Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 66. Guz Khan - Champion of Champions S1-5 Ep.1
Episode Date: February 3, 2022On the podcast this week Ed is joined by comedian, actor, movie star & coat lover Guz Khan! Before discussing the first ever Champion of Champions Ed and Guz reflect on all things from Series 12 �...�� favourite tasks, fellow contestants and of course deconsecrated churches. They then get down to the nitty gritty of Champion of Champions Ep.1 which featured Bob Mortimer, Josh Widdicombe, Katherine Ryan, Noel Fielding and Rob Beckett. Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:taskmasterpodcast@gmail.com Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for AvalonTelevision Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.
Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing.
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interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.
This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble. We're back. I told you we'd be back.
We finished Series 5 last week and we are straight on to Champion of Champions, Episode 1.
Of course, the champions from all the first five series come together to battle it out once and for all to find out who is the best champion of them all from the first five series.
It does not bear any fruit going through to the series after that.
And of course, it's widely considered that every champion up until series 9 gets better and then it all starts to go downhill again.
That's just that's the rules. I don't make them.
Series 9 gets better and then it all starts to go downhill again.
That's the rules. I don't make them.
So, very excited to have a special guest to talk about Champion of Champions, Episode 1.
It's the brilliant Gaz Khan.
So, very excited to have him on the show chatting about it and to finally speak to him on the Taskmaster podcast
and we're going to get into his series of Taskmaster as well.
So, without further ado, this is Gaz Khan talking about Champion of Champions, episode one.
Welcome, Guz, to the Taskmaster podcast.
Brother Gamble, Brother Gamble.
It's such a pleasure to have you on the podcast finally.
Thank you, bro. I've wanted to do this for like the last 27 weeks, it feels like. I feel
like I've been wanting to do this my whole life and now I'm here with you
and now this is it, a life's achievement
and also to let you know when Guz logged on he said
I've just turned into an uncle
and I don't know what's going on with the tech stuff
and I'm currently looking at Guz on Zoom
and I can only see the top half of his face
it is like talking to an uncle
it really is
I didn't think he'd come around this fast maybe it was taskmaster
that aged me bro i didn't think it was gonna come around this fast but here we are how old are you
now bro i'm 35 bang on same age but look we're the same age on paper but i am clearly 35 years
older than you we've got very different lives you know you've got family and stuff you're a busy man
you've got a film career you've got a family you know you've got all sorts of stuff going on
it's mainly just the family any i don't really think about the rest of it but like being
responsible for so many human beings it's a piss take bro just be careful just be i'm saying just
be careful if you choose to engage in it i don't know if you're going to engage in it, but if you do, good luck.
It's a sick experience, but don't have too many.
Fuck you now.
You describe it as a piss take, would you?
Yeah, big piss take.
This morning was a big piss take, man.
Like people, I don't know what the perception the perception is of i don't know people that
are on tv and people are on radio and i think there's a like a public perception that they've
got everything under control all my kids be fucking up every day as the tesco things get
smashed i have to apologize and if they don't know who i am then i have to pay for the items
that's why i say it's fistic have you ever got away without paying for something that your kids have smashed up in
asda and tesco because because they know who you are yeah twice that's pretty good going i think
yeah and it was like it was like why was shit vars in little but the point is i didn't have
to pay for it and then you know when you do have to pay for these things bro it's just very annoying because it's a stark reminder that you have very little control over
your children well look do you think that sort of um that sort of experience as a father prepared
you for the world of Taskmaster it's a deep question you know what I think uh I was very
averse to going on taskmaster at first yeah
and i said to my missus i was like they're gonna put man on tv and they're gonna make man look
stupid and i still remember she just she looked up from whatever she was doing she goes
well that's not gonna be very hard is it so as soon as she broke it down to me like that i was like you know what it might actually be a
crack and bro genuinely big shout out not just to alex and greg and the bro that whole team
at taskmaster everyone who's putting all of those tasks together and shifting around cakes to make
sure they're in a secret spot that whole gang bro i'm gonna tell you 100 they are the nicest group of people i've ever worked in my life they're wicked
isn't it yeah they're pretty amazing and i think it's testament to the fact that they work so well
together that the team's basically been the same for the whole thing like people get added now and
again and shifted around but it's pretty much the same the same gang from the whole the whole uh
however many series it is now 12 series series. And you can really feel that.
Like, I get, like, for me, bro, when I do this kind of stuff,
or even the concerts, you know, it's still really alien to me.
I'm like, what the hell am I doing here?
Go get Ed Gamble then, Phil Wang's, man.
They're proper them lot.
But then when you turn up there and it was a very, like,
school forward slash family feel, like, that's the vibe that I love.
And, you know, the first day that I turned up, everybody was just in a good mood.
How rare is that?
Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty mad.
I remember you probably had the same thing.
I remember I was excited, so excited going for my first day and then get a text when you're in the car on the way there saying, what do you want for breakfast?
We're making breakfast. I'm like, right, I'm already I'm completely on board with this show the way they're saying what do you want for breakfast we're making breakfast i'm like right i'm already i'm completely on board with this show then they're
asking me what i want for breakfast they're cooking that i could have whatever i wanted
for breakfast guys they are so sick i remember the first day i tried to be like because in my
head i'm always like yeah best 70 it's london 70 of them man are vegan there so let me just be
careful i'm not trying to piss people off first day in it so i was like oh yeah do you have got them yogurts with the granola on top they're like are you sure guys
are you sure and i was like yeah that's what i eat bro by the third day everybody was mashing
peri peri chicken from pepe's every single lunch time and not even nando's they were having pepe's
no no no bro nando. Nando's does not compare
to that uncle that was rolling up
with the Pepe's peri-peri chicken, yeah?
And some of it was extra spicy.
And it was incredible.
I was seeing white people
consume levels of spice
that I have never seen
in my fucking life, bro.
Oh, amazing, man.
Yeah, it's so much fun.
So I take it, I mean,
I normally ask people
if they had fun making the show,
but it sounds like you did.
Bro, had fun making the show but it sounds like you did bro had fun like the you can you can have you can have fun in loads of different ways but the
the vibes were compared to making television undefeated bro undefeated vibes i say it you seem to get on well with everyone there as well i think you got on really really well with
alex like every time you walked into to a task like i feel like you're so you're so naughty
you've got such a naughty little boy's face and i've said this so many times on the podcast before
it just seems like you're going to cause trouble wherever you go.
And I think that that worked perfectly for the show.
Do you know what it is with him?
He reminds me of like a humanities teacher that had aspirations to be a PE
teacher.
Like he's not a lad in it.
Like I think deep because I was testing it,
bro.
I always test out,
you know,
people who seem like really like they've got the shit together,
like very comfortable in my own skin. And I'm very happy with my levels of masculinity i always like to test
that a little bit and like i think it was it might have been like the second or third day that we
were there they were like oh we're really short for time but they got cricket bats and balls and
when i found out he's like a fan of cricket I was like this is your show man you made it you
pay for all this bro technically I was like let's just play cricket fuck this last task off and like
we were really late for the last task so me him a couple of the camera lads a couple of the girls
like we were just playing cricket in the garden and it was like a different side to him that I saw
yeah so even though he's really good at bringing it back around when he's on camera in character,
I just really enjoyed seeing those different levels to him.
It's something I've always been able to do since school days.
Primaries is like I managed to make people dick around a lot with me.
Do you get what I mean?
Oh, it's exactly what I was about to say, guys.
I was going to say, I bet you've been like this your whole life.
