I don't know what will be.
There's not an auto in the thumbnail.
Is the arcana check? I'm trying to figure out how to use
this magic. Yeah, I mean, like you said,
you're trying to make the magic work.
Alright, I'll use my
inspiration dice. It's eight.
So, three more.
I have negative one in Arcana.
That's exactly what you needed, though.
Knife also pulls out his locket.
He rolled a three.
He rolled a three.
My rolls have been terrible today.
It's just a little boy and his dumb otter not knowing how to use magic.
Yeah, Knife pulls out his locket, and he begins casting with it.
And he looks at you and kind of points at your amulet and points at the tree.
I'm not.
I'm trying.
I'm seriously trying.
This thing, I didn't even find this thing.
This thing came to me, and I've only successfully used it, like, twice.
I still don't understand it.
You try to talk, but it's just like bubbles are coming out of your mouth, like gurgling sound.
Are we underwater?
Yeah.
Well, as an otter, I should be able to talk underwater.
I think that should be an ability that I have.
It's like in cartoons when the bubbles reach the surface, they pop,
and then you can hear the words out on the surface.
Yeah, in that case, you're right.
I guess an otter would be able to communicate underwater.
So instead of just pointing at his locket and pointing at you,
you would hear Knives say,
I'm going to cast Sunbeam.
You need to cast Moonbeam.
Okay, I cast Moonbeam.
There you go.
I forgot you did send me that move a while back.
I have no idea where that is.
She pulls out a tiny otter-sized book and is just scrolling through.
No, Mud remembers the feeling that he had in that room
where he first cast it correctly on that spectral creature,
and he tries to accomplish that same feeling again.
Okay.
You hear Knife chant the arcane words.
Solaris looks. What arcane words. Solaris Lux.
What arcane words do you say, Mud?
Moon, river.
It's working. It's working.
It's a lovely spell to cast.
You hear a really loud kaboom and a deafening explosion discharges from the center of the arena, throwing everyone to the ground.
A blend of orange and blue radiance shoots straight into the sky and brilliant beams cascade from overhead like waterfalls of light.
The once thundering clouds fade to reveal the night sky brimming with twinkling stars and silver moonlight.
The powdery snow underground melts away into a glade of green grass and blossoms.
The powdery snow on the ground melts away into a glade of green grass and blossoms.
In the center of it all stands a towering evergreen tree emitting a soft glow and a fresh scent of pine.
A little tear comes from Bart's eye.
Out from behind the tree steps a radiant woman clothed in multicolored leaves and draped with clouds.
Andi!
Andi, the goddess, looks to Mud and Knive with kind eyes, sparkling like lightning, and says,
Thank you, mud of the bumblecracks and knife of the gorns.
I am grateful to you and your friends for your acts of bravery.
It's actually bramblecrack, but it's fine if you didn't get the name right.
Of the bramblecracks.
You said bumblecrack.
Did I say bumble? I said bramble. I heard You said Bumble Crack. Did I say Bumble?
I said Bramble.
I heard Bumble.
I'm fine.
I like the idea.
I like the idea of God coming down and saying my name wrong.
That's fine.
John Reisinger.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Someone else does that voice anyway.
It's fine.
They better say it wrong.
They'll say it right. I give
Knife a little high five and it's adorable
because it's an otter and a little boy high
fiving. It's like straight out of a Disney movie.
An otter and a walrus.
Don't forget. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andi's gaze turns towards Spectral and
Ward in the stands. And now
it's time the truth came
out. Andi closes her
eyes and reaches down to the roots of the tree.
The tree begins to pulse with light and suddenly Andi's voice reverberates in your minds.
Ishbjorn, Valrostians, cease this cycle of violence at once and heed my words.
I am Andi, the goddess of changing seasons and protector of this land.
You are protector.
You may look different. You may
have different traditions and you may have been told different stories about me, but the truth is
you are one people. My people. For too long, a bitter winter of bloodshed and rivalry has plagued
this land, but no longer. Now is the time for spring and sunshine. Now is the time we heal this land together.
It won't be easy
and it will take time.
