Taskmaster The Podcast - Taskmaster The Podcast: Best of Part 2
Episode Date: July 21, 2022Press play on your podcast app and listen to Ed talk to some of TM's past consultants about their favourite (and no so favourite) Taskmaster memories. Watch all of Taskmaster on All 4www.channel4.com/...programmes/taskmaster Visit the Taskmaster Store for all your TM goodies!taskmasterstore.com Visit the Taskmaster YouTube Channelyoutube.com/taskmaster Get in touch with Ed and future guests:taskmasterpodcast@gmail.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.
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With cannabis legalization, it's a brand new challenging marketing category.
And I want to let you know we've produced a special bonus podcast episode
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interesting and surprising. Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.
This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative. Hello, welcome to the Taskmaster podcast.
It's Ed Gamble here, host thereof.
I don't know if that's right.
Today is the second best of episode.
We had one last week, we've got one this week.
This is some of the fun, silly stuff that we talk about on the Taskmaster podcast,
not necessarily all the in-depth nerdy stuff we'll be back next week with series 7 episode 1 chat but this is
just a little bit of fun to get us through until then also we've got loads of we've got loads of
great stuff out there that we want to put out there and make sure people can hear so please
enjoy it i will be back next week with series 7 episode 1 but now, here is the second episode of the Best of the Taskmaster podcast.
Welcome, Russell Howard, to the Taskmaster podcast.
Hello, mate. How are you?
Very well, thank you.
Thank you so much for coming on to the Taskmaster podcast
to talk about one of the episodes that you were in.
Pleasure.
You already seem slightly traumatised by the uh by the idea
of it i well i i just because you do it in this sort of bizarre blur of a week you can never
remember how it goes yeah so my main memory of it is just this deep analysis of an audience that looked like a hateful choir and they all had badges on
and they looked like so angry at me and I just remember just feeling like I don't know
what to do here it felt like I'd rocked up to a Christian youth rally in a leather jacket.
And they were like, who's this?
And I knew that.
And I love Greg and I love hanging out with Alex,
but the crowd terrified me.
It felt like a cult.
It felt like a cult.
Yes.
Well, there's definitely a cultish element to the Taskmaster fan base,
but I think i was okay
with it because i'm very much part of the cult i i consider myself one of the badge wearers but i
want to be in the cult but it felt i remember i did computing at a level and i was terrible at it
and i was trying to you know desperately trying to do coding and being hopeless and every all the
kids in the class would just send these little, this is before the internet, they'd send these notes that would come up on my screen.
They were just like, wanker.
And I was like, who did that?
So it just felt like that.
I felt like, yeah, but I loved the rest of it.
It was just pushing it through this prism of hate
I found tricky.
It's that thing of having to watch back what you've done.
Oh, yeah.
Worrying about it and know that these things are coming up and that you have to sit there while it's all being played that thing of having to watch back what what you've done oh yeah worrying about it
and know that these things are coming up and that you have to sit there while it's all being played
out on the screen some people just don't just don't enjoy that at all i think also it's that
thing if as most comedians you have this sort of curious mix of like deep self-loathing but also confidence and you're, it's so rare that you've, you're laughed at, right?
Yes.
And that's,
that's the feeling that I just found it genuinely uncomfortable of being
laughed at for being a moron. And it was like, I, and I wanted to go,
I know I'm a moron, but, but please don't laugh at me,
but that's the show is was really interesting and you like you
like to have that i mean i think all of us like to take those moments where we're a moron and then
put them through our filter yeah and then be in control of those moments but totally let me tell
you about the funny time that i was a moron and Fuck, you know what I mean? It was like that.
I used to find the studio days really like,
because there is that,
it's this prolonged reveal of how everyone else does it.
Yeah.
And very often, if you're not first in the order, you think, oh, I've either won this
or I've made an absolute monstrous dick of myself.
Yeah.
The worst is when you're not first and then you're not last as well.
So the worst one is when you've sort of done fine or forgettable.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
But I mean, but I also, I would also fluctuate at the recordings
between like sort of finding it monstrously unjust if something,
basically when I try and bend the rules, when it would be like overturned.
And there's that one where we had to sweat.
And I said, I'm not sweating.
I'm not going to sweat.
Not dignified, but just can't be bothered.
Right.
And so I asked Alex to Google if urine and sweat were the same thing and he did and that was the first thing that came up so
I pissed in a saucepan and that's definitely an abiding memory of your
time on Taskmaster for me I think fault was found with that and I was I was I
remember the recording being absolutely like
boiling anger inside about it like because i thought you know that's quite a good hack
but there we are yeah i think you knew deep down it wasn't quite the good hack that you were saying
it was no i thought it was quite brilliant i thought you know everyone knows piss and
sweat are the same thing sometimes on taskmaster things are worth doing just for the argument
even if you know you might
lose and pissing in a saucepan was was definitely one of those oh absolutely absolutely yeah
no I agree that the five episodes on this series especially for me is disappointing because I think
we'd all like to see whether you would have bankrupted yourself over the over another five
episodes or whether Dave how Dave would have cheated or just to see what Paul Chowdhury would have done.
Well, I mean, yeah,
the real stick of rock thing running through it,
the fascination of Paul Chowdhury.
Like, he is fascinating.
He also has a sort of fascination with things
and the way he approaches the world.
There's that one where we had to pick a lock and Paul goes,
I can pick any lock.
And it's me, him and Dave.
And he goes, I can pick any lock.
I'm brilliant at it.
Right.
And I believed him.
Yeah.
Because no one knows what he's done in his life.
He might have been a spy or something at some point.
Exactly.
Because he's a profound mystery.
And I didn't really know paul before that we
became great friends as a result but i still i still don't know anything about him no he's such
a mystery that guy the the amazing thing is you can i don't think anyone gets the reactions from
other comedians like paul does so if you watch any other series of taskmaster a comedian does
something and all the other comics will laugh or whatever but they'll be like oh okay i can see
what happened there or why this person did that even in this first episode Paul says
something and you and Dave look at each other baffled and laughing and Rob and Sarah do it as
well he's just just an island in the middle of that lineup Ed hello welcome to the Taskmaster
podcast isn't this exciting it's really good can I just ask have you got one of the Taskmaster podcast. Isn't this exciting? It's really good. Can I just ask,
have you got one of the Taskmaster trophies there in vision behind you? Not just one of
the Taskmaster trophies, my Taskmaster. Your Taskmaster. Can I ask you how that felt? Sorry
to just turn the tables. How did it feel to win? I tell you what, it was an amazing feeling.
