Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 57. Nish Kumar - S5 Ep.1
Episode Date: December 2, 2021It’s time to go back through the TM archives and this week Ed is joined by Nish Kumar to kick off Series 5! This series starred Aisling Bea, Bob Mortimer, Mark Watson, Nish Kumar and Sally Phillips ...and it provided some classic Taskmaster moments. On this episode Nish and Ed revisit Basketball gate, elegant sailing and the most excellent noise. Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4https://www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:taskmasterpodcast@gmail.com Visit the Taskmaster Youtube channelwww.youtube.com/taskmaster Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for Avalon Television. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Available in select locations. See app for details. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's Ed Gamble here.
You may be able to hear that my voice sounds slightly different.
That's because I'm away working and I have forgotten to bring my microphone and the rest of my equipment with me.
So I'm recording this through the mic of my laptop.
I'm in a hotel room in Stratford-upon-Avon.
Welcome back to the historical episodes of the Taskmaster podcast,
where we delve back through the annals of time,
and we cover a, I was about to say long-forgotten episode of Taskmaster,
but of course none of them are long-forgotten.
They are all classics.
And the series we're about to start on is a particular classic. It's Series 5. We will be covering Series 5
Episode 1 today with a very special guest, the wonderful Nish Kumar, who of course was a
contestant on Series 5 and many would say the worst contestant in Taskmaster history. But not
for entertainment value, it's always entertaining when Nish messes up which
he normally does very much looking forward to speaking to Nish about Taskmaster series 5 episode
1 and if you haven't seen that episode for some reason or you need refreshing go on to all four
watch the episode remind yourself what happened in it and come back here and listen to the podcast
as we break it down task by task, bit by bit, event by event.
Does that sound exciting?
Probably not because I said event by event.
Keep listening.
Next week's guest, by the way, will be Guy Montgomery from Taskmaster New Zealand.
So get your questions in for Guy at TaskmasterPodcast at gmail.com.
We'll be chatting about Episode 2, Series 5.
But ignore that because for now, we are talking to the wonderful Nish Kumar about
Taskmaster Series 5, Episode 1. Oh, look who's back. It's Nish Kumar. Back. Don't call it a
comeback. It is a comeback. Just don't call it that. Come on. Hey, let's call it a comeback.
Come on. Let's call it a comeback. Let's call it a comeback. That's sign of LL Cool J's maturity.
Now he's just like, let's call it a comeback.
Let's call it what it is.
It's a comeback.
It's a comeback.
Look, you've been on the show before, Nish.
We loved having you on,
but now we're talking about your series.
So we thought we should get you on for Ep 1,
a big ep for Nish Kumar.
I don't like having to... I already had to account for this behavior once
i don't like having to re-litigate this behavior of mine in the tasks i mean we covered a lot of
ground the first time you were on we were obviously talking about series 10 but we did we chatted a
lot about your time on taskmaster so there's some things that we might be treading over again i mean this is a this is an episode uh stuff full of classics i mean it's it's a very good series i'd say there's at least
five classic moments per episode uh and this for you is is quite the opener um we're gonna go
through them bit by bit but um what a what a treat it is to watch series five again nish
listen it's it's a very enjoyable it was a very enjoyable
experience to re-watch it and i sort of have forgotten enough about it that i it was really
good fun to relive it yeah i mean i've probably seen it back more than you i think this is probably
my third or fourth time watching watching this series back because it is a it's a real treat it's a good
great series it's a good it's a strong series and i i really i mean especially in this episode this
really strikes me as this is nish as i know nish immediately so i can imagine it being quite the
shock for a lot of people who only know you from stand-up and from things like the MASH report, Late Night MASH,
Nishi Nishi Mash Mash, whatever you started calling it.
Yeah, I believe at one point we referred to it as
Chocolate Lenin and his left-wing potato show.
Yeah, that one.
People who had seen you on that,
and then to see this was quite the gear change i'd imagine
listen ed i contain multitudes no you contain two i contain two you contain political and whatever
the fuck this is and it's so it's so exciting i mean even in this first episode you get off
to a flyer and you you establish two of your Taskmaster catchphrases in one episode.
Yeah, that's right.
How do you like them apples and piss and shit?
I forgot that they were both in the first episode.
I'll tell you what I totally forgot is how early they established that I'm terrible at everything.
And when I say early, I mean it is the first frame of the opening credits.
Because I forgot that the first thing you see after Greg, the typewriter,
is a balloon exploding in my face.
That's literally the opening of the opening credits.
Immediately.
They knew what to expect.
Because it's fairly incredible how quickly Greg disrespects you.
That's what I couldn't believe. That's what I couldn't believe.
That's what I couldn't believe.
I can't remember what stuff they didn't include from the recording,
but in the final show, he immediately just says, you.
He says everyone else by name.
Bob Mortimer gets so much immediate respect,
and of course Bob deserves that, but Mortimer gets so much immediate respect. And of course, Bob deserves that.
But Greg is clearly so delighted to have Bob on
and like welcomes him to the show.
And he's so excited to hear what Bob's prize task is.
And he's like riffing with Bob.
And then you're the last person to present your prize task.
And it just goes, you.
Also, I forgot how quickly. I thought it would be really funny if i called him gregory the whole
time yeah i don't know why but straight away he calls me you and i call him gregory straight from
the top and as such a mismatched buddy cop franchise is born now obviously you you knew greg before you knew alex before you obviously knew yes that's right
ashling and mark before were bob was bob and sally were they was that the first time you met them on
that day i had met bob once before at a i i did a panel show read-through for a panel...
So sometimes they'll test the format of panel shows.
And this one, they tested it and they were like,
no, we're not going to go forward with this.
The old Kumar touch.
Yeah, the old Kumar touch.
That's a very convenient edit point for you in the podcast
if you decide you don't want to keep this information in.
The panel show in question was a panel show based on the get in the sea twitter account
now i know that all the best panel shows are based on twitter accounts all the strongest
we all remember at mock the week before the show um but i got offered to do this run through and I said, absolutely not.
Like, I'm not doing it.
And then they said that Bob was hosting it
and I said, absolutely, I'm going to do it.
And I did that run through
so that I could meet Bob Mortimer
because I was so excited to meet him.
So I had met him once before
and he was very, very nice.
So that was very exciting for me.
And I hadn't met Sally Phillips before, but like Bob and Sally,
it was such an interesting group of people to be put together with
because I'm very dear friends with Aisling.
Watson and I know each other for a long time.
But we really grew up watching Bob and Sally on TV.
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
You know, like, because I like, I love shooting stars.
I love Smack the Pony.
And I had, I think not long before that,
just watched however many Veeps there had been up till that point.
And Sally is so funny in Veep.
And so I was, when they told me the line-up,
I was beside myself. And also,
I don't know how common this is.
