Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 66. Guz Khan - Champion of Champions S1-5 Ep.1

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

On the podcast this week Ed is joined by comedian, actor, movie star & coat lover Guz Khan! Before discussing the first ever Champion of Champions Ed and Guz reflect on all things from Series 12 �...�� favourite tasks, fellow contestants and of course deconsecrated churches. They then get down to the nitty gritty of Champion of Champions Ep.1 which featured Bob Mortimer, Josh Widdicombe, Katherine Ryan, Noel Fielding and Rob Beckett.  Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:taskmasterpodcast@gmail.com Taskmaster the Podcast is Produced by Daisy Knight for AvalonTelevision Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated
Starting point is 00:00:32 category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble. We're back. I told you we'd be back. We finished Series 5 last week and we are straight on to Champion of Champions, Episode 1. Of course, the champions from all the first five series come together to battle it out once and for all to find out who is the best champion of them all from the first five series. It does not bear any fruit going through to the series after that. And of course, it's widely considered that every champion up until series 9 gets better and then it all starts to go downhill again. That's just that's the rules. I don't make them.
Starting point is 00:01:42 Series 9 gets better and then it all starts to go downhill again. That's the rules. I don't make them. So, very excited to have a special guest to talk about Champion of Champions, Episode 1. It's the brilliant Gaz Khan. So, very excited to have him on the show chatting about it and to finally speak to him on the Taskmaster podcast and we're going to get into his series of Taskmaster as well. So, without further ado, this is Gaz Khan talking about Champion of Champions, episode one. Welcome, Guz, to the Taskmaster podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:11 Brother Gamble, Brother Gamble. It's such a pleasure to have you on the podcast finally. Thank you, bro. I've wanted to do this for like the last 27 weeks, it feels like. I feel like I've been wanting to do this my whole life and now I'm here with you and now this is it, a life's achievement and also to let you know when Guz logged on he said I've just turned into an uncle and I don't know what's going on with the tech stuff
Starting point is 00:02:33 and I'm currently looking at Guz on Zoom and I can only see the top half of his face it is like talking to an uncle it really is I didn't think he'd come around this fast maybe it was taskmaster that aged me bro i didn't think it was gonna come around this fast but here we are how old are you now bro i'm 35 bang on same age but look we're the same age on paper but i am clearly 35 years older than you we've got very different lives you know you've got family and stuff you're a busy man
Starting point is 00:03:04 you've got a film career you've got a family you know you've got all sorts of stuff going on it's mainly just the family any i don't really think about the rest of it but like being responsible for so many human beings it's a piss take bro just be careful just be i'm saying just be careful if you choose to engage in it i don't know if you're going to engage in it, but if you do, good luck. It's a sick experience, but don't have too many. Fuck you now. You describe it as a piss take, would you? Yeah, big piss take.
Starting point is 00:03:37 This morning was a big piss take, man. Like people, I don't know what the perception the perception is of i don't know people that are on tv and people are on radio and i think there's a like a public perception that they've got everything under control all my kids be fucking up every day as the tesco things get smashed i have to apologize and if they don't know who i am then i have to pay for the items that's why i say it's fistic have you ever got away without paying for something that your kids have smashed up in asda and tesco because because they know who you are yeah twice that's pretty good going i think yeah and it was like it was like why was shit vars in little but the point is i didn't have
Starting point is 00:04:20 to pay for it and then you know when you do have to pay for these things bro it's just very annoying because it's a stark reminder that you have very little control over your children well look do you think that sort of um that sort of experience as a father prepared you for the world of Taskmaster it's a deep question you know what I think uh I was very averse to going on taskmaster at first yeah and i said to my missus i was like they're gonna put man on tv and they're gonna make man look stupid and i still remember she just she looked up from whatever she was doing she goes well that's not gonna be very hard is it so as soon as she broke it down to me like that i was like you know what it might actually be a crack and bro genuinely big shout out not just to alex and greg and the bro that whole team
Starting point is 00:05:15 at taskmaster everyone who's putting all of those tasks together and shifting around cakes to make sure they're in a secret spot that whole gang bro i'm gonna tell you 100 they are the nicest group of people i've ever worked in my life they're wicked isn't it yeah they're pretty amazing and i think it's testament to the fact that they work so well together that the team's basically been the same for the whole thing like people get added now and again and shifted around but it's pretty much the same the same gang from the whole the whole uh however many series it is now 12 series series. And you can really feel that. Like, I get, like, for me, bro, when I do this kind of stuff, or even the concerts, you know, it's still really alien to me.
Starting point is 00:05:53 I'm like, what the hell am I doing here? Go get Ed Gamble then, Phil Wang's, man. They're proper them lot. But then when you turn up there and it was a very, like, school forward slash family feel, like, that's the vibe that I love. And, you know, the first day that I turned up, everybody was just in a good mood. How rare is that? Yeah, it's pretty it's pretty mad.
Starting point is 00:06:15 I remember you probably had the same thing. I remember I was excited, so excited going for my first day and then get a text when you're in the car on the way there saying, what do you want for breakfast? We're making breakfast. I'm like, right, I'm already I'm completely on board with this show the way they're saying what do you want for breakfast we're making breakfast i'm like right i'm already i'm completely on board with this show then they're asking me what i want for breakfast they're cooking that i could have whatever i wanted for breakfast guys they are so sick i remember the first day i tried to be like because in my head i'm always like yeah best 70 it's london 70 of them man are vegan there so let me just be careful i'm not trying to piss people off first day in it so i was like oh yeah do you have got them yogurts with the granola on top they're like are you sure guys are you sure and i was like yeah that's what i eat bro by the third day everybody was mashing
Starting point is 00:06:56 peri peri chicken from pepe's every single lunch time and not even nando's they were having pepe's no no no bro nando. Nando's does not compare to that uncle that was rolling up with the Pepe's peri-peri chicken, yeah? And some of it was extra spicy. And it was incredible. I was seeing white people consume levels of spice
Starting point is 00:07:15 that I have never seen in my fucking life, bro. Oh, amazing, man. Yeah, it's so much fun. So I take it, I mean, I normally ask people if they had fun making the show, but it sounds like you did.
Starting point is 00:07:24 Bro, had fun making the show but it sounds like you did bro had fun like the you can you can have you can have fun in loads of different ways but the the vibes were compared to making television undefeated bro undefeated vibes i say it you seem to get on well with everyone there as well i think you got on really really well with alex like every time you walked into to a task like i feel like you're so you're so naughty you've got such a naughty little boy's face and i've said this so many times on the podcast before it just seems like you're going to cause trouble wherever you go. And I think that that worked perfectly for the show. Do you know what it is with him? He reminds me of like a humanities teacher that had aspirations to be a PE
Starting point is 00:08:15 teacher. Like he's not a lad in it. Like I think deep because I was testing it, bro. I always test out, you know, people who seem like really like they've got the shit together, like very comfortable in my own skin. And I'm very happy with my levels of masculinity i always like to test
Starting point is 00:08:28 that a little bit and like i think it was it might have been like the second or third day that we were there they were like oh we're really short for time but they got cricket bats and balls and when i found out he's like a fan of cricket I was like this is your show man you made it you pay for all this bro technically I was like let's just play cricket fuck this last task off and like we were really late for the last task so me him a couple of the camera lads a couple of the girls like we were just playing cricket in the garden and it was like a different side to him that I saw yeah so even though he's really good at bringing it back around when he's on camera in character, I just really enjoyed seeing those different levels to him.