I was very happy to have won but also it felt kind
i felt kind of dirty for winning because it's so arbitrary and then i was quite um during the last
episode i got quite het up uh and quite competitive and quite angry and then i feel like in that
situation when i don't believe you've ever been angry or competitive mel in your life um am i
wrong a little bit a little bit competitive a little bit competitive well i was furious for
the final episode oh and when that pays off and you actually win you can't help but feel a little
bit sort of sordid did the others really turn against you oh yeah well they turned against me from minute one they could they could see who i was oh well done you though i did i sort of felt yeah no listen i
i had a fairly clear idea that i wasn't going to win from fairly early on um but still i was a bit
i would have liked to have won i think yeah but i think i you know as we all know it's not it's
it's mainly not about the winning in
taskmaster and i think you uh you left your you left your mark on taskmaster history i think
you're an amazing contestant very popular contestant i'd say as well oh it was so much
fun do you know what still slightly rankles can i get this off my chest please go for it i'm sorry
no please that's what you're here for okay thanks a lot. So one of the tasks was to collect some celebrity autographs on exotic vegetables.
On exotic vegetables. Yes. I believe the first prize task of this series.
Thank you. Exactly.
Now, I got every single member of Take That on a different exotic vegetable.
Apart from dear Jason who has
gone off to do his own thing, no one quite knows where he is
he was spotted in Carlisle
but we don't know if we can believe that, whatever
he was also spotted in Guatemala with a rucksack
but that's a whole other story
okay this is
a global
enormous rock band
I got each member
how difficult was it to get Robbie's, can you. How difficult was it to get Robbie's?
Can you imagine how difficult was it to get Robbie's?
That was the reunion that everyone was looking for at the time, right?
The exotic vegetable reunion.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And then Noel Fielding, much as I love him,
of course I love him,
got one semi-celebrity David Suchet,
Poirot,
on a broad bean, Ed.
On one broad bean.
That was one blooming signature of a... Yeah, okay.
I mean, David Suchet is...
He's a very important actor in the canon.
This is good because I understand your point, Mel,
but there's no point putting the boot into Suchet here.
You know, Suchet is not a semi-celebrity.
He's a full celeb.
He's a full celeb.
He's Poirot.
The guy's a legend. But he's not... Take that, mate. He's a full celeb. He's a full celeb. He's Poirot. The guy's a legend.
But he's not Take That, mate.
He's not Take That.
No, I see your point.
And I got four disparate members of Take That.
You know, the atmosphere in Take That is not easy.
We all know that.
And I managed to glean four of them.
That still rankles.
I couldn't believe I didn't win that.
So were they disparate when you got the signatures then?
This wasn't them doing,
they weren't doing a show that you were doing as well
and they were all together.
Yeah, they were, Ed.
You've absolutely nailed it.
Totally.
But, you know, I had to go to Robbie's people
and then I had to go to Gary's people.
They're not the same people.
Yeah.
You know, Howard and Mark
obviously good as gold lovely just that wasn't a problem they brought their own
but Gaza and Robbie that was like the Yalta blooming summit post-war you know to get that
to happen I had to use all of my diplomatic you you know, forces and know-how.
So it wasn't a case of they were all hanging out in the same room,
they weren't in the green room,
and you walked in with a bag of veg and said,
come on, lads, all sign these.
It wasn't as simple.
I had to talk to Gary's PA the day before
to make sure that that was okay
and to make sure that he was okay with a sweet potato.
Yeah.
And then Robbie, I can't even remember,
that was just a whirl of sort of, you know, entourage and security and walkie talkies.
It was not easy for me, Ed.
And then Bloomingfielding was working with Suchet at the time.
They were thick.
They were thick as thieves, those two.
They were working on a film together.
All he had to do was knock on his winnebago door and say david
can you sign the broad beans simple as that david doesn't even need to open the door fully
like no i could have just posted it under the door and said can you sign this they probably
had jack and jill interconnecting doors ed honestly i i'm sorry to i'm sorry i'm sorry
to get this off my chest it's deeply deeply narcissistic of me and no this
is good and petty and petty and pedantic i can't let it go mate that's what this podcast is all
about it's all about the petty it's all about the pedantic and it is having said that you're
not competitive it's clear that you absolutely are you're just very good at disguising it when
you're on television over that one thing I was so excited
about that task I was so you know how some of the tasks just kind of make you kind of go like that
because you know that you've nailed it do you know that thing some of them make you feel a bit kind
of like oh no no don't show this yeah do you know don't show this exactly. Or, oh God, I was really mediocre in that.
But there are some that you just feel,
yeah, come on, man.
This is a show in.
This is a show in.
Were you a fan of the show beforehand or were you going in blind, so to speak?
I went in pretty blind.
I was aware of the show
and I was aware of the show
in terms of being a comedian here where I was aware of the show and I was, I was aware of the show in terms of being
a comedian here where I was aware that it was a huge flipping deal and that you definitely want
to be on it. And it was a sort of like, and they give you tasks and you're like, okay, great.
I mean, in, on one hand, it felt very sort of familiar because it hearkened back to all of
my experimental theater days, you you know of just sort of
like task-based theater like you go and you show up and somebody's created a thing and you try to
do the thing so that to me felt very close to um a fun place however i feel like in retrospect
i would love to have like boned up a lot more on like strategy do you know what i mean because
there's definitely more,
like now that I understand it, I was like,
oh, I'm sure that there are millions of fans
who are just like, oh, just give me one chance to do this.
I know exactly how to do it.
Whereas I was just like, la la la, this is a good time.
And later I was like, oh, some people really work out
how to score those points in the studio.
