Taskmaster The Podcast - Ep 99. Dave Gorman - S14 Ep.2

Episode Date: October 6, 2022

This week Ed is joined by comedian, TM star (and cheat!) Dave Gorman. Dave is a huge TM fan so brings his expertise and knowledge to the latest episode of the series. And what an episode! There's laminating, there's flour, there's Young Pablo and above all, there's a lot of points! Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:[e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated

category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello and welcome to the Taskmaster podcast. It's me, Ed Gamble, the host of the Taskmaster podcast. Today we are here to talk about Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 2. Are we living in the future? Series 14, this is incredible. We will, of of course have a special guest to go through it task by task chat about what they think about the series what they think about the lineup what they would have done in the tasks etc etc and our special guest this week

is dave gorman it's dave gorman of course it is the cheat dave gorman although i'm gonna i'm gonna turn in some of that narrative for this episode. He's been on twice before. I feel like we might have buried the hatchet. We might have put that to bed. But when I ask him how he would have done these tasks, I suspect he would say, keep a secret P. Looking forward to talking to Dave. Looking forward to going through this.

I mean, it's a brilliant episode. Episode one was good. Episode two may have topped it for me. I am loving getting to know these people's taskmaster personas uh and what a stunning episode and a terrible episode depending on who you are competitor wise uh so let's have a chat to dave gorman who's on tour at the moment you should go and see dave gorman on tour dave is such an amazing stand-up as you probably all know and puts together incredible shows.

So you should go and see his new tour. If you go to DaveGorman.com, you can find out more details on when Dave's coming near you. But for now, let's chat to him about Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 2. Welcome back, Dave Gorman, to the Taskmaster podcast. Hello. How lovely to be here. It's lovely to have you here and I feel like the last two times you've been on, we've dwelled too much on the whole reputation of

you as a cheat on Taskmaster, but I feel like now you've been fully forgiven and in the eyes of the public, you are now fully rehabilitated. Would you agree? Well, I think you acknowledge that I hadn't cheated that much and I was the true winner of my series. I think that's where we got to.

You know, I have a very bad memory about things I say on podcasts, Dave. So, yeah, why don't we say that I acknowledged you as the true winner of your series and indeed you would have won Champion of Champions and would have gone on to win Champion of Champion of Champions. Yeah, I think that's where we got to. Perfect, good. Yeah. That's, I think that's where we got to. Perfect. Good.

Yeah. We're of course, we're of course talking about series 14 now though, which, how does it feel as someone in those early series to be talking about series 14 now? My only thing is always, I wish I'd said no to series three,

where we did six episodes because I'd have loved to have done 10 episodes like the more you do the more fun it is i just would have liked to be in one of the longer series but um that would have been a bold gambit though wouldn't it if you'd gone i see the potential in this show i think it's going to get more than six commissioned in the next few series so i will reject this and i'll see you in a few years yeah yeah yeah but I just wish I'd been in one that was 10 because genuinely it remains one of those things just go it's just fun it's just the most enjoyable gig it's sheer fun isn't it I mean in this this series so far we're only on episode two uh is is no different um what do you think about the series so far I mean we're obviously only two episodes in what do you think about the lineup um I think the lineup's great i'm surprised by how many of them are fancy dress contestants i think um i think there might

have been one series previously which had three fancy dress contestants yes um i did not expect dara to be fancy dress you know what i mean when there are certain people who have an outfit for for doing it absolutely phil wang being perhaps the exemplar of course yeah of course um and you know sometimes it's just a very practical jumpsuit and i think that that you know i can see the benefits of that yeah all those kinds of tasks that might be coming but i did not pick three out of five on this series no and i think you're right dara dara is a surprise but then if you look closely at the outfit there's a sort of space astronaut element to it of course uh yes he's obsessed with space yeah so i think this was his opportunity to dress like an astronaut and not be ridiculed

hugely yeah yeah um so we we've got dara who i think lives quite nearby the taskmaster house so that costume could well be his pajamas yeah you never know um when you've got a bit of a jumpsuit vibe yes yeah yeah and then obviously the the outfit of the series for me is is fern Yeah, yeah. The most out and out, it's an outfit of them all. And I might have... I think I might have expected it of Fern. I just didn't expect it of Dara. No, no.

Do you feel... You sound disappointed in him, Dave. No, not at all. I think it's really interesting because there are... I don't think... No one in our series, the one I did was wearing a costume. I think like Tim Key series one,

the red and white tracksuit. Yes. Yeah. That feels like costume. That's fancy dress. And then there are a few where you go, I mean, no fielding.

You don't know what he'd wear every day. Anyway, like you don't, it's that fancy dress or not. When it's not feeling it's not fielding. It takes a bit of fancy dressness out of it. Cause'd wear every day anyway. Like you don't, it's that fancy dress or not. When it's Noel feeling, it's sort of Noel feeling, it takes a bit of fancy dressness out of it. Cause he's just Noel anyway. So he's a peacock,

like whatever he chooses to wear could be something he would wear every day. But some people, you know, Tim Vine out and out costume. Yeah. I think there's something normally pinned to a comics eccentricity. And Dara feels very much in everyman as a comic absolutely not criticism i you know there's lots of brilliant everyman comics um but i just didn't expect it for that reason i think right that's that's very true and john

john kearns is wearing quite a normal outfit but on stage wears a wig and teeth so there's a huge reverse there i love john kern he's brilliant isn't he i mean this is another absolutely dreadful episode for john um let's get stuck in the prize task is the best thing you nearly keep throwing away but can't bring yourself to. Yeah, and I feel that John actually gets short shrift here. I don't feel it's fair on him at all. I think that Sarah and Fern have done much worse than him on this task. If I was judging it, I think John would be right up there.

