Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 51. David Correos – S12 Ep.5

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

On this week’s podcast Ed is joined by Comedian and New Zealand TM contestant, David Correos. As well as discussing David’s time on Taskmaster they share their thoughts on Ep 5 of Series 12 and ta...lk through some of Greg’s decisions. David answers your emails and might even drop some bars. Enjoy!   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. I'm Ed Gamble. I'm the host of the Taskmaster podcast, a podcast where we talk about the television show Taskmaster.
Starting point is 00:00:51 One specific episode of Taskmaster. And this week we'll be talking about Series 12, Episode 5. We'll be talking about that with a very special guest indeed. Before that, though, I have good news. Taskmaster has been nominated for Best Comedy Entertainment Series at the National Comedy Awards. It's the big one. There is a long list of shows nominated for Best Comedy Entertainment Series
Starting point is 00:01:12 and you've got to go and vote for Taskmaster to make sure it makes the short list. You've got to go to thenationalcomedyawards.com, vote for all the other categories by all means, but specifically in Best Comedy Entertainment Series, we want you to vote for Taskmaster. categories by all means but specifically in best comedy entertainment series we want you to vote for taskmaster so let's be honest it is the best comedy entertainment series and also while you're there vote for off menu in the podcast category hey it's off brand this isn't off menu i shouldn't be begging for votes on here but why not cross pollinate vote
Starting point is 00:01:41 for off menu and best podcast but most importantly vote for taskmaster and best comedy entertainment series and then also they then send you an email so you have to confirm your votes make sure you do that bit because i'm worried we're going to lose your vote if you don't do that bit does this sound desperate i don't care i am desperate so today we will be chatting uh to the wonderful david correos. David Correos. He is on Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2. He's absolutely wonderful. He's an extremely popular contestant.
Starting point is 00:02:12 He has an insane energy. And I mean, we had a lot of requests for David to be on. We had a lot of emails for David. I think there's going to be a lot of people very happy that I'm chatting to David. If you've not seen David before, go and check out some of his stuff online. You might be able to find some clips of him on Taskmaster.
Starting point is 00:02:27 You might've seen all of Taskmaster, who knows? Go and familiarize yourself with him, but you won't need to. He's such a lovely man. He'll just be a great guest anyway. And he's a fan of Taskmaster, crucially. So let's crack on. And do remember guys to watch Taskmaster
Starting point is 00:02:43 9 p.m. Thursdays on Channel 4, and if you miss it, why would you though, you can catch up on all four. Today we are talking about Series 12, the series that's currently going out, and we are talking about Episode 5, halfway through the series. So, let's crack on. Series 12, Episode 5, with David Correos. Welcome, David, to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello. Hello, Ed. Thank you so much for having me on. It is an absolute joy and a pleasure to have you on the Taskmaster podcast. For those people that don't know, David is a contestant in Taskmaster New Zealand Series 2, which has just finished finished and is a hugely popular show in
Starting point is 00:03:26 New Zealand and then also in the UK somehow and I don't know how and I couldn't possibly reference how people are watching it but you are an extremely popular contestant on that and we've had a lot of requests to get you on the show David Oh that's been really lovely, I'm sorry man it's really like
Starting point is 00:03:42 messing with my brain because I've heard I've heard you say the top, that top bit so many times on the podcast. And I'm like, focus in bro, listen to what he's saying. But I'm also like, he's got the cadence. He's got the cadence of the intro nailed and I can't get out of it. But thank you, bro.
Starting point is 00:03:57 I'm freaking, I'm nervous. I'm nervous, I'm gonna screw this up. But it's like, I'm so stoked I'm here, thank you. You do not need to be nervous, David. But also I'm aware that a lot of your style and a lot of the things you did on Taskmaster New Zealand clearly came from that energy. That's the way you attack the tasks.
Starting point is 00:04:15 You were nervous and you just went for it. Would that be fair to say? Yeah, bro. And I mean, you know, you know what it's like. It's like you're like a rat in a hot bucket. Like you're just like, I need to get out of here. I don't know what to do. And it's like it's like it's like you're like a you're like a rat in a hot bucket like you're just like i need to get out of here i don't know what to do and it's oh my god it's such a weird experience hey it's a really weird experience but yeah rat in a hot bucket is a wonderful way to describe it there's there's something just about the way you move on task
Starting point is 00:04:38 master new zealand the just the constant you read the task and then suddenly you're like i've got to do something and quite often you're not sure what you're going to do but your body starts doing it before your mind catches up so you'll turn so quickly to try and find what you're going to do that almost when i watch it it's almost like a cartoon your hair catches up with you about three seconds later like it spins around on your head it's such a you're an absolute joy to watch there's there's a task quite early on and we're not we're what we're going to do is we're going to try and not give too many spoilers but we will be referencing individual uh tasks on your show there's a task quite early on um and i won't say what happens but you end up having to get something down from practically the ceiling and
Starting point is 00:05:18 somehow you manage to climb up onto the kitchen work surface and sort of scuttle up to the ceiling and i didn't realize that was possible oh bro i didn't realize that was possible there were so many moments in taskmaster where i was like this isn't a show this is this is legit like you have no idea how real this is right now like when i started climbing up there i think i okay i won't give it away but i grabbed one of the banisters and i was like this is an all or nothing moment Paul has to come here right now and push my foot up otherwise I'm not gonna succeed this task and yeah oh man and like it was that point where like the adrenaline rush kicks in so you can get through it and then later on your body catches up and you start cramping because your body's like why did you just put us through that yeah i mean i mean personally i couldn't wait to see on the show
Starting point is 00:06:09 as soon as you were announced uh for taskmaster it was very very excited um because some people in the uk might not have seen you before they might not have come across you i've seen your shows uh the edinburgh fringe and i know that you i know that you push things, David. What I did at Taskmaster is like a 4A. Yeah. Like, it's not even... People are watching this and be like, what is he doing? I'm like, dude, this is me.