But I promise to remain among you and
lead you all through this age of
restoration together.
But first, it is time this fight
was put to rest.
Your eyes all start to feel heavy and the world
around slowly fades to black.
What, all of us?
She's going to kill everyone.
Genocide.
Yeah, you all are dead.
Everyone, thanks for listening to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.
I'm really glad I'm not in the water still.
I just drowned.
Gum gum falls asleep.
That all like disappeared.
Like all the water went away.
You know, it all dissipated and turned into like a spring-like setting.
Yeah, grass and beautiful tree and all that stuff.
Everyone go ahead and you can mark a long rest.
The longest rest of all.
Yay.
Oh, because we did die.
The longest rest ever.
Then after you all mark that long rest,
everyone go ahead and make me a perception check.
22.
21 for Bart.
5 for Blaine.
I mean, Kyborg.
1 for Gum-Gum.
Nice.
We'll start with Gum-Gum and Kyborg with their 1 and their 5.
You feel a snug blanket wrapped around you, the crackling of a warm fire nearby, and the aroma of fresh coffee.
It's so cozy.
Do you have to wake up?
Nah, not really, right?
No.
Bart and Mud, both of you open your eyes and you see uh everyone's resting in
separate beds in a room with large windows overlooking the ocean bathed with sun uh you
both also notice andy knives sleek and spectral are all standing outside down by the docks it
looks like they're talking about something and looking out to the sea you both also actually
spot something out to see it might be a whale or something else,
but it's difficult to make out
with the sun reflecting off the water.
Could I go inspect what's out in the water?
Or could I try to look harder through my window?
You'd probably have to get out onto the dock,
like try to go out and get closer.
It's difficult to see from here
with the light reflecting off the water
and the glass and everything.
You need to get out and get a much closer look.
Okay.
Let's go.
Could I go out onto the dock and take a look?
Yeah.
You stand up out of your bed, and you look around,
and you see that there's a fresh pot of coffee nearby with some giant steins.
There's also a bowl of fruit and good berries.
And you see Hannibal, Gumbo, and Fred all curled up together by the fire.
Wow.
I love this part of the story.
Let's just live in this existence for the rest of the time.
Paralite?
Who's that?
So you want to head out?
Does anybody else want to head out?
Anybody want to get coffee?
Yeah, yeah.
I said let's go.
I wanted to go.
Before I head out, I want to give all the animals just a little chin scritch.
Just a little.
Just a little.
Animal bites you.
No.
Snake.
Roll for venom in him.
He's venomous.
You die.
So sorry.
Thus endeth the tale.
Gum Gum seizes and raises his chin to be scratched.
Yeah, I was going to ask if Gum Gum is also included in one of the animals.
Yes, of course. I mean, I give him his ask if Gum Gum is also included in one of the animals. Yes, of course.
I mean, I give him his morning daily scritches.
And his leg kicks.
Mud, I'm surprised you're not hitting up the coffee.
Oh, there was coffee with steins.
Yeah, coffee with steins and fruit and good berries.
Oh, yeah.
God, it's been a while since Mud has had coffee.
Mud makes like two giant mugs of it.
Two steins of coffee.
Just double fisting, like just big old mugs of coffee.
Oh, man.
This is where I live now.
Man, now I want coffee.
Just talking about coffee makes me want more.
Yeah, I do too.
I also, Kyborg drinks a coffee.
He loves coffee.
And then, oh, he also rolls for a constitution saving throw
because it's time for his morning constitution.
It's a poop joke because coffee makes you...
It's a diuretic.
Never mind.
Tim, what about you, Gum-Gum?
Are you going to get any coffee?
Are you going to head out as well?
Do I need to get up, Bart?
You should probably come with us,
but we could go nap later if you want.
Okay.
And then he kind of gets up,
but I'm not happy about it.
He, like, takes his pillow with him.
Yeah.
Gum Gum wants to sleep in.
Bart, roll me a perception check.
All right.
11.
You see Andi at the dock, and she's looking at you.
She's waving at you, and she's like waving at you to come down to where she's standing, down on the docks.