Interesting. So John brings in Ulysses by James Joyce. Yeah. I think there was more for him to say here. I agree that maybe, I think maybe Greg's decided he's going to give John one point before it even comes up. Yeah. I think the wording on the task,

a thing you've almost thrown away but can't quite bring yourself to. Fern could bring herself to throw that away. her partner doesn't want to throw it away like she 100 is ready to get shot of that yes tankard for the toothbrushes right so that's not a thing she's almost thrown away but can't quite bring herself to that's just not true very true same is true of sarah's zombie yeah which is her partner's zombie that she would happily get shot off having a partner

who goes oi that's mine you're not getting rid of it is not can't quite bring yourself to that's not right I don't agree with that very true they've just got things they brought in things that they don't like in their house right yeah yeah yeah that their partner owns yeah to be fair to to

greg scoring john low that is we're on episode two john brought in the guinness uh the guinness book of records on the first episode and now he's brought in ulysses by james joyce i'm starting to worry that john has brought in books for every single prize task and now i think that that could be a masterstroke though because there's a point at which that has to flip. At some point, his commitment to just books every single time could really turn into a big point winner, I think. Yeah, it'll build.

It'll build. But there's going to be at least five episodes where he gets one point in the prize task, I think. Yeah, but actually, I think Ulysses, I think that's absolutely on the brief. It is a superb thing. You can absolutely believe someone's come close to throwing it away because those great works of literature that you haven't yet read

that are on your shelf staring at you, that taps into something universal that I think we've all got some great literature that sort of taunts us. Then every now and then you go, I'm never going to read it. I should just get rid of it. But then you know what you're saying about yourself

as a person who will never, like actually admitting to yourself that you are the kind of person who will never read Ulysses. Or throw out Ulysses. That's even worse. And just throw it out. That's just such a confession

to your own shallowness that you can't bring yourself to do it. That's absolutely on the brief and taps into a universal human condition. And I think it was worth more than the one point and was better than both Sarah and Fern's things my partner has that I don't like. Yeah, I do agree with you. I think there was an issue with the way John presented Ulysses. I think he's already lost his confidence because of episode one.

And I think the relationship between him and greg is is blossoming wonderfully um greg is greg thinks he's an idiot and john pauses looks at greg for ages and then bursts out laughing every time he says anything and i it's great to watch yes i i'm already loving john in the show yeah i mean he's clearly not going to do well. But then, you know, it doesn't make him anything other than hugely entertaining in the show. Absolutely. I mean, look, we've seen in the last episode and this episode, there's just quite a lot of objective tasks where Jon does badly.

So, you know, you never know. Maybe all of them just happen to have been grouped into the first two episodes. He might suddenly, every other task he's done has been amazing. you never know maybe all of them have happened to have been grouped into the first two episodes he might suddenly every other task he's done has been amazing you never know well i think there is a thing where the the program makers don't know how greg is going to score things yeah but they do know someone's done well someone's done badly and so they are able to create a narrative of some kind yes and normally there is an episode where the person who's tanking suddenly has three blinding tasks in a row and wins an episode and you know i've got high hopes for john in episode five or six basically i really hope so uh munya brought in his first ever house plant but the main thing

that munya brings in and brings to the taskmaster studio is just genuinely odd stories and you know you sort of understand them they're sort of like these jazz riffs where you kind of get the idea of them and then you're lost again and he just throws in a curveball. His houseplant, young Pablo, who's on the brink of death. And he has the one thing he's not short of is confidence. He's not necessarily

backing it up with results but, oh, he talks a good game. And I guess in the one place where that can actually win you some points is is the prize task more than any other yeah being able to talk a good game i don't think anyone else has been afforded that amount of time in the edit for presenting a prize task they just let him speak and baff he seems to baffle greg into giving him points well i think there's a thing where with all the other tasks when it comes to you talking in the studio to greg

it's after the event and you're on a very sticky wicket if you're trying to turn him around if you sense you're getting short shrift here and you are trying to lobby him and campaign to not like you're probably digging a bigger hole yeah the only task where you get to talk up front and present is the price task and that's where munya's confidence sells um and seems to sell big absolutely so yeah you got four points for for young pablo um dara got the five points for bringing in i mean i this just shows again this backs up my uh comment last week dara is extremely committed to this show uh he's brought in a section of his leg that was removed after an injury in a football game i would say you say that as if he as if he deliberately had it happen

for the show that would be committed right it's's not a Josh Widdicombe tattoo. No, sure. I think you could question, have you really almost thrown it away, but not quite done it? However, you know when he mentions, and he tells you what it is, it's five points all day long.

It's not going to knock me at that point. I didn't know the hospitals let you do that. No, nor did I. It's not going to knock me at that point. I didn't know the hospitals let you do that. No, nor did I. It was completely news to me, but then I've never had anything removed. Maybe, well, they didn't let me keep my foreskin, Dave. I asked. Did you?

I'm not sure. Incorrect, I was 23. I think I'd make that noise if it happened to me at 23. I think I'd be complaining a great deal more at 23 than I was at naught. Fair enough. Yeah. I think he's asking to keep it. It feels like, I think sometimes, and is this sometimes in taskmaster greg gives people

old privilege and i feel like dara might have got some here that greg is quite sort of um deferent to dara now and again and the the sort of injury and having a bone and all of that sort of body falling apart i feel like greg sometimes gives bonus points for that. Yeah, possibly. Looking at the five, you don't need to get bonus points to come first with the bone because there was nothing that was close. Yeah, fair enough.

But I genuinely think Ulysses should have been four points on that task. I think Greg got it wrong. I think if John maybe had told it with a bit more confidence it could have certainly shot up the leaderboard. Do you have anything, Dave, that you nearly keep throwing away

but you can't quite bring yourself to? I would really struggle on that one. Because normally as I watch it, I have a kind of, what would I do? Thought process. And that one isn't obvious. I think it would um uh i mean this would

not be winning anything but there are things that are at it we have one child and and the truth is my wife will hate me for saying this we would have liked to and we've kept hold of some things and we can't throw them away because we would be throwing away a dream yeah that's not going to make good or indeed a good podcast. And I apologise. And there was a horrible moment where you left a pause where you shouldn't have done. And it sounded like you wanted to throw away your one child.

So you couldn't quite bring yourself to. So I think it would be baby paraphernalia. I feel like maybe tug on the old heartstrings. That might be quite a good way to go yeah certainly it's better than young pablo um john got one point for ulysses sarah got three points for the zombie fern three points for the tankard which you know i think we both agreed were within the realms of the task not necessarily bang on, but wonderful visual feasts, I think. I think I feel harsher about those than you do. I'm not even calling them wonderful visual feasts. I think they weren't on brief.