Starting point is 00:09:11 It's something I've always been able to do since school days. Primaries is like I managed to make people dick around a lot with me. Do you get what I mean? Oh, it's exactly what I was about to say, guys. I was going to say, I bet you've been like this your whole life. And I don't think there's many people who can lead alex astray like that but if we'd been friends at school i would have got in so much trouble and it would have been because of you i would have just been like guz is guz is a laugh i'm gonna do whatever guz wants to do
Starting point is 00:09:35 you'd be in prison you're probably i know you've done incredibly well in your career thus far but you would have been a beast in prison what would that version of Gambler be? Fucking hell I don't think I'd last long honestly guys don't underestimate yourself if we went in together we would be ruling the showers brother never rule that out
Starting point is 00:09:57 yeah that's good to know actually I think we would rule the showers I think you're right I think you'd rule the showers and I'd you're right. I think you'd rule the showers and I'd be there handing out, getting you soap in. I'd be like, hey, have you tried this? It's got eucalyptus in it.
Starting point is 00:10:10 Go for it, guys. You have many, many highlights from the series. Do you have any tasks that particularly stick out in the mind that you enjoyed the most? There was a couple that, when you're filming them you're like this is long isn't it like and i say that in the sense that you're like it was we did ours in wintertime when did you do yours it was sort of yeah so i i think i think i filmed my task sort of late like november december but right through to like i think the last day was like in june the next year so it sort of spread across multiple seasons yeah so the tasks took place at a time of the year that was just
Starting point is 00:10:54 cold bro like really really cold so anytime they're like gus this task is outside i'll be like oh fuck let's just do it in the house anything we're doing outside technically we can do in the house or you want me to throw an iron as far as i can that's fine let me in the loft and they were like i don't think this has a loft and then like we'd go outside analyze the roof and we'll be like clearly that's i can see the picture on the elevation there's got to be a loft up there and so like lots of time would get wasted on things like that but for me bro like any task that involved uh me having to think too much big problem big problem anything that was like throw an iron in a skip from 300 yards i'd be like yeah but give me the team but you know sometimes the best thing like there was one particular task where me desiree and morgana were
Starting point is 00:11:46 on one team bro i would have rather been in guantanamo genuinely like bro that was and like it was the longest time period of my life sometimes i close my eyes and i remember when i was stuck in the room with the guitar and they were like oh can you can you uh guys guys and I know when someone's being condescending I know it brother I'm perceptive like oh guys can you fucking give me letters that are in front of your face guys and I was like no Desiree you're not gonna get them letters I'm just gonna have fun in here because I'm stuck in this very small room there's three brothers there's two very large cameras and there's me with a guitar that was I know you asked me which tasks I really look forward to but now at least we've started
Starting point is 00:12:27 what stressed me out I obviously wanted to talk about that task anyway so you've got us onto it straight away the riddle task um it was absolutely incredible it's one of my highlights of the whole series I think was uh your catchphrase this is Gus there's been another revelation in the lap constantly saying there's been a revelation and that's what i mean you turned into a naughty little school boy there because you couldn't really help out in any real way so you just thought i'm going to derail this and i'm just going to do whatever i want and be cheeky do you know what the other thing about taskmaster in general is right i i tend to have that a lot so you'll say something to me bro and like i don't mean to but i'll be thinking maybe
Starting point is 00:13:05 that's something you said i don't know a minute and a half ago and then so now i'm back in the moment with you i'm like oh fucking i don't know i don't know what i'm saying yeah well i ain't got a clue what he's saying i have that effect on people it's so no but it's not just my whole life so on taskmaster they don't it's the only show i've ever done or experienced in life where they don't like repeat something again or reiterate something so even like uh the camera lads or one of the andy's i'll be like is that right and they'll just be like i'm what the fuck bruv you can cut this bit out just tell me I'm looking like an idiot right now what is it and they'll be like
Starting point is 00:13:47 couldn't possibly tell you guys couldn't possibly tell you and so for me in that room honestly bro at like 45 minutes I looked away and I looked down at the paper and I was like what is even what am I what is this
Starting point is 00:14:03 what am I even doing in this room with these people why am I at home I don't understand genuinely bro that went on an incredibly long time and I was surrounded by lovely people who had decided to be pricks and not give me any feedback to any question that I was asking whatsoever he's kind of mad bro but I think you managed you managed to keep your cool pretty well in a lot of the tasks. I'm especially thinking about the space hopper task where you had to paint that space hopper
Starting point is 00:14:32 and then you hung it up to paint it and then it dropped. You know what? It went everywhere. You know one thing I felt mugged off, yeah? That's the one day I was swearing. I was like, nah, fuck these Taskmaster people, man.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Yeah, that's the one day. Because they made that task the last task of the day. Yeah. And they knew I had to go two and a half hours back to Coventry. I had green paint in my asshole, in my beard. I had green, bro, I had green paint in my my there was in my tear duct all my eye was red for a day afterwards so that day i was like oh fuck these taskmaster people because they they could have done that task at the beginning of the day say oh have a shower something in it they
Starting point is 00:15:16 could have they could have but no they sent me back to coventry and this romanian brother who was a driver he's like listen brother i can see you have a paint on your face don't get the paint on my seat brother I'm like how I can't get the paint on the seat I can't really help it bro I'm tired he said he said best you don't go sleep brother you sit straight so you don't lean on my leather brother so it was it was a that was a very that was a very stressful day you found one point where I was actually vexed with Taskmaster there you go so are you suggesting that it was their aim to send you back to Coventry with green paint and your asshole? Yeah, somebody sabotaged me. I still think
Starting point is 00:15:50 it could have come from any angle. The key question is who schedules these tasks at what time of the day? That was bad. Do you not agree that was bad? That is bad, yeah. I'm not sure that the conspiracy theory of someone doing it deliberately so you could get green paint
Starting point is 00:16:06 up your arsehole before you went back to Coventry is correct alright that's a bit of a stretch but what I'm saying is that did happen though it did happen yeah no I agree that it definitely happened so did you have any tasks though that you're like yes
Starting point is 00:16:24 I'm proud of that task i'm proud of everything i did in that task thing is i'm very critical of myself so when and as you kind of say so this is genuinely like i couldn't watch it every week but i enjoyed seeing the whole gang on tv that is probably one of the only things I've ever like watched myself in because like I just think it's a lot for me I said oh my god look at this prick on TV I can't watch I can't watch myself on TV but I enjoyed the moments with the gang so much that there was loads of tasks that I watched back and I thought oh yeah I thought that was going to be a disaster but it's all right based on the fact that
Starting point is 00:17:06 the vibes of the team meant that there was always going to be a juxtaposition to whatever i was doing like if i got an iron and i lobbed it in a bathtub from i don't know like 25 30 feet i always like what's what's great about the show is that you know victoria is going to come with some very assured uh you know intellectually stimulating way to do that task. And I think that the juxtaposition was always nice. So whenever I thought I fluffed it, the great thing is when you watch your back is someone's fluffing it in a different way. Apart from being stuck in the room that one time, every task was great. I tell you what task was really good.
Starting point is 00:17:41 They gave me vegan chocolates and they made me put it in my forehead yeah and i just ate it for 40 minutes that was a bro on a ladder that was a sick task sometimes that was one of the team tasks where they sort of hadn't quite worked out what to do with the team of three so they just sort of always put you to one side it was the same in the riddle one who just let us get on with his own thing. What do you listen? Can I just ask, do you think there was any reasoning behind that? Or it was just like, I'll just shove the prick in the corner.
Starting point is 00:18:10 What do you think? I don't know. I guess it's whoever did the green paint. The great, the green paint gate was also in charge of that. Right? So someone was against you on the team. It's what I'm saying to you said it's a conspiracy theory, but the more we think about this,
Starting point is 00:18:24 bro, it was a planned attack. Yeah. I love that one of your highlights of doing the whole show was the one where you got to just eat chocolate in a big high chair. Okay, but on reflection, does this not make sense with who I am as a person?