And I don't think there's many people who can lead alex astray like that but
if we'd been friends at school i would have got in so much trouble and it would have been because
of you i would have just been like guz is guz is a laugh i'm gonna do whatever guz wants to do
you'd be in prison you're probably i know you've done incredibly well in your career thus far but
you would have been a beast in prison what would that version of Gambler
be? Fucking hell
I don't think I'd last long honestly guys
don't underestimate yourself
if we went in together
we would be ruling the showers brother
never rule that out
yeah
that's good to know actually I think we would rule the
showers I think you're right
I think you'd rule the showers and I'd you're right. I think you'd rule the showers
and I'd be there handing out,
getting you soap in.
I'd be like, hey, have you tried this?
It's got eucalyptus in it.
Go for it, guys.
You have many, many highlights from the series.
Do you have any tasks that particularly stick out
in the mind that you enjoyed the most?
There was a couple that, when you're filming them you're like this is long isn't it like and i say that in the sense that you're like it was we did ours in wintertime when did you do
yours it was sort of yeah so i i think i think i filmed my task sort of late like november december
but right through to like i think the last day was like in june the next year so it sort of spread
across multiple seasons yeah so the tasks took place at a time of the year that was just
cold bro like really really cold so anytime they're like gus this task is outside i'll be like
oh fuck let's just do it in the house anything we're doing outside technically we can do in the house or you want me to throw an iron as far as i can
that's fine let me in the loft and they were like i don't think this has a loft and then like we'd
go outside analyze the roof and we'll be like clearly that's i can see the picture on the
elevation there's got to be a loft up there and so like lots of time would get wasted on things like that but for me bro like
any task that involved uh me having to think too much big problem big problem anything that was
like throw an iron in a skip from 300 yards i'd be like yeah but give me the team but you know
sometimes the best thing like there was one particular task where me desiree and morgana were
on one team bro i would have rather been in guantanamo genuinely like
bro that was and like it was the longest time period of my life sometimes i close my eyes and
i remember when i was stuck in the room with the guitar and they were like oh can you can you uh
guys guys and I know when someone's being condescending I know it brother I'm perceptive
like oh guys can you fucking give me letters that are in front of your face guys and I was like no
Desiree you're not gonna get them letters I'm just gonna have fun in here because I'm stuck in this
very small room there's three brothers there's two very large cameras and there's me with a guitar
that was I know you asked me which tasks I really look forward to but now at least we've started
what stressed me out I obviously wanted to talk about that task anyway so you've got us onto it
straight away the riddle task um it was absolutely incredible it's one of my highlights of the whole
series I think was uh your catchphrase this is Gus there's been another revelation in the lap
constantly saying there's been a revelation and that's what i mean you turned into a naughty little school boy there because you couldn't
really help out in any real way so you just thought i'm going to derail this and i'm just
going to do whatever i want and be cheeky do you know what the other thing about taskmaster in
general is right i i tend to have that a lot so you'll say something to me bro and like i don't
mean to but i'll be thinking maybe
that's something you said i don't know a minute and a half ago and then so now i'm back in the
moment with you i'm like oh fucking i don't know i don't know what i'm saying yeah well i ain't got
a clue what he's saying i have that effect on people it's so no but it's not just my whole
life so on taskmaster they don't it's the only show
i've ever done or experienced in life where they don't like repeat something again or reiterate
something so even like uh the camera lads or one of the andy's i'll be like is that right and
they'll just be like i'm what the fuck bruv you can cut this bit out just tell me I'm looking like an idiot right now
what is it and they'll be like
couldn't possibly tell you guys
couldn't possibly tell you
and so for me in that room
honestly bro at like
45 minutes
I looked away and I looked down at the paper
and I was like what is even
what am I what is this
what am I even doing in
this room with these people why am I at home I don't understand genuinely bro that went on an
incredibly long time and I was surrounded by lovely people who had decided to be pricks and
not give me any feedback to any question that I was asking whatsoever he's kind of mad bro
but I think you managed you managed to keep your cool pretty well
in a lot of the tasks.
I'm especially thinking about the space hopper task
where you had to paint that space hopper
and then you hung it up to paint it
and then it dropped.
You know what?
It went everywhere.
You know one thing I felt mugged off, yeah?
That's the one day I was swearing.
I was like,
nah, fuck these Taskmaster people, man.
Yeah, that's the one day.
Because they made that task the last task of the day.
Yeah.
And they knew I had to go two and a half hours back to Coventry.
I had green paint in my asshole, in my beard.
I had green, bro, I had green paint in my my there was in my tear duct all my eye was red
for a day afterwards so that day i was like oh fuck these taskmaster people because they they
could have done that task at the beginning of the day say oh have a shower something in it they
could have they could have but no they sent me back to coventry and this romanian brother who
was a driver he's like listen brother i can see you have a paint on your face don't get the paint on my seat brother I'm like how I can't get the paint on the seat
I can't really help it bro I'm tired he said he said best you don't go sleep brother you sit
straight so you don't lean on my leather brother so it was it was a that was a very that was a
very stressful day you found one point where I was actually vexed with Taskmaster there you go
so are you suggesting that it was their aim to send you back to Coventry with green
paint and your asshole? Yeah, somebody
sabotaged me. I still think
it could have come from any
angle. The key question is who schedules
these tasks at what time of the day?
That was bad. Do you not agree that
was bad? That is bad, yeah.
I'm not sure
that the conspiracy theory of
someone doing it deliberately so you could get green paint
up your arsehole before you went back to Coventry is correct
alright that's a bit
of a stretch but what I'm saying is
that did happen though it did happen
yeah no I agree
that it definitely happened
so did you have any tasks
though that you're like yes
I'm proud of that task i'm proud
of everything i did in that task thing is i'm very critical of myself so when and as you kind
of say so this is genuinely like i couldn't watch it every week but i enjoyed seeing the whole gang
on tv that is probably one of the only things I've ever like watched myself
in because like I just think it's a lot for me I said oh my god look at this prick on TV I can't
watch I can't watch myself on TV but I enjoyed the moments with the gang so much that there was loads
of tasks that I watched back and I thought oh yeah I thought that was going to be a disaster
but it's all right based on the fact that
the vibes of the team meant that there was always going to be a juxtaposition to whatever i was doing
like if i got an iron and i lobbed it in a bathtub from i don't know like 25 30 feet i always like
what's what's great about the show is that you know victoria is going to come with some very
assured uh you know intellectually stimulating way to do that task.
And I think that the juxtaposition was always nice.
So whenever I thought I fluffed it, the great thing is when you watch your back is someone's fluffing it in a different way.
Apart from being stuck in the room that one time, every task was great.
I tell you what task was really good.
They gave me vegan chocolates and they made me put it in my forehead yeah and i just ate it for 40 minutes that was a bro on a ladder that
was a sick task sometimes that was one of the team tasks where they sort of hadn't quite worked
out what to do with the team of three so they just sort of always put you to one side it was
the same in the riddle one who just let us get on with his own thing. What do you listen?
Can I just ask,
do you think there was any reasoning behind that?
Or it was just like,
I'll just shove the prick in the corner.
What do you think?
I don't know.
I guess it's whoever did the green paint.
The great,
the green paint gate was also in charge of that.
Right?
So someone was against you on the team.
It's what I'm saying to you said it's a conspiracy theory, but the more we think about this,
bro,
it was a planned attack.
Yeah.
I love that one of your highlights of doing the whole show
was the one where you got to just eat chocolate
in a big high chair.
Okay, but on reflection,
does this not make sense with who I am as a person?
Yeah, absolutely, it does.
And you did that very well.
I thought you did a great job.
You only had to do one, I think,
and you did about 10 chocolates, right?
Yeah. And also when I was sitting up on the chairs, well, you know, sometimes you're sitting there, you're like, I was looking to my right at Morgana performing and I was looking at my left at Desiree.