You know, like the Guzz's and Morgana's of the world
are really good at being like give me some more points i think you might be right about the studio
element of it but i think there is no amount of revision you can do for the tasks in the house
now that that will get over the fact that as soon as you're in front of alex and the cameras are on
and then the timer starts everything just goes mad yeah I mean, there's every thought there's a moment where you do the maddest thing I've
ever,
I think I've ever seen anyone do in Taskmaster.
Ever at all.
It's one of them.
It's one of them.
I've just,
you completely losing your mind to do so.
I mean,
you did it in episode one as well.
This is why I was so excited to see you on the show Desiree,
because there's,
there's different sorts of people who are booked for Taskmaster that i'm always excited to see and uh there's
someone like victoria who you think oh she's very good at one thing and i'm really looking forward
to seeing this other side of her personality uh where she's put in this situation but what i
really like about you and your your act on stage as well is you really put it all out there like
it feels like you're just like hello i'm desiree
i'm going to talk about everything that's in my mind right now which is why i was looking forward
to you throw yourself into these tasks which you absolutely have done every single episode so far
thank you so much that is an honor i feel like there's a certain amount of like uh
you know like the achieving the zen of taskmaster is to really fully live in that present moment
and put things in your mouth when they don't belong.
Let's talk briefly about the bursting the balloon task,
which, I mean, you really hit the ground running.
I'm so proud of myself, I have to say.
You should be.
Because I failed spectacularly at that.
But like, you know, when you go, you show up to a place and they've made you wait for an hour to do the next task.
And you're like, this must be big.
And it was just coming out and being like, I immediately knew what the maths were.
I was just like, the fastest way is to take the hit right up top, the eight minutes, take those scissors, pop it because you know yourself, you've never thrown anything accurately in your life.
You know, like there's so many things that can go wrong.
And I knew I just like I was like, just use the scissors.
And I was like, but they took all this time setting it up.
And then the minute I use the scissors, I'm going to turn back around and then wait another hour for the next task to be set up.
So like, that's not fun. Like, it's just not fun.
So, like, even at that one point when I, like,
groaned about the scissors, I was, like, about to, like,
give up, and I was like, no, you use anything
but those scissors until you are done.
You have to throw your own eye, like,
rip your nails out of your fingers
and throw them at the balloon.
You do that first.
So, um, even though it was uh like it got
stupid and obviously what it's all edited like it start i was 30 minutes in and then it started to
rain like it does that quite quickly on the show but like i got i know i had been stood out there
for at least 20 or so minutes and then it started to rain and i was like oh of course you know like this is my shawshank moment or something it was truly incredible and that moment where you
saw you saw the switch flip where you're like right well i can't do this quickly and with
flare anymore which is one way to be remembered in a task so i'm going to do this absolutely
terribly in the most ridiculous way possible it was the bucket of forks was that switch flipping.
Just going, there were no more forks in the shop.
And you're just like, you're going to have to find me some more forks.
I want a bucket of forks that cost you an hour.
Yep.
Best hour of my life spent trying to throw Poundland forks poorly,
mostly at the ground, and then throwing a bucket like out of wall and just
you know if i can do that three days a week in a gym it would be so fun also to my credit had
those been like proper like for like john lewis forks or something i don't know if we can say
that but just forks with some weight you know how you get those pound land forks and they're made
out of like pretty much like aluminum foil we've gotten a little bit of like you know welly on those forks i think i could have done some damage
that's the problem alex cheaped out on the forks that was that was the main issue with that des
right if alex john lewis you would have won the task wouldn't you i mean other forks are available but yes yeah yeah yeah I'll tell you what
I totally forgot
is how early
the
how early
they established
that I'm terrible
at everything
and when I say early
I mean it is the first frame of the opening credits.
Because I forgot that the first thing you see after Greg, the typewriter,
is a balloon exploding in my face.
That's literally the opening of the opening credits.
Immediately.
They knew what to expect.
It's fairly incredible how quickly Greg disrespects you.
That's what I couldn't believe.
That's what I couldn't believe.
I can't remember what stuff they didn't include from the recording.
But in the final show, he immediately just says, you.
Yeah, when you're going through the price test.
Bob Mortimer gets so much immediate respect and
of course bob deserves that but greg is clearly so delighted to have bob on and like welcomes him
to the show and he's so excited to hear what bob's prize task is and he's like riffing with bob and
then you're the last the last person to present your prize task and just goes you
also i forgot how quickly,
I thought it would be really funny
if I called him Gregory the whole time.
Yeah, straight away.
I don't know why, but straight away,
he calls me you and I call him Gregory,
straight from the top.
And as such, a mismatched buddy cop franchise is born.
Not Franchise is Born.
I think we might have discussed last time.
I'm not, you probably didn't watch this religiously when it was coming out, did you?
No, not religiously.
No, no.
We did discuss that, the sort of gradual tail off,
you know, in terms of how much of this stuff I watch.
And how much one supports one's friend's work.
Well, also how much one supports
one's own work in the sense that I'm the task
consultant.
Now, I like that you've come in here
swinging the old dick
about the task consultancy when
on the last episode you basically said
it was nothing and you didn't do anything
and you go to the pub with Alex and you would have a couple
of drinks and watch him come up with tasks and yet today you seem to have decided
to come trumpeting your own achievements and bringing up the task consultancy I thought maybe
this time I'd go the other way because I think I've said that in a few interviews but I think
it's now time for me to swing the task consultant dick again I love it get it out go for it
so Tim maybe now with this new fresh attitude tell us more about what
the task being a task consultant entails day to day day to day is good yeah i mean most days i do
try and get some other fit in some other work around it but really it's sort of um it's sort
of wake up and and actually you're already you're straight it. Have a notepad by the bed in case there's anything I've sort of dreamt up overnight.
And then it's usually a coffee, a black coffee and a donut and get the pen out again and sort of, you know, sit there on the veranda just sort of lightly musing about things.
It's like watching things go past, just thinking about inspiration.
