Tell Em Steve-Dave - #485: Westward Ho!

Episode Date: July 11, 2021

Q is regaled as Bry, Walt, and Frank5 recount their vacation. Bry seeks counsel on answering a strange text.

I swear to God everything that we were gonna tell you about this fucking tour guide is gospel. I feel like if society ended, I would have trouble bringing back a lot of technology, but I think I can make the whistle happen. Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell Him Steve Dave. Welcome back everyone. Welcome back Walt. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back.

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A curator. Oh, curator. I get off your ass. Sorry. Start a fire. This is exactly the sort of thing that ends up in a court transcript. Please no one started a trip. Well, now we're back so there would be no point.

But it would be on the high tradition of doing everything I asked backwards with tell them to each other. So Walt. Yeah. But it would be on the high tradition of doing everything I asked backwards with tell them stupid things. So Walt, yeah, big old vacation. Yeah, the longest vacation I've been on and, whoo, possibly my whole life. Maybe ever. It was how many days from the 20, from Father's Day until two weeks later, so 14 days. 14 days. So yeah, it's a long time to max and relax.

That's a little, maybe too long? Yeah, well, don't worry, Q. I was a max and relaxing. I was driving like a madman, clutching the wheel as semi's, or on either side of me, as I'm like, we're gonna fucking die in this trip. I know we are. So you guys started out on Sunday, right? Yeah, father's that okay, so the so did I I stopped in in Pittsburgh

You guys did you did you go right to Columbus? We went straight from Port Mommoth Straight on through to Columbus got there in the wee hours in the morning. So a man drives at 10 hours or eight hours. Was it last time you drove across country, Q? Cross country? Yeah. It's been, I mean, I drove to Florida last year.

That was 16 hours in one shot. How, were you like, man, I, I'd like this or were you like, I don't need to do this for quite some time. I'd like it up to about 10 hours and then I then I then I start being like all right I'll just stop and then the last three hours on that particular trip were Well, I came this fucking far. So let me just grind out these three hours and get to my parents house type thing Do you get that pain in your back of your thigh? That you know your your leg that controls the gas and the break.

Yeah, for sure. I don't know what that's called, your sciatica. Sciatica? I don't know. I'm not with that. Oh, no. That's a true old person. Yeah, I was just like, oh, this is not good.

I'm having aches and pains on the drive up to the grand caddy. And am I going to be able to get down to the bottom and back out again? Right. So you guys, you and Frank five, you ended up getting there Sunday night. Where is I wouldn't get there until Monday afternoon? Let me, you know what? We're going to have a special guest queue. Oh, we do. Yeah, we got Frank five. Hello. Frank. What's up, baby? Hey, how's it going?

Pretty good. You can hear him. Hey, yeah, how you doing, Frank? Oh, good, Brian. How are you? Excellent. Excellent. I'm about to hear about your trip.

I'm very excited to hear this. Yes. So, yeah, we're definitely an interesting trip. So far we've gotten up to you and Walt being in Columbus in the morning of the 21st. So you're looking for something to do and you decided on the zoo? Yeah, we went to a zoo and then we went to a whistle factory. Well, that's right, we went to a whistle factory. Yeah, we went to a whistle factory. Well, that's right, we went to whistle factory.

Yeah, we went to a whistle factory and we saw how whistles were made. It looked you like you laughing. A fucking whistle factory, it's awesome. Is there a mystery as to how whistles are made? It's like Willie Wonka's at secretive. Yeah, I mean, I feel like, I feel like if society ended, I would have trouble bringing back a lot of technology, but I think I can make the whistle happen. I think the thing that was most interesting about the whistle factory was the fact that

there were only five of us there, but the tour guide needed to have a wireless microphone that went through the loudspeaker that went through the entire factory as he told us how to make whistle. How big was the factory? It was about maybe the size of the old stash maybe. Okay. So I'm not super big, not super small, but it was America's leading distributor or maker of whistles.

Mm-hmm. Was. Well, it is. It makes America's whistles, and they're very proud of it. Oh, yeah. It was an hour and a half of that time. How they made whistles. Oh, no. Yeah.

Yeah. What, I love it. You got to love the passion, though, like it's, it's, oh yeah. It's the people you want making America's whistles. Now, Q, if you had to guess, if you brought a whistle last year, how long would it last you? Is it a like a shitty plastic whistle or a good wood whistle? It's a good hefty, you know, whistle like a police whistle. I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it a decades, man. I think that whistle lasts and lesson less i don't think it'll ever go bad so i'm wondering why they're why there's

such a need for so many whistles to be made there with these guys are pumping out millions of whistles a year and i'm like who's buying all these whistles you're right you buy it and so it should be good and for your life so unless you lose it it's not gonna fucking decompose Police they don't make him out of cork anymore. Oh, what are they making it? It's something else that doesn't dry rot

It's proprietary you can't know about a bride That's closely guarded as apple secrets. What's that for? I said see bride you missed with with the clerk is made out of now You were with Mary Beth's parents when we were at the toilet Yeah, when you guys were at the whistle factory Mary Beth and I went and had lunch with her mom Then met with you guys later on but you went from the whistle factory to the zoo No, no, as I recall that's a great zoo, right? Like it's awesome. Yeah, let's go. Yeah, so some bears. We saw some

So all sorts of wildlife We said the giraffe yeah, yeah, we fed a giraffe. Oh was it was it was it you were on that wood platform above the Yeah, the rough cage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that too every time I have a show in town there I'll go there and a few them giraffes Yeah, are you able to be left alone or do you have to do like a little private like before or after I was you? I I definitely go for the old white glove treatment. You know, you know, the old trade like you'll give a zookeeper or two a ticket to the show that night and they get you, you know, and then return you could pet like a polar bear. So you do even like have to do you even feed the the giraffe out of your hand

Or do you make one of the handlers just feed it for your pleasure for your usually You're gonna If if I know I'm going to that zoo No, if I know I'm going to that zoo, I'll have Jiggy come and make him feed them as I instructs. So Jiggy will, I'll hand Jiggy the leaf, Jiggy'll put it in his mouth or his butt cheek or something. And lean over and the giraffe will come in and take it from him and I laugh and laugh. Yeah. It's so post-Zoo, we meet up. Yeah, we're going to get the caravan, the final pieces of our caravan are in place.

And we are ready to start the trip officially now because everyone's in one location, everyone's under one roof, finally. We had the walkie talkies we were ready to go. Yeah, those walkie talkies will get to them later. But why would happen? Night one in Columbus, you know, since Mary Beth is from Ohio, she has favorite restaurants in certain parts of the state. And she's really into this Mongolia restaurant in Columbus.

She's like, I want to go there for dinner. I want to go there for dinner. So I'm like, okay, you know, we can eat one meal apart. I'm like, it's the opening ceremony dinner, though. I was like, the kind of sucks that we won't be with everybody, but this is where she wants to go. What am I going to do? Because he thinks that not everybody in the party is going to want to go to a Mongolian restaurant. Probably correctly. You can go on cue. There was, there's a hero with this story.

That all heroes were capes. Some just wear a frown and sit in among going to the restaurant. I'm not hitting this shit. Take this pill. I was stunned because I was like, they have certain things. I have chicken nuggets and shit, but I thought the smell would be too much for them. You know, because they have a lot of fish, you know like I already like seafood and shit and the smells of Chinese food You know, I know getting it outside when

When he's one of those like open pit does he really? There's like was it one of those open pit places where they're like constantly throwing food on a giant grill in the middle of a Like you bring your uncooked food up is like like that Mongolian place, I'll tell you. Yeah, where were you? Yeah, yeah. There's always food cooking then, always. Always. Yeah, like a romance.

It's overwhelming to a super-superson. And now, like, you know, not only is Walt agreed to come to the restaurant, you know, we're sitting pretty far away from where they're cooking, but every single person at the table and everybody surrounding him has this Mongolian food. So I gotta say, I was duly impressed. I sucked it up because I was like,

I wanna get this trip started on the right foot and that does it. We gotta all be together and break bread at the same table. Because right now we're a clan. Yeah, you're right. You know, who knows what dangers will face after this,

maybe possibly our final dinner together on this planet? That's nature. Nature. What about the whistle factory put you in this frame of mind? Take nothing for granted. I learned that from the fucking guy with the whistles. We got our picture taken by a big boot. The LL Bean store, I guess they have a giant boot out in front of it.

So that was the first for me, you know, being included in any photograph, you know, of the trip. So we got you guys can I just ask a question that's been on my mind. Do you guys have a theme song or something for the trip? Are you guys like hitting play at the same time as on a song? Well, you take off for the first time. Is there anything like that set up? It's been cool.

You know, like we started a trip off with like a pump me up song, like, you know, Tiger or something. Yeah, and you guys can go back to it at different, like when you're all flanking a little bit. Oh, man, I wish you had, yeah, I wish you had said you were going to drive out, and that would have been a good... Or just given us the idea before. No, I didn't do that.

Okay, okay. And so this is the first I'm hanging out with Alicia sometime. Yeah, my daughter Alicia. 18 years old now. Let me tell you, Walt undersells this kid. How so? Really? What a fucking cool kid she was.

Mary Beth loved her. Oh yes, she did. Why would you think I would have a nerd? I don't know. Look at me. I don't know All right, I wasn't gonna say it, but look at you How could I spawn anything less than fucking a 10 on a cool meter? I mean you did it you did it man You accomplished it

Later on I'll tell you something Mary Beth said about her when it's more appropriate Later on, I'll tell you something Mary Beth said about her when it's more appropriate time. So we leave the next day and we're heading for Indianapolis. No, Indiana. Indiana. Indiana. We want to go to the Mayberry Cafe. Now, this is something you found, Frank? I'm not sure.

I think I found it while we were driving and all I had to do was see me very Cafe and what was all over the walkie-talkie. Let's go there for lunch. Oh, yeah, because I just fucking had sucked it up for it among Goli and restaurant. I'm old! I was like we are definitely going to the Mayberry Cafe where they have burgers, fries, and nothing Chinese. Right. Good old and more of my goalie in the fair. Or whatever, long-gullian.

It's all the same to me. Now, I don't know how big of a fan you are of the Andy Griffith show, but we're in this little town. I think you know. But you're familiar with it, all right? Oh yeah, I actually do think it's very funny. But so there's a little cafe there that is I don't know why it's an Indiana because that's not even near where Mayberry actually is which is by the Carolinas was based, the town, on anyway. But this little cafe has adopted everything about the show. They have like an old police car in front of the

other cafe. They have TVs all over the place showing the black and white episodes. It's not in that color shit. Nice. Oh nice. Um, purity. Oh gee. And it is like, it feels like you just stepped back into 1955, 1956. Maybe 1957, if you're lucky. It was awesome. I couldn't, I couldn't recommend it enough to people who may be traveling across country if you're in. I don't know what little town that was in, but it look up Mayberry Cafe or Dinear, whatever it is. It was awesome.

Yeah, but before we got there, there was a Mayday call put out. 9-1-1. Frank V, what happened? So we're driving to the Mayberry Cafe. We're about 10 miles, I think, from the cafe and all of a sudden my car engine light comes out. And what happened was something with a limited slip thing that goes on with the car failed. And because of that, it would not allow me to drive more than 40 miles per hour into vehicle.

So just stay down on me, I said, you'll be fine. Yeah, I think I still even asked you. So I you know I thought we pull over. Walt is kind enough to take Mary with him to go to the Mayberry Cafe. I he was very excited about the Mayberry Cafe so I don't want to so I'm going to go to the Mayberry Cafe. I'm going to go to the Cadillac dealership and see if I can get this car fixed today while you guys are eating because it's the second day of the trip. So off day I'll go. Now I'm sitting in a catalytic dealership in the middle of this Indiana town. They don't know if they're going to be able to get the car in.