Starting point is 00:06:34 I'm like, I'm toning it down. I don't want to... I want another chance at TV. I've already almost screwed it up once. I need to get through this as a good boy. Bro, oh my God i we haven't been able to talk about it like properly yeah but that that we did seven days together yes we did it yeah we did a panel show in new zealand seven days you were great that is oh no that was a nightmare man
Starting point is 00:06:57 that was i was i got rip shit drunk because they wouldn't stop giving me wine because i don't there's a lot of banjery comic so i was like if i get drunk i can be more of a wild card it's a dice roll everything i say but all it did was it just like muted my brain and i was like i don't know i don't know what to do i think at one point i bit die but it didn't read well because i bit his back and so you're like who is this for this is for no one well it was for me actually on the day it was very much for me i was loving it um i was already feeling quite weird because just the way sometimes that i think new zealand panel shows work or the way that you do tv in new zealand is slightly different in that halfway through there was like a break called and we all went to the dressing room and just had some beers and cheese for no
Starting point is 00:07:39 reason um do you not do that in the uk no we don't have it was so weird like we just left the audience there and then we just went and had some beers for no seemingly no reason I loved it I always thought that like UK panel shows were just like a step above what New Zealand panel shows do so I was thinking like you do that all the time like you have three of those
Starting point is 00:08:01 instead of one there's not that break in the middle but which i think i was quite drunk by the end of it but you took um i might have mentioned this on the podcast before you took a whole wheel of brie uh from the cheese board that was backstage put it in your pocket and when we came back to film again you just whipped it out your pocket and started eating it like a big oh bro bro when i picked up that brie cheese in room, I was like, this is gonna cement me in the New Zealand comedy scene.
Starting point is 00:08:27 This is gonna be the meme that makes me. And then I got the cheese and I was like, I've got nothing planned for the cheese. I just, I planned the premise. There's no punchline. There's no punchline at all for this. It's so bad. And then they cut the whole thing out.
Starting point is 00:08:42 So I wasn't aware. Is it fair to say then that you saw taskmaster as your your big your big chance is that where this energy comes from as well that you're like this i've got to fucking nail this i got it bro i i after the show that you saw in edinburgh i had like a train wreck of a career like i did i just you know screwed up screwed up some opportunities and like had fully given up on like trying to do like tv comedy I was like I'm just gonna find my little hole and then they called me up for Taskmaster and I'm like oh okay this is actually the only show that I think I actually could do well in right it kind of leans into my style anyway yeah I mean yeah it makes
Starting point is 00:09:21 total sense to put you for I really think you're, you're built for the show and you proved that for sure. Were you a fan of, had you seen the UK Taskmaster before? Obviously you'd seen series one of Taskmaster New Zealand. Had you watched UK Taskmaster before? So I'd heard of Taskmaster, but I didn't know where to find it. So all I ever really got were the YouTube compilations. Yes. So I only ever i only ever
Starting point is 00:09:45 digested taskmaster as like a compilation i didn't realize it was like a full arc like you got to know the people on the show and then after i realized i was like oh this show is incredible like what the what the heck is the show i love paul jowdry on the show he's so funny putting him on a bouncy castle? So good. So good. I mean, we should talk about some of your highlights. I mean, we asked for emails. We got a lot of emails, David.
Starting point is 00:10:25 So people are finding the show uh we got a lot of emails and a lot of them were about your uh rap battle um which i'm sure will come up uh throughout but it's not even just the rap battle i think it's the the preparation for the rap battle i was watching it in the back of a taxi uh i was on the way uh somewhere and i had i just i was screaming laughing it's so funny it's it's so shocking it's basically thank you i'm not sure that would have snuck through the censors on uk taskmaster because it's it's so it's so full-on i mean obviously you're you must be a rap fan anyway because it's it's a certain style of rap you clearly enjoy sort of aggressive gangster rap i was just like because like with rap battles right you're like you mainly
Starting point is 00:11:14 go for things you go for the cuts like the deep cuts yeah and i was like i can't show that on tv i can't go for real deep cuts on tv i it's it's so dangerous so i was like well if i just go hyper violent yeah like and make it to the point where it's ridiculous like a sore kill bill type thing people can't take this seriously but then it's like once i'm like i found the line and then i kept running further and i had some oh man there was it was so much worse than what it actually was there was some there oh man i like yeah i mean even the ones that made made it into the edit uh guy and laura's face when you were doing that genuine i've never seen guy montgomery shocked like he's the most he's the most laid back uh
Starting point is 00:11:57 easy to deal with man like he's brilliant he's so funny um he rolls with everything he's a big yes and uh but in that moment everything you said he was like oh no david oh david no david you shouldn't there's a brilliant moment where you say um about matt heath matt i'm gonna run you over like a cat and guy really quietly just goes you shouldn't be running over cats david i think because that was like one of the like that was me trying to find it in the moment yeah because it gets so much worse than that there was one bit that was taken out but i think it was like it was because i did a rap i did a rap for every single sample because i realized after a while i've got to do one for every one
Starting point is 00:12:41 yeah and then so i did and it was about the ninth one i was like starting to lose it and guy said oh you're starting to lose steam aren't you and i was like yeah yeah i am and i'm glad they didn't i'm glad they didn't leave that what um what what one didn't make it in david let's let's hear it and then if it's too awful we'll we'll cut it out of here as well oh i can't remember the lines because i was genuinely freestyling and i was just coming up but there was one where i talked about putting matt's kids in a car and driving it off a cliff like thelma and louise tight leads of the simpsons when they drove the car off the thing i was oh and that was the one that was the one that i was like we have to take that out yeah you can run my over but, but don't bring his kids into it.
Starting point is 00:13:27 Oh man, that's so funny. No, because at that point I was like, I could see the crew were laughing. I was like, well, I've got to push it further. By like ruler three, I've already hit like ruler eight. So I'm like, I'm way above what I was expecting. And oh man, it just got too intense. Well, if anyone's wondering um david referenced uh his performance on taskmaster was only a four out of what he could
Starting point is 00:13:50 do i did see david at the fringe uh and i'd say did you end the show by putting a bike pump up your ass david yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and that wasn't even like like i remember people coming out of that show and they were like bro the bike like you said it was about going from one to 10. Like that wasn't 10. The 10 was, the 10 was me, like me dressing up in a schoolgirl outfit and having two furry, furry pictures and getting bukkake'd by like these paintings, like which I'd filled with custard and I called it live action hentai. And they were like, that was, that was the worst part, man. You should have ended on that.
Starting point is 00:14:27 So it's like, there was a little nod to that sort of that way of staging things in your puppet show on Taskmaster as well. Yes. You noticed it. I noticed that. Yeah. I noticed the ref.
Starting point is 00:14:43 So lovely. Exceptional. I mean, I saw, I saw you do that show at the fringe and it's quite late night show wasn't it um yeah it's like a 10 p.m show yeah 10 p.m gilded balloon i think i came on a friday or a saturday um and there were clearly like some scottish lads in there who just wanted to see some late night comedy so they bought some tickets they had no idea uh what what they were in for and they turned up and they'd started off like being like proper like you know leary scottish lads they were heckling they were pissed i'd say by 10 minutes in they would basically just pin to the back wall they had no idea what
Starting point is 00:15:14 was going on you absolutely they tried to heckle but you can't heckle a man putting a bike pump up his ass there's nothing there's there's nothing you can say to a man eating dog food. Bro. And also, cause I wanted to add to it. I was like, I want to make this even more of a dice roll. I,
Starting point is 00:15:33 I would skull a bottle of red wine every night in the show before the 20 minute mark. I don't know if you remembered that, but there was real wine and I was just hucking them back at the start. And, oh, every, I remember one woman stood up halfway through the show and she she stood up and she said i'm not leaving because you're controversial i'm leaving because you're shit and then i went okay see you
Starting point is 00:15:57 later and she went no never i'm never coming back to any of your shows ever again and i was like oh no david we should talk about this current lineup of taskmaster uk series 12 um have you you've seen a few of the episodes up until this point because it is being shown in new zealand at the moment i believe yeah yeah i think we're like one week behind so okay cool i yeah so i've watched everything except episode four right good okay so what what are you thinking about this current lineup do you have were you aware of uh any of the contestants beforehand or is are they all new to you now the only one that I knew was Alan Davies going into it. But even then I didn't really watch QI.