And I love them to bits, like trying really hard to solve and figure out this task. And I was sat in that chair like, I don't give a fuck.
this task and i was sat in a chair like i don't give a i couldn't give a if we get zero points here because i've got vegan chocolate buttons and life is good and i mean well i think
both you and actually and alan uh in series 12 both in different ways made not giving a shit an absolute art form like i really i think it was it was a very relaxed group of people and i think it was
nice and you all seemed to get on really well there was great chemistry i think with with the
whole team do you know what it is bro like i would have the one thing looking back on it
i would have loved to have done is obviously they to put it crudely like Greg has said they split it into like young youngies and
oldies yeah I would have just loved one mash-up of me and Alan on a task and then me and Victoria
on a task like Alan's my guy like he he's I think me and him would have like got on any task and
smashed it together I would just love to see me and victoria because the morgana and
desire my brethren's like and they get annoyed at me i think she would have actually probably
stabbed me isn't it i think she would have killed i think she would have kicked but i think she
would have killed me because i would have i i'm like to, every day is school. And I look at them all as teachers, like Morgana's that drama teacher
that lets you, like, do MDMA and that before you leave for half term.
Alan is sick, like deputy head, you know, makes a connection with the kids.
Desiree is like careers advisor, but one that really makes you want to do careers.
And Victoria's like, every time you go to her class, it's miss like oh no it's miss you know you're like oh no because you
know you're like oh yeah now i'm gonna mess around with all the teachers and then you turn up her
class it's like this could go bad bro if you could call home and then we could be back in pakistan
by one of the morning you know i mean i don't like i always win over victoria i was like i was like if i fuck around with her
too much she might just get on a blow to pretty patel and be like who's this family gotta go
guys we're gonna talk about champion of champions uh episode one from series one to five uh
shortly but obviously we kick off with the prize tasks.
Did you enjoy doing the prize tasks on your series?
I love it.
I love to do prize tasks and I love to...
I thought the prize...
They say prize tasks and then...
I used to be buying really nice presents for each other.
And I like to give presents to people.
It's nice.
I'm a bit orcs.
Not a bit orcs. all very aux receiving presents like i so i i was kind of embarrassed when they were like oh we have the series of prize tasks and but then when you get a list yeah it's quite specific
and then i was just looking around the house and i was like most of the time it just involved
my face.
There were, I mean,
I'd say almost half of your prize tasks were things with your own face on.
The amount of things you have in your house with your own face on is quite amazing.
Well, I tell you the truth, they're all in the loft bit.
And like, they're all facing towards the wall.
But some of the things they're so sick just objectively like
oh that's something like that brother who made the lego bro yeah it's pretty incredible yeah
they're all amazing and they've all been made by other people right you're not you're not
commissioning this stuff yourself let's get that straight okay brother gamble days no commissioning
whatsoever going on this is just like, to me, that is alien
that someone will put in so much time for my stupid face.
So it's like, I wanted to just showcase their techers
as opposed to, and I was like, oh yeah,
you know who I am because I'm on the show.
There you go.
But the tasks that involve like giving people stuff,
like Morgana still rocks that super long thobe jacket
that I gave her.
She wore it on, when we recorded this podcast with her.
Did she really?
Got it out of the cupboard, yeah.
And she popped a wig on as well
because she's got loads of wigs in her cupboard.
Oh my God, I love her.
I love her, bro.
And Desiree got me that picture of a bully kutta.
Like that's deep
that's like deep loving
stuff where someone's taking their time
even half an hour out of their day to be like
oh what might this motherfucker actually like
and so yeah they were great
they were great
I still can't get Alan Davis'
massive knob
do you remember his massive knob
the knitted doll of himself with the massive knob. Do you remember his massive knob on that? The knitted doll of himself
with the massive knob.
Man's packing them
fake taxi dicks, bruv.
So let's talk about this first prize task uh in champion of champions the true title
of the uh the top taskmaster players thing the thing that causes them the most embarrassment
very good uh very good prize task category i think um did you yet have anything that jumped
out in your mind as to what
you might have brought in guz that didn't feature your own face you know what it would have featured
my own face what would it have been there's a there's a picture of me i'll try and send it to
you there's a picture of me with uh somebody's what's a little it's my little little dog but it's a dog that um
heard sheep and it was bare popular with aunties in like late 80s early 90s do you know the breed
i'm talking about bought like i don't know yeah border collies is it a border collie yes that's
the one thank you so it was a border collie And like my mum used to get into a lot of arguments because I would, I still technically don't really know whose dog it was the auntie who had it was like 87
and she used to get really emotional every time i used to steal her dog so that's probably one of
my more embarrassing moments yeah and that's that's an interesting one as well because it
causes you embarrassment but it probably caused your mom even more embarrassment than it was like
um evidence of you stealing a dog from someone down the road she kicked the shit out of me let's
not let's not play a game she kicked the shit she made me take the dog back and then as soon as
i came home i was like shit's about to exit my body and how often would you steal this dog
now loads not in the winter winter shit you can't do anything with the dog but in the summer
i used to go get it like at least twice a week you know holidays used to be bad
because there's nothing there
was nothing else to do so we just used to play like kirby have you played kirby no um so you
stand opposite sides of the street and then you've got to throw a ball and hit like the
rim of the pavement oh nice and if it hits it it pings up so that's we spent like four hours a day
doing that and after that it was just
straight up steal all white auntie's dogs that was the mo this is the great thing about you guys
is you've got so many backstories that you had so many backstories to all of the prizes and the
and the tasks and stuff which was great uh you know it is bros because you know when you i love
you my concentration goes very very quickly and you've done the show bro
like and you had a you guys had a live audience but for us there was no live audience so it was
just us lot for quite a long time yeah in that studio and we got distracted a lot and then we'd
be chatting to like the crew and so like all of these like everyone was investigating their back
so obviously we got got to edit it down
and stuff
but a lot of
people had some
brilliant backstories
Desiree in particular
well let's talk
about this
prize toss
thing that causes
the most
embarrassment
the dog picture
great idea from you
but let's see
I mean let's start
with the one pointer
that was Noel Fielding
obviously we're a big
fan of Noel Fielding
here on the podcast
but this wasn't a great prize toss to kick off champion champions from him i think it's a photo of him uh
as a child holidaying in florida wearing what he considers to be an embarrassing outfit but i
reckon he could pull that outfit off now really he did look different though didn't he yeah like
it's amazing what i'm assuming um his facial structure's all still the same.
He ain't had that changed.
So if you consider that all his bones are the same, but his barn, it's different.
It's amazing what hair can do for a brother.
Just frames his face a bit differently.
Is that a hairstyle you'd ever consider?
Maybe the sort of the goth bob?
the goth bob you are trying to get me to look like
some pervert from London
you're trying to make me
look like a wrong can you
even imagine that
there's only one guy with no fuel
that I ever remember
actually seeing about
and he always just used to be out in front
of laundries.
That's the only guy I know who could pull off their haircut.
No feeling on that.
And the laundress guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think
a hugely embarrassing picture.
I'm sure he could have found something else,
but maybe he's just too cool
to have anything embarrassing
knocking around.
Yeah, bless him.
And obviously it's not like a deep dive into people's emotions,
but you can see, like he said, a key thing,
he was like when he was discovering himself
or before he discovered his look.
And someone's look is an important thing.
Because he looked very like he could have been an accountant
in that picture.
Yeah.
That's not the geezer he is now.
So maybe he was, maybe he was embarrassed
of looking like.
Yeah.
KPMG,
whatever that's called.