They don't know what's going on with the car. I might have to stay overnight. All this stuff is going on. I can attach a message from while. This cafe is awesome. They got videos playing, they got t-shirts, they got all the food I like, and he's going high and high and high and high

and high about how awesome this place is. For getting, if I am alone in a card dealership, trying to get my car thick Backing the people to fix the car before we cannot proceed I'm happy to have a list of the checkers. Okay. Yeah, it's good. Okay. Sorry. Sorry Frank. We Brian was fixing something Wow, so Walt you you were that excited that you forgot that he was Well, I didn't forget. I was just... You told me that he was going to go to a dealership and then he was going to have a

loner car. He would get a loner car and we would... Like, and while he was getting the car repaired, we could still do some sightseeing in Indiana, do some little things while the car is being repaired and he was going to come meet us at the diner. So I assumed that I mean, I didn't realize that he was gonna come meet us at the at the diner. So I assumed that I mean I didn't realize that he was getting all fucking you know we get the knees because he had to sit at a fucking car. I had no idea. I know he was blowing up my phone too. He was like come get me.

And he would come and get me either. I just cried. I'm like where are you? He goes on 10 minutes from the can't be. I'm like great. Hey, can you just swing by? I'm on this route. would come and get me either. I just bright. I'm like, where are you? He goes on 10 minutes from the chance. Yeah, I'm like, great. Hey, can you just swing by? I'm on this route. So you come and pick me up. I'm only like 50 minutes from place. You like, sorry, I can't cars fault. Nope. I think I'm taking a breather. Now I would have we I was on a totally like for some reason my GPS made me go a different way. So I was like, I way out in the boonies. And I'm like, there's no fucking way there's a car dealership out here.

In fact, it made me second guess if I went the right way But Frank you were how how far away from the Mayberry cafe? I was probably about maybe Six miles from it. So it was too I could walk it no way so but you right So what I'm saying is at worst you would have arrived at the Mayberry cafe and then having to drive an additional six miles in any Direction to get frank You still said no you still will like just round trip it's 12 miles You did you forget I ate at the Mongolian restaurant the night before I'm done. I don't there's no more like I don't need to do anything anymore

No, I agree with you, but even like, I'm just saying, there was a possibility that Mrs. Five could have gotten in like your car and driven to pick up a husband and then just drove it back. Well, you would be wrong on that one because I don't think Mrs. Five ever gets in the driver's seat. No. No.

No. I can see how you were out of options to get him. Yeah, I understand that. In fairness, I was on my own. In fairness, us Frank kept saying, I'll be there in 15 minutes and it's like 15 minutes came and went and a half hour came. I mean, it didn't matter because there was no tables anyway.

Oh, really? So actually Frank showed up and it was almost like right then it was time to go in. So it worked out. Oh, shit. Wait, it was a waiting list for the Mayberry Cafe. Oh, boy. Oh, I hope. We waited over an hour and a half because they kept

sitting on the locals. They really just like Mayberry would Yeah, the real early would once when Walt said to the host, we're from New Jersey, they didn't have any cloud whatsoever. Oh, man, yeah, they were. Should have dropped that. That's how that's like the hard land. Like, like, that's our, um, impractical joggers, demographics. You could have been like, Hey, man, like, do you ever watch

impractical jokes? They said, yes, I got a face time then. And then like, Hey, I wanted to pick up who he'd look like. Oh, even better like I face time. And she she's like I don't give a fuck So this is the Mayberry cafe mother fucker But now Frank finally gets there and then Bri of course It's a little agitated that we haven't been sat yet Just a little so like I'm telling him like hey man. It's fucking Mayberry man

You don't come right in with bluster in with like, like, hey, it's been too long. What's going on? So we went back in and it turned out that the guy forgot about us. Which really didn't matter. And I didn't matter to me at all. I was like, hey, it happens. And it turned out this guy loved me, right? I mean, he couldn't keep his hands off him. Oh, he was like, he's not even kidding around.

He was like rubbing his shoulders and was suctioning. Told him stranger, yeah, just like, I was like, he's not even kidding around. He was like rubbing his shoulders and massaging. Total stranger, yeah, just like, I was like, this is what it's like to live in the heart, man. It's all- Or please, massage in you. Yeah. They got up to that sort of shit in Mayberry.

Yeah, he was patting me on the back. He was calling me like Jersey. I love that, though. Like, you know, you're like, I had a nickname already on the second day to trip, Jersey. That's why I want you to write the call me from now on, though. Like, you know, you're like, I had a nickname already on the second day to trip. Jersey. That's why I want you to write the call me from now on. Jersey. Name the state you're from and that you're nicknamed.

Yeah, that's like the word. That dude did love you. I think he loved us because we did because when he told us, he literally admitted that like I totally forgot about you guys were even here. And we're like, don't worry about him, it's okay. I think he was just like, he's like, oh these guys are cool, these guys are all right. And he kind of took a shine to us and then really gave us a table right in the best table in the house. Far away from the toilets. The other pleasantness.

But so Frank's car isn't done even though we finished lunch and everything. We're like, okay, what is there to do? And would you want to, she recommended the Walmart? Yeah, I'm going to recommend it on March. Which to me didn't sound that bad. Yeah, you know, it was a target because we just got on the target the night before. We're like, we already went to target. Then the weirdest thing she said, our waitress said for things to do in town was, you,

well, you can go start a fire in the field. That's what my friends do. Yeah. Yeah, they go start fires in like, in open fields. And that's just something a bunch of strangers in the town are going to take upon themselves. Yeah, they go start fires and like in open fields. And that's just something about just strangers in the town are gonna take upon themselves. Jersey, what are you doing out there?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But so then we have to find something to do. And there's a, it's called a, they called it a flea market. Would you call it a flea market? I guess it did have a, I call it like an old fashioned kind of indoor flea market. Would you call it a flea market? I guess it did have a call it like an old-fashioned kind of indoor flea market where

I just don't know how they do it. I just don't know how they could stay open seven days a week from nine in the morning till six at night Just something stuff that like is like just useless junk. Yeah, I mean I have a lot of junk I have the answer for you. I know how. How? Because the only other thing to do in that fucking town is light fires in the middle of a field or go to a target.

So what on earth are they gonna do besides that? At least they get to talk to people there. Yeah. It was an eye opener how, you know, how middle America lives, because it's different than how we live out here. It's definitely more relaxed. It's definitely more laid back where like,

well, you know, it's much like the TSD town general store, because I think we have just as many sales as this free market date on a Monday. That's not going well. I had a couple of drafts while I was gone. I heard there was a four day drought of sales, which was broken by a bumper sticker, then another two day drought in between that.

We are so fucked. Now, this is where I started to notice something was going on with Bri, though, when we were at the flea market though, because he disappeared from the flea market. You know, me and Frank are trying on hats. We're like trying to make a go of it. We're trying to like have fun even though

like we're in a shitty flea market. We're still like trying to have fun and Brie's gone. MIA. I'm outta here. I'm outta here. Well, it's like he's back on the drugs. Yeah, he looked like he'd been. Yeah, I felt like I may have been.

But I had taken a run out to get some cold medicine because when I was at the Mayberry Cafe, I started, like my head started feeling woozy and shit. I was like, well, I just don't feel right. Like, I didn't feel sick, but I just didn't feel right. So we went to the flea market, and then I left the flea market for a little while, went down to a CVS, got some cold medicine, and shed some tissues, came back,

and then from there, we went to, it was like outlet mall. I guess it was just a little bit. It's an outlet, yeah, like an outlet like complex, like just filled with, you know, your standard outlet store is like night-y. Sure. Gap, all that kind of like corporate, you know, your standard outlet store is like night. Sure. A gap, all that kind of like corporate, you know, brand shit. Right.

So we split up. Everybody's looking at different shit. Million Mary Beth went to Barnes and Noble because I'm like, I just want to sit down a little bit. I just want to sit down. And as I'm sitting there more and more, I'm like, I don't think I could drive like another mile tonight. Well, we set out a lot of driving in front of us. A lot of driving. We got like, I don't think I could drive like another mile tonight.

Well, we still got a lot of drive in front of us. We got like six hours to make up because we're sitting in fucking Indiana, you know, like not making any headway. So Frank's car got fixed. No, not even yet. Still not yet. Okay. Okay. But I'm sitting in Barnes and Noble and I'm like, maybe I, because the, the goal was to get to where the next day or that night. Frank, do you remember? Let me see. I think it was to get to St. Louis. There you am, right? That's where it was. St. Louis, which was about three hours or so, maybe a little bit more. And I said to the two what the hell Amber alert. Yeah, who cares about that? Come on. It's come and go all the time.

I know he's not in my house. So if he's not in my house, then I don't know where the fuck the kid is. So I say to those guys, I was like, I think what I'm going to do is get a room. This is at four o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah. And then we got to get a room. And what I'll do is I'll get up real early tomorrow morning. I just, I got to sleep off whatever this is. I'll get up real early tomorrow morning. So I get there by, you know, by like nine o'clock. and then we can take off, you know, I'll drive on the morning I didn't happen They went on the state Lewis and when did I tell you?

We woke up by I I woke up around six o'clock in the morning and I saw the text that you know that you were like It's not happening guys. Yeah, I'm like I can't do it and this is goddamn it What is going on? Oh, is it your phone? I mean, I hope that kids okay I mean, I hope that kids okay. Okay. And I that night I was like, I got to make a call here. Like if I feel this way, this late, am I going to be able to

fucking drive like I can't drive like this. And I was like, I had to make a call and I called it off. I was like, I guess I can't go Because I like I then stayed okay, so we're in Plainfield no we're in plainfield Indiana so I stayed there that night and then I was like I can't even I can't go anywhere Like I can't even to Columbus. I can't drive back to Columbus. It's only three hours. So I got broke for a second night You know then it was just a series of like we got to Columbus and then the next day's only three hours. So I got through for a second night. You know, then it was just a

series of like we got to Columbus. And then the next day we drove three hours. Then the next jave we drove three hours. You know, it took us like probably as long as it took you guys to get through the grand canyon. It took us to get back to the fun. I mean, you want to talk about fucking deflated something I've been looking forward to for ever said the second you texted me you're like, hey, this is what we're doing I was like, I'm in yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, it's sucked. Yeah, I was shocked. I was just like Is this yeah, it's just like some sort of joke. He's gonna pull and he's gonna pop up pop up the Grand Canyon and you guys thought I wasn't coming Great joke I'm not sure if this will make you feel any better, but there were many times throughout

the trip, and we both said we wished you were there for certain instances, things that happened. I mean, we wanted you there anyway, but there were certain times that things happened that we were like, oh my God, if Friday was here, that would have been just great. Getting hassled by homeless people. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. You're waiting for citizens from here. by homeless people. Yeah, it really, it sucked to have to turn around and go back.

And what I was saying earlier about Alicia was, Mary Beth had some plan in her head where Alicia was going to drive my car and Mary Beth was going to be the passenger and I was going to drive with you guys for a while. We were just going to mix it up. Chinese fire drill style. I was like really? You're gonna put her on highways doing like 80s around semi's in your brand new car. I mean it's insured. If they were like we want to do this I would have been like all right. The only time Alicia drove was when we took there was like this tiny ass little road that we were gonna be on for over an hour.