Starting point is 00:18:40 Yeah, absolutely, it does. And you did that very well. I thought you did a great job. You only had to do one, I think, and you did about 10 chocolates, right? Yeah. And also when I was sitting up on the chairs, well, you know, sometimes you're sitting there, you're like, I was looking to my right at Morgana performing and I was looking at my left at Desiree. And I love them to bits, like trying really hard to solve and figure out this task. And I was sat in that chair like, I don't give a fuck. this task and i was sat in a chair like i don't give a i couldn't give a if we get zero points here because i've got vegan chocolate buttons and life is good and i mean well i think
Starting point is 00:19:17 both you and actually and alan uh in series 12 both in different ways made not giving a shit an absolute art form like i really i think it was it was a very relaxed group of people and i think it was nice and you all seemed to get on really well there was great chemistry i think with with the whole team do you know what it is bro like i would have the one thing looking back on it i would have loved to have done is obviously they to put it crudely like Greg has said they split it into like young youngies and oldies yeah I would have just loved one mash-up of me and Alan on a task and then me and Victoria on a task like Alan's my guy like he he's I think me and him would have like got on any task and smashed it together I would just love to see me and victoria because the morgana and desire my brethren's like and they get annoyed at me i think she would have actually probably
Starting point is 00:20:14 stabbed me isn't it i think she would have killed i think she would have kicked but i think she would have killed me because i would have i i'm like to, every day is school. And I look at them all as teachers, like Morgana's that drama teacher that lets you, like, do MDMA and that before you leave for half term. Alan is sick, like deputy head, you know, makes a connection with the kids. Desiree is like careers advisor, but one that really makes you want to do careers. And Victoria's like, every time you go to her class, it's miss like oh no it's miss you know you're like oh no because you know you're like oh yeah now i'm gonna mess around with all the teachers and then you turn up her class it's like this could go bad bro if you could call home and then we could be back in pakistan
Starting point is 00:21:02 by one of the morning you know i mean i don't like i always win over victoria i was like i was like if i fuck around with her too much she might just get on a blow to pretty patel and be like who's this family gotta go guys we're gonna talk about champion of champions uh episode one from series one to five uh shortly but obviously we kick off with the prize tasks. Did you enjoy doing the prize tasks on your series? I love it. I love to do prize tasks and I love to... I thought the prize...
Starting point is 00:21:35 They say prize tasks and then... I used to be buying really nice presents for each other. And I like to give presents to people. It's nice. I'm a bit orcs. Not a bit orcs. all very aux receiving presents like i so i i was kind of embarrassed when they were like oh we have the series of prize tasks and but then when you get a list yeah it's quite specific and then i was just looking around the house and i was like most of the time it just involved my face.
Starting point is 00:22:06 There were, I mean, I'd say almost half of your prize tasks were things with your own face on. The amount of things you have in your house with your own face on is quite amazing. Well, I tell you the truth, they're all in the loft bit. And like, they're all facing towards the wall. But some of the things they're so sick just objectively like oh that's something like that brother who made the lego bro yeah it's pretty incredible yeah they're all amazing and they've all been made by other people right you're not you're not
Starting point is 00:22:35 commissioning this stuff yourself let's get that straight okay brother gamble days no commissioning whatsoever going on this is just like, to me, that is alien that someone will put in so much time for my stupid face. So it's like, I wanted to just showcase their techers as opposed to, and I was like, oh yeah, you know who I am because I'm on the show. There you go. But the tasks that involve like giving people stuff,
Starting point is 00:23:03 like Morgana still rocks that super long thobe jacket that I gave her. She wore it on, when we recorded this podcast with her. Did she really? Got it out of the cupboard, yeah. And she popped a wig on as well because she's got loads of wigs in her cupboard. Oh my God, I love her.
Starting point is 00:23:20 I love her, bro. And Desiree got me that picture of a bully kutta. Like that's deep that's like deep loving stuff where someone's taking their time even half an hour out of their day to be like oh what might this motherfucker actually like and so yeah they were great
Starting point is 00:23:36 they were great I still can't get Alan Davis' massive knob do you remember his massive knob the knitted doll of himself with the massive knob. Do you remember his massive knob on that? The knitted doll of himself with the massive knob. Man's packing them fake taxi dicks, bruv.
Starting point is 00:24:03 So let's talk about this first prize task uh in champion of champions the true title of the uh the top taskmaster players thing the thing that causes them the most embarrassment very good uh very good prize task category i think um did you yet have anything that jumped out in your mind as to what you might have brought in guz that didn't feature your own face you know what it would have featured my own face what would it have been there's a there's a picture of me i'll try and send it to you there's a picture of me with uh somebody's what's a little it's my little little dog but it's a dog that um heard sheep and it was bare popular with aunties in like late 80s early 90s do you know the breed
Starting point is 00:24:55 i'm talking about bought like i don't know yeah border collies is it a border collie yes that's the one thank you so it was a border collie And like my mum used to get into a lot of arguments because I would, I still technically don't really know whose dog it was the auntie who had it was like 87 and she used to get really emotional every time i used to steal her dog so that's probably one of my more embarrassing moments yeah and that's that's an interesting one as well because it causes you embarrassment but it probably caused your mom even more embarrassment than it was like um evidence of you stealing a dog from someone down the road she kicked the shit out of me let's not let's not play a game she kicked the shit she made me take the dog back and then as soon as i came home i was like shit's about to exit my body and how often would you steal this dog
Starting point is 00:25:54 now loads not in the winter winter shit you can't do anything with the dog but in the summer i used to go get it like at least twice a week you know holidays used to be bad because there's nothing there was nothing else to do so we just used to play like kirby have you played kirby no um so you stand opposite sides of the street and then you've got to throw a ball and hit like the rim of the pavement oh nice and if it hits it it pings up so that's we spent like four hours a day doing that and after that it was just straight up steal all white auntie's dogs that was the mo this is the great thing about you guys
Starting point is 00:26:33 is you've got so many backstories that you had so many backstories to all of the prizes and the and the tasks and stuff which was great uh you know it is bros because you know when you i love you my concentration goes very very quickly and you've done the show bro like and you had a you guys had a live audience but for us there was no live audience so it was just us lot for quite a long time yeah in that studio and we got distracted a lot and then we'd be chatting to like the crew and so like all of these like everyone was investigating their back so obviously we got got to edit it down and stuff
Starting point is 00:27:05 but a lot of people had some brilliant backstories Desiree in particular well let's talk about this prize toss thing that causes
Starting point is 00:27:13 the most embarrassment the dog picture great idea from you but let's see I mean let's start with the one pointer that was Noel Fielding
Starting point is 00:27:21 obviously we're a big fan of Noel Fielding here on the podcast but this wasn't a great prize toss to kick off champion champions from him i think it's a photo of him uh as a child holidaying in florida wearing what he considers to be an embarrassing outfit but i reckon he could pull that outfit off now really he did look different though didn't he yeah like it's amazing what i'm assuming um his facial structure's all still the same. He ain't had that changed.
Starting point is 00:27:47 So if you consider that all his bones are the same, but his barn, it's different. It's amazing what hair can do for a brother. Just frames his face a bit differently. Is that a hairstyle you'd ever consider? Maybe the sort of the goth bob? the goth bob you are trying to get me to look like some pervert from London you're trying to make me
Starting point is 00:28:12 look like a wrong can you even imagine that there's only one guy with no fuel that I ever remember actually seeing about and he always just used to be out in front of laundries. That's the only guy I know who could pull off their haircut.
Starting point is 00:28:32 No feeling on that. And the laundress guy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think a hugely embarrassing picture. I'm sure he could have found something else, but maybe he's just too cool to have anything embarrassing
Starting point is 00:28:43 knocking around. Yeah, bless him. And obviously it's not like a deep dive into people's emotions, but you can see, like he said, a key thing, he was like when he was discovering himself or before he discovered his look. And someone's look is an important thing. Because he looked very like he could have been an accountant
Starting point is 00:28:59 in that picture. Yeah. That's not the geezer he is now. So maybe he was, maybe he was embarrassed of looking like. Yeah. KPMG, whatever that's called.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Bob Mortimer brought in, I mean, this is great how quickly he backed down on this, a drawing of a dog poo that his son did.