Bob Mortimer
brought in,
I mean,
this is great
how quickly he backed down
on this,
a drawing of a dog poo
that his son did.
And when challenged on it
and he really embarrassed
by that,
Bob,
he said,
no,
I'm not embarrassed
by it at all.
I feel like that's something that his potential partner would have really embarrassed by that Bob he said no I'm not embarrassed by it at all I feel like that's something that
his potential partner would
have been embarrassed by but you best believe
if one of my kids drew a lump of
shit bro I would be
sticking that on the wall that is something
to be proud of the opposite
of embarrassment I would
photocopy and give it all the neighbours
that is a
Bob Morton's kid is a legend mate for drawing dog shits
would you
what would you say to your kid though
would you publicly say to your
kid I'm very proud of you for drawing this dog
shit or would you say you're not really supposed to draw that and then
privately be very proud
I want you to answer that question because I
think you know what the answer
to that is my wife would say that's
absolutely horrendous.
Let's try and find out what's going on in your brain.
I'll be like, that shit is sick.
That is a sick shit.
I'll have that.
That's very impressive.
I'm framing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't doubt that for a second, guys.
That's amazing.
But yeah, obviously not a great prize for this
because he clearly wasn't
embarrassed at all uh so he probably could have found something a bit more embarrassing you know
what's so tricky about all this stuff though bro there's a way to spin it and if it was a format
of a show where argue your case and if it's a good argument then i'll give you points but it
didn't work like that he could have given a really really good argument about why he was super embarrassed about it and greg's like now i know you don't give me your bullshit
yeah i mean i think that's again what you were quite good at is i think some of your
price tests if you don't mind me saying guys were absolutely abysmal um but uh you did manage to
blag them it was shit isn't it well we've all got a lot going on so so what are you going to do? Spend your life getting prize taxes and that?
There's not time.
There's not time, brother.
You've just got to get on with it.
You've just got to get the chair from your dressing room.
That's all you can do.
Oh, no.
Rob Beckett brought in a pair of silk underpants
that he purchased at an airport
after he shat himself on his honeymoon um talking of shit but again i think rob black rob's a good blagger as well he
blagged this pretty well saying that he was embarrassed by that but i don't think he would
have been about i think he would have announced that to the airport i think i think that might
be very true yeah and one thing i one thing i'll say is definitely like the black gene is strong in some
people um i think if i think if he'd have spun it as in like i've shit myself on a wedding day
that might have been really embarrassing but who cares at the airport and that's pre-covid people
are shitting themselves left and right that food's horrible at the airport anyway so i'm sure
there's thousands and thousands of cases of shit.
That's why they sell the pants.
That's why they sell them at the airport,
because you're just shitting yourselves all the time.
I thought, I assumed, I mean, obviously wrongly,
that they're selling pants in case people have forgotten to pack pants
or they need some new pants on the way,
the fancy holiday pants.
But you're saying they sell pants
because people are always shitting themselves at the airport.
I would argue it's a contingency for the airlines, yeah.
Airlines are probably like,
oh, fuck's sake, that's 72 people on board here
who just shat themselves.
And you know, there's no point buying them on a plane
because they'll be like 135 quid.
That's the prices on the plane when you're trying to buy pants oh so you're so you're saying you've seen you've seen on in the
little duty free catalogue that they sell pants today yeah i saw a phone for sale
you've seen a thong for sale on a plane yeah i think as a kid so i thought it was proper sexy
you know when you look with the catalog when you're a kid,
I was like, mad.
Unfortunately, we went to Saudi Arabia,
so I didn't see any phones,
but it would have been sick.
It would have been sick if somebody was modeling it.
But yeah, 100%, I saw a song in a catalog.
In an airport, in an airplane catalog.
In an airplane catalog, yeah.
Catherine Wright, I mean, this is great.
This is the first great prize task of this episode, I think.
Brought in a school history film project that she did with her sister.
And her sister was dressed as Hitler.
Yo, shit was incredible.
That's the only word that, when I was watching, I was like,
shit is incredible.
Like, she was ahead of her time, bro.
There was, like, funny camera movements. She was ahead of her time, bro. There was like funny camera movements
and her sister looked so funny.
Her sister looked so, bro, there was plastic,
I mean, masking tape, shostakas on the wall.
It was a madness, bro.
It was mad.
But I don't know if that caused Catherine embarrassment.
It's just her sister i
think katherine's fairly i think she proudly brought that in um not proud in that way uh but
it's a very funny video i think i think she might have got about it for it because that's like a
level of embarrassment for your parents yeah definitely yeah interesting how she got going
on there it's a good job it was at a time when
no one gave a shit about kids but now from a child safeguarding perspective katherine ryan
would probably be in care yeah it's very funny that it's like a blooper reel as well like her
sister as hitler can't keep a straight face so funny man yeah it's really funny um it's a very
very good uh very good submission submission. And this is painful
to even talk about. Josh Whittakin's
appearance on This Week.
The clip of it
to watch him absolutely
fall apart on This Week when he's questioned about
news. I mean, Gus has got his head in his hands. I think that's
how probably all comedians watch that clip.
Where do I...
Where the fuck do I start?
The thing is about this, I've worked with Josh a few times
and he said he's just a lovely
lovely human being
my perception was
that he's
very smart
what the fuck you know he was thick as in that
because when I was working
he said I'm like
you could fire anything
like him
he's a lovely guy
he'll just knock it on the head
I don't understand
why he flapped it
can you explain to me bro
why did he flap it
so much at the question
he probably just got
in his own head
I mean I don't
I never do anything
like this week
or you know
question time
when I've done anything
like that
because I'd be like
oh god I'm not supposed
to be here I don't know what I'm going to say and then you just get in your own
head whereas you should just i mean look josh probably isn't a blagger he probably doesn't
have the blagging gene whereas i'm sure you could go on this week and absolutely nail it right
i've never even seen so i've just seen the uncle was asking him and i it was a it was a it was a
weird i didn't even know what the show was so like
yeah I know what type of show it is yeah but I'd assume like maybe he's just like me and he
someone's like we need to have a briefing call and he's like fuck it
I'll turn up on wiki well what was the actual question bro do you remember
oh I can't I can't even remember. It was fairly straightforward, I think.
I don't think it was anything complicated.
This is the thing that was tripping me out
because I was like...
It was something about regional accents, bro.
Yeah, it was, yeah.
And he's dropped a brick, like...
He's just remembered that...
He's killed somebody
and left the gloves in his front garden.
He was shook. written that he was shook
brother he was shook badly badly shook and i i couldn't figure out why i wonder if he was hung
over that looked like a hung that looked like a hungover man desperately trying to act not hung
over that that could be the case but he really like bro it was my first like my eyes were wide
open because not just the moment was super embarrassing, but it's like,
oh man,
we does.
Yeah.
Yeah,
go ahead,
bros.
But it was definitely,
it was worth it for the five points.
Oh yeah,
bro,
there's nothing that deserves
five points more than that.
That was genuinely like,
flipping out.
Yeah,
it was amazing.
It was fine,
wasn't it?
Five points for Josh,
four points for Catherine,
three points for Rob,
two points for Bob and one point for Noel.
APPLAUSE
The next week, the guest on This Week In Politics
was one of my friends.
So he phoned me up and he said, have you got any tips?
I said, well, you should probably watch it.
And he phoned me back up and he was like, mate,
it's the biggest car crash I've ever seen.
And that man was Rob Beckham.
Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.
Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing.
With cannabis legalization,
it's a brand new challenging marketing category.
And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis
company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category,
and what the term dignified consumption actually means.
I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising.
Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.
This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.
This episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.
We can wait for clean water solutions.