I'm sorry. Munya got four points for young Pablo, and it was five points for Dara's leg bone shards. Dara, can you beat a plant that's barely alive? Yeah, I can give you a thing that should be alive but is now dead and it's a section of my leg. They're impressed. What do you mean? Part of my leg broke off during a football match

and had to be removed and then they give it to you. Part of your leg just snapped off? during a football match and had to be removed and then they give it to you. A part of your leg just snapped off. It broke off and then, because I'm nails, I pushed it back in again and carried on playing. So my balls got up inside myself. Do you want me to... Task one, part one. Print, laminate and distribute the most signs each of your signs must be placed

on a different seat and all your signs must have a different instruction you have 20 minutes your time starts now and of course part two obey all of your signs highest potential highest percentage of signs obeyed wins you have three minutes your time starts now a lot of fun this task for a lot i didn't think i'd enjoy watching people try and work a laminator so much um i enjoyed this task but i also thought if ever a task was was um signaling that it was going to be a two-part task it was this one i also know that in the moment you get lost and you don't necessarily have a very clear head. But watching at home, I went, oh, this is a two-part task. But long before it was revealed that it was, it seemed to me, you're writing instructions.

Someone's going to have to follow these instructions. It's probably you. That seemed to me to be an upfront piece of uh you could see it coming i think you're probably right but i guess i guess it depends how your brain works in the moment like you say because i think when i was watching it as well i thought well they're definitely going to have to obey those instructions like that's the only thing that could be happening but i guess when you're actually doing stuff when i was doing taskmaster my brain would only process the one thing

that was in front of me and I'd never think about the next thing. Exactly. And I know that I'm watching it with the benefit of having watched several series and not being in the fugue state that actually doing it puts you into. Because I don't think I necessarily

would have realized that myself at the time. But as a viewer now on series 14, I go, obviously, obviously that's coming. Dara does an incredible job in the end. I mean, he manages his 25 signs and does a great job of acting out the Gruffalo being around and Muntjac Deer, etc. But when he starts he cannot get to grips with that laptop or laminator I have never laminated

and I don't know how easy or instinctive it would be for me I don't know that using the guillotine and shrinking them I didn't know that if you did that to something that's laminated it would stay laminated. I thought that might

pierce it and leave it unlaminated. Unlaminated, yeah. But I don't know how long it would have taken me to figure out the tech. No. There's a wonderful moment with Dara where he's trying to work out

just how to make even the font big enough for the sign. And then they cut back to him and he's put his glasses on. Although he's also quite right that it doesn't matter how big the font is. Like there is nothing in the task that says this sign must be readable from five meters or, you know, any font. That shouldn't be an extra task make

the font bigger it's not like he's found a way around it i found a loophole i can just do tiny font it shouldn't be any extra time no but if you used a tiny font and you could guillotine potentially you can be printing two sheets of a4 and have 50 signs you know so there are there are ways it could work to your advantage yeah um his acting with the graph alone muntjac deer is fabulous uh yes i mean very similar um i'd say but yes fabulous um i get i don't want to say having said that i didn't think um fern's price task actually fitted the brief. I should say she had three signs that said, warm your bum.

And the task says no two signs should be the same. So technically, there is a world in which part one of this task, she's failed and gets no points. Because if some of your signs have the same directions, you literally haven't followed the wording of the task properly. So I don't want to sound like I'm on some anti Fern campaign. I like Fern. I'm enjoying watching Fern. I think she's very funny, but on the two tasks, the first two tasks I've witnessed on the show with Fern,

I think, no, I, she's messed up. She hasn't filled the brief now I I would be willing to let Fern off simply for the moment where um she's trying to act all her signs out and she gets the one that says poo your pants because that's that's exactly the sort of thing sign I would write as well I would write the stupidest signs not thinking about what the next thing's going to be like going you know uh I think I might suspect maybe Alex has to do them

yes um successfully do them so I'd be writing things like you know pull your trousers down get your dick out um do a big shit on the seat that sort of stuff and then but unfortunately I know my level of commitment to that show and I think I might have pooed my pants, Dave. I know for a fact that if I'd written that sign, I would have claimed I'd pooed my pants and challenged Alex to find out whether I had or not. And if he couldn't prove I hadn't, we'd have to accept that I had. I think that's where I'd have been.

And we would have loved to have watched that. That would have been wonderful. Sarah, clever from sarah so she doesn't have to think about what signs to make every time just uses the lyrics from i will survive very good absolutely very smart and really sticks to the sticks to following the rules as well like actually walks out the door yeah goes to find a proper door and i know you're a stickler for the rules dave that must have made you very happy that she absolutely yeah yeah um uh munya we talked about his confidence already hugely cocky about the technology i mean that's i mean pride comes before a fall, right? That's a reason that's a saying. And you really, on Taskmaster of all things,

I think don't go in too cocky. You've just got to assume failures around the corner. The phrase pride becomes before a fall, to me suggests that after the fall, they're not as proud anymore. Whereas Munya does tend to maintain the pride regardless of the fall. Yeah not as proud anymore whereas munya does tend to maintain the pride regardless of the fall yeah he does absolutely yeah it's undentable isn't it that confidence yeah it's it's i mean but his signs his signs were great i mean he follows he follows all of

them to the letter uh including stay healthy i think it is he's down on the floor doing sit-ups although he was desperate to do that the guy the guy's in great shape i'd imagine he'd miss the sit-ups that morning and thought of a good way of incorporating them in many ways doing several sit-ups is over delivering on the sign i mean you know yeah he doesn't have to do anything to be obeying the stay healthy yes he is he is healthy so he should just be he should be. More of an issue for some of the other contestants, I'd imagine. Yeah. I don't know what Leng means.

You're a young person. What does Leng mean? I'm not sure I'm as young as you would hope, Dave, to know what Leng is. I'd imagine it's just like chill or fit, maybe fit. That's what I was wondering. I didn't know if it crossed over with healthy or not. I just, you know, because he had to stay Leng.

I've looked up Leng, and I'm on the Wikipedia, and apparently it's a Hungarian word as well. So that's not helping anyone. Let's move on. No, I want to find out what Leng is now. What does Leng mean? Very attractive. There we go.