Starting point is 00:29:18 And when challenged on it and he really embarrassed by that, Bob, he said, no, I'm not embarrassed by it at all.
Starting point is 00:29:24 I feel like that's something that his potential partner would have really embarrassed by that Bob he said no I'm not embarrassed by it at all I feel like that's something that his potential partner would have been embarrassed by but you best believe if one of my kids drew a lump of shit bro I would be sticking that on the wall that is something to be proud of the opposite of embarrassment I would
Starting point is 00:29:39 photocopy and give it all the neighbours that is a Bob Morton's kid is a legend mate for drawing dog shits would you what would you say to your kid though would you publicly say to your kid I'm very proud of you for drawing this dog shit or would you say you're not really supposed to draw that and then
Starting point is 00:29:56 privately be very proud I want you to answer that question because I think you know what the answer to that is my wife would say that's absolutely horrendous. Let's try and find out what's going on in your brain. I'll be like, that shit is sick. That is a sick shit.
Starting point is 00:30:13 I'll have that. That's very impressive. I'm framing. Yeah. Yeah. I don't doubt that for a second, guys. That's amazing. But yeah, obviously not a great prize for this
Starting point is 00:30:24 because he clearly wasn't embarrassed at all uh so he probably could have found something a bit more embarrassing you know what's so tricky about all this stuff though bro there's a way to spin it and if it was a format of a show where argue your case and if it's a good argument then i'll give you points but it didn't work like that he could have given a really really good argument about why he was super embarrassed about it and greg's like now i know you don't give me your bullshit yeah i mean i think that's again what you were quite good at is i think some of your price tests if you don't mind me saying guys were absolutely abysmal um but uh you did manage to blag them it was shit isn't it well we've all got a lot going on so so what are you going to do? Spend your life getting prize taxes and that?
Starting point is 00:31:06 There's not time. There's not time, brother. You've just got to get on with it. You've just got to get the chair from your dressing room. That's all you can do. Oh, no. Rob Beckett brought in a pair of silk underpants that he purchased at an airport
Starting point is 00:31:23 after he shat himself on his honeymoon um talking of shit but again i think rob black rob's a good blagger as well he blagged this pretty well saying that he was embarrassed by that but i don't think he would have been about i think he would have announced that to the airport i think i think that might be very true yeah and one thing i one thing i'll say is definitely like the black gene is strong in some people um i think if i think if he'd have spun it as in like i've shit myself on a wedding day that might have been really embarrassing but who cares at the airport and that's pre-covid people are shitting themselves left and right that food's horrible at the airport anyway so i'm sure there's thousands and thousands of cases of shit.
Starting point is 00:32:07 That's why they sell the pants. That's why they sell them at the airport, because you're just shitting yourselves all the time. I thought, I assumed, I mean, obviously wrongly, that they're selling pants in case people have forgotten to pack pants or they need some new pants on the way, the fancy holiday pants. But you're saying they sell pants
Starting point is 00:32:25 because people are always shitting themselves at the airport. I would argue it's a contingency for the airlines, yeah. Airlines are probably like, oh, fuck's sake, that's 72 people on board here who just shat themselves. And you know, there's no point buying them on a plane because they'll be like 135 quid. That's the prices on the plane when you're trying to buy pants oh so you're so you're saying you've seen you've seen on in the
Starting point is 00:32:49 little duty free catalogue that they sell pants today yeah i saw a phone for sale you've seen a thong for sale on a plane yeah i think as a kid so i thought it was proper sexy you know when you look with the catalog when you're a kid, I was like, mad. Unfortunately, we went to Saudi Arabia, so I didn't see any phones, but it would have been sick. It would have been sick if somebody was modeling it.
Starting point is 00:33:18 But yeah, 100%, I saw a song in a catalog. In an airport, in an airplane catalog. In an airplane catalog, yeah. Catherine Wright, I mean, this is great. This is the first great prize task of this episode, I think. Brought in a school history film project that she did with her sister. And her sister was dressed as Hitler. Yo, shit was incredible.
Starting point is 00:33:39 That's the only word that, when I was watching, I was like, shit is incredible. Like, she was ahead of her time, bro. There was, like, funny camera movements. She was ahead of her time, bro. There was like funny camera movements and her sister looked so funny. Her sister looked so, bro, there was plastic, I mean, masking tape, shostakas on the wall. It was a madness, bro.
Starting point is 00:33:59 It was mad. But I don't know if that caused Catherine embarrassment. It's just her sister i think katherine's fairly i think she proudly brought that in um not proud in that way uh but it's a very funny video i think i think she might have got about it for it because that's like a level of embarrassment for your parents yeah definitely yeah interesting how she got going on there it's a good job it was at a time when no one gave a shit about kids but now from a child safeguarding perspective katherine ryan
Starting point is 00:34:30 would probably be in care yeah it's very funny that it's like a blooper reel as well like her sister as hitler can't keep a straight face so funny man yeah it's really funny um it's a very very good uh very good submission submission. And this is painful to even talk about. Josh Whittakin's appearance on This Week. The clip of it to watch him absolutely fall apart on This Week when he's questioned about
Starting point is 00:34:55 news. I mean, Gus has got his head in his hands. I think that's how probably all comedians watch that clip. Where do I... Where the fuck do I start? The thing is about this, I've worked with Josh a few times and he said he's just a lovely lovely human being my perception was
Starting point is 00:35:15 that he's very smart what the fuck you know he was thick as in that because when I was working he said I'm like you could fire anything like him he's a lovely guy
Starting point is 00:35:28 he'll just knock it on the head I don't understand why he flapped it can you explain to me bro why did he flap it so much at the question he probably just got in his own head
Starting point is 00:35:36 I mean I don't I never do anything like this week or you know question time when I've done anything like that because I'd be like
Starting point is 00:35:43 oh god I'm not supposed to be here I don't know what I'm going to say and then you just get in your own head whereas you should just i mean look josh probably isn't a blagger he probably doesn't have the blagging gene whereas i'm sure you could go on this week and absolutely nail it right i've never even seen so i've just seen the uncle was asking him and i it was a it was a it was a weird i didn't even know what the show was so like yeah I know what type of show it is yeah but I'd assume like maybe he's just like me and he someone's like we need to have a briefing call and he's like fuck it
Starting point is 00:36:15 I'll turn up on wiki well what was the actual question bro do you remember oh I can't I can't even remember. It was fairly straightforward, I think. I don't think it was anything complicated. This is the thing that was tripping me out because I was like... It was something about regional accents, bro. Yeah, it was, yeah. And he's dropped a brick, like...
Starting point is 00:36:37 He's just remembered that... He's killed somebody and left the gloves in his front garden. He was shook. written that he was shook brother he was shook badly badly shook and i i couldn't figure out why i wonder if he was hung over that looked like a hung that looked like a hungover man desperately trying to act not hung over that that could be the case but he really like bro it was my first like my eyes were wide open because not just the moment was super embarrassing, but it's like,
Starting point is 00:37:06 oh man, we does. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, bros. But it was definitely, it was worth it for the five points.
Starting point is 00:37:13 Oh yeah, bro, there's nothing that deserves five points more than that. That was genuinely like, flipping out. Yeah, it was amazing.
Starting point is 00:37:20 It was fine, wasn't it? Five points for Josh, four points for Catherine, three points for Rob, two points for Bob and one point for Noel. APPLAUSE The next week, the guest on This Week In Politics
Starting point is 00:37:32 was one of my friends. So he phoned me up and he said, have you got any tips? I said, well, you should probably watch it. And he phoned me back up and he was like, mate, it's the biggest car crash I've ever seen. And that man was Rob Beckham. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing.
Starting point is 00:38:03 With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.