Or we can engineer access to clean water.
We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures.
Or we can learn from Indigenous voices.
We can demand more from the earth.
Or we can demand more from ourselves.
At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow.
Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future.
Task one, either throw an exercise ball into the bath or put all the coconuts into the shopping trolley.
You must throw the exercise ball from under a roof and you may not move the bath.
You must not touch any of the coconuts with your hands and you may not move the shopping trolley fastest wins your time starts now it's one of these complicated ones with loads
of rules guys what i was happy to see is when when bob was reading that he seemed like when he read
challenges that he reacted like i did bro i would that obviously you edit it
i had to read it so many times because it's just dickhead wording like and something like i i
generally i said to him a few times at the end of the day i was like oh man this is a learning
issue here i've got i need to go and get myself assessed i need to see what's going on
because when when he's reading when alice is reading it it's just flowing out and then he's
looking at you like yeah and i'm like no no i know you're saying yeah but i don't understand
what's been said and bob seemed like he had a similar kind of like i could tell from his face
when he opened it off what are these words were you all right with it? I think you guys had in your series more complicated tasks than I've seen on the show before.
Some of them were like really.
So like the one in the church hall where you had to step on paper, get the chair, get to the tower.
It's just there's so much there's so much complicated additions to it and getting like the
red chair and then finding out what the tower was and all of that it was just a bit of a
a real tricky one and all the you had that double negatives task as well i think
even till today i can tell you honestly when the results for that task came i ever was like
all right safe nobody nobody even like if there was discussions in the studio about
so what happens with double negatives and is that i i honestly don't know if that task was
still today scored properly or whatever it was but because he's obviously they cut out a lot of
swearing he got sworn out a lot i think on. He got sworn at a lot, I think, on our series.
Yeah, I can imagine he did.
Deservedly, I love the guy, but that is, he's taking a piss, bro.
We've already been there eight hours in a row now.
And now he's giving us that task about negatives,
negatives that are pushes through the hole,
don't push through the hole.
He needs to get a life, bro.
Yeah, you have very complicated ones.
I mean, yeah, so this one would have,
it probably would have annoyed me a bit. i think really i i don't i think josh was the only one who tried to do
the coconuts i don't know why you would try and do the coconuts obviously just go straight for the
ball there was a bit of confusion around um the roof bit as well isn't it like where can you launch it from and i to clear those two out the
way first yeah they absolutely teched it if if i if i'd have done what those two did in terms of
just bounce it land it and dip that is like that's year 10 hero shit yeah totally do you know i mean
if you land that you're king for the rest of the day.
You're a queen for the rest of the day.
So I would have liked to have done it like that.
But because it was worded so mad,
I probably would have done some stupid stuff with the coconuts, you know?
Oh, really?
You think you would have gone coconuts?
Because it was worded funny.
And then you get there and it is only a medicine ball you have got
to just bounce it in a bathtub but i would have thought like i don't know with this thing i always
thought there was something else if there's if there's a simple route then there'll be some
punishment for it like always try and choose the path of most resistance in this show yeah i see
what you mean but then there's some tasks like this one
where the least resistance is also the quickest option.
It's just on time.
So, I mean, Noel and Rob, like you say,
absolutely smashed it
because they just did it without thinking,
one bouncing in.
It was stunning.
And the fact that they show Rob's first
and everyone's celebrating
and they like cut to Noel and he sat there
like he was amazed
at what Rob did
even though he knows
he did it quicker
he knew it
it was close though
weren't it
between the two of them
it was very close
I mean it was about
20 seconds between it
I think
because Noel did that
it was 20 seconds
yeah
Noel did that little run
and Rob tried to
play it cool
would you have wanted
to completely like
those two I would have I would have wanted to but it cool. Would you have wanted to completely like those two? I would have.
I would have wanted to, but
I absolutely wouldn't have been able to. Because with
things like that, if I've got to throw something into something,
I'm so busy thinking about, imagine
how cool it would be if I got it in.
I'd end up just taking
about 80 attempts to get it in, I think.
You know,
I would say that's probably my only
forte, throwing things into things, yeah?
Yeah.
And you remember we did that task where we had to throw the iron?
Yes, onto the ironing board.
Yeah, I just feel like I would have been,
I got reprimanded a lot.
And I was swinging it, the iron, really hard.
And there's a stained glass window at the top of the house ain't there
yeah and it always us it was it was one of the girls was with me like she was like
be careful with that and i was like i'm gonna smash that window yeah like the task went out
my head i said to her yeah it's been around a long time that when i'm gonna smash it and then
everyone's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa guys guys guys. Hey, guys. Hey, let's have a,
let's just have a break, guys.
And then I was like,
yeah, these men are getting bare strength.
So when it comes to throwing stuff,
I feel like,
I would have just got told off.
I would have thought,
it's actually what I'm saying is,
I would have thought walking up there,
pinging the ball in the bathtub was too simple.
Yeah.
So my brain would have done a madness and gone coconuts yeah well i
mean josh's brain went a bit mad because he started uh he started trying to throw it in
but from the under the roof that was so far away so he didn't even think to go to the other one
yeah exactly and that's when he went that's when he went coconuts you know what it is though it's
easy to get re when it's a complicated task and now see
for me the biggest revelation of this whole episode was i did not expect josh to be like
like like he is in those situations yeah but he's hilarious bro he had me busting up i think it's
because i didn't expect it as well that i was laughing so much at his responses and his behavior like mine was just mad flustered about everything i thought he'd be very
like astute yeah and it just made me think like if we were at school like and he was doing up
like yugioh cards and that because he's so, he would have got on with us and been in the team
because he's funny.
How well do you know him?
Very well, yeah.
He's a good mate of mine.
So do you know, like,
do you know he gets flustered easy?
Yeah, he does get flustered.
He does get,
he gets in a little flap sometimes.
It's really endearing
because, like, genuinely, bro,
I saw him and I thought, like,
he's got, like a double PhD and that.
Yeah, I mean, he's obviously a smart guy.
And I could see why you would think that he doesn't get flustered because he does a live TV show every week.
He's so relaxed on it.
But yeah, occasionally he does go all red and flustered.
And it was brilliant because I think looking at him I probably would have
if it wasn't
an attempt with that ball
it says from the
that he was under a roof
weren't he
why would you think
to go to the other one
I wouldn't have thought that
well Catherine thought
even further ahead
she used a table as a roof
which
there's no
there's no chat about that
in the studio really
they seem absolutely fine
with the fact that she used
a table as a roof and I think I might be all right with it as well i
thought that was clever she's from a country where there's a lot of mad weather situations
tornadoes and shit if if there's a tornado and your roof's gone off your house you are told to
cower under a table cower yeah what a that's theower. Rather than being brave and welcoming the tornado.
Cowering from that tornado, yeah?
What a bunch of pussies, man.
Cowering from the tornado.
You know what I'm saying.
You're right, there wasn't much
chat about it, but I suppose by
definition it is a
roof. But you know what?
For us it was a tricky one like that.
That shelf. We had to do a shelf.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah.
It was all about the definition of shelf, really.
What's a shelf, bro?
I can tell you what it wasn't.
I don't think what Desiree did was a shelf
because she was having to hold it up
and had one leg in the air.
Okay.
I love it 100%.
It was an amazing bit of TV.
Yeah.
But yeah, technically.
But in terms of that,
a roof is a roof.
Would an umbrella
have technically been a roof
and you could have just gone
and stood by the bathtub?
Very good point.
Yeah.
If the table was a roof,
I guess the umbrella's a roof.
Isn't it?
Yeah,
I think so.
It's a temporary roof,
isn't it?