There was no traffic anywhere. I was like, yeah, you can drive now. Because otherwise, I wanna be able to sleep in the car. So like if I'm all nervous and I'm all like, I'm not real like comfortable, like I can relax, where I can go to sleep, like if the app's driving, it's okay. But like at least just too new of a driver,

I could never fall asleep and I just wanted to sleep at times. So at that point so at that point I was like you can drive on this road because I knew that was it was so Remote in the middle of fucking nowhere, right? We let her drive But yet definitely not on that fucking highway But I would be white knuckle in at the whole time in the back seat Oh, oh Drive it like I'm talking about like if I saw if I my new shoes in front of me, but all that traffic and So yes, so that's kind of where I I fall from the stories

When you texted me I was like how the fuck I said in one way I said it's the most tell them Steve Dave thing possible I said to him I was like it's, it just seems right for the podcast. So as much as I would have rather you had made it and have all those stories, like this is on brand. It really is. I think about it. Did the fucking wheels fall off almost right away? Yeah, I mean, like I told Frank I was like, this is not going well.

I said, like, right out of the gate man, like your car's not working, he's sick, I go. I had like, there was a shadow looming over us right out of the gate. Did it clear up after the Johnson curse moved away from you? I mean, I see like a smooth sailing after that. Yeah, it actually did, you know, it really was kind of like smooth sailing. You know, no one got hurt, no one got sick, no, there was no real like...

No fights. No snapples, no fights, no nothing. It was just kind of like, I said, like just kind of smooth sailing, thankfully. And yeah, it was just a decent time. Where were the first place that you guys stopped? Like, did you stop any places between there and arches? I hope. We stopped in St. Louis at a...

No, we were going to go to downtown St. Louis. Right. But me and Frank were in the... We were gonna go to downtown St. Louis But we weren't but me and Frank were in the in the flea market and the ladies were out in front of the flea market because they had had enough of it and they started talking to some locals and They told us that like you do not want to go in the St. Louis. You will get shot Yeah, now mind you I was very excited. We were gonna to go to the 50 diners, so to shop and everything, and we were all ready to go. And the guy says, you don't want to go around there, you know, if you're a danger, if it's going to be, you know, you can get shot and this and that. Walt looks at us and he goes, this is a message from above.

So we can just continue on going and skip this sort of thing. Yeah, I said, this is God intervening right now, and if we better listen to God Or else we're gonna regret this because this guy was like I think don't you think this like this guy could have been a ghost When we drove away he could have just like dissipated in the wind and turn a dust He's like he's like a Ralph from like go doomed I'm trying to 13th, remember, Ralph. Go doomed. Yeah, crazy.

Ralph. How my question is though, how does a 50 style soda fountain survive in the middle of a hood of people in the shot and shit? Like, who's going? Who's going there? Now, we didn't do any investigation to see if this old man, I mean, he had to be 102 if he was, if he was a hundred.

I mean, he looked like shoe leather and left out in the sun for, you know, his whole life. And, you know, he, but I just felt like it was be wise to heed his warning to not go into St. Louis. And, and, you know, go to this 50s soda jerk diner. It's not enough. Yeah that's what I'm saying. Like is it really like I like coke right out of the can. I don't need to have it on tap. Right. And then get cast. From the fucking honor. Yeah.

So you skipped the block. Is this going to be a series for the trouble going to the soda factor. So you skipped the blocker. Is this gonna be a series of things you guys didn't go to because you were afraid? Yeah, you know how it is. I mean, I talked all big and bad for months leaning up to this trip. How I would be fucking climbing out of the fucking

green canyon by just my fingernails and toenails. Didn't happen. Didn't happen. Didn't happen that way. Well, you made it to arches, right? Yeah, yeah, we made it to arches. No, was it worth it? How you remembered it? Yeah, remember, Kiwi, that's a trip we did together.

I was very impressed with arches when we went all so many years ago. I thought it was more beautiful than the Grand Canyon. Yeah. I agree. I do agree with that. Yeah, than the Grand Canyon. Yeah. I agree. I do agree with that. Yeah, it's more breathtaking. Yeah.

I can see that. I mean, the Grand Canyon is the Grand Canyon, but yeah, I see what you mean. And I took a page out of you and Brie. I told them Frank and my wife and my daughter, and this is five. We were going to eat at that restaurant. You guys ate it at the top of the mountain. Oh yeah, remember that? Oh shit, I forgot all about that, yeah.

Remember the waitress was there, we're like, we're doing nothing with our lives, look at her, she ate from somewhere. Yeah, that's right, we were so impressed with that woman, that's right. Yeah, we ate at that restaurant, and it was really nice, you know, it was like we got there when it was like getting turning dusk,

so the sky's all purpley and pink. And it turns to pitch black and the stars are out up there. Yeah, it was really, really nice. And then the next morning we did, got up early, got into arches for free. Oh, that early. Wow, that is early. That's cool, right?

And that's awesome. Yeah. When you get to fucking, you know. It's calling that cheap. No, it ain't cheap to get into these These national parks. Yeah So if you go like on the off time though, right nobody's there because we got into the grand canyon for free the first time Yeah, because we got in so late First time multiple trips to the Grand Caddy and I wasn't aware of this. Yeah, we spent two days in the Grand Canyon. One day

we got in for free and then the next day we paid to the nose. Twice. Yeah. Yeah. So you know what, we, when the thing with the Moab and the Arches was, I just couldn't believe some of the parents who allowed children to take to climb these rocks that if they slip. There's one mishap. You have a dead child in front of you. Like so much so that like I was feeling nauseous watching from afar, these like tenured, climb these massive rocks to the tippy top with these amazing like degrees, like the angles that they were at, like if there was one slip, they're done.

And the kids, parents are just like whatever. And the parents are just like, hoo hoo hoo hoo. And I'm just like, what are you doing? Why are you laughing like that? How could you watch that? Like, it would be nauseating for me to like sit there and have that kind of like anxiety to see if like

if Alicia would make it back down from that rock. Right. Oh, yeah, like, I don't know how this, I guess there's some people who do nature, like I don't really do nature. And they have a different mindset, you know, they're a little bit more Carefree and not a venture some. Yeah, they're not as Safety conscious right as me they'd go to the 50 style diner in the

Kids climb all over the counter So we forgot to mention just before the arches, even though we didn't go to the 50 South Islander, we went to that city in Illinois, that K.C. city, that everything there was big. The largest attractions, do you remember that? Yeah. Largest rocking chair, largest roast largest, the biomiter, all they kind of, yeah, this town had bought in that if they built giant props, kind of like the fortress, the solitude level of lunacy,

we're like, oh, share the size of like a, of a building. Yeah, they would have to beat the tourism's, the tourists off with a stick with a giant stick, the giant ruler. But I wasn't the case. There was nobody there. It was a fucking ghost town of giant props. Sounds pretty fucking cool. It is, but I don't know how these little towns are making it in 2021, man. There is just like, they're closed at like five o'clock.

Nothing's open. Just nobody on the streets. You think that there was still like, like we were still in lockdown in so many the towns we drove through. That's where you stayed or you just drove through there. We just drove through there. No, Grand Canyon was it expensive to stay? Like the rooms and stuff? More so than the rest of the trip. What would you say, Frank? I'm sorry, I didn't hear him. What did he say? The expense of the rooms and the Grand Canyon is compared to the rest of the trip. Moab was. So what would you say, Frank? I'm sorry, I didn't hear him. What did you say?

The expense of the rooms and the grandcanyon is compared to the rest of the trip. Moab was. Yeah, Moab was, I would say Moab was probably the most expensive room out of all the places we went to, except at the very, very end when we were in Texas. But I don't think, you know what was expensive at the Grand Canyon was Desolene because they have a little grand grand Canyon village down at the very bottom That's the only place you can get gas. It's the only place you can get food and and it was like for something at gallon, right? Welcome to Biden's America, buddy And now cute have you been to the Grand Canyon without when we went other than we went together?

Yes, yeah, I had never been I had no idea there was a little town in Grand Canyon with like like a pizza parlour and Macdonalds and a Wendy's and a hotel in chocolate with it within the canyon right around the rim This all around the rim. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know that. It was like a little tourist attraction where they rape you. Everything that you got. Everything. How much is this? How much you do you got? Yeah, gas, food, everything. Like it's the most expensive Wendy's in America. The lady in the window told us when we pulled up, because she goes, how'd you like those prices? This is the most expensive Wendy's in the country. She works there.

She's almost bloating about it. She knows you can't do shit. She's like, you know, like it, go eat sand, the motherfucker. Like God, were there any standout moments in Grand Canyon? Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, there were. But before we get into Canyon? Oh, God. Yeah, there were. But before we get into the Grand Canyon,

like I said, I talked kind of a big game, right? You would say, like, I was going to do this and I was going to do that and... In very hot temperatures. Yeah. So you were going to do it. So leading up. Did you take your water pills?

I had a backpack. I brought myself a backpack,. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.

I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I couldn't wear the backpack, because it would stop rub on my nipples the wrong way. So, like, right off the bat, I'm like, what the fuck, I can't even wear the backpack where I'm gonna keep all our water because it hurts my nipples.

You should've taped them up like Lady Gaga or something. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, for the weeks leading up to that, I was bombarded with messages from ants to my personal email came used to a Gmail with absolutely very concerned, very nice, some condescending pricks who are like, let me know when you're at the Grand Canyon, so I can plan to come out and visit you at the hospital, because I know that's where you're going to be.

You can attempt this. Like, that kind of tone, so many emails are like, what an ass. So, but there were some very concerning emails I was getting from people who said they did this, and that you're not going to be able to do this without taking precautions. They said if you if you don't have the proper shoes you're going to lose toenails on this height. If you don't have a walking stick you will be confronted with with snakes and how are you going to move them without a walking stick. So you better bring a

walking stick. You're a fucking I'm going to move them how am I going to move them. It would add a walking stick. So you better bring a walking stick. You're a fucking I got to move them. How am I going to move them with a walking stick? They were like, you're going to have your brain's going to be scrambled within 10 seconds. You don't, you don't use to this elevation because please, I beg you do not do this. They put the fear of God in me. So much that we just stayed in the Grand Canyon fucking little Taurus We didn't call We did the chocolate factory We went to the pizza parlor you guys never hide

Oh I was so terrified that we were gonna die that That I was like, I can't do it. I just, I don't wanna take these, everybody down there cause and then if we can't get out, it's just not worth it. Like, like I said, there's too many people warning me. Like, there was this too many things. I was like, God is speaking to me right now.

What about the, what about the, the donkeys, the burrows? We didn't see anything like that. We were at the southern rim. And we got there, there was no donkeys, there was no glass bridge. There was no donkeys at the Wendy's. We didn't like, you looked all, oh no, there were. That's what I was thinking.

So we did the touristy thing in the afternoon. We went to the trails that the tourists do. Like, we stayed by the people who looked like they, you know, they couldn't really do anything, like they couldn't hack it. They're too old or too out of shape. That's what I felt like that was our, that was our lane. Oh yeah, you were were with them were you The lack of self-awareness is fit The Frank were you in agreement with this?