That's what it means. Okay. Leng means very attractive. So hence his cheeky little smile down the camera. Yeah, yeah. When he said it was laugh, love's what it means. Leng means very attractive. Hence his cheeky little smile down the camera when he said it. It was laugh, love, be Leng. I think it was. I think it was absolutely that.

And again, he's not lacking confidence. No. But he acted out all of his absolutely perfectly. Fern struggled a little bit, obviously. Couldn't poo her pants. Sarah does most of hers. What is the one that sarah refuses she doesn't take her knickers off she doesn't sarah doesn't take her knickers off of course yeah um which you know you can't quibble over that really no no no fair play sarah sarah is going to do everything that she feels comfortable

with sarah is not going to put herself out for this show and I respect that very much There's a sort of Aliza Tarbuck kind of vibe a little bit with Sarah on that Very happy to be there, we'll get involved in all the fun but if it gets to any point that she thinks I don't want to do that

she simply won't do it Absolutely, yeah and here where I had sympathy with with john in in the price task i mean the man just digs a huge hole for himself here doesn't he what was he doing i've got no idea he spent so much time looking at fonts to the extent that when they were showing his i had to rewind it listen to the task again i thought did they say every sign had to be in a different font yeah no i mean no he's just doing that for himself i mean that's completely unnecessary that even if like on the most basic level of competitiveness that your brain ought to be saying, I've got to get a lot of these done. Yeah.

No part of his demeanour suggests he's thinking about how many he can get done. No speed. There's no speed. He's got... Actually, to bring up Phil Wang again in this episode, he's got a Phil Wang level of urgency, I'd say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, he just dooms himself with wingdings

dooms and gets trapped in some conspiracy theory that wingdings changes every time which it definitely doesn't no of course it doesn't it doesn't no he just because he forgot what he wrote the first time so then he's trying to translate it by typing in what he thought he might have written the first time and then saying that Wingdings has changed. But he hasn't. He just can't remember what he wrote. Absolutely. Just a spectacular way of digging a hole for yourself.

But surely, because there's two parts to this task, as we've said, you've got to do the most signs and then you've got to follow the highest percentage of signs you would have thought that the way the points came out would have been weighted in some way so the person with the least signs john should have followed the most percentage because there are only seven signs for him to follow he also gets one point in the second part of the task because he only obeys 50 of his seven signs but this is why like dara's approach to it is actually even if you don't think about a second task yeah even if you haven't thought about a second task your first the route to winning the first part of the task is to do a lot of signs

yes and the way to do a lot of signs is to think as little about what the instruction is yeah a way to think as little about what the instruction is and a way to think as little about what the instruction is is to change it in a tiny way yeah so watch out for gruffalo burglars criminals what like yeah etc that's that's a really efficient way of making sure you get a lot of signs done because it's cut and paste and change one word cut and paste and change one word yeah that's going to get you a lot of signs done yeah it's also as it happens going to make obeying them all really simple yes he just goes down the line and just ticks them off doesn't he yeah well it's you know if you'd have done loads of signs that said mount a three-act opera yeah

and so you're in trouble as it is he happens to have landed on a sentence that gives him a two-second act out and he's complied yeah it's very it's an interesting one isn't it that's yeah that i hadn't thought of it like that it's almost a task that punishes comedians for creativity because i think a lot of comics would see that and go i've got to do a different sign every time i wouldn't try and make each one of them funny and different so that when they're read out on the night, everyone loses it. How brilliant I am and what an incredible imagination I have.

Yeah, and Dara's commitment to winning means he does not think, how do I make this funny? He thinks, how do I do this efficiently? Yeah. And he's right, because in Taskmaster, Taskmaster is funny when you're shit and it's funny when you're great. Yeah.

And you don't need to be working hard to be funny along the way. Exactly. Because the show carries so much of the funniness. And I genuinely think Dara's approach is the correct one, not just because I share his competitive spirit. Yeah. Because also...

I think it's good for the show. Watch out for Muntjac Deer is funny and him reacting to all of them is funny anyway. You know, it's always going to be good. It's always going to come out well. Absolutely. John got one point in each of those tasks. Fern got four points for the amount of signs

and two points for the completion percentage. Sarah got three points for the amount of signs and two points for the completion percentage. Sarah got three points for the amount of signs and three points for the completion task. Munya, two points for the amount of signs and five points along with Dara for the amount he acted out. So it was the big double five for Dara and the tiny double one for John. Oh, dear. I mean, if we look at what the scores are so far, John's got one point in every possible situation so far. And Dara, of course, has got five in every possible situation.

I've done them all. Finished? They all told me things I have to do to watch out for stuff. Come on, check the air. I definitely wrote home. Right, that's bollocks. That, apparently, is home in Wingdings. You've got one minute left. I can't do this instruction.

What does it say? Poo in your pants. What's the problem? Well, this, it'll come out, won't it? What's the word? Would it bifurcate into two separate words? Whoa. This, it'll come out, won't it? What's the word? Bye for Kate. Introduce everyone. You've got five seconds, Tom. Yep.

Tom. Tom. Thank you. Canada. Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence. Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing. With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets

its products in such a highly regulated category, and what the term dignified consumption actually means. I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly. This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Let's talk about task two. Put five grapes in the little bowl. You've got five minutes. You must wear the flippers as gloves for the entire five minutes. Most flour still on the plate after five minutes wins. Your time starts now. I'd imagine you've got quite a lot to say about this one, Dave. I can imagine you getting your teeth around this one.

I definitely feel like I would have thought, go to the kitchen um it does depend because they they show the tasks in a different order and you know that you do them in a random order to the way they're shown and i think day one your your guard is lower than it is on day 10 of doing tasks or whatever. Like you do change over the series. Had it been task number one, day one, I might've just been smashing flour off with flippers and stuff. But I think later in the series,

I'm thinking, right, where are the secret graves? What's going on? Yeah. I mean, I don't necessarily think I'd have seen them in the garage door because no one sees them in the garage door and at least two people look for them. Like Fern says, are they behind me? Yeah.