Well,
look,
they let her get away with it.
I mean,
she only gets three points anyway
because although she was clever,
she just needed to be
a lot quicker because it was Noel and Rob who came
through with the victory.
Bob did something that I would have considered doing,
I think,
which is deflating the ball,
which is,
means you're probably going to chuck it in a bit quicker,
but I think it just takes so long to deflate.
You just need to,
you just need to get it done.
Tech has showed through on that.
Sometimes all of the logic goes out the window and it's like,
yo, who's banging this top corner?
And those two put your top bins, didn't they?
Yeah, yeah.
Pretty impressive.
You just need to be as straightforward as possible.
So it was one point for Flustered Josh, two points for Bob,
three points for Catherine, four points for Rob,
and five points for Speedy Noel.
Can you tell me some times now?
Well, we know Bob took about eight minutes,
Catherine took about five minutes.
Josh took about six and a half seconds per coconut.
There's 100 coconuts, so that's 11 minutes.
Oh! Not bad.
It's not as tragic as we thought.
No. So it's just these two. It's Rob and Noel.
Rob and Noel.
Both took under two minutes.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Rob Beckett took one minute and 52 seconds. WHISTLE BLOWS Rob Beckett took one minute and 52 seconds.
WHISTLE BLOWS
Long chat we had.
Noel Fielding took one minute.
GASPS
Ooh!
And 29 seconds.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Well done.
Task two, blow something substantial off this table.
Most substantial thing blown off this table wins.
You have five minutes to select the item
you think you could blow off the table
and place it on the centre circle.
Then one minute to blow it off the table.
Your time starts now.
What do you reckon, guys?
Have you got a good lung power?
I test it a lot.
Yeah?
I've got one of them machines.
You've got one of them machines?
Like for one of those asthma things that tells you your breath? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I've got one. And it's got one of the machines like for one of those asthma things
that tells you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's all right i'm knocking on
about like i think about 780 that's good man it's all right isn't it yeah it's great but my son's
got asthma he's his shit he's like under 50 so i always gauge it against that like bro you're
not even an adult you're just a child so when your son tests his breath strength on the peak flow meter your asthmatic son
do you always then wait to see what his is take take it off him and go right this is what this
is how proper man breathes oh no my good father yeah pretty much got pretty much. Got to show him the way.
But, yeah, they made us do a...
It wasn't blowing with the mouth.
It was blowing with the nose.
Right.
In our series.
You had to blow a feather off the table.
Yes.
With your nose.
And that, very different.
Very different.
I'm a bit of a snotty guy.
So I flopped off.
I can't remember.
Did they show that bit?
I can't remember actually.
I flopped on the table basically.
It was mad flop.
And then it made the feather stick a bit.
So it was, bro, it was a disaster.
Yeah, it's a disaster.
I told them, yeah.
And then mum was like, no, no, it's pathetic.
That's not what I'm talking about.
So like that, so that was horrendous but i think blowing stuff
off it gets to a certain point i think the thing that would have thrown me most is
substantial in it yeah and i think even it was genius my mind would have been more where becky
was because it's like yo how heavy a team can you blow off here?
You start looking at other meanings for substantial. I think you're right.
You know what I mean? So I think that's definitely where
my main talent is. What about you?
Yeah, I always like
to think I would have gone the cleverer way, but I think the
majority of the time when I did the show, I did the most
straightforward, ridiculous thing possible.
I just either had a meltdown
or did well. So, I
certainly would have done better than Noel's pack of Cheetos.
I thought that was pretty pathetic.
To be fair, to him, no.
How much more
you can't blow something much heavier
than that off the table, can you? What are you going to blow
off the table? Well, I mean,
so, Bob's can of lager was pretty good. It was good. heavier than that off the table can you what are you gonna blow off the table well i mean so bob's
can of lager was pretty good it was good that was good he had a he had a rolly action see i wouldn't
even thought i again i wouldn't even thought about oh yeah can white rose like i wouldn't like it's a
it's a thing so that would have got me caught up but i think i think the key is that substantial business I'm just trying to think in my head
what was on me
I think you've just got to go big
and light haven't you so it can be substantial
without being heavy
which I guess is what Catherine did with
the umbrella
just sort of wafted it off so it's big
but it's light and it catches the wind I think it was a good
idea and Josh went with the big exercise ball second time we've seen the exercise ball
um but again i think you're right josh is flustered in this one as well in fact the
only note i wrote was it always amazes me josh did well on this show he looks like a lost little
old man yo man he's every time he's shook like yeah every time it feels like every time he reads that task on his
card it says must do this within 30 seconds he's scared every time like rushing every time
it's like i mean obviously beckett smashed it because he was clever with it and also
in our series greg wasn't too fond of like trying to be clever.
Victoria was obviously coming with all of those like pseudo bars and like,
this is what this really means. And he was like, from the first episode,
he was like, yeah, no, fuck off. So let's just, let's get rid of that.
So it was, it was clever, but it was also meaningful as well, isn't it?
Like I think whatever I might have tried to make substantial,
if you ain't got contact lenses, what more substantial have you got?
I've got a picture of my daughter in my wallet.
So what would I have done?
I would have put her picture on the table.
Yeah.
I would have put a bin on the other side.
Yeah.
And I would have blown her picture into the bin
and would have made sure it's a filthy bin.
And I would have said,
this is going to cause a lot of problems in my marriage
and that's substantial.
My wife says,
why are you throwing our daughter's picture in a bin?
I'm like, for the TV.
And she's going to say, get out.
And in the end, it's actually her that got out.
So where is she?
We have to find out where she's gone.
So for that task,
blow something substantial off the table,
you would have put a picture of your daughter in the bin.
You summarised it in a way that I was trying to make it sound,
you know, like I'm not as big a dickhead.
But yeah.
Yeah, but that's exactly what you would have done.
Great.
I love it.
Yes, well, it was a great attempt by Rob, I think.
I think it deserved the five points
because it was a tricky task.
It was a good way of finding a new angle on it.
But it's just a shame we had to watch him
peel them off his eye,
which I think is my least favourite thing,
people putting things on their eyes and taking them off.
Bro, you know what struck me?
Pre-COVID times, pre-COvid times pre-covid world he was
like alex was like i'll just stick them back in your eye and they've been on the floor and you
know how many people are making the show bears doing dog shit all week and he was like yeah just
go and put and he was considering just licking them and putting them back in his eye
yeah well we used to live in bro i don't think that was okay in the world we were in before i don't think that's the post-covid thing when people like do be careful now the government
are making announcements saying don't drop your contact lenses on the floor and stick
it back in your eye even though someone might have stood in a dog shit i think you're very right
i'm gonna place my contact lenses there and i'm gonna blow them
off of the table and i won't be able to see
Substantial not much more substantial than the old eyeballs is there
I could just give them a quick rinse of bang them back in
Contact lens one
Contact lens.
One.
You watching, Alex?
No.
My eyesight.
Go in there.
Number three.
Task number three.
I think this is one of the hardest tasks ever in Taskmaster.
I would have panicked so much for this.
Perform a miracle.
Most miraculous wins.
You have one hour. Your time starts now. This is hard, isn't it?
No, that's very hard.
And borderline blasphemy as well.
See, because what we're doing...
You're always very worried about blasphemy,
because you were very worried
about the church that you had to do tasks in
that you had to be told it was
deconsecrated. You didn't want to commit any blasphemy.
I know what I mean, and then
truth is, brother,
just
keep people happy, to make sure
you're not really pissing them off.
Life's simple.
Don't go in a church and set a task
like, our fastest
to stick their knob to
the chapel wings.
Do you know what I mean? You don't know what to expect
from them. I'm not sure that one made the edit.