Were you like two days? He was not happy. His wife was happy. She was like, you can only go over Walco. She goes. Let me tell you, go into the grand canyon with like happy three wives. Because we weren't you taught just before we're all warm and stuff and every time I walk even remotely close just to see what the

briskated look like all of that from 10 feet away we're yelling to me to come back ten feet away were yelling to me to come back to the edge. I needed to come back out to the concrete and look at it from there. But your wife was so concerned. She was filled with anxiety as you got too close to the edge though. Why would you want to do that to her? She said to me, she goes, you can go wherever Walco is. It was what she told me. She said to me she goes you can go wherever walk goes

So that was what I saw the grand jinn Drive 2500 miles for Walter be like no But you said We got there where it was like it was massive We never would have fucking made it down to the bottom. There's a lot of chairs and planets We would have made it down to the bottom. It was completely bigger than I remembered it. Yeah Huge huge there's no fucking way they ended up walking to Other side of the of the path and I just like, I'll go into the car and I'll wait for you guys in the parking lot.

So I just parked close to the path waiting for them with the air conditioner running. And I was watching TV. He started to put on the office. He's at the Grand Canyon. And he's watching the office in his car. Mary's like, did we wall say you could do that. But what I wanted to do was I saw the night before I saw these really hyped up tours,

that Jeep tours. And I was like, let's do the Jeep tours. It says that they have the grant you access that most tourists will not gain you know you're gonna get more you're gonna go areas where like the normal tourists don't go on these cheap tours because they're like off-road and and it was expensive it per person I think it was like $125 right yep yep so we we tried to book these Jeep tours and we couldn't book one. They're all sold out Until until finally we call the last tour the Jeep tour place and they say yeah, they have enough spots for us

So we book it at 4 o'clock or 6 o'clock in the evening This tour to see the sun go down in the Grand Canyon And they talk about we're going to see wildlife that we've never seen before. But granted we had been there for 24 hours. So we had seen all the deer that they were that that is at the Grand Canyon. So we didn't actually see anything that we hadn't seen for free, you know, the night before. But we, I swear to God, I'm not exaggerating. We got the most condescending fucking irritating

know it all. And I fucking spend six hours a day with giddems degree. In a room, just like I'm telling you, I know condescending and know it all. And this fucking lady was brutal. Really? She was the Jeep driver. She was the tour guide Mm-hmm. So tell me about I mean I can't even I know you guys are gonna think I'm I'm exaggerating and this didn't happen or she didn't say this I swear to God everything that we were gonna tell you about this fucking tour guide is Gospel it was

It was shocking how poor she was. We could start off by saying that it's safe to assume that everybody thinks Walt Flanagan is wonderful because we're poor guide. She hated you. She hated you. She hated me because I had to fucking balls to question some of her knowledge.

And then when she got it and when she annoyed me I started to then just fucking out right mocker. The woman you described as a smug asshole. There was one there was one point in the tour where they were bickering back and forth. It's true. Over the year that drones were first brought into public use. True. Because everything that everything that she brought up about, like showing us the Grand Canyon and relaying knowledge, she relayed knowledge by asking us questions. Like, does anybody know this? Or does anybody know this? Or does anybody know this? It was like, it became too irritating to be constantly be like questioned about anything.

It's not a classroom. Right. It's like, if we fucking knew these questions, we wouldn't fucking be paying you through the nose. To tell us the fucking answers. Right. Yeah. And so and when you said something, let's say you were wrong and like because she's not talking until somebody answers, someone throws out an answer, even if it's wrong. So we would throw out an answer and if it was wrong, she'd be like, before you could even finish the work, no.

Wrong. And of course, she's fucking to add to let us know she was formally a vegan Right off the bat. I'm like this isn't about you bitch. No one cares We're here to see the fucking hole in the fucking earth. We don't care about your dietary Needs or how you're so much better and superior to us who consume fucking Homogenized or pass her ice food. But I mean, if she's like, I want formally, a vegan.

Yeah, but now she hunts her food and she nothing goes to waste. Yeah, so good for her. Oh my God, she was so fucking pretentious. It was fucking maddening. Well, we kind of got off on the wrong foot with her about 10 minutes into the tour. Through no fault of our own.

We were sweet, she dropped us off at some store and told us to go for a half hour go look out. Our first fucking stop on the tour, we had a gift shop in a parking lot. There's hundreds of thousands of people anyway. So that's our first stop, but you guys you have a half hour here. To just go like at a gift shop. So obviously we

don't have it, but it is not a half hour that we're going to spend a gift shop. So we just sat on the side of the rim. You know, it's nice and cool. And there is these squirrels everywhere that were almost like they would, they were so conditioned and trained to kind of like sit up on their hind legs and beg for food It's so cute and adorable like they look like little men Walking for food if you give them food then they're very aggressive for the food But it's still cute as hell, you know, they look like they're walking on their back feet and We're just sitting there and another tour guide

A nice guy I thought it comes over and just starts a conversation with Frank. About what, Frank? What was it again? Something about a car, right? Yeah, I was worried at the lorry in hand, so we were talking about the car. And then he started, we started to ask him a couple questions about the Grand Canyon. Just because we're making, what else are we going to talk about with this guy? Right.

Who won't leave us alone. So obviously, you know, we're talking about, and we ask about what's the most dangerous animal, and he goes, oh, it's the squirrels, he goes. They have bbonic plague. What? No, granted, we were just feeding these squirrels hours earlier in the day. And I was telling Frank, don't feed that squirrel.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, because I said, you don't know if it's gonna scratch your, give your rabies. You wouldn't listen. If something else you didn't want me to do Stay back stay away from the squirrel But I was right though. I was like they may be they may have a disease You don't know they're out in the daytime. This is not normal behavior for a squirrel to be walking up to you that

Non-shelon and begging for food right and getting aggressive if he doesn't get it like like they went into his bag Really with those two events like little chimpanzees like little primates and begging for food. Right, and getting aggressive if he doesn't get it. Like they went into his bag, really? With those two hands, like little chimpanzees, like little primates, so they didn't get into his bag to take his chocolate bar. Jesus. So we're floored by that when he says they have bubonic plague and they're the most dangerous animals in the park.

And then we're talking about, you know, these kids who are like, who are stangling their feet off a very precarious rock. Like if they had fallen, they would have died. So I was like, why do you guys allow this? Like, why are the park rangers so like okay with people acting like fools just to get a like a selfie? And he got like kind of a like, well it's nature.

We're not supposed to be putting up higher walls. This is what it's all about. If you're too stupid, you know, it's your fault I go give a story about a kid who got blown off the rim not doing anything wrong a little four-year-old Who got blown off the rim because of a high gust of wind and he's like so Fucking railings taller asshole like what you're telling me it's okay for kids to come on vacation You get blown off the side of the rim. I gotta say I kind of feel for him I felt the same way during that amber alert like so So we're talking to him and

Like I said, I would have rather had this guy as our tour guide Because he was still nice. He was where's the beers. Are we gonna get beers later? tour guide because he was still nice he was where's the beers are we gonna get beers later you know was cue the tour guide just some dude you met in the parking lot must go grab beers later yeah I'm a ranger why not he had a personality at least and he wasn't like so condescending and pretentious as our as our tour guide was but then our tour guide fucking comes around the corner and she's like hello we're waiting for you

she's what's going on yeah we're like oh okay we didn't know we're back we thought we had more time and she's like what's what's going on with that? With that tour guide. Why were you asking so many questions? Shut the fuck up. No! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

Oh my God! This is where we wished you were here, because no one's gonna believe us. We said, she is so pissed off that we were talking to another tour guide. Oh my God! Like we were cheating at her. Yes!

So we thought she was teasing at first. So we kind of rolled with it. She's like, oh,. Like we were cheating at her. Yes. So we thought she was teasing at first. So we kind of rolled with it. She's like, oh, yeah, we were just talking about the lorians. And he told us that the fuckers squirrels have ebonyk plaguer. Like, is that true? And she's like, well, why don't you go back and ask him? Oh my god. I was stunned when she said that because I'm still behind her in the Jeep, but I looked at my freaking I'm like Is she like is she serious or she tees in us and she was not tees in us She was fucking livid that we were talking to another tour guide dude I was upset already that I wasn't able to go on the trip now. Oh

My god, it sounds awesome. Oh my god. If I daughter I look at my daughter and she does not want me to engage She's like stop stop talking to her, you know, you're you're it's like she doesn't find it amusing right that she's getting more Irritating with me by the moment So we go through the next stop and she we go to another spot, which is fucking another parking lot Just another parking lot amongst the fucking 12 that we visited that night. So we get out and she goes you can go out here and get some good pictures and some great scenery over here. And she starts to talk about how the Grand Canyon had to ban drones because of the frequency that a drone is like controlled on would interfere with the helicopters, tours, or rescues that they might have to perform.

I thought that was interesting, so I said, oh, wow, I go, so was that something that was learned by accident? That like, you know, because when the drones came into popularity, I can't imagine that people just didn't come with them and were like, I'm gonna get amazing footage here at the Grand Canyon with my drone.

And you guys learned a hard way, or that, you know, you had to like squash this. And so when was that, I said, when was that implemented that they had the band drones? She goes, she goes, when were drones invented, she goes. So like in my face like that.

And I was like, I don't know. And she goes, the 80s. And I go, and so the 80s, she goes like, like, like she's right. It turns away. And I go, no, I don't think so I said To the to the average Joe consumer in the 80s I said it would be much much later than that Probably 20 years I said I can't imagine anyone having a drone in 90s

I said and she goes I don't know and then like five minutes later she comes back and she goes She goes drones were in the 80s she goes. I don't know. And then like five minutes later, she comes back and she goes, drones were in the 80s, she goes, I was a government contractor. And a former vegan. I just wanted to know what she said that, like she couldn't let it go that I questioned and I told her like, there's no way that the drones were around the 80s, I said.

Consumer models of drones, I mean, I can't say for effect, but I feel like I'm 99.9% sure. We would have seen them. That's something I wish you were there. My daughter is just like mortified. It's like we're arguing about drones amongst all the tourists that are on the rim. And then she says something that I just like I just had had enough. She goes, do you know who has to get rescued more at the Grand Canyon?

Manor women and somebody says man and she goes wrong. It's women she goes, you know why and I said because they don't listen to the men I said oh, yes That is fucking perfect. Oh my god. She just didn't even look at me. She had sunglasses on so I couldn't see how mad her eyes were And I looked over at my daughter like laughing like She's just like, you just shut off. And she goes, the reason that women need to be rescued more at the Grand Canyon is because men, what happens when men are get tired? What do they do?

And nobody knows, yeah. That's what it is, is that they will rest. What will women do when we get tired women? We will carry on. We will tired women? We will carry on. We will press fear. We will keep going and we will push ourselves to the point where we push ourselves harder than the men because of whatever, I don't know what her reasoning was

and that's why women have to get rescued. It's due to stupidity, then, is what she's saying. That's what she said. And then she says something that just fucking makes me go, didn't just say that, did she? She starts talking about, well, who funds the parks in the national parks? Who's in charge of the national parks in the government? And you know the questions and I'm like, I don't know. She starts rattling off like who's in charge of that the department of I don't know department of nature. I don't know what it was And people are just zoning out now because she just keeps asking us questions that nobody can answer and then if somebody says something she's like no Then she says something that just made me go. I can't believe she just said that she goes now

BLM she goes is Is a political organization who does nothing? What just happened here like it like she just fucking called out BLM at the Grand Canyon. We're looking at fucking shrubs and berries. And she just says that out of nowhere. What happened? Her political feelings on BLM. Unless BLM means something else at the Grand Canyon.