Starting point is 00:16:50 Like I'm, man, I'm not a panel show guy. I don't really like, I watch like the clips on YouTube but I can't sit down and just watch the show. So I knew Alan Davies and I was, yeah, I think I love, I love Guzz, I love guz so much oh he brings so much to the head cam all those eyes all that eye oh i could watch guz from a head kayak cam though and he has the same thing you were talking about with me you know when you were like the hair moves at the same time when he moves his head oh it's so dynamic it's so brilliant i'm like oh dynamics a really good
Starting point is 00:17:29 word for guz i think he's he is absolutely hilarious i mean and there's there's some great guz moments coming up in this to be fair it's a very this is a very very strong episode uh i think everyone everyone has a good moment in it but let's i mean let's get stuck in straight away uh let's talk about the prize task uh this week um which is most elegant thing beginning with the letter g did you enjoy doing the prize tasks on your series bro i love the prize tasks it was so much fun so much fun to just like because everything else is prepped so you're it's not prepped so you're going into it now everyone's gonna be like fuck taskmasters prep um you're not prepped for any of it right so this is the one moment where you're like oh i can actually use this to really show what i do and i also really love i didn't like taskmaster made me realize i actually really enjoy
Starting point is 00:18:18 making and crafting stuff as well and so yeah the price tasks was really really fun what you what you seem to enjoy you enjoy making things but at some point they do have to feature a photo of you in your pants yeah yeah i only had like one album of photos to go from like because i hadn't had any other photos done in a while so like that's all i had so so there was a theme it kind of themed out yeah um let's so let's talk about these uh these prize entries uh guz uh went with a portrait of himself that was a gift from the bbc um which i've was pretty elegant i thought i'd say that was elegant but it does that is this is the second time he's used a picture of himself i'm not sure if you've seen that episode dav David. So I do sort of imagine he just lives in a house full of portraits of himself.
Starting point is 00:19:08 Yeah, I think I was really stoked that Gus got five points for that. Yes. I don't know. It was so, it was so, it was just, it really was, what was it? Was it elegant? Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Was that the word? It was an elegant picture. Every time I watch something now, I'm just thinking what would david what would david do how would you how would you show elegance through a prize task david starting with the letter g yeah uh a gold a gold ring um spray painted in green okay just this this sums up a lot of your price us you take a really strong initial idea and then just do something right at the end to fuck it up oh because i want to hit it with a
Starting point is 00:19:55 double g i want to be able to go yeah double g yeah you don't let the gold well it's green as well you know i think it's i mean it is stronger than a lot of a lot of the ones that are here because uh i mean we'll talk about um alan uh who brought in a dressing gown uh from london studios so i guess the g is is a gown yeah which no one calls it a gown i don't think um no i i looked back at i was re-watching the pride task and i was like i like and i didn't see it straight away and i just saw the gown and i was like gown yeah yeah i agree i agree um i also refuse to believe that's the most elegant thing that alan has alan's done very well in his career he's surely got some more elegant things than a than a dirty dressing
Starting point is 00:20:40 gown and also i don't think he freshly laundered it he claimed to have washed it but there's absolutely no way he washed that dressing gown just specifically for taskmaster have you met alan like do you know him personally yeah you've been in his house i've not been in his house i don't know him that personally have you like what what stuff have you seen of him where you're like yeah you're rich rich i'm not sure actually i think i'm just imagining that he must be because he's very down to earth. But, you know, he's had a long and varied career in British entertainment. So, you know, he must have got a few elegant things along the way.
Starting point is 00:21:17 I don't know why he didn't bring gold. Like, he must have gold. Like, when you get to that level of rich, why do you not have, like, a little bit of gold? It's ridiculous. You think Alan Davis must have just, just like a big bag of gold in his house somewhere or even just a tiny amount you know maybe like out of some iphones that he's like kind of built up you know inside the little thing get a little bit of the gold i don't know like flex like he would at least have flex yeah yeah so he should have brought in some flex of gold but he brought in a dirty dressing gown somehow still got four points for it um and now i think we're really scraping the bottom of the
Starting point is 00:21:50 barrel here with morgana victoria and desiree desiree brought in a gardenia which i get it it's quite route one and but greg's not a flower guy so you need to think about what greg's gonna like because he's not going to enjoy just like a straight ahead flower what did you think of that one that that's the thing that that like really screws me up is that you you actually are playing to the taskmaster yes it doesn't like it doesn't matter what connections you make in your head if you can't get that across your your shafted but i think a gardenia i think's elegant. I think like in an outdoor setting, if I look at it, I'm like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:22:27 that's an elegant plant. I would go, yep, you probably have gold at your house if you've got gardenias out the front of your house. Morgana brought, I mean, just made me laugh straight away
Starting point is 00:22:39 how she thought this was elegant. She brought in a glass giraffe Christmas decoration, which was just insane i mean morgana is i mean she's held herself as a very a very elegant person throughout this whole process like you would have thought she would have nailed this that she understands elegance and it's crazy it's a giraffe dressed as a ballerina i think i think she's the most chaotic one in the like in the series as well so i So I like, because when you think of a glass giraffe, think of that, like a glass giraffe.
Starting point is 00:23:10 That's a fancy thing. Even though it didn't come across because of the tutu on it. You're like, oh, but if you, on paper, you say glass giraffe, you go, fancy. Yeah, super fancy. That's a three course, yeah, you eat three course meals. Yeah, but then you see it and it's so dumb it was such a dumb giraffe yeah but three points though somehow three points well somehow three points because victoria i don't know i mean i don't i don't understand victoria
Starting point is 00:23:38 i don't know what her life is i think she's great i love her on the show. The homemade Mr. Greedy Esquire. I've got no idea why she thought this was elegant. Could you wrap your head around this one at all, David? No, no, no, I couldn't. I was like, oh. Oh, no. I don't want to say, I don't want to speak ill of other people. No, please, please.