Anyway, then it will get to about 10, 11 and I'll go for my task consultant walk, which is just
sort of around, you know, northwest London, usually popping into shops, galleries, museums
and things, just looking for different objects that might spark something. Then I tend to
go for like a task consultant lunch where I meet one of the former contestants
and we just sort of pick each other's brains about I asked them about what tasks sort of worked for
them what they felt more or less comfortable doing what they felt they could sort of shine in and
stuff like that yeah then in the afternoon quick sleep and then to the office to actually write
some of these bloody things up and I'll usually stay in there till about well i have my
five o'clock with alex which is a conversation which is a zoom from five to sort of eight
each day where we sort of i feed back to alex and also see if he hasn't yet because he sometimes
has ideas for tasks as well and then in the evening i like to just i have do my own gigs
and stuff like that i have a show that i'm doing at the moment. That's good. Also just try and switch off a bit, maybe go to the cinema.
And then another hour before bed where I have like an amaretto
and just have a good old think about some more sort of maybe outlandish tasks
and also team tasks.
I tend to think about them.
And then bed and then away we go again the next day.
So I'm painting it as something where it's non-stop.
It's not non-stop.
It's not as bad as I've just said,
but yeah, it's not, you know, you earn your money.
Let's put it that way.
Yeah.
So why is it specifically with the team tasks
that it needs to be later on in the evening
with the Amaretto, do you think?
Because they don't have to be as good.
Yeah, I think that, well, there's two or three comedians there they'll spark off each other don't know what they do like a boiled egg that'd be funny some of
these people
it's a good point I remember thinking this little green outfit of mine is kind of sexy.
And it really like I kind of thought it might be, you know, like a hot girl at Halloween.
It's so not flattering to any part of my physical body or like I didn't even know. Like I remember with the dignity intact bit where I jumped out of the boat and took off my trousers to Alex.
Like I do stuff so impulsively and I really don't,
like I don't remember those things.
I don't remember what I said or the joke.
So to watch me take off my trousers on camera with,
I mean, it was very obvious as I think Sally said on the day,
those were not knickers I ever intended the world to see
or I would have absolutely worn something lacy
or just something with a bit of fun.
My sort of yellow and gray colored knickers were not the ones for like the horns for the dads.
And to see myself with my little Irish arse dancing around in my grey and yellow knickers,
it took a lot for me to go, don't be embarrassed.
You're actively in a comedy show.
It's OK, but you did not want to see that.
And everyone's going to see it.
But also you really didn't want to see it.
Like,
that's how I look.
Oh no.
But that,
that impulsive stuff and just throwing yourself into it is what,
is what makes you a very good contestant,
I think.
So,
and don't,
about the tracksuit,
if you were going for sexy,
no one,
no one thought that that's what you were going for.
So there's no,
there's no embarrassment.
But again,
it's like, oh, that on camera, that's a big're going for so there's no embarrassment but again it's like oh
that on camera that's a big green tracksuit tuxedo and that hat that baseball hat you have
it doesn't fit you look like a truck like you look like a right-wing trucker from america
who owns a dirt bike you look like have you seen my dirt back hank
so i can put it in the truck for when i want to be free
my dirt back Hank so I can put it in the truck for when I want to be free so when when you're actually filming the tasks when you turned up on that first day at the
Taskmaster house to film the task you really didn't know what sort of thing you're in for
well yeah exactly what I now know that people like design their own uniforms and and kind of
like specifically rocked up with like clothes and I I just felt like it was, I'd forgotten it was free dress day.
Yes.
I was just wearing my clothes.
And for whatever reason, I'd gone through this fucking insane moment of my life where I'd got glasses that tint when it's sunny.
Yes.
Yeah.
I don't know.
And this is this sort of one year period where i did
that because i was like oh maybe that's really good for me and you know the uv lights and then
i have to put shades on and i can't remember but i just look like someone who's wearing shades like
in chiswick um and uh and and hadn't thought about the outfit that we're gonna wear
it's as if that that is your Taskmaster outfit,
that people are always waiting to see what people's costumes are
or their outfits are.
Like, oh, Russell's gone with just clothes and shades.
Yeah, well, that's the problem, eh?
So rather than going, oh, right, I didn't know we had to have a uniform,
they just assumed that that was my uniform.
And I'd gone for kind of sort of,
I looked like if you were to really narrow down
on the sperm of Zach from the bell,
it's that, you know what I mean?
It's a really horribly Aryan, like swaggering twat.
Whereas the reality is,
it's like, I've just got these new shades,
but they're not really shades.
They just,
it's clearly quite sunny today because they've changed colour.
And then they would kind of change when I was in the house and everyone was like,
what the fuck is this guy?
Has he stolen Alan Titchmarsh's glasses or something?
It was so weird,
man.
Well,
look,
I liked them.
And this,
this podcast is not about self-loathing,
Russell.
We're here to celebrate, celebrate the show. and some days you had quite slick back hair and I
enjoyed that you look like a pie yeah yeah well that again it was sort of I've gone through this
strange moment because I did it in January January is a very dangerous month for comedians because
we have time off and there's very few gigs. And I was like, I'm going to slick my hair back.
And I'm going to slick my hair back and wear shades.
It's just, honestly, it's, but that's what I mean.
It's so embarrassing because my wife was, I remember my wife going,
why did you dress up like that?
And I was like, I didn't,
I just made a choice for a week and it's there forever.
Yeah.
You know, immortalized.
Immortalized. Yeah. for a week and it's there forever yeah you know immortalized yeah immortalized yeah
i was very averse to going on taskmaster at first yeah and i said to my missus i was like
they're gonna put man on tv and they're gonna make man look stupid and i still remember she
just she looked up from whatever she was doing she She goes, well, that's not going to be very hard, is it?
So as soon as she broke it down to me like that, I was like, you know what?
It might actually be a crack.
And bro, genuinely.
Big shout out, not just to Alex and Greg and the bro, that whole team at Taskmaster, everyone who's putting all of those tasks together
and shifting around cakes
to make sure they're in a secret spot,
that whole gang, bro, I'm going to tell you,
100, they are the nicest group of people
I've ever worked with in my life.
They're wicked, aren't they?
Yeah, they're pretty amazing.
And I think it's testament to the fact
that they work so well together
that the team's basically been the same
for the whole thing.