Well, there's a Bureau of Land Management. Oh, okay. Then that may be it then, because I was like, what the hell is she talking about? Why is she bringing up? How does she know our political? How does she not know? Like, why is she saying this? Like, would she say this if there was people of color in our group? Or would she call it by at least the, like, the full name instead of an acronym? Right. Yeah, I think that's probably what she needs. She probably has personal experience with BLM and is unhappy with their

policies. But not the BLM that's in the news today. No, no, the one that nobody knows about. They all are apology then. The one that she should have sort of specified since everyone thinks BLM. Okay, there that I was wrong in that one then. But remember, before she even mentioned that, she was saying how she used to live on the Southern border of the state. Oh, yeah. And then she, yeah, and she, she goes, I moved away because of everything that's happening down on the border. She goes, it's just a mess. Yeah, she, she kind of did bring her personal feelings into the tour, to the tour information. Um, but I wonder who she voted for.

Yeah, but she, she just added this taste that like she, she, she was just kind of But I wonder who she voted for She just added this taste that like she she was just kind of like just two pretentious and two two Interested and like to kind of making us feel stupid. She actually said at one point. Where did you people go to school? Oh my god Right Frank? Yeah school. Oh my God. That's what you said. Frank Frank. Yes. Yes. What did you get your education at she goes? Everybody's terrified to say the wrong answer because she's jumping on our down our throats. She's just like Harvard.

Frank here went to yell. We want to teach her and professor in our group. And they were terrified to say anything because they're going to get their heads bitten off. Yeah. I kind of I kind, I kind of titled up to the other group that was in our, in our, on our bot afterwards. Oh, you were distancing yourself from wall? Yeah, everybody was. Nobody wants to sit next to us. I'm with this family now.

Holy shit, man. That's unbelievable. She brings us back to our car. You know, and she goes, I have a tip jar up here, and if you would, please leave me a great review. Wow. You got to be out of your mind. I wouldn't, I wasn't going to bout to go leave our bad review because I hate people who

leave bad reviews. I'm just not into doing that. I have no idea what her day was like before she picked this up. Maybe it was a bad, bad day. Right. I think her muskrat got away when she just got away. I'm not going to judge her on one on a couple hours. So I'm not going to go and leave her bad review. But I sure as highly giving you a fucking tip though, I paid $120 for that bullshit. Right. And if they had been like overly helpful and friendly and like, hey, yeah, like made it a fun experience, then yeah, you might not feel bad like, throw it at 10 or 20. I wish we could exist, trade it like families and go on on the tour guide with the guy

who wanted to go get beers. You would have drank a beer just to avoid the lady. I mean, I wanted to be a fucking try to mongolian restaurant, maybe I was over beer. Oh, holy shit. Wow. So the way back. Well then we went to tombstone. We saw the tombstone. We had the tombstone.

Frank wanted to tombstone. I love tombstone. I love tombstone. Yeah. I do. It's a lot of fun. Frank really wanted to tombstone. So we drove the, how many hours was that from Grand Canyon 6?

Well, yeah, like 6 to to eight. I think it was like everything at this point started to be like eight or nine hours away from each other Yeah, which makes it difficult to like get there before anything closes because you got to get up so early To get on the road if something closes six hours away. Yeah, because if you start at 10 you get launched You're right time to roll in the town. It's already four o'clock then So and you'll have like a couple hours to do anything there. Yeah, it's gonna sound fun You know what it's not my thing. I don't I don't think it I don't think it's a place I could see why a lot of people go there. I could see why people have fun, but I was kind of like It's just I'm not snide into cowboys, I guess and you said Alicia's up for anything, right?

She's like she's into the whistle factory She's into this. Yeah, she's the kind of a person that like whatever Whatever you guys want to do I'm up for it. I'm not gonna complain Until you know until we until we learn the car alone and then she tells me that she you know that she's like it's too hot Yeah, what's with Frank? Why do you have to do the tombstone? you know that she's like it's too hot. What's with Frank? Why do you have to do it a tombstone? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I need to take five. I don't, go ahead, I'm sorry. No, did you take an old Western photo, like an old timey Western photo

with everybody in costume? No, we were just still, we're still fucking seething over our tour, our tour budget being fucking blasted by the tour guide. And we didn't do that, but we took photos, we took a lot of photos on our off of our phone. We saw a reenactment of the big fight with Wyand,

who were some of the other big wigs in that. James Gaye. Yeah, but. Yeah, I thought it's dark holiday, dark holiday. Yeah. And I got to tell you, the young guys that do that, and there were some older guys, they deserve more recognition for doing that shit in

fucking trench coats and 118 degree weather for a bunch of tourists every fucking day out in the sun. Probably multiple times. Oh my god. And they're like they are so into it and they're so eager to talk about it. It was, you know, that was impressive for the actors who are in that. I loved it. i would actually love to go back there again with the off-screen yeah i wrote that's what you did all you're not going back right now

we saw a down-track out brawl in the streets of phoenix but so it's just just feel like badass? We felt badass in Tombstone. Oh, I don't know if he can hear us. Can you hear us? Do you feel badass? Yeah, I can hear you can hear me. Oh, okay.

Yeah, I guess you could feel like a badger. You can get caught up in that. Like, yeah, I could be a gunslinger. You can kind of get caught up in that mentality until you're like, yeah, because it's all fucking play acting. Could you ever imagine living in a fucking time where like if you fucking look at somebody the wrong way, they'll shoot you in a bit. They'll just shoot you.

Yeah, I don't want to live in a world like that. But we almost sold a world like that in Phoenix, Q. We saw a big knockdown drag out brawl right on the streets of Phoenix when we're part of traffic light. Really? Yeah, some dude just beating the shit out of like three people One little man, but a bald head just knocking people out Women wow Women do it's he didn't care he was taking anybody and people sitting at a bus stop acting

I yeah, this is just a regular Monday and Phoenix. They didn't even try to stop the brawl Act in oh yeah, this is just a regular Monday and Phoenix. They didn't even try to stop the brawl They didn't care and you said that it happened too quick to bust out your iPhone and go a little world star action I mean I could have I was just a shock. I just don't I don't see that very often where you just see people just beating the Share of each other and I don't even think to bring pick up my phone and video tape I saw fighting wildwood same thing. I'm just watching it and meanwhile I look around everybody has their their phones out and I'm like yeah just doesn't occur to me. I'm just watching. I think it's fun my wife's going why are they doing that? Like, just like a girl. Let me go find out. Hey, Baldi, we know what's funny about it is that we before that we're in tombstone and you feel like a badass right?

Yeah, and then you're you're you're inics and you're seeing this fight on the street that were like all right roll the windows off. Yeah, reality hits you in the face when you're when you see it. It's not it's not a bunch of 18-year-olds in pro play acting and trench coats. It's a fucking a muscular ass fucking five-foot five-d dude with a bald head beating a shit out of five people You ain't going up to him and say hey dude And then where else do we all you guys went on a breaking bad tour Yes

Yeah, when to New Mexico Q and, and there was, they were doing tours of locations. Yeah. Yes. Would you see? We saw everything. We got lucky because when we called for the reservation, the RV was booked up. But this other guy, he used to, he runs a limousine company. As he used to actually bring the actors

and the crew back and forth when the show was going on, you know, when it was being taped. So she had a lot of insight now, she had a lot of photos and stuff. So we went with him, and it only ended up being the three of us, me, Mary, and Alicia. And he took us to, we went to Walter White House, we went to the laundry, we went to the car wash every single day.

You went to the restaurant. You guys go to the restaurant, too? Oh, yeah, yeah, we went to, it was called Twisters, but it was the chicken brothers in the show. And the cool thing was, he was kind of new everybody on the tour. And when we got in front of Walter White's house, it's very well known that the people who own the house take the publicity that this show is generated. And they will often scare people away. They just sit there all day and they're driveway telling people not to take pictures

in this neighborhood because they knew our tour guide, we kind of got to hang out there and talk a little bit about when it was like when you were filmed to show, with everything. So it was, it was really, really cool. It was, it was nice. I mean, I tell you how, like, how up-francthing Alicia is. She went, like, she just met Frank and Mary the only couple days earlier and like you know She's like totally like I couldn't do that as like 18-year-old right like I'm just gonna go with like you know People I really don't know that she does not like me though. Yeah, like your parents friends. I've got a personality Yeah, she's a cool kid But yeah me and dad while they were we we searched for a subarrow's because we were just like Jones and for like real pizza, or at least pizza that we were going to have.

So we're like on the hunt for like, you know, we're like crack addicts driving around Phoenix like, hey, man, where's a sabarros at? You're gonna start knocking women out. So we finally find a sabarros in this mall. And I've never been in a mall like this, man. I had, I just just it was just a culture shock. We walk in and there's a lunchboard sign in front of the entrance to the mall that says have you removed all your belongings? Have you locked your

doors? We are not responsible for any theft and we're like, oof, that's not like something like that's not like at our malls in Jersey and then also you're driving a car where you have all your shit in it All our luggage in that car so we're like no and then we go to the front door the sliding doors to get in and there's giant Signs all over the front door no firearms are allowed in this in this establishment So we're like oh shit you can carry it in the state too. We didn't I we didn't realize it so we're like well It's 11 o'clock in the morning. There's no way that there's going to be what are the chances that our car would get robbed?

We were like, you know, we're overthinking it. We've been too safety cautious on this trip as it is. Let's leave our doors unlocked. LAUGHTER That's our equivalent of fucking hanging our feet on the edge of a rocket that we got with the Grand Canyon. But when we walked in, the fucking first steps into the, I know I shouldn't tell this

story. I know I shouldn't do this, but I should, I gotta be honest, I didn't even tell Frank. So we're looking for, we walk in, we see a poster too. This is also something that was really fucked up of this dog that says that like if you see this dog don't approach it in the mall, it is it detects firearms and it's working. So there's a dog that walks around the mall detecting firearms. How fucking, how many firearms come through that, try to get through that mall on a daily basis that they got a higher dog.

We've got to get a dog. There's just people who listen. The signs aren't working. So we go in, me and Deb, go walk into the mole. We're a little, you know, we're a little leery. I mean, we're out of towners. Let's just be honest. We're old too. So we don't know what's going on.

So we're walking around. We can't find a directory. And we walk to one end of the mole. And there's no subarrows on that side. We know there's a subarrows there and I noticed somebody's following us I swear to god I know I Well, I think he was following us So I say to Deb I was like I was like let's just stop and go into this mall to this store is like a Bean bag store or something. I don't even know what it was. Something we weren't even interested in.

And I said, I don't know. I know this is gonna sound crazy. But I think that guy was following us. And she's like, he was not following us. And then we walk out and he's sitting on the bench. Someone like, is this fun fucker following us? And then he actually was waiting for his wife too though. Oh really?

I turned out it wasn't being a big pussy. There's all those signs of firearms or anything. But you know then he he actually was waiting for his wife to though. Oh really? It's not like the mom of my I know that I talked like I was gonna fucking climb out of the Grand Canyon like some action hero like I was gonna hook up with some Fucking young rock climbers. They're gonna call me Jersey. They're gonna see my raw talent as a rock climber. That's gonna do all this shit. But I mean, yeah, I'm just all fucking hot air man because when push came to shove, I turned into a fucking 99 year old woman.

Well, aren't we all men? Yeah. But. Well, later on that night, the 99 year old woman and all of us came out. Oh that's right. This is going to tell us. Yeah, the diner. So we were driving out of New Mexico and it was really, really late before we got to our next location and we were starving.

And we couldn't find any place to eat so we ended up while the messenger says on the walkie talkie, hey listen there's a diner up at this town straight ahead why don't we stop at it and what time was it like 11? No it was like 10. 10? Yeah. So it was it was the town's called the lean and never heard of it we go into the diner and do you want to tell them a little bit about the uh... the atmosphere well-worn welcome that we got it yeah i mean it was chilly to say the least

like nobody wants to wait on us and when they when the waitress finally came over uh... i don't know if you know this means but like And when they when the waitress finally came over I Don't know if you know what this means, but like she had a tattoo of a black Teardrop I think I'm oh yeah, it's somebody. Yes. It killed someone in prison or something right so she had one of those tattoos and She was I and us up as her next fucking teardrop So angry she did everything we asked for. We don't have that.