Do you know what I mean?
But he was doing dance
in the church and I was like,
I don't know about all this dancing.
And I also, I tell you what,
I'm also very worried about horn teams as well.
So like, yeah, it's a
serious situation, brother. Like the God's spirit
is always flying around
the church and then he's there with a bloody in that task was doing a mad dance there was all that
and then in my head all i could hear was like oh that noise with a choir that's scary as fuck
i'm getting out of here i wasn't on it mate so you scared yourself imagining all the ghosts going around yeah and then he and then he was he was he was air shagging in the church i just like
decommissioned church or not brother these are things you can't you can't look i want him to
know alex he's like he can't set a task in the mosque car park and start air shagging the mosque
car park he's in big trouble bro I was just doing it for him.
Maybe I think I hear that's the like it where the location tasks
are for the next series of Taskmaster.
It's in a mosque car park.
It's very stressful.
But when it comes to performing, I would have been.
I think I think I would have been I think it would have been very grand.
I think because one thing I never been I think it would have been very grand I think because one
thing I never really did was I never called in the help of anybody locally and I don't know where
specifically we were in London but I was asking a few of my mates like they were like yeah no no
we're local so it would have been very like I would have asked them to I don't bring like a
camel or something I would ask them to bring a camel to the house
and then we make it appear
from behind a bed sheet. Something like
that. It would have been big.
And when you say you would
have got them to bring a camel, what's
the turnaround like on a camel for your friends?
It's a good question. The key thing is
how they get in the
camel in the van, because that can take time. I don't think that's the key question. The key thing is how they get in the camel in the van,
because that can take time.
I don't think that's the key question, guys.
I'm not even worried about how long it would take them to get a camel.
Bro, they get a camel quick.
So if it was an hour task,
so I think it is an hour, right, for this miracle task.
Yeah, you have one hour.
Your friends, your local friends,
so that's fine, they're nearby.
They can get a camel, get it in the van,
get it to you,
and you can do the task within an hour, do you reckon?
Yeah, because one of them has got a llama
in his garden anyway.
Yeah, it's not that...
You know, I've asked him a lot of times as well.
I says, what's going on for the neighbours?
He's like, no, I don't know.
I'm not going to say where it is because I don't think...
On reflection, I don't think it's legal, but...
I think people will be able to narrow it down.
Look out your back window now.
If there's a lot of money in your next-door neighbour's garden,
that's it.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, I don't know. It's going to slap me. Do you know what I mean? yeah maybe but
it wouldn't be
do you know what I mean
it would have to be
like a big
grand
miracle brother
miracle
yeah
I wouldn't be clever with it
would you have
would you have been happy
with a llama
you could have strapped
humps to a llama
I mean I guess
if you know he's got a llama
he could have brought that right
you're not going to be quibbling
over whether it's a camel
or not
but if it's his though
isn't it? What happens
if he brings it and then it gets confiscated?
If the camel goes,
who knows where they got that from?
He's got a connection with the llama.
You've got to be responsible about
the llama.
I think that would have won, to be honest.
There were some good efforts, but some of the scoring here was a bit weird, I think that would have won to be honest there were some good efforts but some of the scoring here was a bit weird
I think
Catherine was really
I think I expected Greg
to be like
show off, she was sick
but you know what he's like
I think when you do something too well
and you do too much of it
from my experience in the series we did anyway yo he
came you bro yeah his general energy is like who the do you think you are
no nobody sorry remove remove remove what i did i'm sorry i'm sorry to take what you liked
so i think but they were really good they were yeah they were basically tick-tock science
experiments but they were good yes and and they were really good but yeah i i think catherine needed to pick one
because i think like the wine one was great i've never seen that before that was really good
but i feel like the others because they were just okay like getting plumber to the house which is a
nice little joke uh giving 100 pounds to a random stranger that sort of thing was just okay around the wine one and they sort of made that one look a bit worse i think you need to
just sell the wine one more one billion percent agreement because the wine thing was impressive
again i've seen it on tiktok you know my last show on tiktok is mad yeah it's i don't know how
to get away with it so there's this guy i'll send you the link afterwards yeah and he took a drum
stick chicken drum stick yeah and he put it in a concoction of acids yeah yeah and the acid reacted
and he only put half of the drumstick in and when he took the other half of the drumstick out
he's gone it's completely dissolved and it adds yeah and so it's like it's gone flesh and bone gone and at the
end of the video he goes and it's a very effective way to get rid of human bodies i was like what the
fuck is going on sorry i just thinking about that yeah it's but it's mad bro they're showing them
what things on tiktok to get rid of the body and he goes
you know
you could just
pour it away
in the bloody
in the drain
well I hope
I hope you don't get
implicated in the murder Gus
because they're going to
look at your TikTok
viewing history
and it's going to
look very suspicious
yeah they can
that's why I've got
my daughter's phone
yeah
Rob orders
100 pizzas
really but not a good miracle
and also
I get what he's trying to do
it's contact lens clever
in it, like in terms of when
it's like, hey
because cooking 100 pizzas
that is long
yeah
tell me what you think, though, Gus.
I don't think there were pizzas in all those boxes.
No, no, 100%.
Wallahi.
Wallahi.
You're right.
Swear to God, you're right.
They ordered two and got loads of boxes, didn't they?
Yeah, it's fake.
Yeah.
100%.
No way there's a budget stretching of pizza.
They barely bought me pepper chicken.
Noel, I really like this. I mean, Rob got got one point and i think he deserved one point
um no got four points everyone else got four or five points uh for dressing as a lizard running
across a paddling pool um and then turns water into wine right at the end i really liked this
and i know i know greg was going, you're dancing around on a clearly visible table.
Because when I watched it,
I couldn't see the table for the first time.
No, no, I couldn't.
I knew there was,
you knew there was something there.
We both knew there was something there.
But I couldn't see it.
But also,
why I think he should have won the task is,
he had a vision straight away,
and might execute the vision.
And I relate to it.
Like if he executed it and it was shit, it's different. But he had the vision and i relate to it now if you didn't execute and it
was shit it's different but he had the vision in the room he he executed that thing perfectly so
for me i think you should have got four points yes absolutely uh i i agree with that bob bob's
was so weird i mean it was just like a reeves and mortimer sketch really um it's difficult to give
it any points because it's just so so baffling but
i don't think we could count that as a miracle he throws the ping pong ball into his face
then lights a dummy head on fire and then bob claims that we can now skateboard without causing
a rumpus i mean it's so bizarre it was yeah like them things they are weird for you i thought i
missed something like you want to see it in terms of but it's more like assistance from the crew
and it for a lot of editing yeah yeah so comparatively to old um tiktok tricks yeah
and what no did yeah absolutely no no need them to no um josh somehow i've got no idea how this
got five points he made the mat he made a match move with another match,
seemingly of its own accord.
Honestly, guys, I don't know how this got five points.
I feel like we're laying into Josh quite a lot this episode.
I don't mean to do that.
It was funny when he said this is street magic,
but it wasn't good.
I'm going to defend him, yeah?
I'm going to defend him fully.
Because one of my favourite things is seeing street magic take place.
And I know it's a load of shite, but because you're already aware that I've got issues with the spirits and I don't like playing around with them and paranormal.
Like if that had been late enough at night and he'd show me that trick, I'd be like, no, fuck you.
Get him out of here.
Get him out of here immediately.
He's playing with the genes and the spirits.
So in that sense, because the room was quite dark
and it had a magic,
you know someone's going to show you a magic trick.
Yeah.
It did feel magic-y and I didn't Google it
because I didn't want to spoil it.