Like people get added now and again
and shifted around, but it's pretty much the same same for the whole thing. Like people get added now and again and shifted around,
but it's pretty much the same,
the same gang from the whole,
the whole,
however many series it is now,
12 series.
And you can really feel that.
Like I get like for me,
bro,
when I,
when I do this kind of stuff,
or even the concept,
you know,
it's still really alien to me.
I'm like,
what the hell am I doing here?
Go get Ed Gamble then,
Phil Wang's man.
They're,
they're, they're proper them lot.
But then when you turn up there
and it was a very like school forward slash family feel,
like that's the vibe that I love.
And you know, the first day that I turned up,
everybody was just in a good mood.
How rare is that?
Yeah, it's pretty mad.
I remember, you probably had the same thing.
I remember I was so excited going for my first day
and then get a text when you're in the car on the way there
saying, what do you want for breakfast?
We're making breakfast.
I'm like, right, I'm already,
I'm completely on board with this show then.
They're asking me what I want for breakfast.
They're cooking.
I could have whatever I wanted for breakfast, guys.
They are so sick.
I remember the first day I tried to be like,
because in my head I'm always like,
yeah, it's London, 70% of them are vegan there.
So let me just be careful.
I'm not trying to piss people off first day in it.
So I was like, oh, yeah.
Do you have got them yogurts with the granola on top?
They're like, are you sure, guys?
Are you sure?
And I was like, yeah, that's what I eat.
Bro, by the third day, everybody was mashing peri-peri chicken from Pepe's every single lunchtime.
Not even Nando's? They were having Pepe's?
No, no, no, bro. Nando's does not compare to that uncle that was rolling up with the Pepe's peri-peri chicken, yeah?
And some of it was extra spicy.
And it was incredible.
I was seeing white people consume levels of spice that I have never seen in my fucking life, bro.
Oh, amazing, man. Yeah, it's so much fun. white people consume levels of spice that i have never seen in my fucking life bro oh amazing man
yeah it's so much fun so i take i mean i normally ask people if they had fun making the show but it
sounds like you did bro had fun like the you can you can have you can have fun in loads of different
ways but the the vibes were compared to making television undefeatedated, bro. Undefeated vibes, I say it.
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I mean, you've got many highlights in the series so far.
The riddle challenge as well, the team task with Victoria,
where I think you could have lent quite a hand there, Alan.
I really think you could have got involved.
But she absolutely was not letting you get a word in edgeways
because she decided how she was going to do it
and absolutely nailed it without you.
You were sort of a spare part.
She didn't listen to anything I said.
It took me quite a long time.
They're very expertly edited down, the sequences.
But it took me a while to find the hidden cupboard.
So it's a bit of back and forth.
Dressed as Charlie Chaplin, obviously.
And then I found it and then I got the letters out.
And then she just wouldn't listen to me.
And I said, there's a key on the back of my jigsaw.
I've got some letters.
She was busy going, no, I think W equals B.
But the other thing that happened in that task,
and Victoria rightly gets a lot of credit for solving it,
but I was given a clementine and a bell.
Yeah.
And I was sort of looking at this orange thing
and dinging the bell and looking at Alex.
And he would say things like hey getting on there
Alan and then only when we'd solved it did he say uh they were just a red herring
if you give a Victoria a red herring her head would have exploded
this is the woman who couldn't see the red chair in a room where there was only one chair and it was red i mean we'll get to that later what a honestly one of the highlights of the series
coming up um the yeah a clementine and a bell just you dress as charlie chaplin just trying
to work out what the clemency means so much respect for you in that task as well because
obviously part of it was dressing as charlie chaplin but you'd put the hat on before before you'd even read that part of the task you're like you see a hat
you pop it on a real pro yeah i don't know i enjoy it all so much i mean our friends of mine said you
look like you're really enjoying yourself it's the happiest i've ever seen you and i went to your
wedding would you say you enjoyed your experience overall on Taskmaster oh Oh yes, very much so. I hugely enjoyed being in the house doing the tasks
with Alex. That was great. It's just very much the sort of thing I enjoy and it's brilliant.
The studio was a bit odd and it was a bit odd because the audience wasn't there. So they played
it for an audience later and you hear that response but we
didn't get that and it's quite an odd thing because the atmosphere is quite roasty which is
not really my thing I'm an adoring fan of Greg Davis you know off screen as a friend and as a
fan and I this is no I love what they do but that kind of you know I'm not a comedian the other
people aren't all comedians that kind of roasty telling
everyone what's wrong with them is not my natural register sure and normally you'd have an audience
there to kind of take the curse off it if you imagine when you watch the actual experience
was Greg telling me I was shit to total silence actually you don't really it's hard to get your
bearings I mean especially if if the thing that I brought in as a, you know, to win a prize was some bit of wordplay, as it often is.
I've come up with some sort of pun to bring in.
And I say, here's the pun.
And there's silence.
And Greg says, that's a terrible pun.
And there's silence.
And then he goes, and that'll be no points for Victoria.
And there's silence. And that was quite that'll be no points for victoria and there's silence
and that was quite an odd yeah watching it back on television and then you can hear the audience
watching laughing and it's sort of fine yeah but in the recording it was a bit harrowing yeah it
really it really does sound harrowing i mean i mean you more than held your own though i mean
you say you're not a comedian but everyone else was and you're not used to that roasty atmosphere
i actually think in the history of taskmaster no one's held their own though i mean you say you're not a comedian but everyone else was and you're not used to that roast the atmosphere i actually think in the history of taskmaster no one's held their own
better against greg's points because you destroyed him with logic whereas all comedians have got is
just sort of shouting back at him that's very nice of you to say i'm not sure that i destroyed him
with logic i think he looked terrified i could see it in his eyes. My little fists of logic beating against his big manly chest.
I think I generally slumped to the ground in a pool of my own logic.
We kick off with the prize task.
Did you enjoy doing the prize tasks on your series?
I wasn't allowed two of my original thoughts.
And, you know, when you're left on your own it is you just think now that's
absolutely perfect there was one i had to talk through with one i had to talk through with my
brother and just saying just tell me what you think about this as an as a thing and he said
don't do it and then i find out what that is no No, actually, I think it could potentially
have been quite dangerous.