And still doesn't see them. And they're at her eye level as well. I don't think Fern's eyes could be bothered to focus in this task. She made me laugh so much in this task. To just go, firstly, to say she invested all her energy in the analogy that it was like operating on an old person's desiccated body yeah and then just went i'm tired i'm tired now i'm all done and it was five minute task it was a five minute task so it's so funny that she

her energy just or lack of really made me laugh at this task there is a thing you see um uh that like i remember in in my series one of the tasks was making a snowman and i think one of us did it i think there was snow on the ground when one of us was doing it and there wasn't snow on the ground when the other four of us were doing it so i i made a snowman out of um instant mash potato yes i remember i think i think one person actually had snow on the ground yeah because you're doing it at different times and the days are different and you can see on this task dara's doing it in the dark yeah it's night time outside yes and it isn't night time when fern lifts the garage door and goes out and i think it nighttime when fern lifts the garage door and goes out

and i think it's when fern lifts the garage door and goes out like she's finished the task at that point and the door goes up and we see a couple of grapes fall to the ground but it doesn't matter because she's finished the task yeah now when dara opens the door it's pitch black outside yeah and for all i know some grapes fell to the floor when he opened the door as well. He has less chance of seeing them. Yeah. But he was mid-task, so had he seen them,

that's a shortcut to a spectacular result. Very true. But also, they're eye-level with Fern, and they're sort of nipple-level with Dara. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah he does walk right over to them but why would you look down to there it's just they're perfectly hidden i think they're hidden they're literally hidden in plain sight they are it's a thing normally on the show you get a sense of something from the the choice of which contestants we're

seeing and often there's one who's left to the end. They'll do two and two or all four and then one. And when you do one at the end, it normally means they've aced it or they have spectacularly misunderstood it and they're the whipping boy. And when you were sitting on the chairs and they said, and now finally, see how Dave did. You knew whether it was triumph or disaster before it gets shown because you've lived it and you know whether you did OK or absolutely not.

And when they left our until last, I thought, well, OK, they've obviously got the one person who's seen the grapes. Clearly, that's got to be what's happened here. I thought, well, okay, they've obviously got the one person who's seen the grapes. Clearly, that's got to be what's happened here. And he does start thinking, maybe the grapes aren't in the flower. Like, would they do that? I don't know. Would they? And starts looking around.

I just say, oh, this is it. This is why he's been left till last. He's about to do it. And he still doesn't see them. But it becomes a far more entertaining story and he's right up against the time but at the end when he's like yeah what is counting down and will he or will he not get five grapes in the in the bowl um you know proper heart in mouth stuff as the master goes it's i liked that his realization that he could go and get grapes from the kitchen

as Greg describes it, like his supervillain turn. But he stood right where the grapes are as well. He thinks he's being so smart by going to the kitchen, but he could have been way smarter than that. If only he'd looked down towards his nipples. He could have been way smarter than that, but there are

three levels of smart available in this task. Level one is find the grapes that are hidden in the garage. Level two is go to the kitchen and get some grapes. And level three is go through the flour and screw the whole thing up and try and wrestle as much flour back onto the plate as you can. I had another thought dave

maybe there's a fourth level of cleverness here because the there's two parts of the task you've got to get five bowl five grapes in the bowl yeah and most flour still on the plate if you're going to the kitchen to get grapes why not get some flour as well oh yeah you can put two bags of flour on top of the flour that's already there and then you're definitely winning. Yeah, I know. Good, there you go. There's four levels of cleverness. But then, that's confusing now because your version there where you're going to the kitchen shouldn't be cleverer

than spotting the grapes in the garage. That feels like that ought to be the top marks available. in the garage that feels like that ought to be the top marks available but actually bringing more flour is gonna guarantee a win yeah yeah well i mean the only thing i can say for certain is i definitely wouldn't have thought of that if i was doing the task no no i'd be i'd be covered in flour within a second i would have eaten all the flour for some reason and sit on the plate and say all the flowers in my tummy i would have completely lost my mind i feel like day one i'd have had my head in the flour and and day 10 i'd have been like where else are some grapes give me the grapes and i don't know i wouldn't have seen them in the garage but i would have been looking for grapes well sarah i mean sarah should have done really because she goes in with the right attitude she had from the the

beginning of her filming of tasks i think always looks under the table so she'd been told or if you're doing taskmaster always look under the table so she came straight in looked under the table but doesn't yeah doesn't check the rest of the room yeah yeah like always under the table is more metaphorical advice than literal yes it doesn't just mean when there's a table it means scope out your surroundings take it all in it's not necessarily as simple as it looks it's escape room rules you go in yeah you search the room first that's what that's what you've got to do but you know it's easier said than done when you're of course yeah but she does pretty well uh um i mean i hate to leave john till the end every time uh munya but we are munya ends up tipping the table which i thought was a pretty good tactic if you if you've ended up spreading quite a lot of flour

everywhere to put the plate on the floor and then tip the table onto it is pretty good going yes absolutely i think the um taking the task at face value where most people are going to go right there are grapes in the flour i've got to sort this out then it then within that level of approach to it it's how good are you at getting flour back onto the plate yeah and anything that helps and he obviously did because he got more points for it um is the right thing to do yes yeah i think they're pretty well there um i mean john i think he has flour on his face within a second but to me he really makes sense covered in flour like it fits within his persona so much he's sort of i could imagine him being like a clumsy baker on a cbb show yes it does it suits him um it's like the the final frame theme music oh john oh what have you done now watch i'd watch every episode of old john

i really would he does a different job every week he's just you know it suddenly opens and he's a he's a baker and then the next week he's a politician or whatever oh john what have you done now john suddenly opens and he's a baker and then the next week he's a politician or whatever. Oh, John. What have you done now, John? Yeah, I mean, he doesn't. The only one I can defend him on is the prize task, I think.

The rest of it's indefensible. He throws himself into it, at least. He's getting the grapes out with his mouth. He's spitting them into the bowl. He's covering himself in flour. It's the attitude that we want, but he's not thinking is what he's not doing. I mean, he might have decided,

probably incorrectly, that he might be more accurate bobbing for grapes than using flippers. He might look at the flippers and go, I have no way of gently sifting flour and retaining any flour but i i've got a chance of suctioning up a grape through the flour oh i can't imagine how gross that was the flour in the mouth just sounds awful um but very funny i mean you got've got to hand that to the guy. Very funny.