I still don't know how he did that.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess I don't really know,
but it doesn't feel like a miracle, does it?
It feels more like a trick you can learn on YouTube.
But then Catherine's were as well,
so I don't know what I'm complaining about.
Yeah, that's why I'm going to back it.
His matchstick thing was fundamentally as impressive
as what Catherine did, I think.
Like, if you put them side by side,
he's doing some shit, you don't know how it's happening.
You see how I am for you?
Knocking out miracles.
You give me an hour, I'll be like, wow.
Yeah, we only asked for a miracle.
You smashed out four.
Yep.
How much did the plumber cost you?
I did not pay him.
Miracle.
Live task.
Write down a word beginning with T
every time Alex blows his whistle.
The person with the second longest word
takes a step down.
Whoever writes the longest word misses the turn.
If you write down one of Alex's special words,
he advances an extra step.
First to reach the floor wins.
Did you enjoy doing the live tasks, Guz?
No, I did.
I did.
There was a few in particular that were like,
there was a darts one.
You know, sometimes editing makes something even better. there was a few in particular that were like there was a darts one that you know sometimes
editing makes something even better but like when we were playing that game it was mad tense i don't
know i don't know what i think i can't remember i think there was a lot of points on offer so maybe
it was that um no it was a very tense game anyway i think regardless of the points it was a really
good game like i think you had some amazing live tasks in your in your series yeah but yeah the darts
game especially was very good and um and the big balloon oh that was that was really that was really
funny i think the thing is like there was a there was a physical impact when it when it exploded so yeah you realize like there was talk
of like shall we move these guys closer it's like someone could have lost the fucking eye here mate
imagine someone would read like there's good jobs when you vetoed that because if we'd have been
closer someone would have been blind and it's like that was a great task um darts one was a great
task i think a lot of them were good and competitive,
but this one definitely felt like a filler task.
Did I mean like, it felt like,
it's great in theory and it ended up being kind of fun,
but I was genuinely confused that, um, why someone was out when,
so I would have kicked off about that and
then morgana would have kicked off and then i know desiree would have kicked off so and then it
becomes like a because quite a few times in our series that happens oh just chill out chill the
fuck out all right television show get on with it you lot so i i i was just confused about what the
rules were bro really yes it was yeah it's a tricky one. I think the steps make it
a little bit overcomplicated,
but I did like
it. It got tense towards the end, I think.
I mean, Noel just absolutely smashed it
and got the five points. Josh, Catherine
and Rob got the four, and Bob got the
one. I mean, I loved it when the
live tests fall apart. I think that's what made it
really good, is when the
gameplay was really complicated, so everyone was complaining complaining about it and then the fact they were
writing on those boards with permanent marker and had to get really really strong and such a funny
way to end the first champion of champions episode when it's supposed to be this massive thing that
someone could win this incredible title and they're using the wrong pens it was great um so it was katherine took home the episode uh one episode
of two uh 20 points josh and rob 19 points null 16 points and bob bottom with 11 points but i'm
not sure bob minded to be honest um we've got a few emails and tweets in for you guys yeah we got a lot of emails about this
hi ed i have a question for guys how many more revelations has guys had since he finished
filming taskmaster every day i find myself saying there's been another revelation and i don't know
what to do can guys offer any advice on how to handle so many revelations as he is the expert
and i think i need
professional help thanks for all the great laughs charlie from wigan so it's two questions there
guys it's have you had any more revelations and how best would you advise someone um who keeps
having lots of revelations well let's break this two-part question down first of all big up you
for the nice question my friend uh first all, as you are already aware,
I've been having revelations nonstop.
I've been finding people on TikTok
who know how to dissolve human bodies.
So I would say that's pretty big revelation.
And have I Googled how to find that material?
Yes, I have.
I've Googled those.
That aside, revel is a part of life
what's the point of this life very short journey who knows if we're gonna wake up tomorrow morning
what is the point without a revelation in fact i'm gonna go as far to say brother
you need to go out in the world you need to find these revelations yeah yeah i think you're right
that's my advice embrace the revelation embrace the revelation i love it
uh this is from lp tims uh he says hello ed and guz i just need to know how many coats
my man guz has it seems like an infinite amount
it's a lot yeah you're just thinking about the clothes right so to give you a bit more of an insight i am a the way i break down
my fashion the way i wear clothes i wear sneakers i wear coats that's it everything else can be like
30p yeah yeah i've got to make sure that the jackets fire and i've got to make sure the
sneakers are fire and i've done bro i've done it forever and the reason why i did it is like my uncle's obviously a lot more older than me
my cousins and stuff i was one of the younger ones in the family so from a really young age
do you remember this brand carl canny kanks no so carl canny kanks was like a i believe it
it's like a hip-hop is brand, but all their jackets were massive.
They're grown men.
And I was like eight.
So my jackets were oversized.
My sneakers were oversized,
but they're really the only good clothes that I wore,
even though they were preposterously like,
you could clearly see they're made for an adult.
And then I would have like shit joggers on with holes in
and a t-shirt with stains all over it.
So as I got older, it just stuck in my head like,
I can wear them shitty clothes underneath.
No one's even noticing them.
As long as I've got, at the time, my feet were probably like size three.
I've got these size 10 Air Max up tempos on and I've got a fly jacket
and it just stuck ever since then.
So I've got, I have got too many jackets.
Too many. Yeah. I think you got the right got, I have got too many jackets. Too many.
Yeah.
I think you got the right amount.
It's never too many if it's something you enjoy,
right?
Yeah,
I think you're right.
This is from Tish.
This is a great email.
Hi,
this is not Taskmaster related,
but I recently saw Gus at Hackney Empire where he said he had
narrowed down two sources for his recent COVID,
a stripper who licked him at the Mobo Awards
and James Acaster.
We heard all about the stripper,
but nothing further about James Acaster.
Did he also lick Guz?
Best wishes, Tish.
No.
But me and him were sitting next to each other
at that big fat quiz of the year.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And I was fine.
Brother Gamble, you have to understand,
I was fine, brother.
I was living life.
I was doing well.
And the only person I hugged three times was a caster yeah and the next day brother gamble i
was in the bungalow stripping the wallpaper boom came out of nowhere shakes and shivers
so i don't actually want to on reflection it could have easily as being a cast that as it was the strip at the mobile. You just don't know.
Yeah.
I mean,
I,
I,
all I'll say is that the day of big fat quiz,
I had also,
I spent all day with James and I didn't get COVID.
So that would,
it would seem unlikely guys.
I mean,
you say that,
I appreciate your logic,
bro,
but we all know how this virus works.
Remember brother Van Tam?
Brother Van Tam used to come on the news.
He said, he'd say,
if you're brown, you're fucked.
So you people got them strong anti-COVID genes.
You know I'm out of here.
Susceptible, I'm fat too.
You know about all this.
That was the press briefing I missed, unfortunately.
If you're brown, you're fucked. girls thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast we we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between 1 and 5 points in the style of the Taskmaster
have you enjoyed yourself on the podcast
and please tell me
your enjoyment level between 1 and 5 points
my friend
4 or 5 points
it's the big 5, thank you very much
I appreciate that, we've loved having you on, you've been absolutely brilliant
thank you very much Guz, cheers, bye
thanks mate
there we are, absolutely love guz i made that very clear when we were talking about series 12
and he lived up to expectations thank you very much for coming on the podcast guz uh we'll be
back next week of course we will we'll be talking about champion of champions episode two the one
that wraps up that first champion of champions series very excited to
chat about that and of course i will have a very special guest keep an eye on my twitter i will
reveal all and we'll get some questions off you thank you very much for listening we'll see you
next week goodbye
you Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.
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