Yeah. Yeah. Like you look like a tiger. Like you're like trying to control yourself to have to pound and eat us right there. I felt like. At this point, they just started to think like maybe it's us, like the tour guide driver didn't like us.

This lady doesn't like us. I think we're loveable as fuck. I don't understand why anybody heard us. It was the most unnerving thing. The entire diner was empty. There was only like maybe two other patrons there. She came over and said, what can I get you? And she just stared at us like staring through you?

So we're like, yeah, four coaks and a water and she's just looking. Yeah, she doesn't say I think she will stares at you and then she starts standing at Lisa I think you wouldn't take her eyes off Alicia. Really? Was Alicia getting nervous? Alicia was on her phone. She didn't even notice Oh, right. I was about to like tell her I was like, you know, I think you're going to get married in a second. Because that's the nature of an area that is eyeing you up. And you may have to go live with her for us to get out of here. The place was so bad. We got all of our food, but we had no...

Yes. So I set to the later, could I please have a fork that she looks at me She goes over to the counter she brings back one fork Enhanced it to me and it's it nope I'm gonna use pencils Oh Comfortable and then tell them about when you looked up the town what the town with yeah, so has a rep work Yeah, Mary has a doing this so so we're leaving and we're ready to get gas

and Mary starts talking to her and while I'm filling up and she's like, we gotta get out of here. Right. She's talking like, like, like, like, like, like, like she saw you a follow and you're like, or a mad bull is about to gorge Frank. She's like, hurry, get to the car. Yeah, we gotta get out of here.

We gotta get out of here. And I'm like, what's the matter? And she goes, like, just look up the car. We got to get out of here. We got to get out of here. I'm like, what's the matter? She goes, I just went up the tower. She goes, it is the number one worst city as far as the crime index is concerned. She goes in the state. She goes, it's in the top 10 as far as the country. And I go, well, what do you mean?

She goes, I'll tell you this. How much more clear could you make? All of a sudden, she's like, you know, she's like Oracle. I'll tell you this how much more clear could you make? All of a sudden she's like, you know, she's like Oracle I'm the computer, you know She goes let me tell you this that style in New York City is a 20 on the index of pride bed style Bed style right kind of a nice neighborhood You said Brooklyn I thought yeah, that's not Brooklyn. Yeah, that's not a book. It's kind of a nice neighborhood. No, you said Brooklyn, I thought. Yeah, that's not Brooklyn. Yeah, that's not a good. It's kind of a nice neighborhood these days, but,

is it? But I understand what you mean. I, you know what, I should have interrupt. I don't know why I opened my stoop mouth. Keep going, but. I'm just saying it's it. That style was listed as a 20 on this index and the tile that we were in was listed as a one.

And it goes from zero to 100. So this is the same town that the were in was listed as a one. And it goes from zero to a hundred. So this is the same town that the waitress was in? Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, it was like, it was two ladies run in the joint and they both were some tough ladies, tough looking ladies, like yeah, we'd put the fear of God and if we if we if you had to fight him

You think you might lose oh You don't have any tear drops One We're making a horrible mistake Got out of their life and Then our final stop on the way home was um... metropolis ill annoyed you all you so superman statue saw it

yeah how cool is it it's pretty fucking cool that like this little town with really nothing going on in it has been like we're gonna adopt superman and dc's like okay with it like dc didn't fucking squash it which was before dc was like a corporate thing like it is now is that why they're able to do this because i'm like how is how are they getting permission to do this without i think it was key i think it was kinder days like uh... you know

more groovy days i've never been there but we i do want to go yeah we miss the superman uh... what was it a superman parade keep uh... frank i'm sorry you break it up again Say it again. What did we miss? There was like a Superman event there that goes on every year and we missed it by each. Well, super celebration. Yeah. And we missed it last year, but this year I went out to the website when I bought that brick. And it's taking place in July 30th this year.

Yeah. So they have this celebration where they say they get 15,000 people to come into town for this celebration. And I'm talking like a town that is maybe the size of the street that Brie lives on. It was so super tiny. And they have this massive Superman statue. They have a Superman museum, which I don't know. I, I was impressed with it. I don't know, Frank, I was getting the vibes that you weren't as impressed with it as i was

well for me it's just it was just so cluttered and i like things kind of like the explained like if this is something you know like we had a look for a lot of the signs for things like we would look at you a cape as i thought like that's cool what is it you know there was no sign saying that this was um you know Christopher Reeves cape or Dean Kane's cape what is it you know there was no sign saying that this was um... you know Christopher Reeves k for dean kain's case and you know you had an archive of that but i think that's what it was really cool yeah like there there must be over five million dollars worth of superman memorabilia

in this one little superman museum in the middle of nowhere in illinois's uh... i mean it was that's the road that I let Alicia drive on to get to that town. It was like fucking hazard county. It was that small town vibe to it. And there was a comic book store, pretty big comic book store. And then it was kind of half-assed the effort of the other stores to maintain the Superman vibe, which I think,

I mean, why not embrace it? Beacons. With everything, yeah. Right, super man hardware store. You should have been like, this town should have just been super everything and they just kind of were like, we're over it. Right. But I mean, what else do you got?

You really should embrace it. You really, I mean, one thing that I've noticed that like if I was a foreigner from another country and I did this trip, I would think Americans are obsessed with fucking fireworks. You can't find a guet station for hundreds of miles, but you could find every 10 miles a tent selling fireworks in the middle of nowhere. It looks like a bomb went off, like a nuclear bomb destroyed a town, but yet town But yet that's you don't tent is selling fireworks. You don't think that it was because the fourth of July was Oh, you think it may have been that mean you know it maybe But this is still June though. Yeah, maybe you're right. I didn't think of that. I just thought that that was there like

That's how they made the money out there because I mean these tents were huge though I don't know if they were just set up for Fourth of July. I think they they're up year round Yeah, but there is but like also there's a lot of under utilized land in America like there's way more land like we can let Millions of people in if they want to come here and live in the middle of nowhere and live in the middle of nowhere. But yeah, you just got to get a fucking inject some infrastructure into these lands and where there's nothing but like trees or sand and build up some cities

because there's plenty of room that's not being used in this country. Yeah, it's always. There was, there was at one point where we drove from one state to another. We drove 150 miles, no other cars, no buildings, no peak. Wow.

It was just the road and the two of us and that's it. That's where it's fucking. That's a movie. That's where you connect with the road. You know what you say? Like the roads, my mistress. Yeah, yeah, sure. You can feel like it.

And it's your mistress. You can't stand her. Yeah, you're like, I just want to stop driving. When did you guys get to that point where you're like, I don't want to fucking drive anymore? For me, yeah, I felt, I think it came on pretty early in the trip. I was starting to get loopy from driving.

And you know, even my wife was doing some of the drive and Frank did all the driving on his end. But he drive, I mean, I don't know how to fuck he does it he watches tv while i drives i say that's not that doesn't sound safe alright i wasn't watching television i was listening to the tv where was the screen aimed

it was a statement now down. There you go. Now, I want to ask Frank, and I know this hard to answer honestly, you know, on a podcast and everything, but my wife has asked repeatedly since the trip ended. How do you think it went? Did you think they had a good time? Do you think that, like, you know, they were sick of us? Do you think this will hurt your friendship with Frank? Or do you think it strengthened your friendship with Frank?

And I'm like, how can I fully not buy strength? And I'm like, have full enough of my strength. I was like, we didn't get into it. And I was just like, I don't know, you just never know. I don't know if they had enough of us of you constantly telling Frank he couldn't do something. I think he likes that, I said. He looks to be dominated. I got to tell you, we had the best time. I I thoroughly enjoyed going on vacation with you. We had a I thought we had a ball. I I kept saying it that it was a neat thing was you know throughout the trip I would say to you how nice is it they said you know here

We are we've been together 10 days 11 days. Nobody's gotten into an argument yet. Nobody has you know It seems to be sick of each other yet. I mean, everybody's still getting along. I mean, that's because I bailed really. But we learn a lot about each other though, when you spend that many days together, when you learn about things that you didn't know, you, the real human being. And Frank's got a little bit OCD.

Oh yeah? Oh yeah, I think I know I do, but like Frank's got levels and I didn't even realize, you know, he drives garbage around? Garbage. What? Tell him to turn it. And for two decades, this man refuses to buy

an extra garbage can for his house, so he'll drive it miles to dump at somebody else's house. You know what I knew that he did drive his garbage places? I didn't know it was because of a for want of a garbage can though. to dump at somebody else's house. You know what I knew that he did drive his garbage places? I didn't know it was because of a for want of a garbage can though. Can you explain that again? Because even Debbie is just like, that makes no sense. When he was talking about, she was agreeing when I was telling the story.

But she says like, you know what? I would make you get another job before I would fucking drive garbage around before we come forward a second garbage can You're getting another job so we can say garbage Now very very simply where I live garbage is privatized So in order for you to get your garbage picked up you have to you have to pay a monthly fee for it Now I don't remember what it was because when I looked it up 20 years ago when we first moved to the house, I remember being fairly expensive per month. However, I look close to city lines like within a mile. My father lives within a mile in the city. So I just drive my garbage to his house and I could just leave it there

instead of having to pay monthly to have it taken away. No one is saying when you say fairly expensive like what about how much? I think it was probably maybe 50 bucks a month. That's a lot. That is $50 a year. I thought he was going to say, yeah, but what about the guess? And the stench of the garbage time If it wasn't so close, I probably would you know be the cave and and pay for the garbage But because it's just I mean literally I could go drop it off the policy comeback. I'll in a span of 10 minutes I mean 50 a month once a week I'll see you in a minute.

I mean, 50 a month. Yeah, I mean, then you're like 600 a year. It's like, if I just have to throw. Yeah, I could see it. I could see it. There's no way you're fucking driving garbage around before you go to the fucking set of IJ. You're like, oh, I'm going to be a little late. It's fucking Thursday. It's garbage day.

I said I'm so late. I said I could see it. Not that I would do. I need to save a correlated $12.50. I need to save a little bit. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. your wife no she's never driven garbage around i thought before the trip she was collected all the garbage from the house oh yeah yeah i mean she's a she's a cron like a compulsive cleaner but she would she would she would draw the line up being like what i have to now fucking buckle up buckle in my garbage she just would draw it all she wouldn't do it. No way. But those are the little quirks and things that like, you know, that's the things that you connect with

and bond with and like, you know, that's how you get closer as a friend, though. If I bring it up and be like, what a weirdo. What? He's right, that's a good time. It was good. Like I said, nobody got hurt. Nobody, you know, God really looked down at us because we were driving.

We saw accidents on the way down here, so you're always in the back of your mind. You know, you're always taking your life in your hands and duties things. Yeah. I mean, devastating is like the loss of a loved one or something, but it was crushing that I could continue on with you guys We were very very disappointed. I got you a couple slow veneers from the breaking Oh nice look at this. I got you I got you Some some this is not real meth god damn it It's breaking bad blue sky rock candy. Oh, no look like blue meth

There's real stuff I go down to the bus stop and pick somebody's ass That was from that was from a new Mexico. There's a store there. That's a breaking bed Store but at Moab I brought you something that like it has nothing to do at Moab Right, but I just thought it was so fucking badass. This is a gear shift thing You put this on your gear shift how fucking bad bad is it? It's a Frankenstein skull. For that charger. That is cool. This is the fucking dopest gear shift that you could possibly have. You would have a Mac daddy now, fucking Port Mama. Well, it's probably for a stick shift, right? What's up? That's probably for a stick shift, though, right's up? That's probably for a stick shift though, right?