I got offered the show because Alex phoned
me personally, which was great.
It was such an exciting way to be on the show.
He phoned you personally to offer you the show?
Yeah, yeah. Alex phoned me in the morning, yeah.
I was in my house and...
That's what happens if your agent's not answering his emails.
That is truer than either of us
would like to admit.
I should point out
not my current agent,
a different agent, but
I suspect there was an element
of that.
Alex took matters into his own hands.
Yeah.
Didn't get a response and thought,
I'll just call the guys myself.
Got his number.
Why not?
I've got his number.
Why not?
Yeah.
So he phoned me to offer the show.
And obviously I accepted immediately.
And then I asked him the lineup.
And I couldn't have been more thrilled at the lineup. I was so happy to see Aisling and Mark and genuinely was like honored to be in the presence of Sally Phillips and Bob Mortimer.
And the only thing that Horn said to me was he knows that Aisling and I speak regularly.
And Horn said, don't discuss it with anyone.
Don't talk about any of the tasks that you've done
and that's the only real thing you get told
before you do the show
just don't talk about it with other people
because it's much more fun
and we all didn't
none of us had found out anything
and it's just much more
it's much more enjoyable to get your organic reactions
I think most people completely understand that
that you're not supposed to talk about it
and that does make it more fun.
The only person I've ever experienced
even teasing the idea of trying to talk about stuff
was in Champion of Champions,
Lou Sanders is desperate to talk about everything.
So every conversation we had before,
after we filmed our task,
before we did the studio,
was lou going
oh what about and i'll go no lou lou lou no she go oh yeah sorry sorry sorry because she's that's
a classic example they know that you and lou are friends it's like when you did it they must have
warned you specifically about rose i don't think there was any need to because as you know me and
rose absolutely love games we We love escape rooms.
Yeah, yeah, two of the most competitive people of all time.
There is no way we'd ever talk to each other about it. Your then girlfriend, now wife, and I feared that the two of you would kill each other.
Well, there was no need, because I won.
So everything worked out well for everyone.
I've done escape rooms with the two of you, and it's some of the most stressful hours of my life
and I've received death threats. Maybe
Nish, it would be a little bit less stressful
if you helped.
I like to interact
with the environment. I like to engage with the
performers in the escape room. It's not
a drinks party.
We're there for a reason.
The escape room is just an impediment
to me having alcohol with my friends
it's it's just an obstacle to be navigated so that i could get to the pub well uh i'll use this
platform to let you know that um i've booked a new escape room but it was only teams of four so i'm
going with my wife uh rose matafayo and your girlfriend and we'll meet you in the pub afterwards. I don't think people know that
my girlfriend, you,
Charlie and Rose,
are in an escape room team
and frequently do not invite me.
I don't think
people realise that.
I guess the problem is
normally I remonstrate quite
strongly about this and I shout at you for
excluding me, but I have
literally just
watched episode
one of series
five of
Castmaster
and it's very
difficult after
having been
confronted with
your own behaviour
in terms of
lateral problem
solving
to think
I'm watching
it going
I wouldn't
invite this
prick to an
escape room
no of course
you wouldn't
I think anyone
who's I mean
hopefully everyone listens this has gone back they've. No, of course you wouldn't. I think anyone who's, I mean, hopefully everyone listening to this has gone back,
they've watched episode one of series five again.
Would you invite this man to an escape room?
You wouldn't.
You'd definitely go for a drink with him afterwards.
You'd have a laugh with him afterwards.
Oh, you'd have a laugh with him.
I wouldn't back him to get out of a room.
Yeah, you'd go for a drink with him afterwards if he could find his way into the pub.
But let's, I mean But let's talk about it.
Tie a string around the cunt, please.
Enough teasing it.
Let's get into it because actually the prize task, Nish,
something that makes the most excellent noise,
I actually think this is the first instance of you being massively underscored
yeah the first out of a few one one of three probably yeah one of three in eight episodes
uh so i think it was an excellent noise the most excellent noise is a cd of your laugh um looped
um and again it's the disrespect straight away i think i, I'm a fan of your laugh, Nish.
To me, that is an excellent noise.
And it means you made Nish laugh, which is a great feeling.
You better be a fan of it.
You've been listening to it for 15 years.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I love it.
I love it.
It makes you feel good.
It makes you feel like you're funny.
I like it.
Four points minimum for me.
The issue was you're always ready to undersell all your stuff, Nish.
You're always ready every time anyone picks a stuff nish you're you're always ready
every time anyone picks a slight hole in it to go yeah what a load of shit i'm rubbish
you have to understand when greg is bearing down on you not literally although that does
happen once in the series but when greg is figuratively bearing down on you yeah you you
see the people's different approaches and know you see Aisling push back
you see Sally push back
you occasionally see Bob at least
quibble with it, you see Mark Watson and I
willingly
Mark Watson and I throughout this entire
series are like the guy in Austin Powers
who gets run over by the steamroller
he's absolutely miles
away from it, he's just going
and they're on the
roller going get out of the bloody way just move and that's me and that's me and mark i sit under
the merest flicker of scrutiny yeah i think if greg had said that i murdered lord lucan i would
have said yeah i did actually yeah fine one point i'll take it. Yeah, that's it. You and Watson, wonderful dynamic.
Two great people, but very weak men.
It's stunning how quickly the dynamics are established.
And it's also stunning how quickly some of the defining jokes of the series are established.
Including Greg calling Mark Watson a fucking heron. A heron, yeah, exactly. some of the defining jokes of the series are established including greg calling mark watson
a fucking heron a heron yeah exactly but look he starts well watson um he really wants to win you
see he brings the big gun straight away and i think as well he knew that he had to go big on
the prize task because he knew what he'd done in the film tasks because you are both you're both a mess but you are very bullish in being
quite bad at tasks like you'll go like i'm gonna do this and then you do it badly you're like i did
it whereas watson will everything will fall apart in front of his eyes and he's just desperately
scrabbling to put it all back together yeah he's definitely um i i felt i don't think i've ever been
closer to someone be so upset when he realised that he had been texting Greg.
Oh, yeah.
Every day for a number of months and no one else had.
I mean, that was a dark moment for him.
Fantastic television.
Genuinely hilarious.
Yeah, really good stuff.
Lovely to see a man get destroyed.
So he brought out the big guns with the opera singer which is a great classic task
master prize it's yeah it's bringing in a person as a prize and there's like a performance element
at the end very very strong and deserved the five points i think really strong i actually thought
that um i think that i thought that ashley would get scored higher because of the air horn. Yeah, it was solid. The nostalgia of Greg's life.
I actually thought these were all quite strong efforts
because Sally bringing in that weapon
to disperse young people.
That's so up Greg's street.
It's such on Greg's page.
Yeah, totally.
It's really up Greg's street.
Yeah, those things are mad.