I love him on the show. I'm very happy to have a John Kearns on the series. Joyous. That is brilliant. So Fern gets nought points, which you've been... I mean, if you had it your way, Dave, Fern would have got nought points so far in the show. Well, she would have got...

No, she would have got some points for obeying her signs, but she would have failed the first part of the task. Because they were two separate tasks with two separate points. So she would have had some points. I'm not a dictator.

I'm not auditioning to be Taskmaster. No one's going to make me Taskmaster to make these rules happen hey but this is what the podcast's about you know we get to put our own points onto it um but it was not it was not points uh on this occasion for fern because she was too tired to finish the task yeah sarah gets two points for 900 grams of flour john three points for 1800 grams of flour munya gets 2514 grams of flour and gets four points for 1,800 grams of flour. Munya gets 2,514 grams of flour and gets four points for that.

And Dara, with his maniacal kitchen plan, gets 2,903 grams of flour and five points. Another five points for Dara. I'd imagine if you're listening to this podcast, you know that Dara did the clean sweep. I'm not going to build up to it in an exciting way, but it's pretty impressive. It is very impressive.

It's pretty impressive. Some interesting statistics about the medical community firm. All right. All right. Yes. Because sometimes if a task felt boring, I had to pretend I was helping a person or an animal to get through it.

This one, it made sense to pretend I was operating on an old person. And to be fully emotionally engaged with their death as well. Their poor, desiccated skin falling away. John, I hate to repeat the questions I ask you, but are you not wanting to win any of them? Let's talk about task three. Let's see how he manages to get the most points here. Sort the ducks and socks.

Ducks go in the front bucket. Socks go in the back bucket. All ducks and socks must travel along both treadmills and then fall directly into the correct bucket. If a duck or sock lands on the floor, you may not retrieve it. Most ducks and socks in correct buckets wins. There is a pair of bonus points for the most correctly paired socks you have 15 minutes your time starts now stressful

as stressed actually as stressful as you want to make it this task i think um i love these sort of tasks yeah um i like the physical challenge um this is the thing like so john manages to make looking like the journey from the start of the first treadmill to the end of the second one he look you watch him doing it and go oh god he's really trying and he can't just get there in time oh that's awful for him and then you watch everyone else and it's's really easy. Like, getting... That's not a huge distance. Two steps. There's something about him that makes him look... If you only watched him doing it, you'd go,

well, getting from the front to the end is obviously quite tricky. Like, he just can't get the bucket there in time. And then you watch Dara, who, like, fair play, he's a big man. Yeah. He's an older man. He's got a bit of his leg missing. he's a big man.

Yeah. He's an older man. He's got a bit of his leg missing. He's able to glide from start to finish in one pace. It's not that hard. Clearly the others, all four of the others are able to get from start to finish with a bucket in position with relative ease. Oh, John.

I don't get it. It's just, even the way Alex gives the scores at the end of what everyone got, it's just John's dismissed so offhandedly now, just going, nine socks, one duck, no pez. The problem is, the really funny thing is is he catches the task at the beginning when they send the task down the treadmills he catches it perfectly yeah and he's he's kind of like yeah catches it in quite a cool way and he's clearly quite proud of himself and

then from that point on loses all of his coordination it's just gone and we forget we have also already seen him catch a laptop with yeah with some grace as well in the in the previous task um so he's you know he's got some coordination yeah there's something going on there it's it's he doesn't consider reaching for anything in this task either he does he forgets that his arms sort of have any length to them so he just uses as many steps as possible to try and get to the other other end of the treadmill let's but let's give him some kudos slowing that he's the only one who slows down the treadmill he does but unfortunately he slows it down so much that

socks have got so little momentum they can no longer fall off the end of the treadmill the little two inch gap between the treadmill and whatever platform it's mounted on is enough for the socks to have zero momentum to just fall into and remain on top so he can't do anything about it it's so funny

the task doesn't mention that the buckets have to remain attached to you. Correct, exactly what I thought and no one took them off. Munya did the thing of moving the bath. I think that was... That and Dara plastic bagging... Of course.

...stucks together... Yeah. ...are the only two bits of... No, and John slowing it down. That's sort of three people who've exercised a bit of lateral thought on the task. To me, the obvious one is, it doesn't say you've got to keep wearing these buckets. As long as you remember which one's front and which one's back, that seems unnecessary.

If it was important they were front and back, well, by the time Dara is catching them, he's swung it right round to his hip. He's basically got the back bucket round almost in front of him anyway to catch the socks. So I don't think that's relevant. So it does surprise me that nobody unbucketed. You can unbucket and leave it on the floor and just stand and just keep feeding them down. Yeah.

You don't even need to be holding the bucket. Exactly. Whereas I think actually Dara's hack is probably better than that in that he just spends a lot of time preparing and then he's just done it straight away and he's done all the socks. He's the only one who seems to care about

preparing the socks for the bonus points. Yes. Which is, again, an obvious, if you're competitive and you know there's bonus points for a thing, that is not down to Greg's judgment's judgment no it's just an objective task you've paired the socks i would i'd think ignore the ducks like pair as many socks as you can and see what you can do there and when they're all done move to ducks if there's time yeah

no i completely agree and that's you know dara's got his eyes on the prize clearly uh and and does amazingly um munya's the bath was a great idea until he did i mean it's almost like he's a guest star in old john he did an incredible slapstick fall straight into the bath at the end and dropped a load of his ducks yeah hoist by his own baton i feel sorry for him there because it was a smart idea yeah um like i say one of the one of the few bits of lateral thought that was applied during that task and i thought it was a smart move when he when he did it and i thought that was going to work out well for him and he seemed to be doing well at the task um and then yeah it's so easy heartbreaking yeah absolutely um sarah sarah did great i mean sarah

again just sort of does it at her own pace and couldn't care less at being rushed or anything like that um and but still gets 58 objects which is that's a lot which is really strong which is a lot yeah yeah um and and that's with not being able to see their pockets. Yeah. I mean, it's a, I can see how that's an issue. Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, the, the, the fact that Fern didn't see the socks and ducks early is, it's one of those things that you, if you just watch one person's task in isolation, you go, well,

I don't know if i'd have seen it but then you see four other people who immediately go ducks ducks socks yeah bath there they are and then you go right how did she not see them but that's also i think her overthinking it thinking there's another layer to the task finding the ducks and socks is not not something they ever thought would be a task so So she's going around. There are a lot of ducks at the Taskmaster house, obviously picking up various ducks from around going, is this one?