Starting point is 00:38:44 This episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge Indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from Indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Task one, either throw an exercise ball into the bath or put all the coconuts into the shopping trolley. You must throw the exercise ball from under a roof and you may not move the bath. You must not touch any of the coconuts with your hands and you may not move the shopping trolley fastest wins your time starts now it's one of these complicated ones with loads of rules guys what i was happy to see is when when bob was reading that he seemed like when he read challenges that he reacted like i did bro i would that obviously you edit it i had to read it so many times because it's just dickhead wording like and something like i i generally i said to him a few times at the end of the day i was like oh man this is a learning
Starting point is 00:40:01 issue here i've got i need to go and get myself assessed i need to see what's going on because when when he's reading when alice is reading it it's just flowing out and then he's looking at you like yeah and i'm like no no i know you're saying yeah but i don't understand what's been said and bob seemed like he had a similar kind of like i could tell from his face when he opened it off what are these words were you all right with it? I think you guys had in your series more complicated tasks than I've seen on the show before. Some of them were like really. So like the one in the church hall where you had to step on paper, get the chair, get to the tower. It's just there's so much there's so much complicated additions to it and getting like the
Starting point is 00:40:45 red chair and then finding out what the tower was and all of that it was just a bit of a a real tricky one and all the you had that double negatives task as well i think even till today i can tell you honestly when the results for that task came i ever was like all right safe nobody nobody even like if there was discussions in the studio about so what happens with double negatives and is that i i honestly don't know if that task was still today scored properly or whatever it was but because he's obviously they cut out a lot of swearing he got sworn out a lot i think on. He got sworn at a lot, I think, on our series. Yeah, I can imagine he did.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Deservedly, I love the guy, but that is, he's taking a piss, bro. We've already been there eight hours in a row now. And now he's giving us that task about negatives, negatives that are pushes through the hole, don't push through the hole. He needs to get a life, bro. Yeah, you have very complicated ones. I mean, yeah, so this one would have,
Starting point is 00:41:45 it probably would have annoyed me a bit. i think really i i don't i think josh was the only one who tried to do the coconuts i don't know why you would try and do the coconuts obviously just go straight for the ball there was a bit of confusion around um the roof bit as well isn't it like where can you launch it from and i to clear those two out the way first yeah they absolutely teched it if if i if i'd have done what those two did in terms of just bounce it land it and dip that is like that's year 10 hero shit yeah totally do you know i mean if you land that you're king for the rest of the day. You're a queen for the rest of the day. So I would have liked to have done it like that.
Starting point is 00:42:32 But because it was worded so mad, I probably would have done some stupid stuff with the coconuts, you know? Oh, really? You think you would have gone coconuts? Because it was worded funny. And then you get there and it is only a medicine ball you have got to just bounce it in a bathtub but i would have thought like i don't know with this thing i always thought there was something else if there's if there's a simple route then there'll be some
Starting point is 00:42:56 punishment for it like always try and choose the path of most resistance in this show yeah i see what you mean but then there's some tasks like this one where the least resistance is also the quickest option. It's just on time. So, I mean, Noel and Rob, like you say, absolutely smashed it because they just did it without thinking, one bouncing in.
Starting point is 00:43:18 It was stunning. And the fact that they show Rob's first and everyone's celebrating and they like cut to Noel and he sat there like he was amazed at what Rob did even though he knows he did it quicker
Starting point is 00:43:28 he knew it it was close though weren't it between the two of them it was very close I mean it was about 20 seconds between it I think
Starting point is 00:43:34 because Noel did that it was 20 seconds yeah Noel did that little run and Rob tried to play it cool would you have wanted to completely like
Starting point is 00:43:44 those two I would have I would have wanted to but it cool. Would you have wanted to completely like those two? I would have. I would have wanted to, but I absolutely wouldn't have been able to. Because with things like that, if I've got to throw something into something, I'm so busy thinking about, imagine how cool it would be if I got it in. I'd end up just taking about 80 attempts to get it in, I think.
Starting point is 00:44:00 You know, I would say that's probably my only forte, throwing things into things, yeah? Yeah. And you remember we did that task where we had to throw the iron? Yes, onto the ironing board. Yeah, I just feel like I would have been, I got reprimanded a lot.
Starting point is 00:44:16 And I was swinging it, the iron, really hard. And there's a stained glass window at the top of the house ain't there yeah and it always us it was it was one of the girls was with me like she was like be careful with that and i was like i'm gonna smash that window yeah like the task went out my head i said to her yeah it's been around a long time that when i'm gonna smash it and then everyone's like whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa guys guys guys. Hey, guys. Hey, let's have a, let's just have a break, guys. And then I was like,
Starting point is 00:44:49 yeah, these men are getting bare strength. So when it comes to throwing stuff, I feel like, I would have just got told off. I would have thought, it's actually what I'm saying is, I would have thought walking up there, pinging the ball in the bathtub was too simple.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Yeah. So my brain would have done a madness and gone coconuts yeah well i mean josh's brain went a bit mad because he started uh he started trying to throw it in but from the under the roof that was so far away so he didn't even think to go to the other one yeah exactly and that's when he went that's when he went coconuts you know what it is though it's easy to get re when it's a complicated task and now see for me the biggest revelation of this whole episode was i did not expect josh to be like like like he is in those situations yeah but he's hilarious bro he had me busting up i think it's
Starting point is 00:45:41 because i didn't expect it as well that i was laughing so much at his responses and his behavior like mine was just mad flustered about everything i thought he'd be very like astute yeah and it just made me think like if we were at school like and he was doing up like yugioh cards and that because he's so, he would have got on with us and been in the team because he's funny. How well do you know him? Very well, yeah. He's a good mate of mine. So do you know, like,
Starting point is 00:46:15 do you know he gets flustered easy? Yeah, he does get flustered. He does get, he gets in a little flap sometimes. It's really endearing because, like, genuinely, bro, I saw him and I thought, like, he's got, like a double PhD and that.
Starting point is 00:46:28 Yeah, I mean, he's obviously a smart guy. And I could see why you would think that he doesn't get flustered because he does a live TV show every week. He's so relaxed on it. But yeah, occasionally he does go all red and flustered. And it was brilliant because I think looking at him I probably would have if it wasn't an attempt with that ball it says from the
Starting point is 00:46:48 that he was under a roof weren't he why would you think to go to the other one I wouldn't have thought that well Catherine thought even further ahead she used a table as a roof
Starting point is 00:46:57 which there's no there's no chat about that in the studio really they seem absolutely fine with the fact that she used a table as a roof and I think I might be all right with it as well i thought that was clever she's from a country where there's a lot of mad weather situations
Starting point is 00:47:13 tornadoes and shit if if there's a tornado and your roof's gone off your house you are told to cower under a table cower yeah what a that's theower. Rather than being brave and welcoming the tornado. Cowering from that tornado, yeah? What a bunch of pussies, man. Cowering from the tornado. You know what I'm saying. You're right, there wasn't much chat about it, but I suppose by
Starting point is 00:47:37 definition it is a roof. But you know what? For us it was a tricky one like that. That shelf. We had to do a shelf. Yes. Yeah, yeah. It was all about the definition of shelf, really. What's a shelf, bro?
Starting point is 00:47:50 I can tell you what it wasn't. I don't think what Desiree did was a shelf because she was having to hold it up and had one leg in the air. Okay. I love it 100%. It was an amazing bit of TV. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:01 But yeah, technically. But in terms of that, a roof is a roof. Would an umbrella have technically been a roof and you could have just gone and stood by the bathtub? Very good point.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Yeah. If the table was a roof, I guess the umbrella's a roof. Isn't it? Yeah, I think so. It's a temporary roof, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:48:18 Well, look, they let her get away with it. I mean, she only gets three points anyway because although she was clever, she just needed to be a lot quicker because it was Noel and Rob who came
Starting point is 00:48:27 through with the victory. Bob did something that I would have considered doing, I think, which is deflating the ball, which is, means you're probably going to chuck it in a bit quicker, but I think it just takes so long to deflate. You just need to,
Starting point is 00:48:39 you just need to get it done. Tech has showed through on that. Sometimes all of the logic goes out the window and it's like, yo, who's banging this top corner? And those two put your top bins, didn't they? Yeah, yeah. Pretty impressive. You just need to be as straightforward as possible.