I think there's one near our house. But I must stress my wife is not 24 and under but i think it's um your wife
with whom you've been together for 10 years yes but she is she is younger than me and she can
hear she can hear something now and again and i'm just like crotchety old man just walking around going i can't hear a thing um but it's a good a good prize an excellent noise uh it you know it
victimizes the youth which is uh what greg's all about but the air horn may be too straightforward
maybe just yeah maybe not weird enough uh to get anything it's actually quite a sluggish start from Mortimer because that thing is like, it's very weird.
Yeah.
Given what he goes on to achieve in the series,
it's quite a slow start.
Yeah, it is.
And although it does produce the absolutely amazing line
where he uses it and Mark says,
oh, it's like there's a blackbird sat next to me
and Bob goes, oh, there might be.
He could just be keeping quiet.
Just really, really strong.
It's so exciting to have Bob on it.
So it was one point for your laugh, Nish, which I think is harsh,
but it very much, Greg sets out his stall early doors as to what he thinks.
I think what I'm learning over the course of this is this is the only series I've never rewatched.
Because I've rewatched all of them.
It's like comfort food, especially during the pandemic.
I would just sort of have it on in the background.
And then I watched them all.
I watched a lot of them with Paul Williams.
Yes.
When he was staying in my house.
Yeah.
At the time that they were sort of sorting out him becoming the New Zealand Alex Horne.
But I think what I'm realising
slowly is that this is the only series that
I did not re-watch. Amazing that Paul
stayed at your house and at no point did he say
we should watch that one. He was just like, yeah, maybe
really politely and quietly
as he does.
Nish, maybe we should skip to six.
I beg your pardon, Paul?
Oh, six.
So it was two points to Bob Mortimer
for his rubber cylinder with a metallic end
that makes the noise of a blackbird.
Three points for Aisling B's air horn.
Yeah, solid start from Aisling
and also a wonderful throw forward
to Jess Knappett in Series 7
making the noise of an air horn with her mouth.
Yes, I remember that well.
It's an important Taskmaster noise.
Four points for Sally's mosquito youth disperser
and probably the most normal thing that Sally does in the entire series.
From this point on, it's just the whole thing unfurls.
100%.
And then the opera singer, of course, from Mark, gets the big five.
Sally Phillips, what an excellent noise-making thing have you brought in?
It's a youth disperser.
So it's a sound that is appalling to hear if you're under 24.
If you're over 24, you can't hear it at all.
Wow. It's called the Mosquito.
The Mosquito, yeah.
Great. Well, I hate young people, so that's...
LAUGHTER
What's the age cut-off, Sally? I think it's 24.
24. Who's below 24?
Right, let's smoke these pricks up.
Task one, the first proper task of the series,
give Alex a special cuddle.
Most special cuddle wins.
You have 20 minutes. Your time starts now.
Some incredible efforts here. I mean, yours, Nish, cuddle most special cuddle wins you have 20 minutes your time starts now some incredible
efforts here um i mean yours snish i'm gonna put it out there that's the cuddle i'd most like to
have yeah it horns issue with it seemed to be temperature but i like to be toasty so that's
why i got the um that's why i got the throw from the dressing all of that stuff
is just from in the dressing room and so i took pulled all the cushions out of the dressing room
strapped them to myself and and there was like a little there was the curvature in the cushion
yeah you could just slot horn's head into i thought it was lovely i love the curvature in
the cushion uh i think it's definitely the nicest cuddle but not
necessarily the most special you would go oh this is nice i could have this cuddle every day
yeah now we really need to consider what we're defining the word special as because
let's not bury the lead here what sally does to alex is special
it's very special yeah yeah it is yeah um what's the terminology that they use for torture
well at one point greg says you basically waterboard him because it's just a point
where she's just emptying a bottle of water into his eyes yeah it's it's like it's malicious
and she's laughing it's the fact she's tackling like It looks like Mufti Day at Guantanamo.
It's absolutely bananas.
In fact, bananas are one of the few things
she doesn't shove into Alex at any point.
They might have cut that out.
That's on one of the YouTube compilations.
Yes, your cuddle is definitely the one out of all of those
that I would most like to have.
Genuinely quite sweet, Nish.
I think you really tried to make it a nice experience for Alex.
Yeah, I was really trying to let him have a good time.
Mark Watson, however,
they mainly walk to a riverbank is the majority of the cuddle time.
I mean, he had an absolute meltdown, didn't he?
Showed him a picture of his wife, showed him a picture of Alex's wife.
Like all of the others had, I strongly might tell you this, all of the others had elements of a hostage situation.
Including Mark just going,
here's your wife.
Which does feel quite threatening
when you think about it.
I think his intent was pure,
but decontextualised,
that could feel quite threatening.
Showing people pictures of their family
while you're lying on top of them near a river
feels very threatening.
Yeah, I suppose.
I mean, I think actually yours is possibly the only one
that isn't sort of hostagy.
Yeah, because Ashley builds the sexual harassment robot.
Yeah, and Annie has to wear a blindfold
before she comes in.
Sally, that goes without saying,
and Bob shuts her in a car.
So, Nish, I think you should have got
way more points for this.
I mean, Mark is...
It's astonishing watching Mark and Alex interact.
They are two people who have been friends for decades
and every time they speak to each other,
it's like the first time they've met.
No, it's not.
It's like the second time that they've met
and something really bad happened
in the first time they met.
It's like people who made... Just two of the most awkward people. It's like people who made like...
Just two of the most awkward people.
It's like two people who once made direct eye contact
at an orgy and now can't quite shake the discomfort
of that first introduction.
I think something even worse than that happened at the orgy.
I think, and the way round I'd have it is
it was Mark accidentally onto Alex's leg.
Watson reeks of orgy leg jitter.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I'll clean it up.
Oh no, I've got it in your eye.
Oh yes, that's up. Oh, no, I've got it in your eye. Oh, yes, that's Alex.
Oh, dear.
Yeah, well, I think...
Mortimer seals him in a boot,
which would make me feel so tense.
Although I do like it as a...
I don't know if it was intended as this,
homage to the George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez classic,
Out of Sight.
I'm not sure it was.
I think it was done because Bob wanted to get into the boot of his car.
And I think he turned up that day,
and any task that was given at that point
would have ended up with him in the boot of his own car.
It's such a funny thing to want to do.
Yeah.
To become fixated with getting in the boot of your own car.
So great.
Just driving around being like,
oh God, I can't wait to get into the boot of this.
It is very special.
You've got to admit it's special.
It's sort of lovely in a way, the closeness of it.
And absolutely terrifying as well.
A really terrifying thing to do to someone.
There's a banana and a deodorant in there.
Yeah.
Yeah, and the deodorant gets set off.
Was that the deodorant?
That's really funny.
Was that the deodorant?