Does this one count? Can I do this one? As if she's got to go and individually find all of the ducks and presumably before she saw the socks and ducks in the bath was going to take socks off the whole crew to send them down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's very funny to me as well that she's so bored of some tasks, which I don't think we've had on Taskmaster before,

where people genuinely get bored during tasks, that she has to fantasize that she's doing something else, like saving the ducks or operating on an old person. Yes. To entertain herself enough. Her storytelling to herself is remarkable is remarkable i think that the it's like tarbot wasn't bored of taxes she'd just sometimes go this is silly i'm not doing it yeah it's a sort of she wouldn't let herself get bored she wouldn't engage with a thing that was pointless uh on some

level um but yeah actually needing to entertain yourself to get yourself through these things which are five minutes long it's it's quite a thing yeah we're gonna talk we're talking to fern in a couple of episodes i think i can't wait to really drill down into uh how she got herself through some of those tasks yeah yeah she's very very entertaining um but unfortunately this um this was unfortunately a task where uh john got one point i don't know if that's happened before um but uh after the joy of John getting three points in the last task, it was one point for John, unfortunately. Two points for Fern, three points for Sarah, four points for Munya,

and a very impressive seven points for Dara. Ducks in the bag, socks in the bag, just bang, bang, straight in. It was a pleasure to watch, honestly. Yeah. I quite like pairing socks i um in in our house doing the laundry yeah um if i'm hanging the laundry up when they're coming out of the machine i make sure they are then hung side by side as pairs

oh that's whereas my wife who does the laundry more than i do uh yeah but she would hang them up any which way and then it's left for later to do the pairing and i i like to do the pairing as i'm hanging them out to dry i like to make sure they know where their partner is in the drying process yes and i i feel like i would have just i quite enjoyed pairing the socks and come for that yeah i i enjoy pairing socks when it's when it happens it seems that i accidentally wash one sock from each pair in each individual wash so there's quite a lot of lonely lonely socks in my drawer waiting waiting to be reunited it's quite yeah we we have an era where if there's a spare sock there's a bottom rung of the era

where spare socks go and then you hope that in the next few washes their partner will turn up and then they get rescued our cat sits on that netting I thought it was for cats

this is the stuff people come to this podcast for it really is This is the stuff people come to this podcast for. It really is. It really is, Dave. This is the detail. But Dara, seven points. Very, very impressive. Yeah, very. Special shout out for, I think,

my favourite bit of studio business so far this series and perhaps for a couple of series. I'm going to go pharmacy. Pharmacist. Pharmacist. I could not stop laughing. That was my favourite moment also. And I think his utter commitment to standing by the idea they only sell them in one size, even though he's witnessed all of these ducks of other sizes.

But clearly he doesn't think that Taskmaster employs a prop maker who has specifically made ducks of various sizes for the show. Clearly, they've been bought. Clearly, there are shops selling them. You can't buy them. His absolute commitment to the idea that there is nothing, no other size of duck available, that those ducks that i was with only a

few weeks ago at the house you can't they can't be bought in shops they must have come from some magic supplies is is phenomenal and then you think it's it's reached a peak and he reveals that he only thinks they can be bought from pharmacists as well i mean oh my god oh fantastic it's so funny i think you know you're being genuinely odd when alex is being the straight man and is being the voice of reason and going of course they sell them in different sizes i love that so much absolutely my favorite moment of the show it's and it's it absolutely um because john john's outward appearance is is very conventional yeah um but that that's where you get a little glimpse of his genuine eccentricity yes for sure and his so his shows are obviously

wonderful and very eccentric and they do you know it's a lot of his own personality is put into them and he's a wonderful writer and i guess i think that's part of the reason he wears the wig and teeth on stage is because he looks so conventional that yeah he thinks people will accept more eccentricity for him if he looks a little bit weird um so yeah i mean i he's coming up next week uh on the podcast and we have recorded that already um so uh i do ask him whether he considered wearing the wig and teeth for the show so tune in next week i can't wait to find out i think if you go back through previous contestants and go who else of any other series would you believe saying

there aren't any other size of ducks available? You can't buy other size of ducks. And how do you know? Because I asked the pharmacist. And I'm sort of, I'm forced into going Joe Wilkinson, Bob Mortimer and Wozniak. Yes. I've got no one else that I can even conceive of saying that with a straight face.

Yeah, yeah, completely agree. All of them more outwardly eccentric than John. If this is your first experience of John, if you've never seen his shows, you've never heard of him, you've never seen him in anything else, you've come to Taskmaster with fresh eyes, you've never heard of him, you've never seen him in anything else, you've come to Taskmaster and with fresh eyes you've met John Kearns for the first time. Then what you're watching is a very conventional

man who's brought in a book of Ulysses and not said very much. And he's got some weird middle manager on. I don't know. That's odd. He's not very good at these tasks and i i love john i mean like a fan a proper fan yeah um and then and then that happens and you go okay he's an eccentric his brain is not wired like other people's brains. And it isn't. And that's

the bit where you just see John Kearns who he is. It is fabulous. And I love it. I wrote some quotes down that you said during your attempt. What the fuck is that? Did you hear that? Well, what dropped? You can't even buy them that small.

You can't buy them that small. I bought my son one a month ago. But did you try and get a really small one? Did you do extensive research into the smallest duck you can buy? There is only one size of duck. I don't know what the fuck they were. I'd have looked mad if I'd gone up to the pharmacist and gone... Pharmacist?

Do you have... I've just got some ducks. Why are you buying ducks in the pharmacy? Why are you buying ducks in the pharmacy? Well, where else do you buy them? Let's talk about the live task. Make the taskmaster say your words. Each team will ask one question at a time.

Each question must be made up of exactly six words. Also, each team must take it in turns to say two words of each question. First to make the taskmaster say your word wins. It's a pretty straightforward task, you would think. And Munya and Sarah do a great job. I think they're a really, really strong team.