Starting point is 00:24:05 No, it was just like, I didn't get it. I didn't get it either. Like, the fabric, very pleb, very pleb fabric. This continues this weird obsession she has with the Mr. Men. She's mentioned the Mr. Men on a previous episode where she ranked them by sexiness. But obviously, this was not sexy this this was elegant apparently and it didn't look like it had even been finished i just don't know what why would
Starting point is 00:24:31 you bring why would you bring it was this it was the stitching eh it was the stitching on the outside it kind of looked like it's still peel it had like that peel factor to it yeah if it was closed over i might have been like yeah this is tight this is like but you wouldn't have been like this is elegant nah oh no your tip for making it more elegant would be hide the seam okay that's good yeah but still two points this i thought it was very unfair on desiree actually it was quite a straight up route one choice from desiree but surely that flower was more elegant than mr greedy esquire yeah yeah i think so yeah um so it was one point for desiree, but surely that flower was more elegant than Mr. Greedy Esquire. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree. Yeah. So it was
Starting point is 00:25:07 one point for Desiree, two points for Victoria, three points for Morgana, four points for Alan, and the big five for another portrait of Guz. What I brought in is a gardenia. Okay. Yes, gardenia. It's one of my favorite flowers. It's iconic. It smells incredible.
Starting point is 00:25:24 It is so finicky. It wants sunlight, but also humidity and no drafts,, it's one of my favourite flowers. It's iconic, it smells incredible, it is so finicky, it wants sunlight but also humidity and no drafts and it's totally worth it when you actually have one sitting in a room. Do you know what I'm hearing? What? You talk a good game but you brought a flower in. Yes, I did, but you said elegant. I didn't bring in a farty dressing gown, I brought in nature's elegant.
Starting point is 00:25:42 Alan, I can smell it from here. So, task one, sit on a cake, fastest wins. Now, David, this is actually a nod to a previous task from UK Taskmaster.
Starting point is 00:25:57 Yes. Are you aware? Have you seen this task before? It was Lisa Tarbuck in series six. Yeah. Yeah, made Alex sit on a cake and series six um yeah made alex sit on a cake uh and pull his trousers and pants down and sit on a cake um and a lot of as he said he was open when he sat down um so so this is a lovely nod i mean this is 100th episode of taskmaster
Starting point is 00:26:20 uk so i think um they wanted to do something celebratory you know that referenced a previous episode perhaps now everyone did something but i i have some fairly controversial views over how this should have been scored david because i'm quite i'm quite straight ahead really really yeah i i'll say it at the top i think morgana is the only one who deserved any points here because no one else actually sat on a cake. None of this was cake. Victoria sat on a flapjack. Desiree's wasn't a cake. Guz's wasn't a cake.
Starting point is 00:26:53 Alan's was made of paper. That's how I feel. But I suppose it wouldn't have been very entertaining. You don't think Desiree deserved the points for finding the cake? I think she deserved maybe a bonus point for finding the secret cake room but it wasn't it wasn't a real cake David it was made of sponge and it was covered in shaving foam oh that's how I feel about it but I think this this is why I at no point should I ever be the taskmaster because I'm too grumpy and i stick to the rules too much see i was like i i was very proud of desiree because she committed to the to the conspiracy yes she did she did commit to the
Starting point is 00:27:34 conspiracy there's so many moments when you're playing the game and you're like what's the trick and sometimes there's no trick and that's the thing that and she she was the only one out of the group that went there's a trick to this there's a trick to this's the thing that and she she was the only one out of the group that went there's a trick to this there's a trick to this and i went wow and the whole time i was like you're fucked up you're fucked up there's no cake and then there was a cake yeah it was pretty impressive shaving cream cake pretty impressive that she found it and also i love that it was called the secret cake room and morgana said oh is there a there's some sort of secret cake room is that they must have punched the air when she said that they're like yes that is the edit sorted out that
Starting point is 00:28:10 is perfect um also it was lovely lovely to see someone actually make a cake from scratch and really just just sod off the whole the whole thing and just go i'm gonna make this cake from scratch i'm gonna do a proper cake and tactically it was actually pretty good because obviously she took one hour 45 minutes but she got five bonus points for the best cake so it was a good tactical way of doing it i think that was enough of a reward for it and like the i think the only one who shouldn't have gone points was alan i was that's the only one where I was like nah man yeah that that doesn't count but like the fact that I I had moments where I brought stuff and I could have used them for tasks and I didn't get to and I like I was kicking myself in the head seeing Victoria pull out the cake well what kind of cake was that it was a flapjack
Starting point is 00:29:00 yeah for her pulling that out I was was like, go you, go you. Yes. Celebrate this. Go. Yes. This is what it's about because they, you, you have so many things on your person and you're like,
Starting point is 00:29:13 yeah, when it works out, it works out. So I think, yeah, I think she deserves it. And Gus was just like, I don't,
Starting point is 00:29:17 a croissant's a cake to me, you know? Fair enough. I think you're probably right. I'm being too, I'm being too prescriptive. What, what sort of things did you have with you then, David, that you wanted to use in a task that you didn't?
Starting point is 00:29:30 There was one, and I won't tell the task, but there was one point where money would have really helped me out. Yeah. And I remember the night before, I was like, because it's such a long ride out to the taskmaster house. Right. And I remember every time we drove out a long ride out to the to the taskmaster house right so and I remember every time we drove out there
Starting point is 00:29:47 like 7 in the morning there was always this dairy that we passed a dairy is like a convenience store in New Zealand and I was like there's a pie in there I know there's a pie in there
Starting point is 00:29:55 and like the fourth week I was like I should treat myself to a pie because like it's great food but also like how good would the pie be at 8am
Starting point is 00:30:01 and so I was gonna bring money to buy the pie get it to drop me off, get it and then that was the same day if I had money on me I would have done so much better on the task right, okay, okay
Starting point is 00:30:13 but you spent it on the pie? no, I didn't bring any money you didn't get the pie and you didn't have the money to use on the task nah, nah bad day yeah, I meangana's cake was genuinely impressive and i mean as greg as greg said afterwards uh he definitely thinks there's
Starting point is 00:30:34 a market for that video i mean they really slowed it down in the edit as well morgana sitting on a cake they really bro bro i don't know how deep you've gone on the internet and looked up cake farts, but I got cake fart energy out of that whole task. I was like, you've got to put this on the Orange and Black website. It's going to be on there. And if Taskmaster isn't monetising this, it's a lost opportunity. Well, look, everyone else did a good good job as well desiree obviously found the secret cake room absolutely loved that she found and loved how angry she was immediately
Starting point is 00:31:11 she does this quite a lot where she opens the task laughs at how ridiculous the task is and then gets really angry with alex that she has to do it and she was just so angry all the way through like trying to find trying to find the cake going in the kitchen saying well it's obviously not going to be in here and then she finally it, angrily sat down on it, and then fell off the chair and burst out laughing. It was absolutely great. She's so good. Yes, Victoria obviously went to her bag
Starting point is 00:31:36 and pulled out a flapjack that she carries at all times. I do another podcast as well, David, where we ask people about their dream meal, and Victoria was a very early episode, and we talked about carrying food a lot so this this is this is true to form she takes sandwiches with her to dinner parties to eat in the toilet if she doesn't like the food that people have prepared for her so she's always ready with a little snack i'm i'm a i'm a condiments guy i've always got condiments on me i've always always either got mayonnaise, cayenne pepper, or Tabasco with me.