And then when I took it to the Andes
and just said, this is what I'm thinking of.
And they were like, probably better that you don't do that.
I was like, yeah, I think so.
That might have just, you know, you get sort of garrulous
because everything you've done so far, you're allowed.
Yes.
And then you suddenly think, well, I'll just push it a little bit here.
No, don't do that.
Because ultimately we are looking out for your safety.
I mean, obviously me, I'm the listener now.
All we want is to know what that was.
Yeah.
It involved a packet of tramadol.
And there was something else attached,
which is probably the bothersome incident,
the bothersome element of it.
Right.
Yeah, I'd taken it too far.
I must have just been out of my head.
The most old-fashioned thing that you still use.
I think this was an excellent prize,
and it was five points for good reason. because you say you hadn't swatted up and revised how to do well in the studio to get the points you've got the five points here and i don't know if you knew
this or whether it was just instinct the quickest way to greg's heart is any prize that involves
sitting down or having a rest i didn't't know that, but I kind of,
I think when you say that,
something goes warm in my heart of this is true.
Anything based on having a lovely rest
or like I brought in something once
where it was just full of mini eggs
and he was like, oh yeah, brilliant.
I love that.
Just any sort of snacks or sitting down.
He is all over that stuff. yes victoria the tipex what what did you think of
the tipex now i mean victoria corinne mitchell definitely uses tipex yeah so i feel like now
i'm going should she have gotten more points although i don't know to me the vcr is a little bit sexier
as far as an old-fashioned thing because i only recently in the past couple years of my life got
rid of my vcr even though i still currently have vhs tapes that i won't get rid of because i don't
know all of those films are available on the internet, like on so many
different platforms. And yet I'm just like, oh, I want my copy of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
with the messed up part. And I don't know why I haven't been to these things. But there was
something about that that just spoke to my heart because I kept a VCR for so long because I was
like, damn it, I bought these these movies i'm not buying them again
you know so yeah i when he brought that in i was like obviously if you have one that's the first
thing you go yep because he plays all of his old jonathan creek's on them you know and just i again
i sincerely doubt that i don't think alan watched jonathan creek when it was out the first time i
don't yeah he absolutely doesn't smack of a
comedian who loves watching himself on on TV so yeah but this all builds to the fact that I think
Alan's lying and he doesn't use that VCR at all does he make his kids go hey remember what's paying
the mortgage on the house over your head and they're like we don't care about this dad just
trying to think of like what how he has a wife and a family surely someone would have made him throw that vcr out unless
yeah it had like one use yeah i mean maybe the old sex tape is on there and that's the only reason
it can't be ditched is because like there's only one copy on vhs that they want jonathan crack yeah um you know you were laughing somebody already made that
someone already made that back when that show was out yeah for sure
i mean this is absolute insanity from victoria This might be one of the worst prizes ever bought on Taskmaster.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A voucher towards a season ticket to Manchester United.
I mean, a really extraordinary thing to do.
Yeah, amazing.
I said on the programme,
I thought I considered it to be a calculated personal attack.
It is the absolute opposite of what you buy an arsenal fan isn't it yeah i mean really only a
season ticket to top the potsville yeah a more withering response and and as greg points out
on multiple occasions it's not even the whole ticket so it's hard it's like half of the worst
prize ever and what he was hoping for and what wasn't suggested at all in the task that we were set,
was that we would find some way of mocking or ridiculing one another,
buying things that were obviously showing up weaknesses or vanities or something.
And in fact, everyone just thought, what would they like?
As if it was Christmas.
Yes, exactly.
And it's not Christmas, it's Taskmaster.
You're supposed to be getting a laugh.
And everyone just completely forgot to get a laugh
until Victoria brought me a Manchester United season ticket
astonishing I mean
she genuinely thinks I guess
that you like sport
so why wouldn't you want to go watch sport
played at what she considers to be the highest level
so she doesn't seem to understand
team tribalism or anything like that it's quite sweet
really I really couldn't
I mean do you think that's right?
Because that seemed to be the whole thing that she was playing on.
I don't know.
I thought he liked football.
Don't you want to see the best?
You can't not know that football...
Once you support one football team,
that's...
You're then...
Yeah.
You know, you're afflicted for life.
You cannot go and watch another team
and enjoy it
I just don't think
she understands that
I don't think she understands
football in general
I mean given her performance
the goal task
where she put something
in front of the ball
and then stood
she didn't even stand
in front of the goal
she just stood
to the side of the goal
and watched it roll in
yeah
she is a person
that sport
has passed her by
completely yeah she's she is a person that sport has passed her by completely thank you very much for coming on the taskmaster podcast in uh of course you uh did the taskmaster
series eight yes the series before the best series of all time,
the little warm-up into Series 9,
the greatest series and the greatest winner.
Well, I remember you did very well,
and we were both booked around the same time, weren't we?
We were.
We were sort of brief.
We were sort of chatting to each other about,
because I think inter-series challenge tasks,
chats are sort of not as frowned upon.
Yeah, I think that's fine, isn't it? Yeah yeah i i'm very i stick to the rules pretty hard like uh i don't know how i mean i know you did a series
with lou sanders he's a little bit more uh free with rules uh she lives her own life was there
i'd imagine there were some times when she was trying to talk to you about tasks and you were
having to absolutely shut her down well do you know what not not not really when we done the team tasks me and Lou are like very good
friends in the world of comedy and we went we done New Zealand with your fine
self we saw a month in New Zealand so we're quite close so definitely me Lou
and Paul were told by the production to stop talking about the tasks and we were
sort of treating it like getting points off off the taskmaster sort of going well actually if you're we weren't actually talking about necessarily our
individual tasks but merely the how we felt emotionally doing the task and it sort of became
another sort of like a sort of like staple of that series just arguing the point for sort of no real
reason see because you're all naughty i wouldn't have taken any of that whatsoever would have shut down those conversations because we've got champion of champions coming up
i was a little bit obsessed with getting on that now this we had a lot of questions about this
actually only but i think you're the only person to ever shout out champion of champions on the
show as you're doing a task but i think what a lot of people don't realize is of course you're doing
it deliberately
as a buildup to something going badly, right?