All right.
I mean, I was already on my way there, but I'm
glad to know that I'll be wanted.
I continue
on. Bart turns around and sees that
Andi wasn't actually waving.
Oh no!
Does that thing where he waves back and then turns around
and realizes that she's looking at someone behind
him.
And then he does the thing where he
turns the wave into scratching like, scratching his head.
Scratching his head.
Oh, I hate it.
I hate it. I'm cringing.
It's not even really happening. It's imagined.
To happen to a god, though.
You can't hide that. She knows.
Yeah.
As you all head down to the docks,
you feel the spray of the ocean across your faces,
and the smell of salt water fills your nostrils.
Andi turns to you with a soft smile and sparkling eyes.
Good morning, interns.
I trust you all feel rested?
Quite, yeah.
No.
What's wrong with Gum-Gum?
What's wrong, Gum-Gum?
You still wanted sleep.
Gum-Gum needs 22 hours of sleep a day. So he's a little grumpy.
I feel great. And he takes
just a big old sip of coffee. Did you put any
dirt in that coffee? Of course.
I don't have to say it. I just
want to make sure. Micah called you
Grump Grump.
Grump Grump.
Andi says, I expect
you all might have some questions.
But first, Spectral, or should I say Leonard, has something to say to you all.
Right.
I want to apologize to you all for putting you in an impossible position.
I let my anger and sadness surrounding the loss of Yumi cloud my way.
And sorry doesn't begin to make it up to you nor the people of this land.
And as I said before, I will answer for my crimes.
But I've been talking with Sleek here, and a more pressing matter is at hands that I wish to help you all with.
Sleek chimes in.
That we both wish to help you all with. Sleek chimes in. That we both wish to help you with.
I recognize that I've been a burden to you all,
and I wish to make up for that too,
but first we need to get back to Boulderay.
A burden? No.
We've all equally loved you and appreciated your presence.
Yeah, you too, Bart.
You're not a burden.
Knive also chimes in and says,
Yes, indeed, and that's where I can help.
I recognize I don't deserve the title V-King,
nor do I wish to rule over this land,
but I do wish to help,
and I do have resources that can assist you
on your journey. I heard you might be
in need of a ship.
Bart.
A ship, you say?
Knife nods,
and he points out to sea, and in the distance
you see a ship approaching. This is what you
saw from the room earlier. And Knife
says, But that's not all. You will
need supplies for your voyage, and I hope
this will cover it. Knife steps aside,
and behind him sits a large chest.
He reaches down and opens it up to reveal
piles and piles of shimmering gold
glistening in the sunlight.
Oh my goodness.
How much?
Oh, you haven't counted it yet.
It's a very large chest filled with gold.
Oh, naive.
How much gold is that?
It should be enough to get you where you're going
and then have plenty left over still.
Excellent.
Sweet.
Well, that's going to be like 40.
We're going on a cruise.
Andi says,
Yes, and there will be plenty of time for gathering supplies later.
But I want to assure you all, I meant what I said last night.
I plan to remain here at Kaltberg for as long as it takes to restore this land
and bring wholeness to its people.
Knives has generously offered to help in any way he can.
It will be a difficult transition, but I believe it's possible.
Spectral says,
Yes, and I plan to come back and be a part of that transition, but I think I should go with you all first.
Sleek tells me that in your last fight with Paralyte, a few of your friends were taken and are
being held captive? That's correct.
Right. We totally remember that.
For any listeners who may have forgotten,
as the party was heading through a portal to
escape Paralyte in the Glock and Tower,
Blink and Sordo were captured by her and taken
prisoner. Uh, friend
is a loose term. Yeah.
Brink Tussler. Yeah, I know
the name. Best known as
best friend of Kyborg.
I do miss Sordo, though. Or maybe
it's Kyborg who's best known as being best friends
with Brink Tussler. No, that is no.
That is what Kyborg is known for
around this whole, like, all the lands.
False. Spectral says,
I believe I know where they're being
held, and I can take you there.
It's tucked in a forest that actually isn't far from Boulderay.