Starting point is 00:32:07 Just because I know that all of those would work on the cold rotisserie chicken because that's the cheapest meat you can get at a supermarket straight away. So I always want options. So you would have been ready to pimp up that pie if you'd bought it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:22 Oh man, I feel bad that you didn't get that pie. Genuinely do. yeah yeah yeah yeah I feel bad that you didn't get that pie genuinely do Gus covers a pan of chocolate with icing, crushed up cereal and three candles for some reason because Alex is 42 he puts three candles in it and then puts it on a teapot which is so stressful it was so stressful
Starting point is 00:32:41 why did he put it on a teapot and then sit on it that's another video that i've seen deep on the internet i don't know if you've seen one man one jar but i got that i was like i'm about to hear a slosh i like i don't know if you've heard the slosh of one man one jar but it was very dangerous so i understand yeah where the where the concern was yeah this is it's taskmasters 100th episode and they're very much going this sort of niche viral pornography is the way they're going.
Starting point is 00:33:11 And Alan, of course, shits in a mug and licks the top like an ice cream. If I was to do it, i would have included eels he's a tiny little eel oh man okay yeah i'm done i'm done i'm pulling back i'm pulling back alan makes a paper cake and decorates it with candles uh sings happy birthday and then sits on it um i suppose i know what you mean you sort of don't want to give it to him but I think it was quite an interesting way of doing it and if you're giving
Starting point is 00:33:48 you know Guz a cake if you're giving Victoria a cake if you're letting everyone have that as a cake I think speed was the key and it was a good idea from Alan the problem is he just moves the slowest he moves so slowly so if he'd done that at the speed he thought
Starting point is 00:34:04 he was doing it at, I think he would have got five points. Where's the damn cakes? Where are the cakes? Where are you hiding cakes? I mean, should I, like, I've got to find the cake? Oh, all the information. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:34:16 Sit on a cake. Oh, Jesus. Does this kitchen have anything in it? Sit on a cake. Where are you hiding cake? Do I have to make the cake first? Oh, fuck you if that's the right answer. All right, we gotta start eliminating rooms.
Starting point is 00:34:34 This is probably the last one it would be in. Please come up. Is this the loo of this place? Oh! Ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know
Starting point is 00:35:11 we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.
Starting point is 00:35:57 We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task two is a team task, perhaps. I'm going to put it out there, the most complicated team task there's ever been
Starting point is 00:36:25 in terms of explaining what it is. I'm going to read out the whole task. Get the most balls in the net. Everyone must stay on their spots at all times. If anyone other than the task reader touches or handles a ball, you lose five balls from your ball total. Also, the person on the middle spot must sit for 10 seconds and then stand up straight for 10 seconds on repeat.
Starting point is 00:36:41 Any balls remaining between the task reader and the middle person will be deducted from your ball total. have five minutes your time starts when alex pretends his whistle isn't working um so i mean look it it's complicated but complicated for a reason i think um it's bro i i re what so because i knew we were reviewing like we were going to be reviewing the episode i didn't want to come in going, I don't understand this. Like, I'm just going to let Ed riff by himself. I had to go back on that video three times
Starting point is 00:37:11 just so I could understand what the task was. Well, you're in good company because I don't think they properly understood either. They kind of, Guz, Desiree and Morgana had the right idea, I think. You've got to pass the net all the way down to the person with the balls
Starting point is 00:37:28 so they can just load up the net themselves. Popping the balls was a great idea from Morgana. Got them all in the net pretty much apart from one. 99 balls in the net. All she then needed to do
Starting point is 00:37:38 was turn around with the balls so the balls were not between her and Alex. It was devastating to watch. I'm not sure I would have clocked that. It was a big reveal to me i was like they've done it they've absolutely smashed it and you're like no of course the main thing is any balls between morgana and alex
Starting point is 00:37:52 uh to come off the total so they they absolutely screwed it up if you were doing that one david would you have just sort of just would it be chaos or would you i would have cried i would have cried i would have cried i would have cried on the spot and i and i reckon they were on the verge as well because i was looking at the eyes it got all glassy you see morgana and guzz's eyes they went they had glassy eyes and i was like oh that one hurt that one hurt them because you could tell that they didn't they they fully thought that they did really well at that time yeah and i know that feeling and it hurts and the cameras in front of you are just telling you don't don't lose it bro don't lose it don't cry you know so i felt really sorry for them at that point
Starting point is 00:38:31 alan and victoria completely missed uh the the basic hack of passing the neck down so they just did it straight on which is great that you wanted to see people do it in a different way but they just i mean just incredible 20 times alex got hit by the balls and there were 46 balls left between alan and alex they don't care i just don't think they care that much i thought it was a really great contrast because you went yeah you went from like the smartest move of like cutting the balls and then putting it i was like that's so smart and then having like just the like just a real bad attempt yeah i love those moments i love that about taskmaster that's the the contrast you want i mean i hate to come back to it again but the the rap battle contrast was my
Starting point is 00:39:16 favorite in in your series because it was it was ursula and uh matt really they're like yeah we're gonna write a really bad rap battle and it was so it was quite sweet it was quite gentle it was sort of like quite quite sort of uh you know it was it was sweet i think sweet is the word because they were really trying but it wasn't that damaging and then to cut to you saying some of the most fucked up stuff i've ever heard in my life was just absolutely brilliant oh man i think i think it's just proof that like, you're your own worst enemy. Because in my head, I could see Ursula Carlson, like Roastmaster General,
Starting point is 00:39:52 like one of the sharpest minds in New Zealand comedy. Matt Heath, like known for really pushing the boundaries of New Zealand comedy and New Zealand television. I was like, these guys are gonna go hard. They're like, Matt's musical as well. So in my head, I was like, I got to match it. I'm not, they're going to say some mean things to me. They're going to say some mean things to you, David.
Starting point is 00:40:11 You better hit them hard too. You came out swinging. So it was, okay, I think this is very controversial scoring, actually, David. So there were 99 balls in the net, 100 balls between them. So it was a score of minus one for the team of three. And obviously the team of two did even worse and got a final score of minus 128.