It's the volcano task where you say,
this is for the champion of champions.
And it's the worst volcano.
Do you know what?
The thing about that is,
in hindsight is a wonderful thing.
And when I thought of that volcano thing,
I, hand on my heart,
genuinely thought I had absolutely smashed it
okay everyone around me and I think I'm just listening to this podcast a fair
bit and I've spoken to some comedians that have been on the show Taskmaster
the crew and Alex and everyone stay pretty poor faced throughout but I could
feel a sort of tinge of excitement with the crew and Alex and I thought they're
excited because this is going to
be the best volcano of all time and in hindsight now I know what's happened is
they're excited because I have looked out all the characters from previous
Taskmaster series victories, lined them up on a hill to put Mentos into a coke
volcano that has been lying out for 10 minutes and absolutely has gone flat and isn't
going to work so i think they were just sort of excited about it going wrong and i mistook that
for excitement that they thought i'd absolutely smashed the task when i'd actually just created
quite funny content as it transpires so it's at that point you decide to say this is the champion
of champions and then the volcano does a sort of little a little trump out
the top and a terrible a terrible eruption basically sort of really disappointing wet
fart really is that
did you did you go in wanting to win no but by the end of it i was absolutely furiously ferociously competitive it's weird
it really brings it really brings it out in you doesn't it yeah i mean i for me when i did it was
very much there anyway so it wasn't so it didn't need to be brought out um it was it was on the
surface did you win i did you can see the can see the trophy behind me in my Zoom window.
Fuck off, I've got mine up there as well.
And I'm sorry to say that my gas man saw it.
And he went, oh!
And I said, you fucking tell anyone I'll know it.
I'll get in so much trouble.
You ruined it for the gas man.
Yeah.
Well, look, thank you so much for coming on the podcast.
It's very exciting to have you here.
Pleasure.
And again, congratulations on winning.
Were you a fan of Taskmaster before you did the show?
Had you seen the show, Morgana?
Yes.
Yes?
Yeah.
Well, you didn't know that I won the show,
so you can't have been that much of a fan.
I'm going to say that now.
Hang on, I've got a sneeze coming.
Oh, no.
Oh, I'm right on the precipice oh god sorry sorry for everyone who
is listening i've got a terrible head cold haven't i a gamble yes morgana's got a cold she's already
warned us that she might have to have little blow breaks while she blows her nose also what you
should know is she's wearing one of guz's coats that he gave her as a sort of like, as a nod to Guz for this recording, but also she's very warm.
So this is going to be,
it might pass out halfway through the episode.
It's really, I mean, it's, you could, this is a sort of skeed number.
He does do,
he does do a good number in sort of long,
very warm looking coats.
But as you know greg from task
master yes has the the ac on it's like it's i mean it's baltic isn't it in the studio it is
and like all the girls are shivering and he sat there and he won't he won't budge he won't budge
on the temperature so it makes sense now why girls is wearing these fucking coats every week I didn't know that was Greg who dictated
the temperature of the studio
I was like you know Nadia can we have
I can't remember if her name was Nadia but I like that
it should have been Nadia Nadia can we have it up a little
bit no no Greg likes
it really cold oh does he
right I see see I
I always find it quite cold in studios but
I guess maybe Greg's dictated the temperature
of studios across the board,
not just Taskmaster.
He's in control.
He has the thermostat in his pocket.
Yeah, he ranks all OCs out of five as well.
He goes everywhere in the country.
Do you have any particular tasks that have stuck in your memory
that you remember that you were very happy with the result of?
Oh, the cricket.
The cricket.
The cricket. It's just mad. That's the coolest moment in my life yeah but because that was the first task take it take us through it take us through what what happened
you've got to hit a you've got to hit the stumps and there's six balls um and it's like a cricket
size pitch and i say to alex um i'll use the cricket ball and I'll knock it in one.
Yeah.
And I do.
And then I kind of, I walk away.
And at that moment I was thinking, do you know what?
Maybe shades and slick back hair is the way to go.
Fast forward two days later where I'm inside a church hall trying to blow a candle out through a hoover
and things have really turned do you know what I mean it was like I just peaked too early so was
that the first thing you did it was the very first thing yeah so I did and I was like this is gonna
be easy it's gonna be easy it's fine I think that i like i like things when you're together like when you're
kind of mucking around but the the the tasks where it was a deep dive into your brain
and you're unable to solve it it was yeah i was surprised i was surprised at how um
ashamed of myself i felt when i couldn't get stuff. Do you know what I mean?
It was this real kind of, oh God,
you're thick, you're thick, they think
you're thick. So I'd get into this weird spiral.
Yeah, it's panic-inducing
as well. I found, I think one of the
first tasks I did, I had to make an
egg timer or
design a way of timing an egg.
Yeah. And when it's something creative
and you can't think of anything,
you're like, well, this is my job.
I should definitely be able to think of something.
This is it.
This is it, eh?
But then you realise it doesn't really matter.
It doesn't really matter.
But, and it's a brilliant show
except for when you're in it.
But it's almost like when you watch your when you watch someone else's special
you're enjoying it but when you watch yourself you're going oh why have you pulled that face
yeah why are you wearing those clothes why does that light look the best you know you it's it's
a real why are you wearing shades why are you wearing why are you wearing fucking shades man and yeah and our mutual friend steve hall never lets me forget that the shades ever yeah exactly
because they were they were these weird bifocal things that changed
but i can't see if i was 65 that would have been a phenomenal decision. Yeah. But I was 39 at the time and it was naive.
Well, look, I honestly didn't expect the shades to come up.
I hadn't, you know, I obviously...
You must have noticed them, yeah.
I wonder if it's one of those things where everyone on the circuit was like,
have you seen the old shades?
What's going on?
Hey, listen, I know how we are listen let's not let's not
fuck it i don't think the shade spread around the circuit i don't remember that happening i don't
remember everyone going russell's gosh russell thinks he's russell thinks he's really cool he's
wearing shades on to us yeah too big for his boots yeah man. But maybe the thing is I didn't go big enough. If I'd have turned up like full rockabilly,
I mean like John Robbins from his youth,
that's what I should have done.