Starting point is 00:48:53 So it was one point for Flustered Josh, two points for Bob, three points for Catherine, four points for Rob, and five points for Speedy Noel. Can you tell me some times now? Well, we know Bob took about eight minutes, Catherine took about five minutes. Josh took about six and a half seconds per coconut. There's 100 coconuts, so that's 11 minutes.
Starting point is 00:49:13 Oh! Not bad. It's not as tragic as we thought. No. So it's just these two. It's Rob and Noel. Rob and Noel. Both took under two minutes. WHISTLE BLOWS Rob Beckett took one minute and 52 seconds. WHISTLE BLOWS Rob Beckett took one minute and 52 seconds. WHISTLE BLOWS
Starting point is 00:49:28 Long chat we had. Noel Fielding took one minute. GASPS Ooh! And 29 seconds. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Well done. Task two, blow something substantial off this table.
Starting point is 00:49:44 Most substantial thing blown off this table wins. You have five minutes to select the item you think you could blow off the table and place it on the centre circle. Then one minute to blow it off the table. Your time starts now. What do you reckon, guys? Have you got a good lung power?
Starting point is 00:49:59 I test it a lot. Yeah? I've got one of them machines. You've got one of them machines? Like for one of those asthma things that tells you your breath? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I've got one. And it's got one of the machines like for one of those asthma things that tells you yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's all right i'm knocking on about like i think about 780 that's good man it's all right isn't it yeah it's great but my son's got asthma he's his shit he's like under 50 so i always gauge it against that like bro you're
Starting point is 00:50:21 not even an adult you're just a child so when your son tests his breath strength on the peak flow meter your asthmatic son do you always then wait to see what his is take take it off him and go right this is what this is how proper man breathes oh no my good father yeah pretty much got pretty much. Got to show him the way. But, yeah, they made us do a... It wasn't blowing with the mouth. It was blowing with the nose. Right. In our series.
Starting point is 00:50:55 You had to blow a feather off the table. Yes. With your nose. And that, very different. Very different. I'm a bit of a snotty guy. So I flopped off. I can't remember.
Starting point is 00:51:06 Did they show that bit? I can't remember actually. I flopped on the table basically. It was mad flop. And then it made the feather stick a bit. So it was, bro, it was a disaster. Yeah, it's a disaster. I told them, yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:18 And then mum was like, no, no, it's pathetic. That's not what I'm talking about. So like that, so that was horrendous but i think blowing stuff off it gets to a certain point i think the thing that would have thrown me most is substantial in it yeah and i think even it was genius my mind would have been more where becky was because it's like yo how heavy a team can you blow off here? You start looking at other meanings for substantial. I think you're right. You know what I mean? So I think that's definitely where
Starting point is 00:51:52 my main talent is. What about you? Yeah, I always like to think I would have gone the cleverer way, but I think the majority of the time when I did the show, I did the most straightforward, ridiculous thing possible. I just either had a meltdown or did well. So, I certainly would have done better than Noel's pack of Cheetos.
Starting point is 00:52:08 I thought that was pretty pathetic. To be fair, to him, no. How much more you can't blow something much heavier than that off the table, can you? What are you going to blow off the table? Well, I mean, so, Bob's can of lager was pretty good. It was good. heavier than that off the table can you what are you gonna blow off the table well i mean so bob's can of lager was pretty good it was good that was good he had a he had a rolly action see i wouldn't
Starting point is 00:52:30 even thought i again i wouldn't even thought about oh yeah can white rose like i wouldn't like it's a it's a thing so that would have got me caught up but i think i think the key is that substantial business I'm just trying to think in my head what was on me I think you've just got to go big and light haven't you so it can be substantial without being heavy which I guess is what Catherine did with the umbrella
Starting point is 00:52:59 just sort of wafted it off so it's big but it's light and it catches the wind I think it was a good idea and Josh went with the big exercise ball second time we've seen the exercise ball um but again i think you're right josh is flustered in this one as well in fact the only note i wrote was it always amazes me josh did well on this show he looks like a lost little old man yo man he's every time he's shook like yeah every time it feels like every time he reads that task on his card it says must do this within 30 seconds he's scared every time like rushing every time it's like i mean obviously beckett smashed it because he was clever with it and also
Starting point is 00:53:42 in our series greg wasn't too fond of like trying to be clever. Victoria was obviously coming with all of those like pseudo bars and like, this is what this really means. And he was like, from the first episode, he was like, yeah, no, fuck off. So let's just, let's get rid of that. So it was, it was clever, but it was also meaningful as well, isn't it? Like I think whatever I might have tried to make substantial, if you ain't got contact lenses, what more substantial have you got? I've got a picture of my daughter in my wallet.
Starting point is 00:54:12 So what would I have done? I would have put her picture on the table. Yeah. I would have put a bin on the other side. Yeah. And I would have blown her picture into the bin and would have made sure it's a filthy bin. And I would have said,
Starting point is 00:54:28 this is going to cause a lot of problems in my marriage and that's substantial. My wife says, why are you throwing our daughter's picture in a bin? I'm like, for the TV. And she's going to say, get out. And in the end, it's actually her that got out. So where is she?
Starting point is 00:54:43 We have to find out where she's gone. So for that task, blow something substantial off the table, you would have put a picture of your daughter in the bin. You summarised it in a way that I was trying to make it sound, you know, like I'm not as big a dickhead. But yeah. Yeah, but that's exactly what you would have done.
Starting point is 00:55:02 Great. I love it. Yes, well, it was a great attempt by Rob, I think. I think it deserved the five points because it was a tricky task. It was a good way of finding a new angle on it. But it's just a shame we had to watch him peel them off his eye,
Starting point is 00:55:17 which I think is my least favourite thing, people putting things on their eyes and taking them off. Bro, you know what struck me? Pre-COVID times, pre-COvid times pre-covid world he was like alex was like i'll just stick them back in your eye and they've been on the floor and you know how many people are making the show bears doing dog shit all week and he was like yeah just go and put and he was considering just licking them and putting them back in his eye yeah well we used to live in bro i don't think that was okay in the world we were in before i don't think that's the post-covid thing when people like do be careful now the government
Starting point is 00:55:50 are making announcements saying don't drop your contact lenses on the floor and stick it back in your eye even though someone might have stood in a dog shit i think you're very right i'm gonna place my contact lenses there and i'm gonna blow them off of the table and i won't be able to see Substantial not much more substantial than the old eyeballs is there I could just give them a quick rinse of bang them back in Contact lens one Contact lens.
Starting point is 00:56:23 One. You watching, Alex? No. My eyesight. Go in there. Number three. Task number three. I think this is one of the hardest tasks ever in Taskmaster.