Starting point is 00:40:34 No one gets any points. Greg decided that no one gets any points because they hadn't achieved the task. As far as I know, they had all attempted to achieve the task. They hadn't failed the task. They just did very badly at the task as far as i know they had all attempted to achieve the task they hadn't failed the task they just did very badly at the task so really in my mind it should have been five points to the team of three or you know three points to the team of three someone should have got some points how do you feel about that david well was it was it a disqualification i don't think so because all in
Starting point is 00:41:01 the task it says uh any balls remaining between the task reader and the middle person will be deducted from your ball total so it should just be the person with the most amount of points wins i don't think it's a disqualification situation i reckon jeremy would have given one of i would have given points yeah for that like if you're looking at like from a new zealand taskmaster point yeah i reckon jeremy can be really kind in those moments sometimes and he like i think he would have given points in that moment i think maybe like a two up yeah maybe a two maybe a two to the team of three and nothing to the team of two but no point no points for people i mean because they did better the team three did better than a team of two sorry i know
Starting point is 00:41:41 greg's probably listening to this he loves loves this. He listens to it all the time. Unfortunately, Greg, I think you're wrong on this occasion. Sorry, mate. But was that the one where at the end he was like, I know it's going to blow up on Twitter. At me. At me about this. At me.
Starting point is 00:42:00 I was like, he knows. He's fed up. He's fed up. You're right. He is fed up. Are you looking at me like there was a rule broken? Well, it did say any balls remaining between the task reader and the middle person will be deducted from your ball total,
Starting point is 00:42:10 and all of them were between the task reader and the middle person. Oh. Oh. They needed to be turned around. Oh, no. Either side. So, actually... Oh! He's breeding! Oh! So, they got 99 balls in their net. 100 balls were between them. So you got a score of minus one.
Starting point is 00:42:27 Wow. So can we say the theory was genius, but the reality is crushing? That's the most sad I've been on a television. Well, you look pretty sad when you had to do a modicum of physical exercise. Task three. I think this is my favourite task of the episode.
Starting point is 00:42:44 I absolutely love this. Prevent Alex from scoring a goal. Alex will attempt to score a goal in 15 minutes time. The ball and the goal posts must both be on their spot when he does. You must be 12 yards from the ball when Alex attempts to score. Slowest scored goal by Alex wins. Your time starts now. I have a feeling, David, you would have done some crazy shit for this
Starting point is 00:43:03 if you were doing this one. now i have a feeling david you would have done some crazy shit for this if you were doing this one i i was like i was so impressed with um alan um alan morgana and guz i thought guz guz blew my mind i i wouldn't have done what guz did i thought it was very smart i i would have thought i would have been disqualified for that because it says the spot is there but closing it in, the fact that Alex had to bring out a pair of scissors or had to use his own logic to go I can't win this, I have to
Starting point is 00:43:34 fight back, I think that's the first time I've seen Alex actually fight back against a task. Yeah, I think you're right and that was really interesting to see because you would have thought that he wouldn't allow, usually he doesn't allow himself to interfere in that way but because he had to score a goal he had to do it in any way possible yeah it's really and also i think interestingly this is the most alex uh this is the most i've seen alex enjoy himself during a task as well because he had
Starting point is 00:44:00 an active role i think he clearly loves playing a bit of football he had the little number on the back of his shirt he really i think he he proper fancies himself as a footballer as well he was had a lot of poise and a lot of sort of skill it was great to watch yo when he when he landed the goal after victoria's attempt i was like bro bro trick shot that's some dude perfect stuff i was like that's what an angle it was. Yeah. And he played it off so cool. I was so proud of him.
Starting point is 00:44:28 Let's talk about Victoria's attempt because it's absolutely hilarious. I mean, Victoria clearly doesn't like sport at all. The fact she just put some objects in front of the ball and then she didn't even stand in the goal. She stood to the side of the, so confident was she that a few objects in front of the ball would stop him scoring that she didn't even stand in the goal she stood to the side of the so confident was she that a few objects in front
Starting point is 00:44:46 of the ball would stop him scoring that she didn't even stand in the goal and he got it in first time it was so confusing to me after watching guz go for it i was like yeah i was like oh there must be a rule that where she can't i must have missed the rule where you can't go in front of the in front of the goal post and then just seeing it roll through and she didn't even run for it she just did you run for it no she watched it it was brilliant she wasn't she refused to take part in any sport to that extent it was very funny i also thought that um it was i thought the build-up towards alex's attempt at vict's one, so well played. Because I fully, I was like hook, line and sinker.
Starting point is 00:45:27 I was like, yeah, he's not going to get this. It's like there's no way he could go for it. It's always going to bounce off the thing. And then it just made the curve so much funnier. Yeah, it was great. Desiree somehow did even worse, even though she tried a lot harder than Victoria. It was a strong attempt to cover the goal with cling film,
Starting point is 00:45:44 but you needed about three more layers of cling film on there. And Alex, again, knocks it in first time. Incredible. He must have been so proud of himself. It slipped in, eh? It slipped in real nicely. It slipped in between the sheets. Yeah, like you say, Guz thought outside the box,
Starting point is 00:46:01 which is what you need to do in this one. And he moved the spot and the ball into the house and barricaded the house. And Alex really went for it. It was good to see. You're right. He proper kicked the door in. He was so excited to get going.
Starting point is 00:46:14 He had to get the ball out of that pile of stuff. And then when Guz realised that Alex could move it and could do what he wanted, because he'd done that, the panic on Guz's face when he had to then just run and just be a normal goal, he was great. That moment where Alex, like it's the first time where I just feel like Alex bit back.