Alex really has no regard for his own personal well-being.
That's one of the things that I think makes doing the tasks more palatable
is that you know that at various points he has an absolutely terrible time.
Yeah, you can draft him into doing anything pretty much.
He wasn't even annoyed at Sally,
who, I mean, what a way to start your series of Taskmaster.
Phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal.
You must have realised,
when you did this lovely thing
where you covered yourself in cushions
and gave Alex a lovely cuddle,
as soon as you saw Sally's,
you must have immediately realised what you're up against.
Yeah, I was up against
a force beyond the powers
of reasoning of
mere mortals.
Phillips was on a tear.
Also, what I love is she talks about how delighted
she was about squelching chocolate cake
in his armpits.
She's laughing throughout the whole
thing. Just madness. Great. Absolutely so funny. It's so funny. in his armpits she's laughing throughout the whole thing it's just madness
great absolutely so funny
it's so funny
it's a great example
of like how
I think I did quite a route
one version of that task but it's a
great example of how every
Taskmaster task is essentially a sort of
Raw Shark Inc blot that tells you
a lot about different people's personalities and the first task of a new series is always fascinating because you can see
you can start to see people's patterns of thinking yes and with philips it's like
the pattern is avant-garde ornette colman improv jazz throw everything at it everything oh great
um let's talk about ash let's talk Aisling's sexy cuddle bot 5000.
I think about this a lot.
I think about this weird song she's singing,
like, on a weekly basis,
that ideally that candle would be blown out.
That, I think about that for ages.
And you want more, big boy?
It's also, those VTs are so brilliantly put together,
but the fact that they've
composed some
appropriate background music
to play in the key
that she is singing that mad song in
it's just one of the reasons why the show is so
good. And also too
the mix of it is slightly louder
than the things she's saying so it sounds like
an awful 70s porn film
The mix is slightly off so it sounds like an awful 70s porn film.
The mix is slightly off.
And also, I always think about Aisling's phrase that she says in the studio about what she did,
and I believe the phrase is,
hoover all the sex out of his lad.
Hoover all the sex out of his lad.
Out of his lad.
So good. Hoover all the sex out of his lad. Out of his lad. So good.
Hoover all the sex out of his lad is absolutely astonishing.
It's outstanding.
But it was three points again for Aisling.
It was two points for both you and Mark.
If you ask me, I think Mark was the one pointer there.
I think I was very harshly done by it.
Because Watson, that was absolutely awful.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was bad.
Look, I would have gone the two points for you, Nish.
But it would have been a one point for Watson.
Because he wasted so much time walking.
He had a complete breakdown.
Sally, four points.
Bob, five points.
That's pretty fair, I'd say.
It was good efforts from everyone, apart from the heron.
Oh!
How does that feel?
It's very low.
Too low?
Yes, please.
Is that more the midriff, is it?
That's the midriff, yeah.
I'm so sorry about that earlier.
I honestly couldn't work out the angles, Alex.
It was quite wasty.
There we go, that's nice.
That's just under the breast, isn't it?
Yeah, that's nice.
I'll give one little squeeze, and that completes my special cuddle.
Right, I'm just holding the deodorant, is that right?
You can hold it, spray it if you're getting nauseous.
OK, well, I will just do...
Was that the deodorant?
That was the deodorant.
Ah, right.
LAUGHTER That was the idea. Oh, right.
Task two.
Get Alex onto dry land as elegantly as possible.
Alex must remain dry.
You have a maximum of 20 minutes.
Alex will hoist the anchor in two minutes.
I was furious when this came up second.
Because I could count on one hand how many tasks had gone well at this second i was like oh jesus christ this is too early i needed this later in the series
but sure at no point it doesn't matter where it comes in the series dish if you know you've done
really badly in most tasks it doesn't you're not going to suddenly get a burst on later on don't front load it with all the successful stuff
just don't front load it this entire first episode was just all the ones you'd done well in
and people like fuck Nish has come screaming out the blocks yeah exactly I think that was my
concern I didn't want it to look like I was coming screaming out of the blocks. Don't worry, you didn't.
I mean, I did come screaming out of the blocks,
but in the literal sense.
Yeah.
Like the runner who's startled by the gun.
Ah! Oh, God!
We're under fire!
And he's won, he's won!
Just that, yeah.
Look, it was a good effort from you.
You used the leaf blower.
I mean, you're so excited to use the leaf blower as well.
Loved it.
I mean, it doesn't do a lot, does it?
No, what happened was the wind changed.
Yes, what you had was some lucky drifting.
Yeah, some lucky...
It's like my career.
Yeah.
Just some absolutely fortunate drifting.
Which in itself is quite elegant,
to basically relax and let the wind do its thing
and just sort of drift along the shore.
It looked very elegant.
I was wearing my fashionable sunglasses that i got peer pressured into buying by a trendy person in a shop in melbourne yeah um and i've received absolutely no i got peer pressured by a shop
assistant and new zealand taskmaster contestant guy montgomery yeah in a hipster shop in Melbourne. So, you know, like generally it was elegant.
Unfortunately, I let myself down.
Well, I mean, this is why I find it amazing that you got five points here,
because I know you did it fastest, but I think there should have been maybe a point ducked.
Maybe. Sorry, I said that again.
Maybe there should have been a point docked for butt crack.
It's quite an elegant crack
okay, it's an elegant crack
as cracks go, but I think maybe butt cracks
come quite down, in the context of cracks
it's an elegant crack
and the top
of the butt crack poking out I think is
amongst the least elegant things one
could witness, and Alex having
to cover it up with a clipboard.
I forgot.
I really enjoyed me saying,
I could feel the wind on my butt crack,
and Alex saying, I could see the wind on your butt crack.
Also, the thing with all of those beach tasks
that you don't fully engage with,
and I actually think I mentioned this later on in the series
is there were so many people watching what was going on it was such a nice day yeah and there
were so many people yeah which is really unusual i don't think there's been any others really where
the public can actually watch or the public can actually watch what's going on yeah the only thing that springs to mind is series two i think where they had to get the balls up the hill yeah that's right
yeah that was definitely sort of in a public environment and also yeah a few more like river
based ones in uh in three as well maybe um but yeah it's it's unusual that the public are there
to watch the one the the other i really remember this the thing where they got this it's unusual that the public are there to watch. The one, the other, I really remember this.
The thing where they got this, it's in a later episode,
but we're trying to get Jelly or Weetabix into a metal drum.
Yeah, well, that's where the sunglass is really,
that's the coolest you've ever looked in your life
is walking towards that task.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's the one where afterwards people were like,
just openly laughing at me. Just members of were like, just openly laughing at me.
Just members of the public were just openly laughing at me.
Also, I forgot, in terms of my other catchphrases in the show,
I forgot that in the first episode I say,
I hate this programme.