Oh, you don't have a stick? No. Oh, you're gonna have a, I didn't know. We got a vagina, are you? I thought you could say it. You told me that you're, you told me. It'll make it in a stick. Your wife said you had to have a man's car,

so I just assumed that was like you got a stick shift. Yeah, no. That didn't your wife say you didn't have a man's car. She doesn't know what a man's car is. I told her that's a man's car. You tell me that you don't have, you can't use that? No, I could probably use it. I could probably, I'll fit this on somehow.

Okay. You watch. You just jam it on. No, this is fucking cool though. Yeah, I would have bet the farm that you had a stick shift. Nope. That rattled in my head. That fucking played it. My head, man.

I played when you were like, I thought you were taking like a subtle dig at me because you're like, my wife said, I need a man's car. And I was like were like, I thought you were taking like a subtle dig at me because you're like, my wife said, I need a man's car. And I was like, oh, so the Prius is not a man's car. Oh, no, not at all. She's not only, but she drives the line at this weird like, like the reason I got this one is because it has all-wheel drive really what I wanted

to get was the bigger engine. Right. But it does not all-wheel drive. So she's like, well, I don't want you to have that because of the snow and winter But don't you need it though? All-wheel drive. Yeah, I mean kind of but you know, I mean the other ones they just have a real real drive It would just skid all over the place. The bow engine Faster

Yeah, you don't need it. It would sound ballsy. You can't go fast. No, no, you're not a lot of Slow and steady. This is very good. Thank you. Like I said, it has nothing to do with my web, but I just fell in love with it when I saw it on display there. Like in the glass case, I was like, if I was, if I had a stick shift, I would want this on my stick shift.

So I thought you would dig that. Yeah, thank you. Very cool. Problem. So what did you guys do? Well, I mean, did you, what did you do? Cue while we were gone, you do anything exciting. I know Brian was sick for basically 10 days.

10 days. 10 straight days. Oh, God. Yeah, that's horrible. Now, not really. I went to a couple of Metz games because we're doing promotion. The new season of IJ started. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so just doing some light promotion work really fucking well. I didn't do shit, man. Mostly sat around this fucking join hanging out. Well, I know that I'm You're you're starting you're gonna pick up the some appearances on the patreon. You're got you're gonna be out the picnic Olympics I hear I'm gonna be the picnic Olympics that did you announce? Did you announce the bowling? We haven't announced the bowling episode, but Q is going to be the Webster. He was the Gretzky. I think his name was Tom Webster in the 70s of bowling. I think the picnic Olympics is got a massive attendance.

Anybody who is anybody except Ming because he's on a con. I think everybody who is anybody in the T.s. the universe is going to be playing at the pick up like tim the record store clerk is coming that's a deep hole i can't wait yeah that is a deep of the don't know you got a lot of the on the was coming awesome troy is coming something that is coming

max no he's in tenancy all right yet in extent i didn't extend. I don't know if he would come for the picking Olympics that I know how far it is. That's what Jersey. And it worth an hour and a half a kickball. Some of the events cue kickball was the last time you played kickball. Oh, years ago, man, that's cool. What's your what's your dominant foot? All right, definitely righty. Yeah, we're looking at once. I want to get some lefties on my team. I'm gonna get some solid balls. what your dominant foot. All right, definitely righty. Yeah, we're looking for some lefties on my team.

I mean, I could probably pop it out and to write probably. Yeah. I mean, it's just a rubber ball. I kick it with my left foot if you want. Right. We got extreme madman with birdies, the size of a snapple bottle.

Okay. Yeah, so this is going gonna be a fun event. It's called the end of the summer Olympics because it'll probably come out after it's all edited in August. So if you're not on the Patreon people, now is the time to join up and forget the real Olympics. That's all fucking corporate bullshit.

And they're always the arguing people are turning their back on the flag. Oh, yeah. You don't have that kind of drama with us. Oh, we still have Cermone either will be no fucking no Contra no dissension brook We are gonna raise that flag everybody salutes the four color demon flag Well, I wish we could

We do have sponsors. There's something I need to get your guys opinion on. But first, I'll talk it. Frank, do you want to hang on or do you want to get going? No, that's fine. I'll sit and listen. Okay. First, we're going to talk about Raycon.

Q, you and I are going somewhere pretty soon. Hopefully I'll get sick. So I'm bringing my Rayconcons with me for the playing ride. So whether it's for work or play, a lot of us are going to be on the move again this summer. So our advice to you is take your Raycons with you. So whether you're listening to podcasts or rock and roll or road music, a pair of Raycon wireless earbuds in your ears can make all the difference. You get Chris Powerful beats at half the price of other premium audio brands, Raycon's look great and feel even better. They come in a range

of cool colors and with customizable gel tips included for a comfortable in-ear fit. They're built to go wherever you go with quick and seamless Bluetooth pairing and a compact charging case. The batteries, I love. I put them in my ears at nights because of the tenitis. And I just listen all night long to like white noise or what's it like? A S M R stuff. You use it sounds. And I haven't really gotten into that. Oh yeah, I'm in big into the A S M R.

Oh yeah? I like razor like buzzers. Yeah, you've mentioned that before. Yeah, yeah, he's, I'll have to check that out. A S M R. So listen up, Raycon's offering 15% off all their products for our listeners. Yeah, yeah, he's I'll have to check that out ASMR So listen up Raycon's offering 15% off all their products for our listeners and all you have to do to get it is go to buyraycon.com slash TSD where you'll get 15% off your entire Raycon order and it's such a good deal You're gonna want to grab a pair and a spare that's 15% off at buyraycon.com slash TSD. That's buyraycon.com slash TESD. That's buyraycon.com slash TESD. What else do I got? We have, before I get into this other thing, podcast awards. We won? We did not win. Not yet. We got

we're just a matter of time. Yeah, we're we're in we're in the categories. People's choice and in comedy. So if you go to podcast awards.com and vote for us, we would appreciate that. We have an award in some time. I think we're due. No. I yeah. Why haven't we won any awards in such a long time? I don't know. The last one we were up for was the webbies and they went real political with the winner. I feel. I hear what you're saying. Uh-huh. You're certain, there's certain topics that you've got to address.

Yeah. You got to play the game. If you want to get the hardware, you got to play the game. We're renegades, man. We don't fucking play by those rules. So yeah, if you want to do that, go to podcastawards.com. That would be great. Yeah, please.

It would be so cool to be able to put some new plaques or trophies in the TSD General Store. That would be nice. Yeah, it would be really nice. I mean, you can vote multiple times, right? Curator, come on, buddy. What are you up to? Stop fucking lighten fires and cars on fire

and start fucking multiple, start creating multiple email accounts so we can So we can increase the numbers. Yeah, invest in a span bother something We also have this week we have green chef Green chef, which is We oh, I gotta tell you man eating on the road for that many days. It fucks me. Oh, it's Frank We've got to eat Frank, Frank, push it out. How so?

And this is the only thing I told him to do. He wouldn't do. We stopped that one of those armor rillow, eat the seven pound steak in 30 minutes, and you get a t-shirt and you're all everything's free. He'd push it out. He was like, I'm going to do that.

I can do it. I know I can do it. We get there, and he fucking won't do it. And I was like, come on, you can do it i know i can do it we get there and he he fucking won't do it and i was like how long you could do it this great this this fucking place will go crazy if you go up there it's ten thirty also in the morning that we got to stop it to that's because happy to get there at ten thirty morning he's gonna eat a ten pound steak but he told me he could do it and then he fucking he wases out

like that i really do over at i think he overestimates the excitement that was going to occur at a restaurant for somebody eating a steak. The problem with it was that you had to eat everything. So the steak and the shrimp and the salad was on it. I know I could eat the steak, but I wasn't going to eat the shrimp because I don't like the food. The shrimp kind of wasn't going to eat the salad because I don't like the food from car wasn't going to eat this yeah and i wasn't going to eat the salad because i don't like salad so it's going to be an automatic loss for me anyway so why do i want to go up in the

middle of the restaurant on top of the stage on everybody watches me knowing that i'm not going to win because i told them why because okay the clock starts to act like is what you said right the very the i don't know what the fuck they're doing in Texas or if it's all tourists But this place is jam packed It is not a table to be found anywhere and I told him if you go up there and you and like you like this little string bean Goes up there and then you fucking Snarf down a ten pound steak and you still got time on the clock and then everybody starts

chaining because they know you're gonna do it because you only got a couple fries and a shrimp cocktail left and you grab that shrimp cocktail and you just turn to the fucking so everybody and you're just like and you just put it down and you just go fucking go and you walk away from it everybody knows you could have did it and the place will go fucking go crazy it'll rubbed into a frenzy and they'll carry you out of here on their shoulders So this guy fucking says no, I'm not gonna do that, but then orders a 10 pound steak At the table with no one knew it though, he didn't an anonymity why Frank Because I know I don't I don't need it just knowing that I could do it with a notch Did you do it? Yeah, he did it any bit of it

And then we should drive seven hours on a fucking full of 10 pounds of state And it's the other thing you know, so I ordered the steak and first of all really excited about it and then as I eat There's no reason for you to do this now I then you like you don't need to finish it just eat eight pounds of the fucking ten pounds Right, there's no need to engorge yourself and fucking derail us we're trying to get home now because we're almost home now all of a sudden now you're gonna fucking you've been safe Nelly the whole way there now you've been listening to me and now all of a sudden you're going rogue and you're gonna eat ten pounds of steak we're almost home that's a

good point yeah like you don't know how it's gonna treat you on the road and he's and he's not hearing it he fucking He fucking cows down that whole steak. But then a deadly old voice, a guy took the challenge as we were leaving. And I told him this would happen. His family is up at the at the at the stage watching him. His wife is screaming words of encouragement. And I'm like, everybody's eyes are all over him. You know, people are eating and still like fucking like engaged in this guy as he tries to break the record and I was like, that could have been you and you ate it for nothing. You did it for no fucking stakes. He paid for it. Oh, yeah. So yeah, nice. Nice. Nice wordplay. Very nice. But yeah yeah but though eating on the road though for 12 days

I couldn't wait to get back to some green chef. Yeah, let me they're they're gonna bring any with you I guess You know what it was in between shipments right green chef in a hot plate. Yeah, and plus I didn't know if I could prepare In the hotel room, so I got a burger king like god. Burger King. I got to eat McDonald, I don't want to. You got to. I got to. I got to pay $14 for hamburger at Wendy's. Green Chef though, green chef lets you choose from a wide array of easy to follow recipes perfect for keto, paleo and plant-powered diets, even if you just want to eat in a more

balanced way. Green Chef's expert, chef's design, flavorful recipes that go way beyond ordinary for a diverse array of meal plans and plenty of options to choose from each week. Make leading a healthier lifestyle. It makes leading a healthier lifestyle easier than ever with a satisfying home cook dinners with options that work around your lifestyle. Not the other way around real quick. How many times could you have eaten at Denys on the trip before you're like,

I can't eat at Denys no more. Let's see. At a 14 days. I'd say seven. Oh, okay. I could eat there half the days. Yeah, we didn't hit seven, we did about five. Yeah? Five Denys.