Starting point is 00:46:32 He was like, well, if you can move, I can move. And I was like, yes. And then the game of football began. Guz out the gate just like defending every goal yeah so impressive
Starting point is 00:46:49 it was great to watch the thing is like I thought about this one a lot and about what what I would do I think it was genius from Guz
Starting point is 00:46:55 to move the ball with the spot but then you just go harder with that you you nail the spot to the ball so it's
Starting point is 00:47:04 always on the it's always on the spot and then run out of the taskmaster house it's right next to the Th you nail the spot to the ball so it's always on the it's always on the spot and then run out of the taskmaster house it's right next to the thames throw the ball in the thames with the spot attached to it there's no way alex can ever get it uh and then what i think what i would have done is dismantled the goal completely and you've got to just like absolutely smash it up so you can still leave it on the spot but it's just like a folded up net and then just like some bashed up posts like completely take the goal apart so there's no way alex can put it back together again you've just you've got to go
Starting point is 00:47:34 violent you've got to go full smasher i think yeah i would have i would have like if we were going for like move the spot i would have covered it in duct tape had a bit of a long piece and just heft it onto the ceiling try to get it caught on something on the ceiling so that alex has to get a ladder at some point make it really hard to go for it you're totally right yeah uh but look alan and morgana both excellent as well alan flipped the goal genius move and put loads of objects in front of it um and it took it took alex a long time it took him a really long time um but even longer to do morgana's because she sort of also flipped the goal um and alex tried his heart he was looking
Starting point is 00:48:12 forward to doing the trick shot uh and eventually like you say had to get scissors and cut the net that's how desperate things got it was so much fun it felt like the sort of game that alex would invent uh on holiday do you know what i mean it felt like if you of game that alex would invent uh on holiday do you know what i mean it felt like if you were like had a few hours to kill and you were just sitting about with mates this you you the goal preventing game i think is a good one to play with friends yeah yeah yeah i thought i thought that about the and we'll talk about this soon but like i thought that about the live task as well yes oh man yeah such a big fan of that one well let's let's uh give the points uh it was one point for Desiree, two points for Victoria,
Starting point is 00:48:47 three points for Guz, four points for Alan and five points for Morgana. She's having a good episode. If you score a goal from there, I'll give you £100. He doesn't seem like someone who could do that. No, it was a glorious lob. Shall I tell you how I knew he was going to do it? Because of them shit flickers.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Yes, let's talk about the live task. Pop the most balloons. You may pop between one and ten balloons each turn. If you pop one of the five bad balloons, you're disqualified. The eventual winner gets ten actual points. This is, it was genuinely exciting to watch. And the music. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:22 The soundtrack they picked. I was like, yo, this is, it was so, it was like such a good live task. I would pay, I would pay to play that game. That's how much fun it looked. Yeah, it was really, really good fun. And there was tactics going on. Obviously, Victoria went out straight away.
Starting point is 00:49:43 Just straight away. Desiree went out fairly quickly as well but it was I mean I really wanted Alan to do better but obviously it came down to between Guz and Morgana and Guz playing it tactically just going one balloon then Morgana coming up going a couple
Starting point is 00:50:00 of balloons Guz having to come back and having to do one balloon that's the genius you have to do at least one so even if you're out in front you're just like it must be so nerve-wracking throwing those darts it was so much fun to watch yeah i totally i totally agree and it's like you don't realize like at the start of the game you're like this is a carnival game you had no idea that you could even play it as a tactics like a tactics game by the end of it oh so good the slow motion yeah oh the slow motion 10 points for the winner as well so it's it's big and that was that was guz last man standing uh with 10 points which was very important in the end for the final scores of the episode because guz won with 21 points he can take his portrait home with
Starting point is 00:50:42 him uh then morgana with 17 points alan with 14 points victoria with 10 points. He can take his portrait home with him. Then Morgana with 17 points. Alan with 14 points. Victoria with 10 points. A real victory for her to not be on the bottom. And Desiree with eight points. So we're halfway through the series. Guz currently out in the lead after that strong episode. Closely followed by Morgana, Alan and Desiree. And then Victoria's there as well.
Starting point is 00:51:03 One good. Two. Three. Alan and Desiree and then Victoria's there as well one good two three if Alan throws this next one and it's not a bad balloon I'm going to use a phrase I've wanted to use on television for many years lovely darts
Starting point is 00:51:18 let's do some emails then we've got a lot of emails in for you David dear Ed and david uh this is from james in dundee i'm a great fan of the new zealand incarnation of taskmask both for successfully retaining the spirit of the original and for introducing me to great new comedy talent including david who was a standout star of the series for me david assuming you have watched the UK version
Starting point is 00:51:45 are there any tasks that you would have liked to have done or favorite moments in general oh I think about this I think about this I think I could have nailed the don't blink task yeah I reckon I could I can go for I can go for minutes without blinking like full-on tears streaming down my face, but I won't give up. Like, it's not like it's not clean, but I reckon I could have put on some minutes.
Starting point is 00:52:11 Would you have beaten Rod though? Cause obviously Rod taped his eyes back and stuff and it was fairly horrific. Yeah. I can imagine you taping your eyes. Actually. You definitely, I think you would have, you would have ended up doing that.
Starting point is 00:52:23 And then for some reason got naked. Bro, the eat the egg task, the eat the egg task the eat the egg task man i would have put like i'm like like sub 10 seconds yeah on that one straight down um this is from emmy uh they say hi ed and david huge fan been binging the podcast at work whilst making 20 plus bags of popcorn for the cinema i have a question for david do you remember any of the other raps you came up with for the diss track that was apparently unbroadcastable i'd pay to get an uh i'd pay to get an unedited version of that entire task now obviously we've already heard that you threatened matt heath's kids um was there is there anything else that you remember doing even if it's just the topics i can't remember i i want to tell i
Starting point is 00:53:05 want to like make everyone realize you saw the best you saw the best out of the the rat tasks um yeah i i think the drown you in your own blood was the one where i was like oh wow i found that great that that happened we had so many emails about it david uh there's one from patricia here saying hello taskmaster podcast i just wanted to say that uh david uh there's one from patricia here saying hello taskmaster podcast i just wanted to say that uh david corral's diss track uh is one one of if not the most iconic moments of taskmaster history in my books some genuinely fire bars my question is when is the mixtape dropping i so i i love freestyling so i never like i've never actually like sat down and written anything um until today i sat down and actually properly gave it a shot my friend joel um who's a comedy producer also is a music producer
Starting point is 00:53:54 yeah so he's been making me beats so it might happen i'm i'm delving into this i'm i'm look it's we're in lockdown i'm upskilling i'm upskilling, I've gotta be able to find an exit strategy. Maybe it's rap, who knows? So you say you've not written anything until today. You've written a rap, have you? Yeah, yeah, so, because I, because bro, they've infiltrated my socials too. Like people are on my social going,
Starting point is 00:54:19 when are you gonna release this? When are you gonna release, and I'm like, and there's a pressure, like part of that. And now I'm like, like fuck do i have to do i have to give this a good shot but i genuinely just love i do love rapping i love it more for the flow rather than like coming up with the little rhymes in between but it's i don't know i it's i was so happy to be able to do that let's have a couple more emails and then i'm gonna make you do the rap okay okay uh hey both my two favorite all-time tasks of taskmaster uh are ed and the preposterous chickpea uh and david's general chaos so no not
Starting point is 00:54:54 even i mean i mean she's mentioned the diss track but and not being able to locate the grape which is amazing as well uh but your general chaos is one of her favorite moments um my question to david is what uk cast would you have fit in with the most uh so david i mean assuming i've got i've got a couple of ideas for this about what cast you would have fit in with the most um but uh do you have an idea of which which series you would have liked to have slotted into in the UK? I get, I'm actually, I'm really intimidated by UK comics. Like even this right now, Ed, it's like I was, you felt the energy
Starting point is 00:55:35 at the start of this. No one's intimidated by me, David, come on. I'm so intimidated by all, bro, I was so intimidated with you when I went to Edinburgh and I saw your fucking poster with you in your little pink suit and i was like ed gamble's this big he's he's big big oh no oh was that mammoth was it that one uh that was blizzard mammoth was before yeah i'm intimidated by all of you because i've because like because i've gone to edinburgh
Starting point is 00:56:01 you guys are like the upper echelon and so when i see that so i think if i was to slot myself into a cast i would have been i would have felt like i need to be more reserved or be more funnier or like just try to be more calculated about it and uh yeah no we'd want to see you go full full david please um i think i mean i think you could slot into any any cast i think some of the, maybe, Series 7 would be a good cast. I mean, I want to see you, your energy play off against James Acaster, Rod Gilbert, Phil Wang,
Starting point is 00:56:33 Kerry Godlim and Jess Knappett. Any of those people I want to see you interact with. Okay, I think I know which one. I think I know which one. And I'm about to spill some tea. Okay. I reckon Series 6 would have been the best one yeah yeah because because i love i would have laughed so hard at everything tim finder yeah it would have been it would have been i would have had the best time at
Starting point is 00:57:01 everything he did doing the the track suit like me having to put that down I would have been having so much fun and also Russell Howard came to my show after the recommendation of Jared Christmas yeah it was like come to the show it's like it's it's it's great he's a young kid from New Zealand trying to do it right and and he came to the show and then I did the thing that you're talking about before where I stand out in the front and thank everyone. And I was excited because I was like, oh, Russell Howard. Wow, I get to say hello to him. And he gave me the whole, thanks, mate.