That's another recurring catchphrase for me
through the course of the show.
I hate this programme.
I wish I'd done a law degree,
was another one you dropped in later on.
Love that.
But look, Mish, you got five points
in this task because of lucky drifting.
And there was not an issue with your
butt crack. So we're all
very proud of you.
What I really enjoyed was, because Aisling is up first,
she's like, I can't believe people saw my underpants.
And I've gone, well, I'll
see your underpants and raise
you on your act by actual ass i wish people would say what i wouldn't give for people to have just
seen my underpants yeah she seemed quite worried about that that she popped her trousers off
and uh gave alex an umbrella and did all of that but don't worry about that. It's elegant
to keep the underpants
on, Nish, which is something
you need to learn. Keep the underpants
on, it's still elegant.
Three points.
It was the three points for Aisling. She did it in
8 minutes 22 which is pretty speedy.
Sally got four
points. I think this was the most elegant.
I think she certainly wins on elegance as Greg said
she used the snooker cue
to punt in quite a Venetian manner
yeah yeah yeah
towards the little pier
it was an excellent job
with Bob I think this is the first time we witness
part of Bob's character
where if he can't
be bothered to do something
he just won't really engage with it.
And he will never do things
at anything other than his own pace.
Bob doesn't rush.
He doesn't rush.
He gets frustrated.
He got frustrated at this
because he said he was going to use
the big weighty bag to pull the boat
like he was on a Thai prawn farm.
The Thai prawn farmers.
And it doesn't work at all.
And he does scream at the top of his voice, but he really takes his time to get there.
It's a perfect piece of, it's sort of a perfect piece of physical comedy.
Yeah.
Like he really, you feel the weight of the bag and he just chucks it and it just goes
bloop, bloop, and just pops straight back up.
Yeah, not really up his street this one
yeah
but luckily you can always rely on
Mark Watson
re-watching that
I'm like it's a good thing he didn't sink
and drown
yeah I mean I always think that about Mark
every day
don't let mark near a
puddle there'll be some way you can fall in and struggle to breathe also it's just fascinating
to me ashley is obviously like i'm getting the water so i'll take off my trousers yeah yeah
whereas watson just thinks in for a penny in for a pound right in straight in in his jeans but i
think that shows you how much he
wants to win, how much he's willing to throw himself
into this. It's like the opera singer,
just to go straight in, not think about
the consequences or what's coming after,
just got to get it done, which I respect,
but it did not work. He did it in
17 minutes, 45 seconds.
Was there a point in that first
episode where you're like, hang on, I know I've done bad
in quite a lot of tasks, but
Mark might have done worse
Yes, I did
at some point in this episode, you do
see me say
to Watson, still lost, we're still
lost, I think it was very
apparent to me that we were
bringing up the rear
but it felt like it was a surprise to him, it was not a surprise to me that we were, we were bringing up the rear, but it was, it felt like it was a surprise to him.
It was not a surprise to me.
It was not even vaguely a surprise to me.
Yeah.
Oh,
I love it.
Absolutely love it.
Terrible.
You're both terrible.
So it's one point to Mark Watson,
two points to Bob Mortimer,
three points to Aisling B,
four points to Sally Phillips, and the big five
for Nish Kumar.
One of the few big fives. Good to get
a big five out the way early doors, though.
But actually, not in
your case where you knew there were only about two more
coming. I knew they were sparse.
I was hoping they'd be
generously sprinkled across the series.
I mean, don't avert your eyes like you're
disgusted. Jesus Christ. I mean, don't avert your eyes like you're disgusted. Oh. Jesus Christ.
I really wish I'd worn better underwear.
This isn't... It might not be that elegant, but it's not too bad, is it?
Quite keen to get the pontoon mark. Oh, yes.
Darling, welcome ashore.
Don't feck this up.
What's up with the clock? Hey! Dignity intact. Dignity intact. don't back this up hey
dignity intact
dignity intact
talking of sparse
let's talk about task three
get the
basketball through the hoop
you may not wear gloves or anything that can
reasonably be construed as gloves
fastest wins your time starts
now i mean nish this this i'd say is one of the crowning moments of your entire career nay life
up until this point there's a few big moments in the series uh for me uh i would include in that
number the song although that's a positive moment at the end.
Very positive, yeah.
There's the being escorted off,
being the first person,
I believe one of two people,
the other being James Acaster,
to be escorted off the set
for a personal talking to by Greg Davis.
Yeah.
And then I would say
there's me blowing out a candle
by saying the words
you bubbly fuck.
You bubbly fuck, yeah.
Yeah, which is the front...
I mean, they're not even my...
They're not my Kumar highlights.
What?
We'll be discussing those.
My Kumar highlights are...
I've got two more for you.
All of those, obviously,
but there are two more
the water cooler task
where you kick
kick the water cooler over
because you think
in your mind
you can do a big
big kung fu kick
but you can't
I slip on the mat
yeah slip on the mat
and
coconut businessman
is probably
one of the funniest things
I've ever seen
coconut businessman the coconut businessman of course and in fact only last night i sent you a meme that someone
created after i said that i was interviewing you for this someone sent me a meme of you as
a coconut businessman and then brian cox right like good roy telling the coconut businessman
to fuck off yeah just perfect it's a it's a perfect meme. It's an absolutely perfect meme.
I was thinking about it for ages, just imagining those
succession boardroom scenes
where there's loads of different characters there and one day
they just pan around in the coconut business man's
sat there.
But in
any case, the two phrases most
commonly
tweeted at me or shouted at me in the
street are, you bubbly fuck
and you're not a bad guy Nish
which is what Greg says to me when he takes me off of my lecture
you're not a bad guy Nish
but
the kick in the basketball
is this
was a real significant moment
I mean it's so good so obviously
people who have watched the episode back
they know that what happened was they showed nish's successful attempts as if it was his
first attempt yeah and then showed all the rest of the attempts of which there were 51 um let's
we had a few emails about this so let's get it straight let's get it straight now they
sort of gave you a heads up before the studio task didn't they that yeah to celebrate basically because it only really works if you celebrate yeah yeah they said
this was literally the only conversation i had about the studio tasks yeah with with anyone we
did we genuinely played it totally for real apart from this one moment where uh andy cartwright uh who's one of the producers of the
show said just so you know because i thought you know you do so many tasks and there's some that
don't make the show and i had a horrible sinking feeling that that basketball was going to make
the show yeah you did it you had to do it 52 times. Of course, no matter what anyone else did, even if what everyone else did was the most boring thing ever,
you doing that would have been in.
So Andy said, just so you know, we've entered it,
so it looks like we're going to show your first attempt.
So do what you will with that,
and then we'll show the rest of them.