Yeah, I don't mind Denys. Yeah, I think it really is. Besides me and Frank were like enough with the Denys. Yeah. Yeah. We're like green shots. Yeah. Except that a restaurant.

Let's see. Everything is hand-picked featuring organic veggies and high quality proteins delivered to your door pre-measured and mostly prepped in an instant insulated packaging. I like it. I really like it. I really like it. I really like it. I really like it.

Mary Buff makes it. And she likes it because it's in these little packages. Everything's pre-measured. She doesn't have to measure everything. What was your, what was your plan? Are you and I'm on the plant pito? Oh the plant is a pito Paleo? Yeah, paleo on the paleo plant I think I believe that we're on the paleo. I believe so. I mean that's that's a No such plan exists for a green chef. Oh, it's tasty. I believe this is the sort of thing that they don't want in the commercial guys.

What I was saying is awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. Delicious. Yeah, between the jokes about fucking kids, you're saying, how awesome is this? So go to greenchef.com slash TESD100 and use code TESD100 to get $100 off with including free shipping. You know, but the queue, I think the listeners

appreciate that kind of like Shakinery with the ads and that's gonna make them want to vote for us in droves So I'm putting I putting our potential award above money in this ad More important then my peto That is a foolish decision. You can't pay your mortgage with a trophy. A trophy that you have to pay for, right? I don't know.

I'm not sure if this is the same one. It does sound familiar though. I did yet to give like a $300 check to them before they release the trophy if you win. I don't know that does like a scam Yeah, I will say I still would I would you know what I'd write that check 100 times out of 100 times. Yeah, I want the trophy. We deserve the trophy. We need the trophy. We earned it Yeah, we earned it with laughs One more time go to greenchef.com slash TSD and use code TSD 100 to get $100

off including free shipping. Green Chef the number one meal kit for eating well. I've always said free shipping is the what Brian. The lubricant. The Spanish fly. The retail. Everybody's legs wide open and they're like I'm ready to order. I'm ready to buy some merch and buy your product. So I need your guys opinion on something very quickly, maybe. I sent you a text. I didn't get it. I got a new phone. I'm not getting text. You can look at it now, Q. I'll show you what. I mean, shit, this out. Would you send it to Brie Q? I mean, where it says Q and Brie?

Yeah. Yeah, the last one I got was cool thanks. Okay. Wow, this is something. Okay, right? So, Frank, I'll explain this to you. And then. Since you can't see it into Walt.

There is a picture. I got a text from someone. I'm not going to say I just need to I need some advice on like or or some input on to like How do you deal with a text that comes to you like this? Yeah, this is a weird. This is weird. It's very weird, right? It's a picture. It was from Amazon. I guess it's a It's a picture it was from Amazon, I guess. It says new commercial and I'll put this picture up on a TSD town Instagram. New commercial penis waffle maker. So it's a waffle maker. Oh, get him showed me this. That makes it okay. Then I guess we just gave away who sent it.

Yeah, get him showed me this. Okay, but he was so fucking titillated by this. But did he, when he sent it to you, did he ask, uh, dude, Deb and Alicia like waffles? Like he did? He wrote that? No, did he ask you that? Oh, no, he just showed it to me. But so he didn't ask to marry Beth and sage like waffles. Is that not that it's weird? That's really, Yeah. And that's like, yeah, that's. But you know what? He did that to me. And he said there's Mary like waffles.

Yeah, that's, it's weird that he's that he's looping your wives into it, but the addition of sage is really what that's really what for me. Because at first, at first, it was like, it was, I was like, what, what is this? I didn't really even know what it was at first. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, sage. And? I didn't really even know what it was at first. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, sage. And then I backed it up even more. And I'm like, I love get him.

He's a great friend, but I'm like, I don't know if I want him to say that about my wife. Yeah. It's certainly not about my 15 year old kid. It's not even the funnier joke. The funnier joke is like, hey, I found your waffle maker, or something like that. Yeah. The application that you yourself want the penis is the way to go Because in reality Mary Beth likes dick so yeah

Probably To confront him on that yeah, I didn't how to respond yeah, he did not text that to me He's I didn't get either he's he's smart enough that the text that to me and say that because I would have fucking exploded on that's what I said The very bad was like there's no fucking way if he sends us to wall to including that He's just no well. So what did you do? He just said to have you see this and I was like what? And it turns his laptop to show me and he could tell by level of interest level was so I was like oh yeah Whatever, and so he just dropped it immediately He was like he was

I mean You must really love it like you say because uh He sent it to or at least showed it to Two or three out of the four people on the phone right now or like I'm the talker. He really sent that to you Frank Yes, and he really wrote this and I like waffles four people on the phone right now or like I'm the fucker. You really did send that to you Frank? Yes. And he really wrote this and I like waffles?

Yes. And you know, it's funny. It's I am so Brian just said about it being a dick. I didn't really really I just went and looked at the text because I went into this whole thing of like because it was like 400 bucks right or was it? Yeah, it's like really expensive. It's like a $600 waffle maker.

Yeah, because all I did was reply and say, no, for that price, she can keep eating eggels. And I just never thought of it, but it was. But yeah, there's not that many. Yeah. So now that you think about it, you're weirded out a little? No, it doesn't, you know, I wouldn't expect anything other than that. Yeah, it was defense though.

He is... He's, defense though, he is... He's, you know, he's on his... The boy ain't right. Yeah, he's on his back, and so sometimes what he thinks is a sure fire fucking firecracker of a joke. Sometimes they're fucking duds. They fall flat sometimes, it's like, hey, does your 15 year old daughter suck dick?

Well, not that I know. Tell them Steve Derry. Hey, it's Walt here. And before we go, I just wanted to address the aunts who are on the 60 and 100 tier who were sent out gifts in June and July for the Patreon who are internationally members of the Patreon because we had some issues with packages coming back as I'm sure some of you international Patreon members are well aware of and you've been patiently awaiting your gifts. And today, with the help of the TSD town resident genius, we found out what I think the problem was and get them.

Yes sir. What was that problem? Well, under the USPS guidelines for maleable items that are sent by air, you cannot have something that is too magnetic, otherwise it will affect the compass that is inside the plane. So for safety's sake, so your plane doesn't end up

in Australia when you're aiming for Hawaii, they limit the amount of magnetic material they load onto planes that has to be shipped by ground only. And that is the reason why we believe the international packages kept coming back to my house was because there was a canvas poster with dowels that had magnetic connectors that kept the poster in place. And we also had versions of that poster that have dowels that are poster in place. And we also had versions of that poster that have dowels that are glued in place.

So I'm going to be sending the international Patreon members in the 1600s here, the Wooden Glue dowel version of that Canvas poster. And hopefully those will now be on their way to their final destinations. And the coming days and weeks, and hopefully now people go out in August, now it shouldn't be an issue moving forward.

We hope that's the reason why they came back twice. And it's very frustrating. I don't know why the fuck the post office keeps this shit a secret. Well, it's intentional. It's to keep them employed because you bring it back and then they have to figure out why the other person, you know, that or it's like tit for tat. Like you know, one post office doesn't tell you so the other post office tells you an

entirely different thing. I really, really believe. They keep you off-kilter. The post office lives for moments like this. Like they see something come in They're like oh that little that little dial move the on the sensor move the smidge and set it back Yep, set it back and don't get don't tell them why it's sent back make it a puzzle We're sending back how many how many was a 14 yeah easily more than that okay

So they're sending back 14 don't put a single sticker on a single one of them and let him figure it out And then when he goes to his local post office, they're gonna to be like, I don't know what it is. Maybe it was this. Yeah. So again, I really, really appreciate nobody bitch. Nobody complained. And I'm really appreciate that. And you guys have been awesome and very, very what's it called patient with this. And hopefully now that problem has been solved. But before we go, get them while I have you here, okay You weren't at the recording of the of this episode that everybody just listened to no no, I was not but I heard some of what was discussed In this episode so it's tough going into this blind

Yes based on what you've told me because you sometimes I Remember thing I leave out some details once in a while. But I'm going to tell you exactly what went down and you tell me if I'm wrong. Okay. You found on the internet a waffle maker that makes waffles in the shape of penises. When's the night I was at the bar and I was going yes or no. Yes. Okay.

It was an ad. I didn't go searching for it. It was an ad that appeared on my Instagram Yes. Okay. I think it's an ad. I think it was searching for it. It was an ad that appeared in my Instagram feed. Okay. So you found this waffle and it this this delighted you and this this is it is this made you very titillated or it was a commercial grade penis shaped waffle maker and apparently it's a huge in Taiwan. The Taiwanese love these penis waffles. Okay. So then you proceed to then send text to people in your circle. Who I thought would find it funny. Yes. Okay. So again, the question has to be asked, you sent this text to Brie and said, hey, does Sage and Mary Beth like Waffles? Can you explain why you chose to include Sage,

a 15-year-old teenager? Why would say that? Okay, now in my head, in my head, this is what I think Brie, even if, okay, let's say, it does, it does, it does. It's still 15. I didn't send it to her.

I sent it to Bri. Yes. And I thought it seems like his sense of humor would be like, hey, everybody, I made waffles, and just to get their reaction, he seems like it seemed like it was something that he would gather them around the table and present that he made it. Okay, I practiced.

But you also said that you were drunk when you sent them. I was drinking a little, yes. And you sent this to a bunch of people. Frank five, apparently, going, and the same joke was made. No, no, no. But you looked as Mrs. Five like waffles. Yes. Are you setting these like you can barely even push the send button

because you're laughing so hard at this joke? In my head, yes, I'm laughing. Because I think everyone finds it as funny as I do. Like that there's such a demand for penis-shaped waffles that they make a specific machine to make penis-shaped waffles. And it commercial grade, it's like stainless steel, like it's meant to be in a kitchen.

So why do some people get the text and some don't? Like I didn't get the text. When I got back from my trip, it was like one of the first things you did was show me this waffle maker on your laptop. Yes, I did show it to you. I didn't think that you would knowing how you, given the interactions I had with you

while you were on your trip, I didn't think that you would find that it's funny because you were a little stressed, even though you were on vacation. So I figured once you got back, you know, it would be something that you would find that it's funny because you were a little stressed even though you're on vacation So I figured once you got back You know it would be something that you would I think would enjoy I really didn't care then we get turned here you All right, so that's your defense because people because I'm sure people are like what the fuck? Why would he say that so that's your defense that well, Bri? That's the kind of humor brie

and again she is a teenager so you know like i've seen i've been at the bar and i've seen people having like bachelor at parties and just everything she is a piece of it but true no no no you know i just really don't you just don't think you you just can't be like yeah i really just should have left her off that and just marry beth it's not even funny but at least you just should have went with Mary Beth and not You live your life pretty much in hindsight don't you?

With me was front site I'm totally in hindsight, yes. Which means it was front sight. Hahaha. But I get it into my defense. This is the, I, I, I, I, I, I think it is. Hahaha. Like I said, I didn't send it to sage. I sent it to Bri who again,

has a warpsense of humor. Gotcha. And the person who buys horror dolls for his, his child. Hahaha. Now, and yeah, Frank, did he even reply to that? I don't remember. That night ended for me and I woke up on my food time. All right, so.

All right, well, that's it for this episode. I hope you guys enjoyed it. And like I said, for those affected by the delay in the Patreon gifts, sit tight. I think they're on their way finally. All right, but if not, I will not rest until these friggin magnetic canvas posters and skateboard decks make their way to, you know, to all four corners of the planet. I thought you were going to say to those who were affected by gittems.

That's a couple of waffles. That's a couple of apples.