You might have even heard of it.
The Elder Pines?
Yes, we have heard of the Elder Pines.
Can I take Spectral under my arm and be like,
Hey man, listen, I've seen you at full power,
and I want you to bring all that energy and all that courage and cool stuff to the next fight, okay?
Because if you kind of become a little lame, we're going to let you know, you know, like your friend here who is worthless to us.
And then I point directly at Sleek, right in his face.
I touch his nose even with my finger.
Well, Austin is a dear friend of mine, and I'm sure he's doing everything he can
to help you. He's really not, though.
He's really not. So, like, are you missing, before
we go, are you missing anything?
A dumb lute? An accordion?
A wand? Is there anything
we need to get before we go that's gonna affect
your power abilities? Uh,
no. I have everything I need
in order to accomplish the mission.
Great. I'm ready to go. I've got my boots.
Okay.
And it looks like the approaching ship is almost here.
And as it gets closer, you hear the faint sound of music.
Spectral turns away from Kyborg and says,
It feels strange.
We're heading to the very place I ran away from.
The place where Sleek and I were all.
The Infinites lost control of our minds.
But maybe
we can finally bring it all to an end?
It's time we bring the fight
to her.
Interns, are you ready
to fight Paralite?
No.
Define ready.
I have to look at my calendar.
It's a bit busy right now. That's the kind of enthusiasm I'd expect.
So we have three of the Infinite Knights, right?
Maybe?
Well, the other one's back getting healed by Dr. Ahem.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Where's the fourth one? Do we healed by Dr. Ahem. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Where's the fourth one?
Do we know where she is?
He is?
They is?
They is.
Do we know where they is?
Is it?
But the fourth one, is it Paralite?
Is Paralite in Infinite?
I thought so.
It's a good thing we've gotten this whole thing figured out so well at this point.
We're fine.
Let's go.
Well, that is the end of the episode.
The ship finally docks and lowers its anchor into the harbor.
Bart, you're taken aback for a moment,
wondering if you're dreaming in the ethereal plane again.
But after you rub your eyes, there's no doubt in your mind as you reread the name
of the ship across the bow, Jebediah.
It's your old ship led by none other than Captain Marge standing at the helm.
Boom.
Ahoy there mateys!
We heard you'd be having a hundred year festival without us.
So naturally we invited ourselves to the party.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
We also heard of our tall, dense, and
handsome halfling
with music that can melt the
hearts of angels.
Something about he be needing a ride?
What say ye,
birdie boy?
Papa?
I'm home
heard
all sailors on deck
it's showtime
just like we practiced
a one, a two, a three
a four Once upon a rhymeless time there was a halfling born
With ginger hair and skin so fair, abandoned forlorn orphaned and without a home
with nothing but some string he fashioned him a little lute and taught himself to sing
listen to him play
take your breath away
the bottom of our hearts
We're head over heels in love with you
Bartholomew
Bartholomew the Bar
Bar
He grew into a densely boy
He soared to four foot four
Far and wide he sought to find a family on shore
His journey led him to the docks, strumming by the sea
His dulcet tones drew in a ship known for piracy
Fart, fart, fart, just listen to him play
Fart, fart, fart Bart He'll take your breath away
Bart, Bart, Bart
The bottom of our hearts
We're head over heels in love with you
Bartholomew
Bartholomew the Bart
When the clouds block out the light We'll be with you rain or shine
Rain or shine
Bart, Bart, Bart
Just listen to him play Bart, Bart, Bart Just listen to him play
Bart, Bart, Bart
He'll take your breath away
Bart, Bart, Bart
From the bottom of our hearts
We're head over heels in love with you
Bartholomew
Bartholomew the
Bart, Bart, Bart
Just listen to him play
Bart, Bart, Bart Just listen to him play Bar, bar, bar
He'll take your breath away
Bar, bar, bar
From the bottom of our hearts
We're head over heels in love with you
We're head over heels in love with you
We're head over heels in love with you
Bartholomew
Bartholomew the Bar Bartholomew the Bar Thank you.