So I knew going into it. But what i absolutely love watching it back is ashley and i are obviously very good friends yeah and the disbelief
she she she she is out of her seat in shock yeah when she sees the footage because she cannot conceive
of the idea that I
would have been able to chip that in first time.
Because the one thing that you should know, Nish,
is your friends simply don't believe in you.
And she was right to not believe you
because it was a lie.
She was completely correct.
What she did there was completely correct. She was completely correct. Yeah. She was completely correct. What she did there was completely correct.
She was like, I think she shouts no.
She just can't believe it.
It's honestly like watching a sports game
where a football manager is remonstrating
with a bad refereeing decision.
She's like, come on, no.
No.
There's no way.
What I really like about it as well is the joke wouldn't have worked
if during the task you hadn't celebrated quite as much as you did and there is no one else i know
who would celebrate like that after getting something right after 52 attempts you're on
your knees you're like and looking back on it it's obviously like desperate crying like you're on your knees you're like and looking back on it it's obviously like desperate crying like
you're so happy to have finally finished it but no one i know would be like yeah after you'd be
like fine finally right let's get on with this it's taken ages but you went for it so much they
looked at that and said we can pretend this is the first time when you recontextualize the celebration
yeah after you understand why i'm celebrating. The second time,
it recontextualises it.
But the problem is,
when you re-watch it,
I was watching that
knowing what was going to happen,
but watched the most
galling thing about it,
and this is the genius
of the way that they edit the show.
The first thing you see
is Bob try and kick it
twice,
get quite very close,
and then immediately abandon the scheme.
That's when you watch and go,
ah, right, now.
Also, the first time you do it,
you refer to it as plan A.
Now that would, plan A
suggests the existence of B,
I mean, minimum
B, right?
And you stick with plan A 52 times over.
The thing is, this happens on the show.
In one of the most recent, in the most recent series,
Desiree just gets stuck trying to dislodge the water balloon.
Yeah.
You get, I think what people need to understand is in the situation sometimes you become fixated
on this one idea
and once you've had the idea you think
I have to
and then the problem is
it goes on for so long that you go well if I don't do it this way
I can't pull out of this
you get trapped in a thought spiral
but it was wonderful
it was so worth it
those 52 times so worth it and they're so clever the way they. But it was wonderful. It was so worth it. Those 52 times, so worth it.
And they're so clever the way they answered it.
It was brilliant.
So good.
Calling the ball racist twice.
Oh, Horne's itemised list is absolutely superb.
Mentioning Groundhog Day four times.
Oh, and then claiming the ball was racist twice.
I'll be honest, when he said that, I thought,
that's actually not a lot for Nish.
Like, I would have thought you would have done it from attempt 30 onwards
also i completely misused the latin phrase quid pro quo
i don't know what i don't know i think i meant to say ergo yeah went with quid pro quo pro quo
sounds good sounds clever in, not my biggest mistake.
We should talk about the other attempts, but I think
you're right. I think if you'd just done it normally,
I'm not sure this task would have necessarily made
it, you know.
So I think
Bob and
Mark, I think it's
worth it, A, because Bob does it
properly, and then Mark, we have it's worth it, A, because Bob does it properly.
And then Mark, we have to acknowledge the fact that Mark and Aisling disregard the fact that they go into a room,
see a ladder and then both come out with a wheelbarrow of what I think Greg refers to as a commode on wheels.
A commode on wheels. I mean, it's a wheelchair, isn't it?
I don't remember seeing that kicking around the Taskmaster house and the crutches.
Had someone had an accident? I don't know. I don't know. There kicking around the taskmaster house and the crutches had someone had an accident i don't know i don't know there's crutches there's this and that but also it's great because what's so funny is obviously the studio everyone thinks oh because
greg flags up it has to be it can't be anything that could be reasonably construed to be gloves
yeah and so they think the biggest snafu is Sally's. Obviously, I knew it wasn't.
Yeah.
But it's worth it because it is great
because you get to see the rules be enforced.
And I sort of forgot,
because in my mind,
I spent 28 minutes trying to kick a basketball
through a hoop.
I forgot that I got two points for it.
Yeah, two points is pretty good for that,
for an absolute failure.
Virtually half an hour of my life,
for spending about two thirds of a full episode of Taskmaster.
Yeah.
Trying to chip a ball in a hoop.
Because it was the disqualification for Sally.
Because of course it was.
You can't.
It specifically says it cancels out that glove loophole.
Quite rightly to make it more exciting.
And she just ignores it.
And there's one moment as well.
You could say she's just completely ignoring it just getting on with her own thing she goes into
the house and comes out holding a chair i've never seen anyone look so proud and excited to have found
a chair she's so happy and then just puts the gloves on uh well boots but they're gloves they're
gloves um absolutely correct uh to get zero yeah mark and ashling uh going i mean presumably the
taskmaster house was some sort of abandoned victorian hospital i don't know where they
found those from equipment from um but they were good good ways of doing it the rake and the crutch
uh and and the commode on wheels um and then Bob, fairly straightforward, like you say,
he tries the kicking.
He's like, absolutely not.
There's no way.
Absolutely not.
This is really difficult.
And stands on a ladder and pops the ball in using a traffic cone.
Very straightforward.
Well done, Bob.
Straight down the line.
I have a distinct memory of Alex going in to get the chair.
Oh, really?
I remember so viscerally
going into the caravan
and coming back out with the chair.
Yeah.
And I really remember screaming,
I'm going to do this if it kills me
and everyone else here.
It's when Alex so rarely gives away
that something's going badly yeah
until it's so clearly going badly that he can start taking the piss
because you know you've not done well in that situation i had a few where i was like i've not
done well it's been awful i've done what i've done really badly haven't i alex he's like oh
you never know he'll always say that you never know and then you start to think
that you never know is the most sarcastic thing
I've ever heard in my life
and also he knew
you know and I know
28 minutes kicking a basketball through a hoop
is not going to be good
it's not good
my favourite bit of the film
Good Will Hunting is when he
shouts how do you like them apples
so I'm often
I enjoy shouting how do you like them apples
just in conversation
and for some reason that had become
my weird
another weird Taskmaster catchphrase
how do you like them apples
piss and shit you bubbly fuck
zero points for Sally.
Two points for you, Nish, amazingly.
Three points for Aisling.
Four points for Mark on his wheelchair.
And five points for Barb.
Are you enjoying this?
I'm going to do this if it kills me and everyone here.
Where are you going?
Can we get a chair?
First live task of the series.
Get one item of fruit into the fishbowl.
You may not leave or move your chair.
You may not throw your fruit to fastest winds.
Nish, when this is read out,
you are absolutely livid.
Furious.
Why are you so angry?
Just because I know
this is like hand-eye coordination.
It's not my forte.
What is your forte?
Hard to say at this point.
I think maybe I was hoping
for some Jimi Hendrix trivia or something.
Had you seen the show before?