Starting point is 00:56:41 I would have panicked so much for this. Perform a miracle. Most miraculous wins. You have one hour. Your time starts now. This is hard, isn't it? No, that's very hard. And borderline blasphemy as well. See, because what we're doing... You're always very worried about blasphemy,
Starting point is 00:56:56 because you were very worried about the church that you had to do tasks in that you had to be told it was deconsecrated. You didn't want to commit any blasphemy. I know what I mean, and then truth is, brother, just keep people happy, to make sure
Starting point is 00:57:11 you're not really pissing them off. Life's simple. Don't go in a church and set a task like, our fastest to stick their knob to the chapel wings. Do you know what I mean? You don't know what to expect from them. I'm not sure that one made the edit.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Do you know what I mean? But he was doing dance in the church and I was like, I don't know about all this dancing. And I also, I tell you what, I'm also very worried about horn teams as well. So like, yeah, it's a serious situation, brother. Like the God's spirit
Starting point is 00:57:44 is always flying around the church and then he's there with a bloody in that task was doing a mad dance there was all that and then in my head all i could hear was like oh that noise with a choir that's scary as fuck i'm getting out of here i wasn't on it mate so you scared yourself imagining all the ghosts going around yeah and then he and then he was he was he was air shagging in the church i just like decommissioned church or not brother these are things you can't you can't look i want him to know alex he's like he can't set a task in the mosque car park and start air shagging the mosque car park he's in big trouble bro I was just doing it for him. Maybe I think I hear that's the like it where the location tasks
Starting point is 00:58:29 are for the next series of Taskmaster. It's in a mosque car park. It's very stressful. But when it comes to performing, I would have been. I think I think I would have been I think it would have been very grand. I think because one thing I never been I think it would have been very grand I think because one thing I never really did was I never called in the help of anybody locally and I don't know where specifically we were in London but I was asking a few of my mates like they were like yeah no no
Starting point is 00:58:56 we're local so it would have been very like I would have asked them to I don't bring like a camel or something I would ask them to bring a camel to the house and then we make it appear from behind a bed sheet. Something like that. It would have been big. And when you say you would have got them to bring a camel, what's the turnaround like on a camel for your friends?
Starting point is 00:59:20 It's a good question. The key thing is how they get in the camel in the van, because that can take time. I don't think that's the key question. The key thing is how they get in the camel in the van, because that can take time. I don't think that's the key question, guys. I'm not even worried about how long it would take them to get a camel. Bro, they get a camel quick. So if it was an hour task,
Starting point is 00:59:40 so I think it is an hour, right, for this miracle task. Yeah, you have one hour. Your friends, your local friends, so that's fine, they're nearby. They can get a camel, get it in the van, get it to you, and you can do the task within an hour, do you reckon? Yeah, because one of them has got a llama
Starting point is 00:59:56 in his garden anyway. Yeah, it's not that... You know, I've asked him a lot of times as well. I says, what's going on for the neighbours? He's like, no, I don't know. I'm not going to say where it is because I don't think... On reflection, I don't think it's legal, but... I think people will be able to narrow it down.
Starting point is 01:00:15 Look out your back window now. If there's a lot of money in your next-door neighbour's garden, that's it. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, I don't know. It's going to slap me. Do you know what I mean? yeah maybe but it wouldn't be do you know what I mean it would have to be
Starting point is 01:00:30 like a big grand miracle brother miracle yeah I wouldn't be clever with it would you have would you have been happy
Starting point is 01:00:36 with a llama you could have strapped humps to a llama I mean I guess if you know he's got a llama he could have brought that right you're not going to be quibbling over whether it's a camel
Starting point is 01:00:43 or not but if it's his though isn't it? What happens if he brings it and then it gets confiscated? If the camel goes, who knows where they got that from? He's got a connection with the llama. You've got to be responsible about
Starting point is 01:00:59 the llama. I think that would have won, to be honest. There were some good efforts, but some of the scoring here was a bit weird, I think that would have won to be honest there were some good efforts but some of the scoring here was a bit weird I think Catherine was really I think I expected Greg to be like show off, she was sick
Starting point is 01:01:16 but you know what he's like I think when you do something too well and you do too much of it from my experience in the series we did anyway yo he came you bro yeah his general energy is like who the do you think you are no nobody sorry remove remove remove what i did i'm sorry i'm sorry to take what you liked so i think but they were really good they were yeah they were basically tick-tock science experiments but they were good yes and and they were really good but yeah i i think catherine needed to pick one
Starting point is 01:01:49 because i think like the wine one was great i've never seen that before that was really good but i feel like the others because they were just okay like getting plumber to the house which is a nice little joke uh giving 100 pounds to a random stranger that sort of thing was just okay around the wine one and they sort of made that one look a bit worse i think you need to just sell the wine one more one billion percent agreement because the wine thing was impressive again i've seen it on tiktok you know my last show on tiktok is mad yeah it's i don't know how to get away with it so there's this guy i'll send you the link afterwards yeah and he took a drum stick chicken drum stick yeah and he put it in a concoction of acids yeah yeah and the acid reacted and he only put half of the drumstick in and when he took the other half of the drumstick out
Starting point is 01:02:38 he's gone it's completely dissolved and it adds yeah and so it's like it's gone flesh and bone gone and at the end of the video he goes and it's a very effective way to get rid of human bodies i was like what the fuck is going on sorry i just thinking about that yeah it's but it's mad bro they're showing them what things on tiktok to get rid of the body and he goes you know you could just pour it away in the bloody
Starting point is 01:03:08 in the drain well I hope I hope you don't get implicated in the murder Gus because they're going to look at your TikTok viewing history and it's going to
Starting point is 01:03:16 look very suspicious yeah they can that's why I've got my daughter's phone yeah Rob orders 100 pizzas really but not a good miracle
Starting point is 01:03:27 and also I get what he's trying to do it's contact lens clever in it, like in terms of when it's like, hey because cooking 100 pizzas that is long yeah
Starting point is 01:03:41 tell me what you think, though, Gus. I don't think there were pizzas in all those boxes. No, no, 100%. Wallahi. Wallahi. You're right. Swear to God, you're right. They ordered two and got loads of boxes, didn't they?
Starting point is 01:03:55 Yeah, it's fake. Yeah. 100%. No way there's a budget stretching of pizza. They barely bought me pepper chicken. Noel, I really like this. I mean, Rob got got one point and i think he deserved one point um no got four points everyone else got four or five points uh for dressing as a lizard running across a paddling pool um and then turns water into wine right at the end i really liked this
Starting point is 01:04:21 and i know i know greg was going, you're dancing around on a clearly visible table. Because when I watched it, I couldn't see the table for the first time. No, no, I couldn't. I knew there was, you knew there was something there. We both knew there was something there. But I couldn't see it.
Starting point is 01:04:34 But also, why I think he should have won the task is, he had a vision straight away, and might execute the vision. And I relate to it. Like if he executed it and it was shit, it's different. But he had the vision and i relate to it now if you didn't execute and it was shit it's different but he had the vision in the room he he executed that thing perfectly so for me i think you should have got four points yes absolutely uh i i agree with that bob bob's
Starting point is 01:04:57 was so weird i mean it was just like a reeves and mortimer sketch really um it's difficult to give it any points because it's just so so baffling but i don't think we could count that as a miracle he throws the ping pong ball into his face then lights a dummy head on fire and then bob claims that we can now skateboard without causing a rumpus i mean it's so bizarre it was yeah like them things they are weird for you i thought i missed something like you want to see it in terms of but it's more like assistance from the crew and it for a lot of editing yeah yeah so comparatively to old um tiktok tricks yeah and what no did yeah absolutely no no need them to no um josh somehow i've got no idea how this
Starting point is 01:05:41 got five points he made the mat he made a match move with another match, seemingly of its own accord. Honestly, guys, I don't know how this got five points. I feel like we're laying into Josh quite a lot this episode. I don't mean to do that. It was funny when he said this is street magic, but it wasn't good. I'm going to defend him, yeah?
Starting point is 01:06:00 I'm going to defend him fully. Because one of my favourite things is seeing street magic take place. And I know it's a load of shite, but because you're already aware that I've got issues with the spirits and I don't like playing around with them and paranormal. Like if that had been late enough at night and he'd show me that trick, I'd be like, no, fuck you. Get him out of here. Get him out of here immediately. He's playing with the genes and the spirits. So in that sense, because the room was quite dark
Starting point is 01:06:30 and it had a magic, you know someone's going to show you a magic trick. Yeah. It did feel magic-y and I didn't Google it because I didn't want to spoil it. I still don't know how he did that. Yeah. I mean, I guess I don't really know,
Starting point is 01:06:43 but it doesn't feel like a miracle, does it? It feels more like a trick you can learn on YouTube. But then Catherine's were as well, so I don't know what I'm complaining about. Yeah, that's why I'm going to back it. His matchstick thing was fundamentally as impressive as what Catherine did, I think. Like, if you put them side by side,
Starting point is 01:07:03 he's doing some shit, you don't know how it's happening. You see how I am for you? Knocking out miracles. You give me an hour, I'll be like, wow. Yeah, we only asked for a miracle. You smashed out four. Yep. How much did the plumber cost you?