Starting point is 00:57:31 Thanks, mate. And just that whole, I need to get out of here. And in my head, I was like, oh, he didn't like that. And I was really hoping that when I messaged Jared the next morning, I'd be like, oh, it was really cool having Russell there. Like, oh, I bet oh Betty hated it didn't he and he was like mate you you don't know we spent hours talking about it and how they he was not happy that I brought you to your show
Starting point is 00:57:59 I was like oh no and honestly I think having that energy in the room could have been like, could have been good. You would have pushed it even further. Yeah. Oh, God. I loved it. I would have spent the whole series trying to win him over. Perfect. So on the Taskmaster podcast david we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster um have you enjoyed
Starting point is 00:58:35 yourself david would you give it one point or would you give it five points or any of the points in between five baby yes yeah strong five bro you're very accommodating uh you're very you're very like i just i feel very coddled right now you must be a great mc because i feel comfortable good you know and you don't feel about myself you're not intimidated anymore no no i i this is this is this has been really lovely. Thank you, Ian. Thank you so much. Now, I think everyone out there listening just wants to hear this rap, David. You've written a rap specifically for today's occasion? Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:15 Excellent. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I can't wait. I may screw it up because of like... That's fine. You can have as many goes as you want. Okay, so just a trigger warning. I may screw it up because of like, okay. You can have as many guys as you want. Okay. So just a trigger warning.
Starting point is 00:59:27 This is, I wrote this all while staring in a mirror. This is all directed at me. Okay. This is like a self thing. I'm not, I'm not harming men. I'm not harming women. No children. This is all on myself.
Starting point is 00:59:40 It's self talk. Go, go to therapy. It's great. You know, you really get to talk things out mental health is very important but this is all about me okay also shout out to joel wood for making me this beat uh okay okay let's try this out i'ma rip your dick call you bitch leave your body in a dirty ditch, make sure you're not enjoying it, that's my pits, it's worth 16's and a platinum hit I could even kill you old school, like hung, drawn, quartered on a steak, I'ma cook you real quick like a rare porterhouse steak. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. That's delicious. Should've gone harder, should've gone faster, should've
Starting point is 01:00:35 killed you with a can of steak like Colonel Mustard and cap your knees till they curled and busted cause someone like me should never be trusted. You hear me with the violin rambling better speed dial for the ambulance heads rolling like your ambiline take a breath and relax pop an ambient you cannot run you cannot hide you better learn how to fly. Before I come, fillet those thighs, serve it up with a plate of rice. Maybe could be fried rice with your little shrimp dick, eh? With your little shrimp dick. Special fried rice with the average shrimp dick. My calendar, you can get it on my Instagram,
Starting point is 01:01:23 at David Post Office in Lincoln Bay. Oh man, that was so good. calendar, you can get it on my Instagram at David Post Office in Lincoln Bayou. Oh man, that was so good. Oh man, it's such a laid back, lovely beat as well. Such a smooth beat. And is there a particular name for that? If there's not, may I suggest Yum Yum Yum? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know it, bro.
Starting point is 01:01:38 You know it, bro. And that was my audition for Off Menu. Big foodie. Don't know if you caught that line about a rare Porthouse steak, cooking it quick. I Don't know if you caught that line about a rare Porthouse steak cooking it quick. I don't know, man. I just discovered reverse searing.
Starting point is 01:01:49 Fried rice with a little shrimp dick, yeah. Oh man, David, that was wonderful. Thank you so much. And yes, you have done a calendar, which is available through your Instagram. Tell us a little bit more about the calendar. So in what, I'm gonna spoil it, but in one of the prize tasks,
Starting point is 01:02:04 we got asked to make something from the future. And my attempt was a 2022 calendar. But every month is spelled out using a font of my body of my my body and undies. And I've made every single letter with my own body. Letter S. your body's not supposed to make the letter s but i did it and if you want to see that get my calendar genuinely impressive get go and get david's calendar david thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast you've been absolutely wonderful and thank you very much for writing a bespoke rap it's the first time anyone's done that amazingly thank you so much for having me in i had such a fun time cheers david thank you well there we are it's the first time anyone has prepared a rap or indeed prepared anything
Starting point is 01:02:52 for the taskmaster podcast so thank you so much david for coming on you're a wonderful guest and a wonderful man we will get you back on uh at some point in the future when we do one of the historic episodes uh as he said he's a big fan of Series 6. Maybe we'll convince him to come back on during that series. So thank you, David. And thank you very much, you, for listening. Don't forget to vote for Taskmaster
Starting point is 01:03:14 in the National Comedy Awards. Go to thenationalcomedyawards.com to vote for Taskmaster in Best Comedy Entertainment Series. Next week, we have another special guest. And that special guest is Alan Davis. Yes, Alan Davis, current contestant in taskmaster series 12 we'll be talking about series 12 episode 6 with alan so any questions for alan do email us on taskmasterpodcast at gmail.com but for now
Starting point is 01:03:37 goodbye keep watching taskmaster and i love you. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.

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