They are. They were strong last week and I think they're very strong here. So immediately, to me, there is great drama in Dara who is absolutely in it to win it and competitive, being teamed with john yeah so it's it's like tying a lead weight around dara's leg in a sprint yes and his frustration is i mean barely below the surface his his look of dismay when his two teammates are not helping to set up

helicopter properly it is incredible that moment that that rivals pharmacist for me in terms of moments in this episode which is just a fantastic episode all around but the the the what about the helicopter crashing into mountains that moment yes because it's perfect because everyone's in persona Dara is being extremely competitive and really wants to win and does the best two words to start that

and then Fern says something really dark and then John just messes it up it's like because it's already gone one way. Like from John to Fern to Dara. Yeah. And he's been left hanging and gone ascend vertically.

Like they've given him nothing helicopter-y up until that point. And he's thrown in something to try and get there. Luckily for him, the other team haven't won it. Yeah. It's going to go back his way. He gets to start it this time. Which aircraft? There you go.

I've dollied it up nice and safe for you. He's already put the words Ascends vertically out there. Yeah, yeah. Someone could just repeat those. Yeah. So he's now handing them. It's a cross back from the touchline right in front of goal. Fern kicks it back towards the centre spot and John trips over.

It's watching Dara's frustration that I love so much because he's like, why have we not got this point? Why are you doing this to me? Oh, gorgeous. I tell you what, this absolutely, if you want a signifier of how competitive Dara is, one of them, when the other team have got floppy and they've got massive, is that right?

Floppy and massive. Sarah and Munya have done an erection joke. They've put erections in people's minds. And then it comes over to Dara's team and John and Fern

say some pretty bland words at the beginning of a question which absolutely leaves Dara with the option of a question which absolutely leaves Dara with the option of an erection joke we've just had erection from the other team and now we've got massive

and it's been set up with words that could be how would you describe your erection and I think whether they would have done without the other team, following on the other team's erection right yeah and i think whether they would have done without the other team following on the other team's erection chat it's hanging there it's basically too messant in it in its obviousness for most people and he's like no no enormous hugeness i'm just saying words i'm just saying words that are going to make him think massive.

He eliminates the two other words for that, basically. The two other main words. It's a genius move. Him spurning the erection joke. Basically, all four of his competitors have contributed to leaving hanging in the air. And he's like, no, I'm not doing that. four of his competitors have contributed to leaving hanging in the air. I think, and he like, no, I'm not doing that.

I want to win the points. I want the points more than anything. I love. He is so tired of his team, which bodes very well for the other team tasks they filmed, I'd say. So we can't, because that,

I think the way you see him in studio with his team, it must've built to that over the team test day. And also, this is a man who, up until this point, has got 27 points, has wiped the floor with them in this episode. And in this team task, is still clawing every point out of it that he possibly can and still being absolutely devastated at people letting him down i think if you're like that

when you're basically 27 points up over like john what you know maybe have four or five points if that at the end of at that stage of the day almost nothing seven points you know okay so so he's wiped the floor with them he's gone up to the stage to do that task knowing he's won the episode yeah like i don't think he's touchable at that point and he's still livid they're saying crashed into mountains Jesus Christ

his fury is delicious well he got his three points as did Fern and John Munya and Sarah got two points which means that John finishes the episode on 10 points Fern on 14 points Sarah on 16 points Munya on 21 points which would be a good enough score to win in any other episode and Dara gets 30 points the clean sweep the most amount of points anyone could have possibly got

in that episode and I think maybe I think that's possibly a taskmaster record possibly a uh and possibly the record for the biggest gulf between bottom and top maybe yeah i would have thought so i mean technically i suppose he could have got more because they they did split three and two points on the final in studio task so like he and his team could have got five but out of what was given i guess yeah yeah he always, he's top. He's been top for the whole thing. Yeah. So it's, I mean, that gives him a massive series lead.

He's 47 points and Munya's second on 35. It's a pretty big lead already with Sarah on 34, Fern on 31 and John lagging behind, as we expected at this point on 21 points dave thank you so much for coming back on the taskmaster it's my pleasure always need need i ask i think i know what you're going to say do you have any predictions for who might who might take home the top spot at the end of the series? Bearing in mind, we still got eight episodes to go.

I've watched one episode where Dara wins every point. It's pretty hard to look past. Yeah. You know, Dara's team have signed Erling Haaland before the league started and they appear to have a huge tactical advantage. He's more competitive than most.

He's he hasn't got the cockiness that is sort of holding Munya back a little bit. He's sort of making mistakes and whatever. He's applying lateral thought in every single task he was like applying some lateral thought that most single task he was like applying some lateral

thought that most of the others weren't saying so it's very very hard to look past him but then the producers could have front-loaded the series with all of his spectacular um results and all of john's worst please please and who knows and who knows who's to come back later in the series. But based on what I've seen so far, impossible to look past Dara. Yeah, I agree. So let's rate the podcast now, Dave. As you know, we always get our guests to rate their experience on the podcast

between one and five points in the style of the Taskmaster. Have you had a nice time? And if so, what point rating would you give it, please? I've had a lovely time. Thank you, Ed. And I'm going to give it, I'm going had a lovely time thank you ed um and i'm gonna give it um i'm gonna give you five thank you so much i'm five this time absolutely really appreciate that

uh it's been lovely chatting to you thanks so much for coming back on you are of course welcome back on anytime dave i look forward to coming back another time thank you thank you there we go. Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 2, dealt with. We move on. We move on to the next episode. Can Dara maintain this insane lead? Will John get some points?

Well, we will get it straight from the horse's mouth next week because we are going to start talking to actual contestants in this series of Taskmaster. And the contestant in question next week is John Kearns. I cannot wait to speak to John about Taskmaster Series 14, Episode 3, and about the series in general and about how his life's been going since he got basically, well, he got 10 points on Episode 2, didn't he?

So we can chat all about that. Very much looking forward to that. Don't forget to go and see Dave Gorman on tour. We thank him very much for coming on the podcast. DaveGorman.com for details of his tour date. But we will see you next week to chat about episode three with the wonderful John Cairns. Thank you.

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