Starting point is 01:07:16 I did not pay him. Miracle. Live task. Write down a word beginning with T every time Alex blows his whistle. The person with the second longest word takes a step down. Whoever writes the longest word misses the turn.
Starting point is 01:07:31 If you write down one of Alex's special words, he advances an extra step. First to reach the floor wins. Did you enjoy doing the live tasks, Guz? No, I did. I did. There was a few in particular that were like, there was a darts one.
Starting point is 01:07:44 You know, sometimes editing makes something even better. there was a few in particular that were like there was a darts one that you know sometimes editing makes something even better but like when we were playing that game it was mad tense i don't know i don't know what i think i can't remember i think there was a lot of points on offer so maybe it was that um no it was a very tense game anyway i think regardless of the points it was a really good game like i think you had some amazing live tasks in your in your series yeah but yeah the darts game especially was very good and um and the big balloon oh that was that was really that was really funny i think the thing is like there was a there was a physical impact when it when it exploded so yeah you realize like there was talk of like shall we move these guys closer it's like someone could have lost the fucking eye here mate
Starting point is 01:08:31 imagine someone would read like there's good jobs when you vetoed that because if we'd have been closer someone would have been blind and it's like that was a great task um darts one was a great task i think a lot of them were good and competitive, but this one definitely felt like a filler task. Did I mean like, it felt like, it's great in theory and it ended up being kind of fun, but I was genuinely confused that, um, why someone was out when, so I would have kicked off about that and
Starting point is 01:09:06 then morgana would have kicked off and then i know desiree would have kicked off so and then it becomes like a because quite a few times in our series that happens oh just chill out chill the fuck out all right television show get on with it you lot so i i i was just confused about what the rules were bro really yes it was yeah it's a tricky one. I think the steps make it a little bit overcomplicated, but I did like it. It got tense towards the end, I think. I mean, Noel just absolutely smashed it
Starting point is 01:09:34 and got the five points. Josh, Catherine and Rob got the four, and Bob got the one. I mean, I loved it when the live tests fall apart. I think that's what made it really good, is when the gameplay was really complicated, so everyone was complaining complaining about it and then the fact they were writing on those boards with permanent marker and had to get really really strong and such a funny way to end the first champion of champions episode when it's supposed to be this massive thing that
Starting point is 01:09:56 someone could win this incredible title and they're using the wrong pens it was great um so it was katherine took home the episode uh one episode of two uh 20 points josh and rob 19 points null 16 points and bob bottom with 11 points but i'm not sure bob minded to be honest um we've got a few emails and tweets in for you guys yeah we got a lot of emails about this hi ed i have a question for guys how many more revelations has guys had since he finished filming taskmaster every day i find myself saying there's been another revelation and i don't know what to do can guys offer any advice on how to handle so many revelations as he is the expert and i think i need professional help thanks for all the great laughs charlie from wigan so it's two questions there
Starting point is 01:10:50 guys it's have you had any more revelations and how best would you advise someone um who keeps having lots of revelations well let's break this two-part question down first of all big up you for the nice question my friend uh first all, as you are already aware, I've been having revelations nonstop. I've been finding people on TikTok who know how to dissolve human bodies. So I would say that's pretty big revelation. And have I Googled how to find that material?
Starting point is 01:11:20 Yes, I have. I've Googled those. That aside, revel is a part of life what's the point of this life very short journey who knows if we're gonna wake up tomorrow morning what is the point without a revelation in fact i'm gonna go as far to say brother you need to go out in the world you need to find these revelations yeah yeah i think you're right that's my advice embrace the revelation embrace the revelation i love it uh this is from lp tims uh he says hello ed and guz i just need to know how many coats
Starting point is 01:11:51 my man guz has it seems like an infinite amount it's a lot yeah you're just thinking about the clothes right so to give you a bit more of an insight i am a the way i break down my fashion the way i wear clothes i wear sneakers i wear coats that's it everything else can be like 30p yeah yeah i've got to make sure that the jackets fire and i've got to make sure the sneakers are fire and i've done bro i've done it forever and the reason why i did it is like my uncle's obviously a lot more older than me my cousins and stuff i was one of the younger ones in the family so from a really young age do you remember this brand carl canny kanks no so carl canny kanks was like a i believe it it's like a hip-hop is brand, but all their jackets were massive.
Starting point is 01:12:45 They're grown men. And I was like eight. So my jackets were oversized. My sneakers were oversized, but they're really the only good clothes that I wore, even though they were preposterously like, you could clearly see they're made for an adult. And then I would have like shit joggers on with holes in
Starting point is 01:13:02 and a t-shirt with stains all over it. So as I got older, it just stuck in my head like, I can wear them shitty clothes underneath. No one's even noticing them. As long as I've got, at the time, my feet were probably like size three. I've got these size 10 Air Max up tempos on and I've got a fly jacket and it just stuck ever since then. So I've got, I have got too many jackets.
Starting point is 01:13:25 Too many. Yeah. I think you got the right got, I have got too many jackets. Too many. Yeah. I think you got the right amount. It's never too many if it's something you enjoy, right? Yeah, I think you're right. This is from Tish.
Starting point is 01:13:34 This is a great email. Hi, this is not Taskmaster related, but I recently saw Gus at Hackney Empire where he said he had narrowed down two sources for his recent COVID, a stripper who licked him at the Mobo Awards and James Acaster. We heard all about the stripper,
Starting point is 01:13:47 but nothing further about James Acaster. Did he also lick Guz? Best wishes, Tish. No. But me and him were sitting next to each other at that big fat quiz of the year. Yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:13:58 And I was fine. Brother Gamble, you have to understand, I was fine, brother. I was living life. I was doing well. And the only person I hugged three times was a caster yeah and the next day brother gamble i was in the bungalow stripping the wallpaper boom came out of nowhere shakes and shivers so i don't actually want to on reflection it could have easily as being a cast that as it was the strip at the mobile. You just don't know.
Starting point is 01:14:25 Yeah. I mean, I, I, all I'll say is that the day of big fat quiz, I had also, I spent all day with James and I didn't get COVID. So that would,
Starting point is 01:14:34 it would seem unlikely guys. I mean, you say that, I appreciate your logic, bro, but we all know how this virus works. Remember brother Van Tam? Brother Van Tam used to come on the news.
Starting point is 01:14:45 He said, he'd say, if you're brown, you're fucked. So you people got them strong anti-COVID genes. You know I'm out of here. Susceptible, I'm fat too. You know about all this. That was the press briefing I missed, unfortunately. If you're brown, you're fucked. girls thank you so much for coming on the taskmaster podcast we we always ask our guests to rate their experience on the podcast between 1 and 5 points in the style of the Taskmaster
Starting point is 01:15:26 have you enjoyed yourself on the podcast and please tell me your enjoyment level between 1 and 5 points my friend 4 or 5 points it's the big 5, thank you very much I appreciate that, we've loved having you on, you've been absolutely brilliant thank you very much Guz, cheers, bye
Starting point is 01:15:42 thanks mate there we are, absolutely love guz i made that very clear when we were talking about series 12 and he lived up to expectations thank you very much for coming on the podcast guz uh we'll be back next week of course we will we'll be talking about champion of champions episode two the one that wraps up that first champion of champions series very excited to chat about that and of course i will have a very special guest keep an eye on my twitter i will reveal all and we'll get some questions off you thank you very much for listening we'll see you next week goodbye
Starting point is 01:16:16 you Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising.
Starting point is 01:17:14 Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.

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