Gone as the Bonnie Prince Billy and really had at it.
There was loads of tasks that I watched back and I thought,
oh yeah, I thought that was going to be a disaster.
But it's all right. Based on the fact that the vibes of the team meant that there was always going to be a juxtaposition to whatever I was doing.
Like if I got an iron and I lobbed it in a bathtub from, I don't know, like 25, 30 feet.
I always like what's what's great about the show is that, you know victoria is going to come with some very assured
uh you know intellectually stimulating way to do that task and i think that the juxtaposition was
always nice so whenever i thought i fluffed it the great thing is when you watch your back is
someone's fluffing it in a different way apart from being stuck in the room that one time
every task was great i tell you what that was really good. They gave me vegan chocolates and, uh,
they made me put it in my forehead and I just ate it for 40 minutes.
That was a,
bro,
on a ladder.
That was a sick task.
Sometimes.
That was one of the team tasks where they sort of hadn't quite worked out what
to do with the team of three.
So they just sort of always put you to one side.
It was the same in the riddle one.
Just let us get on with his own thing.
What do you listen? Can I just ask you, do you think there was any reasoning behind that? Or it was the same in the riddle one who just let us get on with his own thing what do you listen can i just ask you do you think there was any reasoning behind that or it was just like i
just shoved the prick in the corner what do you think i love that one of your highlights of doing
the whole show was the one where you got to just eat chocolate in a big high chair
okay but on reflection does this not does it not make sense with who i am as a person yeah
absolutely it does.
And you did that very well.
I thought you did a great job.
You only had to do one, I think, and you did about 10 chocolates, right?
Yeah, and also when I was sitting up on the chairs,
well, you know, sometimes you're sitting there, you're like,
I was looking to my right at Morgana performing,
and I was looking at my left at Desiree,
and I love them to bits, like trying really hard to solve and figure out this task.
And I was sat in that chair like, I don't give a fuck.
I couldn't give a shit if we get zero points here because I've got vegan chocolate buttons and life is good.
You know what I mean?
Well, I think both you and actually, and Alan in series 12,
both in different ways,
made not giving a shit,
an absolute art form.
Like I really,
I think it was,
it was a very relaxed group of people.
And I think it was nice.
And you all seem to get on really well.
There was great chemistry,
I think with,
with the whole team.
Do you know what it is,
bro?
Like I would have,
the one thing looking back on it,
I would have loved to have done is obviously they,
to put it crudely, like Greg has said,
they split it into like youngies and oldies, yeah?
I would have just loved one mashup of me and Alan on a task
and then me and Victoria on a task.
Like Alan's my guy.
I think me and him would have like got on any task
and smashed it together. I would have just loved to see me and him would have got on any task and smashed it together.
I would have just loved to see me and Victoria
because Morgana and Desiree are my brethren,
and they get annoyed at me.
I think she would have actually probably stabbed me, isn't it?
I think she would have killed me.
I think she would have killed me.
To me, every day is school, I think she would have killed him I think she would have killed him because I would have
to me every day is school
and I look at them all as teachers
like Morgana's that
drama teacher that lets you like
do MDMA and that
before you leave for half term
Alan is sick like deputy head
you know makes a connection
with the kids Desiree is like
careers advisor but one that really makes you want
to do careers. And Victoria is like,
every time you go to her class, it's like, oh, fuck, you know.
It's Miss.
Like, and then, oh, no,
it's Miss. You know, you're like, oh, no.
Because you're not like,
you're like, oh, yeah, no, I'm going to mess around with all the
teachers, and then you turn up her class. It's like,
this could go bad, bro. If you could
call home, and then we could be back in Pakistan
by one in the morning.
You know what I mean?
I always win over Victoria.
I was like, if I fuck around with her too much,
she might just get on a blow to Priti Patel and be like,
who's this family got to go?
We had lots of emails in asking you how much money you spent but uh you've already said
you don't really know i don't really know you can't live like that can you
drive yourself mad certainly i don't have a taskmaster balance sheet where i like no i
didn't have a spend per episode like versus my. And I haven't claimed the taxi receipts against tax, either.
It's a business cost.
You should have done.
That's definitely the definition of a business cost.
It's entirely legit, but I didn't do it.
We had an email from Neil on that saying,
a question for Al.
Did Al Murray make a loss on his appearance?
Well, no. But, i mean you you can you can again you can't live
like that maybe maybe i lost financially but we had so many of of the same email that this is the
this is the only one i'm going to read out this one's from andy parkinson but trust me listeners
we know that you also sent one in it's a great question uh andy says hi ed and the taskmaster
team love the podcast love taskmaster series five is one
of my favorites my question for ashling is is her mum still testing her potential boyfriends
on the jockey training horse keep up the excellent work um that's so recent and and yes and true
that i'd forgotten i i said that but like actively very much so. And if you look at my Instagram from around, it would have been June.
You will see me up on the horse around that time it was getting tested.
Let's put it that way.
But you will see the electronic horse at race.
If you look at my Instagram from June of this, of the last June we had in 2021.
Absolutely.
And I totally forgot that I mentioned that on the show and it's it's quite like a yeah yeah i just you for the things you say you're
there right you i totally and luckily my mother has a good old energy but i'd be careful of
mentioning other people because they're like can you stop mentioning i was like what did i do it
again just um yeah if you could have seen if you could
have seen ashling's face when i brought that up there it was just oh right i did i had no idea
i'd said that and yes she still does that absolutely not really yes it's been used more
times than i would like Hi, it's Terry O'Reilly, host of Under the Influence.
Recently, we created an episode on cannabis marketing.
With cannabis legalization,
it's a brand new challenging marketing category. And I want to let you know we've produced a
special bonus podcast episode where I talk to an actual cannabis producer. I wanted to know how a
producer becomes licensed, how a cannabis company competes with big corporations, how a cannabis company markets its products in such a highly regulated category,
and what the term dignified consumption actually means.
I think you'll find the answers interesting and surprising.
Hear it now on Under the Influence with Terry O'Reilly.
This bonus episode is brought to you by the Ontario Cannabis Store and ACAS Creative.