I don't know.
I'm not sure why I was so furious.
Yeah.
You were really angry specifically about this task.
I think you were just worried about the live task in general, right?
Yeah, the live task was always my number one priority.
As it turned out, it shouldn't have been.
Yeah.
I should have been much more worried about all the other tasks.
But you did fine in the end.
You got three points.
You quickly established that the way to do it was to spike the pair.
Well, the first thing I try and do is kick it.
Again.
After what we've just seen.
Why is my first instinct to try and, you know, punt this thing?
If there's one thing we've established I can't do, it's kick things.
Yeah, because you seem to think you're blooming Pele or something.
Who's a famous footballer.
Ed frantically Googling.
Yeah, Pele, Pele.
But yes, look, you kicked it.
At least you didn't stick with plan A this time.
You moved on to plan B.
No, and we moved on.
And I'll tell you what plan B was.
Let's have a look at what Bob's doing.
Copy that.
The old copy of Bob.
That's clearly what I clearly look across.
I see Bob spear the pair with the pole
and then stick it in the bowl.
And clearly I've just gone, yeah.
And more full Aisling B and Sally Phillips.
Yeah, why didn't they just copy Bob?
I don't know.
I think I would have sort of semi-resisted copying Bob
because I wanted to do my own thing
or worried it was against the rules.
I'm a bit of a stickler for that sort of thing.
But you've just got to copy Bob.
You've just got to copy Bob.
Watson does it very quickly.
So yeah, it was a good idea to copy Bob.
You got the three points there.
Bob got the four points.
Mark, super quick from Mark.
Very quick.
He pulled it out of the bag.
He sort of used the pipe as a sort of improvised trebuchet.
Yeah, it was amazing work from him.
Sally and Aisling, it all fell apart from them.
It all falls apart.
I mean, it literally all falls apart.
Yeah, trying to get a coconut in with half a pipe that's taped together.
So frustrating for them,
but fun to watch.
Sally gets in 3 minutes 40,
and Aisling, quite rightly, just gives up.
She was the DNF,
but they gave her a point
because they assumed she would finish
given if it was just her doing it.
She would have done it, but not in front of an audience when everyone else has finished minutes ago at some point later this one a throwing task and i just started throwing them at greg
i can't remember what i'm throwing but there's definitely a point where i just started pelting
greg yeah i mean that's very much the kumar way you decided it and all the wheels had come off
anyway and you've just gotta you just gotta going. If the wheels start to come off,
why not kick them off?
That's what I say.
Kick the wheels off.
Kick the wheels off.
So the final scores,
it was you and Aisling
on the bottom.
I forget this.
I always just assume
it was you
landing at the bottom
in every episode.
But no,
you and Aisling
joint bottom
with 13 points.
Sally with 14.
Mark with 17, which is pretty good
because it's not a great episode for Mark.
Bob with 18.
Yeah, that definitely tails off through the series.
Yeah.
18 points for Bob,
who does, of course, go on to win the series.
So strong start from him nish we had we had a few emails in kiora lads i hope you're
both doing well so excited that you're on to reviewing season five it's one of my favorite
seasons i think because all the contestants managed to have great moments of brilliance and sheer incompetence in turn my question for nish
can you think of a task from other seasons that you would have absolutely nailed or really enjoyed
and one that you would have hated uh thanks guys lots of love from new zealand uh and i hope you'll
tour back in this hemisphere sometime in the future thank you isabel so thank you isabel
from emailing all the way from New Zealand.
Nish, any other tasks from any other seasons
that you would have enjoyed or nailed?
Feel free to just do the enjoyed
if you're worried that there's nothing
that you would have nailed.
It is really difficult
because before you go on the show,
you watch it and you think,
I would have absolutely, I'd have done brilliant.
And then after that, you're like, I know I wouldn't have nailed this because I've experienced this.
Yeah.
I know what it's like.
I think I would have enjoyed impressing the mayor.
Yeah.
Because I think that is, of all the things that i did well on the show it was the slightly
weirder abstracted things like um making the stop motion film where i eat the cat yeah and um the
coconut businessman it was the sort of abstracted strange creative tasks yeah i did well at so i
think impressing the mayor i think probably is something that i would
have done well at also you're good with uh you're good with authority figures yeah listen i i'm
great at impressing the infrastructure of civic politics um but um the one that i
i mean there's almost every task i think I wouldn't have done well on
but I know
that I would have done badly on the very first task
task one at one
watermelon
smashing the watermelon yeah yeah
which I don't think you would have done badly
in that at all I would have done exactly
what Ramesh did
because I remember
the first time I watched that,
him smashing on the floor and me thinking,
genius. And it's obviously.
I watched that.
The first time I saw it, I was like, this guy's a genius.
The only person
who thought that in the entire country.
No wonder he's the president of the Rankin Nation,
I thought.
How did you know at the time?
That's how I called it
I predicted it
but he smashed it
on the floor
one day
this guy's gonna be
president of the Ragnation
president of the Ragnation
I don't know what that means
but I stand by it
I don't know what that means
but it feels like
there's a format in there
and that's
I know I would have done
badly at that
because I thought
that was a good idea
until you see him
on his hands and knees
vomiting watermelon.
Yeah.
Genius.
This is a lovely question from Rob in London.
He says,
Hi Nish,
following your amazing song with Mark Watson
on the Taskmaster Fest episode,
if you were going to start up your own band in real life
using only previous Taskmaster contestants,
who would you want, what would their role be,
and what would you call the band?
And he suggested as a band name,
Niche Niche and the Quiche Quartet.
Thanks for that, Rob.
Well, I would obviously, name-wise, no hesitation,
Niche Camaro and the Bubbly Fox.
Yeah, perfect.
Not even a second's hesitation.
But who are the Bubbly Fox who will be backing you up?
Well, obviously I have to take Watson, of course.
Yeah.
Playing the drums.
My partner in crime.
That's a real shame that you picked Martin Watson on the drums because you've left out a rather
important
drummer from the Taskmaster
lineups as well
he's quite a good friend of yours
he's quite a good friend of mine
drums are taken unfortunately
and he also was a professional drum teacher
for a long time
yeah but he's out of the band
Rosemaster Fay is in the band
she's learning the bass at the moment.
Right, of course she is.
So you've got a bass player.
I've got to take Watson.
Of course I know that Acaster is an incredible drummer.
Probably, technically, a superior drummer.
But I can't not have Watson in the band.
No, no, straight away.
I love you leaving James out of this band.
Perfect.
So, so far, you're up front on guitar and vox.
Guitar and vox.
Watto on drums.
Drums and vox.
As he is in the...
Matt Feo.
Bass.
Dropping some heavy bass.
I'll take the other team as my backing singers.
Nice.
Okay, cool. I'll take... I don't my backing singers. Nice. Okay, cool.
I'll take...
I don't know if they have a name,
but I'll take Bea, Phillips and Mortimer.
Yeah, nice.
As our backing singers.
And then who else would I have from across the entire series?
We need a keyboard player.
the entire series.
We need a keyboard player.
So I'm trying to think about who across the series.
Obviously the horns will be provided by the horn section.
Of course, yeah.
We do the theme tune.
So we've got the horns sorted.
And so now what I really need is a keyboard player from across the entire series.
There's got to be somebody that plays the piano.
I think you can just pick anyone and then teach them the piano.
I think now you need to think about vibe in the band.
You need to think about the look of the band.
Who do I want in the band who I think is going to...
I mean, the temptation is
to...
Well, I've...
Because I did Never Buy the Buzzcocks with her,
I've seen Daisy May Cooper perform
musically.
In the intros around.
And it was something quite extraordinary.
I'm not saying
if it was good or bad.
I'm simply saying it was something quite extraordinary.
Oh, I know who I have to have playing keyboards.
Now, this is going to be a tricky one because it's technically not a contestant
and it's not on the English Taskmaster.
But the person I have to have playing keyboards is the Taskmaster from New Zealand, Paul Williams.
He's not the Taskmaster from New Zealand.
Do you want the Taskmaster from New Zealand or do you want want the taskmaster's assistant i want the taskmaster's assistant
from new zealand paul williams because paul williams and i have also made music together
yes you are on uh his last album yes i'm on surf music yes credited as nk47 i'm credited as nk47
yeah so i'll i. So I'll do
a transfer, bringing the
Toys Monster system from New Zealand. Yeah, I think
that's fair. I think we'll allow that.
So, you on Vox,
Watto on drums and Vox,
Matafayo on bass,
B Mortimer Phillips
on backup vocals,
Daisy Mae Cooper,
just sort of the Bez character.
Absolutely 100% the Bez.
Oh, and then we'll have a...
We'll make it like a 90s band.
So even though it's not necessarily a rap group,
there is a rap verse on there.
And we'll bring in MC Ranganathan.
Great.
But can he be rapping through a mouthful of watermelon?
Yeah, yeah.
Rapping through a mouthful of watermelon. Yeah, yeah. Rapping through a mouthful of watermelon.
Yeah, yeah.
MC Melon Sick.
Yeah.
He's just puking up for the rest of it.
And Paul Williams, I love it.
Daisy May Cooper as the Bez.
Excellent.
I love it.
What a band.
So many members.
Really strong band.
So many contenders for the Bez role.
Because Key would be a phenomenal Bez as well.
Key would be a great Bez.
Fielding. I mean, Noel Fielding as the Bez role. Because Key would be a phenomenal Bez as well. Key would be a great Bez. Fielding, I mean, no, Fielding
as the Bez role.
Yeah. Really.
Joe Lysett on Triangle.
I mean, what a band you could make. It'd be
a phenomenal band. It's a big band.
This is from Neo in the
Philippines, Nish.
Neo says... Neo, shouldn't you be
busy undermining the Matrix?
Series 5
is one of my favourite
series of Taskmaster
ever
James Acaster
once said on the podcast
that he'd be the champion
if he was in any
different series
with a different line up
which Taskmaster
season Nish
that's not yours
do you think
you would have won
first of all
and I can't believe
I'm having to restate this
but James Acaster
is a moron
yes
there is no series he would win unless they did a special First of all, and I can't believe I'm having to restate this, but James Acaster is a moron. Yes.
There is no series he would win.
Unless they did a special one-off series where the only competitor was him.
Although, look, friend of the show
and Taskmaster statistician Jack Bernhardt
has done quite a few stats sheets
that prove that James would have done a lot better in other series.
I don't think his claim that he would have won any other series can be proven, but James would have done a lot better in other series I don't think his claim that he would have
won any other series can be proven
but he would have done a lot better
is there any series
Nish that you think
A you could have won and if that question's not
relevant is there a series what's the one
you think you would have done best in
not relevant one let's put
that out you can't talk about having chipped
a basketball through a hoop for 28 minutes and then go,
I would have been a legend in any other series.
The series I would have fit in best with,
in terms of my ability, is series 10.
Yeah.
Herring, Cooper, Mouan, Catherine Parkinson.
These are people who are on my level.
Well, no, mate.
Mouan is so far above you.
No, Mouan is better than me, but still.
He can't even see you.
He's so far above you.
There were a lot of tasks to that
where they all sort of did things
that I felt that I would have done.
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, certainly I do agree with the majority of that.
I think if you were in it instead of Mouan, then yeah, I think you would have done yeah definitely i mean certainly i do agree with the majority of that i think if you were in it instead of muwan then yeah i i think you you would have been you would have
been in with a better chance of not winning not winning but doing all right not winning yeah but nish thank you so much for coming back on the taskmaster podcast we will drag we will drag
you back on again at some point i'm sure um but for now we always get our guests to rate their
experience on the taskmaster podcast between one and five points in the style of the taskmaster
it's your chance to give out some taskmaster points how have you enjoyed the podcast and what would you give it i've given a straight five my
friend because i i haven't watched um i as i say this is the only series that i haven't watched
multiple times and i i really enjoy it's not a pleasurable experience to watch oneself back on television.
But this is the most I've enjoyed watching something I've done.
There's stuff that you watch back in the hopes of improving your performance on it as TV shows.
But that's not necessarily something you would do for pleasure.
That's something you do as part of the work process.
So there's very little that I watch that i've done that i enjoy watching back but i really enjoyed watching episode one of this back i may even watch the rest of the series
because yeah i think you should it's it's so much fun so fun it was so fun watching it back and
there's so much that i had sort of forgotten about yeah Yeah. It was great. Oh yeah, no, I think we're
really going to enjoy digging into this series
again. Nish, thank you very much for
coming on the Taskmaster podcast. Goodbye!
Bye!
Thanks very much, Nish. What a
great episode that was. Lovely to speak to
Nish, and we will be twisting his arm to come on
again in the future. He was my best man.
He has to do it. Emotional blackmail.
Don't forget to keep watching Taskmaster
on all four. Keep
watching Series 5. Watch along with us
because next week we'll be talking about Episode 2 of Series
5 with the wonderful Guy Montgomery
from Taskmaster New Zealand and
lots of other things. He's a brilliant stand-up
comic. He's a brilliant podcaster
and I can't wait to speak to him.
So, get your questions in for guy
about taskmaster new zealand about his appearance on it about taskmaster series 5 i know he's a big
fan of the show anyway so any questions about that to taskmasterpodcast.gmail.com and we will
see you next week goodbye
yes hold on how do you like them apples. How do you like them apples, Horne?
How do you like them?
Kumar out.
Oh, my...
Well, well, well!
Looks like last in PE, first in being a legend!